77: My YT comments on social anxiety 2025

1.1.2025

YT ""How I Overcame a Narcissistic Boss and Reclaimed My Power!""

Setting boundaries with toxic people means punishment.
In this case - reacting to psychopath would end up in being fired from the job or endless mobbing beforehand.
Narcissists come in package - their abuse.
usually they are in power positions where they can freely abuse other people without being punished for toxic activities like stealing someone's work.

If we live in poor country, if we have no alternative to find another source of income - our only way to survive is to fawn to abusers.
Fawning is not choice. IT is reflex and reaction to surviving.

The only boundary with narcissists is to break contact and leave and our goal in life should be that our finances do not depend on such toxic people - so we have to make long term carefully planned choices in life to make it so.

3.1.2025

Your method is to remove fear.
Removing any emotion is horrible idea. Any psychologist will tell you that.
Emotions are not there to be suppressed or denied or destroyed - that is path to mental illness. Did you ever hear of Freud or Jung and their insight about emotions?

When we feel fear - it is a sign that we feel danger.
Your method is that we see all fear as imaginary. But in real life - there are predatory toxic dangerous personalities who are criminally insane and have hidden agenda to harm the target. Without fear - we would never see red flags and protect ourselves.
We need fear as signal that we need to examine given situation that frightens us.
Not to destroy the messenger itself.

Just like CBT - you are oversimplifying very complex topic of fear.

He is making money on traumatized people. Just like any social anxiety "coach".
Sam Vaknin talked about this phenomena a lot.
We are such great target to exploit: we are kind, nice, silent, we do not protest - all due to social anxiety itself, fear of criticism
so anyone can come along, force us to believe their lies and quick analysis based on nothing - and we believe them. That is part of toxic shame which is social anxiety itself - that people like "coaches" do not understand - since they confuse their grammar school shyness with social anxiety - and then try to "cure" us with tools for their teen shyness and force us to believe in their misdiagnosis.

A lot of people misdiagnose their unknown and vague and unrelated sensations with quick labels and bias. Then they try to cure and fix those false diagnosis - by creating more damage to themselves.
It is a process of self-pathologizing oneself.

"I (sort of?) got over most of my social anxiety during high school, by realizing (and reminding myself), that other people probably only notice me as much as I notice them

So when I felt self conscious about something, I would think to myself “do I notice that about other people?” And usually the answer would be No. Meaning, they probably don’t see it (towards me) either!"

You actually got over shyness which you chose to label and self diagnose as "social anxiety".
Real, medical Social anxiety does NOT go away with realizations since it is part of bullying and mobbing and abuse - external factors such as poverty and not feeling safe around criminally insane psychopaths.

"But I do notice a lot of things about people"
Then we come to the conclusion that most people deny, deflect and dissociate from reality -
while people who are awake and see reality of criminally insane people around - are labeled as crazy ones.

Social anxiety is analogy of being trapped in toxic job filled with mobbing and being unable to quit due to no finances. So abuse is real.
What you describe on the other hand is shyness.
Shyness and social anxiety are not the same.

What CBT is doing is coercing traumatized and abused people to deny and dissociate from abuse and to get accustomed to abuse and criminally insane psychopaths.

Spotlight effect is insulting to people how are target of bullying and mobbing.

Desire to overcome social anxiety is an act of self abuse.
We blame ourselves for being targeted by predatory personalities and we believe that we will be stopped being abused if we self pathologize ourselves deep and long enough.

Learn about narcissistic abuse - and you will learn that spotlight effect is rationalization which predatory personalities make to keep on abusing others.

Exposure therapy will help only for shyness which most people mislabel as social anxiety.
For medical true social anxiety - exposure will solidify toxic shame.

"Can't take the bus during rush hour, it puts me in a fight or flight state, same with the supermarket when it's busy (it's open late, so that's when I go there).
This'll sound like deflection but I promise it's not... I think the world's changed in bad ways, the social dynamics having gone from polite to more impersonal than it's ever been.
I've been thinking about moving away from the capital of my country, I'd rather deal with having to worry about a reputation in a small town than not meaning anything to the people who live around me."

Start by allowing yourself to be impersonal.

YT "The Process in BPD.
"

I see exposure therapy as -
being afraid of fire - so we need to desensitize ourselves to fire. BUT in the same time our skin and clothes are coated and all soaked in petrol and oil - so getting close to fire will lit us up and burn us severely.
Before we face the fire - we need to clean this highly flammable coating on and off from ourselves, we need to clean ourselves before exposure - otherwise exposure will create more damage.
Analogy of petrol/oil is internalized toxic shame, learned self blame, programmed guilt and shame, feeling obligation to serve angry people, feeling responsible for angry people being dysregulated and feeling shame for them being angry and trying to fix their mood swings feeling we are guilty for their distress even when we did not cause it at all.

(4.1.2025)

Spotlight effect tells us that when people are aggressive and targeting us - that we are imagining it.
Why is this so hard to grasp?
Not only you -
myself included and all socially anxious people do not see toxic people, do not recognize red flags and then go along with CBT ideology that we are too sensitive and that other people are not toxic.

Our social anxiety - when we feel it - it is reaction to abusers and psychopaths. It is not our imagination, we are not being irrational as spotlight effect crap tries to convince us.
We are brainwashed by neurotypical society to deny our experiences and to self blame ourselves for feeling abused.

I repeat -
no social anxiety means being criminally insane and abnormal due to lack of sympathy and empathy. Inability to realize how our behavior is affecting other people.

Two quick notes:
" but it still makes a person inferior"
Toxic shame does this.
Internalized toxic shame due to complex trauma, ACE and ACoA is making us feel inferior. Not social anxiety itself.
Without social anxiety we would be like Diogenes in Ancient Greece - we would pee poop in public, sleep in a gutter like a dog and basically be a bum without hygienic habits not caring what other people think our smell.

We are struggling with toxic shame. Not social anxiety. CBT is forcing us to accept wrong explanations and then we try to cure and waste time and energy in wrong steps doing more damage in the process of trying to heal.

"We are often portrayed as the weird ones"
But by whom?
Normal, healthy, sane, friendly people do not shame others.
This is only done by psychopaths and abnormal sick people who have fake mask of sanity in public.
I repeat - normal healthy sane people would not judge someone who is nice, kind , quiet, afraid, panicked.
Only narcissists and sociopaths do this kind of shaming.

We are conditioned since ACoA ACE childhood to believe that angry judgmental people are our gods whom we must be afraid of and align with. This has to stop.

(5.1.2025)

YT ""Mentality Shift." Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
"

I took the BPD test at Resource Center - and the test showed that I have severe BPD.
I was expecting mild or low instead due to my social anxiety - and now I understand that social anxiety is actually avoidance of anger and expressing the bpd traits. I was masking it.
I was convinced that having no problems in relationship was making me non-bpd, but in reality I am isolated - so I have no arena to get symptoms come out of hiding and then I end up with wrong explanations about what is bugging me.

I relate to everything Kevin said in this episode in particular:
- You're not doing it just because it is a right thing to do – to be a good person. You're doing it – they'll se me as a good person.

- I am identifying as somebody who is worthless, I'm identifying as somebody who doesn't have value, I'm identifying as somebody who will be abandoned because who would approve of me,

- Changing your mentality how you identify, how you look at the world and what is your position in it, how you look at yourself that is 50 percent of getting better.

- you become obsessed with trying to fix everything. It's a control thing.

- That means understanding it is not so important that you beat your idea into their brain. And if you really want them – the reason is you feel invalid. And you don't feel good enough.

- I couldn't enjoy anything positive unless everybody else was ok. Vacation – partner said something negative about the flight and I should book another. I make everybody else's dissapointment in the world in their own world about themselves about their world about me. I take the accountability for it. It's really hard to feel good when you do that. Really hard to have enjoyment.

- not making other people's lives better so that they bless you with the ability to relax.

- My coworkers will criticize my work, boss tell me things I don't like, I know I'm not going to be appreciated, so I'm just not going to work. Or another one – I'm not getting into relationship, I'm going to be single forever because it's better that way.

(6.1.2025)

YT "Overcoming Social Anxiety Build Your Confidence! 💪"

Social anxiety is not issue of confidence.
Therefore building a confidence - won't help with social anxiety at all. What will happen is that social anxiety will simply transmute into narcissism and abuse.
CBT is forcing us to believe in lies that social anxiety is not trauma - and that social anxiety can be "cured" with developing narcissistic personality disorder.

YT "Social Anxiety Fears Me
That’s So True · Gracie Abrams"

When we try to fix social anxiety -we are abusing ourselves and developing full borderline disorder in the process of "curing" social anxiety.

YT "Overcoming #anxiety 2025🗒️Here’s how to start:💭 #socialanxiety #th"

When we convince ourselves that our anxiety is confusion - we will stay stuck in abuse, mobbing and narcissistic abuse which is causing social anxiety in the first place.
Sociopaths and psychopaths that are abusing us - wants us to believe that social anxiety is our irrational fear, that our worry thoughts as reaction to abuse are imaginary.

The problem is that CBT and self help industry and you tube videos are trying to convince us that we are crazy and that we are imagining the discomfort. Then we believe that we are inept and worthless and that we cannot trust our brain and our decisions - and then we end up truly socially anxious, after we have been abused by CBT medical industry that is suppose to help us with issues like this and explain us what is happening.

YT "Signs your social anxiety is affecting your daily life. #socialanxiety #mentalhealth"

All signs of exposure to narcissistic abuse and psychopaths/sociopaths.

YT "Sam sulek and social anxiety"

We need to stop self pathologizing ourselves for not feeling good around toxic people.

YT "Why Social Anxiety Is Holding You Back"

What happens when people attack us, fire us, take our shelter, money - when we expose ourselves, when we stand up for ourselves, when we talk, when we are expressing all our thoughts and feelings and reactions to toxic people in power who can destroy our life - either openly or covertly so we won't even know who stabbed us in the back?
What happens then?
Step two.

YT "Social anxiety can look like. #trending #shorts #shortvideo #youtubeshorts #youtube #foryou #fyp"

Complex Trauma.
It has nothing to do with confidence issues or shyness. It is trauma.
Mocking it - will make it worse.
Telling ourselves that we must be confident - will make it worse.
Trauma requires building our identity and healing borderline disorder masking itself as lack of confidence.

YT "Overcome Fear of SPEAKING in groups #communication #deepvoice #leadership #socialanxiety"

When we notice the pressure - if we decide that this stress is robbing us of something - will make the panic worse.
That is because we are identifying with the excitement and we immediately label it as bad and dangerous.
If we realize that our fears are stemming from abuse ACoA anc ACE - we won't take it personally - and we won't make drama about it, and then panic will vanish, once it is not make into our personality.

YT "This Technique DESTROYS Your Social Anxiety!"

Destroying social anxiety = self abuse, self hatred and self rejection.
When we make conversation about other people = fawning and people pleasing, being pushover.

Social anxiety is borderline disorder masking itself as social anxiety. The core problem is not having true core identity - due to ACoA and ACE in childhood.

YT "Give More NOs"

Giving more No to narcissists psychopaths and sociopaths that cause our people pleasing in the first place - will end up as abuse and violence, losing our job and shelter - and femicide.
The problem is not our no or inability to say no.
The core problem are toxic people in power position, oppression and lack of finances, socio-economic issues - which cannot be solved by nitpicking our brain and our behavior since oppression stems from the external factor.
Not from our identity.

YT "How to overcome social anxiety disorder"

You cannot talk to everybody.
We cannot talk to stubborn, difficult, narcissistic people.
we cannot talk to oppression and lack of money.
Idea that we must be accepted and validated and that we must influence other people is narcissistic personality disorder. It is borderline issue. It is mental illness to desire to control other people.

Problem is that many young socially anxious people will watch biased half done videos like yours - that never mention keywords like trauma - and then believe that their social anxiety is sickness and that their identity is abnormal.

YT "I thought the gym would cure my anxiety… #gym #socialanxiety #anxiety #mentalhealth #shorts #fyp"

Social anxiety is borderline disorder masking itself as social anxiety shyness lack of confidence.
The problem is trauma - not social anxiety symptoms.

YT "3 Ways To Relieve Social Anxiety Using Neuroscience 😀🧠 #shorts"

1. Change inner dialogue will lead to more of worrying. Also known as Pink Elephant effect or Ironic processing theory
1a. What happens when it is really true and people judge us and they abuse us and we cannot run away due to lack of money? What we do then with our inner dialogue?
When we are being abused and reality is narcissistic abuse which we cannot cut off. At least not in legal way.
2. Breathing is good advice for yoga. Not for when we are being abused and when we are poor and living in oppression.
If we are being abused by someone - if we blame ourselves and try to correct ourselves - we will never do anything about the abuse itself.
3. When we deny and suppress reality like imagining fantasy instead of reality - that is mental illness.

Social anxiety is trauma issue. It is not issue of confidence.

YT "Overcome Fear and Reclaim Your Life: Social Anxiety Explained
"

Idea that we overcome social anxiety is an act of self abuse, self rejection and self hatred.

If we label Social anxiety with psychiatry label such as "debilitating" - we will create depressive rigid persona based on this invented toxic CBT/DSM label of toxic shame and self abuse.
Then we will feel social anxiety shame about feeling panic when we are being abused and traumatized by sick abnormal predatory personalities who trigger social anxiety symptoms in the first place.
Predatory personalities are debilitating - their abuse is debilitating. Not our legal normal reactions to their abuse.

Anxiety disorders all stem from ACoA and ACE - invalidation and emotional neglect in childhood - which you never mention in this video at all even though it is central to social anxiety issues.

Avoidance behavior are trauma reactions - they are not personality identity as you portray it in this CBT video and force us to hate our tools to protect our mental and physical health through avoidance and avoiding toxic sick people around us.

CBT is toxic ableist therapy based on self abuse, self pathologizing and self hatred, self rejection - the very same trauma that caused social anxiety in alcoholic home in the first place. CBT ought to be banned - it is making traumatized people feel toxic shame for having reactions to abuse.

YT "Ask Yourself This Powerful Question TO Overcome Social Anxiety"

This other-focus stems from borderline disorder:
not having self identity.
Then abused traumatized people grown up in ACE and ACoA do not have identity persona.
Nitpicking our thoughts will make it worse.
Instead - we need education about identity and trauma.

YT "#socialanxiety #anxietyawareness #anxiety #anxietydisorder #anxietyrelief #anxietyhypnotherapy"

Oppression, poverty, abuse is outside of our control. Idea that we can fix external elements with our thoughts is sign of mental illness: narcissism and schizofrenia.

YT "Social Anxiety Is NOT A Confidence Issue"

"Confidence has nothing to do with social anxiety. Working on your confidence won't help. It's what she is thinking about herself is what makes her nervous."

Correct
but I would add the external factor:
toxic people who have hidden agenda to cause us harm
and pathological liars who present false facts which we cannot verify - so we buy into their lies.
The very same thing we do in our head when there is internalized toxic shame that tells us we are inept and worthless - there are also toxic people out there who wear fake social mask, they present themselves as help and service - but in reality predatory personalities suck energy and money from their victims spreading lies and false reality - that we unsuspectingly soak in and then we feel panic - thinking we are faulty and abnormal ones.

YT "#socialanxiety #anxietyawareness #anxietydisorder #anxietyrelief "

Exposure CBT crap is analogy of being afraid of fire -
so CBT tells us to expose in order to desensitize ourselves to fire.
But what CBT does not warn us - is that we are soaked in oil and petrol - which will burn us severely when we expose ourselves.
Oil Petrol = internalized toxic shame, poverty and oppression, living in narcissistic abuse and mobbing which we cannot quit.

Also
if we desensitize ourselves to abuse - we will never leave abusers, we will enable the abuse and we will rationalize criminally insane predatory personalities.
So CBT exposure BS - is forcing us to become slaves and codependent pushovers stuck in abuse and trauma bonding.

YT "This was actually quite scary, but bird whisperer added to the list of talents 💅🏻#birdwhisperer
Not one person said it back #socialanxiety #awkwardsilence"

Yelling and hysterical screaming in public is abuse and harassment.
No matter of your good intentions.
Good intentions are pathway to hell.

YT "Fix yourself to be confident is a lie..."

Yes. Social anxiety is complex trauma. Hating social anxiety is an act of self abuse, self hatred and self rejection - and we will never be truly confident when we hate reject and abuse ourselves

YT "Could Surfing Solve Gen Z Social Anxiety?
"

Idea that we obfuscate trauma which is social anxiety by doing something outside of healing trauma - is narcissism and borderline disorder.

YT "Beat Exam & Social Anxiety: 2 Easy Steps!"

Social anxiety is not some teen shyness issue of jerking around phone or small talk or presentation.
Social anxiety is being trapped in toxic job mobbing and not being able to quit this hell hole due to lack of money and support and shelter - it is oppression and abuse issue and socio economic issue.

YT "How to improve social skills #shorts"

Not everyone out there is friendly or worthy of our kindness.
Please realize that Fawning is trauma response and it is disorder to cure - not made famous.

For borderline person like him, the validation and approval of others is like oxygen or water. In ACE ACoA toxic childhood he was punished into self hatred, self rejection and self abuse - so he sees other people as gods to worship and codependent on without seeing the borderline trauma inside himself.

We have to feel secure and safe in the world.
And this means - we need to accept that toxic people exist.
Another step is developing our identity - because trauma is smoking gun that our identity is not fully developed - that is where the pain stems from. It is like not having a house and we are exposed to environmental influences like cold heat rain - and it hurts us. We need our ground, base, full self belief - we never learned that due to ACE and ACoA - where we learned the opposite : to blame and hate ourselves and to fix angry abusive people and their hysteria.

(7.1.2025)

" i nvr got abused."
Then there are two options:
1) you do not have actual social anxiety. You have some disorder in the brain and hormones.
2) you were abused but the trauma was so deep and shocking that you forgot all about it and you suppressed it
AND OR
you lived in ACoA ACE toxic ambient since childhood that you cannot make objective assessment to determine what is abuse - since abuse feels natural to you.

Social anxiety must come from abuse and trauma - because if it was brain disorder - our fears and panic would be triggered by non-social elements - like food, eating food, watching TV, looking at some color, breathing, drinking water, any neutral activity.
YET we know that social anxiety stems from fear of criticism, scrutiny, punishment, contempt - real or potential. So there is element of abuse there and fear of abuse.

"it is shyness nn not enough confidence i nvr got abused soo"
Shyness goes away with a mere exposure.
So if it is shyness - all you need to do is face your fears and go to parties and talk to random people and shyness will go away since you do not have associated trauma with other people being evil and abusive.

Abuse does not mean physical harm.
Abuse also contains neglect and emotional invalidation, exposure to constant nitpicking, constant criticism 24/7 about smallest things and shaming and blaming. Read about red flags in narcissistic abuse.

Complex Trauma - exposure to neglect and emotional invalidation over long period of time.
In such toxic ambient - we will be in constant defense mode - we will lose our identity, worry what meaningless people think about us - and this is now borderline disorder.
In USA when someone being abused seeks helps - it means loss of medical rights.
So toxic society is pushing us to stay stuck in self blame and pain.

Hating social anxiety is an act of self abuse. In itself. It is act of self pathologizing. Self trauma. Hating our emotions, hating our natural reactions to discomfort - is abuse itself.

" It's true that RSD, social anxiety, and even BPD can share some overlapping features, making it tricky to differentiate. While some researchers believe RSD might be a subtype of social anxiety, others see it as a distinct experience, often linked to ADHD. More research is definitely needed, especially regarding BPD.

It's important to remember that everyone's experience is unique, and seeking professional support is crucial for accurate diagnosis and personalised help."

Diagnosis is both blessing and a curse.
When we are diagnosing our symptoms - we will eventually start to cure them and this means hide them or make them functional.
But then this leads to misdiagnosis in later years - then trauma is still there - and we can't tap into true core problem, since our symptoms are being pathologized by psychiatry. Then we end up with half solutions or wrong solutions that do not apply to our case - all because we are being instructed by diagnosis to hide our true reactions.
We end up blaming and hating ourselves - and we do not look up and see that our problems in life stem from abuse, exposure to narcissistic abuse or living in shame-based culture country.
This way - psychiatry is forcing us to develop identity based on diagnosis manual - which we try to conform to - instead of being natural and authentic and then work on true problems and not on a mask which psychiatry will force us to wear.

"There is a tendency to overreact but it’s not that easy and we should generalize. Assess the situation."

What happens when the situation is the situation of oppression and abuse and lack of money and no escape?
And we cannot escape the abuse due to lack of money?
and we are being abused every single second - like being trapped on mobbing toxic job, living in a toxic country shame-based country - and we have nowhere to run.

What then?

Basically any relief for anxiety will become our addiction.
Addictions are bad. They lead to personality disorder and mental illness.
Instead of escaping and running away from anxiety - we need to investigate it why it happens and what is triggering it.
To save 10 or 20 years of research: it is toxic people and narcissistic abuse.

YT "Angry Words Reveal Hidden Truths 💡"

Anger is super effective method and a tool to control & manipulate the traumatized and abused victims of abuse, ACE and ACoA.

YT "One way to balance yourself after healing from narcissistic abuse #shorts"

This means accepting social anxiety.
CBT and self help industry and toxic patriarchy society - are forcing ourselves to hate and reject our fears and panic - and that we replace it by developing fake narcissistic image of superiority and stoicism so that we impress other people with our social skills and perfectionism.

YT ""Instant Gratification" The Sensitive Stability BPD Live Show
"

"How we chase people who have hurt us. Why did you do it. It doesn't make any sense. The reason is you don't feel good enough, you think if you understand why you may debunk it wasn't you."

🎯🎯🎯

With social anxiety - which obviously is masked quiet BPD - CBT is teaching the socially anxious in spotlight effect where we are being taught by CBT to believe that avoidance is always sickness, so we are not allowed to exit. CBT tell us that toxic people do not exist so we must rationalize evil people and enable them. And CBT tells us that we must be friendly with everyone, social, assertive - which means in real life getting trauma bonded. CBT mislead me for decades and forced me to develop fawning trauma response. I was not being explained by medical industry - that is suppose to help us - to cut off toxic people. That destroyed me - since all tools I was left with was self blame. Which comes natural to us obviously.

If you "recognize" non pathological thing as pathological you will self abuse yourself and perform self pathologizing act, which will end up as mental illness.
This is like Maxwel Maltz book Cyberthronics where he noticed that Hollywood celebrities are fixing their face with plastic surgeries - in order to fix something they believe is wrong - but in the end - end up being deformed.

(9.1.2025)

YT "Guilt, Blame, Shame, Embarassment and Fault in BPD
"

You made me realize something I was not aware before:

that when I expose, when I expand my comfort zone - I will usually put myself down and minimize any achievement. But the reason why I do this - apart from obvious internalized toxic shame and operant conditioning - is actually my outlook - I see any experiment or action as meaningless and I seek approval from other people around me - who will in 99 percent of cases put it down and minimize it. I do not see any of my trials as accountability and responsibility at all. I do not label it as such. I label it as my caprice and consequently something that is crazy, abnormal, anxious, not valid. I invalidate myself without being aware of it and I use labels unconsciously to stay immobile and avoidant and to be ashamed for trying anything in life. I do not see any achievement and any action and any exposure - as accountability and responsibility. I ashamed it instead as irrelevant and shameful - on top of other people's unfair and unjust criticism.

If I labeled my trials and facing fears as accountability and responsibility - I would not put myself down and dismiss it as insignificant...

(11.1.2025)

0:24 "I conquered anxiety so I can talk to anyone"
"to beat social anxiety then basically in any social situation you are in, first of all you should read How to win friends and influence people...after that in any social situation when you don't know what to say, then our brain knows a little about what should be said"

You are saying that social anxiety is shyness.
Not it is not.
Social anxiety is not called talking anxiety.
You mix up shyness with social anxiety.
Social anxiety is feeling uncomfortable in abnormal sick situations like being around psychopaths and sociopaths who are in power. It is not teen fear of talking to strangers.

You are framing and forcing socially anxious to believe that their anxiety is connected to fear of talking. It is not.
It is reaction to abnormal sick people who need medical treatment - and it our reaction to criminally insane people appear on surface as fear of talking. You are not making it easier by mis constructing social anxiety as irrational fear of talking.

YT "4 ways to tell if you have OCPD
"

There is no mention when someone has this disorder as result of abuse and perfectionism in ACE and ACoA.
Also
there is no mention when someone in adult life with this disorder is faced with another person who has the same disorder - and this other person is abusive and hysterical - so it triggers social anxiety.

3) there is no mention what happens when we try to be flexible and we are abused by someone with this disorder who is abusive and does not want to heal it.

This is problem with CBT and videos like this one based on CBT.
We end up identifying with our symptoms as if they are our personality, our identity. Instead of helping us, CBT is like more adhesive glue that is solidifying the disorder with our persona.
Then we end up hating and rejecting ourselves - and changing and fixing things that are not pathology at all.
CBT ought to be banned.

Neurodivergent.
Ableist CBT does not recognizes ND - so we end up being pathologized and with ruined self esteem - thinking that our brain is disorder itself. CBT ought to be banned.

Any personality disorder resembles narcissistic PD - because any PD is inability to see how our own behavior is affecting other people around us.

Now the question is - why you stay in toxic ambient?
What is the fear and blockage from moving on? That fear should be explored, Not that nazi boss.

