Hating social anxiety is an act of self abuse

 What behavior is unacceptable with social anxiety?
What is disorder part in social anxiety?

CBT tell us to simply expose ourselves to fears - but CBT does not understand social anxiety mindset based on ACoA and ACE experiences - where we never learned to have hope and feeling of expectation and anticipation that things will be great for us in the future.
So when we expose and get into contact with vague or abusive people whom we cannot escape or run away from - in the exposure we will not have structure, we won't have scaffolding to support ourselves at all. We won't have structure to help us cross bridges - we won't have plan to better future at all - when we expose. Instead we will have fears and panic because this is what we learned in ACE ACoA. And then we will end up being shy, afraid, anxious - and CBT and neurotypical people will pathologize our traits and fears and order us to be confident. Which will make anxiety worse. But all we need is structure - that we see our future is safe, great, wealthy and abundant and happy. Like - having a lot of money, not depending on toxic people anymore, not being stuck in abuse and oppression - that are structures which we never learned to have in our mind due to abuse.

The point of structure is not that we delude ourselves, the point is not that we build a fantasy - it is the hope that make us create safe place in our mind where we are allowing our cortex brain to build decisions which will help us to handle difficult problems, difficult people and traps we are stuck inside. That is why I would not pathologize social anxiety symptoms - these are helping us to survive difficult people and difficult situations which we cannot overcome at the moment due to lack of money and support and lack of helping structures.

(15.1.2025)

Kevin from Sensitive Stability made me realize something I was not aware before:
that when I expose, when I expand my comfort zone - I will usually put myself down and minimize any achievement. But the reason why I do this - apart from obvious internalized toxic shame and operant conditioning - is actually my outlook - I see any experiment or action as meaningless and I seek approval from other people around me - who will in 99 percent of cases put it down and minimize it. I do not see any of my trials as accountability and responsibility at all. I do not label it as such. I label it as my caprice and consequently something that is crazy, abnormal, anxious, not valid. I invalidate myself without being aware of it and I use labels unconsciously to stay immobile and avoidant and to be ashamed for trying anything in life. I do not see any achievement and any action and any exposure - as accountability and responsibility. I ashamed it instead as irrelevant and shameful - on top of other people's unfair and unjust criticism.
If I labeled my trials and facing fears as accountability and responsibility - I would not put myself down and dismiss it as insignificant...

Fawning is an attempt of healthy mind to get healthy. To throw off cluster b mentality of being trapped in own mind and to serve other people and to connect with the others.

What I come to understand is - that social anxiety is not problem at all.
That is why we cannot feel comfortable - we are attacking wrong things as wrong. We are convinced that we have social anxiety problem - but it is not social anxiety issue at all.
We end up fixing and nitpicking and feeling shame about what we perceive as social anxiety - without realizing that problem is something else.
Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder. Having rigid mindset (due to ACE and ACoA).

By working on our rigid beliefs and making them more flexible.
In real life - it means accepting ourselves as we are. Accepting our soft voice and not hiding it. Idea and urge to feel embarrassed about it is - is causing social anxiety symptoms of panic and shame. The soft voice is not problem. Our urge to hide it and feel shame about it - is the actual problem and disorder.
We believe that our fawning is disorder and soft voice - that this is our disorder and we focus on this exclusively. And then we are stuck in social anxiety believing now that social anxiety is the problem. And try to cure and fix it and hate it and hide it.

It appears as if social anxiety is related to narcissist and toxic people. They are only triggers - they are symptoms. Like social anxiety itself. Removing the symptoms won't remove the trauma, the cause, the core of problem - which is OCD disorder in personality. It is not OCD, it is personality disorder - which means it affects our thinking and decisions without us being aware of it, it makes decisions for us automatically and we are convinced that it is helpful good and productive and functional - but it is not in reality. We are not aware of it due to disorder itself - since disorder has the power to mask it and to set rules and to direct our focus.

Accountability is great test to detect toxic people.
And it is great clue in realization that we are not narcissists when we are open to admit mistakes. Toxic people will blame. That will trigger our trauma - we will shut up and self censor even when we know better, when we know truth, when we know errors and what will happen in the future. When we are silenced and abused into silence - toxic people will harm and hurt us for mistakes and errors - as if it is all our fault. But we never had chance to speak it out due to their abuse, hysteria, yelling, threats, mocking, put downs.
The truth must come out.
CBT tell us to expose - and exposure clears up the fears. When we expose - toxic people will abuse us. We must not interpret their abuse as the truth. We must see their abuse as not taking accountability issue.
CBT is forcing us to see abuse as reaction to our truth as our brain disorder. Which leads to toxic shame and silence and avoidance.
No one explains us the accountability status and its importance. We are highly accountable - but this is ashamed and abused and silenced by toxic people. The toxic people hate accountability - since this is at the core of their disorder and abnormality. This is where the snapshot of what appears as reality to them gets reality tested and it leads to them feeling narcissistic collapse which is painful to them, and which they learned to abuse others as reaction to the pain.
We must be clear and educated enough - to see abuse as their illness, their abnormality, them not taking accountability.
When a person does not take accountability - this will end in destruction and catastrophe because it is not based on reality. Then they will blame once again. Blaming is escape from accountability.

Toxic people force us to develop hyper responsibility. Responsibility OCD. We get groomed to feel responsible for anything that moves while in the same time not receive any rewards - which only go to the predator, the parasite.

What happens in social anxiety  is that we take responsibility and accountability - for everything and toxic people add more of it and then abuse and trigger us into fear and shutting up and being quiet slave.
We have obsessive compulsive beliefs which we were trained to have since ACE and ACoA.
This means - when we experience criticism and mistakes - in reality it happens only because we do not have enough experience and knowledge, not by our fault. But in our mind and in toxic people's criticism - there is explanation that we are wrong, inept and abnormal, sick and worthless and we believe in it, even that we are lazy and choosing not to contribute. While we are super workaholics and we contribute 150%. More than enough - and we believe we are not contributing at all - due to toxic people and toxic inner critic voice.

Social anxiety is being stuck in a belief: it has to be that way. Due to abuse, trauma, mostly narcissistic abuse - someone who is mentally ill is forcing snapshot of reality, someone with lack of empathy.

Rigidity and stubbornness stems from the fear of punishment, contempt and abuse. It is not self choice that is self pleasing. It is to escape being harmed, hurt by abnormal sick people usually in power positions.

The motive for the obsessive-compulsive behavior stems from the need to be perfect - due to abusive people holding power and threats over. There is some kind of punishment for not being perfect and operant conditioning where there is learned behavior, learned beliefs, learned convictions which are scaffolding the perfectionism to be solidified.

When dealing with toxic people - there is insight that we should have philosophy how to handle toxic people. It means creating environment where the potential power hungry psychopath would not find narcissistic supply. It means ambient where money and influence is not primary. It would mean not working in corporations. It also means that we do not place ourselves in the place of narcissistic supply - and this means not worshiping others.

(31.3.2025)

Toxic environment is the trigger and original cause of social anxiety.
When we struggle with fear of criticism and when we avoid people - this is reaction to narcissistic abuse. It is not irrational fear as CBT is coercing us to adopt explanation of neurotypical norms.
Our social anxiety symptoms are the mirror of abuser's messages and control and manipulation. We need to deflect it, reject it as lie and also we need resilience - so that in the future - people do not control us via triggers. And this means trust in ourselves, knowing who we are - so that their criticism and lies do not affect us anymore.

Be friendly not friends - is powerful philosophy and a way of life.
It is based on I won't allow be disrespected and I will treat the same way other people in the sense that I watch out not being burdensome. Which is already part of echoism and agreeableness - so it is egosyntonic. If the other person is not reciprocating - it is not up to me to fix it or make them be friendly. I am not obliged to be friends with everyone as echoism is forcing me to be, to tell everyone my secrets and that I expect them to honor and respect me. They are not obliged to. And hence I am not obliged to be friends with everyone.
So instead of trying to please other people - now I am more focused on being silent not due to fear but due to filtering out toxic people through observing the person.
A lot of social anxiety is connected to fawning and not having boundaries, not having walls - allowing anyone to storm in, tell them everything for the sake of they won't kick the dead dog philosophy.

Example of NPD and BPD.
Echoists are afraid of appearing and being narcissistic - so they will avoid to appear evil, at the cost of being a slave to other people who will easily manipulate and control their drive to be patient with any kind of treatment.
Then there is borderline disorder - which works fine and unnoticed when we go along with other people. But as soon as we start to question their loyalty and reciprocity of give and take - then we will start to act like borderline person.
Whenever we analyze how other people treat us - and in case they are pushing boundaries and unwritten social contract - our reactions will be easily labeled as narcissistic and as borderline. Any time we are allowing ourselves to actually feel the anger - we will easily be labeled as NPD. As soon as we demand respect - we will be easily labeled as BPD. This is how we end up with social anxiety - echoism. We try hard not to appear evil - in the world which is divided into cynics and stoics.
Because it is easy to blame toxic people. And that we end up being as a victim. But what is our part in it? It is in being stoic - in trying not to be evil that we attract evil people and those who are evil through wrong intentions. Our attempt to be good and nice and to ignore and deny anger and trying to be good - actually gives people who do not give a damn about moral and ethical standards a pass to push our boundaries. We are not aware that other people are choosing to be evil. We are trained and conditioned since ACE ACoA strict parenthood to put away our own needs and that we serve other people believing that our suffering will be rewarded somehow - but it won't. People will take advantage of us when we are stoic and when we have fantasy delusional beliefs about other people - seeing all people as good.
Because it is me - I am the one who is choosing to stop everything that I am doing and invest my time and energy into listening and participating and understanding and trying to understand what the other person is saying or needs. I cannot blame the other person for taking advantage of me and not reciprocating when I am always made available at the times when I am not punished to say no or take time for myself. I am giving false signals that I am friends to everyone - and people act accordingly. I cannot be mad at them - it is my programming. When I am not saying anything, when I am not protesting, when I do not call them out - people won't know their limits since they don't have any, no responsibility, no accountability, no moral or ethical compass - they go along with what I approve of in silence as reaction to their behavior.
If I am programmed to put my needs aside-  other people won't tell me for myself what I need. They cannot know it and it is not their responsibility. If I am programmed to answer immediately and that I am always at disposal - I am training other people to walk over me. It is my responsibility to realize I have needs and my plans, and my projects - which need hierarchy of importance instead of putting always other people and being with them immediately as my number one priority.
With my learned conditioned beliefs I am making self sabotaging decisions where I set up being exploited by the others. I set up the conditions for takers to take advantage with. My servitude, my desperate attempt to listen and understand and be friendly and nice - is being exploited by people who simply follow the road I have laid for them to walk over me.
And the opposite of echoism is not being rude and toxic and evil. It is simply in lowering my extension to the others. Lowering my accessibility for others to take.

With social anxiety trauma we won't meet people at our interest, hobbies and anything humble and valuable. We will meet people at social anxiety trauma places and these people won't have our wellbeing in mind. When we are conditioned to react and to see and to stay stuck with empty people - that is whom we will end up being surrounded with. To keep us stuck in the matrix of self blame, self hatred and self abuse.

What I notice in shame-based culture - is that the culture is based on not showing care for other people. Whereas in the media - the person talking to the audience will express love, care, express those feelings - in the shame based culture that is perceived as weakness and as abnormal. But that is what is happening in ACE ACoA childhood ambient - the child is not being told or shown in any way that he belongs and that he is worthy at all. The belonging is earned in alcoholic home by being perfect and by abusing oneself. This is the huge contribution to the social anxiety: invalidation and disrespect and being objectified, treated as object that serves a purpose to the tyrant.

CBT and self help industry describes the social anxiety through the lens of brain abnormality, shame and guilt over lack of social skills. But in reality - social anxiety is exposure to social predators like narcissists and sociopaths. Pathological liars, someone who exploits others and abuse and manipulate and control the target. When we are not aware that we are reacting to toxic people - we will blame ourselves, we will destroy trust in ourselves and then end up with minimizing the abuse and rationalizing it, staying stuck in trauma and abuse.
And that means that healing social anxiety means cutting off toxic people and even relocating, moving away from the toxic places. It also means that social anxiety means the fantasy and hope that toxic people will somehow change. It is about removing this fantasy belief, like dumping a thwarted wheel. Throw the Warped Wheel Out.

Throw the Warped Wheel Out - is about the full support of own reactions and feelings which otherwise I would feel ashamed about - and instead owning it. The shame is thrown away - it is warped wheel that hangs itself on reality and distorts the journey.

Enjoying the good.
With anxiety - we won't enjoy the present moment, we won't appreciate good people and pets - and we will take it all for granted, small happy moments, leisure. The abusers and fawning and hypervigilance is behind the anxiety.
Which leads to paradox associated with life:
if we have good things in life - it will be painful when we lose them. As oppose being around bad things and people - we won't feel the pain when we lose that. Pain is always there. We won't escape the pain by removing social anxiety, anxiety, panic, fear by being confident, or having money. And the point of healing trauma, healing social anxiety - is to learn not to add any thoughts on top of the pain. Due to ACE ACoA toxic ambient, toxic people, it is almost automatic reflex to add own predictions and splitting on the pain, since nobody could explain to us as kids how to think correctly without deviating into rumination which appears as anxiety to CBT.
So being the positive and happy and hopeful is not about toxic positivity - it is about understanding the pain and knowing the importance to appreciate fleeting moments, people animals, things, objects that slip away from our hands into nothing, that we never will have opportunity to be around them because they will be gone forever.
Being in the abuse, living with bpd abuser and difficult people who enjoy conflict, who are petulant - they steal our resources, they destroy our self esteem, they force us to employ our super-ego, morality and fear of making mistakes and push all our focus into worry, rumination, draining all resources into analysis paralysis - while in the same time we do not appreciate people and pets and small things in life that are important for connection, well being, being of service, to help and assist and being present with anything and anyone who tomorrow can be permanently gone from our life - forever. And all our time will be wasted on toxic people and their drama, stealing our energy and parasiting on our focus. When the good people or pets or objects or ambient is gone forever - we won't have ability to amend it, to go back in time, to fix it - it will be gone. That is why anger is important - that we have healthy amount of anger to ward off toxic people and to remove ourselves and to plan better situations where we are not dependent on toxic people and their services or shelter.

Being too sensitive.
Narcissists often use ad hominem arguments to cover up their abuse. They blame the target of being too sensitive. In order for other people not to control us - we need certain dosage of stoicism and discipline and will power. But the question is then where do we draw the line, what is our boundary of how much we can take. These boundaries were blurred in ACE AcoA where we developed extreme stoicism will power in abuse and we appear to have no boundaries in people pleasing and fawning and hence in rationalizing the abuse.

 

CPTSD Foundation
@cptsdfoundation
Dec 31, 2024
Our recovery as survivors is aided tremendously by forming healthy relationships with safe people in an environment where we can find the words where words were absent before.
It is one of the most profound experiences we can have as survivors.


Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
#Narcissist parents will withhold teaching their kids life skills or lessons because they don’t want to make life any easier on their kids, they want their kids dependent on them for help or answers.
Their objective is to always feel “better than” or “smarter than”, or to remain “dominant” over their kids. But they’ll act like they “did so much” “paid for food and clothing” while they taught their kids nothing. It’s a way to cover up intentionally malicious psychological neglect. Incredibly abusive, not to mention disgusting, deranged, illogical, and tragically emotionally immature
When you ask them questions or for help with something, you’ll notice they will tell you the bare minimum so they can look like they answered your question but you’ll notice that they really try to give you as little information or experience as possible. It’s as if their experience is money, and why would they give anything for free… like it actually offends them
I think it’s an important point  to be aware of, they may offer assistance in ways that keep you dependent on them. In those situations it might actually seem like they’re giving you their time or money, but in my experience they don’t share helpful experience that allows you to do things for yourself.

Justin Garson
@justin_garson
Dec 31, 2024
Going to New Zealand next week to give a talk. My thesis is that what we call “symptoms” of “mental disorders” are, in reality, inner prompts designed to help us begin a new life chapter. If that’s right, then psychiatry’s disease model actually moves us away from mental health.

Unkonfined
@unkonfined
Dec 31, 2024
Stop wasting time on people who only love you when the conditions are right for them.

Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
Dec 31, 2024
Fact:
Cruelty stems from weak character.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Dec 30, 2024
You deserve to be surrounded by people who bring out your soft side – rather than those who trigger your survival side.

Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
A person who finds peace instead of revenge can never be bothered.

Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
Unless you’ve been the victim of a narcissist/psychopath, it’s unlikely you have any idea what they’re capable of, nor could comprehend it.
Plus, no current ‘expert’ has a comprehensive understanding of ‘dark personality’ attributes & tactics due to extensive research anomalies.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
Dec 30, 2024
Narcissists create chaos yet demand peace in return.

Parmenides argued that, for something to exist or be born, it must come from a substance that existed before it, as something cannot come from nothing. All trees come from seeds, all children come from parents, et cetera. If you can speak of something, or think of it, it must have some truth, and be part of the larger, unified truth of the universe.
Kinnu

Justin Garson
@justin_garson
What we call “mental illness” is largely an attempt to grapple with the problems of life: pain, boredom, insignificance. They are prompts to push us to a better way of living. We don’t need drugs, but the space and support to heed their call.

Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
Jan 1
Why does being authentic bother so many people?

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Your soul knows... it will literally tell you when it's time to move on and start a new chapter of your life. Trust it.

Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
I am no longer available for things or people that make me feel like crap.

KSH
@ksaraholland
Worked in Paris. French did work hard. Vehemently told me why what I asked for was unreasonable, not their role, unrealistic etc. I sympathized and said I needed it anyway. Then they delivered early with astonishing creativity and blew my socks off every time. Just like drama.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Jan 2
Unhealed trauma makes you hold onto people longer than you should and tolerate sh*t you don't deserve because you lack self-worth and don't want to feel alone. Healing makes you realize some people don't deserve to be in your life — no matter how much you love them.


ban psychiatry burn the dsm
@antipsychgeist
Jan 1
The DSM says that a normal response to life’s challenges does not constitute an MI. So people rightly try and explain the sources of their “symptoms” to the psychiatrist. Then, in an act of betrayal, the psychiatrist calls you MI anyway, your experiences “contributing factors.”

The Process in BPD.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0v4JiCV0Cnw
31:59 Society has created this world where you're just such an evil person that we desperately don't want to be associated with it.

Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
What we have to understand is this: Dishonesty doesn’t come second nature to the malignant #narcissist…
Dishonesty is the malignant narcissist’s FIRST and foremost nature.
It’s honesty that feels unnatural to them .

Jacklena Bentley
@JacklenaB
The silent treatment is used to manipulate someone and make them feel bad about themselves. No contact is just that. You are done with wanting any further contact.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Please don't spend your time trying to make sense to people who keep hurting you. Their behavior doesn't make sense. Their lack of remorse doesn't make sense. Their assumption that they can treat you poorly & still have a permanent place in your life, does not make sense.

Unkonfined
@unkonfined
One of the most dangerous types of people to have around you is people who don’t like you but act like they do.

Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
Victim mentality is a phrase often weaponized by toxic individuals in order to shame survivors for using their voices to create change.

Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Malignant #narcissist parents will abuse their scapegoat child into PTSD or depression or other signs of psychological abuse trauma,
Then they will use that trauma to make it look like the child had inherent mental problems. (Bipolar has been a popular  choice among abusive parents)
This only compounds the effects of the abuse and traumatizes the victim further.
The people that do this to their children are literally monsters, but they will play the victim or the “hero parent“ who is doing “everything they can” to help their “troubled child“.
This abuse tactic needs to be shut down and the only way we can even begin is if it becomes common knowledge that people learn not to fall for.
We need to start holding these abusers accountable.

‪𐕣𖤐Mistress_Death𖤐𐕣‬ ‪@midnightpyredeath.bsky.social‬
"We all have our personal demons...But don't think that they are your enemy...They are always willing to help when no one else can." -me

Consider: maybe it's not social anxiety. Maybe you're just with wrong people. Maybe you don't like small talk? Not interested in shallow conversation? Your BS meter is super accurate. Instead of making yourself wrong just recognize you're not around right people
🔻Mel Robbins
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/7fouA9HaRhI

Jacklena Bentley
@JacklenaB
Have you noticed how much you learn from someone when you tell them NO?

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
cPTSD is a result of not having the freedom (or access) to acknowledge and process trauma. The complex part is because the trauma was ongoing. PTSD represents specific traumatic memories. Complex PTSD presents those memories and experiences having no end.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Jan 5
Growth is realizing they didn't misunderstand you. They feel power by you feeling misunderstood.

Unkonfined
@unkonfined
Jan 5
If you really want to see a person's true character, watch how they treat someone that they can't benefit off of.

#socialanxiety #socialanxietydisorder #socialanxietytips #sociallyawkward #shyness
Plans, predicting – when it goes off the rails you start to scramble and you don't know what to say because it wasn't in your original version. It also prevents you from making mistakes. You are allowed to make a mistake. Silence is golden. There is nothing wrong with moments of silence.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/cvOk8RHJ6Uk

Allodoxaphobia
- the fear of other people's opinions. It is not just about being afraid of being judged but also the fear of being criticized, disliked or rejected. May find themselves constantly worrying about what others think even if their opinions are completely unfounded.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/lGO9kJLz6Zc

Unkonfined
@unkonfined
Jan 5
Don’t stay in a bad situation for too long because you’ll forget it’s bad and get comfortable.

Alan Richard‬ ‪@alanrichard.bsky.social‬
·
1d
Everything I know at the top I learned at the bottom 🏆

The speed bumps and hiccups are in FAVOR of you 😎

The test is MEANT to be a testimony 😤

So thank God for them be grateful 🙏🏻 

Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
Never judge someone by the opinions of others.

Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
People will always notice the change in your attitude towards them, but they will never notice it's their behavior that made you change.

Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
The problem with dark personalities is that they frame gossip or negative nuance about another person in a way that seems supportive.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
There are people you haven’t met yet that will love you without you having to earn it. They'll see you & appreciate you because of who you are. They'll be gentle because of what you've overcome. They'll be consistent because they know what vulnerability has cost you in the past.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Jan 6
I love people who can put their pride aside, apologize, and actually correct their behaviour. That awareness, accountability, and emotional intelligence is so attractive.

Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
Dark personalities (narcissists, psychopaths) know they’re different from a young age. They know they must disguise their true nature to fit in. If you try & expose one, they will destroy your reputation & actively turn people against you with lies, manipulation, provocation….

Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
Dark personalities genuinely believe they are superior to others in particular because they do not emote, so they do not experience fear or shame. They view people who experience emotions as weak and inferior.
They are also extremely entitled. Often dark personalities try and hide their powerful sense of superiority and entitlement. The giveaway though is the very, very subtle smirk. There are other signs too.

Unkonfined
@unkonfined
Lying to someone who doesn’t believe you anyway is pointless.

Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
The whole issue with narcissism is very confusing.
Over time several terms have been developed to distinguish between 2 groups of people exhibiting similar behaviours with a different motivation…
Psychopath v sociopath (ASPD), malignant narcissist v vulnerable narcissist, type A psychopath v type B psychopath and so on.
The first group have brain anomalies. The second group exhibit these behaviours based on substantial abuse.
Research indicates the first group cannot be ‘cured’ nor do they want to change because they see themselves as superior.
The second group, unlike the first group, does experience shame, and will voluntarily see a therapist in some cases. With some hard work, the second group can change.  
The reasons this is not widely understood includes research methodologies have been substandard, academics have been keen to make a name for themselves and so have often created new names where they’ve not been necessary, there are many fields of study examining these behaviours yet none of them really talk to each other so information can be consolidated, some academics are themselves dark personalities and are invested in creating confusion and so on.
To remove confusion, I call the first group Persistent Predatory Personality.

Unkonfined
@unkonfined
Jan 6
Energy is very expensive, stop giving it out for free.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Jan 6
Stop telling people in survival mode they need to just “let go.”  They’ll let go when they have something they can hang onto. If the memories come on strong, they need to know they’ll never hurt like they did when their life changed without their permission.

Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
I’ve spent decades working with executives & have encountered a high number of dark personalities.
I’m stunned at the amount of time very senior dark personalities invest in destroying just one person who might try & expose them, either in their personal or professional life.


Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
In terms of understanding narcissists, it is not a matter of picking someone that you like. 🙂 What is important is that what the expert is saying is based on the voices of thousands of victims and practitioners who have actually worked with narcissists and their victims.
Interestingly,  Dr Ramani has interviewed a very powerful narcissist masquerading as a domestic violence victim.
I have considerable data to back this and it will be contained in my second book. The world of narcissists and psychopaths and dark personalities is full of narcissists and psychopaths and dark personalities actively masquerading and misleading.
As a human race, we need to be absolutely crystal clear about the attributes and tactics of those harm by choice or we will continue to be deceived.
That is why I spent five years full-time reviewing all the academic literature from across the world in many different fields that study these people as well as conducting my own research with experts working with dark personalities (and their victims) in both forensic and non-forensic contexts for an average of 22 years each.  I am passionately committed to reducing the harm these people impose.


Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
Take Hare’s work with a grain of salt. His books have some interesting and very useful information however his model which informs the PCL – R, the most highly utilised assessment tool in the world for diagnosing psychopaths, does not contain the attribute of control, which my data indicates is their most powerful driver. It also does not contain the attribute of sadism, which my data indicates is another powerful driver of their behaviour. He argues impulsivity is a core attribute of them all which of course can’t possibly be true and many academics have challenged. Much of Hare’s data has been drawn from forensic populations and rather than adapt his model to more current research, Hare has litigated against and character assassinated people who have challenged his work.
I have participated in a program run by Hare in the Bahamas on how to administer to the PCL-R and have had a number of meetings and meals with him.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Highly sensitive people feel everything on a much deeper level. We aren't fooled by words or external appearances. We don't just experience your surface level emotions... we feel your energy shifts, intentions, judgments, lies, and truths.

Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
There are in fact two types of anger experienced by dark personalities.
One type of anger is pathological, hot and reactive. It occurs when they are thwarted from getting what they want, when their sense of superiority is challenged, or when someone is trying to expose them. The other type of anger is strategic, cold and just an act. It is used to intimidate and control others.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
The thing about complex trauma is it removes you from being the main character in your own life. When you suffer for a prolonged amount of time, survival mode shifts focus on everything external to get by, rather than living peacefully from the center of who you are.

Aim True (Amy Pagett)
@AimTrue7
Jan 6
If you are trying to help someone heal, shaming them won’t likely work.
They already carry enough shame & more will send them deeper into the cycle of recreating it.


Dr. Jessica Taylor
@DrJessTaylor
One thing I’ve noticed is that the same groups of people shouting about bystander intervention, being an upstander, and calling out violence, misogyny, and oppression rarely say anything until the mainstream narrative flows in their favour, and THEN they comfortably stand up, add their voice or write their article or social media post.

If nothing else, this should demonstrate how hard it is to be the first person to stand up and say something when it’s not popular, when no one likes you for it; and when it puts you at some risk.

It looks easy enough, but it takes self-confidence, conviction and resolve - which clearly, many people do not feel they have.

We cannot continue in a society in which 99% of people just wait for someone else to say the thing we are all thinking.

Sometimes, you’re gonna have to be that person who goes first. And it’s not easy, and it’s not very fun. And you might get shot down, or laughed at, or ignored totally.

But we cannot spend our lives waiting for someone else to speak up.


Unkonfined
@unkonfined
Jan 6
Remember to choose yourself first, then choose who chooses you.

Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Many abusive or narcissistic individuals engage in a kind of "preemptive rebranding" of their harmful traits. By owning their negative behaviors and presenting them with humor, pride, or as a form of righteousness, they disarm others who might otherwise question or challenge their actions. It can create a false narrative that their abusive behavior is intentional, controlled, or even justified—almost like saying, "I know I’m bad, and I’m owning it, so you can't call me out."
This strategy often relies on manipulating people's perceptions. By framing their abuse as a quirky personality trait or a badge of honor, they encourage others to dismiss it as harmless or even admirable.

Unkonfined
@unkonfined
Stop selling yourself short and walk into that room like God sent you.

Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
Very true. A narcissist will also not enter a relationship with someone they cannot control or manipulate easily. There are ways that narcissists or dark personalities can  identify people who are more vulnerable and more able to be controlled. According to research this includes walking gait, facial openness and other features. They then test early on in a relationship to gauge whether someone can be manipulated by setting up situations that require accommodation, by using intimidation etc.


Unkonfined
@unkonfined
Everyone always loves how real you are, until you say something they don’t like.

Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Why is it that people with good hearts get screwed over the most!
Miss Jo
@this_is_me_Jo
Because people with good hearts generally look for the good in people, sometimes unfortunately at their own peril.

Shadows of Control
@shadows_control
Jan 6
An abuser doesn’t have to forbid, order, or demand their partner do or not do something in order to be controlling. Often, they harass, criticize, insult, belittle, and lecture you so much that you go along with what they want just to avoid the psychological torment! 🚩
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
Jan 7
Don’t forget intimidate. Intimidation is one of the greatest behavioural modifiers and controllers.

‪Linda Beveridge‬ ‪@beachlady1955.bsky.social‬
You can't buy class.  You're either an asshole or you have class.

Kate Rowswell 🇬🇧🇨🇦
@katerowswell
Jan 7
Abusers excel in behavioural modification of their victims

Shadows of Control
@shadows_control
Jun 26, 2024
My abusive husband never told me what I should wear, but I ended up avoiding the clothes he didn’t like anyway 😣This is how coercive control works…

Shadows of Control
@shadows_control
Love is meant to be a sanctuary of safety, respect, and support not a battlefield of control, fear and manipulation.

Shadows of Control
@shadows_control
Surround yourself with love that makes you feel alive. Life is too short to spend being disrespected, unloved, and undervalued.

Unkonfined
@unkonfined
Never apologize for not being what they want you to be.

Julia Pappas • Psychologist 🇺🇸
@JuliaPappasJoy
Very true! That is the reason why highly sensitive people need really good boundaries, paired with discernment.

"The light of the Creator is infinite, and from it flows all creation, concealed within layers of veils."
-the Zohar

Lisa A. Romano
@lisaaromano1
Recognizing that a narcissist’s control is rooted in their fears, not your flaws, is the first step to breaking free.

‪Hank Green‬ ‪@hankgreen.bsky.social‬
It’s ok to feel sick over the state of things.

Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
Authenticity has a way of unsettling all the pretenders.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Maturity is when you stop wasting time convincing people to treat you correctly. You just start to observe their choices, understand their character, and decide what you’re going to allow in your life.


Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
When a #narcissist does something insensitive or abusive or disruptive and you call them on it, they will immediately go on the defensive, play a victim role, and make you look like the bad guy for being “mean” or “insensitive“, or “overly critical”, and they will draw other people into this to feel sorry for them.
They react this way because they cannot tolerate being held accountable.
This behavior, often called victim-playing or DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender), allows them to deflect responsibility and manipulate others into seeing you as the aggressor. The goal is to shift focus away from their actions and make you question yourself or appear unreasonable to others.

Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Stay calm. Don’t defend yourself because that’s playing into their narrative, instead, keep the focus on their actions. Don’t defend your actions, focus on their actions. And remain calm. At this point they’re doing everything they can to make you look like the aggressor so don’t give them anything that they can use. And don’t let it escalate because they will likely try to make it escalate. If that fails, disengage.

Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
#Narcissists are like black holes in society—takers at their core, draining energy, resources, and emotions from everyone around them while giving back as little as possible. Their approach to life is transactional: "What can I get? How much can I take? And how little can I give in return?"
Recognizing this pattern is crucial—not just for protecting yourself but for understanding the long-term damage they inflict. They don't just take from individuals; they take from society as a whole, eroding trust, goodwill, and collaboration wherever they go.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
When you demand an explanation from someone who has experienced emotional abuse, you will not getting an explanation but an innocent person triggered beyond their capacity, trying to prove their worth.

Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
Jan 8
Narcissists/psychopaths use intimidation to get what they want & to stop people holding them to account.
Intimidation may involve aggressive tone, implicit threat, encroaching into body space, standing over, holding eye contact too long, thumping table, designed to create fear.

Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
Don't listen to toxic individuals. You are not crazy or anything else they try to label you with. Standing up for yourself is "not a crime." Boundaries are natural and healthy, don't let them convince you otherwise.

BrainSpace
@jbbz
Boundaries are a form of self-respect, not rebellion. Toxic people often label others to deflect from their own behavior—don’t buy into it. Standing up for yourself is a powerful act of self-care and courage.

Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Jan 9
As a society I don’t think we disapprove of dishonesty as much as we should.

Shadows of Control
@shadows_control
An abuser's criticism, anger, or control is not a reflection of you—it’s a reflection of their own insecurities and need for dominance.
Their behavior is about them, not you!
#CoerciveControl

Justin Garson
@justin_garson
Jan 9
Someone told me to read ‘Positive Disintegration’ and it is blowing my mind. His view is that what we call “mental illness” happens when your life circumstances are no longer adequate to the demands of self development. An incredibly empowering framework. Thanks
@DeeDreaHamilton

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Normalize not forcing connections with people. If someone does not see the value in having you by their side, it's not your job to convince them.

Dr. Jessica Taylor
@DrJessTaylor
Actually, I’d go further than this. Many systems were designed to crush our spirit - they are not ‘broken’, they are working as designed. Remember that.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Trauma survivors NEED to take our nervous system's insistence on not feeling trapped seriously.
If we don't leave ourselves an "escape hatch" in situations, our nervous system will create that "escape hatch" for us-- often w/ self-sabotage or suicidal ideation.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Abuse & neglect dupe us into believing we don't have the right or ability to create a life we like, do work we find meaningful, or choose relationships that are safe & enhance our growth.
But we do.
It's just our "parts" & nervous system we need to convince.

Justin Garson
@justin_garson
Jan 10
90% of dealing with what we call “mental illness” is developing a positive and empowering narrative that makes sense of what’s happening in your life. It’s not a science but a mode of storytelling. Psychiatry lies to us when it presents its “medical” story as the sole truth.

