Social anxiety is Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD)

 "Constant: correction, redirection, criticism, rejection = Poor self-image."

"Imposition of order in Chaotic system = Escalation of disorder"

CBT explains social anxiety's pain and hurt as sickness. Something to destroy, ignore, stifle down and mock or label as disgusting.
CBT will explain to us that our social anxiety is cognitive distortion. Although all people have logical fallacies and filter and biases. Then we will become preoccupied in fixing our thoughts - which were not sick at all nor broken - they were simply not educated - as most people's brains are uneducated. Then we will try to be good, like in Clockwork Orange (1971) with Ludovico Method. And this will leave us with lobotomy and people pleasing - since we won't have our inner GPS to guide us.
Our emotions are our guides. Sometimes they are wrong - but they are wrong only because of toxic environment, pathological liars who are telling us lies presented as truth, help or service. Then if we are preoccupied with our own "deficiencies" as CBT explains them distortions - we won't be able to know what we really want and how to handle difficult people - which was the first problem to begin with.
Social anxiety is social - there is social element - fear and blockage stems from difficult unreasonable people. If we do not handle them - if we do not remove ourselves from toxic ambient - we will stay stuck with people who are evil, unreliable narrators, pathological liars and who will manipulate and lie to us, provide us with wrong information and we will believe them - since we won't have time to process their lies - all our energy will be spend into "fixing" our "cognitive distortions" which CBT made us believe are the sole problem in the universe, with list of fears which we must face - although fears are not prime problem but toxic people - and with idea that we lack confidence - although we do not lack skills at all. If we become preoccupied with our thoughts and persona - of course we won't get out much, we won't get much skills - because we won't be present with other people. Our prime concern will be fixing our "distortions" - which are totally normal and everyone has them. If we were abnormal and anti-social - then this would be distortion. Having emotions is not distortion. Being exposed to evil people is not our choice - we cannot control other people being evil nor we can have x-ray vision to know the future or the past and what they think nor their evil agenda.
Therefore we need all our power mental power to think and use our brain as much as we can to make best choices for ourselves. We won't be able to do that if we listen to CBT "advice" to expose and check our ABC model thoughts.
Wu wei says the correct path is to minimize interference. This means that we rely on our brain, emotions, common sense, what we experience, see and how it feels - and flow with it, go with the flow. We can't go with the flow if we make Excel sheets of our fears and pick which one to nitpick now, or making tables of our thoughts and trying to weed inner critic out - while in the same time evil people are triggering our sensitivity and wounds and trauma and hence automatically produce automatic inner critic inside us. CBT ignores the circumstances and places huge responsibility onto our brain, our thinking patterns - as if our thoughts can somehow magically stop abusive and evil people from abuse. That if we magically have perfect social skills - that somehow evil people will avoid us and we won't ever make any kind of mistakes in our lives ever again. That is CBT false message which was not intended for us in the first place. CBT is short term therapy intended for criminally insane to lobotomize their evil instincts of harming others.
When we do not intervene in our thinking process to much - we will have much more time and focus on seeing what the true problem is and handle it better than self blame and pathologizing ourselves.

 Constant: correction, redirection, criticism, rejection = Poor self-image.

Imposition of order in Chaotic system = Escalation of disorder

Dr. Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, TWITTER:
The perpetrator of coercive control is driven by a pathological need to exert dominance & control over their targeted victim. They will possess high levels of narcissism, sociopathy, & in some sadism & machiavellianism. They will have low or no empathy, insight, & remorse.

Lana Horowitz, TWITTER:
It doesn't matter how good looking someone is. If their energy is ugly, they're ugly
And once you realize their vile nature... it's something you can't "unsee".
What you once found attractive, becomes completely irrelevant. Narcissists are ugly beings...
The wise know this

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
Stop telling abuse survivors no one will love them until they love themselves.
Just love them.

Psych Insights, TWITTER:
Emotional intelligence is accepting that your love cannot heal their unresolved childhood attachment trauma.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Because your thoughts, feelings, & experiences didn't matter to "them," doesn't mean they don't mater.
It can be heartbreaking when the people who should have been invested in us, weren't. But that sh*t wasn't about you.
Your worth was & is not dependent on "their" interest.

Dr. Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, TWITTER:
as human beings on the planet we are built to trust, connect, to care for one another....
if you meet someone who feels the same way too, it's quite nice
if you meet a coercive controller, it's bad luck
sometimes bad people happen to good people

Nate Postlethwait, TWITTER:
“You’re so sensitive.”
-The abuser who has hurt you.
-The parent after you create needed boundaries.
-The enabler who has hurt people the way you’ve been hurt and won’t face themselves.
Sensitivity is not the problem.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
People's BS and fakeness are the main reasons why empaths like to be alone.

Psych Insights, TWITTER:
The reactive abuser will only focus on your negative reactions while not acknowledging their bad behavior that they initially provoked you with.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
We can feel sad about the past without feeling guilty about the past.
We can feel heartbroken without hating ourselves.
Trauma likes to connect every bad feeling we have to a negative belief about ourselves.
But sometimes things just suck. Doesn't mean we suck as a person.

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
It shouldn't be the responsibility of Autistic people to change their communication or how they act just to make life less uncomfortable for allistic folk.
We shouldn't have to change to "fit in", we should be accommodated.

valor, TWITTER:
If people really want to help you. They will.

Andrew Tate, TWITTER:
My dad always used to say “OUTSTANDING IN THE RAIN”
As opposed to simply “outstanding” when he was impressed.
I asked him.
Dad, why the rain?
And he replied
“Son, any jackass can perform when the sun is shining”

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
One of the reasons we can get so triggered by feeling helpless is because helplessness is a core experience of trauma itself.

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
I don’t want to be “fixed” or given a load of “advice”… I want to be accepted for who I am… that’s it.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮, TWITTER:
Normalize not feeling bad for removing yourself from ANYONE that didn't feel bad for hurting you.

YOUTUBE @STILL NEXT30, TWITTER:
People don’t see your vision until you are rich…. God sees it

StillNextCustom, TWITTER:
Don’t believe what you see on social media. Stuff be hyped

YOUTUBE @STILL NEXT30, TWITTER:
When you want to be accepted… you’ll do anything to be accepted… don’t be that way

Psych Insights, TWITTER:
Stop going on guilts trips with a narcissist!

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
You are too important to waste your time on what toxic individuals think about you.

Narcopath Info, TWITTER:
A person with NPD / psychopathy may not necessarily abuse someone directly, but they will still use them for their own benefit.

Michelangelo | Italian Painter 🎨, TWITTER:
Why do you send fools to judge my work?

AimTrue, TWITTER:
It’s important to understand that it’s ok for you to say “That is too much for me”  When you begin to understand the capacity of your nervous system you can begin to express your limits.

Dr. Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, TWITTER:
not that i will ever date again...but i will never date someone who is charming. no way.

Josh…, TWITTER:
Listen to your own voice, your own soul. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. 

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
This is what drives me up a WALL about the oft-repeated statement "all therapy is trauma informed." No, it isn't. Therapy-as-usual can make complex trauma worse. Survivors at the mercy of therapists' vibes about what "should" work to treat trauma can cost them YEARS in recovery.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Fact:
Trauma Survivors have trust issues because people have lying issues.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
My trauma had me CONVINCED that I HAD to be who my bullies & abusers said I was. That I HAD to live out THEIR script. That I HAD to live up-- or down-- to THEIR expectations.
You know what? F*ck that.
I am who I choose to be. You are who you choose to be.
Screw 'em.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
We're all being judged by someone who doesn't even have their own sht together.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
We're not gonna avoid triggers, & we don't need to avoid triggers.
We're gonna get triggered; we're gonna react; we're gonna catch ourselves; we're gonna talk & feel our way through it; & we're gonna come back to baseline.
And each time it's gonna be not easy-- but easier.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
A narcissist wants the authority of a king/queen while having the accountability of a toddler.

Nate Postlethwait, TWITTER:
Dear trauma survivor-
Please stop thinking if you explain it better they will give you the respect you’ve given them. If it’s not mutual, it’s not respect.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Kindness is the highest form of emotional intelligence.

Josh…, TWITTER:
I hate to say this, but sometimes they don't love you, they just love how you love them, and what you do for them.

AP Psychology Review, TWITTER:
Classical conditioning is the process of repeatedly pairing an original (unconditioned) stimulus, which naturally produces a reflexive (unconditioned) response, with a new (neutral) stimulus, such that the new stimulus produces the same response.

AP Psychology Review, TWITTER:
Change Blindness: A failure to notice changes in the visual array appearing in two successive scenes.

AimTrue, TWITTER:
Until you discover your own way you may find yourself mimicking others. This is a strategy often adopted as a way to blend in and not be seen or heard.
You know you’re healing when you no longer want to follow the crowd and feel confident in the choices YOU make.

Master 🦋, TWITTER:
Introverts lose arguments on purpose. Trust me, they can destroy you. They can read you like a book. They know how you think. How you reason. And the sources of your "sources". But they care for their peace more than a temporary ego high. So, all they say is: "you're right". 

Psych Insights, TWITTER:
A narcissist will always take your "No" personally.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮, TWITTER:
Avoiding people that repeatedly trigger your mental health and lower your vibe is a top tier self-care.

Neytiri, TWITTER:
What if, the crazy ones are actually normal and the normal ones are actually crazy? 🤔

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
When an earthquake hits & a bridge collapses, we don't say, "what a sh*tty bridge, it chose to collapse." We acknowledge the earthquake was more than that bridge was designed to withstand-- & we use our new knowledge to rebuild a sturdier bridge.
Trauma recovery in a nutshell.

If you intend to kill yourself you don't require a reason, in the usual sense of the term; just as, to the contrary, when you intend to stay alive, no verbal, articulated, formal reason is necessary, one you can seize on if the issue comes up.
The Transmigration of Timothy Archer (1982)
Philip K. Dick

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Trauma recovery is not about "hiding" what we're going through. If you're reading this, you've likely had more than enough of f*ckin' hiding to last you a lifetime.
Yeah, recovery takes a lot of effort. But hiding our pain takes effort, too-- & it's WASTED effort.
Screw that.

Native Red Cloud🪶Maȟpíya Lúta~Hińhan Wakangli⚡️🦉, TWITTER:
“If an innocent man doesn’t get angry, he’ll live a long while.
A guilty man will get sick because of bad thoughts, a bad conscience.”
~ Hopi proverb, 🪶✨

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
When we didn't have "permission" to grieve some of the big losses in our early years, later in life we might find that what "should" be "little" losses just SHATTER us.
It's not you. It's trauma thing. It f*cks w/ our ability to proportionally process loss & sadness.

Every criticism, judgement, diagnosis, and expression of anger is the tragic expression of an unmet need.
Marshall B. Rosenberg

Pathologizing is the practice of seeing a symptom as indication of a disease or disorder. In mental health, the term is often used to indicate over-diagnosis or the refusal to accept certain behavior as normal.
goodtherapy

“Prejudices are what fools use for reason.” — Voltaire.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
There was the trauma. The abuse, the neglect, the violence.
Then, for many us, there were the years of people minimizing, mocking, or ignoring our pain-- which created separate wounds which require healing, too.
Living with unacknowledged trauma IS trauma.

Josh…, TWITTER:
Be yourself, there ain't nobody like you.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Trauma bonds can get you WAY up in your head inventing reasons why you "should" tolerate or overlook hurtful behavior because of your connection or relation to a person.
In REALITY, a bond or relationship SHOULD be reason for them to NOT hurt you-- not for YOU to tolerate it.

Josh…, TWITTER:
Sometimes people will act like you're hard to deal with because you aren't easy to fool.

AimTrue, TWITTER:
Not everyone will understand your healing journey.  
That's ok, they don't have to.
It's your journey, not theirs.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮, TWITTER:
Your nervous system will naturally feel calm around people with pure intentions and beautiful hearts - trust it.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
A narcissist will never see your perspective. Only their feelings matter.

reggie mills, TWITTER:
Never be afraid to treat people the way they treat you.

You suffer until you understand. And when you understand, you suffer because you realize you have suffered in vain.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
A narcissist will never ask, if they are the problem.
A narcissist will never ask, how they can fix it.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮, TWITTER:
Unhealed trauma will have you rejecting healthy relationships with people that actually have your back.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
A narcissist will never feel empathy for those they hurt. They can mimic empathy for manipulation but that’s not the same.

Dr. Nicole LePera, TWITTER:
Co-regulation happens when:
1. Parent figures respond in caring, predictable ways during times of stress.
2. Our environment is physically and emotionally safe with clear boundaries and limits. Emotionally safe means the adults can handle stress.


Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
The last thing we need is to shame ourselves for instinctively trying to use psychological coping mechanisms that helped us SURVIVE childhood.
Those defenses might create more problems than they solve now-- but the fact that they kicked in isn't a reflection on YOU.
Ease up.

If you alter your behavior bc you are frightened of how your partner will react, you are being abused.
- Sandra Horley

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
You're not the first or only trauma survivor in the habit of berating & shaming yourself for making a minor mistake or having a bad day.
It's a habit we gotta unlearn in recovery-- but it's what we saw & experienced growing up.
We recondition ourselves day by day. No faster.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮, TWITTER:
The older you get, the more you realize it's not about who has known you the longest, it's about the ones who make you feel seen, heard, understood, appreciated, supported and loved.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Sure, there's a place for focusing on strengths & opportunities in trauma & addiction recovery-- but not at the expense of reality.
NO amount of positive focus will replace the need to realistically acknowledge, validate, & respond to the painful aspects of our past & present.

AimTrue, TWITTER:
Dysregulation isn't always obvious.  
Trauma survivors become experts at hiding the state of their nervous systems.
Appearances can be deceiving.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Pay attention when people react with anger and hostility to your boundaries. You have found the edge where their respect for you ends.

The Martha Mitchell effect occurs when a medical professional labels a patient's accurate perception of real events as delusional, resulting in misdiagnosis.
(wiki)


Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
👉Narcissists want you to believe their bad decisions, behaviors and actions are your fault and you are the one w/ the problem.
👉Never allow someone who is incapable of dealing with their own mental and emotional issues gaslight you into believing their bullshit.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Neurodivergent Brain Health, TWITTER:
I’m not sure who needs to hear this from a neuropsychologist but
You can have your basic needs met, a great job, a loving partner, a   huge house, and the best dog,
and STILL struggle with mental health.
We all have a different Bio-Psycho-Social Milieu.

"The reason why some people are so kind is because the world has been so unkind to them... that they don't want other people to feel the way they did."
~Vex King~

AimTrue, TWITTER:
Be mindful of your words, such as, when you label someone as lazy.  
What is seen as laziness or unmotivated can actually be someone who is stuck in survival mode.  
They are doing everything they can to survive, that's not lazy, that's hard exhausting work.

Neytiri, TWITTER:
The healer heals him/herself.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮, TWITTER:
normalize being private af and not telling everyone everything about you

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Stay away from people who think you're arguing everytime you try to express yourself as to engage in a healthy conversation about issues that concern you .

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
If it makes you happy then it doesn't need to make sense to anyone else.

Stevie., TWITTER:
Let people go. If they don’t want to ride the sexy, strange, once in a lifetime, radical, mystical, ever-evolving human fun train that happens to be your frequency, it’s their loss. Moving right along…

Dr. Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, TWITTER:
Victims of coercive control in dyadic relationships don’t choose to stay, not in the full meaning of the word “choice”.  Volition restriction begins at the beginning. Range of options get reduced to that found in the space between a rock and a hard place. Entrapment tactics work

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Blaming & shaming ourselves can be so automatic that it takes a sec to remember that we're not doing that anymore. Getting OUT of that self-blaming & shaming groove is awkward-- it's like scratching a record that we're VERY used to just letting play.
Scratch the sh*t out of it.

reggie mills, TWITTER:
The calmer you are, the clearer you think.

Lindsay Goodman 🏳️‍🌈 (she/her), TWITTER:
If your partner only sets a boundary after you set one, it’s not a boundary. It’s manipulation.

Dr. Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, TWITTER:
Coercive Control isn’t a relationship with problems; it’s an assault masquerading as a relationship.

jo, TWITTER:
Your love for them is not a weakness.
Their exploitation of it is.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
If you grew up expending 100% of your emotional bandwidth just trying to survive an abusive environment, it's not a shock you didn't get a chance to develop & understand who you are. How were you supposed to?
Recovery can be like "meeting" yourself for the first time.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Neurodivergent Brain Health, TWITTER:
You never have to convince me your pain is real.

Who Dis Woman?, TWITTER:
Being kind gets you far!

reggie mills, TWITTER:
you can’t force people to see your worth

valor, TWITTER:
when you depend on people to build you up they will have the same power to break you down. you don’t need validation to know your worth

Josh…, TWITTER:
I don't know who needs to hear this but..."you are worth so much more than how they made you feel."

Dr. Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, TWITTER:
there is no need to forgive yourself for what was done to you. no need to feel ashamed for the shameful acts of your abuser.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮, TWITTER:
Mental health conversations are important af in relationships.

valor, TWITTER:
Change the changeable, accept the unchangeable, and remove yourself from the unacceptable.

⋆, TWITTER:
You’re suddenly the bad person when you return the same energy.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮, TWITTER:
When your intuition tells you that something is off about a person, place or situation trust it right away – your mind can unpack the details later.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Neurodivergent Brain Health, TWITTER:
Being whatever you think of as productive is awesome.
Also, it has absolutely NOTHING to do with your worth.

Native Red Cloud🪶Maȟpíya Lúta~Hińhan Wakangli⚡️🦉, TWITTER:
“Be happy, not because everything is good, but because you can see the good in everything.”
– Unknown, 🪶✨

Native Red Cloud🪶Maȟpíya Lúta~Hińhan Wakangli⚡️🦉, TWITTER:
“When things change inside you, Things change around you.”
~ Unknwn,🪶✨

Native Red Cloud🪶Maȟpíya Lúta~Hińhan Wakangli⚡️🦉, TWITTER:
“If an innocent man doesn’t get angry, he’ll live a long while.
A guilty man will get sick because of bad thoughts, a bad conscience.”
~ Hopi proverb, 🪶✨

Proud_natives, TWITTER:
Train your mind to see the good in every situation.”
— Unknown 🪶

James Harden, TWITTER:
Only difference between me & them I grind more #Uno

Dr. Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, TWITTER:
like so many politicians that get us to vote against our own interests,
coercive controllers induce us to act against our own interests...that is next level, military grade, psy-ops, if you ask me....not intimate partnership.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Narcissistic personalities will plan traps for you every single day. Trying to find something on you to use against you. Why? Because Narcissists take your rights and boundaries as a personal insult.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Neurodivergent Brain Health, TWITTER:
You’re NOT weak for people pleasing.
You’re 👏 Still 👏In 👏Survival👏Mode

Gary Goodridge, TWITTER:
Don’t wait for approval. Not everyone will understand your vision.

Gary Goodridge, TWITTER:
Everyone has a purpose. You become unstoppable when you figure out your purpose.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Yeah. Life might've sucked until now. And it might suck now, too.
We don't have to sugar coat ANYTHING in order to be realistically hopeful about the changes we CAN make in trauma or addiction recovery.
Easy does it. Just take this one day at a time, & focus on TODAY.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
You're gonna meet people who don't realize trauma f*cks up our body as well as our head, & who don't get that recovery ISN'T just a matter of distraction or shifting our "attitude."
We can't "make" them get it-- all we can do is what we can do, to keep US safe & stable TODAY.

Josh…, TWITTER:
Even if you can't put your finger on exactly why you don't trust someone, or a situation, go with your gut.

Lisa A. Romano, TWITTER:
A neglected child does not trust that they are worthy to receive nor do they trust that they are capable of being able to effectively achieve what they need from the external environment. They also do not trust others and as a result, struggle socially.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Neurodivergent Brain Health, TWITTER:
We live in a neurotypical world. No wonder so many with ADHD struggle with rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD)—we have been rejected by a system purporting there’s only one way to succeed.

Stevie., TWITTER:
Stop surrounding yourself with those people who always interpret communication as conflict..

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
Trauma is not the same as regular life struggles. Regular life struggles make us stronger. Trauma is abuse and it causes life long damage.
So no, trauma and abuse are never okay.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Just like your bullies & abusers found excuses to mock & hurt you then, your trauma or addiction will find excuses to make you feel like sh*t from inside your head now.
Remember: none of it's rooted in reality or about you.
They're just doing what bullies & abusers do.

"Where there is a church, the devil is not far away. A person cherishing the qualities of a saint has a peculiarly close relation to the devil."
“Even the saints cast a shadow”
CARL JUNG

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮, TWITTER:
Normalize not forcing connections with people. It flows, or it goes. If someone doesn't see the value in having you by their side,  don’t try to convince them.

your_recovery_matters, TWITTER:
When someone says
“Your trauma made you stronger”
It absolutely did not:
It did however make me mentally & emotionally unstable…
It caused me to not trust people, it caused damage that will last a life time.
Caused huge relationships problems.
That’s just the tip of the iceberg

Josh…, TWITTER:
Always remember; If you're trying your best, you're already doing a great job.

your_recovery_matters, TWITTER:
It can be exhausting pretending to be okay.

Nate Postlethwait, TWITTER:
People who are meant to be a part of your healing process will not need the explanations you think they will. You’re good.

⋆, TWITTER:
Just apologize when you’re wrong, instead of being defensive because you’re embarrassed.

⋆, TWITTER:
A person who’s healed on their own is dangerous and powerful

Nate Postlethwait, TWITTER:
That behavior you’re beating yourself up about is tied to some very real pain. The part of you carrying that pain is doing the best they can. Be kind. If you can’t be kind, be curious.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮, TWITTER:
The real flex is teaching your boundaries to be stronger than your beautiful heart. Be kind but take no shit.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
Abusers will always blame you. Always.

AimTrue, TWITTER:
Sometimes we don't know we've experienced trauma until we learn about trauma.
We normalize a lot of things and we often don't fully understand the impacts of how unhealthy something is until someone explains it to us.

Narcopath Info, TWITTER:
The fact that people with deceitful and morally bankrupt personalities are in positions of power within our society is a reflection of deeper issues within our political and social systems.

valor, TWITTER:
Focus on improving yourself, not proving yourself.

Josh…, TWITTER:
I will allow life's changes continue to make me better, not bitter.

Neytiri, TWITTER:
Love is honestly for people with high EQ.

Nate Postlethwait, TWITTER:
When discussing people pleasing, it’s important to recognize many aimed to please because their survival depended on it. It’s not as simple as learning boundaries & saying no. It’s honoring the younger versions of us who in an attempt to please, were hoping to be accepted & seen.

Wise Chimp, TWITTER:
Pain changes people. Some become rude. Some become silent.

Native Red Cloud🪶Maȟpíya Lúta~Hińhan Wakangli⚡️🦉, TWITTER:
"Negative thoughts were treated by Cherokee healers with the same medicines as wounds, headaches, or physical illness.
It was believed that unchecked negative thoughts can permeate the being and manifest themselves in negative actions."
~Wilma Mankiller, Cherokee, 🪶✨

Dr. Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, TWITTER:
Perpetrators of Coercive Control don’t have friends. They have drinking buddies, fan clubs and stepping stones.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Our abuser might be dead or out of our life, but our nervous system isn't at ALL convinced it's "over."
The idea that it wasn't really about them-- that our abuse was about US-- was programmed early & reinforced often. It doesn't go away when our abuser takes their last breath.

introvert, TWITTER:
are u healed or just trying not to think about it?

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Neurodivergent Brain Health, TWITTER:
You don’t have to share all the details of your trauma to be taken seriously.

Rejection Sensitivity: The Real Reason You're Struggling in Relationships
HealthyGamerGG
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACI7xDjajPg
Rejection sensitivity is actually an Adaptive survival mechanism to non-ideal environment growing up. Extreme example: not feeling safe, secure. Children learn how can I read any subtle sign to avoid pissing them off.
If they blame you for their bad mood and then punish you for annoying them then you will become sensitive to rejection. You walk on egg shelves, you're hyper-vigilant to mood. Can tell within second, it is so rapid, go in survival mode.
Anxious expectation. Sensitive to rejection always worry and expecting rejection. You constantly thinking or waiting to be rejected. So you can't just be yourself and relax. You have to constantly think about how this person is going to respond.
Ready Perception. This means there is neutral stimuli that you will perceive as negative. Someone don't respond. Your brain will interpret neutral stimulus in negative way. This explains why they have such difficult experiences of life.
A lot of strategies we use: how to be invisible, walking on eggshells, avoiding situations – will actually negatively impact our relationships. If I start to be avoidant, dodging afraid of pissing them off- I end up pissing them off.
You grew up in situation that did not teach you how to pull people back in, did not teach you how to engage with people. Actual survival strategy is go invisible, and become avoidant. Your mind exists on high alert.
Have as many neutral interactions as possible and don't overreact to them. Hang out with people-try to be neutral. Anxious expectation will start to decrease. We want to give our brain more data about how people react to us.
We don't want to use conclusions from childhood. How we react to neutral stimuli. In any situation you assume the worst and secondly blame yourself the most. You automatically interpret as problem on your end.
This is hard but when you are in situation where you are rejected, just stall. Just procrastinate, don't do anything to make them happy. You mind may be incorrectly interpreting how they feel about situation.
You'll have these very powerful drivers within yourself. “What I need to do, apologize over and over”. “Until I apologize I can't tolerate this feeling of negativity. Sometimes they play into it “Yeah, everything is your fault”.
What ends up happening is you find yourself in abusive relationship. That could be friendship, boss, romantic. You're willing to take the blame and they're narcissistic so they're totally happy blaming you all the time.
You can start interacting with people in healthier way. If they don't text you back, it has nothing to do with me because I'm actually decent human being. So it's not necessarily my fault. Observers of our own internal environment.
Problem with Rejection Sensitivity is our mind produces conclusions that we automatically believe to be true. “because I am not worthy”. Meditation creates distance between our own experiences. Lead to Non-reactivity.
This is where it becomes tricky. It is possible to have Rejection Sensitivity without any of those diagnoses. Rejection Sensitivity is adaptation of the brain, particular conditioning that can be de-conditioned.
You don't even meet diagnostic criteria for social anxiety disorder. It turns out this is whole other thing and that is Rejection Sensitivity. These were adaptive survival mechanisms build on idea you parents will not abandon you.
You move out into real world and you start to engage in work, romantic, friendships – when you keep avoiding them or over apologize or too clingy, this is too much and they're actually going to withdraw.

Dr. Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, TWITTER:
We are slowly changing the world as we raise our voices and shine ✨ our lights.

The Gaslighting Effect, TWITTER:
Most people that are being gaslit have no idea that it's happening to them, because that's how effective brain washing is

Josh…, TWITTER:
You learn a lot about people when they don't get what they want.

Josh…, TWITTER:
You can't change how people treat you or what they say about you. All you can do is how you react to it.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Neurodivergent Brain Health, TWITTER:
Sometimes, opening up fully or staying present in relationship is difficult for trauma survivors.
Our brains are wired for connection, + trauma Rewires them for protection.
Trauma + Connection are antonyms.
Healing can help us CONNECT back to self, others, and life itself.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮, TWITTER:
You deserve a calm love with someone who's good for your mental health and nervous system. Someone who brings out your soft side – not your survival side.

your_recovery_matters, TWITTER:
If someone openly talks about their trauma /struggles.
Support them, give them some empathy and compassion.
Don’t say shit like.
Healing is about the effort you put in.
Don’t say you need to try harder.
Not every1 has the resources to heal.
Not every1 is free from ptsd.
#bekind

Stevie., TWITTER:
Something most need to understand is that others disliking you is not entirely a bad thing. When you are embodying your true authentic self, it creates fear in people who still operate from the ego. If you desire to grow, heal and evolve you have to let go of wanting to be liked.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Your strength, ethics, and boundaries are only offensive to toxic individuals.

 #ThreadTherapist (she/her), TWITTER:
If someone is emotionally unavailable, it’s not your job to change that.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Being highly sensitive ISN'T a character flaw. It's NOT evidence that you lack toughness or courage. People who say sh*t like that don't know the kind of toughness & courage it actually TAKES to go out & live when you're THIS sensitive.
You're not "broken." I mean it.

Dr. Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, TWITTER:
abusers cultivate a positive public image for essentially two reasons: 1) it provides them with narcissistic supply and 2) it conceals the true nature of their crimes making it hard for the wider community to believe he could be an abuser.
know this about the nature of abuse.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
People won't get that for the trauma survivor or addict in recovery, just being in a room w/ people can be so triggering that we feel like our hearts are gonna LITERALLY explode.
For YOU it might be "no big deal." But bad things happen when WE pretend triggers aren't triggers.

Dr. Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, TWITTER:
We don’t have to agree on everything to be friends.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Neurodivergent Brain Health, TWITTER:
Just because it’s not malicious doesn’t mean it’s not hurtful.

Nate Postlethwait, TWITTER:
Less “You’re so strong” and more “That looks heavy. Let me help you carry it.”

Karma 101, TWITTER:
The toxic monsters make us feel like monsters

AimTrue, TWITTER:
Trauma survivors become experts at compartmentalizing things.
We learn to tuck things away tightly and numb ourselves from making connections.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Neurodivergent Brain Health, TWITTER:
One of my FAVORITE signs that we are healing is when we no longer tolerate staying small just so others are comfortable.
We are healing when we start to practice
TAKING
          UP                      SPACE.

Narcopath Info, TWITTER:
In a pathocracy, individuals who exhibit empathy, compassion, and other positive traits are marginalized or punished, leading to a culture of fear and mistrust.

Ryan 🖖 ♻️ 🌊, TWITTER:
This is also the dynamic in a narcissists family. The non-narcissist, or the more compassionate, honest person of the family becomes the scapegoat.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
You're gonna get PLENTY of people pressuring you to do things-- not because it's best for your recovery, but because it's what THEY want, & they want what they want.
Yeah, pressure sucks. But your priority has to be YOUR safety & stability.
(Be prepared for tantrums.)

Karma 101, TWITTER:
Drama is like oxygen to the toxic monster !

Narcissist Facts 101, TWITTER:
Narcissists are always scheming new ways to hoover up others’ precious time, energy, and resources. Narcissists often have a whole pack of "backup supply" so if one person doesn't fulfill the narcissist's wants/needs, they always have another victim to leech off of.

feyisayo 💸, TWITTER:
delete conversations that hurt you whenever you read them. Delete phone numbers. Block contacts. Restrict. Mute. Unfollow. Remove negative energy from your life. Do whatever it is that you need to do in order to heal and create a positive environment for urself.

Gary Goodridge, TWITTER:
People tend to confuse being mean with being honest.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
When we're triggered, we might reflexively spin out, spiral, dive down a dissociative or depressive rabbit hole.
That's not you being "weak." That's a conditioned "protective" response.
Easy does it. We learn to catch it & talk ourselves through it w/ practice.

Gary Goodridge, TWITTER:
Pretending to be happy when you're in pain is just an example of how strong you are as a person.

"I try more and more to be myself, caring relatively little whether people approve or disapprove of it."
Van Gogh
Letter to Theo, April 1885

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Our Trauma Brain's gonna take a LOT of the feedback we get out there & twist it into "convincing" arguments that we're a fraud, incompetent, blah blah blah.
We gotta be prepared for that, & remember: that has NOTHING to do w/ us. It's preprogrammed BS (Belief Systems).

 An ADHD Guide to Emotional Dysregulation and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (w/ , M.D.)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=klmxcj52PQQ
ADDitude Magazine
If you look at the mass of human brain 85% of all the nerves in your brain are inhibitory in function. We happen to be aware of the other 15% because we can see what happens when those nerves are used.
Once we learn how to drive a car, we mostly do it outside of our conscious awareness. We can talk to person, sing along with radio, and not really pay conscious attention to what's going on around us. Something happens- Corpus Striatum  handles it: sudden break.
Most common response is becoming People pleaser. They constantly scan everybody around, trying to figure out what that person wants or would approve of, and that's what they give them. To exclusion what they want for their own lives.
At the moment there's absolutely nothing you can do. Their temper tantrum has to run its course. Do they have secondary gain? Are they manipulative? To get their way, do temper tantrum go away once it achieves its goal?
Somebody who's deeply wounded by put down or rejection, criticism, is going to be vigilant for it. And they can see it where it doesn't exist. Borderline is often confused with emotional dysregulation.
Fundamentally bipolar is a disorder of relations with other people. Object relations. In which initially person over-idealizes other people, emotionally dependent, until they feel rejection. Then demonize person, attack them, swing from idealization to denigration.
Term Borderline comes from people occupied very thin line between very severe neurosis and psychosis. Under stress, rejection they would go below the border and become psychotic. More than just disappointments. These are psychotic level of disorganization.

How to Deal with Rejection Sensitivity
How to ADHD

RSD was created by Dr. William Dodson who describes it a triggered wordless emotional pain after loss of approval. It hasn't been researched yet. The intense sensitivity to criticism we feel is real, That is validated by research.
I figured out what boys wanted and give it to them, even when that meant neglecting my own needs, so that they never had a reason to leave. And I've always been called “too sensitive”.
My sensitivity to rejection is so intense that even perceived rejection, like getting a piece of criticism from a boss, I'd melt down crying, or get angry and say things that sometimes resulted in actual rejection-like getting fired.
Rejection sensitivity is very real and very painful. Caroline Maguire explains: “Because we are more sensitive to rejection, our body has ancient alarm system, thinks Saber-tooth tiger is to eat us. We end up holding back, not asking.”
Rather than missing out, we can use tools to navigate the situation. Caroline created 4R's to help us. First, Recognize where you're at emotionally. More emotions up, the more cognitive ability goes down. How intense emotions are right now?
Once we have a sense where we're on intensity meter – Respond with a strategy that makes sense, for us, at that level of intensity. In green – we can test rejection. In yellow we can ask for clarification, what you mean by that?
The goal here is to try to get ourselves back into the green – or at least stay out of the red. If we're in the red – emotions so high – use strategies to help us feel safe. Remembering steps, resolving issues is not going to happen. When we're in red, we are not fit for human consumption.
When possible- Reflect and Reframe. The first thoughts we have about a situation often aren't correct. They're full of cognitive distortions based on past experiences, like emotional reasoning. I feel-then I am being rejected.

ADHD | Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria 😩
ADHD Mastery
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBjexRyx0e8
It feels like a personal attack on who they are at their very core. Cause to make you feel intense embarrassment guilt and shame than a person would normally would. It can make you feel like people are doing to make you feel bad on purpose.
You're likely to have high expectations for yourself because of societal expectations. If you've been constantly failing to meet these expectations placed by society throughout your life growing up, you'll have high standard, interfere with logic and reasoning.
Intense fear of not being liked can lead to social anxiety and avoiding things because of that anxiety. It's involuntary, you can't really control it, it's always going to be there in back of your mind. It's up to us to learn how to control it.

What is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria?
Kati Morton
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQ44ynEjsHQ
RSD can happen as a result of someone criticizing us, but it can also occur when we fail to meet our own expectations or feel like we have fallen short of our goals. Any shortcoming pointed out by ourselves or someone else feels extremely painful and can cause us to lash out or shut down.
RSD can happen as a result of someone criticizing us, but it can also occur when we fail to meet our own expectations, or feel we have fallen short of one or our goals. Any shortcoming pointed out feels extremely painful, cause us to lash out or shutdown.
If we internalize upset we can feel anxious, depressed, hopeless and even suicidal. Many with RSD talk about feeling a lot of shame. Because interacting with people is main way that we feel rejection, we struggle to go out at all. Which can lead to misdiagnosis of social anxiety, agoraphobia.
If we are forced out of our home in social situation a lot, work or family, we can become people pleasers – as a way to try and minimize the likelihood that someone will reject us in any way. Acting in way we think they will like.
Fear that we will fail or let someone down or not complete a task. This can affect our ability to move up at work, start a new relationship, try a new sport, try learn anything new. If it can make us feel vulnerable to critique or possible failure, we will avoid it at all cost.

🌟Autistic Voices: Cheshire Cat ᓚᘏᗢ, TWITTER:
Autists can sometimes miss details others would find obvious.
We could dissociate, be locked in routine, be “certain”, etc…
Yes this mixes ironically with how Autists are also known for observing minor details.
It’s all part of divergent experiences.

Nate Postlethwait, TWITTER:
The most valuable parts of your life are only meant for those who make you feel easy to love. 

(31.3.2023)

Assertiveness issue.
It is clear that assertiveness will not work with RSD. RSD is negative agent which messes anything up. So any technique, any learned skill - will be forgotten. And the idea that something is wrong in socializing and it must be cured and replaced with fake behavior - will only add up to panic and anxiety - since this RSD trait is activated: perfectionism.
With RSD it makes sense now why criticism hurts in real life - and it becomes very clear that TV distorts reality - mostly sit-coms, which eradicate and filter out RSD stuff from comedy and hence give false reality imitation. This goes with my first post "Does movies cause social anxiety" - yes, from this perspective anything artificial will give someone who is isolated and avoids people a false illusion about how people react and talk - narcissism will be either weeded out or highlighted to such extend that it will appear as non-realistic, or better description - non relatable.

Self-serving bias states that most people will excuse their own mistakes and over-praise their success. This explains why other people are immune to social anxiety - they are hallucinating their reality, they have distortions. Paradox and irony is that CBT accusses socially anxious to have cognitive distortions. Socially anxious ones have depressive realism and fears which display fears as reality. Problem is RSD which is agent of negative change - which stops and blocks learning from those same mistakes. Instead of learning there is self blame, toxic shame and worry about punishment and consequences by toxic people.

Now enter bullies - narcissists and toxic people who appear "open" and "strong" and "talkative" and brutally honest. What appears as such behaviour is nothing but them having RSD - but they found way to use self serving bias and blame anyone who appears critical. So if someone asks them to do something they interpret this as an attack on their persona and competence. They have inferiority complex which they cover up by having face of someone superior, smarter and better.

Social anxiety, people pleasing, living in hypervigilance which appears as normal and becomes link to old worries from the past memories - they all could be suppressed and ignored and acted upon and tried different techniques how to deal with inner pain. As I see it from Humanistic psychology perspective and Jung's instructions - that even though if we try to fight and resist - and it may seem as if I am making "progress" - it is still the same problem being active. The true shift, the true change will happen with the shift of focus, that I no longer put worries in prime screen either through worry or mechanisms how to avoid it or fight it.
This is linked to control - how much can I control in life anyway. And it is linked to circumstances - that outer factors play huge role no matter how it seems that it is not connected. If I feel scared and anxious - it must stem from some trauma and some factor which keeps fear ongoing. Like RSD from the inside, saboteur from the inside, as much as verbal abusers and bullies from the outside.
If I decide to mechanically shift the focus, that I decide that my egotism is unnecessary when I feel offended and attacked - then how much damage can anyone do to me realistically? What kind of damage? Financial? Physical? Do they have control and power to take away my money? Shelter? If I do not have job, then the bullies and mobbing does have influence and control over me. When bad things happen outside of my control - the explanations by other people and explanations by me do secondary damage because misdiagnosis and stigma are post-attack factors.
My explanations that the world is not safe and that nothing is worthy anymore play huge role in trauma. Now I know these stem from RSD. Before I did not know what it is, and CBT provides wrong explanations such as cognitive distortions which only lead to personality disorder, toxic shame and stigma and giving up before choosing to do anything in life.
I see with social anxiety - as it is multi layered entity that RSD is but only one face. The other significant side is sensitivity as in ability to empathize with others and pick up their dysphoria and feel it as one's own without ever noticing it is the other person's hidden and suppressed worries now installed inside my worry thought-line. Another face is connecting the dots and hence knowing domino effect and how any action, decision will end up eventually - and usually it is in crash and demise and not happy ending. Then immobility and isolation seems like fine solution to avoid endless pain and repetition of disappointments.

Then if only I was able to surpass pain and fears and be more active, without being focused on bullies and pain as my primary concern. This means that today's interest, which are more less past interest - will no longer be primary focus. RSD and external factor keeps the mind trapped in PureOCD worry loops and being immobile. Without the triggers and without RSD messages that I must focus on fear, bully and unfairness of life and given unfavorable situation and or incident - I will move beyond it. This is how non traumatized people function without being aware that they have healthy reactions - of moving on and not getting stuck in worry.

Basically it really comes down to accepting myself, accepting others as it is, fallacy of control where I cannot control other people. I realized that everything about social anxiety serves the purpose of some kind. And it anything is disordered and dysfunctional - is all that is connected to other people, where other people ordered me in some way to do something and I've done it only as coercive control. For example - avoiding, avoidance - really helps in toxic ambient filled with corruption and criminals. And CBT "advice" to expose only leads to re-traumatization and abuse. Then over-thinking - CBT says it leads to anxiety, but in reality overthinking is part of being sensitive and seeking solutions, having higher IQ. It is not sickness. Any physical symptoms - these are automatic, they are reflex, they are trauma, they are product of CBT idea to suppress and hide and run away from thinking and being exposed to pain and feeling it. Not talking about, not expressing it, not sharing it, not exposing it to light - leads to trauma being stuck in body.
The more I am able to discern between self care, self acceptance and validation of trauma and unfair Power Dynamics versus making discern about my decisions which are result of coercive control - will give me more insight into how to protect myself. With trauma and criticism I am programmed to take on the self blame and to develop Negative politeness and neutrality in order to protect other people. This way abusers and perpetrators of abuse have exit safe place where they are protected from exposure to light and acknowledging their hidden agenda of abuse and taking advantage of other people. Like coward authority figures who abuse and nitpick shy and silent ones and in the same time ignore the dangerous types who would attack them back.

With social anxiety issues we might feel like we are in bad place with highly wrong and totally wrong mindset and that there can't be anything worse.
However if we look at Cluster B - we can realize that at lease we are not criminals and we don't have truly abnormal agenda to harm other people and cause them pain. That is a great plus for having social anxiety. Social anxiety prevents us from developing pathological tendencies, in a way it is a shield. We will rather shut up and take the blame than cause someone to suffer and experience pain. Another plus comes from learning about ADHD. ADHD trait is impulsive behavior - which obviously can create huge and detrimental problems in any are of life. Social anxiety prevents us from making blunder and mistakes - and without knowing it, social anxiety is our umbrella that has some surprisingly benefits and positive effects.

Once I installed Piano application and started to practice how to read and play notes - I noticed that when I make mistakes - although the application is automatic - I feel ashamed for mistakes. And when mistakes start to amount to more mistakes - I feel the same pressure as I would with some person. This way I can actually see that social anxiety is perceived as hallucination - since I would feel pressure and punishment even when physically there is no living person who invalidates me and there is absolutely no punishment for my mistakes. In toxic ambient - I would feel much stronger negative emotions, especially if the person who is observing my mistakes and commenting them starts to verbally abuse me. For starters it is nice to notice this feeling how it occurs even in neutral environment. And with social anxiety and RSD I would never take any practice at all - I would not try, I would not be innovative - so I do not get any actual chance to test and experiment. That is why CBT exposure makes more damage than good. If I forced myself to take lessons in playing some instrument with some nervous and negative and rude person - I would never check that I would feel some degree of negative emotions without person being next to me. So therefore - exposure is not necessarily - at least it is not essential in the exploring trauma. With RSD our triggers will be triggered in neutral environments - and due to exposure to toxic ambient and toxic people - there are high chances we do not experiment nor try anything new so we never actually see what emotions rise and when and that other people are not necessary to get "de-sensitized" to criticism. It is mistakes that are at the core of social anxiety and RSD - and this means we will never get de-sensitized at all. And after all why would be de-sensitized to people who are easily triggered and rude to others, who attack others and who do not have patience nor understanding in learning process. The errors that I make now - when I repeat them enough times - I will get better.
 When I listen to CBT "advice" - I will eventually become slave to someone who is demanding - since I will focus and make decisions in the line of pleasing this person and this person will become my guide instead of my own common sense and intuition. With CBT I will simply let my fears be my primary focus about anything in life where I would chase approval and admiration from someone - that I become validated and accepted only when I make no errors and hence when I do not irritate someone with short fuse and obviously mentally ill.

When we do not know what is going on, when CBT falsely gives false explanations of social anxiety and completely ignores trauma and Rejection Sensitivity - we are forced to fix parts of ourselves which are not broken. In short - we are misdiagnosed and then suffer the consequences of wrong treatment. In the same way - when we do not know that Rejection Sensitivity exist - with CBT we are explained that all hour brain, thinking patterns, persona is wrong, abnormal and disordered - while in reality this is not true at all. With Rejection Sensitivity - we can know that the only thing that is "broken" and "out of ordinary" is sensitivity to criticism. When in life we need to make certain decisions about our life- if we have CBT lies and wrong descriptions on our minds - and when we are in toxic ambient- CBT explanations will lead us astray to make wrong decisions. We will distrust our intuition because we will think it is diseased. While in reality - all our decisions are correct and normal, CBT will label them as cowardly and obsessive, paranoid and hallucination.
For example, when there is someone difficult and antagonistic - dysregulation will appear - and with CBT advice we will get instruction to expose and face so called fear, while in reality our intuition will tell us to avoid and run away. The correct approach with pathological sociopaths and narcissists is to step outside of Karpman Drama Triangle - whenever we are not legally obliged or contract tied or in any kind of necessary contact - it is totally normal to not assert ourselves and to avoid difficult and predatory types of people. We cannot control them, we cannot fix them and since they live in delusional fantasy it is impossible to explain anything to them.

When we are infused with CBT instructions that we lack social skills, we will label and mis-label normal human interactions as abnormal and lacking, in others and ourselves. When we are being told by CBT that we must socialize and avoid isolation at all costs, we will label natural disgust towards difficult and antagonistic people as our own fault and our abnormality and we will ignore abuse and stick with someone who is abnormal and end up depending on their paranoia, wrong explanations, hidden agenda, gaslighting and exploitation and coercive control - all in the name of not being alone and isolated and avoidant. With CBT we will end up not being able to claim "I disagree with you" - since this would mean label of "not having social skills" or "not being assertive" - as if being perfect and hence striving to be perfect and without any mistakes is supposedly good and healthy.

RSD is hidden element, like an unrecognized virus which hampers internalization and externalization. Normal people would easily stop being depended on other people to feel good. They are able to shift locus of control from external onto inside. With RSD we stay stuck on trauma bond, codependency, lack of self love - where we depend on other people how we feel. Their emotional state affects ours - it is more than empathy - it is connection and dependence and there is inability to cut ties since due to any detailed proof of some person being dangerous - our focus will be tied and glued to their emotional state, their actions and behavior and it will be very hard to detach from other people especially if they are in some kind of contract state - like job and being our boss or client or co-worker who has some kind of expectation from us and we need their data to fulfill certain task.
Without RSD we would successfully make transition from external referencing locus of control on intrinsic locus of control. And someone's screaming, yelling would not affect us, we would have inner resources to retort, to advocate, to speak our bit without panic and constriction of vocal vords making us silent and unable to speak up, we would not join into hysteria and jump from zero to 100 of nervous reaction like abusers do in the first place. RSD is here negative agent which tramples us, blocks us, make us immobile and confused and mute. Then secondary damage is shame for being silent and tolerating abuse and all kinds of self defeating explanations about our worth and lack of worth. Then with toxic shame it is really hard to move on, cut contact with toxic ambient since we see all as toxic anyway. And we see self as weak and abnormal, as some worthless object which is filled with mistakes and can't contribute to anyone - so why bother to move away anyway.

What I did learn from Autism and ADHD and any kind of "disorders" of mind is that when RSD occurs, when we are in toxic ambient, with heavy criticism and temper tantrums and abusive and dangerous abusers around - that parts of our brain will have difficult to process information, data, events and words. There will be some kind of filter and dam, there will be distortion and what happens will be lensed through memories and fear and panic - which makes it hard to assert yourself and better world to advocate oneself or to keep silent or to talk the truth, facts. CBT explanation to abuse and difficult people is to be assertive - and CBT completely ignores this filtering and blockages similar to autism and ADHD - which CBT ignores in social anxiety simply because socially anxious are not diagnosed with ADHD or autism. That is why CBT is dangerous therapy, it is one sided and it ignores the client - instead it bases its conclusions and advice and instruction on the limited definitions. If client says "I can't" - they really can't. It is not a matter of being weak, stupid or lazy.    

(1.4.2023)

Russell's paradox tells us that withing one sided thinking there is chaos hidden. Jung said where goodness is promoted and put out as marketing - that there is shadow which is darker then in those who are not so "good". This paradox tells us if we try to suppress fear and anxiety - we will have more of it, what you resist - persist. This tells us that we need to accept anxiety. If we put walls, if we waste money on making dams - we will create more of chaos that we try to protest ourselves from. In social anxiety this means - we were traumatized, we were exposed to trauma, where now we do not feel safe in world, we do not feel safe with people. Then due to RSD and trauma complex ptsd - we try to make ourselves safe - our body reacts to triggers and flashbacks, now it is automatic, the trauma stored inside our body is compelling us to be safe and keep safe. Yet with Russel's paradox - we can know deep down inside that this kind of protection 1) actually attracts toxic and unsafe people in our lives since we are prime targets for them when we are confused and panicked and hysterical 2) without exposure, without experience, without knowledge how to handle difficult people we are kept wounded by hysterical people over and over again, we do not know when to cut contact or how to cut contact and we stay stuck with toxic people inside endless Karpman Drama Triangle 3) by keeping ourselves safe we become immobile, without resources to really make ourselves naturally safe, it is like cancer inside which eats the body from inside and corroding it.
Russel's paradox tells us that in order to stop this negative self destructive cycle we need to make something counter-intuitive which both trauma experience and RSD (as Devil on the shoulder which is giving us fake information which appear very real and true and factual to us) - will dispel and reject and it will feel strange and wrong - that we expose ourselves to things we find unholy, disgusting, wrong and ethically and morally wrong.

In real life this would mean that we do not make boundaries -
that we lean on our own wrong safety mechanisms which are now already part of our personality - being overly agreeable. Society will tell us that people pleasing is wrong and that we must become firm and yell at people in order not to be exploited - but abusers abuse because they are sick and mentally ill and criminally insane - they choose to exploit others. With social anxiety we are stuck in wrong kind of explanations which we listen, carry in fruition and then stay stuck with toxic people. With CBT we are being told to expose and to be with abuse and to convince ourselves that toxic people do not really exist in real life. That we see all life situation as opportunity to face our fears and become de-sensitized to fears and panic - which does not work in real life at all.
I see solution as our own body, our own mind as GPS system - where our mind and feelings and emotions and intuition and common sense make decisions where to go, where what we choose to do - despite what feels "logical" or as external advice what we must be and how we must be. CBT will explain that we must expose always and face our fears - and this sets us up to resist and to make our fears to be our masters which determine our life and our directions in life. We stifle down our childish wants and needs and automatic responses to difficult people. We try to be adult and put up and be grown up with someone who is screaming and yelling and who is borderline and loses temper easily and has cycles of rage - as if we will get some kind of magical award if we are stoic, strong and courageous enough to put up with someone who is difficult and dangerous. We won't. After years of toxic job, there will be no medal, people will never appreciate our help, our calmness, our contribution, they will take it all for granted and they will be preoccupied by current and immediate problems - they will not memorialize or take into consideration someone who is nice and kind - they will follow CBT way of thinking and chase approval and validation and grandiosity of someone looking at them as strong and courageous and be stuck in thinking to be strong and big and grand in eyes of other people. I would step away from this Karpman Drama madness. It does not pay off, it does not lead to anything healthy and we won't be loved nor recognized by others for being jerk or putting up with jerks.

In the same way, gurus and CBT "experts" will tell us that we must be strong and courageous and that we tell people off and that we are assertive and that we see our people pleasing as sickness and something to be ashamed and as sacrificial lamp and scapegoat for being abused and traumatized by others.
In reality we will be abused and traumatized only when we are in unfavorable Power Dynamics - which means we cannot leave situation, we cannot run away, we cannot escape, we cannot stand up for ourselves - unless we face punishment from abuser. People pleasing is not sickness, it is not cause of abuse, it is not our fault that someone is abuser. To believe that we need to be strong and tell people off and be grand and loud mouth and appear superior - just to appear strong in other people's eyes - we won't. People will not be impressed by us, they will be scared. And no one likes to be with someone who is demanding, intrusive and judgmental all the time. It is not healthy to be preoccupied with yelling and screaming and disciplining and finding faults and making remarks just to be and appear strong and competent.
Society sees yelling and screaming and correcting someone's mistakes as alpha and masculinity and sign of maturity and competence. In real life this soon turns into kicking dead dog (being sadistic) and criticizing only nice and kind and sensitive ones, while all other will leave or attack. Being in constant mode of survival is hypervigilance, it is living life in constant spasm, it is not healthy.

And this is something we need to understand since it is not obvious to us: toxic people will blame others, they will verbalize errors and place it on quiet and nice and kind sensitive people around them - and in this way they will keep their own anxiety hypervigilance levels in check while they will make everybody around them sick. Physically and mentally. Sensitive people will take on the blame, shame shifting will take place - and targets of abuse will become immobile, scared and hyper-vigilant, trying to solve errors which are presented as personal and personality flaw. CBT joins into this hysteria of pathological liars and that is why CBT is part of narcissistic abuse - CBT will try to also explain that we are guilty for experiencing abuse and that we are creating abuse feelings in our mind via ABC Method. CBT will try to pull Deficiency motivation - to make us feel guilty so that we do not feel guilty and to become more productive slave and submissive to toxic abnormal pathological sociopaths from Cluster B spectrum who are talkative enough to blame everyone around them for anything bad that happens.
Society does not care about unfair process here - society only cares for own selfish interest - to get product, gain, cheaply and readily available - and we, the sensitive ones will be trapped in thinking that our errors are our personal fault and that we must be productive and good and serviceable to others, our empathic moral and ethical standards will be used against ourselves - since we do not dwell on other people, since we are not intrusive and since we follow unwritten social norms - we do not assume that other person is parasite and abuser - since obviously they present all errors as our personal incompetency while nobody checks their pathology and abnormal thinking styles.

-

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
You're not a "loser" for struggling w/ everyday stuff. Some of the life stuff that trauma MOST f*cks w/ is our ability to show up on time, stay in touch, manage our emotions & behavior at work..."little" stuff.
You're NOT an incompetent human. You were hurt. Now you're healing.

Josh…, TWITTER:
A broken person does not need to be fixed. A broken person just needs to be loved, and treated right.

🌟Autistic Voices: Cheshire Cat ᓚᘏᗢ, TWITTER:
Stimming is a natural and healthy part of being Autistic. It seriously helps in regulating stress.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
When we grow up abused or neglected, we often learn to  have an exit strategy in the back of our head for any situation-- be it a job, or a relationship, or a living arrangement.
We find security in the fantasy-- or possibility-- of escaping & disappearing at a moment's notice.

Karma 101, TWITTER:
Toxic people are tone deaf to anything that doesn’t serve their agenda ! 

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
People who grew up w/ abusive or neglectful families often got really used to cleaning up messes that we didn't make-- but which we'd definitely get in trouble for NOT cleaning up.
It can leave us CONVINCED that EVERYTHING is our fault-- & EVERYTHING is our responsibility.

#ThreadTherapist (she/her), TWITTER:
It’s not a personal attack when ppl attempt to gaslight you. They’re attempting to save themselves from accountability. They’re attempting to save their ego because the person they’re showing up as doesn’t align with the person they want to be.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
You WILL run into people who will try to use your highly sensitive nervous system against you-- who'll make YOU feel like The Problem, no matter what the ACTUAL problem in your relationship happens to be.
I know. It's really hard to push pause & step back from that. But try.

Words Finally Spoken 🇺🇸 Peace for Ukraine 🇺🇦, TWITTER:
This is why you can't win with a narcissist. They always want you to be, what you'll never be. They want you to be flawed and perfect at the same time. They treat you like a piece of clay.
The only way to win, is to stop trying to win. Stop playing their game.

Visio Smaragdina, TWITTER:
‘All nature is waiting for us to become conscious…Nature needs that consciousness; cries out for it. And the process of deciphering Nature's need, then discovering how to respond to it, is what's called learning to become human’
PETER KINGSLEY

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
We don't need everyone to perfectly understand what we've experienced or what we're going through now.
Often, all we REALLY want is someone to hear us & believe us-- WITHOUT trying to cram our experience into a narrative of THEIRS that has nothing to do w/ us.
What a concept.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮, TWITTER:
Removing yourself from situations where you don’t feel loved, valued and respected is top tier self-care.

#ThreadTherapist (she/her), TWITTER:
Sometimes you’re hyper-vigilant. It’s not always intuition.

Dr. Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, TWITTER:
coercive control is not a relationship gone awry; it is an assault from day one. you will have been taken hostage, you just won't know it until you try or want to leave.

Dr. Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, TWITTER:
various coercive control behaviors will be employed but the campaign of coercive control is more than the sum of its parts.
CCBs:
love-like tactics
psy-ops, ie gaslighting, lies, manipulations
rages
silent treatment
isolation
induced dependency
surveillance
weaponizing children

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
When you acknowledge what happened to you, what IS happening to you-- you might lose some people.
It's a drag. I wish everybody could hear our truth & sit w/ it. But for lots of reasons, they can't. They won't.
I know. But some losses can't be avoided on our recovery journey.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
👉Cognitive empathy = knowing how other people think/ feel
👉emotional empathy = feeling another person's emotions
⚠️abusers lack emotional empathy
⚠️abusers use cognitive empathy to manipulate/ abuse their victims, they know how YOU think and use it to their advantage

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Neurodivergent Brain Health, TWITTER:
Before we run to judge people who “aren’t doing enough to heal” I want to remind us all that while trauma is FREE and available to ANYone, healing is expensive AF, and not accessible to all.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
It'd be convenient for "them" if you WERE overreacting; if you WERE "creating your own misery;" if you DID have a "victim mindset."
So-- they'll do everything they can to convince you that's what's going on. They'll use shame. They'll use pressure.
YOU have your own back.

Eleanora Winters, TWITTER:
My ex pushed me to open up about my trauma too. It seems like they do it to support you, but they don't.

AimTrue, TWITTER:
You know you're healing when you no longer feel guilty for saying NO to things you didn't want to do anyway.

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
If you want to see ableism and unconscious bias in action, look at how someone reacts when you disclose your disabilities to them

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
You don't become magically invulnerable to victimization at age 18.
If you were traumatized as an adult, your experience is ABSOLUTELY real & valid-- even if our culture likes to pretend it isn't, because adults "should know better."

AimTrue, TWITTER:
Healing involves engaging with feelings that we used to avoid.

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
ADHD doesn't mean I struggle to concentrate, it just means that I often can't choose what my brain decides to concentrate on.

Stevie., TWITTER:
You really deserve people in your life who don’t have misconceptions about your personality or your intentions…

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Our feelings may not be a 100% accurate guide to or reflection of reality-- but that DOESN'T mean they're not meaningful, it DOESN'T mean they're not important, it DOESN'T mean we shouldn't listen to them.
YOUR feelings matter. Yeah. You, reading this. They DO. Deal with it. 

Stevie., TWITTER:
If you pay attention to people that are real, most times they are isolated..

In 18th century sketches by Antonio Bernasconi, the roof combs, which were unknown in European architecture, have been omitted.
New Horizons: Lost Cities of the Maya

Lindsay Goodman 🏳️‍🌈 (she/her), TWITTER:
Abusive people will ask you for your deepest traumas very early on. Usually within hours or days. They do this to create a false sense of trust and to make mental notes on how they can harm you when the love bombing ends.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Guilty people harass others. Innocent people have no need.

Nate Postlethwait, TWITTER:
Why people give unsolicited advice:
-They’re trying to quiet their emotions after hearing someone’s  story.
-They’ve never been shown healthy listening skills.
-They want to control the outcome because they feel out of control in their life.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Judgmental people in the workplace can make your life miserable.
A form of discrimination, judgmental behavior can have long-lasting adverse physical and mental health effects.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮, TWITTER:
normalize admitting that you actually care. being nonchalant all the time is overrated af

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Dunno who needs to hear this-- except the therapist I'm subtweeting-- but people need therapy for LOTS of reasons other than "they can't maintain mutual, intimate relationships" and/or they "can't take advice."
But those takes do tell me exactly who you are as a therapist.

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
Autistic people are often told off for being “too abrupt”, and labelled as “arrogant” for simply stating facts, and are chastised for not “respecting” hierarchy.
When actually we are just being ourselves, answering questions, and treating everyone equally.

Lindsay Goodman 🏳️‍🌈 (she/her), TWITTER:
Social media is a great tool for abusive people. They can shop for victims. Find someone, search their content, figure out what they want/need/like/don’t like/their deepest darkest trauma…& present yourself as the perfect package.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
People will, in the same breath, give you sh*t for not standing up for yourself-- but then give you sh*t for being "difficult" & "pushing people away."
Turns out some people "want" you to be assertive-- as long as it doesn't make them, personally, uncomfortable.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
If we weren't "allowed" to have "negative" feelings growing up-- if those were considered to reflect poorly on our caregivers-- guess what we learn to DO w/ those "negative" feelings?
They don't disappear. They get directed inward-- for years.
And no one "out there" knows.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
abusers use your loyalty against you

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
a narcissist wants to know all your deeply darkest secrets so they can use them against you

Josh…, TWITTER:
You don't have to accept things you are not okay with.

The Gaslighting Effect, TWITTER:
Authentic people have sharp memory, because they are so truthful they never have to remember what they do

Josh…, TWITTER:
Smiling after surviving is one of the strongest things you'll ever do.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
In trauma recovery we might realize that a lot of what we thought was just US, just our personality, were actually anxiety-driven trauma responses-- & as we start to feel more centered & relaxed, we might also feel weirdly "not ourselves."
I know. But don't let it throw you.

Ryan 🖖 ♻️ 🌊, TWITTER:
This is what sociopathic narcissists do. Marge is actually a sociopath. Not just a stupid person, but a malignant, malicious, manipulative, hate driven, inwardly angry at the world, takes it out on innocent people because of envy and a low EQ, sociopath.

#ThreadTherapist (she/her), TWITTER:
ALL emotions are normal. ALL OF THEM. And it’s okay to feel ALL OF THEM.

#ThreadTherapist (she/her), TWITTER:
So many people don’t speak up for themselves because they’ve been gaslighted into thinking it’s “mean/aggressive/rude”.

Daddy Pluto🪬🦂 (they/them), TWITTER:
Some people will never have the emotional capacity to face their shame and express remorse for how they treated you. They would rather deflect than deal with those feelings of guilt & regret. It doesn’t mean you’re unworthy, they just don’t have the courage to own up to it.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Sometimes we get this toxic belief that we "need" shame in order to behave "better."
Shame doesn't inspire "better behavior." It convinces us we CAN'T behave "better," because it's about US, not our behavior.
F*ck shame. You CAN reject behavior- but still accept & value YOU.

Josh…, TWITTER:
Victim: I can't believe you done that to me!

Narcissist: I admit that I hurt you BUT, now you hate me?! So, I'm the victim here! 😞

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Maybe when "they" hurt us, they were acting out a trauma pattern in their lives.
Okay, but-- it still hurt. And we still get to acknowledge the impact on US, even if we also acknowledge what they were going through.
"Their" motives & experience DON'T invalidate OUR pain.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Sometimes it's ridiculously hard to KEEP from reaching to someone we KNOW is toxic for us.
Certain bonds feel comforting because they're familiar-- & it's hard to NOT reach out when we're feeling lost & alone.
I know. But poison's poison, even if it tastes sweet for a sec.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
You didn't become selfish; you became harder to manipulate. Don't confuse the two.

Gary Goodridge, TWITTER:
Don't criticize what you don't understand.

Dr. Jessica Taylor, TWITTER:
It fascinates me that I make people so uncomfortable when I say that perpetrators, abusers, offenders, and bullies CHOOSE how they behave, & every action is an active choice.
People would rather lean into the belief that they have mental disorders, BPD, NPD, ASPD etc.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
The goal of trauma or addiction recovery is a life where we can think about things OTHER than trauma or addiction.
If we're doing recovery right, "trauma survivor" or "recovering addict" don't define us-- recovery makes it possible for US to define us.
What a concept.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
You don't have to justify *why* you responded to a trigger w/ a trauma reaction.
People who understand trauma reactions will get it. People who don't understand trauma reactions won't be responsive to any explanation or anyway.
Your response was understandable & valid.

Jacklena Bentley, TWITTER:
Toxic people will neglect you to make you feel unimportant.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Some people really just think EVERYBODY has difficulties, & calling certain difficulties "trauma" just gives us an "excuse" to underperform in life.
That attitude has NOTHING to do w/ you-- or with reality.
Don't let 'em get into your head. You focus on YOUR recovery, TODAY.

Josh…, TWITTER:
I don't know who needs to hear this but..."you're allowed to make a big deal out of things that feel really big to you."

AimTrue, TWITTER:
Recovery is much easier when you are supported by people who understand the love language of your nervous system.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮, TWITTER:
You deserve a healthy love with someone who hears you, sees you, understands you, appreciates you, supports you, and loves you. Someone who is patient, communicates clearly, and creates a calm safe space to heal, grow, and bloom together. A love you never have to heal from.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮, TWITTER:
normalize not telling everyone everything – not everyone wants what's best for you.

Josh…, TWITTER:
The truth can hurt but lies can destroy someone.

Josh…, TWITTER:
Just make sure you aren't sifting through a pile of red flags looking for a little benefit of the doubt.

Josh…, TWITTER:
When I shut my mouth and walk away, It does not mean you have won. It simply means you are not worth my energy and time anymore.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
People are gonna tell you the upside of your trauma was how it made you into the person you are today.
They don't get that we often HATE the person we became because of the trauma.
It's okay. They're looking for a silver lining. Let 'em.
You focus on YOUR recovery, today.

Narcopath Info, TWITTER:
If you find yourself in a situation where a narcissist is trying to turn the tables on you, it may be helpful to disengage. Don't engage in arguments or try to defend yourself against their accusations, as this will only feed into their need for attention & control.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
You are too important to waste your time on what toxic individuals think about you.

Nate Postlethwait, TWITTER:
Those who grow up in survival mode often accept the bare minimum, because entertaining hope (or longing for more) reminds them of a complex story of loneliness & fear from long ago. As you exit survival mode, I hope you hope again & I hope you are surprised along the way.

Josh…, TWITTER:
Always remember; You are always stronger than you think you are.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Once upon a time getting someone to like us MAY have been VERY DIRECTLY related to our safety. That "fawn" response doesn't come out of nowhere.
But in recovery we NEED to learn to let people dislike us, WITHOUT spinning out about it-- because that happens. To EVERYONE.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
We CAN'T control how "they" talk about us. We CAN'T control how "they" THINK about us. They might misunderstand or dislike us-- & we have to let 'em.
We CAN shape OUR relationship w/ OURSELVES. THAT'S where our leverage is: creating REALISTIC safety & trust INSIDE.

Nate Postlethwait, TWITTER:
“Stop taking it so personal”
Said to the person who was abused by their parents.
Said to the person who lost the life they knew.  
Said to the survivor who watched their abuser move on with no remorse.
It’s personal. It’s also no ones business who isn’t paying for it.

(9.4.2023)

Abraham Maslow said: "No psychological health is possible unless this essential care of the person is fundamentally accepted, loved and respected by others and by himself" - and this means we need to accept our social anxiety, fears and panic. Feel it in full. Accepted it as part of how our brain is working, with trauma or without it, it is reality, it is not something we can wish away or press a button. It also tells us to quit toxic people and toxic habits and leave toxic ambient as soon as it is economically and safely possible. This also tells us why parasites, predators and Cluster B monsters prey on violence and aggression to force domination over other people - through intimidation, manipulation and control - this is the way how they want to keep feeling safe and healthy - by other people not criticizing their flaws and anti-social acts.

Contrast.
I noticed that I do actually get to some crucial information that would help me how to see things clearly - but I am not able to recognize this information as important, I do not recognize that this information is needed because of lack of contrast. I only recognize its importance later on, when someone explains to me from the different angle, when there is superposition over something negative and black such as narcissistic abuse.
For example -  I learned about personality traits 3 years ago - Big 5: and I even took the test - and I was highly agreeable and open. And I did understand at the time that kind and open people are exploited and taken advantage of - but I still did not get it what is the problem and how to help myself. Only later on I learned that agreeableness is in genes and it cannot be removed by will power or techniques how to destroy pushover people pleasing sides - and if I do try to suppress it that it leads to personality disorder - since we try to remove core being inside ourselves - of course this will lead to some kind of personality disorder, it is quite logical.
Also I did not know that being open is connected to novel Flatland where ability to interact with different dimensions to learn and to know and to discover more - I need to be open. Yet by being open it also means that I will invite and stay stuck with toxic people, that they will exploit me. What I did not know is that all these things are connected - and it all comes down to trusting and accepting myself as I am, and evaluating outside world where I learn to recognize what is toxic and how to stay outside of it. Due to openness and agreeableness I am also allowing toxic people inside me, and when exposed to toxicity where I am not able to see it as ridiculous, I will accept and be open for toxic instructions, toxic explanations, toxic orders, toxic beliefs - which I will integrate inside me. So big problem here is inability to recognize and see what is toxic - due to lack of contrast. I do not see the big picture, I am unable to step back and I have no ability to compare things, people and events against black negative background - since I will rationalize and intellectualize verbal and psychological abuse as my fault, part of myself - something that is normal and part of scenery - so I won't be able to see what is wrong. It is like taking x-ray picture and not seeing sickness on the screen because it is all of the same colour.
With social anxiety we do not know how to act, what to say and what decisions to make due to fear of trauma and Rejection sensitivity (which is all ACE issue - easily detectable by online test) and due to agreeableness and openness which is personality trait (all easily tested online) - and personality traits will make bad and toxic people look like "adventure" - rationalization, and "slight abnormality in others which needs to be ignored and accepted" - intellectualization.
And to sprinkle it with solid element: Rejection Sensitivity - it is like Devil on the Shoulder which will whisper me wrong data, wrong explanations, inner critic catastrophe which will make me feel scared to really be open or agreeable - but only lensed it through being stuck and immobile - where isolation will be explained away as safety. So when I do "come out of comfort zone" and "expose" myself to the world, and when I meet someone toxic and negative and violent and aggressive - Devil on the shoulder will explain such data as proof that I must isolate myself and be safe - inside toxic ambient that I am already inside of.
Here the outside help would give me the correct information - but this does no happen since CBT as the first aid, first responder is giving false and wrong explanations. This tells us that we cannot rely completely on outside world, that we need to have this ability to see the contrast - in order to recognize false help, false friends, useless data which is presented as solution and absolute truth.

With CBT we will be explained that we are experiencing hallucinations - and this will lead to destruction of self worth - which leads to trauma bonding and codependency - since I will never trust my own common sense to make decisions in life. And there is pattern: that with agreeableness, openness, RSD, toxic ambient - I will not trust myself. I will not recognize that I am thinking differently than others (divergent thinking) - and instead I will try to fit in to toxic ambient which is not even thinking in the same way (convergent thinking). Then what happens is I will reject and throw away my own reactions, responses as abnormality and sickness and try to conform to what others explain as normal. And this explanation and guidance is huge problem which is not visible as problem due to lack of contrast. I do not see that explanations and guidance are wrong, toxic, dumb, pathological - as they are stemming from toxic people. In the same time I am told that my fears, panic and basically all trauma reactions to toxic people are abnormal, that my brain is not to be listened to - and that I must rely on other people's approval and guidance and instructions about anything in life.
If there is someone toxic who is constantly criticizing and finding faults - of course I will have hard time relying on my own judgement about any type of decision to make in life.
When I do understand that openness and agreeableness and RSD will make me open without boundaries - and that I cannot change my thinking or persona related to my personality - what I can do is to educate myself to start making better decision once I know the contrast - what is problem. The problem are toxic people and their interpretations in which I believe and integrate without filtering. So what I do now is that I can introduce new options which I was not using before - due to lack of contrast. Such as: shifting focus, not reacting anymore, not believing anymore in anything that appears, that I move myself, remove myself from something toxic. With CBT I would label this moving away as sickness and abnormality - something that is personality disorder if I cut contact or minimize contact with someone who is antagonistic and clearly narcissistic.
The repetitive pattern which comes with social anxiety is that of not trusting in oneself and trusting the world into other people - all of them, whatever they say or demand. Due to lack of contrast I am unable to test dualism, I am unable to realize the concept of dualism in the first place - and I am left with instruction to trust others whatever they say or want and distrust my alarm systems as hallucination and abnormality.
So the new pattern, new tool - would be that I lean on my brain, on my thinking, to realize I have highly functioning brain system pattern of thinking which will tell me and explain to me what is going on - that I lean on myself - something that I was unable to do so because CBT described my brain and thinking as abnormal and disorder.

Now I know that I do not need to enter into wars with someone who is unreasonable and antagonistic and narcissistic - since they do live in delusions and fake image of self which they build and they trust into. I can allow them to be whatever they want to be and do whatever their psychopathic brain is compelling them to do- now I will know that they are the ones with disorder and sickness - and that I do not lean on them anymore. With CBT I would lean on psychopathic people and reject and data, information, intuition and hunch that was coming from inside myself and I'd label it as abnormality.

The contrast means that when we get certain information - it will not be valuable to us really - only after it is superimposed over negativity such as narcissistic abuse. It is like cracking the egg open - to make omelette. Or like taking Vitamin A supplement without milk where it would be able to be absorbed inside the body. On its own it won't be absorbed - and that is the same as with any kind of good and helpful information. That is why person who is talking needs to have divergent mind and take all angles into consideration and put contrast behind it so that we really understand the importance of any kind of information.

For example, Psychology Today states: "Research has not found any noteworthy correlation between openness and anxiety or other mood disorders."
But it does not inform us what happens when we are inside toxic ambient where we are forced to be closed due to intrusive and violent psychopaths. Then we won't be able to be open and this will cause the anxiety. Then anxiety comes from not being able to express ourselves and be in our character - so this information is totally out of sight from us - until we put it in contrast and context of narcissistic abuse.

CBT does not understand that victims of abuse and socially anxious are mute, that they self censor themselves due to fear of criticism. Then CBT is left with lies of narcissists and Cluster B monsters who are mimicking social anxiety as their hidden agenda - who end up explaining away social anxiety as hallucination.

With the new information about openness and being easily exploited by toxic predatory personalities - this gives me proof that social anxiety is not sickness nor hallucination and that it is rational choice, it is automatic and anxiety is a mere message to cut contact and remove oneself from toxicity. Like blocking people online, muting them and ignoring them - and then repeating the same in real life. This means - there is no need for drama, no CBT approach of being assertive and learning some unknown, tough, mysterious, difficult, step by step instructions and magical skills how to handle difficult people - instead I simply rely on my usual tactics which is social anxiety- avoiding toxic people and not going to any kind of social, informal, formal contracts or sharing with them at all. Instead of observing social anxiety as sickness as CBT instructs us - it is affirming and validating own brain, own mind that it knows the best how to deal with predators.

With Agreeableness and Openness, with empathy and Negative politeness and being kind and nice - we will allow other people to take of their filter and mask and they will abuse us. They will equate being nice as being dumb and green light to put someone down. Everybody has Jung Shadow - we all have capacity to bias, to judge people quickly, to be impatient, to be discriminatory and intolerant of mistakes and make drama out of nothing - yet most of us learned to suppress expressing drama and mood swings. Problem is that with predatory personalities - they do not understand that when they are faced with another predator - that predator will not be nice nor kind - and they will experience aggression and brutality on their own skin. So the paradox is that narcissist who is abused by another narcissist will retreat and find kind nice people to abuse and project their cowardliness and illness on people who are suppressing their Jung shadow in order to make world better and healthier place to live without constant criticism. Narcissists due to egocentricity do not comprehend this system. They think nice people are dumb and with low education and gullible. They do not understand that empaths are trying to make things work, to find solutions and to be co-operable by not nicpiking someone's mistakes, by not complaining all the time, by not putting someone down due to their errors and misunderstandings.

With social anxiety we are unable to make distinction between someone who is judgemental and someone who is warning us about mistakes - without attacking our character and self worth. Narcissists do the judgements of character, they assassinate the character, they use a lots of Ad Homines. Being exposed to narcissistic abuse as such - we are unable to make discern between advice, warning, alert and someone being rude, mean, hostile and intrusive.

Which leads to social problem where shy people are convinced that being confident is important in life- then they put on fake mask and pretend to be confident - and like narcissists and predators, psychopaths - they put on a show, they put on an act to impress others. There is low consciousness - since high consciousness would mean anxiety, apprehension and fears - which they cannot tolerate-  so they will attack anyone who is showing  emotions as abnormal and sissy and weak. And then we get paradoxical situations in real life - where truly weak and sissy and passive and coward types of people get good at making impression of being strong, they get to managerial seats and place in authority - where they abuse and mock and label anyone showing vulnerabilities as abnormal and sick - while truly abnormal and sick people are them, who appear as super confident.

Once shy people, narcissists, predators, victims of abuse who choose Fight response such as Borderliners - choose to put on a fake mask in order to impress others - it is the same minute as they start to build fantasy, delusions and paranoia, mental illness really. They will sense any reality as personality attack. They will become extremely sensitive to any kind of criticism and label it as personal attack - and they will do pre-emptive strikes to destroy anyone who is realistic, objective, kind, nice, who seem as weak and vulnerable. That is why we need to be aware what is going on, to know our own strengths in being open and agreeable - so that we do not pathologize ourselves and hence destroy our self worth.

With trauma and social anxiety mixed in, with toxic society messages about masculinity and boldness and courageousness - it will program our minds to be cold and non-sympathetic, without emotions and without empathy. We would rejoice with someone's happiness - but we stop and think it would be sissy to do so. Or borderliners will often monitor and nitpick our emotions and label them as abnormality, weakness or weird - so we will start to stop our natural acting and behaving which predators will quickly label and mock about us as being pushover and people pleaser. And in the end we won't notice that we are programmed and conditioned to be cold and aloof - because of scrutiny, labels and stigma and diagnosis and intrusion by toxic people around us. This needs to be change - so it is not about changing oneself - it is more about layering off programmed hypnotized forcefully installed set of dysfunctional beliefs and instructions and commands which toxic people gave us and place on us - which appear as our own personality - and it may seem as if we are changing our persona - while in reality we are removing warts. This is why judgements and quick bias prejudices are so damaging.

The Confidence Myth
Quite often social anxiety advice online and over videos is that we need to become confident in order not to be socially anxious. This is the same as if we skip steps - like telling a child to buy a house and then you won't need to pay rent or live with someone. Confidence comes when our Maslow needs are met, when our complex trauma is regulated and when we understand Rejection Sensitivity - instead of flying on its auto pilot.
When we tell ourselves that we must be confident - while in reality we have no money, shelter, security, regulation and belief and trust in ourselves - confidence will become hysteria and punishment and Sisyphus task of handling something carrying burden of some sort without any concrete and solid result or product. In fact, trying to be confident and happy all the time and accepting all kinds of people and interacting with them for the sake of being outgoing and happy and "not afraid" of people - will have the exact opposite effect. Telling our brain that we cannot rely on its natural state and that we must micromanage our brain activity all the time in order to weed out fears and panic - leads to toxic shame and invalidation and destruction of self worth. We won't become confident - we will become trauma bonded and externally referenced with external locus of control - where our fears and panic will actually guide us by trying not to feel fear and panic.

Social media are great chance to exercise communication and breaking the ice in social anxiety issues of confrontation and conflict and testing what will happen when we speak up and speak the truth. We will always notice that people who argue, people who are antagonistic - are Cluster B predatory personalities. Borderliners will believe that arguing is normal and healthy. They will talk about personal issues - and then accuse you of diagnosing them when they claim that arguing is normal and when you say that mood swings are part of BPD. It's mind games - and we as empaths and HSPs do not notice these mind games, we stick around and blame ourselves. The best thing to break the ice is to speak the truth and then cut contact. Without education in trauma we would never break contact and we would be afraid what will they think of us. Or we might think we can explain them the truth somehow and that they will come to their senses. They won't. We are not god, nor therapist, we do not have powers to heal someone, we do not have medical papers to be doctor to someone - and it is not our task to change someone. When we realize that we can divide people in toxic and non toxic - we can allow toxic people to be toxic and that they mingle between themselves - instead of parasiting on socially anxious who automatically take the blame for anything being said by them.
Empaths will tend to stick with toxic people due to toxic shame and trauma and belief that our thoughts are abnormal and that other people are normal and we must listen to them and that all other people are courageous and strong for not having anxiety issues. So it only seams. In reality - divergent thinking is not abnormal and instead of relying on other people - especially those who appear superior and strong - we can actually rely on our own pattern of thinking which CBT labels as abnormal and something to fix, reject and suppress. When we realize Cluster B monsters are the ones who are abnormal and who cause anxiety - we won't label our thinking as abnormal, nor our reactions to abusers as abnormal - we will place the facts and objective reality where it's at- that people who appear superior are inferior and that they depend on other people to fear them and perceive them as strong and courageous.

Narcopath Info, TWITTER:
To whom it may concern:
When you engage in behaviours or tactics that mirror a narc/path negative behaviour, you risk becoming part of their game & reinforcing their unhealthy patterns of behaviour.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Some people-- including some therapists-- truly seem to think if they can dismiss "trauma" as a buzzword & "trauma informed care" as a marketing shtick, they won't have to deal w/ the fact that humans really do get abused, neglected, & traumatized.
I have some...bad news.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
Don’t blame yourself, you couldn’t have known they were a narcissist, sociopath and/ or psychopath. ❤️‍🩹

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Sometimes we feel "bad" BECAUSE of what happened to us-- we're damaged goods, who would want us?
Sometimes we feel those things happened to us BECAUSE we're "bad"-- they knew, they could sense it, it'll keep happening.
Listen to me: you're not "bad."
Scratch that record.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
The truth is irrelevant to toxic individuals. If they can't control you, they set out to ruin you.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
What ever you do, follow your instinct. if something feels wrong to you, acknowledge it. tell yourself it doesn't feel right. Do not let yourself get into things you didn't actually want to get into. Value your comfort and safety over everything else. trust your gut.

Ryan 🖖 ♻️ 🌊, TWITTER:
Malignant #narcissists don’t see who you really are, they see who they want to see; someone as bad as they are, someone beneath them.
 Virtuous behavior will go unrecognized (or worse) by narcissists.
#NarcissisticAbuse

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Your triggers are your triggers-- & you don't owe ANYONE any apologies for that.
I know. I've been embarrassed by my triggers. LOTS of us know what that's like.
But you DIDN'T choose this-- & you ARE taking steps to manage it. That's all ANYONE can ask.
Breathe.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Neurodivergent Brain Health, TWITTER:
Repeat with me:
“I am practicing setting boundaries with toxic people and removing myself from toxic environments”

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Trauma often f*cks w/ our executive functioning-- especially behavior initiation. Motivation. Getting off our ass.
That doesn't mean you're "lazy." It's part of your injury.
Yeah. It's a SYMPTOM.
We don't ask for symptoms-- & "willpower" doesn't manage symptoms.

Inner Practitioner, TWITTER:
You've mastered survival mode. Now it's time to forgive yourself for what you did in survival mode, unlearn the survival tactics before they turn into self-sabotaging behaviors, set clear boundaries, and live.

Dr. Jessica Taylor, TWITTER:
Your abuser isn’t mentally ill, they don’t have a personality disorder, they don’t need your help or sympathy.
They are making active selective choices to target and abuse you whilst being able to control their actions and feelings around others.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
We might "know" we have no reason to feel shame-- but it feels so..."right." So familiar.
Those old "shame" neural pathways have gotten LOTS of traffic in our nervous system. They're well-worn.
You're not "addicted" to shame. You're CONDITIONED.
It's not your fault.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
Don’t tell them how to feel, just be there when they need you ❤️

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
Narcissist logic:
😵‍💫 I never hit you so you weren’t abused. You were never my prisoner, you were free to go at anytime…
❤️‍🩹The truth: Emotional/ Verbal abuse and coercive control ARE abuse.
Abuse victims feel imprisoned. Their whole life is there, they can’t just walk away.

Neurotypical Takes, TWITTER:
ChatGPT is teaching NTs a lesson that autistic people have known for a long time: the so-called "soft skills" can be simulated well by an adequate amount of pattern recognition.
We are not shocked.

Robert Greene, TWITTER:
When you go into society, leave behind your own ideas and values, and put on the mask that is most appropriate for the group in which you find yourself.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
You don't owe anyone an apology for getting triggered or having to work your recovery.
You didn't ask for the experiences that "installed" those triggers OR the trauma that necessitates recovery.
You didn't "choose" your past.
No shame. No apologies.
Just focus on today.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
You WILL run into people who try to use your "fawn" trauma response-- that people pleasing, afraid-to-say-no thing-- to try to make their problem, your problem.
In addition to it being miserable for us, we're not doing THEM any favors by enabling that.

Dr. Jessica Taylor, TWITTER:
Stop calling your ex a narcissist.
Stop saying your ex has a personality disorder.
Stop calling your ex a psycho.
Stop calling your ex a sociopath.
Stop saying your ex had a traumatic childhood.
Every time you do that you’re giving them reasons and excuses; you're giving them labels and disorders that explain in some way the horrible fucking ways they treated you.
There is no mental disorder that causes them to abuse their intimate partners.
They do it because they like the power and control.
They haven’t got some sort of undiagnosed mental health issue that caused them to abuse you and control you and rape you and attack you, and make you feel like shit every day. They did it because they want to.
They do it because they like the power and control.
Abusers are not ill or disordered and should be called what they are: perpetrators, abusers, sex offenders.
Society encourages the oppressive dynamics of male power and control over women, they are not disordered - this is BY DESIGN.
We live in a society that encourages people to take power and control over others to harm and oppress them. That’s not a mental illness. That’s the way society is built. If you want to change it, you change society.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
We often procrastinate when we feel trapped. Just straight up not-doing-the-thing becomes, like, our last line of defense when we feel powerless in a situation.
Thing is, procrastination eventually (i.e., sooner than we think) puts is in a hole where we have even LESS power.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
👉Narcissistic abuse is consistent calculated manipulation and not a random bad mood

C.J. Zingle, TWITTER:
You’re unhappy because you’re not in alignment with who you are… not because of what anyone else is doing.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
When we grow up being mocked & shamed, we often get REALLY good at imitating our abusers & bullies-- by getting vicious w/ ourselves.
It's what we saw. What we experienced. It's what we KNOW.
Learning self-compassion in recovery can feel like learning a foreign language.

Natasha Carter, TWITTER:
Those red flags you ignore in the beginning are going to cost you later.
This applies to relationships, friendships, and work environments.

Jacklena Bentley, TWITTER:
Treat people like they will make a difference and they will.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
So we get triggered. Then we get some jackass telling us we "shouldn't" be triggered. Which, newsflash, only makes it all worse-- because LOTS of survivors are ALREADY half convinced we're just "making it all up."
Invalidation can throw already-painful triggers into overdrive.

Jacklena Bentley, TWITTER:
The only way to win with a toxic person, is to not play.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
So many people suffer because they get up in their head about whether what they experienced "qualifies" as "trauma" or not.
Minimizing or dismissing trauma has real world consequences. People shut down. They don't seek help.  
I guarantee it's happened to someone you know.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
When we commit to trauma recovery, it doesn't make everything in our life about trauma.
But: it DOES tend to reveal how many things in our life HAVE been affected by trauma-- things that we previously thought were, you know, "fine."
That can be a brutal reveal.

Ricky Gervais, TWITTER:
Whenever you’re feeling down about life and thinking that no one cares, just remember you’ll be dead soon and none of this will matter. Have a great day.

Dr. Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, TWITTER:
the most profound identity theft is coercive control.

The Wounded Healer, TWITTER:
Normalise being extremely vigilant about who has access to your headspace. Your mental health is just too precious.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
You don't owe anyone an apology for having feelings.
Even feelings they disapprove of.
Even feelings YOU disapprove of.
Having feelings is maybe the most human of human experiences. You don't have to repent or atone for being human.
(Nope. You're not the exception.)

The Wounded Healer, TWITTER:
Normalise distancing yourself from people who constantly search for faults & flaws. You do not need that negativity in your life. Your mental health is far too precious.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Trust your intuition it never lies.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
For some people slowing & deepening our breathing can be calming & centering.
For others it can feel restrictive & trigger a panic attack.
Grounding techniques aren't one size fits all. Pay attention to how YOUR nervous system responds-- even to the most "basic" suggestions.

🌟Autistic Voices: Cheshire Cat ᓚᘏᗢ, TWITTER:
The nature of Neurodiversity is that weird stuff is still natural and healthy and valid no matter how weird or rare it is.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
You don't owe anyone who makes you feel like sh*t social interaction. ICYMI.

Giovanni Strazza - the veiled virgin

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Sometimes we don't know something's a trigger until we, you know, KNOW it's a trigger. Until it comes right down on top of us & helpfully informs us "HELLO I AM TRIGGERING AS HELL TO YOU."
No shame. PTSD doesn't come w/ a user's manual.
We don't know some things until we do.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Accepting that we have trauma reactions-- or that certain reactions ARE rooted in trauma-- DOESN'T mean LIKING it. It DOESN'T mean SURRENDERING to those reactions ALWAYS happening. It DOESN'T mean giving up.
Acceptance IS the first step to realistically CHANGING our patterns.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Post traumatic hypervigilance is exhausting-- & not just physically.
Trauma survivors know there are about twenty kinds of "tired" you can feel at once. Mental, spiritual--& other ways that they haven't invented words for.

Breakingfree, TWITTER:
How many things did we overlook because the narcissist was "such a nice guy?" We really see things so much more clearly when we've stepped away and look back. I pay attention now.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮, TWITTER:
Removing your presence from places you don't feel loved, appreciated and respected is top tier self-care.

Dr Zoë Ayres, TWITTER:
Years of being called a "worrier" or "anxious" or an "overthinker" and the penny absolutely dropping when someone told me that the "hyperactivity" part of ADHD can be super internalised, and, well, in your head.

Psych Insights, TWITTER:
The aggressor will often paint themselves as the victim to hide the fact that they are in fact the aggressor.


Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
You were not "wrong" for going into "survival mode" then. You're not "wrong" for going into "survival mode" NOW when you're triggered. It happens.
Noticing it WHEN it happens, & talking ourselves through what we're experiencing, is a skill-- & we DO get better at it.
Really.

Psych Insights, TWITTER:
Watch out for the people that make themselves the victim & make you the villain.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
A liar will harass you for knowing the truth.

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
Mocking someone having an untidy home might be mocking mental illness, neurodivergence, trauma, grief, or someone who is really struggling with lots of different things.
Stop judging other people’s lives, you literally don’t know why they’re going through.

Stevie., TWITTER:
You are not responsible for the different versions of you that exist in other people’s minds..

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
When we grow up heavily scrutinized &/or criticized, we get really good at scrutinizing & criticizing OURSELVES-- which can REALLY take its toll, because we can't escape our OWN scrutiny & criticism.
Allowing ourselves grace & forgiveness can be a BIG part of trauma recovery.

Pete Wharmby, TWITTER:
Neurotypical people have been 'overcoming autism' for years. It's what they call crushing our fucking spirit so we're depressed and suicidal.

Dr James Davies (PhD), TWITTER:
DSM defined 'mental disorder' as a 'dysfunction in the person' - as if suffering stems from a faulty self. This of course is pure ideology, with no objective evidence to support it - an ideology erasing any notion that our suffering may have meaning or something vital to teach.

Jamie Smart 🌸, TWITTER:
The DSM is an artefact of the field’s medieval understanding of the human mind

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
Explaining your emotional state to a medical professional has now become a dangerous act.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
Narcissist logic: 😵‍💫
Things are too calm so I’m going to be enraged about some trivial bull crap….then I’ll be mad at them for being hurt by my rage….

karen unrue, TWITTER:
FOR DECADES I DIDNT LOVE ME:I could b the life&soul of the party&was confident but early trauma’d distorted my self-concept&I believed myself2b deeply flawed&unlovable. After15yrsof trauma informed recovery I finally❤️who I am. If u feel this way-itsNOTur fault&u can find healing

Breakingfree, TWITTER:
One of the more sinister things the N does is pretend to be helpful & supportive, all the while secretly sabotaging us. When we finally realize everything was a lie,it's so unsettling. Narcissists don't want anyone to succeed, not even their own children.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
Your pain is irrelevant to the narcissist, only their feelings matter. They sleep just fine.
👉 We project our humanness onto the narcissist when we think they have empathy for us.

🌟Autistic Voices: Cheshire Cat ᓚᘏᗢ, TWITTER:
Autists often butt heads with others, but often times we don’t mean to be contrarian or argumentative.
The double empathy problem is core to much of the conflict between Autists and Allists.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
a narcissist expects you accept an inconsistent non-emotionally reciprocal relationship….just because they’re so awesome 😂😂😂

David A Hughes, TWITTER:
And it is linear and based on statistics not on empirical medical surety. That is why it is called DSM-V - Diagnostics ‘Statistics’ Manual. 😎

Caroline Fillmore 🦊, TWITTER:
My disorder teaches me nothing but feeling worthless and letting people down and serves no purpose to me.  There is nothing vital to teach me.  It only causes me to self obsess with dealing with it.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
Red flags are a warning not a challenge 🚩🚩🚩

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
We’re disabled, not broken.
We’re disabled, not people for you to infantilise.
We’re disabled, we don’t need saving.
We’re disabled, not disposable.
We’re disabled, not “differently abled” or any other bullshit.
We are valid, we deserve to exist. We need allies, not saviours.

Can I ever live a normal life with ADHD?
Living with ADHD is about monitoring your symptoms and actively working toward finding what works best for you.
verywellmind

ADHD is not a disorder. In fact, if directed, harnessed, and utilized, it can be a superpower and give you the ability to achieve great success.
uopeople.edu

Trauma and traumatic stress, according to a growing body of research, are closely associated with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD or ADD). Trauma and adversity can alter the brain's architecture, especially in children, which may partly explain their link to the development of ADHD.
additudemag

Most psychologists think about ADHD as a characteristic that, like eye color or height, can’t be changed. Doctors can’t cure ADHD, just like they can’t double the length of your legs.
If someone had a hard time reaching a high shelf, would you tell them they just need to be taller? Of course not. But you could suggest they use a stepladder.
https://theconversation.com/what-causes-adhd-and-can-it-be-cured-170179

High-functioning ADHD could mean:
you experience severe symptoms but have developed “work arounds” to carry on with daily tasks and responsibilities
your symptoms are mild, and you’re able to function with minimal impairment
symptoms are greatly impairing in some areas but you’re highly functional in others
In a 2018 qualitative investigation, researchers found certain attributes of ADHD were seen as beneficial in the climb toward success, including:
hyper-focus
divergent thinking
adventurousness
self-acceptance
nonconformity
sublimation (a psychological defense mechanism that may help reduce anxiety)
Some 2017 researchTrusted Source suggests that adults with elevated IQ may be able to compensate for ADHD-related challenges in executive functioning.
While high IQ can help lessen the impact of ADHD symptoms, it can also make it difficult to receive a diagnosis.
You can learn to incorporate certain habits to help you troubleshoot some of the challenges ADHD might pose, such as:
Prioritizing organization. Organization can help make the spaces you spend time in as efficient as possible.
Eliminating clutter. Having everything in its place can help reduce distraction.
Creating a routine. Checklists and routines can help keep you on track.
Using planning tools. Planners and reminders can help with time management.
Forming lists. Lists can help with everything from daily chores to business prep.
Making small goals. Small goals may be easier to accomplish in short amounts of time.
Using automated tools. Online bill-pay and other self-regulating tools can help complete important, necessary tasks
https://psychcentral.com/adhd/high-functioning-adhd#definition

Narcopath Info, TWITTER:
Rich ppl don't need to tell you how rich they are
Honest ppl don’t need to tell you how honest they are
Smart ppl don't need to tell you how smart they are.
If someone constantly reminds you of those things then what they usually are is an insecure con artist.

introvert, TWITTER:
listen to me, it’s not ur job to rebuild a bond u didn’t break, ok?

