77: My YT comments on social anxiety 2025

1.1.2025

YT ""How I Overcame a Narcissistic Boss and Reclaimed My Power!""

Setting boundaries with toxic people means punishment.
In this case - reacting to psychopath would end up in being fired from the job or endless mobbing beforehand.
Narcissists come in package - their abuse.
usually they are in power positions where they can freely abuse other people without being punished for toxic activities like stealing someone's work.

If we live in poor country, if we have no alternative to find another source of income - our only way to survive is to fawn to abusers.
Fawning is not choice. IT is reflex and reaction to surviving.

The only boundary with narcissists is to break contact and leave and our goal in life should be that our finances do not depend on such toxic people - so we have to make long term carefully planned choices in life to make it so.

3.1.2025

Your method is to remove fear.
Removing any emotion is horrible idea. Any psychologist will tell you that.
Emotions are not there to be suppressed or denied or destroyed - that is path to mental illness. Did you ever hear of Freud or Jung and their insight about emotions?

When we feel fear - it is a sign that we feel danger.
Your method is that we see all fear as imaginary. But in real life - there are predatory toxic dangerous personalities who are criminally insane and have hidden agenda to harm the target. Without fear - we would never see red flags and protect ourselves.
We need fear as signal that we need to examine given situation that frightens us.
Not to destroy the messenger itself.

Just like CBT - you are oversimplifying very complex topic of fear.

He is making money on traumatized people. Just like any social anxiety "coach".
Sam Vaknin talked about this phenomena a lot.
We are such great target to exploit: we are kind, nice, silent, we do not protest - all due to social anxiety itself, fear of criticism
so anyone can come along, force us to believe their lies and quick analysis based on nothing - and we believe them. That is part of toxic shame which is social anxiety itself - that people like "coaches" do not understand - since they confuse their grammar school shyness with social anxiety - and then try to "cure" us with tools for their teen shyness and force us to believe in their misdiagnosis.

A lot of people misdiagnose their unknown and vague and unrelated sensations with quick labels and bias. Then they try to cure and fix those false diagnosis - by creating more damage to themselves.
It is a process of self-pathologizing oneself.

"I (sort of?) got over most of my social anxiety during high school, by realizing (and reminding myself), that other people probably only notice me as much as I notice them

So when I felt self conscious about something, I would think to myself “do I notice that about other people?” And usually the answer would be No. Meaning, they probably don’t see it (towards me) either!"

You actually got over shyness which you chose to label and self diagnose as "social anxiety".
Real, medical Social anxiety does NOT go away with realizations since it is part of bullying and mobbing and abuse - external factors such as poverty and not feeling safe around criminally insane psychopaths.

"But I do notice a lot of things about people"
Then we come to the conclusion that most people deny, deflect and dissociate from reality -
while people who are awake and see reality of criminally insane people around - are labeled as crazy ones.

Social anxiety is analogy of being trapped in toxic job filled with mobbing and being unable to quit due to no finances. So abuse is real.
What you describe on the other hand is shyness.
Shyness and social anxiety are not the same.

What CBT is doing is coercing traumatized and abused people to deny and dissociate from abuse and to get accustomed to abuse and criminally insane psychopaths.

Spotlight effect is insulting to people how are target of bullying and mobbing.

Desire to overcome social anxiety is an act of self abuse.
We blame ourselves for being targeted by predatory personalities and we believe that we will be stopped being abused if we self pathologize ourselves deep and long enough.

Learn about narcissistic abuse - and you will learn that spotlight effect is rationalization which predatory personalities make to keep on abusing others.

Exposure therapy will help only for shyness which most people mislabel as social anxiety.
For medical true social anxiety - exposure will solidify toxic shame.

"Can't take the bus during rush hour, it puts me in a fight or flight state, same with the supermarket when it's busy (it's open late, so that's when I go there).
This'll sound like deflection but I promise it's not... I think the world's changed in bad ways, the social dynamics having gone from polite to more impersonal than it's ever been.
I've been thinking about moving away from the capital of my country, I'd rather deal with having to worry about a reputation in a small town than not meaning anything to the people who live around me."

Start by allowing yourself to be impersonal.

YT "The Process in BPD.
"

I see exposure therapy as -
being afraid of fire - so we need to desensitize ourselves to fire. BUT in the same time our skin and clothes are coated and all soaked in petrol and oil - so getting close to fire will lit us up and burn us severely.
Before we face the fire - we need to clean this highly flammable coating on and off from ourselves, we need to clean ourselves before exposure - otherwise exposure will create more damage.
Analogy of petrol/oil is internalized toxic shame, learned self blame, programmed guilt and shame, feeling obligation to serve angry people, feeling responsible for angry people being dysregulated and feeling shame for them being angry and trying to fix their mood swings feeling we are guilty for their distress even when we did not cause it at all.

(4.1.2025)

Spotlight effect tells us that when people are aggressive and targeting us - that we are imagining it.
Why is this so hard to grasp?
Not only you -
myself included and all socially anxious people do not see toxic people, do not recognize red flags and then go along with CBT ideology that we are too sensitive and that other people are not toxic.

Our social anxiety - when we feel it - it is reaction to abusers and psychopaths. It is not our imagination, we are not being irrational as spotlight effect crap tries to convince us.
We are brainwashed by neurotypical society to deny our experiences and to self blame ourselves for feeling abused.

I repeat -
no social anxiety means being criminally insane and abnormal due to lack of sympathy and empathy. Inability to realize how our behavior is affecting other people.

Two quick notes:
" but it still makes a person inferior"
Toxic shame does this.
Internalized toxic shame due to complex trauma, ACE and ACoA is making us feel inferior. Not social anxiety itself.
Without social anxiety we would be like Diogenes in Ancient Greece - we would pee poop in public, sleep in a gutter like a dog and basically be a bum without hygienic habits not caring what other people think our smell.

We are struggling with toxic shame. Not social anxiety. CBT is forcing us to accept wrong explanations and then we try to cure and waste time and energy in wrong steps doing more damage in the process of trying to heal.

"We are often portrayed as the weird ones"
But by whom?
Normal, healthy, sane, friendly people do not shame others.
This is only done by psychopaths and abnormal sick people who have fake mask of sanity in public.
I repeat - normal healthy sane people would not judge someone who is nice, kind , quiet, afraid, panicked.
Only narcissists and sociopaths do this kind of shaming.

We are conditioned since ACoA ACE childhood to believe that angry judgmental people are our gods whom we must be afraid of and align with. This has to stop.

(5.1.2025)

YT ""Mentality Shift." Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
"

I took the BPD test at Resource Center - and the test showed that I have severe BPD.
I was expecting mild or low instead due to my social anxiety - and now I understand that social anxiety is actually avoidance of anger and expressing the bpd traits. I was masking it.
I was convinced that having no problems in relationship was making me non-bpd, but in reality I am isolated - so I have no arena to get symptoms come out of hiding and then I end up with wrong explanations about what is bugging me.

I relate to everything Kevin said in this episode in particular:
- You're not doing it just because it is a right thing to do – to be a good person. You're doing it – they'll se me as a good person.

- I am identifying as somebody who is worthless, I'm identifying as somebody who doesn't have value, I'm identifying as somebody who will be abandoned because who would approve of me,

- Changing your mentality how you identify, how you look at the world and what is your position in it, how you look at yourself that is 50 percent of getting better.

- you become obsessed with trying to fix everything. It's a control thing.

- That means understanding it is not so important that you beat your idea into their brain. And if you really want them – the reason is you feel invalid. And you don't feel good enough.

- I couldn't enjoy anything positive unless everybody else was ok. Vacation – partner said something negative about the flight and I should book another. I make everybody else's dissapointment in the world in their own world about themselves about their world about me. I take the accountability for it. It's really hard to feel good when you do that. Really hard to have enjoyment.

- not making other people's lives better so that they bless you with the ability to relax.

- My coworkers will criticize my work, boss tell me things I don't like, I know I'm not going to be appreciated, so I'm just not going to work. Or another one – I'm not getting into relationship, I'm going to be single forever because it's better that way.

(6.1.2025)

YT "Overcoming Social Anxiety Build Your Confidence! 💪"

Social anxiety is not issue of confidence.
Therefore building a confidence - won't help with social anxiety at all. What will happen is that social anxiety will simply transmute into narcissism and abuse.
CBT is forcing us to believe in lies that social anxiety is not trauma - and that social anxiety can be "cured" with developing narcissistic personality disorder.

YT "Social Anxiety Fears Me
That’s So True · Gracie Abrams"

When we try to fix social anxiety -we are abusing ourselves and developing full borderline disorder in the process of "curing" social anxiety.

YT "Overcoming #anxiety 2025🗒️Here’s how to start:💭 #socialanxiety #th"

When we convince ourselves that our anxiety is confusion - we will stay stuck in abuse, mobbing and narcissistic abuse which is causing social anxiety in the first place.
Sociopaths and psychopaths that are abusing us - wants us to believe that social anxiety is our irrational fear, that our worry thoughts as reaction to abuse are imaginary.

The problem is that CBT and self help industry and you tube videos are trying to convince us that we are crazy and that we are imagining the discomfort. Then we believe that we are inept and worthless and that we cannot trust our brain and our decisions - and then we end up truly socially anxious, after we have been abused by CBT medical industry that is suppose to help us with issues like this and explain us what is happening.

YT "Signs your social anxiety is affecting your daily life. #socialanxiety #mentalhealth"

All signs of exposure to narcissistic abuse and psychopaths/sociopaths.

YT "Sam sulek and social anxiety"

We need to stop self pathologizing ourselves for not feeling good around toxic people.

YT "Why Social Anxiety Is Holding You Back"

What happens when people attack us, fire us, take our shelter, money - when we expose ourselves, when we stand up for ourselves, when we talk, when we are expressing all our thoughts and feelings and reactions to toxic people in power who can destroy our life - either openly or covertly so we won't even know who stabbed us in the back?
What happens then?
Step two.

YT "Social anxiety can look like. #trending #shorts #shortvideo #youtubeshorts #youtube #foryou #fyp"

Complex Trauma.
It has nothing to do with confidence issues or shyness. It is trauma.
Mocking it - will make it worse.
Telling ourselves that we must be confident - will make it worse.
Trauma requires building our identity and healing borderline disorder masking itself as lack of confidence.

YT "Overcome Fear of SPEAKING in groups #communication #deepvoice #leadership #socialanxiety"

When we notice the pressure - if we decide that this stress is robbing us of something - will make the panic worse.
That is because we are identifying with the excitement and we immediately label it as bad and dangerous.
If we realize that our fears are stemming from abuse ACoA anc ACE - we won't take it personally - and we won't make drama about it, and then panic will vanish, once it is not make into our personality.

YT "This Technique DESTROYS Your Social Anxiety!"

Destroying social anxiety = self abuse, self hatred and self rejection.
When we make conversation about other people = fawning and people pleasing, being pushover.

Social anxiety is borderline disorder masking itself as social anxiety. The core problem is not having true core identity - due to ACoA and ACE in childhood.

YT "Give More NOs"

Giving more No to narcissists psychopaths and sociopaths that cause our people pleasing in the first place - will end up as abuse and violence, losing our job and shelter - and femicide.
The problem is not our no or inability to say no.
The core problem are toxic people in power position, oppression and lack of finances, socio-economic issues - which cannot be solved by nitpicking our brain and our behavior since oppression stems from the external factor.
Not from our identity.

YT "How to overcome social anxiety disorder"

You cannot talk to everybody.
We cannot talk to stubborn, difficult, narcissistic people.
we cannot talk to oppression and lack of money.
Idea that we must be accepted and validated and that we must influence other people is narcissistic personality disorder. It is borderline issue. It is mental illness to desire to control other people.

Problem is that many young socially anxious people will watch biased half done videos like yours - that never mention keywords like trauma - and then believe that their social anxiety is sickness and that their identity is abnormal.

YT "I thought the gym would cure my anxiety… #gym #socialanxiety #anxiety #mentalhealth #shorts #fyp"

Social anxiety is borderline disorder masking itself as social anxiety shyness lack of confidence.
The problem is trauma - not social anxiety symptoms.

YT "3 Ways To Relieve Social Anxiety Using Neuroscience 😀🧠 #shorts"

1. Change inner dialogue will lead to more of worrying. Also known as Pink Elephant effect or Ironic processing theory
1a. What happens when it is really true and people judge us and they abuse us and we cannot run away due to lack of money? What we do then with our inner dialogue?
When we are being abused and reality is narcissistic abuse which we cannot cut off. At least not in legal way.
2. Breathing is good advice for yoga. Not for when we are being abused and when we are poor and living in oppression.
If we are being abused by someone - if we blame ourselves and try to correct ourselves - we will never do anything about the abuse itself.
3. When we deny and suppress reality like imagining fantasy instead of reality - that is mental illness.

Social anxiety is trauma issue. It is not issue of confidence.

YT "Overcome Fear and Reclaim Your Life: Social Anxiety Explained
"

Idea that we overcome social anxiety is an act of self abuse, self rejection and self hatred.

If we label Social anxiety with psychiatry label such as "debilitating" - we will create depressive rigid persona based on this invented toxic CBT/DSM label of toxic shame and self abuse.
Then we will feel social anxiety shame about feeling panic when we are being abused and traumatized by sick abnormal predatory personalities who trigger social anxiety symptoms in the first place.
Predatory personalities are debilitating - their abuse is debilitating. Not our legal normal reactions to their abuse.

Anxiety disorders all stem from ACoA and ACE - invalidation and emotional neglect in childhood - which you never mention in this video at all even though it is central to social anxiety issues.

Avoidance behavior are trauma reactions - they are not personality identity as you portray it in this CBT video and force us to hate our tools to protect our mental and physical health through avoidance and avoiding toxic sick people around us.

CBT is toxic ableist therapy based on self abuse, self pathologizing and self hatred, self rejection - the very same trauma that caused social anxiety in alcoholic home in the first place. CBT ought to be banned - it is making traumatized people feel toxic shame for having reactions to abuse.

YT "Ask Yourself This Powerful Question TO Overcome Social Anxiety"

This other-focus stems from borderline disorder:
not having self identity.
Then abused traumatized people grown up in ACE and ACoA do not have identity persona.
Nitpicking our thoughts will make it worse.
Instead - we need education about identity and trauma.

YT "#socialanxiety #anxietyawareness #anxiety #anxietydisorder #anxietyrelief #anxietyhypnotherapy"

Oppression, poverty, abuse is outside of our control. Idea that we can fix external elements with our thoughts is sign of mental illness: narcissism and schizofrenia.

YT "Social Anxiety Is NOT A Confidence Issue"

"Confidence has nothing to do with social anxiety. Working on your confidence won't help. It's what she is thinking about herself is what makes her nervous."

Correct
but I would add the external factor:
toxic people who have hidden agenda to cause us harm
and pathological liars who present false facts which we cannot verify - so we buy into their lies.
The very same thing we do in our head when there is internalized toxic shame that tells us we are inept and worthless - there are also toxic people out there who wear fake social mask, they present themselves as help and service - but in reality predatory personalities suck energy and money from their victims spreading lies and false reality - that we unsuspectingly soak in and then we feel panic - thinking we are faulty and abnormal ones.