Shadows of Control
@shadows_control
Toxic people believe their needs are more important than yours. 🚩

Shadows of Control
@shadows_control
Victims don’t ‘tolerate’, ‘allow’, or ‘put up with’ abuse – they endure it to survive.

Shadows of Control
@shadows_control
Abusers feel entitled to your attention and disregard your needs. Prioritize your well-being.

Narcissist that is a pillar of community, that is essentially moral and ethical and altruistic and charitable and helpful and compassionate and caring and so on. Or at least pretends to be. Because this is the way this kind of narcissist obtains narcissistic supply.
Can Narcissists Be Constructive, Positive, Productive?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLCPf7nMZ-0
Sam Vaknin

To understand people, to work with people, to accomplish things you need to be attuned to their emotions. You need to be empathic. And if you are not, your inability to decipher emotions, to read emotions creates impaired reality testing. Because people are part of reality. If you unable to gauge people your reality testing sucks.
And to compensate for that narcissist distort their cognitions. They have cognitive distortions.
So narcissist exactly like someone with autism keeps failing with people. And to compensate for this narcissist distorts his reality and his cognition to convince himself that he is actually good.
Can Narcissists Be Constructive, Positive, Productive?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLCPf7nMZ-0
Sam Vaknin


Narcissists are fools that can only learn only from their own experience and mistakes. And majority of them never learn at all.
Because they consider themselves omniscient or endowed somehow. Or above other people whom they hold in complete contempt. The opposite of stupidity is not intelligence. The opposite of stupidity is wisdom.
Narcissist can be intelligent and accomplish but never wise. Often extremely intelligent people are also inordinately dumb.
Can Narcissists Be Constructive, Positive, Productive?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLCPf7nMZ-0
Sam Vaknin

Dr Robert Bohan‬ ‪@robertbohan.bsky.social‬
You may notice troll accounts jumping in to say offensive things about Zuckerberg. This is a common strategy of the far right, where they seek to antagonise us into response, which they can then use to say ‘all LGBTQ are violent/abusive etc’ - don’t get sucked into it. I’m blocking them.

Dr Robert Bohan‬ ‪@robertbohan.bsky.social‬
I think there may be a small one. I suggest reading about how ordinary people react to authoritarian regimes. They cross the street & keep their heads down. In the US just 4% of voters were most concerned about foreign affairs despite being in 2 wars. Apathy & self-interest are big drivers.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Toxic message “I will forever be grateful for the lessons the abuser taught me. Without them I would never found myself” NOOO! The abuser gave you trauma you should’ve never had - not ‘lessons’. You’re amazing because you’re amazing not because of an abuser!

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
When you're a good person with genuine intentions and a gorgeous heart, you don't lose anyone – they lose you.

Aim True (Amy Pagett)
@AimTrue7
Many trauma survivors appear to have a high pain tolerance.
Usually it’s that we’ve learned to dissociate so well that the pain isn’t connecting to our felt sense.

Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
Jan 13
Survivors listen because they know exactly how it feels to be unheard.

Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
Interesting fact: Psychopaths/narcissists LOVE to copy other people. This includes stealing others’ ideas, taking credit for others’ work, copying other people’s clothing, adopting other people’s accents, mimicking other people‘s mannerisms.
They do this for several reasons. They have a very limited emotional world and so they observe and copy others’ reactions to blend in or seem ‘normal’.
They have no moral code and winning is very important to them so theft of ideas comes naturally.
Their limited emotional world means they often do not have much creativity and must take ideas from others.
They sometimes copy to provoke or hurt others, so dressing like someone who is deceased, for example, or dressing for an important relationship occasion, such as an anniversary, in an outfit worn during a fight.
There are other motivations.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Most relationships taught me the more chances you give ppl, the less they value you. They aren't afraid to lose you bcoz they know no matter what, you won't walk away. Never let anybody get too comfortable with disrespecting you. Love yourself and choose distance over disrespect.


Dr. Jessica Taylor
@DrJessTaylor
By far one of the dumbest psychiatric disorders to diagnose someone with is ‘adjustment disorder’.

Oh you’re struggling to ‘adjust’ to being abused? You have adjustment disorder.

Oh you’re struggling to ‘adjust’ to your mum being dead? Adjustment disorder.

What’s that? You’ve been made homeless and you’re struggling to adjust? I have just the thing!

Like goddamn it, isn’t this just trolling at this point? How is struggling to process massive traumas in our lives ‘adjustment disorder’? A mental disorder. To be medicated and diagnosed. What!?

Honestly, they just make this shit up as they go along.

Adjustment disorder is literally just trauma and distress due to a stressful or impactful life event.

I’m so tired of millions of people being gaslit and lied to like this. No wonder people feel so detached from themselves and don’t understand their own emotions or experiences.

ban psychiatry burn the dsm
@antipsychgeist
I remind myself that there’s no one to blame. No one invented the laws of physics and the way elements interact with each other. It’s just the way it is.

Hyper-empathy can also be a symptom of borderline personality disorder (BPD), which is why it's important to talk about it with a professional and find a healthy way of regulating your emotionsž
https://uktherapyguide.com/empathy-disorder-what-is-it-symptoms-and-how-to-overcome-it

Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
Dark personalities (including narcissists & psychopaths) never go to therapy by choice. If compelled to go, they use the process of therapy as a weapon to manipulate others & to learn how to be more effective in harming & exploiting people while avoiding transparency.

-
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
Can narcissists be cured?
No & yes.
There are 2 types of narcissists - malignant/covert & vulnerable.
‘Malignant narcissists’ have brain anomalies. Substantial evidence indicates they cannot be cured. ‘Vulnerable narcissists’ are a result of abuse & with work, may improve.

Unkonfined
@unkonfined
Never forget:
They weren’t sorry when you didn’t know.

Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
You'll find peace when you realize people are at war with themselves, not you.

Unkonfined
@unkonfined
Jan 17
You’re absolutely allowed to change the price of what it costs to access you.

Unkonfined
@unkonfined
Remember:
They can talk about you, dislike you, not speak to you and hate you.
But they cannot stop you.

Shadows of Control
@shadows_control
Somehow, everything becomes your fault - they yelled because you provoked them. They cheated because you were distant. They insulted you because you were “asking for it.”

And so you try harder. You take the blame, thinking if you can just fix yourself, they’ll change. But the harder you try, the more they shift the blame, keeping you trapped in a cycle of self-doubt and shame.

But their actions are their responsibility. You are not to blame for their choices.

#EmotionalAbuse

-
Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Victims of abusive narcissistic parents often develop perfectionism as a trauma response as a result of their narcissistic family members constantly looking for anything they could possibly criticize to make them doubt or feel bad about themselves; Another form of sadism.
These children learn to perform every act they make in such a way that it couldn’t be criticized according to their abuser’s irrational standards.
Over time, this hypervigilance becomes internalized. Even when the narcissistic parent is no longer present, the inner critic—a remnant of the abuser's voice—takes over, causing anxiety and a fear of “doing something wrong.”
In adulthood, this trauma response often manifests as chronic anxiety, burnout, and difficulty with self-compassion.

Breaking free from this cycle requires recognizing that perfectionism served a purpose of self defense in the past but is no longer necessary. Therapy, mindfulness, and self-compassion exercises can help us reframe our inner dialogue and prioritize growth over perfection. 🙏🏼💛
-

To be content with a life of basic needs and simple desires, we must dive into our own psyches and discover the unnecessary desires that rule our minds and actions.
Once these unnecessary desires are rooted out, we must actively seek to control them and reject them.
📜Kinnu, Epicurus

One of the greatest discoveries from Epicurus is the realization that humans aren't very good at making themselves happy. Too often, people chase after the wrong things - relationships, wealth, and luxury - to find happiness. Never find true pleasure or fulfillment.
📜Kinnu, Epicurus

If we simply took time to reflect on pleasure as a state without pain, fear, or anxiety and reflected on all the things we spend our time chasing that are empty and unfulfilling, we could then turn our minds to simpler pleasures and goods.
📜Kinnu, Epicurus

-

Do you have an anxious attachment style? This video is for you. #anxiety #therapist
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/L_mnthNuH5w
You see this orange ball, right? If I were to put it up here or over here outside of the screen – you still know that the ball exists even though you cannot see physical proof of it. That's something called object permanence.
If you are someone with anxious attachment style, ADHD, BPD, or even fear of abandonment you may struggle with similar concept called emotional permanence.
Somebody who lacks emotional permanence may feel like someone else emotions towards them may not exist if they do not have direct proof right in front of their face. Ball represents: loved one telling us how much they love us today.
Somebody who lacks social permanence may not feel that love tomorrow when that proof is not directly in front of their face anymore. This becomes exhausting cycle and the second it is out of sight – it is out of mind, and the person really struggles with believing that the love or those emotions are still there.

-
Inability to tell inside from outside is a hallmark of psychosis. And it is known clinically as hyper-reflexivity. What happens is the narcissists induces in you the same inability, the narcissist disables your capacity to tell apart external from internal
🔻Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yw6p5Yde4so

So you have nothing to do what is going on in the narcissist mind. You have no impact or effect or involvement in the narcissist interactions with his internal objects. The narcissist is having relationship with your avatar.
🔻Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yw6p5Yde4so
-
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle‬ ‪@drdoylesays.bsky.social‬
People who abused us growing up, while calling it "tough love" & telling us we invited the abuse w/ our behavior or attitude, did a specific kind of damage to our ability to trust & relate to ourselves w/ care. We're not born hating ourselves-- we learn it. We have to unlearn it.


Always stop and think whether your fun may be the cause of another's unhappiness.
Aesop 

Imploders may turn around inward on themselves. And this is something that is typical in a child who would have identified with the aggressor. So for example they have a parent who is an exploder and loses their temper and shout and attacks and stuff. That child still loves their parent and try to get that parent to love them. For their survival they can over-identify with aggressor and actually start to believe them.
Them being shouted at or criticized a lot – they would start to internalize that. And they learn to do it themselves. When we are horrible to ourselves, the way we speak to ourselves – if we are using critical harsh voice that is anger.
People don't feel safe when they don't know where they are with you. Expressing yourself. And sometimes even when somebody explodes – okay it is scary and horrible but at least you know where you are, it is not being hidden.
BBC Radio 4, Anger and Us

Othering.
The presence of another person (known as object in psychology) triggers you and then actualizes your potentials interactively. You have potentital to emote, to feel emotions, to think something, to express your emotions
How we emote, how we think cognition, all these are determined by outsiders.
In absence of other people you will never become, you will never finalize, you are work in progress.
If the child is not allowed to practice othering, if the child is not allowed to regard other people as external, child fails to develop othering skills and capacities. He is incapable of other people, he is incapable of regarding other people as other people. He converts them in internal objects as a defensive mechanism. Shared fantasy.
When you other people effectively, when you are able to perceive other people as separate from you, distinct from you, not you – this is the process of othering. When there is you and not you. In this case you are not reliant on other people to be you.
Sam Vaknin
4 Surprising Views of Homosexuality (Compilation)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWh9xaAqAUs

Super Thinking
@Super_Thinkiing
Fear is temporary. Regret is forever.

Unkonfined
@unkonfined
The craziest part about being an over thinker is that you’re usually right.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
One of the hardest parts of childhood neglect is spending your life trying to be picked as a priority. It’s realizing you become close to people with the intent to prove your worth rather than be met where you are. The healing is not in new people, but rescuing that child.

Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
Jan 21
The goodness in you threatens toxic individuals.

Unkonfined
@unkonfined
It’s crazy how people will dislike you for being confident about the things they are insecure about.


“Make good trouble.”
~ John Lewis

The ancient Stoics were people who attempted to rid themselves of all negative emotion and cultivate an inner strength  and joy that radiated from them.
This intentional mentality has seen a resurgence in modern times and actually forms the basis for cognitive behavioral therapy.
📱Kinnu, Stoicism

Dr. Jessica Taylor
@DrJessTaylor
“Arguing about whether a murderer is mentally ill or evil, simplifies the reality of human actions in a way that allows society to avoid taking responsibility for its own role in creating violence.

Not just creating violence - but loving violence. Enjoying violence. Playing video games of mass murder. Glorifying wars and genocide. Celebrating murderers. Sexualising predators. Commissioning glossy films and Netflix specials about rapists and murders for everyone to enjoy the gory details.

We totally ignore this blatant normalisation of murder on a day to day basis.”

CPTSD Foundation
@cptsdfoundation
Jan 23
Years of repeated exposure to physical and emotional abuse inevitably taught many survivors to develop a heightened defense mechanism that walls them in and makes them feel unsafe in a relationship.

Jacy, LPC
@ATMwithJacy
As soon as someone shows you they don’t mind hurting you —- you need to believe them.

Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
We live in a world where wrong people get treated right and the right people get treated wrong.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Jan 24
To avoid disappointment, take people exactly as they are, instead of idealizing about what you wish they would be.

Shadows of Control
@shadows_control
Abusers are masters at making you feel responsible for their behavior, but the truth is, you were never the problem. Sharing your experience can help others break free from the same toxic cycle.

Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
Jan 23
Your greatest test will be how you handle people who have mishandled you.

Perhaps there was no more detrimental consequence of our childhood abandonment than being forced to habitually hide our authentic selves.
Pete Walker

Shadows of Control
@shadows_control
Jan 24
It is beyond tragic that when you experience domestic abuse, you may eventually come to see 'love' as simply the absence of punishment. 💔

Unkonfined
@unkonfined
Jan 24
You will never regret asking questions to get more clarity.
You will always regret making a decision based on a story you have created in your head.

ban psychiatry burn the dsm
@antipsychgeist
What mental illness do you think they have? Or are you just casually lumping together violent people with those diagnosed with a mental illness, and thus increasing the stigmatization and devaluation of those pathologized?

Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Abusive people and abuse enablers believe abusive behavior is strength.
It is, in fact, just the opposite


Dr. Jessica Taylor
@DrJessTaylor
This is such an interesting conversation for so many reasons. Here are my thoughts:

1. When unpicking a large problem that has become embedded in societal narrative - the first step is to describe the problem and break it down properly. Rushing to offer an alternative is only repeating the same mistake - so sometimes we have to have a very strong and long conversation about breaking the initial beliefs down first - which takes time, and takes a lot of effort. This occurs in all social issues.

2. The ‘alternative’ isn’t a magic bullet solution such as ‘take this pill’ - so it’s a huge answer with a lot of detail. Ultimately, the argument being made is that the chemical imbalance narrative is a myth, and so we now need to tell the truth to the public who have been missold, misled and gaslit - and then they will need individually tailored responses to their own suffering and distress. There is no alternative we can just pop in its place, as that would be another broad brush, generalised response that will fail too.

3. Professionals often feel lost and a bit helpless when they’ve had their beliefs or ideologies removed from them - and they expect people to give them a new belief or a new answer. This, I think, is due to the way we are all trained so badly - to lack initiative and invention - but to follow guidelines and stock answers in order to cover our arse. The same thing happened when I successfully campaigned against the use of CSE films being shown to children. Professionals often said, ‘right but what’s the answer then? What do we do instead if we can’t show them the films of children being raped? How will we ever work with them without the films?’
I was often receiving demands from professionals saying that because I was the one who explained why CSE films were wrong, unethical, lacked evidence and traumatic - I should be the one that developed an alternative and gave it to everyone otherwise I was basically just criticising without any solutions. However - what this highlighted to me was that professionals had become too reliant on the films - and had lost all their other skills and confidence in engaging with children who had been raped and we’re very distressed - which is interestingly transferable to this issue about SSRIs.

4. The alternatives are myriad. There are literally thousands of alternatives to giving someone a pill and telling them they have a chemical imbalance - but it involves actually addressing their distress and their mood - by looking at what is truly causing their suffering in their lives. Poverty. Housing. Abuse. Loss. Envy. Hatred. Discrimination. Oppression. Bullying. Fear. Trauma. Neglect. Hundreds of possibilities - many of which will be complex. The ‘here, take this pill, it’s a serotonin imbalance in ya brain’ response is easy, quick, cheap, and requires zero effort. The alternative is slow, more complex, more expensive, and requires lots of compassion, time, effort and love from the practitioner. It doesn’t always mean therapy at all - and it could mean many many different approaches that work for the person as an individual. Maybe it’s leaving their horrible job. Maybe it’s moving area. Maybe it’s acknowledging that they hate their partner. Maybe it’s realising they have become abusive. Maybe it’s recognising that they’ve lived in poverty for so long that they’ve started to feel totally helpless. Maybe it’s reporting that neighbour who harasses them. Maybe it’s writing that letter to their mother.

Our problems are human, so the solutions are human.

Kyblueblood‬ ‪@kyblueblood.bsky.social‬
Ernest Hemingway once said,
“In our darkest moments, we don’t need advice.”
What we truly need is the power of human connection: a quiet presence, a gentle touch, or the smallest gesture that reminds us we’re not alone.

Muhammad Sakib‬ ‪@poetofspring.bsky.social‬
The world is full of magic, if you know where to look.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Trauma says “You must fix yourself in order for people to love you.”
Healing says “Meet me in the parts you think are hard to love.”