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
In trauma recovery it's SUPER important we keep our arms around what's REAL-- especially since many of us have people around us or in our families who WILL f*ck with our sense of reality.
You need to know that's a common thing in traumagenic families & systems. It's NOT you.

“The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved.” —Mother Teresa


Dr James Davies (PhD), TWITTER:
Psych-organisations invariably emphasise the benefits of their diagnoses. Here’s what they often erase: that labels can mislead as to the nature of the problem, delete the purpose & specificity of a person’s experience, increase fatalism & loss of agency...
hasten further invasive medicalisation (new ascribed co-morbidities, poly-pharmacy etc); generate stigma, self-stigma, increase dependence on psych-authority, encourage diagnostic overshadowing, looping effects, poor long term outcomes, depoliticisating effects
the adverse effects of treatment, dis-incentivise social & psychological exploration, diminish credibility, increase silencing….and these are just a few of the individual effects. I wrote about the more numerous adverse social effects in #Sedated…. End.

High Sensitivity, on the other hand is not a disorder, being found in approximately 15-20% of humans and in similar ratios in most other species, indicating that it is a normal temperament variation that has evolved for a reason. (Elaine Aron)
https://happysensitivekids.com/2017/08/sensory-processing-disorder-or-highly-sensitive/

Psych Insights, TWITTER:
Your triggers lead you to what still needs to be resolved inside.

Nate Postlethwait, TWITTER:
To tell a survivor how they should feel about someone who hurt them is manipulation. Often times, the survivor had to come to grips with reality that their perpetrator hurt them on purpose. Do NOT try & tell a person how to feel about this. They feel how they feel & it's valid.

C.G. Jung Foundation, TWITTER:
"I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become." - Carl Jung

Dr. Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, TWITTER:
everybody has a back story

Stevie., TWITTER:
Surround yourself with people who push you to do and be better. No drama or negativity. Just higher goals and higher motivation.

x-Kate is Tired, TWITTER:
It is absolutely baffling to me that there are practicing mental health clinicians who simply don't believe that  being targeted by systemic oppression is traumatic.

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
What we now call "mental disorders" was decided upon by a group of men sitting around a table debating what is normal/abnormal. Subsequent revisions are more political/social/financial than anything we can reliably refer to as scientific.
I hope this makes you uncomfortable.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
The normal "calming down" stuff may not work when we've experienced CHRONIC hypervigilance for years. Silence may wig us out. Deep, slow breathing may make us feel suffocated. Closing our eyes may cue dissociation.
The cheat code for what chills YOU out may take some hacking.

Defend Survivors, TWITTER:
Survivors don’t need anyone else telling them what the ‘should do’ or ‘have to do’ to heal. The last thing they need is someone else trying to control them again. Survivors need to know they are in control and that they are the experts in their experience and healing.

Defend Survivors, TWITTER:
Survivors have just lived through something horrible and now they’re told they have to do this monumental thing called ‘healing’. The last thing they need is more pressure. The last thing they need is more judgements of what they ‘should do’. They know what to do. Support them.

Annon Survivor, TWITTER:
And the unrealistic expectations that you will heal with an end goal to be normal.Some may never. My GP recently acknowledged I may never, just learn to manage. And that was so incredibly validating. Sometimes positivity instead of realistic can make you feel like a failure

Reva Steenbergen, TWITTER:
If you are faced with a false allegation, "say nothing"
Because you can't prove something that doesn't exist

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Eh, maybe they ARE talking about you. Maybe they ARE making fun of you. Maybe.
So?
You have a recovery to manage & a life to live that ISN'T dependent upon their approval or inclusion-- especially if "they're" the type to talk behind your back.
Screw 'em. Focus on you.

Prof. Feynman, TWITTER:
One of the signs of intelligence is to be able to accept the facts without being offended.

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
It's pure evil to drug up children who are victims of abuse & label them w/ a mood disorder.   Theres nothing disordered about their mood & their behavior makes sense given the circumstances.

your_recovery_matters, TWITTER:
I absolutely HATE the idea of ‘well someone else has it worse’ like NO.
Your pain and trauma are completely valid despite what someone else went through..
#Trauma #pain #validation  

Natasha Carter, TWITTER:
Please move on from anything that negatively impacts your mental health.

shoegalxy2, TWITTER:
Lovers bring motivation to you, Haters bring powers in you.

Stevie., TWITTER:
Don’t chase after people anymore. Understand that you are here and you are very important. You never have to run after people just to prove that you matter. Don’t forget that..

Nedra Glover Tawwab, TWITTER:
The people who thrive on sharing everyone else business seem to be the same people who ask a lot of personal questions.

Prof. Feynman, TWITTER:
I would rather have questions that can't be answered than answers that can't be questioned.

Most people never get to see how brilliant they can be. They don't find teachers that believe in them. They get convinced they're stupid.
Good Will Hunting (1997)

Defend Survivors, TWITTER:
There are so many “positive” messages that are aimed to inspire and help survivors. But when you really listen to these messages, they often guilt or blame survivors for either how they responded to the abuse, or for how they are healing now.
Make sure the messages you share with survivors are honoring and respecting them, their courage, and their choices.

your_recovery_matters, TWITTER:
When someone says…..
Your trauma made you stronger.
No my trauma made me traumatized.
It made me weak and vulnerable.
It made me wanna die.
It pushed me to places I never wanna see again.
And opened doors that I have nailed shut.
I made myself stronger me..

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Hey. Don't panic.
Just do the next right thing.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
You're not highly sensitive because you want to annoy or "burden" anyone. It's how you're wired, often because of things that happened TO you-- & it's probably as frustrating to YOU as it is to anyone.
Ease up on you. Shame doesn't make us any LESS highly sensitive.

Defend Survivors, TWITTER:
Survivors are the experts in their experience. They are the experts in their healing. Listen to survivors.

Lindsay Goodman 🏳️‍🌈 (she/her), TWITTER:
Survivors speaking out about their abuse does not mean they’re stuck in victim mode/obsessed/unable to move on.

Jacklena Bentley, TWITTER:
Energy transfer is real. Be mindful of who you let touch you.

Robert Greene, TWITTER:
If you want to seem natural, as if you are comfortable with yourself, you have to act the part; you have to train yourself to not feel nervous and to shape your appearance so that in your naturalness you don’t offend people or the group values.

“The way we reflect the world around us is the direct reflection of the world within us.”  -Anonymous, 🪶✨

Matt 〽️ Mental Sovereignty, TWITTER:
OOPS is the sound we make when we improve.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
If you were screamed at a lot then, it can be hard to be present with anger now.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Trauma recovery is hard because we're struggling with BELIEFS about ourselves & the world-- & beliefs don't come out of nowhere. They are CONDITIONED in us. They're rooted in things that ACTUALLY happened.
Beliefs can & do change-- but the fact that it's hard ISN'T your fault.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Make no mistake: our culture incentivizes us to shut up & not acknowledge our struggles. We GLORIFY "toughness" & silent suffering. We mock & devalue vulnerability.
It takes IRON courage to acknowledge & work on our own sh*t in an world where EVERYTHING is pushing against us.

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
Dear mental health professional, You only know what I am willing to tell you at this time.  I mean... we hardly know each other.  Be careful in attaching quickly to details or getting stuck on some idea of me. Don't label, diagnosis me, or drug me quickly. Sincerely, Humanity

Randy Thames🎯, TWITTER:
Go with the flow.
Only make waves when absolutely necessary.

AimTrue, TWITTER:
Many people don't understand that recovery can't be given a time frame.  Things happen when they happen.
This is frustrating for those watching but also for the person living through recovery.  
Take one day at a time.

Compensation = finding ways around things that are naturally difficult. Example: Forcing yourself to make eye contact with someone
Masking = hiding parts of your autism. Example = Not talking about something you are really intereste in
Assimilation = trying to fit in with everyone else so people don't notice you are different. Example: Talking to a stranger in a shop even if you don't want to
(TherapyWorks- What it Means to be Neurodiversity Affirming)

My Voice Unchained, TWITTER:
Many people who have narcissistic traits behave like narcissists but aren’t actually narcissists. Sometimes it’s as much as noticing they have degrees of empathy and remorse for negative behavior. Some have overlapping symptoms of other disorders but still aren’t narcissists.

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
One of the biggest travesties in this era of DSM diagnoses is the training of mental health professionals. Clinicians attempting to fit a person in a category at the expense of truly understanding who is sitting in front of them. Checking symptom boxes isn't helping anyone.

Nate Postlethwait, TWITTER:
One sign of growth is when someone says something dishonest or triggering to you, instead of spending your time trying to get them to own it, or call someone else to validate how you felt hearing it, you experience it for what it is & walk away with your energy intact.

Psych Insights, TWITTER:
Avoid people that justify their dysfunctional & toxic behavior.

Prof. Feynman, TWITTER:
Life is too short to worry about stupid things. Have fun. Regret nothing, and don't let people bring you down. Study, think, create, and grow. Teach yourself and teach others.

Josh…, TWITTER:
The moment you put a stop to people taking advantage of you and disrespecting you, is when they define you as difficult, selfish or crazy. Manipulators hate boundaries.

The Wounded Healer, TWITTER:
Funny how you become the villain when you become more assertive & when you react to protect & defend yourself.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Yeah. You're gonna get people who consider YOUR reaction to be a bigger deal than the fact that you're reacting to something that was/is genuinely horrible.
Reason number 4,279,221 we DON'T make OTHER peoples' opinions or beliefs the key to our OWN trauma recovery.

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
Bipolar II disorder, Cyclothymic Disorder, Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder, Persistent Mood Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, Dysthymic Disorder....  List goes on and on. If they don't understand you I guarantee they will still find a disorder & pill for you.

Reva Steenbergen, TWITTER:
Never crave love from strangers

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Coping skills aren't optional in trauma recovery. I wish they were. True story: I almost quit therapy as a teenager when my therapist uttered the word "coping."
Thing is: trying to process trauma WITHOUT skills is like wandering into Chernobyl without a radiation suit.

Inner Practitioner, TWITTER:
Avoiding people who repeatedly confuse your free time with your availability is top tier self-care.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Crazy how peaceful life becomes when you raise the bar on who has access to you.

Josh…, TWITTER:
I rather be hard to deal with than easy to play with.

bhavjot ✨(puv-jo-tuh), TWITTER:
If they take your attempts to communicate & fix things as an attack, they’re not for you.

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
If you ask someone to give their expertise as someone with Lived Experience…
1. Pay them for their time.
2. Listen to them and actually show you’ve acted on what they’ve said/advised.
3. Don’t just do it as a tick box exercise.

your_recovery_matters, TWITTER:
Trauma can literally change how the brain functions.
And we have people out here saying shit like “let go of your past, forget about it”
Like we are TRYING…

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
As long as we're trying to control sh*t we can't POSSIBLY control-- like others' feelings & behavior-- we're gonna be left feeling helpless, overwhelmed, & angry.
Ironically, by accepting where we have NO control, we START to gain REALISTIC influence over how we feel & function.

With social phobia rarely anxieties occur prior to the age of 11. “I was just fine until last year of elementary school and then I became intensely anxious about being humiliated or embarrassed in public, scrutinized harshly”.
YT William Dodson

Dr James Davies (PhD), TWITTER:
The culture of autism: "identity politics creates a perverse incentive to collect as many “disadvantaged” boxes as possible....an identity-defining mental health label offers a claim to oppression... a once dry medical label is now what makes one worthy".

And yet, everywhere I look online, someone is trying to diagnose me with something, using “symptoms” unrelated to clinical diagnostic criteria. Videos with titles like “6 Signs You May Have A.D.H.D.” and “Signs That You Might Have O.C.D.” can rack up millions of views. In them, “neurodiversity advocates” encourage me to consider which of my personality quirks is instead a sign of mental illness or neurodiversity.
Knowing I had autism gave me the permission I needed to accept my quirks and insecurities.
The diagnosis had crystallized into a central part of my self-concept. I didn’t just have autism. I was autistic.
While our immutable identity characteristics surely shape us and shouldn’t be erased, they’re hardly everything. What makes us interesting and worthwhile people isn’t the circumstances of our birth — or our disordered psyches — but the choices we make, and the ideas and people that we care about.
https://www.nytimes.com/2023/04/19/opinion/tiktok-mental-health.html

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
If you sit down with people and have an honest conversation about their emotional lives most people will report some difficulty.
It's only in the modern mental health system where this can turn into mental illness & easily into a drug prescription.
It's a scam.

(19.4.2023)

Rejection sensitivity and other realities and dimensions.
If we look at the dynamics of social anxiety - interesting pattern starts to appear:
At one side of the spectrum there is shyness. It is the most scarce version of social anxiety, where fears and panic are at its minimum. Yet even though it is at its minimum, the feelings of rejection are so potent and strong and uncomfortable that shy people who begin to notice it - they will hang onto it and believe and make themselves believe that this is social anxiety. Then they will find shy tools to help it - such as exposure and confidence obsession - and they will hang onto it. They will believe that they have destroyed and conquered social anxiety- even though they never had social anxiety at all. They only had few grains of Sorites Paradox which appear as social anxiety.
Then further on spectrum there is true social anxiety. With social anxiety we know how much it is annoying and scary and uncomfortable - that we are egocentric just as shy people. We believe that there is nothing worse than panic we feel and that no one else knows about it as much as we do. We think other people cannot feel worse than ourselves, especially if we have experienced abuse and suicidal idealization and ideations and neglect and bullying and mobbing and other toxic tools which predators use when they spot agreeable and nice and open people who are anxious. But there is much worse.
Further on the social anxiety spectrum is ADHD and Autism. The difference is that we feel social anxiety only in social situations. Whereas ADHD and Autism and other neurodivergents experience panic and fears and confusion and trauma all the time - even when there are no social situations. This is why ADHD, Autism and Neurodiversity can help us with social anxiety. We can learn to handle and process emotions and feelings and thoughts with techniques which ADHD and Autistic people and other neurodivergents are already using and discovering and which are already discovered.
This is where Rejection Sensitivity steps in. Without ADHD and Autism - it would be incredibly hard if impossible to describe RSD with social anxiety only - because social anxiety is not hallucination - it is a mere reaction to toxic ambient, and pathology of toxic people and their toxic influence on other people would be explained away as some other explanations which are not describing the exposure to toxicity and pathological people. When we are exposed to someone who is mentally ill - we will be affected by their mental illness, something which medical industry tries to hide away and ignore. Toxic people, verbal abuse - negatively effect our brain. Long term exposure to narcissistic abuse causes brain injury - is in its infancy, there is still research and scientific data to be gathered. But we do not have time to wait 20, 30 years for experiments to finish. We need to live our life, not to wait for medical industry to validate our trauma instead of making money of our neurosis.

If we take the stance that other dimensions exists - and perhaps someone who is highly intelligent, more intelligent than human - it leads to understanding that such entity would be offended by errors, flaws, mistakes and wrongdoing which cause suffering and pain with domino effect. We feel extreme sensitivity to errors and criticism due to exposure to trauma and because we try not to make mistakes so much to extent of our own space and comfort - and then it hurts when people do not see how much we sacrificed our own peace to be perfect and try to avoid all mistakes down the road. Anyone intelligent would do the same thing. Paradox is that all people feel rejection sensitivity to some extent - and those who are pathological are prone to blame others and to attack others.
With this being said - it is clear that if God exists - he would also feel Rejection sensitivity:
"Do you wish to offer yourself to God to endure all the suffering he may please to send you, to help atone for the sins by which he is offended. And to ask for the conversion of sinners? Then you will have much to suffer." quote from the movie: The Miracle of Our Lady of Fatima (1952).
This tells us that higher entity would feel offended - emotions are not hormonal imbalance - it is found in superEgo, in rules and obligations. We fuse quickly feeling of being offended with anger if we hate someone or with shame if we feel guilty for not being perfect. We do not separate our character from our deed. That is toxic shame, toxic guilt - which makes us extremely easy to control and manipulate.
This all means - if there is some kind of higher being - it needs to be super-intelligent - and from our point of view it would have issues far extreme and harder than our own extremes - when it is triggered and traumatized.

Pied Piper Effect -
With social anxiety issues, with trauma, with rejection sensitivity we will tend to look to others for information. In twist turn of events this genuine seek for education and knowledge will soon turn into external referencing on both sides. We will somehow start to believe we are inferior for not knowing, while people who provide any kind of information will like being Rescuer role inside Karpman Drama Triangle, they will feel the rush of being appraised, approved, followed - it feels good to influence others - and this soon will turn into Pied Piper Effect where the main focus will be to keep masses hooked, not the information or knowledge. I see this a lot on you tube channels about social anxiety where information about anxiety is thwarted and lensed through mirroring someone's trauma as cowardice and desire to be strong and create fake image of superiority in order to magically remove danger and bad people. This tells us that we need to be careful when we listen to someone, when we follow someone - do they really help or do they create content just for the views and being followed. We can test this by disagreeing with them and - or providing information from life which contradicts their methods and techniques. If they are unable to rationally answer without mocking or hysteria - it is sign we need to withdraw. As empaths and with agreeable personality we will tend to be loyal and stick with people who appear kind and funny and with glib charm - however in real life this is also gateway to psychopaths and sociopaths to enter in our private sphere without us being aware that they are harmful.
The general rule is if we are unable to express our thoughts with someone - this is clear sign that this person is not intended to be close to us. If there is no contract, if there is no obligation or any kind of legal tie with them - we need to avoid and cut contact with them. This is what social anxiety tries to tell us, that we learn to avoid toxic people, that we learn to recognize toxic people in the first place - since we won't be able to recognize them with our agreeableness personality. We will give them all trust that they do not deserve and then rationalize and blame ourselves for being wrong, weak or abnormal - while the negative and bad feelings and intrusive thoughts stem from being in contact with toxic people who pretend to be nice, good and friendly to us - as long as we are silent.
With CBT we are being told not to avoid, that we stick with toxic people. Toxic people themselves will also explain this and blame us for being "too sensitive" even though it is clear that they are toxic.

Accepting validating feeling scared would be to accept the message what fear is trying to say - instead of trying to stifle it down or ignore it.

Without correct information, without knowing where I need to look when something is problem - I will waste time in seeking the correct analysis of what is going on exactly. With social anxiety information I get useless tons of CBT unsignificant, wrong and thwarted information which makes problems and deals of something that is not problem at all - like labeling fawning as being coward and that we must be strong and courageous which signals that our brain is abnormal for having fears, panic and reactions and triggers. While in reality there is issue with Complex trauma. In the same manner - I needed to cut off significant regular life activities to stop everything and watch myself and be highly aware of how I am thinking (which anxiety tried to tell me to do that I observe and detect the virus) - and I did notice that I tend to get stuck in certain thinking and finding regulation by being stuck in thinking and worry and PureOCD. Now with rejection sensitivity information I know more - much deeper - that this is symptom of ADHD - something that I could easily detect before if I only ever learn about ADHD and its symptoms. Instead all I got was CBT and its wrong explanations about what is fear and panic and wrong advice how to handle it. When I know that I will tend to be stuck and that I need to manually over-ride - not because of personality trait nor because of being coward or lacking in being strong - but because of conditioning of being exposed to toxic ambient where I was exposed to relentless criticism and nitpicking of my behaviour - that I am now prone to check myself and seek confirmation and safety from others before doing anything. CBT does not explain it that way - CBT explains that my thoughts are abnormal and sick while all other people are normal and that I must devote energy time and focus and money on nitpicking my reactions which CBT never describes as triggers but as personality flaw, persona error. Which only leads astray and to self pathologizing. Wrong diagnosis, misdiagnosis by default CBT.

The point is that without information about Complex Trauma, RSD, ADHD-Autistic, Neurodivergent struggles, Divergent thinking - I would not know why certain people hate and react badly to my thoughts, acts, beliefs - and I would end up blaming myself for hurting them and making them feel angry. Then I would end up with social anxiety, self sabotage, self censorship, Negative politeness and try to prune myself off - believing that I am somehow making other people feel bad by my words. Now I know that if they do feel bad it is because they are bad inside, bad person and my words triggers their destroyed and pruned moral and ethical standards, it removes their narcissistic mask, exposed their fantasy and delusional Personal Fable - and that is the only reason why they are mad. It is not because I am bad person or that I am hurting them. They are the ones who chosen in the past to hurt and harm other people and my words are reminder that what they are doing is bad. Now when I know this - I no longer need to spend money, time, focus on "improving" myself, blaming myself or isolating myself nor censuring myself.

There is a meme "The defects we see in others are mostly our own" by spiritualwanferlust. Which then makes sense why we keep on forgiving abusers and have empathy for them - we cannot project anger onto them - and this ironically makes us stuck since we are easy to forgive. This also explains the narcissistic projecting - blame and error nitpicking since that is inside them all the time, the hatred. This glue effect must be broken. We will tend to be co-joined with evil people because of being good, nice, civil and human and humain. The goodness is used against ourselves.

Social anxiety, trauma could be an onion layer, a shield - which is a cover up from realizing something deeper and meaningful inside. Without over-concern what other people think, without holding up in order not to hurt other people's potential hurt - I would not hesitate in life. From trauma and panic point of view - other people appear superior and competent, while me, without experience, due to avoidance - I believe I am inept and must keep quiet.

In the end - when we struggle with social anxiety, it is not social anxiety at all. Everything uncomfortable, fears, the panic, intrusive worry, obsessing about other people - it is connected to Rejection Sensitivity and Complex Trauma - not to social anxiety at all.
In order to be social there needs to be free and open and frank discussion - which is impossible with fawning trauma response and all the symptoms of Rejection sensitivity. When we do not know this fact, when we do not understand what is the trigger and why it is happening - we will label it as social anxiety and try to resolve social anxiety - while the problem is not related to it. The solution may seem to socialize and conquer fears and being in contest with our panic - and this way the core problem is not touched, while we may create additional new problems such as being stuck with toxic people and being immobile - since now all people would seem scary because CBT made it difficult and scary by unnecessary diagnosis and unnecessary focus on fears.
With Rejection sensitivity and Complex Trauma - we now have the information that programming, conditioning, toxic shame is the problem, exposure to toxic relentless and unnecessary criticism - where we were made believe that our mistakes are equal to our character and where we do not rely on our common sense but to societal projections about what is supposed to be correct and approved.

The point of self acceptance and self validation as Humanistic psychology instructs us and neurodiversity concept, too - is that we realize that at some point our memories are all we have. When we actively do what makes us happy - instead of being hyper-vigilant, immobile and passive - we will decide on our own to be active and less afraid and risk more. With CBT/DSM/internet-stoic approach - we try to push this active approach on force - and this results in being more afraid, since we do not understand the importance of self validation and doing anything in life from the intrinsic locus of control - from our values, from our deep core beliefs which are common sense, intuition and normal and high in moral and ethical standards - where we do not harm other people in the process of satisfying our needs and urges. CBT, DSM operates only on the surface level and cannot grasp this whole new dimension of higher values and deep core validation, self validation and love. We never know what will happen when we die - if our life will be replayed over and over again - then it makes sense that we do what we love and like and that we minimize anything toxic - including toxic habits and toxic people. Even if there is no after-life, it is clear that what we have till the rest of our lives are our memories and what we do in life. If we devote our life to CBT/DSM/neurotypical idea of black and white thinking, battles and trauma splitting - we will make our fears into gods and our only focus in life. That is why CBT is so detrimental, it is tunnel vision therapy that is based on mental imbalance by not offering true steps how to approach mental health. Instead it is therapy of laws and regulations that are not life, they are mere statistics and nothing else. And statistical paradoxes are real issue - statistics can be extremely wrong and misleading.

With CBT we are pushed into the same issues and trauma, we just polish them and make them functional. With Humanistic psychology we accept trauma and issues and turn it around and create and step into something completely new and different, without judgement, without grudge, without sorry, without Sisyphus baggage to carry with us anymore.

Here is the situation -
as I understand ADHD and Autism and Sensory impairment and Neurodiversity - when all the facts are brought together - it is clear that narcissistic abuse and exposure to relentless criticism is causing the brain fog - it distorts reality and it is causing stimuli overload - and we cannot process reality when we are triggered and when there are flashbacks and Complex PTSD. With trauma and abuse in the past and re-traumatization in the present through Rejection sensitivity - we won't be able to function, we will get dysregulated and this dysregulation will appear and behave and act as if it is ADHD and Autism. Which means that standard CBT instructions will not work - since CBT will misdiagnose the symptoms with worthless DSM list - it will be total hyper-cognition and giving quick labels to describe what is happening - and misdiagnosis will be done simply because CBT and diagnosis through DSM is ignoring narcissistic abuse as important factor, along with trauma. To make it worse, CBT and DSM are created as tools to create NT default mode of thinking - which is rigid mindset - which leads to personality disorder.
For example - since Ventral Vagal is calm state where we are active and functional and operational - to CBT is seems that it must be our goal to be social and open. Which is problem when we are inside toxic ambient where being exposed to evil will trigger us into dysregulation. We cannot get sensitized to evil, because it is evil. The same as if we cannot get sensitized to getting burned or gone through toxic radiation - it will kills us, our body cannot withstand the pressure, there is a limit to what our brain is capable to tolerate.

Getting back to Ventral Vagal needs to be our goal - but this goal cannot be achieved by CBT Deficiency motivation and CBT's invalidation of our emotions and experience. We cannot be among people if we believe in CBT idea that our thoughts are cognitive distortions and that our emotions are abnormal and something to suppress and hide.

One of the surprising moments that I encountered with ADHD and Autistic videos was information in video and comments below that these people would love that someone was bluntly honest with them even when they are being rejected - instead of being told a white lie and later find out about it. All this time I was actually trying hard not to be honest with people due to fear they may be over sensitive and had some mental issues - but this information now gives me clear signal that I do not use Negative politeness anymore. I used it primarily as a tool not to hurt other people - and in the same time I was hurting myself and actually not helping those whom I believed I was helping - and instead I got taken advantage of parasites and predatory personalities who see kindness as weakness and something to exploit.

In the same way as we cannot process stimuli when attacked - there is a flip side where abusers will always pretend to be a victim and proclaimed that we are attacking them when we talk about truth and objective facts. This needs to be cleared immediately - it is facts, it is truth, it is objective reality. That is why Ad Hominem must be thing of the past no matter how tempting it becomes when someone is annoying and irritating and trolling.

Even though I do not have neither ADHD nor Autism, what I experience when dysregulated are exact symptoms of ADHD and Autism. Perhaps in the childhood I was disciplined enough time to be "corrected" and "molded" into NT mindset that when triggered gets chipped off, cortex gets offline and suppressed parts get active. With NT explanations I will label dysregulation as fear, neutral stimuli as panic, different way of processing reality as abnormality - and these CBT NT explanations and quick labels are now doing the real damage through self fulfilling prophecy and me wasting time on curing and fixing myself - whereas there is nothing broken. It is like sci-fi movie "Total Recall" - where I get glimpses of my prior personality which was hypnotized and swept away through heavy medical brainwashing.
With CBT wrong explanation and misdiagnosis - we are left to view life as a challenge to overcome - which mimics narcissistic viewpoint of delusions which appear reality to them. Also with CBT wrong explanations and constant misdiagnosis through hyper-cognition, we will label our thoughts, patterns, actions as cowardice and challenge to overcome- something to fix with being exposed to toxic people and trauma - which of course does not work at all.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
If you don't know the whole story. Don't take sides.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
When someone lays a guilt trip on you, they're trying to tap into your "fawn" response.
A way to inoculate yourself against that kind of pressure is to reassure the kid inside your head & heart that YOU won't abandon them-- even IF someone "out there" is "disappointed" or mad.

"neurotypical individuals often assume that their experience of the world is either the only one or the only correct one"

karen unrue, TWITTER:
IF WE’RE COMPLIANT WE CAN BE MORE EASILY CONTROLLED&I dont know about you but im done being mistreated by controlling people,so I ask questions,set boundaries,&say things like“explain yourself”& “take responsibility4ur behaviour.” Im now A NONCONFORMIST&Im free. You can be too❤️

Benny - The Stoic Padawan, TWITTER:
How do you feel about being wrong?

Jacklena Bentley, TWITTER:
At the worst time of your life you see people's true colors.

Ryan 🖖 ♻️ 🌊, TWITTER:
#NarcissisticAbuse is a covert killer. Death by 1000 little cuts. Victims of narcissistic abuse might commit suicide, turn to drugs as a coping mechanism, might die of “mysterious” overdoses. It’s a psychological pain most people can’t understand until they experience it.

Psych Insights, TWITTER:
You know you are healing when you no longer seek resolutions from the person who is bringing the drama into your life.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
You'll run into people who WILL twist your words. It's gonna happen. And feeling misunderstood or misrepresented can be an unexpectedly blunt trigger for MANY survivors.
I know. But we CAN'T control what "they" say & do. We CAN influence what WE say & do.
Just focus there.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Every wonder why you feel angry, but not sure why?
Manipulation, gaslighting, lies, deception and coercive control tactics are all signs of covert manipulation and control..
Your intuition is picking up on these very deceptive behaviors, which inturn causes anger in the victims

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
Sick of trying to have reasonable conversations with people (MH professionals in particular) who actively choose to deny my reality as an AuDHD person with mental illnesses.
If you choose to deny my existence and pursue your own bias… you don’t deserve respect.

Psych Insights, TWITTER:
The narcissist is not able to love anyone, they only pretend to give love in return for supply for their grandiose false self.

Native Red Cloud🪶Maȟpíya Lúta~Hińhan Wakangli⚡️🦉, TWITTER:
"Toxic people will pollute everything around you. Don’t let them break your spirit.” 🪶✨

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
So many Neurodivergent adults don't know they're ND... and they have all been suffering in silence for most of their lives, never knowing why.

Fochti, TWITTER:
The funny thing about people saying "you can't learn social skills by being on the internet all the time" is that as an autistic person I absolutely DO learn social skills on the internet, because I can OBSERVE strangers interacting with each other, or get stuff EXPLAINED to me

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
"We need to talk more, talking is always good"
No... talking is only good if:
1. The person wants to talk
2. The person they are talking to actually listens
3. There is mutual trust

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
You don't need a formal diagnosis  (of any condition/illness) to have or ask for reasonable adjustments.

Aaron Rupar, TWITTTER:
It really sunk in for me today that Elon is trying to be Trump. A chaos agent with an endless thirst for attention and validation. The grievances. The narcissism. The incessant punching down and bigotry. The shady business connections. It's the same toxic brew.

NeuroDivergent Rebel (they/them/Xe/Xem) 🧠 🏳️‍🌈, TWITTER:
I'm Autistic... I don't need to "overcome Autism" - I need to overcome non-autistic BS like this.... #ActuallyAutistic

Dr. Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, TWITTER:
Folks, the problem is not their DSM diagnosis it’s their abusive behavior. Abusers choose to abuse, plain and simple. They must be held accountable.

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
If restrictive diets and weight loss plans worked, the diet industry would go out of business, and they wouldn’t rely on repeat custom and continual re-branding to keep going.
It’s a con, they just want your money and it’ll make your health worse.

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
Stop pillshaming for fuck’s sake… it’s so harmful to tell people for whom medication has literally saved their life that it’s somehow bad for them.

Kristen Casey, PsyD, TWITTER:
don’t be afraid to try new things. like not giving a fuck. follow me for more tips

Defend Survivors, TWITTER:
Perpetrators very strategically trap their victims. The survivor, whether consciously or unconsciously, knows there will be consequences if they cross the abuser. It’s not weakness or lack of courage -but rather intelligence that leads to their self preservation. #perpetrator101

Defend Survivors, TWITTER:
Perpetrators don’t abuse everyone - but they manipulate everyone.
#perpetrator101

Narcissist Facts 101, TWITTER:
Narcissists cannot feel genuine empathy but are often able to mimic empathetic actions and behaviors to give themselves the appearance of an empathetic person. They aren’t able to keep this mask on indefinitely though, eventually it falls away and you see the monster behind it.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
You are allowed to terminate toxic relationships, You are allowed to speak your truth. You are allowed to walk away from people who don't respect your rights, protections and boundaries. You don't owe anyone a explanation for taking care of yourself.

Jacklena Bentley, TWITTER:
When you set healthy boundaries for yourself you really upset the toxic people in your life.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮, TWITTER:
Having an emotionally mature partner is TOP TIER. You're able to freely express your feelings/thoughts without judgement. They dont insult you, they dont ignore you, they dont become aggressive or manipulative – they listen, they respond, they patiently hold a safe space for you.

BlackHistoryStudies, TWITTER:
Apr 20
"Sometimes, truth sounds like hate to those who hate the truth".
Brother Malcolm X

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria: Dr. William Dodson brings new insight to Emotional Regulation
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PX7c7exdnWg
Once you can name your pain, you can find the way to get through it.
The term RSD comes from 1950s it was called Atypical, non-typical depression, it had nothing to do with mood disorder.
It comes and go
people hide it they don't want to be thought as head case
 is not measurable
People try to protect themselves from ever happening again in the first place. As personality type rising out of this. Above reproach, most admired person but it's trap they need to produce all the time. Constantly running scared of being discovered.
Get on with your life.
RSD like physical wound. Now they aren't wounded. How freeing is to get on with your life. Somebody who never applied for job now he has two years, promotions, his life has just blossomed because he doesn't lose weeks to this rejection sensitive dysphoric episodes. Frees up person to be who they are.
They're not always playing defense. People have these attitudes, responses their entire lives, they're habitual. They need some behavioral cognitive management to understand these were internal perception. It wasn't that somebody hated them.
They have to own it, this was distorted perception on my part. And they have to rework their whole relationship with other human beings. To them it was all they'd ever known before. They never questioned it that's the world is. Well maybe it's not.
They think differently, they process emotions differently, experience world differently. That's where they get into a lot of trouble, is they tell themselves that they are wrong to be different. Because the world tells them they're wrong to be different.
Shame about who I am as a person is fundamental. Guilt is when you feel bad about something you did. Shame is when you feel bad about who you are and as such is much more profound.
Somebody who's full of shame never asks for help to begin with. The only way to deal with that is to be with other people who accept you as you are. To help people start the process of accepting themselves.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
A lot of people reading this feel like they're "a lot to handle.'" We might've been told this-- or we might get that message from peoples' behavior toward us.
I dunno, maybe you ARE "a lot." I know *I* am.
So?
Our needs & reactions are STILL real, valid & important.

Narcopath Info, TWITTER:
It's horrible to realise that so many people, myself included, spent years or even decades completely unaware that they were trapped in a narcissistic/psychopathic relationship - whether it be with a parent, partner, sibling, employer/employee, friend or family.

Dr James Davies (PhD), TWITTER:
Instead of talking about 'mental disorder' epidemics, how about we discuss the epidemics of loneliness, inequality, work dissatisfaction, child neglect, debt-stress, insecure or over work, domestic abuse, inflation, household poverty & various addictions (illicit & prescribed)..?

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Our culture routinely tells us to "reach out" & "talk about it" if we're depressed-- but then shames us for letting "sad feelings" interrupt our lives.
Truth is, there's ZERO reason to be ashamed if we experience depression-- but the culture & media send VERY mixed messages.

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
Theres no better way to F%*k up a developing adolescent than to completely invalidate their emotional experiences by describing it as an illness and drugging them.

"Captivity has brought my mental faculties to a focus; and you are well aware that from the collision of clouds electricity is produced — from electricity, lightning, from lightning, illumination.”
The Count of Monte Cristo

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
When we have a history of trauma, our brain often tries to take situations that might otherwise be embarrassing, & wrap our responses in the tight barbed wire of shame.
But making mistakes DOESN'T mean you suck as a person-- or that you don't deserve t exist.
Really.

#ThreadTherapist (she/her), TWITTER:
Someone who tries to go lower than low in an argument with you —- literally cannot stand you.

#ThreadTherapist (she/her), TWITTER:
People can love you and hate you at the same time.

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
Your mental health is the consequence of how you respond to stress & emotional pain... not the existence of pain. To live is to struggle. Experiencing pain is not a mental illness.  Please do not let others convince you otherwise.

𝔸sh, TWITTER:
My anxiety was never anxiety. It was just me being autistic and not knowing I was autistic.

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
There’s a large minority of society who would rather disabled & vulnerable people just didn’t go out, stayed away from them, and went unseen and unheard.
We are seen as a dispensable inconvenience rather than humans.

#ThreadTherapist (she/her), TWITTER:
Sometimes your relationships aren’t reciprocal because you’re not requiring them to be.

Josh…, TWITTER:
You can't treat people badly and expect them to treat you good.

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
Laughable how people who call out ableism are labelled as “attacking” the ableist person… when we’re just calling out BS.
The real attack is the ableism.

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
If you treat everyone in exactly the same way, you'll always be harming the most vulnerable.
Equality ≠ Equity ≠ Liberation

Andrew Campbell, TWITTER:
Emotional/psychological abusers often accuse the victim of doing the very things that they themselves are actually the ones doing.

Andrew Campbell, TWITTER:
So when an emotional or psychological abuser is accusing you of doing things you know you are NOT doing, the reality is those are probably the very things THEY are doing to you.

Plies, TWITTER:
They Try & Make U Believe U Need Them But In All Actuality They Needed U!!!!!

Examples of ADHD Masking:
- staying too quiet and being overly careful about what you say
- obsessively checking your belongings
- reacting as you are expected to instead of how you feel inside
- developing perfectionistic tendencies
- suppressing stimming behaviors like leg bouncing
- mimicking or copying other people in social situations
(verywell)

How to deal with an ADHD brain
- Discipline
- Focusing on weaknesses
- Threats
- Conforming to what works for other people
- Pressure
VERSUS
- Finding our own ways to do things
- Rewards
- Breaking down tasks
- Encouragements
- Focusing on strengths
(miniadhdcoach)

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
You want to brainwash & confuse someone? Give them a drug & tell them its correcting a brain chemical imbalance they can't see or test for & doesn’t exist…AND when they feel like shit.. 1. Tell them they would feel worse without the drug 2. Give them another drug  Malpractice

#ThreadTherapist (she/her), TWITTER:
Your fear of not being perfect/good enough is holding you back.

your_recovery_matters, TWITTER:
As a result of trauma you may have:
Kept secrets.
Pushed people away.
Engaged in self destructive behaviours.
Find it hard to trust anyone.
Pretended to be okay when you weren’t.
Constantly fearing the worsted will happen.
Carried shame that didn’t belong to you.

SILENT~NOISE 🥀, TWITTER:
If you are an enabler... You are no different than the abuser... 😳

#ThreadTherapist (she/her), TWITTER:
Self-awareness is the best weapon to have when it comes to dealing with other people —- but specially people who gaslight, manipulate and emotionally abuse others.

I  used  to  be  disgusted,  now  I  try  to  be  amused.
Elvis  Costello

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
Stims are a vital part of self-regulation for Autistic (and many ADHD) folk.
Suppressing or punishing stims is abusive and traumatic.

RoninNoChill, TWITTER:
Not allowing a narcissist to bully you is the fastest way to get called a bully by a narcissist. Odd how that works...

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Manipulation doesn't mean consent.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
You have to suppress yourself to survive with a narcissist…

Diane Langberg, PhD, TWITTER:
It dishonors victims of abuse when we are silent about their experience or pretend it did not occur or was not important.

Garza, TWITTER:
People complaining about this type of behavior but continue to post it, this is exactly what this type of person wants….attention 🤷‍♂️

Diane Langberg, PhD, TWITTER:
It is very common for survivors of chronic childhood abuse to say, “I am fine” when in fact they do not even know what “fine” feels like.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
You know what offends toxic people?
You standing up for yourself and others..

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Hey. You "learned" all these bullsh*t beliefs about yourself over the course of years, & under tremendous stress. Your trauma beliefs & behaviors served SURVIVAL functions.
We're not gonna unlearn 'em overnight.
Easy does it. Focus on .01% progress TODAY. That's all.

Josh…, TWITTER:
This may sound crazy, but some of us are nice without hidden agendas.

AimTrue, TWITTER:
Busyness is often a trauma response.  There is a need to stay busy to prove your worthiness.
It takes gentle reminders to not continually add more tasks for you to do.
This can be difficult for people who want everything done yesterday!

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Yeah, life is complicated & people are flawed & there are lots of shades of grey.
But survivors of abuse & neglect who've been gaslit about their own responsibility for their pain don't need a f*ckin philosophy seminar about how "there are no REAL villains out there."

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
We don't get hooked on addictive or compulsive behaviors for the hell of it. They helped us psychologically SURVIVE at a time when our entire world was sh*t & we were powerless to change it.
Giving 'em up means figuring out how to cope in their absence-- which can be a BIG ask.

What triggers RSD?
Everyone's RSD triggers are different, but they may include:
- being rejected or thinking you're being rejected, like not getting a response to a text message or email
- a sense of falling short or failing to meet your own high standards or others' expectations
- being criticized for something you can't control

Narcopath Info, TWITTER:
Ppl lose decades being around narcissists or psychopaths, and then they can spend a shit load more time & effort to educate themselves about narcissistic abuse. Dealing with these ppl takes a significant amount of mental space.

Josh…, TWITTER:
I don't know who needs to hear this but...it wasn't love that hurt you, it was loving and trusting the wrong person.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
How many times was I told as a kid "if it/they was/were really important to you, you'd find a way to prioritize them," when I had this gremlin called ADHD f*cking w/ my executive functioning?
You CAN'T necessarily say what someone values or wants based solely on their behavior.

Defend Survivors, TWITTER:
How many movies, books, shows can you name that show the adult child coming back to forgive and ‘save’ the abusive parent? How many people do you know that this went well for if they tried it in real life? I learned from a child abuse expert that you should never encourage this.

Defend Survivors, TWITTER:
Stop humanizing perpetrators and dehumanizing victims.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
It's really easy & tempting to personalize others' behavior that affects us-- to assume we, or their feelings ABOUT us, are the main determinants of that behavior. It can often FEEL that way.
The idea that others' behavior is usually about them, not us, often doesn't compute.

Inner Practitioner, TWITTER:
Trauma makes you see someone's lack of effort as an invitation to try harder and prove your worth. Healing makes you see their lack of effort as their lack of interest in you and reminds you to stop forcing that connection.

Matt 〽️ Mental Sovereignty, TWITTER:
Trauma makes you see yourself as damaged as you internalize other people's bad behavior.
Healing lets you see we are all broken, could not help it, and have compassion for yourself and ALL others.

My Voice Unchained, TWITTER:
Narcissistic leaders in places of employment  operate with a cut-throat mentality. Your job might be here today but gone tomorrow. Your loyalty means nothing.

David J. Ley PhD, TWITTER:
One of my biggest peeves is people who try to micromanage every damn thing, then complain that they’re overwhelmed and their direct reports don’t do enough.

Josh…, TWITTER:
People who can't communicate, or are extremely defensive, think everything is an argument.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
You become unstoppable when you focus on things that people can't take away from you. Things like your mindset, character, personality, transparency, your entire Soul.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Trauma recovery can be hard for survivors, because it requires us to not care what certain people think or say about us.
We aren't programmed to not care. We're programmed to SUPER care, & ask "how high" when "they" say jump.
I know. Feels risky. But-- we gotta take that risk.

#ThreadTherapist (she/her), TWITTER:
This not going to make sense to some people — but sometimes people need you to listen without placing yourself in their shoes.
Knowing how to utilize empathy is important. If you’re not careful — you will project your feelings onto others.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Neurodivergent Brain Health, TWITTER:
Maybe you need this reminder:
Having Needs Does Not Make You Needy.
It makes you HUMAN.
Needs help us survive.

AimTrue, TWITTER:
As trauma survivors there is often a constant need to prove your worth.
I'll take one more course, I'll accomplish another goal, and I will do something big to prove my worthiness.
This is your reminder that you are enough.

ッ, TWITTER:
You’re suddenly the bad person when you return the same energy.

NeuroDivergent Rebel (they/them/Xe/Xem) 🧠 🏳️‍🌈, TWITTER:
You don’t have to “be kind” to people who have abused you.

Harley 🖤, TWITTER:
Narcissistic projection is a defense tactic narcissists use to pivot the blame of their actions onto others. This is often done unconsciously to protect their low self-esteem, as any mistake on their part could rupture the idealized image they create of themselves.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Manipulators actually believe they have the right to mistreat you, but you don't have the right to react or challenge them in the way they treat you. You have every right to challenge them for the way they treat you.

Matt 〽️ Mental Sovereignty, TWITTER:
The only constant is change. Embrace it.
Stop fighting to hold on to an outdated version of yourself.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
In trauma & addiction recovery, we gotta be patient w/ ourselves & compassionate toward ourselves. No way around it.
We're not gonna shame, nag, or pressure ourselves into sustainable recovery. It's just not gonna happen.
(Nope, you're not the exception.)

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
I love this fantasy where something being a diagnosis in the DSM means jack sh*t about its actual existence.
As if clinical syndromes wink in & out of existence based on the politics played by insurance companies and the American Psychiatric Association that year.

Inner Practitioner, TWITTER:
People who lack communication skills will think you're trying to argue. People who lack the emotional intelligence to understand you will call you sensitive. Stop gaslighting yourself into the "there's something wrong with me" narrative when they see you through their inner lack.

“When you want to help people, you tell them the truth. When you want to help yourself, you tell them what they want to hear.”
― Thomas Sowell

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
There isn’t always an “underlying cause” of mental illness.
Not everyone with mental illnesses went through trauma.
Anyone who suggests *all* mental illnesses are due to trauma is totally ignorant of reality.
And anyone who suggests Autism/ADHD are “trauma” is just plain wrong.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Talk to your feelings.
I know, I know, it might sound dumb. But it changed the game for me.
"I see you. You're okay to exist. I'm not gonna chase you away. Go ahead & be there. I'm here w/ you."
NOT going to f*cking war w/ our feelings can change everything.

Narcopath Info, TWITTER:
If you grew up in a family with a narcissistic or psychopathic parent, did you become hyper-alert
to nonverbal cues and body language in order to navigate thru the shit and chaotic environment you were living in?

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Neurodivergent Brain Health, TWITTER:
You can have compassion for someone’s pain AND set a boundary so you don’t get hurt by them.
This is self-compassion.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
It doesn't especially matter if we "know" or "remember" WHY something is triggering the hell out of us. We don't have to decide a trigger is "valid." It's VALID because it's triggering us. End of discussion.
Our parts & body know & hold & remember" things WE can't quite get to.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Neurodivergent Brain Health, TWITTER:
In my opinion, it’s less about triggers disappearing and more about how we learn over time (through healing work) to approach them.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
We're NOT born knowing how to handle feelings, & it's NOT our fault if we weren't taught how to do it by people who couldn't or didn't manage their OWN feelings.
If we have to start here & now & learn emotional management as adults, then that's what we gotta do.
No shame.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
"Exposure and cognitive therapy can play a role in trauma recovery.
But dissociation throws a wrench into both of those modalities."

Jerry Springer:
'Deep down we are all the same... to be liked, accepted, respected and not to mention loved is the greatest gift of all... take care of yourself and each other.'

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Neurodivergent Brain Health, TWITTER:
🧠Our nervous system doesn’t discriminate between our trauma and someone else’s.

Jacklena Bentley, TWITTER:
You can forgive people without allowing them back in your life. Apology accepted. Access denied.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Does manipulation count as consent?
Consent also cannot be obtained by coercion or force or by taking advantage of someone who is incapacitated. Using threats or manipulation to get someone to say yes isn't consent.https://care.ucr.edu/education/what-is-consent#:~:text=Consent%20also%20cannot%20be%20obtained,say%20yes%20isn't%20consent

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Workplace scapegoating is a form of bullying whereby a person tries to raise their own status by trying to lower the status of their target. It is an attempt to gain power from an external source because the insecure bully cannot draw on their own.https://medium.com/@robin_elliott/the-workplace-scapegoat-f45be5c32159#:~:text=Workplace%20scapegoating%20is%20a%20form,cannot%20draw%20on%20their%20own

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
Society: “Be yourself”
(Terms and conditions apply)

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
I WISH we could put current life on hold while we processed past trauma-- but we can't. Real life doesn't have a "pause" button.
Trauma recovery that doesn't build in skills & tools for handling here & now stressors isn't gonna work.
It's never "just" about the past. If only.

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
One issue with being Autistic, is that because I cannot lie, I subconsciously expect everyone to be telling the truth as well.
That's why I have been through grooming, abuse, and been shit on so many times... no matter how hard I try to avoid it.

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
Please stop insulting my ability to read things and think critically.
If I form an opinion on something, I HAVE read it, and I have taken time to form a personal opinion.
Don’t tell me that I’ve read it “wrong”… I’ve read it how I read it, to deny that is just insulting.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Neurodivergent Brain Health, TWITTER:
ℹ️Our nervous system doesn’t say “I will only mildly dysregulate you, because someone else “had it worse.”

Native Red Cloud🪶Maȟpíya Lúta~Hińhan Wakangli⚡️🦉, TWITTER:
“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections and be happy with what you have.”

When you tell someone to calm down – there's a Power Dynamic that's implied. “I, partner, am calm and have everything under control, and you, someone with ADHD are whacked”. That will not bode well for productive conversation.
🟥Sharon Saline, PsyD

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Neurodivergent Brain Health, TWITTER:
You’re NOT lazy.
You’re neurodivergent and exhausted from masking in a neurotypical world.

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
If I call out something I find abusive, discriminatory, hateful, hurtful, or invalidating, it's not a personal attack on that person or their identity.
I couldn't care less who is saying it... if it's wrong, it's wrong. That's just how my mind works.

The #ActuallyAutistic Coach | Matthew, TWITTER:
This needs to be repeated, again. So here we go!
SELF DIAGNOSIS / SELF AWARENESS IS MORE THAN LEGITIMATE
If you insist that only formal dx is legitimate you are engaging in oppression. It's classist, it's racist, it's ableist. Formal dx is a PRIVILEGE. 

Defining Features of ADHD That Everyone Overlooks: RSD, Hyperarousal, More (w/ Dr. William Dodson)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vycWIzURgZM

ADDitude Magazine

Diagnostic criteria were not made for you and me. They're made for researchers. They have no interest in why things happen the way they do.

Only 20 percent are hyperactive.

Attention is not deficit, it is inconsistent.

You get deeply engaged what you do, no impairment at all.

People with adhd are omnipotent, they can do everything.

Difficulty with getting engaged. Their energy level determined by interest, fascination, challenge or competition, novelty creativity or deadline.

Outgrow childhood criteria but not disorder itself

it is genetic, cannot get treated like any neurological with behavioral technique. Like lower fever with behavioural technique.

5^th way of getting engaged – passion.

Reliable way to stay in the zone.

Adhd do not fit into any system. Adhd nervous system does not do importance. Job – important to him to pay you to do it for them. Nervous system this motivations are utter useless,

get distracted.

ADHD cannot be treated by behavioral techniques any more than you can lower any physiological experience, genetic or neurological condition with behavioral technique. It makes as much as sense as trying to lower a fever with behavioral techniques – it just doesn't happen.

Life requires that we get engaged with important activities as the situation demands. Not according how we are feeling. Neurotypical are people with importance based system can prioritize. They can engage without getting distracted.

ADHD live right now. They have to be personally interested, challenged by the novel or urgent thing right now this instant or nothing happens because they can't get engaged with the task. Get engaged through Interest, Challenge, Novelty, Urgency, Passion.

All schools are based on second hand importance. ADHD nervous system doesn't do importance when it's in first hand. But schools are second hand importance. What somebody else, teacher, think is important enough to teach.

People with importance based system can prioritize. They engage on demand, get access to intellect and abilities, stay engaged all the way to the payoff. For ADHD importance, rewards, consequences are nothing but a nag to me.

Person with ADHD will say I have always been able to do anything I wanted to do so long I can get engaged through interest, challenge, novelty, urgency and passion. Not what motivates everybody else: importance, rewards and consequences.

Not being able to make use of importance makes decision making almost impossible. All choices look the same. That makes planning and organization very difficult. You don't know what your goals are.

Most planning systems are built for neurotypicals who can use Importance and Time; two things which the ADHD nervous system does not do well.

People with ADHD tend to work backwards from the end to the beginning. They start working from all directions at once until they know the answer. It is called saltatory or leaping. Help the person write their owner's manual.

They tried to engage kid. They asked him who you idolize? He said JFK. Use your imagination, you're at Dallas Urgency, JFK wheeled in, you need to know anatomy to safe his life. With that he had Passion, Interest, Urgency. Then he graduated number 2 in class.

 

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Neurodivergent Brain Health, TWITTER:
Let’s practice sitting with someone in their darkest hour without imposing upon them the ethos of “good vibes only” as if that’s some kind of cure!

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Every single person reading this is sick of being triggered. No one's volunteering for more of that sh*t.
We get less susceptible to triggers as our relationship w/ ourselves improves. Knowing that we have our own back makes a huge difference when we're out there.

Harley 🖤, TWITTER:
What are signs of emotional triggers?
They might include reminders of unwanted memories, uncomfortable topics, another person's words or actions, even your own behaviors. Common situations that trigger intense emotions include: rejection.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Trauma recovery is never gonna be about getting "back" to "before;" & it's never gonna be about pretending or denying what happened, happened.
We can't un-see or un-know what we see & know.
But-- we don't have to.
Breathe; blink; focus.
Be here. Not back there.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Neurodivergent Brain Health, TWITTER:
We don’t speak enough about how receiving love can feel strange and even awful for adults who never felt lovable as a child.
You’re NOT unlovable, but your BRAIN thinks it is, + will go to every extent to find evidence for it’s perceived reality.
The result: self-sabotage.

RoninNoChill, TWITTER:
Many narcissists can't control their impulse spending, and some can go their entire lives without being able to perform basic functions like balancing a checking account. For these narcs, financial "help" from targets is usually their main type of supply.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Neurodivergent Brain Health, TWITTER:
NO amount of challenging your thoughts will help you when you’re in a dysregulated state.
We can’t work from the cortex down while our rational brain is OFF-line.
Ground yourself first. Breathe, Tap, Shake, Ice-Bath yourself to safety, + then use your frontals for help.

Jacklena Bentley, TWITTER:
If you can't be kind then be quiet.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Say it with me: trauma responses are not “choices.”

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Neurodivergent Brain Health, TWITTER:
The “spending your childhood being blamed to an adulthood of catastrophizing” pipeline is real.
I want to remind you: it’s not your fault.

We need to live in mindful harmony with our feelings, not attempt to control them.
Les Greenberg

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
One thing about me, is I notice weird vibes, bad energy, and sneaky shit.

🌟Autistic Voices: Cheshire Cat ᓚᘏᗢ, TWITTER:
Stimming is healthy!
Please don’t prevent people (or yourself) from Stimming.
Many late identity Autists feel much healthier after they learn to stop suppressing their stims and start stimming freely.

At first, the minority group, brown-eyes, resisted. Elliot told them that the blue-eyes children were smarter because of their blue-eyes. Children stopped resisting. Brown-eyes became timid and obedient.
Jane Elliot - Blue/Brown Eye Exercise (1968)

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Easy does it. We're not gonna panic or pressure ourselves into a place of calm & focus.
As important as a "safe place" is for us to visualize is a "calm place"-- a place that brings us back to who we are & what we're all about.
Breathe; blink; focus; & FEEL your calm place.

Lambros Philippou, TWITTER:
Love is a pain killer that nature offered as a compensation for its indifference …

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Being mean is a product of insecure self-esteem.
Research shows that being insulted makes people more likely to demean others.

The #ActuallyAutistic Coach | Matthew, TWITTER:
NTs are OK with #ActuallyAutistic people until they have to do something to accomodate us or not take a shit on us. Then they squeal about how "the world doesn't revolve around us" all over again. The solution? NEVER STOP SPEAKING UP FOR YOURSELF.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
That we struggle w/ trauma DOESN'T mean life is over, or that we can't or won't experience meaningful & pleasurable things that make life worth living.
It DOES mean the rules & routines WE have to learn & follow to get there are gonna be a little different from everyone else.

(30.4.2023)

Many times covert and communal narcissists especially will use medical diagnosis as a shaming tool and tool to censor the arguments, truth and objectivity. We are expected to shut up because they will claim that they have "hard time to process information" as if we are "dumping" information on them - so they will use psychological concepts which describe after-effects of narcissistic abuse as narcissistic abuse and to disable whistleblowers.

As I am learning ADHD and Autism, along with Rejection Sensitivity there are so many information that are keep coming in, as I watch videos about it and other people's experiences - why is this information hidden from self help and CBT? There are so many puzzles I was missing and I couldn't describe it - now it is making sense, and there are people in my age group who are telling the same. CBT ignores Sorites Paradox. Just because I am not diagnosed with something does not mean I do not feel it.
Now it makes sense why I was self censoring myself and why other's criticism had so much deep effect on me and why I could not tolerate mobbing and rude people. And why social anxiety started in the first place and why I felt off and misaligned all the time without knowing I am misaligned with myself.

CBT refuses to focus on self worth and validation - and instead it nitpicks effect , after effects of trauma - and this way it joins into hysteria of abuse and invalidation. In reality, once we accept and validate ourselves - we will be able to do small things which CBT tries to teach us - which we would otherwise do intuitively without learning or studying them.

I learned that I need to refrain from labels and judging. It is hard when someone is annoying and irritating and intrusive. I learned this non judgement doctrine 10 years ago when reading book about NLP, and I kept mostly to it, it is not easy. Until I hate myself and until I feel that other people are superior, I will tend to judge and put quick labels on someone whom I actually do not know. Chances are the person who appears superior is covering up their own issues with shame and self hatred, they are just very good actors. When I try to hurt them by labels and stigma, I do more damage, since my labels will not make them see clearly at all, it will only make them hide away and invent some bad vibe persona when around me. So the primary goal of label and stigma on someone who appears as bully will miss the point. I do understand when I do not see the world as the threat and when I can rely on my intrinsic locus of control and intrinsic values - I do not need other people for approval nor validation, like nor dislikes - so labels are useless.

With learning about Rejection sensitivity and inability to process stimuli when triggered due to trauma which will appear as ADHD and Autism and social anxiety, I understand that once I know all these concepts - that from now on my true self will show up and I will no longer depend on other people to fill me in, explain me what I feel and how I am suppose to be - it will be total change. In the same time I will be completely different and yet I will rely on my own interests which I knew all the time as my own. So it will be big change and yet nothing will change - I will support myself where I felt ashamed before, what I considered I must hide, suppress and mask - I will no longer mask it. Now I know that when I do not know what I want - other people will tell me and command me, since I won't have resistance inside or plan from before, the flow will take me instead.

This phenomena of someone explaining me who I am when I do not know what I want - is connected to phenomena which I observed but I never knew how to name it: that simply listening to other people erases all that I learned - simply by others dumping their data which are actually plethora of logical fallacies mixed with their lack of education. And because I shut up, I doubt myself and this triggers panic and I don't even become aware to doubt the speaker as liar, I do not perceive they might be a liar - unintentional or intentional.

The example how social anxiety is actually ADHD and Autism and complex trauma:
It is fear of abuse, bullying, mobbing and fearing someone argumentative, antagonistic and intrusive and violent making a scene, throwing temper tantrums, attacking - while in healthy ambient this does not happen. It will happen in Culture countries, poor poverty ambient, corruption ambient. It is narcissistic abuse toxic ambient versus ambient without someone nitpicking and criticizing and intruding, complaining all the time and making drama.

With ADHD information now it makes sense that discipline and constant correcting lead to masking of symptoms. CBT did not help - it only masked ADHD symptoms by making them functional and left everything non measurable alive and confusing and hampering life - since it was never named nor described as ADHD, it was a caprice and un-described and caused another reactions which appear as unrelated to the original trigger.
And now it makes sense why there is always hypervigilance and worry and inability to relax and feeling drained and without energy - since vast amount of energy goes into hiding the symptoms, masking and learned programmed mechanics of keeping ADHD from existing, keeping it under wrap and trying not to be different or draw attention from others by doing anything unusual.

All socially anxious people will claim that they do not know how to handle life, how to deal with people - they will feel that they are not skilled. All this beliefs are programmed due to trauma and exposure to toxic predatory personalities. Nobody knows what to do in life- we need to follow our inner superEgo, intuition, common sense. When our self worth is destroyed we will see other people as gods who must guide us and control us - and we end up being manipulated by others. People who give advice to others are Rescuers inside Karpman Drama Triangle - they are not clever, they are not better, they are not superior: instead they are also having self worth destroyed inside due to abuse - and they try to feel superior by giving other people advice, this is what gives them feeling of self esteem, it is fake, it will not help - because life is too complex to be explained by someone. People are not super computers - nobody knows everything, our brain is limited in knowledge and experiences, we are not gods and we should not try to be one. Behind need to tell someone advice and behind need to listen to advice is codependency, toxic shame, self hatred, lack of self love which cannot provide someone to lean on own intrinsic values.

When our self worth is destroyed - we will be warped into believing other people are better - and we will end up listening and seeking their words to guide us. This is recipe for disaster but from our own perspective there is tunnel vision without being aware we are in tunnel. We do not see any other way to think, we do not believe our emotions, feelings can guide us, that our brain cannot come up with solutions - and we present ourselves in the hands of toxic predatory types who will present themselves as guides, only to be mauled by their psychopathy. Some people who are advice-givers are not toxic - but they operate on destroyed self worth - they will not control others but they will keep others trapped in belief of being incompetent to run own life so it is also toxic in the end.
That is why Humanistic psychology works - where basic focus is on intrinsic values and validation and acceptance of self - while CBT is based on invalidation and limited vocabulary and micromanaging which leads to masking the symptoms only to plague us anyway - CBT is like covering garbage with cement - where garbage is poisoning the underwater sources which we drink ultimately. Garbage needs to be cleaned and sorted, and handled in proper manner - not by hiding it away, masking it or pretending it does not exist. Many problems we try to manage are societal issues - which are far away from our control and masking it will not help at all.

With social anxiety there would be repeating pattern: me in spotlight, doing some action and someone criticizing me for some reason and me feeling embarrassed and trying to self censor and isolate myself. Now with ADHD I know this is connected to childhood when I felt strong emotions and when I tried to be myself - only to be laughed, mocked and disciplined and punished for being myself - and then consequently covering up my own ideas, resolutions, solutions and explanations about life. And taking other people's explanations instead while rejecting and suppressing my own as invalid and weird and abnormal. Without ADHD information I would not connect my state of mind while social anxiety occurred with being different and suppressed later on. I never noticed the change happening. And I never connected that this was connected to trauma bonding, people pleasing and fear of speaking up and being myself. From my point of view I was simply trying to fit in and to imitate others and try to be like others while I could not be due to trauma of bullying and mocking when I would be myself.

False Self | Encyclopedia.com:
"The false self, in Donald Winnicott's developmental schema, refers to certain types of false personalities that develop as the result of early and repeated environmental failure, with the result that the true self-potential is not realized, but hidden."

And wikipedia:
"True self and false self are psychological concepts, originally introduced into psychoanalysis in 1960 by Donald Winnicott. Winnicott used true self to describe a sense of self based on spontaneous authentic experience and a feeling of being alive, having a real self."

With all the information until now - it is clear that trauma means having triggers - from social anxiety perspective this means each time there is rejection sensitivity dysphoria happening: someone being rude, criticizing, aggressive, appearing negative and expressing it clearly - even as passive aggression, there is more than amygdala hijacking (physical symptoms of panic). There is destruction of true self and false self arises. This appears as personality disorder in the eyes of CBT, along with cognitive distortion. However this explanation does damage to anyone with social anxiety - since it does not explain what is really happening. Someone with social anxiety who has been explained that own mind is distorted will become self-prophecy, and the primary focus will become disorder - without means of getting through the other side. Micromanaging leads to more hypervigilance.
If we need to monitor and nitpick weed out - it will not help, things won't get better. False self will linger and it will turn itself into perfectionism and more of anxiety.
What socially anxious report as fear, panic - it is nothing else but false self being brought out by years of building or trying to build workable self which will function in the world.
The change from psychological safety or Ventral Vagal - to social anxiety panic of false self and rejection sensitivity explodes from zero to 100 in a micro-second and there is no awareness that false self is active. Instead, socially anxious person will focus on the problem: other people and their rude reactions. There is no awareness that true self is different, nor that there are alternatives, change is quick and overwhelming. It is hypnosis and following the program which is pre-written. And other people activated it.
The knowledge about this change is helpful so that when triggers happen - it is more easier to know what will happen: the fear will go with the urge to catastrophize and to feel threatened.
The ideal situation would be to know one's True self - where decisions would stem from true Self. Which is hard - if social anxiety and false self is present since childhood. Instead of false self of being afraid of being vulnerable - the true Self would be to be humble. False self would be to obey and be people pleaser and avoid someone's punishment - while true Self would respect someone's anger, repulsion, hysteria as their own real or delusional drive which is not connected with other people's choices and decisions about what is correct and ultimate goal. If our ultimate goal is to help people or at least not harm them - then this is a guiding light.
With Rejection Sensitivity and trauma - it will be extremely hard but not to follow the social anxiety pattern: of isolation, being pushover, self-censorship. Basically we need to know what social anxiety is, how it looks like, how it plays out - so that we can know what is going on. With social anxiety we can't fix or nitpick our thoughts nor behaviour - it will not work. If we suppress what is going on - it will make fears and panic stronger. It simply does not work - because human behaviour and thoughts are too complex. What we see on the surface is small range - and defense mechanisms make sense - they are in response to toxic ambient and toxic people. Without defense mechanisms, other people would in the end make us immobile, completely frozen.

Now with ADHD in the play - it seems that this gravity to false Self derives from exposure to toxic criticism. It is the result of exposure to toxic ambient. I believe this is the only true and healthy and functional way to deal with the hypnosis, trauma and being stuck in triggers and afterwards in false Self. The understanding that false Self arises due to toxic ambient and toxic people around us.
The point is to get in the state of mind of true Self. False self leads to isolation, depression, suicidal idealizations, toxic habits and being immobile and passive. The true self is equal to being active and being active from own's desires and wants and needs, not what other people would approve.

With social anxiety we get basic message from CBT and quick advice from everybody - to be outgoing and sociable - and this does not work because this is not true desire. Forcing ourselves to be good will still be forced and we won't feel at ease. Instead of being real self, with exposure what happens - we will due to trauma and Rejection sensitivity build false self, fake personality to survive the inability to handle triggers - other people's emotions and their demands and requests. It will end up either being people pleaser until we crash in self destruction or the opposite - being antagonistic and destructible.

ADHD part is - when being active all the time - in toxic ambient it only takes for a toxic person to nitpick and label any action as error - and then trauma, triggers and rejection sensitivity will do its work of creating false self.
Social anxiety would be silence and being afraid of taking action - and forcing ourselves to take action and to talk will not be natural nor spontaneous if we force ourselves to expose as CBT suggests. Exposure and socializing must come from true Self, from own goals and natural inclinations about what one wants out of life.
These safety mechanisms are coping mechanisms - they are not something to deride and suppress, it is survival mode - and it is a sign there is toxic ambient which makes these mechanisms to prosper and keep ongoing.

"Immature psychological defense mechanisms are psychological processes that play an important role in suppressing emotional awareness and contribute to psychopathology. In addition, unhealthy food, television viewing, and alcohol consumption can be among the means to escape self-awareness."
Which means that coping surviving mechanisms are ways to handle and manage difficult people - triggers. And this is a sign that social anxiety is inability to handle toxic people - there are no healthy mechanisms how to deal with triggers, rejection sensitivity, when someone is rude. Social anxiety means there is no functional system how to feel safe and secure and instead other people take over the control of the mind. And CBT "advice" to nitpick our mind and change our thinking is contributing to this deep feeling of helplessness and not knowing what to do.
Therefore CBT is unhealthy and toxic because it keeps on suppressing fears and panic - one's shadow. Instead of elimination, what is needed is awareness and light, to light the dark areas. Without knowing what is False Self - I will keep on reproducing it, without being aware that I am toxic myself. If I suppress and remove what I learn is False Self - this will also add to more anxiety since the problem is in triggers and inability to handle toxic people other than self blame and toxic shame and being quiet and shutting up.
With social anxiety - instead of observing rude and aggressive and toxic people as temporary annoyances - I see it as permanent evil hovering above me that will never end. I do not see that I have my own goals, my own tasks, my own ideas, my own innovations - which would be True Self. Instead I see being trapped and in prison over and over again - and this is catastrophizing and being stuck- being stuck as I understand now happens due to mixture of trauma, conditioning, toxic ambient and rejection sensitivity and ADHD (brain working in different way than neurotypical brain). And I do understand that Rejection sensitivity is permanent - this feeling of bad people and bad situation that would last forever - has no cure, this feeling will follow me and it will come again and again. I can learn about traits of False self and willingly shift into true Self; that I express myself and confront toxic people and leave them instead of obeying them - the feeling of bad things lasting forever will always follow me. And when I believe that bad stuff lasts forever - means that I will be triggered and that I will tend to lean on false Self and defense mechanisms over and over again. It will happen - due to Rejection Sensitivity: triggers and defense mechanisms. Technically I overcome and heal Complex Trauma - but Rejection Sensitivity will create new wounds - which will appear as the wound is still here, as if CPTSD is not healed.
I see the importance here to understand what is happening. From my auto pilot mindset - I will interpret bad situations and bad people as never-ending evil that lasts forever - but it is simply a fresh wound, it is not from the past even though it may seem like that to me. If I do not see this distinction I will feel panic and I won't even try new ideas, being active, shifting focus, regulating myself.

Toxic empathy and ruinous empathy and Negative politeness are wrong tools I learned due to trauma and toxic ambient and negative past experiences of any sort - where direct talk would result in repeated punishment. Then I figured somehow that being frank is being rude and dangerous. This inability to warn and alert someone who crossed common sense boundaries - keeps social anxiety, panic and rejection sensitivity ongoing and alive. Inability to be frank, honest, genuine, direct and perceiving being truthful as arrogant and narcissistic and abusive - is what keeps social anxiety (in form of negative politeness) ongoing and this keeps predators and parasites around me, they leech on someone who is quiet and nice and too good for their own good. And "advice" from CBT is wrong: being assertive to manipulative people does not work. I do not need to engage in conversation with someone who does not see me as equal and with someone who has hidden and covert agenda and has fake image that they project, someone who is nice and friendly filled with lies and coercive control and passive aggression so that I do not defend myself without feeling guilty for defending and protecting my peace.
With CBT "advice" I end up with battles and perceiving the world as narcissistic battle - and I will tend to make peace and agreements with someone who is extremely antagonistic and exploitative and stuck with them due to coercive control and their hidden agenda and mind games.

Most often I will not be able to be frank and honest with someone - due to their temper tantrums and because they will simply leave, turn their backs. And then I will feel that I am guilty and that I must do something. If someone is unable to hold conversation - I take it on as my blame, as my fault. That is trauma and codependency and growing up in dysfunctional ambient. The urge to fix other people and their problems is codependency, it is coping mechanisms that keeps me stuck with toxic people.

With social anxiety toxic people - aggressive, loud, obnoxious, intrusive people trigger us into panic and immobility and plethora of triggers and defense mechanisms where we end up with learned automatic codependent behaviour and automatic reactions to obey and be silent to aggressive people - and this inability to snap out of fear and panic is social anxiety detrimental part - that repeats itself as fear and avoiding people in the future, to simply avoid the same treatment. Inability to react in other way, inability to see my own goals as important is the problem. Program and conditioning to see myself as weak just because someone is rude. That is was my fault and that there is something wrong with me - just because I find myself in situation where someone is abnormal and toxic and intrusive. The automatic guilt, the flood of shame - is rejection sensitivity dysphoria. But it does not appear as anything, it feels natural, something that always happens and something that I must follow as a script: to be immobile, to feel weak, to feel that I must prove myself, that I must be silent, that I must obey.

I see the solution as not focusing on the fear anymore. CBT "advice" to list fears and to face them - does not work, it solidifies the fear. The solution is to be myself, to know my goals, what I want in life and that I have plan to follow so that my attention and focus is not hijacked by toxic loud obnoxious intrusive people who most probably have hidden agenda of some sort and who parasite over nice and kind and quiet people.

Rejection sensitivity here is like a censorship and submission, it is a form of control - that comes from outside and inside. It is trauma from the past that makes prison in the present.
With or without ADHD I was very active in childhood before social anxiety kicked in. I did a lot - and as it is the definition with narcissistic abuse: any action can and will be labeled as wrong. Any action. Due to dualism, toxic person can define any action as abnormal and error and this way sadistic person can easily control someone who has high moral and ethical standards not to commit wrong and not to hurt someone. Controlling predator, parasite - narcissists can simply blame someone in any action. As mistakes are part of life and any action - it is easy to nitpick the target - when the target is active. When we are not aware of this basic fact how dark psychology works and how manipulators manipulate - we believe them and we try to fix ourselves. That is why CBT is part of narcissistic abuse - since it is based on Deficiency motivation. Any error will be disciplined and punished as wrong. Any action, too. This way - we are doomed to isolate and develop social anxiety if we do not know what is going on and that toxic people exist.

The very fact that I have high moral and ethical standards: meaning being normal and healthy and friendly - and civilized-  it means that in order to survive in a way to feel good and safe - I need a different way than conformism and group-think. Because neurotypicals will automatically label anything as wrong - since they are obsessed by labeling and stigmatizing anything that is different. When we make any kind of action - we are making a change, it is different, it is a difference - and hence it is prone to criticism by lazy people, egocentric people, manipulative people. This is why education and understanding what is going on is crucial - without knowing this - I will make myself masked and try to fit in into crowd and whatever critics say. Therefore the only way out of the cycle of shaming and blaming is to embrace being different - and follow my heart and my needs and wants, what I believe is correct in the realm of law, logic and common sense. To just be myself, no skills necessary, no need to be fake - and use common sense and intelligence as my guide - not criticism.

What I know now with all the knowledge from all sides - is that I need to accept my defenses and choices to isolate and run away and this also including what I hate, that I do not suppress grudge - even though I know it leads to more issues. And whatever I choose is okay - knowing the Great Paradox - that anything bad and negative that happens is a learning opportunity and it is a safety system that I do not surge into even more trouble.
This leads to new understanding: that I would not be any better than this, where I am right now. If I was without social anxiety - I would probably be more active and get hurt in the way. Social anxiety is a prevention of some kind, it is a safety cushion. Another insight is that in poor, toxic ambient - even without social anxiety - I would not be much more social than this. In rich, healthy ambient - I would be more outgoing and active - due to ambient itself.
I believe ambient plays a huge role in social anxiety. If I am not much active - chances are that the ambient is restrictive - in poor country there are no bicycle paths to be outdoors. There are no connections to explore places. There is no resources or information about being active - shows, halls, events, nature, paths - it is all non existent in toxic ambient.
Knowing the rejection sensitivity and accepting my social anxiety - leads me to learn about toxic ambient - and then I have decision to make - to be more active and to leave toxic ambient as primary goal. Without knowing this, without information, without education about this - I will stay stuck in toxic ambient and feel guilty if I leave toxic premises. With education - I know the price to pay if I stay inside drama and around toxic people.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Neurodivergent Brain Health, TWITTER:
Most women, and most adults for that matter, are steeped in shame by the time they’re diagnosed with ADHD.
They are confused by their symptoms, + see them as character flaws.
I hope this post helps YOU feel less alone, more validated, + seen.
ADHD is a neuro-bio-chemical DIS-ease.

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
AuDHD is a constant juxtaposition.
I need routine yet crave change.
I need stability yet am constantly spontaneous.
My brain needs quiet yet is constantly over-stimulated.
Add it all together and it's a recipe for perpetual burnout.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Neurodivergent Brain Health, TWITTER:
“If there’s a deficit in attention, how can you hyperfocus?”
ADHD is NOT a deficit in attention, rather a problem REGULATING one’s attention span to desired tasks.
So, while mundane tasks may be difficult to focus on, others may be completely absorbing + lead to hyperfocus.

Joshua Nickels, TWITTER:
Those with ADHD often struggle with regulating several areas of their lives: attention, emotions and behavior.
These symptoms can make social relationships, academics and organizing everyday life difficult.
Hyperfocus is a way to manage the overwhelm of being dysregulated.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Neurodivergent Brain Health, TWITTER:
Sometimes, when kids are told they’re loved while actually being hurt, they become adults who confuse abusive relationships with actual loving ones.

Josh…, TWITTER:
Be the reason someone feels welcomed, seen, heard, valued, loved and supported.

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
“Almost everyone with mental illness has been through trauma”
≠
“Everyone’s mental illness is caused by trauma”
Correlation vs causation.
Of course most people who have been unwell have trauma, that doesn’t mean it necessarily caused it… it could be caused by the illness.

My Voice Unchained, TWITTER:
A narcissist will ruin relationships with people you care about and love. They don't care about the damage they cause. It's part of their mission to destroy you.

Stevie., TWITTER:
Open-minded people don’t care to be right, they care to understand. There’s never a right or wrong answer. Everything is about understanding..

karen unrue, TWITTER:
I DONT KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT STRIVING 4 PERFECTION HAS HINDERED,NOT HELPED,MY PROGRESS IN MANY AREAS.
John Steinbeck said “now I dont have 2b perfect I can be good”-perfectionism breeds self criticism which hinders everything. Lets try today2just b good&love rselves towards progress

Actively Healing, TWITTER:
Sometimes your light is too bright for another.
Shine anyway. They don't have to look😉

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
Labeling yourself as mentally ill is harmful to your health.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Neurodivergent Brain Health, TWITTER:
STOP!
ADHD CHECKPOINT:
•What do you need?
•Have you eaten?
•Have you hydrated?
•have you stretched?
Take this moment to nourish yourself if needed, whatever you’re doing now WILL be there after.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Neurodivergent Brain Health, TWITTER:
Trying to explain yourself to people in your life who are committed to misunderstanding you or who want to do no self-reflection or who want to maintain an unhealthy and abusive power dynamic within your relationship will be futile and lead to emotional exhaustion and pain.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
When a toxic individual senses that you are becoming confident in yourself or independent in validation, they will go to lengths to re-traumatize you again.

Psych Insights, TWITTER:
Denial, gaslighting, blaming, silent treatment, criticizing are all indicators of unresolved emotional trauma & poor mental health.

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
Stop diagnosing bad people with mental illnesses over Social Media challenge…
Sometimes… they are just pieces of shit filled with hate.

 

My Voice Unchained, TWITTER:
A narcissist's entire persona is a fabrication.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Toxic people see your boundaries as revenge or as a personal insult on them, and think that you are nothing but a problem, but in reality, it's their toxic or abusive behaviors that led to those boundaries in the first place.

Sean V Baker, TWITTER:
Dealing with low vibrational people will bring your energy down. I’m all about elevation & motivation, if you’re mindset is poverty I’m not tryna be around you.

#ThreadTherapist (she/her), TWITTER:
Y’all think therapists can fix everything —- we cannot fix abusers or narcissists.

Reva Steenbergen, TWITTER:
Victims of narcissistic abuse deal with and feel intense..
Anxiety
Fear
Trauma
Grief
Pain
Moods
Triggers
Depression
Isolation
Shame
Guilt
Nervousness
Paranoia
Insomnia
Can't trust
Frozen
Suicidal
Broken
Worthless
Yet, people think THIS is something we CAN just get over?

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
Real peace is not having to defend or explain yourself to a narcissist….

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Trauma recovery often requires us to leave behind relationships & situations that we used to call "home."
That's a big ask. Don't think it isn't. But toxic fumes & polluted streams are poisonous-- even IF they're familiar.
Recovery requires fresh air & clean water.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
In trauma recovery we both rediscover & recreate who we are.
We may not ever become who we "should" have been-- but that's okay. Really.
Give me the reality of my authentic, hard-won, post-recovery "self" over that old fantasy of my parents' any day.

Nate Postlethwait, TWITTER:
A lot of hurt people don’t hurt other people. They turn that hurt on themselves because they’re surrounded by enabler’s who protect those who do the hurting.

Lindsay Goodman 🏳️‍🌈 (she/her), TWITTER:
Healthy people set boundaries to maintain their well-being.
Abusers set boundaries to maintain control

KillemBiggz 👁️🙏🏽🌏 Ξlll, TWITTER:
never forget who helped u when everyone else was making excuses.

Defend Survivors, TWITTER:
Stop holding victims accountable for not thwarting perpetrators. Start holding perpetrators accountable for their crimes.
#stopvictimblaming

Psych Insights, TWITTER:
Healing means to no longer carry other people's unresolved issues that they projected onto you.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
⚠️ Narcissists will provoke a reaction in you then say you’re abusing them. You did nothing wrong. It’s them.

My Voice Unchained, TWITTER:
A narcissist may become enraged for a number of reasons, but the most frequent ones are being confronted, being challenged, not receiving the attention they desire, losing control of other people or circumstances, being criticized, or not being treated as exceptional.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Trauma survivors' problem isn't that they're averse to "just facing it."
Very often they've tried, again  & again, to "just face it"-- & their nervous system shuts the whole project down.
No survivor you know is suffering because they are "slacking" or "afraid" to work.

Reva Steenbergen, TWITTER:
1》
Narcissistic abuse is a strange kind of insanity that is almost impossible for a person with empathy to wrap their brain around, and a narcissist is counting on this.
Everyone is 1st gaslit to believe the narcissist is being abused by the victim (unstable, aggressor)
2》
Now the victim is isolated & the narcissist has a clear way to begin the abuse.
As soon as the victim attempts to speak up and articulate the insanity they won't be believed because if the victim has a hard time understanding the insanity, how's everyone else going to?
3》
So those closest are going to believe the victim is becoming increasingly unstable.
The narcissist's gaslit narrative is being adopted as truth and the victim is Is propelled into increasing danger, as the abuse amps up
5》
The reason the abuse will amp up at this time is because the narcissist knows that no one is going to believe the victim.
No narcissist should be looked up to in society, when this is what they do 💥
TIME TO BRING AN END TO NARCISSISTIC ABUSE !!!

Judy.thedoglover. .Wear a Mask !, TWITTER:
These people count on your niceness or inability to fight back because you are kind, have manners, are shy or do not want to be embarrassed,This is your vulnerability.   They prey on your weakness. They are psychological bullies....

My Voice Unchained, TWITTER:
The rage of a narcissist appears like an angry outburst, but it is different from an ordinary angry outburst. In fact, the angry outburst often seems out of proportion to the events or circumstances of the moment, making the narcissist seem like a crazed person.

My Voice Unchained, TWITTER:
When a narcissist perceives an attack against them, their narcissistic rage is triggered as a defense mechanism. They are hypersensitive because of their high sense of self & because of the expectations they have for those around them. When expectations are not met, they rage.

Psych Insights, TWITTER:
Don't let the narcissist clone you into being like them.

My Voice Unchained,TWITTER:
How do you respond to the narcissistic rage of a narcissist?
DON'T!
Do not respond. Although this can be easier said than done when a narcissist might be provoking you, it is to your advantage not to respond at all. Just remain silent and watch until their rage blows over.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
If every copy of the DSM-5 were to spontaneously combust today (what a world that'd be), we'd STILL have EXACTLY the symptoms & struggles we have in our trauma recovery.
This ISN'T about meeting or not meeting criteria in a f*ckin book. It's about staying alive & functional.

Reva Steenbergen, TWITTER:
The terror induced by narcissistic abuse leads to
-physical pain
-psychological pain
-emotional pain
The suffering alone can kill.
The world needs to understand that narcissistic abuse is a form of violent torture because of what it does to a person's whole state of being

Visio Smaragdina, TWITTER:
REBIS
The end product of alchemy, the divine hermaphrodite, a union of spirit and matter, a being of both male and female united within a single body. German alchemical manuscript, 1570-1580

Robert E. Juliano, TWITTER:
Rebis is not the end product in all of medieval and early modern Latin alchemy. For example, the 16th century alchemist held the union with the unus mundus (union of body-soul-spirit with the One world) to be a further step.

Reva Steenbergen, TWITTER:
Give noone access to your empathy that doesn't deserve it

Reva Steenbergen, TWITTER:
Healing from narcissistic abuse is NEVER one size fits all

The #ActuallyAutistic Coach | Matthew, TWITTER:
THREAD - A reminder to the #ActuallyAutistic community that it is a PRIVILEGE to unmask or have a meltdown in public. One needs to be SAFE in order to do so. Unmasking & melting down in public is something that most cannot do safely. We need to be careful how we frame this convo.

Nate Postlethwait, TWITTER:
“Stop being so sensitive!”
The same people who say this would be shocked if you ever treated them the way they’ve treated you.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Sometimes in trauma recovery we actually experience shame for feeling happiness or relief for even a sec-- because part of us believes we don't have the "right" to feel happy, because we're "bad," "stupid," "dirty," blah blah bah.
Put us in a b*tch of a double bind.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
We DON'T wanna try to do trauma processing unplanned or on the fly, when we get slapped w/ memories or feelings or abreactions. We wanna do it in times & places WE choose, w/ supports & resources we need handy.
The middle of a flashback ISN'T the time for getting philosophical.

‘Believe me: It is no teaching and no instruction that I give you…My path is not your path therefore I cannot teach you. The way is within us, but not in Gods, nor in teachings, nor in laws. Within us is the way, the truth, and the life.’
CARL JUNG

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Stay away from people who think you're arguing everytime you try to express yourself as to engage in a healthy conversation about issues that concern you .

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
If we're gonna take realistic, meaningful responsibility for our decisions & behavior, we NEED to be super clear on how trauma has f*cked w/ our perceptions & judgment.
It's NOT about "making excuses." It's about ACTUALLY understanding what was happening in our head & heart.

karen unrue, TWITTER:
DONT LET ANYONE TELL YOU THAT THE REACTION YOURE HAVING TO A TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE ISNT VALID -
they don’t know what they’re talking about. Please go find someone who does and get the support you need ❤️

𝔸sh, TWITTER:
Autistic people need to be accommodated at work — “Autistic people need quiet spaces to work, longer lunch breaks, alternative lighting, predictable schedules or the ability to have a support person with them…
But there needs to be adequate motivation for those spaces to change, or autistic adults will continue to burn out more intensely than their peers.”

Andrew Campbell, TWITTER:
Don’t be surprised if recognizing/calling out their psychological abuse is deemed “being mean to them” by the psychological abuser.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
People who want to be a part of your life will honor and respect your rights, boundaries and protections, without question.

Stevie., TWITTER:
Pay attention and watch how peaceful your life becomes when you raise the bar on who has access to you..

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮, TWITTER:
The best revenge is none. Move on, level up, and heal so you don’t become like the people who traumatized you.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Neurodivergent Brain Health, TWITTER:
While ADHD symptoms for boys might decrease or shape-shift at puberty, symptoms exacerbate for women as estrogen increases.
Yet, because of the notion that ADHD is assuaged w/age, women fall through the cracks.
ADHD often becomes more of a nuisance for women as they age.

Josh…, TWITTER:
I am different, and it has cost me many people, but I am always myself. It is better to lose others than to lose yourself.

Josh…, TWITTER:
You don't have to accept things you are not okay with.

Ryan 🖖 ♻️ 🌊, TWITTER:
The malignant #narcissist’s strategy is to abuse you so much and so thoroughly that you’d never be able to explain to anyone the extent of the assault made against you; and even if you could, it’s unlikely that anyone would even believe you.
#NarcissisticAbuse

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
One thing all abuse survivors have in common is thinking it’ll get better…they’ll stop abusing….the abuse cycle gives false hope over & over again.
It always starts again.
Abusers can’t stop.
They have a disordered value system.
👉 Only their needs & feelings matter.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Adult bullies target people with differences from themselves, especially those who have high morals and integrity. If a new employee refuses to join an established clique, adult bullies target them. If new employees do not conform they also may be targeted

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
I don't have an answer for why your abuser "chose" you & left other potential targets alone.
What I DO know is this: it WASN'T something you chose, invited, or "made" happen.
That's not just a feel-good soothing statement. That's a fact. Kids don't "make" adults abuse them.

Psych Insights, TWITTER:
Avoid people that take offense to things that you say before they have even asked you what you meant.

(6.5.2023)

 What I see the repeated stubborn problem with social anxiety is imprinting and rejection sensitivity which causes emotions, feelings to influence logic in a wrong way: that I interpret someone's rude, dismissive, aggressive attitude as superiority - this happens automatically and very quickly. That is detrimental since it sets me up to fawn and to believe I am inept, then this ends up with more panic and anxiety and catastrophizing - and ultimately it ends up as me not having ideas, not being innovative, not proposing solutions, not being involved in matters - I stand aside and let other people to choose and guide - even though when they clearly lack IQ, skills and common sense to guide anyone.

Exposure to narcissistic abuse causes social anxiety - and whatever we do about it - in reaction to narcissistic abuse will be wrong and detrimental. If we shut up about it - it will fester inside and a bully will interpret our silence as green light to continue with abuse. If we talk about it a) when we confront narcissistic person about it - they will turn it into hysteria and drama and more abuse without any resolution and b) we will become toxic: we will appear as victim mentality and we will end up with belief that the world is good or evil - this is splitting.
Therefore narcissistic abuse is cancer of society and mind and soul. It destroys everything, it is like black hole.

I see Negative politeness as greatest stumbling block and the actual hidden and covert cause of social anxiety. Without negative politeness handling we become zombies and we fanw to other people because we shut up and try to be social and nice and agreeable - with erratic and narcissistic people who have extremely low agreeableness. Then we end up taken advantage of and toxic people are never being told what is wrong and what they are doing wrong.
The thing is when we are disciplined and punished and ashamed enough of times, especially during childhood - we try to be good. Like in Clockwork Orange - we are automatic, we have auto pilot to avoid anger and to avoid harsh words with everybody. It is totally ok to restrain ourselves with kind, nice, friendly, good people. However this restrain allows toxic people to prosper - they multiply and they do not have any alarm that their narcissistic actions are wrong. The another argument is that in the end - people who are nice and good really do end up last - because we self sabotage ourselves - and we leave toxic people to fester in our minds since we never warned them - and then we end up thinking and wasting valuable time to learn and find perfect response how to handle and manage toxic people - in reality there are none. Toxic people can only listen to the same treatment they give to others. Without cutting contact with them - and being rude to them is a form of cutting the contact - we somehow become their slave. Without protest we are slaves to the oppressors. And the final argument is - that being rude to rude people is sexy, it provides us with self confidence and belief and trust that we will take care of ourselves without being slave to toxic people, it is a form of cutting trauma bonding - and finally - other people will approve it. They may publicaly judge us for being rude ourselves - but they are simply shocked since this is new and different to them, and it will leave a mark. All people are sensitive to Rejection Sensitivity, this is not only mark of social anxiety or ADHD, it is powerful and it will stay in people's memories. In the end - people will forget nice, kind, good people since they might think that regulated people are strong and they don't need company or care or help or talk.
Showing our anger or disagreement is also being vulnerable and admitting we are weak - and being vulnerable and weak is a healthy sign. Narcissists pretend to be strong and they put on a mask of superiority.
With Negative politeness - we are actually - even though it does not seem that way on the surface - we are narcissistic. We try to be good and nice and helpful and open to people - but when we suppress our anger and disgust and being wounded - we do not become healthy at all. This is highly non-intuitive and it goes against the common sense. And I think this is at the core of social anxiety: inability to process Negative politeness and being stuck in permanent Negative politeness as automatic response in difficult social situations.
I would encourage showing emotions when the situation calls for it. We won't be stuck in anger forever and we won't become Karen. Karen and narcissists and toxic people - they use anger as automatic default response, as much as socially anxious people use Negative politeness as automatic default response all the time to no matter what happens.
Anger itself is not narcissism nor it is wrong emotion.
We try to be good, nice, to keep clean image without errors and without being wrong - but what happens is we are fake actually and we do not show our real face - and people sense this, they sense that something is wrong - and they will leave us and avoid us - even though it seems to us from our social anxiety trauma perspective that we will attract and keep people around us if we are Negative polite all the time to everyone.

That is why I would investigate Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria - when it happens? What are the real triggers. I believe with adults who devoted much of their free time on learning pscyhology - that triggers will happen only in the presence of toxic people and the problem are real boundary crosses, real violations, which are not our imagination.

Negative politeness censorship is connected to free speech, to expression and being genuine and authentic. When we repeate freeze fawn learned automatic reaction - we stay stuck in self-censorship - and I believe this is social anxiety itself. When we block our expression - we add up to panic, fears, anxiety and being quiet, and being focused on other people especially those who are rude and intrusive and then we people please them in order to calm our dysregulation - without knowing how to regulate - since it is non-intuitive to become really angry to people who are toxic and aggressive. We have automatic beliefs that other people will judge us if we speak up and that they will leave us - as it already happened in the past when we were bullied.
If we have common sense and the correct sense of right and wrong and what is good and bad - when we have clear image about the distinction - then shutting up to evil will produce anxiety and discomfort. That is social anxiety: being silent and enabling the abusers to abuse due to fear that if we speak up that we will somehow be bad and abusers and wrong, and that people will leave us. In reality what happens - is when we shut up and when we do not express our genuine self - based on common sense and knowledge about what is correct right and knowing what is wrong - people will leave us and avoid us anyway. Who would want to be around a person who will be silent when they are in trouble?

For example, in scarce social interactions - I did learn that it is best to avoid curse words - since they add up to drama and antagonism. But avoiding argument and speaking the truth - that is going too far. That is self-censorship. This is a lesson we never learned as kids - that there is a difference between being sadistic and being honest. These lines are blurred to socially anxious. I think it will help greatly to know that people will not hate us for being honest and speaking the truth. Those who misjudge us would misjudge us anyway. Those who cannot bear the truth - are better off not to be around us anyway.

I would prescribe a "therapy" for social anxiety: to disagree and to be disagreeable. At least for a while. Not as lifestyle permanent response, but as exercise - and check out what will happen when we do not agree with obvious lies and false data and wrong statements.

Without ability to over-ride Negative politeness - we will be immobile, inactive, we won't take our ideas in reality.

I believe throughout our life we store all the input data in our brain - and this starts to create conflict with other people and real life - when we notice what is wrong with outer reality. Then we are in moral injury position - where we literally need to be quiet and shut up - since talking and voicing our knowledge and education causes cognitive dissonance in other people - they interpret our words as aggression. Then we internalize their projections and we end up believing we are bad and wrong, and we shut up and enable abuse and toxicity to continue, believing there is something wrong with us.