Denky says when everything is perfect - ego dystonic - there will be feeling of emptiness since there is no drama or action. I agree with him.
basically and paradoxically - ego dystonic we feel when there is drama and hysteria and problems.
This is proof that OCPD stems from ACoA and ACE - toxic parenting, toxic culture of toxic shame.

It is half baked video based on CBT. Which means over-simplification of extremely complex issues.
Trauma is ignored. ACoA and ACE also.
Video presents PD as our choice, as if our brain is abnormal and we must hate it and reject it order to become group think unable to think for oneself. CBT ought to be banned.

You must put your own mental health and well being first - always.
Staying with abusive person is enabling their sickness.

He has no tips how to deal with it.
He has no idea what is the cause (trauma) and why is it happening (due to operant conditioning).
All he knows is CBT - which is toxic ableist therapy which is oversimplifying complex problems and presents them as "cognitive distortion" problem - forcing us to hate and reject ourselves so we are easy to control and manipulate.

Video does not mentions the crucial problem - what happens with kids who have OCPD parent - and how we develop this disorder , 86% of it - and how it is connected to borderline disorder and social anxiety, lack of self and ruined self due to destroyed self esteem due to perfectionism - and abusive people triggering our perfectionism.

Symptoms are not actual problem.
Fixing the symptoms will not help with the cause: abuse and destroyed self persona identity - which needs healing and being built - which this video does not mention at all.
CBT is only pathologizing us - forcing us to hate and reject ourselves without doing anything to help us with real life issues we are blocked with.

(12.1.2025)

You are describing the very borderline issues inside social anxiety which I stated; rigid mindset. Social anxiety is Obsessive Compulsive personality disorder.

You said:
" the brain needs to learn how to handle those complex situations"
Social situations are not suppose to be battle. If we approach it and if we perceive and explain social anxiety as a plan and danger - there will be social anxiety as reaction to this belief.
Social situations are not suppose to be something planned, something we need to educate ourselves about.
Social situations should feel safe and happy and source of insight and data - not a task that is hard and needs school.
If we make ourselves believe that social situations are complex - they will be - and we will create social anxiety as byproduct of this erroneous belief.

(13.1.2025)

"Ty for the whole entire essay. Ima now read all of it. I’ll see u in a week lol"

It is easier in life to have victim mentality. never to grow up and depend on other people to feed us and order us what to do in life.

YT "How to navigate ADHD and social anxiety"

Real life situations in 99 percent of time are not related to parties.
But actually to mobbing at job, abuse at home and violence in streets.
What happens when the evidence show us that we are abused - and we cannot run away after one hour and we are forced to be in oppressive ambient without means of escape - due to no finances, no shelter.
In short - when we are in real life and social anxiety.
What then?

YT "How to cure social anxiety"

When we combat feeling of judgement -
judgement related to scrutiny from the others -
we are rejecting reality.
When we reject reality - we will develop mental illness known as delusional disorder.
Elections in USA showed that 1 in 2 person is mentally ill and criminally insane - because 1 in 2 person supports Nazi concentration camps, murder, rape and racism. It means that judgment is real. There is high chance that other people hold mentally ill scrutiny and abnormal aggression to strangers to anyone who appears "weak" and different to them.
If we refuse to accept this reality and when we convince ourselves that all people are good and nice and sane - we will develop codependency. Because these same mentally ill people criminally insane are predatory. It means that they are pathological liars, highly manipulative and controlling - and we actually should listen to our social anxiety and stay away from sick abusive people who will often enough have fake social mask in the public or at the first contact.
This is especially true in shame-based culture countries where shaming others is lifestyle choice of the majority whose narcissistic supply depend on putting other people down.

YT "Meet Social Anxiety With Compassion
"

When we ask ourselves to doubt after social contact - this is actually sign of being exposed to narcissistic abuse.
When we normalize, ignore, deny abuse - we will create codependency and trauma bonding and fawning and we will enable the abusers to abuse and stay in toxic contact.
Instead of convincing ourselves that our anxiety is irrational - I would rather spend the same energy into learning about narcissistic abuse and learning how to recognize red flags.

YT "Dealing with SOCIAL ANXIETY! #socialanxiety #stressmanagement #stressed"

That is not social anxiety. It is Responsibility OCD stemming from ACE and ACoA childhood where we learned to be perfect and to depend on other people to feel good about ourselves and approved.

Hyper-responsibility.
We were programmed to be kind and nice - and then we were pushed to take control for other people as well but in the same time we were banned to blame other people being abusive. So now we are stuck in self blame mode with urge to be perfect and to fix other people's potential anger.

YT "Overcome Social Anxiety in 2025: Tried and Tested Pathway #socialanxietycoach #socialanxiety"

Social anxiety is not issue of low confidence.
Idea that we are at fault and that we must change ourselves is an act of self blaming.
Hating social anxiety is:
Self hatred, self rejection and self abuse.

YT "ADHD and social anxiety talks #adhd #relatable #pov #anxiety"

Finding the right people is game changer - because social anxiety is normal natural reaction to toxic people being toxic to everyone in contact with predators.

YT "How To Instantly Remove Social Anxiety."

That is not social anxiety fear. It is normal reaction to social pressure which we should have - we should embrace social norms and behave like adult.

Social anxiety is Responsibility OCD issue. IT has nothing to do with confidence or talking or being in public. It is being trapped in shame-based culture country where other people are abusive and shaming and intolerant.

YT "How To Overcome Social Anxiety (Easy Steps That Work)
"

You are starting with the idea that all social situations are comfortable and are suppose to be comfortable.
Social situations are not only parties.
Mobbing at work, abuse at home, violence in the street, living in shame-based culture countries are also real life social situations.

I totally agree with this statement:
"We want to keep this as simple as possible. Being fluid in social situations is all about simplicity."
But real life situations are far from being simple.
When social situations are not complex - then most social situations are vague and we lack all information to see what is going on - usually ending up with wrong conclusions and wrong decisions. In order to achieve correct conclusions and right decisions - we need to worry and to ruminate - to see social situations as complex and that is double binding of social anxiety.

"Anxieties that keep us stuck"
Nope.
It is not anxiety that keeps us stuck. It is actually toxic people in power position - someone who is abusive and has some power like firing us from only job we can have, or throwing us in the street or attacking us physically etc.
Social anxiety is called social + anxiety. It is not called self anxiety. Anxiety stems from the social element: toxic people being abusive to us.
When you explain social anxiety as something that we choose to have - you are instructing us to self abuse ourselves, that we blame ourselves for being abused and that we hate and reject our normal human reactions to abusive people - and this self hatred will end up as codependency, enabling the abuse, staying stuck in toxic ambient, normalizing the abuse and trauma bonding.

1:08 "Truth number one: Everyone has social anxiety"
When I wrote topic about this in 2022 at main reddit channel for social anxiety I was being attacked, deleted and banned from that group - moderators there accused me of lying and kicked me out and deleted my topic. I received dozens of comments that this is not true.

1:56 "Spotlight effect"
Everyone is focused on themselves - when everyone is normal and healthy and sane and social and friendly.
But elections in USA showed us that 1 in 2 person is criminally insane, narcissistic and borderline - that they support toxic shame mentality of attacking different people and being intolerant. So Spotlight effect is not true. Reality is that 1 in 2 person will be filled with mental illness, internalized toxic shame and they will hold automatic grudge and hatred to anyone around - because they are criminally insane.
When we go along with idea that we cannot rely on our natural reaction to abusive sick people - we will fawn to them.
That happens because toxic people are manipulative, they seek control and their modus operandi is coercive control - since that is their narcissistic supply source: judging other people and shaming others.
When we decide to divorce ourselves from reality and go along with CBT idea of denial and suppression - we will suppress our natural anger and disgust emotions - and we will develop Fawning trauma response, people pleasing and being pushover - which are twin conditions to social anxiety.

Not all people are kind and nice.
And we do not need to talk to everyone.
Telling other people that we have social anxiety - will be narcissists source of shaming and blaming which they perform automatically and they cannot stop themselves from harming others and using personal information voluntarily given to them.

Social anxiety is not issue of low confidence.
Social anxiety is not fear of talking.
Social anxiety is not about lacking social skills.
These are all symptoms which appear as social anxiety. But in reality - they are Responsibility OCD, hyper responsibility stemming from ACE ACoA childhood where we learned to be codependent and to seek approval from others and to fix angry people. This operant conditioning will appear as social anxiety in adulthood - and
idea that we become social and to talk to people - will only solidify toxic predators and parasites who are already feasting on our OCD.

YT "Our experiences are not the same😭 #actuallyautistic"

What the extrovert is saying - that her friends are source of comfort and support, similar to this video which is source of comfort and support for ND. What we get from this video - validation, being heard, being understood, being able to explain what is bugging us and people understanding us what most other people don't even want to learn about - is what extrovert one is getting from socializing.
The only difference is that neurotypicals are shallow and fake - so their process of talking is also shallow and fake - but it is functional for them.

YT "Can you really cure social anxiety? "

Crippling levels of anxiety is not social anxiety.
You are mixing up terms.
Social anxiety - is normal and we should have it. Without social anxiety we would be psychopaths, narcissists and impulsive borderline, dark triad predators and parasites, emotional vampires.

Crippling levels of anxiety are natural and normal reaction to abuse. Where the problem is the abuser, predator, dark triad personality - someone who is harming others and has hidden agenda to cause drama, chaos, hysteria around them.

When someone is abusing us - the normal healthy levels do not exist.
It is the same as to say someone house burning in LA fire - and being afraid of the future of having no home - that this crippling fear is abnormal and not normal.

When we hold idea that our natural reaction to narcissistic abuse and oppression is our fault, our crippling emotion - we will never find our community - since all our resources and focus will be centered around this disorder and problem and paranoia.

YT "Overcoming Social Anxiety: The #1 Thing You Need to Focus On #socialanxietycoach"

Honesty with healthy sane and normal people should be our focus.
But in rea life - many people wear fake social mask, they misrepresent themselves as friends and normal and sane - and when we are honest with dishonest fake predator - they will use our voluntary given information against ourselves in order to harm and hurt us later on when their mental illness cause them to be abusive, paranoid and hysterical.

Whenever we are honest this will happen in real life:

Social anxiety results from being around people who are resolutely opposed to who you are.
Stefan Molyneux

To say what you feel is to dig your own grave
Album: I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got
Black Boys on Mopeds
Song by Sinéad O'Connor

"People will constantly tell you to be yourself but when you do, they will still say "not like that!" If the world truly wanted you to be real, they wouldn't make their disapproval of you so clear once you are. The truth is that people only want you to be real to the extent that they are comfortable with and in a way that they can approve of."
(YT sclera 74)

YT "How Your Phone Can Actually Destroy Your Social Anxiety
"

Hating social anxiety is an act of self abuse, self hatred and self rejection.
When we do not care what other people think about us at all - we will develop mental illness called narcissism and borderline disorder, psychopathy and sociopathy. Anti-social disorder.
Idea that we lack social skills - will end up as self fulfilling prophecy where we will build our persona about someone who is lacking always in social skills and cannot fulfill this hole since we conceived ourselves that we are dorks.
Elections in USA showed us that 1 in 2 person is mentally ill and abnormal. This means - that there is 50% of chance that random people hate us just because we exist - and they have no reason but they do contemplate how to abuse us since they have abnormal predatory sadistic brain.
When we ignore this fact and presume non realistic idea that all people are sane and healthy and friendly - we will end up with false belief that we must trust each person around us. Since predators are toxic - their abnormal brain is functioning through control and manipulation to us - they will use pathological lying - our ability to detect this abnormality will be gone - since we will convince ourselves that spotlight effect means that other people have no harmful intentions against us.
Then we will end up with fawning and fear and social anxiety - since we are unable to detect toxic people and cut them off. Since you are convincing us in spotlight effect here in this video.

YT "Shyness & social anxiety bring you negative attention. #shyness #socialanxiety"

But then the problem with the people who see shyness as negative. Those are toxic people whom we should not be around with nor we should try to fit in into their crap at all.

If people struggle with what we are saying - normal and healthy and sane and friendly person would state that and ask for repetition, they would be social. They would not burn us like witch on a stake because their entitlement is not fulfilled, their perfectionism and idea of what is correct behavior in social situations.

If other person thinks that shyness is wrong - that person is abnormal. Probably psychopath or sociopath. Normal healthy sane friendly social people do not judge quiet people as sick and abnormal. Only abnormal people do that.

YT "When my social anxiety kick-in in public"

It is not social anxiety. It is actually:
- feeling toxic vibes
- feeling over-responsible
- hating ourselves
- rejecting ourselves
- not taking care of our well being
- not being allowed to be honest
- being punished
- being controlled
- being manipulated.

YT "My Experience With Social Anxiety
"

Social phobia was renamed in mid 1990s when DSM "experts" discovered that it is actually anxiety and not phobia since social anxiety does not go away with repeated exposure to the fear object. Phobia is cured with exposure to the fear since we desensitize ourselves to the pain and fear.

Social anxiety can be Functional. It means we can expose: we can go to social events and appear as not socially anxious.
That is why definition of social anxiety is crucial. Medical description of social anxiety disorder is fear of criticism. Fear of scrutiny. Fear of punishment. Fear of contempt. Fear of expressing our own criticism and scrutiny for the fear of more of criticism receiving scrutiny back as response.

We are born only with two fears: fear of falling and fear of loud noises. Any other fear we struggle with is learned and conditioned.
Social anxiety is normal - without social anxiety we would be psychopaths and sociopaths who do not care what other people think about us.
Social anxiety disorder is fear of criticism. It has nothing to do with confidence or going to parties.

Anger is not associated with social anxiety - because of this fear of criticism. If we have anger - then this social anxiety symptoms are actually symptom of Borderline disorder which is masking itself as social anxiety.

True medical social anxiety is desire to be social - hence there is anxiety. We place social events and socializing as primary concern and inability to get social is causing social anxiety. The need to be around people.

So you describe here anti-social behavior and desire not to be around people, not socializing - so it seems to me that you do not have medical social anxiety. You have social anxiety symptoms.
Problem here is that social anxiety resources will not help you - since they do not address the core problem: borderline anti-social behavior.

BPD people are self efficient and start their own business.
Socially anxious people with medical social anxiety could never do that due to crippling toxic shame that prevents them to do anything without approval of others. You do not have this type of crippling shame - so that is indication you do not have actual medical social anxiety.
When you read social anxiety books and seek therapy for social anxiety - it will not help you - since it cannot help you because you do not have actual social anxiety, you have social anxiety symptoms.

Borderline disorder and social anxiety overlap in many areas - so they will mimic each other and be confusing.

The idea of being healthy is that we are social in the end. That we follow social norms and that we obey the law.
Socially anxious do that too much - they have Responsibility OCD, obsessive compulsive personality disorder which compels them to be afraid of criticism.
Borderline disorder is based on depending on other people to fulfill own needs and seeing other people as tools not as human beings who need support and maintenance - so there is fear of criticism due to fear of rejection and not having hence the tools for own agenda. Fear of criticism is present in both conditions - but the goal is different.

When we discover what is at the root of social anxiety - we can find tools to help us regulate our emotions.
When we are misdiagnoses and when we refuse to get the data - we will experience symptoms of social anxiety.

"as long as they do a good job and are respectful, I’m fine with them."
But this is the problem with medical social anxiety.
We have Responsibility OCD masking itself as lack of social skills and as low confidence.
Our hyper-responsibility is placing us on idea that we are the ones who are so important that other people behavior is the source of our safety and security -
we have rigid belief which we acquired in ACE and ACoA where we believe firmly how our self worth is associated about how other people act.
When people are nice and kind - we believe we are good person.
When someone is angry and anti-social - we automatically believe we are bad and we did something wrong. Without us being aware of it that we are taking responsibility for someone's bad behavior.
So social anxiety is obsessive-compulsive personality disorder and we have no idea that we have it.
CBT and social anxiety self help industry are "explaining" to us that we have social skills issues and forcing us to believe that we have cognitive distortions - which we then internalize and develop toxic shame - and then end up with destroyed personality and low confidence - and we have no idea what to do and how to cure our anxiety.
Since the true problem is being masked: hyper-resonsibility.

YT "How to overcome social anxiety #jordanpeterson"

Nonsense. Social anxiety is hyper-responsibility issue learned in ACoA ACE childhood. It has nothing to do with looking or not looking at other people. Socially anxious are actually zoomed into other people like with a microscope, too much due to fear of punishment and seeking any sign of sudden attack. This fear of scrutiny is pushing us to believe that we are responsible when other people are angry. So looking at them won't help with anxiety - it will make it worse since we do not do anything about removing this hyper-responsibility at all.

YT "Overcoming Social Anxiety: Building Confidence | Kaise Samajik Chinta Ko Overcome Karen"

Social anxiety is Responsibility OCD.
It has nothing to do with social skills.
You mix up shyness/autism with social anxiety.

YT "How to Cope Up With Social Anxiety🥹🫣#Social Anxiety #aesthetic💫"

Social anxiety is reaction to oppression and lack of money.
Being physically active is healthy but it has nothing to do with removing medical social anxiety.
Enough sleep too. Or eating healthy.

Socially anxious already participate in social activities - but they are the source of mobbing, abuse, legalized abuse, normalized narcissistic abuse.
Social anxiety is analogy of being trapped in mobbing toxic job without being able to quit it due to no finances to support own existence. That is social anxiety - being stuck in abuse stemming from toxic people.
No matter how much we eat healthy and sleep and avoid addictions - abuse will still be incoming.
Problem is hidden in Responsibility OCD which is masked away from us - and we only see panic and fear and social situations as the problem - and then we do nothing about the core disorder: obsessive-compulsive personality disorder forged in ACE ACoA shame.based culture ambient.

YT "DAY 1 OF OVERCOMING SOCIAL ANXIETY"

Overcoming social anxiety without doing anything about Hyper-responsibility OCD is shooting blanks. Wasting our resources time and money.

YT "My journey from socially anxious to socially confident. #shyness #socialanxiety #introvert"

When you become fake version of yourself that is formed as crap fitting to toxic society - that is called narcissism and borderline disorder.

(14.1.2025)

"This may be true for a small group of people, however it’s safe to say that most “socially anxious” individuals are simply weak and have a negative attitude towards life in general."

You are pathologizing them, scrutinizing abused traumatized people and you are oversimplifying very complex and serious issue without any empathy.

"In my experience when people have social anxiety they're closed off from connecting with people and when they learn to feel confident in themselves and around people they are a lot happier... There's no hate towards social anxiety but building confidence with people does help"

Well your experience is egocentric and you are coercing traumatized people to believe in what appears as reality to you. But it is delusion based on imaginary explanations.

"Just 2 things you said that I disagree with: 1). I don't think quiet/introverted is always the same as shy; there are different motivations behind those two behaviors. 2). It's not that shyness is wrong, but I do think it's negative because although it might be partially genetic, the larger part of it is a response to an environment of social rejection, social exclusion, bullying, and generally feeling unsafe."

Response to social rejection is not shyness. IT is called Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria.
You are fusing various emotions with real concept that you are not aware of at all.
That is very dangerous - since you are coercing socially anxious to develop various misdiagnosis.

"Maybe in response to a toxic society, but what about fitting into a normal, generally good society?"

Elections in USA showed that "normal" "generally good society" does not exist on this planet.
1 in 2 person will support criminally insane, rapist and racist person to be their leader.
1 in 2 person would support Nazi concentration camps and witch hunt and Crusades against any person that is different from the majority.
Normal generally good society is myth.
You can read Gabor Mate book "Myth of normal" which title is saying exactly that.
That is the central problem with social anxiety itself - we try to fit in to crap. We are crap fitting - and in the same time we believe that we are doing what is normal. And then end up with social anxiety - since 1 in 2 person on this planet is abnormal, psychopathic and sick - and we are having normal reaction to abnormal people around us. In shame-based culture countries these numbers are ever worse than in USA.

" I appreciate you for sharing your perspective but I'll give you an analogy to explain the teaching:

Imagine social anxiety was body fat.

We all have some body fat as it's vital but it is possible for excess levels to become problematic by which I mean interfere with normal functioning and daily life (crippling), e.g. through causing mobility issues.

In this case someone choosing to lose weight from a place of self-love would be a good thing.

In the same way the intensity of fear people feel around others can vary widely and some people experience crippling levels of anxiety in all social situations.

You're correct in saying that people's feelings and fear are typically proportionate to their experiences, so perhaps someone with social anxiety has suffered from narcissistic abuse growing up. However, in our mind we view the wider world as a bigger version of the world we were raised in by our caregivers and in the wider world it's not just wolves there's lots of good people you can trust.

What this means is that many people are treating the wider world 🌍 as their upbringing and they're living life in fear and walking on egg shells. And just like someone could be crippled by body fat they're crippled in social situations by fear.

The great thing is you can overcome this with exposure therapy combined with help and support and get to a stage where you feel healthy levels of fear but don't allow fear to stop you from confidently socialising."

Thinking that social anxiety is body fat is act of self hatred, self rejection and self abuse.
This is the same to say that when some person attacks you - that you blame your wounds as body fat. As if we could do something to protect ourselves and that it is our fault for being assaulted.
When people abuse - it is their own choice - they are the abnormal ones. We are not responsible for abnormal people behaving abnormal.
Behind social anxiety is this Responsibility OCD issue - and you are having it too.
Obsessive compulsive personality disorder is this rigid thinking - being stubborn and believing in own ideas as if they are chiseled in the permanent stone. And in the same time ideas are filled with self hatred and self abuse.

"Hating social anxiety is an act of self abuse, self hatred and self rejection - which leads to mental illness and personality disorder , codependency issues and trauma bonding."

"Love it!!
Spent the day meditating on this, and to be honest, I never consciously saw it from that perspective. Thank you for sharing!!!"

That is why we are stuck in social anxiety - we are stuck in tunnel vision and someone outside of us must show us the way out. We won't be able to see the exit in our own - due to rigid mindset and toxic society pathologizing our reactions to abuse.

"but the reality is no one gives a shit and is too busy with their own lives."
But how do you know that 100%?
Did you ever hear of Jung fake social mask?
Where people do not convey their true opinions - and instead they lie and don't tell their true thoughts?
How can you know for sure that other people are not obsessed with your mistakes and judge you for it and contemplate revenge or attack because of your errors and appearance and personal orientation?
You cannot read other people minds.
You are basing your beliefs on delusion - on a belief - where you have no evidence for your beliefs. that is dangerous.
When we belief in delusions - we will start to base our decisions on snapshot of reality - which is narcissism and dissociation from reality.

YT "oops - I almost got beaten up... for being intuitive
"

People pleasing is reflex, response to psychopaths and sociopaths. Fawning is trauma response.
Trauma response - is not something shameful as society is teaching us. IT is not a choice.
IT is wise smart response to avoid further pain and suffering.
Unfortunately society in the west is prone to Dunning Krueger effect and CBT - where people who are kind, nice, wise, friendly, social, sane - are seen as weak and abnormal and stupid. While in the same time people who are loud and anti-social and aggressive - are seen as competent, gods, leaders. Which of course is not true at all - aggressive people are mentally ill, they have no working psyche inside, they are abnormal and their actions and decisions will lead to catastrophe and abuse later on in life.
The only thing we can do - is that we do not feel shame for our trauma reactions and that we do not self-pathologize ourselves as CBT and toxic society is teaching us to hate ourselves.
When we get education about narcissistic abuse, psychopaths and sociopaths (Sam Vaknin is best resource) - we learn that people who as you said in video get angry very quickly - are abnormal, they are not connected to reality, they have narcissistic and borderline disorder- and our task in 99% of cases when we are confronted with them - that we have no contact with them.
Because they are abnormal - they are capable of committing a crime, they will be freed by judge due to their abnormal brain and they will never feel any kind of consequence or punishment or change in character at all - otherwise they would be normal right now. Abnormal people are capable of backstabbing us - without us being aware that problems we experience stem from stalkers and sick people who hate us for no reason.

When we are grounded in reality, when we know our identity - then angry people won't appear as someone who is our responsibility, we won't see it as a competition and that we must scream at them back. HSP usually have Over-responsibility OCD, hyper-responsibility - which we are not aware of it because the disorder it in alignment with rules ethics and morals - in psychology this is called Egosyntonic. So being Egosyntonic - our trauma appears as voice of reason - and then we end up screaming and yelling at people or we fawn or we try to fix their anger, we feel responsible for their hysteria, we try to reason with people who are sadistic and enjoy conflict. And then we feel like our ego is ruined with their abnormal anti-social behavior - while in reality - we have problem with OCD that we are not aware of it at all.
OverResponsibility OCD is rampant in HSP - but nobody told us this. We experience it though as social anxiety symptoms and usually through self blame and self hatred and self rejection.

This is great comment -
because it reveals the operant conditioning found in HSP.
We avoid the pain.
We are conditioned - through our own nervous system an also through toxic ambient such as ACE and ACoA in our developmental years - to avoid the pain.
When we avoid the pain - we get conditioned. This is something that Pavlovian dogs experiment showed us and BF Skinner discovered later on in mid 20th century: that when we avoid pain - either through punishment or rewards - we will get conditioned in life.

It means - as HSP we will get conditioned to become empaths - since empathy is the only workable functional manner to survive on this planet - where on the one hand we try to do morally and ethically correct thing and on the other hand we have toxic planet filled with criminals and mentally ill sick abnormal people who are abusing other people without getting any kind of punishment even from the law and judge in their adult years. Going to prison (unless the criminals live in Norway or Swiss) will teach them how to brush abnormal anti-social behavior - not to correct it.

