77: My YT comments on social anxiety 2025

1.1.2025

YT ""How I Overcame a Narcissistic Boss and Reclaimed My Power!""

Setting boundaries with toxic people means punishment.
In this case - reacting to psychopath would end up in being fired from the job or endless mobbing beforehand.
Narcissists come in package - their abuse.
usually they are in power positions where they can freely abuse other people without being punished for toxic activities like stealing someone's work.

If we live in poor country, if we have no alternative to find another source of income - our only way to survive is to fawn to abusers.
Fawning is not choice. IT is reflex and reaction to surviving.

The only boundary with narcissists is to break contact and leave and our goal in life should be that our finances do not depend on such toxic people - so we have to make long term carefully planned choices in life to make it so.

3.1.2025

Your method is to remove fear.
Removing any emotion is horrible idea. Any psychologist will tell you that.
Emotions are not there to be suppressed or denied or destroyed - that is path to mental illness. Did you ever hear of Freud or Jung and their insight about emotions?

When we feel fear - it is a sign that we feel danger.
Your method is that we see all fear as imaginary. But in real life - there are predatory toxic dangerous personalities who are criminally insane and have hidden agenda to harm the target. Without fear - we would never see red flags and protect ourselves.
We need fear as signal that we need to examine given situation that frightens us.
Not to destroy the messenger itself.

Just like CBT - you are oversimplifying very complex topic of fear.

He is making money on traumatized people. Just like any social anxiety "coach".
Sam Vaknin talked about this phenomena a lot.
We are such great target to exploit: we are kind, nice, silent, we do not protest - all due to social anxiety itself, fear of criticism
so anyone can come along, force us to believe their lies and quick analysis based on nothing - and we believe them. That is part of toxic shame which is social anxiety itself - that people like "coaches" do not understand - since they confuse their grammar school shyness with social anxiety - and then try to "cure" us with tools for their teen shyness and force us to believe in their misdiagnosis.

A lot of people misdiagnose their unknown and vague and unrelated sensations with quick labels and bias. Then they try to cure and fix those false diagnosis - by creating more damage to themselves.
It is a process of self-pathologizing oneself.

"I (sort of?) got over most of my social anxiety during high school, by realizing (and reminding myself), that other people probably only notice me as much as I notice them

So when I felt self conscious about something, I would think to myself “do I notice that about other people?” And usually the answer would be No. Meaning, they probably don’t see it (towards me) either!"

You actually got over shyness which you chose to label and self diagnose as "social anxiety".
Real, medical Social anxiety does NOT go away with realizations since it is part of bullying and mobbing and abuse - external factors such as poverty and not feeling safe around criminally insane psychopaths.

"But I do notice a lot of things about people"
Then we come to the conclusion that most people deny, deflect and dissociate from reality -
while people who are awake and see reality of criminally insane people around - are labeled as crazy ones.

Social anxiety is analogy of being trapped in toxic job filled with mobbing and being unable to quit due to no finances. So abuse is real.
What you describe on the other hand is shyness.
Shyness and social anxiety are not the same.

What CBT is doing is coercing traumatized and abused people to deny and dissociate from abuse and to get accustomed to abuse and criminally insane psychopaths.

Spotlight effect is insulting to people how are target of bullying and mobbing.

Desire to overcome social anxiety is an act of self abuse.
We blame ourselves for being targeted by predatory personalities and we believe that we will be stopped being abused if we self pathologize ourselves deep and long enough.

Learn about narcissistic abuse - and you will learn that spotlight effect is rationalization which predatory personalities make to keep on abusing others.

Exposure therapy will help only for shyness which most people mislabel as social anxiety.
For medical true social anxiety - exposure will solidify toxic shame.

"Can't take the bus during rush hour, it puts me in a fight or flight state, same with the supermarket when it's busy (it's open late, so that's when I go there).
This'll sound like deflection but I promise it's not... I think the world's changed in bad ways, the social dynamics having gone from polite to more impersonal than it's ever been.
I've been thinking about moving away from the capital of my country, I'd rather deal with having to worry about a reputation in a small town than not meaning anything to the people who live around me."

Start by allowing yourself to be impersonal.

YT "The Process in BPD.
"

I see exposure therapy as -
being afraid of fire - so we need to desensitize ourselves to fire. BUT in the same time our skin and clothes are coated and all soaked in petrol and oil - so getting close to fire will lit us up and burn us severely.
Before we face the fire - we need to clean this highly flammable coating on and off from ourselves, we need to clean ourselves before exposure - otherwise exposure will create more damage.
Analogy of petrol/oil is internalized toxic shame, learned self blame, programmed guilt and shame, feeling obligation to serve angry people, feeling responsible for angry people being dysregulated and feeling shame for them being angry and trying to fix their mood swings feeling we are guilty for their distress even when we did not cause it at all.

(4.1.2025)

Spotlight effect tells us that when people are aggressive and targeting us - that we are imagining it.
Why is this so hard to grasp?
Not only you -
myself included and all socially anxious people do not see toxic people, do not recognize red flags and then go along with CBT ideology that we are too sensitive and that other people are not toxic.

Our social anxiety - when we feel it - it is reaction to abusers and psychopaths. It is not our imagination, we are not being irrational as spotlight effect crap tries to convince us.
We are brainwashed by neurotypical society to deny our experiences and to self blame ourselves for feeling abused.

I repeat -
no social anxiety means being criminally insane and abnormal due to lack of sympathy and empathy. Inability to realize how our behavior is affecting other people.

Two quick notes:
" but it still makes a person inferior"
Toxic shame does this.
Internalized toxic shame due to complex trauma, ACE and ACoA is making us feel inferior. Not social anxiety itself.
Without social anxiety we would be like Diogenes in Ancient Greece - we would pee poop in public, sleep in a gutter like a dog and basically be a bum without hygienic habits not caring what other people think our smell.

We are struggling with toxic shame. Not social anxiety. CBT is forcing us to accept wrong explanations and then we try to cure and waste time and energy in wrong steps doing more damage in the process of trying to heal.

"We are often portrayed as the weird ones"
But by whom?
Normal, healthy, sane, friendly people do not shame others.
This is only done by psychopaths and abnormal sick people who have fake mask of sanity in public.
I repeat - normal healthy sane people would not judge someone who is nice, kind , quiet, afraid, panicked.
Only narcissists and sociopaths do this kind of shaming.

We are conditioned since ACoA ACE childhood to believe that angry judgmental people are our gods whom we must be afraid of and align with. This has to stop.

(5.1.2025)

YT ""Mentality Shift." Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
"

I took the BPD test at Resource Center - and the test showed that I have severe BPD.
I was expecting mild or low instead due to my social anxiety - and now I understand that social anxiety is actually avoidance of anger and expressing the bpd traits. I was masking it.
I was convinced that having no problems in relationship was making me non-bpd, but in reality I am isolated - so I have no arena to get symptoms come out of hiding and then I end up with wrong explanations about what is bugging me.

I relate to everything Kevin said in this episode in particular:
- You're not doing it just because it is a right thing to do – to be a good person. You're doing it – they'll se me as a good person.

- I am identifying as somebody who is worthless, I'm identifying as somebody who doesn't have value, I'm identifying as somebody who will be abandoned because who would approve of me,

- Changing your mentality how you identify, how you look at the world and what is your position in it, how you look at yourself that is 50 percent of getting better.

- you become obsessed with trying to fix everything. It's a control thing.

- That means understanding it is not so important that you beat your idea into their brain. And if you really want them – the reason is you feel invalid. And you don't feel good enough.

- I couldn't enjoy anything positive unless everybody else was ok. Vacation – partner said something negative about the flight and I should book another. I make everybody else's dissapointment in the world in their own world about themselves about their world about me. I take the accountability for it. It's really hard to feel good when you do that. Really hard to have enjoyment.

- not making other people's lives better so that they bless you with the ability to relax.

- My coworkers will criticize my work, boss tell me things I don't like, I know I'm not going to be appreciated, so I'm just not going to work. Or another one – I'm not getting into relationship, I'm going to be single forever because it's better that way.

(6.1.2025)

YT "Overcoming Social Anxiety Build Your Confidence! 💪"

Social anxiety is not issue of confidence.
Therefore building a confidence - won't help with social anxiety at all. What will happen is that social anxiety will simply transmute into narcissism and abuse.
CBT is forcing us to believe in lies that social anxiety is not trauma - and that social anxiety can be "cured" with developing narcissistic personality disorder.

YT "Social Anxiety Fears Me
That’s So True · Gracie Abrams"

When we try to fix social anxiety -we are abusing ourselves and developing full borderline disorder in the process of "curing" social anxiety.

YT "Overcoming #anxiety 2025🗒️Here’s how to start:💭 #socialanxiety #th"

When we convince ourselves that our anxiety is confusion - we will stay stuck in abuse, mobbing and narcissistic abuse which is causing social anxiety in the first place.
Sociopaths and psychopaths that are abusing us - wants us to believe that social anxiety is our irrational fear, that our worry thoughts as reaction to abuse are imaginary.

