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We walk around, people say something negative, in scrutiny, as criticism - and we believe it, we take it to the heart, and it looks as if we are taking it very personally.
We are not sensitive - there is issue with high suggestibility. Mesmerism. We are easily hypnotized by other people - due to self hatred. This leads to RSD issues, too.
We start to think ahead of abusers and we try to protect ourselves from their potential aggression and punishment - and this keeps is in the state of high suggestibility. This is not self esteem issue as CBT tries to make us believe. CBT itself is narcissistic abusive bias tool - and we believe in that crap too.

Learning more about Rejection Sensitivity - I noticed something that previously I ignored, something that was on auto pilot:
- that when I am talking to someone new, someone I do not know closely how they think - I would feel social in the first 5 minutes but then I would feel as if I am boring to them and I need to leave them alone
- this happens when I am totally alone and I go to some place - after a while I feel as if I am not wanted
- closely related is when I know someone well - I do not feel close enough to invite to organize a meeting with them assuming they would say yes out of pity or if we meet - that the next time I am suppose to meet or visit - I would feel like I am in the way.

Toxic shame takes over my beliefs and convictions - and I am convinced that I bother other people. And I do not want to waste their time, to worry about me, to take up their time. And I am not aware of it, this is going on as auto-pilot.
This toxic shame is also present when I need something, when I need to ask someone for help or assistance - even when this is their job.

(20-6-2025)

How would I react in the same triggering socially anxious situations - if I were not panicking and fawning?
What would I say and what my behaviour would look like if I did not use my usual responses, reactions and mode of thinking?

If I remove my copy paste mechanisms how to cope with stress - then trauma responses would kick in.
In social anxiety - that is Fawning and Freezing.
Then we have the question of how to handle trauma responses - how to heal the trauma. The CBT solution is to attack the symptoms. So if I remove fawning- I will become borderline because I will be angry and attack others when they trigger me. Therefore removing symptoms create new symptoms. Instead of self help industry superficial advice that does not help but makes new problems - we need healing.
Healing Freeze response - is what I wrote about Ventral Vagal - creating safe place and self compassion. When we feel social anxiety - it is due to abuse. We are in the presence of npd bpd predatory abuse - which means psychopaths and sociopaths are in some kind of power, some kind of authority and they freely abuse us - and this is why we feel social anxiety.
Power position might be a thief, bully, mobbing at work, system abuse - something that is outside of our control to fight back and to assert ourselves. The idea of detachment here cannot be applied - since the abuse is coming from the external source - mad man having agenda to harm and cause pain to the target. No matter how much we detach - the pain will come from the external source. It is like a wild fire and us being in the nature around it - we cannot detach if the fire is coming - it will burn us alive. We cannot pretend that there is no fire - it will burn us. Or a wave coming - we cannot detach from reality and pretend that danger is not coming.
If we are able to run - or if we are able to face it - no matter what we do, there will be anxiety. Since the cause of anxiety is abuse. The trauma.
So we are only left with healing the trauma. Be kind to yourself, forgive yourself, not being hard on oneself for being abused. There will be a lot of shame and guilt for being abused, thinking we could do more or that we should show who is the boss and end up in endless drama and arguments with someone in power position.
The better solution is collecting data - and then if possible - move away from the abusers.
Example of how CBT is misleading us - is CBT is telling to the socially anxious to expose. But if we read resources about how to handle Freeze trauma response, there is advice:
"Avoid triggers: Be mindful of situations, people, or places that might trigger your freeze response, and try to minimize exposure. "

Exposure to abusers, evil people, psychopaths and sociopaths in power - someone who is not listening to us, someone who is not caring about the harm and pain they cause to the target of abuse - exposure will not help us to remove anxiety. Exposure to psychopaths and sociopaths will traumatize us.
Healing long term means knowing where I feel safe, where there is no abuse.
The advice to get outside of comfort zone is ignoring the abuse and psychopaths in power positions.
Due to previous abuse - we did end up feeling like bad object whenever there is stress and when psychopaths invent some problems and manipulation and control. Exposure to abusers will not make us stronger - it will make us use trauma responses and self blame, feeling like bad object as reaction to someone's abuse and manipulation and coercive control and exploitation and oppression.

IFS Model makes sense regarding the panic and worry and rumination. With social anxiety - our logic will be trained to calm down and to be rational and to realize that there is no real danger like tiger out there. But the panic that we still feel - even though we logically know that the stress is not that much dangerous as we feel it - comes from the trauma stuck inside our body - and that is IFS Model. Parts of ourselves that are baby inside us, that need bringing up the baby so that it feels safe in adult world. What happens with CBT is that we add wrong explanations - that anxiety is dangerous, that it is something to remove, that anxiety blocks us from living. CBT instructions will mix up the trauma and our logic. Now we will get panic about our logic, our cortex brain - which is normal and it does not need any intervention. CBT will now make us feel like we cannot trust our logic neither - nor our brain nor our body. And that CBT explanation will cause us to Fawn, we will resort to trauma responses such as Freeze - being unable to talk and move - since we distrust ourselves.

The triggers that we feel as panic and anxiety - are related to trauma. Being falsely accused, being attacked, being around anti-social behavior, around someone who cannot communicate and does not want to listen, someone who is difficult, someone who is pathological liar, creates conflicts and has agenda to exploit the target and to manipulate and to control.
These triggers will activate the inner parts that are holding on to trauma - and we will feel panic and worry and rumination and shame and blame.
With CBT explanations - we won't do anything to help ourselves. Through Prussian education system - CBT is forcing us to abuse ourselves, to numb ourselves, to deny reality, to ignore reality, to fawn, to people please, to be a doormat for abusers. This way we will have learned helplessness and we will misinterpret empathy with codependency. We will believe that not speaking the truth means we are being kind and nice because we do not trigger abuser and their temper tantrums. We believe that by being friends and speaking to abusers we have empathy and we do not want them to feel the pain so we are good person when we stay trauma bonded with people whom we should cut contact or gray rock them if we are unable to cut contact with them.