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Jan 26
We don’t have an epidemic of mental illness. We have an epidemic of trauma and not protecting people.

Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
I refer to it as ‘reverse attribution’ because it is done strategically and knowingly.
Narcissists/psychopaths reversely attribute all their nefarious characteristics and deeds to their victim. No one can tell who’s telling the truth between the dark personality and the victim and so the dark personality gets away with it.
Projection is a defense mechanism, where someone attributes, their own thoughts and feelings to someone else. Narcissists/psychopaths know exactly what they’re doing when they do this.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Jan 25
Stop telling people how to address pain they carry but didn't cause.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Jan 26
Don’t ‘should’ve’ how a survivor survived.
Don’t ‘should’ve’ how a survivor healed.

Shadows of Control
@shadows_control
You are not responsible for “fixing” your abusive partner.
Trying to fix an abuser often leads to losing yourself in the process.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
When you earn trust from someone who has (or is) recovering from abuse, please be aware, them trusting you comes with intense fear. It's tied to moments where they experienced their worst pain. They stopped trusting in an attempt to stop that pain. To trust is to let go again.

Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Too many people mistake narcissism and psychopathy for strength…

Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
Narcissists/psychopaths that are higher functioning seek platforms that provide them with pre-existing populations they can leverage from. Many are ‘experts’ in areas where we find passionate &/or vulnerable people such as domestic violence, child welfare, mental health, law…

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
This is your gentle reminder to stop sharing stuff that is important to you with people who do not show an interest in your wellbeing.

Jim Acosta‬ ‪@jimacosta.bsky.social‬
Today’s show was my last at CNN. My closing message: It’s never a good time to bow down to a tyrant… don’t give in to the lies. Don’t give in to fear. Hold on to the truth… and hope.

‪Jeff Tiedrich‬ ‪@jefftiedrich.bsky.social‬
all you people who told us to calm down can go fuck yourselves

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Jan 28
Normalize not feeling bad for removing anyone from your life that didn't feel bad for hurting you.

Good men never speak the truth for the spirit thus to be good is a malady.
📖Thus Spake Zarathustra - Friedrich Nietzsche (1883)

Jeez, what a jerk. Never realized it before. I guess a lot of people I know are jerks. Maybe you think I'm one too. That's why you keep avoiding me.
🎞️Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987)

Lisa A. Romano
@lisaaromano1
A codependent person and a narcissist are two sides of the same coin—both struggle with a lack of a stable sense of self.
The narcissist copes by demanding validation, control, and admiration from others to feel worthy.
The codependent copes by giving validation, rescuing, and over-accommodating to feel worthy.
That’s why healing from codependency isn’t just about leaving the narcissist—it’s about reclaiming your true self and no longer needing someone else to complete you. 💛

Aim True (Amy Pagett)
@AimTrue7
Yes! We adopt a lot of behaviours and strategies to keep ourselves safe.
So often the things we did to keep us alive, stop us from truly living.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Jan 29
People talk about high sensitivity as if it’s a negative thing or something that needs to be changed. Being highly sensitive doesn’t mean someone’s fragile. It means they feel and experience things deeply and quickly. This includes other peoples bullshit.

John Po
@JohnPoInnerWork
Jan 30
High sensitivity just means you have better radar to detect whether something's good or bad for you

Shannon Bussnick
@shannonbpriddy
Jan 29
We, the sensitive, will always remind humanity of their insensitivity 👋

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
You’re not a bad person because bad things happened to you.

Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Jan 29
No one will ever know how hard it's been for you and how much you have endured. So never allow anyone to bring you down, because you are stronger than they will ever realize.

Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Jan 29
Never try to defend yourself against a Narcissist. They already know you're right, they just want you to stress and drain you trying to prove it.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Jan 29
Never disrespect yourself by begging anybody for bare minimum. You'll never have to ask the right person for affection, attention, respect, loyalty, or love— because they'll naturally want to show it. If someone doesn't see the value in giving you that, don't try to convince them

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
The older you get, the more you choose detachment over drama and distance over disrespect. Conflict becomes intolerable to you and your peace becomes your absolute priority. You start surrounding yourself with people who are good for your mental health, heart, and soul.

Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Don't let others ruin your peace and guilt-trip you for moving on from their BS.

Unkonfined
@unkonfined
Be careful, sometimes the person who screams they are a victim the loudest is actually the villain.
When the smoke detectors of the brain malfunction, people no longer run when they should be trying to escape or fight back when they should be defending themselves. – Bessel van der Kolk

Lightborn Wisdom
@LightbornWsdm
Social bullying is a sneaky way to hurt someone's reputation and make them feel bad about themselves.

Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Always be careful with your words, because you never know how many times it's repeating in someone's head.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Jan 30
It’s tragic how often we judge someone’s behavior but don’t name their pain.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Jan 30
Many fixers or helpers come from homes where they often had harsh realities denied. Their attempt to fix and/or help comes from a genuine place, but their deepest desire is to be given permission to fix and help themselves.

What does it mean to objectify someone?
/əbˈdʒek.tɪ.faɪ/ to treat a person like a tool or toy, as if they had no feelings, opinions, or rights of their own: She denied that the magazine objectified women. Synonym. depersonalize.


‪Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez‬ ‪@aoc.bsky.social‬
I honestly believe our most powerful position in a toxic time that feeds on cynicism, apathy,& despair is to genuinely care and act for a better world.
Cynicism is our enemy. We should check it, incl. on the left. It’s not intellectually superior. It’s the virus they’re trying to infect us with. NO

I must be defective.
That was the only explanation I could think of for his behavior. Why did
he act so loving one moment and then rip me to shreds the next?
"stop walking on eggshells"

Walking on eggshells is a CLASSIC AND CLEAR sign of some type of abuse. Any relationship that you are in that feel like you have to sacrifice yourself to cater to another person and their feelings is not healthy. This is how you lose who you are. If you're not ready to leave, that's alright. But get help.
reddit "Sometimes I feel like I have to walk on eggshells : r/relationship_advice"

majordopolis‬ ‪@majordopolis.bsky.social‬
Also don't give your balance and emotional state over to anyone.
Ever.
Especially a malignant
#narcissist
They love your fatigue + shock
and use it to invade more, claim more of your interior territory.
Hold steady, stay connected + rest when you need to.


Because BPD affects six million people in North America, I figured that at least eighteen million family members, partners, and friends—like me—were blaming themselves for behavior that had little to do with them.
"stop walking on eggshells"


Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Jan 31
Abusers say outrageous things because they can and there are no repercussions.
#perpetrator101

Although BPD by definition negatively affects those in relationships with borderlines (BPs), most mental health professionals I spoke with—with a few notable exceptions—were so overwhelmed by the needs of their borderline patients that their advice for non-BPs was quite limited.
"stop walking on eggshells"

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
People will criticize your healing when they fear the healed version of you will no longer tolerate their behavior.

Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Malignant #narcissists are obsessed with control, and they often exert this obsession in irrational, passive-aggressive, or outright destructive ways.
Their need for control isn’t just about dominance; it’s about proving that no one has power over them. Their ego cannot tolerate the idea of being "forced" to do anything, even if it's something normal or reasonable like picking their kids up from school or bringing back a requested item from the store. They might intentionally and consistently be late to “prove” they aren’t a chauffeur or they may intentionally bring back the wrong items to prove they don’t have to do anything anyone asks them to do. Possibly the most malignant expression of this is when a malignant narcissist parent fears losing control over their child, they will often work to destroy their child’s life to “remain in control.”
Here are some more ways they irrationally exert control: 🧵
Weaponizing Incompetence – If asked to do something, they will intentionally do it wrong (or half-done) so they won’t be asked again. This isn't just laziness; it's a power move to show they won't be controlled.
Withholding and Sabotaging – They may withhold information, money, affection, or resources to keep others dependent on them. For example, a malignant narcissistic parent might "forget" to submit their child’s college applications or financial aid forms, ensuring the child doesn’t gain independence.
Intentional Chaos – They create unpredictable environments where they control the narrative. A malignant narcissist might start unnecessary arguments before an important event, making sure their target is too upset or distracted to perform well.
Moving the Goalposts – They demand something, and once you comply, they change the requirements so that you're never "good enough." This keeps people scrambling and under their thumb.
Triangulation – They manipulate relationships by pitting people against each other, ensuring that no one trusts anyone except them. This keeps them in control of all communication and alliances.
Public Humiliation – To assert dominance, they may undermine someone in front of others, whether by making "jokes" at their expense, correcting them unnecessarily, or sharing private information to shame them.
Deliberate Forgetfulness – They "forget" promises, birthdays, deadlines, or important commitments, forcing their target into a position of having to constantly remind them or beg for basic respect. This reinforces their control by making the other person feel powerless.
Gaslighting – They will deny reality, rewrite history, and convince their target they are imagining things. This erodes confidence and makes their victim more dependent on them for "truth."
Sabotaging Success – If their target shows independence or improvement, they will subtly or overtly sabotage it. This could be as simple as making them late to an important event, or as extreme as convincing them that their dreams are unrealistic or selfish.
Silent Treatment & Stonewalling – They cut off communication as punishment, refusing to acknowledge their target until they "submit" or beg for their attention. This reinforces their power by making others feel small and desperate.
When it comes to malignant narcissistic parents, their control is particularly insidious. If a child begins to assert independence—by questioning them, setting boundaries, or even succeeding in ways the narcissist cannot take credit for—they see it as an attack on their authority. That’s when they shift from controlling to outright destroying, often through emotional abuse, guilt-tripping, or even financial and social sabotage.
Many of these tactics allow the narcissist plausible deniability. Impossible to prove that it was intentional and narcissist love committing abuse where they can simply play dumb

Shadows of Control
@shadows_control
If your partner consistently mocks, makes sarcastic comments, or 'jokingly' criticizes your appearance, intelligence, or personality, it’s not a joke—it’s emotional abuse.

Shadows of Control
@shadows_control
Abusers will impose a decision on you and later blame you for the result, even though it was never truly your choice to begin with it.
They might pressure you into making life-altering decisions, like quitting your job to become a homemaker, only to later criticize you for it, calling you lazy or incompetent for ‘abandoning’ your career.
The victim is constantly placed in a lose-lose situation, where no matter what they do, they face judgment, criticism, or condemnation.

Shadows of Control
@shadows_control
Coercive control attacks a person’s sense of self and identity by manipulating and distorting their beliefs, values, and individuality, leaving them feeling like a shadow of their former selves.

Unkonfined
@unkonfined
Remember, most people cope by projecting, so stop taking things so personally.

The Narcissist Box
@NarcissistBox
Feb 2
Your abusers trauma does not justify them abusing you.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
If the way they love you puts you in survival mode, it’s not love.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Your nervous system will naturally feel at peace in the presence of people with pure intentions and authentic energy – trust it.

‪Kit ✨ (they/them) $19/$80‬ ‪@cometkitten.bsky.social‬
How you feel and your diagnosis do not justify hurting others. Period.
And you cannot rob someone of their feelings or invalidate reactions to harm you caused by waving a diagnosis like a white flag.

❄️Snow Poff❄️‬ ‪@snowpoff.bsky.social‬
Church is where narcissists go to abuse co-dependants
Queer spaces are where people with BPD go to abuse co-dependants
Because of a specific type of attention this post got:
Both Narcissists and people with BPD are humans deserving of love and respect. These conditions can be managed in a healthy fashion.
Additionally abuse can stem from any unhealthy coping mechanism including trying to cope with codependency

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
If you think the abuser will follow the rules - you're wrong.
If you think people will make the abuser follow the rules - you're wrong.

Soren 🌱they/them‬ ‪@sorenable.bsky.social‬
I do not need to apologize for:
Having needs
Asserting myself
Asking for something
Being hurt
Getting confused
Hoping for better
Misunderstanding someone
Experiencing “uncomfy” emotions
Being more sensitive than others
Crying (again)
Needing space
Being in the process of healing
Being human

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Feb 4
The beginning signs of a toxic relationship is when you start to believe if you can navigate their mood swings, manipulation, or disrespect better, then it won’t hurt as much. The ending of those relationships is you being a shell of a human & having to rebuild from the ground up

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Kids who grow up in toxic homes often lack understanding that they’re allowed to take up space, & don’t have to give more than they have in order to be respected. It makes sense for these beliefs to carry into adulthood but it doesn’t make sense to still believe they’re true.

Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
People start hating or lose interest in you when they cannot control you.

Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
I don't think a lot of people are becoming heartless and selfish. I think they are becoming more aware of what they deserve and how they want to be treated.

Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
It’s not a person’s response to abuse that’s the problem, it’s THE ABUSE THEYRE RESPONDING TO

Dr. Jessica Taylor
@DrJessTaylor
How can therapy ever be effective if there are certain topics you cannot discuss safely?

Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Sociopathic or malignant narcissists have a strong pathological need to vilify others, especially moral, honest people, as a way to protect their fragile egos and maintain a sense of control. They project their own guilt and shame onto others, deflecting attention away from their own flaws.
By tearing people down, they elevate themselves and manipulate those around them to follow their version of reality. They fear exposure, so vilifying others creates a distraction.
There can also be a sadistic element. The act of vilifying others allows them to inflict harm, feed their ego, and enjoy the control they have over how others perceive and treat the target of their abuse. This sadistic tendency reflects their deep need to feel superior, even if it comes at the expense of another’s well-being.
Malignant and covert narcissists are particularly likely to vilify individuals who possess qualities or attributes that threaten their fragile self-esteem, sense of control, or desire for superiority. Here are the types of people they are most likely to target:

People Malignant Narcissists are most likely to vilify

1. Competent and Successful Individuals: Malignant narcissists often feel threatened by those who are successful or competent, as these individuals highlight their own inadequacies. They may vilify such people to undermine their achievements and reduce the threat to their own self-image.

2. Moral and Ethical Individuals: People with strong moral and ethical standards can be targets because their integrity and goodness contrast sharply with the narcissist’s own lack of morality. Malignant narcissists may attempt to smear their reputations to diminish their influence and elevate their own status.

3. Authority Figures: Those in positions of authority, such as bosses, teachers, or community leaders, can be vilified if the narcissist perceives them as obstacles to their own power and control. By discrediting authority figures, malignant narcissists attempt to assert dominance.

4. Close Relationships: Friends, family members, or romantic partners who see through the narcissist's facade or challenge their behavior are often vilified. This serves to isolate these individuals and prevent them from exposing the narcissist’s true nature.

People Covert Narcissists are most likely to vilify

1. Empathetic and Caring Individuals: Covert narcissists may feel envious of people who are genuinely empathetic and caring, as these qualities starkly contrast with their own lack of empathy. They might vilify these individuals to feel superior and to manipulate others into seeing them as victims.

2. Confident and Assertive Individuals: Those who are confident and assertive can make covert narcissists feel insecure and inadequate. By vilifying these individuals, covert narcissists try to bring them down to feel better about themselves.

3. Popular or Well-Liked Individuals: People who are popular and well-liked are often targets because they receive the admiration and validation that covert narcissists crave. By attacking their character, covert narcissists aim to undermine their social standing and shift attention to themselves.

4. Challengers to Their Victim Narrative: Individuals who do not buy into the covert narcissist’s victim narrative or who challenge their manipulative behaviors are likely to be vilified. This allows the narcissist to maintain their perceived victim status and avoid accountability.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Feb 5
Your nervous system won't know what to make of you talking to yourself in realistic, supportive terms, rather than that bullsh*t "tough love" you learned growing up. It's going to disbelieve & distrust your recovery self-talk at first.
Stick w/ it. Build that self trust.

🐌
@JAYVERSACE
Feb 4
why does simply speaking up for myself always feel like im having a psychotic break and mental crash out

"If you have no evidence, reserve judgment"
⚛️Cosmos

You cannot force someone to want to change their behavior. After all, they are not just “behaviors” to the person suffering from the disorder—they are coping mechanisms they have used all their life.
— John M. Grohol, Psy.D

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
People need to stop telling survivors how they should feel and start listening to how survivors feel.
#listentosurvivors

Prof. Feynman
@ProfFeynman
Feb 5
Embrace curiosity over certainty; questions often teach more than answers. 

Aim True (Amy Pagett)
@AimTrue7
Sometimes we don’t realize the impact of our words until they are echoed back to us.

Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
You weren't crazy; they gaslit you.
You weren't stupid; they deceived you.
You weren't weak; they took advantage of your kindness.
You weren't bitter; you finally saw the truth.
You weren't overreacting; they crossed the line.
You weren't jealous; they provoked it.
You weren't hard to love; they don't know how to love.
You weren't the problem; they just needed someone to blame.
You didn't lose them; they lost you.
You're not broken; you're rebuilding.
You're not what they said you were; you're so much stronger.

The Wily Survivor
@WilySurvivor
Being with a narcissist is one of the loneliest experiences imaginable. You’re with someone, yet unseen. You share space, yet feel invisible. Real connection is not possible when your emotions are ignored, your needs are dismissed, and your reality is denied.