The problem is that CBT and self help industry and you tube videos are trying to convince us that we are crazy and that we are imagining the discomfort. Then we believe that we are inept and worthless and that we cannot trust our brain and our decisions - and then we end up truly socially anxious, after we have been abused by CBT medical industry that is suppose to help us with issues like this and explain us what is happening.

YT "Signs your social anxiety is affecting your daily life. #socialanxiety #mentalhealth"

All signs of exposure to narcissistic abuse and psychopaths/sociopaths.

YT "Sam sulek and social anxiety"

We need to stop self pathologizing ourselves for not feeling good around toxic people.

YT "Why Social Anxiety Is Holding You Back"

What happens when people attack us, fire us, take our shelter, money - when we expose ourselves, when we stand up for ourselves, when we talk, when we are expressing all our thoughts and feelings and reactions to toxic people in power who can destroy our life - either openly or covertly so we won't even know who stabbed us in the back?
What happens then?
Step two.

YT "Social anxiety can look like. #trending #shorts #shortvideo #youtubeshorts #youtube #foryou #fyp"

Complex Trauma.
It has nothing to do with confidence issues or shyness. It is trauma.
Mocking it - will make it worse.
Telling ourselves that we must be confident - will make it worse.
Trauma requires building our identity and healing borderline disorder masking itself as lack of confidence.

YT "Overcome Fear of SPEAKING in groups #communication #deepvoice #leadership #socialanxiety"

When we notice the pressure - if we decide that this stress is robbing us of something - will make the panic worse.
That is because we are identifying with the excitement and we immediately label it as bad and dangerous.
If we realize that our fears are stemming from abuse ACoA anc ACE - we won't take it personally - and we won't make drama about it, and then panic will vanish, once it is not make into our personality.

YT "This Technique DESTROYS Your Social Anxiety!"

Destroying social anxiety = self abuse, self hatred and self rejection.
When we make conversation about other people = fawning and people pleasing, being pushover.

Social anxiety is borderline disorder masking itself as social anxiety. The core problem is not having true core identity - due to ACoA and ACE in childhood.

YT "Give More NOs"

Giving more No to narcissists psychopaths and sociopaths that cause our people pleasing in the first place - will end up as abuse and violence, losing our job and shelter - and femicide.
The problem is not our no or inability to say no.
The core problem are toxic people in power position, oppression and lack of finances, socio-economic issues - which cannot be solved by nitpicking our brain and our behavior since oppression stems from the external factor.
Not from our identity.

YT "How to overcome social anxiety disorder"

You cannot talk to everybody.
We cannot talk to stubborn, difficult, narcissistic people.
we cannot talk to oppression and lack of money.
Idea that we must be accepted and validated and that we must influence other people is narcissistic personality disorder. It is borderline issue. It is mental illness to desire to control other people.

Problem is that many young socially anxious people will watch biased half done videos like yours - that never mention keywords like trauma - and then believe that their social anxiety is sickness and that their identity is abnormal.

YT "I thought the gym would cure my anxiety… #gym #socialanxiety #anxiety #mentalhealth #shorts #fyp"

Social anxiety is borderline disorder masking itself as social anxiety shyness lack of confidence.
The problem is trauma - not social anxiety symptoms.

YT "3 Ways To Relieve Social Anxiety Using Neuroscience 😀🧠 #shorts"

1. Change inner dialogue will lead to more of worrying. Also known as Pink Elephant effect or Ironic processing theory
1a. What happens when it is really true and people judge us and they abuse us and we cannot run away due to lack of money? What we do then with our inner dialogue?
When we are being abused and reality is narcissistic abuse which we cannot cut off. At least not in legal way.
2. Breathing is good advice for yoga. Not for when we are being abused and when we are poor and living in oppression.
If we are being abused by someone - if we blame ourselves and try to correct ourselves - we will never do anything about the abuse itself.
3. When we deny and suppress reality like imagining fantasy instead of reality - that is mental illness.

Social anxiety is trauma issue. It is not issue of confidence.

YT "Overcome Fear and Reclaim Your Life: Social Anxiety Explained
"

Idea that we overcome social anxiety is an act of self abuse, self rejection and self hatred.

If we label Social anxiety with psychiatry label such as "debilitating" - we will create depressive rigid persona based on this invented toxic CBT/DSM label of toxic shame and self abuse.
Then we will feel social anxiety shame about feeling panic when we are being abused and traumatized by sick abnormal predatory personalities who trigger social anxiety symptoms in the first place.
Predatory personalities are debilitating - their abuse is debilitating. Not our legal normal reactions to their abuse.

Anxiety disorders all stem from ACoA and ACE - invalidation and emotional neglect in childhood - which you never mention in this video at all even though it is central to social anxiety issues.

Avoidance behavior are trauma reactions - they are not personality identity as you portray it in this CBT video and force us to hate our tools to protect our mental and physical health through avoidance and avoiding toxic sick people around us.

CBT is toxic ableist therapy based on self abuse, self pathologizing and self hatred, self rejection - the very same trauma that caused social anxiety in alcoholic home in the first place. CBT ought to be banned - it is making traumatized people feel toxic shame for having reactions to abuse.

YT "Ask Yourself This Powerful Question TO Overcome Social Anxiety"

This other-focus stems from borderline disorder:
not having self identity.
Then abused traumatized people grown up in ACE and ACoA do not have identity persona.
Nitpicking our thoughts will make it worse.
Instead - we need education about identity and trauma.

YT "#socialanxiety #anxietyawareness #anxiety #anxietydisorder #anxietyrelief #anxietyhypnotherapy"

Oppression, poverty, abuse is outside of our control. Idea that we can fix external elements with our thoughts is sign of mental illness: narcissism and schizofrenia.

YT "Social Anxiety Is NOT A Confidence Issue"

"Confidence has nothing to do with social anxiety. Working on your confidence won't help. It's what she is thinking about herself is what makes her nervous."

Correct
but I would add the external factor:
toxic people who have hidden agenda to cause us harm
and pathological liars who present false facts which we cannot verify - so we buy into their lies.
The very same thing we do in our head when there is internalized toxic shame that tells us we are inept and worthless - there are also toxic people out there who wear fake social mask, they present themselves as help and service - but in reality predatory personalities suck energy and money from their victims spreading lies and false reality - that we unsuspectingly soak in and then we feel panic - thinking we are faulty and abnormal ones.

YT "#socialanxiety #anxietyawareness #anxietydisorder #anxietyrelief "

Exposure CBT crap is analogy of being afraid of fire -
so CBT tells us to expose in order to desensitize ourselves to fire.
But what CBT does not warn us - is that we are soaked in oil and petrol - which will burn us severely when we expose ourselves.
Oil Petrol = internalized toxic shame, poverty and oppression, living in narcissistic abuse and mobbing which we cannot quit.

Also
if we desensitize ourselves to abuse - we will never leave abusers, we will enable the abuse and we will rationalize criminally insane predatory personalities.
So CBT exposure BS - is forcing us to become slaves and codependent pushovers stuck in abuse and trauma bonding.

YT "This was actually quite scary, but bird whisperer added to the list of talents 💅🏻#birdwhisperer
Not one person said it back #socialanxiety #awkwardsilence"

Yelling and hysterical screaming in public is abuse and harassment.
No matter of your good intentions.
Good intentions are pathway to hell.

YT "Fix yourself to be confident is a lie..."

Yes. Social anxiety is complex trauma. Hating social anxiety is an act of self abuse, self hatred and self rejection - and we will never be truly confident when we hate reject and abuse ourselves

YT "Could Surfing Solve Gen Z Social Anxiety?
"

Idea that we obfuscate trauma which is social anxiety by doing something outside of healing trauma - is narcissism and borderline disorder.

YT "Beat Exam & Social Anxiety: 2 Easy Steps!"

Social anxiety is not some teen shyness issue of jerking around phone or small talk or presentation.
Social anxiety is being trapped in toxic job mobbing and not being able to quit this hell hole due to lack of money and support and shelter - it is oppression and abuse issue and socio economic issue.

YT "How to improve social skills #shorts"

Not everyone out there is friendly or worthy of our kindness.
Please realize that Fawning is trauma response and it is disorder to cure - not made famous.

For borderline person like him, the validation and approval of others is like oxygen or water. In ACE ACoA toxic childhood he was punished into self hatred, self rejection and self abuse - so he sees other people as gods to worship and codependent on without seeing the borderline trauma inside himself.

We have to feel secure and safe in the world.
And this means - we need to accept that toxic people exist.
Another step is developing our identity - because trauma is smoking gun that our identity is not fully developed - that is where the pain stems from. It is like not having a house and we are exposed to environmental influences like cold heat rain - and it hurts us. We need our ground, base, full self belief - we never learned that due to ACE and ACoA - where we learned the opposite : to blame and hate ourselves and to fix angry abusive people and their hysteria.

