In 2013 I posted the same subject, and later I deleted it, cause I thought it was pointless. When I wrote it back then, I had this what I am about to say down below in my mind (the part that most people are cold and anti social by default), but for some unknown reason this revelation evaporated from my mind and I completely forgot to mention this. It's as if I was not ready back then for the truth.
Tomorrow will come and you'll find some distractions. You'll get rid of this place. You'll work. You'll fall in love. And maybe it'll work out and maybe it won't. But you'll find a million petty things to keep you going...
film SEPTEMBER (1987)
I said back then that movies in the end do not cause anything but it might seem they do - because it seems like the script in any art form appears like hypnosis - you know how the story will develop, you know how it will end. And I thought, since you submerge this way of thinking - that you perceive other people who are pawns, have their roles, that this appears as if movies create social anxiety - since for example if you watch violent or crushingly sad scene, you get to conclusion there are no alternatives in real life. As if people must follow this pattern of reaction in real life, too. You observe that there must be a script how to act and you should act your life away, like in movies, without any alternative, new, unusual, out of ordinary option. It was a theory which I rejected in the end.
But, after reading "Mysterious Stranger" by Mark Twain, I realized -
people do not care about other people. They don't. They do their best to care. Many of them care about their immediate children or siblings (that are for example sick). But they are not glued to the other people. People who suffer social anxiety has this part mixed up in head. Social anxiety is being hyper alert - being extremely aware of surroundings and people. Yet in the same time, it is like, you don't look up - you don't look into people eyes because of fear. So the awareness is only half way actually even though it seems too much, we shut ourselves up, we don't look at people - so we never grow out of fear, we stay trapped in our anxieties, trapped in our minds, prisoners in our minds. We are paradox - we care immensely internally yet it doesn't show up externally to the people.
We think that people care intensively. We think people observe us and judge us, and they remember our blunders, they ponder about it, we think they are providers (especially people with avoidant attachment issues and people with trauma etc). We think people sincerely care for other people, and that we MUST care too. That is is sinful not to care. Thus we limit ourselves - we block our Id from acting selfish - in any situation, all the time. That is unhealthy and it is destroying us, and it is painful. Yeah, we need to react, tell people off when they cross boundaries, we don't need to be aggressive or attack them - we are allowed to tell, to say anything. It will make a difference.
So movies go into this equation - we see this unhealthy dynamic in movies. Because - movies would not exist without such dynamic. Even in horror movies or dramas when they depict psychopaths and sociopaths - it seems as if people care - in this case to torture other person. They don't. People don't care. People who have no social anxiety do not care about people, not on the level as we do. People without social anxiety do not connect with others like we do. There are no visible bonds like those that we create. And we think we must create such bonds. The bonds are created automatically, we feel compelled inside to make them physical, strong, maintain them and enforce those bonds. We think we must feel guilty if we don't do these connections (bonds) by default, without thinking with whom specifically. We were raised to think in such unhealthy way. It might be dangerous not to care at all, this is why we do not see examples in media and society - of people being selfish - because others get hurt when you stand up for yourself, so no one will propagate this way of defense. And people without social anxiety do not comprehend that we need this dosage of poison to save us from ourselves. It is unhealthy not to care about people and to be oblivious about other people around us - but at what point it becomes unhealthy and toxic? If you are attacked, if you are hurt, it is normal to defend yourself. We were taught it is not normal. We were taught we are guilty ones, all the time, no matter what circumstances. Well, yeah we need to remind ourselves that people are cold, they don't have these bonds like we do. We are allowed to step back. We come up needy and we repel people and annoy them (when we let those bonds run loose). It is ok to be like them - cold and distant, and without bonds. They only make pretend to have bonds, their bonds are not like the ones we have. Theirs are fake, ours are real McCoy, and our bonds are living energy, they are strong and they can be felt, our bonds have force. Their bonds are cartoonish learned expressions of what bonds look like. We don't need to care about every single being out there. A lot of them are psychopaths and sociopaths - we need to save our bonding with people who deserve our warmth, love and care. We should not spread it around for everyone, some people do not deserve it because many of them don't care about anyone but themselves. And the other people can't sustain those bonds, it is too heavy for them, it is very intense and they find it difficult, annoying and clingy (it's like octopus's hug). We need to curb our enthusiasm, they need to do the opposite, build even stronger bonds. This is where we get wrong messages, the instructions from society and media are often contradictory about social skills and social bonding seems impossible task for us - since those instructions are not needed for us, we already know them extremely well.
It only seems - in movies or in real life that people care. They (actors) talk without problem, they ask about them, they offer drink, share lunch, gossip, chat, talk about nothing. It seems like they really care but they don't. They remember their names, past stories, but they don't care actually. It is always an interest behind. Someone to use up. People with social anxiety connect beyond this selfish interest and personal behind the scene motifs that we do not see at all. We do not see the real drive behind people courteous and social behavior because we are not like them, we do not use people, we don't abuse, we don't want their money, we don't want anything material from them. We would never hurt them. We would never trouble them in any way. We would never cause them harm. It is time to do that - to trouble them. If we need something we should say so. We should socialize with the new insight that people don't care. We should form relationships without burden of unhealthy glue that we stick onto anything that moves. If they are annoying - we should alarm them to stop. I have a guess that the more social anxiety is severe - the codependency is also worse. (the need to make stronger bonds). Then, we are labelled by "healthy" people as people-pleasers (since we appear like them when they want something from others, they act to please in order to gain some material thing out of people), while in fact something completely different is under story.
We are made to feel guilty in social situations - by our own thoughts, past experiences or toxic people - this is unhealthy part - we are ashamed if we ask something, mocked if we state our opinions. We should not - we have no ulterior motive, we don't use people. We don't attack them. While other people don't know this true nature that we have inside - and they react to themselves actually, not to us - when they are rude, aggressive towards us. And then we feel guilty. There is no need if we realize that no one actually cares. They just act like they care. They pretend. They seem like they care. It is like we are accused of being cold and distant - while in fact we are magnet - and we don't realize that, and people around us don't realize that. We listen to people out there - media - and we think that we are egocentric (self involved, narcissistic) - but we are actually caring and care for people a lot, too much. And we are not aware of it, and other people are not aware of it, to them we are observed as too sensitive, snowflakes, we get labels quickly and we believe in those labels. And since they pretend to be caring human beings and actually act to be human beings, we are the only ones that care actually, truly, sincerely. People who have no social anxiety are brought up to be social, to care for others, because they don't have this internal force inside to care for others. So they are instructed - through upbringing and social connections, learned social contact behavior to care about others. It is healthy to communicate and make bonds and relationships. But now I see that we have over-learned - we are instructed to be social too much (just like alongside of any other non social anxiety bunch), while we don't need to, it is inside us. In fact it is overflowing in us. We simply have to get it straight in our minds. If we are aware that people are cold and they are learning to be social - while we don't need to - we can allow to defend ourselves from being used up. We can allow to tell no. We can allow ourselves to be frank and cut ties with other people - those who are obviously toxic, rude, aggressive or we feel in our gut that there is something wrong and fake with certain people.
We are being told that we are anti social, but if we have social anxiety, it is clear indication that we care about social situations and people. We are very aware of social surroundings. We got hurt, we want to protect ourselves by hiding and being quiet - and then we are taught and instructed by other people to be social - while in fact they are not social at all. We are ashamed for being ourselves by people who are ashaming us for feeling shame they caused in the first place. We need to be aware of this dynamics. It should not be hard then to socialize and not care what other people think. Their opinion would not bother us. We are afraid of their anger, emotions and messages - which are not true. Through their rage, mock, anger, words we would realize that they are fake actually. We don't take it for granted anymore. We are being ashamed that something is wrong with us, but no - most people are very wrong. They are unable to connect with others on deeper level like we do - on human level. We are being ashamed for this ability we have, and we hide. People with social anxiety would not feel anxiety if they knew all people in their circle are kind and have no aggression and know 100% that they would not hurt them - social anxiety would not exist. This knowledge will make us free. We can detach from others by knowing they are actually psychopaths, sociopaths, they are the ones that need to learn social etiquette. They are problem - those people behavior that we are so afraid of - ashaming, yelling, being rude, mocking, not caring. It is like there is a scale how much someone can care for other people - people with social anxiety care way too much, it is abnormal, and it is far left on the scale. And problem is other people reaction towards us - whatever they comment or criticize - tip that scale even further left because we believe in what they comment about us. They are actually talking about themselves because they are born far right on the scale - they don't care about people, and during childhood and adolescence they are trained to move this scale towards left - where we are in extremes. And they interpret our closed stand offish behaviour as they were - and they try to parent us - without realizing they are damaging us and making things worse. We should be aware of this dynamics in social situations. We need to be aware we need to step back, tip the scale in other direction. For example - we don't look in people's eyes. To them, it seems we don't care about them. We should look people in the eyes. Or, we don't talk with strangers - if they talk to us, we feel compelled to open ourselves and we tell them our life story - because we think they care. We shouldn't be that open to strangers, it is annoying to them really even thought we get false signs like we ought to be "authentic" and open. We mismatch this due to false belief the other person is caring like we are. They are not. A random talk with a stranger should be left short and closed, it is ok to shut up. We are ashamed either in our heads or by other person for no talking, so we force ourselves to talk. Most people are put off by this, because they don't care about other people. We are put off by people forcing upon us their drama, so we should be aware of this knowledge that people actually don't care about others as we think they do, and let our instincts built upon this new realization. Otherwise we are not on pair with others. We see ourselves as inferior, as if something is wrong with us, as if we are missing something and as if others are having all - while in reality we have exactly what we need, and the other people are the ones that is missing it. If they face some challenges, wife left them, financial, work difficulties - they will revert to their basic self - not caring and being anti social - while for us, no matter what happens it is inside us all the time. We are being told by them that we take everything too seriously and that we ought not care what other people think and take it so personally - while in fact this message is for them really. It is their mantra for themselves because they don't know how to care for other people so they need instructions. All we need is counter intuitive to social anxiety - we need to close ourselves when we feel urge not to, we need to speak when we feel shame to shut up. We need to keep quiet when we feel shame to talk and urge derived from shame to be open and loud on force and without valid, real reason. Do the exactly the opposite of what anxiety is telling us, it is ok to be rude to people - if they are rude to us. We need to be authentic in so much to tell them how they are being rude, not fair and annoying. Because they don't care for people so they are not aware that they are crossing the boundaries. It seems to us that people are crossing the boundaries because they appear to us very social, normal, great, warm - they are not, it is an act, they are pretending to be social beings. They are hanging with people because they need something from them, they are not hanging with them like us, to talk about deep stuff and explore and share without any predetermined and organized reason to talk to people before the social event.
Movies must highlight this fake connection between people, and sensitive people get the notion that this is how world actually works in social situation - this is the cause of social anxiety, we get false model of human interaction. It is not only the movies - it is the books, any fiction and people themselves. Especially at work - they make pretend they care about the job at the same level as we do, but they don't. They must show they care in order to propel to higher positions. Those with social anxiety cannot comprehend how can some people do mobbing - because they see others based upon themselves, thinking all people care for the others and this mobbing abuse is - "some kind of tough love?" or they are psychopaths, it seems like that, as the only explanation. People with social anxiety cannot comprehend psychopaths and sociopaths. We can intellectually read that they don't care about people, but until you realize no one cares, you cannot comprehend this information on reality, it is just fog idea in our mind how others are - because deep down we think everyone is like us, so that they care on at least some basic level.