YT "#socialanxiety #anxietyawareness #anxietydisorder #anxietyrelief "

Exposure CBT crap is analogy of being afraid of fire -
so CBT tells us to expose in order to desensitize ourselves to fire.
But what CBT does not warn us - is that we are soaked in oil and petrol - which will burn us severely when we expose ourselves.
Oil Petrol = internalized toxic shame, poverty and oppression, living in narcissistic abuse and mobbing which we cannot quit.

Also
if we desensitize ourselves to abuse - we will never leave abusers, we will enable the abuse and we will rationalize criminally insane predatory personalities.
So CBT exposure BS - is forcing us to become slaves and codependent pushovers stuck in abuse and trauma bonding.

YT "This was actually quite scary, but bird whisperer added to the list of talents 💅🏻#birdwhisperer
Not one person said it back #socialanxiety #awkwardsilence"

Yelling and hysterical screaming in public is abuse and harassment.
No matter of your good intentions.
Good intentions are pathway to hell.

YT "Fix yourself to be confident is a lie..."

Yes. Social anxiety is complex trauma. Hating social anxiety is an act of self abuse, self hatred and self rejection - and we will never be truly confident when we hate reject and abuse ourselves

YT "Could Surfing Solve Gen Z Social Anxiety?
"

Idea that we obfuscate trauma which is social anxiety by doing something outside of healing trauma - is narcissism and borderline disorder.

YT "Beat Exam & Social Anxiety: 2 Easy Steps!"

Social anxiety is not some teen shyness issue of jerking around phone or small talk or presentation.
Social anxiety is being trapped in toxic job mobbing and not being able to quit this hell hole due to lack of money and support and shelter - it is oppression and abuse issue and socio economic issue.

YT "How to improve social skills #shorts"

Not everyone out there is friendly or worthy of our kindness.
Please realize that Fawning is trauma response and it is disorder to cure - not made famous.

For borderline person like him, the validation and approval of others is like oxygen or water. In ACE ACoA toxic childhood he was punished into self hatred, self rejection and self abuse - so he sees other people as gods to worship and codependent on without seeing the borderline trauma inside himself.

We have to feel secure and safe in the world.
And this means - we need to accept that toxic people exist.
Another step is developing our identity - because trauma is smoking gun that our identity is not fully developed - that is where the pain stems from. It is like not having a house and we are exposed to environmental influences like cold heat rain - and it hurts us. We need our ground, base, full self belief - we never learned that due to ACE and ACoA - where we learned the opposite : to blame and hate ourselves and to fix angry abusive people and their hysteria.

(7.1.2025)

" i nvr got abused."
Then there are two options:
1) you do not have actual social anxiety. You have some disorder in the brain and hormones.
2) you were abused but the trauma was so deep and shocking that you forgot all about it and you suppressed it
AND OR
you lived in ACoA ACE toxic ambient since childhood that you cannot make objective assessment to determine what is abuse - since abuse feels natural to you.

Social anxiety must come from abuse and trauma - because if it was brain disorder - our fears and panic would be triggered by non-social elements - like food, eating food, watching TV, looking at some color, breathing, drinking water, any neutral activity.
YET we know that social anxiety stems from fear of criticism, scrutiny, punishment, contempt - real or potential. So there is element of abuse there and fear of abuse.

"it is shyness nn not enough confidence i nvr got abused soo"
Shyness goes away with a mere exposure.
So if it is shyness - all you need to do is face your fears and go to parties and talk to random people and shyness will go away since you do not have associated trauma with other people being evil and abusive.

Abuse does not mean physical harm.
Abuse also contains neglect and emotional invalidation, exposure to constant nitpicking, constant criticism 24/7 about smallest things and shaming and blaming. Read about red flags in narcissistic abuse.

Complex Trauma - exposure to neglect and emotional invalidation over long period of time.
In such toxic ambient - we will be in constant defense mode - we will lose our identity, worry what meaningless people think about us - and this is now borderline disorder.
In USA when someone being abused seeks helps - it means loss of medical rights.
So toxic society is pushing us to stay stuck in self blame and pain.

Hating social anxiety is an act of self abuse. In itself. It is act of self pathologizing. Self trauma. Hating our emotions, hating our natural reactions to discomfort - is abuse itself.

" It's true that RSD, social anxiety, and even BPD can share some overlapping features, making it tricky to differentiate. While some researchers believe RSD might be a subtype of social anxiety, others see it as a distinct experience, often linked to ADHD. More research is definitely needed, especially regarding BPD.

It's important to remember that everyone's experience is unique, and seeking professional support is crucial for accurate diagnosis and personalised help."

Diagnosis is both blessing and a curse.
When we are diagnosing our symptoms - we will eventually start to cure them and this means hide them or make them functional.
But then this leads to misdiagnosis in later years - then trauma is still there - and we can't tap into true core problem, since our symptoms are being pathologized by psychiatry. Then we end up with half solutions or wrong solutions that do not apply to our case - all because we are being instructed by diagnosis to hide our true reactions.
We end up blaming and hating ourselves - and we do not look up and see that our problems in life stem from abuse, exposure to narcissistic abuse or living in shame-based culture country.
This way - psychiatry is forcing us to develop identity based on diagnosis manual - which we try to conform to - instead of being natural and authentic and then work on true problems and not on a mask which psychiatry will force us to wear.

"There is a tendency to overreact but it’s not that easy and we should generalize. Assess the situation."

What happens when the situation is the situation of oppression and abuse and lack of money and no escape?
And we cannot escape the abuse due to lack of money?
and we are being abused every single second - like being trapped on mobbing toxic job, living in a toxic country shame-based country - and we have nowhere to run.

What then?

Basically any relief for anxiety will become our addiction.
Addictions are bad. They lead to personality disorder and mental illness.
Instead of escaping and running away from anxiety - we need to investigate it why it happens and what is triggering it.
To save 10 or 20 years of research: it is toxic people and narcissistic abuse.

YT "Angry Words Reveal Hidden Truths 💡"

Anger is super effective method and a tool to control & manipulate the traumatized and abused victims of abuse, ACE and ACoA.

YT "One way to balance yourself after healing from narcissistic abuse #shorts"

This means accepting social anxiety.
CBT and self help industry and toxic patriarchy society - are forcing ourselves to hate and reject our fears and panic - and that we replace it by developing fake narcissistic image of superiority and stoicism so that we impress other people with our social skills and perfectionism.

YT ""Instant Gratification" The Sensitive Stability BPD Live Show
"

"How we chase people who have hurt us. Why did you do it. It doesn't make any sense. The reason is you don't feel good enough, you think if you understand why you may debunk it wasn't you."

🎯🎯🎯

With social anxiety - which obviously is masked quiet BPD - CBT is teaching the socially anxious in spotlight effect where we are being taught by CBT to believe that avoidance is always sickness, so we are not allowed to exit. CBT tell us that toxic people do not exist so we must rationalize evil people and enable them. And CBT tells us that we must be friendly with everyone, social, assertive - which means in real life getting trauma bonded. CBT mislead me for decades and forced me to develop fawning trauma response. I was not being explained by medical industry - that is suppose to help us - to cut off toxic people. That destroyed me - since all tools I was left with was self blame. Which comes natural to us obviously.

If you "recognize" non pathological thing as pathological you will self abuse yourself and perform self pathologizing act, which will end up as mental illness.
This is like Maxwel Maltz book Cyberthronics where he noticed that Hollywood celebrities are fixing their face with plastic surgeries - in order to fix something they believe is wrong - but in the end - end up being deformed.

(9.1.2025)

YT "Guilt, Blame, Shame, Embarassment and Fault in BPD
"

You made me realize something I was not aware before:

that when I expose, when I expand my comfort zone - I will usually put myself down and minimize any achievement. But the reason why I do this - apart from obvious internalized toxic shame and operant conditioning - is actually my outlook - I see any experiment or action as meaningless and I seek approval from other people around me - who will in 99 percent of cases put it down and minimize it. I do not see any of my trials as accountability and responsibility at all. I do not label it as such. I label it as my caprice and consequently something that is crazy, abnormal, anxious, not valid. I invalidate myself without being aware of it and I use labels unconsciously to stay immobile and avoidant and to be ashamed for trying anything in life. I do not see any achievement and any action and any exposure - as accountability and responsibility. I ashamed it instead as irrelevant and shameful - on top of other people's unfair and unjust criticism.

If I labeled my trials and facing fears as accountability and responsibility - I would not put myself down and dismiss it as insignificant...

(11.1.2025)

0:24 "I conquered anxiety so I can talk to anyone"
"to beat social anxiety then basically in any social situation you are in, first of all you should read How to win friends and influence people...after that in any social situation when you don't know what to say, then our brain knows a little about what should be said"

You are saying that social anxiety is shyness.
Not it is not.
Social anxiety is not called talking anxiety.
You mix up shyness with social anxiety.
Social anxiety is feeling uncomfortable in abnormal sick situations like being around psychopaths and sociopaths who are in power. It is not teen fear of talking to strangers.

You are framing and forcing socially anxious to believe that their anxiety is connected to fear of talking. It is not.
It is reaction to abnormal sick people who need medical treatment - and it our reaction to criminally insane people appear on surface as fear of talking. You are not making it easier by mis constructing social anxiety as irrational fear of talking.

YT "4 ways to tell if you have OCPD
"

There is no mention when someone has this disorder as result of abuse and perfectionism in ACE and ACoA.
Also
there is no mention when someone in adult life with this disorder is faced with another person who has the same disorder - and this other person is abusive and hysterical - so it triggers social anxiety.

3) there is no mention what happens when we try to be flexible and we are abused by someone with this disorder who is abusive and does not want to heal it.

This is problem with CBT and videos like this one based on CBT.
We end up identifying with our symptoms as if they are our personality, our identity. Instead of helping us, CBT is like more adhesive glue that is solidifying the disorder with our persona.
Then we end up hating and rejecting ourselves - and changing and fixing things that are not pathology at all.
CBT ought to be banned.

Neurodivergent.
Ableist CBT does not recognizes ND - so we end up being pathologized and with ruined self esteem - thinking that our brain is disorder itself. CBT ought to be banned.

Any personality disorder resembles narcissistic PD - because any PD is inability to see how our own behavior is affecting other people around us.

Now the question is - why you stay in toxic ambient?
What is the fear and blockage from moving on? That fear should be explored, Not that nazi boss.

Denky says when everything is perfect - ego dystonic - there will be feeling of emptiness since there is no drama or action. I agree with him.
basically and paradoxically - ego dystonic we feel when there is drama and hysteria and problems.
This is proof that OCPD stems from ACoA and ACE - toxic parenting, toxic culture of toxic shame.

It is half baked video based on CBT. Which means over-simplification of extremely complex issues.
Trauma is ignored. ACoA and ACE also.
Video presents PD as our choice, as if our brain is abnormal and we must hate it and reject it order to become group think unable to think for oneself. CBT ought to be banned.

You must put your own mental health and well being first - always.
Staying with abusive person is enabling their sickness.

He has no tips how to deal with it.
He has no idea what is the cause (trauma) and why is it happening (due to operant conditioning).
All he knows is CBT - which is toxic ableist therapy which is oversimplifying complex problems and presents them as "cognitive distortion" problem - forcing us to hate and reject ourselves so we are easy to control and manipulate.

Video does not mentions the crucial problem - what happens with kids who have OCPD parent - and how we develop this disorder , 86% of it - and how it is connected to borderline disorder and social anxiety, lack of self and ruined self due to destroyed self esteem due to perfectionism - and abusive people triggering our perfectionism.

Symptoms are not actual problem.
Fixing the symptoms will not help with the cause: abuse and destroyed self persona identity - which needs healing and being built - which this video does not mention at all.
CBT is only pathologizing us - forcing us to hate and reject ourselves without doing anything to help us with real life issues we are blocked with.

(12.1.2025)

You are describing the very borderline issues inside social anxiety which I stated; rigid mindset. Social anxiety is Obsessive Compulsive personality disorder.

You said:
" the brain needs to learn how to handle those complex situations"
Social situations are not suppose to be battle. If we approach it and if we perceive and explain social anxiety as a plan and danger - there will be social anxiety as reaction to this belief.
Social situations are not suppose to be something planned, something we need to educate ourselves about.
Social situations should feel safe and happy and source of insight and data - not a task that is hard and needs school.
If we make ourselves believe that social situations are complex - they will be - and we will create social anxiety as byproduct of this erroneous belief.

(13.1.2025)

"Ty for the whole entire essay. Ima now read all of it. I’ll see u in a week lol"

It is easier in life to have victim mentality. never to grow up and depend on other people to feed us and order us what to do in life.

YT "How to navigate ADHD and social anxiety"

Real life situations in 99 percent of time are not related to parties.
But actually to mobbing at job, abuse at home and violence in streets.
What happens when the evidence show us that we are abused - and we cannot run away after one hour and we are forced to be in oppressive ambient without means of escape - due to no finances, no shelter.
In short - when we are in real life and social anxiety.
What then?

YT "How to cure social anxiety"

When we combat feeling of judgement -
judgement related to scrutiny from the others -
we are rejecting reality.
When we reject reality - we will develop mental illness known as delusional disorder.
Elections in USA showed that 1 in 2 person is mentally ill and criminally insane - because 1 in 2 person supports Nazi concentration camps, murder, rape and racism. It means that judgment is real. There is high chance that other people hold mentally ill scrutiny and abnormal aggression to strangers to anyone who appears "weak" and different to them.
If we refuse to accept this reality and when we convince ourselves that all people are good and nice and sane - we will develop codependency. Because these same mentally ill people criminally insane are predatory. It means that they are pathological liars, highly manipulative and controlling - and we actually should listen to our social anxiety and stay away from sick abusive people who will often enough have fake social mask in the public or at the first contact.
This is especially true in shame-based culture countries where shaming others is lifestyle choice of the majority whose narcissistic supply depend on putting other people down.

YT "Meet Social Anxiety With Compassion
"

When we ask ourselves to doubt after social contact - this is actually sign of being exposed to narcissistic abuse.
When we normalize, ignore, deny abuse - we will create codependency and trauma bonding and fawning and we will enable the abusers to abuse and stay in toxic contact.
Instead of convincing ourselves that our anxiety is irrational - I would rather spend the same energy into learning about narcissistic abuse and learning how to recognize red flags.

YT "Dealing with SOCIAL ANXIETY! #socialanxiety #stressmanagement #stressed"

That is not social anxiety. It is Responsibility OCD stemming from ACE and ACoA childhood where we learned to be perfect and to depend on other people to feel good about ourselves and approved.

Hyper-responsibility.
We were programmed to be kind and nice - and then we were pushed to take control for other people as well but in the same time we were banned to blame other people being abusive. So now we are stuck in self blame mode with urge to be perfect and to fix other people's potential anger.

YT "Overcome Social Anxiety in 2025: Tried and Tested Pathway #socialanxietycoach #socialanxiety"

Social anxiety is not issue of low confidence.
Idea that we are at fault and that we must change ourselves is an act of self blaming.
Hating social anxiety is:
Self hatred, self rejection and self abuse.