(7.1.2025)

" i nvr got abused."
Then there are two options:
1) you do not have actual social anxiety. You have some disorder in the brain and hormones.
2) you were abused but the trauma was so deep and shocking that you forgot all about it and you suppressed it
AND OR
you lived in ACoA ACE toxic ambient since childhood that you cannot make objective assessment to determine what is abuse - since abuse feels natural to you.

Social anxiety must come from abuse and trauma - because if it was brain disorder - our fears and panic would be triggered by non-social elements - like food, eating food, watching TV, looking at some color, breathing, drinking water, any neutral activity.
YET we know that social anxiety stems from fear of criticism, scrutiny, punishment, contempt - real or potential. So there is element of abuse there and fear of abuse.

"it is shyness nn not enough confidence i nvr got abused soo"
Shyness goes away with a mere exposure.
So if it is shyness - all you need to do is face your fears and go to parties and talk to random people and shyness will go away since you do not have associated trauma with other people being evil and abusive.

Abuse does not mean physical harm.
Abuse also contains neglect and emotional invalidation, exposure to constant nitpicking, constant criticism 24/7 about smallest things and shaming and blaming. Read about red flags in narcissistic abuse.

Complex Trauma - exposure to neglect and emotional invalidation over long period of time.
In such toxic ambient - we will be in constant defense mode - we will lose our identity, worry what meaningless people think about us - and this is now borderline disorder.
In USA when someone being abused seeks helps - it means loss of medical rights.
So toxic society is pushing us to stay stuck in self blame and pain.

Hating social anxiety is an act of self abuse. In itself. It is act of self pathologizing. Self trauma. Hating our emotions, hating our natural reactions to discomfort - is abuse itself.

" It's true that RSD, social anxiety, and even BPD can share some overlapping features, making it tricky to differentiate. While some researchers believe RSD might be a subtype of social anxiety, others see it as a distinct experience, often linked to ADHD. More research is definitely needed, especially regarding BPD.

It's important to remember that everyone's experience is unique, and seeking professional support is crucial for accurate diagnosis and personalised help."

Diagnosis is both blessing and a curse.
When we are diagnosing our symptoms - we will eventually start to cure them and this means hide them or make them functional.
But then this leads to misdiagnosis in later years - then trauma is still there - and we can't tap into true core problem, since our symptoms are being pathologized by psychiatry. Then we end up with half solutions or wrong solutions that do not apply to our case - all because we are being instructed by diagnosis to hide our true reactions.
We end up blaming and hating ourselves - and we do not look up and see that our problems in life stem from abuse, exposure to narcissistic abuse or living in shame-based culture country.
This way - psychiatry is forcing us to develop identity based on diagnosis manual - which we try to conform to - instead of being natural and authentic and then work on true problems and not on a mask which psychiatry will force us to wear.

"There is a tendency to overreact but it’s not that easy and we should generalize. Assess the situation."

What happens when the situation is the situation of oppression and abuse and lack of money and no escape?
And we cannot escape the abuse due to lack of money?
and we are being abused every single second - like being trapped on mobbing toxic job, living in a toxic country shame-based country - and we have nowhere to run.

What then?

Basically any relief for anxiety will become our addiction.
Addictions are bad. They lead to personality disorder and mental illness.
Instead of escaping and running away from anxiety - we need to investigate it why it happens and what is triggering it.
To save 10 or 20 years of research: it is toxic people and narcissistic abuse.

YT "Angry Words Reveal Hidden Truths 💡"

Anger is super effective method and a tool to control & manipulate the traumatized and abused victims of abuse, ACE and ACoA.

YT "One way to balance yourself after healing from narcissistic abuse #shorts"

This means accepting social anxiety.
CBT and self help industry and toxic patriarchy society - are forcing ourselves to hate and reject our fears and panic - and that we replace it by developing fake narcissistic image of superiority and stoicism so that we impress other people with our social skills and perfectionism.

YT ""Instant Gratification" The Sensitive Stability BPD Live Show
"

"How we chase people who have hurt us. Why did you do it. It doesn't make any sense. The reason is you don't feel good enough, you think if you understand why you may debunk it wasn't you."

🎯🎯🎯

With social anxiety - which obviously is masked quiet BPD - CBT is teaching the socially anxious in spotlight effect where we are being taught by CBT to believe that avoidance is always sickness, so we are not allowed to exit. CBT tell us that toxic people do not exist so we must rationalize evil people and enable them. And CBT tells us that we must be friendly with everyone, social, assertive - which means in real life getting trauma bonded. CBT mislead me for decades and forced me to develop fawning trauma response. I was not being explained by medical industry - that is suppose to help us - to cut off toxic people. That destroyed me - since all tools I was left with was self blame. Which comes natural to us obviously.

If you "recognize" non pathological thing as pathological you will self abuse yourself and perform self pathologizing act, which will end up as mental illness.
This is like Maxwel Maltz book Cyberthronics where he noticed that Hollywood celebrities are fixing their face with plastic surgeries - in order to fix something they believe is wrong - but in the end - end up being deformed.

(9.1.2025)

YT "Guilt, Blame, Shame, Embarassment and Fault in BPD
"

You made me realize something I was not aware before:

that when I expose, when I expand my comfort zone - I will usually put myself down and minimize any achievement. But the reason why I do this - apart from obvious internalized toxic shame and operant conditioning - is actually my outlook - I see any experiment or action as meaningless and I seek approval from other people around me - who will in 99 percent of cases put it down and minimize it. I do not see any of my trials as accountability and responsibility at all. I do not label it as such. I label it as my caprice and consequently something that is crazy, abnormal, anxious, not valid. I invalidate myself without being aware of it and I use labels unconsciously to stay immobile and avoidant and to be ashamed for trying anything in life. I do not see any achievement and any action and any exposure - as accountability and responsibility. I ashamed it instead as irrelevant and shameful - on top of other people's unfair and unjust criticism.

If I labeled my trials and facing fears as accountability and responsibility - I would not put myself down and dismiss it as insignificant...

(11.1.2025)

0:24 "I conquered anxiety so I can talk to anyone"
"to beat social anxiety then basically in any social situation you are in, first of all you should read How to win friends and influence people...after that in any social situation when you don't know what to say, then our brain knows a little about what should be said"

You are saying that social anxiety is shyness.
Not it is not.
Social anxiety is not called talking anxiety.
You mix up shyness with social anxiety.
Social anxiety is feeling uncomfortable in abnormal sick situations like being around psychopaths and sociopaths who are in power. It is not teen fear of talking to strangers.

You are framing and forcing socially anxious to believe that their anxiety is connected to fear of talking. It is not.
It is reaction to abnormal sick people who need medical treatment - and it our reaction to criminally insane people appear on surface as fear of talking. You are not making it easier by mis constructing social anxiety as irrational fear of talking.

YT "4 ways to tell if you have OCPD
"

There is no mention when someone has this disorder as result of abuse and perfectionism in ACE and ACoA.
Also
there is no mention when someone in adult life with this disorder is faced with another person who has the same disorder - and this other person is abusive and hysterical - so it triggers social anxiety.

3) there is no mention what happens when we try to be flexible and we are abused by someone with this disorder who is abusive and does not want to heal it.

This is problem with CBT and videos like this one based on CBT.
We end up identifying with our symptoms as if they are our personality, our identity. Instead of helping us, CBT is like more adhesive glue that is solidifying the disorder with our persona.
Then we end up hating and rejecting ourselves - and changing and fixing things that are not pathology at all.
CBT ought to be banned.

Neurodivergent.
Ableist CBT does not recognizes ND - so we end up being pathologized and with ruined self esteem - thinking that our brain is disorder itself. CBT ought to be banned.

Any personality disorder resembles narcissistic PD - because any PD is inability to see how our own behavior is affecting other people around us.

Now the question is - why you stay in toxic ambient?
What is the fear and blockage from moving on? That fear should be explored, Not that nazi boss.

Denky says when everything is perfect - ego dystonic - there will be feeling of emptiness since there is no drama or action. I agree with him.
basically and paradoxically - ego dystonic we feel when there is drama and hysteria and problems.
This is proof that OCPD stems from ACoA and ACE - toxic parenting, toxic culture of toxic shame.

It is half baked video based on CBT. Which means over-simplification of extremely complex issues.
Trauma is ignored. ACoA and ACE also.
Video presents PD as our choice, as if our brain is abnormal and we must hate it and reject it order to become group think unable to think for oneself. CBT ought to be banned.

You must put your own mental health and well being first - always.
Staying with abusive person is enabling their sickness.

He has no tips how to deal with it.
He has no idea what is the cause (trauma) and why is it happening (due to operant conditioning).
All he knows is CBT - which is toxic ableist therapy which is oversimplifying complex problems and presents them as "cognitive distortion" problem - forcing us to hate and reject ourselves so we are easy to control and manipulate.