Movies must have characters to interact, without caring there would be no message intended to be screened by the movie. Even the surreal ones, the same false interconnection. The only movie that would not cause social anxiety is anti-movie - something like Andy Warhal's Empire (1964 film) showing a building all the time for hours - no social situations at all.
Without this Mark Twain quote realization, we think all people are the same, like us, open, caring, without internal rouge motives.
This part from "Mysterious Stranger" by Mark Twain made me realize all this new insight:
It is true that they are nothing to me. It is not possible that they should be. The difference between them and me is abysmal, immeasurable. They have no intellect. Nothing that resembles it. Men have nothing in common with me, there is no point of contact. They have foolish little feelings and foolish little vanities and impertinence and ambitions. Their foolish little life is but a laugh, a sigh and extinction. And they have no sense, only the moral sense. Can you imagine an elephant being interested in spider, carrying whether he is happy or isn't or whether he is wealthy or poor or whether his sweetheart returns his love or not. Or whether he is looked up to in society, or not. These things can never be important to the elephant. They are nothing to him. Man is to me as the red spider is to the elephant. The elephant has nothing against the spider, he cannot get down to that remote level. The elephant is indifferent. If it came in his way and cost nothing - I have done men good service but no ill turns.
(6.10.2020)
Social anxiety official advice is go outside - face your fears and be around people. But this does not work because people with trauma have imprint inside that is causing false reality (evidence) appearing real - that people hate them and that people care enough to hate. Imprint may appear as flashes in mind, memories of terrifying event from the past (or imagined frightening event in the future) behind is other people critical, violent, unkind and harsh opinion. While reality is the opposite - people do not hate you and people don't care about you at all. It only seems like they hate us and that they care what you say, do, act or look like. It only seems like they connect with us and that they have strong bonds with us, so that false belief of reality where people care deeply generates our pain. This wrong faulty imprint is printing out intrusive thoughts of toxic shame that we are under other people surveillance and the proof for other's hate is their words of what we perceive as hate (mocking, criticism, aggression, triggers). We need to challenge the imprint. The words of hate are actually the Mark Twain Mysterious Stranger reality - that people are not interested in other people deep down. They don't care and that is good, because we are free to do what we want without "adult supervision". With such perspective, other people comments are exactly what they are in reality - someone's opinion based on its inner world, not your core being. They (rude people that we fear so much) cannot see and they are not interested in seeing your life story, so they cannot know you and judge you, even though their words may indicate their attempt to do so. Knowing this dynamics relieves social anxiety feelings. The imprint inside people with trauma is causing PTSD all the time, it is stress all the time, stress chemicals are released inside all the time, so any criticism hurts - because it adds to stress already present inside. Again, official response we are told to relax - because clinical science have observed people with social anxiety displaying nervous symptoms. And yet again this honest advice will not help much, since the fear, the imprint is inside, it is in subconsciousness. This cannot be reasoned to calm down by logic. Autosuggestion will help more.
Knowing that people don't care gives us freedom - that we do not shut up, that we talk back, that we react, that we say our opinion, that we are authentic. That we speak truth. And of course, to keep our good nature aligned with good actions. If someone is rude, we no longer perceive such bully as the correct, as judge, as the final - now we can see it more realistic - that they may be wrong and we can correct them, we are allowed to react as human being, honestly. We realize usually such people are manipulative, toxic, narcissist and they expect our fear, our over-reaction. It will feel better than maladaptive learned behaviour such as withdraw, hide and avoid.
So if I have social anxiety and I avoid, this hiding away and staying away from social situations is part of distortion and not learning the unconscious lessons. It seems to me that I will avoid and shy away because I expect people to mock me, yell at me, criticize me, be rude, express hate - then I react to the actual hate (what seems to me like hate) and I over-react. Then other people hate really happens. This is why I need to stop avoidance, in order to learn, to correct maladaptive beliefs.
We can correct our maladaptive beliefs through socialization and talking with people. This is why ACT and ERP techniques are right thing to follow but extremely hard with the imprint inside. Think of imprint like this: I realized people since childhood are building up a house inside, they have blueprints.
This building process last all life. For external or internal reason, these blueprints may have errors. Unfortunately no one can see that blueprint, neither other people, not even ourselves. So we have a medium inside that we instruct how to build a house - without actually seeing the blueprint, we have idea, other people give their suggestions. Sometimes, some parts of house are not supervised by others so we built them wrong way. This happens with personality disorders. You have a house but other people seem to enjoy their house more during the blackout, your house gets dark - since you forgot to put windows so natural sunlight might come inside - and it is dark. The others are trying to explain you that you miss windows but you have no idea what they are talking about since in your blueprints there are no windows planned, so this word or object is not part of your vocabulary. They try to explain you - after they spend a lot of time guessing what is wrong, and why there is darkness inside your house. This whole process of discovery and natural correction happens since people are talking and communicating. This is the reason why it is "normal" to talk with people and socialize and why doctors encourage this. Unfortunately, in real world, there are toxic people who either don't care for your problems or even they deliberately keep the truth away from you, or exploit your weakness to subordinate you or belittle you and keep you under control. This is why we should keep away from toxic people who are bad for us, no matter what tricks they play so that we stay with them.
The blueprint is a secret.You don't know you have it, you don't know you are building according to it. You realize this when you grow up and seek and find what is wrong.
The second reason why Movies (along with books, fiction, reality, real life) cause social anxiety is because we look the life through wrong prism. So we'll be attracted to see wrongly. Most movies don't have positive role model. The old Hollywood movies might have it closely, but in those time, it was a rarity to display psychologically a person inside (it was too complex idea for entertainment money making industry) - since most people are fake and they are not interested in real bonds between people, only the fake ones, those that don't spend much intellectual powers. The writers do not delve into intricate social connection and they don't show what you can do better - if for example faced with someone who is bully, exploitative, narcissist. You can't learn that through artificial sources as much as through wrong, false role models and negative people. People with social anxiety desperately need amazing, awesome, inspiring, extraordinary, out-of-this-world life-changing positive role models to create new imprints.
Third reason are images themselves. Not only in movies, but from trauma or repeated events interpreted as very stressful. These images are repeated in our minds and produce anxiety. We believe in those images. We trust they will be repeated. We believe in those images so much as if they are ultimate truth and we do not second guess them or put them on trial - will they be repeated again - our minds tell yes automatically.
(9.10.2020)
It occurs to me that many people have certain parts of the same issues that people with social anxiety are dealing with, so some information will help others even though the real SAD sufferers are very low in numbers statistically. For example, I see that some people tend to see only one way, they are childish, they insist on their truth and they defend their viewpoints and shut themselves off if they've been told differently. They don't stay long enough with a person to know what the person is actually talking about - even though they are "extroverts" and yack a lot.
Also, it occurs to me, when I re-read my own words above, that the world is fake. People are pretending and creating disorder. It is topsy-turvy: They put a mask to be social, but they are not actually social inside, then they ashame people who are social inside and make them into introverts in order to manipulate them into submission - to prove their points and their truth to be the only dominant idea. This false extrovert caring social being (usually the narcissist) do this consciously - they pretend to be social, assume prevalent alpha position, produce toxic shame to submit the clever folks into shyness and submission. They make out of shy people to be babies that believe they are incapable to be social, and then give a little bit of care and attention, just enough to keep the shy people hooked. They give false image of care and caring, while in reality they don't care at all. While this pattern becomes "normal" and then people who are not narcissist repeat this demonic pattern of ashaming people for speaking up when not spoken to, talking the uncomfortable truth, expressing unpopular opinion, being different in any accepted way. It's as if "healthy" people are setting the scene for drama, and then blame you for being drama queen in a stage they direct. Toxic people do it on purpose, the majority of others are doing it unconsciously and automatic, since bad behaviour is viral and rewarded and considered normal. It is normal to curse, belittle. It is normal not to cry or express grief. It is normal to yell. It is normal to expect that other person will use you, that the other person is user. It is normal to expect that the other people are full of themselves and see them as someone who is trying to take away your freedom and preach you - especially for someone who disagrees with you. They don't wait long enough, they punish you by breaking up the communication. They yell at you and walk away from you, not allowing you to say what you have to say. That is considered normal behaviour. It is fake because if you are showing yourself as "alpha", strong and dominant - you would not be afraid to listen to someone's opinion, it would not affect you - especially those who are telling the truth and speaking your shortcomings, uncomfortable truth, painful details. So they accuse others to be sensitive, while they are sensitive themselves. They accuse others to be snowflakes, while they are the ones so incredibly sensitive to the truth that they cannot bear it to be heard or considered as valid opinion - so the best way to defend themselves is through ashaming tools: mocking, yelling, rudeness, or violence.
10.10.2020 (World Mental Health Day 2020)
The other person is leading us what to say next. Training us like animals to do what they want - that we keep quiet and stop ruining their false view of the world or even expose them as fake, unintelligent. Or they lead us to curse & fight with them without true arguments, troll back and forth.
Stop that pattern, you know what to tell. You listen deeply to the subject, environment and to their words, but your gut instinct knows what to tell, this is what makes them yell at you and they try to shut you up and ashame you - because of your truth inside coming out of your mouth. You are kind by default, so you know how to phrase your words as compassion and not hate - that hate they project to you.
"Shy people tend to have great observational skills, making it easier to recognize the core of a problem." FACT, Twitter
It occurred to me that Chinese Cultural Revolution is Social Anxiety impersonated. Think about it - people who are shy are mocked for their words and made to shut up - made feel worthless by children and spoiled overgrown children trapped in adult bodies who are unable to hear the voice of reason, truth. So they yell at us, mock and frighten us into submission and self-loathing, feeling worthless and invalidated.
People with social anxiety are actually hidden kind leaders, bosses, guides, counselors - all that is unknown to us, it lies inside of us in hiding - and made by others into hiding - and it is that the world actually desperately needs - but the same world rejects them since the truth from out of our minds would make them change their faulty fake minds and grow up and we are too considerate to not fight back for our own dignity over hurting them back (or there are just too many of them - like pack of wolves and enjoy to attack someone different than them).
We are being made mad by people who do not want to grow up, kids. We take their words, instructions for granted, as if they are really grown ups, competent, clever - while in fact they are not. The mental disorder - there is a theory that this do no exist, per se. That is there is something wrong, messed up externally - that this will make us unstable internally. I'd say fake people will cause us to be unstable. They make us feel that we are wrong internally, and then we look at life and people through that prism of wrongness by default. We tell truth and they shut us up with their "views" which are totally selfish, egocentric, childish, toxic, narcissistic, uncaring, unsocial. And they impose this distorted perspective upon us as ultimate and the only truth we must believe in. They do it by mocking, ashaming, yelling, shouting, cursing, belittling, reasoning, generalizing, personalizing, all cognitive distortions there are, one sided thinking, imposing, gas-lightning, changing our minds on force into submission... Problem is that both toxic (on purpose - with a goal to gain money, influence, rank, title, anything, expecting us to be manipulative as them with hidden motive) and child-people are doing this (unintentionally - by imitating the accepted abnormal social norms - mobbing, hurting, ashaming, yelling, expecting us to be fake as them) - and then it appears to us like the whole world is right, and we are wrong. When we are ashamed, people sniff out that we are the fake ones - since we are afraid to open up and show our true colors (which would hurt them - and then they would attack us) - so they attack us anyway. With or without hiding, in social situation - we will be attacked. This is double binding - creating mental illness. We can avoid people - this does not solve the problem, it makes it worse, since we do not learn to realize this faulty mechanism and defense tools. So whatever we do, if we give into toxic shame and start to block our truth from coming out, we will be attacked by others - in or without social situations.