Everything Bagel 🪬🟦
@725Stanley
You don’t exist in the mind of a narcissist. The “you” that does exist is a figment of their imagination. It’s their creation of you perfected. When the fake perfected you doesn’t match the real flawed you (it never does) there’s dissonance, and they hate you because of it.

Shadows of Control
@shadows_control
Future faking is a subtle yet powerful form of emotional abuse where abusers make false promises to keep their partners trapped.

Aim True (Amy Pagett)
@AimTrue7
Feb 8
Trauma isn’t just what happened. It’s also what didn’t happen, what could have happened and what should have happened.
Many of us should have had support & safety.

Punishment renders autonomy of conscience impossible.” — Quote by Jean Piaget.

 It's like expecting to be good at swimming after spending years avoiding water.
YT Social Anxiety Is the Key to Genius (Here’s Why!)

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Feb 10
You don’t owe anyone an explanation about who you choose to protect yourself from.

Tell me no Lies 💔❤️‍🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
🚩 Manipulation is when they are more focused on your reaction vs the shit they did to cause your reaction.


Lisa A. Romano
@lisaaromano1
Our ideas about love are formed in childhood. If mom was codependent and put her needs aside for the sake of her partner, she may have believed that by pleasing him, he might stop drinking, validate her, or offer her affection.

If dad was a narcissist, you may have learned to criticize your partner for not being who you want them to be, thinking relationships are about dominance and control.

If one of your parents was a rescuer, you might confuse loyalty with healthy love, bypassing logic and reason while focusing on what’s best for everyone else, but not you.

You may have idealized partners, believing that one day they’ll become the person you know they can be, all while ignoring what’s right in front of you and denying how you truly feel.

If you’re trying to change someone you love, you’re wearing the wrong glasses. Codependency distorts our ability to see clearly. When we try to change someone, we’re in denial about what love really is.

codependency is essentially a subconscious distortion of the self, rooted in the faulty paradigm that has us believing we are not enough--which distorts all of our understandings about love and relationships. It's up to us to come out of denial, to break the chains of the past and shift our mindsets from faulty self perceptions to whole and autonomous self perceptions.

Love is seeing things as they are, not as you want them to be. Love is embracing your true feelings, not denying what your gut is telling you. Love is about making conscious decisions, not escaping into fantasy thinking.

If you’re in a relationship where you’re trying to change someone and they’re trying to change you, it’s time to pause long enough to see the dynamic for what it truly is. Only then can you regain a healthier starting point and begin making conscious, not subconscious, choices about love.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Perpetrators spot vulnerability miles away. To be clear, you didn’t experience trauma from them because you were vulnerable. You experienced trauma because they made choices to hurt you. We need to stop telling vulnerable people they attracted the person who hurt them.

A bad feeling is a commotion of the mind repugnant to reason and against nature.
Zeno of Citium

Well-being is attained by little and little and nevertheless is no little thing itself.
Zeno of Citium

External things are not the problem. It's your assessment of them. Which you can erase now.
Marcus Aurelius

Lisa A. Romano
@lisaaromano1
Toxic families act like malignant cells. They’re rooted in covert envy, lack empathy, and are often disguised by public facades. Below the surface, ugliness is breeding and one individual thought expressed makes you a target for narcissistic abuse. #narcissisticabuse

Follow where reason leads.
Zeno of Citium

Nothing is more hostile to a firm grasp on knowledge than self-deception.
Zeno of Citium

Unkonfined
@unkonfined
Feb 11
Sometimes you learn the hard way that it’s not safe to be everyone’s friend.

Stephanie (King Ari Press)
@KingAriPress
I fall into this trap. People like that often mistake your kindness for permission and access.

Unkonfined
@unkonfined
Remember:
When you’re a threat, you’re always a target.

The Wily Survivor
@WilySurvivor
Feb 11
A narcissist will ruin your life, play the victim, and tell everyone you were the problem. Then they'll resurface months later with a "Hi, I hope you're doing well!' like they didn’t set your entire existence on fire. Eyes open 👀 this is a hoovering attempt in the making.


Many BPs fluctuate between extremes of idealization and devaluation.
This is called “splitting. When you seem to be meeting their needs, they cast you in the role of superhero. But when they perceive that you've failed them, you become the villain.
stop walking on eggshells


Toxic Personality Exposer
@Toxdoxer
I always tell people the ones you have to worry about will seem perfect. They aren’t going to have red flags until they have you hooked.


Toxic Personality Exposer
u/Toxdoxer
There is no reason to show disrespect to anyone. If a person disrespects you, and you haven't done anything to them, realize they have a serious problem.
Narcissists and toxic people often feel “entitled" to be disrespectful just because they are angry, insecure, or dislike you. Disrespect is a sign of emotional immaturity and is abusive and should never be excused or tolerated.

Toxic Personality Exposer
@Toxdoxer
Regardless of how you present yourself, those driven by envy, jealousy, resentment, or wounded egos will find fault. This phenomenon is rooted in the human psyche, where individuals often feel compelled to criticize others to elevate themselves. By doing so, they create a false sense of superiority, which temporarily alleviates their own feelings of inadequacy. However, this behavior is not only detrimental to the person being criticized but also perpetuates a toxic cycle of negativity. When you're aware of this paradox, you'll begin to recognize the patterns of criticism and negativity that surround successful individuals, groups or families and those who try to better themselves

Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
When you learn to recognize that someone is a malignant narcissist, all the underlying dangers become visible. You don’t see the superficial charm that other people see, you see a severely deranged and dangerous individual. And that’s the reality of what you’re looking at. You need to stop looking at the surface once you know someone is a malignant narcissist and recognize all the unseen issues that are hiding underneath; the very dangerous issues that are underneath.
Malignant narcissism is often described as a severe and toxic form of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) that includes overlapping traits from all 4 Cluster B personality disorders:
1- Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) – Grandiosity, entitlement, lack of empathy, and a need for admiration.
2- Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) – Deception, manipulation, lack of remorse, and sometimes criminal behavior.
3- Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) – Extreme emotional instability, fear of abandonment, and impulsivity.
4- Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD) – Attention-seeking behavior, dramatic emotional expression, and superficial charm.

Malignant narcissists also exhibit traits of psychopathy, such as sadism, paranoia, and a pleasure in causing harm or dominating others. Unlike typical narcissists, who may still care about social standing and external validation, malignant narcissists are often more ruthless, vindictive, and destructive, enjoying the suffering of others as a power play.

Awareness requires living in the here and now, and not in the elsewhere, the past or the future.
Eric Berne

Everybody knows a certain thing is unrealizable until somebody unaware of this comes and invents it.
Albert Einstein

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Feb 13
It’s concerning how often someone who has endured the most complex of trauma is expected to show up in life and just react less and not be so sensitive. A person who has spent years experiencing pain and discomfort realistically cannot be responsible for other peoples comfort.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
It is disrespectful to suggest an abuser did the best they could, but especially when they show no remorse. This is an example of people defending those who perpetuate harmful behavior on innocent people, while the innocent people are forced to heal what their abuser chose not to

Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Trying to warn someone or expose a malignant or covert narcissist feels like attempting to break someone out of a cult. A person has to be willing to accept they’ve been deeply lied to and living in a false reality for so long, it can be very difficult.
The narcissist’s enablers and flying monkeys are deeply invested in the illusion, often because they benefit from it or simply can't fathom the reality.
Victims are left in a gaslit nightmare where speaking the truth makes them look crazy or bitter.
The narcissist has spent years (or decades) crafting a narrative where they are “doing their best” or the victim, and anyone who contradicts that is immediately cast as the villain for “attacking them”.
It’s an uphill battle, which is why many survivors eventually stop trying to convince others and focus instead on healing and moving forward. The sad truth is, most people won’t see the narcissist’s mask slip until they experience the abuse firsthand.

Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
There's a difference between being kind and being taken advantage of.

Shadows of Control
@shadows_control
A person's success, 'kindness', or good reputation doesn’t mean they can't be abusive —it just makes it easier for them to get away with it! ⚠️

Toxic Personality Exposer
@Toxdoxer
You just forgive others for your own well being but some have to be kept out of your life permanently for your mental health and safety.

Toxic Personality Exposer
@Toxdoxer
Feb 13
Many people today prefer fake interactions, truthful and real people are offensive to them.

Justin Grome
@Justin_Grome
Feb 14
Work on how you react when you feel disrespected.

Shreyansh
@Shreyansh3951
Feb 14
Your reaction says more about you than the disrespect ever could.

Toxic Personality Exposer
@Toxdoxer
If you upgrade your life and make it loud, you will attract envy, resentment, and insecure people attacking and sabotaging you

Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
When dealing with a narcissist, never defend, argue, rationalise, or explain. Silence and distance are your strongest tools.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Feb 13
People are more disturbed by a survivor’s anger than they are a perpetrator’s crimes.

People with BPD are fully convinced their skewed feelings and beliefs— be they positive or negative—are unquestionably true. Therefore, your mission is to maintain a consistent, balanced view of yourself despite their ups, downs, and sideways.
stop walking on eggshells

I want to be me, is that not allowed?
Lola Young - Messy

Toxic Personality Exposer
@Toxdoxer
In my experience almost every person worried about looking like a good person has something to hide. The people who do everything they can to be seen as good people to the public are almost always the worst people you will ever meet in private. It’s a distraction from their true nature.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
It’s hard to detect a red flag at any age when you grow up being taught to normalize stuff that never should’ve happened to you.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
"Their" inability or unwillingness to have your back when you were vulnerable wasn't about you.

Toxic Personality Exposer
@Toxdoxer
People who overly curate their public image, especially when accompanied by a cult-like following, can be particularly concerning. This behavior indicates a desire for control and manipulation, often done to hide their true nature. A significant red flag is when they aggressively present themselves as altruistic and community-focused, constantly seeking validation for their "good deeds." It's essential to look beyond the facade and examine their actions, behavior, and how they treat others, especially those within their inner circle.

Critical thinking and discernment are crucial in such situations, helping you distinguish genuine kindness from calculated image-building.

Calculated image-building is a manipulative tactic often employed by individuals with Dark Triad personalities, including narcissists, psychopaths, and Machiavellians. These individuals exploit the trust and admiration of others by presenting a false, polished image, which serves several sinister purposes. By portraying themselves as virtuous and benevolent, they discredit and silence their victims, making it harder for them to be believed. This strategy also helps Dark Triad individuals gain influence, loyalty, and admiration from others, allowing them to manipulate and exploit those around them.

Their polished image distracts from their true nature and actions, making it more challenging for others to recognize and address their toxic behavior. Recognizing calculated image-building as a manipulative tactic is crucial for protecting yourself and others from the harm inflicted by Dark Triad individuals.

Toxic Personality Exposer
@Toxdoxer
One of the biggest flex’s in life is facing and enduring all this and not reciprocating the negativity you’ve experienced.

Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Feb 16
When you tell someone what your abusers did to you and they don’t seem to have a problem with it, pay attention. They’re telling you something about themselves

Toxic Personality Exposer
@Toxdoxer
Some people aren't willing to listen or grow, and that's not on you. You can't force people to be receptive or open-minded. Prioritizing your own emotional well-being is essential.
Recognizing when to let go and focus on your own path is a sign of growth. Keep moving forward!

Toxic Personality Exposer
@Toxdoxer
Once you start seeing people as competition in life you have work to do, your in a fixed mindset and that mindset isn’t conducive to growth.

Toxic Personality Exposer
@Toxdoxer
Distance yourself from anyone who harms your mental health!

Toxic Personality Exposer
@Toxdoxer
These people driven by jealousy, envy, resentment, insecurity, and wounded egos teach you the importance of self-awareness, boundaries, and resilience. They provide a mirror for you to reflect on your own values, goals, and motivations. By witnessing their negative behavior, you're reminded to cultivate empathy, compassion, and kindness. Their opposition can indeed become an asset, fueling your growth, and illuminating your path forward.

Aim True (Amy Pagett)
@AimTrue7
Negative energy is draining and many don’t realize that this energy pushes others away.

Burly Monk
@BurlyMonk
The most challenging person to be around is someone who constantly complains about everything and shows no appreciation for anything.

Justin Grome
@Justin_Grome
Feb 16
They’re gonna judge you anyway, do what you gotta do.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Aug 19, 2024
Complex trauma symptoms and reactions are not due to a "personality disorder."

Aim True (Amy Pagett)
@AimTrue7
The things we don’t like in others sometimes reflect our inner wounds or worries. Get curious about what that dislike is communicating.

Normally, we experience ourselves consistently through time in different settings
and with different people. This continuity of self is not experienced
by the person with BPD.
Instead, borderline patients are filled with contradictory images of themselves that they cannot integrate. Patients commonly report:
•  feeling empty inside
•  feeling there is “nothing to me”
•  feeling that they are different people depending on whom they
are with
•  being dependent on others for cues about how to behave, what
to think, and how to be
•  feeling that being alone leaves them without a sense of who they
are or with the feeling that they do not exist
•  feeling panicked and bored when alone
Never Good Enough. While a BP may have difficulty with self-definition, he may also feel that, no matter what his identity, he’s never good enough.
stop walking on eggshells

ban psychiatry burn the dsm
@antipsychgeist
Psychiatry is teaching people who suffer from trauma, stress, and abuse that there’s something inherently wrong with them and then telling them to “fix themselves” by taking drugs.
It’s oppression, pure and simple.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Most times people who don't socialize much aren't actually antisocial. They just have zero tolerance for bad energy, drama, disrespect, and bullsh*t.

Marjut Ollitervo ∞
@cyclite
What SSRIs do is a chemical lobotomy. I guess lobotomy might help you with your depression, but is that really what you want?
For the record, ”chemical imbalance” is a myth.

Wisdom Quotient
@wisdom_quotient
While kindness and friendliness are valuable traits, they should be complemented with self-respect and clear boundaries to ensure that others treat you with the respect you deserve.

HARISH KUMAR SAHDEV
@sahdevharish
To have real friendship, never use the temple of friendship as a rest house

Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
A classic manipulation tactic often referred to as "thought-terminating clichés”, uses oversimplified labels or catchphrases to shut down critical thinking and dismiss dissenting opinions without addressing the substance of the argument.

By labeling critics as having something wrong with THEM for questioning the manipulators, propagandists aim to invalidate legitimate concerns about harmful behavior, character, and actions. It’s a form of gaslighting, discouraging followers from considering opposing viewpoints. This kind of labeling creates an "us vs. them" mentality, where any criticism is automatically discredited, reinforcing loyalty and silencing debate—hallmarks of cult-like manipulation and authoritarian influence.
Maybe one of the simplest expressions of this would be when an abusive manipulator accuses someone of being “boring“ when someone addresses valid concerns about something.
It’s a quick, lazy insult meant to make the person raising concerns seem dull, irrelevant, or overly serious.
This tactic works especially well in front of an audience of low-intelligent followers—once the manipulator throws out the label, their followers often join in, reinforcing the dismissal and silencing the original critique. It shifts the focus from the concern raised to mocking the person who raised it, effectively derailing any meaningful discussion.
Ad hominem attacks (“snowflake, you’re too sensitive”, are often used in this way as thought terminating clichés but there are also thought terminating cliché’s like, “fake news“, “you’re either with us or against us“, “this is a witch hunt”,  which are not directed at the person making the statement but rather at the statement itself.

We might also see mild use of thought terminating clichés that are less aggressively manipulative like, “whatever”, “agree to disagree”, “it is what it is”, “that’s just the way things are”, etc.

Shadows of Control
@shadows_control
As a result of gradual conditioning and emotional manipulation, it often takes domestic abuse victims years to realize they are being abused. Survivors share why it was so hard for them to see the abuse.

Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
Psychological Invalidation is a very serious form of gaslighting.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
The fear of confrontation and/or setting boundaries hits hard for those who've had to earn love, or lost support when they tried to speak up.

Aim True (Amy Pagett)
@AimTrue7
If you speak your truth & it’s meant with judgment and shame it doesn’t mean your truth isn’t valid.
It just means it was shared with the wrong person.

Shadows of Control
@shadows_control
"Maybe if you just tried harder, things would’ve been different."
Wrong! Abuse is not something that can be ‘fixed’ by loving harder or changing behavior. The reality is, nothing the victim did caused the abuse, and nothing they could do would stop it. The problem and the cause lies within the abuser.


Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Malignant narcissists will use their subjective interpretation to get away with their abuses in the open.
Malignant narcissist parents for instance will abuse their child and call it “tough love” “punishment”, or “discipline”.

This is very typical of pathological narcissism. They feel justified to do whatever they feel like doing and either you see it their way or you’re a problem.
To be clear, they do this consciously and maliciously. They are consciously aware of both sides of how anything can be interpreted and they’re careful to ride that line close enough that they can bend or persuade or convince others to acquiesce to their abusive interpretation of reality
Their goal is to push the limits of their abuse as much as they can get away with

Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Instead of judging someone who’s showing severe trauma responses to abuse, think to yourself, “damn, that’s what I might look like if I had been abused that badly.”

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
“I can’t let it go, when I’m responsible to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”
-Your nervous system.

Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
You don't attract toxic environments. You were trained to tolerate them.

