Having strong reaction to someone rude...is social anxiety.
Interestingly, you cannot get this information straightforward. If you search online, books - available information focus on dealing with rude people, step by step. There is no information what to do if you still have strong reaction even though you memorized and showed all appropriated steps. There is no information about the strong reaction. And me personally - I am not aware this is a form of social anxiety when I am faced with rude person! To me is seems it is a game of being strong and competent one - and I must be shown as great strong person in the eyes of others, not to be ashamed - which intensifies the reaction of toxic shame already present from before. And for to top it all - social anxiety advice online and from books suggests that social anxiety is nothing more than a just a little bit more than a shyness. The only valid yet still obscure advice about social anxiety is that it is chemical thing - a part of brain is stuck and flood of stress chemicals is causing the distress.
All this is coming to the following conclusions:
1) Outside comfort zone - you will not be aware you have social anxiety. It will appear as other people are the focus and generators of feelings without being aware of this dynamics. The dynamics goes as: Good people = good feelings. That is not balanced and healthy. What happens when you encounter bad people and bad energy and toxic creep(s)? People criticize and it hurts us, but it doesn't show up neutrally, and we do not perceive it as nothing more than simple, informative criticism, it appears to us and we perceive it very deeply as aggression, rudeness.
2) Official advice is flawed and unexplored. The advice given is misleading and not helpful - and it makes toxic shame even more intensified since it suggests their advice is not working since strong reaction is still present.
I tried all the advice, and as years of reading about the issue, people with strong "shyness" already have all the given advice inside them: 1) to tell people about their behaviour, call their behaviour. And usually they are yelled at early on and often ignored or experience combination of ashaming and turning their backs on you - so you are not given a chance to respond back, and later as the result, people with social anxiety are even more avoidant. 2) people with social anxiety have empathy and they do not argue with people unnecessarily, they already do not expand the fight. They react calmly, they are kind already. They are doing already all the advice given to "how to deal with rude people". Formal reaction is not problem at all. The problem is strong internal reaction that is not seen, observed by others, and it is inside, rotting inside, through OCD, intrusive thoughts, feelings of intense toxic shame.
Official advice do not understand how far rude behaviour is impacting the social anxiety folks, especially avoidant ones. I am talking about suicidal tendencies and quitting their job, being avoidant 24/7. For example, this advice: "Arming oneself with effective skills will allow one to face criticism with fortitude." "Calm down" - Nope, it doesn't work. People who have social anxiety and who are avoidant, know very well what skills are. And it doesn't help. The advice needed is about self esteem, self confidence. About the courage. It is about having goals and standing, going through -not avoiding. Leaving the unhealthy and toxic people.
One quick tip with dealing with someone rude: Forgive. And as Joyce Meyer said: don't let is widespread. Stop it in the start. This advice is for the incident time and timeline afterwards - during rumination period - this rumination is also never mentioned inside official advice about rude people. Non productive hamster wheel thinking process is a waste of time and waste of energy.
Official advice (online resources, media and books) does not talk anything about the feeling of the victim of mental abuse. The need for approval that lingers from before the incident. Imagining the possible future reaction and fear from negative reaction in the near future. Feeling incompetent. If someone is rude, it is hard to beat reasoning - the statistics of psychopaths being in small percentage. Taking it personally, too seriously, over-reaction, treat it as personal attack. In some cases it is only needed to be aware - in same cases you interpret it in a different way to what was intended. That is why it is crucial to communicate the hurt with the abuser.
Official advice does not offer the resolve how not to take other people words as commands to obey automatically. Me being silent means silent approval. Yet we are told to be silent in order to show who is more clever - the one who shuts up and gives up the argument. Official advice does not talk about the power of talking and power of communication. There is no advice that I already do know the best, I know how to respond, the response is already inside me, especially for people who suffer social anxiety, those who have for years and already read millions of text about the subject. Knowing that there is no perfection to obtain by waiting to learn everything and only then you would be allowed to try out something. There is no right, correct way. It is about intuition, making the best choice at given moment, at given time. People with toxic shame feels like there is perfection and correct steps for every single situation no matter how complex. There is no advice about people who feel injustice and take other people feelings in consideration - that they might be hidden now, yet perfect leaders in the future, although it never would occur to them. There is no explanation that people with social fears take everything in consideration, make plans, and foresee possible scenarios - and we expect the rude people are like us, since we judge others based on ourselves and what we know about in the world. It seems to us if they yell - that they based their reaction on careful analysis about ourselves and so they must be correct and we are incompetent. We think they spent hours thinking about issues just like we do. We do not get it that they might be psychopaths, since we are not. We do not understand there are people out there that just do not care, and should not be listened to at all. Being under attack and feeling like under attack it is easy to forget that we already have someone rude all the time inside us - inner critic. And it is easy to forget that criticism sometimes can enlighten us, what areas we need to improve. But for social anxiety we will have strong reaction to unfair beahviour from others. Criticism and complaint hurts because all our decisions are already been through painstakingly through and detailed process - what is the best way to handle anything.
Even though it may feel comfortable, if I hide, avoid and run away from people and things that are not scary, that are not aggressive - if I keep avoiding it, it is part of distortion and it keeps me of from learning about things I avoid, it keeps me having strong over-reactions. The end of social anxiety is when it doesn't bother you any more. You don't find nagging, complaining, rudeness, crankiness, aggressiveness, annoying, criticism something to react with pain and shame.
Having over-reaction is seeing people that triggers fears as dangerous, harmful, attacking. Would it help to check these if they are true?
If majority is "normal" and they do not over-react - question is where did they learn not to be avoidant and runaway from fearful events, where did they learn to respond correctly? They do not over-react since they don't have flash bulb images in mind every time something scares them. They do not resort to codependency, self sabotaging behaviour based on auto-pilot, they are not caring what people think and seeking approval automatically. Where did logical fallacies come from - self learned or perhaps there is a generator (some abuser, narcissist source) behind it?
Having flash bulb memories of previous trauma or imagining the future ones is behind the fear. Images are intrusive thoughts. Not being aware of what is going on makes things worse. Avoidance pattern is when something uncomfortable happens - you stop doing it, and this pattern becomes narrow and it makes life pinched. That is why constant and prolonged avoiding is not healthy even though it prevents stress at the moment.
So there are some advice that are self giving: speaking the truth, not self censor, being honest, telling people as a way of informing them. Another one is being aware what is going on, being educated about codependency and toxic shame. And - not to avoid, force yourself to do own goals, being with community, helping out. Problem is social anxiety is not researched - there are not available terms such as psychological safety for sufferers. So people do not understand if there is environment safe enough for the shy - they would not be shy. No mocking, and no ashaming. Perhaps it is because it is connected deeply to humankind - it means people would have more strict rules - which then are perplexed with human freedom of expression and freedom of action. Where are boundaries if someone is toxic and that toxic person is in place of power and management. So social anxiety becomes a political issue and corporation issue, it has deeper financial impact than just being unable to work and having sick days. Having safe society means having punishment for those who display narcissistic abuse.