Video does not mentions the crucial problem - what happens with kids who have OCPD parent - and how we develop this disorder , 86% of it - and how it is connected to borderline disorder and social anxiety, lack of self and ruined self due to destroyed self esteem due to perfectionism - and abusive people triggering our perfectionism.

Symptoms are not actual problem.
Fixing the symptoms will not help with the cause: abuse and destroyed self persona identity - which needs healing and being built - which this video does not mention at all.
CBT is only pathologizing us - forcing us to hate and reject ourselves without doing anything to help us with real life issues we are blocked with.

(12.1.2025)

You are describing the very borderline issues inside social anxiety which I stated; rigid mindset. Social anxiety is Obsessive Compulsive personality disorder.

You said:
" the brain needs to learn how to handle those complex situations"
Social situations are not suppose to be battle. If we approach it and if we perceive and explain social anxiety as a plan and danger - there will be social anxiety as reaction to this belief.
Social situations are not suppose to be something planned, something we need to educate ourselves about.
Social situations should feel safe and happy and source of insight and data - not a task that is hard and needs school.
If we make ourselves believe that social situations are complex - they will be - and we will create social anxiety as byproduct of this erroneous belief.

(13.1.2025)

"Ty for the whole entire essay. Ima now read all of it. I’ll see u in a week lol"

It is easier in life to have victim mentality. never to grow up and depend on other people to feed us and order us what to do in life.

YT "How to navigate ADHD and social anxiety"

Real life situations in 99 percent of time are not related to parties.
But actually to mobbing at job, abuse at home and violence in streets.
What happens when the evidence show us that we are abused - and we cannot run away after one hour and we are forced to be in oppressive ambient without means of escape - due to no finances, no shelter.
In short - when we are in real life and social anxiety.
What then?

YT "How to cure social anxiety"

When we combat feeling of judgement -
judgement related to scrutiny from the others -
we are rejecting reality.
When we reject reality - we will develop mental illness known as delusional disorder.
Elections in USA showed that 1 in 2 person is mentally ill and criminally insane - because 1 in 2 person supports Nazi concentration camps, murder, rape and racism. It means that judgment is real. There is high chance that other people hold mentally ill scrutiny and abnormal aggression to strangers to anyone who appears "weak" and different to them.
If we refuse to accept this reality and when we convince ourselves that all people are good and nice and sane - we will develop codependency. Because these same mentally ill people criminally insane are predatory. It means that they are pathological liars, highly manipulative and controlling - and we actually should listen to our social anxiety and stay away from sick abusive people who will often enough have fake social mask in the public or at the first contact.
This is especially true in shame-based culture countries where shaming others is lifestyle choice of the majority whose narcissistic supply depend on putting other people down.

YT "Meet Social Anxiety With Compassion
"

When we ask ourselves to doubt after social contact - this is actually sign of being exposed to narcissistic abuse.
When we normalize, ignore, deny abuse - we will create codependency and trauma bonding and fawning and we will enable the abusers to abuse and stay in toxic contact.
Instead of convincing ourselves that our anxiety is irrational - I would rather spend the same energy into learning about narcissistic abuse and learning how to recognize red flags.

YT "Dealing with SOCIAL ANXIETY! #socialanxiety #stressmanagement #stressed"

That is not social anxiety. It is Responsibility OCD stemming from ACE and ACoA childhood where we learned to be perfect and to depend on other people to feel good about ourselves and approved.

Hyper-responsibility.
We were programmed to be kind and nice - and then we were pushed to take control for other people as well but in the same time we were banned to blame other people being abusive. So now we are stuck in self blame mode with urge to be perfect and to fix other people's potential anger.

YT "Overcome Social Anxiety in 2025: Tried and Tested Pathway #socialanxietycoach #socialanxiety"

Social anxiety is not issue of low confidence.
Idea that we are at fault and that we must change ourselves is an act of self blaming.
Hating social anxiety is:
Self hatred, self rejection and self abuse.

YT "ADHD and social anxiety talks #adhd #relatable #pov #anxiety"

Finding the right people is game changer - because social anxiety is normal natural reaction to toxic people being toxic to everyone in contact with predators.

YT "How To Instantly Remove Social Anxiety."

That is not social anxiety fear. It is normal reaction to social pressure which we should have - we should embrace social norms and behave like adult.

Social anxiety is Responsibility OCD issue. IT has nothing to do with confidence or talking or being in public. It is being trapped in shame-based culture country where other people are abusive and shaming and intolerant.

YT "How To Overcome Social Anxiety (Easy Steps That Work)
"

You are starting with the idea that all social situations are comfortable and are suppose to be comfortable.
Social situations are not only parties.
Mobbing at work, abuse at home, violence in the street, living in shame-based culture countries are also real life social situations.

I totally agree with this statement:
"We want to keep this as simple as possible. Being fluid in social situations is all about simplicity."
But real life situations are far from being simple.
When social situations are not complex - then most social situations are vague and we lack all information to see what is going on - usually ending up with wrong conclusions and wrong decisions. In order to achieve correct conclusions and right decisions - we need to worry and to ruminate - to see social situations as complex and that is double binding of social anxiety.

"Anxieties that keep us stuck"
Nope.
It is not anxiety that keeps us stuck. It is actually toxic people in power position - someone who is abusive and has some power like firing us from only job we can have, or throwing us in the street or attacking us physically etc.
Social anxiety is called social + anxiety. It is not called self anxiety. Anxiety stems from the social element: toxic people being abusive to us.
When you explain social anxiety as something that we choose to have - you are instructing us to self abuse ourselves, that we blame ourselves for being abused and that we hate and reject our normal human reactions to abusive people - and this self hatred will end up as codependency, enabling the abuse, staying stuck in toxic ambient, normalizing the abuse and trauma bonding.

1:08 "Truth number one: Everyone has social anxiety"
When I wrote topic about this in 2022 at main reddit channel for social anxiety I was being attacked, deleted and banned from that group - moderators there accused me of lying and kicked me out and deleted my topic. I received dozens of comments that this is not true.

1:56 "Spotlight effect"
Everyone is focused on themselves - when everyone is normal and healthy and sane and social and friendly.
But elections in USA showed us that 1 in 2 person is criminally insane, narcissistic and borderline - that they support toxic shame mentality of attacking different people and being intolerant. So Spotlight effect is not true. Reality is that 1 in 2 person will be filled with mental illness, internalized toxic shame and they will hold automatic grudge and hatred to anyone around - because they are criminally insane.
When we go along with idea that we cannot rely on our natural reaction to abusive sick people - we will fawn to them.
That happens because toxic people are manipulative, they seek control and their modus operandi is coercive control - since that is their narcissistic supply source: judging other people and shaming others.
When we decide to divorce ourselves from reality and go along with CBT idea of denial and suppression - we will suppress our natural anger and disgust emotions - and we will develop Fawning trauma response, people pleasing and being pushover - which are twin conditions to social anxiety.

Not all people are kind and nice.
And we do not need to talk to everyone.
Telling other people that we have social anxiety - will be narcissists source of shaming and blaming which they perform automatically and they cannot stop themselves from harming others and using personal information voluntarily given to them.

Social anxiety is not issue of low confidence.
Social anxiety is not fear of talking.
Social anxiety is not about lacking social skills.
These are all symptoms which appear as social anxiety. But in reality - they are Responsibility OCD, hyper responsibility stemming from ACE ACoA childhood where we learned to be codependent and to seek approval from others and to fix angry people. This operant conditioning will appear as social anxiety in adulthood - and
idea that we become social and to talk to people - will only solidify toxic predators and parasites who are already feasting on our OCD.

YT "Our experiences are not the same😭 #actuallyautistic"

What the extrovert is saying - that her friends are source of comfort and support, similar to this video which is source of comfort and support for ND. What we get from this video - validation, being heard, being understood, being able to explain what is bugging us and people understanding us what most other people don't even want to learn about - is what extrovert one is getting from socializing.
The only difference is that neurotypicals are shallow and fake - so their process of talking is also shallow and fake - but it is functional for them.

YT "Can you really cure social anxiety? "

Crippling levels of anxiety is not social anxiety.
You are mixing up terms.
Social anxiety - is normal and we should have it. Without social anxiety we would be psychopaths, narcissists and impulsive borderline, dark triad predators and parasites, emotional vampires.

Crippling levels of anxiety are natural and normal reaction to abuse. Where the problem is the abuser, predator, dark triad personality - someone who is harming others and has hidden agenda to cause drama, chaos, hysteria around them.

When someone is abusing us - the normal healthy levels do not exist.
It is the same as to say someone house burning in LA fire - and being afraid of the future of having no home - that this crippling fear is abnormal and not normal.

When we hold idea that our natural reaction to narcissistic abuse and oppression is our fault, our crippling emotion - we will never find our community - since all our resources and focus will be centered around this disorder and problem and paranoia.

YT "Overcoming Social Anxiety: The #1 Thing You Need to Focus On #socialanxietycoach"

Honesty with healthy sane and normal people should be our focus.
But in rea life - many people wear fake social mask, they misrepresent themselves as friends and normal and sane - and when we are honest with dishonest fake predator - they will use our voluntary given information against ourselves in order to harm and hurt us later on when their mental illness cause them to be abusive, paranoid and hysterical.