Like at this picture from Chinese Cultural Revolution:
We are being made ashamed of what we are inside, by default. The panic attack, intrusive thoughts, imprint is broadcasting toxic shame that we cannot accept ourselves and that there is something basic inside that is wrong with us. Quitting social anxiety would be not caring what someone says, and knowing that we do not need to depend and co-depend on others to speak, do, think - we are grown up, we are the adults, we are capable ourselves. There is nothing wrong with us. We must embrace ourselves inside from the core and use our words, speak them out when faced by the opposition that seems and appears to us like they are speaking the truth. There is nothing shameful about us, the way we talk, express our thoughts, how we behave - it is all ok. The other people are problem, not us.
We think we do not have tools to defend ourselves - we do. That is what makes people afraid of us. They try to destroy our way of propagation of truth by making us angry and curse, and yell like them, to shout at each other. But we are smarter - we accept ourselves as teachers and we explain calmly and with serene blessing our viewpoints - there is nothing to be ashamed about. We are worth billion times more than them, we are valuable. We are grown ups. They need us for their own growth, they need us for support, training and parenting. We are extremely valuable to them even though they will never ever admit it. Our advice is the truth. Their views are childish, faulty and doomed to failure. Ours are coming from God, mind, inner guidance, careful and nitpicking analysis of the problem that they are incapable mentally to perform. We solve problems, they create them. We produce, they copy/paste the same learned wrong ideas that may seem to work in that second. We are the creators, they are parasites. But it is not to blame them or attack them or shun them into oblivion, it is just important to see ourselves in the right perspective.
(11.10.2020)
Social anxiety is set of mental illness symptoms triggered by reactions to fake people posing as sane adults who are in fact children trapped in adult bodies (mentally ill) projecting their illness to adult people (who are shy in their core since they care about people) - and we take their words for granted, never question their authority, expertise. We believe them because we are adults and we think other people are like us - we judge/see/observe others from what we are inside. This is what separate good people from bad people. We are honest so we think other people are - we don't realize there might be agenda / narcissistic / sick people out there who want to hurt, harm other people. Our shyness is a proof we are normal healthy adults.
We became mentally ill when we accept their maladaptive way of communicating with the world - preaching, manipulating, giving unsolicited advice, hate and with cognitive distortions (generalizing, personalization).
It is as if the whole world is asleep and people are made to sleep. Ancient Greek philosophers told to doubt everything and not trust your beliefs. For example, cave metaphor - Allegory of the cave. Or Rene Descartes talked about Evil Genuis -- to think like this: imagine there is some entity called Evil Genius that is giving you fake news and fake interpretations about everything in the world.
With this in mind, you automatically start to challenge your own convictions that they might be wrong and that there are other interpretations about the world, about the way you view world and anything that happens to you, how you react based on false beliefs. That is mental health - to be open for other interpretations of anything in life.
(12.10.2020)
Social anxiety is hiding in a cave. Your shyness is the cave. Your avoidance pattern is the cave. Your opinions, insights are the fire and escape route. Images that are displayed on the wall are other people explanations - fake reality explaining the fake images by fake people. So in this way, it is similar to Plato's Allegory of the cave:
The liberated prisoner's descent back into the cave represents the ethical duty of the philosopher, who, having discovered the truth, tries to help others seek enlightenment.
if this free man were to return to the cave to explain his findings to the other prisoners, he no longer would be accustomed to the darkness that they share, and to those ignorant people he would sound like a fool or worse.
Allegory of the Cave
Plato c. 360 BCE
1001 IDEAS, R. Arp
The second cave analogy for social anxiety would be something like this:
At the bottom is someone with Avoidant style - the most extreme stage of social anxiety.
Mild shyness is more well above the water.
The deeper you are - the more you are pushed down - the more intelligent you are, the more important messages, insights you have for the world to give. You must get out of the cave (and deep water). Think Chinese Cultural Revolution picture from before - standing at the edge and throwing people with social anxiety into the abyss with their rage, hate, spite, yelling, aggressiveness. You are afraid of such reaction - if you do not realize they are kids, and they are not adults, and they are not sane. You are adult, pushed into the cave by children, or more correct description - spoiled brats. You must go out, it is your duty as adult and as caretaker for those same scared children.
We raise out of this social abyss by lifting others - not by submitting to them, but by communicatoon and talking the truth and taking a participation in community - whatever that may entail.
The cave analogy could be also like this;
Tham Luang cave system and rescue operation is excellent representation:
You are not the only one in the cave. There are others social anxiety people along with you - but in different places. Some are on deeper levels, some are closer to the surface. In civilized countries/in functional entities, you can communicate with the others and with the children more effectively (think of it like lights inside making your way). In dysfunctional countries - Eastern Europe or hooligan slams - the cave is darker, there are not so much light along the way to help you. The task is harder but your intellect to find way out stronger and more quality, with more force and strength.
You are not the problem. The others are sick. They have crab mentality, wiki:
The analogy in human behavior is claimed to be that members of a group will attempt to reduce the self-confidence of any member who achieves success beyond the others, out of envy, resentment, spite, conspiracy, or competitive feelings, to halt their progress.
There is also:
Allegory of the long spoons - The story can encourage people to be kind to each other
The Dog in the Manger - the metaphor is now used to speak of one who spitefully prevents others from having something for which one has no use.
Keeping up with the Joneses - he comparison to one's neighbor as a benchmark for social class or the accumulation of material goods
Law of Jante - You are not to think you're anyone special, or that you're better than us:
The ten rules state:
You're not to think you are anything special.
You're not to think you are as good as we are.
You're not to think you are smarter than we are.
You're not to imagine yourself better than we are.
You're not to think you know more than we do.
You're not to think you are more important than we are.
You're not to think you are good at anything.
You're not to laugh at us.
You're not to think anyone cares about you.
You're not to think you can teach us anything.
The Janters who transgress this unwritten 'law' are regarded with suspicion and some hostility, as it goes against the town's communal desire to preserve harmony, social stability, and uniformity.
An eleventh rule recognized in the novel as 'the penal code of Jante' is:
Perhaps you don't think we know a few things about you?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_Jante
Prisoner's dilemma - shows why two completely rational individuals might not cooperate, even if it appears that it is in their best interests to do so
Tall poppy syndrome - people are expected to be humble and self deprecating, "as though excellence or superiority in a particular field somehow represented a rebuff to ideas of equality"
Tragedy of the commons - system where individual users, acting independently according to their own self-interest, behave contrary to the common good of all users by depleting or spoiling the shared resource
So Law of Jante, Tally Poppy Syndrome and Tragedy of the common tells us that people our spoken insight misunderstood for these unsocial trends and they attack us, turn us down into toxic shame submission, as if we are a virus. If we shut up, if we do not defend ourselves, if we don't give them back our calming words that we are not interested in exploiting them or dominate over them - they might calm down and leave us alone. But only if we talk and communicate. If we stay silent - they will believe in their delusions and create insane world for themselves about you - and reflect this insanity onto you - making you insane in the process of semi-smart children trapped in adult bodies with limited capacity to be social and truly understand people around them.
We do not have capacity to harm people. They got us wrong. They will express hate but if we react to hate with hate (or shutting up) we well add up to the hate. We carry love inside - tell it with your mouth open, speak it out, you have it inside, let it out. Let your love out. Even as tough love if they cross boundaries of kind behaviour.
By being social (kind) and not afraid to speak up, by ignoring other people rudeness, you spread the light to other people around you, making more light and cast darkness away.
Social anxiety therefore is set of reactions to people around you. You are not causing the problem, you are reacting to it. If you stop avoid and start to talk with people you would realize their truths - that they (the people who mock you and ashame you) are people with set of cognitive distortions, magical thinking and plethora of disturbances (severe depression) even though it seems to you that your are interacting with "normal" person and you are the only "crazy" one in there. So then you'll might diagnose yourself through others to see what is wrong, thinking the problem is in you, because you feel toxic shame leftover by them. "Experts" will label you as over-sensitive and you will believe because it looks like you are over-sensitive - you are not. You are reacting because you are different - you are human being without fake persona. "Articles" will label you as ego-centric because you feel pain personally. Again - people whom you react to are feeling the pain personally they are ego-centric, you are reacting to it because you have empathy, you are human being, you are not psychopath without feelings and without care for other human beings. They are sick, not you. They will label you as people-pleaser because you help others always. Again, you are not - they are, because they are fake people, who are using your good will and wish to help everyone so that they can please someone else with your fruits of labour and since they exploit, they think you are doing the same thing. This give you freedom to behave, act, talk with others without care of your own social incompetency that they try to label you with. You can always improve, you can always learn - but the basics are already within you. And possibly you are perfect by now - if you struggle with social anxiety for years. They need to learn Socrates greatest philosophical and psychological truth: "I know nothing, I presume I know nothing and keep asking questions to learn" - while we are living it embodied inside us as living energy of this - in form of respecting the other person by default and taking them as valid automatically, as they appear, as they come. They on the other hand don't have this ability. They see you as object that they can use for their selfish gain and goals. They are instructed through childhood and adulthood to care about others - because they are unable to know this by default - and then they ashame you, beat you with your own stick for not learning the lesson alongside with them - because your appear better / uninterested to their totally wrong perception of you. They see their own reflection in you without realizing it, and we take their words for granted, thinking their words are directed to us as faulty beings. This shame process cause social anxiety symptoms in us. We are victims here, we are attacked for no valid reason at all - and we don't realize it. We see it as they hate us and we see it as we are wrong by default, to the core.
"the pain hits different when u actually cared" from twittter account lonethoughtz
The pain you feel is different than theirs. Their pain is based on using people up and gaining some interest from it. Your pain is based on authentic care for human beings and healthy ego - to help community and being a part of community. Your biggest fear - the people - are your greatest preoccupation because you are normal human being - and people who ashame you, use you & abuse you, are not. In fact, this "hate" from others is the direct cause of social anxiety. This is at the core of social anxiety, this other people over-reaction that we forget and transform it in our mind as guilt and toxic shame automatically, without noticing this transfer from them to our mindset. We get infected by their virus. Our thoughts and inner system gets infected by their "hate" virus and it causes haywire and shut down of system. Also if we hate back (because of their initial hatred) - it means we are still infected with their virus. Adults don't hate little kids or mentally ill adult person - a child trapped in adult body. There are other words to define the feelings other than hate: sorrow, sadness, indifference, annoyance, anger, shock, fear. Grown up people tell the truth, they don't hide facts and statements, they don't partially reveal, they don't keep secrets - for example - instead of hiding secrets you say: "It is none of your matter/business. Who are you I need to give admission to? Who are you that I need to justify?" This is where seemingly harsh Law of Jante comes in handy - you are free to be yourself. People don't care, and you don't need to care on that same deep level that you do care for your dear ones and your friends. Law of Jante is about respecting each other boundaries in order to keep growth, harmony and order.
You realize that actually the world is made for you and for people like us - sensitive empaths. Even though it doesn't seem like that from social anxiety perspective at all. It is all the others (kids) are not made for this reality - they are learning it though. Even though narcissists and users would argue otherwise and lie you that you are too sensitive for this world. They are trying to imitate it. They are trying to operate in it. And they fail because they need guidance from you - you are the missing link for their life.