And knowing that once I face my fears, instead of worst case scenario - it turns out: boring, exhausting, dull task.
What is behind strong reaction? Does the person hurting you? How does it make damage to you? If not - is it imagined? Whom am I defend against? It is not only mental issue. It comes from body also. It comes out as allergies, too. My body is working against me. Adrenaline, stress hormones coming up when not needed and unnecessary. It could help to remember when feeling panic attack, that it is not automatically connected with thought process. It is body limitation that appears as fears and ends up as depression if I entertain intrusive thoughts accompanied by panic rush.
If I can pinpont whom I am defending against - now I know that I can speak truth and that is confrontation. I would be automatically afraid of conflict, but after reading online and official resources about not being nice I learned that I do it because I want to avoid being hurt and avoid other people hating me - but I know now that people either do not hate me, or if they do - they will hate me no matter what - and if I speak up at least I will give chance to hear my side of story. If I shut up I will confirm their wrong impression about me, and being quiet to unfair criticism is hurting me and it is annoying to others and even though it seems counterproductive and counter intuitive- people will respect me for speaking up even though my fears are screaming the opposite.
Speaking up is different from complaining. This is also connected how I see other aggressive and rude people when in state of fear - I see them as strong and competent. They are not. Breaking the fear habit pattern would be to see rude people as lonely, doomed, pathetic, karen.
Breaking the fear pattern would be that I feel it is ok to avoid angry people. Which is the problem with avoiding because the avoiding healing pattern would be to stay anyway and desensitize. If I am in situation where I can't go, run away - I must speak up and talk, and tell my side. If I do not need to have any connection with rude people, and the only reason to stay is my belief about codependency or messages from toxic people that I must be strong for the sake of being strong - then I should avoid and go away from angry people. As years went by, and as I battled with social anxiety, I made mistake for so many years thinking I must socialize and be with toxic people just for the sake of being social.
This is problem with official psychiatry. They propose ERP and ACT techniques to fight against anxiety and intrusive thoughts - expose yourself, set goals and act on them no matter what goes around you - but these great techniques are missing the most important undertone - self esteem. It is not addressing the source of toxic shame - being quiet and shutting up when someone is rude. This creates a great stress in the moment and later PTSD symptoms - flashbacks, and more avoiding patterns, because you want to avoid uncomfortable situations. This keeping quiet vs confrontation - being assertive is creating a problem - and that is over-reaction. Do you want to be assertive every time? Against whom? Who would listen to you? Would you make friends? Would anyone listen and be around the person who is patronizing (in their eyes)? Being man of principle, honour and being nice person (with ante card to be rude in the limits of nice behaviour during conflict) - does not work in real world. People do not like the truth, it is called cognitive dissonance. You are expected to be obedient if you are not owner or manager. If you depend on customers, you depend to be kind and nice. If you are obedient, kind and nice when someone is not - creates stress, anxiety and fears. It is negative spiral. I see solution - in changing the environment. If you live in the environment (zone) where you are yelled at, if you are ashamed for no reason, if you cannot be financially independent and change your job if you are abused - something is toxic in the state where you live.
Official psychiatry and advice online do not (and this is span of 20 years) explain, offer and gives information about crab mentality. Anti-psychiatry is telling that if someone feels anxiety, mental instability - it is not because of person (unless physical cause), but the source is in toxic people surrounding that individual.
Flatland: A Romance of Many Dimensions is a satirical novella by the English schoolmaster Edwin Abbott Abbott, first published in 1884 tells us that creatures in a certain dimension will over react and have a strong reaction to entities and phenomena stemming from the other dimensions. This would also explain why rude people are rude to calm and kind people - psychopaths are inhabitants in lower dimensions - and contact with good human beings is overwhelming to them, it irritates and angers them. They feel threatened - yet display and cover their fears as reaction to destroy that which they don't understand. And this leads to problem with communication - being able to decode and encode messages to other people who appear strange, alien and not being on-pair with you. Would it help to convince them you are not dangerous and your intentions are not to harm anyone? Would it help to make them realize they are harming others by their rudeness? If they are on line 1D dimension, to 2D it would be very clear what is wrong and dysfunctional to 1D. Also to 3D it would be very clear what is wrong with 2D and what needs to be fixed. To empaths it seems very clear to sniff out psychopaths and sociopaths simply by observing innocuous and minute reactions of displaying rudeness by them.
Having strong reaction to someone rude...is social anxiety and you may not be aware of it. This is because toxic shame is like hydra or Medusa. It has many faces.
This means, it turns, it changes and you attack the wrong face. You don't know what exactly you are dealing with. This ends up having wrong conclusions, wrong decisions. You avoid when you should be exposing, you expose when you should avoid, you go when you should stay, stay when you should go. Toxic shame has many faces, layers as seen in Bradshaw's book "Healing The Shame That Binds You":
Some layers of toxic shame and its venomous snakes:
Social anxiety
Importance of what other people think
People pleasing
Pure OCD / intrusive thoughts
Approval addiction
Toxic inner critic
Pushover
Panic attack
Inferiority complex
Fear of confrontation/conflict
Too nice for your own good
Cognitive distortions (Taking things personally)
Taken advantage of
Comfort zone
Feeling guilty, embarrassed
Codependency
Fear of driving
Afraid of angry people
Delusions
Generalized anxiety disorder
No boundaries
Ego-centrism
Toxic Agreeableness
Strong reaction to someone rude
Mental abuse
Learned helplessness
Hyperalert to negative reaction
Hypnosis/coma
Perfectionism
Trying to impress people
Not being honest, not being genuine
No talking, self censorship
Victim mentality
Over-thinking
Insecurity, not making decisions
Anxious attachment
External validation
Brutal high expectations
Stubbornness, unable to admit wrong, say sorry
Rigid judgement
Internalize other's emotions
Overcompensating
This recognizing what you are dealing with and being aware what you are dealing with is important. During the panic attack the mind goes into shut down so it is even impossible to think straight. So it is important to know how to set up auto-pilot now, in the safe zone.
If social anxiety is viewed as punishment, try to look at it as corrective tool. For example, if you didn't have it, you would not pay attention to the way you talk to people. You would not understand how words can hurt someone. You would not have empathy at all. You would keep hurting people in your life and you would not understand why and what is going on, and probably would not be aware of it at all.
When someone rude creates strong reaction this is also a sign that we trust other people too much. It comes down to codependency. We show that we do not trust ourselves, that we are inferior, and that every single word that comes out of mouth of other people is the law that must be obeyed. If we are aware of this, we can react differently. We can tell them off. We can speak our truth, opinion. And leave if nothing changes.
Seems to me people with social anxiety get stuck on things that should not be stuck with - and this stucking part is creating disorder, further anxiety. Being stuck = avoiding things. Being afraid to do thing that seems frightening. It's about being convinced I don't know what to say or that I censor myself and not speak up to defend myself.