Basically I see "solution" in social anxiety - to speak up and to express anger - even by going overboard - but with notice and knowledge that I do not have hidden covert narcissistic agenda to harm or hurt other people and wish them bad - but in the same time to be clear what I think about them. They will label me as arrogant and narcissistic or toxic or weird or stupid or whatever label - but these are their projections. With toxic shame and trauma I will try to absorb their comments as truth, and that is another problem with social anxiety, where other people's comments and observations are taken as automatic truth. That trauma bonding of taking other people's opinions as ultimate truth must be broken away and severed permanently. I can decide what to speak and to be in alignment with my core values - and my core values are not in harming and hurting and exploiting other people. With trauma and toxic shame I actually believe that if I express my anger that I am bad person and that I am somehow attacking and harming other people - and that is why I stick with automatic Negative politeness as a way of coping with difficult situations and difficult people. I do not wish harm even to toxic and narcissistic and abusive people. I know they are traumatized too - however being silent to their abuse is not healthy and whenever I am quiet about it - I am creating social anxiety panic and toxic shame, I am contributing to feeling not safe by trying to be safe.

By keeping safe and being negative polite - we never actually test what will happen and how the other person will react. We assume they will attack us and be unpleasant - and we do nothing and stay immobile, passive and silent. In reality - reacting and expressing ourselves in any shape or form (as long as it is legal and within common sense) leads to self esteem. And this self worth is then covered up. We stay stuck in destroyed self worth when we shut up and not express ourselves. This is connected with Rejection Sensitivity, that is the core of social anxiety. We do not practice at not taking things too personally, we don't develop humor and we do not test or explore parts of our personality we naturally have - yet are not expressed because we think that talking is being rude and aggressive.

As I understand social anxiety information: trauma, RSD, ADHD, abuse - it comes down to that we make peace between Ventral Vagal (feeling psychological safety) with difficult reality - mostly people who are difficult. It will seem as if we need to prove something to someone, that we need to be in conflict in order to resolve issues - when in reality the greatest problem is the external reality. The central problem is that the other person is antagnoist and they are not willing to overcome their own cognitive dissonance - and then if we try - we are the ones who are egotist. Because there is a sense of shame and honour of being wrong, being misunderstood and that we need to clear up our name in order for others to admire us actually. I would see this defense of image as problem - that is partly narcissistic. The common sense tells us that with each day we are putting out our values - so people know who we are when we are consistent in our values. If I am not greedy, that is a mark that all people will eventually see with time as they spend more time with me. One time incidents, taken out of context, blunders, mistakes, errors - these will always happen. If I try to justify and over-explain myself - it will be taken in counter way, as if I am hiding the truth.
I trust this inability to handle difficult situations and difficult people lies in the heart of managing and inability to manage social anxiety. The deep seated core belief we are abnormal, weird, incompetent - and this drive stemming from such negative dark grudge rancour belief that we end up being ashamed and embarrased and we feel urge that we must prove other people that we are saints - and then end up with fawning and being people pleaser or in difficult situations chasing other people to show them we are good when they claim we are not. This is where Rejection Sensitivity resides - where there is intolerance of someone's criticism - and we get urge to clear our name and/or serve and please the critic so that they are no longer angry - due to childhoood spent in survival mode. And ADHD part being where the focus is now on the critic and our urge to be good and to be seen as good - while the healthy proper way would be that we are focused on the task given at any situation. This part is fuzzy and unclear - since the task is different - the task/focus cannot be described and named - so it is always left unclear. ADHD information helps since it gives back focus on being focused. When we are in panic mode - we get to automatic mode, auto pilot, learned programmed trauma responses as triggers occur - and that is always trying to clear our name from defamation, to be seen good and nice, and by achieving this automatic goal - we focus our attention on overcompensation, other people are in focus now, their views, their beliefs and our trials to please them, to show we are just and good and strong. Toxic shame being the motor which is producing these automatic urges to please other people, to clear our name, to be good and nice and to be seen as good and nice by others, and their criticism is trigger which sets toxic shame in motion, hidden as pain and hurt of being wrong and being seen as wrong.

ADHD explains the focus - and importance of the focus - which is often overlooked and not given significance - because:
trauma explains the nervous system. Trauma will be triggered and our nervous system will run the show - it will be in decision seat - and hijack our focus away to soothe and calm nervous system.
Focus is not the only problem - the ability to know that nervous system is dysregulated is important information too, a piece of puzzle that once understood can help us in real life when we are out there and exposing to difficult people and difficult situations.
Without information about focus and nervous system - we are on auto-pilot and our goals are not in the primary screen. Instead we are running in the circles, hiding away from life and isolating because nervous system is kept on triggered by past trauma and current toxic people around us.

Focus also means that we do not try to fix other people as introjection of abuse will compel us to do. And focus is also that we do not give our empathy and understanding to toxic people anymore. Focus also means that we are aware of Negative politeness and instead of trying not to hurt someone's feelings though self censorship - that we speak up and out the truth.

Focus issue is connected to trauma, trauma response - programmed automatic auto pilot behaviour learned through abuse. Such as self blame, automatic feeling of being responsible for whatever someone does especially bad and violent and intrusive - it is seen as personality own fault, failing to be perfect, deep feeling of intense shame - and I think this is connected to Rejection Sensitivity, too. This is why I have issue with the word Rejection - since it also wraps the shame and perfectionism and learned detrimental safety mechanisms such as Fawning and Negative Politeness. Negative Politeness here would be taking responsibility for someone being angry, and this is connected to Codependency and Trauma bonding. This is not only issue of Rejection anymore. Since there is no technical rejection - there is coercive control and blame shifting, victim shaming and introjection and transference of someone's anti-social mallace onto the target done in skillful hidden covert manner.

Matthew Effect,
I became aware of this concept after weekly watching of Hour of Power - where Bobby explained it is when rich people become more rich while whatever poor ones have is taken away from them. He explained this Bible quote as when we are inside bad mood, anger, some kind of trigger - we will stay stuck inside it and it will bring bad luck. And I do identify this as true statement. When something bad starts to happen, the misery follows, it snowballs into more troubles. And this is actually missing puzzle with dysregulation concept. I learned about Complex Trauma that healing trauma means to regulate myself. I was stuck with Rejection sensitivity where we are attacked and someone is intrusive - and due to unresolved trauma from the past - there is no way to know how to handle abuse in the now and there is also egotistical urge to be strong and to appear strong, as a fake image that leads to narcissism and borderline issues. It is a state of mind where I must be better in order to prove my worth and it is really hard to remove the shame, blame and guilt appearing as personality flaw and that other people must perceive me as good and they cannot see me ashamed and embarrassed, with errors nor flaws. Which narcissistic people trigger once they probe around how other people react to criticism. It is very hard to get unstuck and to regulate self and see the aggressive person as abnormal, evil and someone who is not valid to make any assesment of us.
This also leads to conclusion that we can protect ourselves on two levels: first level is outer layer where I can retort to aggressive people and hence "save my honor". In reality this leads to dysregulation, hysteria and narcissists enjoying in reactive abuse where the target is labeled as crazy and aggressive. The inner layer, second level is inside - intrinsic locus of control, self worth - which is destroyed due to trauma and toxic shaming. This inner layer is when I know that evil people cannot really hurt me inside me. They cannot reach it no matter what they do and no matter how they act or whatever. Due to toxic shame this is extremely hard to hang on to. Due to conditioning and programming too.
With Complex trauma - I learned the importance of Emotional regulation. Emotional regulation is a kind of getting into the state of Ventral Vagal - where I feel psychological security, safe with other people.
I was convinced that this regulation - that the point is to get to safety and to be calm. This was stumbling block to me - this did not match with the real life situations - where aggressive people are aggressive and they have hidden agenda and where they are coercive. How to handle them and be calm and target being calm - when they are intrusive and they mock and lie.

Well - the missing puzzle was Matthew Effect. The goal is not being calm only. The point is not being safe only. The final goal is being productive.
Matthew Effect states that when we are miserable, when we are negative, when we have suicidal idealizations due to horrible traumatic past and abusive current affairs - that having the state of mind of "victim" will bring more victimhood. It will not help - help with our goals. The final goal is to be productive in what I am doing.
What is the end goal. At work - critics and intrusive people will nag and complain about work and this will be trigger. Bullies will target our mistakes, errors, flaws.
The final goal would be to do the work. It is not about explaining to someone who cannot listen. The goal is the work done.
This is where Rejection sensitivity is inner Devil on the shoulder - that is sabotaging us from the inside. It keeps us dysregulated - and the false, wrong and misinterpreted messages from outside that were suppose to help us - give us wrong impression that our goal is to be happy and without mistakes and without bullies and to be calm. Nope. Matthew Effect states that when we are under stress that we will bring more stress, we will be clumsy and make more mistakes and be much slower even though we will try to be faster.
I see Matthew Effect realization as a principle that can guide us into Regulation.
Once we are regulated - we can handle difficult people - in better, more proper manner than what we would do when we cultivate worry and spasms and hysteria of trying to be good. With Matthew Effect concept - we do not focus on the problem anymore, we do not focus on our fear and panic and bad circumstances - we put focus on our intrinsic values and at the task to be done - which is in line with us - to do the job done.
With trauma and programming and conditioning and with toxic shame and with Rejection sensitivity - we are constantly bombarded and shaken and sabotaged and constantly pruned off so that fruit never can pop out. And we try to be good and happy and what we think is right - but it keeps us in cycle of worry and poverty and victimhood mentality - because it seems correct to worry, as we were conditioned to respond to bullies and troubles and problems: that we take flaws and errors as personality fail, personal flaw and fix other people and their moods and to avoid being honest through Negative politeness.

This focus on fixing oneself to be good is issue with focus - this misaligned focus will appear as dysregulated ADHD, too. Because without focusing on the job done, on my own goals - I appear as if I am running in circles and that I am self sabotaging myself. With panic and fears and social anxiety and trauma - I will never take any initiatives, I will not follow through my own goals in life- instead I will be stuck in worry and with toxic people and toxic ambient - and never try new things or never leave. This way in being poor - whatever I have will be taken away from me, I will get pruned off, both by myself and by toxic parasites predatory personalities.

I believe this shifted focus is the result of childhood trauma and being inside toxic ambient where people pleasing and fawning was programmed, conditioned, learned way of thinking in order to survive toxic people.
There is a lack of belief that I can rely on my brain to resolve issues - and instead I try to be good and perfect and in the same time to satisfy the needs and fix problems of others along with their mood disorders as primary focus. Due to toxic shame, their comments, criticism and rejection will be painful and it will be triggering and it will activate auto pilot, this will happen too quickly to notice and there will be no awareness that deep inside - other people cannot really hurt me, that I do not need to depend on others and that I can voice out my opinion and solutions - and in the end that I can leave and block them once the right conditions are at hand.
With focus on someone's drama and other's dysregulation - I do not see the future, that in the future I will not have any contact with those people, that this is temporary and it will pass by. I believe that people without ACE experiences have this focus in check and they regulate themselves by knowing this, that nothing lasts forever and that someone's rejection and bad behaviour cannot and does not harm deep intrinsic self worth inside. No matter how cruel, no matter what mocking they do in public, what shaming techniques they use - if I am not criminal, if I do not do anything realistically shameful or guilt-ridden - there is nothing that their attacks and intrusion have power over. No one will remember it, their hysteria will be noticed no matter how much they try to hide it by projecting it onto their targets.
Without being aware of Matthew Effect I am prone to be shoved easily, pushed around, depending on other people's mercy - and it will resemble a lot like Borderline behaviour.

Therefore, social anxiety, trauma, Rejection sensitivity - is an issue with: Focus (Matthew Effect of staying in poverty mindset producing more misery), nervous system - being HSP and processing stimuli in ADHD Autistic Neurodivergent spectre that ableist society will mock and try to destroy - and third element is environment: being in poverty, in toxic ambient, around toxic people - who will trigger constantly focus and nervous system in negative destrimental sabotaging manner. Matthew Effect is here missing puzzle - that we know our primary goal is not being happy, without faults and trying to appear perfect - but instead; doing the job and being focused on the task given, goal and to have our expression free to express and chase our values instead of covering up shame and over-compensating inferiority complex, errors and trying to be strong and confident - which messses up personality and self worth if we do try to blame our character trait as abnormal and something that needs fixing.

Toxic people have hidden agenda - to harm others and to exploit others and greed. Toxic people also feel miserable and try to cover it up by parasiting on other people and by creating drama and hysteria. They are in Matthew Effect, whirpool of misery and they try to regulate their drama and fears by attacking others and being sadistic. They are delusional and live in their fantasy world, where they will use their fake false delusional definitions about anything in life - and they will seek good nice kind people who will focus on solving problems. Now toxic people all they need to do is to make problems and drama and hysteria out of nothing all the time.
The only solution to this problem with toxic people - who create drama and trauma in normal and healthy people - is education and knowing what is happening - and that we focus on task, job and our own values and being in healthy ambient as much as possible - which includes cutting toxic people off - not as a way to hurt them or to destroy them or to harm them in any way.

Toxic people will shift focus, move goal posts. They will create small problems into catastrophe. They will make problem out of nothing. Their definitions will be filled with logical fallacies and hidden agenda of greed, they will mask it and project their toxic shame into others around them. This is why if we are not focused on our task - we will be presented with their focus, which is delusions and fantasy. Their accusations are coercive control and gaslighting - so if I am not focused on my goals and task - I will be at mercy of their emotions, feelings, angers, mood swings. They will use evoking anger and hysteria and drama as a mean to regulate their delusions and abnormality.

The missing puzzle for me was other people's wrong explanation of the concept of regulation and well-being. It is explained away as being without mistakes, without troubles, without toxic people, without imperfections, it is explained away as not dealing with problems and tough emotions. That kept me off the track and paradoxically in more issues - because being perfect is not realistic and there will always be problems and issues. It is impossible to live in sterile environment, empty and without anything. There is always something, something that I will not like and what others will make problem of.
What are my values inside - is the determining factor of the focus. If I have greed and grudge inside - and if I have toxic shame propelling me to over-compensate and appear strong in the eyes of others: I will create drama and hysteria and fear and trying to compensate panic and worry - paradoxically producing nothing but worry and drama and fear.
Yet - if I am focused on being productive, on building up and solving and resolving tasks - and not other people's emotions and other people's problems which they can solve themselves, if I help others without agenda and without fear of punishment and by being realistic - I will naturally come up with solutions and create changes and be active in life.

#ThreadTherapist (she/her), TWITTER:
Idk if people know —- but when you respond to something in an angry or aggressive manner — it shows your sensitivity and compassion. Anger is an emotion as well.

#ThreadTherapist (she/her), TWITTER:
You don’t have to be a bad person to be a “bad partner”.

#ThreadTherapist (she/her), TWITTER:
Respectfully —- I’ve worked so hard to achieve this level of confidence. “Humble” does not live here anymore.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Trauma slaps what we call a "mental filter" on everything we do & that happens to us. We assume the good stuff must be coincidence or accidental; but the bad stuff? That's all us.
It's all BS (Belief Systems-- but the other kind of BS, too).
The good stuff counts. Really.

#ThreadTherapist (she/her), TWITTER:
Black people —- you might be an IMPOSTER because this country was not designed with us in mind —- but you aren’t inferior —- because you’ve worked 3x as hard to achieve success. You belong at the top. Believe that you do.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Workplace Toxic Cultures....it was already dysfunctional..

Deva-Marie Is in her🦋era, TWITTER:
Toxic people often don't see anything wrong with themselves and they wanna surround themselves with people who will put up with it

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
If you believe yourself to be chemically imbalanced, mentally I’ll, broken or disordered…
You most certainly will be

Josh…, TWITTER:
Sometimes the behaviour they show you, is all the closure you need.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
We’re not ourselves when we’re triggered.

No Context Brits, TWITTER:
Become ungovernable.

Psych Insights, TWITTER:
1. His behavior when he has been drinking
2. How he is with his money
3. How he handles his anger

Psych Insights, TWITTER:
The narcissist doesn't know what traumatized you in the past, they don't care, but they can sense if you are still carrying it.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Your emotional intelligence and intuition will offend anyone who can't run a game on you.

Nate Postlethwait, TWITTER:
Let’s stop saying that someone who traumatized another person is unable to understand what they did or how to engage with it. They are not unable, they are unwilling. A person who has the capacity to intentionally hurt others has the capacity to think on what they’ve done.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Blog: "Over and over again the culture around us treats us as if these enormously painful, life-ruining trauma responses we’re struggling with are, on some level, “chosen."
Buying into that can deepen the self-blame & self-hate that we already feel."

AimTrue, TWITTER:
The real experts in trauma recovery aren’t the ones with textbook knowledge.
Trauma is very difficult to understand unless you’ve survived & recovered yourself.
I worked with several therapist with no progress.
I started with a coach who was also a survivor, things changed.

AimTrue, TWITTER:
Your authenticity can be hard to find when it's been covered up with trauma and protective responses.
Be gentle with yourself as you slowly learn to embrace what feels right for you.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
We can freak ourselves out telling ourselves we've wasted our lives & we're out of time & it's too late & blah blah blah.
But NONE of that's gonna nudge us toward a life that feels good & functions well.
Easy. Reel it in. Breathe. Blink. Focus.
And bring it back to TODAY.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Let go of the people who dull your shine, poison your spirit, and bring you drama. Cancel your subscription to their issues.

Nick Taber, TWITTER:
This is exactly what happened in the #TroubledTeenIndustry. When you'd try to discuss sources of abuse or pain in ones life, you were said to have "victim mentality" or were "justifying". You were expected to just bury your feelings and control your behavior. twitter.com/Stopworkplaceb…

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Victim mentality is a phrase often weaponized by narcissists in order to shame survivors for using their voices to create change.

Eleanora Winters, TWITTER:
Narcissists are like a disease. They infect and take over every facet of your life, every thing and person you love and care about, every aspect of your life and well-being until you are nothing but an object in their cage.

𝔸sh, TWITTER:
What if that person you thought was 'toxic' was actually just autistic and traumatized, and they did not know?

𝔸sh, TWITTER:
Is it related to autism or trauma to be very sensitive to energy and vibes? To be sensitive to people or places with negative or positive energy? I know someone who can walk into places and wish to leave bc of something bad they feel there.

David, TWITTER:
Autism definitely has an effect on how people recognize patterns and perceive things.  I've actually found myself getting bad vibes from very charismatic people and almost instinctively distrust them as potential manipulators.

A Modern Mystic, TWITTER:
My therapist told me that neurodivergent people in general often tend to have what people like to call "empathic abilities"
I only use that term because it's a term we all understand, but of course it's not some crazy magic ability. It's just part of how our brains work.

Miki, TWITTER:
In Jamaica we say “mi spirit no tek to dem” to mean someone doesn’t feel “right” to you.
It’s intuition and society teaches us to suppress listening to our intuition in favor of following rules.
Old cultures value and rely on intuition. So do neurodivergent persons.

𝔸sh, TWITTER:
During my autistic masking days, my response of: “Nope! I got it. I can figure it out…” was usually me picking up on someone’s ‘You are a burden’ energy — either real or perceived. All of the internalized ableism. Now, I mean it when I say that. I feel as a burden much less now

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Neurodivergent Brain Health, TWITTER:
PSA from a neuropsychologist:
It’s NOT resting if you’re ruminating about all the things you “should” be doing.
“Resting” isn’t Restorative.
Resting without the guilt, IS.

“Some pursue happiness – others create it.”
– Anonymous, 🪶✨

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Defamation is a control tactic...

Dr James Davies (PhD), TWITTER:
Why 'neurodiversity' when 'neuro' is defined as "relating to nerves or the nervous system"? We aren't just our nervous systems - i.e. diversity can't be reduced to the particularity of phenomena within that system alone.

#ThreadTherapist (she/her), TWITTER:
I stopped internalizing what other people thought about me a long time ago.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Trauma survivors frequently feel shame about what happened to us-- which makes us a prime target for DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender) head games.
Abusers & our own inner prosecutor will tag team the sh*t out of us-- which is why we NEED that inner defense team.

#ThreadTherapist (she/her), TWITTER:
Yes. Most emotions typically last 90 seconds — what makes them last longer is overthinking, rumination, attempting to avoid/suppress them etc. if you just felt the emotion and coped— it would probably lessen the intensity sooner but you need skills to be able to know how

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Your light is gonna irritate a lot of unhealed people. Stay kind, anyway.

Toxic Shame: What It Is And How To Heal From It
Heidi Priebe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y47iJrbO2ug
will being broken.
Toxic shame - Early on in life something broke your will. Your will is a part of your conscious mind that believes that you are inherently deserving of love, care, protection, comfort, respect – all human is inherently worthy of.
To compensate for feeling worthless: the ways we show up in the world as either “more than” or “less than” human. To develop false person more than human is to balance out toxic shame with grandiose beliefs about self.
“I am inherently better than other people, I am cooler, smarter, funnier, have more money, better looking” can also be a grandiose thought. These are ways of making ourselves more than human believing in some objective way better than else.
Or we can adopt identity that is less than human. Believing because I am so bad flawed at my core. Neither view of self is accurate. At all of our cores we are all inherently lovable, worthwhile human being. Trauma internalized untrue about ourselves.
We are always aware of the fact that we must keep our true Self hidden when we are around other people. Because we are governed by this feeling of being contaminated in some way. To compensate we learn to be defensive, guarded.
Muster up energy to bring False Selves to the occasion. It doesn't occur to us when shame bound that and act authentic. If acting authentic, someone might see our inner contamination. So it takes tons of energy to engage in social situation.
To shame bound person the only way to relax and to be authentic is to be alone where there's no one around to catch you being your actual Self. Everybody has this to small extent. Who they are and social Persona are radically different.
It's not like going to party and put Fake Self. It's more like you frantically trying to find a way to self-regulate with the view of yourself as a competent, worthwhile “ok” person. Through getting validation, achieving, accepted.
3rd sign of shame bound identity: avoid psychological mirrors. By not showing yourself to others in authentic way - you avoid True Self being mirrored back to you by anybody. We find psychological mirrors inside intimate relationships.
When you are shame bound you are terrified of spontaneous feelings arising in the body. Because you believe that your feeling are shameful and so you only allow yourself to feel things you have pre-decided you will feel. Fake persona you present to them.
This is not something anybody would consciously choose. You did not choose to disconnect from feelings, over rely on logic or fantasy. This is the way you adapted based on the way you were raised. You learned to orchestrate your life in such way.
Anything we use as a replacement for having a secure base inside of ourselves or other people counts as an addiction. If we feel as we need it in order to regulate ourselves. There are myriad things we can get addicted to that are not substances.
The end goal of healing from shame is exposing your true self to the world. Getting in touch with who you actually are at your core, understanding that there is nothing wrong, shameful, or bad about it. Existing as authentic self in the world.
Once we become aware and consciously accept the fact that we've been operating from a place of toxic shame and that shame is not our true identity, task is getting to know who our true Self is. Figure who we are not.
Escaping present moment through thinking about planned trips.

 

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
I DON'T believe in acceptance for the sake of acceptance.
I believe in accepting EXACTLY what's happened & EXACTLY the damage that's been done because that's the only realistic way we're gonna CHANGE it.
Acceptance is the necessary first step to massive, intentional change.

Robert Greene, TWITTER:
When you have success, be extra wary. When you are angry, take no action. When you are fearful, know you are going to exaggerate the dangers you face.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Neurodivergent Brain Health, TWITTER:
I don’t interrupt you because I’m rude.
I interrupt you because if I don’t, the thought in my head that was triggered by what you just said
Will. Be. Gone. Forever
and never find me AGAIN.
#ADHDBrain

Psych Insights, TWITTER:
You know you are healing when you no longer let other people walk all over you & then feel angry about it.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
You're as valuable on days when you FEEL worthless as you are on days when you FEEL like a rock star.
Trauma will f*ck w/ us when we're feeling sh*tty. "This feeling is the truth," it'll say.
No. It's not.
Feeling sh*tty is just feeling sh*tty. That's it.
Breathe.

Josh…, TWITTER:
I don’t know who needs to hear this but please stop showing them you'll stay through anything. That's why they keep putting you through everything!

When Each Attachment Style Meets A Narcissist

Heidi Priebe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G5EIUFsQ758
see your emotion at the mercy of other people actions.
What would more secure person do if they were encountering narcissistic individual.
You might be looking at narcissism through a very different lens than someone who has more secure patterning would look at it. Realize large part of what might keeping you stuck might be your own attachment system.
Anxiously attached: there is negative view of self, positive view of others. Susceptible to what narcissist is telling them during love bombing phase. Tend to self regulate through fantasy. Fantasy of being seen and chosen.
Someone with secure attachment style operates with the world view: I'm ok, you're ok. Comfortable with getting to know someone slowly, in process to get know someone in honest and authentic way. Love bombing will feel insincere.
Those with more anxious patterning caught up in trying to learn everything about narcissism, getting obsessed – preoccupied style. We believe the answer to way we feel internally lies other there in the world. This is not how it works.
“If we can only crack the Code then the way we feel inside will change”. This is not how it works. How you feel is how you feel. Spending time ruminating , obsessing over every little thing narc did keeps you stuck in drama triangle.
Almost like you try to find solution that will allow you to un-feel the pain. But there is no unfeeling pain. If you have pain in you – it needs to get processed, metabolized, and only then you will be able to truly move on.
It's almost like if they can prove to themselves that this other person was the one who was actually wrong, bad, evil or corrupt, then they can tell themselves well the problem is not in me – I must be worthy and lovable. You stay in victim position.
The same way I would not ask a friend with a severe physical disability to help me with predominately physical – I would not ask someone with a severe emotional disturbance to be the person who respond securely to me.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Trauma + Anxiety + ADHD Info, TWITTER:
The opposite of anxiety isn’t calm.
It’s SAFETY.

Reva Steenbergen, TWITTER:
Narcissistic Abuse
Years evaporate like they never existed at all & thats because they didn't as the experience was all an illusion which technically was never reality.
You never actually existed inside that illusion; only the delusional version the narcissist had of you.. did

Narcopath Info, TWITTER:
Another thing I've learned from exp narc/psychopath abuse is that without having the title "Dr" or "psych" - most ppl don't believe your perspective. They don't realise  that ppl who have grown up in such environments can provide unique insights into the dynamics of....pathocracy and things that are going on.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
We’re not ourselves when we’re triggered.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Lots of survivors reading the have spent a lifetime beating the sh*t out of themselves for their choices-- when the truth is, they actually made the best or only possible decisions under f*cking awful circumstances.
You did what you could w/ what you had.
Repeat as necessary.

Josh…, TWITTER:
People don't want to hear this, but words not matching actions is called manipulation. And refusing to be held accountable for it is called gaslighting.

Defend Survivors, TWITTER:
Perpetrators take whatever was meant for the victim and turn it around to be used for them - and harm the victim.

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
“Healthy” people aren’t morally superior.
Especially when most of what constitutes “health” is totally out of someone’s control.

Defend Survivors, TWITTER:
The difference between boundaries and being controlling is that boundaries are to keep you from being hurt. If a ‘boundary’ is being used to make someone do what you want them to do - that’s control, not a boundary.
#boundaries #CoerciveControl

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Trauma + Anxiety + ADHD Info, TWITTER:
Don’t underestimate the profound traumatic power of letting someone know you don’t believe them.

Robert Greene, TWITTER:
Our levels of desire, patience, persistence, and confidence end up playing a much larger role in success than sheer reasoning powers.

Ryan Holiday, TWITTER:
When others treat you poorly it doesn't degrade you, it degrades them.

#ThreadTherapist (she/her), TWITTER:
Sometimes it’s anxiety and not your intuition. it takes awareness to learn the difference.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Therapists who advise people to "stop fixating on their childhood" missed the part in grad school where the concept of "intrusive" post traumatic symptoms was explained.

𝔸sh, TWITTER:
#AskingAutistics: Is it common for people to think you are attacking them, arguing with them, picking a fight, when in your mind, you are just inquiring, discussing, or trying to understand?

Robert Greene, TWITTER:
Everything that happens to you is a form of instruction if you pay attention.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Self-talk is a recovery tool EVERY survivor uses EVERY day. We are CONSTANTLY communicating with ourselves-- & what we say REALLY matters, especially if we grew up w/ people mocking us, screaming at us, cutting us down, or humiliating us.
No more. Never again.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Maybe your abuser changed their behavior at some point. Maybe they're a different person now than they were then.
Great. But we STILL have the pain we have. We STILL have to recover & heal.
That sh*t doesn't just disappear when somebody turns their life or personality around.

Reva Steenbergen, TWITTER:
Narcissists consider people possessions because people are considered objects

Reva Steenbergen, TWITTER:
A narcissist believes you don't have the right to defend your boundaries... Because they believe they're entitled to take whatever they wish

karen unrue, TWITTER:
OUR SOCIETY JUDGES US BY ACHIEVEMENTS so its easy to try&quantify how well our trauma recoverys going
STOP IT !
Its a journeyNOTa race. Ull walk,climb,stumble,get up,walk some more,rest a while,walk on,stop,have coffee&a chat-&recovery IS happening.
Experience it-dont judge it😊

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
No in any context is a complete sentence

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
Narcissists weaponize silence.
Narcs do this to punish you, keep you on edge, subservient.

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
If someone says “I don’t know” in response to “how does that make you feel”… then it doesn’t always need exploring or digging into.
“I don’t know” is a perfectly valid answer. Digging into it might not help and may just introduce trauma or gaslighting.

Dr. Andrew Thomas Cicchetti (He/Him/Ele), TWITTER:
It's not quite disappoint, its abuse.

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
Please stop telling Autistic people what language they should use to define themselves…

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
Autistic meltdown is not “bad behaviour”

Emily♡, TWITTER:
People don’t realise how long it can take to recover physically and emotionally from an autistic meltdown.

Nate Postlethwait, TWITTER:
The people who keep hurting you are trying to hide you from the fact that you have other people to meet and other places to be.

@survivorstrong3, TWITTER:
Please refrain from telling victims & survivors of violence how to use language to describe their experiences.

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
If someone says “this harms me”… that’s because it harms them.
Please stop interrogating people or disbelieving them.

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
People say “don’t make it your identity” like someone’s identity is this binary, one dimensional thing.
It really isn’t. Someone’s identity is complex, multi-faceted, and involves everything about them.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
If just reliving trauma was the key to resolving it, then nobody who ever experienced flashbacks would continue to struggle.
Recovery is not about reliving anything.
It is about changing our RELATIONSHIP with the trauma-- on a deep, gut, f*cking CELLULAR level.

BrightonPsych, TWITTER:
The paradox of ‘mental health awareness’: ordinary emotional responses such as anxiety before an exam have become pathologised and the stigma around serious mental health conditions, such as psychosis, has increased.

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
Highly sensitive people, those who experience their emotions intensely, have super powers. They are attuned to the energy around them. They have to learn how to harness this super power.   Modern medicine will give you a bullshit label & attempt to drug you. They are dangerous

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
I am sure this is an unpopular opinion in American culture & many will not understand this:  
I don't recommend people "focus on your mental health"..
I actually think that is horrible advice.
Who knows what I am talking about?

Uber1337haxx0r XYZ, TWITTER:
Focus on basic needs, after basic needs are solved, you can work on other things.
What should you work on? I don't know after that. But that is the 2nd stage.

Patrick D Hahn, TWITTER:
Let's abolish the locution "mental health." The term is a semantic mistake, like saying "a purple idea" or "a wise room."
Instead let's talk about resiliency, wisdom, temperance, fortitude, etc.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Yeah. "They" might expect you to "get over it" with a supreme act of willpower.
F*ck that.
It's not that willpower has no role in recovery. Bet your ass it does.
But realistic, sustainable recovery is about working WITH our parts & nervous system, not blasting through 'em.

Narcissist Facts 101, TWITTER:
Narcissists seek out friends/partners specifically for their cooperativeness and empathy. This is because narcissists can sense that these types of people are likely to give them the benefit of the doubt and stick around well past reasonable limits.

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
Fucking sick of people invalidating trauma just because *they* don’t find it traumatic.
Stop it.
Piss off and stop denying people’s reality.

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
What if depression was communicated differently to the public? Instead of an illness it was a response to stressors that taxed our coping capabilities? Time was provided to identify the causes & face those challenges effectively. Viewed as a transformational process not a disease

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Stop giving power to toxic people who have no idea what you’ve been through.

Healing F*cking Hurts
Heidi Priebe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNw6fjaJJUc
Pete Walker calls it Abandonment Depression. Which is basically idea that the reason we form all of these defenses, insecure attachment strategies, mental illnesses, neurosis that develop in our psyche keep us from pain that's underneath.
It might feel like “Oh no, I am feeling pain all the time”. Healing is not linear. At this point I'm realizing when we heal ourselves we feel way more pain than we leave ourselves unhealed. That pain was preferable than one undeneath.
Healing means actually feeling the stuff underneath. John Bowlby's concept of defense exclusion;When a human psyche is unable to tolerate a certain concept, we exclude it from further processing. Seems as poison to psyche.
Anything that threatens your safety particularly as it relates to your caregivers, your brain as a child is going to try to shield you from realizing. When we defensively exclude information from further processing that leaves holes in reasoning.
So we have to come up with different ways of explaining why things are happening the way they are, that end up becoming kind of defense mechanisms in our psyches that we use to comfort ourselves with. Beginning Attachment styles.
Unable to integrate information that parent is mentally ill you decide your parent's extreme mood swings are in some way your fault, and you are bad, corrupt in some way, and if only you try harder, do better then would feel ok.
It's easier for you to come up with this delusion that you are somehow capable of controlling someone else's moods. These inaccurate world views, inaccurate beliefs we form about ourselves, they follow us through our entire life.
We don't realize as adults that we are now capable of meeting our needs so we don't need these advanced strategies for keeping people close. Pink cloud: We want all things that go well in our life to continue and new things on top of that.
Your body knows when it's safe to kind of fall apart a little bit and when it's not safe to do that. Where we start with is defense exclusion where our body and mind are protecting us from information we don't want to know.
Earning security is about learning a complete new set of skills. It neither anxious (finding ways to be activated) or avoidant (put to sleep, deactivated). It's about being really present and really in tune with reality, what is, people around.
Pain being real makes it surmountable. Problem with being insecurely attached is that most your problems are insurmountable because a lot of them are what you're inventing; Being mad at person for not living up to your ideal you've invented.
That problem has no solution because you're not living in reality. Or if avoidant, you try solve the way you're feeling through some sort of neurotic rule you've created, standard you set like I'll love myself once I meet this standard.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Manipulators actually believe they have the right to mistreat you, but you don't have the right to react or challenge them in the way they treat you. You have every right to challenge them for the way they treat you.

It is for us to release and understand every force in nature.
- This higher man you speak of is the weaker element in us. Our lust and our violence feed the weaker man. That is why there are so few saints and so many sinners. Will you cut evil out of man with a scalpel, Henry?
The Two Faces of Dr. Jekyll (1960)

Q: But you received the twelve, and the audience is singing someone elses' song..?
A: "No, no. That doesn't bother me. Gotta work a little on my ego. Gotta share it."
Aftonbladet

"Exercise is 1.5x's better in recent studies treating symptoms than medications and CBT" -Dr. Ben Singh

My Voice Unchained, TWITTER:
A narcissist will hurt you on purpose.

My Voice Unchained, TWITTER:
There were a few times in the past that I allowed a narcissist to push my buttons and get the best of me. Then, like an erupting, but explosive volcano, I would go off. That's always a reaction a narc wants to see. In the end, I look like the actual villain.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Complex trauma is trauma that occurred or was repetitive over time, inescapable, & often entwined w/ our important relationships. It's associated w/ symptoms that go beyond "standard" PTSD, such as emotional flashbacks & dysregulaton.
And, yup, you can have both PTSD AND cPTSD.

Ancient Origins, TWITTER:
Did you know that the human body's electro-magnetic circuitry can be easily stimulated by small changes in the local environment, leading to a change in awareness? #ElectroMagneticCircuitry #HumanBody #Awareness #EnvironmentalChanges

Narcissistic Abuse Awareness, TWITTER:
Narcissists live in a make believe world and over time they’ll have you living there too.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
It's a mind f*ck when the people who are hurting us are also our main, or only, source of sustenance & affection. It prevents us from accurately understanding that damage-- & often leaves us feeling ungrateful or blaming ourselves.
Turns out it's "complex" trauma for a reason.

Psych Insights, TWITTER:
Emotional intelligence is when you can have unpleasant feelings without becoming an unpleasant person.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
It's hard to feel free if we don't feel safe.
It's hard to feel safe if we're in the habit of attacking or abandoning ourselves-- like "they" did to us.
Trauma recovery begins w/ having our own back. Being on our own side.
Even if we were "taught" something different.

karen unrue, TWITTER:
YES-TRUTH DOES SET US FREE but dont be surprised if before you feel freedom you feel anger,sadness,disappointment…you see,its important2process these emotions on our journey➡️freedom because as we acknowledge the truth of whats happened2us we purge our souls of heartache 😊❤️

Nate Postlethwait, TWITTER:
Shaming someone who has been hurt, for not forgiving who hurt them, has nothing to do with forgiveness and everything to do with control and manipulation.

Reva Steenbergen, TWITTER:
Narcissists just love to destroy your reputation right where you live, so they will antagonize you and then make sure everyone can hear your emotionally hysterical reactions to the constant mind fuck being performed on you.
Now your neighborhood will believe you are unstable

#ThreadTherapist (she/her), TWITTER:
Having a bad day is not an excuse to be rude to others.

Lindsay Goodman 🏳️‍🌈 (she/her), TWITTER:
Healing from abuse does not mean you suddenly get to a point where you never talk about it again. Talking about it does not mean you aren’t healing.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
You got your "closure" the moment they treated you as if you weren't worthy of basic human decency, dignity and respect..

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
The effort you put forth DOESN'T have to meet someone else's definition of "good enough" for it to be the best you can do right now.
If you're doing your best, you're doing your best. They're gonna think what they're gonna think.
You just stay focused on what YOU can manage.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Friends don't turn into enemies. Enemies stop pretending to be friends.

Josh…, TWITTER:
A narcissist will work so hard to impress a stranger, while treating the people they claim to love like monsters..

Reva Steenbergen, TWITTER:
You'll know you're in the presence of a narcissist because your soul will get an allergic reaction

Narcissistic Abuse Awareness, TWITTER:
Narcissists believe that if you question or point out their abuse you’re the one being abusive.

Josh…, TWITTER:
If you're giving your all to someone and it's still not enough, you're giving it to the wrong person.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Trauma + Anxiety + ADHD Info, TWITTER:
Telling someone with ADHD “to just try harder” doesn’t work, because ADHD is an actual neurodevelopmental disorder that disrupts normal executive functioning and is NOT a matter of willpower.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Trauma + Anxiety + ADHD Info, TWITTER:
There’s nothing wrong with YOU, but everything wrong with a system if you have to jump through hoops just to get the resources you need for ADHD.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
The final stage of healing is using what happened to you to help other people.

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
What if emotions were neither “good” nor “bad”? Just energy. Changes a lot

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Trauma + Anxiety + ADHD Info, TWITTER:
Having executive functioning challenges often means we feel so overwhelmed by choices we stand paralyzed in fear and don’t do anything. Beating ourselves up is NOT going to make this better. Gentle with self as you work through this. It’s NOT your fault.

Defend Survivors, TWITTER:
Toxic message - “Your light is going to aggravate a lot of unhealed people. Glow anyway, sis.” If your healing has made you pompous, arrogant, and judgmental, that’s not ‘healing’.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
You can acknowledge that assessing & treating trauma and/or ADHD can be complicated & requires care, without glibly declaring either is "overdiagnosed."
Truth is, trauma and ADHD get missed ALL THE TIME-- often due to dismissive cultural attitudes & tropes.

Ryan 🖖 ♻️ 🌊, TWITTER:
Malignant #narcissists can look perfectly normal when you first meet them, and may even imbue an air of confidence that people mistakenly trust or admire.
It’s often not until later that you see how empty or monstrous they can be.
#NarcissisticAbuse

Unkonfined, TWITTER:
You’re suddenly the bad person when you return the same energy.

Robert Greene, TWITTER:
Understand: people will constantly attack you in life. One of their main weapons will be to instill in you doubts about yourself – your worth, your abilities, your potential. They will often disguise this as their objective opinion, but invariably...they want to keep you down.

Mad In The UK, TWITTER:
JAMA Psychiatry: No evidence that psychiatric treatments produce “successful outcomes”
https://www.madintheuk.com/2023/04/psychiatric-treatments-evidence/?utm_source=ReviveOldPost&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=ReviveOldPost

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Being called crazy or sensitive for reacting to disrespect is manipulation.

Josh…, TWITTER:
You were never hard to love. You were just getting harder manipulate.

Psych Insights, TWITTER:
The toxic person can't handle the bad energy that they put out when you give it back to them.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
"They" don't understand that trauma recovery is about rewriting old conditioning we acquired over YEARS-- & there's nothing simple or easy about it.
YOU know how hard you're working. Don't let "them" get in your head & convince you you're "not trying hard enough."

Morgan Housel, TWITTER:
The most valuable personal finance asset is not needing to impress anyone.

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
There are people so attached to their psychiatric diagnosis that they have developed a personal brand and identity around these constructs.
Who wants to tell them they are invalid constructs that were never meant to be identified as legitimate & discreet medical illnesses?

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
A narcissist will all but break you emotionally….then ridicule you for being weak.

Jacklena Bentley, TWITTER:
We live in a society where you are expected to sit at the table with your abuser and pretend nothing happened.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
⚠️ Toxic traits to look out for.
👉 A toxic trait is something you do all the time, not just sometimes.

Stevie., TWITTER:
Healing doesn’t mean you’ll never get triggered again, or that eventually you’re going to arrive somewhere free of any pain or past suffering. Healing is a quiet homecoming. It is about returning to yourself and settling peacefully into the truth of who you are. Not incomplete, not broken. Just whole, lovable and human..

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮, TWITTER:
Be the reason people still believe in genuine intentions, good vibes, and gorgeous hearts of gold.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮, TWITTER:
I truly believe the reason why most people are so kind is because the world has been so cruel to them, and they don’t want other people to feel the pain that they've felt.

Nate Postlethwait, TWITTER:
“Why didn’t you ask for help?”
When they withdrew from what they loved, they were asking for help.
When they stopped smiling, they were asking for help.
When they had no more questions, they were asking for help.
People who think they don’t matter often speak without words

Psych Insights, TWITTER:
The toxic person will call you dangerous because you are honest.

Harley 🖤, TWITTER:
Chronic abuse can lead to symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), especially in victims who experienced other traumas. The result of narcissistic abuse can also include a pervasive sense of shame, overwhelming feelings of helplessness, and emotional flashbacks.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Yeah. Our struggles & pain can leave us expecting the worst. That's not you being a "pessimist;" that's you realistically responding to what you've been through.
People will give you sh*t for your "attitude," not understanding that nobody "chooses" hypervigilance just because.

Amitryptyling, TWITTER:
Abusers abuse because they can. They do a risk vs benefit calculation and decide they can and so they do.
It’s not their mental health, their childhood trauma, etc.
It’s systemic and personal opportunities, lack of perceived consequences, and personal benefit.

Pat 🧡, TWITTER:
In “Why Does He Do That?”, Lundy Bancroft points out that abusers *can* be mentally ill and/or drug addicted, same as anyone else, and that can make them more dangerous, as their behavior is more impulsive, but nothing except a certain value system *causes* abusive behavior.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Trauma + Anxiety + ADHD Info, TWITTER:
You’re not lazy.
You’re shutting down in
response to sensory overwhelm.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
❤️‍🩹 Learning about narcissism is validating for survivors.

Robert Greene, TWITTER:
Every negative is a positive. The bad things that happen to me, I somehow make them good. That means you can’t do anything to hurt me.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Lots of survivors get slapped w/ emotional flashbacks when they have to deal w/ an authority figure-- a boss, a cop, even a coach or a therapist.
Worrying that you're "in trouble" can be a clue that you're sliding toward emotional flashback, & you need to push pause & ground.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
It’s crazy how nobody in this world is perfect but everyone is so judgmental.

Josh…, TWITTER:
I was tiptoeing around people's feelings, while they stomped on mine. Never, ever again.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Trauma + Anxiety + ADHD Info, TWITTER:
Society: “GO TO THERAPY”
Anyone: You paying?
Therapy is NOT accessible to all.

‘If you want to go to heaven, your feet will grow into hell.’
CARL JUNG

#ThreadTherapist (she/her), TWITTER:
Going through life not living is so common and I want more for us.

Autism-101, TWITTER:
Many autistics have ADHD too. When you see the hashtag #AuDHD that is just a portmanteau of Autism + ADHD.
Since “Au” is gold on the periodic table, you will often see autism represented as a gold infinity symbol.

#ThreadTherapist (she/her), TWITTER:
You have to give yourself permission to be different and know that it doesn’t mean you’re becoming someone else —- you’re simply becoming more of who you truly are.

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
Are Autistic people actually “bad at socialising”, or are NT folk just bad at adapting?

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
When we grew up being abused or neglected, we often don't register what we're experiencing as "abuse" or "neglect."
We think that's just how the world IS.
And then we get sh*t for being "pessimistic"-- but it's not an "attitude problem."
It's a CONDITIONED worldview.

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
A theory about masculinity…
Most cis men don’t fit society’s “typical” (archaic) mould of what a man “should be”… but they spend their lives trying to act up to that stereotype, because that’s what society expects.
And that suppression of their true self harms all genders.

YT "Self-Neutrality: What It Is And How To Practice It"

Heidi Priebe

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pA1i-vLWMbE

If for whatever reason you developed the belief about yourself that there is something wrong with you, that you are flawed, or broken or not like other people at your core, you are likely struggling with shame bound identity.

In order to properly heal we need to feel, and learn to integrate that shame that is at our core. We cannot personal-develop our way out of it. We cannot date our way out of it. We cannot succeed our way out of it. Until we realize it is not truth about who we are.

The goal here is not to change any of your behaviour. It's simply to change your mindset from one of judgment to one of curiosity and openness to understanding. Think of science experiment. Observant of patterns and behaviors.

Develop some sort of language for why you are thinking, feeling, and behaving the way that you are. Because if you do not have broken soul and if you are not inherently flawed, broken and bad – there must be explanation for what is going on 4u.

If you are living with the worldview that there are people who are just inherently bad, broken, flawed in their souls, you are going to find a way on bad days to convince yourself that you are one of those people. Decide there are no such people.

Give up your villain stories. This does not mean you have to like, respect or put up with bad treatment. Consider possibility it does not have all that much to do with you. They treat you that way because they are product of their experiences.

Under the right circumstances everybody exhibit trauma responses. And some of those lead to very bad behavior that harms other people. Understand that we too are not immune to that. Better than believing they treat us because we are terrible.

So we definitely need to have and maintain boundaries around those who behave unkindly towards us.

 Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
Psychiatry operates more like a religion than a medical speciality.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Survivors of verbal & emotional abuse know the impact of words.
To feel safe around someone, they need to know words won’t be thrown around carelessly or cruelly.

AimTrue, TWITTER:
When you try to “fix” someone you are reinforcing the message that there is something wrong with them.
People don’t need fixing. They need people to listen and hold a safe space filled with compassion & kindness.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Trauma responses love to tag team us. My own nervous system loves to lead off w/ a good "fight" response-- then wilt into a prolonged "fawn" response where I take it all back & beg for forgiveness.
It's not fight, flee, freeze, fawn; "OR" flop; it's usually some combo "AND."

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
It's okay to expect more respect and dignity from others around you. Without boundaries, your open to all sorts of inappropriate behaviors.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
You really gotta watch how people "joke" with you. People throw a lot of hate and jealously on the low and cover it with a laugh.

 Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Trauma survivors' "problem" is NOT that we can't endure hard things. We've been enduring hard things for most of our lives-- you don't know.
It's more that our nervous system is exhausted & misfiring when it comes to things that the rest of the world thinks "should" be "easy."

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Nobody trashes your name better than someone who's afraid you'll tell people the truth..

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Trauma + Anxiety + ADHD Info, TWITTER:
We need to applaud those who appropriately set boundaries, and not idolize those who “toughen” up through burnout.
In my opinion, “tough” isn’t knowing how to always push through - it’s knowing when to take a breather.

Psych Insights, TWITTER:
Stop trying to treat someone well when they give you the silent treatment.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Trauma + Anxiety + ADHD Info, TWITTER:
Healing from anxiety does NOT mean we are anxiety free, nor would that actually be healthy.
We heal through growing healthy tissue around the scars, and through learning  how to live with the threat of living WITH anxiety, NOT against it.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Trauma + Anxiety + ADHD Info, TWITTER:
Our mental health challenges don’t make us stronger so stop glorifying them.
WE DO, through arduous + non-linear, often expensive healing work, which usually includes being super vulnerable about it all.

Nate Postlethwait, TWITTER:
“You seem fine.”
They seem fine, because when it was obvious they were hurting, people hurt them more.
They seem fine, because they’ve been told when they’re not fine, it’s because they need too much.
They seem fine, because everyone else does too & that is confusing as hell

(21.5.2023)

There has to be a general rule for social anxiety, trauma, Rejection Sensitivity, ADHD - any kind of dysregulation. Learning the tips is useless since reality does not comply to norms or rules or expectations or any logic - especially other people who are causing the dysregulation in others through hysteria, hidden agenda, coercion, intentional or unintentional harm. The general rule would be that self worth is important - and it does not mean being calmed down, and it does not mean prohibiting or suppressing emotions. If we turn our head away from issues and problems we won't go ahead, we would never learn new things and we'd never find new ways.
The general rule would be understanding of trauma and also of vulnerability concept - that toxic people target our guilt and shame. With trauma and toxic shame inside us - due to Matthew Effect - won't bring anything good nor positive, nor neutral - in fact it will add to suffering and attracting more of toxic people. Toxic people will know that triggering others it is easier to control and exploit others. If we end up being focused on our fears and fixing other people through being assertive with them and with overcompensation to appear strong and confident and better - this will turn into narcissistic Olympics of one-up-manship that toxic people love to engage in. The general rule - would be staying focused on my dreams, goals, task - which I need to know beforehand so that others won't shift my focus away when they start with hysteria, agenda and coercion.

How did anyone react to trauma, toxic shame, social anxiety- when they are not labeling it, when they do not know the condition, they don't have name for it - do they react differently when they know it is a condition and its properties?
From my own experience, when I do not know about certain condition - I always blame myself, I find myself being wrong automatically. I do not suspect that the other person is triggering, it is me. I also tend to feel contaminated and I tend to feel dirty and even associate music, place and unrelated conditions around it as black, negative and bad luck that must be avoided - trauma sets in, it is fear of repeating the uncomfortable feelings. As I learn now - this contamination stems from toxic shame. Toxic shame builds up feeling of creating false Self that can withstand the future - without bad parts contaminating it. And of course this soon spreads to social anxiety and avoidance - since bad things will spread fast when I experience something shameful that is not even my fault objectively.

Without trauma, without toxic shame experience - I would be selfish and arrogant - I would not understand people going through toxic shame and trauma, I would be egocentric. Amygdala hijacking, punishment - it keeps me grounded.
And I think many people cannot make distinction between someone being negative, evil, bad, toxic and someone being neurotypical and or without experience of pain, loss, poverty, abuse. It can quickly be labeled as being spoiled brat, someone who simply cannot understand anxiety.
So basically - I cannot throw label narcissistic around just because someone appear uncaring and unable to understand anxiety. It is tempting though to attack someone who appears aggressive, rude, violent and arrogant and mean. To defend my honor, to avenge all hurt people and to show and teach someone who appears non interested and sociopathic, anti-social.
Keeping quiet and tolerating what appears as abuse is also not an option. Alarming and alerting - once again is the correct path - which is impossible if I have toxic shame, triggers, ADHD, worry, inhibitions, trauma running around the body and causing full panic attack whenever I would suppose to speak up.

Talking about Rejection Sensitivity - this is one thing that is covered up and not looked upon. External factor phenomena. What happens in real life - is that we are not the ones with RSD issue - but actually it is the other people. And it is quite common. It is not rare occurrence at all. It happens all the time. We ask for clarification in neutral way - and people take it as hostile attack. We make innocuous neutral comment - and people fire up as if we stepped on their broken leg or toe. Then we learn to shut up and self censor ourselves since people are over sensitive - and they label us as over sensitive for stating something in neutral manner. This happens all the time. With diagnosis and CBT and DSM - what happens is that spotlight effect is created as if RSD is extremely rare and it only happens inside us, that we are the only ones with it while all other people are content, happy and healthy and without any rejection issues - which is simply not the truth. With CBT and DSM and easy diagnosis and stigma - we end up being pulled on shame column and we end up believing we have problem, we are the only one with the problem - and we must be like "other people" who appear problem-less, as if they are without any issues we are struggling with ourselves. All people have negative experiences, people hurt them, and then copy-paste negative expectations and interpret other people's comment as negative and then start with defense mode - this process of protection and misinterpreting other people's words and actions as an attack is not endemic to social anxiety as CBT explains it.

With RSD in the same way - we think due to CBT and DSM that without RSD our life would be wonderful and without any problems at all. Well - high chances are that we would have the same set of problems but on the different level and from different people and in different situations. Without fears, trauma, anxiety blocking our life - we would act more, do more - and this means having more problems. There would be no psychological worry, rumination, being stuck in what someone done or said - but there would be other injuries and attack to worry about. By simply doing more - we would eventually be physically injured and we would have permanent injuries. These wounds would not be black swan event but rather small annoying pain in the background looming over - the same way as RSD is doing to us 24/7. RSD is keeping us safe - it keeps us behind the protective firewall and we take this safety for granted as if it is given automatically. If we were born in third world country, where wars and infectious diseases are all around at all times - we would not feel safe nowhere.
This is why I see RSD, panic, anxiety - as a message to us, particular message of us knowing the importance of being kind to others and keep our own aggressive and unreasonable anger at bay, knowing that we are hurting and impacting people around us even when they do not report it back, without us being aware of it. With fame and fortune we will get more control and influence over others - and I believe anxiety, fears and trauma are here to keep us away from being egocentric and being aware that there is this silent importance of how we treat other people who would have nothing to do with us and who mean nothing to us at all.

There is a Sorites Paradox with aggressive and toxic people. Narcissistic behaviour can be small, in percentages. People are aggressive and rude to others as a way of control and controlling others but mostly it stems from deep rooted inferiority complex which is masked as aggression, and on surface it appears even as being strong and competent.
So when someone has a "good intention" to instruct other people about what is correct and normal and without mistakes - what happens is that targets of such relentless criticism develop belief that they cannot be competent on their own, that they need to depend on someone in authority to hover and warn them all the time. What starts as good intention in minds of people who are not outwardly nor fully narcissistic - is narcissistic abuse. What appears as good intention to help someone ends up as shaming others and making others feel worthless and incompetent. Those with high moral and ethical standards will try to reach the supposed perfection of not making mistakes - and this will become solidified with narcissistic personalities who trigger the shame in their targets - virtually enslaving them into silence and self censorship. The truth is that nobody is perfect and each person can contribute in their own way how to do things and solve problems. With abuse and criticism this never happens, the target simply shuts up, shuts off and never speak up own ideas and proposed solutions - since there will always be some toxic critic who is convinced that their own opinion is the only correct one and superior to the others around them.

We all noticed that toxic people have no health issues. They do not develop auto-immune diseased. They have no problem with energy levels - they always seem up and about to criticize and harm others. While we on the other hand, with care and concern, with empathy and endless understanding and apologetic towards any kind of abuse explaining it away as dis-balance and out of control - we end up with allergies, being constantly tired and plethora of weird sickness and skin rashes etc. Then this means - that our restrictions are making damage to ourselves. The more we judge others for not being perfect, the more we judge toxic people - the more restrictions we put on ourselves and we are making ourselves sick by trying to be healthy or what is seems to us is healthy: to be friendly and without anger and without being rude or appearing rude to the others.
That needs to change. That is why the only solution is in rock music, rock lifestyle - where we have working model how to be ourselves, to express our anger as something normal and belonging to us, rather than smudge to sanitize and clear at any sign if anger or any uncomfortable emotion pops up.

Loss of memory, amnesia - Ebbinhaus Forgetting Curve is real. I forget things I learned - and this is the reason why I write this blog in the first place. I totally forgot information about Charcot Hysteria and Dysregulation - that I need to wait it out, that it will feel like I will never recover and that I am in danger and contaminated (actually this contamination is newest information that is extremely helpful to calm down).
So it is not about enduring the pain and hurt at all. It is about waiting it out and knowing it will give me negative thoughts about impending doom and that nothing will ever be right. Which is a lie and incorrect.
And information about ADHD helps me to tweak certain small seemingly insignificant details how I do anything - when I impose some restrictions which have no valid reason to be imposed in the first place.
Dysregulation is always anew. It is never the exactly the same as before. It always appear different and never it looks as overcame, that is done and repeated. Only thanks to blog and writing about it that I can connect the dots that this is dysregulation. It appears as reality.

Narcissistic abuse sets up our thinking and morality to become narcissistic. It sets us up to be egocentric - to be preoccupied about our well being, extremely narcissistic. It makes us self righteous and judgmental - and we see black and white the world around us. This is what Vaknin/Grannon talked about entrainment of the mind.

With toxic shame I will tend to listen to all people around me - and their criticism - and then take their commands, objections and rules as absolute truth who I must be. This way I will create personality disorder - because I make up myself to be imaginary perfectionist who is complied to all people's requests. Of course - this is not authentic nor genuine - and I end up avoiding people altogether due to pressure and request from others. Due to dualism - other people will always be correct in their assessments even when they are wrong - and I will always be in the wrong, even when I am correct. Due to dualism and double binding - social pressure is always correct even when fatally wrong, objectively wrong.

Regarding toxic shame and False self and inability to feel the emotions because of defense mechanisms -
things that spring onto my mind are how the world is spontaneously organized:
where someone is evil and criminally insane, being chased by such criminal or criminals, being in toxic ambient and corruption - it means there will be the same toxic shame contaminated feeling. It will be there. The panic will be there, anxiety will be there, depression and hopelessness and despair. All these feelings that appear as sick and abnormal will be there.
The key is in feeling contaminated because of toxic ambient and because of hard emotions as response and reaction to corruption around me.
Which leads to new revelation about the unjust world: that the world is ran by criminals, and good people are abused by criminals. It is socioeconomic issue. Corrupt, evil people will exploit the system and run it.
This is not my fault. I cannot be responsible for it by feeling contaminated and guilty.
So the next revelation is our reaction to evil people and evil in general - is hatred. Hate will be grafted into the soul. This way evil infects us like virus. It is normal to feel disgust by evil- When this becomes hatred, there is rancour and grudge - and then cancer is inside. Suddenly in order to fight this hatred I need to put myself on the column in order to feel superior above this evil. By putting myself on the column of self-righteousness I become narcissistic and evil myself. Then evil once again infects me with evil. Instead of grudge and hatred I can neutrally label evil people as evil - and do what I can do - which is nothing. If I decide to nag and complain - I become infected by evil. I suddenly will be focused on evil people, they will be my focus in life.

Social anxiety is then disorder. It is delusional, it is hallucination, it is mild schizophrenia. Not because it is disorder but because it does not appear as disorder, it does not appear delusional - it appears as normal reaction to evil people. As defense mechanism against evil people and hysteria - by me becoming hyper-vigilant and worried and guilty for evil people and what evil people do. I use word evil since evil people are not mentally insane when they are evil - they are simply evil, they do evil due to choice, free choice of being evil - so there is no excuse. They can perfectly fine control their evil but they don't want to.
The disorder part is our reaction to evil people. Disorder is feeling automatic guilt for evil people. Automatic shame for whatever evil people do. That part is disorder.

Emotional responses and reactions are not in alignment with reality. Emotions are too intense in social anxiety. These emotions appear as if we killed someone and hide the body and now we try to cover it up and nobody must find it out. Who is killed? Nobody is killed. There was no crime. Nothing happened yet the intensity of guilt and shame is equal to being criminal and criminally insane. This happens due to projection and introjection - we soak up evil people via their criticism, intrusion, brainwashing, gaslighting, guilt tripping, bullying, abuse.
There needs to be reminder: that we did not kill anybody. We are not murderers. We do not deserve feeling guilty nor shame that we feel.
Then this social anxiety becomes force of habit. It is repeated with each day - us hiding and shutting up. We behave contaminated. As if we are criminals who are stigmatized and we behave in such way - even in reality we never did anything to match this behaviour of shame and guilt.
So that part is disorder - it is not disorder of having character trait being flawed or lack of social skills or being incompetent or with low self esteem. It is the sole problem of feeling intense shame and guilt which has no grounding in reality.
Telling the truth and behaving innocently - that is communication "skill" and "being social". With social anxiety I never do that. Instead of speaking truth being authentic and behaving without hang ups - what is happening is negative politeness and not bothering other people in any way. Due to intense shame and guilt.

The solution is grounding in self. So triggers no longer will feel painful or frightening. When rude people happen - that there is no automatic guilt nor shame which blocks speaking out and thinking clearly. And goals then will be my needs and wants and not avoiding people or contacts due to intense feelings of shame and guilt.

And this is where I got confused. I believed that Maslow needs are an excuse to feel guilty and shame. That if I do not have shelter or money that this means that I am allowed to be disorganized, moody, guilty and ashamed. Nope. Also I believed that if I am abused, if I am in toxic ambient due to lack of money, due to societal oppression - that then I have no choice but to feel panicked and hysterical. Nope. There is no reason to feel inferior. I can actually feel neutral as always for not being in advantage as others. As a kid I would feel inferior - because I do not know psychology nor do I have experience and insight about how the world is working. But as an adult I know that rich people are no better than anyone else. That at the core we are all equal as human beings. I am still worthy no matter what is outside external desert and chasm - and no matter how difficult and insane people around me are - they are not proof that I am inept or inferior or unworthy just for being insane and intrusive and evil.

And this means - that evil people will be evil and I may not have money if I do not have a job - and feeling difficulties is okay, feeling the pain is not sickness itself. It would be sickness and disorder if I feel shame and guilt - for not having any true reason to feel blame.

I noticed that in social situations, when something bothers me - I go into fear and panic and anger now when I learned about Fawning and trauma so I allow myself to be more authentic to what I think and feel - and what I did notice is that I have no awareness at the time that this state is Charcot Hysteria - or in other word it is being a Karen: person who is over-reacting. I do not recognize this neither in myself nor in other people - and I go along with the feelings like a motor-less boat in a storm. I get guided by the feelings of toxic shame: self righteousness, egotism, believing I must be seen flawless in other people's eyes or else the world will end and they will hate me or mock me each second for the rest of my life for being passive, weak or wrong, mistaken or flawed. I have no ability to remember or process what is going on that I am in a state of becoming Karen - with actions and words which I will regret later on if I allow to be in Fight trauma response. 

jo, TWITTER:
My brain desperate to make sense of the way he treated me:
I thought less and less of myself or any positive things about me; more and more of what must be wrong with me, how awful I must be.
I didn’t think about what was wrong with someone who was choosing to abuse me.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
I'll spoil the suspense: we're gonna be attached to certain people, habits, feelings, & substances that aren't great for us.
That's not you sucking. That's you being a human being who's been conditioned by circumstances you didn't choose.
No shame; no self-blame. Breathe.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
If you go to a social event with a narcissist, they won’t spend much time with you.
They have so many new people to impress!

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
PTSD is not just “in our head.” It literally, physically injures and dysregulates our nervous system— most notably our brain.  

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
People make too many excuses for a narcissist’s bad behavior…they’re stressed…they’re having a bad day…
No.
They’re assholes & their mask slipped.
This is the real them.
👉 Accept it.

Josh…, TWITTER:
Sometimes we stay in a toxic relationship because of love for that person, and we finally decide to leave because of self love.

Bryton Gore, TWITTER:
You can't tell someone to “walk off” a broken leg, if I have a flashback or need to talk to a friend “trauma dump” that's what friends are for. It is not something that heals with therapy, it's a physical injury. And no police/judge or courtroom is trauma informed enough.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Blog: "Trauma survivors get this a lot. Other people trying to tell us who we are.
And we, being trauma survivors, have real trouble NOT taking it all very seriously— and very personally."

Dr. Coercive Control, Ph.D., TWITTER:
coercive control is intentional, purposeful, persistent, pervasive, and patterned behavior.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
I'm an advocate for trauma-informed therapy-- and that often attracts therapists eager to tell me I'm doing it wrong. The thing is, that assertion is almost always based on their fantasy of what trauma informed therapy is.


Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
The stuff we need to do to recover from trauma can be hard, often because we've been PROGRAMMED to find it scary & awkward.
Abusers WANT us scared & intimidated by things like setting boundaries, & grounding, & using supportive, compassionate self-talk.
Know what? F*ck 'em.

#ThreadTherapist (she/her), TWITTER:
Stop taking it personal that you don’t know everything. No one does.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
If someone flys into a rage bc you asked them a question….they’re very likely a narcissist.  
Narcissists use fear to control the narrative.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
"Don't get triggered" isn't an option when our nervous system is conditioned to go from 1 to 11 at the drop of a pin.
Oh, and we also don't get to decide what is or isn't a trigger for us.
Reconditioning all that is the work of trauma recovery-- & it's not about "willpower."

Psych Insights, TWITTER:
Healing means to let go of someone else's trauma that they projected onto you.

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
Sorry if this offends you. You probably aren't "ADHD". In all likelihood you brain works exactly as its supposed to attending to stimuli that is most relevant or interesting.
Modern living is the problem not your brain.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
👉 A narcissist isn’t interested in you.
👉 A narcissist is interested in what you can do FOR THEM.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
“Narcissists will be extra nice at the beginning of a relationship….”

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
👉 Narcissists are very thin skinned and extremely sensitive to rejection.
When you disagree w/ a narcissist or challenge them, they take it personally, almost like an attack.
This is bc narcissists lack a sense of self. You literally shatter their self perception.

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
We have been indoctrinated with a distorted view of our own humanity, leaving us utterly confused about how to navigate the emotional pain of existence and cultivate lives of true value and purpose.

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
You are not your thoughts

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮, TWITTER:
The moment your intuition says no to a person, place, or situation – trust it right away and remove yourself.

Sayla, TWITTER:
I refuse to be in survival mode for the entirety of my existence!

Josh…, TWITTER:
How a person treats others, is the biggest reflection of themself.

Gary Goodridge, TWITTER:
Don’t wait for approval. Not everyone will understand your vision.

 Tina Turner - Spiritual Message - 'Beyond'
Nothing last forever. No one lives forever. The flower that fades and dies. Winter passes and spring comes. Embrace the cycle of life that is the greatest love. Go beyond fear. Beyond fear takes you into place where love grows. When you refuse to follow the impulses of fear, anger and revenge. Beyond means to feel yourself. Start every day singing like the birds. Singing takes you beyond.
We need a repeated discipline, a genuine training to let go our old habits of mind. To find and sustain a new way of seeing. Go beyond the rights and the wrongs. Prayer clears the head and brings back peace to the soul. Go beyond to feel the o-n-e-ness of the unity. Sing - singing takes you beyond. We are all the same, all the same. Looking to find our way back to the source. To the one, to the only one. Go beyond revenge. Greatest moment in our lives is when we allow us to teach each other. Go beyond to feel the o-n-e-ness of the unity. Take the journey. Take the journey inside of you. To become quiet to hear the beyond. To become patient to receive the beyond. To become open to invite the beyond and be grateful. Be grateful to allow the beyond.
Be in the present moment to live in the beyond. Singing takes you beyond. What does love have to do with it? Love grows when you trust. When you trust love heals and renews. Love inspires and empowers us to do great things. And makes us a better person to love. Love makes us feel safe and brings us closer to God. When you go beyond that's where you find true love. Keep singing. Singing takes you beyond.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOVYDIHeecA
 Tina Turner - Spiritual Message - 'Beyond'

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Trauma + Anxiety + ADHD Info, TWITTER:
Society still considers real-life symptoms of a very real neurodevelopmental disorder “you’re not trying hard enough” and then we wonder WHY we gaslight ourselves for being lazy as opposed to just naming our ADHD.

Native Red Cloud🪶Maȟpíya Lúta~Hińhan Wakangli⚡️🦉, TWITTER:
"When a person is born into this world, they have already known the beat of the heart for nine months.
Let life always match the drumming beat that your heart sings and it will always find its rhythm in the dance of life!"

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Trauma + Anxiety + ADHD Info, TWITTER:
Triggers: that which cues us to dysregulation + alarm.
Glimmers: that which cues us to safety + regulation (even JOY!)
I’ve coined a phrase called ✨Glimmer Seeking✨ to reflect the process of intentionally seeking out that which helps us Claim our Calm.

AimTrue, TWITTER:
While in survival mode life can become a series of checklists.
The focus is on getting through & accomplishing things rather than living in the moment and truly cherishing the here & now.
You know you are healing when you stop to celebrate & acknowledge gains & growth.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
People's BS and fakeness are the main reasons why empaths like to be alone.

Dr. Jessica Taylor, TWITTER:
Flying out today to give a speech about the way women and girls will be pathologised and reframed as mentally ill when they report abuse.
Tale as old as time. So, what are we going to do about it?

Professor Sam Vaknin, TWITTER:
Veza sa osobom koja ima narcisoidni poremećaj ličnosti: Oni žele da vas SLOME - tako leče sebe!
Uprkos onome što samozvani stručnjaci tvrde, narcis nije izbirljiv u tome ko je njihov partner – oni su jednostavno tu, slično kao internet provajder.


Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Facts...
Highly sensitive people and empaths need to recharge daily, if they don't, they will experience anger, sensory overload, physical and emotional burnout, anxiety and panic attacks.

Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman ⛵🛵, TWITTER:
Sometimes the highest form of kindness is not feeding someone's delusions.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
By FAR the hardest emotion for me to regulate as a trauma survivor is anger. Some things I "should" get angry at, I don't. Some things that "should" be water off a duck's back, spark rage in me that I STILL do not understand.
All we can do is what we can do. One day at a time.

Matt 〽️ Mental Sovereignty, TWITTER:
Your quality of life is directly related to how much control you feel you have over it.
The depression comes when there is not sense of control and hope is all but lost
Beware the difference of FALSE hope and TRUE hope
How can you regain control? How can you take your power back?
Start being authentic with who you are and what you want.

Josh…, TWITTER:
Unconditional love does not mean unconditional acceptance of toxic behavior.

Dr. Coercive Control, Ph.D., TWITTER:
i don't worry about it. i am just being myself. what other's think of me is not my business.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
As we gain confidence in ourselves, red flags are no longer red flags.. they are deal breakers..

Nate Postlethwait, TWITTER:
Please stop encouraging reconciliation when the person who did the harm isn’t even sorry.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
A liar will get mad at you for knowing the truth.

your_recovery_matters, TWITTER:
Huge part of healing for me is unlearning all the shit I was taught by people who didn’t no what the fuck they were doing.

 

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
What did you think the motive of narcissist was before you learned about narcissism?

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
With a narcissist, you can’t show your feelings on the outside.
A narcissist gets mad at you for showing hurt, shock or sadness to their abuse.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
"You can't heal what you can't feel."
Eh. Yeah, but-- if the only way you can "feel" is an overwhelming hurricane of emotions & memories you have no realistic skills or tools or resources to handle, you're...not "healing" anything.
Easy. Baby steps to emotional regulation.

Robert Greene, TWITTER:
When you show yourself to the world and display your talents, you naturally stir all kinds of resentment, envy, and other manifestations of insecurity... you cannot spend your life worrying about the petty feelings of others.

General Mach, TWITTER:
People who hate will always find something wrong even if the performance has been flawless.  
If you find someone praising you and making fun of you in the same sentence then be warned as he is an enemy in the disguise of a well wisher.

Kyle Ruttenberg, TWITTER:
Petty people choose petty battles

Robert Greene, TWITTER:
We are all self-absorbed, locked in our own worlds. It is a therapeutic and liberating experience to be drawn outside ourselves and into the world of another.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮, TWITTER:
once you start loving yourself, you'll be shocked at the shit you once settled for.

 Psych Insights, TWITTER:
No more relationships where they talk under their breath at you, stonewall you & gaslight you.  You deserve pleasant & respectful treatment.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
You did nothing wrong asking to be treated right.
Read again....

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
Those who aren’t abuse survivors should stop telling abuse survivors how to feel.

Narcissistic Abuse Awareness, TWITTER:
When you feel invisible, rejected & insignificant, you may start to feel as if you don't matter at all. Feeling invisible can cause sensory processing disorders. When you feel invisible try setting clear boundaries, using assertive communication and/or connect with a therapist.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Cognitive therapy did a great thing in demonstrating how distorted thoughts can lead to unnecessarily painful feelings.
Then the field of clinical psychology lost is goddamn mind & spent decades spouting bullsh*t about how distorted thinking was the CAUSE of painful feelings.
There are LOTS of things that contribute to painful feelings & behaviors (including, but not limited to, trauma & subsequent triggers). "Your emotional pain & counterproductive behaviors are the result of your thoughts" is victim blaming--&, btw, not what Aaron Beck taught.
Distorted thinking is often caused BY emotions & compulsive/addictive behaviors-- it's our attempt to make sense of what we're feeling & doing.
Human cognition, emotion, & behavior in any one individual is WAY more complex than any oversimplification of any theory can sum up.

The #ActuallyAutistic Coach | Matthew, TWITTER:
Needing a vacation after returning from your vacation has major Neurodivergent vibes

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮, TWITTER:
Highly sensitive people feel everything on a much deeper level. We don't just experience your surface level emotions — we feel your energy shifts, intentions, judgments, lies...and authenticity.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Just because you don't like the truth doesn't mean it isn't true.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Enthusiasts of cognitive therapy often seem to err on the "it's all in your head" side of many discussions. Which effectively echoes the gaslighting many complex trauma survivors experienced growing up.

 Psych Insights, TWITTER:
You know you are healing when the narcissist goes out of their way to avoid you.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Trauma survivors are often in the habit of saying "I (feel/think/do) this thing for NO REASON."
But that's not true, is it?
It's for SOME reason. Even if we can't connect the dots-- yet.
No such thing as an "invalid" thought, feeling, or reaction.

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
Viewing human distress as biological disease to be treated by a pharmaceutical is an example of a mass delusion.

You Might Be Autistic, TWITTER:
If you are always trying to figure out systems to do things more efficiently, then you might be #Autistic.

CPTSD Foundation, TWITTER:
Untreated trauma can give rise to a brutal inner critic, and it may seem that survivors feel safest only when operating within bounds of joyless self-judgment and being alone.
This article examines how we can heal trauma through self-compassion. https://buff.ly/3e73H4e

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
There are things in cognitive therapy I like. It's been useful to me in my own recovery-- not so much as a corrective to "distorted" thoughts, but because of its emphasis on action & self-talk. I think cognitive therapy can have a place in trauma recovery.
But.
Using cognitive therapy in trauma recovery requires a TRULY trauma informed approach-- & that means being HELLA aware of the very real dangers of gaslighting & victim blaming that a reductionistic cognitive therapy approach can enable.

Psych Insights, TWITTER:
You start healing when you stop pretending that it is ok.

The #ActuallyAutistic Coach | Matthew, TWITTER:
I’m autistic. Not an alien. Not a baby.
I’m a human who is worth as much as you because, I am a human.
My value isn’t dependent on what I produce or even what I do.
My value exists because I live and breathe.
And that’s the case for every other #ActuallyAutistic human too

Dr. Coercive Control, Ph.D., TWITTER:
And in coercive control the power to reward and coerce are used alternatively. In time the victim will come to see the abuser as even having legitimate power. In fact in some subcultures the man may already be imbued with legitimate power.

Narcissistic Abuse Awareness, TWITTER:
Narcissists thrive on manipulation. Crossing boundaries is one method they use to manipulate & control their victims. Victims can protect & empower themselves by setting clear boundaries. Define your boundaries, stay calm, be consistent & know when to walk away.

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
If I go on a rant about when people are horrific, bigoted and hateful towards others…
That’s because I’m angry.
I’m angry that privilege allows them to do this and get away with it.
I’m angry that the victims never get supported.
I’m angry, and don’t think that’s a bad thing.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Trauma + Anxiety + ADHD Info, TWITTER:
There’s a myth out there that NOT thinking positive means thinking negative.
Untrue!
Sometimes, not thinking positive means thinking honestly, and accurately.
Accurate thinking doesn’t need to be sugar coated.
It is, LITERALLY, what it is.

 The #ActuallyAutistic Coach | Matthew, TWITTER:
Are my #ActuallyAutistic comrades able to differentiate between anxiety, depression, and dysregulation?

My Voice Unchained, TWITTER:
Narcissists frequently target and harass people they regard to be weak or whom they can manipulate or dominate.

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
You’re allowed to feel angry, upset, worried, down, pissed off, and anything else too.
All emotions are valid and don’t let anyone tell you differently.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Trauma + Anxiety + ADHD Info, TWITTER:
There’s nothing wrong with YOU, and everything wrong with a system that demands you jump through hoops to get the resources you need to function most effectively.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮, TWITTER:
when you have a gorgeous heart and pure intentions you don’t lose anybody – they lose you.

Dr. Coercive Control, Ph.D., TWITTER:
My boundaries were fine at the beginning and non-existent close to the end.  The erosion of my boundaries happened as the result of the persistent, intentional, perpetration of the tactics of coercive control, not because of earlier life trauma.

Defend Survivors, TWITTER:
Was the survivor ‘codependent’ or did they love the person they were supposed to love, try to help the person they were supposed to help, try to save the family they were supposed to try to save, not ‘leave’ because they were ensnared in the trap of an abuser?
#stopvictimblaming

Psych Insights, TWITTER:
You know you are healing when you no longer protect the person who is abusing you.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
We're not gonna shame ourselves into feeling & functioning better-- & we're definitely not gonna shame ourselves into being the kid our mom or dad "really" wanted.
If shame was gonna unlock a freer, happier "you," it would have by now. But it hasn't-- because it can't.

Jerrina Mayhew, TWITTER:
If you have ever wondered what it feels like to feel unwanted just ask anyone with an alcoholic parent.

The Gaslighting Effect, TWITTER:
If we have a hard time explaining the insanity of narcissistic abuse while it is happening, can you just imagine how difficult it is for outsiders to understand what we have a hard time believing could actually be happening to us?

 

 Defend Survivors, TWITTER:
The whole concept of ‘codependent’ is victim blaming.
Why do so many survivors think they were weak, blame themselves, or feel guilt? Look at the ‘help’ messages they are given that are actually so derogatory and ignorant of what survivors were facing.
#stopvictimblaming

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Are we "broken?" I dunno, maybe. Stress & trauma break things. Our nervous system wears the damage of what we've been through.
But there's a difference between "broken" as a description of us right now, & an identity that'll define us forever.
Can you tell the future? I can't.

My Voice Unchained, TWITTER:
The narcissist elevates their victim during the idealization stage. The victim is made to feel special, wanted, and cherished by the outpouring of love, affection, and attention. Grand gestures, accolades, and assurances of an ideal future could be present throughout this stage.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
Abusers think being nice AfTeR being abusive means they’re not abusive.
Wrong.

Lindsay Goodman 🏳️‍🌈 (she/her), TWITTER:
Leaving an abusive relationship is incredibly dangerous.

Characteristics of Adult Children of Alcoholics
- struggles with maintaining interpersonal relationships
- struggles with codependency
- impulsive or dangerous behaviors
- anxiety and hypervigilance
- fear of abandonment
- conflict avoidance/fear of conflict
- constantly seeking approval
- struggles with authority figures
- poor communication
- struggles with emotional regulation
- poor self-esteem and self-image, or constantly feeling "different"

Josh…, TWITTER:
Your nervous system will naturally feel calm around people with pure intentions and authentic energy - trust it.

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
The problem with psychiatric diagnosis is that if you completely disagree it’s because you lack insight into your “illness”.. & when that pisses you off your anger is due to your “illness” & when you refuse their toxic “treatments” it’s because of your “illness”

My Voice Unchained, TWITTER:
Narcissistic abuse causes victims to seek treatment instead.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Trauma survivors don't get triggered by criticism because we're thin skinned. We can get triggered by criticism because very often we grew up around people whose feedback came w/ an agenda to tear us down, not make us better.
It's conditioning-- not fragility.

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
Trying to be happy all the time will make you miserable.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
When you've got a broken leg, even a little jostle can send ENORMOUS pain shooting through it.
Trauma-based disorders are INJURIES that sensitize us to the "jostles" (i.e., triggers) in life. It's the INJURY that's making us more vulnerable to pain-- not our lack of toughness.

Defend Survivors, TWITTER:
Survivors are held to an extreme standard - if they have normal human emotions let alone trauma reactions, it’s thrown in their face that ‘hurt people, hurt people.’
#respectsurvivors 

Lindsay Goodman 🏳️‍🌈 (she/her), TWITTER:
Hoovering is an incredibly Powerful tool for abusive people. There are so many ways to do it. It’s hard to spot. Hard to combat. Hard to understand. It works.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
We're not gonna realistically recover from trauma if we're constantly apologizing for our existence-- but that's what trauma conditioning does, creates this default apologetic reflex.
True recovery starts w/ "I have the f*cking right to exist. Full stop."
Repeat as necessary.

Nate Postlethwait, TWITTER:
Just a reminder: Many abusers (leaders, partners, parents) are people who are heavily admired in public.

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
Ableism is so normalised in society that most people don’t even recognise it.
It’s a socially-accepted form of discrimination and oppression.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Truth sounds like hate to those who hate the truth.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Never underestimate how far a toxic person or people will go to destroy you..
Predators follow behind you sabotaging your every move. Anything they can do to hurt you. They are sick.

MooseNoSquirrel, TWITTER:
“Mansplaining” is overused. It is too often used when someone is simply explaining
But real mainsplaining adds a lot of arrogance, the assumption the person you are explaining to is ignorant, and the inability to hear what the other person says in response.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮, TWITTER:
Manipulation is when they blame you for your reaction to their toxic behaviour. They portray you as the bad person so they don't feel guilty about the shitty stuff they did to you. They try every trick in the book to avoid taking accountability for their bullshit.

Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D., TWITTER:
I would have said the same, but here I am. I have a different perspective, one that centers the tactics of abuse and the perpetrator, not the characteristic of the victim.  As I indicated, we have different perspectives.

The Gaslighting Effect, TWITTER:
Gaslighting abusers, your time is coming to face the music you wrote, performed, and delivered

Psych Insights, TWITTER:
Their blaming says that they haven't faced their unresolved trauma yet.

Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D., TWITTER:
A perpetrator of coercive control is not a partner nor a parent. They are a perpetrator perpetrating a campaign of coercive control masquerading as a relationship of some sort.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
The "fawn" trauma response will have us f*ckn' falling all over ourselves to smooth over relationships that are absolutely toxic to us. It's maddening.
Nobody actually WORTH appeasing will EVER make you feel as if you HAVE to appease them under threat of pain or rejection.

 Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Anyone who has untruthful vibes will put a Empath on high alert.

Nate Postlethwait, TWITTER:
Validation to a trauma survivor speaking up is a hug to their nervous system.

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
When victims of violence/abuse & oppression react to stressful conditions they are vulnerable to being mislabeled w/ a psychiatric illness. The tx now mimics the abuse as pharmaceutical interventions can make people sick & those reactions are misinterpreted as mental illness.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Guilty people harass others. Innocent people have no need.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮, TWITTER:
The deeper you heal, the higher you raise the bar on who has access to you. And, it's not out of arrogance, it's about protecting the peaceful, calm, drama-free life you've worked so hard to elevate. This new chapter requires you to be less accessible to any type of toxicity.

Ryan 🖖 ♻️ 🌊, TWITTER:
Malignant #narcissist parents will abuse their scapegoat child into a nervous breakdown and then use that nervous breakdown to portray the child as the problem. Hence the term “scapegoat“.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
One of the most frustrating parts of trauma recovery that we don't talk about enough is how the memory issues & racing/intrusive thoughts experienced by many survivors make it difficult to hang on to things we talk about, learn, & process in therapy.
It's actually SUPER common.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Trauma + Anxiety + ADHD Info, TWITTER:
One of my favorite ways to put space between ourselves and our emotions, and to realize that we are NOT what we feel, is to change the narrative around them:
Instead of “I’m anxious”, try
“I’m noticing feeling anxious right now”
Lean into how the latter helps create more perspective!

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Trauma + Anxiety + ADHD Info, TWITTER:
A trauma-informed therapist doesn’t help you to actively avoid your triggers.
They help you, AT YOUR PACE, move through the pain elicited by triggers, while you develop healthy tissue around your wounds.
Triggers don’t necessarily disappear. They keep lessening in intensity.

 Psych Insights, TWITTER:
Emotional intelligence is when you refrain from trying to talk rationally to someone that is in a state of irrationality.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
Did you ever get a straight answer from the narcissist?  
Or was it always word salad w/ a side of circular bull shit?  😵‍💫

Psych Insights, TWITTER:
The toxic person has repeated dysfunctional relationships, self destructive behaviors and addictions and yet they are calling you crazy.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
When you start over explaining yourself to a narcissist, they know they have you in a corner.
I know it’s tough but don’t over explain anything. State your response, repeat it and disengage.
Avoid going down the rabbit hole!

Marilyn 🪴 WURWURZ, TWITTER:
True. The more you explain yourself, the more they'll twist it into something they'll use against you. Like you wouldn't be defending yourself if ever you were innocent. Plus, it's useless. They don't mind your answer.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
A narcissist believes they know better than you. They see themselves as the ultimate authority.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
If you have to interact w/ a narcissist, your super powers are:
👉be indifferent
👉don’t justify
👉don’t argue
👉don’t defend yourself
👉don’t explain

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
You’re not insecure, they just lie too damn much.


Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Our trauma will insistently tell us that nobody could possibly love us, that everybody leaves, that there's always a catch.
Not everybody will love us. Some people will leave. Sometimes there's a catch.
But that's not the whole story-- and that's NOT about your "damage."

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
Abuse is traumatizing. Period.
Saying abuse made anyone stronger is bull crap.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Toxic individuals have mastered the art of making victims look crazy for challenging or questioning actions or crimes they have done intentionally.

❤Mindfulness, TWITTER:
Maybe we are 'good' because we didn't get an opportunity to be evil.

Mindset Coach I Eric S Goldman, TWITTER:
You are good because you had the chance to be bad and choose to do good.

Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D., TWITTER:
They go to therapy to get their narcissistic needs met.

Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D., TWITTER:
Half the shit they do to us can't be evidenced....but the other half can. You probably have evidence that you haven't even considered.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
It's not weird for trauma survivors to have mixed, or even negative, feelings about the word "survivor"-- or even the word "trauma."
I honestly don't care what language we use for it.
I care that YOU get the support, skills, & tools to stay alive & feel & function better.

The Gaslighting Effect, TWITTER:
Narcissists are like vultures, they will swoop in on vulnerabilities.
If they know you suffer from depression, bi-polar, or ANY other mental health issues; They, with malice will play off the symptoms by using that mental illness against you, and will exploit you with it

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹💫🥰☺️🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
Absolutely. Since they don’t abuse everyone, their abuse is strategic.

Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D., TWITTER:
We demonize what we don’t understand.

#ThreadTherapist (she/her), TWITTER:
A lot of people are in abusive relationships and they’re thinking it’s normal.

(4.6.2023)

 After I watched video by Heidi Priebe I understand how Fearful Avoidant attachment works - it flips from anxiety to blocking all people and then stays stuck in either polarity until the next flip. This seems to me like ADHD - being focused on one thinking with laser sharp focus while ignoring either emotional or logical perspective. This also explains the Pendulation - that I nourish parts of myself that I need. I noticed when panicked and when something bad happens - I blame myself and feel bad about my core character and then I forget logical objective side. So pendulation would be to bring objectivity and science, to investigate what is going on, get educated about abuse and techniques which manipulators brainwash their target into toxic shame and self-guilt tripping. That is all connected - fearful avoidant, ADHD and Pendulation. It is useless to expose or learn any skills - since the problem is not with exposure. Exposure would bring more focus on the critics, learning skills would be useless since after spending time learning psychology - I would notice I already know all the stuff that needs to be learned: listening, understanding, cooperation, being honest, authentic etc. The solution is in Pendulation - that I activate emotional or logical side and these two need to be in balance. Abusing, the act of abuse is doing the damage here. Someone narcissistic, abusive, intrusive, someone manipulative is causing this disbalance.

Emotional abuse by definition is inability to speak our truth. Instead we get criticized and silenced, censored. That censorship of our voice is emotional abuse. Yelling, put downs, verbal abuse - these are all tools, mechanisms and techniques to shut up the target. The shutting up is the central motif here. From our persective - due to social anxiety panic symptoms - we won't be able to see this shutting up as problem. Instead we will see problem with our panic reactions - and CBT and fake people will inform us and instruct us that it is our job to be magical, to be strong, to build fake persona who must never make any mistakes and this magical uber-mensch superior figure must never feel anxiety, fear or vulnerable - that is the message we get when we seek information about social anxiety. We are instructed by self help and CBT to build narcissism, that we become fake - and we are explained that we can somehow magically prevent evil people by being strong, socially skilled, with wisdom and clever quick things to say as a retort to difficult people - and then somehow magically evil people will vanish and all problems in life will go away and never appear. Of course - this is not true. In reality - evil people are evil because they are evil and abnormal - and our thinking patterns and our behavior nor actions - has nothing to do with their hysteria and abuse and intrusion and their personal decision to abuse other people. When we understand that social anxiety is issue of external factor - and not our weaknesses and vulnerabilities - we will notice that evil people react to our intelligence and truth. We notice evil people. We easily notice their evil actions and evil agenda - and we speak it out- this is what evil people attack in the first place. They attack the truth. Narcissists hate their fake image and hidden evil agenda being exposed to light. We expose narcissists - and they will pre-emptively attack us - and make us shut up.
When we shut up - we create trauma inside us, fears and more anxiety. We end up with social anxiety when we shut up. Speaking out our free thoughts - is healing and healthy. We are not evil- We have no ill wish nor evil agenda to harm other people - so there is no reason to shut up. No real valid reason to shut up. We are not sarcastic. We do not slander others. We do not lie. Narcissists will label our words as arrogance and as an attack. Describing evil is not attack. Describing evil action is not slander. Slander would be making things up. Speaking objective truth is not lie. Talking out facts is not lie nor attack.
Narcissists provoke anger and rage - in order that we lose ourselves into reaction abuse - and then our truth is mixed up with our moods which they provoke inside us by Ad Hominem arguments. That is why it is important to know what is happening. When we know that our weakness, vulnerabilities, panic and fear are not abnormality as CBT explains it, then we can focus on speaking the truth.

Being silent is the problem. The reason why I never spoke up is the problem - belief of toxic shame, toxic ambient as the reason. If I spoke up - I would be punished by gaslighting, yelling, put downs, wrong explanations forced as ultimate truth to believe in.

Speaking the truth is crucial to understand. When we express ourselves freely - we will notice that some people will feel insulted. Even though we never had any Ad Hominem Arguments - they will react as if we curse them as person. Even though we never used curse words - they will react as if we did. This is imporant to understand - because with each exposure - we will eventually hurt someone's feelings - and then isolate due to their over-reaction.
In the same time we will encounter rude intrusive people who will violate our borders - by nitpicking our mistakes. There is a difference. When we talk - we talk about ideas. We do not nitpick someone as person. Yet - we will be accused of doing so. We won't notice the difference at all. This needs to be spoken out. When someone reacts to our truth - we need to make firm statement about the truth: that our comments, opinions, expressions, statements are not against the person. With abuse and social anxiety - we will fuse false accusations with our inability to see what is happening, we won't be able to process what is happening.

Being silent means not having boundaries. A lot of people will claim that being silent means not giving energy - but we are not the problem. The abuse is one who is evil, who crosses boundaries, who is intrusive, who uses coercive control, who is pathological liar. So this has nothing to do with us - what we do or not to do.
And when we are silent - we do not express our boundaries. In dysfunctional environment dislikes are not allowed so anyone who went through this treatment will not have dislikes, won't express dislikes. Without dislikes there are no boundaries, and without boundaries - this is road to fawning and being pushover. And that is when toxic people will exploit us. They will push us aside since we won't object. They will claim what is theirs because we will be silent.
And it is not a matter of screaming, yelling or entering into conflict - it is a mere talking and expressing the facts and being objective, and holding abusers accountable: by speaking the truth.
Speaking out our dislikes. Which is a lesson we did no learn in dysfunctional childhood dynamics where our personal opinion was punished always.
Toxic people, narcissistic abuse is when the perpetrator will make false accusations - this is what makes them toxic. They will make false claims made on their hunch, personal feelings which has nothing to do with reality but quick bias. They will simply make accusations based on their biased intuition, something unprovable, something that cannot be measured or scientificatly proven, it is not quantifiable. So it is their delusions which spring up. So what happens with anyone brought up in dysfunction - is that we were taught to fix angry people and their invented problems. We will feel guilty since we were told we are guilty and responsible for anything which goes wrong and when someone is uncomfortable. The very foundation of healthy society is taking responsibility and being accountable for our mistakes - with narcissistic abuse we are contaminated autmatically, we are guilty immediately no matter what is true reality.

Growing up in ACoA dysfunction means covering up true feelings and pretending to be strong and becoming perfectionist and pleasing angry people not to be angry enough and perceiving them as gods to obey. So exposure as advized by CBT will not work - exposure will lead to people pleasing since the toxic shame nor trauma are not being released nor processed.
With toxic shame there is no compassion for self. This means that our bad parts need our care, attention and focus and light and enlightement. Bad parts are not violence, aggression nor being rude or toxic. Bad parts are all the definitions we have which are limiting about ourselves and other people. When someone makes mistake, when someone is lazy - these are bad parts. They are not necessarily negative. Someone who is recuperating from disease may appear lazy - but this is due to healing. When someone makes mistakes - this does not mean they do it on purpose nor that they are stupid to learn. With toxic shame we learn that being lazy is personality trait and that making errors is on purpose and we need to be punished for them.
Bad parts are like character in 1994 toon "Duckman". The main character is annoying and irritating, he is selfish and egocentric, he jumps to conclusions quickly and hence makes wrong decisions and mistakes all the time - the same ones over and over again, learning nothing from previous errors. These parts are inside ourselves too - no matter how much we try to make them masked and functional. These parts need understanding and compassion. In self help books about people pleasing - authors mislead us by explaining that Dark Shadow means being bully and rude and that we must cultivate those bad parts. That will only leads us to become Karen, someone who is antagonistic all the time and who depends on other people to feel good and valued, without being able to listen to others or understand them even when something cannot be explained right away.
Dark Shadow is actually not having strength to be cheerfull and energetic all the time. Dark shadow is having patience when we make mistakes and errors and when we fail over and over again. That is compassion - self compassion. Self compassion of Dark shadow is not cultivating aggression and being rude to others and having understandings for that kind of Fight response to triggers.
When we have compassion for our parts which are smelly, annying, disgusting, boring, flawed, wrong, weird - we will embrace ourselves - we will take care of our parts which are still growing and those parts that need our care and focus and parenting and observance - rather than stifliing them down and pretending they do not exist if they are out of our awareness.

Now toxic people, narcissistic abuse - will make us hate those kind of bad parts inside ourselves. They will keep on reminding us of them in bad way, that we are abnormal, flawed and errored and that we ought to feel ashamed for having those imperfections. This will make us to hide them - and that is toxic shame.
That is why a mere CBT Exposure will not work for social anxiety. We won't make our dreams come true when we start to expose. It will only lead to re-traumatization and painful fawning and living in fears and attaining new sets of triggers and flashbacks to haunt us. The toxic shame needs processing, trauma needs healing - and then the exposure will make sense - when we no longer have fear of missing out, but instead - instigator of exposure will be our true goals, needs, wants and desires in life - which are no longer bound by toxic people and past triggers.
 