They are missing the part about that they cannot comprehend and learn at all (that we are born with): that you are not using people up. You respect people. You are not to cheat others. You help the community. You are not to yell, scare, dominate, threaten, push people. You build relationship, mutual trust and cooperation.
They don't understand if they break this rules - people will leave them alone - that you are isolated if you are repeatedly, continually crossing other people boundaries.
If we shut away - it is the other way around, they made us to be isolated - while in fact they should be the ones isolated - people who cause your toxic shame and self-hate.
Without their virus, you see world as perfect place, with everything having its own purpose. You see it as Picasso painting - previous non-connected specks that have meaning now, a puzzle - that you can join together easily now into a picture with all pieces found and placed in the right place.
It' time to drop other people distorted point of view (virus) and it is time to put healthy perspective back - the original healthy self.
(13-Oct-2020)
This is the point where social anxiety goes quantum.
Mark Twain's Mysterious Stranger revealed us the hidden truth - people do not care in the same way as we do.
But reality is "dualistic". Because - The cosmos is dualistic. The world is Ying-Yang. Everything. Our minds, other people, the universe.
This means, the other person care. But they don't show up in the way as we expect them to care. We expect a social life to be what we were wrongfully taught through media and movies. We were over-learned. We received the messages intended for people of low social skills, low empathy. It was not intended for us. This overflow of mis-data produced our codependency maladaptive techniques. (I must be saviour, I must care for anyone, I must give advice, I must be perfect, I must react, I must be hero, I must be the one, I must save everyone). This dualism nature is the cause of sea of misunderstanding, madness in the world. Toxic people, psychopaths - statistically they are not in large numbers and the laws keep some of them away from people. So there is a small chance to meet someone dangerous. By keeping quiet, we condone corruption in society that keeps psychopaths outside and produce toxic people - narcissist (hungry for money, profit and adoration).
Mysterious Stanger opened our eyes from Yin perspective (black, hidden), now it's time for Yang perspective (white, in-the-sun).
Look at this movie:
Knife in the Water (Polish: Nóż w wodzie), 1962 co-written and directed by Roman Polański.
This will actually, as dualistic rule commands, destroy my thesis that movies cause social anxiety. This movie actually heals social anxiety (as many other films out there, and many more that will be produced in the future).
Remember about the strong bonds I've mentioned before? They are mentioned in The Night of the Iguana, 1964:
The problem with quantum is - you do not realize this conflict of opinion and other side, only after you accept fully one side with love and then you are opened to a possibility of duality - that there might be the other side as well. This is how balance and harmony in dualism works (ying-yang).
The movie show us a couple fighting over petty things - something that social anxiety would observe will and might cause social anxiety symptoms. Then, they meet a young man. (There are a lot of Christ/Christianity analogies that Polanski refuted, but that is not important for my point.) What is important to us is to view them from psychological point - as Id, Ego and Superego - and these roles intermingle during timeline.
The point is when you observe the interaction between characters - you come to realization that heals social anxiety in the instant: that people care about you. They care so much for you. Intensely. They cannot imagine their life without you. You are very much important to them - BUT you do not see that. They don't show that up. They don't put words. You shut up. They shut up. They do not communicate their desire to be with you - and you receive the message that they hate you and wish your were gone.
The job for social anxiety is to harmonize those two conflicting images we receive in social situations. The one that the world is cold place and people don't care + the world is warm place and those same cold people actually care like magnet about you. Without this realization, you produce social anxiety symptoms inside you. How you react is important - you don't hate them. You don't express hate when they do - you reason with them. They are children - you are adult, you know better. Do better than them. Peace builds peace. Friendship entails being rude to someone in boundaries of accepted behaviour and social norms when such circumstances demand rude response caused by Id, children.
After I watched Knife in the Water, I realized there are people whom you can talk to freely, without fear, even though they appear scary. They appear like they want you gone, but no, that is only in my head, illusion - created by their rude actions. Usually, those people who scare us the most are like that - they are open enough to hear our opinion and we are free to express our thoughts.
In the mind of person with social anxiety, they appear not open to discuss, this is why people with social anxiety are encouraged to socialize - so that they learn this truth, this dynamics. There are also people who hate you, whom you annoy - and due to mismatch - they appear to us trustful and we open to them - which they will exploit later for their purpose. This is why we should not open up to everyone, even though some people might appear welcoming and nice. And lastly, there is crab bucket mentality - definite social anxiety trigger, where depressed people will mock you, shut you up - just because. They don't care at all. We need to base our judgement, our thoughts and our mentality on the inside - not on other people - because other people opinion will be important to us if we deny our strength inside and trust our ingrained powers to socialize (made to appear to us obsolete by toxic people by their crab mentality). We have the power inside, focus to that love inside, we have love inside, tune into that love and work from that love outside. As observant of others, we learned other people language, how they see world, how they explain their realities to themselves, their perception so we can overcome this quote:
Our gift is - we are translators.
This is why people get trigger on our words - this is what they hate about us. They don't hate our persona (default being, us as a whole), they hate our knowledge, our words that we speak because it makes them scared, wounded and open. They expect we will use this power to destroy them so they defend themselves by making us shut up.
We can make harmony by our words to others, to society, to community - this is why it is important not to avoid people. This is why it is so much important to voice our opinion.
Trust your resources (past experience), trust your knowledge how to handle situation - and trust your voice inside that know what to tell. Don't auto-censor yourself. Speak out things that you have inside, crouching inside you and waiting to jump out of your mouth - expect crab mentality in return, but Law of Jante will keep you on the ground, not expecting the praise nor hearing 'thanks' from them for your out-of-this-world help, and it will help you to stay out of useless fights with them.
You think in 3D/4D/5D..., most people think only in 2D. Of course they will hate you, because they can't see 3D or more. You can explain them 3D if they're ready & patient to listen. You need good role models, not drug addicts, alcoholic, narcissist as your close friends - it will not end good if you hang around wrong people - they attract future trouble. You are not obliged to help & befriend those people, some child-people posing as adults simply don't want to grow up. Search and find people like you, start with those already present in your life.
And, since life is dualistic, this means you can't limit yourself only to your local bunch. You will not meet new people if you focus only on immediate surroundings. For human being the only true rewards come from helping the community, from connection with community.
Once people meet you, with time, understand you more, they will see that your spoken words that annoy them so much are not spoken by you to change them, neither to dominate over them nor to use them up. They will see it as Easter Vigil candlelight passing through the dark, they will see you and your only intention all the time - as a teacher how to create spark, as a teacher that will teach them how to think differently by using their own knowledge resources an individual have already present in their hand. With that knowledge they will see the world through your eyes - that we all have some piece of knowledge inside, you have missing puzzle inside that the other person needs - you just need to become aware of this and become aware of passing this data further along, not keeping it to yourself, and therefore we should share it, and pass it along between communities for better of all.
I'm becoming to realize any distress and maladjustment people feel are reaction to toxic environment upon your own unrealized personality. If you are made shut up whenever you expressed your personality, you will develop mental distress. That same toxic environment will try to "correct" you according their false standards by molding you into their own (probably) fake mold - which may be absolutely crooked and wrong for you. The clear sign is ashaming you. Healthy person would not ashame you. If you are not unkind and if you are not violent, there is not a single (mentally healthy) valid reason for others to attack you or make you shut up.
Psychological safety = A sense that people will not be embarrassed or punished for speaking up
BEFORE: I am afraid to make typo, people will laugh and mock me, tell me I am stupid.
NOW: Typo's are honest, authentic, it means speaking from the soul, it is not unnatural, plastic. It's better to be honest than to cover up, create false and fake me, and show unrealistic version of myself that no one will like anyway.
Fact, TWITTER: People who feel an urge to correct other people’s grammar are actually suffering from a form of OCD: Grammar Pedantry Syndrome.
BEFORE: Someone is annoying even though I said it is not fair. But I keep hanging and thus unconsciously encourage such behaviour.
NOW: Stop it. (person continues to be annoying and rude and doesn't stop) STOP IT! (if continues, then leave). If I am behaving civilized towards you, what gives you the right to treat me rudely? Nothing.
BEFORE: I don't look around so I stay stuck isolated looking down, in my safe spot (not even zone).
NOW: I don't neglect things already around me. Curious to try something new, or open enough to try again.
BEFORE: Someone is sad, display unusual emotion. I must intervene. I must give advice.
NOW: I shut up if not spoken to, I collect information, absorb it, do nothing. Check codependency maladaptive responses to clear them out of your life.
BEFORE: Bizarre thoughts (images) appearing real: People will laugh at me. There will be something and I will be stuck. Images coming from the original imprint, cast during trauma, stress.
NOW: Try again. Go for it anyway. Test it. Have bizarre intrusive thought but do it anyway. If nothing changes, warn the source and if this unpleasantness continues, change environment. Because if I see it as before as shame, I will expect shame and react, think and produce perception of shame.
BEFORE: At parties, social events, outdoors, shopping... you make mistake, say something stupid, other may or may not see it - laugh at us, pick on our shame.
NOW: I know it is normal to make mistakes and it will happen. You will say something stupid. You will make fool of yourself. Expect it, it is part of social life, it goes hand in hand. Someone making fun of it is hiding his/hers own shame off themselves and putting spotlight on you- Accept it, make it even more seen and observable, don't fret about it, make fun of them making fun and dismiss it as unimportant - because whatever silly thing you do - it is unimportant and no one will remember it in the next 3 minutes. Ever.
BEFORE: I must give my advice to everyone all the time. I must spread my words. I must preach. People must listen to me or I am worthless. My viewpoint is the only solution. Other people opinion is valid, correct and not to be brought into question because they yell and spread hate so this is a sign they are correct so I must take their invalid fake harmful selfish money-gaining material views for granted. Having hidden motive of people liking me and accepting me.
NOW: Build community. Listen, make suggestion without auto-censorship, explain calmly, alarm if they cross boundaries, leave if they don' stop. Have no other alternative selfish material money-making motives other than improvement of life for everybody. Expect that intelligent - very smart ideas will irritate fake people and they will react to it. They will not admit and submit after they realize they are wrong, they will argue and pick fights, gaslight.
BEFORE: I state my opinion once, got shunned and I shut up since the other person yelled so this is a sign I must shut up and never repeat my thought aloud.
NOW: I repeat my opinion. Over and over again. In a different light, change it, modify it. I do not hide it away. The more someone dislike it - it means the other person is fake and the truth is exposing the layers of his shame, narcissism and toxicity, mental instability (if you talk with them deeply, you'll realize negative, rude, obnoxious people are egocentric-think all people think the same way as they do, they generalize - everything is copied pasted again as the same, they personalize (take offense to truth), they are limited - thinking there are no solutions since their toxic brain capacity is incapable of coming up with new healthy ideas, and they have magical thinking - their thought somehow influence other external events and people) or they cut off communication because we keep talking the truth and later after that is forgotten accuse us of being too sensitive.
The codependency that we must be providers is mismatch from this dynamic, we receive message from others that they need us on unconscious level (through signs that only shy people can see), - but in the same time what we witness with our own eyes - in physical reality is rudeness from them, crab mentality. And than this snowballs into plethora of social anxiety symptoms. We are sane, there's nothing major that needs to be fixed, we just need to have a healthy perspective of the world and act accordingly and adjust some maladaptive behaviour that we picked up along.
BEFORE: I must hide, all people are mean - no communication.