I've noticed that I see some people (especially those who are like me) as dorks. I judge their appearance, book by its covers which is totally wrong. I know this is due to trauma, I distrust anyone. And I reject myself, see myself and non valid, so I see them also like that. This is self sabotage. I cut myself off from having friends. It is part of avoidance pattern that I do automatically. I need to stop it. I jump to conclusion, I do not trust anyone - and I repeat emotional abuse - I see valid only those people who are rude, pushy, aggressive, the same message I received by bullies and rude people close to me growing up. This is so unhealthy mindset.
Rude people have influence over me. Affirmations do not work for me. Think positive. I am ok, I am worthy - this have absolutely no impact over me. And yet in the same time, yelling, criticism, scorning, accusing, blaming, ashaming have an instant affect over me. It is not only instant, it is very heavy impact. It is automatic and deep. Like hypnosis. Or instant coma. I lose power over my thoughts, my confidence, my posture.
Which leads to relationships. I know relationship is crossing boundaries constantly, and it is navigating to being done with taste and mindfulness, in optimal way. It means receiving criticism, which as victim of emotional abuse is very painful if I do not know the background. If someone seems rude to me - if I know it is painful because it reminds me of past hurt, I may take it in a different way if I am caught off guard. Wrong word and I could just as easily cut someone off from my life - as avoidant this is very easy to me. But problem is when I over-react and my over-reaction is destroying any possibility of having relationship with someone. Being avoidant is not doing anything. I know I have to dare to speak.
This not knowing when I over-react lead me to keep quiet when I should talk back and voice my fears back to the other person. I would get back message you are over-reacting, and I am over-sensitive - and I would shut up. This is then a matter of my agreeableness theory. Assuming being friends and assuming others are not hating me - and yet speak out even if them freaking out on me. As avoidant I didn't do that part. I would assume they hate me, I shut up, I avoid.
It comes down to being awkward in social situations. If you would feel at ease, as if relaxed at home, it would not create tension and pain of expecting being hit by someone out there. This is why official advice for social anxious is to relax, but they miss to point out why and compare it with the right setting - being safe in the comfort zone. For some reason, official advice from industry is missing facts about psychological safety. If you are tense, you cannot get relaxed by command. If you do not feel safe, it would help more to look out, inspect and seek is there someone out there dangerous? By expecting that you will make fool out of yourself out there no matter what you do, you might feel more relaxed than expecting to be ashamed by someone and doing cripplingly to avoid hurting someone or making a reason for a conflict. By being all tense you scare people away or initiate them to attack you, since they are scared of your negative vibes of fear and unfriendliness. If you remember to be humble, it is easier to say sorry and give up building walls towards people you might like if you allow getting to know them.
Social anxiety is feeling you are not allowed to have strong reaction. If you do, you'd be ashamed by your inner critic mechanism. You are feeling ashamed already, before social situation and consequently you have strong reaction is someone is rude. You feel ashamed for avoiding before the rude event and then if someone is rude, you try to hide the reaction of previous shame and new shame - the shame that came out as reaction to someone being rude. By hiding you want to avoid conflict - which is actually fake, you are not being genuine - and people dislike it, although this dislike is exactly what you try to avoid. Social anxiety is situation that no matter what you do - nothing will work, everything will come out wrong. Rude people will label you as drama queen if you react, they will accuse you being oversensitive - and then you shut up. Which is wrong, it is wrong to shut up, because by being silent you are giving them and yourself admission their wrong behaviour is something you are ok with. What I've noticed if you only think about it, if you are aware of this process and if you in your mind allow yourself to be over-reactive, drama queen and sissy - suddenly the other person is not important and scary anymore. You can talk back, but even if you do not you do not feel shame anymore, and I guess your reaction will be natural. Being silent when you see that yelling at them will not produce nothing. Calling them out for their behaviour - and if you know they leave after they are being rude - you do that if you never done - just turn your back and leave. This is problem when the ashaming process is larger than someone being rude as individual.
I've noticed that poor countries are ashaming based. Perhaps it is because of low intelligence (producing poverty) or low mental hygiene (due to poverty). It is normal in poor countries to ashame people around you. If narcissist feels wounded, they yell and they are rude to people around them in order to feel good about themselves and about their lousy life. If this is nation's pattern, wherever you go - people will notice personal appearance and ashame you for anything that is different from the "norm". Poor countries are producers of social anxiety. If you have low mental hygiene and id based interest - in instant gratification and satisfying basic animal needs, it will be natural to make fun of people, being spiteful, not caring, leaving mess behind you. In such system, there will be no jobs available so as empath, as normal human being, you will be forced to endure ashaming and if you do talk back - you will be punished - either by coercing into quitting your job or creating difficult, psychological and emotional abuse environment. As I see, the only natural and best solution is to leave. Feeling guilt about leaving might make your inner critic forcing you to return - don't. Toxic places, toxic people - if it repeats, if you warn, if you stated your opinion about it and it obviously cannot be fixed - it's best to leave without ever returning back to it, no matter what toxic shame might produce in your mind, feelings of guilt and sorrow and illusions of becoming better if you are there.
Poor country is toxic environment, it does not give you opportunity to face your fears, it enlarges them. In normal environment, other people don't pay attention. In toxic environment, people are toxic, they exploit others, take advantage, make fun, mock, point out mistakes, judge, pontificate. With time, this expectation of negative aggressive attitude becomes social anxiety. And you are not aware it is disorder, you just feel panic, uncomfortable and on edge before, during and afterwards in any social interaction.
Social anxiety is result of following the learned rules, being kind to everyone and in the end - finishing the last. This is why it is reasonable to use special weapons. If we are kind it doesn't mean we are here to be taken advantage. We already do go extra mile and do our best, we need to do some battle and fight subconscious blockage with visualization and magic. This is already our specialty, we are doing it with OCD and intrusive thoughts - but that is wrongly learned visualizations, from immature and abusive childhood.
Poor, vulgar, raw people who doesn't seem to have extreme shyness hide their incompetence by being rude, aggressive and thought attacking if someone is making free inquiries - which might well expose their incompetence. These people will mock you, since this mocking hides their incompetence. If we are abused, all we have learned is either to withdrawn and give into being bullied and taken advantage - or become like them, aggressive and narcissistic. This means, complaining, criticizing, picking the wounds and belittle someone. This is why the only correct way is my agreeableness theory. This means, as Voltaire imagined, respecting the opposition, as Sun Tzu explained in The Art of War - love your enemy because if you attack, you are making future misery. Psychopaths are not operating on the same level as we do - if you get involve with them, you will get future pain from them. So severe, continuous yet intermittent social anxiety as mental illness is not your fault, it is generated by toxic people you come in contact with all the time.
Admit your fall. Look at the extent of damage.Become aware you are not seeing the full extent of damage. Either by self protecting mechanism, ego's proud, or hypnosis. It is good to inquiry, why I don't see damage? What is creating excuses? Is someone telling me it is ok? Or is it simply not being educated about the topic. Having social anxiety is like a part of your city is a slum, hidden, dark part of yourself. Unless you put light and observe the damage, you don't know what needs to be fixed. Is it broken pavement, is it decayed building, non existing traffic signs at complicated and deadly intersections? What exactly is the problem? What is creating problem? Social anxiety just might be living on different dimension than current reality. You are aware of limitations, dangers as sensitive person that other people do not see. If you operate on 3D (as explained in "Flatland"), most people as 2D will not perceive reality as you do. While it is known that happy people are easy to swindle because they trust people more when they are carefree - people with social anxiety see fake people. They see more and they are being told by 2D people it is your imagination. Which creates more of basic wrongness of toxic shame. That by default you are wrong, not the troubled parts of world that you are so acutely aware of.