Toxic shame means self censorship and breaking silence will reveal that certain people will interpret our opinion as arguing. They will jump to quick conclusions and project their issues onto us just as a punishment of speaking out the truth. They will also block the truth and truth will trigger their unresolves traumas. Narcissists will be specially triggered to truth - since the truth will expose their core, flaws, errors which they try to cover up by domination and put downs of others. Narcissists will insist on being correct and right and they will do their best to shut up anyone who is thinking differently.
Reality means being exposed to truth - truth is painful and hard to admit, accept and feel. Therefore denying the truth will lead to delusions. With social anxiety when we are silent and when we self censor - we do not allow truth to come out - and we take part in delusion - of our own or of narcissists who will impose their delusions as true. So being silent around narcissists means enabling their abuse and delusions.
When we start to express our opinion - it may turn into criticizing and nagging and complaining all the time. Without talking out our persona and thoughts - we might never discover that we have issues with that. That is victimization - being in a state of victimhood where we are always passive and unable to act and there is always someone in power who is abusing us. Without speaking out - we might never become aware that then things must change - and it is up to us to take steps and actions to empower ourselves. Self help books about self esteem are misleading - they do not take into account coercive control and manipuation and pathological liars - and how to avoid them. We can only figure out how to avoid them by feeling the pain and feeling the shame and through expressing our thoughts. Without expression - we are on auto pilot and other people explain away our condition and what we need to do. Such as CBT - that is based on Fear of missing out exposure. Or self help books about being strong and courageous - where we end up fusing our trauma, emotions with our persona and self worth.

Narcissists try to give perfect image to others all the time - they cover up mistakes and flaws and are very sensitive to criticism exposing the truth about them. So with social anxiety - we really were conditioned to copy this kind of shame and hiding process - without true valid reason to do so. There is nothing to hide. Our mistakes are not evil, we do not have hidden covert rancour grudge against other people, we do not have hidden plots to harm other people - there is really nothing to hide from others. People who put us down and mock us for our imperfections are really hiding their insecurities by making other people small, and their criticism really tells more about them then about us. When we no longer chase perfection and when we no longer waste time, focus and energy on covering up bad parts of ourselves, our mistakes and flaws - we will have much more energy to focus on our goals and we will have clearer picture how to process painful events which are now unprocessed due to focus on covering up the shame and perceived contamination. Without this information - when we go with CBT advice to expose - we will be paying to much time, money, price, energy and focus on covering up our mistakes and flaws and errors - which will happen as they are natural company of any action.

When we speak up - we will notice that we are not as perfect as it appears in our minds. And that life is not so easy as it appears and as CBT instructs us - to just expose to life. When we expose - it would be great if we would simply note down the criticism - that goes on inside our mind (inner critic and toxic shame tyranny) and criticism from the external: other people, who actually installed this inner critic in the first place in the past. When we pay attention to what is going on really - it is criticism, intrusion, rude people who are the problem. Narcissism and narcissistic abuse - perfectionists who demand impossible standards which we must fulfill - and failing in them is permanent proof of toxic shame, deep core belief we are inept and weird and abnormal - while other people are correct and flawless and superior for not exhibiting any kind of errors.
When they do make errors - they will blame others. When we make any kind of action  - they will find faults, even when there is no real mistake or even when we are not the ones who caused problem or error - narcissists will simply scapegoat us again and again. That is when third parties will be convinced that the blamer and guilt tripper is competent, strong and smart - while all the do is blame others for something that is not our fault. When we go through CBT exposure - we do not learn this lesson - because we will be focused on not making mistakes, and to be perfect and to fix problems which are not really there and to please difficult people who constantly find faults with us.

As I commented on Twitter:
"you wouldn't be defending yourself if ever you were innocent"
🎯
Yep.
They target our errors, mistakes and flaws - which we hold important and guilty due to perfectionism and toxic shame due to trauma of being exposed to dysfunction while growing up.
It is our shame at the core.

With toxic shame it seems as if we must be perfect and without mistakes. And when we speak out- imperfections will be visible, we will be corrected and there will always be someone critical of whatever we say. We might worry that we will come out as evil and narcissistic and toxic - so it may seem as the best solution is to be silent and not to waste energy on someone who cannot understand us. That way we would be silent all our lives - and with social anxiety we are silent our entire life with anxiety. The truth is - when we do not have evil intentions, when we are not evil inside us - there is nothing wrong that will come out along with our words and errors and flaws. That is healing from toxic shame: that we become aware that even though we might be wrong and have errors and flaws and embarrass ourselves with wrong opinions and opposition and criticism - that inspite of all that - that we are not bad person. We are not contaminated: we do not need exonoration - which we try to get by being silent and overcompensating such as correcting others and trying to get their approval and validation.

It is liberating knowing that we can totally rely on ourselves - with all our mistakes and flaws which our inner critic highlights and plays on a repeat as well as to external relentless critics who never have anything positive to say but they keep close watch on smallest mistakes and make drama out of perceived errors - that we are at rest for not being perfect. In the end - social anxiety itself is a sign of health: without it we would develop fight response and borderline issue and narcissism, since we would not care about other people at all and how we come of to others when dysregulated. And ever more so - whatever new the most healthiest and the newest strategy we encounter and hear from others - they will all collaborate and corraborate our choice which were our defense mechanisms and social anxiety - due to poverty, lack of education and low Maslow needs - when all things are taken into consideration: our responses were the best and healthiest to take. There were no errors due to lack of resources and guidance and abundance of toxic shame internalized - it was no wonder that isolation seemed like a perfect solution to life.

Defend Survivors, TWITTER:
Survivors don’t need to ‘find the courage’ to tell they’re being abused or to leave abuse. Survivors already have more courage than most ever will. What a survivor has to have is good options. What they have to do is calculate their risk.
#respectsurvivors

Josh…, TWITTER:
To be honest; You never get over it. But you get to where it doesn't bother you so much.

Defend Survivors, TWITTER:
You don’t have to take responsibility for your ‘part’ in the abuse because you didn’t have any ‘part’ in the abuse. The perpetrator (and anyone enabling or standing with the abuser) is 100% responsible. #respectsurvivors #stopvictimblaming

Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D., TWITTER:
with coercive control, when you leave...
it's an escape
not a separation, not a conscious uncoupling, not a parting of the ways....

your_recovery_matters, TWITTER:
I haven’t chosen to be an awkward adult.
I was shaped into one from a child.
Asking for help is basically impossible.
Managing and regulating my emotions is beyond a challenge.
I haven’t chosen to be like this.
Abuse, neglect, the constant walking on egg shells has taken its toll

Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D., TWITTER:
every tactic of abuse is intentional and purposeful. they are always in control of their behavior. ever notice how they don't rage at their boss or throw things at work?

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Trauma recovery doesn't really kick into high gear until we decide that we are f*cking through trying to be somebody else.
But-- that's not an easy decision to make when we've been shamed & hurt for being ourselves our whole lives, & pressured to be someone "they" preferred.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
It’s not your job to help someone “feel better” after they hurt you.
It’s not your job to help someone feel better after they abuse you.

karen unrue, TWITTER:
IF YOURE FEELING UNSURE,UNWORTHY,OR WITHOUT CONFIDENCE TODAY
Im really sorry someone planted the idea in ur head that ur not enough-a lie can feel like the truth but its not-the truth is
YOURE MORE THAN ENOUGH,
UR WORTHY&UR LOVABLE. It took me decades2believe it&1 day u will too

Josh…, TWITTER:
We must learn, who is gold and who is simply gold plated.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Lots of trauma survivors do a thing where we start out strong-- then we get scared, or get scattered, or get freaked out by a perceived lack of control...& we seem to drop the ball.
That's NOT you being "crazy" or "lazy." That's a fight/freeze/flee response if I ever saw it.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Trauma + Anxiety + ADHD Info, TWITTER:
Normalize sitting beside people in their pain without trying to “fix” them.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Trauma survivors don't "choose" to "fixate" on certain memories & fears & feelings.
We DO often return to & repeat certain things because we struggle to feel we'll ever REALLY be heard-- or even to believe what we remember & feel is "really" real.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
They might be called "emotional flashbacks," but anyone who's had one can tell you they involve WAY more than our emotions-- they loop in our body & our senses in ways that are IMMERSIVE & EXHAUStING.
It's like the body keeps the sc-- well, you know.

Josh…, TWITTER:
Anyone who does not respect your boundaries does not respect you, period.

(8.6.2023)

CBT is based on punishment and force; forcing certain emotions and demonizing "bad" emotions.
And the natural result of punishment and forcing something is secrecy and hiding things out, suppressing and stifling issues from exposure to light and understanding. So anyone who went through ABC brainwashing will weed out any negative and uncomfortable emotions - and this is dangerous. Because we stop being aware of what is wrong, what needs attention, where is the problem, what is urgent. Without all information we will base decisions on a wrong premises.

When we talk about mental health - there is a component of radical honesty (this does not mean gossip) and also a component of having a free will. That we operate from intrinsic locus of control: that we are not zombies nor manipulated by other people. That we have a common sense inside us, Kohelberg theory, ethics and morals, that we can know what is right and what is evil, without depending on politics or contemporary explanations about what is normal. In 1950s it was normal to be racist in certain countries, and it was dangerous to talk about the truth regarding human rights.
ABC, REBT, CBT - they are all the same, they hunt down "negative" emotions like Spanish inquisition. Perhaps in most cases it does not matter where each emotion started - however if there is social anxiety, it is reasonable to learn what caused it, when it started.
For example - it is helpful to learn trauma since we can understand that social anxiety is hypnosis- there is a trigger (something similar to original trauma) such as angry person and there is learned programmed reaction: hypervigilance and fawning. And as with any hypnosis it helps to snap out of it by specific wording: and that is that we learn that we feel contaminated, and that we stop caring for other people hating us. The words Who Cares will not work since it does not specifically explains that there is a feeling of contamination and that social anxiety is hooking on someone's perceptions of hatred towards us. The third component is honesty, radical honesty - that we are not self censoring ourselves. This is mission impossible when we are hypnotized to be afraid of other person hating us, even potentially.

With CBT's hunt for negative bad uncomfortable emotions - we set ourselves to censorship and not facing the truth. When we don't face the truth - we'll start to live in delusions.
CBT is based for criminals and those who cannot regulate themselves. If we are not criminals, if there is no hidden agenda to harm other people - there is no need to force ourselves to feel happy and chirpy all the time. CBT tries to brainwash our bad emotions - and this is only acceptable for criminally insane so that they become functional in society and that there are no revolutions and new ideas such as not supporting corrupt systems of power. So CBT is basically castration of free will - which can apply only to criminals. CBT profits however from hypnotizing good and normal people - since then revolutions and revolt and change of corrupt system will never happen - since any negative emotion to injustice and pathocracy will be labeled as disorder and something to destroy: Martha Mitchell effect.

In the end - what is in our heart? If we are not serial killers, if we are not criminally insane, if we have no ill intention to harm and cause pain to others - CBT's hunt for difficult emotions is useless, there is nothing vile, corrupt, sick, abnormal in negative and bad emotions that we must suppress them and pretend they do not exist and hide them away from the light.

Psych Insights, TWITTER:
Avoid people that treat you like you are a problem when you are only having feelings.

Defend Survivors, TWITTER:
If you’re trying to shame or scare someone into ‘healing’ that’s not a ‘healing’ message - it’s manipulation. Seriously look at how many ‘healing’ messages do this.
#respectsurvivors

🌈#ThreadTherapist (she/her)🌈, TWITTER:
Stopping being a good person isn’t going to keep people from hurting you.

My Voice Unchained, TWITTER:
C-PTSD (a specific form of PTSD) arises from repeated or prolonged exposure to traumatic events, particularly those that occur within interpersonal relationships (with abusers and/or narcissists) or in situations where escape is limited (human trafficking, kidnapping, etc.)

CPTSD Foundation, TWITTER:
Some recovering CPTSD survivors are high-functioning, because they’ve found ways to manage the trauma without actually dealing with the root cause.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Post traumatic shame can make us feel young. Unresourceful. Helpless.
In my experience shame is maybe single biggest trigger for emotional flashbacks.
A BIG part of recovery is remembering who we are--also WHERE we are & WHEN we are-- and what we're all about.
Easy does it.

You are born with only two fears: fear of falling and fear of loud noise. All the rest is learned. And it's a lot of work!
🟦Dr Richard Bandler

The trick is: you have to feel good for no reason.
🟦Richard Bandler

The neurotic assumes too much responsibility; the person with a character disorder not enough. When neurotics are in conflict with the world, they automatically assume that they are at fault.
🟦Scott Peck

Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D., TWITTER:
Coercive Control can’t be reduced to coercive and controlling behaviors. For example, the love-like tactics of abuse, ie love-bombing, intermittent kindness, strategic use of good times, future-faking and hoovering, are as much a part of the campaign as is credible threat.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
The "fawn" trauma response will have us falling all ourself to apologize & overexplain as ways to get out in front of the criticism or attack we "KNOW" is coming.
Thing is, that's NOT you being "crazy"-- it's you responding sensibly to things that ACTUALLY happened in the past.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Trauma CONDITIONS us-- in certain beliefs, certain feelings, certain behaviors.
That conditioning deepens the more often the abuse or neglect occurred.
That sh*t's not your fault. We're talking about literal, PHYSICAL pathways in the brain.
But conditioning CAN change.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
During our abuse, it might've been "easier" to stop thinking of ourself as a person w/ feelings & needs & who doesn't deserve this.
Beginning to relate to ourselves w/ compassion & humanity in recovery can be hard, because it brings the horror of our abuse into SHARP focus.

Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D., TWITTER:
I would say it diffently and its not me being a pain in the ass. When I was in social situations with the perpetrator of coercive control it was always complex. He would be nice to me if we were in front of others, at least some of the time. This would inspire me to feel hope.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Trauma + Anxiety + ADHD Info, TWITTER:
Lazy does not exist. It just doesn’t. We are either exhausted AF from trying to survive, or from masking, or from learning to give ourselves the love we were ought to’ve been given unconditionally, or from just crawling to the next step.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Cognitive therapy might have a better reputation among trauma survivors if cognitive therapists were less eager to pounce on “catastrophizong” and “magnification” as sources of pain for people who really have gone through awful sh*t.

Nate Postlethwait, TWITTER:
I am coining the term “abuser-centered:”  
-When the focus of an abusive situation is on why the abuser must have done it instead of the victims well-being and safety.
-When others redirect the narrative to how the victim reacts instead of making sure the abuser is held accountable.

Psych Insights, TWITTER:
The narcissist pretends to love you because they can control you better through a counterfeit relationship.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
The teeny, tiny bit any of us  know about someone else’s experience does not qualify us to tell them “that’s not trauma.”
In my experience the “that’s not trauma” police are the least helpful participants in any conversation about pain & recovery.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Trauma + Anxiety + ADHD Info, TWITTER:
No one in the history of saying they’re fine is ever really fine. In fact, society is sick with the “pandemic of fine.”
Most people hide and mask (whether from chronic pain, mental health challenges, ADHD), because otherwise they are shamed and stigmatized.

AimTrue, TWITTER:
Trauma survivors are often high achievers.
They meet goals that many others could not.
Yet self doubt remains because there is still that child within that was never validated.
Take time to acknowledge your achievements.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Being called crazy or sensitive for reacting to disrespect is manipulation.

Nate Postlethwait, TWITTER:
"You're so sensitive."
Thank you. You can imagine the vulnerability it takes to allow myself to feel this deeply for myself and others, after the things you have done to me. I consider it one of my greatest strengths.

Defend Survivors, TWITTER:
People always think there’s a line perpetrators won’t cross - but there’s not. They will do anything to stay in control.

AimTrue, TWITTER:
Trauma survivors often become very good at compartmentalizing things.
They can tuck things away and appear unfazed by something that would have others in an uproar.  They may appear cool, calm & collected in chaos.
The ability to compartmentalize helped many of us to survive.

Nate Postlethwait, TWITTER:
You are not responsible to create a fairytale out of trauma you have overcome. People suggest that life altering pain makes you better on the other side, and rarely acknowledge that, while the pain lessens, you will always be adapting to a life you did not choose.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Trauma + Anxiety + ADHD Info, TWITTER:
Most women, and most adults for that matter, are steeped in shame by the time they’re diagnosed.
They are confused by their symptoms, + see them as character flaws.
I hope this post helps YOU feel less alone, more validated, + seen.
ADHD is a neuro-bio-chemical DIS-ease.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Trauma + Anxiety + ADHD Info, TWITTER:
You know what’s so amazing about finally getting a later-in-life diagnosis of ADHD?
You realize you’re NOT lazy, crazy, wrong, or broken like you were told over the years.

“Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them.”
― Leo Tolstoy

AimTrue, TWITTER:
Quiet & calmness can be triggering for some survivors because abuse may have happened in a quiet setting that felt safe before there was any sign of danger.
Many abusers do an excellent job of making their victims feel safe in the beginning, that's why it can feel so confusing.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮, TWITTER:
I don't do revenge. I heal, move on with my life, and don't become like the people who hurt me.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Trauma + Anxiety + ADHD Info, TWITTER:
Stop gaslighting yourself into thinking you have to hold hope or feel positive all the time when the world is literally on fire.  
NONE of what’s going on is okay.
Your gamut of feelings is valid.

Josh…, TWITTER:
Stop editing yourself for others.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
You are under no mandate to get though your pain in a way that is likable or appealing to others.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Every complex trauma symptom serves a purpose— even emotional dysregulation.  https://a.co/baombCT

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
If we're doing trauma recovery right, we become more ourselves-- which, ironically, can feel kinda unnatural, if we've spent decades being who "they" needed or expected us to be.
In recovery we often have to relearn-- or just learn-- to be who we are.

Narcissistic Abuse Awareness, TWITTER:
Narcissists commonly use blame-shifting. Blame-shifting is the redirection of responsibility for one person's actions, behavior, or mistakes onto another person, group, or thing.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
"Containment" is the trauma recovery skill of intentionally, intelligently compartmentalizing feelings or memories for the sake of functioning in the moment-- w/ the explicit intention (& ideally, a plan) to go back & process them when we have the bandwidth.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
I knew I was healing when I honored my feelings and stopped trying to analyze why the narc did what they.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Relating to an addicted parent or caretaker is often our first experience w/ trauma bonding. Their behavior may be painful or destructive, but we can' "nope" out of it-- we're dependent upon them.
So our nervous system does the trauma bonding backflips it has to do.

Breakingfree, TWITTER:
If you grew up in a family where narcissists reigned, this was very much you. Our every day normal. The saddest thing was that we believed the things we were told. Our everyday struggle to make it through was our normal.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
In my experience trauma survivors emphatically do NOT "like" drama in relationships. As a rule we find relationship volatility triggering & confusing.
A "fight" trauma response or relationship hypervigilance AREN'T reflections of what we "like"-- they're conditioned REFLEXES.

Nate Postlethwait, TWITTER:
When you no longer need their understanding, their motives will quickly be revealed.

Josh…, TWITTER:
Be careful who you feel sorry for. Some people are good at lying and playing the victim.

Josh…, TWITTER:
Once i accepted that i deserve better, that's all the closure i need.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
Toxic people think you’re arguing when expressing your feelings. They do this to avoid accountability for their shit actions.

If narcissists had no control over their actions, maintaining their bogus public facade would be impossible.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Never let anyone get comfortable with disrespecting you.

Andrew Campbell, TWITTER:
If abuse is all you know in childhood, abuse is often all you expect in adulthood…often without even seeing it as “abuse” but rather viewing it as “normal”.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Trauma + Anxiety + ADHD Info, TWITTER:
Trauma did NOT make you stronger.
It traumatized you, broke your heart, dysregulated your nervous system, gave you PTSD, sleepless nights, trust issues, connection difficulty, almost killed you, and stole your will to live.
YOU made + make yourself stronger…through healing.

My Voice Unchained, TWITTER:
Narcissists display a narrow spectrum of emotions. They place emphasis on emotions that advance their  own self-interests. Grandiosity, entitlement, and rage may be more easily displayed, whereas they struggle with more delicate feelings like sadness or remorse.

AimTrue, TWITTER:
Cognitive distortions are often coupled with trauma.
Trauma can disrupt our ability to judge situations accurately.
Things such as jumping to conclusions, personalization or taking blame for the actions of others are some examples.

Defend Survivors, TWITTER:
Saying ‘hurt people, hurt people” is so insulting to hurt people. Most hurt people never make the choice to harm someone else.
#stopsayingthis #respectsurvivors

Defend Survivors, TWITTER:
Hurt people are not the ones hurting people - perpetrators are the ones making the choice to harm.
#respectsurvivors

My Voice Unchained, TWITTER:
A narcissist will enter a room with an air of authority, expecting everyone's attention to shift to them. They will speak loudly, interrupt ongoing conversations, or assert their opinions forcefully by asserting dominance. If ignored, they become instantly angry.

Defend Survivors, TWITTER:
Saying ‘hurt people, hurt people’ means the hurt person is now the same as their abuser which is not. true. and it’s just more abuse to the survivor.
#stopsayingthis #respectsurvivors

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
It can be REALLY hard for trauma survivors to convince ourselves that we're NOT getting yelled at for being a TERRIBLE PERSON whenever we get less-than-positive feedback from someone.
It's that ol' emotional flashback tripwire.
Push pause; breathe; blink; mentally step back.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
No trauma survivor is NOT talking about their trauma because they're trying to be "difficult" or frustrating.
Often we're just not ready-- & it doesn't help ANYONE to PRETEND we're ready.
Its not about "we don't wanna" (although we might NOT wanna). It's about we CAN'T-- yet.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
When you stand up for yourself and set healthy boundaries, you don’t lose real friends or real relationships.
You lose-
Abusers
Cheaters
Gaslighters
Manipulators
Psychopaths
Sociopaths
Narcissists

Signs of Repression
- A constant sense of uneasiness and discomfort
- Frequent mood swings
- Substance use disorders
- Behavioral addictions (shopping)
- Eating disorders
- OCD
- Chaotic relationships
- Frequent career changes

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Trauma + Anxiety + ADHD Info, TWITTER:
At one point my therapist said to me, “Jen, Stop trying SO hard to be well when you’re NOT” and that absolutely helped me toward a trajectory of greater healing.
There’s empowerment waiting in the space of awareness 🙏

Defend Survivors, TWITTER:
The ‘hurt people, hurt people’ message gives the abuser the excuses they are looking for instead of the accountability they should have and leaves the survivor with judgements and pressure to ‘heal’ instead of the support they should have. #respectsurvivors

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
We cannot escape emotional pain in this life. Therefore if you believe sound mental health is the absence of emotional pain or even some suffering... you will forever struggle. If anybody attempts to sell you the idea that living well is the absence of distress.... don't buy it

My Voice Unchained, TWITTER:
Recovering from a narcissistic relationship is a journey of self-discovery, healing, and rebuilding. #HealingJourney #SelfEmpowerment #MovingOn

a n n a, TWITTER:
society: "Why are you so quiet?"
let people be who they are.
let people be.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Trauma survivors are often kind of a paradox: on the one hand, we might SEEM to have a higher tolerance for pain than anyone outside of us can FATHOM-- & on the other hand, we can feel so OVERWHELMINGLY sensitive that a vaguely wrong look can send us into a spiral.
Trauma, man.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
The best minds in mental health aren't the docs.
They're the trauma survivors who have had to figure out how to stay alive for years with virtually no help.
Wanna learn how to psychologically survive under unfathomable stress? Talk to abuse survivors.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Realizing that many of our "choices" were ACTUALLY trauma responses hijacking our attention & judgment, maybe we can START to give up some of the shame & self blame we've been flooding ourselves with.
(Fair warning, though: shame & self-blame don't go down w/o a fight.)

Mark Freeland, TWITTER:
When you feel entitled and comfortable everywhere it never occurs to you how your actions make others feel unsafe.

Jeff Ruane, TWITTER:
It’s wild that if you’re confident enough, some people  just start listening to you no matter what crazy shit you say

Psych Insights, TWITTER:
Remember that your relationships are meant to be making your life here on this earth better, not worse.

obin Wasserstein "Creativity Is My Niche", TWITTER:
KINDNESS VS. NARCISSIST: "When A Narcissist Targets An Empathetic Kind Person, They Are Going To Walk All Over You & Abuse You. They View Your Kindness As "Weakness" & I Lived It. The Only Way To Stop The Abuse Is "Confidence" Or "No Contact". I Did BOTH & They Ran. Never Give In

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
Any amount of abuse in a relationship is abuse. Verbal/ emotional abuse are abuse. A narcissist will try to convince you otherwise.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Trauma survivors can be particularly vulnerable to head games played by abusers to the tune of, "maybe YOU'RE the REAL abuser here!"
Trauma survivors often feel "bad" or "toxic" already-- & this form of gaslighting dovetails PERFECTLY w/ those feelings & beliefs.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
For a lot of people, the key to managing emotional flashbacks is realizing what's happening; mentally pushing pause & stepping back; & reminding ourselves who we are & what we're all about.
How we breathe & what we say & visualize during a flashback can make all the difference.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
The people who think "gaslighting isn't real" are the same people who think "advertising doesn't work" and/or "I'm too smart to be lied to."

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
When you're a trauma survivor trying to relate to other trauma survivors in ANY kind of relationship-- romantic, professional, friendship-- your go-to trauma responses NEED to be out on the table BEFORE triggers occur.
Because they WILL occur.
Have a plan BEFOREHAND.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Learning about trauma responses like fight/flight/freeze/fawn/flop DOESN'T automatically make them stop-- & it's unrealistic to DEMAND that we just "STOP IT."
Changing  trauma response patterns is about reconditioning PHYSICAL neural pathways. It takes a minute.
Easy does it.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
Narcissists pick you and groom you into the relationship. They don’t feel love like we do.

AimTrue, TWITTER:
There are many people who have no idea that they are carrying trauma.
They normalized their experience & the feelings & responses that followed.
It's only when acknowledgement happens that healing can begin.
You can't recover from things you haven't acknowledged exist.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
When shit consistently doesn’t add up, when you feel nervous/ anxious in their presence…don’t dismiss those feelings. Your body knows.
If something feels off, it usually is.
Narcissistic abuse is subtle at first and gradually increases.

Josh…, TWITTER:
Maturity is working through your trauma and not using it as a never ending excuse for poor behavior.

Vennie Kocsis, TWITTER:
When we are in savior mode, it is a trigger to times we could not save ourselves or others, often from childhood.
It is a trauma response, not an #Empath response.
When you feel the urge to “save,” Pause.
Check your #triggers 💥
This emotion = #redflag 🚩
A Tip:
Beware of #narcissists who act helpless. 🛑
Things a #narcissist says when they go into fake martyr mode to gain pity from their new targets:
“I don't need to be here to be a target.”
“I don't need to do this at all”
“After all I've done to help others…”🙄
“I just don't feel like being here anymore”
#SmokeAndMirrors
Narcissists mirror what others’ say. They have little to no original thought outside of manipulation. They adopt the words and phrases and experiences of others as their own. They lie and steal and don’t care. 🚩

Vennie Kocsis, TWITTER:
It was a “aha” moment when I realized that the urge to “save” someone is a trauma response not an act of kindness. I’ve had to sit with that and let it soak in.

Dr James Davies (PhD), TWITTER:
....fixing the mental health crisis would mean fixing society....

Josh…, TWITTER:
The way people treat you, is a statement about who they are as human being. It is not a statement about you.

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
You can easily be identified as dealing w/ "mental illness" from a symptom checklist that includes "symptoms" that are widely applied to any one person at various times in their life. The varied response to stress.
Don't let them pathologize being human.
Resist

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
How you "think" about emotional pain, painful events or emotional suffering- may be the primary factor on whether or not its a time limited experience that propels growth or becomes chronic "disorder".
Maybe thinking you are "mentally ill" is more of a problem than you think

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Trauma + Anxiety + ADHD Info, TWITTER:
Telling someone to “look on the bright side” is telling them to
“turn the other cheek.”
When someone turns the other cheek, they stuff their emotions inside, instead of expressing them.
Stuffing emotions down doesn’t actually work.
In fact, it perpetuates the hurt.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Trauma + Anxiety + ADHD Info, TWITTER:
You’re NOT your trauma response.
This doesn’t mean hurt people just get to hurt people. This just means, have grace as you hold yourself accountable for the healing.
You developed these trauma responses TO SURVIVE, and I’m proud of you.
They aren’t WHO you are, though.

Embrace complexity, simplicity is the enemy
The need for the absolute, perfect and single truth - that's where we get into trouble.
If you inject one idea our brain will fill the gap and make it our own. We're gonna end up being brainwashed.
The Mind, Explained: Season 2: "Brainwashing"

Josh…, TWITTER:
If you are a good person, and people still don't like you for who you are, change the people, not yourself.

Paul Minot, MD, TWITTER:
Such despicable behavior by my peers provides me motivation for my efforts. If psychiatry was really based on science, it would welcome critique. But instead it's an intellectual cult. It's incredible how vain and unethical someone in an allegedly healing profession can be.

Josh…, TWITTER:
I don't know who needs to hear this; "just because the wrong person didn't see your value, doesn't mean you're not worth it.'

My Voice Unchained, TWITTER:
In a narcissistic family system, your thoughts are usually not your actual thoughts.

Adam Fare 🖤🤍💜, TWITTER:
Someone’s diet doesn’t “cause” ADHD.
Social media doesn’t “cause” ADHD.
Games consoles and TV don’t “cause” ADHD.
The “cause” is someone being born.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
The people around us often don't know that the "part" of us that takes care of sh*t & makes us seem competent & adult, is often just the "part" out front that they see...& INSIDE there are parts of us that feel young, that are tired, that are angry, that are just, f*ckin'...done.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
A narcissist doesn’t value you, they only value what you can do for them.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Victims are not responsible for the behavior of predators.
You are not the exception.

Ryan 🖖 ♻️ 🌊, TWITTER:
Too many people mistake narcissism and sociopathy for strength

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Many painful childhood events create complex post traumatic stress-- but complex trauma can be generated by experiences in adulthood, too. Think cults; religious trauma; institutional betrayal; domestic violence.
We never "age out" of being vulnerable to trauma.

Josh…, TWITTER:
Be prepared for rejection when you refuse to be manipulated.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
You don’t have conversations w/ a narcissist, you have verbal battles.
👉Narcs want to win, not compromise.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
"You teach people how to treat you" is a reductionistic phrase that reinforces the victim blaming trope that if someone is being sh*tty to you, it's probably your fault.
It's a garbage phrase thrown around by intellectual lightweights. 

AimTrue, TWITTER:
Perfectionism is a common coping mechanism for trauma survivors.  
It becomes a safety net and is adopted in service of protection.
You know you are healing when you begin to discover the beauty of imperfection.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
I've never met a trauma survivor who WANTED to "define" themselves by their trauma. Not one.
In fact, most survivors do f*ckin' intellectual & emotional BACKFLIPS to AVOID even ACKNOWLEDGING their trauma, let alone "define" themselves by it.

Josh…, TWITTER:
Attitude, maturity, mindset and a good heart are more attractive than looks.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Trauma is about conditioning and reflexes, not "choices."
The ACTUAL "choices" we have in trauma recovery aren't WHETHER to experience trauma responses or not-- they exist in the minutes before & after we have those responses...& they're often VERY much NOT obvious.

Josh…, TWITTER:
When you have fought hard to get back on your feet, don't ever go back to the people who knocked you down.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | Trauma + Anxiety + ADHD Info, TWITTER:
When you show up for yourself, and gently and mindfully communicate to someone how their behaviors hurt you, and their response is to lash out at YOU, claiming YOU are bullying them, and block you:
a. That’s gaslighting
b. Good riddance—bye, toxicity
It’s NOT you.

Stevie., TWITTER:
You can be with someone everyday and still not know who they really are until you are put in a situation where tough decisions have to be made. Time does not define where it is you stand in a individuals life, circumstances do..

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
A thing I had to give up in trauma recovery was obsessing about whether people like me or not.
One of the hardest parts of recovery is leaving that "things we cannot control" category alone-- especially when the "fawn" response is urging us to TRY HARDER to please & appease.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
A narcissist expects you to tolerate their shitty behavior and like it.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Talking to ourselves like someone we love is hard, when we've been conditioned to talk to ourselves like someone we hate.
Trauma recovery's about rebuilding-- or maybe just building-- a safe relationship w/ ourselves. Spoiler: it takes a minute & it's awkward.
Worth it, tho.

Executive Dysfunction
- Focusing too much on just one thing
- Being easily distractible
- Daydreaming or "spacing out" when you shouldn't be
- Struggling to switch between tasks
- Problems with impulse control
- Trouble starting difficult or boring tasks

Words Finally Spoken ... Peace for Ukraine 🇺🇦, TWITTER:
It's a cluster B Personality Disorder!!!! Not a sickness or disease. They are evil, selfish, lying, pains in the ass.
On the contrary, narcissistic abuse can cause sickness and disease to the victims. From prolonged abuse.

MEWULIN 👑🎨🖌️, TWITTER:
Masking unresolved trauma/ personality defects with a pleasant Persona is like wearing a cologne on body odour. As soon as the perfume fades out, the bad odour takes over immediately.

Words Finally Spoken ... Peace for Ukraine 🇺🇦, TWITTER:
"Empathy and narcissism can't coexist.
Empathy is an openness to connection.
Narcissism is a rigid defense against feeling and shame."
 Narcissism is Evil
Credit: end narcissistic abuse (IG)

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Making someone feel, seen, heard and understood is the loudest way to love them.

Defend Survivors, TWITTER:
The ‘hurt people, hurt people’ message has turned into a weapon people use against survivors to scare, shame, blame, isolate, and control them.

Josh…, TWITTER:
Let whoever think whatever. Just keep getting better.

me at Twitter:
For me aha moment was to realize that I allow other people to hate me or have any difficult emotions - and that I do not fix myself as an attempt to help them become "better".
Heard this many times before - it is difficult to realize what it means in real life.

Dr. Ann Olivarius, TWITTER:
John is right that the system isn't perfect.
John is wrong that system works against powerful, successful men in top positions.
For some men, the merest hint of accountability feels like persecution.

My Voice Unchained, TWITTER:
A narcissist will project their insecurities onto others rather than admitting their own weaknesses or flaws. In an effort to draw attention away from their own perceived flaws, they will belittle or criticize others.

your_recovery_matters, TWITTER:
Being with people who don’t listen is actually lonelier than being alone…

No one knows what they're doing. Everyone's insecure because I've met all those people, that act super-cool. I've talked to them – they're insecure. Everyone you see on the social media... the prettier people there are : the more insecure they are.
🟥Mari

Deep down I knew I never really fit in with you. When people look at you they see the way they want to be. When they look at me, they see the way they really are.
🎞️Duckman Season 4 - episode 9

"I've noticed that these people who have no control over themselves exert control over other people."

Toxic shame, the shame that binds you, is experienced as the all pervasive sense that I am flawed and defective as a human being. One experiences oneself as untrustworthy. If I'm an object that can't be trusted, then I'm not in me.
⬜️Healing the Shame That Binds You (1988)

"I was praised for being a shallow, obedient zombie, who never questioned anyone or anything until later on in life."

Actually it makes it worse to have a full Self. When a person is being violated to have a Self, to have reactions, to have boundaries actually just makes the violations worse, the attacks worse. The person learns to shut down.
🟥Daniel Mackler

"I've learned to trust my anger to tell me how much a boundary has been crossed.  I don't dismiss my anger.  Anger is like a fire alarm that requires action to achieve safety."

Nate Postlethwait, TWITTER:
You will save yourself from a lot of confusion by placing enablers in the same category as those they’re enabling.

Dr. Chinonso Egemba, TWITTER:
Every time you lower your standards to accommodate people, you tend to regret it

Robert Greene, TWITTER:
No one is really going to help you or give you direction. In fact, the odds are against you.

Defend Survivors, TWITTER:
If you’re using your ‘healing’ to shame, blame, and guilt others into healing - that’s not healing. It’s harming.
#respectsurvivors

Ryan Holiday, TWITTER:
Be strict with yourself and tolerant of others. Your standards are for you.

Mark Manson, TWITTER:
You don't have to have an opinion about everything. And to a certain extent, you don't have to always know what the fuck is going on. Sometimes there's value in not knowing.

Josh…, TWITTER:
If it's your calling... it will keep calling you

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
Remember this-
👉 You are not responsible for the narcissist abusing you. Their dysfunction existed before you and will exist after you.

Nate Postlethwait, TWITTER:
Stop explaining yourself to people who were active in your trauma and absent in your healing.

Dr. Christine Marie Cocchiola, TWITTER:
I’m a therapist. I was gaslit by my own therapists. I don’t think there was malice intent. I believe they didn’t understand coercive control. I went back to him 3 times & stayed longer bc I thought I needed to change. Therapists must be trained to understand coercive control.

“Changing or altering yourself is not going to help the situation, all it does is prove to the Narc that they get their way”
YT Phrases a Covert Narcisstis Use To Lower Your Self-Esteem

My Voice Unchained, TWITTER:
Malignancy is a severe extreme of narcissistic personality disorder. The character traits of NPD are so embedded or entrenched within the psyche of this type of narcissist that there is never any true repentance for their deeds or hope for change. They don't want to change.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
A narcissist never sees the wrong in their actions, only yours.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
narcissists feel the need to control others because they don’t have control over themselves.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
In a narcissistic relationship problems aren’t solved or talked through, they’re ignored or diverted from with love bombing.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist, TWITTER:
Trauma isn’t what’s wrong WITH us.
It’s what happens TO us.
You’re NOT wrong.
You’re IN pain.

Dr. Jessica Taylor, TWITTER:
We create oppressive environments, high-pressure cultures, terrifying expectations, fear of failure, and then we internalise it into the mind of the individual as if they are mentally ill.
We’ve created psychiatric labels for behaviours we cultivated in a capitalist society.

𝑪𝒉𝒍𝒐𝒆, TWITTER:
Narcissists prioritize their ego above everything. This is why they end up losing everyone valuable to them

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Lots of trauma survivors get this voice in our heads saying, "You're CHOOSING to be this way. You COULD choose to be JUST FINE, but you prefer playing the VICTIM for ATTENTION."
Listen to me: trauma PHYSICALLY damages our nervous system. That voice is a SYMPTOM of that damage.

Andrew Campbell, TWITTER:
Psychological/emotional abuse causes direct harm to the brain and body’s other key systems. Its effects can be life-altering, life-shortening, and life-ending.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist, TWITTER:
Before we run to judge people who “aren’t doing enough to heal” I want to remind us all that while trauma is FREE and available to ANYone, healing is expensive AF, and not accessible to all.

My Voice Unchained, TWITTER:
The devaluation and invalidation of other people's opinions, feelings, and experiences are frequent manifestations of a narcissist's contempt.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮, TWITTER:
What is the most effective way to see a someone's true personality?

Ryan 🖖 ♻️ 🌊, TWITTER:
When a covert malignant #narcissist is confronted about something they did, often you’ll see a dramatic show of feigned frustration, victimization, or anger in a desperate attempt to maintain control over the narrative thru deflection, chaos, and confusion 1/2
#NarcissisticAbuse

Jacklena Bentley, TWITTER:
You CAN stand up for yourself. YOU matter too.

 

Psych Insights, TWITTER:
The best years of your life start when you have lost the narcissist.

Dr James Davies (PhD), TWITTER:
What *we* consider to be 'neurotypical' behaviour isn't universally 'typical', as every culture has its own idea of what 'typical' behaviour is. In this sense, 'typicality' is not a product of neurological design, but of adapting to a culturally specific form of socialisation.
From this standpoint, the inability (for whatever reason) to adapt to a culturally specific and endorsed idea of typicality, is what we may call divergence.

AimTrue, TWITTER:
While in survival mode you are willing to compromise your core values because surviving is most important.
As you heal you become more in alignment with what matters to you and gain confidence expressing what is right for you without guilt or shame.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Conditioning, not character.

Dr. Jessica Taylor, TWITTER:
I talk about systems, structures, stereotypes, beliefs, ideas, global problems, oppression, & abuse.
My critics talk about my appearance, my background, my personal life & gossip.
We are at two very different stages in our personal development.

Dr. Jessica Taylor, TWITTER:
Instead of any of those experiences being validated, acknowledged or supported, they were labelled as mentally disordered, delusional, problematic, attention seeking, unstable, depressed, unwell, dangerous, and a waste of time.
Their natural and normal responses to their distress and trauma were twisted and reframed using lists of hundreds of symptoms and criteria that can be bent to fit anyone.

Dr Jay Watts, TWITTER:
Simple emotional needs:
- being treated as fundamentally ok as a person
- being seen and hear
- being given help when we need it
- not having our pain minimised
- being given hope, but not without staying with our current distress
Do these and 'complex' tends to disappear.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist, TWITTER:
We don’t have to heal from ADHD, because NOTHING is broken, and we are NOT sick.
We learn to LOVE our beautiful differently-wired brains, and how to navigate in a world still set up for neurotypical success.

Dr. Jessica Taylor, TWITTER:
Since when did we decide that every person in the public eye and every person you ever admired (artists, authors, celebs, presenters) have to have immaculate views on every topic in the whole world otherwise they get cancelled & hounded?
Are they not allowed to be humans too?

 

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist, TWITTER:
Did trauma make you stronger or did it cost you a hell of a lot, including connection to self, others, time, purpose, and an envisioned future?
YOU connect back to all this through healing in increments over time.

Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D. (Cis, He/Him), TWITTER:
love-bombing is a tactic of coercive control.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
Saying trauma made someone stronger supports the abuser + implies survivors should be grateful for the toughening up.
Trauma is traumatizing. It’s not ok.
I’m sick of shit glorifying pain as a benefit. 

Natalie, MS, LPCC, TWITTER:
What mental health diagnosis do you hear people use often and flippantly, without knowing what it really means or entails?
I’ll start. PTSD.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
Narcissists will poison everything around them just to feel powerful

Psych Insights, TWITTER:
Give yourself some credit, you did extremely well dealing with someone that was difficult, complicated and didn't come with an instruction manual.

Narcissist Facts 101, TWITTER:
Seeking closure or apologies from narcissists is a pointless endeavor. Narcissists either don’t think that they’re the problem or the cause of any misery in people lives, or they cause misery and destruction on purpose. Either way, they do not feel guilt and will never apologize.

Some theories of knowledge claim we gain knowledge by processing "raw data" like a camera captures light, but Rorty says our perceptions are tangled up with our beliefs, which we impose on things in the world.
RICHARD RORTY (1931-2007)
DK THE PHILOSOPHY BOOK

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Changing our beliefs ISN'T as easy as "this belief isn't serving you, so believe something different, dummy."
Trauma conditioning impacts what we find "easy" or plausible to believe. REAL change requires RECONDITIONING ourselves-- scratching up that old record, again & again.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
A narcissist is more concerned with being right than finding resolution. They’ll practically fight to the death to not lose.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
We're not born knowing how to regulate or understand our feelings-- & when our "models" for emotional regulation or insight are abusive or neglectful, we're gonna struggle w/ it later in life.
No shame. It's NOT about character or maturity-- it's about skills & support.

Nedra Glover Tawwab, TWITTER:
Gaslighting can look like someone attempting to convince you that you never said something you repeated several times. Not listening can be a tactic when people don't want to change or adhere to what's said.

James Barnes, TWITTER:
Agreed, but here's the thing: 'neurodivergent' is equally a construct & subjective in exactly the same way
I have much sympathy for the aims of the ND movement, but the only real way out of psychiatry's epistemic stranglehold is to *de*-construct and take experiences as they are 

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
When we are conditioned into anxiety, we DON'T snap out of it just because we intellectually "know" there's no threat present.
Anxiety isn't about what we "know." It's about what our overheated nervous system is screaming in our f*ckin' FACE 24/7.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist, TWITTER:
What doesn’t kill you can:
•dysregulate your nervous system
•trap itself in your body
•steal your sense of self
•make you wish it did
I don’t know what “makes you stronger” means but
let’s stop glorifying trauma as a life-lesson we’ve been blessed with.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
An abuser will tell you talking to your friends/ family about your relationship problems is gossiping bc they don’t want you to realize you’re being abused….

Josh…, TWITTER:
If you don't fit in, you're probably doing the right thing.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist, TWITTER:
NO amount of challenging your thoughts will help you when you’re in a dysregulated state.
We can’t work from the cortex down while our rational brain is OFF-line.
Ground yourself first. Breathe, Tap, Shake, Ice-Bath yourself to safety, + then use your frontals for help.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
a narcissist takes pleasure in making you feel small

Josh…, TWITTER:
Please don't spend the rest of your days punishing yourself just because someone who couldn't see your value made you doubt your worth.

If you're one to be easy hurt, you have some toxic shame going on inside.
🟥markhutten

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Your nervous system will naturally feel calm in the presence of people with pure intentions, positive energy, and authentic vibes... Trust it..

Paul B. Williams LCSW-C, LICSW, TWITTER:
Your light is going to irritate a lot of unhealthy and unhealed people.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
You are good enough. Actually you're probably overqualified but let's start off humble..

my tweet:
Look at your ideas:
"Fix" "Start" "Find" "Go"
Any effort to reduce the anxiety leads to more anxiety. The basic message to your brain is:
1) I am faulty, I am causing problems
2) I must make anxiety my master and appease it.
I'd rather check Seesaw effect and really see the cause
Seesaw effect -
our emotions must stem from somewhere. We did not invent Charcot hysteria for our pastime.
Seesaw effect tells us that this negative thinking is coming from somewhere, from someone. If we ignore it, we may end up with Amber abusing us, at the court and then broke without movie career nor money.
Ignoring negativity is like a frog getting boiled.

Defend Survivors, TWITTER:
It’s a privilege not a burden to support a survivor.

Again and again I find that my own inner counselor, my secret dreaming self, is not only wise and helpful but usually amusing as well.
Sheldon B. Kopp

An unacknowledged trauma is like a wound that never heals over and may start to bleed again at any time.
Alice Miller

Accepting that your imperfections and so-called negative attributes are part of what makes you unique will help you to stop continually trying to be someone or something that you are not.
Beverly Engel

We must not allow other people's limited perceptions to define us.
Virginia Satir

You'll never be loved, if you can't risk being disliked.
Manuel J. Smith

People might prefer the feeling state of self-criticism and self-blame over the feeling state of being out of control.
Kelly McGonigal

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
People whose nervous system ISN'T dysregulated by trauma, have almost no meaningful point of reference for how it feels to be walking around WITH a nervous system dysregulated by trauma.
It's like trying to function while being RIGHT on the verge of throwing up-- EVERY minute.

Defend Survivors, TWITTER:
Is this 1923 or 2023? Everyone my age should be outraged that this is where we are now and fight like hell to change it before we leave.
#notthewayitmustremain

Stevie., TWITTER:
Your nervous system will naturally feel a certain calm around people with pure intentions and authentic energy..

Josh…, TWITTER:
You can't reason with people who purposely disregard your feelings.

Narcissistic Abuse Awareness, TWITTER:
Narcissists must remain in control because it helps them get narcissistic supply, feel emotionally stable, and prevents themselves from experiencing narcissistic injuries.

Skulls in the Stars, MASTODON:
“Elon must be destroying the site on purpose he can’t be that stupid!” Last week a billionaire imploded, literally, because he thought he could outsmart the laws of physics. Never being told “no” makes a person stupid.

(2.7.2023)

Easy distinction from narcissists who mimic social anxiety and truly socially anxious person is in anger. Socially anxious people have no anger and they are not allowed to be angry - whereas even covert narcissists will have anger.

We are the only ones who know what is the best. Our brain will make rational and best decision(s) IF it has all information. With trauma - we are not capable of providing our brain all informaiton needed - because there is a programming which prevents us to see and perceive everything. With social anxiety this means there is fear of being hated by others - and this learned fear stopped development in teen years. There is a part of our personality which never became fully developed - and it is because the part which was suppose to develop was in state of trauma, it is traumatized. And our brain will make poor decisions in life due to this lack of information.
When we are totally honest, when we put everything on the table - our brain will naturally sort and analyze situation and make best possible decision taking all things into consideration. With trauma the decision will be skewed - and this is not our choice to block information. We are doing it because of learned fear, conditioned belief which started with trauma.
That is why narcissists attack freedom of speech. They block and shame anything and anyone who is honest. The truth becomes painful and hurtful - since it exposed parts of trauma where the dam was created and where is accumulated mucus of actions, words, opinions that got stuck and there is no free flow. Instead - there is overcompensation when this blockage occurs and the brain will try to sort information through defense mechanisms.
The brain requires data, specific data to operate. With trauma this particular specific data is omitted. The brain will not found similar data much helpful - since it requires the correct and specific information. And that part makes if Occam Razor - simple. The complex part is understanding what is happening and why it is happening in the first place. CBT is giving wrong direction - socially anxious people will seek information how to deal difficult people and CBT leads them on - believing that CBT has answers. Therapy is not suppose to give us such answers - since this is now manipulation. Our brain needs tools and the answers will naturally come from our brain - not from instuction by others - which is nothing but control actually. No one has answers how to handle difficult people nor difficult situation since there are too much variables. There are workarounds and what might be the best take - but reality does not work on rigid rules.

The power of labels is in its brainwashing. We can read CBT "information" about social anxiety - and then even though we are laid back and get triggered only due to narcissistic abuse - well CBT will instruct us to believe we are always hallucinationg the abuse and that our brain is producing abuse - and then we will end up being stuck in a belief that we are not laid back at all. This will produce self prophecy effect where when faced with difficult people - instead of seeing it as trigger and product of someone who is gaslighting reality just to keep their fake mask on, we will see it instead as personal flaw, contamination and something that is wrong with our brain. And after this, we'll get stuck in hamster wheel worry about our thoughts and reactions and how to prevent them - due to this CBT belief instruction that our brain is abnormal due to paranoia and delusions.

External Factor.
What I see over and over again in many resources about psychology and issues regarding mental health such as self esteem and trauma and anxiety and fears and panic etc - is that outside ambient is often neglected as a cause and crucial factor. This is the result of CBT ideology which tries to brainwash us with fantastic idea that we are dissociated from other people and that other people cannot influence us how we feel. CBT is mis-construing the concept of External referencing and present it in black and white thinking as cognitive distortion, as CBT is filled with cognitive distortions. In reality - other people can influence us - through coercive control and pathological lying. We base our decisions in life on available facts. If we are distrustful in others and question anybody and their intentions and actions which they do - we will develop attachment disorders, we will isolate ourselves and we won't be able to build meaningful healthy contact with other people - and this will reflect on our mental state, too in negative way. On the other hand - if we never question others and if we self censor our alarms and unknown areas about other person's intentions and actions - we will become pushovers since other people will easily exploit us, consciously or unconsciously - people will tend to cross boundaries and common sense to satisfy their own needs, especially if they do not have strong ethical and moral standards inside themselves.
When we trust others too much - we will never question that they may have done wrong job - intentionally or unintentionally - and we will end up suffering the consquences of their inaction or wrong actions, cheating, lying and stealing and corruption. We might never even think that we might be swindled - and then we will blame ourselves for things which others have done wrong to us, even as a prank or as domino effect that stems from some other time and place- which is not observable at first.
When we alarm and alert someone about something that does not fit to us, something that is off - their aggressive reaction which they will try to blame us and attack us as negative and abnormal - is projecting. Anyone who is clear and clean would not over-react to our remarks about something that needs more clarification and insight.
This happens more often and more common than it appears in society that does not discuss matters like that at all.
We are not taught in self help books to question other people and their intentions and their actions. Instead we are instructed to self blame and take on responsibility for other people and fix them through fixing ourselves first.
If someone is evil, if someone is cheating - if someone is doing unethical things behind our backs - this is their choice. There is nothing we can do to prevent it or take responsibility for their own evil choices. CBT is explaining that it is our fault - that our thoughts are creating their evil. That we can explain away someone's evil as neutral - and then get stuck in Karpman Drama Triangle as the result of this enabling.

I believe that in real life, daily life - there are clues and messages and nourishment in data - which we will usually miss due to panic and focus on imaginary and invented problems by narcissists and toxic people who impose their drama into focus. What we like, where we need to go, what we need for mental nourishment - it is all around us - however due to alcoholic abuse ambient in childhood - our receptors and ability to absorb these fruits and data are not developed inside us. Instead - we were trained like a circus animal to serve and fix toxic people and their invented imaginary drama which they use to get narcissistic supply.

Regarding rejection sensitivity and fear of criticism and sensitivity to someone's nagging and complaining -
a consciencious person, someone with high moral and ethical standards who is devoted to safety - in authority position - will appear rude, toxic and narcissistic to us, someone traumatized and exposed to alcoholic abuse. The communication about limitations and safety will appear as narcissistic and alcoholic abuse. With trauma - we won't be able to discern that there is no danger here in such situation.
We need to evaluate someone's criticism - even though it appears as an attack and danger - they are caring for us and our safety.
With trauma and anxiety and panic - amygdala hijacking - this is the case where our logic needs to help us regulate and see reality what is going on. It is in our interest to follow ethical and moral standards - we are on the same side, they are not our enemy even though our nervous system is signalling us the danger.
With alcoholic abuse - our protection mechanism was not solid as titanium and now it easily cracks at any sign of pressure.

Also,
what I noticed is that healthy people use avoidance and social anxiety in small amounts and solidly  - they are carefull. From outside it appears as if non-anxious people are careless and carefree and risk takers. They are not. They are actually using avoidance in correct amount. We are being told by CBT and DSM that avoidance is abnormal and must be destroyed.

Narcissistic abuse.
The crucial information with anyone who is intolerant to hearing no and explaining anything - this person is creating domino effect. They make small things which appear neutral - however in long term they are toxic.

Red flags, warning, signals.
I noticed that if I move around with cell phone that has low battery - that I tend to forget to charge it once I move away, I forget to put it on charge. I do notice and remember it once I see the status bar - and this reminds me that I need to put phone to charge. In the same way - I believe without this status bar - we do not get enough information or data about what needs to be done right now. In panic, with fears, with avoidance, with triggers, with trauma - we will tend to forget what is needed, due to amygdala hijacking - our focus will be on panic, fear, trauma, abuse. This way our attention will be hijacked and we won't be able to take care of what is needed to be taken care of. I can easily be then distracted and fawn to covert abusers and borderliners who complain all the time, who alarm all the time, who constantly make drama out of nothing and present it as end of the world. That is outer factor, external factor - making us hypnotized and entrained to serve toxic people.
On the other hand - the inner factor would be self censorship - where my own silence does not provide me enough information and data to get enough reasons to make better decision. This is intertwined with outer factor: toxic people who yell, scream and reject any criticism or questions - which trigger their narcissistic wounds.
Then someone's criticism could be seen as data. With social anxiety we will tend to see criticism as rejection and source of triggers - where now with processing stimuli data and gathering information - we might catalogue criticism - as fair and functional and contribution - or someone's attempt to shut us up from questioning and making observations. With trauma we will tend to see all criticism as an automatic attack - without making distinction.
From social anxiety perspective - this processing stimuli is not important at all. From trauma and anxiety - the only thing that matter is being safe and removing any kind of hurt and pain source. The problem with this is inability to gather enough data. Without sufficient data - we will tend to isolate and make bad decisions which are not functional. The crucial factor is toxic shame which makes any kind of rejection and criticism be seen as permanent and all consuming - and when in contact with someone toxic it seems as the whole world is toxic and that there is no other way. And this inability to be pro-active, to make goals and action and to be innovative - is the result of lack of information, lack of data.
With social anxiety we are trapped inside hypnosis, with specific commands imprinted in childhood due to exposure to Alcoholic abuse and dysfunction - where we have learned specific commands and orders which we are not aware of that they guide us as a perception - we go on auto-pilot based on this unhealthy dysfunctional beliefs which are used to make decisions in life.
Processing information, gathering data - is crucial for social anxiety, panic, trauma. It may seem as if solution for anxiety might be in some kind of mind programming, that we are open, that we acknowledge that there is more to truth than it appears, in innovation in ideas and being active and not harboring rancour through not complaining - however it all comes down to being able to feel and process stimuli information. Without this we simply do not have enough data. It is not helpful to be healthy by taking vitamins - we also need to absorb these vitamins, too. Being surrounded by healthy information is half of the deal. With trauma triggers - we will automatically shut down and stop receiving data.
The trauma is accompanied with toxic shame which blocks incoming data and ability to process stimuli information. Toxic shame will make us without compassion for self. There will be self loathing instead - when we hate ourselves we don't nurture ourselves. There is also tyranny of should, locus of control on threat, no initiative, inability to know what I like, inability to refuse and say no - these are all on auto-pilot and these all block ability to process data.
CBT creates damage here because it does not explain this process stimuli information. Instead it tells us to be assertive - which only contributed to external referencing and being exposed to coercive control. CBT will also explain that we de-sensitize - which leads to enabling of the abuse. CBT will give advice to expose - which only leads to re-traumatization. This advice comes from an advantage and privilege. CBT does not recognize socio-economic issues nor unfavorable power dynamics nor oppression.
Healing technique of pendulation means that we give ourselves the correct information and data when we are inside panic and fear and confusion. Once again - information and data are crucial.
Trauma stems from exposure to alcoholic abuse and dysfunction - and then we will easily notice negative and toxic people and their drama, we will try to fix them, and end up being hooked in fixing them and their drama all the time.
Trauma will appear as tense body, triggers which won't appear as triggers, there will be sense of dread and catastrophe, triggers will lead to amygdala hijacking - when we grow up in dysfunction we will be trained to feel panic and to hide it and feel ashamed of it, and to serve other people in the same time. With Mathew Effect this will lead to povery and lack of opportunity, manipulation and being exploited by others - it will be self closed circle. The circle will keep us stuck in feeling worthless which we might overcompensate and mask by being perfect and shutting up. It is not our job to fix other people and it will appear as it is.
The way out of this circle is allowing other people to hate us - which is healing dysfunction and education about processing information and data - to be open to feelings, emotions and what is going on. Without this awareness, we will be stuck in social anxiety fawning where we will try to mask and make shame, fear to be functional and hidden and over-compensated.

In the end - the goal of mental health is that we can lean on our brain, thinking, making decision without self hatred when we make mistakes. It is not healthy to depend on other people to explain us what is definition of any event or action that is going on.
Other people reveal counter information - sometimes this data is false, sometimes it is true - in any case it is up to us to sort it out. Without correct information we will make mistakes and do wrong things in life.

Therefore, CBT advice to expose will not work for social anxiety because exposure will not lead to absorbing data. It will only accumulate stimuli which without proper shield will be painful and hurtful and potentialy dangerous - since we will fawn to dark triad predators.

CowardlyLynel, MASTODON:
Emotions are hard because as we age they’re conflated with other emotions, hits, triggers, information. Our brain is constantly lighting and relighting neurons and, when we come back to them, they’re new with what we bring them. This is hard in stressful situations. Can make a good feeling or memory feel ruined. Can make one afraid of oneself with one’s associations, which happen contextually (we are not always in control of our context)… 1/2
2/2.. But they’re not ruined , they’re just new. New info and data as we grow and our situation changes. Don’t stop. Purity is false. Don’t cling to backwards. The only way out is through. You’re moving forward. Growing and gaining perspective is essential. Providing reference greater than the self that had been. You will never stop, as long as you are you.

Picard Tips, MASTODON:
Picard management tip: Try to understand more than half of the technobabble. Ask for metaphors to explain the rest.

Picard Tips, MASTODON:
Picard management tip: Your superiors are just as fallible as you are. It's okay to talk back to them. Just do it respectfully.

12 Manipulation Tactics that Narcissists use:
- Gaslighting
- Baiting
- Triangulation
- Hoovering
- Flying monkeys
- Scapegoating
- Narcissistic rage
- Stonewalling
- Discarding
- Future faking
- Breadcrumbing

If we could somehow end child abuse and neglect, the 800 pages of DSM (and the need for the easier explanations such as DSM-IV Made Easy: The Clinician's Guide to Diagnosis) would be shrunk to a pamphlet in two generations.
John Briere

Human Kind — Be Both 👍🏻🙈🙉🙊🇺🇸📷, MASTODON:
Maybe your final stage of healing is telling people to f* off.

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
Victims of sexual & physical violence turn to the hospital based system when in crisis.   When they get there.... Quickly diagnosed Bipolar & told they require drugs for life. The drugs create more disability and misdiagnosis. For some a lifetime of impairment.   Follow

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
Medical freedom is a defining issue of our time.
You can’t consent unless you are informed.
You have the right to refuse medical interventions.
Question everything.

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
Healthy libido is an indication of health. I’m fearful we are normalizing this without critical evaluation and not considering the factors influencing this.
Creating an identity around a lack of sexual desire as if it’s a oppressed group is concerning and a bit confusing.
Explain

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
DSM Psychiatric diagnoses and drug treatments can become the equivalent of throwing spaghetti at the wall and seeing what sticks. A Radically Genuine conversation with award winning author Sarah Fay

You teach best what you most need to learn.
— Richard Bach

Half the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important. They don’t mean to do harm; but the harm does not interest them. Or they do not see it, or they justify it because they are absorbed in the endless struggle to think well of themselves.
T.S. Eliot

 Picard Tips, MASTODON:
Picard management tip: Withhold advice on matters you do not understand.

"That is the truest sign of insanity—insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy."
Nora Ephron
(05/19/1941 – 06/26/2012)
US writer

(15.7.2023)

 Social anxiety is intrinsically connected to fear of authority - which is actually trauma. It stems from exposure to alcoholic abuse in childhood. With social anxiety there will be fawning and inability to reveal information which may be received as negative by the other person. This will happen unconsciously - it will be on auto-pilot and there will be no awareness that I am allowed to speak up and express my opinion. This is where fear of other people's hatred is mixed in, as well.

Almost every time social anxiety is perceived and seen as nuisance and something to get rid off. However this is not the case. Social anxiety is a sign we are aware of something toxic and that for whatever reason- we cannot escape it. We falsely believe that social anxiety, fears, panic - are all disgusting and sickness, something abnormal - that we must be ashamed of having and that somehow without these emotions - we will become clean, happy, strong. Nope- This belief is wrong. The very reason we feel panic and anxiety and uncomfortable feelings is due to the fact that at this moment we are already at that very moment clean, happy and strong HOWEVER due to external variables which are totally outside of our control or influence - we cannot align ourselves into better place. The very fact we experience panic and fear - is because we are aware of the danger we are surrounded with and inability to have better ideal surroundings. Yet this perspective does not get through us - we see it on the flip side: that we are wrong and that surrounding is either neutral or strong and good and it is up to us to adjust to the system which appears superior and better. It is not. Unless we are serial killers and total scum and criminally insane evil person - there is nothing wrong with us. Feelings of anxiety and panic are not our identity - even though they appear so. Due to society and abuse and brainwashing - we are made believe that if we feel panic and anxiety that this means we are abnormal weak and incompetent. Yet in reality - these feelings prove otherwise - they are proof we are clean and we are immersed in black dark place which is broken, sick and abnormal - and we are acutely aware of the darkness and abnormality around us. This include people too.
Due to trauma we are imprinted with belief that feeling uncomfortable feelings and emotions is personal fault, personality disorder and that we are unworthy as person for having those emotions and incompetent - and that we must do something, some kind of compulsions and fawning to get clean, better and recognized by toxic people as approved.

CBT is condescending and patronizing therapy filled with hyper-cognition, quick labels without real science behind the given stigma to anything that is different from the given norm. Advice to be strong and confident as solution to social anxiety is really asking for parts of ourselves to be suppressed and taken away, as our child parts - and this will create plethora of psychological issues later on - since we won't have complete power in making decisions nor seeing reality as it really is. We will see things people and events through the prism of hypervigilance and then we will end up being in constant survival mode - trying to protect happiness, perfections and dogma, idealizations and a fantasy.

Lack of compassion.
When we talk about social anxiety - there is no compassion neither from CBT nor from ourselves neither from other people who talk about anxieties nor from society. The person with PTSD and or anxiety is simply told to pull themselves up and be strong, not weak. In the same time, we have seen in media that wealthy predators and socially well standing rapists, and other sexual predators - when they are caught, their psychological state is put out in media explained away as depression - and no one tell them to pull themselves up and not to be weak. There is more compassion toward entitled white influential people in power than for average socially anxious person. Society is toxic.
Or another example - imagine if there is a married couple at therapy. And one of the couples have badly disfigured face due to some incident such as explosion or something like that. And the therapist is there to solve their marital issues and starts to talk about psychological concepts - when all of the sudden the wounded person starts to drool - due to its wounds. How insignificant will psychiatry evaluation be to such person! None, there will be no significance. It won't matter. There is a wound, there is drooling which is unpleasant to see, there is drool coming dripping all over the couch and carpet, someone will need to clean that up, perhaps the drool is mixed with flesh wound and blood - none of psychological concepts will matter - there is a wound that has much more pressing issue to resolve. That is analogy for trauma. With social anxiety there is trauma - however the wound is not visible. There is no visible large wound that covers half of face, there is no drooling that makes you feel disgust - so other people without compassion nor without listening and understanding skills will explain to such wounded person that he or she must develop listening social understanding skills. Just because the wound is not visible - neither visually nor by listening to person what he or she is saying and showing through actions and through non verbal actions.

I would like to stay with this analogy of badly wounded face. What I learned online is that many so called marital spouses will actually leave their partner (usually males) - when their wife gets seriously sick. They cannot get no longer narcissistic supply from such wounded wife - so they simply discard her. The relationship functions fine when there is taking and service - however when sickness strikes, narcissists will flee, since they are actually small spoiled brats hidden inside adult body, masked with screaming and violence - to act up and appear as confident and then toxic society will approve such hysterical and violent person as competent, as a norm.
When we have anxiety issues - when we try to cover it up - we are doing narcissistic discard. We are predators ourselves. When we see anxiety as weakness - we are narcissistically abusing our own mind. We want to flee and abandon ourselves or make ourselves functional on force, by forbidding the uncomfortable emotions to talk about or ponder about them. The same applies to other people who attack us when we are honest and when we share issues and opinions and our perspective which is painful and unpleasant to talk and discuss about.

I believe that being aware of ACoA dysfunction and the fact that our fear of other people's hatred is manipulating and controlling us when we run on auto-pilot - is healed by education about it. The very fact that we become aware of auto-pilot hypnotic orders and programmed commands - can help us to snap out of it, snap back to reality - and this means coming back to our own powers. As adults we do have certain powers which a child does not have. A child depends on others to feel good and a child will believe that it is responsible if someone is sad or angry or experiences and kind of mood swings. As adults we really can separate these automatic childish beliefs - which we carry on as adults if we are not aware of them, that these exists in the first place.
Then when we are aware - our ACoA can go into flip side, as defined on ACoA web site. The opposite.
We cannot do the opposite when we are not aware that meta default setting exists in the first place. When we do not have ownership of our own mind and definitions - other people will define those for ourselves and hence control and manipulate us through Emotional Appeal and brainwashing and gaslighting us into censorship and silence and obeying.

For every statement, due to dualism, there is counter statement - which is valid as much as the first one. This dualism is being exploited by manipulative and controlling predators, psychopaths and narcissists - who try to gain sense of power through putting other people down, other people's beliefs and opinions. When we grow up in dysfunction - we are primed to believe that when someone is angry - that automatically this makes this person true, powerful and competent. Just for being hysterical. Then the arguments which they use to prove their point - is nothing but dualism, but we do not see it as dualism. we see it as absolute truth which we must obey and be silent and suffer the punishment for going against this imposed belief by predators. We are totally unaware of dualism, that this person may be totally wrong, we are afraid to voice out our side of story and view - since we are afraid of their hatred towards us - as we were programmed to react like that in childhood -- through self censorship and through fawning. We do not even give ourselves to trust our own opinion since we are totally out of awareness that dualism exists and that there is always totally valid counter-argument.
With empathy and being healthy and sane - we will notice wrong arguments, false arguments, delusional arguments which narcissists and psychopaths spread around all the time - but we will only be aware of the wrongness on intuitive level, without any arguments at hand when we challenge them. Then when we naturally act and naturally speak our opinions - narcissists and predators will attack us, they will put us down and ashame us - and we will develop panic and social anxiety in the response to the attack.
We won't know what and why it is happening in the first place. Our belief - due to ACoA exposure - will be self blame and self pathology, we will also believe that it is our duty to fix someone's anger and mood swings, and that we caused it by our words and opinions and that we must hence shut up and self censor and isolate ourselves - so that we do not harm or hurt or cause so much pain in others who are obviously very angry at our words. In reality - they are hurt only because of narcissistic injury and narcissistic collapse - not because we are stupid or weird or abnormal as they will label us and stigmatize us. They will use Emotional appeal to make us shut up - such as that we are over-sensitive or weak or sissy or not masculine enough because we think in certain way. Our only weapon is understanding what is happening - and that is their manipulation and their control and their desire to be powerful and grandiose, and that they expect from other people to praise them and mirror back their superiority and grandiosity. They do not expect the truth and being honest nor being authentic or emotionally available. These things are prohibited in contact with psychopaths and any kind of predators.
Due to exposure to ACoA - we won't know what is happening really - we will tend to be stuck in self blame and self pathologizing, we will be convinced that it is our job to make other people happy and pleasant all the time without worries and without troubling them. We will end up being convinced that our thoughts, opinions, words and actions are harming others - and then we will end up with social anxiety and immobility - being insecure in who we are and being trapped in codependency of trying to make other people happy and calm and never rock the boat. This means never offering honest feedback, never telling the truth, never be honest, never criticize or alarm what is going wrong. The predator will simply yell, scream, throw temper tantrums, accuse us of being monster and aggressive or arrogant - and we will shut up and isolate ourselves - with destroyed self worth - and we will try to build our self worth by seeking approval and validation from such predators - and this only means doing what we think they would like us to do or speak about. That is social anxiety - being trapped in codependent toxic contact with predators and psychopaths of all sorts who brainwash us into self censorship and immobility.
And when we seek help from CBT - CBT will join into hysteria and narcissistic abuse and tell us that our fawning and silence and avoidance is the only problem - and that these are causing problems (not actual toxic people) and that it is our brain that is in disorder since it is producing cognitive distortions - and that to heal - we must fawn to other people, forgive them, become codependent on them by trying to find middle ground with predators who are pathological liars and who never want neither peace nor any kind of resolution nor any kind of fair play at all. Because narcissists see themselves grand and superior - as a way to regulate themselves - they discard others all the time. This cannot be fair play here, never. We cannot reason with unreasonable monsters.

I want to explain more how Social anxiety, Rejection sensitivity dysphoria, Complex Trauma and ACoA Dysfunction all mix up in a congruent sensation - which appear as one to us when we experience it. It will always show us as panic and or emotional dysregulation. It would be wrong to diagnose our panic when we feel it as social anxiety. The panic is product of ACoA imprint from childhood - which hooked us up that our brain is hyper-vigilant and intolerant to toxicity. When the brain is noticing and picking up toxicity on a detail basis - that is neurodivergent brain - and this is not sickness nor abnormality - our brain simply works in more detail in noticing stimuli than most of people who had a more pleasant and less hysterical childhood. When we experience panic - it is our education that can calm us down - since in ACoA we were programmed to explain panic as personal defect, immediate danger and focus on toxic people to fix their problems - so that they do not cause any more panic through their temper tantrums - which we now observe and focus on in great detail. Without information about this - we will self blame ourselves and self pathologize for feeling panic - as if this is a sign we are weak, abnormal and that other people are not like that and that our life is ruined - since this panic resurfaces with triggers.
PTSD was called Fatigue in WW2. This term is explaining it better than disorder. Disorder is self-fulfilling stigma. If we see the panic as fatigue - it can give us more space and energy to do something about it. When we are trapped and when we cannot leave and find another interest and another focus - our next choice is the opposite- flip side.
It means enjoying the life no matter what, no matter the panic. When we are programmed with worry and hypervigilance - we are stuck in intrusive thoughts. We do not enjoy the life. Instead we are focused on drama and potentially wrong things which may occur if we make mistake and some error, and we are driven on auto-pilot to be afraid of other people's anger and their hatred. When we consciously flip the switch - we really do not need to care for someone's anger nor hatred - unless they have a weapon to harm us. With panic - we are unable to process the danger - we are automatically in safety mode. We do not make assessment - whether angry and hateful resentful predator is dangerous to us. In most cases - they are not - and in most cases we can do the opposite than learned defense strategies such as fawning and obeying and fixing other people's problems and being negative polite by not alarming them and facing them with their crimes and abhorrent behaviour towards us.
When in panic - we don't have the image of pleasantness - so we cannot construct Ventral Vagal state. Without knowing what we really want and what is good and safe for us - other people will instead construct worries and fear and panic for us to abide in it.

I noticed that my panic happens when I need to warn and alert and alarm the potentially hysterical person about their mistake and error and correct them. Up until now I was only aware of the error criticizing towards me - but it works the other way round. This is a proof that there is no narcissism due to criticism. Narcissists are vulnerable and extremely sensitive to criticism, but they have no issues in criticizing others at all. To a third party and to narcissists - it will appear as if being a coward and having "no backbone" for not being able to confront someone. This is not fear of confrontation - it is specific request that someone made mistake and error and that they need to take some time to check it in the first place - and to resolve it. Difficult people do not do it - they do not admit mistakes and they are sensitive to criticism and they do not want  resolve anything and they do not want to admit that they are wrong nor vulnerable.

The panic of confrontation is greater when the mistake that the other person has done is obvious and easy to avoid - hence suggesting that the other person was lazy, careless to begin with. It would suggest that such person will not admit fault at all but become angry for warning them about their lousy error.

Defend Survivors
You didn’t make bad decisions and wrong choices - the perpetrator did.

Defend Survivors
Stop saying that forgiveness is for the survivor not the abuser. You don’t know that. Many abuser use faith/forgiveness to brutally abuse. It is for them, and they use it to harm.

Defend Survivors
Why do survivors of sexual and domestic abuse have PTSD and symptoms like those that have been in battle, terrorized, and tortured? Because they have been in a battle and terrorized and tortured. Understand the crime, understand the trauma.

Defend Survivors
If we really want to help survivors, we need to start with money. Money buys stability, health, independence, mobility, and safety. Money/financial security is the foundation.

Defend Survivors
Jul 8
Instead of trying to understand why survivors did what they did, we should be trying to understand what perpetrators did. If we understood the crime we would understand the trauma. What survivors were doing during the trauma was surviving the unimaginable.

Defend Survivors
Jul 5
What ‘help’ means to too many people is going out of their way to show a survivor what they ‘should’ do and then feeling like a martyr when they don’t. What ‘help’ should mean is listening, respecting, and supporting a survivor and their decisions.
#respectsurvivors

Defend Survivors, TWITTER:
Prevention education looks at what’s ‘wrong’ with the victim to prevent abuse from happening again instead of looking at what’s wrong with the perpetrator and holding them accountable.

Defend Survivors, TWITTER:
You can be kind, trusting, and loving and end up in a beautiful healthy relationship. You can be kind, trusting, and loving and end up in a very toxic abusive relationship. What’s the difference? A perpetrator.
#respectsurvivors #stopvictimblaming

Defend Survivors, TWITTER:
Survivors agonize over why they didn’t see the ‘signs’. But trained professionals don’t recognize the ‘signs’ and frequently support the perpetrator.

Defend Survivors, TWITTER:
Trauma informed means that you understand that whatever a survivor did was the rational, reasonable, intelligent, right thing to do given what they were facing in that moment.
#traumainformed

Defend Survivors, TWITTER:
We all ‘what if’ ourselves until we realize the truth that we did the ‘right’ thing given what we were facing at that moment at that time.

Defend Survivors, TWITTER:
Too often what ‘empowering survivors’ and ‘paths to healing’ has meant is helping survivors see the patterns in their life that lead to their abuse - which is victim blaming. A lot of people have made a lot of money victim blaming survivors. #respectsurvivors

Josh…, TWITTER:
Red Flags are no longer Red Flags for me, they are Dealbreakers.

Josh…, TWITTER:
Anything you lose by speaking your truth isn't a loss, it's an alignment.

Josh…, TWITTER:
Toxic people, and narcissistes, will act like you're hard to deal with because you aren't easy to fool.

Josh…, TWITTER:
Jul 2
All abusive, toxic and narcissistic relationships eventually end in heartbreak. I wish I known that when I thought I was fighting for love and happiness, but all I was actually doing was prolonging my own misery.

Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D. (Cis, He/Him), TWITTER:
I am always shocked that their right to lie is better protected than our right to tell the truth.

Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D. (Cis, He/Him), TWITTER:
Jul 17
If the boundary gets set because of your need to control then it’s not a boundary, it’s abuse.

Nate Postlethwait, TWITTER:
Jul 16
Trauma doesn’t make you stronger. It wreaks havoc on your nervous system. It punctures your digestive track. It keeps you stuck in a loop of hyper vigilance. To suggest someone is stronger because of it is to dismiss what they’ve had to do to survive.

Dr. Nicole Bedera, TWITTER:
Jul 11
There are therapists out there who think they saved a marriage when, in reality, they escalated the violence in an abusive relationship and convinced a victim to stay when they really, really needed to leave.

Jasmin Marsters, TWITTER:
Jul 11
Always trust your instincts 😁✨

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
A toxic person will bait you into a dead end argument until you’re emotionally exhausted.
👉 Don’t take their bait.
Think of it like a tennis match.
If you want out of the game, don’t hit the ball back.

Lucy Averton, TWITTER:
I think it’s because what’s at the heart of every narcissist is denial. This cycle of abuse diagram helped me understand what my ex was doing was a performance. Not a true relationship. They can’t love, but try to fake it in order to get their selfish needs met. Denial denial!

Ed Kwok✨, TWITTER:
They must 'win' at all costs
Arguing with them is like trying to wash a turd

Pierce The Alchemist, TWITTER:
Gaslighting is often followed up by "Word salad"
A disorienting tactic used by narcissists if you're not prepared for it.

Ryan 🖖 ♻️ 🌊, TWITTER:
Jul 21
#Narcissists are typically not truth seekers, they are manipulators of it. They see things the way they prefer to, usually to cater to their low emotional intelligence and lack of flexibility or agreeableness.
For them, “truth” is defined as whatever benefits them the most.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
Jul 5
👉 You cannot fix a narcissist.
In theory anyone can change, however those with personality disorders see no problem with their behavior bc it works for them.

Andrew Campbell, TWITTER:
Jul 5
“Safety” isn’t just physical, it’s emotional too.

Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D. (Cis, He/Him), TWITTER:
Jul 3
Sometimes I think we have a way of obscuring abuse by talking about trauma. I’m not recovering from trauma; I’m recovering from intentionally inflicted male violence.

Dr. Gabor Maté, TWITTER:
Oct 20, 2022
“The abnormal has become the norm; the unnatural has become the inescapable.” - from The Myth of Normal.

Daniel Maté, TWITTER:
Dec 13, 2022
I prefer the term "toxified masculinity", if we're going to go there at all. Toxified by what? Trauma + the gendered propaganda that reinforces it and induces us to outsource it onto women. It's less punchy as social justice jargon, but more compassionate, precise, actionable.

Dr. Gabor Maté, TWITTER:
Oct 7, 2022
We can't heal our toxic culture without acknowledging that trauma's toxic effects are not distributed equally. Some populations are dealing with legacies whose health impacts are unfathomable and impossible to overstate.

🌈#ThreadTherapist (she/her)🌈, TWITTER:
No. This isn’t a boundary it’s control and possibly an ultimatum. A boundary is “I won’t allow myself to be cheated on.” If I am then consequences will follow for my sanity & protection.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist, TWITTER:
𝘼𝙣𝙮𝙤𝙣𝙚:
“You’re so needy”
𝙔𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙏𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙖𝙥𝙞𝙨𝙩:
“Your basic needs weren’t met as a child so it makes sense you’d feel like your needs are too much”

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist, TWITTER:
Jul 18
Feelings are something you HAVE.
They aren’t WHO you are.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist, TWITTER:
Jul 16
Experiencing post-traumatic stress is NOT a weakness.
At its core nervous system is doing what it was created to do—protect you.
Your PTSD is proof you are ALIVE.
You’ve survived the unthinkable, and that’s pretty fierce.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist, TWITTER:
Jul 10
Just a reminder that controlling someone’s actions out of your own insecurities is control and NOT boundary-setting.
It’s so easy to use psycho-jargon to come off as evolved when really you’re using it to soothe your own wounding and narcissism.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist, TWITTER:
Jul 10
Let’s normalize sitting with someone in their darkest hour without imposing upon them to feel “good vibes only” as if that’s actually going to hold them in their current experience of grief.


Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist, TWITTER:
Jul 10
Depression is NOT a choice
so NO ONE in the history of
healing from depression has healed from being told
“Just choose happiness”
In fact, that kind of verbiage is shaming, and can fuel thoughts of worthlessness, guilt, failure-ship, and punishment.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist, TWITTER:
Jul 9
The cycle-breaker is often labeled the black-sheep of the family, as they no longer participate in the unhealthy family dynamic.
It’s NOT you. It’s uncomfortable for unhealthy people when YOU get healthy.
Keep breaking patterns, and leaning into your own worth.


Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist, TWITTER:
Jul 7
Trauma is  a betrayal. Our mind body brain dysregulates + becomes hypervigilant. Nothing seems safe.
Initially giving the possibility of healing the side-eye MAKES SENSE.
Part of healing is creating space, slowly + steadily, for the possibility of healing.
Embrace the doubt.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist, TWITTER:
Jul 7
ADHD is like, I’ll only answer you if you message me on the social media platform I happen to be using in that exact moment. Otherwise, your message is in the message grave-yard🤦🏻‍♀️

Andrew Campbell, TWITTER:
Ever since I heard the alternate dimension in the show Stranger Things termed “the upside-down”, I’ve used that to describe the alternate narrative many psychological abusers spin when accusing the victim in the relationship of being the person THEY actually are.

Andrew Campbell, TWITTER:
Jul 20
“Kindness” most certainly should never be mistaken for weakness. Some have been “softened” toward the burdens others carry after the difficult road they themselves have traversed. I’ve known some very kind people who have been to hell and back and are still here.

Andrew Campbell, TWITTER:
Jul 21
The needs/wants of the emotional abuser are always top priority, can’t wait, urgent, drop everything else, requiring immediate fulfillment. The wants/needs of the victim in the relationship can wait…days, months, years…or forever.

Andrew Campbell, TWITTER:
Jul 14
When you move toward “healthy” you will inevitably move away from relationships and people who remain entrenched in “unhealthy”.

Andrew Campbell, TWITTER:
Jul 12
Emotionally abusive partners may make up “relationship rules”, but they themselves are usually exempt.

Andrew Campbell, TWITTER:
Jul 12
Healthy relationships aren’t centered around control, but abusive relationships can’t survive without it.

Andrew Campbell, TWITTER:
Jul 6
Telling someone who is battling depression “just be happy” is like telling someone who is drowning in the middle of the ocean “just swim to the shore”.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Kindness is the highest form of intelligence.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
How you feel will always matter to the right people.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
You are under no obligation to respect anyone who feels entitled to strip you of your rights.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Jul 21
Maturity is learning to walk away from people and situations that threaten your peace of mind, self respect, values, morals or self worth.

Bullying Doesn’t Toughen You Up for the Real World
Leading brain researchers show bullying can have serious, negative consequences.
Note that the research does not offer any suggestion that the target gets stronger or tougher when experiencing this kind of stress and resulting emotion. Notably, rather than developing resilience and grit from this kind of suffering, the target develops serious mental and physical illnesses.
Palamarchuk, I., & Vaillancourt, T. (2021). "Mental Resilience and Coping With Stress: A Comprehensive, Multi-level Model of Cognitive Processing, Decision Making, and Behavior." Frontiers in Behavioral Neuroscience 15: 1-15.
Posted July 21, 2023
https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/the-bullied-brain/202307/bullying-doesnt-toughen-you-up-for-the-real-world

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Jul 21
Anything you lose by being honest, you never really had to begin with.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Jul 21
Hypervigilance is a very real, but often misunderstood, effect of an ongoing traumatic experience such as workplace bullying.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Jul 17
A person who doesn't defend you while someone else slanders you is not a friend.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Jul 17
Truth tellers, whistle-blowers, scapegoats and the real victims are always portrayed as 'crazy.'

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Jul 9
Keep vibing until you find a place where you are welcome, valued, respected and understood.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Jul 7
Changed behavior is the ONLY true apology.

Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
Jul 7
Anything you lose by being honest. You never had to begin with.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Sep 30, 2020
The best minds in mental health aren't the docs.
They're the trauma survivors who have had to figure out how to stay alive for years with virtually no help.
Wanna learn how to psychologically survive under unfathomable stress? Talk to abuse survivors.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Telling a person who has been subjected to decades of complex trauma conditioning to "take responsibility" for "choosing their thoughts" is both gaslighting and a pretty sh*tty thing to do.
Conditioning slaps limits on our "free will." It is designed to-- and it succeeds.


NeurdBeatingOdds, TWITTER:
“We’ve been CONDITIONED to assume that if we DON’T “take responsibility” for “our role” in (whatever), we’ll be derided or punished. … It feels scary because we don’t want to get punished;…”
Ooff…I hadn’t thought of this before…take responsibility “or else”😕
@DrDoyleSays

Lisa A. Romano, TWITTER:
Jul 21
In this vast journey of self-discovery, I've come to realize that awareness is the key to understanding ourselves and the world around us.

The method in which Carla is diagnosed by physicians, a method which relies heavily on her personal history, and in particular her relationship with her father and her sexual encounters with other men, reflects a largely Freudian psychodynamic method of diagnosis. This, combined with the fact that she is initially diagnosed by the team of doctors as having "hysteria," a disorder that has disappeared from mainstream American psychiatric diagnostics, makes this movie one of the last in which Freudian methods and conceptions (largely related to sex and childhood development) are shown to have a significant impact on the diagnosis of patients. With the rise of neurochemistry, neuroscience, and biological tests in the 1980s, 1990s and beyond, Freudian methods like those portrayed in the film would themselves become considered by many mainstream biological psychiatrists to be superstitious.
IMDB trivia The Entitiy (1982)

The key to understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder is that the entire formation of the personality is based around a false self. So they have a hyper idealized vision of themselves that protects them from the realities of the world. So basically all of these are a reflection of when reality creeps in, it defies the reality of the false self and causes the narcissist to wake up to the fact that they're living inside of a delusion. And this created mortification and can spiral the narcissist into complete crisis.
YT 7 Things That Frighten Narcissists To Their Core
RICHARD GRANNON

your_recovery_matters, TWITTER:
Childhood trauma doesn’t come back as a feeling it comes back as a reaction.

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
We can deconstruct the image of a person as broken, disordered, incapable, less than, sick, needing to be drugged, fragile, unwell, disabled or any other language undermining their value.
We can't if people are conditioned to believe this is WHO THEY ARE.

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
We are experiencing a crisis of identity and consciousness. We have a generation of young people attempting to define themselves through the lens of a psychiatric illness.
RESIST

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
When you realize your "mental health journey" has nothing to do with a DSM diagnosis and drugs...
Everything changes

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
Psychiatric diagnoses are "constructs", Labels of symptoms w/out known causes. The underlying condition impacting it is not a disease (unless there is a true medical illness- which would then eliminate the psychiatric diagnosis).  There are no biological tests for psychiatric illness. It's not a death sentence. The idea of "being on drugs for life" is completely fabricated & false. Attributing all your problems in life to this "illness" & believing the drug solves this is also a fabrication. One that will make the quality of your life worse. There is and never was any science to support drugs for life.  It is now the equivalent of a cultural myth that gets repeated over and over. We can change the narrative and will. It's only a matter of time. How many people will suffer before we change?

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
Jul 27
We’ve become so disconnected from ourselves that we have convinced ourselves that we need to go see a specialist to tell us the correct way to feel.
We require radical change

Dr. Roger McFillin, TWITTER:
Jul 19
Viewing yourself a mentally ill his harmful to your health, energy, well-being & purpose.
RESIST
When you view intrusive thoughts, aversive emotions, painful memories, uncomfortable sensations as gifts to serve your transformation...
Everything changes

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Lots of trauma survivors live in this, like, CONSTANT state of embarrassment, forever cringing inside & judging the sh*t out of ourselves-- for ANYTHING & EVERYHING.
I know. But pause the tape; breathe INTO the feeling; & be NICE to yourself in this moment.
Reconditioning.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Jul 28
We're not gonna "fawn" our way to true safety. If only, right?
But-- convincing our nervous system that the "safety" it THINKS it's guaranteeing w/ that "fawn" response is actually an illusion is a b*tch.
For real: "fawn" is ABSOLUTELY the hardest trauma response to shake.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Jul 26
It's SUPER common for survivors to be frustrated by our own emotional reactivity. I'm REGULARLY annoyed by how sensitive I am. My trauma (& my addiction) tries to use it as "evidence" that I "can't handle life."
We gotta meet that sh*t w/ patience & compassion. (Ugh, I KNOW.)

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Jul 26
When we've had angry, unpredictable people in our lives-- especially if those people were our caretakers growing up-- our nervous system can come to regard ANY "surprise" as potentially dangerous.
It's why we tense up even when we get a text or an email we weren't expecting.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Jul 24
It's NOT that fighting or fleeing (or even fawning, flopping, or f*cking, in certain contexts) is NEVER the thing to do in a dangerous situation-- it's that we wanna be able to CHOOSE what to do in a situation, NOT get forced into a reflexive trauma response.
Easy does it.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫, TWITTER:
Abuse survivors don’t want to be talked out of their feelings. They want to be heard, seen and understood. ❤️‍🩹

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist, TWITTER:
We don’t get sad + angry from “being picked last for a team,” b/c we are over-reacting.
It’s b/c the rejection that elicits  threatens our safety. It taps into the fundamental need to BELONG.
We need water to survive. We ALSO need encouraging + consistent relationships.

"Understanding does not cure evil, but it is a definite help, inasmuch as one can cope with a comprehensible darkness."
Carl Jung
Psyche and symbol

"The shoe that fits one  person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases. Each of us carries his own life-form — an indeterminable form which  cannot be superseded by any other."
C.G. Jung
Modern Man in Search of a Soul

To say what you feel is to dig your own grave
"Black Boys on Mopeds"
Song by Sinéad O'Connor

In order to properly heal we need to feel, and learn to integrate that shame that is at our core. We cannot personal-develop our way out of it. We cannot succeed our way out of it.
Until we realize it is not truth about who we are.
🟥Heidi Priebe

I would not want to make you unhappy by detailing pain, but there is a crucial sort of difference between pain and the narration of pain.
The Transmigration of Timothy Archer (1982)
Philip K. Dick

It is amazing that when someone else spouts the nonsense you yourself believe you can readily perceive it as nonsense.
PHILIP K. DICK

information enters us, is processed and is then projected outward once more, now in an altered form. We are not aware that we are doing this, that in fact this is all we are doing.
Valis (1978)
Philip K. Dick

Hitchens' Razor states: "That which can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence". Ie: if you have no evidence, your argument will be summarily dismissed by anyone interested in logical deduction. This eliminates your second hypothesis, as it is easily dismissed without evidence.

Alder's razor tells us "If something cannot be settled by experiment or observation, then it is not worthy of debate." This is because it just leads to pointless bickering as there is no logical way to resolve such a problem. The only solutions are faith based at that point, and your mileage will definitely vary. This razor eliminates your second hypothesis from debate because there is no value of learning that can come from it.

Russel's Teapot is a razor that tells us that if we assert there is a teapot too small to be observed orbiting between the Earth and Mars, we should not expect to be taken seriously because there is no way to ascertain proof. Your claim about multiple worlds/timelines is a Russel's Teapot.

Occam's razor tells us that the explanation with the fewest elements is most likely right. The more convoluted the explanation, the more elements are needed to explain it, and therefore the farther from reality it gets. Applying Occam's razor eliminates the possibility that your 2nd point is correct.

Hanlon's razor tells us that we should never assign malice to an event that could be readily explained by incompetence.

Ie: It's not that folks are deliberately trying to be ignorant of scientific principles to mislead people... It's much more likely that those people are simply unaware of these principles to begin with, which makes deductive reasoning seem like an impossible guessing game where evidence doesn't matter and bluster and conviction become more valuable.

Finally we have Sagan's Standard: extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.
https://www.reddit.com/r/MandelaEffect/comments/15dwxpx/an_explanation_of_the_mandela_effect/

"We are all in need of help and depend on one another. Human solidarity is the necessary condition for the unfolding of any one individual."
- Erich Fromm

Dr James Davies (PhD), TWITTER:
Jul 29
A good way to erase all inconvenient facts, harms & experiences is to diminish the voices that highlight them as 'ideological'. There's a long history of this trope being used to shut down necessary discussions that threaten the status quo. We see it everywhere in mental health.

“Those who do not weep, do not see.”
― Victor Hugo, Les Misérables

Dr James Davies (PhD), TWITTER:
Jul 27
We often discuss how psych-diagnosis 'opens the door to care'. But let's talk about how it regularly shuts it, via 'diagnostic overshadowing’: when physical complaints get wrongly attributed to 'mental illness', with examinations & treatments being consequently delayed or denied.

“They are playing a game. They are playing at not playing a game. If I show them I see they are, I shall break the rules and they will punish me. I must play their game, of not seeing I see the game”
― R.D. Laing

Dr James Davies (PhD),TWITTER:
Jul 21
The real problem is the systemic drivers of work distress (low wages, dull work, short-termism, ⬆️working hours, wage inequality etc) won't be solved by workplace mental health consultancies, that mostly encourage individualising & medicalising solutions.


Paul Minot, MD, TWITTER:
Jul 5
I've been practicing psychiatry for 38 years. I love my job, my peers, and my patients. But I've come to the conclusion that I'm participating in the biggest intellectual scam of this era. We claim to be a science, but have no understanding how thought or behavior is generated./1

Dr James Davies (PhD), TWITTER:
Jul 5
“[We] must consider the complex ways that the recognition, adoption, & acceptance of mental illness diagnoses can harm psychological well-being and self-esteem, especially for youth in a critical stage of identity development.”

Dr James Davies (PhD), TWITTER:
Jul 4
“The biggest shadow of self-diagnosis is using neuro-diversity to justify your toxic behaviours,” says self-diagnosed neurodivergent therapist, Priscilla Dean.

Dr James Davies (PhD), TWITTER:
Jul 2
Neoliberalism wants you to sacrifice everything - friends, family, wellbeing, health, love, life - to attain conspicuous individual success.