So what I want to say - it is what I discovered myself-
let us feel the pain. Instead of being conditioned to run away from it, let us feel it.

Because in the example of this video -
if that teen psycho really did attack you - that would actually become news. You would be an article in main newspapers and even on TV - and perhaps in newspapers around the world.
And how often does that happen?
I think not so often.

I have access to Turkish news TV stations - and they are filled with such incidents where random abnormal Turks are attacking random people - like angry parents entering kindergarten and attacking the nannies - or random street violence. In Turkey this happens every day - because it is shame-based culture country and it is poor.
In the west - due to education and society who has culture - and system that is taking away babies from alcoholic homes - such violent incidents are rare. Especially in the Western Europe - since the system itself is curing abnormal sick people from becoming anti-social.
So chances are - you would probably never get clobbered. You said that his friend was anxious and he was calming him down. That is the result of education and system state care found in Western Europe - where children are taught since childhood to become normal sane adults. I would put trust in EU that is doing best thing possible to remove abnormalities in society such as street violence.

But aside with that - I would also focus on our fear of pain.
At certain age of our life - we need to come to conclusion where we stop running from the pain.
And allow it to feel it. And watch what happens next.
If we live in normal state - anti-social behavior will be sanctioned and frowned upon by society.

YT ""Mentality in BPD" The Sensitive Stability BPD Live Show
"

I had series of epiphanies thanks to Kevin.

I took personality disorder test once again, the last time I did it was in 2008 - and sure enough OPCD was the number one issue 80% - then I googled it now and discovered that OPCD is behind being stubborn which appears as social anxiety to me. And personality disorder is issue of being rigid, having rigid mindset. We end up being preoccupied with our symptoms - while the thing that is disorder part - is in this rigidity. Social anxiety appears as problem with no social skills and low confidence, but nope - it is problem with stubbornness and egosyntonic convictions about moral and ethical beliefs which are actually rigid and disorder that cannot be detected. This quote is spot on.

And this applies to current Tic Toc chaos.
We will always get new unexpected problems in life and we will always be forced to use our intellect and find solutions to problems which appear as unsolvable and difficult in areas that appear unbreakable and as non problematic - and lack of rigid mindset (or having flexible mindset that is) then plays huge role in how much we will adapt to new situations and find solutions.

(16.1.2025)

Yeah, unfortunately most kids (and adults) struggling with social anxiety symptoms want quick fix and they are ashamed of their social anxiety and then make things worse by using methods to fix themselves by hating themselves.
Like common method is shouting in public, challenges or toxic masculinity - they falsely believe that social anxiety is flaw in character associated to femininity which must be exterminated.

Google is a poor source - oversimplified resource. You need medical one, based on better research.

"intense fear in social situation" can be million things - shyness included.
You had shyness - which you decided to google into Social anxiety.

Social anxiety medical description is:

DSM-IV:
Marked fear or anxiety about one or more social situations in which the individual is exposed to possible scrutiny by others.

The individual fears that he or she will act in a way or show anxiety symptoms that will be negatively evaluated (i.e., will be humiliating or embarrassing; will lead to rejection or offend others).

Core traits are ego-syntonic . Anything that appears as normal, good to you. Anything that does not produce anxiety, fear, panic - that are what our core values are.
On the surface - there is no problem with that. But - for example - to a thief - stealing is egosyntonic.
In the same manner - all toxic behavior, hidden self sabotaging actions that we undertake - are hidden behind our inner core rules that appear as good to us.
Similar to Zoroastrianism where there is warning how evil hides itself among the good and our task is to discern what is truly good in life - to filter out the bad.

So - to socially anxious person - egosyntonic will be perfectionism and over-responsibility - but socially anxious person won't be aware of this at all. They will have different labels for it, they will use neutral words to describe these 2 motors of social anxiety. Instead of perfectionism they will call it as quality. Instead of over-responsibility they will use the word empathy.
And when social anxiety strikes - they won't be able to see where the fear of criticism is coming from at all - since the evil is hidden behind ego-syntonic values.
Also - it is not so easy to get rid of perfectionism - because we need to find balance between being efficient and not OCD. We need to find balance between helping people and not sacrificing our time and energy, which can be very confusing, at first.

(20.1.2025)

YT "I LOST My Ability To Speak! #shorts"

Great story but it is medically misleading.
Social anxiety is not issue of communication.
It is issue of oppression and being abused - not being allowed to talk freely due to coercive control.

YT "Effective Therapies for Overcoming Social Anxiety"

CBT is horrible ableist therapy based on self pathologizing our experiences, gaslighting ourselves into self blame and self abuse and denying that narcissistic abuse is real.

There is no real scientific evidence that CBT is helpful.
CBT is based on suppression and denial, dysfunctional coping mechanisms.

YT "Social Anxiety: 4 Proven Strategies to Feel Confident Anywhere!"

Social anxiety is reaction to narcissistic abuse, oppression and coercive control.
It has nothing to do with confidence, will power or being strong/weak.

YT "Quick tip for social anxiety"

Social anxiety is not fear of talking. It is not called talking anxiety.
Fear of talking and fear of not being confident is shyness, which resembles social anxiety symptoms.
Medical social anxiety is fear of criticism, fear of scrutiny, punishment -
and it occurs in mobbing, narcissistic abuse, coercive control, situations where person cannot run away or cut contact or fight - due to oligarchy, power position of abusers and inability to find another shelter and lack of finances to support oneself (socio-economic issues).
So real medical social anxiety unfortunately is not so simply as being male alpha macho man or issues with breathing. IT is complex trauma instead based on years of abuse and exposure to systematic invalidation.

YT "beating social anxiety is easy, actually"

"Creepy sensation of being analyzed" is sign of being exposed to emotional abuse, invalidation and chronic micromanaging criticism in developmental years.

"Remembering what we said 3 years ago" is called Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria - which is byproduct of being exposed to chronic invalidation and micromanaging corrections in developmental years.

"Being smart with your energy" - does not work in real life situations like mobbing and being trapped in abusive toxic job which we cannot quit due to no finances and no shelter. Or being trapped in abusive relationship which could end as femicide is victim leaves.

"Do the thing anyway" - social anxiety stems from being exposed to emotional and narcissistic abuse. It means when we do something - there is someone in power position who is abusing us. The anxiety is reflection and reaction to abuse. It is not something that we imagine.
Social anxiety is not found only when we drink coffee in coffee bar.
Social situations are also being trapped in mobbing job, not having money so not having finances to go anywhere.

The real world works on oppression and coercive control, where rapist and racist, criminally insane scum become presidents of countries.

YT "Overcoming Social Anxiety: Building Connections with Ease #SocialAnxiety #OvercomingAnxiety #Autism"

These are all great messages - but technically speaking this is not social anxiety.
This is shyness described here. And neurotypical brainwashing that having superficial friends - acquaintances really, is the ultimate goal in life.
Real medical social anxiety is not related to making friends or talking.
It is fear of criticism, fear of punishment, fear of scrutiny - this is medical description of social anxiety and social anxiety disorder.
When we are preoccupied with being alone and having friends - and nothing else - then this is shyness issue - which can mimic social anxiety symptoms.

YT "How Dale's social anxiety shaped his character #kingofthehill #analysis"

Really socially anxious person would fear criticism and scrutiny of judgement from peer pressure.
Dale is more Schizotypal type - not liking people much and being isolated.
Socially anxious people want to socialize and they place high value on connection and being around people - otherwise they would not feel social anxiety symptoms.
What Dale feels as social anxiety - is regular fear of social judgement which often mimics and resembles and overlaps with social anxiety.

YT "Full video uploaded now! Check it out! #socialanxiety #vlog"

Social anxiety is not always bad. It reminds us not to make fool of ourselves in public and that we are not annoying to the others. Without social anxiety we would develop psychopathy and sociopathy issues where we do not care what other people think and how our behavior is affecting others around us.

YT "Approach Anxiety? How To Turn Social Anxiety Into CONFIDENCE With This ONE Hack | From Man To King
"

Medical social anxiety is not issue of confidence, will power or being weak.
Medical social anxiety is fear of criticism, fear of scrutiny and fear of punishment - it is also fear of expressing our own criticism, our own scrutiny and punishing people around us when they cross boundaries of common sense.

When we do not give a f* - this is called psychopathy and sociopathy. People who are Cluster B - do not care how their own behavior affects other people. This is why narcissism is on the rise - because we are being brainwashed by Jordan Peterson ideology that being kind and nice is being sissy feminine - so we believe that we must be toxic in order to be man. Which of course is path to mental illness: narcissism and borderline disorder.

There are toxic people like that all around.
Toxic people are focused on abusing other people and judging others in order to feel good about their self esteem. When they put someone down, find faults and errors in others - this gives them sadistic pleasure because they have abnormal brain.

Election in USA showed us that 1 in 2 person supports Nazi concentration camps, mass murdering of anyone who is different than accepted majority, rape and racism. So there are 49% of mentally ill toxic people around us in any country based on patriarchy and Taliban fascism mentality.

When we feel social anxiety - we are detecting 49% of mentally ill criminally insane people around us.
Jung discovered that there is concept called Fake social mask - where toxic people fake pretend to be normal and social.
When we form long term connections with such people - toxic people are predatory - their sense of worth comes from abusing and exploiting their victims. This is what we feel with social anxiety - we are reacting to toxic people.

Idea that we abuse ourselves - to force ourselves to talk to mentally ill criminally insane - is self abuse.
When we deny our body and when we ignore our emotions - that is self abuse.
Idea that we must make other people happy and give them compliments is called codependency and borderline disorder where we believe our own identity is based on making other people happy and them being happy with us. This will end up as people pleasing and fawning - social anxiety issues.

Social anxiety is alarm - that we are around toxic people who fake pretend to be normal, and it is also issue of not believing in ourselves so we place our sense of worth into other people and their emotions what they think about us (which is called borderline disorder).

Hating social anxiety is an act of self abuse, self rejection and self hatred.
We will never develop full confidence and energy to approach people when we attack ourselves and feel self shame about who we are.

"I always feel negative feellings when i feel overstimulated and i feel angry. I also tend to lose my temper and I cant push the feeling away and i am just in a bad mood. How do you fix that when being overstimulated...."

This is because we learned - we were punished into - conditioned to associate negative feelings with anger. We have no idea that our negative emotions can have different outlet - such as humor or being even more positive and motivational and that we perform self check - self awareness - perhaps we hold some unreal beliefs or expectations or rigid mindset that keep us trapped in unnecessary grudge.
Epicurus talked in his ancient philosophy that we will be happy when we align with more realistic needs instead of craving perfectionism and luxury and other people's admiration and approval

YT "It can feel so challenging to calm down in a moment where we are feeling overstimulated, & anxious"

I believe many of us who are watching psychological videos are focused on self improvement and finding help - which means that we are over-regulating - but from our point of view it appears as if we are not doing it at all of we are not perfect at it.
Then it is problem of over-regulation also known as perfectionism - and this rigid mindset is problem on its own - since we are not aware that our good intentions are keeping us trapped in abusing ourselves. It is like being focused on pruning ourselves that we prune all branches off and then bear no fruit and wonder why we are fruitless, we have no idea what we are doing it wrong -
and truth is that we are over-doing it.

YT "Rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) is an intense emotional response triggered by perceived"

It is borderline issue. We have no identity inside - we don't rely on our own resources and our worth - we think it is inept and worthless, due to internalized toxic shame - and then other people become our measuring stick which leads to catastrophe - since other people then can control us easily.

YT "How to eliminate social anxiety forever"

Social anxiety is not all that bad. Social anxiety has good qualities: it keeps us safe, it help us to socialize by attuning ourselves to the others.
Without social anxiety we would be annoying, narcissistic, unkind and selfish - and we would attract such toxic people too who are abusive controlling and manic too.

Idea that we base our worth and security on other people - such as complimenting them - that is called manipulation found in borderline disorder. We expect that if we bribe other people that they won't criticize us and be mean to us - we are trying to control them and to manipulate them - which is ethically and morally wrong and people sniff out this quickly and become hostile actually since they know we have some unknown agenda to them.

Social anxiety is lack of identity - we distrust and hate ourselves and we are already depending on others to feel good about ourselves. Instead of basing our worth on other people - we need to work on our perfectionism and rigid mindset to remove it.

"I’ve tried the complimenting, people just look at me like I’m crazy because I’m naturally monotone😅"

"practice not being monotone"

This is problem when we decide to make other people measuring stick.
Now we will change our identity, our personality - based on what other people expect. This leads to more of social anxiety, not less -
because people are fickle - they like different things - not everyone likes the same things in life.
How about radical idea of accepting ourselves as we are - and then changing ourselves when we want to - not because some person dislike something about us?

YT "Social Anxiety"

This is one of the greatest myths from CBT. The false idea that we are not calm when we feel social anxiety.
In reality - our social anxiety is mechanism that is regulating ourselves and tries to absorb the external shock.
CBT tries to falsely convince us that toxic people do not exist and that what we feel as anxiety is irrational and figment of our "cognitive distortions".
That is lie.
What is really happening - is that we are HSP, we pick up easily toxic people and then social anxiety that we feel is their abuse and agenda and them being controlling and manipulative -
so we are reacting to abuse, external aggression - which we can see easily as oppose to neurotypicals who buy into Fake social mask of other people with glib charm.

When we go along with wrong CBT instructions - we will abuse ourselves because we deny our reality, we gaslight ourselves that we are not being abused - and then we attack our anxiety panic - like auto-immune disease attacking its own body. CBT is forcing us to develop bot mental and physical illness: perfectionism, self hatred, toxic shame and cancer, allergies.
Instead of trying to calm ourselves down - we need education how to handle and process emotional abuse and narcissistic abuse and stop self pathologizing ourselves and our natural reactions to abuse

YT "Overcoming Social Anxiety Quick Tips! #mentalhealth #therapy #mentalhealthawareness #shorts #anxiety"

Social anxiety is reaction to abuse.
Breathing won't help us when someone backstab us or tries to fire us.
Socially anxious people are already focused on others and on one person - hyper-focused. This is due to social anxiety itself. We look at other person physical manner, small face gestures tone of voice - all for the purpose of detecting sudden attack and insult from them, so that we are prepared for the blow.
Positive self talk is path to hell - when we deny and suppress reality such as being on parking lot with serial killer who wants us to get in his car - like in movie Woman of the Hour (2024). Positive self talk will literally destroy us since we will ignore the danger.

YT "What if social anxiety did not exist?"

Without social anxiety - everybody would be narcissistic toxic and abusive.
Social anxiety provide us with mechanism to check how our behavior is affecting others. Without this ability - we would develop abusive predatory personality based on greed, agenda, control and criminally insane behavior.

YT "How to overcome social anxiety, part 2. #dynamis"

Social anxiety is reaction to narcissistic abuse and corruption and lack of money. So anxiety stems from aggressive hostile external source.
Public speaking won't help with psychopaths having agenda to exploit us and harm us.
Elections in USA showed that 1 in 2 person is abnormal and criminally insane - toxic people are predatory and they are extremely focused on other people how to exploit and control them.
So spotlight effect is myth. 1 in 2 person will be focused on others.
Social anxiety is called social + anxiety. Anxiety stems from the social element: toxic society.
It is not called talking anxiety.
Social anxiety can be functional - people with social anxiety can talk and still have trauma unresolved.
Being more comfortable with abuse and being in contact with criminally insane - is not healthy.

-

YT "Understanding Social Anxiety and Overcome"

Social anxiety is fear of criticism, fear of punishment, fear of scrutiny - based on real abuse that happened before, in developmental years or right now being in contact with criminally insane.

Socially anxious are already focused on other people - due to fear of sudden attack - they are focused on small face gestures and tone of voice in order to detect abusers. Socially anxious are already focused on making other people welcome - for the purpose of evading abuse.

CBT is ableist toxic therapy based on self abuse and self pathologizing ourselves and it ought to be banned.

YT "Try this technique to overcome social anxiety, remember it comes with practice 🧘‍♂️"

CBT is spreading false information about social anxiety and we are coerced to accept false wrong detrimental information from broken corrupt American medical system based on pharma mafia.

Social anxiety is not issue of not having social skills.
Social anxiety is reaction to abuse - and then it appears as if we do not have social skills - since we are stuck in hypervigilance and survivor mode.

Having social anxiety means we have superior social skills; hyper-attuned, being over responsible, being hyper aware how our behavior decisions opinions are affecting other people around us.
Criminally insane do not have this ability so they engage in crime - since they don't have inner boundaries moral and ethical values to block their criminal intentions.

YT "I Tried Social Anxiety Coping Strategies
"

1) Exposure will not work with medical social anxiety due to internalized toxic shame.
People who have real social anxiety are plagued with internalized inner critic attacking anything done.
Exposure idea is like being afraid of fire and trying to cure this fear of fire by exposing yourself to fire. But in the same time - your clothes and skin are being covered in highly flammable oil and petrol - that gets ignited up around exposure to fire. Oil and petrol are toxic shame - so exposure will burn us alive and leave us injured. Exposure will bring more pain and suffering - we need to clean up this petrol first before exposure

2) Social anxiety is called social + anxiety. It means that anxiety stems from the social element: toxic people being toxic. It is not called talking anxiety. It is not called conversation anxiety. Talking anxiety is shyness - and shyness mimics and resembles medical social anxiety due to over lapping symptoms. But it is not the same.
Problem is that people with real social anxiety will try to talk - it won't remove social anxiety - and then they will think that they are useless and inept since this "strategy" did not work for them. And the reason why it did not work for them because this strategy is for shyness, not for actual medical social anxiety.

Social anxiety can be Functional / Masked and still be there, still be present in other ways. It means - we can have social skills, we can be confident, we can talk, we can be outgoing - and trauma is still present and it is destroying us from inside and forcing us to self sabotage ourselves. The best example is Michael Jackson.
He had severe social anxiety - yet his social anxiety was Functional. He performed in front of billions of people , all people on this planet knows his songs - he was famous and made a lot of money. He was productive and successful in professional life. Yet his life ended in tragedy - because trauma was unresolved. So having social anxiety being functional does not mean it is healthy and that it will end well. Another example is Whitney Houston or Prince - same story applies to them, too.

YT "WARNING: Your SOCIAL ANXIETY Is Ruining Your Summer!"

First step would be to open window and see that it is winter outside.
Then to stop self abusing ourselves and to realize that we are being abused by toxic people - and cut them out - and then enjoy being ourside.

"I think concentration involved in the present probably helps, that may be the idea"

That is called denial and suppression - dysfunctional coping mechanisms that end up with mental illness. We need to be aware of our reality, soak data and learn from it .- not to suppress it

Instead of being perfectionist - let's try accepting ourselves as we are and then work from that point onwards.
Instead of hating, rejecting and abusing ourselves.

And of course - there is Sam Vaknin. He explains that narcissists are interacting with internal objects, snapshots. So when abusive people are abusive to us - we should not take it personally - since they are not interacting with us.
This is what CBT twists as idea that "toxic people do not exist". They exist - but their toxicity is not based on reality. When they put us down - they are being delusional ones.
With CBT - we end up believing that we are being delusional - but this is because CBT does not understand how narcissistic abuse functions and it oversimplifies it as if it is our fault.

(21.1.2025)

There are so many wrongs with CBT.
First of all - CBT does not see the difference between social anxiety, shyness and narcissism - it puts it all in the same basket. This is called Researcher Bias.
Shy people will benefit with CBT and narcissists (those who are willing to get treatment of course).
For people with real medical social anxiety (fear of criticism) - CBT will force to develop Functional Social anxiety - which is still problem due to unresolved issues.

Also - CBT does not see Complex Trauma at all - since this is banned from DSM. So CBT has no tools to recognize toxic shame.

Then CBT ignores external environment: socio-economic issues and narcissistic abuse, oppression. And neurodivergent brain is pathologized.

Michael Jackson had severe social anxiety but his social anxiety was functional - he was famous, productive, successful in his work - yet due to unresolved trauma his life ended in tragedy. Same story applies to Whitney Houston and Prince.

When socially anxious people apply CBT - they will develop people pleasing, fawning trauma response and become codependent - since CBT does not address borderline issues and identity in social anxiety, ACE nor ACoA - these are not taken into consideration at all, effects of exposure to emotional abuse.

Croatia, Serbia, ex Yugoslavian countries belong to Shame-based culture. This is the only enclave in Europe that has shame. The rest of Europe has Guilt-based culture.

Shame-based culture countries are in 99% poor, authoritarian and corrupt. Exception is Japan.

Guilt-based culture countries are in the West (North America, EU), Australia, most of the South America and South Africa.

Guilt-based culture countries are more healthier and productive and consequently wealthier.

Shame based culture - is destroying the person's identity if there is any kind of mistake, error or difference from the norm.
In shame-based culture everyone is expected to behave according to the unwritten rigid rules. So the focus is on the honor - not on productivity, health and happiness.

Guilt based culture - is focused on learning from mistakes and improving from it, and it does not perform Character Assassination in this process of learning and education.

"He can't make friends with everybody he meets and be best friends for life "
Exactly!
So the compliment is fake.
You are confirming what I am saying.
He is fake, aggressive, annoying, has hidden agenda and uses people to fix his shyness which he labels as social anxiety. He is insecure about who he is - and he tries to overcompensate by being "super confident" - which is fake and it does not work.
If he was secure in himself and his identity - he would not need other people to validate him and his worth.
When people feel insecure deep down - they start to act anti-socially - they use people and discard them without being aware what is happening.
This is called narcissistic personality disorder. It is mental illness.

(22.1.2025)

YT "Negativity in BPD"

Yep, this is the core message:

"Having real empathy for the other person. This is one of the hardest skills in the world – somebody has insulted you, threatened you, they belittled you, they have done some terrible things and you have to somehow find a way to authentically have empathy for that person; it's very hard.
But if you don't want then to live rent free in your mind and control you all damn day and change how you feel about yourself – it's a necessary thing."
🎯

That is why this grudge and resentment and ideas how to analyze and then end up being trapped in worry and rumination - is so hard to shake it off.
Because anything that triggers us - is result of abuse, aggression, insult -
and the solution is basically that we do not react - which effectively means - at least on the surface - that we are ok with abuse.
That part is extremely hard to grasp and to integrate.
As if we must stay in the abuse, that we must not contemplate ways how to remove ourselves from toxic people and toxic ambient - that is how it feels when someone tell us that we do not react in automatic way to abuse.
With social anxiety - quiet BPD - my own automatic reaction is passive aggressive one, I blame myself, I hold on to grudge, I worry a lot, I feel resentment and as victim and I do not know how to react and feel embarrassed to appear as coward who has no voice - when I do not yell or scream back at hysterical people and their abusive behavior - which triggers me.

(24.1.2025)

"sounds like you have a fear"
This forced label of "you have fear" is actually coercive control. This is what psychiatry is doing to socially anxious - abused and traumatized victims of abuse.
When other person, third party - is forcing their potential narcissistic supply to conform and adopt delusions of narcissists.
In social anxiety there is no fear - there is only Repetition Compulsion.
Operant conditioning.
Defense mechanisms.
Reaction to abuse, mentally ill people in authority.

Be careful of anyone telling you that your issues are irrational and delusional - without knowing your full state and circumstances.

YT "WHY Narcissist ALWAYS NEEDS YOU, Even After Snapshotting (and Borderline?)
"

2:00 "Narcissist confuses the externality and separateness of external object with the internal object."
It means that narc will come to conclusions based on their memories and convictions instead of facts and objective reality.
It is like when narc attacks us with unfounded accusations and insist on them and we cannot convince them of truth.

4:35 "He has no boundaries that separates himself from reality. Because he doesn't have a self. When you don't have a self then you're diffused, you're like a cloud, you are fuzzy. You are like fog or mist."

This is in quantum physics - when the particle is not observed - it is fuzzy and exist in all states at once. Schrodinger cat in the box, when not opened, when it is not observed - that cat therefore is narcissistic.

(26.1.2025)

YT ""

"And then even if you get skill sets down, I see this people work very rapidly the remission program that we offer and they get to a place where things are looking good, they're doing better, making better decisions, behavior is changing – but their mental state didn't change – they're just forcing it. So they think they're in remission. You're getting rewarded because you are behaving differently but you're still suffering inside because you didn't take time to go through the actual fears – you just forced behavioral changes. Then when you crash it is really bad. Skills are temporary band aids. Perspective changes are what are necessary so you don't have to suffer anymore combined with ability to validate yourself."

🎯
Yep!
This is what I experienced with CBT and self-help books when I applied it to my social anxiety issues. I exposed, I followed the rules to pluck out my negative thinking (cognitive distortions called in CBT), I would face the fears, I would go against the urge to run away and avoid - but this crashed as soon as I would face difficult toxic people who were rude to me and aggressive and yelling and screaming about some error that I did or something I did not know how to do and they ignored my efforts and attempts to learn from mistakes and treated me as second class citizen or slave. That CBT did not address at all.