Whenever we are honest this will happen in real life:

Social anxiety results from being around people who are resolutely opposed to who you are.
Stefan Molyneux

To say what you feel is to dig your own grave
Album: I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got
Black Boys on Mopeds
Song by Sinéad O'Connor

"People will constantly tell you to be yourself but when you do, they will still say "not like that!" If the world truly wanted you to be real, they wouldn't make their disapproval of you so clear once you are. The truth is that people only want you to be real to the extent that they are comfortable with and in a way that they can approve of."
(YT sclera 74)

YT "How Your Phone Can Actually Destroy Your Social Anxiety
"

Hating social anxiety is an act of self abuse, self hatred and self rejection.
When we do not care what other people think about us at all - we will develop mental illness called narcissism and borderline disorder, psychopathy and sociopathy. Anti-social disorder.
Idea that we lack social skills - will end up as self fulfilling prophecy where we will build our persona about someone who is lacking always in social skills and cannot fulfill this hole since we conceived ourselves that we are dorks.
Elections in USA showed us that 1 in 2 person is mentally ill and abnormal. This means - that there is 50% of chance that random people hate us just because we exist - and they have no reason but they do contemplate how to abuse us since they have abnormal predatory sadistic brain.
When we ignore this fact and presume non realistic idea that all people are sane and healthy and friendly - we will end up with false belief that we must trust each person around us. Since predators are toxic - their abnormal brain is functioning through control and manipulation to us - they will use pathological lying - our ability to detect this abnormality will be gone - since we will convince ourselves that spotlight effect means that other people have no harmful intentions against us.
Then we will end up with fawning and fear and social anxiety - since we are unable to detect toxic people and cut them off. Since you are convincing us in spotlight effect here in this video.

YT "Shyness & social anxiety bring you negative attention. #shyness #socialanxiety"

But then the problem with the people who see shyness as negative. Those are toxic people whom we should not be around with nor we should try to fit in into their crap at all.

If people struggle with what we are saying - normal and healthy and sane and friendly person would state that and ask for repetition, they would be social. They would not burn us like witch on a stake because their entitlement is not fulfilled, their perfectionism and idea of what is correct behavior in social situations.

If other person thinks that shyness is wrong - that person is abnormal. Probably psychopath or sociopath. Normal healthy sane friendly social people do not judge quiet people as sick and abnormal. Only abnormal people do that.

YT "When my social anxiety kick-in in public"

It is not social anxiety. It is actually:
- feeling toxic vibes
- feeling over-responsible
- hating ourselves
- rejecting ourselves
- not taking care of our well being
- not being allowed to be honest
- being punished
- being controlled
- being manipulated.

YT "My Experience With Social Anxiety
"

Social phobia was renamed in mid 1990s when DSM "experts" discovered that it is actually anxiety and not phobia since social anxiety does not go away with repeated exposure to the fear object. Phobia is cured with exposure to the fear since we desensitize ourselves to the pain and fear.

Social anxiety can be Functional. It means we can expose: we can go to social events and appear as not socially anxious.
That is why definition of social anxiety is crucial. Medical description of social anxiety disorder is fear of criticism. Fear of scrutiny. Fear of punishment. Fear of contempt. Fear of expressing our own criticism and scrutiny for the fear of more of criticism receiving scrutiny back as response.

We are born only with two fears: fear of falling and fear of loud noises. Any other fear we struggle with is learned and conditioned.
Social anxiety is normal - without social anxiety we would be psychopaths and sociopaths who do not care what other people think about us.
Social anxiety disorder is fear of criticism. It has nothing to do with confidence or going to parties.

Anger is not associated with social anxiety - because of this fear of criticism. If we have anger - then this social anxiety symptoms are actually symptom of Borderline disorder which is masking itself as social anxiety.

True medical social anxiety is desire to be social - hence there is anxiety. We place social events and socializing as primary concern and inability to get social is causing social anxiety. The need to be around people.

So you describe here anti-social behavior and desire not to be around people, not socializing - so it seems to me that you do not have medical social anxiety. You have social anxiety symptoms.
Problem here is that social anxiety resources will not help you - since they do not address the core problem: borderline anti-social behavior.

BPD people are self efficient and start their own business.
Socially anxious people with medical social anxiety could never do that due to crippling toxic shame that prevents them to do anything without approval of others. You do not have this type of crippling shame - so that is indication you do not have actual medical social anxiety.
When you read social anxiety books and seek therapy for social anxiety - it will not help you - since it cannot help you because you do not have actual social anxiety, you have social anxiety symptoms.

Borderline disorder and social anxiety overlap in many areas - so they will mimic each other and be confusing.

The idea of being healthy is that we are social in the end. That we follow social norms and that we obey the law.
Socially anxious do that too much - they have Responsibility OCD, obsessive compulsive personality disorder which compels them to be afraid of criticism.
Borderline disorder is based on depending on other people to fulfill own needs and seeing other people as tools not as human beings who need support and maintenance - so there is fear of criticism due to fear of rejection and not having hence the tools for own agenda. Fear of criticism is present in both conditions - but the goal is different.

When we discover what is at the root of social anxiety - we can find tools to help us regulate our emotions.
When we are misdiagnoses and when we refuse to get the data - we will experience symptoms of social anxiety.

"as long as they do a good job and are respectful, I’m fine with them."
But this is the problem with medical social anxiety.
We have Responsibility OCD masking itself as lack of social skills and as low confidence.
Our hyper-responsibility is placing us on idea that we are the ones who are so important that other people behavior is the source of our safety and security -
we have rigid belief which we acquired in ACE and ACoA where we believe firmly how our self worth is associated about how other people act.
When people are nice and kind - we believe we are good person.
When someone is angry and anti-social - we automatically believe we are bad and we did something wrong. Without us being aware of it that we are taking responsibility for someone's bad behavior.
So social anxiety is obsessive-compulsive personality disorder and we have no idea that we have it.
CBT and social anxiety self help industry are "explaining" to us that we have social skills issues and forcing us to believe that we have cognitive distortions - which we then internalize and develop toxic shame - and then end up with destroyed personality and low confidence - and we have no idea what to do and how to cure our anxiety.
Since the true problem is being masked: hyper-resonsibility.

YT "How to overcome social anxiety #jordanpeterson"

Nonsense. Social anxiety is hyper-responsibility issue learned in ACoA ACE childhood. It has nothing to do with looking or not looking at other people. Socially anxious are actually zoomed into other people like with a microscope, too much due to fear of punishment and seeking any sign of sudden attack. This fear of scrutiny is pushing us to believe that we are responsible when other people are angry. So looking at them won't help with anxiety - it will make it worse since we do not do anything about removing this hyper-responsibility at all.

YT "Overcoming Social Anxiety: Building Confidence | Kaise Samajik Chinta Ko Overcome Karen"

Social anxiety is Responsibility OCD.
It has nothing to do with social skills.
You mix up shyness/autism with social anxiety.

YT "How to Cope Up With Social Anxiety🥹🫣#Social Anxiety #aesthetic💫"

Social anxiety is reaction to oppression and lack of money.
Being physically active is healthy but it has nothing to do with removing medical social anxiety.
Enough sleep too. Or eating healthy.

Socially anxious already participate in social activities - but they are the source of mobbing, abuse, legalized abuse, normalized narcissistic abuse.
Social anxiety is analogy of being trapped in mobbing toxic job without being able to quit it due to no finances to support own existence. That is social anxiety - being stuck in abuse stemming from toxic people.
No matter how much we eat healthy and sleep and avoid addictions - abuse will still be incoming.
Problem is hidden in Responsibility OCD which is masked away from us - and we only see panic and fear and social situations as the problem - and then we do nothing about the core disorder: obsessive-compulsive personality disorder forged in ACE ACoA shame.based culture ambient.

YT "DAY 1 OF OVERCOMING SOCIAL ANXIETY"

Overcoming social anxiety without doing anything about Hyper-responsibility OCD is shooting blanks. Wasting our resources time and money.

YT "My journey from socially anxious to socially confident. #shyness #socialanxiety #introvert"

When you become fake version of yourself that is formed as crap fitting to toxic society - that is called narcissism and borderline disorder.

(14.1.2025)

"This may be true for a small group of people, however it’s safe to say that most “socially anxious” individuals are simply weak and have a negative attitude towards life in general."

You are pathologizing them, scrutinizing abused traumatized people and you are oversimplifying very complex and serious issue without any empathy.

"In my experience when people have social anxiety they're closed off from connecting with people and when they learn to feel confident in themselves and around people they are a lot happier... There's no hate towards social anxiety but building confidence with people does help"

Well your experience is egocentric and you are coercing traumatized people to believe in what appears as reality to you. But it is delusion based on imaginary explanations.