Social anxiety is problem with quick situations. Analysis leads to paralysis. So quick situations are death to us. It would be great is no one see our wrong decisions or if we stay and do nothing. But being in toxic environment, toxic people will happily judge your whatever decision you make in quick situations. Of course, they are not around and they are not the one in quick situations themselves. That's why they are toxic. You can protect yourself from blame, but continuous criticism and blame is toxic. Stress hormone is pumped inside, our immune system is shut down if we are exposed to stress for prolonged time.
Since social anxiety is Medusa/Hydra, you might develop narcissist, bully habits yourself. And then you appear not friendly. This creates its own set of social anxiety, since you will have people around you looking sroun and judgemental towards you, they are reacting unfriendly to you being unfriendly. While it appears as if they are unfriendly on their own, it appears as if it has nothing to do with you and how you appear to them. This again is job for my agreeableness theory. This means, be friendly no matter what. If someone is rude yet not aggressive, and there is no reason for him to be rude, take into consideration it might be because you generated wrong impression and try convince this person, show by your actions, that you are not here to attack or plunge, or cause any harm.
Toxic shame is Medusa/Hydra and we might find ourselves scared, and avoiding without knowing what is the solution, what is healthy? Social anxiety cure would be: being on par with everyone, be on the same level, and that you feel as if you are at home, relaxed, in your comfort zone - having those same feelings of happiness and trust. If you do not feel at ease and easy - while in the same time there is no external cause of discomfort and pain, there is problem. Official psychiatry might tell you that everyone might feel social anxiety here and there, but being healthy is that with healthy state of mind you talk more and socialize more - but that is only half solution. Because you still need crutch - if you feel like you must socialize, if you are feeling forced to go against your nature and befriend toxic people out there - it is not genuine, and toxic people might exploit you if you agree and say yes only to avoid conflict and fear. Being healthy means not using any crutches, it is having effortless life, not having blockage where realistically there are none. For example, if you like going to certain places and you avoid it because you are afraid someone might attack you, that is imagination - it is not reacting to real threat, that is sickness, that is problem. If you react to someone being aggressive, problem is you do not know what to do. If you go into endless analysis, it will lead to paralysis. So health is knowing what you want, going for what you want, you don't have imagined obstacles in your head stopping you from doing things what you like. This again is hydra moment - what is the thing you like? How can you know what you like since you are over ridden with fear from people? If you had golden fish granting you 3 wished - what would you wish for? People with social anxiety have Medusa/Hydra monster in their head. There is not one problem it is perplexing, changing and it is not logical. Social anxiety solution, true solution will be Rosetta stone for psychiatry - since it will be code cracker for all other personality disorders.
Official psychiatry is working on Aristotle system. It has no fuzzy logic. This means, they think Social anxiety is game of poker. They think person needs to have the right set of cards in their hands and if they only learn the system to retain, get or play with the right cards, the problem will be solved. But in reality, social anxiety is dominoes game. You have two sides (dualism) - but for some reason your thumb is hiding the second part, so you see only upper part.
This means, you play only with one side, and of course, you cannot play the game with this. You don't know how the game is played. You don't know what you are doing wrong. You don't know the rules. You are not aware you physically are making this game unplayable since you hide crucial second part of domino tile. And to make things more complicated, the other people are telling you, you are playing the game of poker and you just need to change your cards and then invest into game with the right set.
This tells us, we need to be educated. We need to learn. Ignorance is staying in the dark and making your way in dark place, you will bump onto things along the way if the room is not lighted. Without light, you must memorize your walking route -and limit your walking area since it is very difficult to walk in dark, it is very dangerous to run or do something quickly if you do not see anything around you.
Steps for social anxiety are:
Asking yourself what exactly is problem?
- Physical symptoms. This is how social anxiety starts in teen years. You notice the symptoms first. The mental web and avoidance pattern emerge from uncomfortable stress hormones rushing inside, appearing to unwitting child as something is wrong and I can't define it. Rumination is born from this now knowing, lack of education. So, solution to physical problem of racing heart is to find ways to calm yourself down - without doing anything dangerous as getting drunk for example. Deep breaths. Find more effective ways to calm physical symptoms.
This leads to obvious cause of physical symptoms:
- Avoiding rude people. Since social anxiety is product of having emotional abuse and conditional dysfunctional parenting, we react to aggressiveness, bullies, narcissists by feeling toxic shame, hiding and feeling hurt. And since we play the game of dominoes here, and not straightforward game of poker, we need to be aware we imagine a lot of rudeness and we imagine the threat since we were burned long time ago. This means, see and observe. Is something happening? If there is no visible threat, if there is no proof of our fears - we have to go, we need to leave comfort zone, we must not avoid. If outer reality is poor, narrow, wrong - if this is not changing and you vote for better system in outer world - and if nothing is changing , if it is continuous, we need to leave, it is toxic place. This is why it is important to observe as objectively as possible, is outer reality wrong? What is wrong? We might appear difficult if we vocalize our grief with everything what is wrong - so it is best to address problem directly or in written form. We are cleaners. This is why bullies and narcissist attack us, we jeopardize their existence. For example, a rude clerk at store, in a capitalist country you can complain at manager. In functional system you can choose among other store and thus it is in interest of manager to have healthy, functional, normal, kind environment - both for employees and for clients. In communist - toxic country, it is normal someone rude is holding position at only one source, without competition to choose from, where they can be abusive towards others and nothing will change.
If you imagine it, it is easy then - you keep going out, you keep facing up, force yourself out of comfort zone. If no one is attacking you, you can prove yourself it is not hard to be in social settings at your own rules where you want to go.
If you do not imagine it,if someone is actually rude - then obvious solution is you need to be prepared, you need to be educated how to deal with rude, narcissist people. If you know you have problem with inferiority, solution is talk truth, be genuine. Expect the aggressive person will want to shut you up. You expect this, you know if you are not rude, if you do not exploit other people, if you do not cause any harm to others - you have every right to speak your truth. Expect conflict, expect your fears rising in conflict situations. Expect to be rejected and left alone, not being able to defend yourself.
The point I am making is the most of time it is imagined rudeness, fictional, conditioned and leftover from the past. In most cases, nothing bad will happen and not avoiding it is the only option. In case where you meet rude people - it is rare occurrence. You are afraid that you won't know how to react, but this goes along with - how other people react and deal with it, and they are not educated about having strong reactions to such incidents? This means, you know how to react. You are ready, as you are.