What I see now thanks to Kevin and Sam Vaknin channel - is that this happens due to ego dystonic thoughts.
Ego-dystonic thinking is when our views (perspective as Kevin calls it), our beliefs, our conclusions, our explanations are in total alignment with our moral and ethical values and super ego. We think we are doing the correct thing since this is our philosophy.
But what happens is that we have rigid rules that are the problem.
Our values may be correct - but if anything inside our thinking is rigid - it will fester and become toxic - and that includes moral and ethical standards and values. The definition of personality disorder is having stubborn difficult fixed solidified beliefs - and then we are unable to hear criticism - since our good and nice rules are forcing us to see anything different and new or difficult or negative as enemy. And then we get defensive in order to defend our values and moral and ethical beliefs. Without realizing that our soul, our thoughts, our moral ethical rules and values are all constructs - they cannot be physically assaulted or occupied unless we allow it. We never learned in ACE and ACoA that our inner world - our persona, our identity - cannot be harmed, hurt by anyone. What we think and believe in - we do not need to report to other people - and if they found out our rules and values and demean us and we experience their opinions as attack on our personhood (which toxic people do) - that their words and even physical assault (god forbid) cannot really destroy our inner construct, our views and opinions.

We get stuck in building solidified structure construct inside us - since we learned in ACE ACoA that this is the only way to trust ourselves - to be in constant alarm state and defensive mode.
We never learned that other people cannot enter in our psychology realm - and that we do not need to be stubborn and caught in solidified state.
And in fact that being open and vulnerable and humble - is paradoxically make us titanium solid inside - we do not need to build any additional inner protective mechanisms inside us.
When we do - we end up with social anxiety and lost identity - in our attempts to protect our inner world - which does not need any additional protection - our own existence is powerful enough.
When we distrust ourselves - we end up with fears and panic and compulsions that we believe will protect us since we believe that other people are powerful to tear our persona apart - and this false traumatized shocked CPTSD belief keeps us stuck in defensive mode and rigid mentality. As soon as we really discover that other people cannot truly harm us inside whatever they do - we will re-discover our identity and persona - and our symptoms will vanish, we will achieve remission.
As soon as we understand it - our brain will come up with flexible solutions to problems that plague us since childhood.

Sam Vaknin talked about this process as Nothingness.

(27.1.2025)

"It's taken me almost 70 yrs. to finally realize that it's okay to be my authentic self. I wish that I had realized this years ago. Life was very difficult before I actually felt free to be me. I was always searching for acceptance."

You would probably be abused and attacked if you were authentic to toxic selfish people around you, who forced you to develop social anxiety fears in the first place.

"Our core believe can be changed. I need to change mine to a more positive one"

But that is the problem itself. Our core beliefs that are toxic are already positive one and we have desire and urge that they are positive one - that is making it hard to change in the first place.
This phenomena is called Ego syntonic thought.
And this is the core of personality disorder and mental illness.
We believe we are doing the good and righteous thing by being positive and good - like Crusaded and Witch hunt or Trump 2025 - but what we believe is positive is actually toxic and abnormal - but our radars do not detect it as criminal at all - since we want to be angels and good and nice and healthy.
And kind of rigid thinking is mental illness and toxic and ends up as mental health issue.
When we are totally aware of bad things - this is called ego dystonic thoughts - and we are very aware what is wrong and what needs to be changed.
But Ego syntonic thoughts do the same damage - because we are not aware of what is wrong since it appears as ethical and moral right thing.

"Repeated shaming, criticism and bullying is proof that they can't be trusted. My inherent worth and authenticity isn't in their hands, but I'm sure as hell going to avoid meeting more of them."

When we avoid reality - we miss the opportunity to learn how to deflect the abuse in the future.

"This is only a part of it for me.

"

Correct.
Social anxiety is elephant in the room and people who see it, only see small part of it since it is huge.

"The most important opinion about yourself is your own. If you put other people's opinion above yours it makes you a slave."

People do not consciously choose to be a slave.
They fawn because they are forced to do it and they cannot run away.
They fawn because they are being lied to and presented false information deliberately every day, also known as gaslighting, false information which they cannot fact check and are forced to believe in lies.
They fawn due to coercive control - which is not our choice to be coerced - the perpetrator is choosing the target to exploit and the perpetrator is to blame - not our reactions to survive.

YT "Life without social anxiety #positivevibes #shorts
Novacaine · KazetX5 & Shiloh Dynasty"

Annoying random people in public has nothing to do with the lack of social anxiety. It has to do a lot with lack of awareness how we affect other people. Also known as narcissism and sociopathy.

"I grew up homeschooled, and far from any neighborhood. It took me a decade after I moved out at 18 to get over my social anxiety. I talk to people like this now and it feels so good."

You mix up shyness with social anxiety.
Social anxiety is like being trapped in toxic mobbing job being abused every day and in the same time being unable to quit this toxic job due to money. Being trapped in abuse - that is social anxiety.
Talking to people is shyness issue - not social anxiety.

"his aura in unmatched

"

I find it annoying and irritating and with hidden agenda behind it, someone who depends on other people to feel good about himself, seeking approval from others.

"this guy has a vibe, and its a good one"

It is a vibe of codependency and look at me, I am center if the universe I only exist when you pay attention to me.

"Your videos inspire a lot of us to do the same as you, please don't stop unloading them!"

Inspire you to become codependent communal narcissist who must have daily dose of narcissistic supply : other people's approval and validation?

"Remind me of a challenge I did where I tried to give 3 compliments to stranger a day to help me love humanity again"

If you worth depends on other people - then that is called mental illness and personality disorder.

"This has inspired me ngl"

Instead of seeking professional help - you turn to tik tok 20 seconds videos? That is not clever decision.

"This why people need to face their social anxiety"

Nope. Depending on other people to handle our anxiety is path to borderline disorder.

"Makes me wanna try it"

People will probably think you have hidden agenda behind being intrusive to them.

"Do you do these thibgs with the camera turned off?"

Off camera he is doing other codependency borderline stuff - like being afraid of feedback.

"When i do this they ignore me😭😭😭"

Well, maybe then you should not be intrusive and bother other people in public?
How about that radical idea - to be kind, nice and good without sticking your moral and ethics in other people's noses?

"Tried this, she said " i have a boy friend" (were both the same gender😭)"

Most people do not like to be stopped by random strangers in the street - especially in high crime areas.

"U couldn’t do this in eastern europe where i m from 😂 people would thing you want something from them"

I am pretty sure in New York, LA or Chicago, too. Any area with high street crime.

YT "Combatting Social Anxiety | Christian Life Assembly | Derrick Hamre"

Nonsense. Psychology and religion should not mix.
Motivation is okay - but claiming that social anxiety is related to lack of god is criminally insane statement.

"Please respond to the other comment"

He can't. He has severe social anxiety which he explains to himself as circus training, discipline and denial,
he does not understand that social anxiety is fear of criticism and feedback

YT "This Simple Mind Hack Will Transform Your Social Anxiety
"

Any kind of ritual as response to anxiety will end up as OCD. Obsessive and compulsive behavior that we believe will magically protect us from vague unknown potential pain and hurt.
Instead of developing various "hacks" and "tips" - we need to understand that social anxiety is cptsd - and the core motor therefore is lack of identity, our identity being abused, shocked into hiding.
We need to re-discover who we are and celebrate our true identity - not hate it or fix it.
We already have social skills inside us - none of us were raised in a cave.
When we believe in CBT explanations that we lack social skills because we act traumatized due to abuse - we will develop fake OCD identity where we are convinced that we do not have any social skills at all.

YT "How to build confidence in social settings"

I support this message.
I would also add:
if we live in shame-based culture country - social contact will be toxic 100% 24/7 all the time, everywhere and anywhere.

The urge to face something for the purpose of people liking us - is borderline disorder. IT is hard to cure because most people do not understand that mechanism of seeking approval of others. It feels natural to depend on happy people around us being happy with us.

YT "Overcoming Social Anxiety: Confronting Your Fears"

It is not only inward focus of being criticized. It is also external focus of criticizing or judging someone, too.
But CBT does not see that part - CBT is focusing only on the inward part, which is mistake.
Between two mentioned pole of fears of criticism 1. I don't want to be wrong and be made fun of and 2. I don't want them to think I am awkward - there is also fear of punishment and scrutiny. Which you did not mention here at all.
You keep on excluding the abuse part. That toxic people are abusing their targets - and that targets of abuse develop social anxiety as natural and normal reaction to coercive control, narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse.

When we live in shame-based culture which we cannot run away from, when we have toxic mobbing job that we cannot quit due to lack of money, when we are stuck in dysfunctional family dynamics that we cannot escape from - then avoidance, grey rock method - is the only way to stay mentally healthy in such toxic abusive ambient.

YT "Overcome Social Anxiety
"

When you explain social anxiety as "awkward state of panic" - then this false description will becomeour reality and we will start to develop our decisions about this wrong self defeating explanation - and then end up with self fulfilling prophecy where we will end up labeling any kind of vague, unknown emotions as awkward state of panic - and hence making ourselves mentally ill.
This is why psychiatry is bad for mental health.
We end up abusing ourselves with wrong misdiagnosis which appear as reality to us - since we do not have true correct terms to describe our experiences and our unknown reactions and vague emotions.

Socially anxious are already hyper focused on other people. CBT is forcing us to believe in false explanation that we are focused on ourselves - but that is a lie which CBT misdiagnosed narcissists and shy people as socially anxious in mid 1990s when CBT made big social anxiety research - without taking into consideration the fact that truly socially anxious people are afraid of any research due to social anxiety itself.

Socially anxious are already focused on other people, zoomed onto other people -seeking for the next abuse and attack. They look at other people small face gestures and tone of voice and how they behave and what others do - all for the purpose of expecting sudden attack. Also there is hyper-responsibility and over-responsibility which socially anxious people believe that they are responsible for everyone around.

There are predatory personalities out there who are hyper focused on others in order to control and manipulate them - so the statement that all people are focused on themselves - is false. Narcissistic abuse is real concept that happens in real life and narcissism is on the rise, it is statistically proven.

When we pretend to be some other persona like investigating journalist - we will develop narcissistic personality disorder with fake social image - and that will end up as more of social anxiety when other people detect that we are fake.

Exposure will end up as more of social anxiety because we did not clean internalized toxic shame first, toxic introject. Exposure is like being afraid of fire and we think our fear will be gone when we expose to fire. But in the same time - our skin and clothes are soaked in highly flammable oil and petrol - that will ignite near fire and set us burned. That is what happens with exposure in social anxiety.

We race to fill any silence in conversation due to ACE and ACoA - social anxiety is complex PTSD - and it needs healing.
Healing trauma means accepting and validating ourselves as we are - with all our perks and quirks.
Idea that we hate our social anxiety is an act of self abuse, self rejection and self hatred.

All tips you mention here will make social anxiety worse - since it is based on self pathology and total self rejection.

YT "Social Anxiety and How to Overcome It
"

"Intense fear of social situations"
That is wrong description of social anxiety.
Social anxiety is fear of criticism and scrutiny. Socially anxious are not afraid of ALL social situations. They are only afraid in ambient where there might be potential abuse.
Telling ourselves that we are afraid of everyone and everything - will end up as self fulfilling prophecy. Socially anxious are not afraid of 1-on-1 social situations for example or around known family members.

"Root of social anxiety lies in over active fear response"
Nope.
The root of social anxiety lies in operant conditioning, being exposed to constant punishment in childhood - strict parenthood, where the child was punished when he or she did not respond with fear to their parents discipline.
Also known as ACE and ACoA.

"Genetic predisposition"
If social anxiety was genetic - then our social anxiety would become schizotypal.
We would isolate ourselves before the age of 12/13 when social anxiety started.
We would behave in certain manner where fear of criticism is not our fear - but for example we would be afraid of physical things - like doors or windows or desk or Tv.
With social anxiety - we have fear of criticism - criticism is not solid, that is construct. So it is not genetical. It is not physical.
Criticism contains potential punishment - which may or not may be physical.
As long as there is cognitive structure of the fear - there is no genetical predisposition.
When you spread CBT information that social anxiety is genetical - you are forcing socially anxious to develop self blame and distrust in healing which is detrimental and wrong information that hampers healing from abuse that caused social anxiety in the first place.

Physical symptoms and emotional symptoms of social anxiety - are all symptoms of being exposed to emotional abuse.

CBT is ableist toxic therapy based on corrupt American broken unhuman medical model of pharma mafia, that makes social anxiety worse.

YT "#socialanxiety #confidence #impostersyndrome"

Medical social anxiety is not question of missing confidence.
People over analyze due to learned coping mechanism in ACE ACoA childhood - operant conditioning that cannot be removed with "stop it".

When we do not worry about what other people think about us - we will develop mental illness: narcissistic disorder, psychopathy and socipathy.

YT "It's hard to track the progress of your social anxiety without this #socialanxiety"

When you explain social anxiety as a monster or hurdle that we must conquer - it is the same as to say that reality is monster or that daily tasks we dislike doing is some kind of project that we must overcome.
It cannot be overcome - it is part of life.
When we are around toxic people who are abusive - we ought and should feel social anxiety symptoms of fear and panic. If we did not feel that - we would be swindled and manipulated by pathological liars and predatory personalities on daily basis.
Our emotions are not hurdle - they are alarm system that tell us something.

YT "Tips for social anxiety! #socialanxiety"

Ability to notice details is not pathology to fix or cure. It is super power that we can use to our advantage if we are clever enough, that other people make millions on.
We have diamonds that we throw away as if it is coal.

"this method has been super helpful for me in the past! one thing I will say is it can turn into self deprecation pretty easily,,, I’ve had moments where I’m just beating myself up and laughing about it rather than participating in the conversation. Instead I’ve starting going in the opposite direction: if I feel awkward, I’ll sarcastically say “I’m the coolest person in the room” or something along those lines. Then I’m not saying something negative about myself but I’m also diffusing my anxiety by making a joke."

Problem is that social anxiety is called social + anxiety. Which means that anxiety stems from the social element: toxic people who are intrusive and rude.
If you explain away toxic people as your own fault and your responsibility to fix and cure and self blame - you will end up with borderline disorder.

"I do that a lot, it use to hurt me when they would agree, but now I actually think it's funny, I acknowledge my physical flaws and I know it doesn't ruin the way people think of me"

how about radical idea of not seeing our identity as a flaw?

When you reject words of truth - you will reinforce personality disorder.

YT "Every socially anxious kid's worst nightmare #socialanxiety"

Unbeknown to us - what is happening behind the curtain of our shy embarrassment - is destroyed identity, covered persona, abused and traumatized pushed bullied kid/ person which was forced to feel ashamed for existing.

YT "#socialanxiety #socialanxietydisorder #selfconscious #shyguy #shygirl #shyness"

Yep. This works in Ventral Vagal. In psychological security ambient, where the other person or people - they are secure, kind, nice, healthy, sane.
The problem start when the other person is pathological liar. Unhealed borderline. When the other person has predatory personality, some kind of hidden agenda to exploit or steal or play mind games of King of the hill competition and Dog in a manger. Then - conversation may appear as if it is safe to talk with such person - but in reality - they will leave us with social anxiety, since our body will recognize fake social image and abuse hidden behind apparent glib charm that invites sharing and talking with them.

YT "Do you want to overcome anxiety bad enough?
"

Idea to hate or overcome social anxiety is an act of self abuse, self hatred and self rejection.
Social anxiety is over-identification with abusers. When we try to fight it - we give power in toxic people to control us - since we make drama and hysteria about our natural and normal reactions to predatory personalities that trigger our social anxiety symptoms in the first place.

YT "Is It Low Self Esteem or Social Anxiety? #shorts #lowselfesteem #socialanxiety #anxiety"

On target!

Social anxiety is trauma - that description in video is the proof. It stems from abuse. ACE and ACoA in childhood and bullying and mobbing in adulthood.
CBT is wrongly "explaining" and forcing socially anxious to ignore the abusers and to self blame ourselves for being abused as if it is Spotlight effect, delusion and irrational fear.
After all -
it is called social + anxiety. Which means that anxiety stems from the social element: toxic people who behave abusively. It is not called self anxiety. Our panic does not stem from fear of our imagination - but potential real abuse from dark triad personalities who walk around behind fake social mask of glib charm and super confidence which all people confuse with being competent and trustworthy. Due to Dunning-Krueger.

You are forcing truly medically socially anxious to adopt your false convictions as reality.
It seems to me that your "social anxiety" is obvious masked borderline disorder.
Where you are unable to hear feedback and see it as attack on your identity. Borderline disorder in a nutshell.

"tell my how you came to that conclusion that I was only shy"
Because truly socially anxious people do not create drama and hysteria like you do - because they have actual social anxiety.
You are very vocal and very confident in your struggles. Truly socially anxious are very much confused and they are not certain what they feel - because they have actual medical social anxiety - they are afraid of scrutiny and they do not know what they feel.
Socially anxious cannot take criticism due to no identity - where as
Your preoccupation of being attacked, is fear of criticism is perceived as assault on your life - which is a big difference.
You have borderline disorder.

Borderline disorder is very similar to social anxiety - symptom wise.
Symptoms of BPD and social anxiety overlap in almost 99 percent.
The only difference that is visible between social anxiety and BPD - is that socially anxious shut up and they self censor and they do not express themselves at all.
Borderline on the other hand are hysterical and vocal and unfriendly and anti-social.
Your borderline disorder is masking itself as social anxiety symptoms.
Now the question is - do you want healing , to get healthy - or you want endless drama and conflict and King of the hill mentality about who is correct?

We can handle mental health problems with denial and suppression - and that is dysfunctional coping mechanism that leads to mental illness.
Also - social anxiety can be Functional - it can be masked but still end up as problem in the future. Like Michael Jackson who had severe social anxiety but his was Functional - he performed in front of billions of people and his life ended in tragedy due to unhealed trauma. The same story applies to Whitney Houston and Prince.
Your desire to be King of the Hill and Dog in the manger and conflict and fighting with strangers online - is definite sign of Borderline disorder. You removed your social anxiety through abusing random people and screaming at them.
Inability to hear criticism feedback and reacting in hysteria to cognitive dissonance - is mental health problem not being healed or even made aware of as problem in the first place.

"I experienced these symptoms during a transitional phase when I was stuck in the uncertainty of the journey. I turned to drinking, gained a lot of weight, and avoided going outside because I was trapped in a state of fear."

General fear is called general anxiety disorder.
When we struggle with social anxiety - the wording itself tell us that it is social + anxiety. Anxiety stemming from the social element: toxic people being abusive. It is not called alone anxiety. It is not called fear anxiety. it is not called general anxiety. It is not called phase anxiety. The name is very clear: social + anxiety.

We are born only with two fears : fear of falling and fear of loud noises.
When we have any other fears in our lives - it means that we learned those fears, we were conditioned to feel those fears - and objects did not cause such fears. Fears stem from other people - their abuse, their verbal abuse, their wrong rigid explanations which they present as ultimate god truth which we must worship and never doubt at all or be punished if we do.
So other people are infecting us with fears.
We do not wake up one day and decide that we will be Woody Allen neurotical personality.
We do not walk in the street and we got rain drops that make us feeling fear out of nowhere like catching a sneeze.

(28.1.2025)

"so how will it heal ?"

The same way we heal Complex Trauma - since social anxiety is CPTSD.
It means validation, self validation, self acceptance, not hating our social anxiety, education about narcissistic abuse and operant conditioning, forming flexible thinking and being patient with oneself and starting to trust our own judgment instead of depending on other people to tell us what we feel and where we should go and what we must do.

"Dealing With RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) 😳 #friendship"

Not being friendly is not some diagnosis trait. That is choice. Cut toxic people out. Isolation will make them think more about how they act around people and how their behavior is affecting others.

(29.1.2025)

This is not being nice.
This is manipulation by being nice , by pretending to be nice.
He showed his true face when you can see his reactions to my comments - he is fake.
This is very dangerous behavior - having glib charm, fake social mask.

YT "How To Heal Toxic Shame
"

Toxic shame is not feeling bad *about* oneself.
It is solid firm rigid conviction that we are bad as person as our identity is bad. That our identity is bad in general - not something about it. That everything we think, do or intend to do is bad, unworthy, broken, abnormal and shameful. It is not relative - shame is not about something - it is over-encompassing, it is absolute and automatic, default shame.
And most of the time we are not aware of it - due to our ego-syntonic convictions and values.
Such as: I am good person, I am following the rules. I am empath. I am conscious person, I am normal, I want to be normal, I want to to good decisions without mistakes 24/7, and to always be friendly and outgoing so that other people value me as such normal person, and my goal is to do good in life. My goal being not making any kind of error or mistake that might provoke reaction in the form of criticism from other people around us. These are all good values that any normal healthy sane person should strive - these are not abnormal needs and goals in life. That is why these are ego-syntonic values.
And here is where toxic shame latches itself onto - and that is the reason why we cannot remove toxic shame.
Removing toxic shame is impossible task
because if we stop being nice and kind - we will feel enormous toxic shame for being a bad person. We are trapped in being good and nice, at our own expense.

Now if we live in heaven, if Earth was just and where all people are normal and sane - this toxic shame would not be problem - because other people would not abuse us or exploit us being nice and good.
Since we live in injustice world of oppression - our deep values and deep convictions about being good citizen and normal person must be updated and adapted to toxic world that we live in.

(30.1.2025)

Indoctrination in ACE ACoA childhood - we were punished to serve angry people by not being angry ourselves and now it is inside us as OCD compulsive obsessive behavior that looks like DSM symptoms.

1) other people cannot read your mind. People who have experienced narcissistic abuse will interpret someone's glib charm as alarm
2) If you choose to have fake social image - that you suppress being honest and authentic and yourself - then you are engaging in hidden agenda. That is form of manipulation and control. Even though it appears to you as "good intentions".

YT "What Causes Echoism?
"

That is social anxiety. Socially anxious traits are Echoism.
Problem is that narcissists who experience narc injury and narc collapse will misdiagnose their anxiety as social anxiety - and then trumpet to the whole world what is social anxiety definition. Shy people, too. While truly socially anxious people will shut up - due to echoism - and they will end up being defined by shy people and narcissists who hijack anything to appear as victims who need help.
Socially anxious - will then end up with advice from CBT - like expose. And that is why CBT will not work for the socially anxious - and CBT will work only for shy people and narcissists - who misdiagnosed their shyness and narc injury as social anxiety.
Shy people when they expose - their shyness will go away.
Narcissists when they expose with their greed predatory acting victim disorder will find echoist to abuse and leech on.
And echoist will be forced by CBT to stay in abuse - since CBT will tell socially anxious that 1) toxic people do not exist 2) that we can control our anxiety by our will power 3) that avoiding people is abnormality and sickness. This way cBT is focing Echoist to stay in abusive relationships and to suffer in silence - which is ego syntonic with echoist conditioning from ACoA and ACE. And then all 3 groups will claim that CBT is answer for social anxiety.

"how to heal this, I'm so exhausted, I.see it now and desperately want to be different"

This desire to be different is part of echoism, too.
We hate ourselves, we reject ourselves and we self abuse ourselves - we deny ourselves to be ourselves - all for the purpose of becoming someone who will not be abused - as if abuse is our choice - we believe that we did or say something that made abusers choose to abuse us. We didn't.
People who exploit nice and kind people are sick and abnormal and they have disorder. Being friendly, sane, open, is not abnormality - and we do not need to desire to be someone else.
All we need - is to discern toxic people and kick them in the butt our of our lives. And then find normal sane people to hang around with - not leeches and parasites.

I agree with Sam Vaknin that empathy is coined phrase and it does not exist in real life.
That is extreme statement - empaths do exist, and empathy is real concept - but what he said actually is that when we struggle with our identity - our own ego syntonic values will paradoxically keep us trapped with a delusional belief that we are good and that we must always be good. So we will end up being abused by people who will parasite on our desire and our values to be good.
We will always rationalize and normalize and find excuses for toxic people and their anti-social behavior and abuse - because we want to be good. We take label of empathy and then we make decisions based on this label - and that is the problem,
we become afraid of being labeled "difficult" or "selfish" or "annoying" - and this fear of these labels are keeping us stuck in toxic empathy, echoism.
While all that we need to do is take those labels and either accept them or discard them - but not being bothered with labels when we decide to go no contact and to clean parasites and leeches from our lives. No matter what other people label us in this process of cleaning up the trash.

Isn't it strange that there are millions of videos about narcissistic abuse - but nobody mentions this at all? By product of exposure to long term - life long narcissistic abuse.

Disorder by definition is when we are serial killers. When we have hidden or open agenda to cause harm to another person - and we have no awareness how our actions are affecting the others. That is disorder.
Technically speaking - unless we are self harming ourselves in extreme ways - it is not disorder.
Disorder is shaming word - it means that we did something wrong, that we caused some damage - and to say that to an echoist is like throwing fuel or petrol onto the fire for the hope it will extinguish it because oil and petrol appear to be liquid.

I see it like memory cushion. Memory cushion is bent when it is pressed. So narcissists when they abuse echoist - echoist will be bend where narcissists pushed. Narcissistic messages will be pushed into echoist. It is see-saw effect.

"How how how to fix this???

"

Education about narcissistic abuse, cptsd and operant conditioning, classical conditioning - so that we stop with self blame.
Developing and allowing Flexible mindset - so that we remove toxic introject narcissists installed inside use (aka internalized toxic shame).
Learn to self care, place our well being in primary focus - our needs, values, goals, tasks, purpose.
Cut contact with toxic people or minimize exposure to toxic people when we can't run away.

"Hey, do you know that YouTube doesn’t show you in the results after taping “echoism” in the research ? Like, in the app it doesn’t. I’ve just made a research on google, and then went to “videos” category, and then found you. I mean this is so unhelpful, ignoring the core of my research. The app is really looking to push you in circular thinking, pfff. I’m glad I found you, even if Ytb app is litteraly its job to do it, but glad to learn finally more about echoism. Just so silly they don’t show you."