For example - bullies operate like Trump forcing Canada to join his union. With CBT we would go along with whatever abusers demand from us, no matter how much unreasonable and dangerous and disgusting their requests are. Yet we have seen that few months later - after Canada did not do anything about his lunacy requests - when he met with Canadian PM, he made statement that they have different opinions. So - he did nothing about it. His bullying was an empty threat. That is what abusers do - they scare the victim for the hope that victim will automatically fawn - without any actual punishment or assault. Simply through words that the target of abuse will shut up and obey. With CBT - we will end up like that, we will fawn. Because CBT is misdirecting and provides wrong explanations what is social anxiety. CBT is telling us to distrust our brain - since it appears as if social anxiety comes from the brain. It doesn't. Our brain is working fine - anxiety that we feel, rumination, flashbacks, worry - this is coming from the body and trauma stuck in the nervous system, it is body trauma. Our logic is working fine. If our brain had an aberration - we would not have triggers. We would experience panic all the time - without any pattern. When we isolate and avoid - when we cut off from the source of pain and abuse - our panic and social anxiety vanishes. If our brain was diseased and in disorder - then no matter where we go, and no matter if we are on a vacation or in a safe place - we would still feel panic all the time. With social anxiety we will feel anxiety only around abusers. And it is called social + anxiety. It is not called self anxiety. We get anxiety due to toxic people around us who are hostile and manipulative and controlling.

your_recovery_matters
@recovery_your
Jun 2
How come No one notices how hurt and drained you are, but everyone notices the anger and frustration..

The idea that there
are two worlds, experienced in different ways, was also central to René
Descartes’s rationalist philosophy. Unlike Plato, however, he did not think of the
material world as a “shadow” of an ideal reality. It is not the world that is
imperfect, but our senses, which can be deceived and cannot be trusted to give us
a true idea of the world around us. More reliable is our ability to reason, with
which we can experience the ideal world and get a better understanding of things
as they actually are.
DK Heads Up Philosophy

💭There are two worlds: the world of experience sensed by our bodies and the world as it is in itself.
Immanuel Kant

For empiricist philosophers, reality consists only of the material world we live in—
the world that we experience through our senses. We use our reason to interpret
what our senses tell us, and it is this that provides the ideas we have about the
world.
Objects also have “secondary qualities,” which can differ from one observer to
another and are subjective—for example, the properties of taste, smell, and
color. We can have an accurate experience of the primary qualities of an object,
but our ideas of its secondary qualities are different from the object as it is in
itself.
DK Heads Up Philosophy

☸️Underlying Hinduism and Buddhism is the view that the world we experience is illusory and masks our perception of the eternal, universal reality that everything is part of.
the reality where all is One.
DK Heads Up Philosophy

The Islamic philosopher Ibn Sînâ, also known as Avicenna, imagined a man floating in the air, blindfolded, and touching nothing, so that he receives no information from his senses and is completely unaware of his body or the world outside him. Yet he is still aware that he exists. Avicenna had set out to show that this thing that exists is the man’s soul, distinct from his body.
Around 600 years later, René Descartes presented a similar thought experiment—the idea of an evil demon deceiving all his senses—in order to dismiss anything that could be doubted, and build his knowledge of the world from the single certainty that he existed. But Avicenna and Descartes showed only that the “soul” or “mind” exists and is aware of its own existence,
and not that they had bodies that exist in a material world.
DK Heads Up Philosophy

A brain in a vat
In the 1980s, American philosopher Hilary Putnam:
My brain is wired up to a computer that stimulates it, making me think I’m experiencing
everything in the world, but in fact it is just a series of electrical signals. Every
experience would be the same as if I experienced it with a real body in a real experience would be the same as if I experienced it with a real body in a real world—and I would have no way of knowing that this isn’t the case.
DK Heads Up Philosophy

Some philosophers believe that individuals are free to do anything they want with their lives. We do not
have to live within the constraints of our society.
Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard believed that
since many philosophical explanations of existence were at odds with our
individual experience, we have the ability to make choices that shape our lives
However, this freedom of
choice does not necessarily bring us any happiness. On the contrary, when we
realize that we are absolutely free to choose to do anything, our minds reel, and
we have feelings of dread and anxiety. This “dizziness of freedom,” as
Kierkegaard called it
comes from an awareness of our own existence and personal responsibility. We then have to decide whether this leads to despair and
choosing to do nothing, or to living “authentically,” making choices that give
meaning to our lives.
DK Heads Up Philosophy

ADHD weirdo
@ADHD_weirdo_
Dear ADHDers,
Some of us grow up thinking we’re the problem.

Too loud, too quiet, too weird, too sensitive.

But then we find our people and realize:
We were just in the wrong rooms.

You’re not too much.
You’re exactly enough.

‪Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle‬
‪@drdoylesays.bsky.social‬
You having "frozen" in response to a trigger is not you having implicitly given consent.
Trauma responses are not "choices." What happened to you when you "froze" or dissociated is not your fault.

‪Elliot‬
‪@1t2ls.bsky.social‬
don’t tell people (esp strangers, whose thirst traps you’re commenting on) to smile. it’s obnoxious, and implies that your fantasy objectification of the person is more important than how they actually feel or hold their face.
it’s weird and a huge turn off.

‪Elliot‬
‪@1t2ls.bsky.social‬
being told to smile and being told how i should groom (or not) my body hair are both pet peeves of mine. putting this out there so people know.