"Just 2 things you said that I disagree with: 1). I don't think quiet/introverted is always the same as shy; there are different motivations behind those two behaviors. 2). It's not that shyness is wrong, but I do think it's negative because although it might be partially genetic, the larger part of it is a response to an environment of social rejection, social exclusion, bullying, and generally feeling unsafe."

Response to social rejection is not shyness. IT is called Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria.
You are fusing various emotions with real concept that you are not aware of at all.
That is very dangerous - since you are coercing socially anxious to develop various misdiagnosis.

"Maybe in response to a toxic society, but what about fitting into a normal, generally good society?"

Elections in USA showed that "normal" "generally good society" does not exist on this planet.
1 in 2 person will support criminally insane, rapist and racist person to be their leader.
1 in 2 person would support Nazi concentration camps and witch hunt and Crusades against any person that is different from the majority.
Normal generally good society is myth.
You can read Gabor Mate book "Myth of normal" which title is saying exactly that.
That is the central problem with social anxiety itself - we try to fit in to crap. We are crap fitting - and in the same time we believe that we are doing what is normal. And then end up with social anxiety - since 1 in 2 person on this planet is abnormal, psychopathic and sick - and we are having normal reaction to abnormal people around us. In shame-based culture countries these numbers are ever worse than in USA.

" I appreciate you for sharing your perspective but I'll give you an analogy to explain the teaching:

Imagine social anxiety was body fat.

We all have some body fat as it's vital but it is possible for excess levels to become problematic by which I mean interfere with normal functioning and daily life (crippling), e.g. through causing mobility issues.

In this case someone choosing to lose weight from a place of self-love would be a good thing.

In the same way the intensity of fear people feel around others can vary widely and some people experience crippling levels of anxiety in all social situations.

You're correct in saying that people's feelings and fear are typically proportionate to their experiences, so perhaps someone with social anxiety has suffered from narcissistic abuse growing up. However, in our mind we view the wider world as a bigger version of the world we were raised in by our caregivers and in the wider world it's not just wolves there's lots of good people you can trust.

What this means is that many people are treating the wider world 🌍 as their upbringing and they're living life in fear and walking on egg shells. And just like someone could be crippled by body fat they're crippled in social situations by fear.

The great thing is you can overcome this with exposure therapy combined with help and support and get to a stage where you feel healthy levels of fear but don't allow fear to stop you from confidently socialising."

Thinking that social anxiety is body fat is act of self hatred, self rejection and self abuse.
This is the same to say that when some person attacks you - that you blame your wounds as body fat. As if we could do something to protect ourselves and that it is our fault for being assaulted.
When people abuse - it is their own choice - they are the abnormal ones. We are not responsible for abnormal people behaving abnormal.
Behind social anxiety is this Responsibility OCD issue - and you are having it too.
Obsessive compulsive personality disorder is this rigid thinking - being stubborn and believing in own ideas as if they are chiseled in the permanent stone. And in the same time ideas are filled with self hatred and self abuse.

"Hating social anxiety is an act of self abuse, self hatred and self rejection - which leads to mental illness and personality disorder , codependency issues and trauma bonding."

"Love it!!
Spent the day meditating on this, and to be honest, I never consciously saw it from that perspective. Thank you for sharing!!!"

That is why we are stuck in social anxiety - we are stuck in tunnel vision and someone outside of us must show us the way out. We won't be able to see the exit in our own - due to rigid mindset and toxic society pathologizing our reactions to abuse.

"but the reality is no one gives a shit and is too busy with their own lives."
But how do you know that 100%?
Did you ever hear of Jung fake social mask?
Where people do not convey their true opinions - and instead they lie and don't tell their true thoughts?
How can you know for sure that other people are not obsessed with your mistakes and judge you for it and contemplate revenge or attack because of your errors and appearance and personal orientation?
You cannot read other people minds.
You are basing your beliefs on delusion - on a belief - where you have no evidence for your beliefs. that is dangerous.
When we belief in delusions - we will start to base our decisions on snapshot of reality - which is narcissism and dissociation from reality.

YT "oops - I almost got beaten up... for being intuitive
"

People pleasing is reflex, response to psychopaths and sociopaths. Fawning is trauma response.
Trauma response - is not something shameful as society is teaching us. IT is not a choice.
IT is wise smart response to avoid further pain and suffering.
Unfortunately society in the west is prone to Dunning Krueger effect and CBT - where people who are kind, nice, wise, friendly, social, sane - are seen as weak and abnormal and stupid. While in the same time people who are loud and anti-social and aggressive - are seen as competent, gods, leaders. Which of course is not true at all - aggressive people are mentally ill, they have no working psyche inside, they are abnormal and their actions and decisions will lead to catastrophe and abuse later on in life.
The only thing we can do - is that we do not feel shame for our trauma reactions and that we do not self-pathologize ourselves as CBT and toxic society is teaching us to hate ourselves.
When we get education about narcissistic abuse, psychopaths and sociopaths (Sam Vaknin is best resource) - we learn that people who as you said in video get angry very quickly - are abnormal, they are not connected to reality, they have narcissistic and borderline disorder- and our task in 99% of cases when we are confronted with them - that we have no contact with them.
Because they are abnormal - they are capable of committing a crime, they will be freed by judge due to their abnormal brain and they will never feel any kind of consequence or punishment or change in character at all - otherwise they would be normal right now. Abnormal people are capable of backstabbing us - without us being aware that problems we experience stem from stalkers and sick people who hate us for no reason.

When we are grounded in reality, when we know our identity - then angry people won't appear as someone who is our responsibility, we won't see it as a competition and that we must scream at them back. HSP usually have Over-responsibility OCD, hyper-responsibility - which we are not aware of it because the disorder it in alignment with rules ethics and morals - in psychology this is called Egosyntonic. So being Egosyntonic - our trauma appears as voice of reason - and then we end up screaming and yelling at people or we fawn or we try to fix their anger, we feel responsible for their hysteria, we try to reason with people who are sadistic and enjoy conflict. And then we feel like our ego is ruined with their abnormal anti-social behavior - while in reality - we have problem with OCD that we are not aware of it at all.
OverResponsibility OCD is rampant in HSP - but nobody told us this. We experience it though as social anxiety symptoms and usually through self blame and self hatred and self rejection.

This is great comment -
because it reveals the operant conditioning found in HSP.
We avoid the pain.
We are conditioned - through our own nervous system an also through toxic ambient such as ACE and ACoA in our developmental years - to avoid the pain.
When we avoid the pain - we get conditioned. This is something that Pavlovian dogs experiment showed us and BF Skinner discovered later on in mid 20th century: that when we avoid pain - either through punishment or rewards - we will get conditioned in life.

It means - as HSP we will get conditioned to become empaths - since empathy is the only workable functional manner to survive on this planet - where on the one hand we try to do morally and ethically correct thing and on the other hand we have toxic planet filled with criminals and mentally ill sick abnormal people who are abusing other people without getting any kind of punishment even from the law and judge in their adult years. Going to prison (unless the criminals live in Norway or Swiss) will teach them how to brush abnormal anti-social behavior - not to correct it.

So what I want to say - it is what I discovered myself-
let us feel the pain. Instead of being conditioned to run away from it, let us feel it.

Because in the example of this video -
if that teen psycho really did attack you - that would actually become news. You would be an article in main newspapers and even on TV - and perhaps in newspapers around the world.
And how often does that happen?
I think not so often.

I have access to Turkish news TV stations - and they are filled with such incidents where random abnormal Turks are attacking random people - like angry parents entering kindergarten and attacking the nannies - or random street violence. In Turkey this happens every day - because it is shame-based culture country and it is poor.
In the west - due to education and society who has culture - and system that is taking away babies from alcoholic homes - such violent incidents are rare. Especially in the Western Europe - since the system itself is curing abnormal sick people from becoming anti-social.
So chances are - you would probably never get clobbered. You said that his friend was anxious and he was calming him down. That is the result of education and system state care found in Western Europe - where children are taught since childhood to become normal sane adults. I would put trust in EU that is doing best thing possible to remove abnormalities in society such as street violence.

But aside with that - I would also focus on our fear of pain.
At certain age of our life - we need to come to conclusion where we stop running from the pain.
And allow it to feel it. And watch what happens next.
If we live in normal state - anti-social behavior will be sanctioned and frowned upon by society.

YT ""Mentality in BPD" The Sensitive Stability BPD Live Show
"

I had series of epiphanies thanks to Kevin.

I took personality disorder test once again, the last time I did it was in 2008 - and sure enough OPCD was the number one issue 80% - then I googled it now and discovered that OPCD is behind being stubborn which appears as social anxiety to me. And personality disorder is issue of being rigid, having rigid mindset. We end up being preoccupied with our symptoms - while the thing that is disorder part - is in this rigidity. Social anxiety appears as problem with no social skills and low confidence, but nope - it is problem with stubbornness and egosyntonic convictions about moral and ethical beliefs which are actually rigid and disorder that cannot be detected. This quote is spot on.