NOW: I explore, I make connections, offer a hand, chat a bit, see if the other person is reasonable and to what degree is sociable. Talking with people (instead of with ourselves) leads to new ideas and insights.
Shy people have power to sniff other people secrets (by their words,
actions, we pick up signals and connect other things into uncomfortable
truth about them), we blurt the truth out without an intention to hurt
them - they got hurt and they hit back by sniffing our weaknesses (being
rude). They perceive us as Chinese cultural revolution, or like preachers going from house to house and converting people around them - because are insight is life-changing for them - it offers them new perception, the healthy one that makes sense in the insanity that they live in. This realization is very scary, especially for the most "crazy" ones. They don't want to grow up. They want to stay kids, trapped in the adult bodies, they want to stay with Id or Superego as their dominant voice.
So maybe it is best to keep deep friendship talk with people you care and trust - people who are not fake (they don't have secrets and ulterior toxic motives hidden inside), but this does not mean to not to keep basic superficial communication with others or to speak out our ideas, innovations and opinions - through social media such as this blog or Twitter.
BEFORE: All people are toxic. I must avoid. If on twitter, I block everyone and shut up, not confront their delusions. I will not follow anyone that I perceive as toxic.
NOW: Due to dualism, it is good to have at least one person that appears toxic (right-wing). This is like that black spot in the ying yang symbol, at the white part. You will be the white spot at his black part of Ying. You appear Yin to him, They appear Yin to you. This is how ying yang works. It's mismatch worlds, because there is mirror universe (scientifically proved, discovered in June 2020 - Antarctica). That person should be intelligent - this means he is a translator from his side of Yin. Right-wing people usually make other people shut up and cause social anxiety - but due to dualism law, they also allow you to talk and express yourself even though they might appear grungy to hear you out. Test it, see if they will run away when you speak your truth or will they stay along with you and grumble like a bear in the same time? With being superficial friends, you learn their language and thus easier to spread your love to them. They stay with you because they sniff your attention - you - as a helper to them. You are not here to destroy them, you are here to make them even more powerful and strong, something they wrongfully search in right-wing. The power is not abuse of others, it is a peace of mind and harmony. The dark side is where all we suppressed is situated at, everything that we miss for perfection. Usually, if you are a good person, a dark place would be a power to stand your ground and a ways how to do that. You can learn that from a person from the other side - that you blocked your all life. You don't see them as someone who is crossing your boundaries (if they are kind to you), you see them as translator of everything you are afraid of (thanks to be willing to make communication with them), a teacher of dark side, a guide to your dark parts that you cannot see in yourself or you don't want to see.
We all need each other. This type of interdependence is the greatest challenge to the maturity of individual and group functioning.
KURT LEWIN (1890-1947)
DK THE PSYCHOLOGY BOOK
BEFORE: I must think what to say in advance and worry about it how it will come out.
NOW: I have everything I need to say already laid out in my mind. I just need to reciting it out-loud, calmly. But it is important not to keep it inside, it is important to tell it out, authentically, tell truth without cover up and decorations. Expect crab mentality as response in return, no thanks, no need to be thanked, we operate from the background, like Mandela. I don't preach to others. I interact. I'm adding my view. I listen to others. I learn from others.
TWITTER my yack about traffic safety (me explaining to depressive people who are telling it is useless to think of new solutions) :
It is easy to observe the world through your perspective. You mind, you care, so you think that a common buff driver should be snowflake. Well, there are different people out there and we, the smarter ones, should take care of them and intervene before.
---
You would put signs and that's it - but that is what you would do for yourself. This warning alarm does not work for them, they process and see world differently than you.
If a string was pulled before the tunnel and fell on his windshield, the driver would notice it and stop.
---
Wait a minute! It hit me -
Do you think you have some unknown special God powers so you think you have an ability to broadcast your wishes and commands str8 into people minds?
Do you think your good intentions and sound mind (from your safe zone) will prevent external events?
even more QUOTES:
I didn't learn it at all. It comes naturally to me......like other curious things.
The Adventures of Mark Twain (1985)
Fact Twitter:
Intelligent people tend to care less about the opinions of others, they also enjoy being alone because of great sense of self.
Fact, TWITTER: Having negative friends is linked to depression, lowered self esteem, insomnia and anxiety. Positive friends promote good overall health.
Fact, TWITTER: Being nice to someone you dislike doesn't mean you're being fake. It means you're mature enough to tolerate that individual.
Fact, TWITTER: Life is weird. You can go from being strangers, to being friends, to being more than friends, to being practically strangers again.
Fact, TWITTER: Having no friends could be as deadly as smoking, a Harvard University study suggests.
Fact, TWITTER: If someone doesn’t appreciate your presence, make them appreciate your absence.
Fact, TWITTER: A study found that couples who directly address problems instead of relying on passive aggression tend to have happier relationships.
Fact, TWITTER: If someone has something bad to say about you, it's probably because they have nothing good to say about themselves.
Fact, TWITTER: The downside of being shy is that people misjudge you as thinking you're better than others just because you're quiet.
Fact, TWITTER: People are not mirrors. They see you completely differently than the way you see yourself.
Fact, TWITTER: When people say "you've changed " there's a 95% chance that you just stopped acting the way they wanted you to.
Fact, TWITTER: Cutting people from your life does not mean you hate them, it simply means, you respect yourself.
Fact, TWITTER: Being positive in a negative situation is not naive. It's leadership - Ralph Marston
Fact, TWITTER: The biggest regret that people have on their deathbed is that they lived the life expected of them instead of a life true to themselves.
Fact, TWITTER: Once you've accepted your flaws, no one can ever use them against you.
Fact, TWITTER: Beautiful things happen when you distance yourself from negativity.
Fact, TWITTER: Become better and you attract better.
Fact, TWITTER: People with anxiety perceive the world differently—their brain lumps both safe and unsafe things together and labels them all unsafe.
Fact, TWITTER: Never be a prisoner of your past. It was just a lesson, not a life sentence.
Fact, TWITTER: Never judge someone without knowing the whole story. You may think you understand, but you don't.
Fact, TWITTER: Generally, you should never forget what a person says to you when angry because that's when the truth finally comes out.
wordsporn, TWITTER: A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for.
Mental illness was a "myth", a diagnosis primarily imposed upon individuals whom society considered eccentric or unmanageable.
Anti-psychiatry
David Cooper, 1967
1001 IDEAS, Robert Arp
Evil was not irrational, or born of hatred, but instead was the product of ordinary men wanting to be obedient to orders and who, above all, prized bureaucratic efficiency. Blind obedience leads to genocide.
The Banality of Evil
Hannah Ardent, 1963
1001 IDEAS, Robert Arp
"Groupthink" is what occurs when a group of people makes a bad decision because its individual members give in to group pressures. This desire for harmony means they fail to examine alternative ideas, solutions, or controversial viewpoints.
William H. Whyte, 1952
1001 IDEAS,R.Arp
My YT comment:
we come to conclusion that we can divide people in two groups - children and adult. Children won't and can't handle the truth - and they don't care at all. And adults, that search and know the truth, and they can handle it.
My YT comment:
Maybe because you were meant to be the voice of "reason", the one that keeps us - the awakened ones, at the ground. Without you, we would fly away to occult, unknown. So this is the balance. Your point is as valid as mine. We both have been destined to be and believe in what we experienced and draw our conclusions upon... Once you die, you will realize our point of view - you are not meant to know this information at this moment, if you cannot believe in it - due to lack of personal experience. And that's fine, nothing's wrong with that.
They seem to hate you because you're there
BLACK - WONDERFUL LIFE
Fact, TWITTER: Life offers you an endless amount of possibilities. Don’t settle for a crappy job, crappy friends or a crappy significant other.
Fact, TWITTER: Best friends are the people who make your problems their problems just so you don't have to go through them alone.
Fact, TWITTER: You can judge the character of a person by how they treat people who can do absolutely nothing for them.
Fact, TWITTER: When somebody has something negative to say about you, it's often because they have nothing positive to say about themselves.
Fact, TWITTER: We are not perfect.
Fact, TWITTER: Psychology says that too much stress literally causes the human brain to freeze and shut down temporarily.
Fact, TWITTER: Being a perfectionist can result in stress and depression.
Fact, TWITTER: Waiting is linked to depression. Time spent waiting for something that may never happen can be mentally painful.
Fact, TWITTER: A true relationship is when you can tell each other anything and everything. No secrets and no lies.
Fact, TWITTER: The less you care, the happier you are.
Fact, TWITTER: Cheating is a choice, not a mistake.
Fact, TWITTER: Studies have found that being a “bad boy” is no longer perceived as “cool.”
Fact, TWITTER: People who speak two languages, may unconsciously change their personality when they switch languages.
Fact, TWITTER: Be nice to everyone. Be friends with a few. Trust one person: yourself.
Fact, TWITTER: People with anxiety perceive the world differently—their brain lumps both safe and unsafe things together and labels them all unsafe.
Fact, TWITTER: People are so quick to judge others faults, but never quick to point out their own
Fact, TWITTER: The best friendships tend to be with the people in which you can openly be weird with.
Fact, TWITTER: People will not always tell you how they feel, but they will show you. Pay attention.
Fact, TWITTER: Before you assume, try asking first.
Fact, TWITTER: To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world. - Dr. Seuss
Fact, TWITTER: If two people are having a dispute, the angrier one is usually wrong. This is because anger clouds judgement.
Fact, TWITTER: The doctor who discovered that hand washing prevented the spread of disease was thrown in a mental institution for his crazy ideas.
Fact, TWITTER: Remove negative people from your life. The people you spend time with influence your attitude, thoughts and success more than you think
Fact, TWITTER: Once you begin to dislike someone, everything they do tends to annoy you.
Fact, TWITTER: 80% of people remain quiet even when they really want to say something in order to avoid an argument with someone they care about.
Fact, TWITTER: Most people aren't actually anti-social. They choose to be alone because they hate spending time with stupid people.
Fact, TWITTER: One mistake and everyone judges you.
Fact, TWITTER: When studying something new, teach a friend about it. Let them ask questions. If you can teach something well, then you understand it well.
Fact, TWITTER: According to Psychology people are constantly wishing for something, whilst overlooking that they already have.
Fact, TWITTER: People usually don't notice the things you do for them until you stop doing those things
Fact, TWITTER: No one can make you feel inferior without your consent - Eleanor Roosevelt
Me: What bugged me with this statement is that it essentially tells us there are psychopaths out there that are setting us for an environment in which we'll be inferior. She never explained that there is a difference between being and feeling inferior.
Fact, TWITTER: Talking to yourself can make your brain work more efficiently.
Fact, TWITTER: Never let your memories be greater than your dreams. - Doug Ivester
Fact, TWITTER: When a person becomes more likeable because they are clumsy or make mistakes, it’s called the “Pratfall Effect.”
Fact, TWITTER: Intelligent men and women are more easily annoyed by people in general.
Fact, TWITTER: Feel free to remove negative people from your life. It can be extremely good for your health and at the same time help to bring out the best in you.
Fact, TWITTER: A wise person knows that there is something to be learned from everyone.
Fact, TWITTER: No relationship is ever a waste of your time. If it didn't bring you what you want, it taught you what you didn't want.
Fact, TWITTER: Psychology says, depression is often the result of over thinking, our minds create problems that initially didn't exist.
Fact, TWITTER: People who are too happy don’t see the warning signs of dangerous people or situations and are more willing to trust when they shouldn't.