(31.7.2023)

I've checked out concepts like Taijin kyofusho, Hikikomori, NEET, Antropophobia - and I remember the early years when I did not know it was social anxiety. When I do not know what these panic emotions are - it is easy to make wrong kind of decisions to defend against the pain - making the anxiety worse. Suppressing anxiety for one - leads to more anxiety but this is not clear to the person who is panicked and without education in trauma. So it is like being in hamster wheel trying to run away - you end up being trapped and tired - without moving anywhere at all while you think you are moving all the time.
I see social anxiety as a trap - it is prison. It is easy to judge such anxiety from macho stance as being sissy and passive and feminine and abnormal, which only leads to more of toxic shame already present inside; and it is easy to judge such anxiety from CBT point of ableism as a mere phobia, something that is "cured" with exposure - which only leads to hamster wheel worry instead.
I would challenge in particular CBT classifications which are nothing but ableism and totally wrong. CBT says that social anxiety is fear of criticism. It is not. It is trauma of criticism, being exposed to explosion of criticism over long period of time.
And it is not fear - since - if we ever gather courage and actually start talking online - our social anxiety will go away with time. This kind of exposure will actually help - we will acquire "skill" which CBT is mentioning and actually fear of talking will dissipate.
Social anxiety boils down to fear of confrontation - but not any kind of confrontation. It is fear of giving criticism to someone who might be potentially dangerous - either physically or through domino effect backstabbing - where they have some kind of unfavorable power over us - where we are not even aware that they may harm us. Such as talking lies behind our backs: smear campaign - where people then reject and punish us and treat us like trash and fire us from jobs and projects, or relocate us to somewhere inhospitable etc, all based on lies.
So over internet - where there is no physical connection - and where there is even anonymity, if we don't give our private data - we can actually experience this core social anxiety being gone. And it is not easy. It will take trials and errors to stand up to people and speak out and express ourselves. I noticed that I have problems in situations where I need to talk back and speak the opposite opinion with someone who is in some kind of authority. I learned through trial and error to express my opinions without Ad Hominems, not to tolerate Ad Hominems from other people. In the beginning I took someone's mocking seriously - now I do not care. This "not caring" came from education about narcissistic abuse - where I learned on deep core level that people who cannot hear opposite opinions are actually narcissistic and mentally ill, egocentric. That opposite opinion sometimes means difference between life and death - such as speaking out that carbon fibre is not safe for deep depths.

Therefore, the very fact that there is a certain cocoon environment where we can actually test life without social anxiety: anonymous online conversation and confrontation of our trauma with other people - tells us that we can test and see what is happening and then actually copy-paste the discoveries into the real world. Where with continuous education about narcissistic abuse and complex trauma - we can learn to leave and abandon toxic ambient and toxic people - with time and as our finances and other unseen and unforeseen obstacles allow. Such as relocating from the whole country if necessary.
I believe that social anxiety comes down to expose to unfavorable power dynamics in childhood AND in exposure to unfavorable power dynamics as adults - since we would naturally feel safe around people if this toxicity is still not present. There simply would not be toxic people who mock us, who complain about insignificant details and who make us feel threatened and in danger when we are around them.

In repeated exposure to conflict along with education about Machiavellians we can actually learn some truths which are always hidden away from our awareness - such as that other person is not interested in well being at all. The other person may simply be mimicking concern in order to follow their secret agenda of exploitation. This is where we learn true meaning of fake narcissistic mask - where toxic people use techniques to fool and dupe other people: through mimicking, making dysfunction functional, through dualism, through dissociation, minimizing, hoovering, honey moon phases - these will all appear as if the other person is friendly and concerning and that they want connection and they will appear as emotionally available - while in reality they are not at all.

With education in narcissistic abuse we can expect that covert narcissists and masked narcissists will show their true face of psychopathy when we tell them no and when we talk truthfully and honestly, authentically - we will know that truth harms their hidden agenda and uncover their psychopathy - and this process of reveal is painful for them, since it shakes the weak structures of their fake ego which is already shattered and unfounded due to unresolved trauma and toxic shame inside them.

I believe due to trauma and exposure to ACoA we are unable to construct the persona and set of acts and mindset to handle difficult people and their manipulation and hysteria from which they try to control other people - by scaring everyone around into passivity and fawning. I also believe - we need to feel and see what is happening when we react to toxic people when we demand something from them and when we have a complaint and criticism about them and when we need their time and service or even an opinion - yet being afraid of taking their time for us. With trauma we are stuck in fawning and freezing, trauma responses - and CBT is falsely explaining this that we need to learn some kind of magical social skills. Nope. Skills are already inside us, we do not need to overcompensate nor waste energy in acting and pretending nor building a false persona and then waste energy in overlooking it. Skills are inside and it is called Ventral Vagal - being in psychological safety. When we learn how narcissists function and what methods they use - this is not skill per se. It is education about trauma - it is giving our brain enough data and information where we can, our brain can calculate when it is optimal to complain, when it is good to leave, when it is natural to ignore and when it is best to confront someone who is unreasonable. What I see in trauma is that panic is preventing us from realizing we are not abnormal nor infected nor tainted or cut off from other people in such way that panic tells us that we must freeze and fawn to others as a reaction to trauma and how to regulate it.

With CBT we are told that we must learn "skills" and be aware of how anxiety works in clinical manner - which can easily be described in two or three crucial concepts - in the end - nothing we can learn can help us. Instead of forcing ourselves to learn how to behave normally - we actually need to come into Ventral Vagal state of safety and then let our natural way - along with mistakes and flaws and learning from mistakes - guide us - instead of loading our brain with irrelevant flood of data which ironically cannot be applied to any real life situations. There's got to be basic trust in our self, in our mistakes, in our capacity to make decisions. Without it, we will fawn to others and become codependent and create more toxic shame - since we will believe that we must depend on other people to explain us how to manage life.

What I notice is that social anxiety - fear of criticism and negative evaluation is definitely connected not to aggressive person as medical clinical description of social anxiety implies - which CBT describes as hallucination - is actually fear of criticism that needs to come from us when we need to warn someone of their errors. And that is trauma, it is related to ACoA ACE. CBT does not describes this at all - and then we are being mislead into believing we are victims, that our fears stem from oppression and inferiority complex - where it is the opposite the case - it is fear of expressing criticism to someone who is in some kind of mistake and must be warned and it is expressing negative evaluation of someone - even as a response to someone criticism and their negative evaluation - fear of expression of our viewpoint. That is social anxiety.

ACoA dysfunction ACE ambient will force automatic intrusive thoughts such as imagining the reaction of someone judgmental - and this happens automatically, it is not even noticeable, it is on auto pilot that perceived judgement from someone critical and negative will judge negatively and find faults, errors and mistakes in any kind of action we might take. That is programming that stems from exposure to narcissistic abuse while growing up or over long period of time in adulthood. The same abuser will always instructs us that anything wrong that is done - it is our fault. So even this auto pilot intrusive worry and perceived criticism is automatically seen as self fault - and CBT joins into this hypervigilance and self abuse hysteria by explaining to us that we have abnormal disordered brain that is pumping out cognitive distortions which we must farm and notice and be afraid of, that we waste our focus and energy in picking the weeds of intrusive worries - which stem from exposure to narcissistic abuse. Removing any anxiety, stopping any intrusive worry thoughts - leads to more anxiety and more of intrusive worry thoughts (pink elephant, ironic processing theory, white bear problem).
When on auto-pilot our decisions will be made based on this programmed fear of someone's opinion and judgement - as it is social anxiety. Now that is surface level of social anxiety - something that we notice and see easily, on the surface like ice berg. What is beneath, what is unseen and away from our consciousness - is that we actually perceive this imaginary voice and judgement as the authority and we obey it and we shut up - we don't speak out other opinions, alternatives and different angles to the matter. Instead - we simply silently obey and usually do nothing, don't take risk and feel shame for thinking about doing something, shame about doing nothing, shame that is toxic and it spreads and it makes us trapped in limbo - where going and taking risk or action or speaking up brings pain and embarrassment while also not doing anything brings more of criticism from ourselves for being lazy and from others, for not being useful to them.
This process of internal critic needs to be dismantled. It is programming, it is operand conditioning from exposure to ACoA dysfunctional unfair and uncalled for abuse that we were exposed to, without our consent - and it did not make us strong nor powerful, it created this chasm, deep wound, it hindered any progress and brought misery and self doubt that never stops, living in hypervigilance and making poor choices in life, being immobile and passive.

We are being told that trauma happens when "we are abandoned". But what abandonment means. It is not literal abandonment. Abandonment is when we are not being wanted, when our opinion does not matter, when the significant other - anyone basically - does not acknowledge our remarks, but rather dismiss them, mocks them or attacks them. Narcissists cannot acknowledge others due to paranoid delusional world they live in. As children we have no idea what is narcissistic abuse nor how narcissistic mind works - so we will believe we are abnormal for not being acknowledged.
When therapists say to us that as adults we are capable to meet our own needs - it means that we have more options now than as children. However due to trauma that is unhealed - our mind will get locked into abuse and it will repeat the hopelessness, we will re-live this again and again when triggered, we won't be able to see that now as adults we do not need to repeat learned defense mechanisms that were the only ways how to cope and handle the abuse. It will be almost impossible to see that we do not depend on other people's approval and that we do not need to fix their emotions or help them solve their often imaginary issues which they overblown.

And I see this locked phenomena as trauma most devastating effect. It is rejection sensitivity dysphoria - where the reactions quickly escalates from zero to 100 in a matter of seconds and it is impossible to calm it down. With social anxiety trauma that is trigger, being triggered by rude people and their remarks, demands and unfair treatment.

Amygdala hijacking might be misrepresented as total blockage of the brain. It is not total. There is safety mode - and only basic operations will work. This means for example if our mobile phone needs charging and some trigger happens in between time when we put mobile phone to charge - we will forget it. So any non-emergency actions will most likely to be obliterated from our memory, that makes it hijacking and where cortex brain is offline. With domino effect - this forgetting of small things will accumulate and from something that is small and insignificant - it will become greater problem. In team settings- like job - we will appear as if we are dumb, or that we do not cooperate. This too, will be domino effect - since people will judge us based on our panic triggers after effects, since we won't be as much useful and helpful to the others as we would be without panic triggers.


                            ╱|、
                          (˚ˎ 。7  
                           |、˜〵          
                          じしˍ,)ノ



Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
No one woke up this morning & said, you know what, I think I need to go "no contact" w/ someone who has been in my life for decades & w/ whom I share countless important memories, for "no reason."
Save the guilt trip. No survivor goes "no contact" casually or thoughtlessly.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Whatever. They're gonna say what they say about your recovery. They're gonna sling their "shoulds" & shame.
Let 'em.
YOU'RE the one w/ the memories & feelings & nightmares & body memories. YOU'RE the one managing your recovery day by day. Miinute by minute.
Screw "them."

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Did you "overreact?" Eh, maybe-- but that's what a trigger is. We're reacting both to something here & now AND something not-here, not-now...& as far as our nervous system's concerned, it actually IS a proportional response.
No shame. We'll figure it out. It DOES track, somehow.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Trauma survivors can be absolutely BRUTAL w/ blaming ourselves for things we never got-- that we couldn't give ourselves.
We COULDN'T be our own parents. We COULDN'T teach ourselves how to human. Yet we hold ourselves responsible...for not knowing what we didn't know?
Ease up.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
"Forgiving" an abuser does not automatically reverse the harm trauma did to our nervous system.
But once "forgiveness" enters the conversation, many survivors feel they no longer have a right to express their pain or tell their story.
"Forgiveness" can be a trap.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Creating the "you" who is actively working your trauma recovery means moving past the "cult identity" that you developed growing up in a high control family or group-- & you need to know that the "cult identity" WILL fight for its survival.
That's part of the conditioning.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Aug 3
"You gotta feel it to heal it."
I assure you: trauma survivors' problem ISN'T that they're "not feeling" their feelings. If just "feeling" something "healed" trauma, every survivor reading this would be so f*ckin' healed by now.
It's just more complicated than that.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle, TWITTER:
Aug 2
When we grow up in high control environments-- which a LOT of complex trauma survivors did, whether or not the word "cult" was ever used-- we learn to feign or manufacture enthusiasm for the leaders' interests or priorities...or else.
Voila': the roots of the "fawn" response.

Dr. Jessica Taylor, TWITTER:
Women: You are being given the tools to label and pathologise yourself, to blame yourself, & then you are being convinced that it’s in your best interests to see yourself as ’having mental health issues’.
Spoiler alert: It’s in a lot of people’s interest, but not yours. Ever.

Dr. Jessica Taylor, TWITTER:
Aug 4
8. …And further evidence that just because something comes out of a university, that doesn’t make it correct, or ethical, or unbiased, or scientific.

Dr. Jessica Taylor, TWITTER:
Aug 4
You know why there’s a rocketing increase of mental health and psychiatric diagnoses in the west?
Because they want there to be.
It’s that simple. Stop looking for a cause within the humans, the real cause is right here: 💰💰💰💰💰💰💰

Dr. Jessica Taylor
@DrJessTaylor
Jul 27
A reminder that:
Your ‘attachment style’ is not your personality
It does not define all of your relationships forever
It does not doom you to abuse
It is not static, a blueprint or a solid framework
Attachment is dynamic, flexible and changeable - do not be duped!

Dr. Jessica Taylor
@DrJessTaylor
Jul 27
As with all other issues of madness, the most powerful thing about being framed or diagnosed as mentally ill, is that the more you protest, the more this is taken as ‘evidence’ that you are indeed mentally ill.
It’s a trap.

Dr. Jessica Taylor
@DrJessTaylor
Jul 23
Do not look for healing from those who abused you.
Do not look for validation from those who gaslit you.
Do not look for support from those who ignored you.
Do not look for the truth in those who manipulated you.
Do not look for comfort in those who enjoyed harming you.

Dr. Jessica Taylor
@DrJessTaylor
Jul 23
Do not look for closure in those who ripped you open.
You can healthily move on without them, if you are ready to accept that they will never change, you cannot fix them, and you are not responsible for their actions. Your healing and your processing will not come from them.

Dr. Jessica Taylor
@DrJessTaylor
Jul 23
It is okay to simply walk away, and refuse to give any more energy to a person, or a situation.

Dr. Jessica Taylor
@DrJessTaylor
Jul 20
Trauma responses are often repackaged as the ‘irrational’ behaviours, thoughts and feelings of a ‘mentally ill’ person, and yet, when we look honestly at whatever ‘symptom’ has brought a person to the doctor’s office, we can usually find a rational response to trauma…

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
Aug 4
Be careful what you tolerate, you are teaching people how to treat you.


Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
Aug 3
Avoiding certain people to protect your emotional and mental health is not a weakness, it's wisdom.


Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
Aug 2
Your beliefs don't make you a better person, your behavior does.

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
Aug 1
You cannot force someone to respect you, but you can refuse to be disrespected.

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
Jul 28
Let them be wrong about you. There's nothing to prove.

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
Jul 27
I appreciate effort. No matter how small, big, silly, or irrelevant it is, I appreciate effort.

Dr. Roger McFillin
@DrMcFillin
There is a lot out there in the mental health field that is presented as scientific. Attempting to articulate biological mechanisms & selling the idea of evidence based psychiatry. The messaging & rhetoric does not fit the science. Don't let them make shit up. Call them out.

Five themes of microaggression against people with mental illnesses
1. Invalidation
When other people dismiss their illness or symptoms through minimizing their experience, symptomizing their normal experiences, and patronizing
2. Assumption of inferiority
When other people assume that people with mental illness have lower intelligence, are incompetent, and that they do not have control
3. Fear of mental illness
When other people fear them because they believe that they may be dangerous or unpredictable
4. Shaming of mental illness
When other people tell them that they shouldn't let others know about their mentali llness
5. Second class citizen attitudes
When other people treat them as if they don't have the same rights as the dominant group of society.
Mental Health Forum, 2016

Picard Tips
@picardtips@botsin.space
Picard management tip: Be comfortable with approximations. Best guesses in advance are more useful than complete certainty after the fact.

Dr. Roger McFillin
@DrMcFillin
Aug 15
Listen closely to messages. You are vulnerable. You are disordered. Sick. Mentally ill. Less than. You need their product. Their drug. Here is your label- we can help you. This is you taking care of your health. Provoke fear. Get you hooked on their product. Customer for life.

Dr. Roger McFillin
@DrMcFillin
Aug 10
Imagine being abused at home, you live under constant threat, witness abuse, are nutritionally deprived, have a parent who is neglectful...you get the point.  And are diagnosed w/ oppositional defiant disorder.  Imagine the DSM committee approving that as a "disorder". Clown show

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
"Gaslighting isn't real, because no one can control your thoughts."
News flash: we are CONDITIONED & PROGRAMMED our whole LIVES to believe & feel things.
"Mind control" in the real world isn't psychic-- it's about the shaping of beliefs & attitudes we see happening EVERY DAY.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Aug 16
A game changer for me in trauma & addiction recovery was learning to think in day-by-day increments.
I have to manage TODAY. Not yesterday; not tomorrow. THIS 24 hours. It's all I HAVE to manage-- all I CAN manage.
How am I gonna mange THESE 24 hours? What nudges can I make?

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Aug 5
The irony is that lots of complex trauma survivors kind of acquire this reputation for being quiet or shy or chill-- when the truth is, inside our head & heart, it's...loud.
Very loud.
All the f*ckin' time.
Especially at night.

Narcissistic Abuse Awareness
@AwareOfTheNarc
Complex trauma is a response to a long-lasting, repeated trauma. Narcissistic abuse can cause Complex PTSD. Healing is possible with time. Some things that may be helpful while healing are therapy, EMDR, meditation, support systems, self care and patience.

Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D. (Cis, He/Him)
@AndrewCicchett1
Compliance is not consent.

Dr. Roger McFillin
@DrMcFillin
Aug 12
Our emotions are gifts and here to serve us... no matter how painful. Fascinating conversation w/
@DrJessTaylor
Have we developed a genuine fear of our emotions? Looking to numb, escape and avoid discomfort?

Dr. Jessica Taylor
@DrJessTaylor
Aug 8
The power of pathologisation is that people only have to merely suggest, insinuate, or imply you might be mentally ill or have an ‘undiagnosed PD’ and you can be coloured by those insinuations for decades. Forever.
Professionals should not be allowed to pathologise.

Chellee Taylor
@InHisgrip
People say they want truth, but in reality they usually just want to be comfortable.
Many accept lies because it makes them feel better about continuing to worship their idols instead of allowing room to question what lies in the shadows their false prophets are casting.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Aug 13
Too often ‘support’ means I’ll help ‘fix’ you.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Aug 12
Perpetrators don't abuse everyone - but they manipulate everyone. The reason the person you know doesn't sound like the person the survivor is describing is not because you know one side of the perpetrator and they know another - it's because the perpetrator is manipulating you.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Aug 10
If you’re promoting your org by saying you help victims stop the cycle of abuse and find the courage and strength to secure a stable future - you’re victim blaming. The problem is not the victim - it’s the perpetrator.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Aug 1
Survivors, you are not the problem. You are not causing anyone pain. You are not a burden. You should’ve been defended. You were worth whatever it would’ve taken to defend you so you never had to see the word ‘alleged’ again. You are needed. Your life means everything to us.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Aug 1
Living in reality is not ‘living in the past’. #respectsurvivors

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Jul 27
Abuse is not a ‘vampire bite’ that turns you into an abuser. Telling a survivor that they are now the ‘same’ as their abuser is cruel and not. true. Scaring them into ‘healing’ so they don’t become an ‘abuser’ is not helping - it’s more abuse.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Jul 26
People think that if they can just get perpetrators help to ‘heal’ they won’t abuse. But many perpetrators abuse because they want to and like it.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Jul 26
The same people that angrily say survivors need to heal their sh** and stop harming others, are probably harboring a grudge against someone for something they did to them in high school. People are very quick to judge survivors with a standard no one else holds themselves to.

(18.8.22023)

How other people cope with environmental factors such as emotional abuse without education in psychology? They don't. They take advantage of nice, kind, empathic people who shut up and won't cause trauma to them by speaking out the truth and forcing them to take responsibility and make things on their own. Instead traumatized person will use negative politeness and spare bad feelings by not speaking about what is issue and not telling the wounded person to take action which they are perfectly capable to take.

Many CBT "experts" and internet gurus and self help industry will claim that intrusive thoughts (worry and hypervigilance) are hallucination and that we are safe. That we are not in danger. However that is not true. With social anxiety - we feel intrusive thoughts issues as problem only when we are in social situations. When we are alone - we do not feel them. We have post mortem process - which is not the same as panic and spasm that we feel when we are around rude, toxic, obnoxious, loud, intrusive, selfish and egocentric people.
When we are alone - we make our peace - we listen to our favorite music, radio station, we read books, we investigate topics, we make our place to be cozy. So there is no worry nor hallucination when there are no toxic people around us who are aggressive and annoying all the time. Think of Saturdays versus Sunday - the day when we start to worry about tomorrow stress at work, or a day before returning to work after a long vacation. These are all clues that we are inside toxic ambient and that toxic people cause anxiety and intrusive thoughts - we are not generating those even though they happen inside our head. They happen inside our mind - because we process stimuli deeply and try to find solutions. That is not abnormality nor hallucination.
In fact many job posts require from us to worry and find detail and to be punished if we make crucial mistake and expect perfectionism from us - as if we are doing this job task for 30 years straight. CBT will not label corporations as toxic and intrusive and with cognitive distortions. Instead - it will blame us for reacting to toxic ambient which is actual sponsor for CBT, corrupt money making machine industry that tries to transform us into silent obedient slave for the toxic matrix.

I would put an invisible price tag on our ability to have "intrusive thoughts" and actually see them as our HSE protection system that handles black swan events. It is forged in overprotecting and neglectful ACoA ambient while growing up - which we did not choose, mixed with our persona of empathy and care for others. If we do not value these core values which make us civilized, other people will mock us because most people do not like to think, it makes them uncomfortable as Helen Keller once said.
If we do not put price tag on our ability to be leader and someone who cares a lot, other people will dismiss it and we won't believe in ourselves and we won't mine the gifts and precious minerals which we produce all the time with our ideas. When we start to value our ability to process deeply stimuli - we will give hands free to ideas to make life better and safer for all.
When we allow our neurodivergent brain to process stimuli data (versus worry in cycles) we will stop forgetting small important details - which we would otherwise forget - since we would try to force our focus onto not worrying.
Once our neurodivergent brain is recognized as neurodivergent - it will start to behave in different manner - if won't be defensive anymore and it will paradoxically stop to worry - when we allow it to worry and have intrusive worries - and actually now start to listen to it, what abstract thinking is trying to tell our logic.

Hypnosis. Watching the Hip hypnotist - I learned that under hypnosis one can directly talk to unconsciousness, without interference of our judgements and criticism. Also, it is short term belief that is really deep and hence influential. That explains why CBT claims that social anxiety is hallucination - because our mind can be but into an altered state where we won't react to difficult situations with fear and panic - and our panic is from this point of view a product of our beliefs. What I believe is that it is not that simple. Trauma plays a large part in social anxiety and this means it is hypnosis that we are under all the time - and it is not something that will go away with our awareness that we can be in altered state where we won't react with toxic shame to people who are aggressive, angry, rude and obnoxious. If we do not have money or shelter, we will feel threatened if our security is jeopradized when we are no longer of being afraid of losing our job and income. Also, we need our neurotic personality to keep us in reality and to warn us against potential danger - so that we can avoid deeper and sinister harm which we would otherwise step into without thinking twice about it. So I am not big fan of lobotomy and destroying large parts of our uncomfortable emotions just for the sake of feeling good all the time. If we feel good in abuse - we will enable abusers to abuse us, we would never leave toxic place.

Which leads me to the next realizations - why on Earth do we stay in toxic place and with toxic people - in situations when our money or shelter do not depend on them? I guess it is because of wrong beliefs that we never challenge. Such as - that we must be strong and masculine all the time, and we must prove our courage by enduring toxic people and toxic situations - so that someone might say how good we are. I see fawning as crucial element which is both blessing and a curse in the same time. Fawning helps us to survive toxic people and toxic situations - without it, we would be attacked and punished and destroyed by evil people. Yet - when we operate from the mentality of fawning - we will never cut toxic people off.
That is the central premise of my new thinking - that we really start to make better decisions in life which are no longer based on fawning - and that we are able to construct better future with information about narcissistic abuse and that we are not required to endure abuse just to prove someone a point. I believe when we are freed from living up to someone's imaginary expectations about our worth - we will start to open doors which were previously walls, we will be able to give our brain enough data to construct future and to see ships around us to whome we can escape once our ship is sunken or poisoned. I see this in personal relationships where there is no influence over our shelter or income. Do we really need personal ties with people who nag and complain all the time? With people who are antagonistic all the time? Who use sarcasm all the time? Who see everything negative all the time? Who use guilt tripping and blame as a coercive control to keep us in survival mode so that we are easily susceptible to their orders and commands and their agenda?
Sometimes I push myself to be with people who are toxic just because of my convictions, not because I must fawn to them to survive. This needs to be addressed - that whenever I choose something in life - that I base it on my sensitivity, wounds, what I like, including personality of agreeableness and openness and neuroticism. Instead of choosing something as a way to prove someone how strong or bold or worthy I am - that I choose based on my own intrinsic needs, wants and boundaries, limits.
Just like toxic society - when presented with two options - we will tend to choose someone who appears with glib charm, who is attractive, only to be devoured by revelaed narcissist and psychopath later on underneath the glossy, attractive facade which is created only as a mechanism/tool which exploits our loneliness and neediness and empty holes which were punctured in ACoA through criticism and invalidation.
I believe that is the message of anxiety - panic warns us something is wrong - and what is wrong are fake people with fake facade which appears as friendly to us. If something sounds to be too good - it is too perfect to be true. People dislike uncomfortable while prefers something that stimulates or appear as strong and valid to the masses - and then we will constantly make poor choices based on lies and taking advantage of our wounds and weaknesses.

In ACoA we are learned to never protest unfair treatment. Instead -we were programmed through punishment and Operand Conditioning to internalize someone being aggressive, intrusive and rude to us as our fault and our duty to appease the abusers. On the other hand, children in loving parenting homes learned to protest - even non-verbally. When they were in situation outside of their control, they have made inner protest inside them to repel and reject the bullies. With ACoA we learned to shut up, self censor and keep this passive attitude inside ourselves - we even were not allowed, we were not been taught in any way to reject anything abnormal and hurtful or painful inside us, we never were allowed to protest it inside our minds. This sets us up for fawning in adulthood. We never learned crucial techniques how to guard our mind, our heart, invisible intangible inner space from predators and mentally ill narcissists and abusers of all sorts. We were being punished and guilt tripped into belief that we must never show any kind of contempt to abusers - which would naturally happen when we protest them inside our own minds. When we protest - openly or covertly - we naturally give our brain solutions and decisions and new outlooks to go in life. Without protest -we never are able to feed our brain with new ideas how to handle difficult and abnormal people around us who are hurting us and also harming others.
I would call this attempts to prove my worth as overcompensation. There is toxic shame - feeling that I must prove my worth to the public, and then I feel obligated to turn out perfect and without mistakes - that is all overcompensation. That is where the shame comes from - the shame of where I am, how I look, shame over my choices which are not aligned with greatness and courage and strength.
This is aligned with the idea - that once we start to learn about narcissistic abuse - suddenly everyone appears narcissistic and toxic. And it is. Chances are if we are nice and kind we will attract plethora of toxic people with fake image who need someone silent and nice to abuse - and we are winning prize for them. Then it is really the best to have the state of mind to cut anyone toxic, block and ignore and be alone, instead of allowing our loneliness to bond us with monsters. Toxic people will trigger our trauma wounds, they will trigger our overcomensation techniques where we will try to over-please toxic people who adore being in control and to manipulate someone who is willing to put up with their abuse.
This is also aligned with the idea that social anxiety symptoms and reactions are totally valid and they are valid reaction to toxic people and environment that does not suit my own needs and it is toxic. If I know that I am not selfish, if I know that I do not demand perfection, if I know that I am not tyrannic and that I really do not stuff food or accumulate wealth and have no hidden agenda nor I am openly mad and that I really try hard not to make mistakes and cause pain to anyone - then my reactions are totally valid. They are not manipulation and they are not unreasonable. When I put a price tag on myself - I will cut out the toxicity, do as my brain tells me is the best solution considering the weight of common sense, Maslow needs and psychological security - I will really rely on my inner voice and not self flaggelate myself for appearing weird or isolated or dumb or unnaceptable. I need to trust myself and find people who are not judgemental and cruel and with unnaceptable moral and ethical levels to begin with.

There is a growing evidence that how I process stimuli information is through scrutinizing complex web of alarm systems and finding worst case scenarios. This is not OCD, it is not sickness, it is simply how my brain organizes information - it is equipped with ability to detect danger and possible faults in anything it observes. Then being in ambient of ACoA this system gets triggered - and overwhelmed since it already is doing something very similar to emotional abuse: constant criticism and nitpicking and fault finding - however with ACoA these catastrophizing scenarios now suddenly become shame and fear, while with CBT it become pathologized and persona defect. In short, the worst possible thing to happen for neurodivergent brain is to be raised in narcissistic ambient and to be pathologized by ableist therapies, describing normal HSP neurodivergent brain as abnormality and disorder to destroy and be ashamed of.
I have noticed that when I make sketches of faces - that when I draw mouth - that suddenly I always get the same flashbacks of verbal abuse incidents. The very act of focus on mouth by drawing it on paper triggers trauma. Now it is simple to imagine what happens in social situations where there are multiple triggers from all resource - it is stimuli process overload - where I have no idea it is happening. Then without this knowledge I make decisions that are not suited for my brain such as overcompensation and proving toxic people that I am worthy and stick with them in order to heal loneliness which all they, toxic people cause in the first place. Toxic people gossip, they blame, they scapegoat, hence they isolate. They reject and criticize all the time, keeping someone neurodivergent and traumatized in the constant state of survial.

The total trust of our brain would be to rely, support and not be ashamed of my fear and panic reactions which cause shame. That is the secret of other people who do no struggle with anxiety - they do not feel automatic shame when someone yells at them, when they make mistakes, when they do something embarrassing. That is their secret of regulation - they do not doubt their decisions, they do not label their thoughts as abnormal or distortion - even when they have the full social anxiety symptoms and when they are in situations and events which are triggering to someone with Complex Trauma. CBT is doing incredible harm and damage to anyone with social anxiety. What are actually "symptoms" are really traits of ADHD, Autism and being HSP - none of which is sickness or abnormality to hide, be afraid of, be scared of or being ashamed of.
Trusting our brain, our so called symptoms and traits and panic and anxiety will have significant beneficial benefit. When our actions are based on moral and ethics, when we try to make good things and right things, when we do our best to avoid mistakes - it is really damaging that we follow DSM and symptomizing and pathologizing our trauma reactions as something abnormal because instead of focusing on what caused the panic - we end up blaming ourselves and feeling unnaceptable, guilty and ashamed for having reactions to toxic people.
When we do not have full trust in our choices, reasonings, perceptions, explanations - we will be controlled and manipulated by expert toxic people who make their living in parasiting over other people who are insecure in their own basic self worth.

So what does this mean in real life? It means that when I block, ignore, mute someone - it is not because I hate. It is more of acknowledging my sensitivities and adjusting my stimuli processing to protects its peace.
Also, it means when I protest and speak the truth - it is not to abuse the other person not to put them down. It is to hold perpetrators accountabe as much as protecting my own peace and sensitivities.

When we are ashamed of our fears, panic, reactions - we cut out parts of ourselves that makes us human and we shove them away from light. Then the people don't see our true self. We don't see who we are. Instead we are left with fake persona, image what other people interpret as correct and acceptable.

The basic issue with Social anxiety and RSD that is not mentioned by medical industry nor self-help industry and not even by socially anxious themselves - due to not being aware it is the norm that they live inside like fish in water not being aware it is in the water: is the fact that our common sense, the way how our brain works - will notice errors and things which will cause and may cause damage of some sort - that we notify other people about it - and in most cases people will react with rage, hysteria and temper tantrums - as if the messenger is the either cause of problem or over-sensitive. And what happens is we learn to shut up and stop expressing our honest and authentic concern. Where we still have issues of perfectionism and urge to please other people for them not to be angry or be in any kind of problem - and what happens is double binding - where our speaking up would prevent some damage versus not talking about it, then the bad thing happens, and then we experience other people panic and anger reactions as our own fault - even more so because we predicted it and we could prevent it by speaking it up.
The true problem are other people who are immature and who cannot handle feedback, real life and solve issues - they would rather live in denial and dissociation - where exposure to ACE and trauma will make us be afraid of other people anger reactions. When we learn to shut up - that is not healthy. When we do not express ourselves - that is not healthy. When we adopt fake image, fake personality that is a mask and that it own purpose is to please other people - we will end up with social anxiety trauma and all sorts of fears and constant life in hyper-vigilance. Where we see the danger, we see what will go wrong, we shut up about it, we do not talk about it, then bad things happen and then we experience other people's annoyances and grief and their hysteria - which we internalize as our own fault - which is doubled. We feel someone's mood swings as our fault due to ACoA but also due to ability to predict catastrophies. And we end up blaming ourselves twice, too. This must be stopped by learning to protest and by putting a price tag on our feedback - that we start to value it.
Once we warn and alert someone - this cannot be undone. It is said and done. Other person who is immature can rant and throw criticism and blame us for being fear monger - but in the end - it will be on their soul, the blame will be on them. We warn them, and their inaction is their own fault. We cannot break through to the protest side of mentality due to Operand Conditioning. This breakthrough must be done - that we become accustomed to protest mentality. We will feel immense shame and guilt for expressing ourselves and our concerns and our conclusions - and toxic people will farm it. When we realize that this ability is healthy and desirable - we won't depend on toxic people emotions and their narcissistic needs to feel pleasure all the time - we will see their selfishness as the only problem and their immaturity, not our ability to see reality and express it. That means putting price tag on our brain and our conclusions and our persona and how we think and express our thoughts. The same process happens inside us with inner critic. As toxic people attack us, it is the inner critic which makes us feel ashamed automatically when we think in neurodivergent way.
There is a connection and clear difference between narcissism and social anxiety.
Narcissists notice errors and bad things easily also - however they use this information to blame and hurt and control other people. They also like the attention and being proven right and hence superior and grand - when they somehow magically predict the future and bad things. They use this information to put down other people and put them into toxic shame blame thinking worry through blame.
Socially anxious on the other hand have only desire to help others due to ACoA - they don't want to be part of someone being in pain or hurt and that is the only motor for expressing concern.

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
You can't heal at the feet of those who broke you.

Dr James Davies (PhD)
@JDaviesPhD
The stigmatising idea that people in emotional pain may have brains (or parts of brains) that are chronically defective, imbalanced &/or disordered has become part of our zeitgeist, rendering our relationship to suffering more fatalistic, fearful, dysfunctional & tortured.

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
Be careful who you feel sorry for. Some people, especially narcissists and toxic people are good at lying and playing the victim.

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
Aug 20
REAL chemistry is rare. REAL love is rare. REAL support is rare. REAL friendship is rare. REAL is rare. If you find it, keep it.

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
Aug 19
Unconditional love does not mean unconditional acceptance of mistreatment.

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
Aug 17
Sometimes their lack of effort and priority towards you, is your answer.

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
Aug 15
No matter how good of a person you are, You're the bad one in someones story.

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
Aug 14
Confidence isn't walking into a room thinking you're better than everyone, it's walking in and not having to compare yourself to anyone at all.

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
Aug 14
I don't know who needs to hear this, but it was not love that hurt you, it was loving and trusting the wrong person.

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
Aug 12
Sometimes, what didn't work out for you, IN FACT, worked out for you.

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
Aug 5
Don't try to be perfect, just be real.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
So I developed this view of myself as, like, a weird, high maintenance, dramatic, pain in the ass kid. No WONDER they bullied me. "If only" I'd shut up & been more "normal," things would have been fine...right?
So. Years of self-blame. Shame became a core part of my IDENTITY.


Dr. Roger McFillin
@DrMcFillin
Aug 20
Sorry if this offends you. You probably aren't "ADHD". In all likelihood your brain works exactly as its supposed to & you are attending to stimuli that is most relevant or interesting. Modern living is the problem not your brain.

Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Aug 20
Stop sending paragraphs to people who deserve sentences.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮
@_Pammy_DS_
I think when you’re transitioning from being a people pleaser into someone with more boundaries it can feel so weird – it's hard to tell if you’re being mean or if you’re actually just respecting your own feelings, because you’re so used to putting other people's feelings first.

AimTrue
@AimTrue7
Hypervigilance is exhausting.
It makes sense that you feel tired and worn out.
Trying to predict and avoid every possible threat takes a lot of energy.

Dr. Roger McFillin
@DrMcFillin
Aug 21
When a person thinks too much. Over-analyzes. Gets stuck in their head. Obsesses. Struggles to be present..  AND goes to a therapy where they analyze, evaluate, go back in the past, project into the future, judge, ruminate..  The therapy is harmful.   Yes.. therapy can be harmful


The Wily Survivor
@WilySurvivor
How will abusers ever stop abusing when they are hardly ever held accountable for their behaviors?

a n n a
@hi_its_annaleah
Aug 21
the realization that I have never truly lived a life.
it has been an existence revolving around trauma survival.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
⚠️ Covert narcissists feel special by being seen as the person suffering the greatest misfortune. Pity is their supply.

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
Aug 22
Just because someone apparently carries it well, doesn't mean it isn't heavy.

Dr James Davies (PhD)
@JDaviesPhD
Aug 22
Walking through (rather than around) one's pain is most often the only way to transcend it.

Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Do you agree? 💭
" Be the bigger person" is BS advice.
My bigness is not determined by my capacity to quietly absorb bullying, degradation, or abuse.

Dr. Roger McFillin
@DrMcFillin
Myself, and many others, are fed up with normal human experiences being turned into psychiatric disorders. This is a human rights issue.  
Resist

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
When people say “change your mindset, change your life,”
they mean well, AND, also, it’s not accurate.
Trauma is stored in the body.
NO amount of changing a mindset will fully change your life.
Holistic Challenges Need Holistic Healing: mind body brain spirit.

your_recovery_matters
@recovery_your
Aug 21
“Do NOT ever mistake a trauma survivor using their voice as living in the past.
You have absolutely no idea how long it took them to find that voice.
Be supportive.
#trauma

 Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Aug 23
The fact you lived w/ abuse for years, or continue to live w/ abuse, DOESN'T mean "it's not that bad." It means you didn't or haven't had the resources-- financial, emotional, social, whatever-- to extricate yourself (yet).
It DOESN'T mean you didn't or don't "deserve" out.

 Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Aug 25
Telling the truth about what happened & how it made you feel isn't "dramatic."
Being where you are & needing what you need isn't "high maintenance" or "entitled."
You having experiences, feelings, & needs isn't "wrong" or "bad."
You know, in case you were wondering.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Your ‘healing’ should make you more compassionate- not more self righteous.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
If you’re manipulating a survivor into ‘healing’ the way you think they ‘should’, you’re not being supportive or trauma informed, you’re being abusive.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Whenever an abuser is exposed, you should know you are probably only seeing a very small percentage of what they’ve actually done.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
A narcissist starts out as the person of your dreams and slowly becomes the monster in your nightmares

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
Aug 24
Perfectionism says you can’t fully live until you’re fully healed.
Healthy Imperfectionism reminds us that we can both take baby steps toward change and growth AND also engage in present-moment life-living.

Michael Clifford Carter
@mikecarter
Observe and Evaluate People Based on Their Actions and Behavior, Rather Than Simply Assuming Their Intentions Are Pure or Granting Them Undeserved Trust.  

Picard Tips
@picardtips@botsin.space
Picard management tip: Don't scoff at unfamiliar suggestions. You don't know as much as you think.

(26.8.2023)

I would now see negative thoughts and inner critic and panic and anxiety - as reminders. They happen due to exposure to narcissistic abuse of relentless criticism about errors and flaws - and now they appear as reminder of some small insignificant enough task that was forgotten yet it is important later on. This changes the perception of CBT and industry self-help where inner critic and negative thoughts, PureOCD is explained away as cognitive distortions and some sickness and abnormality which must be corrected and destroyed and shoved under the carpet.

When internet gurus and narcissists explain comfort zone - they are forcing others to choose discomort, to choose being stuck in toxic ambient and codependency. This is an act of brainwashing us - where our discomfort is symptomized as unmanly, sickness and abnormality that must be cured by enabling abusers and criminals in their corruption. Also this is self abuse since we are convinced that we will score some magical score by being manly and alfa. We won't. Evil people are evil because they are evil. Not because of our thoughts or our actions. This means - we will never get break in toxic ambient. We will never get security in hyper-vigilance and living in danger and threat of danger all the time. Our belief that being in toxic ambient is courageous and that we will be perceived as strong and valid by toxic people when we expose to them is magical thinking. It is doing incredible psychological damage of destroying our self worth and security in the world. We won't become strong by trauma. Belief that we must step outside comfort zone leads to victimization where we are bitter and constantly complain - while never actually do anything to handle and manage toxic ambient and toxic people. Toxic people are manipulators - and they will pull our strings of seeking strength and validation by performing circus tricks to impress others by us being strong and outside of our "comfort zones". Paradox is once we approve our instincts and common sense -we will truly step outside comfort zone - but without self abuse, and without putting ourselves in unnecessary danger and brainwashing by manipulative people who will exploit us being insecure in our strength and validation.

When we are inside narcissistic abuse, any kind of coercive control, someone toxic manipulating us in any kind of way - we are constantly in survival mode. Then we won't notice small things, we will forget details and we won't enjoy the present moment. Since our focus will be on not making mistakes, not making evil person unhappy and angry. Narcissists feel toxic shame, they cover it up by making drama, through gossip, through putting other people down. When we are in contact with such people we will be like zombie, we will forgo our needs and to truly enjoy the present moment and come up with new ideas. Instead - our primary focus will be escaping their rage. The more of escape - the more power they get to abuse. Later on, when we escape the narcissistic abuse - trauma will return as nightmares, and small oasis of good time will return as place which we never savor nor enjoy truly - we never appreciated how good it felt, we never noticed the details and appreciated and been thankful for security and awesomeness of people, objects, events and atmosphere we've been at. That's because ACoA marks our brain with hyper-vigilance all the time, never have a truly restful and at peace moment.

I see personality and persona playing the huge role in social anxiety issues. With ACoA conditioning - we will never build up truly our true persona. This task will never really finish - due to criticism and attacks and other people complaints - which keep our persona in wounds all the time, never truly healing and building up. Persona is what we miss. If we had persona, other people's anger would not bother us at all. Other people's words would not really influence us and throw us into worry cycles about what someone said. It would be hurtful, painful, disgusting, dissapointing - but exposure to their words and opinions and bias would not result in full blown dysregulation. When we don't have self worth, we cannot build our own will, and without our will we are without any kind of boundaries. Anyone can hypnotize us into fawning. With persona we would not even need to protest - it simply would not matter what someone thinks or says about us that feel unfair and aggressive. Unless in physical assult, with persona - we would not feel any pain that we experience with ACoA past.
And persona - is something that we never experienced while growing up - we never had chance to explore it. Persona is full, the full trust in our own symptoms, flaws, experiences, fears, panic, anything we find shameful now - it would be integrated into our persona and it would serve a purpose actually. With social anxiety and ACoA there are many parts of our persona which are shame triggering and we would not like for people to see them or comment them. Whenever we have something to be ashamed about ourselves, we allow other people to control and manipulate us.

There are triggers which activate RSD and social anxiety: mocking, someone acting from place of superiority and abuse through coercive control.
CBT and self help industry does not explain that at all. Without education in social anxiety trauma - we do not know that there are triggers. Then it appears as all situations generate panic - but it doesn't. It is always put-downs from someone in some kind of power dynamics.
So when CBT brainwash us into a false belief that all situations are an issue - we become socially anxious about anyone - since we will interpret negative stimuli as anxiety, because CBT hypnotized us with false explanation.

After the trigger, there is always some kind of reaction: RSD itself is reaction, sometimes there is a rage, sometimes there is feeling of general helplesness, and there is always a strong belief of catastrophe and that things will always be like this RSD toxic shame deep emotion.
CBT does not explain this at all. It does not make distinction between our emotions and our self worth. Instead it does more damage: it instructs us to believe that reactions we have are brain disorder, a distortion which is abnormal and sick and must be cured and plucked out from existance, so that we are perfectionist and that all our life, whatever is happening - outside of our control CBT explains as the direct personal defect in character.
When we have no idea that we have neither trigger nor reaction - we will explain these massive emotions as fear and panic and anxiety - while in reality it is a mere reaction to abnormal people and abnormal events around us, totally outside of our control. We cannot control abusive people, we cannot prevent them from being evil by our thoughts nor behavior. However without knowledge in trauma - we will believe that whenever someone is evil - that it is our fault and it is our duty to fix such person with us being passive, nice and accomodating to them (negative politeness). Especially when there is some sort of punishment when we are not fawning to abnormal people and abnormal system.
Being frozen, being in panic - these are all learned behaviour from ACoA ACE dysfunctional ambient. This is not a question of poor will or lack of courage or lack of social skills, as CBT and stoics cult explains it. It is Operand Conditiong.

With CBT and Self help industry and wrong advice and without education in trauma - we stay stuck in this cycle of triggers and reactions. CBT cannot explain what is going on other than self blame and self pathology approach which is detrimental - since it targets our toxic shame to become even more stronger. With explanation that we are weak - we will never become "strong" nor confident. We will stay stuck in a toxic conviction that we are weak whenever we are triggered - we will be at mercy of external factor: society which is toxic and evil.
CBT does not explain high moral and ethical standards at all. CBT explains it away through something negative - as a cognitive distortion. Having moral and ethical standards is not sickness nor disorder. Without it we would accept tyranny as norm. So CBT takes our core value and our power and turns it into toxic shame, something to feel disgust and CBT instructs us to attack ourselves through symptomization and self-pathologization.

After triggers and reaction - there need to be awareness about dysregulation and regulation: know what is going on - that panic that I am experiencing is dysregulation. It is not fear. It is not panic. It is not cognitive distortion, it has no true label. It will always feel different. If I am not truly aware and educated about trauma I will go onto auto-pilot default belief: that my reaction will cure others, that I am fixer, that I must fix others, that I am responsible for other people, that I feel toxic shame for being ashamed in front of others, that my worth is nil, and destroyed for being exposed as wrong and errored and weak and totally wrong. That is toxic shame, it is RSD, it is social anxiety, it is emotional dysregulation, it is autistic meltdown, it is complex PTSD, it is neurodivergence. It is biological, yet it is trauma, it is automatic, it is ingrained, it is wound, it is normal, it is abnormal, it is not personality flaw, it is not cognitive distortion, it is not hallucination but toxic shame itself is hallucination - since my self worth is not destroyed as it appears to me.
I have deep feeling that I must fix other people so they stop abuse when I fawn and correct their anger and behave in polite manner so that I do not aggrevate them, that I must never leave - or I will be mocked and laughed and stopped or punished. So - obviously - I can test sometimes by simply leaving the situation.

Dysregulation happens because we will feel contaminated. And this feeling will be absolute belief and it will happen automatically, we won't even be aware it happened. It is deep feeling of toxic shame, deep core embarrassement of who we are as we are. Unnaceptable, wronged, plagued by disgust and abnormality that must never be looked at or accepted in any way. It must be rejected.
Along with feeling of contamination there is deep feeling and strong belief that panic and contamination will last forever. That is happened in the past, that is happening all the time and that the future is filled with this feeling of being forever stuck in a bad place.

Another "interesting" phenomena happens automatically after the trigger and reaction phase. It is the by-product of our brain trying to regulate the dysregulation. The brain invents new personality - fake persona which tries to handle the situation and stress and toxic people in the half- half measure- so that all sides are satisfied. For example if the person is corrupt, violent and taking advantage and hysterical - the brain will try to fix this person that mimics ACoA programming past trauma experience already stored in our trauma memory along with toxic masculinity of toxic society which states that I am not allowed to show emotions, or to admit vulnerabilities and that I must be stoic.
This results in plethora of fake beliefs which are automatic and they compose this new make shift fake persona:
that I must be "strong" and to appear "confident" in the eyes of the others, and that I hence must mask myself behind this grand persona of strength and manliness and being proud, and stick around no matter how much toxic ambient and toxic people are around me.
Since quitting and running away - I would be labeled as loser and coward which is unnaceptable. To whom? I never stop and consider who considers it unnaceptable?

So basically what happens behind the scenes, outside of our awareness - is that each time we are in trigger - reaction situations, we will end up with fake personality, fake persona. That is Operand Conditioning - we become a zombie, NPC Wojak, background character, we run on a program that was installed inside our brain. We never been told nor shown love and to accept ourselves and to be at rest who we are - instead we were programmed and shown that we must panic and that we are responsibile for whatever wrong happens in life, and that we must fix and prune and twist ourselves in order to fit in and to calm down the hysterics around us.
So we end up with an elaborate personality complex which tries to appease the abusers and predators and narcissists. Sometimes there is not even punishment - we simply repeat the scenario which we rehearsed since childhood: to be calm, to blame ourselves, to fix other people's problems, to feel responsible when someone is in pain and trouble and feeling deep shame and guilt for simply being in such situation which is difficult.
So we are caught in programming and trauma and repetition compulsion. We don't see that there are other people other than predators and that we are not obliged to serve anyone. Instead all we will see is that we are weak and incompetent, while other people are strong and normal and confident and we must serve them.

And then it is easy to see what it feels easy to believe that I will never be happy and calm again, that I am in constant worry survival mode. There is destroyed self worth, there is deep core toxic shame inside, there are predators around and narcissistic abuse, toxic ambient - so hypervigilance is normal reaction to toxic people and toxic ambient. It is not sickness even though it feels like sickness and personal defect and personal abnormality. It really isn't. The only defect and the only abnormality are narcissists around us who exploit us and transfer their mental illness onto us through projecting and gaslighting and blaming and criticizing and by creating endless drama and hysteria out of nothing.
The very fact that someone is loud and must voice out their success - is a sign of their insecurity deep inside which they feel ashamed of and narcissists cover it up by overcompensation and masking of their shame by pretending to be strong and confident, so that others approve, validate and admire them. Insecurities are loud. Someone secure in himself would not advertize it. Insecure people gossip and create drama by attacking anyone unable to defend themselves.

With fake persona I feel obliged to stuck with toxic person - and I do not realize that I can disapear and come back to myself later on. This "myself" is out of awareness. Dysregulation feels like we are never ever feel calm ever again, and that we always felt wrong and this feeling will never ever end until we die. It is impossible to believe that I will not worry anymore about shame and embarrassement which triggers carry, which toxic people place on use when they transfer their toxic shame onto us through criticism, drama, blaming, scapegoating.

Dysregulation is like a headache but without actual headache - it feels as if I can't work - not because of being lazy but because of this "headache". With migraine one cannot look around, light hurts our eyes when we struggle with stubborn headaches. We cannot move, we might feel disgust. To the third party we will appear as if we are lazy and we won't work. However we want to work and be productive and we can't - headache prevents it. That is how triggers and dysregulation work, too.

It is important to know how without trauma information I will start to believe I am lazy and associate emotions with worth. That I prove my worthiness by being perfectionist and slave to others.

I see how it is important to change our mindset around dysregulation - that we do not see it as personality fault. It would help then to realize that I can remember about situations that are calm that I can actually copy-paste to regulate myself, which is officially called titration:
1-on-1; situation when am I alone with person, I will behave differently when there is a bully and group of people with different behavior and different agenda. When we are one on one - there is no pressure and we need to copy-paste this stance into times when there is dysregulation, panic, "headache". A sense of safety, security. A feeling of panic is not abnormality - it is reaction to toxic people. However panic state does not help us because it will force us to fawn and to shut up and to never declare the truth. Other person will accuse us of lies and untrue facts and events that never happen. With panic mode inside us - we will never defend ourselves and this can bring us in danger - since toxic people can slander us - everyone will believe them, and we will shut up about it as if we agree.

Another titration is the online discussion. When online - it is super easy to protest and to express our opinion. There is no fear of attack nor punishment. So when we are in real life situations, when triggers and Operand Conditioning kick in, when we are under hypnosis - we will tend to repeat the old ways of communication - which are based on fawning and self blame and self pathology and self censorship. These are valid defense mechanisms when we want to hold on to a job or get certain data or service from someone toxic. However we copy paste these effects of coercive control in all other social situations which really do not require us to behave as if we are in Nazi concetration camp or Alcatraz, sentenced to life imprisoment for some crime that we supposedly committed - so we are not allowed to speak. That is how hypnosis will throw us into learned helplessness - and we won't have idea how to break the ice, how to remove this burden of Sisyphus, shame and guilt that is impossible to remove. As if we are trapped on sinking ship - we won't leave it until we see the lights of another ship. The lights of another ship are memories of 1-on-1 interactions and online discussions - which we can replicate now when we feel dysregulated and scared and panicked and surrounded by toxic people who love endless drama and hysteria and blaming and mocking and screaming.
What would I do if I was 1-on-1 with someone or talking in You tube comments - I would tell them to stop. With dysregulation I would shut up and never speak up. I would never demand respect. I would never warn them that I will block them if the continue with unfair treatment. This happens because trauma makes us being stuck under hypnosis that we are victim and that we have nothing to say or do other than repeating old defense mechanisms that we learned in ACoA, ACE dysfunction childhood years.

With titration - we make a new realization that toxic people are ill, and that they are allowed to hate me. Without trauma information, we will be stuck in deep belief that other people must never hate us. If they hate us - it will mean we are going to be punished as we were in ACoA, as we learned in ACE.

Third titration example which helps with dysregulation phase would be a protest mentality, warrior explained by Castaneda. Sinead O'Connor is great example of protest mentality. Protest is the only way to make Operant Conditioning extinguished, to go extinct. Protest allows us to snap out of hypnosis. And it will feel uncomfortable - if we do not understand what is protest mentality. Without trauma information, without education in narcissistic abuse - protest will appear as being hysterical. In narcissistic abuse - this is called Reactive abuse, reacting to toxic people. Which toxic people label and use as weapon against us. They simply pinpoint to our erratic reactions to be independent to their abuse and they portray us as monster. Without education in manipulation and coercive control it is easy to buy into narcissistic explanations and lies and then feel shame and guilt for reacting to toxic people.

Extinction in Operant Conditioning is in having an attitude "to heck with your bell". It is basically a protest - ignore - block. Something that CBT, our fake persona, wrong learned defense mechanisms against predators never allowed us to even think about - due to punishment; that we reject the aggression and label it as abnormal and disgusting and something to repel.
While it is true that stress provides feedback - however this is helpful only when the feedback/criticism is truly constructive. Manipulation on the other hand is coercive control - and it mimicks the constructive criticism, when in fact in reality it is anything but constructive. This is why narcissists hate information, truth, objectivity - since it exposes their lies, pathological lying and agenda which they try to cover with being helpful.
So another titration in making dysregulation to be regulated is our ability and remembering our ability to make disctintion between constructive criticism and manipulation.
Dysregulation in itself is inability in processing stimuli. We stay stuck instead - and that is trauma - running in circles, without having ability to define emotions, to realize what is going on and to make movement in any direction other than self blame and self pathology and self detriment at the cost of our well being - only to please predators.

Rejection sensitivity dysphoria is dysregulation - it is danger, living in danger, and it appears permanent and deep and scary. The permanent part is discouraging, since it renders our energy to dissipate and useless. Let's dive in into this permanent belief which accompanies the dysregulation.
Of course, it stems from ACoA trauma.
The helplessness is because of how our brain will intepret bad events and toxic people:
as a collage of events - where bad incidents are compressed and shown as only events that there are. CBT explains this as distortion. It is not distortion, it is how brain learned to protect itself and to get our attention that we know who is toxic and what to avoid.
If we see this collage of events as abnormality in the brain, we will self pathologize our natural reactions to toxic people and take the responsibility for toxic people onto us, that we are responsible for them being toxic since we see the toxicity and abnormality in predators. CBT hence make us the witness of crime as perpatrators of crime. CBT ought to be banned.

There are certain covert phenomena that happen in social settings, in social contact that are making dysregulation worst. The obvious things are related to put downs and explaining dysregulation as a choice, of being weak and not skilled.
Another social pet peeve usually found in people who give advice to others - which we are prone to due to chaos - we turn to other people to explain us what is going on and to ground us - is stating the opposite while the same happens-
for example - when we are told to be strong - we will actually start to believe we are weak and different from the rest of people in negative and unnacceptable way.
The other phenomena is related to actions.
When I cut everyone - then I am needy. When I assume trauma response of fawning and when I try to correct it by becoming independent - I actually become the opposite and even more scared of what other people think.
Or when I face fears - I end up with the coward state belief.
That is why CBT is wrong for social anxiety. It sets us up with more social anxiety by wrong explanations what is anxiety. Anxiety is not personality defect and nitpicking it only makes it stronger. We need to realize we need anxiety - it is a messenger and it carries a crucial message which we need to decyphre - which is terribly hard due to panic and uncomfortable emotions that comes along with anxiety.

There is a common saying how the stress helps improvement.
This is related to a grand paradox - that whatever happens to us - it adds us to a new information and no matter how bad something is - there is always something positive about whatever happens to us. If nothing else, we become wiser and have better insight that we had before. Any criticism is a chance to learn from it - either to improve our mistakes or to improve our imperfection by being imperfect and not trying to be perfect, if criticism is not constructive.

There is simply no button inside our brain that we can push in order to change ourselves and our emotions since we are not abnormal. Our emotions are normal and there is nothing to change about them.
The problem is not inside us to push and destroy and remove it. If we are not anti-social, if we are not murderers, if we are not criminally insane - there is nothing that requires change.

Overthinking - put price on it instead of CBT put down and negative intepretations how overthinking destroys our lives.
Ovetrhinking means we are detailed and want to avoid harm, hurt, mistakes what might cause pain and troubles to someone. That is good urge not abnormality.
When we know we have overthinking brain - we can rest assure that we have brain which is trying to solve problems by looking at as many resources available. It is on over-drive due to trauma and operand conditioning - but it would be overthinking without trauma, too.
When we put price tag on this ability to overthink - which CBT wants us to destroy and to be ashamed about our neuroticism levels - it means that we don't place it in evil people, that we do not invest time, energy, information with evil people.
That's where other people's explanations are harmful.
This is what will set us backwards - since people will give us "advice" about our traits and explain it as disorder and scapegoat it as everything that is wrong in our lives on our selves, on our Self, on our brain, on our legitimate reactions to toxic ambient and toxic people.
So we might run into "advice" how people pleasing is sickness and abnormality that is causing all problems in our lives and it must be stopped by us becoming hysterical and Karen. Needless to say - when we are not people pleasers with predators - they will destroy us. When we don't take care of people around us - we will never keep friendships and build trust in other people.

The final goal of regulation and extinction of Operand Conditioning is to feel safe with other people. Ventral Vagal.
So the real question is whether I will feel safe with someone who is toxic and manipulative and controling? To share my thoughts and quirks, perks for someone narcissistic to mock it? That is the same as ditch perls and cast it to swines.
Putting the price on my self worth means - realizing that I will not feel safe with someone who is criminally insane - and that is normal reaction. I do not need to force myself into confidence and strength and exposure and non avoidance - if the other person is not trusting.

If someone is disrespectul  - no drama, no hysteria, move on.
The point is to validate self not others, as CBT and gurus instruct us. Validating self is trusting my social anxiety as an alarm and relying on it, reading it, gathering information and testing and proof reading the panic - that would show my inner self that I am trusting my own body reactions and trauma experience that I am able to learn red flags and act on them. Total validation of my panic and fears instead of depending on other people who are usually manipulators to explain me what I am feeling and that I ought to trust someone who is toxic. This belief in self is intrinsic locus of control.

Setting any kind of boundary will cause tension. Punishment will follow when we speak, when we present facts, when we protest. Due to trauma, toxic shame, programming - there will be automatic guilt and shame for placing boundaries. It will feel weird and there will be strong urge to fix other people's moods and their reactions.

Dysregulation comes down to analyzing what can I control and what is outside of my control. This is where CBT and neurotypical toxic masculinity does damage. It makes us think that we can control someone by us fixing and nitpicking our character, traits, actions - as if our brain can influence someone. Evil people abuse because they are evil and abnormal - it has nothing to do with how much we expose, how strong we are, what kind of social skills we have. Abusers will simply adapt to exploit their target, they will change the tactics, use love-bombing, future-faking, gaslighting to exploit their victims. So proving manhood is really a bad advice by CBT. It creates toxic shame and a false belief that we as ourselves are not up to par with other people and that we must create fake narcissistic mask in order to be perfect and accepted and validated. Trauma is not issue of proving manhood.

So personality disorder in social anxiety does not mean technical disorder. It is medical kind of disorder. It has nothing to do with manhood, skills, brain, actions, behavior, core being, it is not related to self worth. In social anxiety disorder part is not trusting ourselves and not accepting ourselves with what we might believe is a disorder. Disorder would be toxic shame and deep core belief we are the disorder itself.
Personality disorder is not about faulty self - it is about blocking the true self. Not being true to myself. This means - not initiating in life, but waiting passively for others to make plans and realize them. It would mean not feeling safe and not doing anything to protect ourselves. It is also Operand Conditioning beliefs such as that I am annoying others so I self censor my opinions and plans and ideas. If I do not feel safe about being myself when in the presence of certain people - then this people are not safe, they need to go.

The final stage - Regulation - means Extinction of Operand Conditioning.
The official description is:
"When a behavior is no longer followed by a rewarding consequence, it loses its strength over time"
This sentence requires detailed analysis.
Operand Conditioning in social anxiety means exposure to constant relentless criticism and invalidation and degradation 24/7. This is how we become socially anxious as adults, we were exposed to such emotional, veral, narcissistic abuse. So the healing is exposure to constant validation and acceptance all the time. What does this mean in real life?
When we make mistake - shower oneself with praise and know that mistakes are learning curve.
When we make any kind of error - no matter what hysterical predators create drama about it - know that we are all humans who make mistakes all the time. Know that as socially anxious and trauma informed - we know that social anxiety will make us hypervigilant and to worry and to ruminate by default. These are all mistake-proof, error-erasing mechanisms to avoid error all the time. We have the best equipment and tool and motor inside us to avoid errors and mistakes inside us. So - basically when error occurs, it is highly likely that we could do nothing to avoid it and there is a high chance that due to domino effect - this mistake was caused by someone invisible to us, someone in the background - who will remain silent in order to avoid prosecution - and highly likely scapegoat us as to blame. Without trauma and narcissistic abuse information we will believe them and join into self abuse, self pathology and never protest the unfair treatment and pathological liar lying to everyone.
CBT does not help with Extinction. It adds up toxic shame and operand conditioning of truama by explaining that overthinking is abnormality, that our brain is abnormal and that it needs fixing - through exposure and learning "social skills".

In real life - this means that we are aware of dysregulation.
With trauma information - we can know that it will happen whenever there is some kind of unfair treatment such as criticism of our actions, words by someone who is quick to judge without thinking.
Instead of going to automatic reactions such as fawning - we need to evaluate what is happening. Is the critic someone dangerous? Can we get fired if we do not fawn?
In most cases - we won't neither be physically assaulted nor our financial existence will be ruined - and then what we can control is to protest.
The person clearly needs to be told that they got the wrong guy. And to know how to recognize red flags. Narcissists and predators will never listen to us - they will start hysteria and drama - and there is really no point in talking to a wall, someone who is delusional. If we do not protest - we are sending them message to enable their abuse and they will repeat it onto us or someone else later on, if we do not protest.
Narcissists live in delusional world. All the others do not use their brain, they do not have capacity to ruminate, think twice, to be neurotics - so their judgement and fact gathering and processing is really skewed by bias and oversimplifications.
This is where socially anxious need to break the ice and tackle other people's bias and their lack of thinking, lack of overthinking and general lack of empathy and ability to put themselves in other people shoes.
Narcissists or neurotypical will be quick to blame and to have fast court unfair trials - similar to Dark Ages as Inquisition. They lack ability to gather evidence - since their method works. Most people will shut up and never speak up against brutal Inquisition. Inquisition worked in Dark Ages due to brutality and power dynamics.
So when we deal with narcissists - when we learn red flags - we will know that they will never listen to us - and it is a sign to break contact with such people. They will never change, they will stay stuck in blame and scapegoating and ruining our mental health is not worth it.

Healing from trauma is being able to express our ideas, to be genuine and authentic, that we weed out narcissisists and predators out of our inner sanctuary and never admit them inside ever again, and that we are active in life - that we are initiators and that we celebrate our traits which CBT labels as hallucination, abnormality and personality disorder and cognitive distortions: overthinking, rumination, worry, neuroticism, people pleasing.

Healing from trauma means developing essential tools for life which we never learned it existed, so we never developed them in childhood stages, when they are suppose to be learned and developed: protest mentality.

Another essential tool which we never learned in childhood developmental stages is trusting ourselves fully, without placing label and stigma on our perks, quirks, particularities, flukes, errors, mistakes. This is the secret why non-traumatized people stay regulated and why they do not go through the process of triggers and feeling contaminated and feeling panic - since they never ever been shocked into trauma belief that parts of their behavior and thinking is abnormal and sick and something to be ashamed of. They either have really low IQ so they cannot detect it, or they grew up in accepting environment where they were not ashamed about who they are, how they talk, how they think and how they behave. So they never developed toxic shame and urge to create mask to cover up parts of themselves which would they be conditioned to feel disgust and shame and embarrasement about their core selves.

What does this mean in real life?
When someone leaves negative comment that triggers RSD - it means changing our perspective about it. Automatically we feel ashamed for feeling RSD and that we are plagued and contaminated for having RSD, and that RSD (emotional dysregulation, social anxiety, trauma, panic, anger, fawning, meltdown) must be cured and ashamed about by ourselves and that we must do everything not to show it, not to think about it. Well - it turns out that RSD as inner critic means well for us - it tries to protect us and to tell us in form of feedback actually - what we need to change if we want to, if we find it reasonable, or reject it through protest and teaching and passing hot potato back to the critic and ignoring him. Initial stage is self trust and total acceptance of our emotions and reactions and "symptoms" and labels and issues and disorders. Once we never self pathologize ourselves for being a human being - we are able to process and analyze what to do about it.
If we come from toxic shame mentality - we will be focused only on masking, damage control, trying to build fake persona and feel under threat and totally unsafe all the time. Obviously - in such Inquisition ambient we won't come up with healthy ideas nor well being.

Our brain will naturally do the exact same thing - whatever we do, whatever new ideas we come up with and new situations we come up with. It is essential to make the environment and ambient - to be the exact opposite to ACoA ACE. When we label and place stigma on our errors, mistakes, perks, quirks, traits, "disorders", panic, fears, emotions, reactions, dysregulations - we are creating toxic ambient inside ourselves, similar to East Germany DDR, totalitarian regime with Inquisition and secret police which is destroying and seeking anything which appears shameful and non-acceptable. In such ambient - our over-driving rumination worry brain will create troubles and issues and more panic and more anxiety - since it won't have any nurtiring material to chew on. The brain will not come up with new ideas, no new actions, no proposals, it will make our life poor and scarce and limited, without much contact or meeting different people, different ideas that might help us with our own plans in life in meeting our destiny and satisfaction with life. With ambient with Inquisition we will make our brain scared and limited and rigid and make it stuck in hypervigilance and terror and shame and carrying what toxic people want and need, since we will have deep belief that our own needs and observations and plans are abnormal and sick and doesn't deserve the focus nor fulfillment.
 

Ryan 🖖 ♻️ 🌊
@Ryan_Daigler
Aug 26
Malignant #narcissists will abuse a person into having a nervous break down or CPTSD and then shame the person for the trauma THEY CAUSED.
#NarcissisticAbuse

Dr. Roger McFillin
@DrMcFillin
Sensitive and creative people are more likely to be misdiagnosed, misunderstood & mistreated in the mental health system.

Dr James Davies (PhD)
@JDaviesPhD
The most dangerous people in psychiatry aren't the small minority of pharma-funded 'Key Opinion Leaders', but the huge majority who uncritically follow them.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
"No one can make you feel (whatever) w/o your consent" really f*cked w/ me for a long time. It made me think the "only" reason I felt shame or other painful emotions was because I was "choosing" them.
And, of course, to consider the impact of other ppl or situations was "blame."

Dr. Roger McFillin
@DrMcFillin
Aug 26
If depression is a "chemical imbalance" then you take their fake drug to correct this fake disease.  If depression is an adaptation to stress & an indication you need to change your lifestyle, environment & coping you don't need their drug.  
They want you sick & dependent

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
If you spent years reading books like this then the problem is likely not you. Narcissists want you to believe it’s you and that you should change how you react to them.
No. It’s them. They are toxic assholes. Learn how to leave vs how to stay and tolerate abuse.

Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Aug 26
If someone communicates their boundaries, that is them trying to keep you in their life, not push you away!

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Aug 26
One of the ways exploitative people, organizations, & churches keep us on the hook is by feeding us an "us vs. them" narrative.
When things get bad in the relationship, we often stick around to "prove" we're not like "them"--we don't want to BECOME "them" in the NEXT story.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
You don’t ‘attract bad people to you’ - perpetrators abuse everyone. Trained professionals get abused all the time. Trained professionals miss the ‘signs’ and frequently take the side of the abuser. You’re not the problem. The perpetrator is the problem.

Picard Tips
@picardtips@botsin.space
Picard management tip: Make it so the crew feel welcome and appreciated. Remember there are other starships they could transfer to.

(31.8.2023)

What I see as untold side of social anxiety and in the same time it is as big as an elephant in the room which for unknown reason nobody can see nor speak it out - is that social anxiety comes down to be innocent, without agenda, without hatred and then put in social situation where one or more person/people start to degrade you, attack you, mock you, gossip, start to criticize and make drama and hysteria about really nothing so important - nobody chasing them with knife trying to stab them - but they react as if that is what is happening. The other people are the problem - their drama, their aggression, their rancour, their hatred, their rage and desire to harm me or others and their trauma dumping. This completely takes over me and I lost my standpoint - I lose my trail/train of thoughts, I get derailed and start to react and think and envelope myself, wrap my mind, thoughts, focus in their drama. And their toxicity.
Their opinions, put downs, criticism, orders, commands - their disgust, hatred - it completely takes over me and I try to fix it, I try to fawn over to it, I feel  responsible, I feel it's my fault, that I caused their distress for existing - I really believe it without checking it, without testing it. And then I make bunch of decisions to correct myself and to appease them and their anger - like shutting up, not telling the truth. And then I feel slighted myself, like I have to defend my honor, that others must not see me that I was abused by them, that I am weak as person for being abused by them, that I must not allow it. It's exhausting - it becomes my primary preoccupation, there is nothing else to think about but only to worry about them, their reactions, what they said and what they might say in the future if it repeats, if I make something to cause their anger. There is also feeling of despair, that I am ashamed for being trapped in such situation, that there will be no change, and that I am alone and without support, there is nothing to look forward and that I can break it, leave and cut contact. And there is no awareness that I can find better and healthier ambient.

Doing everything humanly possible to avoid errors and to make the right thing - and then someone criticizing me for some mistake - it is due to impossibility to avoid this mistake. This takes me in to fear mode if I am not aware of trauma information. If I am aware of narcissistic abuse, it takes me into anger mode. If I am not aware that toxic people exist, I will self blame, I will tend to apologize and feel guilty and wrong. If I am educated about psychopaths and their modus operandi and all their techniques how to control and manipulate empaths, kind and nice people - that puts me into angry place, with sarcasm, rancour, hatred. And this RSD - and this is Rejections Sensitivity - happens so quickly - that I fuse emotions and my self worth extremely quickly, it implodes in micro-second - and I do not give myself, I cannot give myself time to process what is happening and that I can choose different options how to respond to difficult people other than shutting up and fawning or being in defense mode.
I see protest mentality as helpful waking up from this trance mode, and also it helps to have curiosity mindset, too. That I become Sherlock Holmes, or scientist in a lab and ask for evidence and clarification to clear the mess up - when the other person is not intrusive and deliberately creating drama for their own hidden agenda of control and narcissism.
Criticism about when I am doing something for the first time, when I do not know all information, when I need time to learn it - and when someone unreasonable is mad for me not being perfect at it - without taking into consideration that there is nothing that I could do to make it perfect, and that with time I will become perfect and flawless.
It is lack of security - due to my high moral and ethical standards I cannot protect myself by particular types of people who are toxic, predators, who carry a lot of covert toxic shame which they project onto others through shaming. It is about being trapped in toxic ambient without means to escape it. And then forgetting all about it and doing nothing about it when I do have chance to escape - due to learned helplessness and toxic amnesia during love bombing phase.
Not allowing myself to be angry, not allowing myself to make mistake and errors, not allowing myself to break high moral and ethical standards when the other person is breaking all standards - that is keeping me trapped in terror and panic - which will come out as trauma later on. Forgetting to rely on myself, on my own resources, to built connections with other people - which will not be based on gossip, blame, drama, hysteria.

Toxic amnesia makes me forget all the important data regarding narcissistic abuse - such as when someone is aggressive and rude and violent and criticizing and nagging and complaining - that all these are projection. Put downs are transference of toxic shame onto the scapegoat.
Problem starts when I internalize the criticism and I start to put labels on other people, in a form of judgement and quick labels which really are not realistic or based on reality. Someone might say the trigger words, act like an abuser and it will spiral into distrust. Also, when someone does appear as abuser - I do the opposite and rationalize it away in order not to be judgemental. Then I end up with fawning and shutting up and enabling the abuse.

The whole point is not living anymore in toxicity, in hatred, in survival mode, in an attempt to guard oneself against someone's microaggression, sarcasm, negativity, criticism which is constant, ongoing, unpredictable. Trauma, abuse - toxic people can trap us into permanent state of expecting the next explosions of accusations, tyranny, blame, rage, anger, hatred, drama and hysteria all the time. They can trick us into thinking and believing that we are important that our worth is dependent on our ability to wear a sword and to defend against their assaults.

There is a question then - what has the person done to us? What is their transgression? With ACoA and narcissistic abuse it will seem as if we need to get revenge and destroy the other person or do nothing at all - as if there is no gray area. With narcissistic abuse it is easy to get stuck in rancour and hatred and holding the person responsible in that way. This is why it is important to learn about narcissists - they can't change. Nothing we do will make them better. They will never learn, they will never wake up and realize that they are stubborn. So pouting is a waste of energy and destroyer of well being. I see ACoA and ACE as inability to process and react to toxic people in correct manner. We've learned wrong defense mechanisms such as self blame, shutting up, fawning.
With ACoA there is automatic operand conditioning toxic shame belief that I am faulty, wrong, inept, incompetent - and this becomes self fulfilling prophecy, where I will see any error, mistake, adversity as my own personal fault, responsibility and proof of my unworthiness.
Now the predator, narcissists, any toxically ashamed person can simply project and transfer their own feeling of inadequacy onto someone who is self blaming themselves for anything that goes wrong through an act of hyper-responsibility. So predator only needs to make fuss, drama and hysteria about some random error to activate the toxic shame and blame and guilt in traumatized person with ACoA past experience. This self blame will happen so quickly with deep wave of RSD that there is no chance to realize that the accuser is faulty, lying and that error at hand is not my self worth indicator.
This self blame hypnosis will make us see all our symptoms as proof of our worthiness - where CBT joins into this blame fest by explaining that overthinking is sickness. Even though overthinking could be a way of how brain is working and there is nothing wrong with it at all. The amount of self blame, toxic shame and feeling of unworthiness is much more damaging than correcting the supposed CBT cognitive distortions.

The after-math of realizing that our way of thinking is not sickness and that we are not the abnormal one, and that we do not need to waste our energy in seeking ways to protect ourselves - gives us free hand to move and focus on things that matter to us other than defense. Without toxic shame, our brain will have much more memory allocated space to plan better ideas for issues at hand, daily issues, ever day complications which randomly occur.
With ACoA there are traumatized part inside us - which we notice as problem in a form of social anxiety symptoms. These are related in dealing and handling angry, rude, difficult people - from the past in form of rumination and grudge, and in the future, potential abuse, which stops us from living our life to the full. We lack specific social areas how to process difficult situations which narcissists and predators create.
Social anxiety boils down to RSD - some critic over our mistake or lack of experience and knowledge which makes us trigger into fawning and self blaming and self censorship and inability to process emotions and to react to the critic without drama and observing it in black and white - that I am not allowed to have contrasting emotions and beliefs such as hating someone and not wanting any damage to that person. When RSD and trauma and ACoA programming hits - there is no self compassion, there is self blame and self hatred and self flagellation. So obviously - these are areas which we never learn in childhood - that we take care of ourselves first. Instead we learned in order to survive we must appease and take care of abuser.

Dr James Davies (PhD)
@JDaviesPhD
In most cases, the best that psych-medicalisation can achieve, is to better adjust us to the very oppressive conditions that made us miserable in the first place.

your_recovery_matters
@recovery_your
You are not responsible to fix or heal your toxic family..
#letthemgo

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
Narcissists and toxic people are serial abusers and manipulators. They change their victims, never themselves.

Dr. Roger McFillin
@DrMcFillin
People are so brainwashed they believe struggling with mental health they have only two options 1. Psychotherapy 2. Psychiatric drugs  How did the human race evolve without those two options?  
Think beyond what they tell you

Physics In History
@PhysInHistory
"Absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence"
-- Dr. Carl Sagan (1934 - 1996)

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
It's not my job to be likable. It's my job to be myself. The right people will gravitate.

But is there anyone who's really good?
Maybe goodness is just make-believe.
Rashomon (1950)

(6.9.2023)

Trauma bonding, over-trusting stems from ACoA - where we try to repair experience by leaning on anyone who appears to mirror us. This is the quickest way to attract narcissists who are malignant.

This is not mentioned at all:
people pleasing is serving its purpose. It prevents psychopaths from becoming murderers. It prevents narcissists from becoming psychopaths. Let's say that magically all empaths become aware of operant conditioning and that fawning is trauma response - and they all stop supporting the abusers. What will happen - is that narcissists will become cut off from their narcissistic supply. So - they will collapse. Their regulation will be no more. Predators will not become dysregulated. Out of control. They have no empathy, they have no sense of moral nor ethical standards - so they will become extremely anti-social and violent. That will happen because there will be no support, no contact - they will be isolated. Since they are unable to process emotion, since they have no idea that other people exist, and since they live in their delusional world - cutting empaths from their lives will end as catastrophe for them and people who are in their immediate surroundings. We see this happening with femicide and mass shootings.

So our people pleasing and fawning - even though they rob us from our lives, they limit our lives and they trap us into dysregulation and self hatred - it is doing society a favor which will never be recognized, like forever unsung hero.

Neurotypical nonsense:
"What we focus on will occupy our awareness" - as if switching our focus will remove bullies or make us rich.
"Almost everything that make us anxious never turn reality" - unless we have ability to see everything bad - so one thing eventually does turn correct, and as if being prepared for bad things is a bad thing, and as if reality must warp to our positivity bias.

In 1946 movie Gilda there is a quote:
All bad things end up lonely, little one.
And this is related to social anxiety where we end up isolated and alone, even in crowds and with supposed friends and colleagues. Social anxiety is attachment issue - where we stay outside of close contact, outside of touch. Lack of touch leads to immunity illnesses. Social anxiety is trauma - toxic people scare us to reach out and to form any new contact with healthy and sane people - since flashbacks and RSD meddle in. The inner critic also - and the way we explain anxiety plays crucial role too. If we follow CBT explanation of anxiety as deformity, flaw, abnormality, error, personality disorder, distortion - we will believe our brain and our self worth are worthless and sick, disgusting and painfully permanently flawed and inferior to others. This way - when we believe in these CBT lies, we are kept isolated. Narcissistic abuse through gaslighting, brainwashing, criticizing, nagging, complaining, perfectionism - keeps us alone and lonely and isolated. Social anxiety here is only an alarm signal that something is wrong, it is uncomfortable feeling, panic, fear emotions - that we misread and misdiagnose as personality distortion and deep flaw of our own psyche and this interpretation by CBT is doing incredible psychological damage - since it keeps us in distorted belief that our brain is abnormal and that we are sick just because we feel panic and fear when around difficult and toxic people. The point is that we trust ourselves - so that we seek others, that we connect with others, that we find touch, the act of touching and connecting with others who provide psychological security. CBT forces us to not avoid - and then we will naturally cling to toxic people - since programming and operant conditioning is forcing us through set of beliefs to seek approval and validation from toxic people who are evil.

These are all interchangeable:
RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria) = Social anxiety = Emotional Dysregulation = Complex Trauma = Toxic shame = After-effects of ACoA & ACE = After-effects of narcissistic abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, mental abuse = Hypervigilance/hypovigilance = PureOCD = Unfavorable power dynamics = Trauma response = Trauma bonding = Neurodivergence = Spectrum, not binary thinking = Amygdala hijacking = Trauma triggers and flashbacks = being criticized for something you can't control = having high moral and ethical standards and enforcing them = someone random complains about our errors when we done superhuman efforts to avoid ALL mistakes which 98.5% percent of people never invest neither physically nor mentally = toxic person complaining and expecting us to know something for the first time without mistakes = Perfectionism = Protesting: someone toxic complaining without fair assessment and basing their protest on bias and prejudice and oversimplification = Protesting: to express OUR OWN judgement and negative evaluation and holding criminals narcissists accountable for their crimes and hidden selfish agenda of exploiting others = Not conforming = Conforming (fawning) to unreasonable standards and neurotypical norms = Conforming to narcissistic abuser and psychopath who would punish us if we don't conform to their Coercive control, hidden agenda and manipulation and pathological lying = Being authentic true speaking the truth to fake people and toxic people who have hidden covert agenda to exploit others = being Agreeable (Big 5 personality trait) = being Open (Big 5 personality trait) = Being Neurotic (Big 5 personality trait) = being healthy, friendly and open to life and people = Attachment issues = Codependency = Listening to our gut feeling = Quiet BPD (PureBPD) = BPD Splitting = Inner critic = Imposter syndrome = Being exposed to Operant Conditioning of Negative reinforcement (rejection, cold shoulder) = Being exposed to Negative reinforcement Breadcrumbs hoping positive reinforcement will come instead = doing the best we can to avoid and mitigate negative reinforcement

So I would explore this area where we are doing our best all the time, give 110% of mental and physical effort into not making mistakes - and yet toxic people complain - which hurts a lot. I would explore the idea of trauma about it all - that we feel contaminated as Heidi Priebe talks in her videos, this feeling of contamination which is toxic shame mixed with unfavorable power dynamics, where we are actually trapped and cannot move and we are immobile and other people abuse us in such state of immobility and passivity. Can I really not move?
Are there actually certain actions which I am totally unaware of due to exposure to narcissistic abuse and ACoA - that I was not allowed to even think about taking such actions to protect myself from someone who is unreasonable?

I'm reading memes about RSD and I like these two notes:
- What make RSD worse? Not realizing that RSD is actually a problem
and
- Becoming spiteful after being rejected.

That is really an eye opener.
We will tend to label dysregulation after experiencing injustice as a Crusader call to destroy the Infidels and toxic people as such. It happens so quickly - that we will think about past trauma and how narcissist went home free with the abuse never being held accountable - and it will feel as if it is our duty to 1) be strong and 2) to hurt the abuser monster.
Both these do not work.
Being abused by evil people is not being weak. We cannot control evil people not to be evil and the reaction we feel is the problem. It is not problem in our thinking as CBT explains it, neither it is problem in our explanations of reality. The problem is in Operant conditioning that we feel worthless and ashamed for being humiliated by toxic people - and we feel as if we must defend our honor by harming and hurting the evil person into submission - instead of us being inferior and submissive.
Instead of this programming - I would work on awareness that RSD itself is problem. And this last one: "Becoming spiteful after being rejected". Who rejected who?
If someone is evil and denies our rights - this person is evil. They do not reject us at all. It is not our self worth depends on approval or validation by other people. Whether if rejection is real or imagined - we really need to become aware that RSD happens because it is actually an alarm that we do not trust neither love nor approve ourselves. And hence we unconsciously depend on other people to approve us and validate us. This way we are placing huge power onto other people to control and manipulate us by their behavior and words. And we will make decisions and reactions based on approval and validation of other people. That is the true problem. When we see other people as all powerful - we will feel spiteful and be in rancour mode and grudge about them and hold it against them. This part needs processing: that instead of unconsciously seeing angry and hostile and unfair and difficult people as strong and right and competent and just and powerful - that we see them as mentally ill and manipulative and toxic and psychopathic and someone to reject as worthwhile person to give our time, energy or focus on. So much as social anxiety is wrongly explained by CBT as fear of criticism and negative evaluation by others - while in reality social anxiety is actually fear of expressing our OWN criticism and negative evaluation, in the same time CBT explains RSD as holding others against us for being rejected - which is wrong explanation, RSD is actually holding ourselves against of rejecting other people. We cannot reject them basically and we are trauma bonded with difficult people. And we need to reject them really. Discard them as narcissists are doing it in their Discard phase - and copy paste their behavior here to get rid of Stockholm Syndrome.
Without the correct information we end up rejecting ourselves and we reject good and kind people - and instead we force ourselves to be focused and fused onto difficult and evil people - by building walls, by worrying about them, by contemplating about how they work, how they think, how can we protect against them, we end up ruminating and having all sorts of reactions to abusers and narcissists - and even though it seems like we are protecting ourselves - we are actually allowing evil people to enter into our soul, into our brain, into our cortex ability to think and sort and process information - it is all infected by evil people and they are in our prime focus due to Ironic processing theory - where when we try not to think about someone we end up thinking only about that object all the time.
As much as Protest mentality is technique and mechanism to snap out of Operant Conditioning - I would call Discard as technique and mechanism to handle evil people who trigger our RSD and all other concepts which are interchangeable with RSD such as Social anxiety and Complex Trauma as I mentioned before.

And this all complies to Jung and John Bradshaw about rejecting parts of ourselves and Shadow - that we need all emotions including those emotions which are uncomfortable. Discard is toxic trait of narcissists - and they use it to destroy and hurt their targets. As any poison - if it is in small dosage and when it is applied directly on the virus - this poison will help us to kill the virus; toxic people.
Discard phase - once we learn about narcissistic abuse - does not mean , does not always mean, to be cruel or hysterical - we can do it in clean, empathic sanitized way - almost at the switch of a button. Which would previously not be possible if we follow CBT wrong explanations and wrong advice by CBT. CBT leads us to trauma bond with abusers and to self blame ourselves and to self pathologize ourselves for feeling reaction to toxic people such as panic. With self acceptance and validation -we can place our brain and common sense at the throne - and then Discard phase can begin. It is like an act of giving up on Sisyphus stone that we no longer need to push forever from one hill to another.

Narcissists are manipulators, skillful at it, almost perfect in it, they brainwash and entrain (Vaknin) their targets easily - especially empaths who want to be morally and ethically correct and do the right thing without hurting anyone. So narcissists will easily use our empathy so that we feel sorry for them and to give them another chance over and over again. Discard phase cuts this immediately. Discard is giving and providing us with tool to accept narcissists as they are, as is, and that we do not try to change them. When we forgive and forget their atrocities, we are actually trying to correct them and change them into empathy and being open and agreeable - and this of course will never ever happen. With discard we accept them to be evil and of course we do not try to be their partner, slave or obedient to their commands anymore. In the same time we absolutely accept ourselves as we are - and we know the high cost of thinking and ruminating and spending all that valuable focus cortex time on toxic people. Discard is the only way to cut the trauma bonding. It is a process of extinguishing all memory and emotions related to toxic people - as if they never existed at all but in the same time with big label on their forehead now being visible, big red flag - which tells us in general instructions how to handle toxic people: do not touch, do not enter, do not feed, do not engage in any kind of contact with them.
We are not aware - but with rumination and thinking - we are bonded with toxic people and we try to cure them. We apply our neurodivergent mindset to be obsessed with them and they parasite on our energy supply deposits. Our brain will automatically scan and think how to improve and make anything better and safe and comfortable - and when we are in contact with toxic people - toxic people are on this list to make their life easier and to solve their problems and to make ourselves small so that they could have comfortable life without any bothering from our side (negative politeness) - which we do to anyone. Friendly, sane, open people who are not antagonistic deserve all these benefits which our brain is doing by default automatically - they deserve our people pleasing and fawning. Toxic people do not.

Once we enter into Discard - our brain will be relieved from tons of tasks to worry and ruminate about toxic people, all the possible ways how to please them, all the rumination and post mortem waste of resources to scan what was happening in the past and how to prevent any incidents in the future by becoming silent - all these will be washed away, our brain processing will now have more resources to focus and turn attention to other preoccupations - which most important will be self care.
With CBT we are not able to do this at all. CBT will instruct us to pathologize our own brain and how our brain is processing information data - so our focus will now be plagued by toxic shame that our brain is abnormal - and hence we must depend on other people no matter how toxic and dangerous they are - they are still supposedly more functional than our supposed defunct brain which is abnormal due to ability to process information stimuli deeply than most people.

Discard allows us to validate our grudge and deep feeling of unfairness that we feel when abused by evil people. That is because with discard - evil people in our eyes are really no longer people or humans at all. With discard they are not even trash or dump - they are nothing - we dissimilate them atom by atom into nothingness as if they never existed at all. So there is nothing to emotionally invest anymore - neither memories, neither good feelings about them nor bad feelings about them - there is absolutely nothing for our brain to zoom into anymore.
And I think we will be suprised over and over again how our brain is quick to shift focus now, as if it is really a press of a button. We will be amazed how our brain, our cortex brain once the amygdala hijacking is not activated anymore due to toxic abuse - our cortex brain will now have free reign to keep us busy, to make us happy, to keep us doing what we like and to discover new items to linger onto, we will be Curious - which is healthy and sane. We won't be closed and isolated due to fear of being attacked at any moment. We won't shame parts of ourselves and we will allow them to come out to light - providing us with new directions in life which previously we would not take due to toxic shaming, mocking and abuse by evil people and their comments, criticism and attacks.

Just like Protest - Discard also is the lesson we never learned in ACoA childhood due to abuse. We were never allowed to reject - since we would be punished for it. We isolated with social anxiety - so basically we never had natural testing time that other children had in their regular social interactions where they would naturally discard annoying and irritating kids that come into clash with. So we never learn the arts and crafts and skills what happens with nuances in social interaction. All we had was black and white conditioning - that we surrender and obey or be punished and abuse. There was no alternative than abuse cycles, no way out.

So once again, CBT is providing us with totally wrong explanations and instructions how to handle social anxiety. It is detrimental and the opposite from well being and healthy direction of our compass in life. CBT tells us that we are victim, that we stay in victim mentality, that we are cowards who are afraid and that we base all our resources into building a fake image of superiority in order to serve and obey and clash with supernatural other people who according to CBT have no disorders nor distortions.

9 Signs if Quiet BDP
1. You are calm on the outside but suffer on the inside
2. You have a high need for control, and hate uncertainty
3. You withdraw from people and shut down very easily
4. You mentally retreat or dissociate, as coping mechanism
5. You have an unclear sense of self, resulting in low self-esteem
6. You always blame yourself for everything, and self sabotage a lot
7. You avoid conflicts and anger at all cost, and check yourself as not to offend anyone
8. You are extremely fearful of both abandonment and intimacy
9. You look 'perfect' from the outside, but deep down inside you keep on isolating yourself more

Quiet BPD subtype
Also known as High-Functioning BPD
One of the subtypes of BPD, people living  with "quiet" or "discouraged borderline" live in extreme emotional turmoil because they don't show their distress.
- not easily detectable
- those with the disorder often struggle alone because they feel like a burden
- common people-pleasing behavior
- withdraw when upset
- feel detached from the world to cope
- fear of rejection and abandonment
- fear of being alone
- social anxiety and self isolation
(Healthline, 2020) ; thebrightbabe

QuietBPD
A person living with quiet BPD will typically internalize their emotions, which creates invisible feelings of turmoil that can make life extremely difficult. While quiet BPD is not an official diagnosis, the use of this term denotes a subtype of BPD that tends to turn symptoms inward rather than outward (which makes it less obvious).
As a result of this, quiet BPD often tends to go undiagnosed, misdiagnosed as something else (eg depression, social anxiety, autism), or takes longer to diagnose because of the lack of classic symptoms.

Picard Tips
@picardtips@botsin.space
Picard management tip: Intuition is valuable, but it's not a substitute for facts.