YT "ADHD and social anxiety talks #adhd #relatable #pov #anxiety"

Finding the right people is game changer - because social anxiety is normal natural reaction to toxic people being toxic to everyone in contact with predators.

YT "How To Instantly Remove Social Anxiety."

That is not social anxiety fear. It is normal reaction to social pressure which we should have - we should embrace social norms and behave like adult.

Social anxiety is Responsibility OCD issue. IT has nothing to do with confidence or talking or being in public. It is being trapped in shame-based culture country where other people are abusive and shaming and intolerant.

YT "How To Overcome Social Anxiety (Easy Steps That Work)
"

You are starting with the idea that all social situations are comfortable and are suppose to be comfortable.
Social situations are not only parties.
Mobbing at work, abuse at home, violence in the street, living in shame-based culture countries are also real life social situations.

I totally agree with this statement:
"We want to keep this as simple as possible. Being fluid in social situations is all about simplicity."
But real life situations are far from being simple.
When social situations are not complex - then most social situations are vague and we lack all information to see what is going on - usually ending up with wrong conclusions and wrong decisions. In order to achieve correct conclusions and right decisions - we need to worry and to ruminate - to see social situations as complex and that is double binding of social anxiety.

"Anxieties that keep us stuck"
Nope.
It is not anxiety that keeps us stuck. It is actually toxic people in power position - someone who is abusive and has some power like firing us from only job we can have, or throwing us in the street or attacking us physically etc.
Social anxiety is called social + anxiety. It is not called self anxiety. Anxiety stems from the social element: toxic people being abusive to us.
When you explain social anxiety as something that we choose to have - you are instructing us to self abuse ourselves, that we blame ourselves for being abused and that we hate and reject our normal human reactions to abusive people - and this self hatred will end up as codependency, enabling the abuse, staying stuck in toxic ambient, normalizing the abuse and trauma bonding.

1:08 "Truth number one: Everyone has social anxiety"
When I wrote topic about this in 2022 at main reddit channel for social anxiety I was being attacked, deleted and banned from that group - moderators there accused me of lying and kicked me out and deleted my topic. I received dozens of comments that this is not true.

1:56 "Spotlight effect"
Everyone is focused on themselves - when everyone is normal and healthy and sane and social and friendly.
But elections in USA showed us that 1 in 2 person is criminally insane, narcissistic and borderline - that they support toxic shame mentality of attacking different people and being intolerant. So Spotlight effect is not true. Reality is that 1 in 2 person will be filled with mental illness, internalized toxic shame and they will hold automatic grudge and hatred to anyone around - because they are criminally insane.
When we go along with idea that we cannot rely on our natural reaction to abusive sick people - we will fawn to them.
That happens because toxic people are manipulative, they seek control and their modus operandi is coercive control - since that is their narcissistic supply source: judging other people and shaming others.
When we decide to divorce ourselves from reality and go along with CBT idea of denial and suppression - we will suppress our natural anger and disgust emotions - and we will develop Fawning trauma response, people pleasing and being pushover - which are twin conditions to social anxiety.

Not all people are kind and nice.
And we do not need to talk to everyone.
Telling other people that we have social anxiety - will be narcissists source of shaming and blaming which they perform automatically and they cannot stop themselves from harming others and using personal information voluntarily given to them.

Social anxiety is not issue of low confidence.
Social anxiety is not fear of talking.
Social anxiety is not about lacking social skills.
These are all symptoms which appear as social anxiety. But in reality - they are Responsibility OCD, hyper responsibility stemming from ACE ACoA childhood where we learned to be codependent and to seek approval from others and to fix angry people. This operant conditioning will appear as social anxiety in adulthood - and
idea that we become social and to talk to people - will only solidify toxic predators and parasites who are already feasting on our OCD.

YT "Our experiences are not the same😭 #actuallyautistic"

What the extrovert is saying - that her friends are source of comfort and support, similar to this video which is source of comfort and support for ND. What we get from this video - validation, being heard, being understood, being able to explain what is bugging us and people understanding us what most other people don't even want to learn about - is what extrovert one is getting from socializing.
The only difference is that neurotypicals are shallow and fake - so their process of talking is also shallow and fake - but it is functional for them.

YT "Can you really cure social anxiety? "

Crippling levels of anxiety is not social anxiety.
You are mixing up terms.
Social anxiety - is normal and we should have it. Without social anxiety we would be psychopaths, narcissists and impulsive borderline, dark triad predators and parasites, emotional vampires.

Crippling levels of anxiety are natural and normal reaction to abuse. Where the problem is the abuser, predator, dark triad personality - someone who is harming others and has hidden agenda to cause drama, chaos, hysteria around them.

When someone is abusing us - the normal healthy levels do not exist.
It is the same as to say someone house burning in LA fire - and being afraid of the future of having no home - that this crippling fear is abnormal and not normal.

When we hold idea that our natural reaction to narcissistic abuse and oppression is our fault, our crippling emotion - we will never find our community - since all our resources and focus will be centered around this disorder and problem and paranoia.

YT "Overcoming Social Anxiety: The #1 Thing You Need to Focus On #socialanxietycoach"

Honesty with healthy sane and normal people should be our focus.
But in rea life - many people wear fake social mask, they misrepresent themselves as friends and normal and sane - and when we are honest with dishonest fake predator - they will use our voluntary given information against ourselves in order to harm and hurt us later on when their mental illness cause them to be abusive, paranoid and hysterical.

Whenever we are honest this will happen in real life:

Social anxiety results from being around people who are resolutely opposed to who you are.
Stefan Molyneux

To say what you feel is to dig your own grave
Album: I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got
Black Boys on Mopeds
Song by Sinéad O'Connor

"People will constantly tell you to be yourself but when you do, they will still say "not like that!" If the world truly wanted you to be real, they wouldn't make their disapproval of you so clear once you are. The truth is that people only want you to be real to the extent that they are comfortable with and in a way that they can approve of."
(YT sclera 74)

YT "How Your Phone Can Actually Destroy Your Social Anxiety
"

Hating social anxiety is an act of self abuse, self hatred and self rejection.
When we do not care what other people think about us at all - we will develop mental illness called narcissism and borderline disorder, psychopathy and sociopathy. Anti-social disorder.
Idea that we lack social skills - will end up as self fulfilling prophecy where we will build our persona about someone who is lacking always in social skills and cannot fulfill this hole since we conceived ourselves that we are dorks.
Elections in USA showed us that 1 in 2 person is mentally ill and abnormal. This means - that there is 50% of chance that random people hate us just because we exist - and they have no reason but they do contemplate how to abuse us since they have abnormal predatory sadistic brain.
When we ignore this fact and presume non realistic idea that all people are sane and healthy and friendly - we will end up with false belief that we must trust each person around us. Since predators are toxic - their abnormal brain is functioning through control and manipulation to us - they will use pathological lying - our ability to detect this abnormality will be gone - since we will convince ourselves that spotlight effect means that other people have no harmful intentions against us.
Then we will end up with fawning and fear and social anxiety - since we are unable to detect toxic people and cut them off. Since you are convincing us in spotlight effect here in this video.

YT "Shyness & social anxiety bring you negative attention. #shyness #socialanxiety"

But then the problem with the people who see shyness as negative. Those are toxic people whom we should not be around with nor we should try to fit in into their crap at all.

If people struggle with what we are saying - normal and healthy and sane and friendly person would state that and ask for repetition, they would be social. They would not burn us like witch on a stake because their entitlement is not fulfilled, their perfectionism and idea of what is correct behavior in social situations.

If other person thinks that shyness is wrong - that person is abnormal. Probably psychopath or sociopath. Normal healthy sane friendly social people do not judge quiet people as sick and abnormal. Only abnormal people do that.

YT "When my social anxiety kick-in in public"

It is not social anxiety. It is actually:
- feeling toxic vibes
- feeling over-responsible
- hating ourselves
- rejecting ourselves
- not taking care of our well being
- not being allowed to be honest
- being punished
- being controlled
- being manipulated.

YT "My Experience With Social Anxiety
"

Social phobia was renamed in mid 1990s when DSM "experts" discovered that it is actually anxiety and not phobia since social anxiety does not go away with repeated exposure to the fear object. Phobia is cured with exposure to the fear since we desensitize ourselves to the pain and fear.

Social anxiety can be Functional. It means we can expose: we can go to social events and appear as not socially anxious.
That is why definition of social anxiety is crucial. Medical description of social anxiety disorder is fear of criticism. Fear of scrutiny. Fear of punishment. Fear of contempt. Fear of expressing our own criticism and scrutiny for the fear of more of criticism receiving scrutiny back as response.

We are born only with two fears: fear of falling and fear of loud noises. Any other fear we struggle with is learned and conditioned.
Social anxiety is normal - without social anxiety we would be psychopaths and sociopaths who do not care what other people think about us.
Social anxiety disorder is fear of criticism. It has nothing to do with confidence or going to parties.

Anger is not associated with social anxiety - because of this fear of criticism. If we have anger - then this social anxiety symptoms are actually symptom of Borderline disorder which is masking itself as social anxiety.

True medical social anxiety is desire to be social - hence there is anxiety. We place social events and socializing as primary concern and inability to get social is causing social anxiety. The need to be around people.

So you describe here anti-social behavior and desire not to be around people, not socializing - so it seems to me that you do not have medical social anxiety. You have social anxiety symptoms.
Problem here is that social anxiety resources will not help you - since they do not address the core problem: borderline anti-social behavior.

BPD people are self efficient and start their own business.
Socially anxious people with medical social anxiety could never do that due to crippling toxic shame that prevents them to do anything without approval of others. You do not have this type of crippling shame - so that is indication you do not have actual medical social anxiety.
When you read social anxiety books and seek therapy for social anxiety - it will not help you - since it cannot help you because you do not have actual social anxiety, you have social anxiety symptoms.

Borderline disorder and social anxiety overlap in many areas - so they will mimic each other and be confusing.

The idea of being healthy is that we are social in the end. That we follow social norms and that we obey the law.
Socially anxious do that too much - they have Responsibility OCD, obsessive compulsive personality disorder which compels them to be afraid of criticism.
Borderline disorder is based on depending on other people to fulfill own needs and seeing other people as tools not as human beings who need support and maintenance - so there is fear of criticism due to fear of rejection and not having hence the tools for own agenda. Fear of criticism is present in both conditions - but the goal is different.

When we discover what is at the root of social anxiety - we can find tools to help us regulate our emotions.
When we are misdiagnoses and when we refuse to get the data - we will experience symptoms of social anxiety.

"as long as they do a good job and are respectful, I’m fine with them."
But this is the problem with medical social anxiety.
We have Responsibility OCD masking itself as lack of social skills and as low confidence.
Our hyper-responsibility is placing us on idea that we are the ones who are so important that other people behavior is the source of our safety and security -
we have rigid belief which we acquired in ACE and ACoA where we believe firmly how our self worth is associated about how other people act.
When people are nice and kind - we believe we are good person.
When someone is angry and anti-social - we automatically believe we are bad and we did something wrong. Without us being aware of it that we are taking responsibility for someone's bad behavior.
So social anxiety is obsessive-compulsive personality disorder and we have no idea that we have it.
CBT and social anxiety self help industry are "explaining" to us that we have social skills issues and forcing us to believe that we have cognitive distortions - which we then internalize and develop toxic shame - and then end up with destroyed personality and low confidence - and we have no idea what to do and how to cure our anxiety.
Since the true problem is being masked: hyper-resonsibility.

YT "How to overcome social anxiety #jordanpeterson"

Nonsense. Social anxiety is hyper-responsibility issue learned in ACoA ACE childhood. It has nothing to do with looking or not looking at other people. Socially anxious are actually zoomed into other people like with a microscope, too much due to fear of punishment and seeking any sign of sudden attack. This fear of scrutiny is pushing us to believe that we are responsible when other people are angry. So looking at them won't help with anxiety - it will make it worse since we do not do anything about removing this hyper-responsibility at all.

YT "Overcoming Social Anxiety: Building Confidence | Kaise Samajik Chinta Ko Overcome Karen"

Social anxiety is Responsibility OCD.
It has nothing to do with social skills.
You mix up shyness/autism with social anxiety.

YT "How to Cope Up With Social Anxiety🥹🫣#Social Anxiety #aesthetic💫"

Social anxiety is reaction to oppression and lack of money.
Being physically active is healthy but it has nothing to do with removing medical social anxiety.
Enough sleep too. Or eating healthy.

Socially anxious already participate in social activities - but they are the source of mobbing, abuse, legalized abuse, normalized narcissistic abuse.
Social anxiety is analogy of being trapped in mobbing toxic job without being able to quit it due to no finances to support own existence. That is social anxiety - being stuck in abuse stemming from toxic people.
No matter how much we eat healthy and sleep and avoid addictions - abuse will still be incoming.
Problem is hidden in Responsibility OCD which is masked away from us - and we only see panic and fear and social situations as the problem - and then we do nothing about the core disorder: obsessive-compulsive personality disorder forged in ACE ACoA shame.based culture ambient.

YT "DAY 1 OF OVERCOMING SOCIAL ANXIETY"

Overcoming social anxiety without doing anything about Hyper-responsibility OCD is shooting blanks. Wasting our resources time and money.

YT "My journey from socially anxious to socially confident. #shyness #socialanxiety #introvert"

When you become fake version of yourself that is formed as crap fitting to toxic society - that is called narcissism and borderline disorder.

(14.1.2025)

"This may be true for a small group of people, however it’s safe to say that most “socially anxious” individuals are simply weak and have a negative attitude towards life in general."

You are pathologizing them, scrutinizing abused traumatized people and you are oversimplifying very complex and serious issue without any empathy.

"In my experience when people have social anxiety they're closed off from connecting with people and when they learn to feel confident in themselves and around people they are a lot happier... There's no hate towards social anxiety but building confidence with people does help"

Well your experience is egocentric and you are coercing traumatized people to believe in what appears as reality to you. But it is delusion based on imaginary explanations.

"Just 2 things you said that I disagree with: 1). I don't think quiet/introverted is always the same as shy; there are different motivations behind those two behaviors. 2). It's not that shyness is wrong, but I do think it's negative because although it might be partially genetic, the larger part of it is a response to an environment of social rejection, social exclusion, bullying, and generally feeling unsafe."

Response to social rejection is not shyness. IT is called Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria.
You are fusing various emotions with real concept that you are not aware of at all.
That is very dangerous - since you are coercing socially anxious to develop various misdiagnosis.

"Maybe in response to a toxic society, but what about fitting into a normal, generally good society?"

Elections in USA showed that "normal" "generally good society" does not exist on this planet.
1 in 2 person will support criminally insane, rapist and racist person to be their leader.
1 in 2 person would support Nazi concentration camps and witch hunt and Crusades against any person that is different from the majority.
Normal generally good society is myth.
You can read Gabor Mate book "Myth of normal" which title is saying exactly that.
That is the central problem with social anxiety itself - we try to fit in to crap. We are crap fitting - and in the same time we believe that we are doing what is normal. And then end up with social anxiety - since 1 in 2 person on this planet is abnormal, psychopathic and sick - and we are having normal reaction to abnormal people around us. In shame-based culture countries these numbers are ever worse than in USA.