Fact, TWITTER: Introversion is strongly associated with creativity and intelligence – 75% of people with IQs over 160 are introverts.
Fact, TWITTER: A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. It is a catalyst and it sparks extraordinary results.
Fact, TWITTER: Over thinking is a special form of fear. This fear becomes worse when adding anticipation, memory, imagination, and emotion together.
Fact, TWITTER: Over-thinking ruins you, ruins the situation, twists things around, makes you worry and just makes everything much worse than it actually is.
Fact, TWITTER: Always remember to tell people how important they are to you
Fact, TWITTER: People don't listen to the smartest person in the room, they listen to whoever acts as if they know what's right, according to a study.
Fact, TWITTER: Be careful who you open up to. Only a few people actually care, the rest are just curious.
Fact, TWITTER: Over 90% of mental diseases are either caused or complicated by the stressful act of overthinking.
Fact, TWITTER: New research has found that lonely people have superior social skills compared to people who aren't lonely.
Fact, TWITTER: The world is going to judge you, no matter what you do. So live your life the way you want to.
Fact, TWITTER: Sometimes you have to walk away from people, not because you don't care, but because they don't.
Fact, TWITTER: Never blame anyone in your life. Good people bring you happiness, bad people being you experience.
Fact, TWITTER: The less you give a damn, the happier you will be.
Fact, TWITTER: Men don't generally finish maturing until around the age of 43. With women, it's around the age of 32.
"Critical thinking is always difficult, but it's almost impossible when we are scared."
- Hans Rosling
"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."
- Voltaire
Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you’ll be criticized anyway. - Eleanor Roosevelt
"For a man to achieve all that is demanded of him, he must regard himself as greater than he is." ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
William Burroughs: Silence is only frightening to people who are compulsively verbalizing.
KB, Twitter: The way to stop being oversensitive about criticism, is to stop being over-dependent on praise.
Personality test, 123test.com: I believe that there is no absolute right or wrong
MY YT COMMENT:
I feel toxic people are like black mailing the sensitive guys here into submission, this is why we become people pleasers. We've learned to be accepted if we shut up, if we don't disagree everything will be ok. At work environment too. Saying no to unhealthy environment is crucial, I'd say.
MY YT COMMENT:
Yeah, this is something I realized recently, once I found about egocentric spectrum. I feel like "limpet" - stuck and - or I feel like I am with a microscope, looking and observing other person and environment at extreme closeness.. it is collapsing. I should step back and see the whole picture instead of being so close, too much, up and personal.
MY YT COMMENT:
This message needs to be spread - because many people do no realize 1) there are moulds 2) their mould is broken 3) moulds can be repaired
This unawareness created a huge pain inside, because people with broken moulds see happy people, see advices "don't take things personally" yet they do and they think they are done for it and nothing can be changed for them - while it can in reality. Learning about toxic shame is so crucial, this is unfortunately very neglected spectrum.
MY YT COMMENT:
Children trapped in adult bodies cause a lot of trouble for other adults. You think you are dealing with an adult, so you trust them. You have no idea there is a spoiled brat inside the adult body, and you will get swindled..by a kid, just for his kicks and their unlearned maladaptive behaviour.
Thank you for your message! We need more awareness videos like these and remember as adult how to correctly respond to tough situations like these. Those "kids" (adult children) are really mentally ill and struggle in the world, and that is the reason why we need to have compassion for them, so our hate and aggression will make things only worse. Love heals.
They are not family
They are not friends
But a false history
And you aren't sorry
Come in, come in
PALACE BROTHERS - COME IN
And I’m standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff – I mean if they’re running and they don’t look where they’re going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That’s all I do all day.
I’d just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it’s crazy, but that’s the only thing I’d really like to be.
it’s a natural way to communicate when you believe in yourself and aren't focused on harvesting approval and pleasing everybody.
Gazipura, Aziz
"The belief that one's own view of reality is the only reality is the most dangerous of all delusions."
Paul Watzlawick
Seligman noticed that extremely happy, fulfilled people tend to get on with others, and enjoy company.
Similarly, the meaningful life, or acting in the service of others, something bigger than oneself, led to great satisfaction and fulfillment.
MARTIN SELIGMAN
DK The psych. book
He find that all "extremely happy people" were very sociable,and in a relationship.
Enjoying social events and the company of others may not offer deep intellectual or emotional satisfaction,but Seligman observed that is was essential part of being truly happy.
DK PSYCHOLOGY BOOK
Crinkle Crankle Wall: The alternate convex and concave curves in the wall provide stability and help it to resist lateral forces, leading to greater strength than a straight wall of the same thickness of bricks without the need for buttresses. (wiki)
How many Kafka's have lived and died without ever sharing their voice with the world; whose voice would have changed it forever.
How many people never know who they'll be after they're gone.
YOU TUBE: What Is Kafkaesque? - The 'Philosophy' of Franz Kafka
If someone is making you feel uncomfortable, no matter what or why, you don't have to justify leaving the situation or find a reason first. Being nice gets you killed.
YT TZ Entertainment
PIECES OF PUZZLE:
A little time to think things over
I better read between the lines
In case I need it when I'm older
Now this mountain I must climb
Feels like a world upon my shoulders
Through the clouds I see love shine
It keeps me warm as life grows colder
In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
Can't stop now, I've traveled so far
To change this lonely life
I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me
I'm gonna take a little time
A little time to look around me
I've got nowhere left to hide
It looks like love has finally found me
In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
I can't stop now, I've traveled so far
To change this lonely life
I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me
I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
And I wanna feel, I want to feel what love is
And I know, I know you can show me
Let's talk about love
I wanna know what love is, the love that you feel inside
I want you to show me, and I'm feeling so much love
I wanna feel what love is, no, you just cannot hide
I know you can show me, yeah
I wanna know what love is, let's talk about love
I want you to show me, I wanna feel it too
I wanna feel what love is, I want to feel it too
And I know and I know, I know you can show me
Show me love is real, yeah
I wanna know what love is...
KURT LEWIN's 3 STAGES applied in a social anxiety case:
1) UNFREEZING: Realizing: People don't care - people are cold, so you are allowed to be cold, too
2) MELTING: (reading everything above)
3) FREEZING: Forming our new opinion, healthy perspective, the best adaptive behaviour to toxic people and toxic behaviour- the same other people toxicity that was causing us social anxiety symptoms: to shut up, hide & avoid (and without unfreezing our truth never would come out of our mouth to public and write our own thoughts like this blog topic here)
We are, by nature, social beings. When our close interpersonal relationships are troubled we become unhappy. We can treat psychological problems by repairing interpersonal relationships; drugs are unnecessary.
WILLIAM GLASSER
DK THE PSYCHOLOGY BOOK
Interpersonal strife with those close to us leads to rifts and resentments that produce symptoms of mental illness; these problems are, in fact, the logical consequence of troubled relationships.
Glasser emphasizes that lasting psychological problems are usually caused by problems in our personal relationships (rather than signifying a biochemical abnormality in the brain), and distress can be remedied through repairing these relationships without recourse to psych drugs.
Glasser points towards the basic human need for power, which we try to satisfy by attempting to control other people. In fact, the only thing that we can control is the way we behave and think; we cannot control others. Trying to, he says, shows a lack of respect for others.
WILLIAM GLASSER
DK THE PSYCHOLOGY BOOK
Controlling Habits:
BLAMING
CRITICIZING
COMPLAINING
NAGGING
REWARDING TO CONTROL
THREATENING
PUNISHING
Connecting Habits:
LISTENING
SUPPORTING
ENCOURAGING
NEGOTIATING
RESPECTING
ACCEPTING
TRUSTING
He applies Gregory Bateson's theory of the "double bind", in which a person is put into situations where he faces conflicting expectations, and every action leads to negative consequences, resulting in extreme mental distress.
People are healthy in their natural state, and that so-called mental illness is an attempt to return to it.
Shakespear's King Lear is an iconic example of a man driven mad by difficult circumstances. In Laing's view,Lear's madness is an attempt to return to his natural state.
R.D.LAING (1927-1989)
DK THE PSYCHOLOGY BOOK
The psychedelic movement of the 1960s was heavily influenced by Leary's call to create a better, more satisfying society by exploring the unconscious to uncover our true emotions and needs.
Timothy Leary (1920-1996)
THE PSYCHOLOGY BOOK
According to Jung, much of what we generally attribute to deliberate, reasoned, conscious thinking is actually already being guided by unconscious activity.
CARL JUNG (1875-1961)
DK THE PSYCHOLOGY BOOK
The Shadow is the "bad" side of ourselves that we project onto others, and yet it is not entirely negative; it may represent aspects that we choose to suppress only because they are unacceptable in a particular situation.
CARL JUNG (1875-1961)
DK THE PSYCHOLOGY BOOK
Watson applied his understanding of human behaviour to advertising in the 1920s, demonstrating that people can be influenced into buying products through their image, not content.
JOHN B. WATSON (1878-1958)
DK THE PSYCHOLOGY BOOK
The Law of Effect, animals learn by forging links between actions and results, remembering more positive outcomes and forgetting negative ones.
Edward Thorndike (1874-1949)
DK THE PSYCHOLOGY BOOK
The Sure Fire Way To Failure: Try To Please Everybody
You can care about other people without caring what they think.
DAN LOK
It's about the fact that you can't exist as a human being in isolation. Ubuntu counsels forgiveness rather than vengeance; conciliation than confrontation, respect for the humanity of others - all of them much easier to recite than practice.
Ubuntu
Southern Africa,1995
1001 IDEAS
Humans are capable of selecting what is relevant (the block has been moved) and ignoring unnecessary complications (why the block isn't there). Vast amounts of memory were needed to explain this to a computer.
The Frame Problem
J. McCarthy and P. Hayes, 1969
1001 IDEAS, R. Arp
Just because we believe something to be true and have evidence for it, that does not mean that it is true in reality. The problem goes to the core of how we form beliefs, whether those beliefs constitute true knowledge.
Gettier Problems
Edmund Gettier, 1963
1001 IDEAS, R. Arp
People generally choose not to learn about important issues because there is little chance that their efforts will lead to a practical, personal benefit.
Political leaders are corrupt, and your roof has sprung a leak over your bed. Which problem will you devote hours of precious free time to investigating and trying to solve?
No matter how important something may seem, even the smallest problem is magnified when it affects you.
Rational Ignorance
Anthony Downs, 1957
1001 IDEAS
Believing something strongly enough will make it come true because you are consciously and subconsciously acting in ways that will encourage it to happen.
Self-fulfilling Prophecy
Robert K. Merton, 1948
1001 IDEAS, R. Arp
The passive person allows their rights to be violated and does not speak out for fear of what might follow, while the aggressive person allows speaks out with no regard for the consequences or effect on others.
Passive-aggressive Behavior
William Menninger, 1945
1001 IDEAS,R. Arp
A human who acts solely on instincts derived from their Id (hunger, anger, thirst, sex, insatiable needs) would be akin to a sociopath. The Id gives us what we need to survive, but it is also the "devil on our shoulder".
Our conscience, our ability to moralize and criticize the rampant desires of the Id, is the realm of the Superego. It provides us with our sense of right and wrong. It encourages us to remain within the boundaries of social expectations and cultural norms.
Freud himself saw the Ego as more of a mediator in a strictly hierarchical structure,driven by the demands of the Id while at the same time confined within the boundaries of the Superego.