You are making a great point.
I was searching specific terms in written documented manner since 2015 - related to echoism without being aware that echoism exists. So I have written evidence in Word - what kind of crap you tube and google is spewing when we seek honest help.
And you tube and google did keep me in circular thinking. There is a term for this- this is called Bubble.
information bubble.
When I sought the terms for how to handle mobbing, why I worry about what other people think, how to handle criticism and conflict and toxic people - the results I got was CBT and wiki how nonsense.
The advice would be that I take deep breaths and that I develop empathy for difficult people since they are suffering too and to ignore their abuse and other nonsense that does not work in real life.
It is only when I learned about Complex Trauma - that other results start to open up.

"pervasive anxiety about criticism or scrutiny .. is ruled out"

The core definition of echoism is pervasive criticism or scrutiny:
"An echoist is a person who echoes the feelings and needs of others rather than assert their own wants or needs"
that is anxiety and fear of punishment , scrutiny and criticism.

Narcissists who are causing echoism - are using criticism, and scrutiny as pervasive tools to abuse echoist.

"many echoists demonstrate no social anxiety,"
Didn't it ever occur to you that they do not demonstrate social anxiety due to desire to appease others?
Echoism is appeasement of other people want to think.
It seems to me you do not know what Echoism is at its core - like being in a wood and not seeing wood for a forest.

"Echoism is a trait not a disorder"
Social anxiety can be social anxiety and social anxiety disorder - it comes in two flavors.

"you're welcome to run a multi year study, proving your hypothesis that Echoism and social anxiety are one and the same. Our data set demonstrated no such pattern once you've provided that data. Feel free to post it here."

That is called Researcher bias and Survivorship bias . and your "data" is full of it.
Your data is shaped by your observation and questions that are forming echoist's opinion - because echoism is kaleidoscopic by itself - which you obviously cannot grasp.
People who you are analyzing are forming their report based on what you expect them to be.

Depending of self-reporting from people who shape their words on expectations of others - is recipe for suvivorship bias and researcher bias - your own research is shaping the results of your reports
The same mistake that CBT is doing, too.

Survivorship bias means that your data is based on self reporting that echoist have heavily censored, filtered and skewed their answers to fit in to your expectations.

(31.1.2025)

I believe people natural expect the worst - this is in our genes due to Darwin - this is passed from our ancestors and helped human species to survive.
The problem is when in ACoA ACE childhood - we learn to maximize in detrimental self sabotaging way this Reality Testing already naturally present inside us and then we are taught to over-blow it.
We end up believing that we are preventing disasters with our catastrophe predictions - without us being aware that this over-pruning system is not healthy and it was installed in childhood by wrong role models.
Our natural genetical system to protect ourselves from pain is being hijacked by bad strict parenting that made us into robots, machines who are executing program of avoiding the pain - and we are not aware of it since this is congruent ego syntonic with natural self preservation urges we all naturally have.

YT ""Expect the Worst, Hope for the best, & Function as Normal."
"

I see exposure like this:
Exposure should be named differently - like our purpose in life, following our goals and our interests and needs and responsibilities and obligations (which are not formed from coercive control and operant conditioning).

Exposure works great with Driving phobia - and with exposure our fear will vanish with time when bad things we presume will happen each time - do not happen and we start to feel secure.

On the other hand -
when we have issues like social anxiety,
then CBT exposure is not so simple.
It is like analogy of being afraid of fire - and we need to expose ourselves to fire in order to desensitize our extreme fears and phobias and anxieties which are crippling and isolating us.
But what happens in social anxiety, that CBT cannot see - is that in the same time our clothes and skin is soaked in highly flammable oil and petrol. So when we expose - we get burn alive.
Metaphor for oil and petrol is our internalized toxic shame and external pressure like oppression and poverty, totally outside of our control.
Therefore - before Exposure - we need to clean up the oil and petrol
which is not easy since some of the highly flammable oil is at the moment outside of our control.
Instead of Exposure we need tools how to lower our finances spending and how to stop self blaming ourselves when bad things, errors and false accusations happen, when we are in mobbing narcissistic abuse ambient which we cannot quit due to lack of finances or no alternative shelter available to us.
So exposure itself is not the answer - it is final step - there are some complex steps before CBT "cure" in the form of exposure.

(3.2.2025)

YT "Exposure Therapy for Social Anxiety: How To Do It Right
"

Exposure therapy does not work with social anxiety - because social anxiety is not phobia. It was renamed in mid 1990 when CBT "experts" discovered that social phobia does not go away with exposure at all.

Exposure will always work with any type of fear. Desensitization.
But social anxiety is complex. There is not fear of people. There is fear of criticism.
Criticism is vague - it is ambiguous.
The spider is almost like an object - it behaves in predictable manner and it can be easily described.
Criticism on the other hand - can be covert narcissistic abuse - which means criticism will come in the form of gaslighting and insults covered up as "help" or "service". Exposure to such psychopathic abuse will lead to mental illness - because our identity is being ruined - our trust in our common sense and ability to judge reality.

With that being said -
social anxiety exposure is like exposure to a fire and we are afraid of fire.
But what CBT does not see - is that our skin and clothes is covered up in highly flammable oil or petrol - so we will get burned when we expose ourselves to fire.
Therefore - BEFORE exposure - there needs to be sanitization -
analogy of petrol/oil is toxic shame echoism, trauma. We need to heal trauma first - so that we do not interpret triggers (criticism) as us being bad person which will be activated belief with trauma of ACE ACoA childhood.

Social anxiety is not fear of talking.
So talking to someone, approaching to someone is not social anxiety issue - therefore it won't help with social anxiety.
Social anxiety is reaction to unfair criticism, double meaning comments, hidden agenda that all sociopaths have.
Social anxiety requires education about narcissistic abuse- how to recognize toxic people and cut contact with them - not exposing to them.
The same way - we won't remove fear of fire by living on Venus or on Sun. We will be destroyed if we do.

"This is therapy grade advice. Thank you for sharing

"

And it does not work.
Social anxiety is not fear of talking. It is not called talking anxiety. It is not fear of people.
Social anxiety is fear of criticism - it means we can talk just fine. When the other person is normal healthy and sane.
When the other person is narcissistic - our alarm systems will go off the wall due to unhealed trauma.

"What do you recommend someone who can speak to people when they're asked something (even in a small group of 12 people) or 1 on 1 conversations but they still get very nervous? What is the best first step to take, to overcome this fear and be more confident and extroverted?"

1) This "still get very nervous" - is called Operant conditioning. Repetition Compulsion. Educate yourself about these terms to know them. In ACE ACoA childhood (ambient of invalidation and not being heard or listened to in our developmental years) - we learned a certain mechanism, set of beliefs that we react when someone is rude or hostile or unfriendly or someone not co-operating or being violent and anti-social and unfair. This is Echoism.
2) Idea that we crap fit to be someone else - is path to narcissistic personality disorder. We must know what personality is ours (there are free tests available) - and we must accept ourselves as we are - instead of hating and abusing ourselves to fake pretend to be neurotypical herd mentality groupthink zombie.

"I am diagnosed with social anxiety disorder and I have a lot of trouble going to the grocery store and walking outside because of people so I'm not sure why you say that. 2:28"

Because you are not aware what lies beneath "a lot of trouble going to store".
You operate on surface level - but you never dig down to expose the pain and suffering - since it is so painful and embarrassing and annoying.
IF you had time to start down to write what is what you feel, what you think about, how you react- if you write it all down for 3 or 6 months - you would start to notice some pattern that you never discovered before.
It is like having a microscope and discovering tiny world that you cannot see. Or a telescope and discovering that shiny dots in night sky are planets with moons and rings and nebulae.
In the same manner - you will notice that what appears as general fear - is actually stemming from the rigid beliefs that we acquired in childhood with strict parent(s) being disciplinary with us - where we learned that we must be perfect and that our job and task in life is to fix angry people. Hence - now we are afraid of what strangers think about us. This is called Echoism and it is integral part of social anxiety.
Some people - do not develop Fawning. They turn their fear emotions into hatred and aggressiveness so instead of social anxiety they develop narcissism and borderline disorder.
All three conditions: social anxiety, narcissism and borderline - are basing their worth about identity on other people and how other people are available to them. That is why socially anxious have trouble going to a store or walking outside when people may not like us if we do appear among them.

Exposure will work great - until our fears come true: other person being rude, hostile, anti-social, aggressive - especially when we make some mistake, error, flaw, when we do everything ok but the other person chooses to label it as error and attack us as if we done some horrible crime. Then social anxiety will flare up -
because social anxiety is reaction to toxic people being toxic.
In ACE ACoA childhood we never acquired tools how to handle toxic people.
That is why exposure is worthless until we learn those tools how to handle conflict and how to stop hating ourselves when someone is angry at us. Echoism.

It is not anxiety - it is someone or something toxic that is triggering our anxiety.
We are trained by patriarchy and stoicism and catholic church to automatically blame ourselves and attack ourselves - without investing any time in reality testing and see what is actually going around.

YT "If You Have Anxiety This Could Save Your Life
"

Your idea to fix social anxiety through stoicism, discipline, training, being strict, actually through self abuse, self hatred and self rejection - leads to the toxic pressure and toxic stress.
We are assuming the role of abuser and we abuse ourselves and through egosyntonicity - which means abuse is in alignment with our accepted norms and values (such as belief that we can threaten ourselves to stop feeling pain when we are being abused) - we will reinforce the same abuse which triggered anxiety in ACE ACoA years.

"How can I overcome"

Accept that anxiety is not personality disorder which we must fix and hate into curing.

YT "Public speaking fear doesn't mean you have social anxiety disorder #socialanxiety"

Correct!
Social anxiety and social anxiety disorder are fear of criticism.
It may be connected to public speaking - due to potential of being criticized.
This is crucial to realize - because learning that social anxiety is fear of criticism can pinpoint our direction into discovering Echoism and narcissistic abuse.
Without knowing that - we will tend to add more toxic pressure and toxic shame - believing that social anxiety means being afraid of anything that moves. Which is simply not true.
Without realizing that social anxiety is complex PTSD - we will interpret any excitement as abnormality - and then we might end up with agoraphobia.

YT "I Escaped Anxiety’s Prison Cell"

What appears to us as single entity - anxiety - is actually divided into many splinters. Some of them are healthy, some of them are toxic.
Healthy aspect of anxiety: it is message, alarm system.
Toxic aspect of anxiety: that this message comes with double message, called toxic introject - it is plethora of shaming beliefs we were forced to adopt as our own in ACE ACoA years and through exposure to long term narcissistic abuse.
Toxic introject is egosyntonic with our alarm system - it latches itself on our normal system of alarm inside us - and it is like a virus program in computer - it is executed when some random program is clicked open. The program itself is not problem - the virus is problem here- but from our point of view it will appear as if the program is abnormal and sick.
It is crucial to detect toxic introjects - like anti virus program that we have.
Without this detection - we will develop self hatred, self abuse, and self rejection which is by-product of toxic introject.
Primary function of toxic introject is to make us doubt ourselves, forgo our well being and to stay in constant stress mode - like computer on over-drive with overloaded memory and processor which happens with computer viruses.

"I do this, never had someone cause issues over it. I just say “Excuse me, I’m getting overstimulated, I need to walk away for a moment. I’ll be right back!” and just find somewhere quiet for a few minutes to be alone "

People born into ACE and ACoA ambient were never allowed to do that - and quite opposite - they were instructed to interpret stress as proof of being bad person and own responsibility and obligation to fix and cure or attend to without being allowed to leave.

Parents must be examined - strict parents cause social anxiety - we get installed various messages that we are bad person is any mistake happens and that it is our responsibility to fix anything wrong or anyone who is angry.

Usual mechanisms such as denial and suppression will work with most neurotypicals.
Problem is that these are dysfunctional mechanisms that lead to mental illness - such as in Nazi Germany or Putin Russia where masses support criminally insane leader just not to feel anxiety if they would not.

In mobbing job ambient saying hi will not help with the social anxiety caused by abuse. And not having money to quit that job.

"Problem with me is i make freinds.......

Not the true onces tho.."

Choosing to have Jung's Fake social mask pumps out fake people, too.

YT "Everyone Is Hiding THIS Secret!"

Some people are pathological liars, manipulators and wear Fake Social mask.
We can never truly know what is happening in someone else's head - and it is dangerous to assume that we can read other people's minds.
Instead of developing schizofrenia - it is better that we develop Reality Testing.

YT "You need to make an alliance for social anxiety (and mental health) #socialanxiety #mentalhealth"

Yes - hating social anxiety is an act of self abuse, self rejection and self hatred. When we hate our social anxiety - we are treating ourselves the same way our strict parents and bullies treated us - two factors that contributed to development of social anxiety in the first place:
not being heard
not being listened to
not being mirrored
but instead being invalidated, negated, instructed to serve and obey and to feel like obedient slave aka Echoism.

YT "Hamza on Social Anxiety🎎"

This "nervous around everyone else" is called Operant conditioning and it starts in strict parenthood ambient of ACE and ACoA. It starts with being programmed to hate oneself and to reject oneself.

YT "This one proves that everyone has a little social anxiety #socialanxiety"

Correct.
Social anxiety is felt by anyone who has empathy, who has moral and ethical values and standards - it is an alarm system that we are perceiving other people as separate entities.
Without this ability we would become Cluster B or evil people who are egocentric and cannot grasp how own behavior may affect other people because there is no alarm system inside.

The only difference between normal social anxiety and social anxiety disorder - is that when social anxiety is tied up to strict parenthood, ACE ACoA - we will develop Echoism, operant conditioning where we interpret any mistake or imperfection automatically as us being bad person and someone who must prove our value by seeking admiration from other people, their validation.

Normal socially anxious people - won't interpret mistakes or imperfections as abnormality or sickness - and that is why they do not develop avoidance or panic conditioned reaction that we do.

YT "To me, this was the most rational way to deal with my social anxiety #socialanxiety"

What you are explaining is more of shyness than actual social anxiety.
Social anxiety starts with bullying around the age of 12 or 13.
You never experienced actual abuse - instead you experienced separation from old friends and you meet some new friends. That is shyness route - you realized that your fears are not real.
With social anxiety - people experience rejection, abuse, mocking... and that is what is different between shyness and social anxiety- there is abuse element.
For example - someone with social anxiety would not experience asking someone why you walk in circles but instead would mock you for it and put you down and call you names and then leave you all alone and isolated while you feel defective and wrong for being different. That is social anxiety.
Shyness and social anxiety are similar - they share the same dread and anxiety - but the triggers are different.
Shyness is easily cured with exposure.
Social anxiety gets worse - due to operant conditioning - programmed bully voice that I am inept, I am weird, I do not fit in.

YT "SOCIAL ANXIETY & PANIC ATTACKS - HEALING AFTER PRISON"

Spot on!
I find it very helpful because social anxiety is being perceived as feminine issue - it is not perceived as something that can happen to very macho manly person, like someone who has been to Iraq in combat force - as one commentator said.
So there is a lot of stigma with social anxiety which worsens it all.

This part:
"To this day, it's been 19 years – I can remember everything about that experience. Of where the sun was positioned, where the car was parked in the parking lot, and trash can where I threw it away. "
This is something that folks with Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria also report. I heard it from Dr Saline in her videos - Sharon Saline, Psy.D, she talked about rejection experience 20 years ago - that she remembers what the other person wore, and many other details.

Isolation makes it worse - people who develop social anxiety around the age of 12 - they isolate - so they will spend their final years of developmental years into prison like ambient - even though they go to school and hang out - they do not really connect with others - and they will experience later on in life as if they do not belong when they are thrown into life because of job or life events.

We miss the tools how to process stress and conflict - and social anxiety is connected to moral and ethical values. When we do not have those, we will harm others without being aware of it. So it makes sense that someone who is re-habituated after prison - will experience social anxiety because there will be awareness of nice and polite behavior versus rude one.

Social anxiety is Complex Trauma, complex PTSD - so anyone returning from combat will share the same sensations and thinking patterns similar to social anxiety, too. Trauma means - that we were exposed to some shocking event and we were helpless to correct it - and we develop over responsibility and hyper attunement - similar to prison where you are forced to be attuned to other people for survival, as survival mechanism.

"I am panicked, freaking out, inside trying to hold it on together. I felt like there is neon sign on my forehead – this fool came out of prison. And now everybody staring at me, the world moving slow, and I just want to run. Asked me if I want oil – and I lost it. I got real aggressive. That I am paying him to make a sandwich, why I should make it. Kid is freaking out. I walk outside and throw sandwich away. "

This part that I need to comment too.
I never had a chance to hear the other side. My biggest social anxiety blockage - is that in some job that the other person is angry at me and yelling for doing my job. It is comforting to hear the other side. I imagine the other person who is screaming at me - I see that angry person to be monster, someone who is powerful and strong and I am weak meek wuss. It never occurred to me that I could see the angry person as someone who is feeling the same social anxiety issues that I have too. My social anxiety keeps me stuck in solidified belief that any angry person is over powerful master and my job is to vanish and that I do not exist. I am unable to come into reality - that angry loud people are very insecure - and they are not over powerful masters as my mind automatically paints them to be. Then this anxiety turns to grudge and resentment which is negative spiral of its own.
Hearing your story breaks toxic shame away. It helps to remove my social anxiety based on the fear of criticism and scrutiny.

" but my thoughts are keeping me from being me."
It appears as if these are our thoughts - but they aren't.
We absorb toxic people messages and we integrate those along with our moral and ethical values - so it appears to us as if we are in civil war with our own mind.
But what is really happening - is we have toxic introject inside us. Toxic shame voice. Inner critic.
Richard Grannon talks a lot about toxic introject.
Where to start?
Start with Sam Vaknin videos.
Learn what is narcissistic abuse.
ACE - there is online test for it.
ACoA - there is Laundry list - check it out.

The education is the only way out - we need to learn what is happening so that we can define our voices and stop fusing them with our persona and our identity.
Our identity would not attack us.
Our persona would not put us down.
That is what toxic introject is doing.

(4.2.2025)

" Why do you want them to be true?"
People stay stuck in addictions (and rumination is addiction) due to ego-syntonicity.
This means - the bad habits are in alignment with moral and ethical values.
It basically means - to remove the addiction, one must torture and discipline one self to become different personality.
Which may lead to splitting and creating multiple persona.
Before pontificating others - the general rule is to understand, to listen and to give them support. If you are unable to do that - better keep your mouth shut.

What is your definition of "bad anxiety"?
What means "do exact same things"?

These are broad terms - they are over-generalized and vague - they can mean many different things.
When we do not have clear laser sharp description - then we easily can misdiagnose the symptoms.

(7.2.2025)

We were not born with difficulty making eye contact. This was learned behavior - and it is by-product of being exposed to toxic people who made us feel ashamed if we looked at them in the eye. So this could be either trauma or it could be sign of autism. Whatever it is - I would not fight it. Accept it as it is. You will feel embarrassed about it, you will shame yourself when you feel difficulty to look at other people. Just accept it. Don't look at other people. Know that this difficult stems either from trauma or some condition - it is not your fault.
As you accept yourself as you are - you will let go of defense mode, coping skills and shame around your shame. Then slowly you will notice that other people are not punishing you or that their opinion of you is not important if you are genuinely good honest person without hidden agenda to cause harm to other people.

Problem of Criterion. When we do not base our explanations of reality on facts and objective truth - we will end up with various vague explanations - which often will not be rooted in reality but in fears - and then we will end up with social anxiety. Since we filtered reality through ambiguous explanations and labels.

(9.2.2025)

Social anxiety is not lack of social skills. It is Complex Trauma issue - means we witnessed abuse and we learned to develop social anxiety reactions to abuse.
It has nothing to do with talking, confidence, skills, will power, thinking, doing, standing, not talking, not having confidence, not having skills, not being stoic. It is trauma reaction.

YT "36 Years Old: I Have Adult Autism Spectrum Disorder
"

I took Autism test twice. The first time I imagined myself how I think and behave and feel when I am under pressure. The test showed medium to high autism traits. Then I took the same test once again - and now I answered the same questions of me thinking how I feel and experience the world when I am in psychological security, safety, Ventral Vagal, without any pressure or stress. The same test showed no Autism present at all.

I took Autism test twice. First time - I imagined myself how I feel when I am under stress and answered the test from the filter of me under pressure. The test showed medium to high Autism. Then I took the same test once again - and this time I imagined myself how I think when I am in Ventral Vagal: when I feel relaxed, when there is no abuse, no pressure around, no mobbing, when I feel psychological safety and security. The same test showed no Autism present.

If we go along with psychiatry, DSM and CBT - we will convince ourselves that our identity is our symptoms. This can make us stuck trapped in mental illness which psychiatry is spreading around with misdiagnosis and wrong interpretation of data. Because symptoms will change when our environment is less toxic. Human mind is Kaleidoscopic as Sam Vaknin talks in his videos.

I commented your video 3 years ago - and talked about social anxiety being by product of Complex Trauma, it is neurodivergent issue - and you replied that nope it is not that. This is how I wasted 20 years on seeking answers what is social anxiety, because nobody came up to me and told me what it is.
Autism test will change toward non autistic result when you feel good about your ambient - there are online tests available, check it out for yourself.
Take the same test twice - first time imagine yourself worried. And then take the same test once again and imagine yourself being happy and secure. The test will show different results.

Social anxiety that we struggle with is not DSM symptom as CBT tries to convince us and mislead us.
Social anxiety is trauma reaction.
In childhood we learned , we were punished into developing series of reactions to anti social behavior - and we were coerced to develop social anxiety as reaction to social stress.
It is operant conditioning - it is no different than Pavlovian dogs or circus animals being trained to behave in a manner that abusive people (narcissists, dark triad predatory personalities) coerce us to react.
There is nothing wrong with social anxiety - our conditioned responses need re-programming, re-learning - which means having flexible thinking and letting go completely of our programmed defense strategies that we developed in childhood.

Unfortunately - most people and most therapist have no idea what is Echoism and Quiet BPD.
Wrong misdiagnosis, quick labels are often first responses to people seeking honest help and authentic search for the correct answers. When we seek help, self-help books and confidence coaches and CBT are the first to respone and they are the worst of it all because all three are hoax and scam.

"Josh, 1st & foremost, I watched this entire video. I've watched every post you have presented here. I do not see you as having a disability. Thus, I hope that you will not label yourself. Rather, I call this your SITUATION. "

Correct!
I am writing to him that he take Autism online test twice. First time imagining himself when he is worry rumination state. Test will show high medium autism. Then take the same test once again - and imagine himself when he is happy and secure and without worry (also known as Ventral Vagal state). The test will show no Autism present.

Autism is not sickness - neurodivergent brain is not abnormality to cure.
Josh is struggling with Echoism and Quiet BPD - which is social anxiety - but no resources out there will tell us this - and then we will end up with various misdiagnosis and labels which overlap with social anxiety.

He talks about being hurt about someone's comment when he was 19 - it is Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria - that is complex trauma issue. When someone is rude to us - it will reply in our mind, like an echo - and as Josh talks in his video here - it is hurtful and it is stuck on replay mode and then we end up with various strategies how to handle abuse and rude people, who critic our behavior and our talking. These strategies are learned conditioned strategies we developed since childhood - and then we get stuck in pleasing other people and hiding masking ourselves. That is all Echoism. It is trauma.
The solution is - developing flexible mindset - to fight personality disorder
plus - removing all automatic auto pilot strategies we have as reaction when we are dealing with abusive critical unfair personalities in daily life.

He is not autistic. His face gesture, his manner of speaking, talking directly to camera, tone of voice, hand gestures, amazing eloquence, how he form words, how he is connected with reality and how he is fully aware of himself and his supposed errors and desire to learn, being curious - there is nothing autistic inside him.
There are autistic videos out there - and he clearly does not exhibit autism at all.
Autistic people are quiet and they are more rigid in talking. Like being in cocoon. Josh is liberated, there are no invisible bonds that hold his head stuck in once place like robot.
Important Note:
Autism is not sickness nor abnormality - there is nothing to cure, neurodivergent brain is not sickness to remove.
Autism is not disease. Autism is nothing to be ashamed - autism requires unmasking and accepting oneself in full. Which can be difficult due to neurotypical society that cannot function in diversity.
Autist need to learn certain skills like being curious and having flexible mind and to explore and to be adventurous to certain degree - in order to be happy and to realize own potential and to place own well being in primary focus, so learning these skills is not to please other people around by being social or NT.

Josh here is suffering from Echoism and Quiet BPD due to ACE ACoA childhood - where he never learned proper way how to relate to conflict with people (such as he described in his video when he was 19 and some dude attacked of him talking too much), we learn strategies how to handle such abuse in self abusive manner, due to strict parenthood.
These strategies trap us into rigid thinking - which is then easily diagnosable as Autism.

His tone of voice, how he is present with audience, his curiosity, his eloquence, how he is aware of his behavior, how he is present with his emotions, how he is clear in forming words, his depth of expressing his emotions, hand gestures, how he talks directly to camera - there is nothing autistic in him.
Social anxiety can appear as autism when we are under pressure and we will exhibit autistic traits like rigidity and inability to move or think - due to amygdala hijacking. So it is easy to get misdiagnosed.
Social anxiety is Echoism, Quiet BPD and Rejection sensitivity dysphoria - and all 3 stem from strict parent(s) in our childhood - we have learned to process social stress through stoicism, self blame, self hatred and self rejection - and then this is self assault easily labeled as autism or something else.