Shadows of Control
@shadows_control
“You should’ve seen the red flags.”
Abusers are often experts at manipulation. Blaming survivors for not recognizing warning signs ignores the complexity of abusive dynamics.
Instead, focus on supporting their recovery, not on dissecting their past.

Wade Sikorski
@WadeSikorski
Yes, I think you are right. Being the victim of narcissistic abuse warps your soul. You become allergic to narcissists.


Shadows of Control
@shadows_control
Abusers often apply double standards, forcing their partner to endlessly adhere to unreasonable rules while they disregard them without consequence.

The Role of Victim. For example, during group therapy, a borderline man
complained that his landlord had evicted him and he had no place to live.
After twenty minutes of commiseration, group members began asking him
why this had happened. It turned out that the man had violated many apartment rules, including parking in the landlord’s space. Another borderline
woman repeatedly battered her husband, had numerous affairs, and had her
husband falsely arrested for possession of drugs after she planted them in
his suitcase. Eventually, she filed for divorce. Her ex-husband began dating a
woman he worked with. Yet, when the woman described the breakup to her
friends, she told them that her husband deserted her for a coworker. These two
BPs refused to recognize their role in the situations.
"stop walking on eggshells"

Lisa A. Romano
@lisaaromano1
Healing from childhood trauma like emotional abuse has taught me to worry about one thing; harmonizing my mind and feelings. I am codependent no more, and rather than be obsessed with others, I am obsessed with emotional recovery. #codependency #healingandrecovery

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
There is profound healing in believing the good things people say about you. But, those comments often provoke memories where you learned to hide to avoid constant criticism. Trust the good people see. Trust the value in being seen. Don't trust the shame that tells you to hide.

Lisa A. Romano
@lisaaromano1
I knew when I was entering into an empowered state of codependency recovery when he said, “You’re crazy,” and I said, “You’re entitled to your faulty perception of me!” BOOM  #breakthroughwithlisa

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
The problem isn’t that people don’t understand survivors - it’s that they don’t understand perpetrators.

Keir Harding
@Keirwales
There's a lot of misdiagnosis in Borderline Personality Disorder.
Even if they hit 9/9 criteria, telling a survivor of abuse that their personality is disordered is a misdiagnosis.

Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
People will hurt you and then act like you hurt them.

your_recovery_matters
@recovery_your
Some of us did,nt learn any of the right skills growing up.
Because we were to busy just trying to fucking survive.

𝑹𝒆𝒗𝒂 𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒏𝒃𝒆𝒓𝒈𝒆𝒏
@Canada_Proud_
Narcissists always believe people are being influenced and aren't capable of formulating their thoughts because all a narcissist does is mimic and copy

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Survivors would heal quicker if they had the kind of support their abusers do.

Lisa A. Romano
@lisaaromano1
Narcissistic abuse causes you to feel anxious, doubtful, and stuck because overtime, your limbic system becomes conditioned to fear the next attack. You walk on eggshells hoping to avoid painful outcomes but that makes you a nervous wreck. #narcissisticabuse #toxic #STUCK

Echoism vs. codependency

This trait is often confused with codependency, enabling behaviors, or a passive personality, but echoism is more complex.

People with echoism are often far from passive, especially when singled out for attention they’d rather avoid. They may put plenty of effort into encouraging others to open up and share their struggles.

Yet while they tend to be skilled at listening, they won’t necessarily attempt to guide or take control of someone’s actions, as seen with codependency.

from Better Help website.

Adam Grant‬ ‪@adamgrant.bsky.social‬
Downplaying your achievements is not the antidote to appearing arrogant.
Humility is acknowledging your weaknesses, not denying your strengths. Generosity is elevating others, not diminishing yourself.
Owning your success doesn't make you a narcissist—it makes you a role model.

Lisa A. Romano
@lisaaromano1
I’m the type of healing codependent empath that welcomes the sort of pain that gets my inner child’s head out of my wounded ego’s ass. How about you? #codependency #breathroughwithlisa #ego #empath

Louisa Jones
@louisajonessth
💯 BPD is a diagnostic label disproportionately applied to female victims of CSA, DV and SA. Their ‘symptoms’ are normal, human responses to inhuman treatment.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Distance is my new answer to disrespect. I no longer react, I no longer retun energy, I no longer dive into the drama. I simply remove myself.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Please know if someone is shaming you with “you’re responsible for your happiness” - they just want to tell you what to do, but not actually help you deal with what you’re facing right now.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
If people were only half as good at supporting survivors as they are at judging them…

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Just so you know, an influencer telling you you’re nasty for being depressed is no different than your abuser saying that.
#itsabuse #respectsurvivors

Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
Sometimes, the best way to deal with a toxic situation is to let it starve.
No response.
No action.
No reaction.
No altercations.
Don't feed something that only knows destruction.
That's where your true power is.

John Bradshaw’s book Healing the Shame That Binds You (1998) is not about borderline personality disorder, yet his explanation of toxic shame and the resulting feelings and behaviors epitomizes BPD.
stop walking on eggshells

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
If you’re a person who has spent a lot of their life in survival mode, it’s likely you need the reminder: You don’t owe people near what you think you do.

Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
A narcissist wants to convince you that your reactions to their actions are the problem when, without their actions, there would be no reactions.

Gary Goodridge
@garyhgoodridge
Feb 20
Toxic people only change their victims, never themselves. Remember that.

Lynette Ntuli
@MsNtuli
Feb 20
Your mental health will never thrive in a place where your silence is the price for being loved…”

"Remember: we can be the bands we wanna hear."
--C.M. Punk

Moral Philosophy
@ML_Philosophy
Confident people don’t crave attention.

Laurence Kuek
@LaurenceKuek
This is to keep the unimaginative minds/masses occupied.

One borderline woman says, “We know deep within that we are defective. So we try so hard to act normal because we want so much to please everybody and keep the people in our lives from abandoning us.” But this competence is a doubleedged sword. Because they can appear so normal, high-functioning borderlines often don’t get the help they need.
stop walking on eggshells

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Often times life feels like it’s too much because it is. We dismiss the value of not always needing to find deeper meaning or get stronger to deal with things that are coming on too strong. May we all amplify hope and peace (for ourselves and others)  when life feels unruly.

I M A N I
@prettygirll4L
your whole life can be altered just by associating with someone. so yes, be selective… be very selective!🩶

Sinèad Watson
@ImWatson91
I'm just going to say it: half of you calling yourselves autistic aren't autistic, you're just socially awkward. I've met real autistics and you're not the same. Being weird doesnt mean you have a fucking condition.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Before you tell someone what they need to let go of, ask them what it cost them.

Justin Grome
@Justin_Grome
Y’all ruin the calmest people, then call them crazy when they react.

42Dugg
@42_Dugg
You can’t trust anyone who can’t admit they wrong

Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
If you have to change who you are to be accepted, you’re in the wrong crowd.

Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
When you no longer let people manipulate you, be prepared to see a version of them you've never seen before.

Drench
@ionfeellnun
I accept flaws .. I don’t accept lies & disloyal shit

 Jacy, LPC
@ATMwithJacy
Society has made it normal for others success to be determined by tests and other people’s opinions and wonder why people care about other people’s opinions so much.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
“You’re so sensitive” is often the only words someone can come up with to deflect how clearly you’re describing their harmful behavior.

Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
Cheaters often claim you have
"trust issues."
Manipulators often accuse you of
"overthinking."
People who provoke claim you're
"overreacting."
Liars often accuse you of being "crazy." People who hurt you call you "sensitive." Pay attention to what people accuse you of feeling, as they're often trying to hide how they're behaving.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
One of the worst things we’ve done is to convince people that if perpetrators just had love and compassion they wouldn’t abuse - but many perpetrators use love and compassion to abuse.

Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
Workplace bullies don't see the wrong in their actions because they surround themselves around people who normalize it.

stressed
@onlystresstoday
normalize seeing someone's lack of effort as their lack of interest in you regardless of what they tell you. giving you all of the right words, but none of the right actions is called manipulation. when a person wants to be with you, they prove it.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
If you are someone who is prone to always make sure everyone else is ok, you may need the reminder that there is growth in accepting you don’t owe what you don’t have.

stressed
@onlystresstoday
A therapist said that sometimes being a loner is a trauma response. You’re so use to people you love not showing up for you or walking away or you may have grown up in a toxic environment. That the only one you could depend on was YOU! So you naturally feel safe when you’re alone

stressed
@onlystresstoday
stop being so available to ppl who only fuck with u on their time

Tejada22 🤎
@Tejada2267
Feb 24
detach. let it end. accept the situation. move on.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Feb 21
To avoid disappointment, stop seeing only the good in people, and start seeing the reality of what they’re really showing you.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Work less to be understood by people who have never shown curiosity or compassion towards your healing.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Unhealed trauma makes you tolerate a lot of sh*t you don't deserve because you don't want to lose people. Healing helps you establish boundaries so you don’t lose yourself.

Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
Ignore the opinions.
Half the people doubting you wouldn't last a day in your shoes.

Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
You can disagree with someone’s point of view without being rude.
Being rude is a choice. The same as bullying.

stressed
@onlystresstoday
Can't be out here losing your mind over somebody who doesn't even mind losing you.

stressed
@onlystresstoday
don’t force love. don’t force bonds. don’t force connections. don’t force convos.

stressed
@onlystresstoday
stay genuine and everything will naturally reciprocate, or remove itself.

Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Malignant narcissists feel most threatened by those people who have genuine moral integrity so they will attack their reputation and do their best to make the genuinely moral people who threaten them look like the bad guys.

‪Count Jackula‬ ‪@countjackula.bsky.social‬
We often make evil people into monsters, because being a monster makes evil interesting.
Evil on it's own is petty and boring.

stressed
@onlystresstoday
Ever lost interest in someone you really liked because of bad communication and unmatched energy?

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Normalize not oversharing and keeping your personal life private. Not everyone wants what's best for you.

 Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
When you begin to heal, you’ll judge yourself in all the ways your abuser has. You’ll dismiss your reality the way your abuser has. This isn’t a result of you not healing correctly, but a response to how much damage abuse does to good people. Keep going. Those voices will stop.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
We need to accept there are people that will exist in this world and never once reflect on how their actions impact others. Then we need to consider what it’s like to be the child of this type of person. So many parents did not do the best they could, and didn’t attempt to.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
If they did the best they could and their actions left others with cPTSD, you should reconsider what best means.
 
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
The people you sacrifice everything for, will one day tell you they never forced you to do anything for them.

Feats of Strength & Trauma Recovery
@Feats_Strength
Doing "one's best" can still mean "complete & total failure."
Parents can either own their failures or just straight f*ck off.

Inner Practitioner
@MindTendencies2
It's a red flag when someone wants you to prove your worth before treating you right. You are always worthy. You don't need to audition to get what you deserve. Anyone who wants you to prove your worth before treating you right isn't worth your attention, time, and energy.

Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Narcissists—especially those on the more extreme end of the spectrum, such as malignant narcissists or sociopathic narcissists—are deeply driven by an “us versus them” mentality.
For narcissists, the “us versus them” mindset stems from their need to establish dominance, superiority, and control. They divide the world into allies (those who validate their ego) and enemies (those who challenge or threaten them).
This black-and-white thinking is particularly extreme in malignant and sociopathic narcissists because they not only crave power but also derive pleasure from deception, manipulation, and inflicting harm.
They thrive on conflict because it keeps them at the center of attention and allows them to consolidate control over their followers or victims.
However, this tendency is not exclusive to malignant narcissists; it’s also a core feature of authoritarian psychology and propaganda tactics.

If, however, we assume that malignant narcissism CREATES the authoritarian leader rather than just being a parallel of it, then authoritarianism itself is fundamentally a psychological phenomenon of malignant narcissism before it becomes a political one. In this view, the authoritarian state is simply a larger manifestation of the malignant narcissist’s psyche—a system designed to serve their pathological needs on a grand scale.
How Malignant Narcissism Evolves Into Authoritarianism
1.The Narcissist’s Deep Insecurity Fuels Their Need for Absolute Control
•Malignant narcissists, beneath their grandiosity, are deeply insecure and fragile. To protect their ego, they seek total control over their environment, eliminating threats before they can challenge their dominance.
•When such a person rises to power, this personal need for control transforms into authoritarian governance—censorship, suppression of opposition, loyalty tests, and absolute obedience.
2.Their Manipulation Skills Enable Mass Control
•Their mastery of gaslighting, projection, and emotional manipulation allows them to create a cult-like following where people internalize their worldview, just as victims of narcissistic abuse do in personal relationships.
3.The “Us vs. Them” Mentality Becomes a Tool for Power Consolidation
•Malignant narcissists need enemies to blame and attack in order to maintain their own superiority.
•As leaders, they institutionalize this mindset, turning nations, political parties, or demographic groups into enemies, keeping their followers in a constant state of fear and dependency.
4.Paranoia and Delusions Drive Authoritarian Behavior
•Many malignant narcissists become paranoid over time, convinced that their power is always under threat.
•This paranoia leads to purges, crackdowns, and extreme authoritarian policies—because in their mind, every critic is a traitor, and every challenge to their rule is a direct attack on their identity.
5.They Lack Empathy, Justifying Any Means Necessary
•Since malignant narcissists lack empathy, they have no moral restraint.
•If silencing, imprisoning, or even killing opponents is necessary to maintain their power, they will rationalize it as justified.

stressed
@onlystresstoday
Hardest pill to swallow is realizing people do not care. They’ll hurt you & really go on about their lives. Not even slightly affected about what they did to you & how you feel. Regardless if it’s friendships, relationships, or family.

Inspirational Quotes
@TheQuoteBoook_
Stop serving good vibes to people who deserve goodbyes.

stressed
@onlystresstoday
The longer you go without something,the more comfortable you become with it's absence. That especially goes for people too.

Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
A lot of people aren't fighting demons - they're fighting accountability

 

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Some people are very happy to ‘support’ survivors because they can finally tell them what to do. Then when the survivor doesn’t follow the ‘advice’, they say the survivor doesn’t want help and just wants to be a victim.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Daily reminder: Everything that is happening right now in the US is because people didn’t listen to survivors. Survivors have been through this shit and we should’ve listened to them.

Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
Being called crazy or sensitive for reacting to disrespect is manipulation.

Marina Purkiss
@MarinaPurkiss
The fragility of these men who need to be publicly thanked and praised for doing what is morally right and personally costs them nothing…

Nik 🪐
@gemzcore
Y’all ever noticed people who don’t tolerate lies, disrespect or deceit are always labeled difficult, crazy or bitter?

Kosta Konstantinović 🇪🇺🇺🇦🇬🇪
@KostaKonstan
Dostojanstvo se ne dobija. Za njega morate da se izborite!

‪Kelly Warner‬ ‪@kellywarner.bsky.social‬
Fix your motherfucking hearts or motherfucking die.

Dhiraj Sinha
@dhirajsinha
Confidence grows from small successes with support, not from being pushed into distressing situations alone. Encouragement, rather than forced independence, leads to long-term resilience.
A better approach would be to stand by and encourage the child, letting them attempt the challenge while knowing they have support if needed.

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Feb 26
Your partner coming to you about something you did wrong isn’t a personal attack. It’s a healthy sign they value the relationship and want to make it work between you—it's a heads up. You communicate, you fix it, you stay. That's emotional maturity. That's commitment. That's love


Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
People often view bullied victims as "crazy" or unstable.

That's the goal, so they lose credibility.

People who are bullied may seem imbalanced, full of fear and doubt.  They may act paranoid or suspicious of others. Most of the time, the person who 'appears' unstable is the one who is being bullied and harassed either by a person or a group of individuals.  In the workplace, this is called workplace mobbing and is considered an extreme form of bullying. It can be called group stalking, which is illegal.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
If you’re silent when someone gets traumatized, stay silent when you’re tempted to tell them how to feel or heal.

Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
The disrespect was already carried by a disrespectful person. It's not the kind person's actions.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Daily reminder: You don’t need to forgive yourself - you didn’t do anything wrong.

Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
Mar 2
With a narcissist, it's not your understanding they seek; it's your compliance. They want you to abandon your beliefs, ideas, and dreams to live life on their terms, sacrificing your own identity in the process.

Jil Theo
@theo_jil
You have every right to distance yourself from toxic people. You don’t owe anyone a version of yourself that makes them comfortable but keeps you miserable.

BPD is not infectious. It is not like the measles.
But people who are exposed to these behaviors can unwittingly become an integral part of the dynamics. Friends, partners, and family
members usually take these behaviors personally and feel trapped in a toxic cycle of guilt, self-blame, depression, rage, denial,
isolation, and confusion. They try to cope in ways that do not work long-term or that even make the situation worse.
Meanwhile, the borderline’s unhealthy behaviors are reinforced because the non-BP accepts responsibility for the feelings and actions that belong to the borderline.
stop walking on eggshells

Weight Loss | Nutrition
@FITNESS3M_
Many narcissists gaslight others into believing that basic self-respect is overreacting. Setting boundaries isn’t being “too sensitive”—it’s self-care.