Id, Ego, and Superego
Sigmund Freud, 1920
1001 IDEAS,R. Arp
He believed a change in our unconscious thoughts actually had the potential to heal physical ailments. Any idea implanted into the conscious mind, as long as it was within the realms of possibility, could become person's reality.
Autosuggestion
Émile Coué, 1920
1001 IDEAS, R. Arp
Overcoming can be relatively simple. If a person feels inferior because they do not fit into a particular group, studies indicate that changing groups and finding acceptance elsewhere are often all that is necessary.
Inferiority Complex
Alfred Adler, 1920
1001 IDEAS, R. Arp
Although humans are imperfect and predisposed to evil, they are still able to identify true good and so correct their errors. Evil is thus necessary to bring out the goodness in humanity.
Universe is improving.
Optimism
Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz, 1710
1001 IDEAS by Robert Arp
Humankind was born with the tools and abilities to solve the mysteries of the universe. With or without God, the world was humankind's to know.
Rationalism
René Descartes, 1637
1001 IDEAS, Robert Arp
At its core it is warning of how illusory our concept of the world really is, that we are in a "dream", and how achieving enlightenment depends on waking from that dream
Yoga Vasistha
Valmiki c. 300 BCE
1001 IDEAS, Robert Arp
Nothing strengthens authority so much as silence.
LEONARDO DA VINCI
.see reality as an impermanent process in which all things are fundamentally interdependent. Once awakened to this truth, a person attains enlightenment and eradicates all karma, attaining arhat status. Typically act as teachers before they die.
c. 530 BCE
ARHAT
Buddha
1001 IDEAS
Person should follow the natural flow of events and turn them to their own advantage (like surfer moving in harmony with a wave). Politically, a good ruler should educate the people so that harsh laws are unnecessary.
Daoism
Laozi
c. 550 BCE
1001 IDEAS THAT CHANGED...; Robert Arp
Recognize that the shame you feel was imposed on you by others and was about them, not you.
The toxic shame we feel inevitably comes from having been told all our lives that something about us is shameful and wrong and makes us bad.
Toxic shame distorts our view of the world.
If we haven’t done anything wrong or there’s nothing wrong with us, who cares what people think?
Lin Kaatz Chary
It wasn't till God seriously deformed me that I fully understood his love.
THE SIMPSONS S30 E3
Show facts, not opinion. Avoid self blame, you may feel inadequate or even blame yourself for not satisfying manipulator. Remember you are not problem, you are manipulated to feel bad about yourself.
YT Philosophies for Life
To a good scientist, and I think I'm a good one, no fact is really respectable until there's a theory to account for it. The theory may turn out to be wrong, it usually is in some details at least, but it must provide a working hypothesis.
"2061: Odyssey Three"
Arthur C. Clarke
It is surprising how quickly the most bizarre situation can become routine.
2061: Odyssey Three
Arthur C. Clarke
Whenever anyone criticizes or wrongs you, remember that they are only doing or saying what they think is right. They cannot be guided by your views, only their own; so if their views are wrong, they are the ones who suffer insofar as they are misguided.
EPICTETUS
Life itself is only a vision, a dream. Nothing exists; all is a dream. God-man- the world--the sun, the moon, the wilderness of stars--a dream, all a dream; they have no existence. Nothing exists save empty space--and you- you are but a thought!
MARK TWAIN
-The instinctive reaction of all frightened creatures is to retreat to a place of safety.
-Why should they be afraid of us?
-It is quite possible that they find us grotesque and ugly. And many people fear beings different from themselves.
STAR TREK: the animated series S1 E13
-Strange that such highly developed race would be violent.
-Apparently, they were exposed to frightened geological disaster. Such hardship induces savagery and violence.
-We've feared they would contaminate us with their violence.
STAR TREK: the animated series S1 E13
It does not cost us to be courteous to others. Even in our difficulties it is necessary for us to be courteous, sweet-tongued and kind towards other people.
page 205, STEPS TO PROPHET ZOROASTER
If aliens exist, before making the first contact, they would observe humankind for long time, learning the language, history and human psyche, human reactions to unknown and global implications, avoiding possible chaos.
Kind and shy people do that all their lives-before contact
We are all mediators, translators.
JACQUES DERRIDA (1930-2004)
DK THE PHILOSOPHY BOOK
If you're kind and non-violent, don't self-censor ys ;
If we look at how science has developed and progressed in practice, the only "method" that we can discern is that 'anything goes'. Science never progressed to strict rules.
PAUL FEYERABEND (1924-1994)
DK THE PHILOSOPHY BOOK
Leopold came to the idea that we should think like a mountain, recognizing not just our needs or those of our fellow humans, but those of the entire natural world. Often we miss the broader implications of our actions, only considering the immediate benefits.
ARNE NAESS (1949),DK
Every time we try to establish a new belief, it would be useful if we had all the available evidence and the time to make a considered decision. But in much of life we don't have that luxury(no time, evidence). We have to rely on our beliefs to guide our actions.
WILLIAM JAMES,DK
Karl Marx claimed that people make gods in their own image from an amalgamation of humanity's greatest virtues, and then cling to these gods and invented religions, preferring their "dreams" to the real world.
KARL MARX (1818-1883), DK THE PHILOSOPHY BOOK
Karl Marx never explained how the dictatorship of this perfect proletariat would be different from earlier, brutal forms of dictatorship, nor how it would avoid the corrupting effects of power. He assumed that poverty was the only real cause of criminality.
DK THE PHILOSOPHY BOOK
Søren Kierkegaard was the first to acknowledge we experience the same anxiety when we realize we have the freedom to make even the most terrifying decisions. "The dizziness of freedom", it increases our self-awareness and sense of personal responsibility.
DK THE PHILOSOPHY BOOK
"Every time you find a star in the Buddhist firmament to guide yourself by, it fades into darkness. That's sort of the point."
This quote is by unknown author from 'soyouwanna' web from 2009, website doesn't exist anymore ( ;D )
Our own mind creates all that we think of as reality. Fichte understands idealism and dogmatism to be entirely different starting points. There is no way proving which is correct. One can only "choose", depending upon what sort of person one is.
JOHANN GOTTLIEB FICHTE (1762-1814)
There are two worlds: the world of experience sensed by our bodies and the world as it is itself.
IMMANUEL KANT (1724-1804)
DK The Philosophy Book
Michel de Montaigne (1533-1592) recommend that instead of looking for people's approval and admiration, we should imagine that some truly great and noble being is constantly with us, able to observe our most private thoughts.
By doing this, we will learn to think clearly and objectively and behave in a more thoughtful and rational manner. Montaigne claims that caring too much about the opinion of those around us will corrupt us (either we imitate evil or consumed by hatred for them we lose our reason)
DK THE PHILOSOPHY BOOK
The love for truth is recognized by all, and to speak the truth. A good thought in the beginning produce a vital effect on all our actions. The deeds we do, the words we say, have the germs in them of the first thought at the outset.
(page 101), book "STEPS TO PROPHET ZOROASTER"
St Augustine of Hippo (354-430CE) believes God did not create evil, because evil is not a thing, but a lack or deficiency of something. In order for God to create rational creatures, he had to give them freedom of will, being able to choose between good and evil.
Plato concludes that human senses cannot perceive this place directly - it is only perceptible to us through reason. Plato even states that this realm of Ideas is "reality", and that the world around us is merely modelled upon it. (Allegory of the Cave)
Socrates believed that no-one actually desires to do evil. Anyone performing evil actions would be acting against their conscience and would therefore feel uncomfortable; and as we all strive for peace of mind it is not something we would do willingly.
SOCRATES, Philosophy book
If peace isn't in me, I'm never going to experience peace out there. If peace isn't happening in my heart, I'm not going to experience peace on... doesn't matter where I am at. Something is always going to seem wrong with the world I live in.
HOUR OF POWER
If I am not loving person it will be very hard for me to experience love – and to only experience hate from others. If I am not taking responsibility for my life it will be so easy to blame all of my lack and failure on other people. Or other systems, groups.
HOUR OF POWER
At the heart of it we/I have to change. If I want peaceful world, I have to become a peaceful person. We can point at the most disgusting thing in the world, I want to end that. Jesus says lust is the problem – I want to objectify and use another person for my own pleasure.
HOUR OF POWER
We ask children to "be good" and promise them that in return for effectively putting their natural impulses and desires to one side, they will be rewarded in the future. For this to be fulfilled,we must live in a just world,children grow into adults with this belief firm in place
It seems that belief in a Just World allows people to adjust the facts of a situation. This can be especially damaging when applied to the way we might view victims of crime or abuse. By blaming the victim, outsiders also protect their own sense of safety.
MELVIN LERNER
DK THE PSYCHOLOGY BOOK
Easter Vigil as example for coming out of the cave (stop self auto-censor and speak up) and interdependent kindness & community, example for world-wide enlightenment (sharing the knowledge and self-example of kind behaviour):
Education = your words waiting to jump out of your mouth. Don't keep quiet, don't let them shut you up.
Light = your kindness, your patience, and your words, don't keep them locked inside, don't let them shut you up, no matter how much mock you endure.
Be kind:
Don't self-censor:
Law of Jante:
Remember the division between children and adults? :
Difference between adults and children:
You've got the words to change a nation
But you're biting your tongue
You've spent a life time stuck in silence
Afraid you'll say something wrong
If no one ever hears it how we gonna learn your song?
So come on, come on
Come on, come on
You've got a heart as loud as lions
So why let your voice be tamed?
Baby we're a little different
There's no need to be ashamed
You've got the light to fight the shadows
So stop hiding it away
Come on, Come on
READ ALL ABOUT IT
You get rid of crab mentality by helping others to rise up. You get out the last. "Children and women first." That is the (obvious) only way out. But since we learned about dualistic nature, it means it is not the only and exclusive way out. Consider drawning analogy by Anaïs Nin:
Anxiety is love's greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic.
In this exclusive case, the way out of is removing yourself away - otherwise the panicked person would drown you both. The other person will have the opportunity to see you once he is calmed - to see your behaviour and reflect it back to himself.
If you don't tell the other person that you see 9, the other person will not get that you are looking at it from your own perspective, upside down.
Humans are socialized to be obedient from an early age. We feel compelled to comply with the commands of authority figures even when this conflicts with our own moral values. People do what they are told to do.
STANLEY MILGRAM (1933-1984)
DK THE PSYCHOLOGY BOOK
Milgram set out to test whether normally kind, likeable people could be made to act against their own moral values in a setting where some kind of authority held sway...to administer electric shocks to another person.
STANLEY MILGRAM
DK THE PSYCHOLOGY BOOK
People are socialized from a very young age (by parents and teachers) to be obedient and to follow orders - especially the rules set forth by authority figures. It serves numerous productive functions. But equally, become capable committing cruel acts when pressured.
MILGRAM, DK
What happens when you put good people in an evil place? Normal, healthy people start to behave according to the social roles assigned to them. It is the power of social situations, rather than the dispositions of people, that leads to evil behaviour.
PHILIP ZIMBARDO
DK PSYC. BOOK
What happens when you put good people in an evil place?
Those in the position of power will naturally use (and abuse) their authority.
It is the power of social situations, rather than the dispositions of people,that leads to evil behaviour.
PHILIP ZIMBARDO
DK THE PSYCHOLOGY BOOK
What happens when you put good people in an evil place?
Those in a subordinate position will submit to authority.
It is the power of social situations, rather than the dispositions of people, that leads to evil behaviour.