YT "36 Years Old: I Have Adult Autism Spectrum Disorder"

17:25 "And he wasn't kidding, it's obvious when somebody is joking to me or not"
You don't have autism. Autistic people do not have this ability to see when sarcasm is obvious or not.

When people are criticized all the time, they learn to mask and self censor themselves. Then social anxiety is next.

"Some autistic people can read sarcasm just fine"

Yeah, because it is spectrum.
What I see in Josh here - is that he has social anxiety issues which resemble to autism, there are overlapping.

The difference is in Echoism.
It does not matter what is his diagnosis - we need to look at behavior and what is problem.
In his own words - his problem was his reaction to rejection by keeping himself quiet. It was DECISION. He was talking happily and socializing until he experienced narcissistic abuse. We need to concentrate on this decision of silencing himself and changing his own personality to accommodate the abusers and predatory personalities at his own expense.
That is the problem here - Echoism. Social anxiety is operant conditioning problem - we make decisions based on strict parenthood (ACE and ACoA) in our developmental years. We are coerced and pushed into making self sabotaging decisions in later life - without our awareness. This operant conditioning must be brought to light, examined and reconstructed.
Diagnosis of autism in social anxiety is not so important here.

"but still the most reliable and accurate."

Accurate to whom?
Who is the great Oz that has he accuracy?
Where is that brain of the Universe that can resolve complex human brain and be the Hitler of deciding how to box other people into labels ?

"a psychologist specialising in adult Autism"
And then on the other hand we have anti-psychiatry movement.
I am not sure that labeling people and placing them in a box is a good for our own well being.
We start to develop identity based on what DSM tell us.
When we are faced with complex decision in life - instead of following our own persona and well being- we will choose to remember DSM and then make decisions based on psychiatry.
This way I was choosing bad choices based on CBT idea that I must expose myself to any fear - only to find myself stuck in abuse and being exploited by toxic people over and over again.
This is why psychiatry is bad for mental health.
Diagnosis is great when it can help us with psychological issues.
How a diagnosis can help Josh in his social anxiety?
How diagnosis can help with Echoism which is personality disorder that does not affect personality at all - it is complex?

Okay - but how can she help you with social anxiety based on this diagnosis?
You have social anxiety fear of Echoism - you silence yourself. You said it yourself. You chosen to silence yourself when you were 19 years old.
If you were autistic - how come you did not silence yourself before?
Abuse changed you. Experiencing abuse triggered the choice that you develop Echoism.
Can your Dr help you with Echoism?
And in what way?
Through drugs? Through stoicism? Through abusing yourself and forcing yourself to do tricks?
Check out autism videos - how other people describe their symptoms and you will see that autism is not the same as (y)our social anxiety issues.
These are two separate conditions - but you fuse them due to CBT.
I made that mistake and wasted 20 years on CBT.
You said that your world started to shrink after experiencing abuse at the age of 19.
I would focus on that- why it happened and how to reverse it - instead of chasing diagnosis around.

"Just because you have been diagnosed does not mean you have to become the diagnosis. You can choose to be more."

What you wrote here cannot penetrate his mind.
He perceived your words as personal attack.
From his point of view you are invalidating him.
This is where social anxiety overlaps with borderline disorder -
we have total self disgust and we want other people to punish us and put us in a box and then we feel free to roam around , when we have label stuck on our forehead.
As if he must punish himself and blame himself and anything other than that is unacceptable.

Due to Echoism (coerced operant conditioning to please other people at own expense) he believes if he finds something inside him that he can use as scapegoating, that the problem will vanish.
He is falsely convinced that he is the problem. Due to Echoism.
That is how I spend 20 years of blaming myself - I started to believe in diagnosis and any time something bad happened - I would put finger of blame on me and said I am this or that. Without ever performing Reality testing and fact checking and perhaps investigating and being curious why people are angry, hostile or abusive. I would quickly blame myself since I had "social anxiety". As if my brain is abnormal for having reactions to abusive hostile people. That is echoism - total self hatred, self rejection and self abuse - which stems from ACE ACoA childhood, strict parents who probably have some untreated undiagnosed mental illness.

🎯

"...At the end of the day... you can wake up, you can walk, you can breathe. Every day is a gift. Enjoy the gifts given by God. You are more than your diagnosis."

Unfortunately he is convinced that once he has a diagnosis - that social anxiety will vanish.
He is convinced that operant conditioning automatic reaction of silencing himself and making himself small is something that stems from his broken thinking - as if he has disease or malfunction.
Operant conditioning is not disease nor anything wrong with the brain. It will not go away with diagnosis or CBT or coping mechanisms.
It will go away with accepting ourselves fully and stop making defense mechanisms against reality - and instead place the same energy into our own well being, and our values - instead of chasing approval of abusive people.

@joygibbons5482 " signs of a high level of masking"
I knew that something bothers me here - so I need to add more information so that we have FULL knowledge. Not only the one that appears as good to us while we disregard the reality.

High level of masking - is comfortable only to the other people. High level of masking is very uncomfortable and draining to the person who is masking. There is a lot of energy draining in the process of high masking, so high level of masking involves stress and tension and it is not functional to the person who is masking. It only works for the audience who enjoy in the mask.

What I see in Josh is himself being authentic and natural. There is no strain, there is no mask.

I have social mask in social situations - I get rigid.
My whole posture gets rigid, I force a smile and all my thinking process is tunneled into fawning and pleasing other person - it is rigid behavior and thinking and it is obvious to some that I am not relaxed even though I mask it with a smile.

Masking btw is a sign of trauma.
Masking is not endemic to autism.

Quotes:
-
Masking doesn't even work. I'm working my ass off over here to try be someone that you're gonna accept, that's gonna be palatable for you – and yet I'm still rejected and I'm still marginalized. One of my friend said it seems like I'm now in my villain era. And I think that's perfect description of where I am right now because maybe it's time that other people did feel a little bit uncomfortable.
🟥 Masking is a Trauma Response

I've read if you don't mask you risk of being ostracized by people around you. But if you do mask, then you're practicing self-ostracization. Because you're saying your true Self who you are as a person is not good enough. And the only way to succeed is by being someone else. And if it does work to some extent, and you get approval from other people, that's just reinforcing that same message that your true Self is not welcome here. It can mess up your identity.
🟥 Autistic Masking

Masking can increase social anxiety for autistic.
Just because on a surface level somebody seems to have good communication skills and be able to make eye contact, that doesn't mean that everything is magical for them. It starts with I want people to like me and I want to fit in. I have to do what they expect of me by masking. I can't look after myself and meet my own needs too. I burn out. Then I withdraw. And cycle starts again
🟥 Autistic Masking is NOT What you think..

The main therapy for autistic people ABA therapy, which has big emphasis on compliance it's no wonder that autistic people might feel like they just can't say no, that they don't have right to say no in certain scenarios. In my business I ended in bad situations with my clients, because I'm so conscious about masking, I agreed to things, agreed to prices that we were not suitable. Masking feels like survival response.
🟥 Autistic Masking is NOT What you think..

The third problem I have here is -
you say that at age of 19 you started to shrink your world due to rude person at a party.
This means - that your autism started with the trauma?

The research says that autism is genetic. It begins since childhood.
So obvious question is - who were you before age of 19?
What was your modus operandi?
How you socialized with other people?
How you made friends?
What you talked about?
Did you initiated parties and meetings?
If not - why not?
How was your thinking structured?
Did you worry?
Did you censor yourself?
How did you handle conflict?
Who you were before social anxiety?
These questions helped me to re-discover my identity - my social anxiety started at age 13.
Before - I was not afraid of rude people in that manner that I would isolate myself. I initiated parties and get alongs. I enjoyed being in company with friends. I was not preoccupied with potential rude people and I followed my interests without denying myself to be curious and adventurous for the fear of making mistakes.
-
Medical News Today:

"There is no evidence that trauma directly causes autism. However, autistic children and adults may be more vulnerable to traumatic experiences, and adversity may increase autistic traits. Autism occurs due to the way the brain develops and is mostly genetic."

(10.2.2025)

"He is stronger than he realizes"
Social anxiety is not will-power problem.
It has nothing to do with being strong.
Social anxiety is operant conditioning, trauma, it is programmed coerced set of strategies and tools and mechanisms of survival - and these have nothing to do with stoicism which CBT is promoting and misleading socially anxious.

No, social anxiety is not self esteem issue - because there is no self for esteem to base itself upon.
Self is destroyed and removed due to ACE and ACoA - and socially anxious instead rely on external locus of control - codependency. And then this appears as self esteem issue on the surface. While in reality - there is no identity inside.

Social anxiety is kaleidoscopic, there is HSP element, but like Rashomon Effect - there are other things inside as well, both external (abuse) and internal (toxic shame) :

Children do not have fully developed mind, so it is bad idea to diagnose a person who is in the state of development.
They might attach their persona on DSM diagnosis and develop diagnosis identity.

YT "Is it social #anxiety or #adhd even maybe #autism ?"

Autism = born with it
ADHD = reaction to NT tyranny
Social anxiety (disorder) = Echoism by-product of operant conditioning in ACE ACoA childhood

YT "Social Anxiety Isn’t Always What You Think"

Social anxiety is echoism - programmed coerced set of strategies as response to narcissistic abuse.

YT "How to Banish Social Anxiety"

Idea to hate social anxiety is an act of self abuse, self hatred and self rejection.
Social anxiety is an alarm system that warns us of toxic vibes we experienced in the past - ACE and ACoA childhood and narcissistic abuse.
Rumination and worry are not social anxiety - that part is learned programmed coerced set of mechanisms created in order to please tyrannical abusers and psychopaths who abused us into reacting to their punishments.

YT "Overcoming Social Anxiety WITH Small BABY STEPS #socialanxiety"

Social anxiety is alarm system that we feel toxic vibes - dark triad personalities. Social anxiety alarm is neutral and it suppose to be active - it tells us where to go and what to avoid.

The exposure therapy will not work due to our programmed coerced set of strategies to abusers and predators. These strategies will keep us feel panic which we mistake as social anxiety alarm. We need to drop strategies and focus on our well being, instead of pleasing toxic people who are delusional.

YT "The Only Way To Solve Social Anxiety | Ask Kshitij | #shorts"

Social anxiety - medical one - is trauma and it stems from alcoholic homes.
What you are talking in this video is shyness issue - not actual social anxiety.
Shyness is cured with exposure and talking to chicks.
Social anxiety won't go away with exposure due to trauma - and this needs healing.
Healing means education about narcissistic abuse, education how to handle difficult and stubborn hostile people: which we mis-learned in ACE ACoA childhood. We were forced to develop social anxiety as a strategy to appease dark triad predators. And this idea that we must have strategies - is what fuels anxiety. Anxiety itself means desire to control external world. And when we deal with toxic people - they are not grounded in reality, so any tools to talk to them and be social with them - will be used against us. Strategies must go away, and instead focus on well being and being good person with ethical and moral values accepted by social norms.

YT "The Impact Of Emotional Reasoning"

Yep, that is connected to:

Golem effect
The Golem effect is a psychological phenomenon in which lower expectations placed upon individuals either by supervisors or the individual themselves lead to poorer performance by the individual. This effect is mostly seen and studied in educational and organizational environments.

and

Pygmalion effect
The Pygmalion effect refers to situations where high expectations lead to improved performance and low expectations lead to worsened performance. Although the Pygmalion effect was originally observed in the classroom, it also has been applied to in the fields of management, business, and sports psychology.

Social anxiety is by-product of trauma, being exposed to narcissistic abuse and we learned to develop strategies and protection tools, defense mechanisms in order to satisfy someone who is not grounded in reality - without us knowing that they are not present with us - we keep on inventing strategies of Echoism.

Once we start to join people again - we will lack ability to detect toxic people - and then toxic people abuse will lead to golem effect - since we have no ability to detect red flags and abuse sounds and feels familiar to us.
We need education about narcissistic abuse along with dropping down defense mechanisms and strategies.
When we detect toxic person - we do not need any Echoism tools to please that person at all.

YT "How social anxiety affects your Brain #shorts"

1. That is defense mechanism, worry and rumination were tools we developed as response to being abused in ACE ACoA developmental years. While other kids learned how to develop self esteem and confidence and safety in people - we learned that we must worry and self blame ourselves whenever someone is angry or hostile

2. Riskier than they really are - is not amygdala thing to evalute - and certainly not the abusers to tell us that they are not wolves. Instead we need Reality Testing. Fact Check. Become scientist or Sherlock Holmes, look for clues and connect the dots.

3. Internalized toxic shame due to ACE ACoA years

4. Exposure won't work due to internalized toxic shame - this needs sanitization first, cleaning up process which means accepting our social anxiety and not trying to cure it

5. Any strategy as response to delusional narcissistic predators - will lead to anxiety. And that includes positive thinking. Instead of positive bias - we need reality testing

6. Any strategy as response to abnormal sick people - will lead to more anxiety, and that includes deep breaths. Drop any strategy. Narcissists are no longer with us, they are not present in reality. No contact. Gray rock..

7. Toxic people distort reality - they are pathological liars and we cannot verify their lies - so it appears as if our social anxiety is to blame.

YT "My social anxiety could never"

This is where social anxiety interacts and crosses lines with borderline disorder - we end up believing we must perform in front of people to garner their approval and validation by appearing confident in the eyes of strangers- and now we supposedly have worth. Not before.

YT "This is OCD's secret weapon against you
"

The amount of censored information here is at the borderline of egocentrism and narcissism.
The message here is that ocd occurs out of nowhere and that our brain is abnormal.
There is no information that narcissistic abuse causes ocd.

Due to Echoism, Josh is convinced like any socially anxious person, that we will feel good about ourselves when we discover some error inside us and when we can point a finger of blame at something and scapegoat it.
So he is unable to process your words here, facts and reality.
All he hears is that you are enemy if you do not accept his delusional self hatred and desire to scorn oneself.
Strict parenting is the cause of social anxiety.
We start to develop various strategies and preventive measures and we rigidly stay stuck with those and we cannot withstand cognitive dissonance.

n ACE ACoA strict childhood we never develop healthy tools how to handle bullies. We learned to scorn and abuse and blame bully ourselves and make ourselves quiet = Echoism.

YT "How can I reduce my Social Anxiety?🤔"

What happens when evidence is clear that there is abuse, mobbing and bullying and covert narcissistic abuse - and in the same time we cannot quit toxic job due to no finances or leave toxic people for having no alternative shelter?
What we reconstruct then in our mind?

"This can help, so long as you don’t let it pull you into a thought spiral. :)"

Yes. Reality checking is one thing. Denying reality with positive thinking is toxic and dangerous because CBT ABC method leads to living in a fantasy world where we are unable to see reality.
This is why psychiatry is dangerous for mental health.

YT "Dealing with social anxiety: 🙋‍♂️🙋 #viralvideo #viralshorts #shorts"

People with social anxiety already smile - they have fake social mask to appease abusers.
People with social anxiety already look and observe other people - to great detail - in order to detect when the sudden attack will happen again, they watch for small gestures and tone of voice, and context of spoken words and mimicry and intentions behind words.
Why on earth we should share a compliment to person who is abusive and hostile - someone who triggers social anxiety panic due to their abnormal behavior?

Socially anxious person is already highly focused on listening.

I am not sure where you got information about social anxiety - but it is all wrong.

Socially anxious person is already present - and that is causing social anxiety.

Socially anxious person cannot practice self compassion because there is no self. There is Echoism instead.

When we are living in shame-based culture ambient - we won't ever discover with time that our worth is not tied to other opinions since they will notice anything different every 5 seconds and present it as error and abnormality to be ashamed of.

Social anxiety is not lack of courage. Social anxiety is not fear issue. IT is trauma. Complex PTSD.
It has nothing to do with will power.

YT "How to overcome social anxiety?"

Social anxiety is a set of learned, programmed, trained ideas of having urge to cure and fix ourselves with plethora of strategies.
Instead of being secure in our identity - we believe we must be ashamed of ourselves when we feel emotions.
This happens due to ACE ACoA childhood where our reaction to neglect and invalidation was Echoism.
We should talk to people - but not because of as reaction to anxiety. We should talk to people due to our natural desire to connect with normal and healthy and sane people.
We should have self esteem and positive thinking - just because it is healthy - not because as reaction to anxiety.
We should have goals in life and achieve self improvement - because we need it. Not as reaction to panic or anxiety.

YT "How to beat Social Anxiety #socialanxiety #shyness"

Idea to hate, cure or fix social anxiety - is an act of self abuse, self hatred and self rejection, which if enacted leads to mental illness: development of narcissistic personality disorder and borderline PD.

"this is no longer just anxious thoughts"
Exactly!
People who struggle with social anxiety - are not having just anxious thoughts.
There is covert narcissistic abuse, or living in shame-based culture - where other people's unfair criticism is triggering the anxiety. And CBT have no answer to abuse.
That is the truth.
Idea that we self blame ourselves and twist ourselves into pretzel is dangerous.

YT "Social Anxiety Is the Key to Genius (Here’s Why!)
"

"Because the moment you shift your focus away from yourself and actually start paying attention to the other person everything changes. Conversations stop feeling like performance"
Yes!
This applies when people around us are healthy, sane, normal.
When people around us are toxic, narcissistic, anti-social - then paying attention to egocentric predators will end up as social anxiety. Then the solution is to stop making strategies how to accommodate difficult stubborn hostile people - because they are not grounded in reality like normal healthy people are.

"It's still going to creep up when you're about to talk to someone new, or when you replay a conversation for 10th time."
This is due to Echoism.
Echoism is learned, pushed, coerced, programmed reaction and strategy we learned in ACE ACoA childhood in strict parenthood childhood when we were forced to worry and to feel responsible for someone's anger. Now their abusive destructive criticism replays in our mind, like an echo.

YT "HOW TO OVERCOME SOCIAL ANXIETY (STRATEGIES THAT ACTUALLY WORK)"

Social anxiety feels like overwhelming barrier due to dysfunctional home in childhood - ACE and ACoA.
When we experience invalidation and neglect from narcissistic parent(s) - we will develop social anxiety. It means we will hate ourselves and try hard to come up with steps and strategies to appear perfect and without flaws.
So stoicism is adding up more to social anxiety - because it is creating drama and hysteria instead of learning red flags and narcissistic abuse facts and ability to detect when we are being abused.
Instead of that - trauma is forcing socially anxious to twist oneself in pretzel.
Another strategy is Echoism - to people please and to fawn and being preoccupied with stoicism as tools to self abuse oneself into perfection for the hope abusers won't attack us once we are perfect.

YT "Social Anxiety Facts"

If our brain sees the threat - why doesn't it see it all the time?
Obviously there are triggers and trauma there, otherwise socially anxious would feel crippled with threat even at the bathroom or in a nature all alone.

YT ""social anxiety is an excuse""

Social anxiety is strategy to please the critics. Due to exposure to narcissistic abuse.

Fix what?
Socially anxious are not serial killers.
There is nothing to fix.
IT is more about accepting and validating oneself.

Correct. Social anxiety is programmed operant conditioning from ACE ACoA childhood, set of coerced set of strategies to combat narcissistic abusers.

Correct. Such person is narcissistic and probably borderline. Has severe mental illness of abusing scared traumatized people and feeling sadistic joy in abuse. Such people live embedded in fantasy and have no ability to live in reality.

YT "Overcoming SOCIAL Anxiety: My Inspiring Journey
"

You never had social anxiety. You had shyness which you chose to diagnose and label as "social anxiety".
Socially anxious talk and they hang out - because they have social anxiety so they fight it.
You had shyness - which means you feel awkward and you cured it with exposure.
Shy people are obsessed with talking and neurotypical nonsense of being part of herd and group think.

Problem is that you spread the information about "social anxiety" - which is shyness -
but in the same time people who suffer from social anxiety will watch your video and believe you that you had social anxiety and then they will try your tricks and trips of "resisting anxiety" and "acting confident" - and of course this won't work for medical social anxiety - but only for neurotypical shyness which you had all the time.
When socially anxious people try your advice and it doesn't work (because it can't work for actual social anxiety) they will feel depressed and hate themselves.
That is why internet is dangerous - anyone can claim anything without any fact checking and people then get wrong directions and wrong advice that does not work not because the person trying it is abnormal.

YT "Build Your Confidence Muscle"

People are already confident.
They learned set of defense mechanisms like onion layers on top of the confidence and it smothers the confidence. Confidence needs to ne un-earthed - not learned all over again.

"Man I was like this until I got a retail parts job at a Lexus dealer. Exposure therapy ftw"

Exposure therapy helped you because you were not exposed to ACE ACoA childhood - which means you did not have untreated mentally ill parents. So your lack of confidence went away with exposure since you do not have toxic introject (toxic inner critic voice).
That is why exposure works for shy people like you.

YT "Social Anxiety: Ruining My Relationships?"

You are fusing different elements and present it as one entity.

When people are avoiding - this is one element of social anxiety. It is a learned way how to handle conflict and difficult people.

Lack of connection is another entity - totally separate from avoidance mechanism. Lack of connection can happen if a person lives in shame-based culture country where most people are abnormal and sick and they are hostile, unfriendly and abuse other people for sadistic purposes.

Fear of judgement is yet another element - which is not related to previous two.
Fear of criticism is operant conditioning - that stems from ACE ACoA childhood and this fear is learned reaction and strategy how to appease narcissistic abusers. When we are afraid of them - abusers will tend to be less angry and less criminally insane - so we develop fear in order to walk on eggshells around untreated mentally ill people.

Constant doubt of being good enough - is yet another entity and it is by-product of being exposed to narcissistic abuse over long period of time.

You present all these separate entities here as if social anxiety is one mysterious bowl of fear. While in reality - these all stem from reaction and strategies to narcissistic abuse and untreated mentally ill people around us.
Instead of fixing them - we end up blaming ourselves and our reactions as if we are the abnormal ones.
This is why CBT is bad for mental health, it is therapy of Echoism, self abuse and self hatred. CBT is narcissistic abuse itself.

YT "How to Handle Social Anxiety in Public Places
"

Social anxiety is reaction to narcissistic abuse - and it is composed of seeking strategies to "fix" ourselves, believing that there is something wrong with us not being perfect and ideal, as narcissistic abusers are criticizing others to not be.

This is why any steps any idea that we need strategies to handle social anxiety - will actually make social anxiety worse.
Instead of hoarding strategies and reminders and positive talking and nonsensical ideas that narcissistic abusers do not exist - we need to have strategies for our well being, our plans our goals.

YT "Social Anxiety"

Nope. Social anxiety is not related to tribe response. Social anxiety is reaction to narcissistic abuse, untreated mentally ill parent, ACE and ACoA.
Social anxiety is learned set of strategies to appease abusers and make them happy by developing Echoism (over agreeableness).
Instead of coming up with strategies - we need to realize that nothing will win toxic people and it is not our job to make them hear us or interact deeply with them.

The solution is that we drop making strategies how to appease toxic people, learn red flags how to detect toxic people - and instead invest and tunnel and funnel and channel all our energy into normal healthy people and our own well being , instead of walking on eggshells and spending our time in coming up with ideas how to retort to abnormal sick predators.

YT "Visiting Daniel 5 Years After He Said, "I'll Never Be Happy Again" (Schizoaffective Disorder)"

I watched your video with Daniel in summer of 2020. I remember it like it was yesterday - it had profound reaction and effect on me.
His words when he told that it makes a world of difference when people are kind to him - it had blown my mind.
We end up with fake social mask and we try to be good and nice - but we do not understand that this helps other people to get a breath of air when they are in ocean, only head above the water. We take it for granted and we might even start to be tempted to ponder that it might be good to become narcissistic and cold and rude to other people when we do not understand them.

"grounding techniques,"
Yes - I call that Reality testing.
When we have reality testing - we will be healthy. And grounded.
Sam Vaknin talks a lot about it.
Reality testing is fact checking.
IT is no wonder that fascists hate it.

(12.2.2025)

"What’s one small step you recommend people with social anxiety can take today to show themselves a little kindness or acknowledge their strengths, even in a small way?"

Learning about narcissistic abuse. And understanding that social anxiety is not shyness issue. It has nothing to do with will power or confidence- it is reaction to trauma and abuse.
So one small step is dropping strategies to appease abusers.

(13.2.2025)

" how to approach fear and self doubt"
This is related to trauma from the past, childhood and narcissistic abuse in the present.
We were conditioned to doubt ourselves when we are around difficult stubborn and hostile people and covert abusers - we never learned to stop investing our energy and thoughts and problem solving abilities into such people. We learned to invest heavily in resolving issues which delusional people create because they are delusional.

"Stress is a part of life. How could you reframe this experience into a positive experience? "
Stress is part of life.
But narcissistic abuse is like cancer.
It is unreasonable to replace positive thoughts instead of taking cure for the cancer.

Coping skills and practice won't work if the other person is pathological liar and we cannot fact check their lies every 5 seconds

(14.2.2025)

YT "The Karpman Drama Triangle - Understanding and Avoiding Drama in Relationships.
"

In order to make sense of Karpman Drama Triangle -
this applies to narcissistic abusers. If the perpetrator is invested heavily in his fantasy - there is no usage in engaging in any discussion with such delusional person. We withdraw from explaining anything to such person anymore and we focus deliberately on our own well being, needs, common sense, goals, tasks, projects at hand and purpose. If we stay in triangle - we will worry about what pathological liar is pumping out and it is fantasy, it is not rooted in reality.