And this applies to current Tic Toc chaos.
We will always get new unexpected problems in life and we will always be forced to use our intellect and find solutions to problems which appear as unsolvable and difficult in areas that appear unbreakable and as non problematic - and lack of rigid mindset (or having flexible mindset that is) then plays huge role in how much we will adapt to new situations and find solutions.

(16.1.2025)

Yeah, unfortunately most kids (and adults) struggling with social anxiety symptoms want quick fix and they are ashamed of their social anxiety and then make things worse by using methods to fix themselves by hating themselves.
Like common method is shouting in public, challenges or toxic masculinity - they falsely believe that social anxiety is flaw in character associated to femininity which must be exterminated.

Google is a poor source - oversimplified resource. You need medical one, based on better research.

"intense fear in social situation" can be million things - shyness included.
You had shyness - which you decided to google into Social anxiety.

Social anxiety medical description is:

DSM-IV:
Marked fear or anxiety about one or more social situations in which the individual is exposed to possible scrutiny by others.

The individual fears that he or she will act in a way or show anxiety symptoms that will be negatively evaluated (i.e., will be humiliating or embarrassing; will lead to rejection or offend others).

Core traits are ego-syntonic . Anything that appears as normal, good to you. Anything that does not produce anxiety, fear, panic - that are what our core values are.
On the surface - there is no problem with that. But - for example - to a thief - stealing is egosyntonic.
In the same manner - all toxic behavior, hidden self sabotaging actions that we undertake - are hidden behind our inner core rules that appear as good to us.
Similar to Zoroastrianism where there is warning how evil hides itself among the good and our task is to discern what is truly good in life - to filter out the bad.

So - to socially anxious person - egosyntonic will be perfectionism and over-responsibility - but socially anxious person won't be aware of this at all. They will have different labels for it, they will use neutral words to describe these 2 motors of social anxiety. Instead of perfectionism they will call it as quality. Instead of over-responsibility they will use the word empathy.
And when social anxiety strikes - they won't be able to see where the fear of criticism is coming from at all - since the evil is hidden behind ego-syntonic values.
Also - it is not so easy to get rid of perfectionism - because we need to find balance between being efficient and not OCD. We need to find balance between helping people and not sacrificing our time and energy, which can be very confusing, at first.

(20.1.2025)

YT "I LOST My Ability To Speak! #shorts"

Great story but it is medically misleading.
Social anxiety is not issue of communication.
It is issue of oppression and being abused - not being allowed to talk freely due to coercive control.

YT "Effective Therapies for Overcoming Social Anxiety"

CBT is horrible ableist therapy based on self pathologizing our experiences, gaslighting ourselves into self blame and self abuse and denying that narcissistic abuse is real.

There is no real scientific evidence that CBT is helpful.
CBT is based on suppression and denial, dysfunctional coping mechanisms.

YT "Social Anxiety: 4 Proven Strategies to Feel Confident Anywhere!"

Social anxiety is reaction to narcissistic abuse, oppression and coercive control.
It has nothing to do with confidence, will power or being strong/weak.

YT "Quick tip for social anxiety"

Social anxiety is not fear of talking. It is not called talking anxiety.
Fear of talking and fear of not being confident is shyness, which resembles social anxiety symptoms.
Medical social anxiety is fear of criticism, fear of scrutiny, punishment -
and it occurs in mobbing, narcissistic abuse, coercive control, situations where person cannot run away or cut contact or fight - due to oligarchy, power position of abusers and inability to find another shelter and lack of finances to support oneself (socio-economic issues).
So real medical social anxiety unfortunately is not so simply as being male alpha macho man or issues with breathing. IT is complex trauma instead based on years of abuse and exposure to systematic invalidation.

YT "beating social anxiety is easy, actually"

"Creepy sensation of being analyzed" is sign of being exposed to emotional abuse, invalidation and chronic micromanaging criticism in developmental years.

"Remembering what we said 3 years ago" is called Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria - which is byproduct of being exposed to chronic invalidation and micromanaging corrections in developmental years.

"Being smart with your energy" - does not work in real life situations like mobbing and being trapped in abusive toxic job which we cannot quit due to no finances and no shelter. Or being trapped in abusive relationship which could end as femicide is victim leaves.

"Do the thing anyway" - social anxiety stems from being exposed to emotional and narcissistic abuse. It means when we do something - there is someone in power position who is abusing us. The anxiety is reflection and reaction to abuse. It is not something that we imagine.
Social anxiety is not found only when we drink coffee in coffee bar.
Social situations are also being trapped in mobbing job, not having money so not having finances to go anywhere.

The real world works on oppression and coercive control, where rapist and racist, criminally insane scum become presidents of countries.

YT "Overcoming Social Anxiety: Building Connections with Ease #SocialAnxiety #OvercomingAnxiety #Autism"

These are all great messages - but technically speaking this is not social anxiety.
This is shyness described here. And neurotypical brainwashing that having superficial friends - acquaintances really, is the ultimate goal in life.
Real medical social anxiety is not related to making friends or talking.
It is fear of criticism, fear of punishment, fear of scrutiny - this is medical description of social anxiety and social anxiety disorder.
When we are preoccupied with being alone and having friends - and nothing else - then this is shyness issue - which can mimic social anxiety symptoms.

YT "How Dale's social anxiety shaped his character #kingofthehill #analysis"

Really socially anxious person would fear criticism and scrutiny of judgement from peer pressure.
Dale is more Schizotypal type - not liking people much and being isolated.
Socially anxious people want to socialize and they place high value on connection and being around people - otherwise they would not feel social anxiety symptoms.
What Dale feels as social anxiety - is regular fear of social judgement which often mimics and resembles and overlaps with social anxiety.

YT "Full video uploaded now! Check it out! #socialanxiety #vlog"

Social anxiety is not always bad. It reminds us not to make fool of ourselves in public and that we are not annoying to the others. Without social anxiety we would develop psychopathy and sociopathy issues where we do not care what other people think and how our behavior is affecting others around us.

YT "Approach Anxiety? How To Turn Social Anxiety Into CONFIDENCE With This ONE Hack | From Man To King
"

Medical social anxiety is not issue of confidence, will power or being weak.
Medical social anxiety is fear of criticism, fear of scrutiny and fear of punishment - it is also fear of expressing our own criticism, our own scrutiny and punishing people around us when they cross boundaries of common sense.

When we do not give a f* - this is called psychopathy and sociopathy. People who are Cluster B - do not care how their own behavior affects other people. This is why narcissism is on the rise - because we are being brainwashed by Jordan Peterson ideology that being kind and nice is being sissy feminine - so we believe that we must be toxic in order to be man. Which of course is path to mental illness: narcissism and borderline disorder.

There are toxic people like that all around.
Toxic people are focused on abusing other people and judging others in order to feel good about their self esteem. When they put someone down, find faults and errors in others - this gives them sadistic pleasure because they have abnormal brain.

Election in USA showed us that 1 in 2 person supports Nazi concentration camps, mass murdering of anyone who is different than accepted majority, rape and racism. So there are 49% of mentally ill toxic people around us in any country based on patriarchy and Taliban fascism mentality.

When we feel social anxiety - we are detecting 49% of mentally ill criminally insane people around us.
Jung discovered that there is concept called Fake social mask - where toxic people fake pretend to be normal and social.
When we form long term connections with such people - toxic people are predatory - their sense of worth comes from abusing and exploiting their victims. This is what we feel with social anxiety - we are reacting to toxic people.

Idea that we abuse ourselves - to force ourselves to talk to mentally ill criminally insane - is self abuse.
When we deny our body and when we ignore our emotions - that is self abuse.
Idea that we must make other people happy and give them compliments is called codependency and borderline disorder where we believe our own identity is based on making other people happy and them being happy with us. This will end up as people pleasing and fawning - social anxiety issues.

Social anxiety is alarm - that we are around toxic people who fake pretend to be normal, and it is also issue of not believing in ourselves so we place our sense of worth into other people and their emotions what they think about us (which is called borderline disorder).

Hating social anxiety is an act of self abuse, self rejection and self hatred.
We will never develop full confidence and energy to approach people when we attack ourselves and feel self shame about who we are.

"I always feel negative feellings when i feel overstimulated and i feel angry. I also tend to lose my temper and I cant push the feeling away and i am just in a bad mood. How do you fix that when being overstimulated...."

This is because we learned - we were punished into - conditioned to associate negative feelings with anger. We have no idea that our negative emotions can have different outlet - such as humor or being even more positive and motivational and that we perform self check - self awareness - perhaps we hold some unreal beliefs or expectations or rigid mindset that keep us trapped in unnecessary grudge.
Epicurus talked in his ancient philosophy that we will be happy when we align with more realistic needs instead of craving perfectionism and luxury and other people's admiration and approval

YT "It can feel so challenging to calm down in a moment where we are feeling overstimulated, & anxious"

I believe many of us who are watching psychological videos are focused on self improvement and finding help - which means that we are over-regulating - but from our point of view it appears as if we are not doing it at all of we are not perfect at it.
Then it is problem of over-regulation also known as perfectionism - and this rigid mindset is problem on its own - since we are not aware that our good intentions are keeping us trapped in abusing ourselves. It is like being focused on pruning ourselves that we prune all branches off and then bear no fruit and wonder why we are fruitless, we have no idea what we are doing it wrong -
and truth is that we are over-doing it.