" I appreciate you for sharing your perspective but I'll give you an analogy to explain the teaching:

Imagine social anxiety was body fat.

We all have some body fat as it's vital but it is possible for excess levels to become problematic by which I mean interfere with normal functioning and daily life (crippling), e.g. through causing mobility issues.

In this case someone choosing to lose weight from a place of self-love would be a good thing.

In the same way the intensity of fear people feel around others can vary widely and some people experience crippling levels of anxiety in all social situations.

You're correct in saying that people's feelings and fear are typically proportionate to their experiences, so perhaps someone with social anxiety has suffered from narcissistic abuse growing up. However, in our mind we view the wider world as a bigger version of the world we were raised in by our caregivers and in the wider world it's not just wolves there's lots of good people you can trust.

What this means is that many people are treating the wider world 🌍 as their upbringing and they're living life in fear and walking on egg shells. And just like someone could be crippled by body fat they're crippled in social situations by fear.

The great thing is you can overcome this with exposure therapy combined with help and support and get to a stage where you feel healthy levels of fear but don't allow fear to stop you from confidently socialising."

Thinking that social anxiety is body fat is act of self hatred, self rejection and self abuse.
This is the same to say that when some person attacks you - that you blame your wounds as body fat. As if we could do something to protect ourselves and that it is our fault for being assaulted.
When people abuse - it is their own choice - they are the abnormal ones. We are not responsible for abnormal people behaving abnormal.
Behind social anxiety is this Responsibility OCD issue - and you are having it too.
Obsessive compulsive personality disorder is this rigid thinking - being stubborn and believing in own ideas as if they are chiseled in the permanent stone. And in the same time ideas are filled with self hatred and self abuse.

"Hating social anxiety is an act of self abuse, self hatred and self rejection - which leads to mental illness and personality disorder , codependency issues and trauma bonding."

"Love it!!
Spent the day meditating on this, and to be honest, I never consciously saw it from that perspective. Thank you for sharing!!!"

That is why we are stuck in social anxiety - we are stuck in tunnel vision and someone outside of us must show us the way out. We won't be able to see the exit in our own - due to rigid mindset and toxic society pathologizing our reactions to abuse.

"but the reality is no one gives a shit and is too busy with their own lives."
But how do you know that 100%?
Did you ever hear of Jung fake social mask?
Where people do not convey their true opinions - and instead they lie and don't tell their true thoughts?
How can you know for sure that other people are not obsessed with your mistakes and judge you for it and contemplate revenge or attack because of your errors and appearance and personal orientation?
You cannot read other people minds.
You are basing your beliefs on delusion - on a belief - where you have no evidence for your beliefs. that is dangerous.
When we belief in delusions - we will start to base our decisions on snapshot of reality - which is narcissism and dissociation from reality.

YT "oops - I almost got beaten up... for being intuitive
"

People pleasing is reflex, response to psychopaths and sociopaths. Fawning is trauma response.
Trauma response - is not something shameful as society is teaching us. IT is not a choice.
IT is wise smart response to avoid further pain and suffering.
Unfortunately society in the west is prone to Dunning Krueger effect and CBT - where people who are kind, nice, wise, friendly, social, sane - are seen as weak and abnormal and stupid. While in the same time people who are loud and anti-social and aggressive - are seen as competent, gods, leaders. Which of course is not true at all - aggressive people are mentally ill, they have no working psyche inside, they are abnormal and their actions and decisions will lead to catastrophe and abuse later on in life.
The only thing we can do - is that we do not feel shame for our trauma reactions and that we do not self-pathologize ourselves as CBT and toxic society is teaching us to hate ourselves.
When we get education about narcissistic abuse, psychopaths and sociopaths (Sam Vaknin is best resource) - we learn that people who as you said in video get angry very quickly - are abnormal, they are not connected to reality, they have narcissistic and borderline disorder- and our task in 99% of cases when we are confronted with them - that we have no contact with them.
Because they are abnormal - they are capable of committing a crime, they will be freed by judge due to their abnormal brain and they will never feel any kind of consequence or punishment or change in character at all - otherwise they would be normal right now. Abnormal people are capable of backstabbing us - without us being aware that problems we experience stem from stalkers and sick people who hate us for no reason.

When we are grounded in reality, when we know our identity - then angry people won't appear as someone who is our responsibility, we won't see it as a competition and that we must scream at them back. HSP usually have Over-responsibility OCD, hyper-responsibility - which we are not aware of it because the disorder it in alignment with rules ethics and morals - in psychology this is called Egosyntonic. So being Egosyntonic - our trauma appears as voice of reason - and then we end up screaming and yelling at people or we fawn or we try to fix their anger, we feel responsible for their hysteria, we try to reason with people who are sadistic and enjoy conflict. And then we feel like our ego is ruined with their abnormal anti-social behavior - while in reality - we have problem with OCD that we are not aware of it at all.
OverResponsibility OCD is rampant in HSP - but nobody told us this. We experience it though as social anxiety symptoms and usually through self blame and self hatred and self rejection.

This is great comment -
because it reveals the operant conditioning found in HSP.
We avoid the pain.
We are conditioned - through our own nervous system an also through toxic ambient such as ACE and ACoA in our developmental years - to avoid the pain.
When we avoid the pain - we get conditioned. This is something that Pavlovian dogs experiment showed us and BF Skinner discovered later on in mid 20th century: that when we avoid pain - either through punishment or rewards - we will get conditioned in life.

It means - as HSP we will get conditioned to become empaths - since empathy is the only workable functional manner to survive on this planet - where on the one hand we try to do morally and ethically correct thing and on the other hand we have toxic planet filled with criminals and mentally ill sick abnormal people who are abusing other people without getting any kind of punishment even from the law and judge in their adult years. Going to prison (unless the criminals live in Norway or Swiss) will teach them how to brush abnormal anti-social behavior - not to correct it.

So what I want to say - it is what I discovered myself-
let us feel the pain. Instead of being conditioned to run away from it, let us feel it.

Because in the example of this video -
if that teen psycho really did attack you - that would actually become news. You would be an article in main newspapers and even on TV - and perhaps in newspapers around the world.
And how often does that happen?
I think not so often.

I have access to Turkish news TV stations - and they are filled with such incidents where random abnormal Turks are attacking random people - like angry parents entering kindergarten and attacking the nannies - or random street violence. In Turkey this happens every day - because it is shame-based culture country and it is poor.
In the west - due to education and society who has culture - and system that is taking away babies from alcoholic homes - such violent incidents are rare. Especially in the Western Europe - since the system itself is curing abnormal sick people from becoming anti-social.
So chances are - you would probably never get clobbered. You said that his friend was anxious and he was calming him down. That is the result of education and system state care found in Western Europe - where children are taught since childhood to become normal sane adults. I would put trust in EU that is doing best thing possible to remove abnormalities in society such as street violence.

But aside with that - I would also focus on our fear of pain.
At certain age of our life - we need to come to conclusion where we stop running from the pain.
And allow it to feel it. And watch what happens next.
If we live in normal state - anti-social behavior will be sanctioned and frowned upon by society.

YT ""Mentality in BPD" The Sensitive Stability BPD Live Show
"

I had series of epiphanies thanks to Kevin.

I took personality disorder test once again, the last time I did it was in 2008 - and sure enough OPCD was the number one issue 80% - then I googled it now and discovered that OPCD is behind being stubborn which appears as social anxiety to me. And personality disorder is issue of being rigid, having rigid mindset. We end up being preoccupied with our symptoms - while the thing that is disorder part - is in this rigidity. Social anxiety appears as problem with no social skills and low confidence, but nope - it is problem with stubbornness and egosyntonic convictions about moral and ethical beliefs which are actually rigid and disorder that cannot be detected. This quote is spot on.

And this applies to current Tic Toc chaos.
We will always get new unexpected problems in life and we will always be forced to use our intellect and find solutions to problems which appear as unsolvable and difficult in areas that appear unbreakable and as non problematic - and lack of rigid mindset (or having flexible mindset that is) then plays huge role in how much we will adapt to new situations and find solutions.

(16.1.2025)

Yeah, unfortunately most kids (and adults) struggling with social anxiety symptoms want quick fix and they are ashamed of their social anxiety and then make things worse by using methods to fix themselves by hating themselves.
Like common method is shouting in public, challenges or toxic masculinity - they falsely believe that social anxiety is flaw in character associated to femininity which must be exterminated.

Google is a poor source - oversimplified resource. You need medical one, based on better research.

"intense fear in social situation" can be million things - shyness included.
You had shyness - which you decided to google into Social anxiety.

Social anxiety medical description is:

DSM-IV:
Marked fear or anxiety about one or more social situations in which the individual is exposed to possible scrutiny by others.

The individual fears that he or she will act in a way or show anxiety symptoms that will be negatively evaluated (i.e., will be humiliating or embarrassing; will lead to rejection or offend others).

Core traits are ego-syntonic . Anything that appears as normal, good to you. Anything that does not produce anxiety, fear, panic - that are what our core values are.
On the surface - there is no problem with that. But - for example - to a thief - stealing is egosyntonic.
In the same manner - all toxic behavior, hidden self sabotaging actions that we undertake - are hidden behind our inner core rules that appear as good to us.
Similar to Zoroastrianism where there is warning how evil hides itself among the good and our task is to discern what is truly good in life - to filter out the bad.

So - to socially anxious person - egosyntonic will be perfectionism and over-responsibility - but socially anxious person won't be aware of this at all. They will have different labels for it, they will use neutral words to describe these 2 motors of social anxiety. Instead of perfectionism they will call it as quality. Instead of over-responsibility they will use the word empathy.
And when social anxiety strikes - they won't be able to see where the fear of criticism is coming from at all - since the evil is hidden behind ego-syntonic values.
Also - it is not so easy to get rid of perfectionism - because we need to find balance between being efficient and not OCD. We need to find balance between helping people and not sacrificing our time and energy, which can be very confusing, at first.

(20.1.2025)

YT "I LOST My Ability To Speak! #shorts"

Great story but it is medically misleading.
Social anxiety is not issue of communication.
It is issue of oppression and being abused - not being allowed to talk freely due to coercive control.

YT "Effective Therapies for Overcoming Social Anxiety"

CBT is horrible ableist therapy based on self pathologizing our experiences, gaslighting ourselves into self blame and self abuse and denying that narcissistic abuse is real.

There is no real scientific evidence that CBT is helpful.
CBT is based on suppression and denial, dysfunctional coping mechanisms.

YT "Social Anxiety: 4 Proven Strategies to Feel Confident Anywhere!"

Social anxiety is reaction to narcissistic abuse, oppression and coercive control.
It has nothing to do with confidence, will power or being strong/weak.

YT "Quick tip for social anxiety"

Social anxiety is not fear of talking. It is not called talking anxiety.
Fear of talking and fear of not being confident is shyness, which resembles social anxiety symptoms.
Medical social anxiety is fear of criticism, fear of scrutiny, punishment -
and it occurs in mobbing, narcissistic abuse, coercive control, situations where person cannot run away or cut contact or fight - due to oligarchy, power position of abusers and inability to find another shelter and lack of finances to support oneself (socio-economic issues).
So real medical social anxiety unfortunately is not so simply as being male alpha macho man or issues with breathing. IT is complex trauma instead based on years of abuse and exposure to systematic invalidation.

YT "beating social anxiety is easy, actually"

"Creepy sensation of being analyzed" is sign of being exposed to emotional abuse, invalidation and chronic micromanaging criticism in developmental years.

"Remembering what we said 3 years ago" is called Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria - which is byproduct of being exposed to chronic invalidation and micromanaging corrections in developmental years.

"Being smart with your energy" - does not work in real life situations like mobbing and being trapped in abusive toxic job which we cannot quit due to no finances and no shelter. Or being trapped in abusive relationship which could end as femicide is victim leaves.

"Do the thing anyway" - social anxiety stems from being exposed to emotional and narcissistic abuse. It means when we do something - there is someone in power position who is abusing us. The anxiety is reflection and reaction to abuse. It is not something that we imagine.
Social anxiety is not found only when we drink coffee in coffee bar.
Social situations are also being trapped in mobbing job, not having money so not having finances to go anywhere.

The real world works on oppression and coercive control, where rapist and racist, criminally insane scum become presidents of countries.

YT "Overcoming Social Anxiety: Building Connections with Ease #SocialAnxiety #OvercomingAnxiety #Autism"

These are all great messages - but technically speaking this is not social anxiety.
This is shyness described here. And neurotypical brainwashing that having superficial friends - acquaintances really, is the ultimate goal in life.
Real medical social anxiety is not related to making friends or talking.
It is fear of criticism, fear of punishment, fear of scrutiny - this is medical description of social anxiety and social anxiety disorder.
When we are preoccupied with being alone and having friends - and nothing else - then this is shyness issue - which can mimic social anxiety symptoms.

YT "How Dale's social anxiety shaped his character #kingofthehill #analysis"

Really socially anxious person would fear criticism and scrutiny of judgement from peer pressure.
Dale is more Schizotypal type - not liking people much and being isolated.
Socially anxious people want to socialize and they place high value on connection and being around people - otherwise they would not feel social anxiety symptoms.
What Dale feels as social anxiety - is regular fear of social judgement which often mimics and resembles and overlaps with social anxiety.

YT "Full video uploaded now! Check it out! #socialanxiety #vlog"

Social anxiety is not always bad. It reminds us not to make fool of ourselves in public and that we are not annoying to the others. Without social anxiety we would develop psychopathy and sociopathy issues where we do not care what other people think and how our behavior is affecting others around us.

YT "Approach Anxiety? How To Turn Social Anxiety Into CONFIDENCE With This ONE Hack | From Man To King
"

Medical social anxiety is not issue of confidence, will power or being weak.
Medical social anxiety is fear of criticism, fear of scrutiny and fear of punishment - it is also fear of expressing our own criticism, our own scrutiny and punishing people around us when they cross boundaries of common sense.

When we do not give a f* - this is called psychopathy and sociopathy. People who are Cluster B - do not care how their own behavior affects other people. This is why narcissism is on the rise - because we are being brainwashed by Jordan Peterson ideology that being kind and nice is being sissy feminine - so we believe that we must be toxic in order to be man. Which of course is path to mental illness: narcissism and borderline disorder.

There are toxic people like that all around.
Toxic people are focused on abusing other people and judging others in order to feel good about their self esteem. When they put someone down, find faults and errors in others - this gives them sadistic pleasure because they have abnormal brain.

Election in USA showed us that 1 in 2 person supports Nazi concentration camps, mass murdering of anyone who is different than accepted majority, rape and racism. So there are 49% of mentally ill toxic people around us in any country based on patriarchy and Taliban fascism mentality.

When we feel social anxiety - we are detecting 49% of mentally ill criminally insane people around us.
Jung discovered that there is concept called Fake social mask - where toxic people fake pretend to be normal and social.
When we form long term connections with such people - toxic people are predatory - their sense of worth comes from abusing and exploiting their victims. This is what we feel with social anxiety - we are reacting to toxic people.