As for social anxiety, most people are not aware they have it. They are not aware since they do not study it, they don't pay attention to it and rely on reactions they picked up from others. As people pleasers we observe others and copy their responses. With inferiority complex we take other people's rude comments, so called "honest" yet hurtful words for granted. The pain we feel is our ability to recognize fake, aggressive people and we fail to reject them since we are afraid of rejection. We are taught about values by the same sick people. This is why education and learning about social anxiety helps, it makes sense why we behave so scared of people and even though toxic shame tries to blame ourselves and make us feel guilty, we can learn it is not our fault and we are not wrong by default. So we can use our perceived faulty system of avoiding people and build it up as weapon of defense.
Social anxiety cure would be what you focus on, what is your preoccupation. It is about creating goals that help you rebuild parts of yourself that you are aware now that need fixing. It is about you no longer have intrusive thoughts about what someone said or what happened or what will be in near future and instead you are aware of living your life without fear. Since social anxiety is Medusa/Hydra creature - it means anxiety appears in form of flash bulb memory. After the social interaction you may get something like intrusive image of something uncomfortable that happened and you won't be aware it is intrusive thought, you will just start ruminating about it. The official OCD advice for intrusive thoughts is accepting them and focus on your goal instead. When I say use avoidance and anxiety as weapon, it might be helpful to educate yourself how to deal with intrusive people instead. What to do in particular situations when someone gaslights you. When narcissist blames you for things that are not your fault at all. That you work on your humbleness - you admit right at the start of talking that you do not know something, explain if you never or seldom do something so you cannot know. People with social anxiety notice other people's pontificate, we notice fake people. We just need to learn how to defend ourselves against verbal, emotional and psychological abuse in advance and know when we over-react, notice our own pattern how to neutralize conflict and approach it with my agreeableness theory. That is, seeing dualism in everything and talk it out instead of holding it in. I am talking about that sense of knowing what to say but there is some plastic bubble around your mind and you cannot put your thoughts out there, you shut up either by yourself on your own or by other aggressive people yelling at you to shut up. You have idea inside what to tell, after you educated yourself, after you are aware of fake people, after you are aware of your own faulty parts, in social situations it is about speaking your mind, being honest and genuine, calling on people's behaviour without hurting the other people.
Cure for social anxiety is realizing instead being lower, inferior being (as being implied by other people's rudeness), you are just litmus paper for fake people. Instead seeing yourself as everything that rude people try to impose on your default being, you now see yourself, your physical symptoms and your precaution thoughts as mechanism to detect various level of toxicity in people. There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing to be fixed. If you are kind and non violent, everything that narcissist, abusive people tell you about yourself is their own toxic shame, they just try to project it on you. This change of perspective is taking away being victim and victimhood and replacing it with purpose and weapon against the rude, aggressive - toxic people. People with heightened sense of extreme shyness notice toxic people. Toxic people are toxic since they are influencing others through manipulation and shaming into developing cognitive distortions they have inside their minds. They are virus and their ashaming words are virus, viral code of text to be infected, inserted in your perception. Since they are manipulators, they have perfected the art of parasitic entities. This means they will seduce you and you will not feel attacked, unless you have social anxiety. Their words of pontificate and ashaming serve the purpose to neutralize your defenses. You think something is wrong with your by default because you react with what you perceive and what you have been instructed to feel as cowardliness and thus being socially unacceptable. Instead of speaking your truth that expose their toxic behaviour, you are being shut up in any way possible. This shutting up your free speech is their specialty. And if you look at them as monsters, this only increases the stress. So the agreeableness is the only way out. This means, you know what you need to say, it is inside you, speak it out, tell it out, don't stop! Don't self censor yourself. You will notice this speaking out will not be easy. Either the abuser will try to mock you or be aggressive, or your own thoughts will talk you out of it. But speak it out anyway in kind way, without yelling and being aggressive. Your truth inside is honest, genuine outlook. Calling out on their behaviour is protecting your boundaries, not what they say about you, their perception and their rudeness. You will feel better once you talk it out. You will prevent future rumination and haunting dreams and being wounded in your subconsciousness later on in life. If you are kind and non violent, whatever the other toxic person says rude about you it their own reflection, not the general truth to be obeyed without a question. Again, agreeableness is the best way because in many cases the abuser will step back, and you will be glad you were kind because if you were vulgar, if you didn't use golden word such as please, the manipulative abuser will use it against you, presenting you as abuser, and them as victims.
Extreme shyness is not something to be ashamed, healed or removed. It is a litmus paper mechanism, testing laboratory for detecting fake people.
You would not feel that uncomfortable with a normal and healthy individuals in your company.
If we see our extreme reaction to rudeness, if we see by default ourselves as delicate instrument measuring fake people, we'll feel better about ourselves. Better than listening to messages from people who judge us to be weak, over sensitive, defective - judging us based on their own opinion about themselves. This perception has a spectacular impact on ourselves, on our self esteem.
Accepting myself will allow me to accept others. This means, I accept myself fully and unconditionally as coward, as ugly, as stupid, as uninteresting, as awkward, as weird, as dull, as disgusting, as undone, as not measuring up, as small as I can get - I will in the same time accept these dark, rejected traits in other people. I will focus on "defective" yet kind people, I will accept undone yet talkative people, I will seek companionship with non-ideal individuals as oppose to serve narcissists, abusers giving me impression that I must be something better and demanding the perfection from other people as well. Without chasing false image and fake ideals which are unattainable, I am free to make mistakes and hang around with undone people like myself, not trying to please or look great in people I feel scared to be with. This is fight against toxic shame. For some reason, the conditioned hate and chasing for unattainable perfection make us forget to love and accept ourselves. Breaking the bad programming is by being mindful of strong wrong desire to chase castles in the sky, expecting perfect partner, desiring film-perfect friendships and rejecting people who are kind, non aggressive yet they might appear they do not qualify for our high and unrealistic standards. It is about stopping this unhealthy dynamics.
Fact, TWITTER: If you don’t love yourself, you’ll always be chasing people who don’t love you, either.
Meme were invented by Richard Dawkins in 1976. "Memes are any kind of behavior copied." Unfortunately, internet meme lost its meaning, and it is in our head that we play meme without recognizing. We play a program and follow it, in our heads. If this program is negative and frightening we'll develop anxieties. And we'll forget positive things we might learn, such as accepting other people even thought they might appear undone for our super impossible high standards. Meme are the reason why bad habits are hard to crack, we just play in our mind the benefit and feel good about it, like a gif snippet of internet meme. This is hypnosis. It is brainwashing. I found it to be helpful to record any fears that may pop up before frightening event, to see how silly, unrealistic and non valid are our meme of fears in our heads. From the book 1001 ideas: "Critics rebelled against the idea of selfish memes acting like mind-viruses, parasitizing their unwitting human hosts." Yet, this is exactly how our fears, OCD, intrusive thoughts are playing out in our minds.
Social Anxiety is also focus on what people think of us, their negative opinion. Truth is, people forget. If I've done something stupid, said something clumsy, acted weird...no one remembers it. A crisis will happen, there will be some breaking news, personally and in outer world things will happen - and no one will remember it. As time passes no one will give it a second thought. The great thing is, even is someone remembers small details like that, that person is not normal and thus not qualified to be taken seriously, not to be taken into account and not to be spend time with.