PHILIP ZIMBARDO
DK THE PSYCHOLOGY BOOK
To the researchers' amazement, the environment quickly became so threatening to participants that the study had to be ended after only 6 days. Every guard became abusive and authoritarian. As boredom increased, they used prisoners as playthings.
Stanford Prison Experiment
DK THE PSYCHOLOGY BOOK
He believed that while some mental health problems reflect an abnormal reaction to reasonably normal circumstances, the problems specific to oppressed and exploited groups tend to reflect a perfectly understandable and normal reaction to abnormal circumstances.
I. MARTIN-BARO, DK
Liberation psychologists claim that traditional psychology has many inadequacies. It frequently fails to offer practical solutions to social problems;many of its principles developed from artificial settings in wealthy countries,main goal to maximize pleasure rather how to awaken
IGNACIO MARTIN-BARO, DK THE PSYCHOLOGY BOOK
Jean Piaget overturned conventional thinking with the idea that a child is not a just a "miniature adult" gaining knowledge as his or her body matures, but at the same time is also going through radical psychological changes.
DK THE PSYCHOLOGY BOOK
Type: Liberation Psychology
In this process people become more conscious of themselves and their lives as structured by the social reality of oppression, understood structurally, and they thereby become social actors. They change as they begin to act on their social circumstances.
Liberation Psychology analogy:
Season 5
Episode 6
Wesley Crusher visits the Enterprise only to see everyone behaving strangely on account of an addictive, mind-controlling game.
the lights on the bridge go out, plunging the room into darkness. Data appears from the turbolift and, using a palm beacon, flashes an optical burst pattern into everyone's eyes which disrupts the games effects and returns everyone to normal.
The goal of education is to create men and women who are capable of doing new things.
Approach: Genetic epistemology
JEAN PIAGET (1896-1980)
DK THE PSYCHOLOGY BOOK
Genetic epistemology analogy:
Infants learn about the world primarily through their senses and physical (motor). Children at this stage are egocentric, able to see the world only from their own viewpoint.
JEAN PIAGET
DK THE PSYCHOLOGY BOOK
During the fourth stage-the formal operational stage-children begin to manipulate ideas (rather than simply objects) and are able to reason purely on the basis of verbal statements. They start to think hypothetically, become less egocentric.
JEAN PIAGET
DK THE PSYCHOLOGY BOOK
JEAN PIAGET
DK THE PSYCHOLOGY BOOK
Educators should not insist on a particular way of doing or understanding something, Piaget asserted, but nurture children's natural learning processes.
JEAN PIAGET
DK THE PSYCHOLOGY BOOK
(19-Oct-2020)
A lot of adults are stuck at 4th Jean Piaget's stage. They are egocentric and other adults think we are dealing with an adult - and we take his anger, mocking, blaming, critizism, nagging, complaining, threatening, punishing and their abuse of authority for granted. So we respond like them - as chidren. Adults need to be aware they are dealing with children, children should be educated, not punished. Children needs our advice, not us shutting up. Children needs our love and we need to help them out of crab mentality pot, first children, then we.
Looking at people who frighten us with their aggression as little kids, helps us in understanding them and helps us to calm down - and try to communicate with them. We as role models how adults should behave - civilized: William Glassers What's My Choice for Communication with children: Listening, Supporting, Encouraging, Negotiating, Respecting, Accepting and Trusting or in one word: Interdependence.
You have absolutely every right to talk. The only time it would be wrong for doing anything is if you are unkind or violent. If you feel a need to speak out your viewpoint, defense or just talk, especially if you have urge from inside to talk, you should. No one has the ultimate truth. It is wrong thing to believe one-sided, in one truth. What is correct and right for you, might be right for 20% of people, but there are at least 80% that your truth is wrong, defective and useless. And vise versa. That is normal, the world is dualistic- there is nothing of statement that cannot be refuted by someone. Don't censor yourself - if you don't have hidden agenda, if you are not evil, if your words don't have small print scam incorporated - there is absolutely no reason why you must be quiet and shut up. The point is that people have a choice - what to hear, analyze inside and accept as their own truth. You can be wrong and you can't be wrong in the same time, that is ying-yang. If you are wrong, you will know by testing it - does it in the end cause to be violent and unkind? But you cannot test it if you don't speak it out and communicate it. So, the kind and non-violent talk is the only thing that cannot be wrong.
People as adults are your missing pieces of puzzle. This is why you need to let them grow without attacking them when they are annoying in a way to destroy them. Tough love is ok, leaving is ok as a message but anything else is evil. One day they (children trapped in adult bodies) will become healthy adults and they have inside a piece of puzzle that will be valuable to someone some day. This is why - Every life matters. Accepting the dark shadow we can learn from it, by looking our own dark shadow we can access the powers we are otherwise rendered motionless.
Gravity is not a force, but a curvature in space-time. Objects with mass cause a curvature in space and time. There only appears to be a force.
ALBERT EINSTEIN's THEORY OF RELATIVITY
YT Physics Videos by Eugene Khutoryansky
At this point - Social Anxiety should subdue and we see why social anxiety is over-reaction to wrong world, environment, and not your own deficiency. People with social anxiety have passed the egocentric phase but they are getting conflict messages from their environment (children trapped in adult bodies) - the messages from people (adult kids) and their behavior are telling them that there is something wrong with them - being too sensitive. The world that is telling you this is crooked. They never passed their childhood, they never grew up. They are mentally ill, many hidden and open evil acts spring from this deficiency.
This leads me to my Agreeableness Theory. We need to learn what is Egocentrism by official scientific point of view, not only intuitively as child would during growing up process. We know it by instinct and own experience - but we don't know it by definition, since this is unexplored area. And Occam's Razor for egocentrism is: Don't be evil, you cannot fake being good. You cannot make pretend being good and not being evil. It will show up. Like atmosphere of alien planets - we see the colors and we know their chemistry. The Butterfly Effect snowballs hidden evil into greater exterior evil.
The ancient Sumerians knew it like this: good thoughts, good words and good deeds.
Talking leads to new conclusions
"Breaking down the barrier between film and audience."
"Whatever you are - it is alright."
How ‘Rocky Horror’ Became the Longest Running Movie in Cinema History
Mental Illness: "Inability to speak"
Don't auto-censor. If you auto-censor - ask why - someone who is shutting you up is making you mentally ill.
Kids being trapped in adult bodies analogy:
People can develop specific fears as a result of learning.
LITTLE ALBERT EXPERIMENT
anon:
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."
Abraham Maslow, Maslow's hierarchy of needs lists the qualities he observed in successful individuals who aimed high but kept their feet on the ground.
GROWTH NEEDS: Self-transcendence (helping others), self-actualization, Aesthetic (order, beauty), Cognitive (knowing)
DEFICIENCY NEEDS: Self-esteem (achievement, recognition, respect, competence), Love and Belongingness (friendship, intimacy, relationships), Safety (shelter, money, employment), Physicological (sleep, warmth, exercise)
Me: An abnormal reaction to a normal situation is abnormal behaviour.
The imprint as generator of false memories:
Transform shyness into social engagement, PHILIP ZIMBARDO
Once you realize the people you fear are children, your perspective changes and your anxiety subdues because you get tips how to deal with kids from experts who studied them for their whole life:
(23-Oct-2020)
So make sure you pass the egocentrism stage of your growing up. This means, if something is annoying you - look at it at this perspective: is it violent?, is it unkind? If it is not - there is a probability you are egocentric, you have egocentric point of view over that annoying matter. The way out is to learn it, listen to it, look at it from all dimensions and directions. On larger plane, this means if something is annoying you, you are the one that is setting up an environment where this annoyance will come up. Can you interact with that annoying matter, communicate with it? If it cannot be reasoned with - can you plan removing yourself out - after you warned the subject about your removal from it? The stumbling blocks reveal to us more than it looks on the first view. If it is social - than in this case social anxiety is social matter, society is corrupt. If you are non violent and kind, there is no reason someone should attack you, you are not the problem. So your social anxiety symptoms become a detector of either fake imprint in your mind (imprinted by fake people from exterior when you were young) or fake people in exterior, not something you must drug out and shut up inside. Social anxiety is not fear that make you invalid, it is energy that give you strength to talk and interact problem inside and out with kindness and understanding. The more kind you are, and if the other person is more rude to you - that is clear sign you are not problem, you are not sick, you are not guilty, there is nothing wrong with you, and in fact the self-serving, accusing society is the sick one. If you are intelligent, you will have new ideas, and egocentric people cannot stand new challenges - it irritates them, it annoys them and they will attack you - but that doesn't make them correct nor right. So when you pass the egocentric stage, you realize you need to be translator, you need to come out of your yang into their yin and understand them, and then talk with them with their own language, not yours. They don't understand you, this is why they are irritated. You cannot understand their language if you don't listen to them deeply and learn their vocabulary. People with social anxiety have this ability - listening deeply. This is what makes them perfect translators of human mentality and perceptions.
Fortunately, most human behavior is learned observationally through modeling from others.
ALBERT BANDURA
Me:
Ever wondered what happens when others that appear adults are actually kids inside, mentally stuck and abuse their authority?
If you want enemies, excel your friends; but ...if you want friends, let your friends excel you
FRANCOISE DE LA ROCHEFOUCAULD
(law of jante explained fully)
“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”
C.S.LEWIS
Trying to define yourself is like biting your own teeth. ALAN WATTS
Peyton place anti-egocentric comment describing socially accepting behaviour of people who just speak whatever they want:
Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally… Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world. Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds.
The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz.
The most people are not doing intentionally against us. They are more focused on themselves than trying to make us miserable. It doesn't automatically means it is against you. These are two separate things.
YT Julia Kristina Counselling
Majority of time, people act on autopilot. Completely conditioned what they grew up watching, listening to, who they hung around, information surrounded shaped what they were exposed.
YT Jeremy Bennett
We can only take things personally if it somehow touches a raw nerve. You can always, why not, speak up. Just tell the other one what's going on inside you. By telling what you feel without blaming the other one, you increase the chance that the other will understand you.
People may attack you, criticize you, or ignore you. They can crumple you up with their words, spit you out or even walk all over you. But remember:
whatever they do or say, you will always keep your value.
YT TEDx Talks
My YT Comment:
"Compulsion brings down anxiety, rids you of anxiety. And avoidance does the same thing."
Yeah, this puzzles me. I've been connecting the rude people (trigger) with OCD. -but OCD is actually me avoiding and hiding, not the angry and violent people, someone's over-reaction is not OCD... funny how I glued those together - and then felt automatically ashamed for someone being aggressive and I try to control them by running away.
First, when someone is upset, they want to be heard. They want to be seen, acknowledged, and validated. They don’t want to be argued with, told they’re stupid or wrong, or ignored. Unfortunately, out of fear of conflict, this is often exactly what we do.
Gazipura, Aziz.
Not Nice
We think that a polished, polite image is what’s going to win the hearts of those we desire. But actually, it’s your true shape, rough edges, and unrefined energy that is going to attract your beloved.
Gazipura, Aziz
Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilt
If you were abused, your brain is going to ration and reason you are someone worth abusing.
Most of what we learned about this world was learned through distorted lens.
YT struthless
"Glorifying addiction: Films, serials and advertisements glorify addictions. This may increase the possibility of adolescents falling a prey to addictions.
https://youtu.be/rFVHb2hQwi0
Strong reaction to someone rude ✌ The Agreeableness Theory ✌Triggers - calming down ✌ Managing Social Anxiety and Toxic Shame
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