Idea that we abuse ourselves - to force ourselves to talk to mentally ill criminally insane - is self abuse.
When we deny our body and when we ignore our emotions - that is self abuse.
Idea that we must make other people happy and give them compliments is called codependency and borderline disorder where we believe our own identity is based on making other people happy and them being happy with us. This will end up as people pleasing and fawning - social anxiety issues.

Social anxiety is alarm - that we are around toxic people who fake pretend to be normal, and it is also issue of not believing in ourselves so we place our sense of worth into other people and their emotions what they think about us (which is called borderline disorder).

Hating social anxiety is an act of self abuse, self rejection and self hatred.
We will never develop full confidence and energy to approach people when we attack ourselves and feel self shame about who we are.

"I always feel negative feellings when i feel overstimulated and i feel angry. I also tend to lose my temper and I cant push the feeling away and i am just in a bad mood. How do you fix that when being overstimulated...."

This is because we learned - we were punished into - conditioned to associate negative feelings with anger. We have no idea that our negative emotions can have different outlet - such as humor or being even more positive and motivational and that we perform self check - self awareness - perhaps we hold some unreal beliefs or expectations or rigid mindset that keep us trapped in unnecessary grudge.
Epicurus talked in his ancient philosophy that we will be happy when we align with more realistic needs instead of craving perfectionism and luxury and other people's admiration and approval

YT "It can feel so challenging to calm down in a moment where we are feeling overstimulated, & anxious"

I believe many of us who are watching psychological videos are focused on self improvement and finding help - which means that we are over-regulating - but from our point of view it appears as if we are not doing it at all of we are not perfect at it.
Then it is problem of over-regulation also known as perfectionism - and this rigid mindset is problem on its own - since we are not aware that our good intentions are keeping us trapped in abusing ourselves. It is like being focused on pruning ourselves that we prune all branches off and then bear no fruit and wonder why we are fruitless, we have no idea what we are doing it wrong -
and truth is that we are over-doing it.

YT "Rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) is an intense emotional response triggered by perceived"

It is borderline issue. We have no identity inside - we don't rely on our own resources and our worth - we think it is inept and worthless, due to internalized toxic shame - and then other people become our measuring stick which leads to catastrophe - since other people then can control us easily.

YT "How to eliminate social anxiety forever"

Social anxiety is not all that bad. Social anxiety has good qualities: it keeps us safe, it help us to socialize by attuning ourselves to the others.
Without social anxiety we would be annoying, narcissistic, unkind and selfish - and we would attract such toxic people too who are abusive controlling and manic too.

Idea that we base our worth and security on other people - such as complimenting them - that is called manipulation found in borderline disorder. We expect that if we bribe other people that they won't criticize us and be mean to us - we are trying to control them and to manipulate them - which is ethically and morally wrong and people sniff out this quickly and become hostile actually since they know we have some unknown agenda to them.

Social anxiety is lack of identity - we distrust and hate ourselves and we are already depending on others to feel good about ourselves. Instead of basing our worth on other people - we need to work on our perfectionism and rigid mindset to remove it.

"I’ve tried the complimenting, people just look at me like I’m crazy because I’m naturally monotone😅"

"practice not being monotone"

This is problem when we decide to make other people measuring stick.
Now we will change our identity, our personality - based on what other people expect. This leads to more of social anxiety, not less -
because people are fickle - they like different things - not everyone likes the same things in life.
How about radical idea of accepting ourselves as we are - and then changing ourselves when we want to - not because some person dislike something about us?

YT "Social Anxiety"

This is one of the greatest myths from CBT. The false idea that we are not calm when we feel social anxiety.
In reality - our social anxiety is mechanism that is regulating ourselves and tries to absorb the external shock.
CBT tries to falsely convince us that toxic people do not exist and that what we feel as anxiety is irrational and figment of our "cognitive distortions".
That is lie.
What is really happening - is that we are HSP, we pick up easily toxic people and then social anxiety that we feel is their abuse and agenda and them being controlling and manipulative -
so we are reacting to abuse, external aggression - which we can see easily as oppose to neurotypicals who buy into Fake social mask of other people with glib charm.

When we go along with wrong CBT instructions - we will abuse ourselves because we deny our reality, we gaslight ourselves that we are not being abused - and then we attack our anxiety panic - like auto-immune disease attacking its own body. CBT is forcing us to develop bot mental and physical illness: perfectionism, self hatred, toxic shame and cancer, allergies.
Instead of trying to calm ourselves down - we need education how to handle and process emotional abuse and narcissistic abuse and stop self pathologizing ourselves and our natural reactions to abuse

YT "Overcoming Social Anxiety Quick Tips! #mentalhealth #therapy #mentalhealthawareness #shorts #anxiety"

Social anxiety is reaction to abuse.
Breathing won't help us when someone backstab us or tries to fire us.
Socially anxious people are already focused on others and on one person - hyper-focused. This is due to social anxiety itself. We look at other person physical manner, small face gestures tone of voice - all for the purpose of detecting sudden attack and insult from them, so that we are prepared for the blow.
Positive self talk is path to hell - when we deny and suppress reality such as being on parking lot with serial killer who wants us to get in his car - like in movie Woman of the Hour (2024). Positive self talk will literally destroy us since we will ignore the danger.

YT "What if social anxiety did not exist?"

Without social anxiety - everybody would be narcissistic toxic and abusive.
Social anxiety provide us with mechanism to check how our behavior is affecting others. Without this ability - we would develop abusive predatory personality based on greed, agenda, control and criminally insane behavior.

YT "How to overcome social anxiety, part 2. #dynamis"

Social anxiety is reaction to narcissistic abuse and corruption and lack of money. So anxiety stems from aggressive hostile external source.
Public speaking won't help with psychopaths having agenda to exploit us and harm us.
Elections in USA showed that 1 in 2 person is abnormal and criminally insane - toxic people are predatory and they are extremely focused on other people how to exploit and control them.
So spotlight effect is myth. 1 in 2 person will be focused on others.
Social anxiety is called social + anxiety. Anxiety stems from the social element: toxic society.
It is not called talking anxiety.
Social anxiety can be functional - people with social anxiety can talk and still have trauma unresolved.
Being more comfortable with abuse and being in contact with criminally insane - is not healthy.

-

YT "Understanding Social Anxiety and Overcome"

Social anxiety is fear of criticism, fear of punishment, fear of scrutiny - based on real abuse that happened before, in developmental years or right now being in contact with criminally insane.

Socially anxious are already focused on other people - due to fear of sudden attack - they are focused on small face gestures and tone of voice in order to detect abusers. Socially anxious are already focused on making other people welcome - for the purpose of evading abuse.

CBT is ableist toxic therapy based on self abuse and self pathologizing ourselves and it ought to be banned.

YT "Try this technique to overcome social anxiety, remember it comes with practice 🧘‍♂️"

CBT is spreading false information about social anxiety and we are coerced to accept false wrong detrimental information from broken corrupt American medical system based on pharma mafia.

Social anxiety is not issue of not having social skills.
Social anxiety is reaction to abuse - and then it appears as if we do not have social skills - since we are stuck in hypervigilance and survivor mode.

Having social anxiety means we have superior social skills; hyper-attuned, being over responsible, being hyper aware how our behavior decisions opinions are affecting other people around us.
Criminally insane do not have this ability so they engage in crime - since they don't have inner boundaries moral and ethical values to block their criminal intentions.

YT "I Tried Social Anxiety Coping Strategies
"

1) Exposure will not work with medical social anxiety due to internalized toxic shame.
People who have real social anxiety are plagued with internalized inner critic attacking anything done.
Exposure idea is like being afraid of fire and trying to cure this fear of fire by exposing yourself to fire. But in the same time - your clothes and skin are being covered in highly flammable oil and petrol - that gets ignited up around exposure to fire. Oil and petrol are toxic shame - so exposure will burn us alive and leave us injured. Exposure will bring more pain and suffering - we need to clean up this petrol first before exposure

2) Social anxiety is called social + anxiety. It means that anxiety stems from the social element: toxic people being toxic. It is not called talking anxiety. It is not called conversation anxiety. Talking anxiety is shyness - and shyness mimics and resembles medical social anxiety due to over lapping symptoms. But it is not the same.
Problem is that people with real social anxiety will try to talk - it won't remove social anxiety - and then they will think that they are useless and inept since this "strategy" did not work for them. And the reason why it did not work for them because this strategy is for shyness, not for actual medical social anxiety.

Social anxiety can be Functional / Masked and still be there, still be present in other ways. It means - we can have social skills, we can be confident, we can talk, we can be outgoing - and trauma is still present and it is destroying us from inside and forcing us to self sabotage ourselves. The best example is Michael Jackson.
He had severe social anxiety - yet his social anxiety was Functional. He performed in front of billions of people , all people on this planet knows his songs - he was famous and made a lot of money. He was productive and successful in professional life. Yet his life ended in tragedy - because trauma was unresolved. So having social anxiety being functional does not mean it is healthy and that it will end well. Another example is Whitney Houston or Prince - same story applies to them, too.

YT "WARNING: Your SOCIAL ANXIETY Is Ruining Your Summer!"

First step would be to open window and see that it is winter outside.
Then to stop self abusing ourselves and to realize that we are being abused by toxic people - and cut them out - and then enjoy being ourside.

"I think concentration involved in the present probably helps, that may be the idea"

That is called denial and suppression - dysfunctional coping mechanisms that end up with mental illness. We need to be aware of our reality, soak data and learn from it .- not to suppress it

Instead of being perfectionist - let's try accepting ourselves as we are and then work from that point onwards.
Instead of hating, rejecting and abusing ourselves.

And of course - there is Sam Vaknin. He explains that narcissists are interacting with internal objects, snapshots. So when abusive people are abusive to us - we should not take it personally - since they are not interacting with us.
This is what CBT twists as idea that "toxic people do not exist". They exist - but their toxicity is not based on reality. When they put us down - they are being delusional ones.
With CBT - we end up believing that we are being delusional - but this is because CBT does not understand how narcissistic abuse functions and it oversimplifies it as if it is our fault.

(21.1.2025)

There are so many wrongs with CBT.
First of all - CBT does not see the difference between social anxiety, shyness and narcissism - it puts it all in the same basket. This is called Researcher Bias.
Shy people will benefit with CBT and narcissists (those who are willing to get treatment of course).
For people with real medical social anxiety (fear of criticism) - CBT will force to develop Functional Social anxiety - which is still problem due to unresolved issues.

Also - CBT does not see Complex Trauma at all - since this is banned from DSM. So CBT has no tools to recognize toxic shame.

Then CBT ignores external environment: socio-economic issues and narcissistic abuse, oppression. And neurodivergent brain is pathologized.

Michael Jackson had severe social anxiety but his social anxiety was functional - he was famous, productive, successful in his work - yet due to unresolved trauma his life ended in tragedy. Same story applies to Whitney Houston and Prince.

When socially anxious people apply CBT - they will develop people pleasing, fawning trauma response and become codependent - since CBT does not address borderline issues and identity in social anxiety, ACE nor ACoA - these are not taken into consideration at all, effects of exposure to emotional abuse.

Croatia, Serbia, ex Yugoslavian countries belong to Shame-based culture. This is the only enclave in Europe that has shame. The rest of Europe has Guilt-based culture.

Shame-based culture countries are in 99% poor, authoritarian and corrupt. Exception is Japan.

Guilt-based culture countries are in the West (North America, EU), Australia, most of the South America and South Africa.

Guilt-based culture countries are more healthier and productive and consequently wealthier.

Shame based culture - is destroying the person's identity if there is any kind of mistake, error or difference from the norm.
In shame-based culture everyone is expected to behave according to the unwritten rigid rules. So the focus is on the honor - not on productivity, health and happiness.

Guilt based culture - is focused on learning from mistakes and improving from it, and it does not perform Character Assassination in this process of learning and education.

"He can't make friends with everybody he meets and be best friends for life "
Exactly!
So the compliment is fake.
You are confirming what I am saying.
He is fake, aggressive, annoying, has hidden agenda and uses people to fix his shyness which he labels as social anxiety. He is insecure about who he is - and he tries to overcompensate by being "super confident" - which is fake and it does not work.
If he was secure in himself and his identity - he would not need other people to validate him and his worth.
When people feel insecure deep down - they start to act anti-socially - they use people and discard them without being aware what is happening.
This is called narcissistic personality disorder. It is mental illness.

(22.1.2025)

YT "Negativity in BPD"

Yep, this is the core message:

"Having real empathy for the other person. This is one of the hardest skills in the world – somebody has insulted you, threatened you, they belittled you, they have done some terrible things and you have to somehow find a way to authentically have empathy for that person; it's very hard.
But if you don't want then to live rent free in your mind and control you all damn day and change how you feel about yourself – it's a necessary thing."
🎯

That is why this grudge and resentment and ideas how to analyze and then end up being trapped in worry and rumination - is so hard to shake it off.
Because anything that triggers us - is result of abuse, aggression, insult -
and the solution is basically that we do not react - which effectively means - at least on the surface - that we are ok with abuse.
That part is extremely hard to grasp and to integrate.
As if we must stay in the abuse, that we must not contemplate ways how to remove ourselves from toxic people and toxic ambient - that is how it feels when someone tell us that we do not react in automatic way to abuse.
With social anxiety - quiet BPD - my own automatic reaction is passive aggressive one, I blame myself, I hold on to grudge, I worry a lot, I feel resentment and as victim and I do not know how to react and feel embarrassed to appear as coward who has no voice - when I do not yell or scream back at hysterical people and their abusive behavior - which triggers me.

(24.1.2025)

"sounds like you have a fear"
This forced label of "you have fear" is actually coercive control. This is what psychiatry is doing to socially anxious - abused and traumatized victims of abuse.
When other person, third party - is forcing their potential narcissistic supply to conform and adopt delusions of narcissists.
In social anxiety there is no fear - there is only Repetition Compulsion.
Operant conditioning.
Defense mechanisms.
Reaction to abuse, mentally ill people in authority.

Be careful of anyone telling you that your issues are irrational and delusional - without knowing your full state and circumstances.

YT "WHY Narcissist ALWAYS NEEDS YOU, Even After Snapshotting (and Borderline?)
"

2:00 "Narcissist confuses the externality and separateness of external object with the internal object."
It means that narc will come to conclusions based on their memories and convictions instead of facts and objective reality.
It is like when narc attacks us with unfounded accusations and insist on them and we cannot convince them of truth.

4:35 "He has no boundaries that separates himself from reality. Because he doesn't have a self. When you don't have a self then you're diffused, you're like a cloud, you are fuzzy. You are like fog or mist."

This is in quantum physics - when the particle is not observed - it is fuzzy and exist in all states at once. Schrodinger cat in the box, when not opened, when it is not observed - that cat therefore is narcissistic.

(26.1.2025)

YT ""

"And then even if you get skill sets down, I see this people work very rapidly the remission program that we offer and they get to a place where things are looking good, they're doing better, making better decisions, behavior is changing – but their mental state didn't change – they're just forcing it. So they think they're in remission. You're getting rewarded because you are behaving differently but you're still suffering inside because you didn't take time to go through the actual fears – you just forced behavioral changes. Then when you crash it is really bad. Skills are temporary band aids. Perspective changes are what are necessary so you don't have to suffer anymore combined with ability to validate yourself."