‪Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle‬
‪@drdoylesays.bsky.social‬
When we were punished not for things we chose or did, but for feelings & reactions we did not choose or control, we develop BS (Belief Systems) that we "deserve" shame for things that aren't our fault-- and/or, we "control" things we can't possibly control.

Scottish philosopher David Hume suggested that we have thoughts, experiences, and memories—what he described as a “bundle of
sensations”—that together form the subjective consciousness we recognize as our self.
William James described consciousness as being like a stream—changing all the time. As we experience new things, our minds interpret the information and organize our thoughts accordingly.
DK Heads Up Philosophy

‪Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle‬
‪@drdoylesays.bsky.social‬
We're not ourselves when we're dysregulated, & those moments aren't moments when we need to be making major life decisions.
Anyone who pressures us to do so-- or shames us for not wanting to do so-- isn't helping us making values- or recovery-consistent decisions. Notice that.

‪Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle‬
‪@drdoylesays.bsky.social‬
Making amends w/ the "parts" of ourselves we've been conditioned to ignore or belittle is an ongoing part of daily recovery for many trauma survivors.
Self-forgiveness & understanding is way more important to realistic recovery than understanding or forgiving our perpetrators.

‪Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle‬
‪@drdoylesays.bsky.social‬
You are not "difficult" or "high maintenance" for asking or expecting people to do the jobs for which they are paid. No matter what Trauma Brain is trying to tell you.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle‬
‪@drdoylesays.bsky.social‬
I got to a point in my recovery where I realized I was going to struggle on either side of the working my recovery/not working my recovery fence-- but I'd rather struggle w/ trying to achieve my goals & live my values, than struggle w/ my bullies, abusers, or past controlling me.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Jun 6
When someone disrespects you, it’s not a time to lower your expectations so it doesn’t feel so bad. It’s time to raise the bar on how they’re accountable and apologize.

Even a seemingly sound argument can lead a paradox. It is often difficult to see if this is due simply to faulty reasoning, or to false, ambiguous, or even contradictory premises.
📖DK Heads Up Philosophy

Epicurus went so far as to argue that pleasure is the greatest
good, and pain the greatest bad. He thought that morality can be measured by the
amount of pleasure or pain it causes, and so the aim of a good life is to maximize
pleasure and minimize pain. But this was a minority view, and other schools of
thought adopted Socrates’s view.
📖DK Heads Up Philosophy

Nicole Filippone, Autistic Advocate & Author
@sensorystories_
Half of autism is being triggered to the point of extreme unbearable anxiety and then being told you're overreacting

Nicole Filippone, Autistic Advocate & Author
@sensorystories_
PSA... If you're an autistic people pleaser with rejection sensitivity, there's a very good chance it's a trauma response to being told incessantly as a child that you weren't enough. You ARE enough. Take that to your younger self and let yourself heal. You. Are. Enough. ❤️

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Daily reminder: Whatever you’ve been told a perpetrator has done is probably only a small fraction of what they’ve actually done.

‪Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle‬
‪@drdoylesays.bsky.social‬
Have our own back-- even when you f*ck up.

Be on your own side-- even if you don't love the last choice you made.

Be honest & compassionate & realistic & patient w/ yourself-- even (especially!) when trauma conditioning is trying to trick or coerce you into punishing yourself.

‪Pammy ✨️‬
‪@pammyds.bsky.social‬
Having a zero-tolerance policy on bullshit can save you from so much disrespect and disappointment. Be bold with your boundaries, keep your standards high, and don't settle for less.

‪Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle‬
‪@drdoylesays.bsky.social‬
"Letting go" is a process, not a one time decision or event. Don't kick yourself for struggling with it. Grace over guilt-- we're rerouting physical nervous system connections here.
Changing how we think, feel, & behave is the hardest thing humans do-- give yourself a break.

‪Pammy ✨️‬
‪@pammyds.bsky.social‬
Never disrespect yourseIf by begging anyone for the bare minimum. You'll never have to ask the right person for attention, time, respect, Ioyalty, or love. Because you're worth it and you deserve it. If someone doesn't naturally recognize your value — don’t try to convince them.

‪Ebrahim…‬
‪@ebrahim12.bsky.social‬
Peace of mind …🫶🏾🤞🏾
If it cost you, your peace is expensive…

AI "sociology aspect about social anxiety"
From a sociological perspective, social anxiety isn't solely a personal experience but is also influenced by societal norms, cultural values, and the social environment. It's shaped by factors like individualism vs. collectivism, gender roles, self-perception, and societal expectations about how individuals should behave in social situations.
Sociological Aspects of Social Anxiety:
Cultural Factors:
Different cultures have varying attitudes towards shyness, social norms, and the importance of social approval, which can impact how social anxiety is expressed and experienced.
Social Appraisal and Self-Concept:
Societal emphasis on social evaluation and performance can intensify feelings of social anxiety, particularly in late modern societies. Those with lower social status or facing inequalities may experience heightened anxiety due to perceived negative evaluations.
Social Learning and Trauma:
Negative social experiences, bullying, and abusive relationships can be triggers for social anxiety, particularly for those with a heightened sensitivity to social interactions.
Social Expectations and Gender:
Societal expectations about gender roles and behavior can influence how individuals with social anxiety perceive and respond to social situations.
Self-Presentation and Efficacy:
Individuals with social anxiety may feel they lack the ability to effectively present themselves in social situations, leading to anxiety about potential negative evaluations.
Stigma and Shame:
Negative perceptions of social anxiety, such as the idea that it's a sign of personal weakness, can contribute to stigma and feelings of shame, further hindering individuals from seeking help or engaging in social situations.
Social Isolation and Interpersonal Relationships:
Social anxiety can lead to social isolation and difficulties forming and maintaining interpersonal relationships, impacting overall well-being.
Interpersonal Conflict:
Socially anxious individuals may experience increased interpersonal conflict, potentially further exacerbating their anxiety.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
A narcissist will never see themselves as the problem. In their mind, you are the reason they lie, cheat, manipulate, gaslight and fly into rages when challenged.