Social anxiety is mechanism of detecting fake people. It is similar to The Voight-Kampff test from the movie Blade Runner: "The Voight-Kampff test measured bodily functions such as respiration, heart rate, blushing and eye movement in response to emotionally provocative questions". We might think fake people is something from soap opera or drama charged movie, some evil twin or Alexis from Dynasty. Unfortunately, people can be surprisingly conniving, cruel and we cannot think a way someone could exploit and hurt or in the long run because we are not psychopaths ourselves. So this ability to distinguish future sociopaths is a great thing, the power inside. Think of all so-called people who objected your sensitivity.
If you seek social anxiety information over you tube, you will get a lot of helpful yet unfulfilled information. Many mix shyness with social anxiety so they do not mention nothing about toxic people out there. Some will encourage you to chat and talk and not pay attention to what someone things. But the anxiety part in social anxiety is exactly this rumination process that simply cannot be stopped by the press on a button, at will. However, as much as mild cases of shyness will benefit a lot by reading about social anxiety (being Rosetta stone), social anxiety sufferers can learn a lot from people suffering from milder shyness. For example, you can clearly see what makes you different from them. Obviously, it is the lack of toxic people around them. People who are just simply afraid to talk and chat with strangers or during interview have only this threat on their mind. These people do not have inner critic or outer toxic people around them ashaming them - making them things all the time in the same second, and ashaming them for performing badly something for the first time, hurry them up, so mistakes done quickly are ashamed by them - or being belittled for not doing something they have ordered. That is social anxiety. Being and feeling uncomfortable for who you are as person in social situation. It is not having temporary few second of discomfort with a stranger - thinking whether to chat something not personally related for a moment. Paradox is - people with mild social anxiety, with mild shyness are not even aware they have it. And in large part they will not put aside 10 minutes of their lives to seek and search and listen to advice about social anxiety in media. On the other hand, extreme cases - those people who are surrounded by toxic people who are generating their social anxiety - seek information and get advice for mild cases in return. And the advice is only mild - because it is intended mainly for mild cases. Extreme cases have people around them ashaming them, being loud, attracting negative attention, it is being yelled at, it is about expecting you to perform perfectly and being ashamed in return if you make any mistake, it is about excluding you, ashaming you for not knowing something, it is about singling you out if you make the smallest mistake possible - and imagine the wreath and anger when you make some bigger mistake. Being in the wrong crowd, there is no official advice about this. So this quote was coined by internet, not by "doctors": "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes." Look out for panicking people around you, struggling you without you being aware what they are doing because they are not aware they are panicking since it is a lifestyle behaviour for them. Anaïs Nin: "Anxiety is love's greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic." If you have social anxiety take a good look at people around you, how they behave and act with other people. Notice their over-reactions and justifications for being rude and their reasoning for being corrupt. Mind is like an empty vessel. If we full the cup with certain external behaviour, we will mimic and copy it without being aware we are doing it. And for some reason we are not being told about the devastating influence of toxic people upon our own behaviour. Plutarch said: The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled. We got to get rid of toxic people. Frankl said: An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal behavior. This unfortunately focuses more on a person rather than external unhealthy environment. Therefore, this would be more enlightening statement: An abnormal reaction to a normal situation is abnormal behaviour. If someone acts abnormal in social situation (screams, yells, manipulate, lie, cheat, taking advantage of people), it should be addressed as such.
People who do not really understand social anxiety (people with mild shyness or medical personality) unfortunately sticks to Aristotelian logic, while reality is dualistic, there is fuzzy logic. This means, people with social anxiety come from different background and have different level of shyness. We could roughly divide people who genuinely struggle with anxiety and those who are using it as a weapon of manipulation, where learned helplessness is not by-product of narcissist gaslighting, it is a way of getting attention and hitting goals through taking advantage of kind, helpful people. Therefore if you read or hear advice that you should have an armor as protection - genuine person with social anxiety will interpret it as getting educated. While on the other hand, a person who suffer from social anxiety as a way of manipulation, and for example will interpret it as to dress nicely to get admired, to impress people and to manipulate them in the end.
Having strong reaction to rude people also serves the purpose when you feel good to remember not to get carried away and be rude to someone. If you are focused on your task at hand, it would be easy not to stop and think how our behaviour is reflected in other people's emotions. People who use social anxiety and a way of manipulation and other toxic people are fake, since they pretend to care while in fact they do not. How do you react to someone's mistake? How do you warn and alert someone of their mistake? In what way, do you ashame them? Could you do it in better, more human way, perhaps even mixed with humour without mocking? We might unconsciously pick up certain aspects from toxic people's way of belittling others without being aware it is learned from them and we might not be aware it is hurting others. If we get ahead in life, get breaks and get into flow, it could be easy to forget other people's feelings, and even those who observe it, they are affected, too. Toxic people will have rationalizations that they had tough life, so why should they help anyone. They make rationalizations no one helped them, no one showed sympathy to them, so why should they. Perhaps feeling social anxiety reminds us of our transgressions in former or warn us for future life, to remember the power of our own actions, words and behaviour that is has as an effect over other people.
Strong reaction in the most cases is over-reaction. The person experiencing social anxiety has wound and imprint of social anxiety disorder, it is like habit. Pattern is being sensitive to someone yelling, being rude, criticizing, accusing, ashaming or what appears as ashaming and all these annoying expressions. It is in fact being that the other person is scared and might express their emotions in rude way, without being personal to you, it just appears personal. This is why it is important to label it, to gather more information about what is going on. Is the rude person dangerous or perhaps there is something going on in the background that we cannot see. It is then about empathy to put yourself in other person's shoes. Talking, and alarming the person might help. Socially anxious person has most probably inferior issues so when someone rude and aggressive appears, to shy person this angry aggressive attitude is sign that we are weak, incompetent, not worthy and person who is rude is valid - so we shut up and do not talk to the person. We do not investigate into the reasons why, we do not invest anything because we automatically back off and consider this person as better. While in fact it might help to both see this person as weak, needy, and unaware how they affect us, we might see them as non dangerous and someone we could talk and communicate. This is especially true for strangers or someone we do not know anything about or we do not know their circumstances, how they live and what problems they might have or how they respond to stress or if there is something out of ordinary going on that they did not tell anyone. Toxic person would be someone who is using negative emotions to take advantage or to force their agenda upon you. If we do not know this 100 percent, it might be good to gather information instead of reacting harshly based only upon our hunch or previous unrelated bad experiences. It would help if people knew how much damage they are actually doing when they respond to stress by yelling and screaming, being annoying and unkind even when they have been hurt and been attacked or accused or done something unfair to them.