🎯
Yep!
This is what I experienced with CBT and self-help books when I applied it to my social anxiety issues. I exposed, I followed the rules to pluck out my negative thinking (cognitive distortions called in CBT), I would face the fears, I would go against the urge to run away and avoid - but this crashed as soon as I would face difficult toxic people who were rude to me and aggressive and yelling and screaming about some error that I did or something I did not know how to do and they ignored my efforts and attempts to learn from mistakes and treated me as second class citizen or slave. That CBT did not address at all.

What I see now thanks to Kevin and Sam Vaknin channel - is that this happens due to ego dystonic thoughts.
Ego-dystonic thinking is when our views (perspective as Kevin calls it), our beliefs, our conclusions, our explanations are in total alignment with our moral and ethical values and super ego. We think we are doing the correct thing since this is our philosophy.
But what happens is that we have rigid rules that are the problem.
Our values may be correct - but if anything inside our thinking is rigid - it will fester and become toxic - and that includes moral and ethical standards and values. The definition of personality disorder is having stubborn difficult fixed solidified beliefs - and then we are unable to hear criticism - since our good and nice rules are forcing us to see anything different and new or difficult or negative as enemy. And then we get defensive in order to defend our values and moral and ethical beliefs. Without realizing that our soul, our thoughts, our moral ethical rules and values are all constructs - they cannot be physically assaulted or occupied unless we allow it. We never learned in ACE and ACoA that our inner world - our persona, our identity - cannot be harmed, hurt by anyone. What we think and believe in - we do not need to report to other people - and if they found out our rules and values and demean us and we experience their opinions as attack on our personhood (which toxic people do) - that their words and even physical assault (god forbid) cannot really destroy our inner construct, our views and opinions.

We get stuck in building solidified structure construct inside us - since we learned in ACE ACoA that this is the only way to trust ourselves - to be in constant alarm state and defensive mode.
We never learned that other people cannot enter in our psychology realm - and that we do not need to be stubborn and caught in solidified state.
And in fact that being open and vulnerable and humble - is paradoxically make us titanium solid inside - we do not need to build any additional inner protective mechanisms inside us.
When we do - we end up with social anxiety and lost identity - in our attempts to protect our inner world - which does not need any additional protection - our own existence is powerful enough.
When we distrust ourselves - we end up with fears and panic and compulsions that we believe will protect us since we believe that other people are powerful to tear our persona apart - and this false traumatized shocked CPTSD belief keeps us stuck in defensive mode and rigid mentality. As soon as we really discover that other people cannot truly harm us inside whatever they do - we will re-discover our identity and persona - and our symptoms will vanish, we will achieve remission.
As soon as we understand it - our brain will come up with flexible solutions to problems that plague us since childhood.

Sam Vaknin talked about this process as Nothingness.

(27.1.2025)

"It's taken me almost 70 yrs. to finally realize that it's okay to be my authentic self. I wish that I had realized this years ago. Life was very difficult before I actually felt free to be me. I was always searching for acceptance."

You would probably be abused and attacked if you were authentic to toxic selfish people around you, who forced you to develop social anxiety fears in the first place.

"Our core believe can be changed. I need to change mine to a more positive one"

But that is the problem itself. Our core beliefs that are toxic are already positive one and we have desire and urge that they are positive one - that is making it hard to change in the first place.
This phenomena is called Ego syntonic thought.
And this is the core of personality disorder and mental illness.
We believe we are doing the good and righteous thing by being positive and good - like Crusaded and Witch hunt or Trump 2025 - but what we believe is positive is actually toxic and abnormal - but our radars do not detect it as criminal at all - since we want to be angels and good and nice and healthy.
And kind of rigid thinking is mental illness and toxic and ends up as mental health issue.
When we are totally aware of bad things - this is called ego dystonic thoughts - and we are very aware what is wrong and what needs to be changed.
But Ego syntonic thoughts do the same damage - because we are not aware of what is wrong since it appears as ethical and moral right thing.

"Repeated shaming, criticism and bullying is proof that they can't be trusted. My inherent worth and authenticity isn't in their hands, but I'm sure as hell going to avoid meeting more of them."

When we avoid reality - we miss the opportunity to learn how to deflect the abuse in the future.

"This is only a part of it for me.

"

Correct.
Social anxiety is elephant in the room and people who see it, only see small part of it since it is huge.

"The most important opinion about yourself is your own. If you put other people's opinion above yours it makes you a slave."

People do not consciously choose to be a slave.
They fawn because they are forced to do it and they cannot run away.
They fawn because they are being lied to and presented false information deliberately every day, also known as gaslighting, false information which they cannot fact check and are forced to believe in lies.
They fawn due to coercive control - which is not our choice to be coerced - the perpetrator is choosing the target to exploit and the perpetrator is to blame - not our reactions to survive.

YT "Life without social anxiety #positivevibes #shorts
Novacaine · KazetX5 & Shiloh Dynasty"

Annoying random people in public has nothing to do with the lack of social anxiety. It has to do a lot with lack of awareness how we affect other people. Also known as narcissism and sociopathy.

"I grew up homeschooled, and far from any neighborhood. It took me a decade after I moved out at 18 to get over my social anxiety. I talk to people like this now and it feels so good."

You mix up shyness with social anxiety.
Social anxiety is like being trapped in toxic mobbing job being abused every day and in the same time being unable to quit this toxic job due to money. Being trapped in abuse - that is social anxiety.
Talking to people is shyness issue - not social anxiety.

"his aura in unmatched

"

I find it annoying and irritating and with hidden agenda behind it, someone who depends on other people to feel good about himself, seeking approval from others.

"this guy has a vibe, and its a good one"

It is a vibe of codependency and look at me, I am center if the universe I only exist when you pay attention to me.

"Your videos inspire a lot of us to do the same as you, please don't stop unloading them!"

Inspire you to become codependent communal narcissist who must have daily dose of narcissistic supply : other people's approval and validation?

"Remind me of a challenge I did where I tried to give 3 compliments to stranger a day to help me love humanity again"

If you worth depends on other people - then that is called mental illness and personality disorder.

"This has inspired me ngl"

Instead of seeking professional help - you turn to tik tok 20 seconds videos? That is not clever decision.

"This why people need to face their social anxiety"

Nope. Depending on other people to handle our anxiety is path to borderline disorder.

"Makes me wanna try it"

People will probably think you have hidden agenda behind being intrusive to them.

"Do you do these thibgs with the camera turned off?"

Off camera he is doing other codependency borderline stuff - like being afraid of feedback.

"When i do this they ignore me😭😭😭"

Well, maybe then you should not be intrusive and bother other people in public?
How about that radical idea - to be kind, nice and good without sticking your moral and ethics in other people's noses?

"Tried this, she said " i have a boy friend" (were both the same gender😭)"

Most people do not like to be stopped by random strangers in the street - especially in high crime areas.

"U couldn’t do this in eastern europe where i m from 😂 people would thing you want something from them"

I am pretty sure in New York, LA or Chicago, too. Any area with high street crime.

YT "Combatting Social Anxiety | Christian Life Assembly | Derrick Hamre"

Nonsense. Psychology and religion should not mix.
Motivation is okay - but claiming that social anxiety is related to lack of god is criminally insane statement.

"Please respond to the other comment"

He can't. He has severe social anxiety which he explains to himself as circus training, discipline and denial,
he does not understand that social anxiety is fear of criticism and feedback

YT "This Simple Mind Hack Will Transform Your Social Anxiety
"

Any kind of ritual as response to anxiety will end up as OCD. Obsessive and compulsive behavior that we believe will magically protect us from vague unknown potential pain and hurt.
Instead of developing various "hacks" and "tips" - we need to understand that social anxiety is cptsd - and the core motor therefore is lack of identity, our identity being abused, shocked into hiding.
We need to re-discover who we are and celebrate our true identity - not hate it or fix it.
We already have social skills inside us - none of us were raised in a cave.
When we believe in CBT explanations that we lack social skills because we act traumatized due to abuse - we will develop fake OCD identity where we are convinced that we do not have any social skills at all.

YT "How to build confidence in social settings"

I support this message.
I would also add:
if we live in shame-based culture country - social contact will be toxic 100% 24/7 all the time, everywhere and anywhere.

The urge to face something for the purpose of people liking us - is borderline disorder. IT is hard to cure because most people do not understand that mechanism of seeking approval of others. It feels natural to depend on happy people around us being happy with us.

YT "Overcoming Social Anxiety: Confronting Your Fears"

It is not only inward focus of being criticized. It is also external focus of criticizing or judging someone, too.
But CBT does not see that part - CBT is focusing only on the inward part, which is mistake.
Between two mentioned pole of fears of criticism 1. I don't want to be wrong and be made fun of and 2. I don't want them to think I am awkward - there is also fear of punishment and scrutiny. Which you did not mention here at all.
You keep on excluding the abuse part. That toxic people are abusing their targets - and that targets of abuse develop social anxiety as natural and normal reaction to coercive control, narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse.

When we live in shame-based culture which we cannot run away from, when we have toxic mobbing job that we cannot quit due to lack of money, when we are stuck in dysfunctional family dynamics that we cannot escape from - then avoidance, grey rock method - is the only way to stay mentally healthy in such toxic abusive ambient.

YT "Overcome Social Anxiety
"

When you explain social anxiety as "awkward state of panic" - then this false description will becomeour reality and we will start to develop our decisions about this wrong self defeating explanation - and then end up with self fulfilling prophecy where we will end up labeling any kind of vague, unknown emotions as awkward state of panic - and hence making ourselves mentally ill.
This is why psychiatry is bad for mental health.
We end up abusing ourselves with wrong misdiagnosis which appear as reality to us - since we do not have true correct terms to describe our experiences and our unknown reactions and vague emotions.

Socially anxious are already hyper focused on other people. CBT is forcing us to believe in false explanation that we are focused on ourselves - but that is a lie which CBT misdiagnosed narcissists and shy people as socially anxious in mid 1990s when CBT made big social anxiety research - without taking into consideration the fact that truly socially anxious people are afraid of any research due to social anxiety itself.

Socially anxious are already focused on other people, zoomed onto other people -seeking for the next abuse and attack. They look at other people small face gestures and tone of voice and how they behave and what others do - all for the purpose of expecting sudden attack. Also there is hyper-responsibility and over-responsibility which socially anxious people believe that they are responsible for everyone around.

There are predatory personalities out there who are hyper focused on others in order to control and manipulate them - so the statement that all people are focused on themselves - is false. Narcissistic abuse is real concept that happens in real life and narcissism is on the rise, it is statistically proven.

When we pretend to be some other persona like investigating journalist - we will develop narcissistic personality disorder with fake social image - and that will end up as more of social anxiety when other people detect that we are fake.

Exposure will end up as more of social anxiety because we did not clean internalized toxic shame first, toxic introject. Exposure is like being afraid of fire and we think our fear will be gone when we expose to fire. But in the same time - our skin and clothes are soaked in highly flammable oil and petrol - that will ignite near fire and set us burned. That is what happens with exposure in social anxiety.

We race to fill any silence in conversation due to ACE and ACoA - social anxiety is complex PTSD - and it needs healing.
Healing trauma means accepting and validating ourselves as we are - with all our perks and quirks.
Idea that we hate our social anxiety is an act of self abuse, self rejection and self hatred.

All tips you mention here will make social anxiety worse - since it is based on self pathology and total self rejection.

YT "Social Anxiety and How to Overcome It
"

"Intense fear of social situations"
That is wrong description of social anxiety.
Social anxiety is fear of criticism and scrutiny. Socially anxious are not afraid of ALL social situations. They are only afraid in ambient where there might be potential abuse.
Telling ourselves that we are afraid of everyone and everything - will end up as self fulfilling prophecy. Socially anxious are not afraid of 1-on-1 social situations for example or around known family members.

"Root of social anxiety lies in over active fear response"
Nope.
The root of social anxiety lies in operant conditioning, being exposed to constant punishment in childhood - strict parenthood, where the child was punished when he or she did not respond with fear to their parents discipline.
Also known as ACE and ACoA.

"Genetic predisposition"
If social anxiety was genetic - then our social anxiety would become schizotypal.
We would isolate ourselves before the age of 12/13 when social anxiety started.
We would behave in certain manner where fear of criticism is not our fear - but for example we would be afraid of physical things - like doors or windows or desk or Tv.
With social anxiety - we have fear of criticism - criticism is not solid, that is construct. So it is not genetical. It is not physical.
Criticism contains potential punishment - which may or not may be physical.
As long as there is cognitive structure of the fear - there is no genetical predisposition.
When you spread CBT information that social anxiety is genetical - you are forcing socially anxious to develop self blame and distrust in healing which is detrimental and wrong information that hampers healing from abuse that caused social anxiety in the first place.

Physical symptoms and emotional symptoms of social anxiety - are all symptoms of being exposed to emotional abuse.

CBT is ableist toxic therapy based on corrupt American broken unhuman medical model of pharma mafia, that makes social anxiety worse.

YT "#socialanxiety #confidence #impostersyndrome"

Medical social anxiety is not question of missing confidence.
People over analyze due to learned coping mechanism in ACE ACoA childhood - operant conditioning that cannot be removed with "stop it".

When we do not worry about what other people think about us - we will develop mental illness: narcissistic disorder, psychopathy and socipathy.

YT "It's hard to track the progress of your social anxiety without this #socialanxiety"

When you explain social anxiety as a monster or hurdle that we must conquer - it is the same as to say that reality is monster or that daily tasks we dislike doing is some kind of project that we must overcome.
It cannot be overcome - it is part of life.
When we are around toxic people who are abusive - we ought and should feel social anxiety symptoms of fear and panic. If we did not feel that - we would be swindled and manipulated by pathological liars and predatory personalities on daily basis.
Our emotions are not hurdle - they are alarm system that tell us something.

YT "Tips for social anxiety! #socialanxiety"

Ability to notice details is not pathology to fix or cure. It is super power that we can use to our advantage if we are clever enough, that other people make millions on.
We have diamonds that we throw away as if it is coal.

"this method has been super helpful for me in the past! one thing I will say is it can turn into self deprecation pretty easily,,, I’ve had moments where I’m just beating myself up and laughing about it rather than participating in the conversation. Instead I’ve starting going in the opposite direction: if I feel awkward, I’ll sarcastically say “I’m the coolest person in the room” or something along those lines. Then I’m not saying something negative about myself but I’m also diffusing my anxiety by making a joke."

Problem is that social anxiety is called social + anxiety. Which means that anxiety stems from the social element: toxic people who are intrusive and rude.
If you explain away toxic people as your own fault and your responsibility to fix and cure and self blame - you will end up with borderline disorder.

"I do that a lot, it use to hurt me when they would agree, but now I actually think it's funny, I acknowledge my physical flaws and I know it doesn't ruin the way people think of me"

how about radical idea of not seeing our identity as a flaw?

When you reject words of truth - you will reinforce personality disorder.

YT "Every socially anxious kid's worst nightmare #socialanxiety"

Unbeknown to us - what is happening behind the curtain of our shy embarrassment - is destroyed identity, covered persona, abused and traumatized pushed bullied kid/ person which was forced to feel ashamed for existing.