Interrogative suggestibility: The extent to which an individual is influenced by leading questions, pressure, or suggestions during questioning, such as during police interviews or psychological evaluations. Highly suggestible individuals may alter their answers in response to the authority they are confronted with, even if it isn’t directly hostile
https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/suggestibility

Suggestibility can cause us to make bad decisions, particularly if we receive false information that interferes with our memories and existing knowledge. This incorrect information can impact how we recall memories and make choices when dealing with similar instances. For example, we may recall a dentist visit as being uncomfortable yet manageable. Suppose another person describes how horrible they imagined our dentist appointment was. Based on this discussion, we may alter how we remember our experience at the dentist's and then later postpone a necessary appointment because of this warped memory.

Individuals with a vulnerability to suggestibility are also at risk of manipulation as they are more likely to believe and act on information given to them by another person. In mildly or overly manipulative contexts of seduction or coercion, an individual’s suggestibility increases in the same way as someone under the influence of hypnosis.28 In these situations, a person’s confidence and trust in their own judgements is often slowly eroded, making them more likely to rely on external suggestions during decision-making.
https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/suggestibility

A typical example of the looming effect of suggestibility is seen in witness testimonies. When individuals give their initial statements, their memory of an event can be altered because of the initial interview process. During the interview process, attorneys or police may make suggestions, confusing and distorting the memory of the witness. This phenomenon has been extensively documented and observed and poses a real and threatening issue for legal decision-making.
https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/suggestibility

Suggestibility can also impact the judicial process through false confessions and compliance. Otgaar et al. conducted a review of experimental data in which false confessions were experimentally evoked, and suggestibility and compliance were measured.20 They found that high levels of suggestibility lead to individuals being more predisposed to making a false confession to a crime they did not commit. High levels of compliance also had the same effect, although not to the same extent.
https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/suggestibility

In medical research and clinical trials, suggestibility is a variable researchers must address and manage due to its influence on participants’ behaviors and responses. Clinical trials rely on participants giving truthful and objective accounts of how they are feeling or how they experienced an intervention. One ongoing question that looms over the sector is how technology can impact participant beliefs in these trials and whether this may alter responses to treatment by modulating suggestibility. Using online multi-media consent forms rather than traditional paper-based forms has been shown to enhance participants’ understanding of and engagement with clinical trials. Similarly, presenting an informational video during the consent phase can make patients more willing to participate in the research study and lead to better information retention.
https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/suggestibility

People who experience intense or strong emotions are generally more receptive to suggestibility. This is because strong emotions, such as fear or excitement, can overwhelm the rational part of the brain (prefrontal cortex), which is responsible for critical thinking and logical analysis. When this happens, people are more likely to accept external suggestions to help them make decisions. Heuristic thinking, or the brain’s reliance on shortcuts to make quick decisions, may also influence suggestibility. When we are trying to make a decision, especially under pressure, cues or suggestions that are presented to us may be used as shortcuts by the brain.
https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/suggestibility

Psychologists believe that people with lower levels of self-esteem and assertiveness are typically more suggestible. The relationship between low self-esteem, low assertiveness, and suggestibility stems from psychological traits and cognitive tendencies that influence how people respond to external suggestions. For example, individuals with low self-esteem and low assertiveness often experience an increased need for approval which can lead them to conform to others’ suggestions to feel more accepted. Similarly, while assertive individuals are better equipped to question and resist others’ suggestions, less assertive people may lack the skills or confidence to critically evaluate what they’re being told. Finally, an overall lack of confidence in one’s decisions can make individuals more dependent on external cues, instruction, or opinions.
https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/suggestibility

Finally, researchers have also attributed the variability to suggestibility to differences in attentional functioning. Attentional functioning is defined as our ability to filter irrelevant information and inhibit prepotent responses.5 Overall, several behavioral and social characteristics influence each individual’s tendency to take cues from others and change their beliefs based on those suggestions.
https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/suggestibility

How to avoid it
Suggestibility is a trait that individuals possess to varying degrees, and in a way, it’s part of who we are. Due to its basis in human cognition and social behavior, it may not be entirely possible to eliminate suggestibility. However, individuals can take steps to reduce the influence in various situations through strategies that enhance critical thinking, self-awareness, and emotional regulation.
https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/suggestibility

Our identity is influenced by factors such as our class,
ethnicity, age, and gender as well as our tastes in things
such as fashion and music. The process of finding out
who we are and where we belong takes place within
society.
DK Heads Up Sociology

Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
A narcissist will train you to explain yourself in every possible way, just so they can twist your words and use them against you.
Meanwhile, they'll never explain themselves to you, because accountability was never part of the plan.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
“You can be kind, trusting, and loving and end up in a beautiful healthy relationship. You can be kind, trusting, and loving and end up in a very toxic abusive relationship. What’s the difference? A perpetrator.”

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Jun 10
Too often the survivor is ostracized-not the abuser. The reality for many survivors is that if they try to escape abuse they’re not just leaving the abuser but also their family and community. If we want to help survivors, we have to understand the reality they are facing.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
If you grew up in a home where people blamed you for their bad behavior, your healing is learning to no longer be responsible for how people behave. It will feel like a threat to stop reacting & rescuing people, but that is rescuing you the way you should’ve been a long time ago.