The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | Brian Klaas
Big Think
6.04M subscribers
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eBN_9rMoVI
980,900 views  12 Jul 2023  The Big Think Interview
Professor Brian Klass unpacks the truth behind history’s evil leaders, explaining how they so easily acquire power, and how we can change the pattern.
I started studying political science, and I was studying rigged elections and political violence. I did field research around the world where I met former heads of state in authoritarian regimes, accused of war crimes. When I came back to talk about this to people, some of them recognized these sort of personality traits in their bosses.
How do we end up designing systems that attract all of the right people into power so we get better outcomes? That is the task for 21st century, because it's problem that we have not solved. We can't say power corrupt, the problem is much deeper.
1) Corruptable people seek power. 2) Power corrupts. 3) We are drawn to the wrong kinds of leaders for all the wrong reasons 4) we can design systems to make better people end up in power not to abuse that power
You're basically hoping that somebody who's community service-minded will put themselves forward for that job - put garbage out, trimmed trees to your right specifications. Instead what very often happens is that people who actually like the idea of policing their neighbors, patrolling them, controlling them, those people are the ones who seek the power in those communities the most.
Because for them,the power is the goal, not the means. Want power for himself
Power is something that draws in the wrong kinds of people like moths to a flame. That's why recruitment is so important. You're always going to have power-hungry people show up and try to take power. What you need to do is dilute them and block them. And that's where the system design is crucial. We assume we can advertise for position and wait for right people to come. It doesn't work like that.
We have to actively counteract this impulse of power-hungry people to seek and abuse power.
The people who end up in power are not representative of the rest of us. They are not average, and they're not normal. Once you accept that, then you can start to counteract those problems. Self-selection bias is one of the most crucial things to understand if you want to crack the case of how to make power function better. Survivorship bias - we see only people who make it into power. We look at the wrong kinds of data, because we look only at what survived.
In times of crisis in the very distant past, it was clearly adaptive. It helped us survive to turn towards a large, physically strong man. That's because the challenges that prehistoric societies faced, those crises were often a threat from a warring tribe in which physical prowess and strength actually mattered. So they turned to those leaders and that created a bias in our brains where we end up thinking in crisis we should have physically large strong man in charge of us.
We need to accept that some of these biases are lurking inside our heads. We can't control them. They're the product of 10,000 of years of evolution. They're maladaptive now. They're not good for us. But only by accepting and recognizing them can we start to counteract them. Data shows these biases exist when we select leaders.
Fundamental point: appearances unfortunately do matter, and this means that our evaluation of leaders needs to be scrutinized heavily because we have stupid voices in our heads that are telling us information that we should not process as though it actually matters, and yet we do process as though it actually matter, based on face, height, race, gender. Accept leadership selection is not based in our heads as merit, start to counteract that.
It's something where we only have a real approximation for these traits. And you can't easily just look at someone, point at them and say they're a psychopath. Steve Raucci is an unsuccessful psychopath. Steve Raucci was unable to control his impulses. He was unable to dial it back when needed. Unable to blend in as a normal functioning member of his staff.
And instead made people realize he was.
The successful psychopaths are in boardrooms, they're managing hedge funds, they're in politics. They're the people who are ruthless, who are very power-hungry, and are very good at getting power because like Steve Raucci, they're able to hatch extremely complicated plots in order to get their way.
They're extremely disciplined at times, to get their way, to engineer outcome they desire.
That superficial charm blinds us to psychopaths. Ted Bundy seemed so charming, he seemed so nice. He was able to lure his victims into his car precisely because he was superficially charming. People lie and especially psychopaths who are trying to blend in as ordinary people, so they can get away with it. Psychopaths is not just somebody who is mean or immoral or a bad person. It's much deeper.
The dark triad and psychopathy in particular, are a neurological disorder. Your brain does not function normally. MRI scanner showed psychopaths were able to switch on empathy by choice. For the rest of us we have to make a conscious decision to down-regulate our empathy. I have to harm somebody - fire them/break up with them, and consciously try to make myself feel less bad for them.
Can psychopathy be a beneficial trait?
Psychopaths don't react in high-stress situations the same way the rest of us do. Just as they have empathy switched off, they tend to react less to stress. Psychopaths don't really react in those situations. They have a much steadier hand. They don't get flustered in those moments. The problem as surgeon slicing somebody without thinking them as a person.
Psychological distance. And this is the idea that you should be at a sort of optimal level of psychological distance from the people that you're in charge of. Optimal level of psychological distance if you make a decision that affect people 1000 of miles away, go to the factory. Understand that the consequences of your decision are affecting real people. That reminder is crucial for good leadership.
Everybody at the highest levels of power, no matter what they do, is ruining some lives and making some other lives much better. It's a distributional choice. If you're president or CEO, your decisions affect people's lives for better or worse. And some of those effects are catastrophic. You should have to live with that. It should weigh on you. If it doesn't weigh on you, you haven't done your job right.
No matter how much a psychopath gets to know somebody, they just don't care about them. So if you have a psychopath in charge, psychological distance doesn't solve the problem. For everyone else, it's a key ingredient in making sure you're performing better if you end up in a position of leadership.
Narcissists, if they occur in isolation, are hyper-attuned to what other people think of them. We don't live in meritocratic world so advancement in hierarchies often can depend on how much other people like you. In Belarus you better be ruthless and not very nice. In USA company it's beneficial for people to like you. Narcissists are good at making people like them.
Psychopaths are more willing to take risks than other people. As result, there are lots of unsuccessful psychopaths. The successful ones are not good at wielding power. But they are good at obtaining it because they are power-hungry. We have clearly designed systems that are not doing effective job at screening these people out or weeding them out once they get into power.
We have to rebalance society to redesign systems as though the worst person in the world is trying to seek power and obtain it. The second is to make sure that we actually have mechanisms in place that are looking upward rather than downward when it comes to crutinizing people in power. Rather than trying to punish and regulate every person think about people who can inflict damage on societies. Those face the least scrutiny.
Rotten systems turn people worse much faster than good systems. Environment that you're in, if you're in a corrupt police department, corrupt bureaucracy, everybody around you is skirting the rules. A lot of the people around you are breaking the rules, abusing them and inflicting harm. But it's normal. It's what's done.
The effect is amplified in a bad system. You have to make worse choices.
You're basically paid to deal with what's the least bad choice. We often as armchair critics of leaders we often tend to say That leader is bad because they chose something that led to a bad outcome. That's stupid way of thinking about leadership evaluation. What were the alternatives? In the context of available information and choices.
Sometimes leaders are genuinely trying to minimize the damage.
A lot of people were behaving badly underneath the surface. We just couldn't see it. There was no scrutiny. And indeed, when you see lots of abusive power scandals, this is exactly what's happening. Bernie Madoff was bad from the start. Investments fund was always crooked Ponzi scheme. But only when he started making so much money did people start looking into this.
So it was question: was he under microscope
There have to be hundreds, maybe thousands of Bernie Madoffs out there who are just escaping scrutiny. They're doing this all the time, but we don't know. Fraud happening below the surface. It gets exposed at a greater degree when you have people in power.

Kaizen - A Japanese term meaning change for the better or continous improvement, which serves as the basis for a Japanese business philosophy

Students with childhood trauma don't have faulty brains. They have minds designed in threatening environments to help them survive.
Peggy Leigh, Youth Dynamics

With schizophrenia the most prominent symptoms of the disorder: the delusions, hallucinations and disorganized thoughts don't have any direct parallels in our own lives. Because of this schizophrenia is hard to understand.
Do much more than simply memorize lists of symptoms. Instead need to learn the underlying mechanisms of schizophrenia so that we can better recognize it when we see it in our patients.
Some have hypothesized that the core deficit in schizophrenia involves the concept of salience. Salience is the interestingness of information or how important we perceive that information to be. We give salient items more attention and are more likely to act upon them.
If I were to tell you 10 random numbers but not tell you anything about them you probably wouldn't find them particularly salient. They drop from your attention and quickly be forgotten.
However if I tell you 10 random numbers are from tomorrow's winning lottery ticket and still time to enter, then suddenly they become very interesting. By telling you this, I increased the salience of the information. Numbers have not changed at all - only their salience has changed on. Dopamine plays a key role in salience process. When information is found to be salient, your brain releases dopamine.
This rush of dopamine makes you pay more attention to the information and motivates you to act upon it. We can manipulate the salience of information by tying it to some kind of reward. Ticker on New York Stock Exchange as example - string of numbers to make billions of dollars. Public safety expeers link salience to negative outcome: trying to encourage helmet use and use grisly footage of accidents of getting your attention.
Our brains use salience to filter incoming information. We take an enormous amount of information every day. News, weather, social media, music in 30 minutes. If we gave our full attention to all of these things we would quickly become overwhelmed and incapacitated. Instead we quickly move on from information that has no direct relevance to us. Weather salient - without umbrella we'd be wet. Other information - no particular significance.
Filter out other information and quickly forgotten is a complex process, yet our brains do it instantly, automatically and unconsciously, 1000s of times per day. People with schizophrenia are believed to be in a state of average salience, characterized by excessive and illogical release of dopamine. Dopamine flows and salience is assigned to every bit of new information without any clear connection to rewards or punishments.
Schizophrenia would be like suddenly entering a world where every letter and number had the potential to make you a million dollars or where every decisions had the life or death consequences. People in the early stages of schizophrenia described being in a state like this. They say "My senses were sharpened. Developed a greated awareness, because fascinated by little insignificant things around me".
"Things seemed clear-cut and I noticed things I had never noticed before". This makes life initially quite vivid and dramatic for someone in a state of aberrant salience yet it rapidly becomes a confusing and unbearable way to live. Normally we can figure out why our brain is telling us that something is important. We know that paying attention to the weather forecast will help usto avoid having a bad say. However in state of aberrant salience will perceive overwhelming significance in all experiences.
To make sense out of this experience, people with schizophrenia will begin to develop explanations for why each piece of information suddenly feels so important, so relevant, so personally significant. If they watch the news in state of heightened salience they might come to believe that the President use Union address to communicate a special coded message meant only for them.
🟥 What it's like to have schizophrenia
Memorable Psychiatry and Neurology


QuietBPD
In order to be diagnosed, you must meet five of the following nine criteria (paraphrased):

Engaging in frantic efforts to prevent actual or perceived abandonment
1. A history of unstable relationships that involve idealizing and then devaluing a person (called “splitting” or black and white thinking)
2. Having an unstable identity or image of yourself
3. Problems with impulsive or risky behavior
4. Frequent self harm or suicidal ideation
5. Rapid/frequent mood swings and the experience of intense emotions
6. A chronic feeling of being empty
7. Feelings of intense or uncontrollable anger
8. Dissociation (disconnecting from your self, having an “out of body” experience)
(verywell mind)

quiet BPD referred to symptoms such as:
- intense mood swings that you manage to hide from others
- suppressing feelings of anger or denying that you feel angry
- withdrawing when you’re upset
- avoiding talking to others who have upset you and cutting them off instead
- blaming yourself whenever there’s a conflict
- persistent feelings of guilt and shame
- having a “thin skin” and taking things personally
- feeling like you’re a burden to others
- people-pleasing, even at a cost to yourself
- social anxiety and self-isolation
- fear of being alone, yet pushing people away at the same time
(healthline)


𝑪𝒉𝒍𝒐𝒆
@guelphbxtch
Sep 11
Abusers don't care about how you felt when they abused you, and their enablers don't care either. Both, however, very much hate the idea of the public knowing about it. Don't stay silent. You're not alone.

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
Sep 10
Sometimes, no matter how nice you are, how kind you are, how caring you are, and how loving you are, it just isn't enough for some people.
Life's lesson: You can't please everybody!

Fear is anticipation of future pain.
 🟦 Tara Brach

Quiet BPD looks different from ‘typical’ BPD.
You may appear calm and high functioning,  instead of ‘exploding’, you implode and collapse from within.
some people fight, some people flee, some people dissociate. It is a matter of spectrum, rather than categorization. No one has either completely ‘classic’ or ‘quiet’ BPD, or should be labeled as such. As we discuss ‘quiet borderline’ or Quiet BPD, please be mindful that it is a survival strategy, not a definition of your personality.
(eggshelltherapy)

It is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to imitate somebody else's life with perfection.
Bhagavad Gita

Common characteristics of high-functioning BPD include the following
- Intense episodes of sadness, shame, and guilt directed towards self
- Repressing and hiding mood changes
- Social withdrawal
- Extreme fear of rejection and sensitivity to criticism
- Distorted self-image and low self-esteem
(leafcare co uk)

Quiet BPD often also overlaps with 'high-functioning BPD', where a part of the self is 'split off' to maintain a facade of hyper-competence and independence.
(psychology today)

Signs and Symptoms of Quiet BPD
You look calm on the outside even when you are suffering from extreme pain on the inside.
You have extreme mood swings that seem to come from nowhere.
You hide your anger, sometimes to the point you don't know it when you are angry.
You tend to blame yourself for things even when they are not your fault.
When relationships end or conflicts arise, you immediately assume you did something wrong.
You hold up an image that appears 'normal', calm and successful.
You feel that there is something defective about you.
You mentally retreat and can become dissociated when stressed.
Most of the time, you feel empty and numb.
When someone upsets you, instead of seeking clarification or confronting them, you immediately withdraw and may end the relationship without speaking to the person.
You feel that you are a burden on others.
One moment, you idealize other people, but soon you lose trust in them. Generally, you don't feel safe in the world.
(Psychology Today)

Through research, his team found that some people are 'overcontrolled' rather than 'undercontrolled.' Rather than being dysregulated and impulsive, they have the opposite struggles. They overly tolerate distress to the point where they don't seek help even when needed. They are sensitive to threats and interpersonal cues and easily feel hurt. However, they hide their emotions so much that they appear flat and un-feeling. While most people with BPD are undercontrolled and come across as being overly emotional and erratic, overcontrolled people are quiet, reserved, understated, and seem hard to engage. Because of this, their suffering is missed by most. Usually, undercontrolled personality is associated with Cluster B personality disorders such as Antisocial Personality Disorder or Narcissistic Personality Disorder, while the overcontrolled character is linked to Cluster-C personality disorders such as Avoidant Personality Disorder, Dependent Personality Disorder, or Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder.
(Psychology Today)

According to Dr. Lynch, people who are over-controlled have the following four core deficits:
- Lack of Receptivity and Openness: You tend to be risk-averse and hyper-vigilant. You may avoid new and novel experiences and can be dismissive of other people's input and feedback.
- Lack of Flexible Responding: You may have a compulsive need for structure and order. You plan and rehearse everything. Your life may be governed by rigid rules you impose on yourself. You may also censor yourself and other people's behavior with high moral standards.
- Lack of Emotional Expression and Awareness: You inhibit spontaneous emotional expression. Maybe you have expressions that do not match how you feel inside (e.g. you smile when you are distressed). You also tend to diminish your distress and adopt a stoic facade.
- Lack of Social Connectedness and Intimacy: You may appear distant and aloof and keep people at arm's length. You may also compare yourself with others often and feel envious and bitter.
These biology-based traits are powerful because they are unconscious and affect us without us even realizing it. Because this is an innate predisposition, you cannot will yourself, think yourself, or use more willpower to control or talk your way out of it.
(Psychology Today) The Struggles of Quiet BPD
Posted July 23, 2021  Over-control may help explain Quiet Borderline Personality Disorder.

People with quiet BPD may:
- Generally feel unsafe in the world
- Feel empty and numb most of the time
- Feel frequent shame and guilt
- Project an image that appears "normal," calm, and successful
- Believe that there is something defective about them
- Have a great need for control
- At times feel "surreal," as though in a movie or a dream
- Look calm on the outside even when they're struggling intensely on the inside
- Have extreme mood swings that are sudden and unexpected
- Hide their anger, sometimes to the point they don't recognize when they're angry
- Blame themselves for things even when they're not at fault
- Immediately assume they did something wrong when relationships end or when conflicts arise
- Dissociate and mentally retreat when stressed
- Withdraw and possibly end a relationship when someone upsets them instead of discussing the situation
- Feel that they are a burden on others
- "People please," even when it's detrimental to themselves
- Fear being alone but push people away
- Idealize other people at first, but quickly lose trust in them
- Experience "splitting" behavior" (black-and-white thinking or swinging from one extreme to another, with little provocation)
(verywellhealth)

Karpman Drama Triangle:
Tyrant:
- "I'm right"
- "It's your fault"
- Blames
- Criticizes
- Keeps others oppressed
- Mobilized by anger
- Rigid
- Authoritarian

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Many people say they support survivors but what they really mean is they support survivors as long as the survivor forgives the perpetrator and doesn’t ‘affect’ their lives.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Sep 13
Trauma responses, like fight, flight, freeze, flop, & fawn, tend to mirror the stages of grief-- denial (flight), anger (fight), bargaining (fawn), and depression (freeze).
That's not a coincidence.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
Sep 13
Reframe:
I’m not “too sensitive.”
I’m having an appropriate reaction to f*cked up sh*t.

Dr James Davies (PhD)
@JDaviesPhD
When you ask people in mental distress what's relevant to their pain, they almost never speak of dysfunctional cognitive/chemical processes, they rather speak of their lives: their relationships, hopes, fears, dreams & losses - their copious human experience. Meet them there.

Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Your emotional intelligence and intuition will offend anyone who can't run a game on you.

 People with quiet BPD don't yell when they are dysregulated. Instead, they may suffer in silence.
CatherineLCSW

Characteristics of Quiet BPD
- Becoming suddenly quiet and withdrawn
- Failing to return phone calls and texts or to follow through on plans
- Saying that "everything is fine" even when stress is high
- Feeling that any strong emotional expression is wrong and should cause shame and guilt
- Extreme people-pleasing
- Saying that nothing matters
- Engaging in a string of intense and unhealthy relationships
- Constantly feeling that they are not good enough for another person, even when the person is not very desirable
(choosing therapy)

(18.9.2023)

The point of Discard is that we focus on the goal - not the person nor what the person is saying or being hysterical about. We simply shift our focus on our goal, need, what we want here. In dysregulation, with ACoA brainwashing - we will tend to fix the abusers, to heal them, to make them feel pleasant - our goal will be their well-being, well-being of evil person, someone who is selfish, abusive and who does not care about us or anyone else. This goal must be shifted - and our own high moral and ethical standards will not allow it - our high moral and ethical standards will create enabling of abuse through toxic amnesia - where we will tend to forgive evil people whenever they show any kind of remorse of when they are regulated or in honeymoon phase. Discard technique will help us not to entangle into evil people's manipulation tactics.

When we learn about narcissistic abuse, we not only can recognize red flags how to detect psychopaths hiding behind fake mask of empathy and charm, we can also learn their poisonous techniques which we can use as anti-dote for narcissists.
So we learn that Discard in narcissistic abuse cycle means:
not trying to save the relationship.
With empathy and healthy moral and ethical standards - we try to resolve and find solutions for any problems there is, including invented and imaginary drama hysterical issues which toxic people pump out and project onto us all the time, 24/7. So we end up being hooked how to save broken issues - with discard - we allow ourselves not to repair it anymore. If they cut contact - we don't run after them anymore, asking for forgiveness or trying to explain them our side of story in order not to be seen as villain in their eyes. So discard helps us to accept their evil manipulations and to accept that they think whatever they want about us - and we don't care anymore since we removed them from our brain atom by atom - at the smallest level their problems and them as persona do not exist in our minds anymore - so nothing to get hooked about anymore.

I truly believe this Discard lesson is what we missed in childhood due to ACoA and isolation - when social anxiety started - we simply cut the contact with outside world, and we never had any chance to test how discard is working in real life- what effects is has on our mind, what happens when we say no to toxic people, what ways we can say no without them harming us - all the details about handling toxic people is what we missed to learn in early age when we are impressionable and when learning stages get stuck with us as adults. So it is incredibly hard to block someone as socially anxious adult, pumped with CBT wrong explanations that avoidance is sickness and abnormality and disorder.

The secret of "confident" and "happy" and "strong" people is that they adopted a series of psychopathic traits which they farm and keep under the control. It is part of their fake mask. Then they react strongly when this mask is seen by anyone who is QuietBPD or socially anxious or sensitive and empathic - and these "confident" people mock us as their defense mechanism or they react with rage, thanks to plethora of psychopathic tools which they use in their shed.

One psychopathic tool which can help us with social anxiety is Discard - it is cruel method for anyone with empathy - that we in our minds deconstruct the abuser atom by atom so much that we do not contemplate anything about them - even in form of walls or trying to learn from experience that we had with them - it is as if they never existed at all, it is toxic tool and it is dehumanizing - that is why we never learned it, or try it. Discard goes against our high most moral and ethical standards.
Another interesting tool borrowed from psychopaths is Criticism. It is similar to Protest (which is not psychopathic). Criticism is nitpicking errors - however unlike psychopaths who use criticism relentlessly 24/7 to smother and control the victim - we can actually use spectrum thinking and adopt criticism partly - without anger, without drama, without hysteria - it is simply noting what they done wrong and what is standard and normal to compare with.

This is what I learned in past 2 days.
Quiet BPD is social anxiety. It is deep seated toxic shame that is so buried deep at the core that logical rational proof does not help to chase away this deep core belief. Healing would be that this deep core toxic shame is no more. That is why even when I perform without mistakes - I will still resent myself for "not standing up for myself" and for simply being in a situation with someone random rude person who is angry at me for whatever reason. I will feel the deep blame, shame and guilt - just because this random nobody is showing emotions of anger towards me - or even not directing their anger at anyone at all.
I also learned that this toxic shame happens as Operant Conditioning in ACoA environment of constant criticism. Now, the cure for Operant Conditioning is Extinction - which happens with Extinction Burst which basically means that before the automatic panic is gone, I will feel worse - it will appear as nothing is moving and that it becomes even worse. That would explain the avoidance and quitting part when I would face my fears in life - I simply did not wait long enough to stick with the agenda and plan. I would run away. That part is clear. What is not clear is this Extinction phase. So the problem with social anxiety is automatic feeling of deep shame, RSD when someone is angry and accusing me - whether for real or if they are basing their drama on fantasy. Now the reaction part - would be that I engage in Fight response, which does not happen. So I pretty much respond in a way which would be rewarded and labeled as healthy.
The unhealthy part is - this deep belief that I must be manly, macho and with back bone. That is toxic shame. It is a belief that I am embarrassed for being yelled at and that I must fight for my honor.
This part is tricky. If I really do shut up every single time when random or usual bully is rude to me - I will enable the abusers to keep on abusing.
So Extinction did not occur - for me reacting when reaction is needed. When I need to speak up my side of story when somebody is providing with wrong information and data for which I have undeniable proof which contradicts them. Problem is silence and never speaking it up.
I know that I have issues with panic and I cannot speak up - I freeze. That is trauma response. Another trauma response is fawning and I go along with abusers accusations. That part is Operant Conditioning.
And that is not all.
Let's say that I have a magic wand and I can remove Fawn and Freeze and actually talk and defend my side of story when needed - obviously I won't need to defend if the abuser is drunk or seriously mentally ill or someone with lower mental capacities - but let's say that abuser is somewhat intelligent and that they are able to hear the spoken words.
In that case - psychopaths will use punishment to shut me up.
Now - that is Operant Conditioning. Which is covered up and away from my awareness. I am afraid of repetition of the same pain, humiliation and suffering from the past when I was really physically assaulted by random bullies throughout my life - from kindergarten nanny, to teachers, to school bullies, to street violence.
In real life - violence would be rare.
And the most critical point is - that I really would not mind at all if they do attack me.
What can be worst than the psychological torment of hypervigilance and living in the fear - because of punishment by person who really is psychotic and criminally insane.
I really am not so much logically afraid of getting hurt - it is the trauma that is painful.
Extinction phase means that I have replacement behavior - and I really cannot replace something that I am not afraid is the problem. True problem is then - trauma reactions of Freezing, Flight and Fawn and mortifying trauma fears that logically are not that much painful nor scary nor permanent and not even realistic - such as fear of physical assault.
Replacement behavior for Flight is obvious - that I stay and that I do not run away but walk away.
Replacement behavior for Fawning is not to fawn. To protest. This replacement behavior I had no word until 2 months ago, after the Sinead O'Connor's death and learning about her protest mentality. Protesting means speaking up and leaving when the other person is not listening. Yet speaking up the crimes of abuser is important. This way abusers will have clear sign that they are not welcome here.
Replacement behavior for deep fear is Discard. That I no longer see the abuser as god like figure, which is basic trait of Quiet BPD.
In online world - it is equivalent to Block or Ignore permanent option. So that annoying person never pops up ever again into the perception focus.
And that is the core issue - that I do not trust myself. I cannot lean on myself - so I open myself to people who show even slightest micro dosage of acceptance and validation that makes me hooked to toxic people instantly.
Accepting myself at atom deep core level would be to trust my brain and how it is operating, trusting my flaws and imperfections and not trying to fix them or shame them or discipline them. I will repeat this self abuse scenario on the other people - I will expect them to be perfect. They will annoy me if I do not deeply accept anything I dislike about myself that I cannot even look at.

This is not all. Problem is panic - situations like new job or at the job when there is mobbing - how to react to trapped situations. I have neither short term response nor long term. Short term reaction - how I deal situations - by speaking the truth where leaving is not the option. When I speak the truth to a psychopath and I cannot leave the room due to task at hand - where I am at? When I can't support myself without money - I will be left to shutting up and self censorship responses such as Freeze and Fawn once again. I do not have answer for that. Long term response would be relocation. It is only today that I learned about Recency Bias - that with this bias I will tend to see only a few days and forget the past in order to make decisions. So up until now I never had explanation for toxic amnesia. That I take into consideration painful moments from the past where I struggled in toxic ambient which due to honeymoon phases may look attractive in certain periods, days or season.
Healing would be that I am aware of the future and of goals and that I strive in building connections and every day surroundings without drama and hysteria of toxic people to which I would stick due to shame, guilt and self blame and not knowing how to respond to social anxiety trauma.
As I learn symptoms of Quiet BPD - it now makes sense the past and now it hurts because I see where the covert pain was stemming from. I would explain away the pain by faulty CBT explanations and self blame myself for not being strong enough over and over again. While Quiet BPD is exactly that - self blame and trying to be strong enough. I was convinced that distorted abnormal sick parts were avoidance and panic. They aren't. The only distorted and abnormal sick part is not trusting myself and deeply rejecting myself at detailed deep core level.

So this deep seated distrust of self is making me on edge and to waste time and energy and focus on compensation masking and making it work by performing circus tricks and trying to impress other people. Other people are true problem too - psychopaths. When I am at some task, psychopaths will due to their power hungry mentality be obsessed with their hidden agenda and they will demand perfection. So I will totally forget the fact that being perfect at the start is impossible - and I will side with the abuser. I will not defend myself, I will not state the truth and I will not move myself out. Instead I will be obsessed by performing circus tricks and to impress the abusers. That happens automatically without my awareness and I stay stuck in fawning without being aware that it is happening and this takes toll on feeling of basic safety.

Social anxiety, RSD, QuietBPD - it is symptom it is not personality trait. It is by-product of emotional abuse exposure in childhood and later on. Having these symptoms of relentless rejection sensitivity and anxiety and self hatred - is looking for finding a way to fill the void inside, the trauma. So any trauma response - including Fight response, Flight, Fawn people pleasing - it is a way to fill in this void and it is unsuccessful since trauma responses cannot fill in the void. Only self love, self acceptance, self validation can do that. The approval must come from us only, not from other people nor events nor material objects. This validation must be complete with all our past, present and future traits and mistakes and flaws and anything that is found as irritating and annoying about ourselves.

With exposure to narcissistic abuse ACoA ACE experiences, there is programmed belief to be macho, strong, manly and not to show weaknesses and not to be sissy, feminine - these are psychopathic instructions by evil people. So in distress, when we do meet someone who is psychopathic and abusive and narcissistic, natural reaction would be to prove them wrong and to conquer them through power dynamics. This comes from media also - where evil is shown as non dangerous, in most cases in media it is shown that we need and must be strong and prove our point and that the other person will magically listen to us and change even through the use of force. So this way TV increased violence in third world countries where TV was introduced even in modern age, like in Southern Asia in 1960s or in Central Africa in 2000s. There is a wrong role model system - where power dynamics is shown as ultimate goal - and that is psychopathy: that we must always be correct and the just ones and that anyone who is annoying and irritating to us is evil and must be destroyed and replaced by imperfect superior version of being better. And of course, when this is impossible to act out in real life - we will self blame and attack ourselves for not being strong nor perfect.
This also makes a lot of prejudices about how to handle difficult people. It is easy to forget that all abusive people grew up in evil ambient - and that their violence and aggression stems from their desire to fill in their void through abuse and violence. It is counterintuitive but what is needed is to accept and validate them, their experiences and abusive toxic past which shaped their toxic behavior today. This is very similar to Fawning and people pleasing as our automatic Quiet BPD social anxiety reaction - but there is a small difference. When fawning, we self censor and keep out crucial data from being spoken out - due to fear of being punished by evil powerful unstable individuals who trigger our own trauma. Validating and accepting dark evil people means being on par with them - turning enemy into friend which does not mean to be really friends with them. It is communication and negotiation - the only legal way to handle people. Punishing them - when we are not institution to punish - will lead to grudge and evil actions against us in the future. Yet validating and explaining and teaching is creating boundary and knowing they are not welcomed into our ambient unhealed. Mistakes, errors are fine, being aggressive and possessive and intrusive is not. This needs to be stated and that is not fawning. With polarizing thinking we will believe that stating what is correct means war and fights. In reality - we can speak out the truth without drama and hysteria. There is a difference when we have education about Neurodivergence and trauma and abuse - and how validation and listening is important part in dealing with difficult and abnormal people. Dehumanization is not okay. Dehumanizing others will make us the same as psychopaths and with grudge inside us we will dehumanize others.
Polarizing thinking is that if we have grudge feelings that we are permanently shadowed by it and that this then destined us to react with egotism to others by pretending to be strong and proving our point to people who are unable to listen, and then being trapped in drama cycles. Grudge emotions are natural and normal by-product of exposure to toxic people - and it does not mean that we are not allowed to use resources which are available to us when there is no grudge present. Trauma forbid us to use resources due to this polarized thinking programming. That part needs correction - through education and understanding, deep knowing what is trauma and how polarizing thinking works and why it is dysfunctional. When someone abuse us, when we are triggered by toxic people - we will automatically enter into polarizing thinking, this will happen automatically and we won't be able to grasp that we are inside polarizing limiting self sabotaging mode which will produce self sabotaging decisions.
A child needs to be listened to. Neglected child will develop traumas and brain disorders of all kinds. So if we treat abusers with neglect - it will come back as karma - we will abuse them with our lack of interest, listening and acceptance. Polarized thinking forces us to believe that interest in abusive people means inviting them in into our private sphere. Black and white thinking - either they other people are trash that we do not touch or they are parts of our own body that we co-depend on. That polarized thinking is rigid and it is unhealthy. Also, when we reject other people we prejudge their future and their honest trial to heal themselves. Eventually they might get help - it is extremely rare but it happens. And as a last argument - since we did choose fawning as reaction to trauma and difficult people who trigger our trauma - I would validate our selves, our Self and our own natural inclinations. I would stick with people pleasing and fawning and transmute and transform it into healthy version of being open to life. If we close ourselves due to incidents- this will soon turn into limitations and walls and phobias and being afraid of everything.

There are some things with Quiet BPD that bother me. On the good side - now finally the childhood make sense - how I reacted and how I behaved, now it all makes sense. I was convinced it was ADHD but nope, it is after-effect of ACoA.
Thing that bothers me about Quiet BPD is perceived slight, narcissistic abuse and how to handle difficult people with this new found knowledge. Quiet BPD means that I will be dysregulated when triggered by toxic people. I knew that up until now thanks to Complex Trauma information. However with Quiet BPD information - it means that I almost need to create some kind of temporary persona that will over-ride dysregulation in order to function with people. Also Quiet BPD information explains why other people are not fascinated by interactions with other people - they simply do not have intense emotions associated with annoying and irritating people.

The way I see it, DSM is describing Quiet BPD as melodrama mindset, someone who over-reacts and that things are not so bad as someone with quiet BPD would report. That is gaslighting. Ignoring and denying someone's experience is abusive, it is brainwashing.

What confuses me is how we resolve handling difficult people -
because there is an inability to tolerate someone having negative conclusions about me. Such person may then base their decisions to harm me in the future. So it is trauma issue. DSM is using terms which I do not identify with: abandonment and rejection.
I personally do not care if toxic person abandons me. In fact I would love that such person blocks all communication and that such person rejects me and that I never ever have to be in any sort of contact with such person. DSM defines Quiet BPD as fear of abandonment and rejection. The only way I can describe this nonsense is that it is not abandonment nor rejection. It is fear that there is a fear of unknown actions that may be detrimental to me. This is the only valid explanation how I would equate fear of abandonment with Quiet BPD and social anxiety as such.
So with this fear of harm from a psychopath - I will try hard to fix and cure and prove my innocence and do everything to calm the hysteria and rage from such people. I will also be obsessed by giving explanation in order to clear my name so that they are not angry at me anymore. Now to a third party who never seen the actual abuse nor psychopathy of abuser - I myself will appear as clingy and needy and someone who fears abandonment and rejection. Now the DSM nonsense about fear of abandonment or rejection seems valid enough.
Another DSM nonsense is codependency part - where Quiet BPD will worship someone. I see this as trauma bonding. DSM is distorting trauma and presenting it through warped unclear and shattered pieces of information.
So due to abuse which DSM does not perceive, I will try hard to fix and cure and prove my innocence and be obsessed with explanations to the abuser, someone who is angry, moody, violent, intrusive - at my supposed mistakes and errors and imperfections which angered them and provoked them to drama and antagonism.
With Coercive Control - something bad will happen if I disappoint the abusers. With my own will or due to outer circumstances, deliberate or unrelated to myself - abuser will pick the weakest link and abuse them for anything. DSM will ignore the abuse part and diagnose and pathologize the victims of abuse as they have "fear of rejection" and "fear of abandonment".
Now I would focus on the target of abuse. When we are inside such abusive ambient - we won't notice that we are abused. Abuser will always create drama and tension through vulgar words and screaming and hysteria in order to censor the target of abuse and to create ambient of control. In such ambient, and without education about narcissistic abuse - we as target of abuse will end up self blaming ourselves and we will do whatever abuser asks us to do- without protest and without telling our side of story. So the drama itself will trigger ACoA trauma from childhood, operant conditioning which made us freeze and fawn - and we will repeat this pattern every time abuser enters hysteria mode.

In normal, healthy, sane ambient - we will have psychological safety which means free expression of our side of story, it means negotiation. There is no control power trips nor censorship.

Now what confuses me - is how come other people never make mistakes, how they are not massively fired from the jobs when there is some kind of confrontation. I do understand that neurotypicals will not be obsessed with drama and hysteria - since they do not have hormonal system activated and they do not have Operant Conditioning making triggers and flashbacks nor brutal inner critic inside to force them feel shame and guilt all the time. But I do see that in corrupt ambient - they will have some sort of protection - and they will use it. With being more outgoing and talkative, they will have much higher rank than someone who is silent. Once again, toxic society has bias where loud people are perceived as competent, while silent people are perceived as stupid and inept.
When there is some sort of abusive corrupt situation event - they will not hesitate to scream and yell back and hence scare away the predator. We on the other hand will have inner critic which will activate toxic shame and toxic guilt and operant conditioning of fawning and all sorts of trauma beliefs that angry people are gods and we must worship them and obey them automatically without any protest or truth telling.

Regarding fear of rejection - instead of melodramatic explanation in DSM, I see fear of rejection more in a power position situation where we need to acquire some papers or service or help - and the person in charge is rejecting us and treating us as garbage. Then their rejection would mean not getting the papers, service or help - and that is this fear of rejection. Plus with operant conditioning and trauma and fawning I will appear as clingy and desperate to a third party.

What DSM is not seeing in this fears of rejection and abandonment is narcissistic abuse. Narcissists will remember any slight, any rejection and hold grudge and bring it up later on as drama and accusations and a way to put someone down. Since their grudge will be expressed as violent and aggressive - no one will actually think about it deeply and see that such person is actually extreme coward, weak and irrational. Instead due to toxic masculinity - such aggressive person due to vulgar words and screaming will appear to the most people as macho, strong and competent and that their requests must be obeyed and complied immediately.

This is what DSM does not see - that social anxiety is after-effect of exposure to narcissistic abuse. The narcissist will be unreliable narrator to anyone in contact with them, and no one will be aware that such toxic people are unreliable narrators.
So such toxic person will remember any slight and any rejection, even when it was not personal and they will add drama later on, bring it up years after it happened, and use screaming and yelling and put downs - and everyone will be hypnotized by this dramatic presentation where dramatic person is perceived as just and correct just because they are capable of hurting others. And what is worse - anyone who is living with such abuser will easily be triggered later on with normal people and to the third parties, a victim of narcissistic abuse will appear as over-sensitive and someone who reacts to and perceived slight.
So due to bias, abuser will appear as strong and macho and competent due to drama and screaming and demands for justice - while in the reality - their communication is a lie. They are unreliable narrators. This means - that we need translator when someone is constantly in drama and accusations mode and when they constantly find errors and nitpick imperfections and always complain about everything all the time. Instead of competence and victim-hood and being just - what they are saying such people are telling us that they are having meltdown, narcissistic injury, that reality is crashing with their perceived entitlement and perceived grandiosity. What they are saying is that instead of being super strong and competent - that they are super sensitive and they are unable to process stimuli information - and instead of admitting that they are 5yo children trapped in adult body - they will use deflection and blame and shaming others in order to cover up their true face - traumatized child that is spoiled and hates everyone in the world.

So what can we do about it?
I heard this saying:
"Being an adult means having options. We can push back against bullies, move away when it gets too much, and tell other people what we need from them."
Hypervigilance and How to Overcome It
YT The School of Life

Now this statement makes no sense when we are trapped inside narcissistic abuse and when we have no money and when we are immobile. We do not have all the tools when we are inside so called comfort zone.
This statement however makes perfect sense when we do expose, when we are inside drama with someone who is unreasonable. Then we really do have choices which are being adult.
This will seem as fantasy when we are isolating ourselves and when we do not actually go into the world. However once we are in full exposure and accompanied social anxiety panic - then we really do have much more choices than our operant conditioning and inner critic lie to us when we are in rumination mode.

Toxic people cover up their emotions and feelings and thoughts and their true hidden agenda - to fill their void inside them, and they pretend to be someone else. They are not authentic, they wear fake rigid mask of falsehood in order to appear strong and competent and to extort and abuse other people in the process.
I believe with social anxiety panic - we pick up this falsehood on our radars very easily. And this ability to detect toxic people will appear as being over-sensitive to the third party.

I believe it is important that we are educated about narcissistic abuse and operant conditioning - so that we do not mislabel our ability to detect toxic people as a fantasy, cognitive distortion or perceived slight as DSM explains it.
When we dismiss our natural reactions and label them as personality disorder and something abnormal about our brain - we will then focus on the other person and try to please them - since this toxic person will criticize, nitpick, create drama out of nothing, accuse us of untrue things, make false allegations and blow up small insignificant details as catastrophe and our fault and something that we must feel shame and blame and guilt about it, all the time. If we deny our natural reactions and when we do not know what is narcissistic abuse - we will be easy target to abuse.

With Quiet BPD, RSD and social anxiety panic - I feel wrapped in the other person and other people. They colonize my thinking and decision making process. I see on deep level how they act, how they dress, how they behave, how they think, how they express themselves, and what they want - and in the same time I feel scared since I explain this connection and colonization as fear and panic - since there is some adrenaline rush - when the other person is rude or dramatic or in some kind of hysteria.
Then Operant conditioning of ACoA kicks in - and I enter into fawning mode, and self censorship and with Quiet BPD there is automatic deep shame and guilt - no matter what subject is, it will appear as my personal sin. Which means automatically the other person is god like figure that must not be questioned or rejected or disapproved in any kind of way.
And if they are unfair I might even feel anger, especially if I learned about trauma and Fight response - I will be introduced to fight response and think that I might use it in order to teach the abusers their lesson. Even shame will appear as if when I do not react that it means I am weak in the other people's eyes and therefore I must prove my manhood by screaming back at them and asserting some kind of dominance. That part is Quiet BPD. Without Quiet BPD information - I could not put words in clinical manner how to describe this feeling of correcting someone's injustice and unfair treatment.
DSM does not explain what happens when it is the other people who are making drama due to their own perceived slights - all the time. DSM does not mention when we do not have money to exist toxic contact with abnormal people who are violent and intrusive, how are we suppose to survive the abuse - this is not mentioned. DSM only blames and explains what we are doing wrong, not what other people are doing and how to protect ourselves from it. DSM does not mention what is like to be in contact with someone who remembers all the unimportant details where they were told no, and they bring it up over and over again as drama and hysteria.

What happens is that we will get dysregulated in such situations. And that we have to wait it out. That we do not engage in solving problems, nor thinking what we have done wrong, nor in fantasy how to get revenge. Dysregulation is painful, it is annoying, it steals our focus and energy - and we need to learn that it is triggered by untreated mentally ill evil people - not by some mysterious abnormality in our brain that must be cured and sought after and spend time and focus and energy in searching this cognitive distortions as CBT instructs us to do.

Along with dysregulation there will be automatic behavior that comes in the package: fawning, urge to fix angry people, feeling responsible for their emotions, feeling responsible for errors and mistakes and imperfections, plus the urge to appear strong and perfect and that I hide away my irritations and never speak out what bothers me. And that I must not make mistakes since angry person is exploding with a feeling and deep belief of some kind of contamination which makes me feel bad, so any mistake is extension of that contamination.
And basically dysregulation is like WW2 bombing of cities - I need to re-built the city over again, I need to clear the rubbish and material scattered around and I need to remember who I was and that I have worth to build anything.
That is what dysregulation is doing - it is destroying any traces of self worth that existed and I need to go through process of remembering and restoring - and in this process many things leave in the past and I never restore them - since they are outside of my awareness.
I know that this dysregulation happens due to trauma: deep Quiet BPD ingrained belief that I am inept and not worthy as person and that I must prove every day again that I have some value.
Of course that toxic people will sniff this out and nitpick it and pull our strings as if we are puppet on a string. Toxic person - all that needs to do is scream and yell - and they have a free slave who will be passive and working drone to them.
With this quote:
"If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us."
🟦Hermann Hesse
This quote does not mean that we are bad person and that bad person reminds us of being bad. Instead -
This quote actually means that if we feel secured about who we are - other people would not bother us.

And that is the core of Quiet BPD, RSD and Social anxiety trauma, Complex Trauma and after-effect of ACoA ACE ambient exposure: that we do not feel trust inside us, we don't feel secure about who we are. We are deeply ashamed about who we are at deep level and we try to over-compensate in order to fix what we believe is void inside us. The fixing would be in a form of feeling ashamed of our panic and reaction to toxic people - since toxic people in their appearance trigger our own self blame and own guilt - just because they appear in our lives- we feel responsible and guilty - just for them being there. They do not even have to start the rant and drama. They only need to appear and the guilt and shame is activated inside automatically and totally outside of our awareness. The only thing that will come into awareness is deep feeling of shame and feeling incompetent.
That is what exposure to narcissistic abuse does - we introject narcissistic hidden emotions and beliefs and take it as our own. We take their void and we try to fill it and fix it and we feel responsible that it is our task to fix angry broken violent people - by not harming them with truth and holding them accountable for crimes which they do.

It is totally outside of our awareness: that we ourselves are not broken. That we do not have void. We have trauma injury: false beliefs which were programmed inside our brain. It is totally outside of our awareness that we can actually feel secure about who we are and that we can rely on our brain - that our brain will be our protector and it will guide us. That social anxiety panic which CBT explains quickly as cognitive distortion - is nothing else but totally normal reaction to abnormal people around us.
Fawning, which CBT and many internet gurus will explain as sickness and abnromality and scapegoat it as abnormality and as entity which is guilty for us being abuses - is nothing else but totally valid and totally normal strategy to survive abnormal and dangerous people and socio-economic reality which is totally outside of our control.

We cannot be secured about who we are due to Operant Conditioning - being exposed to repeated brainwashing - through nitpicking and blame and drama about every single error and imperfection that happened during the day.

When we are trapped in abusive traumatic ambient - we will become sick as much as sick people are in such ambient. Psychopaths and narcissists who abuse others. We will simply mirror the abusers - and react to their abuse. This is not CBT's cognitive distortion. This is not perceived slight in DSM that describes Quiet BPD as being melodramatic.

Pscyhopaths are obsessed with control and being in control. Along with narcissists they will mask their abnormality and they will appear to the public as highly functioning. If we buy into their fake mask, we will be entrained and programmed in accordance to their agenda. The purpose of healing from narcissistic abuse is knowing that we can rely on our brain - that our brain will give us compass and GPS how to handle particular people and what to do about it.
If the brain calculated that it is the best to do nothing and wait - we need to have firm belief in our own brain. If we don't - we will develop panic anxiety issues.
I would go with healing from trauma in this direction: that we become strongly secure about who we are and that we trust our brain, our emotions and that we rely on our common sense - without depending on charismatic strong people to misguide us.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
⚠️ Covert abuse tactics

🚩Gaslighting
🚩Blame-shifting
🚩Silent treatment
🚩Lying by omission
🚩Love bombing to draw you in
🚩Confusion and word twisting
🚩Accuse victim of being the abuser
🚩Diverting and evading issues
🚩Denying/minimizing /rationalising their shit actions

(19.9.2023)

What bothers me about social anxiety/QuietBPD/RSD is automatic Operant Conditioning to shut up and never alarm the other person and inability to express my side of story along with inability to see that we have the right to protest. With Quiet BPD I now know why this happens.
Quiet BPD explains that we see the world and people in splitting way - black or white. This means when in job situation or at any kind of conflict with anyone this will happen:
1) I will associate a person who is receiving criticism as pure white victim. I won't see that this person actually caused abuse before and that person who is criticizing them is reacting to their abuse which happened away from public. So this is black and white thinking, splitting - where due to one situation ambient there is a supposedly innocent person that must be rescued. This is how we get hooked with impulsive borderliners, narcissists and psychopaths - we feel sorry for them when they receive their karma - and we do not see the whole story - only the after-effect where they are poor victims.
2) In a situation when some person is inventing the problems and who is perceiving slights and who is defensive and aggressive - our trauma will get triggered. This means we will shut down, we will pretent everything is fine, we won't say our side of the story. This is severe people pleasing which is self-deprecating. Another term is Negative Politeness. Which means not saying the obvious truth, elephant in the room for the sake of not hurting other people's feelings. Which leads to the third complex issue:
3) When to react anyway? If we start to express annoyance and irritation all the time everywhere - we will become toxic and aggressive and defensive.
So the central problem is how to know the difference between perceived slight and real abuse? This requires empathy and ability to express our grudge and rancour without hysteria, with a lot of please and without treating the other person in dehumanizing way.
So this is how Quiet BPD and social anxiety is born - in moral relativism all people are good, they are simply with some brain disorder which prevents them to outgrow egocentrism, they are children trapped in adult bodies - so basically we are left forbidden from reacting in any way. If we ask and demand something - we are hurting this children trapped in adult bodies. If we say it nicely, they will ignore it since they are children trapped in adult bodies. In toxic job, if we complain and fight back - we will be punished - relocation, low pay, ressignation - the punishment will be there since children trapped in adult bodies are vindictive and cannot handle any type of criticism nor feedback.

I see the solution in Protest and being Curious - these two ingredients mixed in together - so that protest does not grow into rage and hysteria, while protest is here so that curiousity does not grow into being pushover and self censorship.
I believe in ACE ACoA childhood we never learned this two crucial techniques. They were pruned off to learn through punishment and hysteria and negative reinforcement. If we complained - we were punished. If we asked questions - we were mocked and punished. So we learn to internalize blame, shame, guilt and keep silent and pretend to be functional alongside hiding our emotions. Problem is that this leads to mental illness. It is unhealthy to tolerate abuse and unfair treatment and to stay in damaging contact with person who has severe pscyhological issues.

With social anxiety CBT explanation I dislike the definition of social anxiety which states it is fear of criticism. While in reality it is fear/trauma of expressing OUR OWN criticism.
With QuietBPD explanation it is that we have perceived slights issues. While in reality it is other people's perceived slights which trigger us into dysregulation. Inability to react to someone else's perceived slights, where they make drama out of nothing. Due to ACoA ACE experience it ends in freeze fawn reaction which is very painful and leads to depression and fear of life in general - since it appears as if we are incompetent to handle and manage life.

When we are in any kind of situation where we need to learn something, when we need to do some task which is unknown and important - other people who will notice our mistakes - will appear as psychopaths if they express their notes and complaints in hysterical way.

This BDP Splitting concept deserves a lot of focus and examination here. It is describing the people pleasing issues that come along with social anxiety. I see this in my experience - I tend to feel extreme sorrow for a person who is yelled at and attacked - and I make this person into a saint that must be spared from any kind of criticism or rant or anger or criticism. And in real life - there are no saints. Each person is egocentric and unfair and injust at some degree. So this idea that there are people out there who are superior to us is really unhealthy and unrealistic. And it always backfire. Because soon enough the victim inside Karpman Drama Triangle always exhange the role - and become Perputrator. Because of drama mentality.

So the part of Quiet BPD where there is description of black and white idealizing and then discarding - is spot on. This is what I find in childhood too - I learned to feel sorry for anyone who is in hurt and pain - without realizing that this same person is abusive behind the scenes. Also, inability to create boundaries and express disagreement and tell the truth - comes from trauma which CBT does not recognize at all. CBT does not explain inability to speak up due to trauma, it is merely explained as suppressing emotions, without telling why this suppression happens. It happens due to exposure to abusive monsters.

So I think this is the core issue with Quiet BPD side of social anxiety: inability to distinguish between genuine care and someone being exploitative and abusive. If the person warns and alert us about anything - we do not know whether they have hidden agenda to exploit us or they express their boundaries and alarm us about something that is genuinely wrong and needs our attention. And how to respond when they are really abusive and a bully - all we have at disposal is either fawning or holding on to a grudge, mixed in with codependency and idealization/discard mentality.

The solution is in protest - and in discard of any emotional attachment that happens due to splitting. Without expressing our side of story - the unreliable narrators will make damage through domino effect. And if some person or ambient is toxic - discard would be to leave this place and not to be stuck in Learned helplessness. The huge problem is Operant Conditioning - where we learned to serve and obey angry people and to become dysregulated when they are abusive and when they have hysteria perceived slights moments.
This dysregulation which is programmed into our body is creating the damage - since it makes decisions for us from the trauma wound, amygdala hijacking. In order to get to the cortex - we actually need to repeat the lessons from psychology - to learn how to regulate by being calm and waiting it out for storm to pass.

So any kind of situation where we need help from others, of where we depend on other person's advice, approval, or they asses us in any kind of way - in such situation it will be difficult to express oneself, to asses the other person, to fight of Operant Conditioning and andrenaline hormonal rush, to interpret the panic symptoms as process stimuli processing that is neutral rather then proof of own worthlesness and cowardice and deep basic brokeness.
The truth is when we are in situation of unfavorable Power dynamics - such as dangerous person who threatens us and has some kind of power (able to fire us from a job, not provide us with needed service, papers) - there is nothing we can do about it. That is the bottom line. With social anxiety panic, rancour, grudge, RSD and Quiet BPD symptoms - we try to control this - and in reality, we can't. It is impossible to control the people and situations which are outside of our control. I believe this realization is needed to heal the trauma. With this realization - we will choose more wisely jobs, people in advance whom we want to be around with.
I believe with fears, panic, social anxiety panic, RSD, Quiet BPD - we do not know what we want. We can't know it -since self worth is destroyed. And then we get over and over into making decisions in life where we end up isolated and at the mercy of roaming narcissists and psychopaths who using honeymoon periods appear as saviors to us - and we get hooked into drama and abuse later on and codependency. Toxic people exploit our deep self hatred and exposure to toxic people who made us feel scared of people and to feel inept to manage life and make own decisions in life.

So the bottom line is that with overcoming Quiet BPD - it lies in the ability to make correct assesment when we need to react (protest) and when we need to ignore and move on (discard).

Dysregulation plays huge role in social anxiety and Quiet BPD describes this perfectly. It is any situation where I would not know how to do something - there is dysregulation. This means huge wave of shame, guilt and embarrassement and blame for not knowing how to do something. Then there is a panic of asking someone for clarification - where other person doesn't want to help, doesn't know what to do, gives wrong information and hence make things worse or mocking or shaming or even put downs for not knowing something. Quiet BPD explains this feeling of shame and quick belief that I am unworthy as person for being dysregulated and being in such situations. So the actual problem is this overwhelming shame and guilt which is the core feature of Quiet BPD. Without this information - anyone struggling with social anxiety is perplexed what is the problem and what to do - since CBT tells us to expose. Any exposure will bring dysregulation and shame, so CBT exposure will not help - without explanation that shame and guilt will be there. Shame and guilt when it appears - it does not have label on it. It comes as inner critic and as urge to run away or fawn in order to feel not contaminated. So it is useless to learn CBT instructions about social skills and being assertive - this will not work since shame and guilt over-rides it all. However when we are aware of shame and guilt and that this feeling is trauma entity, a hypnosis from Operant Conditioning - then it can be separated away from us, at least a little bit so that we can grasp for air and make different decisions other than based on shame and guilt compulsions.
With social anxiety trauma - other people guilt tripping and other people shaming will trigger dysregulation inside us, and we will be flooded with shame and guilt compulsions.

What's the use of learning social skills tips and assertiveness and forcing ourselves to face our so called fears - when in situation with someone who is behaving erratically and hysterically - we will be dysregulated into pleasing them and feeling shame- just for being around such person that may not even talk to us at all. Just the act of witnissing someone abnormal and anti-social can spiral into dysregulation state and feeling shame and into freeze state and not living life anymore, not making plans, not making goals, not knowing what I want from life. Just for being in the same space or any kind of visible relatedness even via screen with someone who is dysregulated and abusive. 

There is a new idea that comes up to my mind after learning about Quiet BPD. It is related to real life, past events and present time versus rumination and grudge, and rancour.
It appear that in real life, when I am out there - when I do face toxic people: that I have ability to do so. And it is only in rumination phase that it appears to me that I am incompetent. Now after learning about Operant Conditioning and unfavorable Power Dynamics - I have new insight about Protest approach and being Curious and ignoring narcissists who love random drama fights - that in real life, I won't be hurt by toxic people as it seems to me now when I am in safe zone. When I am in retrospective mode - it appears as if I am not capable to handle difficult people.

Now I know this is toxic shame and deep distrust and rejection of who I am, and that deep down if I accept and validate myself - that other people are really not that important as before, when Quiet BPD was not disovered/explained/diagnosed.
Now I can let go with peace. I can discard rancour and grudge knowing that other people are not gods and that due to trauma I will tend to see other people who are rude and intrusive as gods. Which would make me do circus tricks to please them or plan how to get revenge through not talking to them and obsessing how to build invisible walls against them or plan how to retort them in the smartest way in order to keep one step ahead of them. And being obsessed how ashamed I was when they put me down in private or in public. Now this does not matter anymore at all. I see them as mentally ill or evil or both - and they really do not matter. I can actually move on with my life, something I could not do before - since I did not know what to move - I would not have self worth inside me to protect from rumination and rancour accumulated due to toxic dysregulated people. Due to toxic shame it seemed as if dependence and close contact with toxic people will last forever. And that I must serve them and be obedient to them. This baggage and bondage is now gone, with inforamtion about Quiet BPD and now I can make that closure which I couldn't do before - since I would feel stuck and trauma bonded with toxic people.
Of course, Quiet BPD is not the only golden information that helped me to realize this. It is discovery of Complex Trauma 2 years ago that helped me realize important concepts which were hidden from me all those years.

Because now it makes sense why blocking and ignoring annoying and intrusive person works and it gives me a boost to lessen social anxiety trauma issues -
since this is a path to self love and acceptance and validation. Which are core issues damaged by trauma. With self hatred it is clear that we won't be able to defend ourselves - there is only other person who reflects our existence. There is nothing inside that would do that. So it makes sense that when we understand validation and acceptance - that naturally we will make new ideas how to protect ourselves from parasites and predators. All the lessons we missed in childhood due to isolation and punishments.

I believe that is healing itself - realization in my comfort zone, when I am ruminating and processing information data from the past and all the scenarios - that I come to the place where I no longer feel responsibility for someone's anger, that I no longer feel shame for someone acting dysregulated and hysterically - that I am not feeling responsible and guilty for someone's unfair actions which are hurtful and painful and deeply injust. It is about knowing the cost of rancour and holding on to a grudge and revenge fantasies - will not help and they will do nothing but push me into Quiet BPD symptoms where I appear the one who is wrong.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Sep 8
The victim is not the problem.
The perpetrator is the problem.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Sep 8
If your prevention method is focused on people thwarting perpetrators, you’re probably victim blaming.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Sep 8
You’re not ‘trauma informed’ if your message is causing trauma.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Sep 5
Hurt people hurt. Stop there and just support them.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Sep 5
Very disturbed by a trend to use ‘healing’ to shame and victim blame other survivors - “I put in the hard work to heal now you need to also.” If your healing has made you self-righteous - that’s not ‘healing’.


Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Sep 5
If you think you know what a survivor
'should' do but isn't, then you probably have no idea what the survivor is actually facing.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Sep 3
We need to stop setting the expectation for survivors to be perfect.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
Sep 18
Remember- if they do it often, it’s not a mistake, it’s their behavior

Caroline Kautsire
@CarolineKautsi1
Do you feel you are doing what you were born to do?

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Sep 17
Sensitivity will be criticized by people who refuse to be unmasked. To experience a person’s sensitivity is to be vulnerable, open, self-aware, safe. The sacred act of witnessing this feels like a threat to some. So much so, that they critique and retaliate to numb their fear.

"Any fool can know. The point is to understand."
-- A. Einstein (1879 - 1955)

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Choosing stress is NOT a choice.
Choosing joy is NOT a choice - it’s a matter of privilege. Is the person under stress but has a home, stability, and support or is the person surrounded by chaos and instability?  Please stop victim blaming with these pompous platitudes.

Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Honest people aren't afraid of the truth.
Liars are.


Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
It's one thing to feel unloveable when you're a kid, to feel fundamentally flawed.
It's another thing to really feel & believe that the people in your family or sphere don't even LIKE you.
It feels, among other things, really vulnerable. Knowing no one will have your back.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
If we want to stop victim blaming then we have to stop using prevention campaigns that set the standard that abuse will be prevented if you’re ‘educated’ and ‘do the right thing.’ The victim and their actions are not the problem. The perpetrator and their actions is the problem.

Science girl
@gunsnrosesgirl3
When you blindly follow others, there are consequences
Most species of ants have poor eyesight, relying on pheromones to track the one in front. If one ant intersects with its old trail, the group may spiral until they die from exhaustion

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
If we want to stop victim blaming then we have to stop using prevention campaigns that set the standard that abuse will be prevented if you’re ‘educated’ and ‘do the right thing.’ The victim and their actions are not the problem. The perpetrator and their actions is the problem.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Choosing stress is NOT a choice.
Choosing joy is NOT a choice - it’s a matter of privilege. Is the person under stress but has a home, stability, and support or is the person surrounded by chaos and instability?  Please stop victim blaming with these pompous platitudes.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Sep 3
We need to stop setting the expectation for survivors to be perfect.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Sep 5
Very disturbed by a trend to use ‘healing’ to shame and victim blame other survivors - “I put in the hard work to heal now you need to also.” If your healing has made you self-righteous - that’s not ‘healing’.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Sep 8
You’re not ‘trauma informed’ if your message is causing trauma.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Sep 5
Hurt people hurt. Stop there and just support them.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Sep 8
The victim is not the problem.
The perpetrator is the problem.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Sep 8
If your prevention method is focused on people thwarting perpetrators, you’re probably victim blaming.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
If you consistently change your behavior bc you are scared of someone’s reaction, then you are being abused

Reva Steenbergen
@RevaSteenbergen
Narcissistic abuse is so surreal that those victimized have a hard time believing it.
Years may pass and there will still be some level of disbelief because that level of insanity cannot be rationalized by a sane mind

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Sep 22
We live in an abuser centered world. When a survivor speaks up about trauma done to them, the focus goes to the abuser. People will narrate why it happened defending the abuser & show compassion for the one being called out. No healing will happen like this. The cycle continues.

(23.9.2023)

This is what I would focus on with Quiet BPD, social anxiety and RSD.
They are all based on fear of criticism and expressing own criticism. This gets messed up due to trauma.
When we are in situation where we need to learn something or something we do not know - the other person who warns and alarm us about our ignorance will trigger the same trauma reaction as someone who is abusive. There will be dysregulation.
So it would be helpful to know this and evaluate the situation - am I abused or do I lack experience or knowledge about something and other person appears as abuser to me.
With trauma - I will get caught up with dysregulation which means self hatred, trying to make sense from within and external attempt to control the situation as remnant from childhood: rancour, grudge, revenge seeking, hatred but never really blocking the person or warning them to stop.
So with the knowledge what social anxiety is based on interpretation of rude people as rude in situations which are new and where I do not know what to do - it is clear that my only task is to be curious and to explain dysregulated person what is going on. Dysregulated person on the other side will see me as perputrator and they will have their own childhish responses - hatred and anger.
Retort such as: I do not know, I am not doing this every day, I done this long time ago, I would do it correctly if I do it every day. The point is to make sense to myself and to the dysregulated person about my intentions here. Dysregulated person is living in a snapshot of reality - they have warped distorted explanations and react to negative experiences in their own life - and it is not my responsibility to cure them nor to change their thinking. When I am trauma based, I will try to fix other person, to over-explain myself and I will strive that other person does not hate me and their approval will be my primary focus and all my decisions will be based on panic to be accepted and validated by this hysterical person. This is where Quiet BPD steps in and explains why I do this and that it is dysfunctional and useless approach. I really can let the other person to be angry and stop controlling them through fawning to sooth them down.

With Quiet BPD information - now finally growing up ideas make sense and what happened. Growing up in culture shame country - I grew up seeing how others are hysterical in the public and I decided not to be hysterical myself. I falsely concluded that all people who yell and scream are abnormal. I did not know about concept called Reactional Abuse. So by deciding that I will go with Moral Relativism and being patient and empathic with everyone, including narcissists and psychopaths - I would clip my own wings, I would remove my boundaries - and I never learned how to defend myself in various situations. And then Negative politeness was born - since narcissists and psychopathsa are unreliable narrators - it is really not good idea to believe everything that they say. They lie a lot. They will represent themselves as victims and they will keep quiet about the whole truth and they will distort reality. With false information it is easy to become brainwashed and take on the blame and guilt and to be hooked in fixing them and their invented drama.

I see social anxiety, RSD and Quiet BPD as being caught between two fires, two emergencies going on at the same time: it is toxic person and our inner critic - these both assault us with false allegations, criticism, nitpicking.

Dysregulation is deconstruction. And regulation is an attempt in reconstructing onself. In trauma we won't be able to reconstruct ourselves to the full potential due to toxic shame. I construct myself each time I am triggered. Without knowing it, without being aware that there is deconstruction, without being aware that I need to restore myself - making the process harder and lasting longer.

Toxic shame, Social anxiety, Quiet BPD and RSD are all based on these events:
- toxic person judge and command how to do something.
That is the trigger. Narcissistic abuse is hidden and covert and we do not notice it. Because our own moral and ethical standards will always assume it is our fault if there is any kind of error.
So all that toxic person has to do is to create drama about something.
This is where we will appear as over-sensitive and that we react to perceived slights.
When there is any kind of action - it is easy to fall into category of not knowing and not being expert in the matter. This way narcissists and psychopaths always put themselves in the power position where they will command others and ashame them and put them down for the purpose of being correct and right and it is competition, one-up-manship.
This is where our trauma, RSD, Quiet BPD will be triggered and activated: someone nitpicking us, blaming, criticizing and making drama about certain task to be done.
While it is reasonable to listen to others and to be open to possibility that our knowledge may be incompleted and that other people's criticism is valuable data to learn something - it is dangerous if we assume that we must reject our brain, our experience and our opinion and shut up.
Without trauma information we will always obey and shut up and take the blame and feel embarassement for not knowing something.
Plus if the person instructs us in shameful demeaning way - this activates the toxic shame, too. Now our trauma will be triggered. We will become dysregulated at this point - which means there will be panic symptoms and self hatred and self depreciation.
The problem is that toxic person assumes that we must know something and that we are not allowed to make any mistakes. This part is hidden - that they are perfectionist and that they demand perfectionism from us.
When we say nothing and when we shut up - and we will always if we are not trauma informed - if we are not educated in narcissistic abuse - we will obey and shut up due to toxic shame. This is where toxic person abuse is not deflected and where we get inner critic inside us that will torment us to be perfect and to be afraid of reactions from toxic person. Toxic person will continue with abuse and put-downs when we are stoic and non reactive. It would be great if we are stoic and non-reactive if there was no trauma stuck inside our body and if we did not have inner critic inside us. This part is never mentioned by CBT nor self help industry nor internet stoics. The toxic shame is explained away as "we must be strong", we have to have "willpower". Inner critic and toxic shame are not issue of willpower. If we believe it is - we will develop personality disorder and mental illness - since we will equate our trauma with our persona and personality trait, about who we are inside, as person. Trauma nor inner critic nor toxic shame will not go away by us being in denial, it will not go away with dissociation nor suppressing it.
In fact, dissociation will result in creating fake persona and mental illness - we will develop physical illness alongside of mental illness.
This part needs to be brought to surface: that toxic people expect us to be perfectionist and that we must know everything and that we must know all perfectly immediately the first time we do it.
That is the core of social anxiety and RSD - we end up isolating ourselves since we don't want to be imperfect, since this is the trauma and programming that was ingrained into our psyche through Operant Conditioning. Operant Conditioning is automatic response, outside of our awareness that leads to automatic behavior such as shutting up, fawning, people pleasing, suppressing emotions, not expressing oneself, not telling the truth, blaming oneself and feeling toxic shame and feeling immense blame and shame and guilt for not knowing something. So it is easier to isolate oneself and not mingle into society which is shameful and judgmental.

With time, with education. with experience we will have our own ideas and opinions how to do something. Psychopaths will do everything to block and censor this in others - since this is direct threat to their manipulation and coercive control. So they will make us to shut up. However spoken word cannot be destroyed. If we warn narcissistic psychopaths that their fake narcissistic idea about making submersible out of carbon fibre is dangerous and leathal - these warnings will be heard later on after the psychopaths kill people with carbon fibre later on.

With Quiet BPD information - we can see what is the problem here.
Without trauma information, without Quiet BPD data - we have no idea what is the problem. What to do about the toxic shame. How to react to people. Obviously - if we do something for the first time - the other person will be in authority and there is nothing to object if we have no knowledge about it. Also, when forming any kind of close contact - this ability to see how people are reacting to power dynamics is important how to recognize evil people and never allow them inside.
The Quiet BPD information is that whatever toxic people do, no matter how much the put us down - when we feel shame and triggered - it is a sign of trauma being stuck inside us and that there is toxic shame which means - deep down inside we reject ourselves. Without this information - we will try to please toxic people, stay dependend on them, we will believe we are inept, and not know how to and what to do to feel better. We will be stuck in mood swings and depression. With trauma information and Quiet BPD - the clear message is to accept ourselves as we are, with our mistakes and flaws and then base our decisions on this self acceptance, not on depending on abuser to like us and focus on their approval and their validation.

Once our self worth is more less centered - we will have much clearer vision how to handle difficult people. In some situations - its best to shut up and really say nothing. In rare situations - especially if we were silent all life - it is the best to have meltdown, very loud one. It depends on situation and monsters on the other side. It is crucial that we are at peace inside - so that our inner critic nor toxic shame are doing havoc inside. I believe with education in trauma and Quiet BPD - we will make peace with our inner critic and toxic shame. These parts are here because we learned through Operant Conditioning to shut up and suppress our emotions. It leads to moral injury - witnessing unfair treatment and doing nothing about it.
Sure, in most real life situations - we won't have much options to do. However we do have option to save up money and plan relocation in the future. Without trauma information we won't even do that - since there is no ego, no self worth inside. Operant conditioning render our inside self worth useless.

I don't know why it's so hard to describe toxic people who trigger dysregulation. It is hard to describe someone acting self-righteous and calling it that way. Trauma, RSD, perceived slights - they all get triggered by toxic people.
I would focus on this - what makes toxic people toxic. And reaction to it. When someone complains all the time and demands perfectionism, when they are not realistic and create drama through blame and put downs - natural reaction is to react and defend oneself against the slander. So this can soon turn into hatred and holding on to grudge and trying to be perfectionist - which makes us to be infected with evil now. That is because we don't allow mistakes and errors in other people. Yet if we say nothing and shut up - toxic person takes this as a green light to continue with the abuse.
And it is hard to label it as narcissistic abuse - since this happens every day from anyone everywhere. People judge and criticize all the time everything.
So with social anxiety, with high moral and ethical standards, with being highly sensitive, with empathy - we will try not to harm other person - and this is how Negative Politeness is born and people pleasing and fawning.
And then this turns into hyper-vigilance and living in survival mode - where I no longer make plans, I do not initiate. Instead - there is only reaction and living in reactive mode where other people trigger others. That is why Quiet BPD is important to recognize - it defines this reactive mode. Without it, we will tend to self blame and to people please - we won't notice that we gave up on our ideas and being innovative and making plans.
There is common theme in triggers: it is always other people. It is their abuse of power: they complain, nag and criticize, they are intrusive and put other people down - that would be a common theme. That is all narcissistic abuse. Anyone behaving this way is self-righteous. The other problem is trauma - inner critic which creates sense of urgency and fawning due to past trauma where there was punishment and negative reinforcement for any protest to such behavior. Alongside inner critic there is dysregulation - which is survival mode and deconstruction of self - which means there is no grounding, no solid ground, there are no ideas how to solve issues and there is no guiding light about what is important and where to go. Without self worth there is self blame and inability to protest and feeling constant toxic shame and overewhelming guilt.

The problem are toxic people whom we depend on. On their information, on their service, on their input, on some kind of resource - and in the same time they are unwilling to help and they complain and they are intrusive, angry, moody. And also situation where something must be done as a team so they also complain and they are bossy and rude and yelling for us not being perfect. That is social anxiety - it is being stuck in such situation where we are somehow codependent on someone without way out of it and this person makes hell and we are doomed to put up with it.
And toxic shame and inner critic makes it really hard to react in correct manner.
Sometimes it is best to quit and walk away. In many situation we won't be able to do that. This is what CBT nor self help industry does not mention at all - that the source of social anxiety panic trauma stems from being trapped in situations with toxic people.
CBT does not mention how to handle angry people - all I heard was unrealistic advice from you tube and random articles - that we quit and leave. Which in real life is impossible.

So in order to deal with hysterical people - I need to know what is task at hand since I will forget it when they start to be hysterical. I also need to know about toxic shame and the fact that they affect me is due to lack of self worth. Without this information I will lean onto automatic responses: freeze and fawn.

When we engage in any kind of fear panic action such as dysfunctional defense mechanism as Projecting - instead of stopping it and blaming ourselves for being bad and evil person for having those non-workable defensive strategies, I would see that Curiosity is better response than self pathologizing ourselves.
Projecting does not work because it leads to fantasy, delusions, grudge and rancour, unnecessary anger and potentially detrimantal life decisions which may be permanent.
Instead of removing Projection - I would rather see what I do it and what would happen if I actually had the so called willpower to stop it at the press of an imaginary button inside our head. The most probable thing that would happen is that our mind would simply find another defense mechanism which is even worse than projecting - such as sucididal idealizations.
When we project -we are defending ourselves from toxic people. Without this shield, other people will hurt us. Easily, much easily than with having dysfunctional shield.

BPD Splitting plays huge role in social anxiety trauma, triggers and RSD over-reacting to criticism. It is the belief that if we feel triggered that this means we are bad person. It means that if we feel anger that this means we are bad person. It is as if we are contaminated for being in bad situation, that this defines us as person. So if someone is over-reacting and displays anger - that this means we are bad person.

As I am learning about Quiet BPD there are new realizations that come to my mind.
One of them is the realization that Quiet BPD is actually a dam, it is firewall, blockage - from Impulsive BPD, narcissism and anti-social impulses, reactions and urges coming alive. Quiet BPD is protective shield from the evil possessing us completely. That is huge realization. So social anxiety has its purpose - it is protecting us from turning trauma into Fight response and actually abusing other people by being violent to them.

Another realization is related to the Splitting. That if there is a perceived slight that it is not always an imagination. Where there is a smoke - there is a fire. It is impossible in contact with someone that our over-reaction is always wrong. Instead of binary thinking I would go into percentage - that for example there is 12 percent of fault in the other person who is not having social skills to express oneself clearly. Not being clear enough leads to misunderstandings.

And another realization is about toxic people. They are not all absolute monsters. Once again, binary thinking is the problem with social anxiety. We are convinced due to trauma that critical demanding annoying loud obnoxious person is the same as some absolute abuser. They are not. They may be for example loud - but some people are willing to listen our own criticism without punishing us. I see this as handy in job settings. Not all authority personnel will fire us if we express our own opinion, anger or hatred. Due to abuse - we think they are all the same. They aren't. Some of them do not have absolute power to fire us. Some of them struggle themselves and they do not know how to ask for help other than appearing abusive and narcissistic. If we are stuck with binary thinking, we will avoid people and isolate ourselves from life - since we will expect total and absolute catastrophic abuse - while in real life this does not happen all the time. That is what CBT is trying to explain with social anxiety that comes out all wrong. With CBT explanation - we are hallucinating and toxic people do not exist. In reality - toxic people who frighten and trigger us are not absolute monsters as the original abuser was. Depending on situation, country, circumstances, events - person who is difficult is not the same replica as the past abuser and past abusers. This gives us more space to defend ourselves and to use more options than we would otherwise give up from using in the first place. So this splitting and binary thinking is helpful tool for social anxiety, it is handy to learn, it is like a toolbox that we never learned it existed that we can use in social situations.
That explains why all those people out there survive in social situations - it is not because they are better nor stronger. They simply learned in their teen years - when our social anxiety isolation started - they experimented with these percentages and loop-holes in the system and diversity in human kind and human mind.
That is why a saying that as adults we have much more variety of plethora of options available than we had as traumatized children where we had none. Due to social anxiety isolation - we never learned this set of options and instead we were stuck in absolute snapshot of tyranny that appears as a template or pattern that we copy and paste into life situations - and we tend to quit before experimenting with various options. For example - with some people yelling and screaming will help. For some criticism and talk will help. With some blocking and avoiding will help.
Social anxiety is not bad at all- it helped us to keep safe and to block most traumatic and dangerous and really bad people and events from experiencing them. It is protective shield, protective attempt - and we need to honor our brain for coming up with solutions instead of pathologizing them.

Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Sep 24
When a malignant #narcissist sees a wounded person, ie. symptoms of abuse; someone who has PTSD, etc., they don't see a reason to be sensitive or compassionate, they see an opportunity to dominate and abuse. Their instinctive mob mentality gets fired up.
#NarcissisticAbuse


Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Sep 23
Why do people enable & defend an abusive person?
1). They've hurt others in similar ways & don't want to address it.
2). They've been hurt in similar ways & don't want to address it.
3). Their survival is dependent on the abusive person.
4). They don't care (lacks empathy, etc.)

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
When you cut off someone from your life, they will never tell people the full story, they will only tell them the part that makes you look bad & them innocent.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Perpetrators always think you holding them accountable is worse than their crime.
#perpetrator101

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
But why NOT dissociate? Why would we WANT to be present w/ all this pain, all these awful memories?
Because dissociating doesn't dissolve that pain-- it just leaves a part of ourselves alone w/ it.
Learning to be present w/ that pain means not abandoning that part of us.

MJM
@MikeJMele
Mental illness is a menace. Those struggling don’t need people, who are blissfully unaware of the severity, demanding they follow their “tips/tricks” to survive. You don’t know their battles, so don’t tell them how to win their war. Be their brother & not their drill sergeant.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Trauma reactions - I’m very leary to counter-argue someone on social media because trauma teaches you that you’ll be punished if you do.  #healingtrauma

"it is not confidence - it is narcissism"
YT poizen-ivy

"The 'confidence' you see as an outsider is the defensive mechanism that is there in order to protect against criticism, since you can't deal with it all. a lot of denial of reality goes with that"
YT jefo2405

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
manipulative people pretend to be good people so they can trick you

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮
@_Pammy_DS_
Normalize not feeling bad for removing yourself from anyone who did not feel bad for hurting you.

Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D. (Cis, He/Him)
@AndrewCicchett1
Sep 25
Perpetrators of coercive control know exactly what they are doing.


Inner Practitioner
@MindTendencies2
May you attract the people who make you feel safe and calm your nervous system so you can drop your armor and freely share your thoughts, feelings, needs, and insecurities through their understanding, encouragement, and support.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
Sep 25
A narcissist is only interested in your feelings if they can use them against you.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
Healing doesn’t necessarily mean our triggers disappear.
It means, we approach our triggers as information,
and learn to strip them of their power, such that we RESPOND instead of REACTING.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
Let’s stop glorifying trauma as a life lesson we’ve been blessed with.
It CAN make us stronger, and post traumatic growth is actually a very real phenomenon.
However, we didn’t go through heinous experiences to MAKE us stronger or to form into who we are. There’s NO good reason for it, and it’s certainly not a blessing in disguise.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Nobody would feel safe w/ someone who shames, blames, & punishes them every day-- which is why we gotta tap the brakes on shaming, blaming, & punishing ourselves in trauma recovery.
Doesn't matter how "safe" we are out in the world, if we're not safe in our own head & heart.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
Part of why cognitive behavioral therapy doesn’t work for trauma survivors is because how can we help anyone stop catastrophizing when the LITERAL worst-case-scenario is stored in their mind body and brains?

Carl Hindy, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist
@DrCarlHindy
Because there are times, especially with trauma, when reasoning won’t cut it. Reminds me of early in my practice when a patient comes in stating they have a fear of flying. A newly minted psychologist, I prattled-on about the infinitesimal odds  of a plane crash, surely much safer than the drive to the airport. The patient interrupted me to say, “My parents died in a plane crash.”

AbbigailDog
@AbbigailDog
Was in a group csa and trauma program.
Often one has a heightened sense of perceived risk, fears as a trauma response.
Group discussion, point was raised …
What happens when those heightened senses of perceived fears turns out to have been well founded?  Talk about enforcing the trauma response.  
But what about those instances when the perceived fears were not heightened enough as the fear turned out to be much too low for the eventual outcome?

Jacklena Bentley
@JacklenaB
Thinking the narcissist will magically come to their senses is delusional.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
Sep 27
A narcissist’s supply is your emotional reaction.
Don’t give it to them!💥

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Perpetrators love to make themselves out to be the victim, but they also love to be the savior. As long as the attention is on them, they don’t care how they get it.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
Post traumatic stress isn’t about what’s wrong with you.
It’s about what happened TO you,
and that distinction could be the difference between shedding shame, or being cloaked in it.
Shedding shame can empower you to become the captain of your own healing.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
If you are someone who has survived a great deal of trauma, this is your regular reminder that you most likely owe people much less than you think you do.

loin d ici
boxer



Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
A toxic workplace environment is more likely to change you than you change it.
Get Out

"You can mourn the child they were, even as you put down the monster they became" -Garret PI

Lisa A. Romano
@lisaaromano1
Healing from #codependency requires #awakening from #toxicfamilyissues. #narcissistic parents won't like that very much. Awaken anyway!

Dr. Roger McFillin
@DrMcFillin
Anyone can benefit from therapy? No I don’t think so. Can therapy be harmful. Absolutely. Those who deny this …🚩

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
When a child grows up in survival mode, they don’t stop loving their caretakers, they just stop trusting their care. As adults, this often results in isolation. It’s not a lack of desire for safe connection, it’s that no one showed them what that looked like when it mattered most

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
Be careful, some people will promise you a dream and give you a nightmare.

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
Trauma teaches you to close your heart and armor up. Healing teaches you to open your heart and boundary up.

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
Sep 29
Don't let yourself be controlled by three things; people, money or past experiences.

(30.9.2023)

With social anxiety there is trauma. This means the brain will start to see and mark any danger and potential danger. If we are not educated about trauma, we and other people will label this system of noticing danger as offense or anger or label it as some concept which is misdiagnosis. So if we believe that this system of noticing the danger is anger - we will act on anger, we will be preoccupied with fighting battles. If we believe in label that this system of trauma where I notice danger is an offense, I will be stuck in grudge and rancour and the worse - I won't be able to release it. Offense is released with forgiveness - but letting go will not work here because there is nothing to let go. Trauma is reaction to danger and trying to protect ourselves through noticing the danger. This may seem also as over-thinking and many neurotypicals do not like to over-think since it is same as depression and worry and rumination and anxiety. And what happens when we believe in this label - is that we stop thinking. And then bad things happen because we deliberately stopped our natural abilities to calculate and project what will happen in order to make best decisions about certain task or project. I see this happening at job where there might be certain bullies and angry people who would trigger us into dysregulation - and if I listen to the advice to stop thinking - I will end up not performing good - and this will make angry people even more angry and what's worse I will appear as lazy, arrogant, incompetent. More drama - just because of wrong advice and wrong misdiagnosis of us being in "over-thinking". That is what Elaine Aron was talking about in her book HSP. She said over and over that we need to label our stimuli processing as neutral instead of placing quick labels which other people may stick on us - such as scared, coward, shy, introverted as if the act of labeling helps. Neurotypical have mindset of Crusader to destroy and cure anything that is uncomfortable. The paradox and irony is that this same stoic mindset of self improvement cult is obsessed with how wrong the comfort zone is, and they ashame others that the others live in the comfort zone. While in the same time they are totally unaware that inability to feel emotion is their own comfort zone.

Regarding the offense, with trauma this is act of Splitting. Splitting is trauma response, learned defense mechanism in childhood when we could not leave the toxic ambient - so our brain started to label anything uncomfortable as sickness and abnormality and shame and something to reject and hate in 100 percent. There is no spectrum, there is no ability in such belief to see that there is no absolute wrong. Splitting makes us believe that when other people are rude and aggressive and unjust and unfair - that we are bad for being in such situation and we are bad for feeling reaction to their anti-social behavior. Splitting is rigid thinking.
Because when the other person is angry and nervous - trauma part is the strong belief we are in danger and that we will be punished and that we must do everything to be scared and fawn to such person in order that they have mercy. In such panic state we forget other actions such as apologize for example and there is total amnesia that the other person does not have god powers over our life.

In healing trauma I see education as important - because without knowledge how our nervous system functions - we will be prone to stick quick labels and quick oversimplified explanations along with self hatred and self blame. Being stuck in grudge and shame, our brain won't have much resources to focus on task at hand or taking different responses other than those based on fear and panic and reacting to abusers.

Wrong description lead to wrong constructions and wrong definition and then wrong conclusions and wrong decisions. If I read medical description of splitting - it will appear as if splitting is going from one extreme to another and I do not identify with that at all. In reality splitting is noticing certain detail about some event or behavior and then make total conclusion that everything is either safe and totally trustworthy or totally opposite - that it is totally bad and absolute catastrophe. And there is no awareness that there is a middle ground or spectrum or percentage of certain aspects. With splitting - everything appears as either super positive or super negative based on some small detail. And not being able to recognize that this is a pattern. What I will notice is hurt and pain and feelings and emotions based on some detail, and in most situations I won't notice anything and I won't give it a chance, since I will avoid it, I will per-emptively choose to cut myself from any experience through isolation and avoidance of any kind of contact or stimuli - based on splitting which is not perceived as splitting.

Another example is injustice when someone is rude. The thought I will not be disrespected this way is splitting. Society and media will flood us with this reaction thoughts and no one will label it as splitting and that it is damaging, unhealthy thinking characterized for Borderliners.

The splitting issue becomes apparent when I look it through the context of social anxiety. Social anxiety trauma being afraid of certain exposure: driving a car due to angry drivers and service personnel. Going somewhere out again due to critical and intrusive and violent people. Then someone making suggestions in the neutral to go somewhere I would refuse - not because I am lazy or hate them - but because of trauma. And I will appear as lazy and rude to others when I refuse or hate doing things which cause me stress. And splitting is when I keep anger down around dangerous people and I have no problem in expressing my anger around people who seem safe. And all this happens unconsciously. Amazingly enough I noticed this behavior a few years before learning about trauma - so I could intervene to stop being jerk myself. However with unresolved trauma suppressing emotions and denial and dissociation is not the answer. Being quiet for the sake of not bothering others is not the solution and it is not healthy. That is why work with triggers is essential. Other people do not need to suffer or be scorned or hated or avoided due to my trauma, that is my personal issue which I cannot dump onto others.

I see Quiet BPD as being psychopath and sociopath and bully and predator to one Self. Without ever realizing it, as any Cluster B monster is not aware how their behavior affects other people (and they do not care), in the same way with Quiet BPD we have no awareness how our own behavior affect ourselves -- but I think the difference is ability to become aware of it: the basic lack of compassion and treating our mistakes, hang ups, fears with scrutiny, shame and discipline, as if we are a stray dog. That is the core of toxic shame - and this self hatred is like domino effect comes into reality through self defeating decisions and consequently isolation and inability to connect with others. How can anyone connect with other if one treats himself with scorn, rejection, hatred and shame.

Thing that bothers me with Quiet BPD as "diagnosis" is that we are being told by psychology and media that we need to listen to others. But what happens when the others and someone we are in contact with does not listen and when such person is extremely egocentric and does thing in stubborn way - placing objects so that they are in the way. With official "advice" we are suppose to talk it out and be "assertive" about it. And the problem here is when we become voicing out what is wrong, the criticism - we become abuser ourselves - since we appear as aggressive and intrusive. If someone does not follow traffic rules - how can we make this person to obey the rules? We can't. So there is absolutely no explanation what to do when we are trapped with toxic people who disobey rules, who have no moral nor ethical standards and who are very egocentric - and we cannot leave due to money or obligations or trauma. Then what happens is - we won't try to change them, we won't control them, we won't punish them, we won't trigger them so that they punish us in any way shape of form - and we will end up with Quiet BPD diagnosis. That is how I see Quiet BPD - being trapped inside toxic ambient with toxic person and there is no way out, and all the time we try to do the correct and morally and ethically right thing, take the logical actions without harming anyone in the process. And the anger that is suppressed is natural and normal reaction to abnormal monsters. I believe healing the trauma and Quiet BPD lies in the realization that we have learned to torture, abuse and neglect ourselves, we are abusing our own Self without being aware that we are doing it - because we were forced to do something with the hurt and abuse and pain and torture that toxic people have done to us. We refused to spread the generational trauma onto the next generation and we took the beatings on our own, by beating oneself and rejecting and abusing the self and shaming ourselves and feeling disgust for ourselves for not being "strong" and "good enough" and macho or manly or whatever to be to fight off the predators.

So I've stumbled to this quote online about borderliners:
"The person with BPD can get so angry that they can lose a grip of themselves and their behaviour, without being aware of how they treat loved ones. Often, the borderline who splits sees themselves as the victim, who is being mistreated. They may not see their actions as destructive."
This applies to Quiet BPD in a sense that we are not aware how we treat ourselves.
And ideas from the toxic society is to engage in Fight response - and we might experiment with yelling and screaming at others - which of course does not work since stubborn people are mentally ill and egocentric and impulsive borderline and narcissistic and psychopathic. The calmest reaction from toxic people is silent treatment and grudge. Total inability, it is absolute lack of admitting own fault and realizing how their own behavior is affecting others and any criticism will be explained away in their head as them being a victim and the critic is the one who is mistreating them.
Now this explanation needs to be transferred into Quiet BPD settings - where we are unable to validate ourselves. This is totally unknown area and we do not know what to do about it, as much as impulsive borderliners, narcissists or any kind of Cluster B monsters have no idea that other people are not objects but real people with their own rights, they are not actors in their drama movie to be played around, controlled and manipulated.
So this awareness needs to be done in Quiet BPD when we try to accept ourselves.
It is about coming to the realization that our Self is not an object. It is not here to be abused nor manipulated nor controlled - but set free instead.
And once we get this - we will have better healthier attachment styles with other people -since we won't repeat the same treatment with people who are close to us.
We will never treat predators and intrusive people as garbage - since they are violent and dangerous and can back-stab so it is best to avoid them and fight them off as much as  possible. However with people who are suppose to be in our inner circle, people whom we trust - we will treat them as objects and be cruel to them, because we are cruel to ourselves, and we allow ourselves the liberty to be "natural" to anyone close to us - and inadvertently torturing them and hurting them. I believe with Quiet BPD we do realize the damage done to the others and we try hard not to harm others - and that is the reason why we isolate ourselves from the others and why in the end we did end up with social anxiety. When handling unknown new or old people who are potentially rude - our natural first reflex reaction will be fawning and confusion and being quiet and never expressing our anger - since we does not want to hurt or harm other person into suicide or causing them pain of suffering by any wrong or rude word. Yet we do not show this same compassion for ourselves. We think we do. We think if we feed ourselves or drink ourselves or buy clothes or do external things to us as a pleasure that we show love. We don't. We treat our core self as object and we abuse it as Quiet BPDer.

What I see as natural solution here is realization that deep core Self is an entity separate yet part of ourselves that deserves the respect and to be listened to and nurtured. Also, that we balance out toxic people - that we withdrew Negative politeness and lower it down, and actually cut toxic people out that we are afraid to cut out, and direct Negative politeness to our inner circle with people whom we trust and who are near us and who do not harm us.
Until we accept ourselves, we do not love ourselves and we do not take care of ourselves as an adult. We simply repeat the learned strategies from trauma. And it is obvious that then other people's criticism is much more painful and hurtful when we have no inner world recognized as a living entity.

With Quiet BPD information now I can look back at anything unfair, unjust and frightful that happened to me in a new light. I actually can see myself from much different perspective than before. I would see myself as victim and bad things that happen to me are worst and catastrophe and unfair, PLUS that I am the only one that this happened and that I must be embarrassed about it and deny it or make drama about it - now splitting information makes sense. I can make now a better assessment where I am not some tragic larger than life figure and balance it all out. The emotional charge is now gone when I know that with splitting I make myself to be special inadvertently.

Accepting social anxiety would be accepting the reality - that feeling uneasy around people comes because of toxic people. There is a certain level of toxicity which we can stand. If this level comes too high and overwhelming - anxiety, feeling unwelcome, feeling stigmatized is natural effect of being exposed to people who are shaming others and narcissistic personalities who can't stand different opinions, criticism, views. If I believe in CBT I will end up blaming myself and thinking that there is something wrong with me - and I will try to fit in into toxic ambient which is highly judgmental. And then I will fawn and people will abuse me and there will be no healthy interaction. Normal and healthy people talk, they do not order or issue commands to others who are in their eyes inferior.

Another idea that is coming to me after learning Splitting is the feelings and emotions of being without power and being at mercy of someone in power who is pathological. And the abuse itself was not drastic, it was not objectively speaking death-threatening.
It is the feeling of injustice and that bad people are not held accountable - more than the act of abuse itself. I believe this is important piece of information in moving on. In fear and panic and rumination if will feel as if the act of abuse must be punished in some way. If I cannot sue all people on this planet - it is much realistic to come to terms with the fact that bad people will be bad and if I cannot do anything about it, that I simply accept it. Rumination will not resolve it. Holding on to grudge will not resolve nothing. Revenge is useless and futile and it is not aligned with anything good and decent inside me. That is why I would not call this Letting go. I think it is important to talk about it - especially in a way to bring awareness to society and to teach anyone else who might be in position to take the same steps as a warning to them. The better term would be Moving on. That I basically place my goals in primary focus and not the grudge.
And come to think of it, it is more like a command that I isolate and hide. That is after all how social anxiety isolation started. I was bullied and then I started to isolate myself - as an attempt to punish bullies but ended up hurting myself by not living. And where I would live anyway - it's not like I had some places to go. I would look more into this isolation - it is actually a prevention of getting hurt and harmed by psychopaths. A protective mechanism, coping mechanism - that appears as if compulsion that I must do, to repeat the taking care of my wounds by not being exposed to toxic people. I really need to work more on relocation. The social anxiety is nothing else but being stuck in toxic ambient and with toxic people. Therefore the "cure" for social anxiety would be leaving toxic shame bound country and toxic people in it.

I don't think this is possible. Trauma is like having a broken computer mouse that with each click it clicks twice and hence causing the window pages being open or closed at random. Really hard to work with such mouse - yet if we don't have replacement we are doomed to struggle with simple operations which such faulty mice. I think in the same way our nervous system suffered the damage and we need to take into consideration - when choosing people, jobs, plans, desires and goals in life. Instead of rumination and worry and holding on to grudge - to realize this Pure OCD worry happens due to faulty nervous system that suffered damage and to acknowledge that it will tend to repeat the danger that objectively speaking is not the absolute danger to worry about realistically in such intense level and at such repetitive tempo.

Another revelation that comes to my mind after learning what the Splitting means - is situations such as new setting - like a job, where someone unfamiliar and they behave similar to narcissistic abuse: yelling, screaming, cursing, making drama and hysteria around insignificant things and presenting them as catastrophe. It is scary with trauma and not knowing there is trauma issue, it is easy to end up with fawning and usual coping mechanisms such as self blame and thinking I am abnormal and that I must obey. I see splitting information along with trauma - to turn down the notch. That scary situations are not perceived any longer as something that I feel ashamed about or defective.
The point is that I can look at social situations that irritate me as not something that is trapping me. With trauma that appears as social anxiety panic I feel I don't belong and I feel all things I am not good at or that scare me as proof that I have no rights and that I am sub-human. And then I make fawning decisions based on this belief. And I worry about other people being angry and hysterical - and I have no idea what to say, how to act since I feel invalid. In the same time this invalid feeling is both fully logical and I am fully aware of my shortcomings but it is also out my awareness and this means anything any decision made quickly will be unconscious by default that I am not allowed to live. Not allowed to talk, not allowed to propose, to express opinion.

Many people believe that social anxiety means the opposite of extroversion. That somehow without social anxiety they will become loud, obnoxious and attend parties and make parties and be the most glam person in the room and everyone will love them. Being extrovert is personality, social anxiety is not personality trait. Which raises a very good question - who would we be without social anxiety. If we never experienced the root causes of social anxiety such as ACOA ACE environment and if our brain was not neurodivergent - and we never experienced the triggering bullying event and we never experienced triggers - first of all it would be impossible. Since the world is full of triggers. Eventually it would affect us, the toxicity and toxic people and their deception and cruelty. But for the sake of argument, let's say that these triggers were mild. I guess in the end - and this is the crucial point that I want to make here on my blogs and reddit or at any comments about social anxiety - is that in the end - we would be the exactly the same, we would come to the same conclusions.
We would feel bad energies and we would avoid toxic people and we would try to resolve issues with narcissists and psychopath and we would magically hope that they would change and we would try to change them and prove them wrong and prove them that their accusations are wrong. I guess without trauma we would dare to do more and we would be more focused on goals in life. We would not waste days and years in searching the cure. Our primary focus would be other people, not all of them. Not making parties for everyone. We would live more genuine life which would trigger toxic people - and we would eventually end up with some sort of social anxiety trauma - since the more authentic and successful and good we are - the worst bullies and psychopaths will be to us. I believe we would experience proportionally larger quantity of unfair, unjust and dramatic events and attacks. Especially if we live in a corrupt country, and toxic ambient - it would punish our actions eventually in some way or another. That is why I believe social anxiety is not personality trait problem, it is problem related to toxic people and trauma inside us which makes us dysregulated and then focused on regulating our panic and fears that someone will punish us for simply existing.
That is why I would focus healing the trauma to the direction of living our life and that we do our goals and be authentic no matter what toxic people try to destroy us for being honest.
And all the problem lies in deep self hatred. That is deep problem. If I highly value myself I would trust my guts and I would not endure anything that bothers me. I would stand by my decisions even if they turn to be criticized and labeled as abnormal or too sensitive or whatever.

The basic question is - is social anxiety personality disorder as CBT claims it - or is it neurodivergeny and that means that being afraid of people and interacting with angry people is how nervous system is working naturally - inability to be present in to contact with hysterical people. Anyone who did not experience ACoA ACE environment will handle any angry person in different manner than someone with social anxiety. They will simply not worry nor ruminate about it, their future plans will not be marred nor scared or scarred by past incidents with angry people.
If social anxiety is personality disorder - than this panic reaction is disorder - however without emotion disgust we are unable to reject what is toxic. So if we lobotomize our disgust and fear emotions - we will become codependent and develop fawning since we won't be able to cut contact with toxic person or plan escape - since we will convince ourselves that the other person is wounded, traumatized, that their brain is working in different way and hence we must fix them and help them. That is ridiculous. Toxic people do not have any bad experiences, toxic people will not end up in self imposed isolation due to abuse, they will not censor themselves, they will not live self-depreciating life, avoiding new experiences. Instead - toxic people will live their life fully, abusing others in the process.
I would say that our social anxiety panic is great due to ACoA and that is Operant Conditioning. If we have magical powers to go through Extinction phase - where Operant Conditioning is removed, so when we no longer have flashbacks and triggers and when we actually move on in life and make new decisions and move and take actions - we will still retain the lessons regarding narcissistic abuse. We won't minimize nor rationalize someone's abuse. Without AcoA automatic reactions we won't feel urge to fix angry people and feel obligation to serve and obey them. But the panic as reaction to someone violent and hysterical will still be there.

This panic is something I believe must be there and I think this panic is neurodivergent - it forms our personality - neuroticism, protection, safety as priority. It saves us from a lot of troubles in life and negative experiences for example if we'd spend all our money and then put ourselves in difficult situations.

When we are in panic mode - we don't know what to do, we remember past negative experiences and we will tend to catastrophize and get rid of panic through avoidance or fawning and obeying hysterical people.
So I would work on normalizing the panic. Without brain surgery or relying heavily on medication - this panic is natural to socially anxious, empaths, sensitive people and anyone gone through abuse and hence is stuck with trauma. When we stop panicking about the panic - we can actually focus on people and task at hand.

That is where other people who are manipulative and toxic will make us stay in panic mode. They will criticize and nag and complain - so they will be external inner critic, ashaming us, and put us down. Depending on a situation - I see logical response as either directly shouting them to stop, or if we depend on them due to finances and they have some kind of control over us (job, service, papers that they provide) - I do not see any other solution than grey rock - which means ignoring them and focusing on the task.
Narcissists thrive on attention and reactions. They like to see us scared or angry because this gives them satisfaction of being in control, that they are able to coerce other people into making bad decisions based on panic.