The question is why would you want to be friends with everyone?
Many people are predators, abusive and mentally ill - it is really bad idea to invite bad daimons into our lives.
Motto for life should be:
Be friendly - not friends.

Idea to cure social anxiety is an act of self hatred, self rejection and self abuse.
You are telling yourself that you do not recognize yourself until you are perfection - which is unrealistic due to human condition: we are not machines.
You are telling yourself that you are not allowed to have human rights when you are abused, poor, or when you make mistakes.

Until you do not treat yourself nice, you will never be able to be truly nice to anyone else.

YT "Excuses in BPD
"

This is Echoism:

52:14 "She goes in full panic. She takes it personal as if she could have done better. And she wasn't good enough. He's the one decided not to take umbrella – she offered it. Yet she's feeling guilty about it. That's what we do. We do, we make everything about us. Going through grief – it's about how I am suffering, if somebody passed away. It's not about everything else, it's about how it affects me. Somebody fails the test- how did I fail the test. We indirectly absorb that kind of material. That's the difference between someone neurotypical and BPD."

Echoism is reaction to narcissistic abuse, where target of narcissist is punished into losing own voice, and instead of the voice there is an echo of other person's scream. Literal ancient Roman/Greece mythology. Echo lost her voice for falling in love with Narcissus.
In ACE ACoA we are conditioned to develop echoism - the opposite of narcissism. Where narcissists doesn't care how his behavior affect the others - we end up being highly aware of other people's feelings and feel responsible for their drama.

(16.2.2025)

YT "The 7 Most Common Signs of Echoism"

1:40 "Healthy narcissism".
Healthy narcissism does not exist. This is like saying there is healthy cancer.
Narcissism by definition is being delusional, egocentric, taking snapshot of reality and being convinced this snapshot is reality.

These signs of Echoism are signs of social anxiety:
1. Compliments make me uncomfortable.
2. Attention makes me uneasy – even when positive.
3. Better to work behind scenes than being in spotlight.
4. Missed out of opportunities because being uncomfortable nominating myself for example for promotion.
5. I don't like talking about myself.
6. I feel uneasy when in focus or attention
7. I find it hard to enjoy compliments.

Social anxiety itself is "an adaptation or trait, a style, a way or relating a person learned in order to cope with a particular emotional environment, types of relationships."

CBT and DSM are misdiagnosing and stigmatizing socially anxious - just like Narcissus, psychiatry is turning abused traumatized victims of abuse into Echoists. Socially anxious are being labeled by CBT as inept, socially unskilled, paranoid neurotics - in order for victims of ACE And ACoA/narcissistic abuse, to lose their own voice. Coercing socially anxious into role of Echo.

"The Greek Myths, tell everything about people and life. The anciënt Greek knew all this already very long ago. I read the book Echoïsm by Donna Savery, it is really exellent, and this video, is too.
I feel, this subject of Echoïsm really is important."

this psychiatrist is denying connection between social anxiety and echoism.
Hopefully the book will prove CBT therapists wrong.

Surviving Narcissism videos specifically state that Echoism leads to anxiety and loss of self.
"Over time when you are exposed to these kinds of thoughts, these comments whittle away at your sense of self. "
"You become hyper-alert when you are around other individuals."
"You want to communicate yet assertiveness feels unnatural."

CBT and self help industry are keeping this information about Echo away from our knowledge.
We are much easier as profit machine for narcissists when we are echo and when we have no truth.
Even this CBT psychiatrist from Harvard is censoring information that Echoism is connected to social anxiety! For shame!

Please learn about Echoism from non CBT resources. This guy is censoring crucial data about connection between social anxiety and Echoism. We are endless narcissistic supply for dark triad when we are being censored and when we are not being told the whole truth.

He deliberately left out the crucial signs, related to social anxiety such as fear of criticism, fear of scrutiny, fear of punishment.

Analysis here is filled with half truth. He fails to make connection with social anxiety,
because what CBT is doing to the socially anxious is narcissistic brainwashing, keeping socially anxious into the role of echoist.

He cannot talk about it because CBT is narcissistic itself. If he talks about the effect of echoism on relationships with others - the whole CBT and DSM would fall down like a deck of cards.
In CBT,DSM social anxiety is being presented as shyness - and effects of narcissistic abuse exposure are turned into money profit exploitation machine by CBT, DSM and self-help industry.

For decades CBT and self help industry were making money on us, traumatized victims of narcissistic abuse, keeping this information away from our eyes so that they could steal our money.

CBT and Self help industry are keeping information away from us - because we are much better supply for exploitation when we are not being told the whole truth.

Nope. You did not explain it yourself. We were being indoctrinated and brainwashed by CBT, self help industry, DSM to self blame ourselves - so that we spend money in fixing something that is not broken and that cannot be fixed - keeping us in a loop of spending money on false information by narcissistic dark triad hidden in medical industry.

CBT and self help industry do not want us to know this information. We are much better money supply when we blame and shut up ourselves.

And then we turn to CBT and self help industry for the hope we will get answers - and then narcissists hidden in medical industry once again shut us up by telling us that we have social anxiety, that we lack social skills, that we have wrong genetic material, that we have cognitive distortions etc.

(17.2.2025)

Any idea to destroy social anxiety is an act of self hatred, self abuse and self rejection.
Idea that we scrap off our persona, our identity and to build fake plastic personality leads to Cluster B personality disorders. It is very dangerous idea.
We need to accept ourselves as we are, totally and fully - and then build ourselves up with love - not with rejection and disgust.

YT "Social Anxiety: How Can an Illusion Feel So REAL?
"

So many misinformation here,
and half information twisted into Frankenstein zombie data, like as if Trump or Vince wrote the video for Munich conference to present pathological lies as reality.
Problem with CBT factory of lies is that socially anxious who are honestly seeking answers - get package of psychiatry coerced lies and victims of abuse are coerced now into developing mental illness created by DSM and CBT symptoms misdiagnosis and hyper-cognition orgy.

Fact check:
1) 0:28 "Social phobia" - this is old defunct label, it was renamed in mid 1990s when CBT "experts" discovered that it does not go away with exposure as any phobia would go away - so CBT renamed it into social anxiety.

2) 0:58 "Pathological shyness" - social anxiety is NOT shyness. It is operant conditioning, tool created in ACE ACoA childhood as reaction to survive narcissistic abuse. It is defense mechanism.

3) 1:58 "We don't know, it's still a mystery" - it is ACE and ACoA childhood. It is not mystery at all and effects of strict parenthood are well researched since 1940s.

4) 2:08 "these people are painfully shy" - this is a lie. You are coercing socially anxious to develop shyness. The next time they feel excitement will now label their excitement as pathological shyness because you forced them to mislabel their feelings as pathology. This is why psychiatry is dangerous for mental health. In reality - socially anxious people are not shy. They are reacting to Complex Trauma which appears as "pathological painful shyness" at the surface level.
Truth is that socially anxious are not "shy" when 1-on-1 contact, in Ventral vagal, in psychological safety ambient.

5) 2:42 "It is irrational fear of interacting with other people" - this is not true. Social anxiety is fear of criticism, scrutiny, punishment and insults. When these are not present in interaction in any way - socially anxious can interact without any "fear".
The "fear" which CBT is quickly labeling due to Base Rate Fallacy - is actually CPTSD. Social situations are cashier and at job. These are all social situations. Social situations is not only going to party or small talk.

6) 2:52 "Interpersonal anxiety" - Socially anxious people are not afraid of people. It is not called personal anxiety. It is called social anxiety due to social element: toxic people being toxic. Socially anxious people are not afraid of ALL interpersonal contact. You are coercing traumatized abused people to develop mental illness. You are forcing them to accept lies as their identity here. What you are doing here is very dangerous and ethically wrong.

7) 3:17 "difficulty with eye contact, small talk" - these are all signs of exposure to emotional abuse and neglect in childhood, ACE and ACoA. These are not symptoms of unknown mysterious fear appearing randomly out of open sky as you stated earlier.

8) 7:38 "Xanax" - pharma mafia. Corrupt medical industry making money profit on complex trauma by forbidding the information related to complex PTSD. WHO's ICD fully recognized CPTSD, while DSM is banning it - for the purpose of exploiting the abused victims of ACE ACoA childhood. Once toxic people are cut off from victims' lives - social anxiety will vanish on its own without need of psych drugs.

9) 9:23 "It is disorder because it causes dysfunction in social academic occupational functioning" - While in the same time narcissistic abuse is not researched by DSM whether abusive personalities are creating these disorders in other people.
How can shyness be disorder - socially anxious are not serial killers. They are not anti-social. They are not causing pain or harm or danger to the other people. When abused victims are labeled as disorder - their inner critic will take this label and turn it as tool for self abuse. CBT is dangerous therapy, it is filled with narcissistic abuse.

10) 12:25 "spouse, best friend" - socially anxious people do not have these, due to social anxiety. Trauma of distrust in toxic people.

11) 14:17 "structure interactions" - you do not mention Shame Based culture countries where structure interactions are abusive and abnormal, anti-social and toxic. Not all people live in New York or LA.

12) 15:25 "these thoughts are gone in transactional situations" - this is lie. You are pumping lie after lie, every minute. Worse than Musk tweet ratio. Rejection sensitivity dysphoria which is social anxiety - is always present - no matter what situation. You are mixing up shyness with social anxiety even though you said it yourself that shyness is not the same as social anxiety.

13) 16:52 "being humiliated is core fear" - Lie. There is fear of punishment. That other person will punish - social anxiety is operant conditioning issue which CBT cannot understand since it is surface level therapy created by narcissistic personalities hidden in medical industry.

14) 17:12 "I had patients" - that is the problem. You had patients with various issues which you and they mislabeled as "social anxiety". Socially anxious do not go to therapy - due to social anxiety itself. If they go to therapy for some reason - they will not tell the whole truth - due to social anxiety itself. So you have Research bias here and Survivorship bias as CBT itself is biased therapy.

I have a question based on title of this video:
"How Can an Illusion Feel So REAL"
What happens when illusion is not illusion?
What happens when toxic people are toxic?
When there is mobbing and oppression?
When there is narcissistic abuse - and target of abuse cannot run away due to obligation, money - and they are forced to be humiliated and abused every 5 seconds on job, family or in the street?
What then?
What is called when one feels social anxiety symptoms based on actual REAL abuse?
And how is that panic attack treated when there is real elephant?
Can CBT answer that question?

The "solution" which corrupt ableist narcissistic CBT therapy is telling us - is to solidify Echoism.
That we lose our voice, that we believe that we are abnormal and that we pretend like we are fine with abuse and that we normalize mentally ill evil people like Trump or Musk or Putin - and pretend that we are social when narcissistic abusers attack us.

YT "Social anxiety tips that really helped me"

1) "Put music on"
Any ritual as reaction to anxiety - leads to OCD, mental illness. Bad idea.
Please use psychology as source of information - not your own ideas based on what inner critic tells you.
This tip works because OCD solutions works in a moment - but later on build into tsunami of compulsions and mental illness.

1a) "slowly build social confidence"
Social confidence cannot be built due to toxic shame. If you build something on crap - the crap will still be under the rug. You need to clean the cat crap first, clean it all up and sanitize it.

2) "people care about themselves"
This is not true. 1 in 2 person showed in USA would destroy anyone who is different like LGBT. So half of population is very hostile and dangerous and they look and observe for anyone different to abuse.
So this statement is false, unfortunately. We live on toxic planet.

2a) "Everybody feels awkward in public" Mentally ill people do not feel anything because they have mental disorder. Like Narcissists.

3) "Helps you own the space" If you depend on external things, events, people or phenomena to feel worthy - this will lead to borderline disorder.

Basically all tips you mention here are creating mental illness.
Please stop it or you will destroy your life in the future, as you grow older and discover that your "tips" are not working in real world.

"If the self disgust is the spark that leads you to the action. I don't think it's too big of a problem as long as you eventually learn it shouldn't remain as the motivation behind your new actions."

self disgust
that is mental illness.
toxic shame.
Please research it more, this is also called toxic introject.
These are very dangerous beliefs - that can lead to self harm.
We are taught to develop it in ACE ACoA childhood when parent is untreated mentally ill, narcissistic.
Please stay safe and take care of yourself.

YT "Avoidance Is The Enemy"

Social anxiety is unhealed trauma - and it cannot be healed by more of abuse through discipline which caused social anxiety in the first place.

"people don’t care as much as you think, you don’t get bullied for being weird anymore, I only see the at in movies.."

What are you talking about?
Elections in USA showed that 1 in 2 person are hyper-focused on other people. Looking anything different about them to abuse and harass them and send them to nazi concentration camps.
Half of the population has narcissistic personality disorder and they are seeking narcissistic supply in other people.

OCD is reaction to narcissistic abuse. Discipline and will power means more of narcissistic self abuse.

Social anxiety is not the same as GAD.
Social anxiety does not go away with failure - due to internalized toxic shame.
Normalization of abusers and narcissistic and not noticing it - is what put Nazi fascist in power in USA.

It is operant conditioning tool survival mechanisms coined in ACE ACoA childhood, Complex PTSD. And it does not go away with stopping symptoms.

"genetic condition that causes a biochemical aberration in the brain"
What evidence you have for this?

If it is genetic, then it would not be fear of criticism.
People are not born with fear of criticism.
People are born only with 2 fears (noise and falling) - anything else is learned.

" It has nothing to do with interpersonal conflict or “strife.”"
DSM strictly states that social anxiety disorder and social anxiety is fear of scrutiny.

"It is an anxiety disorder, not a relational problem. "
Social anxiety definitions are not stating that.

"This is a disease of the brain that requires treatment with psychotropic medication."
Do you have proof for this claim?

YT "Social Anxiety Disorder
"

Social phobia was renamed in mid 1990s when CBT "experts" discovered that social phobia does not go away with exposure like any phobia does. It is defunct name since it is misleading.

Your colleague Dr Silva is claiming that social anxiety disorder is brain disorder.
It would be good to weed out wrong information that psychiatry is spreading around.

CBT is toxic ableist therapy based on removing symptoms - and not looking at the context.
Social anxiety is reaction to narcissistic abuse in childhood - so any exposure won't help - due to toxic shame being internalized.

YT "Beat Social Anxiety in 5 Easy Steps || #kelsang #mindtransformationcoach"

1) Deep breathing won't help when being abused so social anxiety spikes
2) Positive bias can be dangerous because we become ignorant of danger which can be easily evaded if we are aware of it
3) Preparing anything makes us look fake/suspicious and preparation is anxiety itself so it makes anxiety worse
4) Any step is wrong if our guide is wrong
5) Reframing thoughts makes them worse, this is called Ironic Processing theory- because we give power to negative thoughts by noticing them and fighting with them.

YT "Overcoming Social Anxiety for Success #motivation #duet #whyselfimprovementisruiningyourlife"

Anti-social: serial killer or Trump or Musk.
Being introvert is not anti-social.
Social anxiety is not fear - it is operant conditioning stemming from ACE ACoA childhood (untreated mentally ill parent who is strict disciplinary and egocentric, like you).
Money is not only purpose in life.

YT "10 Simple Tips to Overcome Social Anxiety!
"

1) prepare ahead - leads to more anxiety. preparation is anxiety itself
2) breathe deeply - does not help when social anxiety triggers happen like narcissistic abuse
3) positive thinking - leads to ignoring real danger and then not doing anything to prevent it
4) small steps - won't work if our guide it wrong
5) focus on others - socially anxious are already focused on other people due to social anxiety
6) anxiety is triggered by toxic people, not by coffee
7) imagining confidence won't help because social anxiety is not confidence issue but trauma
8) socially anxious are present at hand due to social anxiety
9) in oppression and abuse - it is impossible to take break
10) due to internalized toxic shame there is no self credit awareness.

All of these tips are worthless, misleading, insulting or make social anxiety worse.

It is misleading advice.
There are a lot of narcissistic abusers out there who are overanalyzing others a lot in order to abuse them. This is how we ended up with social anxiety in the first place. Social anxiety is not shyness issue of not having confidence. It is adaptation to dark triad predators.

1) Detailed education about:
- Narcissistic abuse: Sam Vaknin
- ACoA ACE after effects of abuse
- Borderline disorder and Quiet BPD
- Flexible mindset - so that we learn to listen something we find disgusting or repulsive at first
- Echoism - to learn that social anxiety is learned conditioned reaction to abuse - social anxiety trauma is not a personality trait, it has nothing to do with lack of confidence or lack or will power
2) Learning about self acceptance and self validation, which included absolute and unconditional acceptance of our social anxiety and any negative painful emotions and feelings and sensations as messengers to listen - not to push down

It helped you because you mislabeled your shyness as social anxiety.
Problem is that abused and traumatized people are confused, false information online is hiding information about Complex Trauma and narcissistic abuse so socially anxious do not get the information that social anxiety is conditioned response to abuse.
Then they hear advice from shy people like you - who are claiming magical cures for shyness - which does not and cannot work for social anxiety - and then they get additionally depressed because this magical cure does not work for them.
Good intentions are path to hell.
You are doing more harm than good with half knowledge, misdiagnosis and hyper-cognition.

This information is hidden from us.
CBT, self help industry, neurotypicals are coercing us to believe that social anxiety is lack of social skills and that we have abnormal brain. This way psychiatry is pushing us into Echoism - to be silent, stigmatized and that we self censor ourselves and get solidified in social anxiety.

YT "What is a Para-Alcoholic ?
"

Neurotypicals, CBT and social anxiety coaches are hiding and censoring information about ACoA, through dismissing and mocking - they spread false information that ACoA means being alcoholic and then people get discouraged to learn about what is para-alcoholism.
Without correct information, abused traumatized victims of narcissistic abuse will never learn about Echoism information and CBT will instead stigmatized them as mentally ill. Permanently - fpr example Dr Silva is claiming that social anxiety disorder is permanent brain disorder. While in reality, social anxiety is Echoism, and it is by-product of ACoA and para-alcoholism.

"what makes me happy? What do I need?"
Yep.
With strict parenthood, untreated mentally ill parent - and we are conditioned not to develop awareness about making those two questions at all. Instead we try to answer them through para-alcoholism addictions without knowing what we are missing. This is why videos like this are crucial to become aware.
Borderline disorder - the most difficult to treat - is based on inability to be aware of those questions, in-ability to feel good about oneself. These questions are very important for mental health.

Yep.
Those with verbal abusive childhood background develop Echoism.
Echoism is addiction to codependency and being silent servant to angry people - random ones or in family.
Which CBT quickly describes as social anxiety, lack of social skills.
But in reality - it is conditioned behavior learned in ACoA home as survival technique.

YT "Is Echoism Codependency?
"

Ross Rosenberg, the author of "The Human Magnet Syndrome" claims that codependency does not exist. That codependency is actually lack of self love that ends up as observable codependent behavior.
Maybe you should research codependency more before making any information video about it.

What I see in your videos is that you deliberately miss out to speak out the narcissistic abuse and the extensive damage done to the targets. Which is extremely annoying.
Instead you focus on constant blaming and shaming victims of abuse and give message as if echoists are choosing to be neurotic and overly sensitive souls who are over - reacting to life in general.

Echoism is conditioned set of behavior created as reaction to abnormal criminally insane predators such as narcissists.
One of them are CBT therapists, which is narcissistic therapy of abuse, communal narcissists who are censoring a lot of crucial data which victims of abuse must learn - such as connection with social anxiety.

This is why CBT is damaging narcissistic therapy which is hiding and censoring a lot of crucial information which we must learn.
Narcissists are not "trespassers" . Narcissists are mentally ill - they are delusional, they live trapped in fantasy world, it is light version of schizofrenia - so they are not aware that they trespass anything. Without knowing this information we see them as trespassers and then we end up with echoism - since we base our reaction to a hologram, sick people who are not mentally present with us in the same world reality as we are.
Instead of wasting time on CBT crap - turn to real experts in NPD such as Sam Vaknin.

Echoism is not mental illness nor personality disorder.
It is trained reaction to abuse - similar to circus animals being conditioned to perform tricks for the masters.
It is operant conditioning. Like Pavlovian dogs salivating when they hear the bells in Classical conditioning.

Psychiatric labels are useless - due to misdiagnosis and over-lapping.
Instead - focus on behavior and see what is happening, rather than using faulty CBT vocabulary.

YT "Echoism: The Opposite of Narcissism?"

Why anything related to introversion is immediately labeled as psychiatric disorder in CBT and psychiatry?
How come narcissists are not banned from running for the office and nobody is making videos how narcissists are mentally ill? But in the same time social anxiety is being labeled as disorder. The world of patriarchy is world of psychopathy.

Echoism is part of social anxiety.
Many socially anxious get misdiagnosed with social anxiety disorder - while social anxiety symptoms are after-effect of hidden often covert narcissistic abuse.

"It seems like a desire to be as unlike the narcissist as possible.
"

It 's more serious than being a rebel and much more sinister than Hollywood soap opera plot.
It is a surviving mechanism and operant conditioning. Reaction to coercive control.

No books are needed. This is all information we need to have.
It is like Freud discovery - once we make unconscious conscious - we can easily do something about it - it will no longer be on auto pilot.

His "tips" increase anxiety.
Any reaction to anxiety feeds it and it tells our brain that we are in danger and that we must build Trump walls and live in hyper-vigilance, that the world is unsafe place for us and that we are so tender that we must have Trump walls and moral panic 24/7.

(19.2.2025)

YT "The opposite to the narcissist isn't the empath. It’s the echoist."

The abuse does not stop here. Then the echoist start to seek information and help - only to be met with CBT who will diagnose the problems as social anxiety disorder - and then blame the victims of abuse for being neurotic, adding more of weight of toxic shame to censor oneselves.
And this does not stop here.
Then the victims of abuse learn about echoism - and people like psychiatrist explain echoism as something that is not related to social anxiety. So abuse victims are repeatedly abused over and over by CBT and covert narcissists in medical industry such as self help books and social anxiety stoicism coaches.

The healing starts when we remove resentment towards abusers and realize that they were abused too into becoming abusers.
It is up to us to make healthier and better choices than our parents - not to bask in injustice of the past.
Echoism information is end station for healing Complex PTSD. Echoism information gives us specific, laser sharp data what we must NOT do in life, and choose healthier people and healthier ambient around us.

CBT and self help industry keeps a lot of information away from our awareness. We are much practical endless narcissistic supply for psychopaths in medical industry when we are not being told what is the laser sharp problem to resolve.

Kerry is correct.
There is a difference between people pleasing and echoism.

For starters - people pleasing can be manipulation and agenda, like in BPD. Person fawns to someone and then discard phase begins when mood swings occur or when manipulator gets agenda done like taking someone's money by pretending to be nice.

Echoism on the other hand - is constant stuck people pleasing - there is no agenda behind it, there is no control or desire to exploit someone behind it.
It can also occur around non-human objects - like cat, being preoccupied not to anger the pet. Or on Duolingo application when the character of Goth girl is swirling eyes in animation or talk in impatient voice - echoism will be activated even though it is animation pre-recorded character. The tsunami of toxic shame will be triggered.
People pleasers do not go to such length.

You are over-analyzing it.
I would suggest starting writing a journal to put all the Borderline rumination onto the paper - so you will start to see after 5 or 7 months the pattern behind it and fake information that toxic introject is pumping out.

Think of Echoism like dog training or circus training.
Or Pavlovial Classical conditioning.
Dogs salivating when they hear the bell.
That is operant conditioning in humans, discovered by BF Skinner 50 years ago. Please research more all these terms and organize your mixed up thoughts.

"Can you have both?"

Interesting question.
I would guess it might happen in split personality - when trauma cause us to behave in different manner when exposed or when in Ventral Vagal safe ambient.
The definitions are clearly opposite of one another.
Echoism have destroyed Self - like Moon not having atmosphere.
Codependent ones have some sense of Self like traces of oxygen on Mars.
This Self, persona, identity is the core of mental illness - when we are not allowed to develop it in childhood - our mental health is in danger.

Information about Echoism is the last stage of healing Complex PTSD.
It tells us in laser sharp focus all the gray blind areas which we did not see before - but they caused most of mental health problems that we struggled with in the past.
It is like being told that being clean and not having fleas and rats around protects from the plague in Middle Ages.

YT "Are you an Echoist? How to Know if You Are. #shorts"

Information about Echoism is being hidden away from anyone struggling with social anxiety symptoms. It is very critical information to learn and educate about that neurotypical society keeps hidden from our awareness.

The story from Ancient Greece/Rome is the most poetic one to describe narcissistic abuse. About losing own voice and being replaced by being an echo of other people around us.

YT "4 top signs you might struggle with echoism, the true opposite of narcissism."

Echoist especially are convinced that the opposite of narcissism is healthy and good - and this egosyntonic belief is keeping us trapped in mental dysregulation and we get prone to develop mental illness due to this belief.
Think of echoism being opposite of narcissism as a dent in a car - it is still a dent, it is not normal. Or like memory cushion being pressed down - it is still the cushion, it did not change into other object but it reacts to the pressure and forms shame where the dent is. IT is very unhealthy - because we get stuck in narcissistic delusional world by defending ourselves against it.

This happens because narcissists entrain us and train our brain to serve toxic people - and in the same time we are forced to believe that we are doing good by being silent slave servants to loud people. Our beliefs mixed with shame are egosyntonic with abusers and we are not aware of it because they are egocyntonic, in alignment with toxic people. Awareness is the first step in severing the wrong beliefs posing and masking as help in our mind.

Being avoidant is trained set of conditioned behavior. It is not personality and it is certainly not the identity. It is forced social mask constructed and coined in narcissistic abuse ACE and ACoA.