Shadows of Control
@shadows_control
We learn the rules of survival:
Don’t argue. Don’t push back. Don’t show hurt.
We become experts at reading the room, gauging moods, anticipating the next storm.
But with every compromise, every silent surrender, we lose a piece of ourselves.
And the person we once were feels like a distant memory. 💔

Shadows of Control
@shadows_control
Abusers are masters of triangulation, pitting you against others—friends, family, even children—to create competition, doubt, and division. 😤

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
A victim telling the truth is not a smear campaign.
A smear campaign is a narcissistic abuser telling lies about their victim to damage their reputation.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
A narcissist expects you to give up everything in order to be their nothing.

The Narcissist Box
@NarcissistBox
Never trust a narcissistic co-worker.
Never tell them your business. If they invite you out for drinks ...red flag! Drink water.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Traumatized children do not have shortcomings you need to overlook - they have extreme survival skills you need to understand.

‪Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle‬
‪@drdoylesays.bsky.social‬
Regulating our nervous system is often about slowing down & experiencing stillness-- which can be counterintuitive & scary to trauma survivors who've been conditioned to believe that slowing down or standing still will allow abusers, bullies, or predators to catch & hurt us.

Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Malignant narcissists don’t just abuse, they dehumanize their targets. They convince themselves that you don’t deserve compassion, dignity, or even basic human rights. In their eyes, you become less than a person—just a tool to use, a threat to silence, or a flaw to erase. And once they've dehumanized you, anything they do to you feels justified in their twisted reality.
Why they do it:
1. To Justify the Abuse
They can’t abuse you and still see you as fully human. So they convince themselves that you’re "too dramatic," "weak," "crazy," or "the problem." That way, anything they do to you becomes “justified.”
2. To Project Their Own Shame
Narcissists carry deep shame they refuse to deal with. Instead, they offload it onto you. You become the scapegoat, the broken one, the one they can punish and look down on—because that’s how they keep their fragile ego intact.
3. To Stay in Control
They see life as a hierarchy—and they must be on top. If they can reduce you to something “less than,” they can control you, exploit you, and erase your ability to challenge them.
4. To Shut Off Empathy
Empathy makes them vulnerable. If they let themselves feel for you, they’d have to acknowledge your pain—and that threatens the entire illusion of superiority. So they dehumanize you to silence their conscience.

And yes, they often truly believe it.
Once you become a source of narcissistic injury or no longer serve their ego, they begin to view you through a distorted lens. You're no longer a person—they see you as a threat, a liability, a tool, or a burden.
And the longer this goes on, the more real this false reality becomes in their mind.
How It Looks in Real Life
-Dismissiveness: “You’re just being sensitive.”
-Objectification: They treat you like a thing they own or a resource to use.
-Mockery: They ridicule your pain or twist your words in public.
-Scapegoating: They blame you for their bad behavior and project their own darkness onto you.
-Isolation: They separate you from people who might affirm your humanity or worth.

Their ultimate aim isn’t just to hurt you—it’s to erase your sense of self, your credibility, and your emotional reality. If they succeed, you’ll stop fighting back. You’ll start doubting yourself. You’ll shrink, accommodate, and internalize the idea that you’re the problem.
That’s when they feel most powerful.
That’s when they feel safe from exposure.

Remember, you are not the problem.
You are not less than.
You are not what they told you you are.
Dehumanization is a manipulation tactic—nothing more.
Recognize it. Call it out. Reclaim your humanity.
Now some of you may be thinking (like I do) “but I feel like narcissists are less than human. They don’t act human. I think they’re evil. I don’t think they deserve any compassion anymore for the things they’ve done. Does that make me as bad as them?”

The answer is no. Feeling that way doesn’t make you like them—it makes you human. You’re responding to cruelty, betrayal, and psychological harm the way any sane person would: with outrage, with grief, with a sense of moral injustice. The difference is, you still ask the question. You still have a conscience. You self reflect. They don’t.

-

Throughout his work, Marx was concerned with the emotional and physical costs of living in a capitalist society. He believed that many people experience a feeling of “alienation” – a sense of being unfulfilled in life and disconnected from other people. Marx believed that this feeling of alienation was especially common in the workplace, where people felt they had no control over their working conditions or the goods they produced.
📖DK Heads Up Sociology

The notion of childhood as a special and innocent time of
life is a recent social construction. French historian
Phillipe Ariès’ book Centuries of Childhood was
published in English in 1962 and explained how
childhood as we know it did not exist until the 19th
century. Before this people were either infants or adults.
📖DK Heads Up Sociology

In a classic work on education, Schooling in Capitalist America, published in
1976, US sociologists Samuel Bowles and Herbert Gintis suggest that while
education does provide knowledge and skills, it also has a role in maintaining the
existing social order. Education accustoms young people to accepting certain
behaviours and restrictions; in other words, it makes them do what they are told.
In their book, Bowles and Gintis explained what they called the “hidden
curriculum”. This has nothing to do with the formal programme of studies which
every student knows about, with subjects such as mathematics, science, and
languages. The hidden curriculum uses rules, punishments, and rewards to teach
students to conform to such norms (social expectations) as punctuality, smart
dress codes, and obedience to instructions from those in authority.
Bowles and Gintis claimed that there is a parallel between the way school is
organized and the way work is organized. In what they called a “correspondence
theory”, they saw the power of teachers as similar to that of a manager at work,
and the routine of school corresponding with the nine-to-five routine of the
workplace. Neither students nor workers have much control over what they do
📖DK Heads Up Sociology

In a book called The Social Construction of Reality published in 1966, Austrian
sociologists Peter Berger and Thomas Luckmann noted that institutions played a
key role in maintaining society. They argue that we often take institutions for
granted and do not really notice them, but they play a vital role in giving shape
to the society in which we live. Institutions also affect people’s identities,
shaping in various ways how they think and act towards others.
The most common types of institutions across all societies are education,
religion, the family, marriage, government, culture, and business.
📖DK Heads Up Sociology

The system ain't broken by accident. It's broken on purpose.

Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
People these days don't apologize for doing wrong, rather they blame us for acting how we react.

Nyle Beck
@IAmMyBestToday
Telling a narcissist what they did to you or said to you that hurt you is the fastest way to anger them. To them, accountability is a 4-letter word, and results in blame-shifting, gaslighting, defensiveness, and retaliation. Please disengage. Your mental health deserves better.

The concept of community evokes an image of a group of people who share a
common culture and set of values, and, most importantly of all, live in the same
area.
For example, we can talk about
communities such as the gay community, the business community, or the student
community, where a shared characteristic forms the basis for people’s
association rather than that they live in the same place.
📖DK Heads Up Sociology

Much of Weber’s writing explores the effects of “rationalization” in society.
This refers to the way Western society has become increasingly organised
around reason, logic, and efficiency. Weber argues that, although rationalization
leads to greater technological and economic advances, it also limits human
freedom and creativity. According to Weber, rationality has trapped modern
society in an “iron cage”, leading to a widespread sense of “disenchantment” or
disillusionment.
📖DK Heads Up Sociology

In her book The Managed Heart (1983) Hochschild introduced her theories on
“emotional labour”. This refers to the way employees are required to display
certain emotions at work.
Hochschild claimed that this had a negative impact on the
airline staff because, over time, they felt as if they had lost ownership of their
own emotions.
📖DK Heads Up Sociology

US sociologist and Marxist Harry Braverman, writing in the 1960s, saw
technological advancement as the beginning of the end of work for human
beings. He imagined a world where people were set free to devote their energies
and extra leisure time towards developing their natural creativity and skills.
📖DK Heads Up Sociology

Anyone living in an area of high unemployment, where
access to education is limited, or ethnic and religious discrimination are
widespread, could find it difficult to join mainstream society. When this
happens, claims Merton, people face a choice. They must either accept life on
the margins of society, or do what Merton calls “innovate”: that is, use illegal
means to gain legal ends.
📖DK Heads Up Sociology

Durkheim believed that society is held together by shared values and beliefs. In
his book The Division of Labour in Society (1893), he argued that as society
became more industrialized, people’s jobs became more specialized, and shared
experiences in the workplace became less common. Durkheim used the word
“anomie” to describe the sense of despair people felt as they became
increasingly isolated in society.
📖DK Heads Up Sociology

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
It is extremely common if you didn’t even know what was happening to you was considered abuse. Why? Because society normalizes and excuses abuse every day.

Émile Durkheim believed it is not primarily fear of punishment that prevents
most people from committing crime. He suggested, rather, that people do not
commit crime because the moral values they absorb from society have a
powerful restraining influence. We learn at a young age that breaking rules does
more than risk punishment. Wrongdoing evokes guilt, embarrassment, and selfblame, especially if the culprit is caught. Thoughts of public exposure and family
shame, and living with a guilty conscience, often prevent someone from
breaking the law in the first place.
📖DK Heads Up Sociology

sociologist Erving Goffman in his book Stigma (1963) talks about how people
work hard to maintain a front of normality, and avoid encountering negative
reactions, if they have something they want to keep hidden, such as a mental
illness. This requires exhaustive planning and leads to more psychological stress.
📖DK Heads Up Sociology

IVY
@Iamivy05
cutting off a narcissist from your life and radically accepting you're going to be the villain in their delusional world is top-level self-care.

Samantha Billingham
@SODASam_
Jun 14
Coercive control is a dangerous form of domestic abuse that is often invisible to outsiders.

As we grow up, we unconsciously absorb many cultural ideas from the social group in which we live.
This early input is influential in shaping our future tastes and preferences.
DK Heads Up Sociology

Jacy, LPC
@ATMwithJacy
Learn what people are capable of and remove yourself if it’s not for you.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
If someone has expectations attached to their apology, it's not an apology.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Some people won't support your trauma or addiction recovery because they don't identify with it. They've never had to do something as hard as you do in waking up every morning & choosing recovery.
They don't recognize the specific strengths & intelligence you've had to evolve.

@DrDoyleSays
Don't tether your self-esteem to someone else's attention span.

Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
Workplace bullies often exhibit petty and spiteful behavior, driven by an inflated sense of ego and a lack of maturity. Their actions reflect a childish mentality that undermines the professional environment, creating a toxic atmosphere for colleagues.

Symptoms of a guilt complex can include:

Persistent feelings of self-blame and worthlessness
Difficulty forgiving oneself for past mistakes
Overwhelming sense of responsibility for negative outcomes
Obsessive thoughts about past actions or decisions
Avoidance of situations or people that trigger feelings of guilt
Physical symptoms like fatigue, headaches, or stomach issues due to emotional distress
Difficulty concentrating or making decisions due to preoccupation with guilt
Insomnia or changes in appetite as a result of guilt-related stress
Tendency to seek reassurance from others to alleviate feelings of guilt
Inability to experience joy or pleasure due to ongoing guilt feelings
A guilt complex is deeply ingrained into your sense of self. It is not just feeling guilty over a mistake, but letting that mistake define you.

Making mistakes is something we all do; self-compassion and forgiveness is key to living a healthy and fulfilling life.
https://www.lifebulb.com/blogs/do-i-have-a-guilt-complex-what-it-is-and-how-to-deal-with-it

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
No force on earth can stop the confidence of a trauma survivor who finally understands it was not their fault.

Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
If it makes you happy, no one else's opinion should matter.

Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
A Narcissist will stay with whoever they can Use and Manipulate.

Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
I think many of the people who I identified as covert narcissists are actually psychopaths. This describes a number of people I’ve encountered up close. Also, I think there are many more female psychopaths than we acknowledge. And I think this is because female psychopaths are more covert about their predatorial or manipulative nature.

Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
I always know I’m dealing with a narcissist when they’re trying to make me feel bad for doing nothing wrong.

Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
"Yea but what I'm saying is it's pretty typical of projection when someone has done something wrong to you. Either that or we have far more clinical narcs walking than anyone is willing to admit lol"
I don’t know what you mean here. When someone comes and attacks you when you’re trying to help people or just doing something harmless that makes you happy and someone tries to tell you you’re doing something wrong and make you feel guilty, they’re attacking you. That’s not projection.

Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Malignant narcissists feel incredibly threatened by genuinely good, honest and moral people.
So they work obsessively to make the good guys look like the bad guys and the bad guys look like the good guys.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Jun 24
After abuse, perpetrators are quick to remind their victims of good times they’ve shared. Just a reminder: there are millions of people who contribute to others good memories without traumatizing them. There is no memory good enough that will make the impacts of abuse go away.

Shadows of Control
@shadows_control
“If you accepted the abuse, you are half the problem”

Not true!

What we tolerate shapes how someone treats us, and recovery involves examining, owning, and healing our own issues, as well as the ways we adapted to survive. But the victim is NEVER ‘half the problem.’ Abuse is always 100% the responsibility of the abuser.

When someone is manipulated, controlled, threatened, and psychologically worn down, they’re not ‘allowing’ abuse—they’re surviving it.

If someone is chained up, would we ever say they are half responsible for being unable to escape? Abusers create psychological chains, trapping victims in an invisible cage through tactics such as isolation, financial control, threats, blackmail, gaslighting, manipulation, and weaponizing children to exert control.

Ignoring, walking away, or standing up to an abuser is met with escalation and retaliation. For women with children, the stakes are even higher – they know too well that resistance could mean their child becomes the target of their payback.

Abuse thrives on power and control, and the responsibility lies solely with the one wielding that power to harm. Victims don’t choose abuse; they navigate unimaginable circumstances to stay safe.

Blaming victims perpetuates the harm and silences their voices. We need to keep the blame firmly where it belongs—on the abuser.

-
Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Narcissists—especially malignant ones— operate in two distinct realities:
1The constructed reality they want others to believe:
This is the carefully curated version of themselves and their life. In this world, they are the victim, the hero, the ideal parent, the successful professional, the generous friend—whatever mask best serves their ego and manipulative goals. This reality is for public consumption and is designed to draw admiration, sympathy, or allegiance.
2The hidden reality they don’t want anyone to see:
This is where the manipulation, cruelty, abuse, exploitation, and truth-twisting happens. It includes things like smear campaigns, gaslighting, covert triangulation, and pathological lying. This reality contradicts their public image, which is why they go to great lengths to hide it—even from themselves sometimes through denial or rationalization.

They enforce this dual-reality system by:
•Compartmentalizing relationships: So people don’t compare notes.
•Controlling narratives: Using lies, half-truths, and shifting blame.
•Discrediting truth-tellers: Especially scapegoats or survivors who see through the mask.
•Using flying monkeys: To reinforce the fake reality and punish dissent.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
The least likely people to acknowledge your healing, are the ones who caused your need for it.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
"Letting go" of pain isn't a one time event, because "hanging on" is a conditioned, heavily reinforced pattern in our nervous system (not a "choice").

What "letting go" actually involves is overwriting & rewriting those patterns & programming-- again, & again, & again, & again.

Nicole Filippone, Autistic Advocate & Author
@sensorystories_
There are two areas of emerging research that change EVERYTHING about autism awareness... and I wish more people were talking about them...

1. A study found evidence to suggest that "mild" stress can trigger PTSD like symptoms in autistic brains
(There's lots of nuance to the research that you can find in the study, I'll link to it below)

2. Another study found that autistic people experience a type of anxiety that doesn't fit any of the existing anxiety disorders currently included in the DSM (link below as well)
To me, these studies explain my internal autistic experience better than literally ANYTHING ELSE I have come across.

And this is absolutely earth shattering for autism awareness in my opinion...
Because the diagnostic criteria are 100% focused on observable behaviors (ones that society finds "unacceptable" and "inexcusable" most of the time).

But these two studies explain what's UNDERNEATH those behaviors...
We have anxiety.

We have TRAUMA.

And not from things society typically "excuses" (like assault or abuse)...

Because the things giving us anxiety and trauma are perceived as MINISCULE to those who aren't autistic.
So people simply don't get it.

They think we're WILDLY overreacting.

But this research has the potential to give those people a window into our autistic brains and how they work. (IF they're willing to look through it.)
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11089364/

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle‬
‪@drdoylesays.bsky.social‬
For every moment of dramatic, painful programming we remember from our abusers & bullies, there are usually dozens & dozens of other moments of programming & conditioning that we don't explicitly remember.

We rarely develop our painful BS (Belief Systems) in one-off incidents.

‪Impiety‬
‪@noholyscripture.bsky.social‬
Humans aren’t born craving gods — they’re born curious, social, & vulnerable.

Religions exploits that vulnerability by

🔸 Introducing fear (of hell, judgment, exclusion).
🔸 Providing false comfort (imagined protection, afterlife promises).

This creates an addiction rooted in fabricated premises.

-
Gregarious and sociable, the Spanish are at
their happiest in groups, from family to friends and the
mass gatherings of the fiesta.The natural exuberance of
the Spanish, particularly when conversation is flowing,
can appear confrontational, but it’s usually more about
posturing than genuine anger or aggression.
Speak the Culture_ Spain_ Be Fluent in Spanish Life and Culture

‪Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle‬
‪@drdoylesays.bsky.social‬
One of the most startling things many of us realize as we work our trauma & addiction recovery is: we are completely different people than we thought we were-- when we stop trying to "perform" for people who may or may not even understand or want the best for us anyway.

Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
You are not responsible for anyone's distorted perception of you.
Stand firm in your own light and truth..

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
One of the most important-- & heartbreaking-- realizations I had in my own recovery was: there are certain people who trigger me; it's not their fault & it's not my fault; & I just can't have them in my life. Maybe ever.
My safety, stability, & recovery is more important.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
If someone tells you that you’re the problem because you won’t do what they think you should do to ‘heal’ then they are the problem not you. There is no one right way to ‘heal’. You’re the expert on your experience and your healing.
#respectsurvivors

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Trauma says “Fix yourself and people will love you.”
Healing says “Meet me in the parts you think are hard to love.”

Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Self care means not letting people stress you or put you through unnecessary hurt and pain.
Love yourself enough to not tolerate it.

Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
Jun 27
If you want to see the true measure of a person, watch how they treat their inferior, not their equivalent.

Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
Jun 27
There's something seriously wrong with someone's spirit if they gain pleasure from humiliating, embarrassing, slandering, and belittling other people for entertainment.

Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Most of us expect a baseline of honesty from people.
Even if someone lies, we expect to see signs — discomfort, guilt, hesitation. We assume that if someone does something wrong, they’ll at least feel some shame. These expectations are part of how we navigate trust, connection, and morality.
That’s why encountering a malignant or covert narcissist is so deeply unsettling.
They lie without flinching. No shame, no hesitation. They invert reality to suit themselves — painting the innocent as guilty, and casting themselves as the victim or hero when they are, in fact, the abuser.
To most of us, this feels inhuman. And that’s because it is — it violates the unspoken social contract that underlies empathy and conscience.
This is what makes narcissistic abuse so disorienting: you’re not just being mistreated — you’re being trapped in a false reality constructed by someone who feels no remorse for the damage they cause.

LIMITLESS MIND
@limitlessmindon
Jun 27
Don't make yourself small for anyone. Be the awkward, funny, intelligent, beautiful little weirdo that you are. Don't hold back. Weird it out. Be the glitch.

Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
Jun 27
When a flower doesn't bloom you gotta fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower. 🌹

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Meet "their" misunderstanding of you w/ compassion. In not understanding you, they're missing out on something awesome.
Do not take their misunderstanding of you as a challenge to "make" them understand you. Life is too short, & you have a recovery to work.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Stop telling people to focus on the good times, when that’s not what they’re needing to heal from.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
A person can't just "get over it" when they've had to live their whole life differently because of it.

Narcissistic Abuse Awareness
@AwareOfTheNarc
An enabler tells you how to manage the abuse.
A real ally helps you recognize it shouldn’t be happening in the first place.

Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Narcissists don't see others as full human beings with their own inner lives, needs, or rights. Instead, they tend to view people in terms of utility or threat.

Here’s how narcissists actually perceive others (friends, family, coworkers, colleagues, acquaintances) 👇
1. Competition
Especially if you have talents, strength, empathy, or integrity. Anything they feel they lack but envy in others becomes a threat to their fragile ego.
2. Supply
They see people as sources of narcissistic supply — admiration, attention, obedience, or emotional reactions. You're not a person; you're a fuel tank to keep their self-image inflated.
3. Tools or Pawns
You may be viewed as a means to an end — useful for achieving status, wealth, influence, or hurting someone else. This can include romantic partners, children, friends, even therapists.
4. Obstacles
If you're in the way of their goals, truths they want to avoid, or if you're exposing their lies, you become an enemy — something to smear, silence, or destroy.
5. Reflections
They may project their own traits onto you. If they're insecure, they may accuse you of being controlling, selfish, or manipulative. You become a mirror they want to shatter.
6. Extensions of Themselves
This is especially common with narcissistic parents. They see children or partners not as separate beings but as extensions of their own identity — expected to reflect their greatness and never outshine or embarrass them.

Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
Jun 29
Not responding to toxic people is the most powerful
response you can give.

Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
If you are bullied and abused constantly by your parents and it makes you angry all the time, you don’t have an anger problem. You have an abusive parent problem.
The anger is justified. The abuse is not.

Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
Jun 29
People need to stop being offended by things that have nothing to do with them.

Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Narcissists will always find a way to blame someone else for their abuse. It’s never their fault

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
It doesn’t matter what the trauma is, people don’t want to hear about it unless it’s a ‘pain into purpose’ or ‘how I found forgiveness’ type of story. We are really bad at just sitting with trauma and supporting survivors.

Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
Boundaries are walls, not doors.

The Wily Survivor
@WilySurvivor
Trauma isn't just about what happened. It's also about what didn't happen, like not being heard, supported, comforted, protected, or believed.

Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Narcissists want you to think their abuse is punishment for something you did wrong

‪Pammy ✨️‬
‪@pammyds.bsky.social‬
Maturity is when you finally stop wasting time convincing people to treat you correctly. You just start to observe their choices, understand their character, and decide what you’re going to let into your life.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
A sign you’re in a narcissistic relationship is things only remain peaceful as long as you suppress your thoughts, feelings and opinions.

‪Pammy ✨️‬
‪@pammyds.bsky.social‬
I promise you, no friendship, relationship, or situationship is worth hurting your mental health over. Period.

Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
Jul 5
There are two sides to every story, then there's the narcissist's version, which often has nothing to do with the original events.

‪Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle‬
‪@drdoylesays.bsky.social‬
Be willing to ghost the entire goddamn world for your safety, stability, & recovery if you have to.

‪Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle‬
‪@drdoylesays.bsky.social‬
Some people aren't for you. Some situations aren't for you. Some jobs aren't for you. Some recovery tools & philosophies aren't for you. No shame.

"Radical acceptance" doesn't mean we stay in places we don't belong. It means we gotta start somewhere to get somewhere.