When we are in panic mode - we cannot concentrate on the given task. And this part is never explained in self help industry or CBT - because this part is voluntary. The part where we are performing and need to do something. This will change on any life situation, part of day, given factors.
I noticed that I struggle with problems until I learn to find solutions for them. With panic and abuse - we hardly achieve this problem solving magic because we our amygdala is hijacked and we are preoccupied to fix angry person who is hysterical and demanding our attention. Usually narcissists and psychopaths are in some kind of power position where they will feel urge to command others how some task is supposed to be done. Then we do not have autonomy to experiment and to make better solutions and this is a great source for toxic people to abuse - they simply have now valid reason to scream and make drama.

So instead of given task - with panic and unresolved trauma - we will be preoccupied to shiver and be panicked around angry toxic people who scream at us. With education about this coercive control and narcissistic abuse - unless we cannot quit the job and leave and relocate and cut any contact with toxic person - we can focus on given job and not fawning. Another tool is protest and explaining and saying what is the problem. Toxic people will shut us up - their abuse is mechanism to shut us up. So obviously - if they are not able to physically harm us - I would use tool of protest and speaking up and crushing Negative politeness where we make rationalizations and justifications for abusers in order not to harm their feelings - by keeping ourselves quiet. This protest is negotiation - it is not being assertive.
Being assertive as CBT and self help books industry explain us leads to wasting our energy on people who are unable neither to listen nor to understand what we are saying. They are simply stubborn and live in delusional world where they are always correct.

And staying with toxic people is necessary evil. Our task is to remove ourselves from any toxicity, any toxic ambient and away from toxic people. CBT will tell us that avoidance is sickness and abnormality - so that we must stick with criminally insane psychopaths - which of course will not end up healthy at all.

Regarding the protest - toxic people are uniform. There is always a central theme of coercive control.
This means - they will control us in situations where we do not have much choices. For example in romantic settings-  if we are highly anxious - despite social anxiety being debilitating condition that prevents us from living our life fully, social anxiety panic will give us clear sign who is toxic. And if we do not follow CBT wrong advice - we will listen to our panic - and we will cut toxic people off quite quickly. Unless the toxic person is not criminally insane psychopath who is very manipulative. So if we have huge money - psychopaths will simply notice that we are socially anxious - and they will put on a fake mask of being kind and nice and understanding in order to win us and they will exploit our forced empathy that we do not cut contact with them when we notice that they are fake. They will manipulate and use our Negative politeness against us, and they will slowly introduce orders and commands to appear as strong in order to impress us with competencies. They will do things we are scared of doing or being uncomfortable with, and they will appear to protect us - all with the goal of winning our hearts so that we idealize them in BPD splitting mechanism that we have due to AcoA. The point is that psychopath will have incentive to go through this masking and manipulation operation - our money. Or property or service or whatever - if we are young, they will have hidden agenda to exploit our body. Then our social anxiety is the only reality check - because trauma creates void inside us which will make us blind to reality.
We will crave listening, acceptance and understanding - and psychopaths with glib charm have all those to play act at any given moment.
In most other cases we will be protected from toxic people by our social anxiety which destroys good and bad people - social anxiety is like strong de-sanitization tool to keep us safe.
With ACoA we do not have in-built mechanisms to say no to people, not to feel guilty after we say no - so we have no protection against toxic people. Then social anxiety is the next best thing. We have no impulsive BPD tools to harm or hurt people - and then social anxiety is the only protection tool to keep us safe - since we do not have regular system which we would have if we were growing in ambient of acceptance and safety, without hysteria and witnessing random mood swings and random threats from close people around us who were suppose to protect us from harm.

So this means - in romantic friendship contact - we will mostly be safe - since we won't have any. Avoidant/anxious attachment style will keep us safe and isolated. But without toxic people to steal and harm us.
However we do not have much protection in situations of job and asking for service from others. Here we cannot quit or cut contact - because our finances depend on it, papers, getting information, getting passes depend on toxic people in authority.

And CBT nor self help industry does not explain this at all -
due to corruption and capitalism. Because we are basically chicken for wolves to devour and squeeze juices from us.
So as much as in romantic/friendship department we will never develop skills to keep healthy contact and to discern manipulative people off -
in job/service department we never developed skills to ward off toxic people through the system of ignoring or protesting. Due to panic we will shut up. Since we cannot quit job/service as we would romantic/friendship easily - we are stuck with toxic people. And then it means developing fawning response to survive and codependency on toxic job, without making long term plans to relocate and leave.

The basic point is that with social anxiety - since our love / friendship side of life will be destroyed - our only concern will be job. And psychopaths related to job/service department are all the same -
it is about psychopaths in some kind of control over us where they demand us to do something for them quickly, immediately and perfectly.
So obviously - we need to have protective mechanisms here. With ACoA we will never learn to say "I am new here, I am still learning" or "This is new tool/experiment/stage and we need time to adapt, it will work fast later on" and don't add any arguments on this.
Angry, erratic, hysterical predators will protest - they will try to provoke us so that we become reactive - because this gives them sense of power - to see us timid and afraid of them.
And being non-reactive outside - we will develop Quiet BPD when we are exposed to such damaging predators. Inside we will feel ashamed and responsible for errors and flaws in the system and perfectionism, because we are not perfect at the start and at that given moment. Our panic will be activated and we will self blame with quiet BPD due to deep core self hatred and deep core self rejection.
In situation where some person is triggering - they yell and scream at us - our trauma responses will be activated, triggers and flashbacks and we will go into patterns we learned in childhood, coping mechanisms such as self blame, self censorship, serving and obeying the abuser. And we won't be aware that we reject ourselves, that deep down we hate ourselves. Which is bad - since this deep seated toxic shame will produce decisions and actions which are extremely damaging.

When we are stuck with intrusive thoughts and flashbacks and triggers - and past incidents and hence grudge and rancour - this is in fact self blame. It does not appear at all as self blame at all. It appears and feels as being attacked and ashamed and in panic mode, being scared. But it is self blame. We actually blame ourselves for not standing up for ourselves, for not being "strong", for not having money to escape, we blame ourselves for things which are totally outside of our control: not having enough money, not having shelter, not having support, not having anywhere to run to, not having psychological security, not having available sets of replies and retorts to toxic people's accusations and assaults. And this self blame is rooted in totally out of awareness self rejection, self hatred and total void of ego or any kind of self worth - there is non there. We don't have self worth at all so it does not feel as self blame - since there is nothing to blame. We see ourselves as an object, as figment of imagination, something that can be rejected as nothingness, there is no material body that we have inside due to toxic shame. So that is why toxic people can hurt and harm and dysregulate us so easily - since we have no boundaries, no walls, nothing - toxic people simply march through us and we think that is normal  since we never experienced alternative to this abuse or ability to trust ourselves.

The part where Quiet BPD is described as self hatred is spot on. In any situation where some person is rude, intrusive, loud, obnoxious, invalidating, the other person takes over. Due to ACoA. Fawning is activated and inability to be yourself, to be at easy, inability to protect oneself, to act rationally. It is like hypnosis - inability to snap out of worry what other person is saying and constantly defending, being in defense mode and reacting. That is social anxiety. It is inability to rely on common sense and hence being and appearing rude when I do not pay attention to other person and their demands and commands and opinions and needs.

The way I see social anxiety issues is that during growing up we were pruned. We were mocked and punished, and parts of our reactions and opinions and behavior got severely pruned off. CBT explains social anxiety as lack of social skills. That is wrong. Skills are there - they were until bullying incident which caused us to isolate and start isolation and avoiding people. Trauma of ACoA never gave us tools to handle abusers and as abusers came along in life - we never had tools to allow our garden to bloom - instead we pruned it off again and again - until we became scared of everyone. ACoA gave us tools to prune ourselves off, to hate ourselves, to blame ourselves, and in the same time to see other people who are angry as gods and someone to serve and obey while we self censor ourselves in the same time.

Today I've noticed that annoying pranksters for you tube are a great source of social anxiety and panic and trauma and triggers. It is that impossible situation where someone is making you feel ashamed in public, pulls your arms, doesn't allow you to move and makes fun of you and put you down. This activates shame and guild and blame and fawning and wanting to run away or freeze all in the same time - and basically not knowing how to respond and anything done will be wrong and embarrassing. And it will be the cause of feeling anger at myself for not being strong or for reacting and for having any kind of emotions - and memories would pop back up. And basically when I tell for social anxiety that rude people trigger trauma and panic - the rude people are all people who make fun of us, punish us, usually in public and there is nothing that we can do to protect ourselves and they have some authority and power over - and reacting in anger or in friendly way - or ignoring them - everything will make them be aggressive even more since psychopaths do not comprehend effect they have on other people or telling them no and to back off or to stop. This automatic feeling of shame, blame and guilt - that I feel all this at such intense level and for basically nothing that I've done to cause it is staggering and that is how trauma is dangerous, harmful and painful and serious, it shows that trauma is not small thing. Even though the act of rude people is insignificant and they really are not important to worry about and realistically care what they think or do - the shame is here and the feeling of toxic shame is so strong and intense and painful and pervasive and it urges to hide, fawn, fight, all trauma responses mixed in with deep shame. The most devastating after effect of this automatic shame caused by any random person who acts as alcoholic is avoiding life and not feeling safe and not doing things, not being active and instead isolating and hiding out. And then having inner critic who will tell us it is wrong whatever we do, whatever we do not do and whatever we think doing and why we don't do it. And this does not stop here - it is the decisions based on this shame and triggers and bullies that is also devastating. That is all social anxiety, that is trauma.

Currently I feel as if I am zeroing in into this area and I will repeat it a lot:
because I never actually feel Ventral Vagal, I never felt it, I don't have data what it feels like. And that is the key: it does not matter what abusers done to me and what injustice there were, I simply never felt safe for a long time. There is always inner critic and its doubt and shame and anxiety. All the time. Even in isolation and avoidance and when there is a perceived calm. There is no trust that other people will not hurt me.

 

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Thing is, trying to avoid a guilt trip from people whose main way of relating to (i.e., controlling) you is laying guilt trips, just doesn't work.
You MIGHT avoid a specific guilt trip by shifting your behavior-- but it turns out they'll just reroute & find another one to push.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
"Should" we have known better or done something differently back then? Eh. We knew what we knew and we did what we did. It went the way it went.
Shaming & punishing ourselves now isn't "accountability"-- nor does it help us make our NEXT decisions authentically or effectively. 

Lisa A. Romano
@lisaaromano1
Constant Criticism and Invalidating Behavior: Narcissistic parents often employ a pattern of constant criticism, belittlement, and undermining of their children's achievements, emotions, and self-worth. This consistent invalidation can lead to low self-esteem, self-doubt, and a distorted sense of reality.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
So we keep our pain to ourselves, because we don't want "trauma victim," or even "survivor," to become our identity to other people-- but that leaves us f*ckin alone w/ it. Again.
It reinforces the "thou shall not talk" thing that's been corroding us from the inside for years.

The Wily Survivor
@WilySurvivor
The abuser often dominates subtly, yet they are agents of chaos.
How often have you, or your children, been dressed and ready to go for an outing only to have the day's plans shattered by the abuser?
Can you see the pattern? Can you see the insatiable need for control?

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
But not talking about it doesn't make it go away, does it? It obliges us to create & maintain this mask, this facade, for the world-- the mask of someone who is unaffected, unbothered, by what happened.
Forcing ourselves to wear a personality mask is BRUTAL on our self-esteem.

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
People will try to come back in your life after they get disappointed by people they thought were better than you.

Alisa u zemlji luda
@Woodland_Queen
Kako je ljigavo biti ponizan i servilan prema silnima, a neuljudan, agresivan i arogantan tamo gde ti se može.

Lisa A. Romano
@lisaaromano1
Most trauma survivors, including adult children of alcoholics, and narcissistic parents, as well as emotionally immature parents, will tell you that each and every day they live anticipating some kind of looming fallout. Dread becomes a constant companion, and is a mirror for the most experienced sentiments of childhood...and that by the way, is not our fault.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Every answer to the question of ‘why don’t domestic violence victims just leave’ should start with, “because the perpetrator…”

Jacklena Bentley
@JacklenaB
A lot of problems in the world would disappear if we talked to each other instead of about each other.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
Post traumatic stress isn’t about what’s wrong with you.
It’s about what happened TO you,
and that distinction could be the difference between shedding shame, or being cloaked in it.
Shedding shame can empower you to become the captain of your own healing.

Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Most victims of workplace bullying are harassed for absolutely no reason.

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
If you are a good person, and people don't like you for who you are, change the people, not yourself.

Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Trauma can make you feel like you're never safe, even if the world around you appears to be safe to everyone else. This can make it incredibly difficult to explain to non traumatized people, who can't see a clear"reason"you feel anxious, paranoid, scared, or powerless.

Even with Mr Dodson, he says "perceived rejection". That tells me that I'm not dealing in reality and that my experience is not real. Because "it's just a perception". I started trying to come up with neutral non judgmental terminology to explain what we're going through. RSD is instantaneous response whether we're rejected or corrected or directed. We have learned if we emote that unpleasant feeling that's bad.
🟥 Rena-Fi, Inc.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbItDFGz3Ow

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
‘Prevention’ education has worked really well to create victim blamers. Unfortunately people used this information to feel like they’re the ‘experts’ on what survivors ‘should’ do.  
Prevention messages need to be - believe survivors and hold perpetrators accountable. #DVAM

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
You are not responsible to meet expectations set by others without your consent. If you fail to do what they want and they didn’t ask you to begin with, you are in a dynamic with someone who will interrupt every step of your healing, growth, and peace.

Paul B. Williams LCSW-C, LICSW
@basheawilliams
Some of us are trying to have a better relationship with people who are incapable of having healthy relationships.

Jacklena Bentley
@JacklenaB
Two reasons why we don't trust people.
1. We know them.
2. We still know them.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮
@_Pammy_DS_
You deserve a calm love with someone who is good for your mental health and nervous system. Someone who is your safe space, your best friend, and brings peace to your soul during stressful times.

AimTrue
@AimTrue7
What many don’t understand is that trauma lives on in the body long after the event has finished.
Triggers lead to reliving the event again and again.

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
The moment you feel like you have to prove your worth to someone is the moment to walk away.

The key to transforming our hearts and minds is to have an understanding of how our thoughts and emotions work.
— Dalai Lama

Toxic shame is primarily fostered in significant relationships. If you do not value someone, it's hard to imagine being shamed by what he says or does.
If our primary caregivers are shame-based, they will act shameless and pass their toxic shame onto us. There is no way to teach self-value if one does not value oneself.
📖 Healing the Shame that Binds You, John Bradshaw

It's difficult to let someone get close to you if you feel defective and flawed as a human being. Shame-based couples maintain non-intimacy through poor communication, manipulation, vying for control, withdrawal, blaming and confluence. Confluence is the agreement never to disagree.
📖 Healing the Shame that Binds You, John Bradshaw

Part of the work of love is listening. To listen well, one must have one's own needs met. If one is needy, it's hard to listen. Our neediness is like a toothache. When we are shame-based, we can only focus on our own ache.
Needy, shame-based parents cannot possibly take care of their children's needs.
The child is shamed whenever he or she is needy because the child's needs clash with the parents' needs.
📖 Healing the Shame that Binds You, John Bradshaw

Families are as sick as their secrets. The secrets are what they are ashamed of. All the secrets get acted out. This is the power of toxic shame. The pain and suffering of shame generate automatic and unconscious defenses. We cannot heal what we cannot feel.
📖 Healing the Shame that Binds You, John Bradshaw

The insatiability is rooted in each person's unmet childhood needs. When two adult children meet and fall in love, the child in each looks to the other to fill his needs. The incomplete children fuse together as they had done in the symbiotic stage of infancy. Unfortunately this state cannot last. Who will take care of whom? Whose family rules will win out? The more shame-based each person is, the more each other's differences will be intolerable
📖 Healing the Shame that Binds You, John Bradshaw

Egocentric thinking means that a child will take everything personally. The impact of not having one's parents' time creates the feeling of being worthless. "If Mom and Dad are not present, it's because of me. There must be something wrong with me or they would want to be with me."
Children are egocentric because they have not had time to develop ego boundaries.
📖 Healing the Shame that Binds You, John Bradshaw

An ego boundary is an internal strength by which a person guards her inner space. Without boundaries a person has no protection. A strong boundary is like a door with the doorknob on the inside. A child's ego is like a house without any doors.
Children are egocentric by nature (not by choice).
Strong boundaries result from the identification with parents who themselves have strong boundaries and who teach their children by modeling.
📖 Healing the Shame that Binds You, John Bradshaw

Children have no experience; they need their parents' experience. If their parent is not dependable, they will not develop this inner resource.
Children need mirroring and echoing. These come from their primary caretaker's eyes. Mirroring means that someone is there for them and reflects who they really are at any given moment of time. In the first three years of our life each of us needed to be admired and taken seriously.
📖 Healing the Shame that Binds You, John Bradshaw

We needed to be accepted for the very one we are. Getting these mirroring needs is what Alice Miller calls our basic Narcissistic Supplies.
What happens if the parents are shame-based and needy? Now the child is taking care of the parents' needs, rather than the parents.
There is no one there to mirror the child's feelings. Any child growing up in such an environment has been mortally wounded by this narcissistic deprivation.
📖 Healing the Shame that Binds You, John Bradshaw

Mood alteration is an ingredient of compulsive/addictive behavior.
The feeling of righteousness and acting sanctimoniously are wonderful ways to mood alter toxic shame. They are often ways to interpersonally transfer one's shame to others.
Detailing is another thought process which mood alters. Many obsessive/compulsive types use this form of mental activity. Pain is what we try to avoid.
📖 Healing the Shame that Binds You, John Bradshaw

In fact, most of our neurotic behavior is due to the avoidance of legitimate pain. We try to find an easier way.
as Scott Peck has said, "The tendency to avoid emotional suffering . . . is the primary basis for all human mental illness.
We cannot  change our "internalized" shame until we "externalize" it. Externalization methods include:
 honestly sharing our feelings with significant others.
Legitimizing:  by writing and talking about it.
📖 Healing the Shame that Binds You, John Bradshaw

There are myriads of ways to mood alter. Any way of mood-altering pain is potentially addictive. If it takes away your gnawing discomfort, it will be your highest priority.
Just as with excruciating physical pain, you will do anything to stop it. Whatever mood alters our chronic pain will take precedence over everything else. The chronicity will become life-damaging and pathological.
📖 Healing the Shame that Binds You, John Bradshaw

You will do anything to keep mood altered. In this way the mood alterers we use to take away our toxic shame become our addictions. If you're shame-based, you're going to be an addict. The addiction hides the shame and enhances it and the shame fuels the addiction.
As Fossum and Mason have said, "One of the most clearly identifiable aspects of shame is addictive behavior."
📖 Healing the Shame that Binds You, John Bradshaw

Without our anger we become doormats and people pleasers. In childhood you were most likely severely shamed and punished when you expressed anger.
John Bradshaw

Remember that toxic shame turns you into a human doing because toxic shame says your being is flawed and defective. If your being is flawed and defective, nothing you do could possibly make you lovable. You can't change who you are. Understanding the distinction between being and doing.
If you've done nothing to heal your shame, you will probably feel intense feelings of rejection. The rejection of self is the core of toxic shame.
📖 Healing the Shame that Binds You, John Bradshaw

When we think we are absolutely right, we stop seeking new information. To be right is to be certain, and to be certain stops us from being curious.
John Bradshaw

Most shame-based people feel ashamed when they need help. We try to act like we are not needy. We pretend we don't feel what we feel.
Tell the shaming person how angry you are and whatever else you want to say and do. (Do not change any of their behavior). Remember to give him back his shame — the shame that they avoided by acting shameless. (Giving Back The Hot Potato)
📖 Healing the Shame that Binds You, John Bradshaw

Feedback is high quality sensory based observation without interpretation. In a group setting, feedback can be enormously helpful. But criticism, as I define it, is always a subjective interpretation based on one person's experience and grounded in that person's personal history. As such, it is not very useful.
📖 Healing the Shame that Binds You, John Bradshaw

It's okay to make mistakes. Mistakes are our teachers - they help us to learn.
John Bradshaw


Jacklena Bentley
@JacklenaB
Oct 8
People are weird. They will believe bad things said about you in a heartbeat, and forget about all the good that you have done.

Ms R Steenbergen
@RevaSteenbergen
Narcissists, psychopaths, and sociopaths create wars that they use others to fight

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
Oct 8
A narcissist intentionally misunderstands you to create drama
Stop over explaining yourself to them
Fuck off narcissist 💥

Jacklena Bentley
@JacklenaB
Oct 8
If nothing else some people just tell you how NOT to be.

Stevie.
@TehutiKhem
Oct 8
It’s not your job to detox toxic people. It’s your job to detox the part of you that resonates with their toxicity.

Jacklena Bentley
@JacklenaB
Oct 8
Be proud of your kind heart. Not everyone has one.

Stevie.
@TehutiKhem
If you’re a caring soul and have honest intentions, just know that some people have never experienced that type of energy before, so it may be foreign to them and they’re not receptive of it, and damn sure won’t be able to reciprocate it.

🐢
@turtlebreezee
Oct 8
What you tolerate determines how much you've healed.

Stevie.
@TehutiKhem
Oct 4
Allow people to be wrong about you. When your priorities are in order you have absolutely nothing to prove to anyone.

Stevie.
@TehutiKhem
Sep 21
Be careful who let into your life. People will come in and drain the shit out of your energy. Then leave and blame everything on you. Choose wisely..

Ms R Steenbergen
@RevaSteenbergen
If you've decided to go no contact with a narcissist, then you must also go no contact with everyone associated with them (enablers)
Because it's a guarantee they're going to try and triangulate you with them

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
Oct 10
What's meant for you will not be toxic.

Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D. (Cis, He/Him)
@AndrewCicchett1
that by itself isn't so awful...what's awful is that they will actively, stealthily impede your ability to meet your own needs.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
👉Who you are w/ a narcissist is not who you are. Read that twice.

SusanMina
@SusanCanning11
Toxic environments bring out poor behaviors in even the most patient of us. We get constantly triggered by toxic individuals..

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
You wasn't rejected. You were given an opportunity to break free.

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
You either treat me with respect or you don't exist in my world.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮
@_Pammy_DS_
Manipulation is when they blame you for reacting to their toxic behaviour, but don't discuss their disrespect that triggered you.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
🚩 Someone that seems extremely chivalrous may actually be controlling and narcissistic. #dvam #listentosurvivors

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
🚩 Someone that seems extremely chivalrous may actually be controlling and narcissistic. #dvam #listentosurvivors

The Wily Survivor
@WilySurvivor
Oct 14
Don’t accept criticism from people you don’t respect. Just take that sh*t and immediately put it where it belongs…the trash!

Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Oct 14
A toxic workplace doesn't break your heart, they break your spirit. That's why it takes so long to heal.

Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Oct 13
You will upset a lot of people when you start doing what's best for you.

#ThreadBARBIE (she/her)
@ATMwithJacy
Oct 13
Being rejected does not impact your value.

Jacklena Bentley
@JacklenaB
Refuse to inherit dysfunction. One must learn new ways of coping instead of repeating what you lived through. 

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
Oct 16
What they hate in you, is missing in them. Keep shining ✨

Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
NARCISSISTS NEVER WANT TO TALK ABOUT WHAT THEY DID.
HOWEVER, THEY'LL HAPPILY TALK ABOUT HOW WE REACTED.

Stevie.
@TehutiKhem
You will never know the true quality of someone’s character until the road gets rocky..

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮
@_Pammy_DS_
Unhealed trauma makes you hold onto people, and tolerate so much sh*t you don't deserve because you don't want to feel alone. Healing makes you realize some people don't deserve access to your life – no matter how much you love them.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Survivors of abuse and trauma don’t lack strength, courage, intelligence, or motivation - what they lack is energy because it’s exhausting.

Jacy, LPC
@ATMwithJacy
Oct 17
Note to self: stop trying to show up where you’re not valued. It’ll never be enough.

Dr. Christine Marie Cocchiola
@coercivecontrol
Oct 17
It’s NOT high conflict. It’s one person exerting power and control over another. It’s abuse. It’s ALL Coercive Control.

No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness
Richard C. Schwartz
Each part—as scary or illuminating or mysterious as it may appear to be—could offer wisdom and solace and vision. I came to see these internal parts as messengers. Dialoguing with them could offer helpful guidance and insight. In doing so, there would emerge clarity, ideas, or answers to seemingly insurmountable, complicated questions about my life.
Foreword by Alanis Morissette, 2021
-
access what I call the Self—an essence of calm, clarity, compassion, and connectedness—and from that place begin to listen to the parts of them that had been exiled by more dominant ones.
At its core, IFS is a loving way of relating internally (to your parts) and externally (to the people in your life)
-
In other words, all of us are born with many sub-minds that are constantly interacting inside of us. This is in general what we call thinking, because the parts are talking to each other
Remembering a time when you faced a dilemma, it’s likely you heard one part saying, “Go for it!” and another saying, “Don’t you dare!”
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The diagnosis makes you feel defective, your self-esteem drops, and your feelings of shame lead you to attempt to hide any flaws and present a perfect image to the world.
-
This is because parts, like people, fight back against being shamed or exiled. And if we do succeed in dominating them with punitive self-discipline, we then become tyrannized by the rigid, controlling inner drill sergeant.
we have to constantly be on guard against any people or situations that might trigger those parts
-
Many approaches to meditation, for example, view thoughts as pests and the ego as a hindrance or annoyance, and practitioners are given instructions to either ignore or transcend them.
-
clients would talk about an inner critic who, when they made a mistake, attacked them mercilessly. That attack would trigger a part that felt totally bereft, lonely, empty, and worthless.
-
part wasn’t living in the present. It seemed frozen in those abuse scenes and believed that my client was still a child and in grave danger, even though she wasn’t anymore.
-
they are forced out of their natural, valuable states into roles that sometimes can be destructive but are, they think, necessary to protect the person or the system they are in.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Oct 18
Nobody whose life was commandeered by a controlling relationship "let" themselves get conned or dominated without an implicit or explicit threat involved.
Mind control isn't about "persuasion"-- it is about coercion. And coercion has HUNDREDS of non-obvious 

.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Oct 18
So you didn't handle that stressor or trigger or interaction the way you'd have preferred? Congratulations, you're just like the rest of us. It happens.
"Perfection" isn't the price of trauma recovery. It's kind of the biggest obstacle to it.
F*ck perfect. Think 1% better.

No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness
Richard C. Schwartz
Listening to, embracing, and loving parts allows them to heal and transform as much as it does for people. parts are sacred, spiritual beings and they deserve to be treated as such.
parts carry extreme beliefs and emotions in or on their “bodies” that drive the way they feel and act.
-
emotions and beliefs that came into them and don’t belong to them
where they carry what seem to them to be these foreign objects in or on their bodies.
these burdens are the product of a person’s direct experience—the sense of worthlessness that comes into a child when a parent abuses them
Or you absorbed them from your ethnic group or from the culture you currently live in.
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as soon as the burdens leave parts’ bodies, parts immediately transform into their
original, valuable states.
 The hypervigilant part becomes an advisor on boundaries. The critic becomes an inner cheerleader, and so on.
-
I also became interested in understanding and treating perpetrators of abuse because it became clear that healing one of them could potentially save many future victims in turn.
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the Self cannot be damaged, the Self doesn’t have to develop,and the Self possesses its own wisdom about how to heal internal as well as external relationships.
The Self is just beneath the surface of our protective parts, such that when they open space for it, it comes forward as you get to know that part, you will learn that it isn’t just that thought, sensation, impulse, or emotion. Indeed, it will let you know that it has a whole range of feelings and thoughts
-
When we simply turn our attention inside, we find that what we thought were random thoughts and emotions comprise a buzzing inner community that has been interacting behind the scenes throughout our lives.
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at least temporarily you become the part that has blended with you. You are the fearful young girl or the pouting little boy you once were.
they carry the responsibility for protecting you despite the fact that, like external parentified children, they are not equipped to do so.
-
Some make you hypervigilant, others get you to overreact angrily to perceived slights, others make you somewhat dissociative all the time or cause you to fully dissociate in the face of perceived threats. Some become the inner critics as they try to motivate you
to look or perform better or try to shame you into not taking risks. Others make you take care of everyone around you and neglect yourself.
or something dreadful will
happen (often, that you will die). Given where they are stuck in the past, it makes sense that they would believe this.
Some of us are blended with some parts most of the time
We just have a background sense that we are a fraud
We may not even be consciously aware of such beliefs—yet those burdens govern our lives and are never examined or questioned.
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Other parts only blend when they are triggered
we have to prepare for a presentation, and we have a panic attack. We know that they’re overreactions
And because we never ask inside, we just go around thinking of ourselves as touchy, angry, or anxious people.
Self can be temporarily obscured, but it never disappears.
the Self’s nourishing energy is readily available again
-
Blended parts give us the projections, transferences, and other twisted views that are the bread and butter of psychotherapy. The Self’s view is unfiltered by those distortions.
The clarity of Self gives you a kind of X-ray vision, so you see behind the other person’s protectors to their vulnerability, and in turn your heart opens to them.
-
finding blended parts and helping them trust that it’s safe to unblend is a crucial part of IFS.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
A narcissist will never understand how they hurt you so stop explaining your feelings to them. They don’t care.

Jacklena Bentley
@JacklenaB
Stop expecting and giving loyalty to people that can't even give you honesty in return.

(21.10.2023)

Being nice, friendly, sane, helpful - is amazing set of skills and traits in healthy ambient with healthy people. Toxic people however perceive someone kind and nice as target of abuse. Toxic people will feel welcome to show hysteria and abuse to anyone who is silent - since there is no negative reaction. Also, toxic people will ignore No - because they are toxic. Toxic people repellent is to become toxic like them - or to cut contact with them. The idea that our love will heal them does not work.
Obviously in family or job settings our desire to help and solve problems will be exploited by toxic people. So if I am not aware of this, I will be focused on what is natural for me: to have empathy, to be silent most of the time, to never criticize, not to be jerk. And in toxic ambient this normal set of agreeablness will be taken against us. Therefore - I really need to be aware of my ambient. CBT will set us up to worry about our own emotions and never to look at environment. If I understand that I have a mode of thinking, mode of relating to people which toxic people can easily take advantage of - I really need to put priority into the ambient and where I am heading in the future. Obviously - if I am in toxic ambient my primary goal then would be to save money and leave and cut contact with toxic people at job and at family.
Toxic people exploit the fact that there is ACoA trauma wound inside us. Perhaps this can be dealt with. The wound is that I never consider being a leader, having my own business, to be independent, to stand my ground - this is all impossible due to Quiet BPD: deep self hatred and deep belief that I am incompetent and unable to handle people and demand things from them and ask them to stop something.
CBT and self help industry will explain these fears as personality disorder, sickness and abnormality in the brain that can be cured with exposure and skills.
However I do not see it like that. If I believe that I have faulty brain - there is nothing that will help me get better, this will only make toxic shame more cut deep. All people have the same trauma. It simply shows up differently due to learned coping mechanisms. Someone who appears "strong" and "confident" simply learned how to handle difficult situations without self blame and without feeling deep shame and embarrassement and they don't take other people problems as their own responsibility to cause them to suffer and to cure them from suffering. So without self blame and without urge to fix other people - they simply had a more wider set of tools to handle difficult situation than someone who was abused and who takes blame easily just for being in difficult situation and with someone who is angry and moody. With trauma I will tend to look situations through BPD splitting - where I have only 2 black and white options: to create explosions or to implode and show no emotions or hurt. It is avoidance and isolation that never allowed to experiment what would happen if I explore and test alternative approaches to difficult situations and difficult people. Plus there is no construction of the future - there is only one future: to be codependent and stuck with someone who is unhealthy and toxic. So any decision I would make is self sabotage, based on pleasing angry and difficult people and avoiding their angry reactions and knowing that any independent action I take will be scrutinized and turned into drama. This abuse happens internally with inner critic. I need to be aware of this dynamics, why it is happening and why I am reacting with fawning response. If I am not aware - I will continue blaming myself and feeling automatic guilt and urge to fix other people's anger and feeling responsible for them being angry.

No one makes one giant step into prosperity and safety and having healthy ambient. This is done through the course of time, in small steps. With trauma - I am consistently making wrong steps and heading to wrong direction and from my perspective after awhile other people will appear as competent and strong and better and what they do is easy for them - while in reality - they did not have neither trauma nor inner critic messing up with their decision making processes. If they encounter someone difficult they do not feel automatic blame and shame because of it - so any decision they make and no matter how they react to someone intrusive and abusive - they will not end up isolating themselves. They will take actions and not be afriad of making plans and doing them. While with toxic shame - I will tend to shelter myself and be immobile and do only actions which toxic people approve at certain extent - while they criticize all the time to reinforce Operant Conditioning of coercive control.
There is toxic amnesia - someone vulnerable appears and my moral and ethical urges get activated and I feel sorry for someone who play pretends to be a victim.

I see RSD and Quiet BPD as Operant Conditioning - being exposed to unsafe ambient, unsafe people. And now people who are having bad day, or lack social skills or don't have high moral or ethical standards appear as threat. They activate the same response as if they threaten my life. And with new information about Quiet BPD it is clear that this ACoA Operant Conditioning stems from deep self hatred.
I do not know how to handle rude personnel, angry person - in situation where I need something from them or they need something from me. I feel obligated to please them and I also feel anger and with all information about abuse - it can now turn into new responses which are yelling and screaming and drama - which obviously are not healthy and it can misfire. While in reality - if I did not have self hatred, toxic shame, deep urges to perform perfectly and to please abusers - I would not be bothered by them.
There is nothing I can do to a person who treats me as garbage, who is angry, who cannot hear no. Along with toxic shame, there is fawning and feeling contaminated and catastrophe and physical symptoms. And inability to speak out anger unless it is 100% so I don't say anything in order not to go over-board. With some people - they could use a little bit of yelling and anger and knowing that they crossed boundaries. But I cannot speak it out due to panic and shame. Basically I cannot move on. I am stuck - and this is actually called depression but it doesn feel depressing since I will not show signs of being sad outwardly. This being stuck - worrying and ruminating, turns into isolation.

Leaning on my strengths would be realizing that the very social anxiety, RSD, Quiet BPD, panic, fears, anxiety, trauma - it is all sign of me being a person with high moral and ethical standards - where I honor truth and authenticity and that I follow rules. So obviously the main trigger for shame and panic will be someone criticizing me or telling me how to do something perfectly. It hurts since I already do everything humanly impossible to do any task perfectly - so any critic is really unnecessary and painful and hurtful and triggering since it implies I am not doing enough after spending all my resources to do it without mistakes. Leaning into my own strengths would be to honor these annoying and irritating traits - which actually if I activate - I would be the one who triggers others with criticism and demanding perfectionism. Also another strength is that all these qualities are leadership qualities - by someone who is not psychopath, someone who is not obsessed with power and torturing others. Yet due to Operant Conditioning, panic, shame, self blame and inability to attack back and tell truth and not please other person not to feel pain and hurt - I am stuck in isolation and not bein outgoing and end up being obsessed with rumination and worry which is mental illness. Other people will control and manipulate me simply through emotions and drama and their hysteria because I do not trust nor accept myself.

"Confident" people who apparently do not worry and do not ruminate and who don't have issues being jerk or cruel to others - they have build up to that. This is not over night process. They made small steps, small choices that lead them to better job, better money income, better clothes, better habits, better people - in small incremental steps. While with isolation and avoidance and shame and self blame - I am kept being stuck in immobility and fear and panic and worrying about others. Inability to be outgoing, to take action due to shame and fears and worry prevents me from taking those small steps that build up to being "strong".

In any kind of resources about social anxiety or narcissistic abuse - there is no mention of job situations. Only about parties and romantic interest. This is because true cause of social anxiety issues and narcissistic abuse is political - it is issue of oppression and capitalism and authoritarian dictatorship - and there is no one who can solve this issues at all.
It is then easier to thwart and distort social anxiety and narcissistic abuse into a focus and matter surrounded with romance and parties.

Each Monday I scan through you tube videos related to social anxiety and what bugs me are majority of both messages in video and in comments is related to extraversion and being sociable - and mixing up confidence with social anxiety and mixing up shyness with social anxiety.
Until now - I realized that social anxiety is as Stefan said:
Social anxiety results from being around people who are resolutely opposed to who you are.
Stefan Molyneux
Social anxiety is not lack of confidence and being strong and talkative. Social anxiety is trauma of these parts being supressed and shut down to angry, aggressive predatory abusive hysterical monsters - who suppress our true nature.
People depict being "un-shy" as it is personality form, a mask that we put on and play pretend to be interesting and not fearing rejection. While in reality - this is inside us, we have basic persona who we are - and "normal" Ventral Vagal social security and feeling safe in social contact is suppressed. It is not a matter of becoming "un-shy" as one you tuber says - it is about revealing who we are - sometimes we might not be talkative. It depends on situation. The ability to talk and socialize is inside us - we do not need to act it or pretend to have it. We do not have it due to toxic people who abuse us into silence and shame.

I did hear the phrase "Self love" and accepting oneself and loving self before. And I did understand that this does not mean soothing oneself and nurturing for self. It was only due to Quiet BPD that I truly understand what that means. It is connected with common idea that social anxiety means being weird and not standing up for oneself. It means that there is no Self inside. What we think is Self is nothing but bunch of coping mechanisms and memories. True Self would be not affected by other people's criticism and negative comments and their abuse and microaggressions covered as talking and daily interaction. Having Self would mean that there is no toxic shame when there are embarrasing situations. True Self would mean not worrying and ruminating about someone's unreasonable demands and accusations and hence no fawning to their demands and command and their inability to listen to our No. True Self would mean not really caring if someone disliking my confidence, what I want, my opinions and then other people's reactions or criticism or demands would not affect being comfortable being who I am. This is something we never had in ACoA, ACE childhood. Instead we were screamed and yelled at into submission and silence and fawning, over and over again.
When we are triggered by toxic people's behavior and words, due to ACoA we will fawn and feel guilty automatically and then ponder and try to figure out how to fix abuser's emotions by appearing sad and not being happy. This process destroyes and it destroyed our Self Worth. People who were not abused would feel uncomfortable by difficult people - but their identity would normalize and they soothe themselves all the time - creating ambient and hanging around with people who feel good for them. We on the other hand refuse to feel good due to fear of punishment and because we are coerced and manipulated and controlled into feeling sad and panicked - since these emotions abuser will approve. They will punish and use negative reinforcement when we actually do something good for us and when we are not sulking and showing distress to their abuse. Repeated enough times - this becomes Operant Conditioning of not having the Self and being stuck on toxic people and rumination and worry and fixing them and their hysteria.
This way our sexuality is repressed too, the energy, life vigor - is blocked now. And that is fascism, rigid thinking, oppression. That is abuse.

Brainwashing is when we our mind is set up to certain focus which is not in primary view and obsession. I have noticed that trauma is also brainwashing us. It is the toxic people, predators and psychopaths of all sorts who initiated us into doubting our worth and into dis-believing into self- and this carries on even when we break off all contact with those parasites. It happens in nightmares and dreams - where our mind is reminded of the abuse and impossible situations - and then our dreams brainwash us into mood swings right at the start of the day, in the morning - if we have nightmares from past incidents of abuse.
Since denial and repression are standard coping mechanisms - we will brush off those dreams, won't notice it at all, but it will influence our thinking and making decisions through the day - by being timid, moody, not participating, being closed and sad and not being curious - without any apparent reason why.

People in general will hurt those around them whom they can trust, kind people and nice people around them. It is hedgehog paradox, being close means getting hurt by people who are close to us, who are in close contact with us.
This is connected with social anxiety:
because this means that not being nice we would interact with fake people. We would never see someone's true face, how they treat other people whom they are not afraid. This has serious implications.
It also means that we isolate ourselves in order to not being hurt by others through their criticism and being mean to us. Or we might follow CBT "advice" to be social on force and force ourselves to be around toxic people just because it is "healthy" to be social with everyone. So if we are rude to others when they hurt us - they will either put a fake mask or they will reject us and then we will be isolated because people will avoid us. So CBT is filled with errors and it is really dangerous to anyone gone through trauma, it sets us up to become people pleaser or hysterical person who feels being assertive is great solution to toxic people. It is not.
With their mask on or off - as empaths, as someone who's gone through ACoA experience - we will detect something is wrong easily - we will feel it as panic and being uncomfortable with someone, we will feel with sixth sense and gut and experience that something is off with certain people, that they are dangerous.
I believe this happens also because evil people sense that they can freely abuse empaths - since we will very rarely discard others and we will rarely by hysterical and reject and protest someone's intrusive behavior. So it will be clear that something is wrong, and then it is wrong to believe in CBT instructions that social anxiety is a mere hallucination.
We might come up with wrong idea that we simply stop being ourselves, that we stop being empath, that we stop being nice and kind and that we hurt other people with criticism nagging, complaints, nitpicking and shaming and put downs of other people's mistakes and errors and throw false quick bias accusations on them and controlling and manipulating them.
Toxic people are toxic. Without being kind, toxic people would appear nice and they would exploit our wounds and voids inside us by adapting and camoflauging their appearance and behavior since their whole persona is fake already. And then we would let them in.
So I would not change social anxiety symptoms in order to impress others and to seek their approval or as a method to deflect their rage and abuse. Unless we are in Unfavorable Power Dynamics such as where our shelted or finances or life depend on abuser who is psychopathic and tyranic - I would allow them to show their true faces as we are ourselves, as we are naturally ourselves, kind, nice, with sprinkle of Negative Politeness where we allow other people being intrusive to certain extent - but all this is for the purpose to observe and really listen and see whom we are dealing with. This way we can see true face of person who is in contact with us.
If we follow CBT and self help industry idea of creating fake confident self - we will feel burden and fear and panic when this fake mask is challenged and criticized and shown as incompetent by antagnoistic people.

Instead of self blaming I would rather go into direction of picking the right people and cut contact with high controlling people who abuse our kindness and being nice.

While neuroticism is Personality trait, a part of Big 5 personality types, and since being HSP means processing reality on much detail level, and while in fact accepting and validating our neurodivergent brain means acknowledging that our brain will make us prepared for unexpected issues - it is also true that toxic worry affects immunity and our physical health. If overthinking leads to nowhere and only frustration - it will not help us to get prepared. If I am stuck in RSD and Quiet BPD splitting without ability to switch to positive thinking, I am not being aware of toxic worry being toxic on our immunity and cells and body issues - and then breaking the worry means making conscious choice to be healthy. Dysregulation will make it impossible to calm down immediately and to stop trauma response and expectation of danger, however it will pass with time and then it is not healthy to stay in worry.
What I see as problem here is this inability to cut off trauma bonding and worrying how other person will attack me or backstab me or hurt me again. What I do not see here without education in psychology is that this is related with identity - that I depend on other person to be accepted, expect something from that person.
When someone is difficult, we become bitter, in anger, in defensive mode - they modulate and change our personality. So our identity does change if we are not aware of people brainwashing us and guilt tripping us into worry and feeling shame and guilt and blame because they have serious anti-social issues inside them.
When triggered and dysregulated - the fight system is activated along with other 3Fs, and these become our goals - to be protected and safe. Then it is easy to be caught up in worry and anger and grudge and to think and overthink - it is then good to remember that toxic worry is destroying our immunity system, damages our health. Without this awareness I do not have enticement to let go and to shift my focus.

Social anxiety is an alarm system that we are being duped.
Instead of explaining social anxiety as lack of confidence, lack of social skills and lack of being strong and powerful, in reality social anxiety is detection system, it is like having a secret service or investigative journalism, spy or agent of detecting the fraud - and it is shocking to know that we are being duped by people who appear as friend or service to us, someone who supposedly helps us.

As I read the book "No Bad Parts" and information regarding the IFS - so many things pop up to my mind. Things like - realization that I do not have issue with Dysregulation at all. It is actually Over-regulation. I believe it is Dysregulation so I try to overcompensate - adding additional pressure and discipline and hardship - instead of reliving myself from already preseng hypervigilance and harsh criticism budrening me like Sisyphus. And self help, other people with their best intentions, wrong therapies like CBT - they are forcing us in wrong direction with wrong explanations and hyper-cognition.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
You do not owe kindness to anyone who treats you with contempt.
Actions have consequences.

Narcopath Info
@Narcopath_UK
Oct 21
Paranoia is a normal reaction to living in isolation and experiencing abuse.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮
@_Pammy_DS_
Oct 20
Normalize being ok with letting people think whatever they want abt you. The idea that we're going to be liked, validated or approved of by everyone is an illusion. Our mental health, peace & happiness is more important than other peoples acceptance, opinions or perceptions of us

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮
@_Pammy_DS_
One day you will realize why your timing was perfect and why things had to happen the way they did. To protect you, to guide you and to redirect you to where you were always truly meant to be. Trust the process of your path, evolution, and growth - it's all divine timing.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
Reminder: you’re not too sensitive or too much or TOO ANYTHING.

Che Guevara describing his Social anxiety:
(page 412) "Now India, where new protocolary complications produce in me the same infantile panic (in deciding how to respond to greetings)."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7nEGFE18wk
book: Che Guevara: A Revolutionary Life
by Jon Lee Anderson

All parts are good. They all have naturally valuable talents and resources to lend to us.  But as we go through life and encounter traumas and attachment injuries they shift from their naturally valuable states into roles that sometimes can be quite destructive to us. Not realizing that they were roles that were necessary often in trauma. They get frozen in that time. Think they need to do this for you.
🟥 Dr. Richard Schwartz explains Internal Family Systems (IFS)

Protectors are trying to help the internal system and they have positive intention even if it doesn't look that way. Polarizations are when two protective parts are in conflict with each other. Binge eating part manages emotional distress by overeating and dissociation. Self leadership is the indisputable solution to polarizations. Self is present from birth, it is not considered as part. Self is preserved even during trauma.
🟥 Internal Family Systems And Trauma Explained

IFS therapist Frank Anderson believes there's a fixed amount of space within each person and when most of this space is taken up by Protectors and Exiles, there's a limited space for the Self to occupy. He calls this the Container Theory. Systems developed such large protective parts. Self is there but there is not lot of space for it. Process of unburdening – protectors let go of there extreme roles – can become Inner Advisors and Problem Solvers
🟥 Internal Family System

There are two types of speakers:
those that are nervous and those that are liars.
MARK TWAIN

Not expressing your feelings is not regulation. That is common myth. We often praise people for being stoic, toughing it up. I see that – psychological time bomb in terms of physical illness, self blame, anxiety. Keeping it all in is indoctrination of the narc relationship: that your emotions are not valid so you smoosh them down. Allow yourself inside to call it anger rather than “I can be strong and stoic”.
🟥 DoctorRamani

How do I know if I have high-functioning BPD?
Those with high-functioning borderline personality disorder tend to ruminate on thoughts and experiences. They tend to replay situations in their mind over and over, thinking about how the situation may have affected themselves or others, or how the situation could have been different.
Understanding High-Functioning Borderline Personality ...

Do BPD know they are sick?
Many people who live with borderline personality disorder don't know they have it and may not realize there's a healthier way to behave and relate to others.20. svi 2022.
Borderline Personality Disorder: Causes, Symptoms & Treatment

You were responding to a specific context.
Sometimes we feel shy, sometimes we feel bold— some situations call for different aspects of our personality. It’s like we’re a jar that can hold a lot of different things. We’re not “flour,” we are a jar that can hold flour or sugar or rice or jellybeans. Each situation calls for different aspects of our personality.
This isn’t to say that people don’t predictable different patterns of behavior or temperaments — the trouble comes when we observe a desire to act one way but then disqualify ourselves from acting because of our label. You want to find love but you’re “ugly” “bad at relationships” “codependent” “broken” etc. You want to act, it’s in alignment with your values, but you can’t because of an internal belief. “Being yourself” isn’t submitting to the loudest of your inner sensations or desires (fear is often loud)— it’s living within the labels you set for yourself WHEN you want to.
Matthias J Barker

Examples of verbal abuse:
- name-calling
- guilt trips
- gaslighting
- criticism
- threats
- blaming
- manipulation
- humiliation
- spreading lies
- minimizing someone's experiences of feelings
- screaming

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮
@_Pammy_DS_
I have no energy to hate anyone. I honestly have no space in my heart to carry that sh*t around. I either love you, wish you well, or I hope you heal.

Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WILL NEVER REQUIRE YOU TO GIVE UP YOUR HOPES, YOUR DREAMS, YOUR LOVED ONES, YOUR MONEY OR YOUR DIGNITY. A NARCISSISTIC ONE WILL.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
You can’t expect someone who lies to themselves every day to be honest with you

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
You didn't become selfish, you became harder to manipulate. Don't confuse the two.

reggie mills
@MillsReggie
Be kind to unkind people, they need it the most.

Riley
@RileyInspo
They’re not actually upset with you.
They’re just battling their own demons.

Narcopath Info
@Narcopath_UK
Most of the worlds problems can be traced back to psychopathic governance.

ADHD Jesse
@adhdjesse
ADHD is great intentions sabotaged by compulsive inaction.

Kat Tenbarge
@kattenbarge
Just your regular reminder that Stockholm Syndrome is just a theory and it was created about a female hostage by a male psychiatrist who didn't even know her in order to explain away her testimony of police incompetence in extracting her

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮
@_Pammy_DS_
Being in a healthy relationship truly taught me there is no such thing as "that's just the way I am". When you genuinely love someone you work on those toxic traits, you learn to communicate, you actively listen to each others thoughts and feelings – you grow and heal together.

No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness
Richard C. Schwartz
ask each if there’s anything it wants you to know or if it needs anything—like you might with a child that’s in your care.
most of the time these parts don’t really know you. Instead, they’ve been interacting with other parts in there and they often believe that you are still a young child.
All of this Self-leadership helps them step out of their parentified roles and consider unburdening.
Liberate parts from the roles they’ve been forced into, so they can be who they’re designed to be.
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neither parts nor people are inherently flawed or destructive.
Parts are little inner beings who are trying their best to keep you safe.
Instead of just being annoyances or afflictions (which they can be while in their extreme roles) they are wonderful inner beings.
-
As you listen to it, you don’t have to agree or disagree—just let the part know that you
respect it, you care about it, you’re there with it, and you hear it. See how it reacts.
-
ask them if they would be willing to give you their input on dilemmas in the future, but then trust you to make the final decision. They would act more like advisors for you, rather than having the responsibility of making bigger decisions
-
We see the same thing play out in international conflicts, as well as within countries,
companies, families, and couples. The more extreme one side gets, the more the other side has to get extreme in the other direction.
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They’re all good parts forced into roles they don’t like.
They’re all good parts forced into roles they don’t like, they don’t deserve, and they’re eager to leave, but they just don’t think it’s safe enough to do that.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
What a survivor did to survive needs to be honored and respected - not shamed and judged.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
Oct 26
A narcissist is only kind when they are manipulating you

Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D. (Cis, He/Him)
@AndrewCicchett1
Sometimes bad people happen to good people. It's not your fault.

Stevie.
@TehutiKhem
Someone’s mindset will raise your children, not their body and good looks. You have to choose wisely. Not everyone is who they seem.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮
@_Pammy_DS_
Distance is now my answer to disrespect. I don't react, I don't argue, I don’t dive into the drama. I simply remove my presence.

Master 🦋
@master_nobody
Introverts shut down when they're going through shit. They want no sympathy. No advice. No trying to "fix" them. All they want is silence and solitude. They know how to pull themselves out. Just leave them alone for a while.

Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D. (Cis, He/Him)
@AndrewCicchett1
Oct 26
They’d rather think she’s crazy than think he’s abusive.

"A lot of people think that addiction is a choice. A lot of people think it's a matter of will. That has not been my experience. I don't find it to have anything to do with strength."  --Matthew Perry

Narcissist Facts 101
@narcissistfacts
When narcissists reach out after you cut them off, their only goal is to receive validation. Any response they get from you, be it positive or negative, will give them “supply” because it confirms to them that they still have power over you through your reactions.

Jacklena Bentley
@JacklenaB
If they traumatized you and disrespect you it's ok to walk away. Even if it's family.

ADHD Jesse
@adhdjesse
Oct 27
ADHD is a perpetual loop of feeling you're falling behind, working yourself into exhaustion to prove you're not lazy, and then suddenly hitting a wall of burnout.

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
Your worth doesn't depend on what they think of you.

Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D. (Cis, He/Him)
@AndrewCicchett1
Many descriptions of coercive control inadequately capture the variety of tactics abusers use to isolate their targeted victim. Tactics may appear 'reasonable', may make the victim feel it is their choice. Descriptions rarely attend to functional isolation. How were you isolated?

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Our nervous system is about as "naturally" equipped to process trauma as my cat is to use chopsticks. We're not designed to know how to process or cope w/ traumatic stress. The fact that trauma often makes us do "crazy" sh*t is a reflection of that fact.
Easy w/ the self-blame.

ADHD Jesse
@adhdjesse
With ADHD, it's not that you're ignoring someone—your brain just decided that the bird chirping outside was today's main event.

Andrew Campbell
@amcampbell84
Abuse will end when enough say ENOUGH with abuse.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮
@_Pammy_DS_
Oct 30
Never disrespect yourself by begging anybody for bare minimum. You'll never have to ask the right person for attention, affection, respect, loyalty, or love. Because you're worth it and deserve it. If someone doesn't see the value in giving you that — don’t try to convince them.

Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
Oct 30
THOSE DEALING WITH ANXIETY ARE NOT RUDE.
THOSE DEALING WITH DEPRESSION ARE NOT LAZY.
THOSE DEALING WITH SUICIDAL THOUGHTS ARE NOT ATTENTION- SEEKING. THOSE DEALING WITH EMOTIONAL ABUSERS ARE NOT CRAZY.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮
@_Pammy_DS_
Be the reason people still believe in good energy, gentle souls, and gorgeous hearts of gold.

Narcopath Info
@Narcopath_UK
Oct 29
So many narcissists in power worldwide have accused others of being what they actually are. Projection on a mass scale.

Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D. (Cis, He/Him)
@AndrewCicchett1
Oct 30
Shaming is experienced by the brain as physical pain. They intentionally inflict pain as a tactic of abuse. Shunning and its associates, the silent treatment, emotional withdrawal, rejection, discard is also experienced as physical pain and will hurt the victim 1/

Master 🦋
@master_nobody
Look. Introverts don't hold grudges. You know why, because they see you inside out. Your patterns. Your triggers. Your pain. Your whole psychological make-up. The reason behind your words, tone, and actions. You cannot lie. Don't even try.

Nancy Sinatra
@NancySinatra
Oct 30
The way to handle bullies out here is not to surrender but to block them. Perhaps you could start over with your original post?

Narcopath Info
@Narcopath_UK
People are shocked when narcissistic psychopaths behave like narcissistic psychopaths.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
Reminder:
There’s NOTHING wrong with you.
Yes, even when life feels dark, lonely, guilt-ridden, anxiety-provoking, + even when you don’t feel at ALL.
We have limiting beliefs to reframe, inner-children to nurture, unhelpful patterns to break.
Still, NOTHING WRONG.

Pronoia - the irrational belief that people like you.
Pronoia is the positive counterpart of paranoia.

Picard Tips
@picardtips@botsin.space
Picard management tip: The truth is that sometimes you just won't know the right thing to do. You still have to try.

Narcissist Facts 101
@narcissistfacts
When you confront a narcissist about their wrongs they will not want to take responsibility for their behavior or actions. They will put the focus back on you by bringing up something you did or didn’t do and use that as a way to avoid their own responsibility.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮
@_Pammy_DS_
Unhealed trauma will sometimes give you a high tolerance threshold to toxic behaviour. Just because you can cope with it doesn't mean you have to accept it.

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
You can't change how people treat you, or what they say about you. All you can do is change how you react to it.

No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness
Richard C. Schwartz
After the binge, however, the critic returned with a vengeance, now attacking her for
having binged. This, of course, triggered the young one again and my client was caught once more in that terrible cycle.
-
The big insight was that giving a troubled person a psychiatric diagnosis and seeing that as the sole or main cause of their symptoms was unnecessarily limiting, pathologizing, and could become self-reinforcing.
When you tell a person they are sick and ignore the larger context in which their symptoms make sense, not only do you miss leverage points that could lead to transformation, but you also produce a passive patient who feels defective.
-
nocebo effect) is equally real and powerful. For example, if you believe a sugar pill will make you sick, you’ll probably get sick.
 there is ample evidence that our negative expectations of others have a strong negative impact on their behavior or performance.
negative
expectations become self-fulfilling prophesies that further reinforce the negative views, and so on.
-
inner world: Going to war against protector parts only makes them stronger
Listening to them and loving them, however, helps them heal and transform.
no longer trying to kill the messenger and instead listening to the message
-
This view—that people have a sinful, aggressive, selfish, impulsive nature that must be controlled by their rational minds —also leads to a profound sense of disconnection from other people and disdain for oneself.
-
What if you identified with your Self rather than your exiles? And what if you saw the Self in everyone around you?
-
Each part is often shocked to learn that they share the desire to keep the person safe, but their ideas about how to do that are totally different.
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Those burdens impair our ability to function in the world.
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that message: “Just get over it,” for example, or “Stop being so sensitive.” For these young parts, that’s just adding insult to injury
-
These delightful inner children are hurt and then abandoned, and we no longer have access to their wonderful qualities. Instead, we assume that it’s part of becoming an adult to no longer feel intense joy, awe, and love.
-
Even when they are exiled, their burdens can exert an unconscious effect on our self-esteem, choice of intimate partner, career, and so on.
-
They’re behind the overreactions that seem mysterious to us and leave us perplexed as to why certain small things hit us so hard.
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These exiles are what Freud famously called the Id, and he mistakenly assumed they were merely primitive impulses.
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Managers
other parts of you will have to leave their valuable roles to become protectors. It’s like your adolescent parts are pressed into military or police service.
These are the parts that become inner critics.
Managers are parentified inner children.
they are ill-equipped
Other managers don’t want us to feel good about ourselves for fear that we’ll take risks and get hurt.
Mainly, they want to keep us small, because the safest place to be is below the radar.
there are managers who want to belong and to please everyone.
-
Firefighters
resort to desperate measures with little regard for the collateral damage
suicide is an option for some firefighters if other solutions don’t work.
giving your system waves of anxiety or shame
-
Self sees, feels, and acts to change injustice, so to not do any of that we need illegal drugs or prescription medications, constantly available media entertainment, all-consuming jobs, and spiritual bypasses
-
I still need my firefighters to keep me from fully absorbing what’s happening in the world and devoting all my time and energy to activism.
-
exiles, managers, and firefighters—do not describe the essence of your parts. They’re simply the roles these parts were forced into by what happened to you.
-
We all have burdens that are committed to keeping us safe and homeostatic.
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We don’t go to exiles without permission from protectors.
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Protectors are maintained by the burdens they carry and by where they are frozen in the past.
-
a firefighter might want to use its energy for something healthy and playful rather than on getting you drunk
-
We all have burdens that are committed to keeping us safe and homeostatic.
-
instead of polarizing the part and initiating a reinforcing feedback loop, try getting curious instead. In my experience, the part just needs to be understood, reassured, and loved.
-
manager—the one who blamed her for what happened
-
our culture (in general) and psychotherapy (specifically) have made the terrible mistake of assuming that you shake in terror is just a panic attack, and that that’s all they are—destructive impulses, emotions, thought patterns, or mental diseases
When you understand that you are not sick or defective and instead see that you merely have a part playing an extreme role, you’ll feel relieved and comforted.
-
It turned out that the terror was a protector who made a “never again” decision during that time—it would never again let that little girl (the exile it protected) get into that kind of position.
-
ask them, “What do you want to do now?” because they all have a natural desire to do something productive inside of you
-
If your parts are really trusting you to do this, then by now you should be experiencing some of the qualities we’ve been talking about —clarity, the absence of thought, spaciousness, present centeredness, a sense of well-being, connectedness, being in your body, confidence, and so on.
-
it’s rare for someone to be in a state of pure Self
-
ego in IFS terms is a cluster of managers who are trying to run your life
The Self also isn’t your observing ego or witness
-
my goal would likely be to shame him (Trump) into changing, which—because of the way he reacts to attempts to shame him—would totally backfire.
-
their activism is sometimes protector-led, which can further polarize issues and alienate potential allies
-
amid the terror or the rage, the Self in each of us is always there
-
it’s always better to face your challenges from a place of calm, courage, clarity, and confidence, rather than from scared, dissociating, or impulsive parts
-
When parts unburden, they often immediately sense their original purpose and take on a commensurate new role. When people access Self, they often quickly sense their purpose

Jacklena Bentley
@JacklenaB
I always thought that it was rude to ignore someone. Then I realized, when dealing with a narcissist, it is the best thing to do.

Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
NARCISSIST PERSONALITY DISORDER, A CONDITION WHERE THE ONE WITH THE DISORDER GETS TO DESTROY PEOPLES LIVES, WHILE THEIR VICTIMS GET BLAMED AND END UP IN THERAPY.

Jacklena Bentley
@JacklenaB
Nov 1
If you understand how frequently people cope by projecting, you would understand to take nothing personally.

Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D. (Cis, He/Him)
@AndrewCicchett1
Nov 1
neuroception...
always listen to your gut, your intuition, your body
if something doesn't feel right, something is probably not right...

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
Stop giving people more chances to disappoint you. Move on.

CPTSD Foundation
@cptsdfoundation
Strict parents teach their children to behave ‘correctly’ so they can exist in society without suffering.
But our guest contributor explains that children raised in such a manner may end up hypervigilant, and always striving to avoid punishment.

Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Don't force pieces that don't fit.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮
@_Pammy_DS_
I love people who are highly aware of their worth but highly humble too and never look down on anyone.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Often times when someone is criticizing you by saying “you’re too sensitive” or “you’re too much” their subconscious is saying “this is too honest” and “I’m scared of this truth.”

Arachnia in the S(h)treets
@lasertitspewpew
Nov 2
Every fear I have is rooted in reality.  Nothing is irrational, bc it's actually already happened to me.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮
@_Pammy_DS_
removing yourself from anywhere you don’t feel loved, appreciated, supported, and respected is top tier self care.

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
Be wary of people who constantly keep an eye on what you're doing, but don't compliment or support you.

 

 Robert Greene
@RobertGreene
People will constantly attack you in life. One of their main weapons will be to instill in you doubts about yourself – your worth, your abilities, your potential. They will often disguise this as their objective opinion, but invariably – they want to keep you down.

Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D. (Cis, He/Him)
@AndrewCicchett1
Oct 25
patriarchy valorizes the exertion of power over other people and diminishes all that is perceived to be feminine. what is considered feminine - kindness, cooperation, empathy, emotional expression - is essential to being human. patriarchy is a societal autoimmune disease.

New York Times Music
@nytimesmusic
For 25 years, American culture has used Britney Spears's body to determine a woman’s worth. In “The Woman in Me,” she asks us to take a second look.

Narcopath Info
@Narcopath_UK
The dynamics seen in pathocratic families, where children protect the pathocrats illusions & delusions, can also be observed on a macro level.

Carolyn Malone | Editor
@_FlawlessPage
Anger is a gift. Yes. It tells us when something is wrong.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮
@_Pammy_DS_
Having an emotionally mature partner is TOP TIER. You're able to express yourself freely and openly. They don’t insult you, they don't give you the silent treatment, they don't become aggressive or manipulative. They listen, they respond – they patiently hold a safe space for you

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
Sometimes, you don't realize how much you have neglected yourself until you make yourself a priority again.

𝑪𝒉𝒍𝒐𝒆
@guelphbxtch
Abusers are very good at making their victims look like the abuser

MJM
@MikeJMele
Anyone with a brain can struggle with mental illness, yet, unfortunately, not everyone vulnerable openly talks/shares about it for many reasons that shouldn’t be. That is a dangerous and potentially deadly problem to have.

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
Don't judge my choices if you don't understand my reasons.

Master 🦋
@master_nobody
Introverts don't know how to ask for help. Trust me, even when they're in pain, they won't say a word. That's how they are. They won't burden you. They'll bear the pain alone. They just disappear and come back when they're good.

Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Nov 4
Narcissists will blame you for their mistakes and take credit for your accomplishments.

Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D. (Cis, He/Him)
@AndrewCicchett1
Your relationship with a narcissistic abuser aka coercive controller will make more sense to you when you realize it was never a relationship, it was not an intimate partnership, that it was an assault from Day One.

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
I have learned a lot of lessons from a few messed up people.

Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Don't be perfect. Be real.

 
a n n a
@hi_its_annaleah
society: "You're not disabled! You can work! Just get workplace adjustments!"
employer: "Accommodations are denied!"
society: "You're not disabled! You can work! Just get help!"
medical provider: "Treatment is exorbitant!" & health insurance company: "Service is not covered!"

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
A narcissist will start an argument with you so they can go cheat with the new supply

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
Neutrality supports the abuser.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮
@_Pammy_DS_
Just because a person has a gorgeous heart & gentle nature doesn't mean they're naive or fragile. You never know the chaos it took for someone to become that calm. Don't confuse kindness for weakness...those people have survived the hardest battles — they're smart & strong af

MJM
@MikeJMele
You are not your illness. It is only a part of who you are. Don't let it define or defeat you. Your world may have changed because of the illness, but your worth hasn't. You may have to learn new ways to survive because of it, but that’s still better than hoping to die.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
If you think the survivor is ‘closed off’ the issue probably isn’t that the survivor needs help ‘opening up’ but rather that you haven’t earned the right to be let in. #respectsurvivors

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Traumatized children do not have learning and behavioral ‘disorders’. They don’t have an ‘illness’ They have normal natural responses to trauma that need support and understanding. The message matters - one internalizes it to the child the other externalizes it to the trauma.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮
@_Pammy_DS_
Your soul knows. It tells you when its time to distance yourself from the people who no longer align with you mentally, emotionally, physically, and energetically.

The Wily Survivor
@WilySurvivor
Unmasking the narc reveals the fragile ego behind the facade. Buckle your seatbelt, b/c once exposed, they unleash rage, blame-shifting, & next-level lies. If you are thinking of unmasking or leaving the narc, familiarize yourself with the Post Separation Abuse Wheel, ASAP.

The Wily Survivor
@WilySurvivor
The narcissist employs the smear campaign to continue their efforts to control their targets. Do not engage. It’s what they want. It may be hard as hell, but continue to be who you are. You are not defined by your abuser’s words.

 Narcopath Info
@Narcopath_UK
Common narcissists tactic where they bait people into reacting in a certain way, and then use those reactions to self aggrandise, play victim, portray you in negative light, gain supply & manipulate situations to their advantage.
There’s a lot of it happening online and IRL.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Developing PTSD or complex PTSD doesn't mean your nervous system wasn't "strong enough" to handle what happened to you. The complete opposite, actually: it means you DID survive sh*t that humans were NEVER supposed to experience.

Narcopath Info
@Narcopath_UK
Dealing with a narc/path in your life is very difficult b/c often, you're the only one who truly understands the extent of their abusive behaviour.
To e/one else, they project a charming, charismatic, confident, articulate and generally pleasant public persona.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
When they can no longer manipulate you, prepare to see a version of them you’ve never seen before.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮
@_Pammy_DS_
I love people who make others feel seen, heard, appreciated, supported, and loved. People with gorgeous hearts, open minds, and genuine energy. The rare gems who make you feel deeply understood, give you total freedom to be yourself, and make you feel beautiful just for being YOU

The Caffeinated Therapist 🐝
@bellabee13
Try to be kind to the parts of yourself that frustrate you, that you have the least patience for—chances are those are the parts of you that need compassion and understanding most. 🖤

Stevie.
@TehutiKhem
Those who tried to break you are expecting you to react with physical aggression. Conquer them with peace instead.

Stevie.
@TehutiKhem
Never allow yourself to be swayed by outside sources or impulses. Having the ability to think before you act and always considering all possibilities, outcomes and consequences. Moves always calculated. Self-control mastery is so rare nowadays.

Narcopath Info
@Narcopath_UK
Pathocrats show a lack of care for people's mental health problems, viewing vulnerability as a weakness. However, when it comes to their own well-being, they often demand the utmost attention and resources. This double standard = lack of empathy and self-serving nature.

Master 🦋
@master_nobody
Introverts hate fake people. The pretentious. The sweet-tongued. The show-offs. People who are full from outside but empty on the inside. They care about people who are real. Unafraid to be themselves. Simple. Humble. Authentic. And above all, bone deep honest.

ADHD Jesse
@adhdjesse
ADHD is constantly being told “you’re doing it wrong” even though your way also works.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed, it means the damage no longer controls your life

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
There is a voice that speaks to a traumatized mind that says “You should be over this by now” and “It was your fault”. This is not your voice. This is the voice of every person who wants you to turn on yourself in order to never be held accountable for what they’ve done.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Telling ourselves that we "shouldn't" be triggered by something, when we're getting our ass kicked by trauma responses, is like responding to a house fire w/ "Psht, my house shouldn't be on fire!", & trying to continue about our day.

 Narcopath Info
@Narcopath_UK
When a pathological narcissist is confronted with a word that accurately describes their behaviour, they may turn it around and claim that the same thing is being done to them. 1/

Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D. (Cis, He/Him)
@AndrewCicchett1
that we miss the red flags of a perpetrator of coercive control is due to the perpetrator’s tactics of abuse

Everybody say they want real you – but they don't. They think real you is just softer version. And when you don't live to their expectations, they hate you
🟥 Narcissists ALWAYS think you’re judging them


Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Trauma survivors will often bend over backward to extend the benefit of the doubt to others in ways we wouldn't DREAM of doing for ourselves.
You're worth that back bend, too. (You're often actually way MORE worthy of that back bend than some people we bend over backwards for.)

Narcissist Facts 101
@narcissistfacts
Narcissists are aware of what they do but still think they are “good people”. They believe that their horrible behavior is justified because they feel entitled to do whatever they want and because they also believe their victims must somehow “deserve” to be treated poorly.

Harley 🥀🖤
@TooHot2Handle26
What does it mean when someone grandiose?
Grandiosity refers to a sense of specialness and self-importance that might lead you to: boast about real or exaggerated accomplishments. consider yourself more talented or intelligent than others.

Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D. (Cis, He/Him)
@AndrewCicchett1
Where it's tricky is that the narcissistic abuser aka coercive controller will treat you quite favorably at first to seduce you and bond you to them. They will periodically treat you well to keep you hooked, confused and entrapped. In this case they are abusing you with 1/

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Toxic positivity tells you that trauma you endured was an opportunity to learn and get stronger. A trauma-informed (and realistic) approach gives you room to talk about the loss and what it’s cost you.

Stevie.
@TehutiKhem
Be the type of person who doesn’t follow the crowd, look for attention, validation or confirmation from others.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮
@_Pammy_DS_
Distancing yourself from people when you feel weird vibes, negative energy, or sneaky sh*t off them is self-care.

Adam Grant
@AdamMGrant
Humility isn't a sign of low self-esteem. It's a mark of high self-awareness.
The goal isn't to deny your strengths. It's to see your strengths & shortcomings accurately. The first rule of improvement: recognize room for improvement.
Narcissism feeds ego. Humility fuels growth.

Inner Practitioner
@MindTendencies2
Manipulation is when they call you sensitive for calling them out on their bullsh*t.

Jacy, LPC
@ATMwithJacy
Everything isn’t mental illness. Stop calling yourselves delusional, bipolar and antisocial.

Jacy, LPC
@ATMwithJacy
Nov 2
If we cannot show up as ourselves, then how can people love for us for who we are.

Wealth Director
@wealth_director
Stay away from people who think communicating is arguing.

Zelda McRae
@zelda_mcrae
👍🏻Nice reminder.  I sometimes forget I have the key to my cell door.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
An abusive person is not a reliable source of information about their partner.

Jacy, LPC
@ATMwithJacy
Nov 2
Don’t allow the difficulties of dating to persuade you to settle for less. Being alone is better than being with someone who does not value you.

 

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
Pain changes most people. It makes them trust less, guard up their heart, overthink more, and shut people out.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
Grief has no timeline.
You’re NOT disordered if you’re still grieving a loss you (or other people) think you “should be over by now.”  
Loss is painful. Grief is a neurobiological response.
Let yourself grieve (WITH support of a professional if needed) without the shame.
@drjenwolkin

Harley 🥀🖤
@TooHot2Handle26
Over explaining is a defense mechanism

Narcopath Info
@Narcopath_UK
Narcissists and psychopaths strategically utilise impression management and simulated displays of empathy, aiming to create an illusion for their audience, all while harboring a genuine lack of empathy toward their targets.

Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
Narcissists are often unwilling to discuss their own actions. Instead, they focus solely on amplifying your reactions

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
“You didn’t choose to be abused. Abusers are inter-species predators”

ADHD Jesse
@adhdjesse
"Just do it already." — Folks who don't have ADHD and don't understand that my desire to “do it” isn't the issue; but it's like my brain's ignition switch is missing.

"My philosophy is that there exists an evil that cannot be explained — a virulent, terrifying evil — & humans are the only animals to possess it. An evil that is irrational & not bound by law. Cosmic. Causeless."
--- Ingmar Bergman

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮
@_Pammy_DS_
Normalize never forcing people to pick you. If someone thinks they can find better elsewhere – let them. Respectfully.

D
@danielle2u
Great job, Andrew, keep going!
A domestic abuser >murderer is never a “partner” - rather, they are exploiters from day 1. Their purpose is to extract & dominate, not collaborate.

No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness
Richard C. Schwartz
maintains these unique contributions as it links them together. Integration is more like a
fruit salad than a smoothie
-
it’s still interesting to learn about why it (protector) doesn’t trust you to handle people like that
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It’s important to help your parts trust that they really can rely on you to deal with people and set boundaries that’ll protect them
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The more we unburden our parts, the less we need material things or accolades to fill our emptiness.
-
Physicists noticed that when two things approach each other, they start vibrating at the same frequency—they synchronize.
-
First, we find out who we aren’t.
It took me a while to realize that I’m not worthless and pathetic. Those were just beliefs my exiles carried from being raised by a frustrated father
-
far from being worthless, I was a lovable and loving man.
-
You can reassure those parts in the moment that your mistake doesn’t make you bad and you won’t be punished the way you were as a child.
if you don’t fear your own anger, you’ll be able to stay Self-led when someone’s angry at you.
those critical parts of you have retired or taken on new roles
-
I’m not promising you’ll be Self-led all the time. But even when you’re not, you’ll start to notice that you’re not
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the difficult events and people that trigger you—your tor-mentors. By tormenting you, they mentor you about what you need to heal
-
Remind them that you’re not young and that you can help them too
-
to ask those parts to not totally flood us, reassuring them that by not overwhelming us, we’re more likely to listen and help them.
-
When panic attack occurs, I don’t ask the client to take deep breaths, look into my eyes, or feel their feet on the floor. I simply say something like, “I see that a really scared part is here now, and I’d like you to let me talk to it directly.”
-
I’d ask if I could talk directly to the part that was telling him those terrible things. He might initially protest that it wasn’t a part, that it was him, but I can be persistent.
-
it’s also important to know that if a person is afraid, these parts often carry nasty burdens and can have a lot of power to make people hurt themselves and others.
-
your exiles no longer have to use your body to try to get your attention or punish you for ignoring them, because they can get through to you directly.
-
parts will deliberately target different vital organs or systems of your body when they can’t get through to you directly. When you won’t listen to a part, it has a limited number of options to get your attention or to punish you if it’s angry with you.
-
the more we don’t listen, the more severe the symptoms.
when you refuse to listen, you can turn your parts into inner terrorists, and they will destroy your body if necessary.
-
It’s not you who wants to have a symptom, it’s just a little part. Often that part has no clue about the overall damage they’re doing to your body
once you finally listen to that part it will stop doing it to you
-
“What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t do this to my body?”
“Why do you feel like you have to use my body?”
why doesn’t it feel like it can talk to you directly?
“What do you need from me to not have to do this to my body?”
-
If you don’t take your parts seriously, you won’t become an effective inner leader or parent.
-
lessons like everything deserves love
-
Your protectors and theirs will sense the comforting level of Self in the room and will relax, releasing even more embodied Self energy.

 (9.11.2023)

Another idea that comes up to my mind while reading No Bad Parts book - is that in some areas I am not guided by overburdened parts at all. In fact - I am pretty rational and totally aware of reality and I neither over-react nor I act out, and I am not even dysregulated - it is simply that ambient is toxic. That the system is toxic - and instead of acknowledging it, I try to fix myself and discipline myself while not doing anything to keep myself safe and move on. Instead - I feel sorrow and empathy for psychopaths and toxic system that keeps me in a role of being caretaker and that I must fix toxic people, as if it is my responsibility to take care of burden, problems and issues by staying stuck and being passive and feeling guilty and ashamed if I cut contact and leave. And the problem here is the images and memories that are selective, shameful and guilt ridden that make me return to toxicity and stay stuck.

With borderline splitting any angry hostile person will appear as a demon, as someone worst person possible to live on this planet. It will be hard to observe such annoying person as temporary rude, or that they are confused or given wrong information deliberately by someone third, or some scenario which can rationalize their mood temper. Instead - it will appear as if they are the worst person. Plus with trauma, anxiety and toxic shame - there will also be inner criticism voices - that propel any socially anxious person to take responsibility for someone's anger, due to ACoA which is really painful to experience since it results in fawning and feeling trapped and without voice and without hope and without exit. The inner critic will also be very blaming and label people pleasing and experience of hearing someone's anger as own abnormality, something that is defective in the self, to the core. This will explode into shame and guilt and self blame. With IFS Model I know now these are traumatized parts which are stuck in trauma state, repeating the same pattern of beliefs as it was in the original trauma.

With IFS Model I understand that initial reaction to rude people is anger. I want to discipline rude person into becoming empathic. In real life - this will never work because evil people are evil. Any discipline - even if it were successful would lead to psychopaths being masked and made functional - and hence hard to discover. Their way of operating and doing business and schemes would become even more hard to recognize. And then I would end up being close and doing business with someone who wears a mask and pretends to be someone else, someone who acts being different - only to show the real face when it is too late.

With trauma there is an overwhelming feeling of being inferior and being scared of angry people - that it is impossible to see myself as a "people person" but instead I see myself as automatic door mat and that there is something seriously wrong with me that denies my rights to exist - and instead I must fawn and trauma bond with others, especially those who are nervous, angry, hysterical and that it is my own fault and my own responsibility to fix them. I cannot switch to Self-  to the person who is not thinking that way. In fact I have no awareness that there is another way of operating and existing other than fawn and being panicked in social situations.

With social anxiety and IFS - now it makes sense how to interpret people.
With social anxiety - and without IFS model - we do not know how to handle difficult people. We do not know how to sort them out and how to react. Usually what we do - without education in psychology, as kids - we try to please toxic people and fix their anger moods and their questions and entitlement demands - and there is a lot of trauma bonding and people pleasing and fawning- due to ACoA.
However with IFS model - we can make sense out of it -
that if the other person appears as annoying and irritating - we need to be curious and investigate what is happening. Are they rude because they have some acute problem not related to us. Or are they rude because they fill up their confidence by being rude to nice people who are quiet by putting them down.
Without education in trauma - we are afraid of blocking such people, search for alternatives nor planning escape route. We stay stuck and we take on the blame and shame which they project onto us. We are afraid how they will hate us, what they will talk behind our back and that they feel angry - which we believe is our fault so we need to do anything to please them and soothe them down and regulate them with being extra polite. That is toxic. Such person is toxic and it is totally okay to block and minimize contact with such person.
The trick is that most people are not like that but they will appear as rude to us due to trauma - so we need to be curious. Another problem are covert narcissists and impulsive borderliners who will appear nice and kind and be gentile with us as a future payment and debt to them - so when they abuse us we won't have cards to play to cope out, and we will once again feel ashamed and guilty for their anger and perfectionism and complaints.
So IFS Model is excellent explanation how to handle these complex issues which trauma never allowed us to learn - that we are curious instead of automatic self blame and automatic fawning. Investigate with whom we are dealing with - and if the person passes all the red flags - it is totally normal and healthy to block them away or deal with them as Dr Ramani said in one of her videos - like with a stink stank smell by pinching our nose and do the things that needs to be done in quickest manner and leave and never engage with them unless totally necessary. I like that analogy - for impossible situations with toxic people when we cannot leave nor escape - at least not at the given moment such as having toxic job and no finances to quit it. Or dealing with service person who is cranky and toxic and the only one that can handle particular job at that moment.

This issue about who is bad person and who is really rude is closely connected both to RSD and BPD Splitting. A person may alarm and alert us if we are doing something wrong - with social anxiety it will appear as if the world is over and I am not allowed to exist. On the other side - if someone is behaving badly - for example like putting legs on coffee table when visiting our house - we might warn such person to remove the legs - and that would not mean that we hate this person. With social anxiety there is a deep belief if I say something - that I hate this person and I won't have anything to do with them anymore  and that punishment must be severe - yelling, screaming and hysteria. If I am at the receiving end - I will interpret someone's anger for me misbehaving as hysteria.

This is the reason why Quiet BPD is on the spectrum of psychopathy:
social anxiety is psychopathy because there is acute reaction to other people. This reaction is not empathy - it is fear from other people and their words and their opinions which are usually annoying and irritating due to being false and accusatory and based on bias and half truths and twisted reasoning. With social anxiety we want them to be reasoned - and that lies on a psychopathy spectrum: because there is urge to invade and correct the other person who is adult and has full functioning brain that is not abnormal that they are not in special needs program or in some kind of institution. So any correction of full adult is removal of their human rights - and that is psychopathy, it is on spectrum of anti-social behavior. Because - ultimately - we are not gods. Our truth and what appears as normal and true to us - is based on our limited brain capacity - and nobody knows the ultimate truth. So when we try to correct someone who is pathological liar - even though the urge to correct them is fair and normal and sane and healthy - the ultimate result is us being cruel and aggressive and that falls under the spectrum of being anti-social. Truly social - would be validating to others, accepting and having inter-dependence. When we have codependency issues - we are governed by other people's emotions and their words and they bother us, we get reaction to it. If we were not codependent - it would not bother us that much. So due to trauma - it bother us.
And the reason we have trauma - is because we have been exposed to psychopathy - someone who is borderline and narcissistic. So we were initiated into evil.
The very fact that we are noticing someone being rude and wrong - has capacity to subdue others, to remove their rights and to enslave them, like a colonization. So the act of interacting with other people requires us to be somewhat cruel and moody and angry to them in order to correct their nonsense and lies. Without it, they would not listen  to us.
If we were nice and kind to them - they would colonize us. They would shut us up, they would make us feel small through put downs and hysteria and drama - so we end up with social anxiety.
Therefore - social anxiety is actually suppressed anger, it is put in a gas tank and we do not see it. What we do see is being meek and weak and passive- scared and panicked. But beneath this exterior of being weak is dangerous powder keg waiting to explode. So once again we have psychopathy potential here - like mass shootings or hysteria and drama waiting to explode when we cannot handle any more pain and hurt and unfairness.
Because other people who learned to pretend to be confident - will enforce and colonize other people through blame and shame and put downs - which we will feel as social anxiety.

So social anxiety is really an attempt not to hurt others. We suppress the impulse of hurting other people. And other people interpret this as being weak and passive and loser and they put us down when they have their bias and wrong conclusions plus they see our persona and how we act - and they put down our conduct and reactions, too. This additional aggression and colonization, the double attack is going on, and it is ongoing.
Our social anxiety will be see-saw effect here: we will try to suppress our anger and this suppression will make others to suppress our anger even more. That we do not show and express our emotions. That is social anxiety. A lot of suppression of natural and normal and cruel anger to cruel and abnormal and unnatural toxic people around us.

In childhood we were over and over punished when we did express our thoughts and defenses and when we tried to place boundaries - we were immediately shut up, silenced, censored and ashamed - over and over again. So now we shut up and bottle up our anger - and we have no idea that this panic and fear and anxiety is actually anger as response to unfair social injustice from dumb people who are anti-social.

With social anxiety we try not to be cruel to others - due to trauma of being hurt ourselves and due to exposure to conditioned punishment which places guilt and shame when we place boundaries. When we do not ask for clarifications and when we do not defend ourselves and when we do not place boundaries (all of which is social anxiety issue of trauma) then we end up with social anxiety panic - plus toxic people take advantage of us so they hurt us over and over again - which adds up to panic and isolation and trauma, plus we isolate ourselves more and more and cut connections with others due to exposure to pain and hurt and other people's unaddressed bias and attack - so we do not live our life at all. We do not make plans, we do not make parties, we do not make friendships - we cannot due to inability to interact with people when they start with unreasonable demands that will hurt us if we do not deny their unreasonable requests.

Emotional dysregulation is result of social anxiety.
This is problem: most resources will explain that we have emotional dysregulation because we lack skills and tools to regulate. This information is incorrect. This bias will make us believe that we must overcompensate and then this leads to over-control.
In reality - if we are aware of social anxiety - this means we already done plenty of tools and trials to calm down the anxiety. So we have a tools to regulate.
Dysregulation actually comes in two flavors: over-control and under-control. Over-regulation and under-regulation.
So many resources about trauma will not explain this distinction - and inability to know this crucial fact will make us to go over-board in trying to regulate ourselves. Such as engaging in information that we do not live anymore - like reading and watching too many videos. When we over-control without being able to know that we are inside over-control state - we will become hyper-vigilant and create additional anxiety and panic, on top of the original one. And without knowledge about over-control - we will believe that we lack control and we will add more and more control. This is recipe for disaster.
It is as if we believe that certain pill does not work - so we increase the dosage and then we overdose ourselves in the end. We overdose because we are convinced that we lack the dosage. This is still dysregulation - but we believe that dysregulation has no pendulum and that dysregulation means only that we need to add more and more of control. While in reality - dysregulation also means that we actually need to remove control, too.

Look at other people who appear "confident" and without anxiety - they do not have any tools and they function in life without any problems. I guess many self help book authors will try to keep this information hidden - since traumatized victims of abuse are excellent source of endless money income for them. Telling them to stop pouring money into self-help bottomless pit means end of self-help industry parasitical lifestyle operation system.

I would go back to the appearance of social anxiety as weak and frail and un-manly. This is how it appears to fake people and incompetent people and to uneducated people and to people who are deeply insecure about themselves. The problem is when we believe other people's descriptions of anxiety and we take it to heart and really believe their half diagnosis based on bias and prejudice. In reality - social anxiety is actually anything but weak or frail or unmanly - it is really disorder because it has deep covered and masked anti-social potential mixed in with psychopathy and aggression - all of which toxic masculinity worships as strong and good and positive. It is inside it, hidden like Babooshka, inside trauma of anxiety and panic and shyness.

And why other people would love to put us down in the first place? Why some people like bullies have no problem by putting other people down. First - they are predators, they scan for environment and they check out who is friendly and nice and with high moral and ethical standards - who will not go into war when they start to nag and complain and put down. So - basically - when we are nice and good and friendly - we will wear a label on our forehead for bullies to abuse us. Bullies will not pick onto someone in powerful position, who can fire them from their job. They will hit dog on the ground, someone wounded, someone in position who cannot cause them damage. So bullies are cowards. When we are inside trauma - we do not see that. We do not perceive them as cowards, we see ourselves as cowards and all labels bullies project onto us. With social anxiety we will believe bullies and see them as our over lord masters - since they punish and abuse us as we were punished in childhood. This needs to stop, we need to break this sick dynamics.

Obviously, bullies will hurt us when we cannot defend ourselves - that we might end up in jail or without job if we stand up to them. However what we can do - is to build up knowledge and education about self, our true Self - so that we do not absorb nonsense and projections which bullies try to infect us with. To most of people bullies and psychopaths appear as strong and correct and true and they worship them due to their ability to harm and cause pain to other people - which is seen as discipline and justice and power and strength due to patriarchy and sick mindset of controlling and manipulating other people.

One symptom of amygdala hijacking (panic, anxiety mode) is literal thinking. We won't be able to discern and filter out nor to interpret information presented to us. This means, toxic people can easily gaslight us and manipulate us and control us into submission and fear. To a third party we may appear naive. To ourselves, inner critic will explain this phenomena as permanent disability and being incompetent. CBT will also explain this as a distortion and personality, essential characteristics of persona that is abnormal. While in reality - it is an automatic short-term reflex to toxic people and toxic events.

What would be like if I never had social anxiety.
This question can be worked in two manners. First - if the triggering event did not happen as it did - I would be eventually triggered into self imposed isolation during the very next bullying episode. That is because social anxiety is composed of toxic shame, ACoA, ACE, self blame.
On the other hand - if let's say I never was instructed to neglect and self blame and never developed toxic shame and there would never be inner critic - this means that it would appear as if I would become millionaire or astronaut or wealthy in any type of successful business. This is a fantasy. In real life - circumstances and goals depend on the external environment, which CBT does not recognize. Toxic people would still be there, toxic ambient would still be there, toxic situations would still happen.
I believe without any mechanisms that compose social anxiety such as high moral and ethical standards - that I would probably miss a whole lot of red flags and I would not have inner mechanism to leave toxic situations and I would stay inside it until it would broke me. Or I would become toxic myself and abuse other people in order to survive.
Hence - social anxiety is protective mechanism. It protects us from the hurt and pain and toxicity and from becoming difficult and toxic ourselves.
We can observe social anxiety from the CBT and self help industry point of view: someone who is super confident and who does not worry and who does not basically care how other people see us and who does not react to someone's criticism and anger.
So what happens in toxic country with a lot of toxic shame - is that toxic society will do anything to break the spirit of anyone who is confident but does not attack back. Toxic shaming plays a crucial and critical role in social anxiety.
If we are at a toxic job - boss, colleagues and customers will express anger in order to get our attention, to get our awareness about errors and flaws that we sell and that we are responsible for. So if we are calm and without anxiety and without panic - they will do anything to shake us and to make us fawn to them and to pay them up and to worship them. This is basically narcissistic abuse. Narcissists want others to be sad and passive and immobile and panicked and scared. Not happy, not smiling, not calmed down. They will do all sorts of put downs and shaming tactics and screaming and yelling like a toddler in order to see reaction in us - that we are scared and not laughing and that we are miserable. Then they will calm down - they regulate their sick abnormal brain and emotions by making others passive and submissive and easily manipulated and controllable.
So without social anxiety - they will be attracted to us - since we are not violent and abusive to them - and that will annoy them.
This way we can only use our imagination - what it would look like if we never had capacity for social anxiety - we would either develop it due to amount of abuse from sick people and their desire to break healthy and sane people down, or we would become narcissistic and abusive and hysterical.
This is the road map - how to handle social anxiety.
We really need to accept it, see it as a mechanism that help us regulate our moral and ethical standards with sick and abnormal people. If we believe in CBT and self help industry explanations about social anxiety being sick and being weak - we would focus on ourselves - on our flaws and we would discipline ourselves into fear and anxiety and more of panic and more and more of anxiety and into loop of worry and rumination without end.
However - if we see that social anxiety is a part of regulation system and that we have normal and healthy and friendly aspects - that we must and can place boundaries - in such way that we are the boss. That we trust ourselves and take charge of situations at hand.
Toxic and hysterical people will trigger us into fear and anxiety and panic and submission and serving them, they will try to remove our autonomy into making decisions and how to interpret reality and what decisions we need to make in life about anything.
If we are aware that the alternative is to become cruel and narcissistic - we can then allow ourselves to enforce boundaries in such way that we are not too much cruel yet firm with people who are labile and volatile. They may appear super confident and strong - but this is a mask, they are dysregulated and based on shaky foundations - so our basis of doing good is solid foundation that we can rely on. If we believe in CBT definition that social anxiety is disease and sickness and personality flaw - we will never develop this kind of solid confidence based on our character not fiction like narcs.

Social anxiety protects us from becoming impulsive borderliners and narcissists and psychopaths - as an anger reaction to psychopaths, narcissists and impulsive borderliners. So when we are under attack from toxic people - CBT idea to self abuse ourselves really does not serve us at all, it will not help and it will bring more of social anxiety and panic and inner critic and self blame and toxic shame. Instead of handling abusers and contemplating ideas how to resolve toxic ambient and toxic situations - we have now inner civil war inside us where we take on the blame for the abuse. That is narcissistic abuse. Narcissistic abuse is gaslighting and making us believe we are abnormal, sick, wrong, incompetent - and then we believe in these lies and we cannot make decisions in life, and then we depend on other people to explain us what is real and where we need to go in life - which ends up being alone and isolated and stuck in toxic contact with predators and evil monsters.

So when CBT and self help industry explain social anxiety as sickness and lack of skills and abnormality to cure - the hidden message is that we must be perfect and without flaws and that our brain is abnormal and we cannot rely on our natural reactions and decisions in life. So CBT and self help industry will cripple us into civil war inside our head and immobility and isolation - since we will not trust ourselves when people are rude to us and when they exploit us and lie to us and use coercive control and manipulation on us.

Working on our social skill and talking - as CBT and self help industry instruct us - will not help with social anxiety: belief that I am in the way, belief that I am burden and that other people hate me. It will not help when I stick and get stuck with toxic people, people who order others around through hysteria, screaming and yelling - scaring people into submission and immobility by triggering ACE ACoA trauma by being angry.

Basically social anxiety is Quiet BPD - because our happiness and self of worth and sense of safety depends on other people who are angry and in some kind of power position over us. And due to CBT we believe we are abnormal and try to fix ourselves - instead of fixing the future - so that we do not depend on toxic people anymore. It is the discipline and ACoA and punishments that made us believe that being honest with monsters is bad, and that it means that we are bad person for being authentic when we warn idiots who cross our boundaries. And that we must wait for permission and approval from toxic people in order to take any kind of action or having an opinion.

Without social anxiety - I noticed that I do lean into sarcasm and blaming others and being rude. I would be like that, toxic, without social anxiety. So social anxiety is an adopted mechanism to stop me from being toxic to other people. Since this is my own choice from the unconsciousness - this is Self, this is at the core me - it is obvious then that it is my task to bring this mechanism and tools and reactions into logical part. And the only way to do that is through dialectical thinking - that I can allow myself to be angry at someone and still love them.
With abuse and trauma we will get the order and command and message and programming - that being angry means being tyrannical monster who is abusive. As if there is no spectrum or gray line - instead there is only binary black and white belief - that I can either be monster or passive and submissive. I can actually be something in between those two extremes.

I remember when reading CBT self help books about social anxiety 20 years ago - that there was a similar message - about being assertive. And it never worked in real life - because panic symptoms would come up, along with strong toxic shame (deep core belief I am inept and incompetent and undeserving of having any rights) coupled with past trauma and trauma bonding - believing that loud screaming people are competent and that I must obey them automatically without making them any more angry.

This means-
that social anxiety and panic and isolation and shame - is not only a preventive measure from me becoming angry and monster and abusive myself - but it is also a signal and alarm that I am inside toxic ambient, facing evil and abnormal people - that I really need to leave - so that I am not in any kind of contact with them. And social anxiety does that - it leaves me isolated, I do not make any kind of close contact, friendships and I do not form any kind of bonds or contracts with people who appear scary and abnormal and sick and repulsive.
The only problem here is that due to lack of belief in my Self - I do not make any kind of contact, I do not make plans, I do not make innovations, I do not make any ideas - and I stay stuck isolated, as if I am in prison - not living my life and wasting my time - just for the sake of being safe and away from criminally insane people.