Putting it all together, it means that we get a thought during the day, especially in social situation or some busy settings that requires making a quick decision - a thought that is so strong and convincing, that we do not question it and we go along with that thought. This thought is about getting afraid of something so I must do something on force. This flash of negative, toxic thought is conglomeration of everything being said here. This thought in form of flash bulb and repeating meme is painful and appears as protective, as every PureOCD thought appears. This thought is telling me that I am in the way. That I am bothering someone. That I am a weight and I am disturbing someone. So I must avoid, I must people please. I must avoid conflict since I am by default being hated and incompetent and stupid. This is the core of social anxiety, this portion of text inserted as random thought, it is plastic thought that appears as the train of regular normal running thoughts during the day. This thought is telling me I am not meeting expectations and I must do something to correct it, usually to go away because someone cannot stand me and if I stay I must broke my back to serve and please other person, I have no rights to be here, I have no rights as a person. It is a delusion that appears as reality. And it is learned by toxic environment. If you take a moment and regard your interaction with people close to you, known and unknown you will notice that you have very toxic people influencing your own worth and how you see yourself. Angry, always pouting people, nitpicking, making fun of you, mocking and focusing on things that are not important, making a mountain out of molehill, yelling and demanding stuff from you, all covered up as normal day routine - the same way it appears as thoughts. Social anxiety is about being convinced you are not allowed to be here, that someone will chase you away and attack you just for being here. Fighting intrusive thought therefore is not so simple because you need to learn the mechanism behind it. You need to be aware you have these random thoughts. You can expect them in stressful, new, demanding situations and know how to overcome guilt, anxiety and feeling of doom when you choose not to act upon orders stemming from your fears. With PureOCD you learn about the importance of keep exposing yourself and having goals that you focus on, without making effort to deal with your fears because that would be harmful and limiting in the long term.
Being constantly scared, anxious, apprehensive every single day about people, what needs to be done outside, going out, obsession about it - it is mental illness. Even though it is, it does not appear so, it seems that is normal state, worrying all the time. Living in poor environment, low ranking state does not help either - for example disorganized outside world you depend upon to do your stuff. And just is someone is rude, it does not mean that person is automatically narcissist, toxic harmful and that they hate you. Than it comes down to mee reacting shameful to someone's yelling, can I over-ride it? It bothers me not knowing how to react and how to be OK with it. At what level can I tolerate it, when I can start to be ok being bothered by it without making fuss and big drama. Can I react with humour or intelligent response in certain situations. How to stay focused on my task instead on other's reactions. And to believe in my ability, my competence, how to keep calm, being friendly, and open, non avoidant, not being afraid of speaking, focused on task rather than pleasing others. It comes down to manual over-ride. I need to be aware what is going on and make decisions manually instead of automatic, default, wrong learned behaviour of avoiding and automatic submission. This manual over-ride is not recommended by OCD official advice, since anything that requires any energy to deal with intrusive thoughts is problem, since it is part of obsession and compulsion loop. Yet, without being aware of social anxiety, it is hard not to engage avoiding and worrying. When someone is rude, it drains energy, it triggers trauma, it starts PureOCD intrusive thoughts and it defaults to avoiding similar situations and being in state of being afraid, which leads to submissive, due to inferiority complex. Avoiding does not help since without experience it destroys self confidence, a critical component to combat inferiority complex. Being in safe zone and avoiding helps combat stress, yet it makes us being afraid and believe we are not competent and have no skills in areas we avoid. It is logical to avoid psychopaths and dangerous, lethal situations - and in reality this should be a small percentage. If environment is chaotic and unsafe, that exposes poor countries and poor environments as incubators for social anxiety. If you have no money, no choice, no healthy and no nature access, it contributes to bad mental health. Therefore, there are two components of social anxiety: worrying and avoiding. Decreasing both should help. Social anxiety is a litmus paper since it exposes toxic people who are bad influence and the cause of mental instability, and it also exposes fake people who are giving faulty information and misleading impressions. So avoiding part should be around fake and toxic people. If social anxiety "cure" is being sociable, it is ok to not deeply socialize and having meaningful interact with fake and toxic people, especially if we alarmed them about their rude behaviour and they payed no heed to our words. This could be hard if we are ashamed for being introverted - and being forced by society to keep contact with bad company just for the bigger cause of being outside and with people. Worrying part of social anxiety is very tricky. It is a feeling that you are stuck and blocked of going any further while in the same time you are forced to keep moving, it is a feeling of being pushed when there is no space to move forward. It is about being in situation where you must do something but you have no resources to do it. For some reason, 99% of official social anxiety examples are non realistic and completely benign. Social anxiety is instead about having a sense of duty and responsibility and being stuck in a situation where you cannot fulfill your task that must be done as ordered by some authority or greater need by someone or something. This kind of impossible catch 22 situations are more frequent in poor states and poor environments. Social anxiety is doing something for the first time or something that you have not done for a long time, so you make mistake and in the same time you are judged and attacked by by-standers or someone who depends on you to fulfill the task - and the task would be done perfectly and without faults if you had done it more often and frequently. So you avoid it altogether. both the tasks and people - which leaves you in a state of believing you are incompetent and lack experience to do those tasks.
People who are rude are weak and rudeness is their imitation of being strong. If we know this, we don't resort to violence and drama. Knowing that helps to combat irritation about other people. Social anxiety second component avoiding means not avoiding because we are on pair with other people. There are no better, higher people out there, especially if they want to show off by force, vulgarity and violence. The agreeableness theory therefore is being aware the other person struggles with their issues even though it seems like they are doing fine. It is about being aware of worrying and not getting into default mode of codependency and trying to rescue anyone, offering our help where it is not needed or requested, letting other people find out solutions themselves, it is about being aware of our inner critic and being gentle with ourselves, not taking side of aggressor and taking their words as final and signal that we must keep quiet and that we are not worthy, valid or have right to have different opinion. People with social anxiety would not avoid if they truly believed they are on pair with other people, and that they feel comfortable as if in their living room, by retaining the same feeling having outside comfort zone. If someone is rude, this for someone sensitive would mean activating a series of choices - being mindful so not to resort to default behaviour of skipping, avoiding, running away immediately. It is about scanning environment and the other person - do they joke and it appears as attack. Is there more to this behaviour. Can it be ignored and manually over-ride intrusive thoughts that come rushing in as side-effect (faulty mechanism in brain that has no doors to shut off adrenaline, stress hormones rushing inside), can it be laughed off - depending on a given situation, or handled by official advice for verbal abuse - repeating your statement,or being boring. Would it make a difference to alarm. So instead of worrying, it is about changing the instant first reaction with gathering data as much as possible - which will be used for deciding what to do next, instead of instinct first default response of shutting down and avoiding.
Rules and advice and ordered actions are non effective if fuzzy logic and dualism is not taken in consideration. This means that although it is tempting to stay rigid with some method that works, life is not one sided. Circumstances, people, everything changes and what worked one day, it will not work on another. In school we are learned Aristotelian logic, where we label something and then we stick to it as if there are no future updates that change this method to its core and thus make it non functional with time.
Highly sensitive person has empathy and toxic people through rude, aggressive attitude exploit this empathy from sensitive people. We get ashamed for saying no, pushing us into submission, inferiority complex, people pleasing, so toxic people use toxic shaming through combination of their target's empathy to exploit sensitive people. This aggressive boundary crossing by toxic, shaming people is felt as strong reaction to someone rude.