Paranoid about the world, conspiracy minded, or they are convinced they are butt or target of malevolent attention. Paranoid behavior, referential ideation, believing other people mocking them, they are schizoid may appear shy but actually are paranoid.
When you have disregulated emotions, you moods are labile, they go up and down, your emotions overwhelm you, you drown in them, you're skinless – you're defenseless against the harsh intrusions of the outside world and of other people.
So you would tend to minimize your actions, you would tend to withdraw, and avoid. This process is called constriction. You would tend to constrict your life. And this is very frequently mistaken for social phobia, or social anxiety AKA shyness.
🔻Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzawJKxBx_M

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
People who deny what they’ve done to you will never offer you peace. Peace is your goal. Not their approval. Not their affirmation. Not their permission for you to heal. Peace...with or without them-in you.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Very often we want to explain. We want to be understood-- & we blame ourselves for the other person not getting it. We think if we just find the right words, if we just try hard enough, if we just...just...
Thing is: it's often the recovery supporting thing to NOT explain.

Nithya Shri
@Nithya_Shrii
Train yourself to take nothing personally.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
There’s no shame in being a victim - there is in being a perpetrator.

Some non-BPs respond to angry attacks by fighting back. This is like adding gasoline to a fire.
Other non-BPs maintain that anger is an inappropriate response to borderline behavior. Some say, “You wouldn’t get mad at someone for having
diabetes—why would you be angry when they have BPD?”
Feelings don’t have IQs. They just are. This doesn’t mean that you should respond to the BP with anger. But
it does mean that you need a safe place to vent your emotions and feel accepted, not judged.
the sacrifices that people make to satisfy the borderlines they care about can be very costly. And the concessions may
never be enough. Before long, more proof of love is needed and another bargain must be struck.
non-BP responses to borderline behavior:
bewilderment
loss of self-esteem
feeling trapped and helpless
withdrawal
adopting unhealthy habits
isolation
hypervigilance and physical illnesses
adoption of BPD-like thoughts and feelings
codependence
guilt and shame:
Over time, accusations can have a brainwashing effect. Non-BPs may come to believe they are the source of all the problems.
"stop walking on eggshells"

‪Adam Grant‬ ‪@adamgrant.bsky.social‬
In cutthroat cultures, people kiss up and kick down. They protect themselves by currying favor with people in power and exploiting those without it.
In supportive cultures, people speak up and shield down. They protect others who lack power by raising problems to those who have it.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
The people who choose to heal from a dysfunctional family, are trusting themselves to be an example of someone they've never had. Brave as hell.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
After years of fighting, fawning, or dissociating, many trauma survivors find ourselves in a place of not really knowing who the hell we even are.
For us, recovery isn't so much about "recovering" a pre-trauma identity-- it's about rebuilding who we are from scratch.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Daily reminder: The problem isn’t that the survivor is ‘holding on to anger’ - the problem is that everyone else is not as angry as they are that they were hurt.

Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
"Bullying back" in the workplace is not a good solution to dealing with bullying or harassment. When someone responds to bullying with more bullying, it only creates a cycle of negativity and conflict. This behavior can damage relationships and harm the workplace environment.
Please remember that "bullying back" isn't the same thing as standing up for your rights.

Are you becoming clinically depressed? Signs of depression
include:
•  becoming less interested in normal activities
•  taking less pleasure in life
•  gaining/losing weight
•  having sleep difficulties
•  having feelings of worthlessness
•  feeling tired all the time
•  having trouble concentrating
"stop walking on eggshells"

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Abusers don’t abuse everyone - but they manipulate everyone.

Jacy, LPC
@ATMwithJacy
This is why colloquialism is harmful. People start thinking things mean things that people just made up trying to use content clues.

IVY
@Iamivy05
Mar 5
my therapist once said “people don't abandon the people they love, they abandon the people they're using” and that was all the closure i needed.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
You break the cycle of abuse by holding perpetrators accountable. If you’re talking about breaking the cycle of abuse by changing the behaviors of survivors - you’re victim blaming.

Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
Don't pick sides until you know the full story...
Some people are really skilled at making others look bad.

But in order for you to get off the emotional roller coaster, you will have to give up the fantasy that you can or should change someone else. When you let go of this belief, you will be able to claim the power that is truly yours: the power to change yourself.
"stop walking on eggshells"

Borderlines tend to see the world in black and white. And they tend to assume
everyone else sees things the same way. In the face of this, people who have a
consistent sense of their own self-worth have an easier time maintaining their
sense of reality. No matter how the BP feels about them at any given moment,
these non-BPs can be happy and secure in the knowledge that they’re neither
a goddess nor a demon.
"stop walking on eggshells"

𝑹𝒆𝒗𝒂 𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒏𝒃𝒆𝒓𝒈𝒆𝒏
@Canadian_Woman_
Mar 6
Toxic people teach you to be so incredibly grateful you're nothing like them

𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Mar 7
Maturity is when you stop wasting time convincing people to treat you correctly. You simply start to observe their choices, understand their character, and decide what you’re going to allow into your life.

The Wily Survivor
@WilySurvivor
Stop explaining yourself to people who already know they’re hurting you. They are not misunderstanding you, they just don’t care. The more you plead, the more they see you as weak, and the worse they’ll treat you.

blue
@bluewmist
Never respond to rudeness.
When people are rude to you, they reveal who they are, not who you are. Don't take it personally, be silent. The less you respond to rude, critical, argumentative people, the more peaceful your life will become. Don't worry if people think you are weak for not responding. Remember, God is enough as a Witness of all and He is the most just of judges.

Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
The way someone treats you, tells you everything.

𝑹𝒆𝒗𝒂 𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒏𝒃𝒆𝒓𝒈𝒆𝒏
@Canadian_Woman_
When you call out a narcissist's abuse, they will gaslight you as a troublemaker and shift the blame

Nithya Shri
@Nithya_Shrii
Mar 7
Your ability to sense disrespect has to be stronger than your desire to be chosen.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
People aren’t only healing from trauma they endured. They’re healing from the life they lived in survival mode. They’re healing from the judgement of how they think and feel. They’re healing from the grief of what could’ve been had they never been traumatized to begin with.

Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
You're crazy or selfish to everyone who can't manipulate you.

stressed
@onlystresstoday
Mar 8
If someone communicates their
boundaries, that is them trying to keep
you in their life, not push you away.

𝑹𝒆𝒗𝒂 𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒏𝒃𝒆𝒓𝒈𝒆𝒏
@Canadian_Woman_
Psychopaths view life as a strategic game of war

Inner Practitioner
@MindTendencies2
Stay away from people who don't align with you. If they say you are not enough, they don't align with you. If they say you are trying to argue when you communicate, they don't align with you. If they call you sensitive when you express your feelings, they don't align with you.

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
🚩 Anyone you have to ‘walk on eggshells’ around.

Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
Who is targeted the most?
Workplace Bullies often target the most competent & skilled employees for several reasons. First, highly skilled workers may pose a threat to others who feel insecure about their own abilities. These bullies may believe that undermining a capable will help them maintain their own position or status. Additionally, competent employees often attract attention due to their achievements, making them more visible targets. This behavior can create a hostile environment  where talented individuals feel stressed and undervalued and they leave. This costs companies millions every year because the bully's personal agendas take precedence over work itself.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Something trauma survivors rarely acknowledge to others is how triggering criticism-- legitimate or superficial-- can be to us. Not because we're "thin skinned," but because it can trigger frustrating, embarrassing emotional flashbacks to feeling powerless & incompetent.

 You can trigger borderline behavior quite easily as you go about your day. That doesn’t mean, however, that you caused the behavior.
Christine Adamec, author of How to Live with a Mentally Ill Person (1996), says:
Once you begin to accept that a mentally ill person will sometimes behave irrationally, you alleviate some of your own internal stress and strain… [O]nce you do so you can begin to develop more effective coping mechanisms. No longer burdened by the “what-ifs” and “shoulds” in your mind, you can deal with the way things really are.
And you seek out what works.
"stop walking on eggshells"

Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
If the guru seems narcissistic and abusive - they are.
If the healing message seems like coercive control - it is.
Abusers go where they can manipulate.

Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
Your power is only offensive to insecure people.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Clinicians who are unfamiliar with or in denial about Complex PTSD will diagnose a lot more bipolar disorder than actually exists out there-- & "treating" bipolar in someone who doesn't have it can be life ruining.

Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
People with insecurities mistake your confidence as a challenge to their worth.

Jenifer
@Idkjeniii
Criticism during your moments of joy can leave lasting scars and make you question your worth. Surround yourself with those who uplift and celebrate you.

𝑹𝒆𝒗𝒂 𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒏𝒃𝒆𝒓𝒈𝒆𝒏
@Canadian_Woman_
Narcissists don't understand how people are offended by their corruptive behaviour, they just don't get it because they have no ability to self reflect, no connect to a conscience, experience empathy/love, bear responsibility or accountability.
So they blame the one offended

Jacy, LPC
@ATMwithJacy
A lot of people do not know they’re being abused. They do not know they’re in an abusive relationship. They are thinking this is normal and healthy.

don’t take BPD behavior personally
But you wouldn’t feel personally attacked, as if the lightning bolt knew
you and was deliberately trying to make your life miserable. You wouldn’t
blame yourself for things beyond your control. But that is precisely what many
people do when faced with the actions of a person with BPD. They spend
years assuming they’re the source of the lightning when, in fact, they’re only
the lightning rod.
"stop walking on eggshells"

If the person in your life blames and criticizes you, your self-esteem may be in the gutter.
especially adult children of borderlines—let others take advantage of them because they felt they didn’t deserve better. They stayed in abusive work situations or unknowingly sabotaged themselves as if to confirm the BP’s low estimation of their worth.
Don’t depend on the person with BPD to affirm or validate your worth, because she may not be able to
We may believe that we can make another person’s troublesome behavior disappear if we don’t make a fuss. But the message
we send is, “It worked. Do it again.
Some non-BPs find this step of owning up to their
own responsibility difficult because they hear the critical voice of the BP in their head saying, “See, everything is your fault. I told you that something is wrong with you.”
If this describes you, silence those voices right now.
"stop walking on eggshells"

𝕋𝕙𝕖𝔸𝕓𝕠𝕣𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟𝔽𝕒𝕚𝕣𝕪 they/them‬ ‪@mxbigdrawlz.bsky.social‬
I don’t trust anyone who thinks anger is an emotion that shouldn’t be felt, or someone who tries to quickly make you get over anger without processing it because it’s “negative”.

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
We need to stop pretending people should know how to heal from circumstances they didn’t ask for.

Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
A narcissist will train you to explain yourself in many different ways to them. Then, they'll use these very explanations against you, so they don't have to explain themselves to you.

Aim True (Amy Pagett)
@AimTrue7
Mar 17
Release yourself from the burden of trying to regulate other people’s nervous systems.
It is not your responsibility to shift & alter to appease others. This is an old survival technique that helped you as a child.
Your own nervous system regulation takes priority now.

Dr. Bob Beare
@DrBobBeare
Mar 17
I've treated hundreds of adults with relationship intimacy problems. Some kids get abandoned, some get smothered. It's all trauma that shows up later in life.

Dr. Bob Beare
@DrBobBeare
Mar 17
Let them be offended. It takes practice and support to stop walking on eggshells. In time we find they're not paying that much attention to us anyway. They are focused on themselves.

Henrik Vierula
@HenrikVierula
I like to think of this as building an awareness of 'the' shame, which helps create room for the experiencing oneself feeling shame rather than being shameful.

Dr. Bob Beare
@DrBobBeare
Don't engage with chaos,
Don't argue with bullshit.
Don't respond to gossip.
It just makes it flower.

Narcissistic Family: How to STOP Feeling Responsible for their Emotions
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVVHOvytu9E
10:39 Just because you feel guilty doesn't mean you did something wrong. Remember that.
12:14 The calmer you retain, the less control others have over you.
Shift from emotional reactivity to objectivity. Instead of reacting – observe, stay neutral, and watch how they try to pull you back in. Or how they try to manipulate you. And it's easier to thwart all of those efforts if I remain more objective and if I reduce my reactivity.
12:51 Stop waiting for them to change. Stop waiting for them to take responsibility, or to apologize, or become someone who you wish they were. Accept reality as it is. If you can begin to give up those fantasies and the need to change them, so you can feel better – you will have freed yourself in many ways.
Your self-differentiation is your responsibility, not theirs. They won't hand you freedom, or maturity. As adults it is 100% our responsibility to become our true selves. Only you can fix that wound. They can apologize, make amend but the hurt and trauma must be addressed by us. The perpetrator will not be the answer to the healing solution.

 

How do I know if I have repressed emotions?
Physical Symptoms : Unexplained physical issues like headaches, stomach problems, or chronic pain can sometimes be linked to repressed emotions.
Emotional Numbness
Frequent Irritability or Anger
Avoidance Behavior
Difficulty in Relationships
Overthinking or Rumination
Substance Use
Dreams and Nightmares
Nov 30, 2017

How to know if you're repressing emotions - Quora

Quora
https://www.quora.com › How-do-you-know-if-youre-re...
-
Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
A disagreement with a toxic person will turn into a argument. A disagreement with a good person will turn into a conversation with a solution. It's important to know the difference.

-
Shadows of Control
@shadows_control
Abusers blame you for everything. If they’re upset, it’s because of something you said. If they hurt you, it’s because you pushed them too far.
-

IVY
@Iamivy05
realizing that you’re incompatible with someone (because they don’t meet your basic standards of courtesy, respect and reciprocation) and choosing to walk away instead of forcing it/blaming yourself/fantasizing about their potential is a superpower. look how much you’ve grown.

Over time, you start believing it. You tell yourself you should have been more patient, more understanding, more careful.

You try harder, bend further, do everything you can to keep the peace.

But no matter what you do, it’s never enough—because the problem was never you. It was always them.

#DomesticAbuseAwareness
-

Hot buttons or triggers are stored-up resentments, regrets, insecurities, anger, and fears that
hurt when touched and cause automatic emotional responses. By identifying specific actions, words, or events that seem to trigger emotional reactions— either in you or in the BP in your life—these reactions may be easier to anticipate and manage.
stop walking on eggshells

-
An accurate diagnosis can bring greater understanding and of course improved treatment. But many diagnoses aren't as definitive as we think. And in some cases they risk turning healthy people into patients.
BBC Radio 4
The Age of Diagnosis by Suzanne O'Sullivan
3: Autism
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m0028zxs

-

IVY
@Iamivy05
please stop calling people sensitive as an insult just because you don't have the emotional intelligence to understand things on a deeper level. this world needs sensitive people, empathy is a good trait to have.

-
Healthy limits are somewhat flexible, like a soft piece of plastic. You can bend them, and they don’t break. When
your limits are overly flexible, however, violations and intrusions can occur. You may take on the feelings and
responsibilities of others and lose sight of your own.
On the other hand, when your limits are too inflexible, people may view you as cold or distant
stop walking on eggshells

-
Karun Pal
@karunpal
·
18h
Introverts are attracted to intelligence. The way you think. The way you see the world. Your thoughts. Ideas. Idiosyncrasies. Things that make you different. Unique. Your crazy personality. Not your labels or titles, but who you are from the inside. The unfiltered version of you.
-
Dear Son.
@DearS_o_n
Mar 22
Normalize saying, "I'm not informed enough to have an opinion on the matter."

-

Rumi
@rumilyrics
Mar 22
Do everything with a clean heart and expect nothing in return.
-


Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
Normalize removing yourself from anywhere you feel weird vibes, negative energy or sneaky shit.
-
Over time the hypervigilance and the sense that making a mistake even a small mistake, can feel almost catastrophic in a narcissistic relationship. Especially when the child is trying to learn something and the parent is so quick with that gotcha. It leaves child feeling as though they are never enough. We all make mistakes, they need to be pointed out especially in work places. But there is difference in pointing mistake respectfully and gotcha.
🟥 DoctorRamani
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hc6lAXzlA-0

-
How you spot a narcissist? You may notice a loss of self and agency over your decisions. A state of mental lethargy. And a constant feeling on being on edge. In their presence you can't fully relax &just be yourself. Making you physically tense and impairing cognitive function. In Karpman Drama Triangle they try to convince you that you are distorted version of yourself, one that fits their narrative. If you're not thinking critically- easy to believe them
🟥 Josh Campbell
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfbQbrkI7tc

-
Look at who sent you here. Because often the people who come to therapy are the people who coming to therapy – because people who should be in therapy are not coming to therapy.
🟥 Lori Gottlieb - Unproductive vs. Productive Anxiety Post-Presidential Debate | The Daily Show
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vb6YSYaQPJg

-
There is productive and unproductive anxiety. If you didn't have anxiety, you wouldn't be able to be safe. That's why we have anxiety. There's a bear – you better have anxiety. Unproductive anxiety is: I'm just going to stand here. Productive anxiety is I'm going to do something about this. The thing you want to do is you want to say What can I control here, and that's where you take your anxiety, motivate me to do something productive.
🟥 Lori Gottlieb
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vb6YSYaQPJg

 -

Shadows of Control
@shadows_control
You weren’t abused because you’re an easy target.
You weren’t abused because you’re gullible.
You weren’t abused because you’re too weak, too naive, or too sensitive.
You weren’t abused because you sometimes get things wrong.
You weren’t abused because you’re annoying or hard to love.
You weren’t abused because you’re a people pleaser.
You weren’t abused because you attract the wrong people.
You were abused because someone chose to abuse you.
No matter what struggles you have or vulnerabilities you carry, the blame is not yours.
The responsibility lies with the person who caused harm.
The shame isn’t yours to carry. It never was.
#DomesticAbuseAwareness

 

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Vulnerability without support is neglect.

Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Don't make the mistake of being so understanding and forgiving that you overlook the fact that you're being manipulated and disrespected.

E
@30005k
Mar 24
The more you read the more you realize almost nothing can be defined in absolutes. The world is a world of nuance

When people don’t have healthy limits, they need defenses, which damage intimacy. These defenses can include:
•  control
•  withdrawal
•  blaming
•  rationalizing
•  intellectualizing
•  name calling
•  perfectionism
•  black-and-white thinking
•  threats
•  fighting about false issues
•  excessive concern for the other
“These are all handy ways to avoid feelings and avoid communication,”
says Anne Katherine in an interview. “The healthy alternative is to state your true feelings.”
"stop walking on eggshells"

Non-BPs can have weak limits, too, of course. However, they may be expressed in a different way. Whereas the person with BPD may refuse to take responsibility for his or her own actions and feelings, non-BPs tend to take too much responsibility for what others say and do.
"stop walking on eggshells"

Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
When someone apologizes and then shames you, they were not apologizing. They were using an apology to soften you so the shame would sting more.

Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Emotional dysregulaton is not a character flaw.
Emotional shutdown is not evidence of "maturity."
Emotional sensitivity is not shameful.
Emotional acceptance is harder than it sounds-- & a nonnegotiable in sustainable trauma recovery.

And the person with BPD, who is taking care of his own pain in the only way he knows how, can be skillful at convincing the non-BP that she is being selfish, irresponsible, or uncaring. Over time, the non-BP may eventually lose sight of just how far she has gone to accommodate the BP’s skewed sense of reality.
"stop walking on eggshells"

Pammy ✨️‬ ‪@pammyds.bsky.social‬
Normalize never feeling bad for removing anyone from your life who didn't feel bad for hurting you.

How does not having the boundary affect you? Kreger writes, “We are so busy living our day-to-day lives that we don’t keep very good track of the things that gnaw at us… [W]e ignore [them] and hope [they] will go away” (Kreger 2008).
Keeping in mind what not having limits is costing you, think about what you will do when (not if!) your family member plows right through your limits. Make the consequences proportional to the limit.
"stop walking on eggshells"

defuse anger and criticism
Don’t worry if you get angry or flustered or if you forget these tools in the heat of a real situation. That’s expected. Remember that you’re accomplishing something that even trained professionals have difficulty with.
use a noncombative communication style
Pay attention to the person’s words, body language, expressions, and tone of voice. This will help you validate the person’s feelings
by listening closely you may be able to hear beyond the words and detect the feelings that lie beneath the surface.
Even if you’re right, what are the chances that Shelby will agree with your statements about his selfishness and overinflated ego? Remember that feeling invalidated is a key trigger for people with BPD. “I” statements will help avoid this trigger
Restate Key Points.
This does not mean that you have to agree with what the person is saying. People who work in customer service jobs are often taught that one of the best ways to defuse a customer’s anger is to acknowledge that person’s feelings.
 This doesn’t mean that the company is admitting fault.
"stop walking on eggshells"


Heldmann (1990) writes that most people respond to criticism with behavior they learned in childhood. She calls this behavior “The Four Don’ts”: defend, deny, counterattack, and withdraw. You want to avoid these types of responses.
•  Don’t defend.
Trying to prove to others that you really haven’t done anything
wrong can make you feel foolish, childish, and guilty, even when
you haven’t made a mistake.
•  Don’t deny.
You may use denial because you truly haven’t been responsible
for whatever it is that you’re being accused of. But repeated
denial can also make you feel like a child again (“Did not!” “Did
too!”).
•  Don’t counterattack.
You may strike back at the person with BPD to try to win the
argument or vent your feelings. But when you do this, you’ll fall
into the projection and projective identification trap that the BP
has unconsciously set for you (see chapter 3).
•  Don’t withdraw.
When non-BPs realize that defend, deny, and counterattack
don’t work, they often withdraw. Some non-BPs clam up completely. Some leave physically. Some learn to dissociate. There is
nothing wrong with leaving if you feel attacked. In fact, there are
times when it’s a good thing to do (see chapter 8). The damage
comes from remaining passive and silent, absorbing the other
person’s criticism while your sense of personal power and self-esteem deteriorate.
"stop walking on eggshells"

defusing techniques
Agree with Part of the Statement
Criticism: “When I was your age, I never would have gone
Response: “No, you probably wouldn’t have”
Agree with the Possibility That Your Critic Could Be Right
Response: “Some people might not think it was a big deal if their husband had a affair. But I’m not one of them.
Recognize That the Critic Has an Opinion
Response: “I can see that you disagree with
Use Gentle Humor When Appropriate
Some non-BPs absorb their BP’s projections and soak up their pain and rage (sponging). These non-BPs may be under the illusion that they are helping the BP. This may make it more likely the BP will continue to use them in the future.
Maintain your own sense of reality despite what the other person says.
Reflect the pain back to its proper owner—the person with BPD.
Refuse to speak to an enraged person.
Decline to let anyone else’s public behavior embarrass you.
"stop walking on eggshells"

‪Sekou, ties and karaoke ☺️👔🇵🇸‬ ‪@sekou.bsky.social‬
Grief is such a surprising emotion. It either overflows like a dam, forcing its way everywhere.
Or it is empty and vast like the universe, never ending.
You feel it because of a memory, a place visited, or a familiar face.
But it must be felt. Or you will feel torment for infinity.

If the BP says, “You’re the worst mother in the world,” you can choose to believe it and feel guilty or you can depersonalize these words because you know they’re not true.
"stop walking on eggshells"

begins defending herself (a natural response), Jessie will interpret this to mean, “You are wrong and bad for feeling this way.” She will then become even angrier at having her feelings invalidated. Furthermore, the real issue—
Jessie’s feelings of abandonment—would not be addressed. So nothing would be resolved.
addressing Jessie’s feelings before disagreeing with her facts,
You seem angry and upset
"stop walking on eggshells"

‪Adam Grant‬ ‪@adamgrant.bsky.social‬
Grief is not a purely negative emotion. Over time, sadness is joined by love and gratitude.
The purpose of grief is not to cause pain. It's to keep memories of loved ones alive and remind us to make the most of our time.
Moving forward is not about erasing sorrow. It's about gaining perspective.

Cindy Ann Pedersen‬ ‪@cindyannpedersen.bsky.social‬
Some abuse doesn’t leave bruises.
It leaves beliefs.
About who you are.
What you’re worth.
And whether your voice matters.

You may make things harder for yourself if you expect adultlike behavior from someone who is currently incapable of it or if
you censor your negative feelings and scold yourself for having them.
Accept your feelings for what they are and know that they’re normal for people in your situation.
tips for communicating about your limits:
“I would like you to stop blaming me for your physical illnesses,” is specific and measurable
Communicate one limit at a time. may be too much for the BP to process all at once.
Maintaining your personal integrity leads to feelings of strength, self-respect, confidence, hopefulness, and pride
"stop walking on eggshells"

The tetris effect is named after the phenomenon experienced by tetris players who begin to see tetris-like patterns in every day life after playing for long periods of time.
With a negative tetris effect, we always spot the annoyances, stresses and hassles. With a positive tetris effect, we can condition our minds to always look for opportunities and ideas that allow our success rate to grow.
https://deepstash.com/idea/143847/the-tetris-effect

 most of us have a deep connection with our pets. They do not talk to us in human language and therefore there is no paranoia, misunderstandings or offence taken – ever!!. There are no human expectations or any moments whereby we may feel the need to mask our true feelings. Animals live in the moment, something we rarely do, but when we can experience this, we love the feeling.
https://www.catbehaviourist.com/blog/cat-grief/

Jacy, LPC
@ATMwithJacy
Maturing is realizing you disliking someone is your own personal issue, not theirs.

💜

Blog posts:

Do Movies Cause Social Anxiety? ✌ Strong reaction to someone rude ✌ The Agreeableness Theory  ✌Managing Social Anxiety and Toxic Shame ✌ Complex Trauma induce Social Anxiety and Avoidance ✌Navigating through social anxiety ✌ Accepting social anxiety ✌ Social anxiety is Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) ✌ Quiet BPD is social anxiety ✌ Hating social anxiety is an act of self abuse

Reddit posts:

• Why not Social Anxiety "Solutions" or "Fixes" or "Overcoming"?
• Concepts that helped me understand Social anxiety, Panic Triggers and Avoidance 
• Toxic shame 
• Intrusive Thoughts (PureOCD)
• Self Worth 
• Being stuck 
• Resentment 
• Doubt and Descartes 'Evil genius argument'
• External reference locus of control and External validation 
• Amygdala hijacking
• Egocentrism  
• Classical CBT based Social Anxiety on faulty premises
• Fawning 
• Ebbinghaus' Forgetting Curve
• Long-Term Narcissistic Abuse Can Cause Brain Damage  
• 20 ideas and conclusions about social anxiety I learned without external help
• Philosophical zombie (NPC Wojak)
• Comment on YT video "Marcus Aurelius - Stop Caring What People Think"  
• Interdependence
• Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) and Social anxiety
• Perfectionism is hidden factor of disorder in Social Anxiety  
• Toxic people
• Three stages 
• There is no absolute truth
• Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT)  
• Dualism and Double bind
• Alternative explanations of Social anxiety
• Anti-psychiatry
• Anti-psychiatry (2)
• Social Anxiety Map (I)
• Social Anxiety Map (II) 
• Social Anxiety Map (III)
• All people have social anxiety. All.
• Humanistic therapies  
• False self (I)
• False self (II)  
• Catcher in the Rye (I)
• Catcher in the Rye (II)
• Catcher in the Rye (III)  
• Complex Trauma (c-PTSD)
• Social Anxiety tips (I)
• Social Anxiety tips (II)  
• Social stigma
• Trickster (by Jung)
• How Narcissists hijacked Social Anxiety  
• Charcot hysteria
• Time machine - my views about social anxiety from 1996
• Trauma splitting  
• Social anxiety in the presence of well-meaning people
• Kohlberg's Theory of Moral Development  
• Kohlberg's Theory of Moral Development (II)
• Sam Vaknin and Richard Grannon (I)
  
• Sam Vaknin and Richard Grannon (II)
• Agreeableness  
• Negative politeness
• Why smashing social anxiety approach will never work
• Seesaw effect  
• Initiation into evil
• Invalidation
• Validation (I) 
• Validation (II)
  
• Validation (III)
• Solution must be simple (Occam's Razor)   
• Power Dynamics (I)
• Power Dynamics (II)
• Interpersonal sensitivity
• Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD)  
• Scapegoating people-pleasing is wrong
• Scapegoating people-pleasing is wrong (II)
• Social anxiety and Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD)  
• Neurodiversity
• Social anxiety: journal entry from 1990  
• ADHD
• Masking
• Paradox of vulnerability 
• Fear of being hated
• Fear of criticism and negative evaluation
• Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACoA) - part 1  
• Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACoA) - part 2
• Processing emotions and stimuli
• Processing emotions and stimuli (II)  
• Processing emotions and stimuli (III)
• Processing emotions and stimuli (IV)
• Processing emotions and stimuli (V)  
• All people have social anxiety. All. (II)
• Polarized thinking
• Liebowitz Social Anxiety Scale  
• High-functioning social anxiety
• Quiet BPD as social anxiety
• Internal Family Systems Model (IFS)
• Boundaries  
• Boundaries (II)
• Extinction
• Self-referential thinking  
• Social anxiety described in 19th century
• Quick fusion
• Four pillars of Social Anxiety (I)
• Four pillars of Social Anxiety (II)  
• Toxic shame and Social anxiety are intertwined
• Toxic shame and Social anxiety are intertwined (II)
• Toxic shame and Social anxiety are intertwined (III)
• CBT DSM medical terms are misleading  
• CBT myth about Exposure
• Stoicism and social anxiety
• Regulation and Dysregulation  
• Regulation and Dysregulation (II)
• Survivorship bias
• Survivorship bias (II)
• How to handle difficult people (I)
• How to handle difficult people (II)  
• Toxic empathy (I)
• Toxic empathy (II)
• Toxic empathy (III)  
• Spotlight effect and other (neuro)-typical nonsense advice for Social Anxiety
• Spotlight effect and other (neuro)-typical nonsense advice for Social Anxiety (II)
• Psychedelics and social anxiety
• Tendency to perceive (interpersonal) victimhood - TIV
• All people have social anxiety. All. (III)
• Nothingness as anti-dote for social anxiety  
• Nothingness as anti-dote for social anxiety (II)
• Nothingness as anti-dote for social anxiety (III)
• Nothingness as anti-dote for social anxiety (IV)  
• Nothingness as anti-dote for social anxiety (V)
• Nothingness as anti-dote for social anxiety (VI) 
• Synaptic pruning
• BBC The Century of the Self  
• Othering
• Barnum effect
• Social anxiety coaches  
• High-Functioning Autism and Social anxiety
• High-Functioning Autism and Social anxiety (II)
• High-Functioning Autism and Social anxiety (III)  
• High-Functioning Autism and Social anxiety (IV)
• Unwritten struggles of social anxiety
• Unwritten struggles of social anxiety (II)  
• Unwritten struggles of social anxiety (III)
• Secure attachment
• Secure attachment (II)  
• Secure attachment (III)
• Worrying About What Other People Think of You (FOPO)
• Looking-glass self  
• Looking-glass self (II)
• Looking-glass self (III)
• Healthy coping mechanisms  
• Devil on our shoulder
• Broken Looking-Glass Self is Social anxiety
• Social anxiety as rollercoaster
• Social anxiety as rollercoaster (II) - tracks  
• Social anxiety as rollercoaster (III) - wagons
• Social anxiety as rollercoaster (IV) - wagons
• Social anxiety as rollercoaster (V) - clouds  
• Social anxiety as rollercoaster (VI) - loops
• Social anxiety as rollercoaster (VII) - fog
• Social anxiety as rollercoaster (VIII) - constructs  
• Shyness versus Social anxiety
• Shyness versus Social anxiety (II)
• Shyness versus Social anxiety (III)  
• Shyness versus Social anxiety (IV)
• Shyness versus Social anxiety (V)
• Coerced-compliant false confessions
• Detachment
• Detachment and Social anxiety  
• Detachment and suppressed anger
• Detachment, anger and CPTSD
• Detachment and anger as tools of healing Social anxiety  
• Cowardice vs. Social anxiety
• Entanglement
• Observation  
• Healing social anxiety
• What is Social Anxiety?
• Cognitive distortions  
• Cognitive distortions versus Social anxiety
• Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs
• Situational anxiety  
• Self-made prison
• Inattentional blindness
• Social anxiety deciphered as the Rosetta Stone
• Social anxiety translated as the unfelt anger
• Coercive control
• Weaponized anger  
• Toxic people and social anxiety
• No one can make you feel inferior without your consent
• Operant conditioning
• Conditioning and Social anxiety  
• Fear of punishment is Social anxiety
• Conditioned triggers in Social anxiety
• Self-Forgiveness  
• RAIN method
• Social anxiety spectrum
• Social anxiety scale
• Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving
• Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving - quotes  
• Borderline disorder and social anxiety
• AvPD, Borderline and Social anxiety
  
• Borderline masking itself as social anxiety
• Borderline and social anxiety as dual system  
• Social anxiety is borderline reaction to oppression and abuse
• Social anxiety is normal reaction to abnormal people and events
• Social anxiety investigation  
• CSI Social Anxiety
• Social anxiety is not your fault
• Cork  
• Faustian bargain
• Homunculus
• Good side of social anxiety  
• Social anxiety is an adaptation to evil
• Social anxiety is adaptation to narcissistic abuse
• Social anxiety is a survival mode  
• Hating social anxiety is an act of self abuse
• The pain and Social anxiety  
• Convictions, beliefs and explanations about social anxiety
• Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD)
• Narrative therapy  
• Egosyntonic
• Hyper-attunement 
• Hyper-responsibility
• Repetition compulsion  
• Over-identification with aggressor is social anxiety
• Examination of social anxiety reactions
• Fear of criticism as a by-product of indoctrination  
• Goodness is something to be chosen
• Ambiguity
• Echoism  
• Objectification
• Problem of the criterion
• Reality testing  
• Social anxiety is trauma
• There is no winning strategy
• The pain is not the punishment  
• Stoicism is unhealthy for social anxiety
• The Local Rationality Principle
• Be friendly - not friends  
• Social anxiety is a Psychological injury
• Fixation 
• Nervous system and social anxiety 
• Misleading explanations of social anxiety
• Misleading CBT explanations of social anxiety  
• Social anxiety is a sign of repressed emotions
• Journaling social anxiety
• Constriction  
• Trauma growth
• Data
• Shyness is different from social anxiety  
• Something else
  
• Being present in the moment