"So in the US we just call this codependency.

"

That is over-generalized label. There is clear distinction between codependency and echoism.
Mainly - codependent people have some traces of self and own voice.
Echoist do not have own voice but an echo.

YT "Understanding Echoism"

And the abuse does not stop here. It continues when Echoist seek honest help and true information about their issues- and then CBT labels it as social anxiety disorder. Keeping away Echoism information away from awareness - hence keeping echoist stuck in shame and false brainwashed narcissistic ideology of CBT that they lack social skills.

YT "ECHOISM: The Opposite Trait to Narcissism - Narcissism Terms Demystified #27"

The video unfortunately gives false information as if Echoism is good thing since it is opposite than satanism.
Unfortunately - this egosyntonic lie is not true.
Being echoist is trained conditioned behavior as reaction to narcissism - so it appears as if it is opposite of narcissism. In reality it is as much as harmful as narcissism - it is mechanism of self abuse being installed in super ego of victim's mind.

YT "Autistic Personality Echoism"

You talk more about borderline disorder than echoism.
Echoism is not a mask - it is trained behavior, like circus animal. It is a reflex to chronic abuse and oppression.
Borderline - they depend on other people to find identity, but they have a voice which can help them assert whatever they want and need. Borderlines have some sense of well being - and this is why they have romantic relationships where BPD shows up frequently in fabricated conflicts. Echoist don't have voice and hence no needs too or any sense of well being, they have echo of abusive people instead.

(20.2.2025)

Reality and facts are not neither positive or negative. They are reality.
Inability to accept reality and rejecting it with a quick labels of being negative is a sign of dissociation, suppression - dysfunctional coping mechanisms which are at the root of any mental illness and narcissistic personality disorder.

Echoism concept is being hidden from us. Instead DSM and CBT are forcing us to believe in ideology that social anxiety is lack of will power and cowardice. This is not true. Social anxiety is reaction to abuse, learned style from childhood - to be slave to angry people. It is operant conditioning. We are conditioned to react with social anxiety to anyone potentially or really hostile to us.

(22.2.2025)

"I don't understand I don't speak about echoism . I think you have the wrong person to talk to"

What do you think overthinking is?
It is the echo of inner critic, external critics.
Information from CBT and self help books is surface level information - created to keep you stuck in "I don't understand" mentality, as victim.

(24.2.2025)

YT "What Are Some Best Practices for Managing Social Anxiety?"

Nope, it is not fear of negative evaluation. It is fear of punishment.
Instead of looking what we are thinking - we need to evaluate people around us when social anxiety is triggered.
CBT does not tell us when the evidence is - that toxic people are real and they are abusive - what then?
WikiHow is the most horrible deterrent resource based on self pathology and rationalizing the narcissistic abuse.

Therapist do not have answer how to handle narcissistic abuse and pathological societal abuse which are one of the same.
Sam Vaknin is the only one who tell is like it is - there are no winning strategies. The only way is going no contact.

YT "Lasting Treatments for Anxiety vs. Coping Skills - Is THIS why Therapy isn't working?"

Anxiety is a reaction to toxic people and corruption in society. This is why techniques don't work - because the stressor is outside. It is in narcissistic abuse and societal abuse.

If the anxiety and panic is being triggered by narcissists, pathological liars, predatory personalities - we need to cut toxic people out of our lives. No amount of strategies will help us. IT is like cancer - cancer cannot go away with our positive thoughts - it must be cut out.

It is like in a horror movie - The call is coming from within the house.
We are not the problem - toxic people are - they are in our private area. Toxic people must be expelled away from us.

YT "This Woman Shows That Social Anxiety Doesn't Exist 😳"

No social anxiety = psychopathy and borderline disorder, similar to this video.
Toxic people care a lot how to abuse the target.
Look at mobbing at job and toxic family members.

YT "The Power of Embracing Rejection as a Way to Stop Social Anxiety"

Social anxiety is fear of criticism and fear of punishment. It is not fear of rejection.

YT "I Took a Retail Job to Overcome Social Anxiety—Here’s What Happened #reddit #socialanxiety #anxiety"

We can train ourselves to behave like circus animal.
We can force and condition ourselves to become NPC Wojak.
We can learn how to suppress our emotions and our thoughts -
but all of these come at certain price and usually is cancer, auto-immune disease, allergies.
When we are unable to say No - our body will keep the score.
Trauma needs to be resolved - not denied and ignored like it was in ACE ACoA exposure to invalidation which started social anxiety in the first place.

"I did this. Forced myself to work in a pub.
Worked a charm :)"

It works only for shy people who mislabel and claim their shyness as "social anxiety".
Social anxiety is conditioned style response to narcissistic parenting - and it cannot go away with working at any place.

"i tried this, twice, and it only made my social anxiety and mental health exponentially worse each time"

This happens due to Operant Conditioning.
In ACE ACoA childhood - we had strict parenthood which set us up to develop a style of behaving and thinking like an echo. Social anxiety is echoism. This is why exposure does not work for real medical social anxiety -
since our beliefs, our convictions and our behavior is set up to self sabotage, to hate ourselves and to abuse ourselves when around angry hostile abusive people of all spectrum.

YT "How I Broke Free from Loneliness and Social Anxiety | Vanessa Van Edwards #shorts #awkward #lonely"

Sounds like borderline disorder.
Someone who is afraid of being alone, lonely, someone who depends on other people to feel good about oneself. Someone who feels like nobody when is not around someone else. All BPD traits.

"she did say keep trying something different, you have cards in your hands just play them right"

That comes out as being fake and as someone with hidden agenda to control and manipulate other people, to find out data about them and use it later on against them. It will come out as fake , and people will hate you.

Shame based culture countries are focused on gossip and micromanaging and talking down to the others and to control them in some way in order to feel self esteem.

She does not care about real life. In her borderline mind she is the center of the Universe and her only goal is to get army of fans and supporters without taking any information and actual data from real people around her. Her only goal is to be validated and to feel appreciated for "hard work" she is doing for the people - which she refuses to listen actually. Only pretends to.

"Dude… imagine talking to this woman. The overly exaggerated facial movements, along with the over emphasis on words/phrases, makes her hard to tolerate."

Borderline personality looks like that. Fake social mask - it literally becomes visible on her face, spasms and overcomensations.

"I've done this for a whole weekend and the anxiety did not go down. Why is this?"

Because anxiety is not the problem. Anxiety is the symptom.
CBT is seeing only symptoms and tries to shut us up, to turn us into Echo. That we become trained circus animal serving obediently abusers and toxic people in power.

It is not OCD. It is normal reaction to sick abnormal inhuman capitalist society.

"when I'm in a group, I feel okay socially because there are a lot of people to deflect off"
Sounds like untreated borderline disorder masking itself as social anxiety issue.

"What kind of person would you be without social anxiety (aka status anxiety)? 👇

"

Better question would be - in what ways you would be punished by toxic people in power without having social anxiety?
How people would treat you when you are not echoist?
What would happen when we stop behaving in oppressive manner-

From my own experience this happened from teen years:
:18yo - I was thrown out of car in the middle of the street by car instructor when I told him that I cannot drive when he screams at me
:11yo - I was slapped in the face when I went out to theatre by hooligans at the train station asking me to give them money
:15yo - I was slapped in the face and kicked and harmed physically when I went out on Saturday night
:13yo - I was abandoned and rejected and left alone by kids when I was being myself

-
"Echoism is not diagnosis. You really want to think of it as an adaptation or trait, a style, a way or relating a person learned in order to cope with a particular emotional environment, types of relationships.
Echoism is a trait or adaptation (not a disorder) that people often develop in response to narcissistic parenting."

YT "The "unique and special" Narcissist"

Yep.
The difference is in the Echoism.
Echoism is the opposite of narcissism.

Social anxiety is a psychological injury, being injured.
Narcissism is causing injury in other people.

Socially anxious will be silent and worried not to harm someone by being narcissistic.
Narcissists are preoccupied by being seen as strong and validated which entitles them to abuse others, they see abuse as correction tool which they are allowed to use. They see themselves as victims and targets as the abusers.

YT "The Proven Pathway To Confidence"

Listing things we are afraid of :
- will create victim identity
- will turn everything into panic and fear

"I’m the most awkward person ever and when I tried this question, people opened up to me in a way I’d never experienced. It gave me instant confidence to keep going!"

You base your confidence on other people and their reactions. This is codependency 1-on-1.
You should feel good about yourself no matter what people do to you, either positively or negatively.
When you tell yourself that you are confident when you do something with other people - you will make them into Master who control your emotions and your life and easily manipulate you - when they are angry for example.
All codependency traits.
External locus of control - is unhealthy and it leads to mental illness.

YT "My favorite social anxiety tip"

Unfortunately social anxiety is also fear of punishment.
And it happens in social situations.
There are dark triad personalities who criticize others deliberately to feel good about themselves, especially when they are in power position and we are not allowed to assert ourselves or leave.

YT "Social Anxiety"

The social anxiety is connected to back stabbing when toxic people hate someone who is different than them and have moral and ethical values. And experiencing the abuse as product of it.

YT "Social anxiety 🙃 you can come out #healing #spritual #conciousness #psychology #trending #selflove"

You are describing shyness and narcissism here.
Social anxiety is fear of criticism and fear of punishment/scrutiny. It is reaction to narcissistic abuse.

YT "Social Anxiety (INFP) #mbti #infp #shorts"

This is shyness. Not medical social anxiety.
Social anxiety is fear of criticism and punishment, stemming from ACE ACoA and exposure to narcissistic abuse.

YT "What No One Tells You About Social Anxiety (The Truth!)||Ever felt awkward in a conversation?"

These are all shyness issues masking itself as social anxiety.
True medical social anxiety is fear of criticism, punishment / scrutiny - it is reaction to narcissistic abuse.

YT "Social Anxiety - Part 1 - Signs and Symptoms
"

Social anxiety is a psychological injury, result of being exposed to narcissistic abuse, ACE and ACoA in developmental years and later in life.

YT "Social Anxiety for Introverts
"

Poor advice - it tells us that social anxiety is our fault.
Social anxiety is triggered by dark triad personalities, toxic people, narcissistic abuse.
IT is not called self anxiety.
IT is called social + anxiety. Anxiety stemming from the social element: toxic person being toxic.

YT "ELIMINATE Social Anxiety in 87 Seconds
"

You mix up shyness with social anxiety.
Social anxiety is reaction to unfair criticism, false accusations created by toxic people in power position. Someone who can harm us - back stab us or do some damage in some way or another, like smear campaign.

YT "#anxietyawareness #socialanxiety #anxietydisorder #anxietyrelief #anxietysymptoms"

So if we are being abused - we must become numb like in U2 song, a zombie. NPC Wojak, background character.

YT "#anxietyawareness #socialanxiety #anxietydisorder #anxietyrelief #anxietysymptoms"

So basically instead of talking about toxic system -we should blame and abuse ourselves for having emotional reactions to abuse.

Social anxiety is a psychological injury. It is by-product of strict parenthood , narcissistic parent.
It is not disorder.
IT is a style, learned conditioned response to abuse.

"physical, biological and genetic factors"
If this was true
1) socially anxious would be socially anxious before the social anxiety started around the age of 12
2) socially anxious would be anxious around ANY social situation - the criticism would not be the trigger for social anxiety

People are born only with two fears: fear of loud noises and fear of falling.
Any other fear is learned and conditioned.

The problem with CBT Myths is that you are coercing socially anxious to develop anxious identity, social anxiety persona which they carry on their back like Atlas weight of the world, where they end up explaining any excitement as social anxiety disorder because you without any evidence have condemned them to be anxious forever.

Do you have any scientific research proof about social anxiety gene? You are basing your beliefs on anecdotal cases.

(26.2.2025)

Social anxiety overlaps with borderline disorder a lot. The only difference between BPD and social anxiety is that socially anxious can hold on being alone whereas BPD person must be around someone else to feel alive. BPD person is aggressive and hostile whereas social anxiety is result of being abused - so loneliness feels safe.
Social anxiety is echoism - we are trained since childhood to follow angry and hostile people and to be their echo, to fix their problems and to be their obedient slave. When in a group - we regulate our emotions due to a group - and that is borderline. Whenever other people control our emotions - that is borderline issue.
Normal healthy sane emotionally regulated people draw their sense of worth from the inside, knowing who they are. Socially anxious and borderlines are depending on other people to know how to feel.

(28.2.2025)

YT "Discover the Power of Silence: Echoism's Hidden Truths!"

Echoism is not being silent.
Echoism is repeating the abuser's toxic insults in head like TikTok video of 3 seconds replaying in one's mind.
It is like wave of abuse in echo chamber rocking back and forth in socially anxious mind, pureOCD.

(3.3.2025)

YT "Don't Let Social Anxiety Stop You⚡"

Social anxiety has nothing to do with fears. Social anxiety is trauma stemming from ACE ACoA childhood, exposure to long term narcissistic abuse.
It has nothing to do with being a coward. Nor lack of social skills or lack of will power.

"I have been giving out ten compliments every single day for the last 3 weeks it has helped my anxiety SO much"

This is Fawning. You develop Echoism which is reaction to narcissistic abuse which caused social anxiety in the first place. Echoism is not healthy.

YT "#pov You start to get social anxiety in different situations from the fear of being watched… #shorts"

It is not fear of being watched. Beneath that fear - is fear of punishment. Social anxiety is reaction to narcissistic abuse.

"Yes, and some people still won't support or understand you and when I tried to be "original myself" I need to have strength to battle doubts that appear in my head when somebody doesn't like me"

This is where social anxiety complex trauma overlaps with borderline disorder:
- we are trying hard for others to understand us
- we are trying hard to be original selves without knowing who we are originally at all
- we are filled with doubts, double binding, dualism whatever we do or say or not do or not say - we doubt it, we doubt ourselves to the core

YT "Overcoming Social Anxiety Requires MORE Than Just Quick Fix Solutions #socialanxiety #anxiety"

This is because social anxiety is a Rashomon Effect - it is huge elephant that has many sides.
The best way is to learn about Echoism, Narcissistic abuse and Complex Trauma - and healing those three operant conditioning through de-conditioning us to our learned programmed style.

YT "Overcoming Conversation Fears For People With Social Anxiety #socialanxiety"

Before conversation I would rather educate myself about red flags how to recognize toxic people - many people are sociopaths and narcissistic - so they are not worthy to have conversation to begin with.

YT "Overcome Social Anxiety"

This is AI!

1) Reframe thoughts does not work because replacing conditioned thoughts makes them worse. This is known as Ironic Processing Theory - our brain now brings more of shame and guilt to reinforce the protecton

2) Exposure does work due to toxic introject, inner critic - which is self sabotaging from inside and toxic people in the external world who do the same

3) Posture will not help with operant conditioning

4) Neither will breathing techniques.

5) Socially anxious are already focused outwards - due to fear of attack. It is called social anxiety, it is not called self anxiety.

6) Avoidance is here due to attempt to heal the trauma wound. Exposure to toxic people like psychopaths who causes the social anxiety in the first place will keep this wound open. The wound must heal

7) It is about accepting that social anxiety is learned programmed style in ACE ACoA ambient. IT is not about accepting that osical anxiety is our identity. It is learned like Pavlovian dogs trained to salivate when they hear the bells.

YT "The One Mindset Shift That Ended My Social Anxiety for Good"

This is super important part in social anxiety -
what happens when we (try to) stop caring what other people think.

Social anxiety itself is operant conditioning, learned style of Echoism. It means that socially anxious - once one stops caring what other people think - the toxic shame will activate guilt and shame tsunami inside. There will be a flood of panic and rumination, PureOCD intrusive worry and anxiety of what will happen next and how will someone punish us.
Which shy people do not have.

This is why this advice to stop caring what other people think will work amazing for shy people and this is why CBT helps for people who label their shyness as "social anxiety" -while in the same time it will not work at all for traumatized and abused people with social anxiety complex trauma who attained it in ACE ACoA ambient.

Another thing happens too -
once we stop caring what other people think - we will notice that the problem is in narcissistic abuse - which caused social anxiety itself.
It will be very clear that narcissistic people once the notice that we are not being afraid of their drama - they will say something to ashame us and to trigger us, bait us into social anxiety panic.

Usually they do this via our mistakes, micromanaging, AD Hominem arguments (like Vance's reporter shaming Zelensky for not wearing a suit in White House).
And we will also notice that social anxiety stems from someone in some kind of authority or place of power - like abusers.

Social anxiety is Complex Trauma issue which overlaps with borderline disorder, deep self hatred and self rejection which results in caring a lot what other people think and this worry cannot be shaken away easily.

YT "Here’s how to overcome social anxiety in just 10 seconds 🌟 #SocialAnxiety #OvercomeFear #Mindset"

What happens when we get abused/attacked by others when we do something unusual?

YT "Your Identity Isn't Real"
It is very dangerous to make up identity and to base it on a fantasy. Leads to delusional disorder and narcissism.

-

(4.3.2025)

This is because social anxiety is easily confused with shyness.
Neurotypical people who are majority are pushing wrong narrative of social anxiety - making it seem like it is easy to conquer with a will power and faking confidence.
Neurotypical majority and CBT do not understand what is Complex Trauma and Emotional Dysregulation.

(4.3.2025)

YT "Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria & Relationships: Breaking the Cycle
"

"Generally people see mad at you , they had a bad day"

You are speaking from Guilt-based culture.
There are Shame-based culture countries out there where people are genuinely mad at anyone not being neurotypical.

America is Guilt-based culture but it is turning to Shame culture - like we seen in White House accusing Zelensky for not wearing a suit and not saying thank you.

Also inside Guilt-based culture countries there are spots of Honor culture like Southern USA or Southern Italy, rural parts of any country etc.

So - reality is not always what it appears to us - since life is much more complex.
Secondly,
RSD doesn't happen only in Romantic relationships.
You forget to take into consideration hatred towards minorities or anyone who is different than given majority at any ambient. Like color of the skin or intimate preferences.

Third,
RSD stems from ACE and ACoA - it is Freudean Fixations. Which means - training ourselves will not work, since there is a gap inside, deep self hatred and self rejection, complex trauma of being exposed to invalidation and criticism during formative years, which is the motor of RSD.

"I believe our brain filters threats based on context—it's trying to protect us without overwhelming us 24/7. Do you think it's more about past experiences or just how our brain is wired?"

Let's go one step back.
CBT claims that social anxiety is brain abnormality. If so - then we would see danger in anything that movies, which is not true.

So - to answer your question - social anxiety and social anxiety disorder (as oppose shyness which is often mislabeled as social anxiety) - is caused by trauma, neglect in childhood. Which is complex trauma and overlaps with borderline disorder - deep self hatred and self rejection which must be addressed and healed.

"What kind of person would you be without social anxiety (aka status anxiety)? 👇"

"Pinkie pie💖

"

Pinkie pie until you are punished for not having displaying social anxiety loss of confidence before toxic person in power who abuse us when we are not being scared in their presence.
Similar to abuse in white house when Zelensky was coerced into fear and social anxiety for not agreeing with MAGA nazis there.

"That’s an interesting take! Trauma definitely plays a huge role, and I see how it overlaps with deeper self-perception issues. Do you think healing social anxiety is more about unlearning fear responses or building self-acceptance first?"

Yes!
Echoism is learned style. Social anxiety is echoism - it is programmed response to long term narcissistic abuse in ACE and ACoA childhood where a child never learns tools of self validation needed for adult life. Without self validation - we will develop various external locus of control tools which will end up as social anxiety - since other people will be the source of our identity, their approval and validation where their criticism will be equal to panic and hypervigilance state.

" dwelling on embarrassing moments"
Is called
Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria
Quiet BPD
Toxic shame internalized /Toxic introject.
These are pillars of social anxiety which CBT is blocking us from learning about.

YT "Parents of BPD Individuals
"

I would turn attention to reaction to BPD behavior, as described in the book "Stop Walking on the Eggshells":

non-BP responses to borderline behavior:

bewilderment
loss of self-esteem
feeling trapped and helpless
withdrawal
adopting unhealthy habits
isolation
hypervigilance and physical illnesses
adoption of BPD-like thoughts and feelings
codependence
guilt and shame
📖stop walking on eggshells

It is obvious that withdrawal and isolation and guilt/shame will lead to social anxiety issues and disorder related to social avoidance.
Because, CBT and psychiatry are labeling socially anxious as someone with abnormal brain and genetical disease.
That is very dangerous because masses of people who were exposed to narcissistic borderline abuse are being pathologized by CBT where psychiatry is explaining trauma symptoms as permanent genetical abnormality, identity and delusional disorder.
While in reality - social anxiety is style learned in abuse.

For example,
This is the copy paste reply from a psychiatrist on you tube who said in his own words said that:

" Social Anxiety Disorder, an illness that is predicated on a genetic condition that causes a biochemical aberration in the brain that causes the symptoms I describe. It has nothing to do with interpersonal conflict or “strife.” It is an anxiety disorder, not a relational problem. Social phobia can exist between strangers, persons who have never met, the first time they must interact (in fact, that is a very common scenario; familiarity with another person often assuages social dread somewhat, although not always completely). This is a disease of the brain that requires treatment with psychotropic medication."

"omg I’m dwelling rn and I can’t stop or move on"

Start writing it down. To the detail. Everything. Write it all out. What you think about. What you worry about. What is happening.
This PureOCD is what we have been conditioned to develop in ACE ACoA childhood. This is the tool we developed as a product of being punished and criticized and disciplined in our formative years.
We have no other knowledge or tools how to process triggers other than self blame and worrying and taking control over things people outside of our control.

There is no winning strategy against narcissism.
We all here are addicted to narc videos to learn the strategy how to handle toxic people - but there is none.
No contact is the only strategy that works - and this is problem because most people cannot cut connections with toxic people in their lives.

Up until November of last year I was big fan of Dr Ramani.
And then I got comment on my reddit forum about her which opened my eyes.
She does not resolve npd, she does not help -
what she is doing is leading us on to hate npd and that is all the program from her.
She offers nothing else - but to recruit hatred towards narcs.
While it feels good to hate someone and to feel anger - unfortunately this approach can turn us into toxic person.
Also, not all narcs are demons, there are some of them who are not toxic but suffer in pain and who are on spectrum of narcissism - and instead of getting help they are being demonized by people like Dr Ramani.

While she offers support on surface - she is actually toxic.
She offers no solutions but recruits us to develop hatred toward narcs - which is like turning us into flying monkeys so that we attack narcs with law suits or getting into conflict with them.
Narcissism is psychological disorder - it is not identity. When we are being taught to hate toxic people - we will become toxic ourselves by organizing Crusades and Witch hunts which is dangerous. Narcs need to go to asylum, president candidates should be tested and checked before presidential race - narcissism can be detected via brain scan - but that is all that society can do.
Hatred is not good road to tackling narcissism.

Dr Ramani is not good resource. She is like passive aggressive gossip girl in the office.
We need objective scientific approach in battling narcissism - like committing them to mandatory asylum and brain scan to detect psychopaths which is possible with today's technology.
Mixing in the emotions and our victimhood in it - is not healthy.

Conversations from Dr Ramani which are based on hatred and persecutory demonizing mentally ill people is not healthy - neither for her, nor for us and not for the criminally insane narcissists.
In her talk - she never says how to handle toxic people - her words are colored with getting revenge on her personal narcissists and not on science. It feels good for us that someone is naming our anger and venting it - but this is not scientific and it is not psychologically healthy especially not for victims of ACE ACoA.

(6.3.2025)

That is Freud Catharsis - and research showed that it does not help with the release of emotions at all - instead it keeps people stuck in hysterical behavior.
Instead of seeking wisdom from internet videos, please invest your time in education and people who are educated in psychology, like Sam Vaknin.

"I’m the same like I always feel like I’m being judged or stared at and my mom constantly says I’m being ridiculous but I can’t help it it’s just my mindset"

No it is not. It is toxic introject. Inner critic. He mask itself as our mindset, as our identity, as our persona.

YT "Convos in my head vs real life #introvert #infj #shorts"

I realized toxic introject (caused by narcissistic abuse exposure) is the virus that is poisoning the well and spread propaganda that is filled with drama and hysteria and paranoia, similar to MAGA movement in USA.

(7.3.2025)

There is also something called over-regulation. Then it becomes the problem itself - when you chase regulation and paradoxically become dysregulated by it.

YT "NARCISSIST SCHOOL #profiling #mentalhealth #humanbehavior #sharedfantasy #codependency "

Yep, this is my phase now - to clean up the crap virus, toxic introject which has access to my narrative and explanations and perspective and then makes decisions based on the filtered tainted explanations. It is very hard to grasp this concept and it is more harder to clean it up.

(9.3.2025)

"when something like this happens, don’t focus on it, and you’ll do amazing. "
This works for shy people who display social anxiety symptoms.
It won't work for medical social anxiety due to toxic introject, inner critic, echoism voice - being echo of any abuser.
Because the inner critic voice will convert any information as overgeneralization - and that includes the meta information about overgeneralization, as well. It is habit, operant conditioning - so it will not work in stressful situations and triggers of social anxiety.
The inner critic voice must be addressed here itself - and that is not easy.
It is not easy to grasp this concept,
it is not easy to ignore inner critic - because it spreads like viral disease into any thinking, which is hard when there are narcissistic abusers around who criticize all the time about anything that moves.

💦

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srijeda, 1. siječnja 2025.

My YT comments on social anxiety 2025

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