YT "#socialanxiety #socialanxietydisorder #selfconscious #shyguy #shygirl #shyness"

Yep. This works in Ventral Vagal. In psychological security ambient, where the other person or people - they are secure, kind, nice, healthy, sane.
The problem start when the other person is pathological liar. Unhealed borderline. When the other person has predatory personality, some kind of hidden agenda to exploit or steal or play mind games of King of the hill competition and Dog in a manger. Then - conversation may appear as if it is safe to talk with such person - but in reality - they will leave us with social anxiety, since our body will recognize fake social image and abuse hidden behind apparent glib charm that invites sharing and talking with them.

YT "Do you want to overcome anxiety bad enough?
"

Idea to hate or overcome social anxiety is an act of self abuse, self hatred and self rejection.
Social anxiety is over-identification with abusers. When we try to fight it - we give power in toxic people to control us - since we make drama and hysteria about our natural and normal reactions to predatory personalities that trigger our social anxiety symptoms in the first place.

YT "Is It Low Self Esteem or Social Anxiety? #shorts #lowselfesteem #socialanxiety #anxiety"

On target!

Social anxiety is trauma - that description in video is the proof. It stems from abuse. ACE and ACoA in childhood and bullying and mobbing in adulthood.
CBT is wrongly "explaining" and forcing socially anxious to ignore the abusers and to self blame ourselves for being abused as if it is Spotlight effect, delusion and irrational fear.
After all -
it is called social + anxiety. Which means that anxiety stems from the social element: toxic people who behave abusively. It is not called self anxiety. Our panic does not stem from fear of our imagination - but potential real abuse from dark triad personalities who walk around behind fake social mask of glib charm and super confidence which all people confuse with being competent and trustworthy. Due to Dunning-Krueger.

You are forcing truly medically socially anxious to adopt your false convictions as reality.
It seems to me that your "social anxiety" is obvious masked borderline disorder.
Where you are unable to hear feedback and see it as attack on your identity. Borderline disorder in a nutshell.

"tell my how you came to that conclusion that I was only shy"
Because truly socially anxious people do not create drama and hysteria like you do - because they have actual social anxiety.
You are very vocal and very confident in your struggles. Truly socially anxious are very much confused and they are not certain what they feel - because they have actual medical social anxiety - they are afraid of scrutiny and they do not know what they feel.
Socially anxious cannot take criticism due to no identity - where as
Your preoccupation of being attacked, is fear of criticism is perceived as assault on your life - which is a big difference.
You have borderline disorder.

Borderline disorder is very similar to social anxiety - symptom wise.
Symptoms of BPD and social anxiety overlap in almost 99 percent.
The only difference that is visible between social anxiety and BPD - is that socially anxious shut up and they self censor and they do not express themselves at all.
Borderline on the other hand are hysterical and vocal and unfriendly and anti-social.
Your borderline disorder is masking itself as social anxiety symptoms.
Now the question is - do you want healing , to get healthy - or you want endless drama and conflict and King of the hill mentality about who is correct?

We can handle mental health problems with denial and suppression - and that is dysfunctional coping mechanism that leads to mental illness.
Also - social anxiety can be Functional - it can be masked but still end up as problem in the future. Like Michael Jackson who had severe social anxiety but his was Functional - he performed in front of billions of people and his life ended in tragedy due to unhealed trauma. The same story applies to Whitney Houston and Prince.
Your desire to be King of the Hill and Dog in the manger and conflict and fighting with strangers online - is definite sign of Borderline disorder. You removed your social anxiety through abusing random people and screaming at them.
Inability to hear criticism feedback and reacting in hysteria to cognitive dissonance - is mental health problem not being healed or even made aware of as problem in the first place.

"I experienced these symptoms during a transitional phase when I was stuck in the uncertainty of the journey. I turned to drinking, gained a lot of weight, and avoided going outside because I was trapped in a state of fear."

General fear is called general anxiety disorder.
When we struggle with social anxiety - the wording itself tell us that it is social + anxiety. Anxiety stemming from the social element: toxic people being abusive. It is not called alone anxiety. It is not called fear anxiety. it is not called general anxiety. It is not called phase anxiety. The name is very clear: social + anxiety.

We are born only with two fears : fear of falling and fear of loud noises.
When we have any other fears in our lives - it means that we learned those fears, we were conditioned to feel those fears - and objects did not cause such fears. Fears stem from other people - their abuse, their verbal abuse, their wrong rigid explanations which they present as ultimate god truth which we must worship and never doubt at all or be punished if we do.
So other people are infecting us with fears.
We do not wake up one day and decide that we will be Woody Allen neurotical personality.
We do not walk in the street and we got rain drops that make us feeling fear out of nowhere like catching a sneeze.

(28.1.2025)

"so how will it heal ?"

The same way we heal Complex Trauma - since social anxiety is CPTSD.
It means validation, self validation, self acceptance, not hating our social anxiety, education about narcissistic abuse and operant conditioning, forming flexible thinking and being patient with oneself and starting to trust our own judgment instead of depending on other people to tell us what we feel and where we should go and what we must do.

"Dealing With RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) 😳 #friendship"

Not being friendly is not some diagnosis trait. That is choice. Cut toxic people out. Isolation will make them think more about how they act around people and how their behavior is affecting others.

(29.1.2025)

This is not being nice.
This is manipulation by being nice , by pretending to be nice.
He showed his true face when you can see his reactions to my comments - he is fake.
This is very dangerous behavior - having glib charm, fake social mask.

YT "How To Heal Toxic Shame
"

Toxic shame is not feeling bad *about* oneself.
It is solid firm rigid conviction that we are bad as person as our identity is bad. That our identity is bad in general - not something about it. That everything we think, do or intend to do is bad, unworthy, broken, abnormal and shameful. It is not relative - shame is not about something - it is over-encompassing, it is absolute and automatic, default shame.
And most of the time we are not aware of it - due to our ego-syntonic convictions and values.
Such as: I am good person, I am following the rules. I am empath. I am conscious person, I am normal, I want to be normal, I want to to good decisions without mistakes 24/7, and to always be friendly and outgoing so that other people value me as such normal person, and my goal is to do good in life. My goal being not making any kind of error or mistake that might provoke reaction in the form of criticism from other people around us. These are all good values that any normal healthy sane person should strive - these are not abnormal needs and goals in life. That is why these are ego-syntonic values.
And here is where toxic shame latches itself onto - and that is the reason why we cannot remove toxic shame.
Removing toxic shame is impossible task
because if we stop being nice and kind - we will feel enormous toxic shame for being a bad person. We are trapped in being good and nice, at our own expense.

Now if we live in heaven, if Earth was just and where all people are normal and sane - this toxic shame would not be problem - because other people would not abuse us or exploit us being nice and good.
Since we live in injustice world of oppression - our deep values and deep convictions about being good citizen and normal person must be updated and adapted to toxic world that we live in.

(30.1.2025)

Indoctrination in ACE ACoA childhood - we were punished to serve angry people by not being angry ourselves and now it is inside us as OCD compulsive obsessive behavior that looks like DSM symptoms.

1) other people cannot read your mind. People who have experienced narcissistic abuse will interpret someone's glib charm as alarm
2) If you choose to have fake social image - that you suppress being honest and authentic and yourself - then you are engaging in hidden agenda. That is form of manipulation and control. Even though it appears to you as "good intentions".

YT "What Causes Echoism?
"

That is social anxiety. Socially anxious traits are Echoism.
Problem is that narcissists who experience narc injury and narc collapse will misdiagnose their anxiety as social anxiety - and then trumpet to the whole world what is social anxiety definition. Shy people, too. While truly socially anxious people will shut up - due to echoism - and they will end up being defined by shy people and narcissists who hijack anything to appear as victims who need help.
Socially anxious - will then end up with advice from CBT - like expose. And that is why CBT will not work for the socially anxious - and CBT will work only for shy people and narcissists - who misdiagnosed their shyness and narc injury as social anxiety.
Shy people when they expose - their shyness will go away.
Narcissists when they expose with their greed predatory acting victim disorder will find echoist to abuse and leech on.
And echoist will be forced by CBT to stay in abuse - since CBT will tell socially anxious that 1) toxic people do not exist 2) that we can control our anxiety by our will power 3) that avoiding people is abnormality and sickness. This way cBT is focing Echoist to stay in abusive relationships and to suffer in silence - which is ego syntonic with echoist conditioning from ACoA and ACE. And then all 3 groups will claim that CBT is answer for social anxiety.

"how to heal this, I'm so exhausted, I.see it now and desperately want to be different"

This desire to be different is part of echoism, too.
We hate ourselves, we reject ourselves and we self abuse ourselves - we deny ourselves to be ourselves - all for the purpose of becoming someone who will not be abused - as if abuse is our choice - we believe that we did or say something that made abusers choose to abuse us. We didn't.
People who exploit nice and kind people are sick and abnormal and they have disorder. Being friendly, sane, open, is not abnormality - and we do not need to desire to be someone else.
All we need - is to discern toxic people and kick them in the butt our of our lives. And then find normal sane people to hang around with - not leeches and parasites.

I agree with Sam Vaknin that empathy is coined phrase and it does not exist in real life.
That is extreme statement - empaths do exist, and empathy is real concept - but what he said actually is that when we struggle with our identity - our own ego syntonic values will paradoxically keep us trapped with a delusional belief that we are good and that we must always be good. So we will end up being abused by people who will parasite on our desire and our values to be good.
We will always rationalize and normalize and find excuses for toxic people and their anti-social behavior and abuse - because we want to be good. We take label of empathy and then we make decisions based on this label - and that is the problem,
we become afraid of being labeled "difficult" or "selfish" or "annoying" - and this fear of these labels are keeping us stuck in toxic empathy, echoism.
While all that we need to do is take those labels and either accept them or discard them - but not being bothered with labels when we decide to go no contact and to clean parasites and leeches from our lives. No matter what other people label us in this process of cleaning up the trash.

Isn't it strange that there are millions of videos about narcissistic abuse - but nobody mentions this at all? By product of exposure to long term - life long narcissistic abuse.

Disorder by definition is when we are serial killers. When we have hidden or open agenda to cause harm to another person - and we have no awareness how our actions are affecting the others. That is disorder.
Technically speaking - unless we are self harming ourselves in extreme ways - it is not disorder.
Disorder is shaming word - it means that we did something wrong, that we caused some damage - and to say that to an echoist is like throwing fuel or petrol onto the fire for the hope it will extinguish it because oil and petrol appear to be liquid.

I see it like memory cushion. Memory cushion is bent when it is pressed. So narcissists when they abuse echoist - echoist will be bend where narcissists pushed. Narcissistic messages will be pushed into echoist. It is see-saw effect.

"How how how to fix this???

"

Education about narcissistic abuse, cptsd and operant conditioning, classical conditioning - so that we stop with self blame.
Developing and allowing Flexible mindset - so that we remove toxic introject narcissists installed inside use (aka internalized toxic shame).
Learn to self care, place our well being in primary focus - our needs, values, goals, tasks, purpose.
Cut contact with toxic people or minimize exposure to toxic people when we can't run away.

"Hey, do you know that YouTube doesn’t show you in the results after taping “echoism” in the research ? Like, in the app it doesn’t. I’ve just made a research on google, and then went to “videos” category, and then found you. I mean this is so unhelpful, ignoring the core of my research. The app is really looking to push you in circular thinking, pfff. I’m glad I found you, even if Ytb app is litteraly its job to do it, but glad to learn finally more about echoism. Just so silly they don’t show you."

You are making a great point.
I was searching specific terms in written documented manner since 2015 - related to echoism without being aware that echoism exists. So I have written evidence in Word - what kind of crap you tube and google is spewing when we seek honest help.
And you tube and google did keep me in circular thinking. There is a term for this- this is called Bubble.
information bubble.
When I sought the terms for how to handle mobbing, why I worry about what other people think, how to handle criticism and conflict and toxic people - the results I got was CBT and wiki how nonsense.
The advice would be that I take deep breaths and that I develop empathy for difficult people since they are suffering too and to ignore their abuse and other nonsense that does not work in real life.
It is only when I learned about Complex Trauma - that other results start to open up.

"pervasive anxiety about criticism or scrutiny .. is ruled out"

The core definition of echoism is pervasive criticism or scrutiny:
"An echoist is a person who echoes the feelings and needs of others rather than assert their own wants or needs"
that is anxiety and fear of punishment , scrutiny and criticism.

Narcissists who are causing echoism - are using criticism, and scrutiny as pervasive tools to abuse echoist.

"many echoists demonstrate no social anxiety,"
Didn't it ever occur to you that they do not demonstrate social anxiety due to desire to appease others?
Echoism is appeasement of other people want to think.
It seems to me you do not know what Echoism is at its core - like being in a wood and not seeing wood for a forest.

"Echoism is a trait not a disorder"
Social anxiety can be social anxiety and social anxiety disorder - it comes in two flavors.

"you're welcome to run a multi year study, proving your hypothesis that Echoism and social anxiety are one and the same. Our data set demonstrated no such pattern once you've provided that data. Feel free to post it here."

That is called Researcher bias and Survivorship bias . and your "data" is full of it.
Your data is shaped by your observation and questions that are forming echoist's opinion - because echoism is kaleidoscopic by itself - which you obviously cannot grasp.
People who you are analyzing are forming their report based on what you expect them to be.

Depending of self-reporting from people who shape their words on expectations of others - is recipe for suvivorship bias and researcher bias - your own research is shaping the results of your reports
The same mistake that CBT is doing, too.

Survivorship bias means that your data is based on self reporting that echoist have heavily censored, filtered and skewed their answers to fit in to your expectations.

(31.1.2025)

I believe people natural expect the worst - this is in our genes due to Darwin - this is passed from our ancestors and helped human species to survive.
The problem is when in ACoA ACE childhood - we learn to maximize in detrimental self sabotaging way this Reality Testing already naturally present inside us and then we are taught to over-blow it.
We end up believing that we are preventing disasters with our catastrophe predictions - without us being aware that this over-pruning system is not healthy and it was installed in childhood by wrong role models.
Our natural genetical system to protect ourselves from pain is being hijacked by bad strict parenting that made us into robots, machines who are executing program of avoiding the pain - and we are not aware of it since this is congruent ego syntonic with natural self preservation urges we all naturally have.

YT ""Expect the Worst, Hope for the best, & Function as Normal."
"

I see exposure like this:
Exposure should be named differently - like our purpose in life, following our goals and our interests and needs and responsibilities and obligations (which are not formed from coercive control and operant conditioning).

Exposure works great with Driving phobia - and with exposure our fear will vanish with time when bad things we presume will happen each time - do not happen and we start to feel secure.