Fact, TWITTER: You can judge a lot about a person's character by what they laugh at.
Fact, TWITTER: You can judge the character of a person by how they treat people who can do absolutely nothing for them.
Fact, TWITTER: Don’t listen to what people say, watch what they do.
Fact, TWITTER: Always be thankful for the bad things in life. They open your eyes to see the good things you weren't paying attention to before.
Fact, TWITTER: When somebody has something negative to say about you, it's often because they have nothing positive to say about themselves.
Fact, TWITTER: The worst person to be around is someone who complains about everything and appreciates nothing.
Fact, TWITTER: The more intelligent you are, the more annoyed you're likely to get by people in general, but at the same time keep quiet to avoid an argument.
Fact, TWITTER: Two things define you: Your patience when you have nothing, and your attitude when you have everything.
Fact, TWITTER: The most powerful way to win an argument is by asking questions. You'd be surprised at how it can make people see the flaws in their logic.
Fact, TWITTER: People won't always tell you how they feel, but they'll show you. Pay attention.
Fact, TWITTER: "To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong." - Joseph Chilton Pearce
Fact, TWITTER: In the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take, relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make.
Fact, TWITTER: Mistakes are proof that you are trying.
Fact, TWITTER: 80% of the time, it's not that a person changed....you just never knew who they actually were.
Fact, TWITTER: People who overthink actually make better friends. Overthinking is associated with empathy, the ability to care for others.
Fact, TWITTER: Going through sad experiences actually makes us smarter and through that we become better thinkers.
Fact, TWITTER: Over 90% of mental diseases are either caused or complicated by the stressful act of overthinking.
Fact, TWITTER: A person generally hates you for 3 reasons: 1) They want to be you. 2) They hate themselves. 3) They see you as a threat.
Fact, TWITTER: Fake people have an image to maintain. Real people just don't care.
Fact, TWITTER: Be with someone who is good for your mental health.
Fact, TWITTER: What you wear has an effect on how you behave.
Fact, TWITTER: Never blame anyone in your life. Good people bring you happiness, bad people being you experience.
Fact, TWITTER: Psychology says, pretending to be happy when you are in pain, is just an example of how strong you are as a person.
Fact, TWITTER: Once you realize you deserve better, letting go will be the best decision you will ever make.
Fact, TWITTER: Over thinking is just a painful reminder that you care entirely too much, even when you shouldn't
Fact, TWITTER: Over thinking ruins happiness.
Fact, TWITTER: If you repeatedly criticize someone for liking something you don’t, they won’t stop liking it. They’ll stop liking you.
Fact, TWITTER: Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.
Fact, TWITTER: Insecurity mentally destroys you.
Fact, TWITTER: As you grow older you realize it becomes less important to have more friends and more important to have real ones.
Fact, TWITTER: AskHole: a person who constantly asks for your advice, then does the exact opposite.
Fact, TWITTER: Sometimes those who don't socialize much aren't actually anti-social, they just have no tolerance for drama and fake people.
Fact, TWITTER: Extroverted people are likely to overlook typos and grammatical errors that would cause introverted people to negatively judge the writer.
Fact, TWITTER: People are so quick to judge others faults, but never quick to point out their own.
Fact, TWITTER: Shy people tend to have great observational skills, making it easier to recognize the core of a problem.
Fact, TWITTER: Keep people in your life who truly love you, motivate you, and make you happy. If you know people who do none of these things, you know what to do.
Fact, TWITTER: Research concludes doing things that scare you will make you happier.
Fact, TWITTER: The world is going to judge you, no matter what you do. So live your life the way you want to.
Fact, TWITTER: People don't listen to the smartest person in the room, they listen to whoever acts as if they know what's right, according to a study.
Fact, TWITTER: Psychologists have found that whenever you’re in a bad mood, you can feel better just by forcing yourself to smile.
Fact, TWITTER: People will not always tell you how they feel, but they will show you. Pay attention.
Fact, TWITTER: There's a story behind every person. There's a reason why they're the way they are. Pain alters our personality.
Fact, TWITTER: Avoiding something doesn't mean you don’t want it. Sometimes, it means that you do want it, but you know it isn't right for you.
Fact, TWITTER: Nothing holds you back more than your own insecurities.
Fact, TWITTER: When people are angry at you, if you stay calm it'll get them even angrier, and be ashamed about it after.
Fact, TWITTER: Remove negative people from your life. The people you spend time with influence your attitude, thoughts and success more than you think
Fact, TWITTER: Psychology says: You don’t really need someone to complete you. You only need someone to accept you completely.
Fact, TWITTER: Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others.
Fact, TWITTER: No matter how carefully you choose your words, they'll always end up being twisted by others.
Fact, TWITTER: Sometimes you have to do what's best for you and your life, not what's best for everybody else.
Fact, TWITTER: Once you realize you deserve better, letting go will be the best decision you will ever make.
Fact, TWITTER: Self confidence is the most attractive quality a person can have.
Fact, TWITTER: Focusing primarily on the person you’re talking to rather than yourself and the impression you’re making lessens social anxiety.
Fact, TWITTER: Two things define you: Your patience when you have nothing, and your attitude when you have everything.
“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.”
― Marilyn Monroe
"Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner." ~ Lao Tzu
People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. - Mark Twain
People will criticize, judge, be willing to accept that. That's what people do to dreamers, godly man and women, be willing to pay price of your ego, gossip about you, especially when you fall.
HOUR OF POWER
People will criticize, judge, be willing to accept that. That's what people do to dreamers, godly man and women, be willing to pay price of your ego, gossip about you, especially when you fall.
Expectations especially when we put on people is unkind and unfair. Expecting things from people is unkind and unfair.
Put unfair expectations on people you will push people away, not closer. Hold desire but hold it loosely,craft it with wet clay. There is no better way to ruin everyone's Christmas than by coming into Christmas with gigantic unchangeable expectations how Christmas is suppose to be
HOUR OF POWER
Nobody wants to be around sour, critical, condescending person. People want to do business with whom they like: Positive, friendly, kind, considerate.
Many times how dirty our neighbor clothes are depends on how clean our window is. Too often we keep holding on to hurt, disappointment, it steals our passion, you got to let it go. This is new day.
JOEL OSTEEN
Once you have accepted your flaws no-one can use them against you.
George R. R. Martin
"Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent."
- Isaac Asimov
A lion doesn't care about the opinions of a sheep.
My comment for YT's How to tame a pitiless inner critic:
This is where it gets complex - the by-product of being harsh to ourselves and realizing we can't trust everything on our mind has devastating impact on our self-esteem, self confidence. Without self-esteem we shut down and we don't communicate with others, we miss opportunities. The damage that narcissist do is great and unfortunately most people do not get Freud's discovery about the connection between our inner critic voices and people who broke us when we were defenseless kids.
Weak people revenge. Strong people forgive. Intelligent people ignore. - Albert Einstein
A 'misomaniac' is a person who hates everything and fails to see the positive in anything. Bringing misery not only to themselves but everyone around them too.
WTF Facts, TWITTER
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