Social anxiety is deep core toxic shame feeling and deep conditioned hypnotic programming that people hate us. And this belief is so strong - that we cannot step outside of it and we cannot see our worth. That is being quiet BPD. We are stuck and trapped under thick layer of frozen ice that we cannot break through into air and we are stuck under water. We cannot see that - even if people do hate us - that they have no basic normal healthy reason to do so. If we are in moral and ethical state of mind always, if we have negative politeness and with social anxiety we do - there is basically no clear legal legit reason and proof that someone can legally prove that there is a basis for hatred. Because if someone hate that - than this such person hates everybody including themselves, they hate the air their breathe - and they are really deranged and cannot be taken as some judicial system that explains what is normal and healthy and okay in life. With trauma - we cannot see that. We only see that we are incompetent and that we have panic - and that this makes us sick and abnormal and that we must cure it by serving and be obedient to angry people who abuse us.

There is another aspect with social anxiety. We attack and are rude to people who are close to us and that we know we can trust them that they won't attack us and be erratic. On the other hand, we are recluse and withdrawn with unknown people. Toxic people examine this - and they test how other people react to their anger. Then they notice nice kind traumatized people who stick around them and who are calm and nice and silent with their abuse - and then they know they can trust their targets of abuse to be abused.
This means - with social anxiety - we are in the mode of not trusting other people and we see them potentially dangerous and that they can potentially hurt us and we do not form any close contact with them - and this keeps us into position of not setting boundaries with them - we do not yell at them when they are rude. We would yell and warn people who are close to us.
So from this perspective - it is a matter of being "strong" and masculine and that is how most men observe social anxiety - through the prism of who is stronger and meaner and who can physically attack the other person.
That is the perspective of CBT and toxic masculinity and self help industry - where we are suppose to be proving our worth by conquering other people and through one-up-man-ship and competitions. In real life - all people have the same worth, there is no division in higher class or lower human beings. The same battle happens in our head when we listen to CBT instruction to discipline ourselves into so called strength.

The final result of social anxiety trauma healing would be to be able to explain ourselves when toxic people criticize us. With trauma - we will people please by default and accept any blame in order to have peace and not to harm the perpetrator. Of course this passivity will annoy and irritate parts inside ourselves - they will protest for unfair treatment and our fear of not defending ourselves. Which can end up as overcompensation and hysteria and drama. It would be the best result to explain our side of story and reveal the toxic person as toxic if they refuse to listen - and leave them. In real life this ideal scenario is rare - because toxic people will either leave or punish us in some way or another in order to shut us up and censor us from speaking the truth and facts about the abuse.
And that is the central problem with social anxiety, quiet BPD and RSD - that by fighting to psychopaths - our moral relativism will make us passive and be easily taken advantage of. So we need some dose of evil and cruelty and psychopathy to fight back and ward off the parasites. Being nice will invite them in. And then our social anxiety panic and trauma will be triggered - since we do not have effective measures to take care of ourselves and our well-being. With abuse we will retreat to ACoA learned lessons: being preoccupied what abusers wants and needs and feeling responsible for their apparent "justified" anger which is of course our fault according to them - so we must renounce our rights and serve them and obey them in silence and grief.
Being in trauma means being stuck in defense mode. We stay stuck in inability to trust people anymore and we see all people now as dangerous. When we live in toxic country and toxic ambient - it will be hard to gain trust back into people who are toxic all the time in real time in front of us. So CBT measures of explaining social anxiety as hallucination will not work.

Because what I have noticed with social anxiety over and over again - it is the panic and panic symptoms that are extremely scary. They appear as if I am weak, abnormal - and something to hide and be afraid of and be ashamed of. Actually in reality - those panic symptoms are suppressed and canned and denied anger. These waves of panic are surge of violence being suppressed and stopped. It is narcissism and psychopathy being knocking on a door - in an attempt to react to psychopathy and narcissism on the other side. And since I suppress this panic and since I am convinced that these panic emotions are a sign of personality defect and flaw and weakness - I do nothing about it but hide it and torment myself with belief I am sick and defective. The end result is being scared, passive, people walking over me, being pushover. And any defense or being assertive - ends up with severe toxic shame and guilt - it is self propelling shame and guilt, self imposed and self directed. While in reality these strong emotions are actually not weakness at all. They appear as disorder and as something to hide away - but they are a bridge to sanity and a method in overcoming anxiety - that is triggered by injustice and toxic people and their unfair and disrespectful actions.

With that being said - it is obvious that with common sense - it is our duty to pick up the correct decision, as our social anxiety is also an attempt to make the right choice: not to hurt others, not to be bad person, not to cause pain to other people, not to harm anyone. There are clashes of two strong opposite forces - and it is our duty and fulfillment of who we are as a person - to do the right thing.
The right thing is to know we are powerful to inflict the pain and harm - that it is inside us - and that we choose not to. And that this ability to hurt others is not neither sickness nor disorder - nor weakness or anything wrong - it is power, powerful energy and it is our gift and logical and deliberate choice not to harm others.
The central point here is to realize that we are powerful and able to defend ourselves. With trauma and abuse - we do not know this. We are programmed and conditioned to believe we are weak and distorted and incompetent - for having panic and for experiencing embarrassment and shyness and shame for being in company of angry and moody and unfair and disrespectful aggressive monsters.
It is about realizing we have the ability to crash the ant - but we rather use other method of removing it from the table like trapping it under a cup, then putting it on a paper and rushing it outside.
With trauma and abuse we believe we are worthless and incompetent and that we are unable to think what to do with difficult people. We are convinced into this victim mentality due to exposure to psychopaths and mentally ill evil people around us.

I don't believe we can learn this lesson through a book or instruction or someone explaining to us - we need to learn this lesson through life - by being born and experiencing evil people being enabled by toxic society to be abusive and we've being on the receiving end.
What I have learned that the best way to handle toxic people is to eventually cut all relation and contact to them. And that is why our social anxiety is telling us anyway - we do isolate ourselves. Problem is that we also cut ourselves from all people and all life due to shame and guilt. Plus CBT and self help industry and "well meaning" people try to tell us that we must be social and forgive everyone. Cutting contact with people does not mean not forgiving them. We can forgive them and erase them from our life forever and ever. CBT instructs us to feel shame and blame for isolating from toxic people.

 Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
We're not ourselves when we're triggered.
We become who we think we need to be to survive.

Elopens
@Elopens01
Triggers can turn us into survival mode versions of ourselves.
It's crucial to find our way back to authenticity after the storm.

Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Healing begins when you share your story with safe people.

AimTrue
@AimTrue7
It is never a child’s responsibility to regulate their parents nervous system.
When they take on his responsibility they grow into adults with codependency.
When a child responds/adapts based on cues from the nervous systems of others, they lose connection with their own.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
🔥 When you truly don’t care what the narcissist thinks about you, you’ve reached an awesome level of freedom.

Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Truth tellers, whistle-blowers, scapegoats and the real victims are always portrayed as 'crazy.'

Signs you may be suffering from narcissistic abuse
1. You feel mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted
2. You are constantly on high alert, or feel like you are always walking on egg shells
3. You feel like you lost yourself, and no longer know who you are
4. You feel isolated and lonely
5. You are suffering from low self esteem and you never feel good enough, or you may feel like there is something wrong with you
6. You are in a constant state of confusion and life feels overwhelming, and you often feel like you don't know what you are doing?
7. Suffer from depression and / or anxiety. You are having trouble being functional, and accomplish everyday tasks
8. Your entire wellbeing is suffering as result of the chronic stress
9. You feel beaten down and broken as result of the relationship
(Maria Consiglio)

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
It is your life. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for living it your way.


Robin Wasserstein "Creativity Is My Niche"
@susansa86371078
NARCS ARE INFERIOR "Narcissists Are Inferior People. They Don't Have What It Takes To Fit Into A Healthy Society. They Possess Poor Social Skills, They Lack Empathy And Compassion. They Do Not Respect Other Peoples Feelings. They Have Poor Character Traits & Have Bad Intentions👎

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Complex trauma can absolutely make us look "psychotic" to people-- including docs or therapists-- who don't know what they're looking at.
You might look "psychotic" too, after years of gaslighting & invalidation-- thing is, neither trauma nor psychotic disorders are "shameful."

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
Trauma didn’t make you stronger. You’re stronger for showing up and living in the face of traumatic experiences. FULL STOP.
@drjenwolkin

'What is right is not always popular and what is popular is not always right.'
Albert Einstein

Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
The toxic monster you saw in the end is who they are. Never doubt yourself again when they play nice.

Narcopath Info
@Narcopath_UK
We are capable of inventing a device that “can detect a disturbance of (…) one part in 1,000 billion billion, or something like 1/1,000 of the diameter of a proton,” but we cannot see a malignant, inherently destructive narcissist prominently ensconced in our midst.
E Mika

Stevie.
@TehutiKhem
Allow people to be wrong about you. When your priorities are in order you have absolutely nothing to prove to anyone. Continue taking care of your responsibilities.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮
@_Pammy_DS_
Unhealed trauma will have you sabotaging healthy connections with people who are actually in your corner.

Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Toxic individuals rewrite history to escape accountability.
You are not crazy.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
In an abuser-centered environment, the enablers intervene when the wounded need help. The abuser is protected, and their actions are downplayed. Meanwhile, the enablers shame the wounded for how they’re responding to the abuse. Healthy environments help wounded people heal.

Words Finally Spoken, Peace for 🇺🇦
@FinallyWords
Toxic shame makes you look inward for the problem. When you really should be looking at the abuser (the actual problem). When you're in a relationship with an abuser, your self-worth, self-esteem, have been whittled away. You'll have to rebuild yourself while healing.

Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
You are too important to waste your time on what toxic individuals think about you.

Inner Practitioner
@MindTendencies2
You stop draining yourself when you decide if someone doesn't tell you about their problems with you, then there is no problem because you're not a mind reader and you're too tired to play the guessing game. It's on them when they don't communicate like emotionally mature adults.

Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Bullies often target employees who are fair, honest and ethical or have strong morals and integrity. Especially if the bully(s) don't possess those traits or if the 'target's values conflict' with those of the bully. Whistleblowers who expose fraud are often targets.

I'm sometimes afraid of going outside because I'm afraid that my neighbors are going to see me and then judge me for my yard not being good. I just assume people are judging me all the time. You bring a complaint to narcissist or something that's hurting you in any way – concern, pity, we always assume this is you judging us and telling us we have to be better.
🟥 Narcissists ALWAYS think you’re judging them

I was in this head space of everyone thinks I'm weak and pathetic and they're judging me. I'm lashing out at people left and right. I had to call my buddies and you don't hate me, right? I'm convinced that I'm laughing stock everywhere because I feel like a failure all the time. This constant feeling of just everyone thinks you're not good enough, everyone thinks you're pathetic and I can't escape it.
🟥 Narcissists ALWAYS think you’re judging them

It's insane that I have this strong emotional reaction to all this. It's why do I care so much about what people that I view as beneath me think of me. It does not make sense logically. And it makes me feel inferior on relying on the opinions of other people. But I can't escape it. The idea that anybody dislikes, judging me, or has an opinion about me that I don't like is actively distressing.
🟥 Narcissists ALWAYS think you’re judging them

A lot of times in fairness I do deserve some of opinion. A lot of times some of these opinions are not even false. But just knowing that people have those ideas about me, those thoughts about me – I can't handle it. That someone hold opinion that I don't want them to have will make me self-destructive. It's so ridiculous saying it out loud. It's pathetic that I am having those reactions to the bunch of nobody's. All the time.
🟥 Narcissists ALWAYS think you’re judging them

"If you have been the scapegoat in a narcissistic family system, the concept of setting a boundary is laughable.  You would be telling them exactly how to hurt you, and they would happily oblige. Also, trying to set a boundary in a calm and tactful way would be met by resistance in the form of mocking and ridicule, attempting to bait the scapegoat into anger, which would prove you are the problem."
YT kingbee9778

"I feel gaslighted by the therapy mantras of “ you have to teach people how to treat you “ ,(setting boundaries). No you don’t and no you can’t.  First of all, it’s not my job to teach an adult how to behave like one and quite frankly, it’s a trap and a drain hole. Secondly, I DON’T CONTROL OTHER PEOPLE.  They will do what they want, especially if they have the tiniest ounce of power over you."
YT gertrudewest4535

"Sometimes a boundary is about recognizing that a person's behavior isn't safe and isn't going to change, and then doing what you have to in order to keep yourself as safe as possible.  Keeping a safe distance and limiting interaction and communication is a good boundary, and there’s no reason to tell the person about it."
YT SuzannaLiessa

Josh…
@JD_Quotes2017
Sometimes, their behavior is your answer.

 Early symptoms of delusional disorder may include:
Feelings of being exploited.
Preoccupation with the loyalty or trustworthiness of friends.
A tendency to read threatening meanings into benign remarks or events.
Persistently holding grudges.
A readiness to respond and react to perceived slights.

Jacklena Bentley
@JacklenaB
Have you ever noticed that once you stop caring about someone they look different?


Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Trauma survivors tend to notice details. Lots of details. Little details. Not just threat-relevant details, but tiny things about the world around us. Everything from sprinkler splashes to fireplace ashes.
It's like we exist in a hyper real world only other survivors can see.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
Trauma did NOT make you stronger.
It traumatized you, broke your heart, dysregulated your nervous system, gave you PTSD, sleepless nights, trust issues, connection difficulty, almost killed you, and stole your will to live.
YOU made + make yourself stronger…by stepping up to heal.

Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
A narcissist will provoke you to get a reaction out of you so they can blame everything on you.


Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
A core symptom of complex trauma is, we develop this distorted idea of who we are-- everything from our body to our personality. We get to the point where we'll stare directly at the sun, but never in the mirror.
Recovery is about healing our relationship with ourselves first.

Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
Nov 17
When a narcissist realises you're onto them, they start accusing you of going crazy.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮
@_Pammy_DS_
Manipulation is when they'll blame you for your reaction to their toxic behaviour, but don’t discuss their disrespect that triggered you.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Nov 17
Your abusers & bullies from the past absolutely want you hating & doubting & deriding yourself now. They love it. They love you wasting your precious time & energy extending their efforts far into the future.
How about, f*ck them. Choose self-kindness & self-forgiveness today.

Narcopath Info
@Narcopath_UK
Remember, folks, narcissistic rage can be overt or covert.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮
@_Pammy_DS_
Nov 17
Distancing yourself from people who repeatedly trigger your mental health and lower your vibe is top-tier self care.

Jacklena Bentley
@JacklenaB
You are allowed to be that blast of positivity that annoys others. You keep being you.

 The truth you believe and cling to makes you unavailable to hear anything new.
 Pema Chödrön

Sometimes what you don't know is good for you. If you get a negative report and you overanalyze it, and reason it out, study it all day, that's going to take your faith. That's why Scripture says: Lean not to your own understanding. Sometime you have to turn your mind off. Faith is not of the mind, faith is of the heart. Yes, we should use common sense, make good decisions. But don't let your logic talk you out of what God put in your heart.
JOEL OSTEEN

Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D. (Cis, He/Him)
@AndrewCicchett1
We’re not meant to be so isolated and alone.

The_Narc_Decoder
@NarcDecoder
Cutting people off and letting them live with whatever delusional story suits them best is called top tier maturity.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
⚠️ When the narcissist is too nice, they’re grooming you for more manipulation.

 Michaela Früh
@MichaelaFrueh72
I feel so much better after I‘ve decided to block rather than engage with faceless, nameless accounts on this platform.

Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D. (Cis, He/Him)
@AndrewCicchett1
My take on gaslighting is that it is an intentional tactic meant to cause psychological erosion. It bears resemblance to invalidation, manipulation, lying and deception. If we use the language of domestic abuse casually we miscommunicate the harm and severity of these tactics.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
You’re not lazy. You’re in survival mode. Survival mode can often be exhausting. We utilize so much bandwidth just to stay somewhat regulated that we don’t have much energy for anything else. I believe with continued healing we can SurThrive and even Thrive, though it’s a process and sometimes we go in and out of  all three.
@drjenwolkin

Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D. (Cis, He/Him)
@AndrewCicchett1
Nov 20
Patriarchal masculinity results in external and internal misogyny, that is, a contempt for what is regarded as feminine ie nurturance, empathy, kindness, tenderness, emotional expression, mothering.

Jacklena Bentley
@JacklenaB
Normalize standing up for yourself.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮
@_Pammy_DS_
Maturing is realizing you don't want to be around drama, stress or conflict any longer. You start choosing calm over chaos, and distance over disrespect. You start prioritizing your peace, mental health, and happiness — over everything.

Master 🦋
@master_nobody
Introverts love authenticity. Real & raw. Straightforward. In your face. No games. No winning approvals. They like to keep things plain, simple, and honest. And trust me they're not rude. It's just that they have no tolerance for drama, stupidity, and fake people.

Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
Them not telling you or hiding something from you is just the same as lying.

Master 🦋
@master_nobody
Nov 20
Introverts don't play mind games. Hurting, cheating, or lying is not their thing. They're simple straightforward people. They like you, they show you. But if you play games, trust me, they'll end it before you even begin thinking.

Matthias James Barker, LMHC
I think that shame isn't going to be the thing that helps you sort these things out, it's compassion.

The nocebo effect describes negative outcomes that can happen if someone believes something will cause them harm. For example, if you think a treatment will be painful, there's a higher chance that you'll experience pain. Even a belief about possible side effects can cause side effects from muscle spasms to chest pain.

Donella H. Meadows
The behavior of systems cannot be known just by knowing the elements of which the system is made.

Adam Grant
Dissenting opinions are useful, even when they are wrong.

I can very easily spot someone who is faking confidence. It's very apparent. You can see it in their body language. It's just very over the top. People who are truly confident tend to be quite calm. Chill. They don't try to forcefully dominate people or anything like that. They're just cool with themselves. You don't want to put facade of confidence and put yourself in fights to dominate people.
🟥 Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (Autism)

I'm sometimes afraid of going outside because I'm afraid that my neighbors are going to see me and then judge me for my yard not being good. I just assume people are judging me all the time. You bring a complaint to narcissist or something that's hurting you in any way – concern, pity, we always assume this is you judging us and telling us we have to be better.
🟥 Narcissists ALWAYS think you’re judging them
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRvaYTtstuY

I was in this head space of everyone thinks I'm weak and pathetic and they're judging me. I'm lashing out at people left and right. I had to call my buddies and you don't hate me, right? I'm convinced that I'm laughing stock everywhere because I feel like a failure all the time. This constant feeling of just everyone thinks you're not good enough, everyone thinks you're pathetic and I can't escape it.
🟥 Narcissists ALWAYS think you’re judging them
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRvaYTtstuY

It's insane that I have this strong emotional reaction to all this. It's why do I care so much about what people that I view as beneath me think of me. It does not make sense logically. And it makes me feel inferior on relying on the opinions of other people. But I can't escape it. The idea that anybody dislikes, judging me, or has an opinion about me that I don't like is actively distressing.
🟥 Narcissists ALWAYS think you’re judging them
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRvaYTtstuY

A lot of times in fairness I do deserve some of opinion. A lot of times some of these opinions are not even false. But just knowing that people have those ideas about me, those thoughts about me – I can't handle it. That someone hold opinion that I don't want them to have will make me self-destructive. It's so ridiculous saying it out loud. It's pathetic that I am having those reactions to the bunch of nobody's. All the time.
🟥 Narcissists ALWAYS think you’re judging them
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRvaYTtstuY

Only thing I do with people as a psychopath – if I'm in a room with people, the only thing I care about is being worshiped by people and winning people over. Or attracting a mate physically so I could sleep with her. That's it. That's all I care about. I care about being the most popular person in the room, I care about being worshiped by everyone, I do not care about anybody, I don't have empathy towards anybody.
🟥 Being a Psychopath, a Narcissist, and healing with ifs

 Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Many complex trauma survivors get triggered by disapproval, not because we're "thin skinned"-- but because approval, disapproval, acceptance, & rejection were wielded by abusers to control us.
Once you see it, you can't unsee it.

 

 (27.11.2023)

Narcissism could be a person with autism due to apparent lack of empathy. We never know whom we are dealing with. If we come from a place of hurt and wound and defense - we will attack anything that is similar to NPD, and we might hurt innocent people in the process or cut contact with people who are not NPD - they simply appear as NPD to us due to our trauma and past bad experiences.
That is why IFS Model places so much focus on curiosity. There is so much Masked and High Functional conditions - that they simply buzz in quantum physics of duality where they may or may not be what they appear to us or even to themselves - until we place it in science lab and under investigation and check out what is really happening.
That is why with narcissism - we waste so much time in seeking the closure and explanation - where with true NPD we will never find it. As soon as we think we find the answer - they will get into delusion and loop phases devalue-discard-love bomb that will make us always go back to the beginning and we will stay forever in state of non-being, state of not knowing, uncertain state where we will blame ourselves in the end. If we cannot find closure with certain person - it is a high chance that they are indeed NPD and it is best to move on as soon as possible and cut all ties or severely disrupt any deep contact with such people.

If I am seeeking some app for certain service - I will easily discard applications which are obviously not made for the exact purpose that I am looking for. With bullying and abuse - narcissists are hurtful - we cannot discard them nor their bullying. That is because their abuse is connected with our insecurities. Psychopaths target insecurities in order to manipulate, control and put down their targets. So for the bully at workplace - it is our desire not to make mistakes that will be targeted by them. Our moral and ethical choice not to harm anyone in the process and not to make disaster or any damage - will be the center of bully's accusations and mockings and criticism. When we get into panic mode - we won't see clearly what is going on, it will simply appear as painful and hurtful and we won't have clear knowledge that the bully is targeting our moral and ethical standards and desire not to make mistakes in our job.
So obvious solution is to admit being wrong, admit not knowing - will be weaponized and brought against us by the bully. However the awareness that they target our void and insecurities is a great clue how to handle the psychopaths.

With IFS Model - I actually took some time to listen to psychopaths and narcissists who are willing to reveal their thoghts and fears - and these align with social anxiety. They are extremely sensitive to criticism. Therefore - logical conclusion is that it is the over-reaction that is the problem. The over-reaction that CBT explains as hallucination - is actually trauma, it is the wound - but it will appear as real threat and it will be painful. It is also called Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria - and it is marked with feeling anxious: threatened and annoyed and irritated and angry at someone who appears as unfair, injust and non-caring - that is triggering the wound. There are also inner critic voices such as - that I must be brave and say something and stand up for myself. So the boundary up type of voices are mixed in - as if I am under real threat that I must boundary up - through wars and hysteria and drama. Yet if I suppress it and pretend everyathing is fine - the anger and grudge will fester. There is also an overwhelming feeling of toxic shame, that other people mock me and hate me and think I am loser and incompetent and that hysterical person that is rude to me - that this person thinks that he has won some imaginary game, so I must win it by protecting my pride as if someone can take away my pride by being rude and unfair and injust. And usually when this dysregulation passes, when amygdala hijacking is gone - and when panic and heart beats and physical stress reactions calm down on their own - I usually really do not care at all what happened and whethere I was called names and embarrassed.
The problem is without trauma inforamtion - without IFS Model information - I worry and ruminate and I cannot get out of this worry loop about who said what and how I was perceived in the eyes of others. Which is narcissism - that is their worry that they introjected into me, projected onto their targets. They use bullying and mobbing and abuse to make the target feel as submissive and unworthy and that one must cut off any actions or words or opinions - which are not aligned with the bully.
During the trigger - I am in fear fawn angry mode and it appears as if I will forever be stuck in such situation and that I am to blame and that I must be perfect and that I am unworthy and incompetent for not knowing how to handle hysterical screaming demanding person - and that either I must fight back through being hysterical or fawning so that I do whatever they demand and order me to do - and the very fact that they are angry and expecting of me that I do as they say - is really triggering and stressful and confusing and it makes me feel stressed and panicked - and I really do not see how irrational the other person is and that I do not need to do nothing else - but the common sense and warn the other person if they are entitled and ask too much, if they are unreasonable and unrealistic. Instead of saying this as an adult - I am stuck in traumatized IFS Model part - that I am not aware that I am stuck at all. All I see and feel is panic and worry and inner critic and toxic shame and immediate threat.

CBT will explain symptoms of RSD as own fault and something that we can overcome through will power. In reality - it is traumatized part that requires our validation, attention and understanding and listening. The prime question is knowing that trauma and panic cannot be stopped - they need to be felt and allowed to be, to exist. Secondly, our toxic shame traumatized part needs to understand on deep level - that we do not take responsibility for angry, demanding moody people - that it is not our responsibility to fix them and their emotions and that they can be hysterical - and that we understand this. We will otherwise automatically follow the ACoA ACE orders which are programmed into our trauma and panic automatic response - that we fix angry people and focus on them and their demands.
Instead of self blame - the correct approach is that we place our task at hand as the primary goal - not abuser's anger and hostility.

This is connected with boundaries and questions about boundaries.
Narcissists and psychopaths will claim that they are entitled for special treatment and they will impose their boundaries onto others via criticism and expecting that other person obeys and be angry for not having their way, being told no. So it is important to be clear about what we want with our boundaries. What we expect from placing boundaries.
When we are not aware that toxic people extend their boundaries into control - we then believe we are abnormal for not being perfect and not meeting toxic person's requests. And we believe it is our responsibility to be perfect and to obey. We will feel blame and shame and guilt if we say no.
We will end up feeling quilty when we cut contact - as if we are cruel and unfair and that we are doing harm to ourselves and that we are doing harm to the toxic person - while in the same time forgetting that trauma and social anxiety stems from those very same toxic people who abuse us with their entitlement and special treatment.

The revelation about social anxiety trauma and narcissistic abuse is that we are not responsible for hysterical people and that their requests are abuse, control and manipulation, their requests are not legit automatically.

The very fact that we react to criticism and unfair demands and abuse - means that the way we see the other person - is too powerful. We give them too much power without being aware of it. We feel that it is our responsibility to please them and to worry about not making mistakes and that it is our responsibility to do whatever they request. This is slave-master dynamics here. And if there is a power dynamics - the toxic person will exploit this through blackmail - threatening with terminating the contract or telling to someone in charge so that they punish us. Apart from their sadism and punishment - there is a separate dynamics where we see toxic person as too powerful, and we go along with their hysteria - since their delusions become our task and demand and decision.

And this kind of abuse is real - it is not hallucination. Our task is here to narrow down the problem. With abuse and trauma we will tend to shut down all people and all life - and isolate ourselves without going outside anymore in order not to be in similar contact in the future. This isolation from healthy population is problem. It is not problem that we put toxic people into quarantine - this part is needed for healing. CBT will explain us that toxic people do not exist and that we must accept all people and be assertive with them. Toxic people will simply use information given to them as a weapon and fuel for new drama and hysteria.

This ACoA hypnosis of being over-responsible is the burden that makes our life difficult and this burden needs to be unloaded from our backs. This same burden of being too responsible that ACoA hypnosis conditioned us into being hypervigilant and over controlling - will allow parasites and toxic people to exploit us. They will nag, complain, find faults all the time - which will cause circuit break in our mind, our amygdala hijacking will happen - and instead of cutting contact with toxic person that invents problems due to their own disorder - we concentrate only on fixing problems that toxic people scream and yell out loud. We put our goals, needs aside and we attend to toxic people's screaming and their annoyances. This feeling of being over-responsible is being matched with narcissistic supplies. It is a recipe for disaster. And as much as narcissist is unable to see that their own actions are hurting others, in the same manner we do not see that our own over responsibility is hurting us. All that we see is acute problem that is horrible and catastrophe and we must feel ashamed, small, inferior, without any human rights and our only task is to clean up the mess that toxic people pinpoint all the time.

With toxic shame, trauma, over-responsibility - there is acute and chronic and deep worry about what other person thinks about me. It is their opinion, that feels painful - even when I know I am innocent and that I never did anything wrong. That is what narcissist feel too - that is what makes them cruel and aggressive and without empathy - they base their aggression on this same social anxiety trauma.
This part of worrying what other person thinks, that their opinion is some kind of eternal law - this needs to be localized and quarantined and removed from our consciousness. This worry how other people perceive of us - is narcissistic supply and that is the disorder. This same rumination and pain will cause us to make wrong decisions in life - based on a worry what we think other person thinks and contemplates about us. And that is stemming from trauma - this kind of worry could only be generated in ACoA ACE ambient, where we have been punished over and over again for not caring and not showing distress nor submission when the abuser was dysregulated. We were molded and punished into worry and rumination and making the specific kind of decision that would regulate the abusers. When we did something out of the expected - we were yelled and screamed at and physically punished over and over again over a long period of time. Narcissists have no knowledge that they are dysregulated and that they are forcing other people to fawn over to their entitlement and perceived special treatment.

This ACoA programming and ongoing abuse is keeping us trapped in a mentality of victimhood where paradoxical and mutually contradicting beliefs occur: that I focus on abusive person and in the same time I isolate myself from anything in life in order to regulate. I do not cut out the abusive person - I cut everyone out. Then there is a belief that nothing will get better - catastrophizing, I do not see that this is temporary. This catastrophe creates learned helplessness where I remember the past absue and I believe this is all one big continuation of abuse so there is no way out. So after isolation I become passive and addicted to quick pleasures to regulate the shame and pain. Then there is the toxic shame, that being abused is my personal fault, my personality fault and that I am not worthy. This belief will make me shut up and self censor myself, I will not protest or tell the truth - so I will lose my authenticity.
And I cannot break out - to protest, to leave the abuser, to focus on task and job at hand without trying to fix other person's mood swings and hysteria. And in long term - that I plan exit strategy. Instead I become passive and isolated through avoiding everyone and being codependent in the same time to abusers.

The defining characteristic of narcissism is being marked by stubborness and inability to listen to others, similar to an annoyed toddler that can only scream in order to get what it wants right this instant. So in a way - our social anxiety trauma is the same - it is inability to be patient, it is marked by stubborn pain and hurt that cannot be soothed any other way than being regulated and calm without any triggers. Narcissism is inability to control impulse, control and triggers. That is the same with social anxiety panic - when we develop chronic and acute fear of social events and social interaction with difficult people. As much as it is hard for us to live our life without anxiety and fear - and without seeing the big picture or any kind of relief when we are abused and when there is a potential for abuse - in the same manner the narcissists - who cause us to feel social anxiety in the first place - do not have control either. So how can we expect psychopaths and narcissist to behave - when we have the same problem with panic and fear when we need to make difficult conversations, place a demand on hysterical person, asking for permissions, help or instruction from lazy and hysterical and abusive people. With social anxiety we cannot control our panic - as much as abusive people cannot control their abuse. However with social anxiety we do not see it like that. We see it as being incompetent and that there is a fault in our basic brain structure - so we make ourselves immobile and passive based on wrong conclusions about the panic and reaction to toxic people who are not aware of their behavior other than being aware that being cruel for them does the trick of calming down - when the people on the receiving end of their abuse fawn to them. The point here is that with social anxiety trauma we will focus on fawnig and fixing their needs and their hysteria and panic - while in the same time we will neglect our own task, job, future, goals to be done. We will put all those aside, we will stop going out, we will wrack our plans in life and enjoyments and exploring - and instead we will place our only meaning in life to be codependent and fix toxic people without being aware we are doing that - as much as narcissists are not aware that they are entitled and prefer special treatment which we must oblige or else.

And that is why CBT and self-help ideas about boundaries - will not work and this nonsense about boundaries - will create burden and hypervigilance and place us into a fake belief that we are in control of other people and that we are responsible for their emotions.
The boundaries will work all the time - when we are authentic and speak freely without censorship - we can state what we dislike without hysteria or blame or being rude. The only problem are toxic people in power - who will punish us - by using this same power - in order to keep us quiet, submissive. We will be played around - forced to answer their intrusive questions all the time, being mocked by them so that we are place in defense mode and toxic shame - all for the sake of coercive control.

So with social anxiety and CBT instructions - we will feel angry and scared and ashamed when we make mistakes and when we experiment in how to deal with difficult people - since CBT will tell us that we must monitor our thoughts and behavior with great detail and then be perfect in our conduct - that we must face our fears and talk to people.
Well in toxic contact - talking to toxic people leads to being ashamed, mocked and brought on uninvinted intrusive court justice where the bully is the jury, persecutor and the judge and where any words we speak is used against ourselves and weaponized. And this CBT idea of perfectionism is making us being focused on ourselves - instead of our goals and task at hand and cutting contact with toxic people.

So instead of "boundaries" and building walls and being focused how to handle and keep narcissists in control - the healthier approach is to detach and move on, and make our awareness be our task at hand, good people whom we forgot due to obsession over abuse. When we invest in boundaries - we end up hypervigilant and our sole purpose in life becomes the abuser. So the question is what kind of damage can this abuse do to us if we ignore him? Can they destroy our life? Can they physically eliminate us? What sort of power these toxic people have over us? When they annoy and irritate us - we give them power to guide our decisions in life and amount of space where we are allowed to walk and exist - since everything becomes limited to the abuser and their wants, needs and their requests.

It is not evil people or impossible situations that are the distortion - in psychology - it is our explanations and decisions based on wounded inner child which interprets angry people as own personal defect in the mind that must therefore fawn to other people and make decisions from such inferiority complex - that is the only problem. I do not see that with social anxiety. When in panic - I see uncomfortable physical symptoms, being weak and vulnerable and being easy target for psychopaths - as the only problem. The true problem are our beliefs based on ACoA programming and repeating the wrong lessons about being passive and submissive and feeling contaminated because other people's anger and mood swings. It is actually pretty simple when we learn about trauma - when we do not know it is trauma, it appears as complex issue without any resolution other than engaging in rage and fight response in order to prove own worth to the others and not to be embarrassed in front of others who might then hold wrong type of opinion about our worth in their minds and thoughts and comments - as if their conclusions are really important and valid and it feels shameful and outside of control - since other people's opinion hold the control over what I will speak or do.

With the knowledge about neurodivergent mind - I have noticed that when I am "outside of comfort zone" - that I feel things even more deeply than usual. I pick up on details which I would not pay much attention before. There is also the same problem with social anxiety trauma here - because I will tend to explain deeper processing of stimuli as personal defect and that I must hide and mask my needs and wants and opinions and instead to fawn to others and be patient with their entitlement and privilege and consequently abuse.

With social anxiety panic we want quick and immediate fix - that we become talkative and not scared of anything and that we boldly go wherever we want to go. In real life - this is impossible - because of duties and lack of money and time. In real life - the cure and salvation and healing of social anxiety means - that bad emotions and panic will still be there when we are abused and inside narcissistic abuse - that triggers social anxiety along with Rejection Sensitivity, however there is a spin: the spin is that our time management will be having a plethora of options which previously we did not have at our disposal. Before we would sit on a lemon tree and worry - in isolation without friends, without any contact, without any craft, without any vision, without anything to occupy our interest and goals. The only focus were toxic people, trauma and drama and how to fix angry people and avoid them - that is the only and main and exclusive way how our reality and daily timeline was divided. We had no other primary tasks at hand other than rumination and fawning to toxic people and being codependent on them and their approval and feeling responsible for anything that moves around us.

Breakdown of social anxiety.
There are some short lines which compromise social anxiety
1) how I interpret trauma and toxic people. I see it automatically as scary, impossible, disgusting and I feel like in Lego Batman with No no no, refusal to go anywhere. I struggled with this since 1989 however back then I would still do it since the system was made without me having alternative of opting out.
2) Also some people will appear toxic - however if I had a lot of time to ponder and analyze - I would realize that they are not toxic at all- Yet because I do not have time to seek and meet and understand - I go with hindsight and bias and prejudice and I avoid people. While paradoxically in the same time I attract really toxic people and bond with them while they put me down and or steal my money or something away from me.
3) Staying in isolation. I cannot bear potential rejection sensitivity and I prefer being passive and not being outgoing. Which is problem with lack of money - where I cannot travel and or being in ambient where there are literally no place to go - this include a simple walk.
4) Issues of generalization, shame and narcissistic supply - where I cannot handle someone being angry at me. Or even that someone things badly at me or having any negative opinion of me - this is too painful and if I am in close contact with someone who is moody I will fawn and refrain from complaints and allow them to abuse me without reacting - in order not to be isolated even more, and in order not to over-react.
5) Borderline splitting - where I see people as black and white
6) Loss of identity - if I am in good mood and laugh I will stop this if someone is moody and angry and complaining about me being happy and laughing, I will feel shame and try to appease the abusers. In the same time I will feel strong shame of being myself and that everything about me is wrong and that I must not be the way that I am - the way how I dress, or talk or hold opinion or making suggestions or ideas or acting about anything, doing anything, any kind of action - I will feel it is wrong and I must change myself and be invisible and appeasing to everyone, especially to people who are angry, moody and aggressive
7) closely related to this is deep shame for fawning and appeasing and doing it automatically - so I will even try to over-compensate by being angry and yelling sometimes in order to prove I am strong, but mostly I will feel ashamed about who I am as person and how I am dressed and how I look and talk and whatever I do, and whatever I did 5 minutes ago to what I done wrong in my entire life and feel ashamed for being flawed.
8) I will do this inner criticism automatically without knowing I have this condition of having burden of control and responsibility. I will not be able to convince myself that basically - I have done absolutely nothing wrong. That it is not my fault. I had no tools to organize stimuli data.
9) So there will be feeling of shame mixed in with fawning and feeling responsible for fixing other people's demands, problems and issues especially if they are angry.
10) I won't see that social anxiety and immobility and coping mechanisms are coming from taking on responsibility to appease angry people and potentially angry people, and I won't see that I do not have resources to mingle, to have fun, to appease other people to begin with.
11) Along with fawning there will be inferiority complex where I see angry people as powerful and that I must obey, that I must not get angry at them, that I must not tell the truth and that I must self censor my thoughts, opinions and truth. And especially I will have no plans to leave toxic people and toxic ambient. My free time and money will be wasted on defenses and appeasing trauma and drama - using money as compensation.

Rejection sensitivity dysphoria is the most devastating part of social anxiety trauma. It makes me passive and immobile and give up from making anything in life - since I do not want to engage in listening or witnessing criticism and angry people anymore. Then I would feel depressed for being passive and doing nothing and for being stuck.

Toxic people will not wait, and I cannot isolate myself from them. They will be everywhere all the time. So I cannot escape from them - even though this appears as fantasy freedom idea that is very attractive. So even when I isolate myself - I will still be in everyday situations where toxic people will be angry, where they will nag and complain and be critical, violent and rude to me out of sheer boredom, injustice and totally unfair and biased and based on their delusions that they refuse to hear about and learn about reality.

So I would see this fantasy idea of isolation as a problem - and to realize that it is a fantasy and it will not help me nor work. This fantasy escape ideas will come to my mind in stressful situations where I cannot escape toxic people.
So I need to learn new concepts and ideas how to handle toxic people - and now when I list deconstructed social anxiety, this new concept based on IFS Model would be:
- that I am aware of my Full Self: that my character, persona, personality is me - being myself. And me my Self is not neurotic. Without trauma I do not spend time worrying how to fix angry people nor how to appease them and worry about what other people think, how badly they hate me and judge me in negative way.
The new concept how to handle toxic people would be based on my goals and tasks - where I allow my ideas and innovations be based on my values and common sense. Without this awareness I would prune myself and not allowed myself to experiment. Instead - I would base my appearance and goals and actions on avoiding toxic people and making sure I do not instigate someone's anger or bad criticism about me, my appearance or my actions.
So basically new concept that is healthy - would be based on idea that I catch and isolate Rejection Sensitivity as a trauma emotion - so that I do not internalize someone's anger as my personality fault. This way I will not trauma bond with someone being angry and doing everything to be passive and isolated so that they do not get moody and violent. Needless to say - new concept would be recognizing toxic people and cutting them off permanently - without grudge, without drama, without anger. I now simply know that they are mentally ill and or evil and that I do not want to associate with people who are permanent bad influence. And that I handle evil people whom I depend on service or help or information by holding my noise as if they stink, and hold my breath while I interact with them - and leave as soon as it is possible. Without internalizing any of their criticism in that way that I mold and change myself and my plans and anything about myself.

We know the best what helps us and what soothes our stress and reactions to stress. It is only that we try to fit in into neurotypical orders and commands that we self sabotage ourselves - since we do not listen to our parts that need certain stimuli, help, service, attention. Nobody knows what these needs are - we know it. Yet we do not listen to it, we dismiss it. So anything else but compassion is wrong and leads to wrong road.

This also means - that we have troubles and issues and fears and panic and hang ups exactely as we should have them - if we were traumatized and exposed to wrong model and crazy making constructs. If we have a broken arm or anything broken and wounded physically - we would feel any bump on the road more than "normal" people. To others we would appear as over-sensitive and nagging and complaining - while in reality - we simply atune and pick up the disregularities more than others - due to pain and hurt already present inside us. Others do not have wounds, so they can tolerate the disturbances which they will never pick up on their radar. The more hurt and traumatized we are - the more true reality and small details we will be able to pick up. So this is not having hallucinations as CBT explains it.

With trauamtized parts - we get focused on worry and problem. These hurt parts keep us stuck in tunnel vision. Then we do not get enough information, we don't get constructs to compare or challenge the trauma and abuse, we have nothing to counter it with.

For example, when we are in contact with a bully, some mobbing situation, anyone angry and hurtful who puts us down in hysteria for whatever reason, known or unknown person - we will tend to due to ACoA and ACE, to interpret their anger as our shame and we will in the same time, think that this person is correct and strong and right and we are inferior to them. In reality, when we learn about IFS Model - we actually learn that their acting out is temper tantrum, childish part that is activated in them. They are not strong adults, they are pathetic undeveloped parts that are trying to get their meets met by screaming like a child - since they do not know any other way. Instead of being strong, they are actually very weak. And those inferior shame feelings that we have in reaction to narcissistic abuse - is actually transference of their own beliefs into us.
It is important to be aware of this - because abuse will hypnotize us back into Operant Conditioning - that we are unworthy and incompetent, and when our Ego is dead, we are easy target to manipulate, control and keep in the state of trauma and shock - which ends up as hypervigilance and anxiety and unknown scary emotions later on with triggers and random flashbacks, anything similar to the original trauma. In other words, we carry someone else's burden, like Sisyphus did.

CBT, self-help industry and social anxiety "coaches" perceive social anxiety only as extreme end of spectrum: being silent, isolated, not talking to people and being scared of expressing oneself. In reality social anxiety comes in spectrum. On the other side of this spectrum is Functional Social anxiety - where we do go out and we don't have problem with performing and talking to people - yet in the same time the trauma is inside. Trauma comes in covert ways as triggers and flashbacks that we try to suppress and ignore or deny. This is Functional social anxiety since it does not block us from talking or going to parties or to a job - however it is still social anxiety problem because there is deep  toxic shame and trauma stuck inside our body and it wreck havoc whenever we are in triggering situations. And then we will still intepret conflict and criticism as catastrophe and personal blame, that we are abnormal as person just because someone random is angry at us or angry at someone else - due to ACoA we will feel responsible for their problems and we will then feel the impulse to cure their problems and feel bad when we fail to do so.

Social anxiety has a referential delusion component - which CBT and DSM details as "fear of criticism and negative evaluation". CBT nor DSM does not connect these to ACoA nor ACE so with self-help industry and official medical industry response to social anxiety we will tend to self blame and think we are abnormal and then hide symptoms - making it more difficult to pinpoint. Then we end up with people pleasing and being abused, taken advantage of, we become passive and we forfeit our goals and natural inclinations about what we want to do in life and replace it with strategy of Crusades and self analysis and self correction all the time - which ends up with Rejection Sensitivity and deep toxic shame and emotional fusion - where any emotional reaction will be labeled as personal disorder and personal fault.
CBT nor DSM does not explain what happens when we do live in shame culture country where being intrusive and rude is part of mentality and folklore. Where most people are rude and abusive and this is perceived as sign of strength and intelligence so it is re-enforced in society, to be rude and aggressive and to mock and put down other people. Then these delusions of persecution are real. Then we have nothing else to do but to leave - however if we are forced to stay in toxic ambient - there is another alternative that we would never consider because CBT nor DSM nor self help industry does not tell us all the picture about what is going on.
If we are in intrusive toxic narcissistic abuse ambient which is legalized and normalized - we actually can experiment how much facts we are allowed to speak out. Toxic people will punish our errors and anything that is different from the norm - up to the smallest details and that is exhausting and it leads to social anxiety when exposed to such intrusive toxic abuse. The counter measure to intrusive people is to speak out the facts - and then we are punished. Early in the age we learn through repetitive punishments such as yelling, screaming, exclusing, mocking - that we must not tell the truth or fend off or speak out our own criticism. So now as adults we can allow ourselves to be truthful and speak the truth - even if it will cause pain and shame to the abuser. This comes with warning because evil people - when they punish - due to their mental illness and their own delusions - are very violent and dangerous. They cannot handle the truth and that is the reason why they are rude and intrusive and anti-social.
We can experiment in calling evil people out - there are standards of how to be social - we can call these out when evil people are anti-social and demand our civil and human and humane rights. With ACoA and ACE we learned to shut up and self censor and to respond with panic attacks to someone being intrusive, rude and aggressive - so we never allowed ourselves to be curious, to speak the truth and to not self censor ourselves and we learned instead to fawn and people please and to be stuck in negative politeness, which means never speaking out the elephant in the room.
This speaking out is tricky because evil people have personality disorder - they are stuck in automatic thinking, they are stuck in delusions - so in almost all cases, our reactions will never be absorbed by them. And we cannot expect that we can control other people. Speaking out part is for ourselves, that we show our brain that we have adult inside us. When we self censor ourselves - we are showing our brain that we do not have adult inside us, and that we are governed by scared traumatized child parts which carry a lot of burden - and of course this introspection will end up with self fulfilling prophecy - we won't trust ourselves. We won't believe that we have "courage" nor strength to speak up and do actions and speak opinions and make decisions which are aligned with our sense of what is right and wrong. When we shut up and fawn - we align our actions and beliefs as a slave to hysterical people and this breeds shame and sense of hopelesness where we are not in control of our own ship. Instead - we are stuck in abuse where abusers makes decisions for us. Another word to describe this is Coercive control. To be stuck in coercive control is painful and shameful and we lose hope about our future and it is very dark place to be in - to be codependent on abusers and their whim and their will.

The difference in delusion and evil people who are really evil - is in scam, it is in their lies, it is in a lie. Evil people, toxic people, abusers - they are dishonest. They live in their own delusions and they lie based on what appears reality to them: the urge to parasite on other people via deception and taking advantage of others.
With social anxiety we focus on abuse and trauma - we are conditioned to shut up - and our total focus is on defense and not to be avoidant (CBT) and that we must be assertive (CBT's order how to handle social anxiety) - which leads to whirpool of scammer. Toxic people will lie, they love conflicts, they love that we engage in their lies that they present as terror of urgency - something to solve right now - and we are then manipulated and controlled and manipulated by someone who is liar - but we do not see lies and we do not see liar.
All we see is our reaction - that appears as delusion since lies are not easily uncovered. So when lie is not uncovered - it is perceived as the truth.
The obvious solution - is to speak the facts, be objective, be real, stay with common sense and speak it out, expect that liars will be very angry and hysterical since their lies are exposed as lies and them being angry will be an attempt to contol and punish the target. With social anxiety and CBT we will tend to self flagellate and make ourselves small, that we do not have rights to speak up - since "we are delusional" and "over-sensitive".
Then we stay with fear and panic since we are being manipulated by evil people without any defense. CBT tells us that we must not avoid anyone and that we must expose to people and be assertive with them - which does not work with someone who is pathological liar and someone who lives in their delusional world which appears as reality to them.
So obvious task - is that we stay with facts, speak the truth, be honest and authentic - and that we do not fawn to someone's control and manipulation. This is very difficult in toxic shame culture country filled with corruption and legalized mafia and parasites in authority positions.
It is hard because in shame culture country - there won't be much trust in other people. When we cannot trust others - it is very stressful to live daily lives and take daily actions when you know you cannot find justice but only injustice all the time, scammers and liers and someone who has hidden agenda to cheat others just for the sake of cheating.

Zoroastrianism is based on truth telling and being authentic and honest. I find peace with that message and ancient religion.
Another example is popular alien conspiracy - with crop circle message left in crops: "beware of deception". 

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@realdrjenwolkin
Part of why cognitive behavioral therapy doesn’t work for trauma survivors is because how can we help anyone stop catastrophizing when the LITERAL worst-case-scenario is stored in their mind body and brains? @drjenwolkin

SusanMina
@SusanCanning11
We are not ourselves when triggered.. please don’t even try to explain yourself to anyone, they will not understand…

Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
People who want to be a part of your life will honor and respect your rights, boundaries and protections, without question.
Read Again....

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Nov 24
When we grow up in an abusive household, we get real sensitive to even tiny changes in the emotional "temperature" of our caregivers. We don't start sh*t-- but we can tell you how it ends.
We often feel numb as adults because years of that just burns our nervous system out.


Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
Narcissists see you as the problem so they don’t have to change.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
A trigger, by definition, isn't "controllable." We have SOME wiggle room in how we process & respond to triggers-- & trauma recovery is about developing progressively MORE wiggle room-- but if we could "control' a trigger it wouldn't be, you know, a trigger.
Easy does it.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@realdrjenwolkin
Trauma narrowed my life, kept me small, gave me nightmares and flashbacks, promoted my people-pleasing, made me feel unlovable and unseen.
It wasn’t my trauma that gave me the inner strength to face my demons that I didn’t cause. It was ME. It my MY strength that continues to help me create healthy tissue around the scarring.
I’m strong despite my trauma, NOT because  of it. I am here taking accountability for my healing. I get the credit. @drjenwolkin

Professor Ahmed Hankir
@ahmedhankir
Funny how you become the villain when you start being more assertive & sticking up for yourself.

Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Be proud of your kind heart. Not everyone has it.

In this case, social phobics were actually more aware of their emotional reactivity when they were confronted with their own negative beliefs. Greater emotional awareness. We cannot find Self. Because there is no central brain region of self. But there are different ways of manipulating how a person views themselves and you can see that in brain. One version of Self: Narrow analytical version of my Self.
🟥 Philippe Goldin on the Amygdala and Self Referential Processing

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Trauma survivors who burn ourselves out trying to overachieve aren't driven by ego.
We're more often driven by a combination of fear of punishment & hope that if we can be just impressive enough, maybe, just maybe, we'll be loved, accepted, or safe.

Jacklena Bentley
@JacklenaB
When trust is broken sorry means nothing.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
Are you saying “I’m Fine” because that feels like your only choice?

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
Let’s normalize NOT needing to forgive our perpetrators in order to heal.
@drjenwolkin

Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D. (Cis, He/Him)
@AndrewCicchett1
It's not high conflict divorce, it's post separation abuse.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Sometimes what that scared kid we carry around in our head & heart most needs to hear from us is a simple, "Nobody's mad, & nobody's in trouble-- you are safe, & I am here."

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
The ADHD tendency to need routine but then get painfully bored with routine and need excitement but then get overwhelmed and overstimulated and need routine.
@drjenwolkin

Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
Dec 3
Narcissist personality disorder, where the narcissist believes they're the victim, while their victims get blamed and end up in therapy.

Dr. Jessica Taylor
@DrJessTaylor
It absolutely fascinates me how many, and which people, get most annoyed when I start suggesting that thousands of women and girls who have been raped and abused don’t actually have personality disorders and are in fact naturally traumatised by what another human did to them.

Jacklena Bentley
@JacklenaB
It's not your job to detox toxic people. It is your job to detox the part of you that is attracted to toxic people.

Harley 🥀🖤
@TooHot2Handle26
Dec 3
People treat you like shit and when you react it’s your fault…
I don’t think so 🖕🏻

Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
A narcissist creates an environment of instability, insecurity, confusion, frustration and fear to influence you into living life on their terms.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
Trauma survivors are some of the bravest scared people you will ever meet.

a n n a
@hi_its_annaleah
growing up as an undiagnosed autistic person, I remember having to listen to (what felt like a barrage of) ppl's "insights" about what was "wrong" with me (my autistic traits) then was obligated to be grateful for their "helpful feedback" even though (looking back) it broke me. +

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
When the person who abuses you says you’re ‘too sensitive,’ they are placing blame on you to avoid accountability.

Dr. Jessica Taylor
@DrJessTaylor
When you are being abused or have been traumatised, it suits everyone else to frame you as over-sensitive and reactive than to admit the true harm being done to you.
After a while, like anything else, you begin to believe what they say about you, and you begin to question if you really are over-sensitive.
The likelihood is that you are not at all ‘over-sensitive’ but you have someone around you who will benefit from framing you that way, usually so they don’t have to address something you are feeling or saying.
Pay attention if there are people around you trying to reframe you this way.

BeTraumaFree
@BeTraumaFree
If you live with complex trauma and deal with severe trauma symptoms every day you might be afraid to tell anyone about it. You might have experienced friends and loved ones who dismiss or question your experiences, or give  you "helpful advice" that you know won't work.

Stevie.
@khem_stevie
Being very selective about who gets your time, space and energy is a form of self- care..

Dr. Roger McFillin
@DrMcFillin
Dec 3
I think "antidepressants" will go down as one of the most lucrative scams in history.

Inner Practitioner
@MindTendencies2
People talk about how great it is to heal your trauma. But no one talks about the fact that sometimes you don't realize the trauma you've experienced until years later when someone happens to hear your story and is shocked by what you've been through and how you've normalized it.

*Murdered by psychiatry* (ECT torture survivor)
@LymeLeper
Your internal reward system shouldn’t be something any other human has the right to take away from you.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
When an employment ad says they’re looking for someone to go ‘above and beyond’ it means they are wanting you to do some work for free and be grateful for it. #workplaceabuse

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮
@_Pammy_DS_
I don't distance myself from any person to teach them a lesson, I distance myself because I've finally learned mine.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
The ADHD tendency to know everything about nothing we actually need to know.
@drjenwolkin

Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Limiting people's access to you is a self care.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
Dec 3
Narcissists pretend you’re a bad person, so they don’t have to feel guilty for the shit they did to you.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮
@_Pammy_DS_
To avoid disappointment, stop seeing only the good in people and start seeing what they’re actually showing you.

Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
No matter what anyone else says, never forget that you deserve to have what you know in your heart you are worthy of.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
Dec 3
People who are struggling look astoundingly similar to those who aren’t. Stay Kind.
@drjenwolkin

Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Sometimes your value isn't seen until your absence is felt.

Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Dec 3
Good people can get tired of being good to ungrateful people.

Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
.....sometimes their behavior is your answer.

Andrew Campbell
@amcampbell84
Emotional abusers can be excellent “mask-wearers”. It’s important to remember that those masks DO slip from time to time, and when this happens, perps tend to take note of who saw behind it. They will likely turn on these people and may even try to spread false narratives to discredit these individuals in the eyes of others. Protecting themselves and keeping their abuse hidden are the paramount priorities of these perps.

Jacklena Bentley
@JacklenaB
If you expect something in return for being a nice person, you are then NOT a nice person.

purple
@prplexi
Being rude to waiters, cleaners or customer service assistants is very telling of someone's character

Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Dec 3
You should never be shamed, bullied, harassment, framed for standing up for yourself and others in the workplace for this is the reason we have rights and protections.

 Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
No one throws a bigger tantrum than a narcissist being shown facts and evidence of something they definitely did do.

Neurodivergent_lou
@neuro_lou
Just because you haven’t seen an autistic person have a meltdown, it doesn’t mean they aren’t having them

Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
You really gotta watch how people "joke" with you. People throw a lot of hate and jealously on the low and cover it with a laugh.

Narcissist Facts 101
@narcissistfacts
Narcissists will abuse and mistreat people then discard them and claim that they are “protecting their peace“ by cutting them off, when in reality they are merely avoiding accountability.

Jacy, LPC
@ATMwithJacy
What is y’all’s obsession with not wanting people to speak out about their side of the story????????????

🐢
@turtlebreezee
Unhealed trauma will create issues in your mind that don't exist...especially if you've been hurt over and over. Remind yourself to stop looking for things that aren't there

Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Red flags are no longer red flags for me, they are dealbreakers.

humanbeingawkward
@HumanbeingAwk
A word of caution:
If you knew what psychology researchers are saying about us you'd be alot more hesitant about self identifying, let alone getting an official diagnosis. Almost all of the theories they're floating basically classify us as some kind of subhumans.


Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Dec 3
It is never harmless to intentionally laugh, mock or belittle someone else's emotional pain, trauma or triggers.  Toxic individuals will laugh, belittle dismiss, call you crazy and trivialize your pain, only a mind of seriously emotionally disturbed & immature person would do.

Stevie.
@khem_stevie
Dec 4
Everything in life is energy. Be conscious of the energy you put out into the universe and what you consume.

 

 Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Opinions aren't facts. Don't worry about what people think about you.

BGi11z😷
@BeGillz
The biggest thing I've learned over the last four years is that the vast majority of people would rather die than be inconvenienced.

Stevie.
@khem_stevie
Normalize never forcing people to choose you. You recognize your self-worth and value. If someone can’t see that and think they can find better respectfully let them do so..


Dr. Jessica Taylor
@DrJessTaylor
Rather than perceiving our coping mechanisms to be mental illnesses or disorders, we should ask 'What is the purpose of this coping mechanism? What is it doing for this person?'
If a child who is trapped in abuse suddenly stops eating, we need to explore whether it is a coping mechanism or whether it is a way for the child to take back control of something in their life. Similarly, if an adult starts to drink to cope with the memories of the abuse, we must explore whether the drinking and disinhibition or relaxation is reducing the feeling of being overwhelmed.
Perceiving and processing our thoughts, feelings and behaviours as either trauma responses or coping mechanisms for the trauma is a key part of adopting a trauma-informed approach to understanding ourselves.
Coping mechanisms mean something. They perform a protective role for us, either physically or psychologically. Coping mechanisms are not because we are crazy, disordered or abnormal - they always serve an important purpose.


Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
I rather be alone than be with fake or toxic company.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
Healing doesn’t necessarily mean our triggers disappear. It means, we approach our triggers as information, and learn to strip them of their power, such that we RESPOND to them instead of REACTING to them.  
@drjenwolkin

𝕏istential ÂÛtist 🕊 ∞ 💛
@ExistentialAut1
Those who mock you, fear you

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮
@_Pammy_DS_
Normalize trusting your body. When your intuition tells you something is off about a person or a place – trust it and remove yourself immediately.

Stevie.
@khem_stevie
Your nervous system will naturally feel a certain calm around those people with authentic energy and good intentions.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮
@_Pammy_DS_
If you repeatedly have to tell someone something hurts you, over and over again, and nothing changes, understand they don't respect you – at all.

ᴋᴀʀʟᴀ
@urakarla
Most people have never questioned anything and it shows.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Boundaries for a trauma survivor may seem extreme, until you understand how many people had access to them without their consent and how them feeling safe is about who has access to them now.


Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
If we're gonna realistically recover, we gotta permanently suspend our self-judgment about whether what we went through was "bad enough" to produce these symptoms & struggles.
We're right here, struggling w/ exactly what we're struggling w/. That's enough. That's sufficient.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Trauma survivors rarely experience perfectionism as a "choice," like, "I'm going to drive myself into the ground trying to be perfect." It's more this visceral feeling of self-disgust, that caustically mutters in our ear, "Really? That's the best you can do?"
Never good enough.

Sabina Nordqvist
@sabinaposts
Dec 5
Validation from my therapist: “You don’t have anxiety. You have trauma from ableism & being gaslit. Your body is having a normal response to trauma. Please externalize that it’s your environment that’s the problem because its not okay, rather than internalize that it’s you.”

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Trauma survivors get conditioned to believe EVERYTHING is our fault & EVERYTHING is our responsibility-- is it any wonder we get wrapped around the axle trying to take responsibility for others' feelings & reactions?
Talk about a wildly unreasonable expectation of ourselves.

Jacklena Bentley
@JacklenaB
Some toxic people use neglect to make you feel unworthy and insignificant. It's like telling the person repeatedly that they aren't important.

Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
A narcissist will hide something from you to help you look for it, then expect praise and recognition for trying to help you find it.

Wynter Rose
@rms267
When you go no contact with a narcissist, you must also go no contact with their associates, friends, etc

Dee
@ADDeeCee
guy in my book who’s been evaluated for ‘every psych condition’:
“I wasn't depressed. Not anxious. I just lived with a simmering cauldron of rage and contempt for the assholes and idiots of the world, and that took up a lot of my time.”
…so they missed the autism then 👀😏

Junlper legion
@LastName437
“Men only get a reputation for being unemotional because we’ve successfully rebranded anger as Not An Emotion”

runtime error
@RuntimeErr0rZ00
Dec 6
Is it a neurodivergent trait to always feel as if you like people more than they like you?

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
NO one in the history of ADHD has ever completed a task, because they were told:
“anything can be accomplished if you just put your mind to it”
ADHD “setting its mind to it” will create vehement anxiety, a shame spiral, and a less finished task.
@drjenwolkin

Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Your worth doesn't depend on what they think of you.

Wynter Rose
@rms267
There's a BIG difference between a bad relationship and a relationship with a narcissist 

Master 🦋
@master_nobody
Introverts don't hate people, they hate drama. Stress. Conflict. Shit that lowers their whole vibe. That's why they don't argue. That's why they don't talk. That's why they keep their circle small and life private. They're simple people. And all they want is peace & good vibes.

Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Just be yourself.
The right people will love you...
The right people belong in your circle ⭕.

Hallie B. 🐆
@iamhallieb
Dec 7
Don't be afraid to ask someone straight up how they feel about you. What do they want from you? Are they serious about you? Are they willing to SHOW you that? Ask. What do you have to lose? Do you want to keep gOinG wiTh tHe flOw and end up completely devastated? No? Always ask.

Jacklena Bentley
@JacklenaB
Replying to
Let then be mistaken while you take the higher road and don't engage in that.

Jacklena Bentley
@JacklenaB
Your greatest test will be how you handle people who mishandled you.

Writer - Tracey Higgins
@TraceyHiggins92
Psychiatric labels are not your identity. They’re not who you really are. Labels are just descriptions of behavior. Some are using their labels as an excuse for unacceptable behavior. One woman said, “Sorry, my bipolar was acting up.” No, it was you acting up. Perhaps find healthier ways to express your anger so nobody gets hurt, including yourself.

Narcissisms
@JonRhodesUK
Narcissists often have selective "anger management issues". Which shows it's a choice, not a condition...

Eric Kuelker
@DrEricKuelker
The hyper-individualism of Western culture puts a huge burden on the specific person to cure themself of psychological injuries.  Yet we are embedded in matrices of relationship, and need to find those that facilitate our healing.  This is ignored by many therapies,  such as CBT

Dr Pradeep K Chadha
@drpkchadha
I am amazed at how many papers are published on CBT as if it is a panacea for all emotional problems. It is oversold. In reality it does not work in severe abuse cases.

Dr. Elena Herrera
@WCpsychdoc
This is why I hate the term "co-dependent." It pathologizes our needs for connection, defying attachment biology. We NEED relationships.

Psych Insights
@GoldCBT
No more relationships with people that treat everyone else better than they treat you.

Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
If you want to make a liar angry, keep asking them questions.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
The world often trivializes traumatic stress injuries because it doesn't understand how nervous system damage works.
We don't like the idea that "bloodless" abuse & neglect can literally, physically injure our brain & even our body-- but they absolutely can, & frequently do.

Narcissisms
@JonRhodesUK
Most narcissist focus more on appearing capable and successful than they do on actually being these things!

Dani Donovan 🎨 ADHD Comics
@danidonovan
PSA: Telling someone they're “annoying,” “too much sometimes,” or “good in small doses,” can cause serious, lasting damage to their self-esteem.
Years of therapy, and I’m STILL working to stop apologizing for who I am.

Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Never explain yourself to anyone. Because the people who like you won't need it and those who dislike you won't believe it anyway..

Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
When toxic people can't find anything wrong with you, they create it.

Inner Practitioner
@MindTendencies2
Crazy how peaceful life becomes when you choose solitude over fake company, peace over drama, distance over disrespect, boundaries over people-pleasing, affection over attention, connection over attachment, mutual support over codependency, and healing over trauma bonding.

Dr. Jessica Taylor
@DrJessTaylor
Considering how many people are actually abused, currently in abuse, or abusing others, it’s fascinating how often people claim victims are lying about abuse. It’s one of the most common crimes in the world.

Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
Don't tell me how easy it is to get out of an abusive
relationship when you've never
been in one.

Master 🦋
@master_nobody
After social days, introverts need alone days. Sometimes many many days. Until they're done with all the thinking. Processing what they did, what they said, and why they said it. Don't ask why. You won't get it.

Jacklena Bentley
@JacklenaB
Happiness does not depend on what you have or who you are. It solely relies on what you think.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
A narcissist doesn’t care about you, they only care about what they can get from you.

Jenn Granneman
@JennGranneman
Friendly reminder for introverts and sensitive people: You don’t have to continue any holiday traditions that leave you exhausted or overwhelmed.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Dec 12
Are you an empath or did you grow up in a home where you had to constantly learn, study, and adapt to unpredictable behaviors from others out of your survival? Sometimes, it’s both. Peace and compassion to all who know the kind of tired that comes from this kind of past.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
Unconditional love does not mean tolerating abuse

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
Relational trauma also includes what you didn’t get.
NEGLECT can be traumatizing.
Being emotionally invalidated and ignored can be traumatizing.
No one being attuned to your needs can be traumatizing.
@drjenwolkin

Stevie.
@khem_stevie
To hurt someone so deeply and then treat them as if they are the ones that hurt you is a form of mental illness.

Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
A toxic workplace environment is more likely to change you than you change it.
Get Out

Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Sociopathic #narcissists have a strong urge to make good people look bad.
It relieves their envy, their jealousy, and gives them someone to vilify which diverts attention away from their own behavior. Many malignant narcissists also have sadistic traits. They enjoy ruining people’s lives who are genuinely happy and morally adjusted as that is something they don’t understand or have and this invokes hatred and subsequent pleasure for taking it from them. It's a pattern rooted in their need for control, validation, and a distorted sense of self-worth.


Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
We don’t talk enough about how introvert/extrovert can be context dependent.
Watch an “introvert” light up, open up, and talk endlessly, without feeling exhausted, in the presence of a safe person.
@drjenwolkin

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Their apology will not heal your nervous system.

Gettysburg Obsessed
@burgride
There's never been a study in human history that didn't find exactly what it wanted to find.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
We don’t need to feel guilty for being depressed.
We don’t need to feel guilty for experiencing trauma reactions.
We don’t need to feel guilty for struggling w/ addictive impulses.
We didn’t ask for any of these. We don’t want any of these. We didn’t “choose” any of these.

Jacklena Bentley
@JacklenaB
Just because someone desires you does not mean that they value you.

 a n n a
@hi_its_annaleah
some mental health providers: "Lean on your community!"
meanwhile, community: "You need to see a professional!"

Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Narcissist be like yes I hurt you, but now you hate me, so I am the true victim.

Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
You didn't become selfish; you became harder to manipulate. Don't confuse the two.

Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
A narcissist expects you to forgive them for things they find unforgivable.


Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Everyone wants to talk about trauma but not about the perpetrators causing the trauma. In fact, in most instances you’d never even know a perpetrator was involved because they’re never mentioned.

Reva Steenbergen
@rms267
A narcissist wants you to feel sorry for them
An empath wants you to understand them

ADHD Jesse
@adhdjesse
Dec 20
ADHD is the constant fear of being labeled lazy, overworking to prove otherwise, and then crashing spectacularly.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Dec 21
Being highly sensitive can be inconvenient. It can be frustrating. It can be embarrassing.
But you need to know: you’re NOT “too emotional.”
I dare say you're exactly as emotional as you “should” be-- given what you've had to work with & what you’ve been through.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮
@_Pammy_DS_ q
Dec 21
Normalize being ok with letting people think whatever they want about you. The idea that we will be liked, validated or approved of by everyone is an illusion. Our mental health, peace, and happiness is more important than other people's acceptance, opinions or perceptions of us.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Dec 21
You shouldn’t have to explain past traumatic experiences in order to have someone treat you with respect.

Jacklena Bentley
@JacklenaB
Dec 23
Don't worry what people say about you behind your back. These are the people that look for fault in your life instead of fixing the problems in their own life.

Reva Steenbergen
@rms267
Dec 23
You'll know you're dealing with a narcissist during those times you need understanding, love, compassion/empathy the most, is when they disappear.
Because they lack empathy, any situation that calls for it will freak them out, and they will do everything to avoid being there

Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Be careful what you tolerate, you are teaching people how to treat you.

Rach Idowu
@AdultingADHD
Pre ADHD diagnosis I read so many self development books. I used to try to implement what I learned like having a strict routine and a good work ethic. I used to get frustrated when it didnt work because I struggled with consistency, now, knowing that I have ADHD explains it all

Tara Roys
@taras_rhymetime
I like the term ‘unaccommodated brain’ instead of ‘broken brain.’ That’s what I tell myself when I have an adhd moment.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Trauma recovery isn't especially about "how hard" you, or anyone, is "working"-- which can be confusing, because we've often been conditioned to believe virtue & success are all about "working hard" & consequent "deserving."
But this isn't a competition or test of "character."

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
How about less "But didn't you see the red flags?" and more "I see how hard you were trying to be loved."

EUPD is a fear-based Personality Disorder, it is led almost exclusively by a chronic fear of abandonment. This is something that you don’t see so much of in CPTSD survivors, there is some level of it in all of us, but with CPTSD it is more the fear of the relationship itself as opposed to abandonment. People who have CPTSD feel that relationships and interpersonal spaces are unsafe places to be.
EUPD (BPD) sufferers usually have an unstable sense of identity, almost as if they don’t know who they are. Whereas people with CPTSD have a distorted sense of self, viewing themselves as shameful, to blame, and effectively just a bad person. They know who they are, it’s simply a warped view induced by the trauma. The two views are very different.
https://cptsdfoundation.org/2023/12/27/the-misdiagnosis-and-ignorance-of-complex-ptsd/

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
We cannot expect ourselves to be motivated, creative, or consistent in trauma recovery if the main (or only) way we interact w/ ourselves is through harsh, reflexive criticism.
Supportive self-talk isn't an "optional" skill in realistic trauma recovery. We gotta prioritize it.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Trauma conditioning is a con. It's a scam. We've been tricked by our bullies & abusers into picking up, in our own head, where they left off-- & we didn't even realize it.
Trauma recovery is a daily, hourly commitment to NOT fall for their bullsh*t anymore. Never again.

Autistic Lia 🏳️‍⚧️ 🏳️‍🌈
@Autistic_Lia
To other autistic people, what's something neurotypical people can supposedly do tharlt you just can't comprehend?
For me, it's the fact they can apparently filter out unnecessary information in busy places. I must know the secret on how to do that!

Neven Vorkapić
@nevenvorkapic
Nemojte "srati" po ljudima. Ne zato što bi vam netko mogao trebati, već stoga što nije lijepo. Trujete svoju dušu.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
Most narcissists are highly sensitive to criticism or any perceived threat to their self-image. They will go to great lengths to protect themselves.
If you criticize or challenge narcissist, you will trigger a defensive response such as rage.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Something that keeps some trauma survivors stuck is a refusal to give up the fantasy we can control everything, or we were responsible for what happened to us.
As long as we hang on that that,, we can’t design a realistic recovery— because we’re not dealing with reality.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
One of the big tasks of trauma recovery is to get REAL about how much control we DIDN’T have once upon a time— and how much control we DON’T have right now over certain symptoms and situations.
That’s not a “victim mindset.” That is reality.

Jacklena Bentley
@JacklenaB
Innocent people aren't stupid. They just think that everyone has a good heart like them.

Jacklena Bentley
@JacklenaB
The degree to which a person can grow and heal is directly proportional to the amount of the truth they can accept about themselves without running away.

Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Highly sensitive people are not fooled by words and appearances. They notice subtle changes in your energy, tone of voice, facial expressions, & body language. They notice negative energy, bullshit, weird vibes, and sneaky shit. They responded to your intentions not your words.

The AuDHD Therapist
@AuDHDtherapist
Dec 28
The criteria for “functioning” (usually only meaning having a job and a home) doesn’t take into account the cost of this “functioning”.
But we should consider the cost.
We are not “high functioning” if it costs all of our energy to have a job or to tackle household chores.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Please stop giving the healed version of you to the people who have continually dismissed how much they’ve hurt you.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
You weren’t hurt because you’re weak. You weren’t hurt because you’re strong. You were hurt because a perpetrator was in your life and chose to harm. The perpetrator gets 100% of the responsibility, blame, shame, and guilt. Period.

Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Dec 27
If you keep on forgiving the same person over and over again, aren't you giving the person more chances to disappointment you.

Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
ADHD is profoundly costly. It costs money, energy, and time.
Money: subscriptions we forget to cancel, buying yet another planner
Energy: bandwidth ebbs + flows and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed          Dr. Jen
Time: takes us a day to finish what could have been done in an hour

Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
They can't kill your spirit so they assassinate your character.

Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
I spent years of my life believing that I never did enough, when in truth, I was doing far too much. It was just for the wrong people.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
No one knows the terror of the abuse they endured except the survivor. Everyone can sit on their high judgment chair of ‘why did/didn’t you’ but that is just more abuse to the survivor. We should be honoring them for surviving the unimaginable not making them justify their pain.

Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Dec 28
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is nothing at all and walk away.

Jacy, LPC
@ATMwithJacy
Attempting to defend yourself while being held accountable is deflection.

Jenn Granneman
@JennGranneman
Dec 28
Introverts don’t get lonely for “people” time. We get lonely for meaningful connection.

Inner Practitioner
@MindTendencies2
Dec 28
It's incredibly brave of you to remain kind and gentle even after being hurt or mistreated. Be proud of yourself for healing, turning your wounds into wisdom, turning your pain into power, turning the mistreatment of others into boundaries, and continuing to show love and care.

lane
@NoKizzyLane
please stop saying women fall for the wrong men, when men be faking their personality the whole time

Reva Steenbergen
@rms267
Every fucking time I end contact with someone toxic they project immediately all over me and show me who they are and that I was right about them. Some have got downright vicious.
My new boundaries dictate to end relations quickly when I feel the vibe is off with someone.
I have every right to do so without fear of retaliation

SarahMarie🇩🇰🇸🇪
@MsSarahMarieG
If you have to fear someone, no contact is definitely the answer.

Stevie.
@khem_stevie
Dec 28
Being selective about who gets access to your time and energy is form of self-care.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮
@_Pammy_DS_
I promise you, no person or place is ever worth damaging your mental health over. Period.

Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D. (Cis, He/Him)
@AndrewCicchett1
Or as I always say, coercive control starts with a kiss and ends in disaster. In the context of coercive control, the kiss is as much a tactic of control as is the kick.

Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D. (Cis, He/Him)
@AndrewCicchett1
We have not organized society to meet our essential human needs. We can’t expect a healthy citizenry to exist in an inherently toxic system.

(29.12.2023)

With trauma we will mix up empathy with toxic empathy. The ability to be broken by someone being rude and aggressive and violent and with mood swings - appears as empathy to us. As if we feel what other people feel. There is a difference. True empathy would be putting oneself in other shoe's and knowing how they feel. With trauma we have automatic self blame and self rejection just because someone is angry - due to ACoA. That is not empathy but it appears as empathy. And then our decisions are based on what we believe is empathy - we stay stuck with toxic people by believing we will fix them with our presence. That somehow we will influence them to calm down and to be regulated. And there is third false belief - that what we are doing is good and ethically approved - that we do not abandon needy person.
In the same time - we forget that we have our own issues to worry about that are open wounds. This automatic blame is extremely damaging - since it will make us to have urge to fawn to toxic people who will exploit us in such state of self rejection and self hatred. So I would teach myself rather to look empathy through the prism of trauma and the fact that we were abused and that we need to protect ourselves from toxic people due to this trauma. And this means appearing cruel and cold to toxic people and not caring what they think or say about us. Which goes against self-referential thinking that make us believe we are obligated to be someone's servant and door mat as if we have invisible debt or contract to other people.

Trauma wound.
Another concept that English language fails to describe is a trauma wound. This word signifies that we are victim, that we have open wounds, that we bleed and that consequently we are not strong enough to stand on our two feet and that hence we must be codependent on other people - due to this wound. In reality - in social anxiety trauma - our wound - if we believe it is something that makes us weak - we will be hypnotized into being passive and not doing anything about it. This is the problem with labels in general. They hypnotize us into wrong direction, like domino effect. I don't think that people who use wrong labels do this maliciously, with bad intent. It is like passing on wrong-fake information with best interest in their mind.
In reality - social anxiety trauma is canned anger. It is suppressed reaction to abuse due to exposure to punishment of ACoA and ACE toxic ambient where we were criticized into being passive and into automatic self blame. Like a seesaw effect - one side pressed the another. In 18th century France, common folk was repressed by corrupt leaders - who ended up with their heads chopped off once the nation stopped being obedient. In the same manner, once we realize that social anxiety is being ashamed and disrespected by others - we will realize that our wound is not being weak and cut with blood leaking out of us making us more weak. Instead - the wound we have in trauma is the opposite - it is suppressed and canned and pressed down energy - that is so strong that it can lead to explosion. Like a pressure cooker. There is no blood, there is no cut, no cuts, there is no weakness. Trauma wound in social anxiety - instead of imagining it as hypnotized weakness and being a baby - we really need to see reality of social anxiety trauma wound: that it is a weapon of mass destruction that gets triggered at small touch. And our attempts to stop it triggering is social anxiety panic and shame and anxiety itself. CBT is lying to us with wrong explanations of what is social anxiety. DSM tells us that social anxiety is fear of receiving criticism - while in reality social anxiety is fear of expressing our own criticism back to unfair person that is toxic and criminally insane devoid of empathy. We are controlling ourselves from exploding to toxic people who trigger us. That is wound.
CBT will hypnotize us into believing that we must spend a lot of time and money and focus on building an imaginary social skills. In reality - our years spend in kindergarten and school institutions - were enough of educations of social skills that we need to have for any human interaction. There is no need to learn or improve anything related to social skills - it is already inside us. We have enough data stored to know what is common sense in social interactions. It is only the abuse that keeps us from shining and being confident and skilled in social situations. We can look at social anxiety only as a problem of processing our suppressed anger to injustice and unfair and toxic people around us who trigger our moral and ethical standards - which are normal and related to all human race, there is no special treatment in demanding that we are treated with respect - as much as we honor other people's rights.

CBT and self-help industry explains anxiety as disorder and that the cause is not abuse. I believe this is totally wrong approach. If we function in other areas of life - such as speech and hygiene and doing daily tasks and if we operate machines - when our brain is not demented and we are not anti-social - then anxiety - should be observed as neurodivergence - meaning there is cause for anxiety. It is coping mechanism, it is handling difficult situation such as lack of money, lack of security, experiences that prove us distrust other people.

The more I learn about narcissistic abuse and mental abuse and trauma - it becomes more and more clear that trauma is permanent stuck belief system that I cannot trust my own brain, that I cannot trust my own likes - and that everything I do, say, think and create and make - must be processed and filtered and gone through vigorous censorship - where the basic goal is to make abusers and critics and nitpickers happy and silent, that I don't rock the boat and that nobody yells, screams or make hysteria about my actions. So - I do nothing really or it is bland, without vision, it is not my true desire, it is not my true face. I am forced to fabricate my own life, my actions and my thoughts to fit into someone's anger and avoidance of that anger and disgust and rejection and judgment. And this waste of energy, time and focus to design and mold and reject so many parts of myself is not only painful and sad but also tiring and exhausting - and in the end it is betrayal of myself who I am inside. And I do this without being aware that I cut myself short to please others. I am totally unaware that fear of being punished and attacked is covered up by social anxiety panic. And I focus on this panic and try to mold this panic so that I do not make abusers noticing this panic that I have as a result to their abuse.

I tried so much to absolve other people and that I do not blame others - but with social anxiety trauma, I do not see any other way than cutting and blocking and removing toxic people from my focus, awareness and anything that is important to me. I do not see any other way but to make avoidance and isolation even more stronger than I tried to suppress it and due to CBT's advice to get along with others. This is trauma - there is really no valid reason why I should make toxic people change into accepting me and approving me. It will never happen.
I see this desire to have normal contact as the most damaging and trauma ongoing element that keeps trauma and anxiety going on and on - since I never get into psychological safety place. I keep on exposing myself to toxic people for the CBT fear of avoidance meaning that I will go crazy or CBT idea that by exposing myself to toxic people will make me strong and resilient. While in the same time I squish and break and twist myself into door mat in order to gain approval and validation and with hope of getting normal response from people who are devoted in staying toxic.

I don't know why it is so hard to pinpoint social anxiety trauma. I mapped it. I described it, and yet, when it happens - it is like a totally new phenomena that never occurred before and it hurts all over again as if I never experienced it like that before. It wrecks total damage on the memory - I need some time to realize what is happening and to remember that the other person - it has nothing to do with me. And that I am not a bad person. And there is also a huge fight to construct hope for the future which is at odds with trauma telling that there is no future and everything is black, total darkness.

This revelation used to pop into my awareness before - but I would quickly forget all about it:
in a poor country filled with corruption - hooligans will have full protection from the state to abuse random people in the streets. Criminals will also have free reign in such state. The correct surname, known family connections, along with party papers and member cards - will allow criminals and psychopaths to roam free. Then the society will develop a general distrust and trauma - being in defensive mode all the time, against toxic people and abusers who are legalized and protected by police, judicial system and politicians and anyone in power position. Then what happens is that normal and healthy members of society will be exposed to distrust among each other. Any contact with unknown people will carry the burden of distrust and expectation of attack - and then social anxiety is easily developed - if I am not aware what is happening. If I personalize the abuse and disrespect from others - I won't be able to see that mistreatment and rude people are reacting in systematic way as a defense mechanism that has nothing to do with me. Socially anxious person would simply be a collateral damage in such corrupt toxic system - easily seen in the Eastern Europe. When I personalize someone who is rude and aggressive - I do not see that such person was hurt before and that they are egocentric and over-generalize all people so they treat me as garbage as a discipline measure and protection against hooligans and criminals who roam around.
The first problem is inability to move away from such toxic ambient and relocate and keep living in such hell that is self perpetuating. Since I can also become rude to others as response to their hostile attitude.
The second problem is that with ACoA I will be programmed to personalize and take everything personally. This means - I won't be able to see other people's anger as their defense mechanism which has nothing to do with me, my personality and my actions and errors or flaws or appearance which they will misinterpret as a potential threat. So the real core problem here is my inability to trust my Self, that I am not bad person - me not being able to see this. That I explain other people's rudeness as a proof that I am damaged and that there is something wrong with me, that I must fawn and shut up in order to keep them regulated. Of course this is not my job - their anger and inability to filter out good and bad people is their own job and task to make - not mine. I cannot bend for other people's mental weaknesses and challenges. So the third problem here is Quiet BPD one - that I do not trust myself. I easily believe in someone's actions and words and conclusions due to self-referential thinking. And I care a lot about what someone thinks or say or potentially may think of me, that I am bad person - and that I must therefore prove them that I am good - by fawning and being obedient and silent and agreeable, with Negative politeness.
However if I am able to see that toxic ambient is toxic because of toxic people and system who legalizes toxic people - than I can also stop carrying the burden of fixing other people's emotions and their wrong conclusions. I can state my opinion and move on - without going to over-explanations.

This is something I could not see before - it is like being stuck in woods and not seeing the wood for a tree:
that with social anxiety there are two elements going on: that on one side there is a toxic person who is bully and projecting their weaknesses and issues onto others with yelling and aggression.
The second element are my own interpretations and explanations about what is going on - and due to ACoA - these are always self blaming and self defeating. I simply am unable to see the angry person as pathetic. I see them automatically as god like creature that I must fawn and obey to and listen to - or I will be horribly punished and I cannot withstand their comments and thoughts about me being critical and bad.
So what happen with these two elements: I see others as competent and strong while I see myself as stupid, inept and something basically wrong with me to my core - but I am not aware of any of these - it is automatic and quick - I simply end up being scared, panicked and in defense mode where I use Negative politeness to calm and fix other people's mood swings and their personal issues as if they are my responsibility and blame.

Being authentic means I will lose people because they will feel repeled by my opinions, actions. Now if I am toxic shame based I would worry what they think about me, especially in negative way. However if I place authenticity and honesty in my focus - it is no longer important.

Explanations.
Whatever we tell to ourselves and whatever other people tell to us - with trauma - we won't have filter. We will tend to believe it all. There are a lot of people out there who run on wrong assumptions and bias. They sound nice and good and healthy and sane - but in reality their explanations are totally wrong and misleading. The same thing with our traumatized mind. Our mind is not sick, however due to exposure to abuse - the mind will expect all people to be abusive and that danger can return at any minute. In short words - this is PTSD part. So some people who appear rude to us and abusive - our mind fills information like quick label - and this will end up as distorted explanation of such person. Who in reality is simply honest and authentic and most probably is reacting to truly aggressive person who is covert - and we do not see the real abuser. We only see someone reacting from the position of power to the covert abuser. So to us, without knowing the whole story - will end up labeling abused person as abuser and the abuser as victim. And this happened to me in real life. I would feel sorry for someone who is criticized and pushed around - since I have been bullied. And I would stand up for such person. While few days later on - I would actually see this supposed victim without mask - and realize that they are abusive. They simply hide it well and appear as victim when other people set boundaries to stop their abuse. This is not our mind being abnormal as CBT explains it. It is simply that we are being deceived.
The deception - we cannot know all reality - since many evil people wear mask and appear functional and play victim - and we form our constructs and explanations and viewpoints on this deception. We cannot run around the world with conspiracy mindset- we would end up crazy with paranoia and distrust.
So toxic people exploit this loophole - that we must trust other people in order to be healthy. Then they sneak in with a mask and deception and pathological lying and play pretending to be victim in order for us to feel sorry for them and to defend them - when other people set boundaries for their crimes that they do under cover.
And then trauma itself - set us up for rigid mindset - that all people who are yelled at are victims and helpless and that we must feel sorry for them and defend them and take care of them. While in reality - they are being abusive behind everyone's back to see. Our explanation of trauma will keep us away from seeing the truth: that covert abusers exist and that they exploit our wounds and trauma against ourselves, so that we do nothing about the abuse, and in fact end up defending the abusers. That is deep level of Karpman Drama Triangle.

Once I learned about IFS Model and self-referential thinking - now I can focus more on the central problem related to social anxiety-  which is otherwise covered up by CBT: it is toxic empathy and feeling sorry for the other person and having inability to display anger and fight with the other person who is annoying and intrusive. It is inability to disagree, to protest, to say the obvious, to avoid rocking the boat. It is accompanied by panic symptoms and this makes it more painful. It would be painful without panic symptoms. It is rejection sensitivity-  that related to both potential criticism and negative reply and real one.

This part - expressing our emotions and anger - is connected to trauma. And it is indicative of trauma. The big question is why CBT ignores this - it is deliberate ignorance of anger and expression of anger. As if CBT is cover-up therapy to make people lobotomized and silent and obedient.
Because when we do not care about other people's emotions, their stress, their unexpressed problems and their condition which we have no idea about - it is narcissism and psychopathy. It is anti-social to cross boundaries and accuse other people with our anger.
There has to be a better way - the way that is correct one. To speak up without hurting others, without compensating and appearing strong or dominant.

Trauma and anxiety is covert and suppressed anger. This is where the urge to fight stems from. I can't fight psychopaths. I can't predict someone being criminally insane and their agenda. If someone attacks me, if they planned it in advance - I cannot protect myself. In the end I will people please due to trauma and being in hypervigilance state.
Healing the trauma means not being in hyper-vigilant state, not having hypervigilance all the time. So healing the trauma means not being in fight mode. I would not fight back anyway due to destroyed Self - relentless guilt and shame and past trauma wounds.
If I am physically threatened - I will fight back if I cannot run away - and I could do this only if my mind is not preoccupied with past trauma. If I expect drama and hysteria - I will be in the state of shock all the time, being frozen and passive all the time. Then this grudge is the only way to keep safe. This grudge is not productive, it is a child's way to handle life outside of my control. And healing the trauma is making a realization - am I right now in war? Is there an active bully or psychopath harming me?
Someone being angry - are they crossing my boundaries - and how they do that?
The chances are - they are not, since any real assault is a criminal offense. If I am in grudge mode all the time, I will not move on, I will stay stuck with toxic people. And then the grudge will keep trauma ongoing and me being immobile and passive, depending on toxic people to live.
And this is the crucial thing that is outside of my awareness: are toxic people who trigger me into grudge mode, are they deciding about my life, what I do and where I go?
With trauma I will tend to be afraid of doing anything due to fear of criticism. So challenge these by doing what I like and want, even though it will trigger toxic people's comments. Their comments - I need to see them as comments: they are not orders. If I have common sense and I am not doing anything extreme - their comments are fruitless, and it is only my trauma that is making me stop, block and self censor myself from doing what I would do in Ventral vagal relaxed, calm, safe ambient, place where I am not in fight mode. And that is the confidence - that I do not depend on someone else's blessing about what I do, what I say and how I form my opinion about anything.

I see this grudge as suppressed anger, that I learned to react to situations where I felt trapped - due to punishment and abuse and their shaming. I learned that I must depend on someone angry in order to feel safe and be in defensive mode - that would make me depended on angry person without realizing I am depended on their opinion, order, command, criticism.

The paradox is once I remove this grudge and hence covert anger - I will actually be able to express this same anger - and paradoxically I will fight back and defend myself - because I will be able to talk and express myself and speak out the elephant in the room, and most importantly: I will be able to talk in order to hold the perpetrator accountable. With panic and anxiety I am not able to do that. I block and get stuck and with panic symptoms and I cannot speak. Without grudge I won't be stuck in state of expecting punishment and assault. It is like being drunk and my defenses are gone so I can speak the truth. And abusers do not like the truth, it will hurt them - and I won't be panicked by their anger, since I am not having trauma bond with them anymore. With grudge I have invisible trauma bonds connections with abusers and then I stay silent and passive. It is counterintuitive for a child's mind - but that is how the mind works, that is how the fear functions, it is the ability to not to invest in my defenses that makes me strong and powerful. And that doesn't make sense, since this violates the physical laws and common sense and logic.
The problem is toxic shame which keeps me stuck in fear mode that I must obey someone's criticism, for example how I look like.
The problem are toxic people who make me doubt myself and reject myself due to errors and flaws and daily negative outcomes that come by on its own as if it is catastrophe and they present it as if it is my own choice and as if I hurt someone by not being perfect.

Amnesia is common by-product of trauma and being exposed to toxic stress - due to amygdala hijacking. Until IFS Model I believed, I was really convinced that this happens as tabula rasa - as if my mind is a blank slate. Nope. Amnesia is inability to remember advice and tips and hence to be in adult state of Self. Inability to be reasonable. And this happens because trauma and shock and triggers transport us back in time - into mindset of traumatized child that is re-experiencing past trauma with each trigger.
IFS Model talked about being curious at what age we are inside when we feel panic and anxiety and fears. And this seemed as nonsense - however - it really makes sense that amnesia is being once again over and over again that scared abused child that was bullied and harassed.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
Once you see how pathetic the narcissist is, it’s much easier to emotionally and physically detach from them.

Andrew Campbell
@amcampbell84
You can’t fully heal from abuse, until you are safe from abuse.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Dec 30
The answer to every ‘why did you/why didn’t you’ question is because they were being abused. If we understood the crime being committed against them, we would understand the trauma.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
Dec 30
A narcissist destroys you and then decides how hurt you’re allowed to feel.

Jacy, LPC
@ATMwithJacy
Stop worrying about everybody else being out to get you when you wake up everyday being your own bully and enemy.

Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
My 2024 resolution is to stop wondering if I'm good enough for other people and start wondering if they're good enough for me.

📙

Blog posts:

Do Movies Cause Social Anxiety? ✌ Strong reaction to someone rude ✌ The Agreeableness Theory  ✌Managing Social Anxiety and Toxic Shame ✌ Complex Trauma induce Social Anxiety and Avoidance ✌Navigating through social anxiety ✌ Accepting social anxiety ✌ Social anxiety is Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) ✌ Quiet BPD is social anxiety ✌

Reddit posts:

• Why not Social Anxiety "Solutions" or "Fixes" or "Overcoming"?
• Concepts that helped me understand Social anxiety, Panic Triggers and Avoidance 
• Toxic shame 
• Intrusive Thoughts (PureOCD)
• Self Worth 
• Being stuck 
• Resentment 
• Doubt and Descartes 'Evil genius argument'
• External reference locus of control and External validation 
• Amygdala hijacking
• Egocentrism  
• Classical CBT based Social Anxiety on faulty premises
• Fawning 
• Ebbinghaus' Forgetting Curve
• Long-Term Narcissistic Abuse Can Cause Brain Damage  
• 20 ideas and conclusions about social anxiety I learned without external help
• Philosophical zombie (NPC Wojak)
• Comment on YT video "Marcus Aurelius - Stop Caring What People Think"  
• Interdependence
• Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) and Social anxiety
• Perfectionism is hidden factor of disorder in Social Anxiety  
• Toxic people
• Three stages 
• There is no absolute truth
• Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT)  
• Dualism and Double bind
• Alternative explanations of Social anxiety
• Anti-psychiatry
• Anti-psychiatry (2)
• Social Anxiety Map (I)
• Social Anxiety Map (II) 
• Social Anxiety Map (III)
• All people have social anxiety. All.
• Humanistic therapies  
• False self (I)
• False self (II)  
• Catcher in the Rye (I)
• Catcher in the Rye (II)
• Catcher in the Rye (III)  
• Complex Trauma (c-PTSD)
• Social Anxiety tips (I)
• Social Anxiety tips (II)  
• Social stigma
• Trickster (by Jung)
• How Narcissists hijacked Social Anxiety  
• Charcot hysteria
• Time machine - my views about social anxiety from 1996
• Trauma splitting  
• Social anxiety in the presence of well-meaning people
• Kohlberg's Theory of Moral Development  
• Kohlberg's Theory of Moral Development (II)
• Sam Vaknin and Richard Grannon (I)
  
• Sam Vaknin and Richard Grannon (II)
• Agreeableness  
• Negative politeness
• Why smashing social anxiety approach will never work
• Seesaw effect  
• Initiation into evil
• Invalidation
• Validation (I) 
• Validation (II)
  
• Validation (III)
• Solution must be simple (Occam's Razor)   
• Power Dynamics (I)
• Power Dynamics (II)
• Interpersonal sensitivity
• Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD)  
• Scapegoating people-pleasing is wrong
• Scapegoating people-pleasing is wrong (II)
• Social anxiety and Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD)  
• Neurodiversity
• Social anxiety: journal entry from 1990  
• ADHD
• Masking
• Paradox of vulnerability 
• Fear of being hated
• Fear of criticism and negative evaluation
• Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACoA) - part 1  
• Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACoA) - part 2
• Processing emotions and stimuli
• Processing emotions and stimuli (II)  
• Processing emotions and stimuli (III)
• Processing emotions and stimuli (IV)
• Processing emotions and stimuli (V)  
• All people have social anxiety. All. (II)
• Polarized thinking
• Liebowitz Social Anxiety Scale  
• High-functioning social anxiety
• Quiet BPD as social anxiety
• Internal Family Systems Model (IFS)
• Boundaries  
• Boundaries (II)
• Extinction
• Self-referential thinking  
• Social anxiety described in 19th century
• Quick fusion