On the other hand -
when we have issues like social anxiety,
then CBT exposure is not so simple.
It is like analogy of being afraid of fire - and we need to expose ourselves to fire in order to desensitize our extreme fears and phobias and anxieties which are crippling and isolating us.
But what happens in social anxiety, that CBT cannot see - is that in the same time our clothes and skin is soaked in highly flammable oil and petrol. So when we expose - we get burn alive.
Metaphor for oil and petrol is our internalized toxic shame and external pressure like oppression and poverty, totally outside of our control.
Therefore - before Exposure - we need to clean up the oil and petrol
which is not easy since some of the highly flammable oil is at the moment outside of our control.
Instead of Exposure we need tools how to lower our finances spending and how to stop self blaming ourselves when bad things, errors and false accusations happen, when we are in mobbing narcissistic abuse ambient which we cannot quit due to lack of finances or no alternative shelter available to us.
So exposure itself is not the answer - it is final step - there are some complex steps before CBT "cure" in the form of exposure.

(3.2.2025)

YT "Exposure Therapy for Social Anxiety: How To Do It Right
"

Exposure therapy does not work with social anxiety - because social anxiety is not phobia. It was renamed in mid 1990 when CBT "experts" discovered that social phobia does not go away with exposure at all.

Exposure will always work with any type of fear. Desensitization.
But social anxiety is complex. There is not fear of people. There is fear of criticism.
Criticism is vague - it is ambiguous.
The spider is almost like an object - it behaves in predictable manner and it can be easily described.
Criticism on the other hand - can be covert narcissistic abuse - which means criticism will come in the form of gaslighting and insults covered up as "help" or "service". Exposure to such psychopathic abuse will lead to mental illness - because our identity is being ruined - our trust in our common sense and ability to judge reality.

With that being said -
social anxiety exposure is like exposure to a fire and we are afraid of fire.
But what CBT does not see - is that our skin and clothes is covered up in highly flammable oil or petrol - so we will get burned when we expose ourselves to fire.
Therefore - BEFORE exposure - there needs to be sanitization -
analogy of petrol/oil is toxic shame echoism, trauma. We need to heal trauma first - so that we do not interpret triggers (criticism) as us being bad person which will be activated belief with trauma of ACE ACoA childhood.

Social anxiety is not fear of talking.
So talking to someone, approaching to someone is not social anxiety issue - therefore it won't help with social anxiety.
Social anxiety is reaction to unfair criticism, double meaning comments, hidden agenda that all sociopaths have.
Social anxiety requires education about narcissistic abuse- how to recognize toxic people and cut contact with them - not exposing to them.
The same way - we won't remove fear of fire by living on Venus or on Sun. We will be destroyed if we do.

"This is therapy grade advice. Thank you for sharing

"

And it does not work.
Social anxiety is not fear of talking. It is not called talking anxiety. It is not fear of people.
Social anxiety is fear of criticism - it means we can talk just fine. When the other person is normal healthy and sane.
When the other person is narcissistic - our alarm systems will go off the wall due to unhealed trauma.

"What do you recommend someone who can speak to people when they're asked something (even in a small group of 12 people) or 1 on 1 conversations but they still get very nervous? What is the best first step to take, to overcome this fear and be more confident and extroverted?"

1) This "still get very nervous" - is called Operant conditioning. Repetition Compulsion. Educate yourself about these terms to know them. In ACE ACoA childhood (ambient of invalidation and not being heard or listened to in our developmental years) - we learned a certain mechanism, set of beliefs that we react when someone is rude or hostile or unfriendly or someone not co-operating or being violent and anti-social and unfair. This is Echoism.
2) Idea that we crap fit to be someone else - is path to narcissistic personality disorder. We must know what personality is ours (there are free tests available) - and we must accept ourselves as we are - instead of hating and abusing ourselves to fake pretend to be neurotypical herd mentality groupthink zombie.

"I am diagnosed with social anxiety disorder and I have a lot of trouble going to the grocery store and walking outside because of people so I'm not sure why you say that. 2:28"

Because you are not aware what lies beneath "a lot of trouble going to store".
You operate on surface level - but you never dig down to expose the pain and suffering - since it is so painful and embarrassing and annoying.
IF you had time to start down to write what is what you feel, what you think about, how you react- if you write it all down for 3 or 6 months - you would start to notice some pattern that you never discovered before.
It is like having a microscope and discovering tiny world that you cannot see. Or a telescope and discovering that shiny dots in night sky are planets with moons and rings and nebulae.
In the same manner - you will notice that what appears as general fear - is actually stemming from the rigid beliefs that we acquired in childhood with strict parent(s) being disciplinary with us - where we learned that we must be perfect and that our job and task in life is to fix angry people. Hence - now we are afraid of what strangers think about us. This is called Echoism and it is integral part of social anxiety.
Some people - do not develop Fawning. They turn their fear emotions into hatred and aggressiveness so instead of social anxiety they develop narcissism and borderline disorder.
All three conditions: social anxiety, narcissism and borderline - are basing their worth about identity on other people and how other people are available to them. That is why socially anxious have trouble going to a store or walking outside when people may not like us if we do appear among them.

Exposure will work great - until our fears come true: other person being rude, hostile, anti-social, aggressive - especially when we make some mistake, error, flaw, when we do everything ok but the other person chooses to label it as error and attack us as if we done some horrible crime. Then social anxiety will flare up -
because social anxiety is reaction to toxic people being toxic.
In ACE ACoA childhood we never acquired tools how to handle toxic people.
That is why exposure is worthless until we learn those tools how to handle conflict and how to stop hating ourselves when someone is angry at us. Echoism.

It is not anxiety - it is someone or something toxic that is triggering our anxiety.
We are trained by patriarchy and stoicism and catholic church to automatically blame ourselves and attack ourselves - without investing any time in reality testing and see what is actually going around.

YT "If You Have Anxiety This Could Save Your Life
"

Your idea to fix social anxiety through stoicism, discipline, training, being strict, actually through self abuse, self hatred and self rejection - leads to the toxic pressure and toxic stress.
We are assuming the role of abuser and we abuse ourselves and through egosyntonicity - which means abuse is in alignment with our accepted norms and values (such as belief that we can threaten ourselves to stop feeling pain when we are being abused) - we will reinforce the same abuse which triggered anxiety in ACE ACoA years.

"How can I overcome"

Accept that anxiety is not personality disorder which we must fix and hate into curing.

YT "Public speaking fear doesn't mean you have social anxiety disorder #socialanxiety"

Correct!
Social anxiety and social anxiety disorder are fear of criticism.
It may be connected to public speaking - due to potential of being criticized.
This is crucial to realize - because learning that social anxiety is fear of criticism can pinpoint our direction into discovering Echoism and narcissistic abuse.
Without knowing that - we will tend to add more toxic pressure and toxic shame - believing that social anxiety means being afraid of anything that moves. Which is simply not true.
Without realizing that social anxiety is complex PTSD - we will interpret any excitement as abnormality - and then we might end up with agoraphobia.

YT "I Escaped Anxiety’s Prison Cell"

What appears to us as single entity - anxiety - is actually divided into many splinters. Some of them are healthy, some of them are toxic.
Healthy aspect of anxiety: it is message, alarm system.
Toxic aspect of anxiety: that this message comes with double message, called toxic introject - it is plethora of shaming beliefs we were forced to adopt as our own in ACE ACoA years and through exposure to long term narcissistic abuse.
Toxic introject is egosyntonic with our alarm system - it latches itself on our normal system of alarm inside us - and it is like a virus program in computer - it is executed when some random program is clicked open. The program itself is not problem - the virus is problem here- but from our point of view it will appear as if the program is abnormal and sick.
It is crucial to detect toxic introjects - like anti virus program that we have.
Without this detection - we will develop self hatred, self abuse, and self rejection which is by-product of toxic introject.
Primary function of toxic introject is to make us doubt ourselves, forgo our well being and to stay in constant stress mode - like computer on over-drive with overloaded memory and processor which happens with computer viruses.

"I do this, never had someone cause issues over it. I just say “Excuse me, I’m getting overstimulated, I need to walk away for a moment. I’ll be right back!” and just find somewhere quiet for a few minutes to be alone "

People born into ACE and ACoA ambient were never allowed to do that - and quite opposite - they were instructed to interpret stress as proof of being bad person and own responsibility and obligation to fix and cure or attend to without being allowed to leave.

Parents must be examined - strict parents cause social anxiety - we get installed various messages that we are bad person is any mistake happens and that it is our responsibility to fix anything wrong or anyone who is angry.

Usual mechanisms such as denial and suppression will work with most neurotypicals.
Problem is that these are dysfunctional mechanisms that lead to mental illness - such as in Nazi Germany or Putin Russia where masses support criminally insane leader just not to feel anxiety if they would not.

In mobbing job ambient saying hi will not help with the social anxiety caused by abuse. And not having money to quit that job.

"Problem with me is i make freinds.......

Not the true onces tho.."

Choosing to have Jung's Fake social mask pumps out fake people, too.

YT "Everyone Is Hiding THIS Secret!"

Some people are pathological liars, manipulators and wear Fake Social mask.
We can never truly know what is happening in someone else's head - and it is dangerous to assume that we can read other people's minds.
Instead of developing schizofrenia - it is better that we develop Reality Testing.

YT "You need to make an alliance for social anxiety (and mental health) #socialanxiety #mentalhealth"

Yes - hating social anxiety is an act of self abuse, self rejection and self hatred. When we hate our social anxiety - we are treating ourselves the same way our strict parents and bullies treated us - two factors that contributed to development of social anxiety in the first place:
not being heard
not being listened to
not being mirrored
but instead being invalidated, negated, instructed to serve and obey and to feel like obedient slave aka Echoism.

YT "Hamza on Social Anxiety🎎"

This "nervous around everyone else" is called Operant conditioning and it starts in strict parenthood ambient of ACE and ACoA. It starts with being programmed to hate oneself and to reject oneself.

YT "This one proves that everyone has a little social anxiety #socialanxiety"

Correct.
Social anxiety is felt by anyone who has empathy, who has moral and ethical values and standards - it is an alarm system that we are perceiving other people as separate entities.
Without this ability we would become Cluster B or evil people who are egocentric and cannot grasp how own behavior may affect other people because there is no alarm system inside.

The only difference between normal social anxiety and social anxiety disorder - is that when social anxiety is tied up to strict parenthood, ACE ACoA - we will develop Echoism, operant conditioning where we interpret any mistake or imperfection automatically as us being bad person and someone who must prove our value by seeking admiration from other people, their validation.

Normal socially anxious people - won't interpret mistakes or imperfections as abnormality or sickness - and that is why they do not develop avoidance or panic conditioned reaction that we do.

YT "To me, this was the most rational way to deal with my social anxiety #socialanxiety"

What you are explaining is more of shyness than actual social anxiety.
Social anxiety starts with bullying around the age of 12 or 13.
You never experienced actual abuse - instead you experienced separation from old friends and you meet some new friends. That is shyness route - you realized that your fears are not real.
With social anxiety - people experience rejection, abuse, mocking... and that is what is different between shyness and social anxiety- there is abuse element.
For example - someone with social anxiety would not experience asking someone why you walk in circles but instead would mock you for it and put you down and call you names and then leave you all alone and isolated while you feel defective and wrong for being different. That is social anxiety.
Shyness and social anxiety are similar - they share the same dread and anxiety - but the triggers are different.
Shyness is easily cured with exposure.
Social anxiety gets worse - due to operant conditioning - programmed bully voice that I am inept, I am weird, I do not fit in.

YT "SOCIAL ANXIETY & PANIC ATTACKS - HEALING AFTER PRISON"

Spot on!
I find it very helpful because social anxiety is being perceived as feminine issue - it is not perceived as something that can happen to very macho manly person, like someone who has been to Iraq in combat force - as one commentator said.
So there is a lot of stigma with social anxiety which worsens it all.

This part:
"To this day, it's been 19 years – I can remember everything about that experience. Of where the sun was positioned, where the car was parked in the parking lot, and trash can where I threw it away. "
This is something that folks with Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria also report. I heard it from Dr Saline in her videos - Sharon Saline, Psy.D, she talked about rejection experience 20 years ago - that she remembers what the other person wore, and many other details.

Isolation makes it worse - people who develop social anxiety around the age of 12 - they isolate - so they will spend their final years of developmental years into prison like ambient - even though they go to school and hang out - they do not really connect with others - and they will experience later on in life as if they do not belong when they are thrown into life because of job or life events.

We miss the tools how to process stress and conflict - and social anxiety is connected to moral and ethical values. When we do not have those, we will harm others without being aware of it. So it makes sense that someone who is re-habituated after prison - will experience social anxiety because there will be awareness of nice and polite behavior versus rude one.

Social anxiety is Complex Trauma, complex PTSD - so anyone returning from combat will share the same sensations and thinking patterns similar to social anxiety, too. Trauma means - that we were exposed to some shocking event and we were helpless to correct it - and we develop over responsibility and hyper attunement - similar to prison where you are forced to be attuned to other people for survival, as survival mechanism.

"I am panicked, freaking out, inside trying to hold it on together. I felt like there is neon sign on my forehead – this fool came out of prison. And now everybody staring at me, the world moving slow, and I just want to run. Asked me if I want oil – and I lost it. I got real aggressive. That I am paying him to make a sandwich, why I should make it. Kid is freaking out. I walk outside and throw sandwich away. "

This part that I need to comment too.
I never had a chance to hear the other side. My biggest social anxiety blockage - is that in some job that the other person is angry at me and yelling for doing my job. It is comforting to hear the other side. I imagine the other person who is screaming at me - I see that angry person to be monster, someone who is powerful and strong and I am weak meek wuss. It never occurred to me that I could see the angry person as someone who is feeling the same social anxiety issues that I have too. My social anxiety keeps me stuck in solidified belief that any angry person is over powerful master and my job is to vanish and that I do not exist. I am unable to come into reality - that angry loud people are very insecure - and they are not over powerful masters as my mind automatically paints them to be. Then this anxiety turns to grudge and resentment which is negative spiral of its own.
Hearing your story breaks toxic shame away. It helps to remove my social anxiety based on the fear of criticism and scrutiny.

" but my thoughts are keeping me from being me."
It appears as if these are our thoughts - but they aren't.
We absorb toxic people messages and we integrate those along with our moral and ethical values - so it appears to us as if we are in civil war with our own mind.
But what is really happening - is we have toxic introject inside us. Toxic shame voice. Inner critic.
Richard Grannon talks a lot about toxic introject.
Where to start?
Start with Sam Vaknin videos.
Learn what is narcissistic abuse.
ACE - there is online test for it.
ACoA - there is Laundry list - check it out.

The education is the only way out - we need to learn what is happening so that we can define our voices and stop fusing them with our persona and our identity.
Our identity would not attack us.
Our persona would not put us down.
That is what toxic introject is doing.

(4.2.2025)

" Why do you want them to be true?"
People stay stuck in addictions (and rumination is addiction) due to ego-syntonicity.
This means - the bad habits are in alignment with moral and ethical values.
It basically means - to remove the addiction, one must torture and discipline one self to become different personality.
Which may lead to splitting and creating multiple persona.
Before pontificating others - the general rule is to understand, to listen and to give them support. If you are unable to do that - better keep your mouth shut.

What is your definition of "bad anxiety"?
What means "do exact same things"?

These are broad terms - they are over-generalized and vague - they can mean many different things.
When we do not have clear laser sharp description - then we easily can misdiagnose the symptoms.

💦

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srijeda, 1. siječnja 2025.

My YT comments on social anxiety 2025

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