YT "Rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) is an intense emotional response triggered by perceived"

It is borderline issue. We have no identity inside - we don't rely on our own resources and our worth - we think it is inept and worthless, due to internalized toxic shame - and then other people become our measuring stick which leads to catastrophe - since other people then can control us easily.

YT "How to eliminate social anxiety forever"

Social anxiety is not all that bad. Social anxiety has good qualities: it keeps us safe, it help us to socialize by attuning ourselves to the others.
Without social anxiety we would be annoying, narcissistic, unkind and selfish - and we would attract such toxic people too who are abusive controlling and manic too.

Idea that we base our worth and security on other people - such as complimenting them - that is called manipulation found in borderline disorder. We expect that if we bribe other people that they won't criticize us and be mean to us - we are trying to control them and to manipulate them - which is ethically and morally wrong and people sniff out this quickly and become hostile actually since they know we have some unknown agenda to them.

Social anxiety is lack of identity - we distrust and hate ourselves and we are already depending on others to feel good about ourselves. Instead of basing our worth on other people - we need to work on our perfectionism and rigid mindset to remove it.

"I’ve tried the complimenting, people just look at me like I’m crazy because I’m naturally monotone😅"

"practice not being monotone"

This is problem when we decide to make other people measuring stick.
Now we will change our identity, our personality - based on what other people expect. This leads to more of social anxiety, not less -
because people are fickle - they like different things - not everyone likes the same things in life.
How about radical idea of accepting ourselves as we are - and then changing ourselves when we want to - not because some person dislike something about us?

YT "Social Anxiety"

This is one of the greatest myths from CBT. The false idea that we are not calm when we feel social anxiety.
In reality - our social anxiety is mechanism that is regulating ourselves and tries to absorb the external shock.
CBT tries to falsely convince us that toxic people do not exist and that what we feel as anxiety is irrational and figment of our "cognitive distortions".
That is lie.
What is really happening - is that we are HSP, we pick up easily toxic people and then social anxiety that we feel is their abuse and agenda and them being controlling and manipulative -
so we are reacting to abuse, external aggression - which we can see easily as oppose to neurotypicals who buy into Fake social mask of other people with glib charm.

When we go along with wrong CBT instructions - we will abuse ourselves because we deny our reality, we gaslight ourselves that we are not being abused - and then we attack our anxiety panic - like auto-immune disease attacking its own body. CBT is forcing us to develop bot mental and physical illness: perfectionism, self hatred, toxic shame and cancer, allergies.
Instead of trying to calm ourselves down - we need education how to handle and process emotional abuse and narcissistic abuse and stop self pathologizing ourselves and our natural reactions to abuse

YT "Overcoming Social Anxiety Quick Tips! #mentalhealth #therapy #mentalhealthawareness #shorts #anxiety"

Social anxiety is reaction to abuse.
Breathing won't help us when someone backstab us or tries to fire us.
Socially anxious people are already focused on others and on one person - hyper-focused. This is due to social anxiety itself. We look at other person physical manner, small face gestures tone of voice - all for the purpose of detecting sudden attack and insult from them, so that we are prepared for the blow.
Positive self talk is path to hell - when we deny and suppress reality such as being on parking lot with serial killer who wants us to get in his car - like in movie Woman of the Hour (2024). Positive self talk will literally destroy us since we will ignore the danger.

YT "What if social anxiety did not exist?"

Without social anxiety - everybody would be narcissistic toxic and abusive.
Social anxiety provide us with mechanism to check how our behavior is affecting others. Without this ability - we would develop abusive predatory personality based on greed, agenda, control and criminally insane behavior.

YT "How to overcome social anxiety, part 2. #dynamis"

Social anxiety is reaction to narcissistic abuse and corruption and lack of money. So anxiety stems from aggressive hostile external source.
Public speaking won't help with psychopaths having agenda to exploit us and harm us.
Elections in USA showed that 1 in 2 person is abnormal and criminally insane - toxic people are predatory and they are extremely focused on other people how to exploit and control them.
So spotlight effect is myth. 1 in 2 person will be focused on others.
Social anxiety is called social + anxiety. Anxiety stems from the social element: toxic society.
It is not called talking anxiety.
Social anxiety can be functional - people with social anxiety can talk and still have trauma unresolved.
Being more comfortable with abuse and being in contact with criminally insane - is not healthy.

-

YT "Understanding Social Anxiety and Overcome"

Social anxiety is fear of criticism, fear of punishment, fear of scrutiny - based on real abuse that happened before, in developmental years or right now being in contact with criminally insane.

Socially anxious are already focused on other people - due to fear of sudden attack - they are focused on small face gestures and tone of voice in order to detect abusers. Socially anxious are already focused on making other people welcome - for the purpose of evading abuse.

CBT is ableist toxic therapy based on self abuse and self pathologizing ourselves and it ought to be banned.

YT "Try this technique to overcome social anxiety, remember it comes with practice 🧘‍♂️"

CBT is spreading false information about social anxiety and we are coerced to accept false wrong detrimental information from broken corrupt American medical system based on pharma mafia.

Social anxiety is not issue of not having social skills.
Social anxiety is reaction to abuse - and then it appears as if we do not have social skills - since we are stuck in hypervigilance and survivor mode.

Having social anxiety means we have superior social skills; hyper-attuned, being over responsible, being hyper aware how our behavior decisions opinions are affecting other people around us.
Criminally insane do not have this ability so they engage in crime - since they don't have inner boundaries moral and ethical values to block their criminal intentions.

YT "I Tried Social Anxiety Coping Strategies
"

1) Exposure will not work with medical social anxiety due to internalized toxic shame.
People who have real social anxiety are plagued with internalized inner critic attacking anything done.
Exposure idea is like being afraid of fire and trying to cure this fear of fire by exposing yourself to fire. But in the same time - your clothes and skin are being covered in highly flammable oil and petrol - that gets ignited up around exposure to fire. Oil and petrol are toxic shame - so exposure will burn us alive and leave us injured. Exposure will bring more pain and suffering - we need to clean up this petrol first before exposure

2) Social anxiety is called social + anxiety. It means that anxiety stems from the social element: toxic people being toxic. It is not called talking anxiety. It is not called conversation anxiety. Talking anxiety is shyness - and shyness mimics and resembles medical social anxiety due to over lapping symptoms. But it is not the same.
Problem is that people with real social anxiety will try to talk - it won't remove social anxiety - and then they will think that they are useless and inept since this "strategy" did not work for them. And the reason why it did not work for them because this strategy is for shyness, not for actual medical social anxiety.

Social anxiety can be Functional / Masked and still be there, still be present in other ways. It means - we can have social skills, we can be confident, we can talk, we can be outgoing - and trauma is still present and it is destroying us from inside and forcing us to self sabotage ourselves. The best example is Michael Jackson.
He had severe social anxiety - yet his social anxiety was Functional. He performed in front of billions of people , all people on this planet knows his songs - he was famous and made a lot of money. He was productive and successful in professional life. Yet his life ended in tragedy - because trauma was unresolved. So having social anxiety being functional does not mean it is healthy and that it will end well. Another example is Whitney Houston or Prince - same story applies to them, too.

YT "WARNING: Your SOCIAL ANXIETY Is Ruining Your Summer!"

First step would be to open window and see that it is winter outside.
Then to stop self abusing ourselves and to realize that we are being abused by toxic people - and cut them out - and then enjoy being ourside.

"I think concentration involved in the present probably helps, that may be the idea"

That is called denial and suppression - dysfunctional coping mechanisms that end up with mental illness. We need to be aware of our reality, soak data and learn from it .- not to suppress it

Instead of being perfectionist - let's try accepting ourselves as we are and then work from that point onwards.
Instead of hating, rejecting and abusing ourselves.

And of course - there is Sam Vaknin. He explains that narcissists are interacting with internal objects, snapshots. So when abusive people are abusive to us - we should not take it personally - since they are not interacting with us.
This is what CBT twists as idea that "toxic people do not exist". They exist - but their toxicity is not based on reality. When they put us down - they are being delusional ones.
With CBT - we end up believing that we are being delusional - but this is because CBT does not understand how narcissistic abuse functions and it oversimplifies it as if it is our fault.

(21.1.2025)

There are so many wrongs with CBT.
First of all - CBT does not see the difference between social anxiety, shyness and narcissism - it puts it all in the same basket. This is called Researcher Bias.
Shy people will benefit with CBT and narcissists (those who are willing to get treatment of course).
For people with real medical social anxiety (fear of criticism) - CBT will force to develop Functional Social anxiety - which is still problem due to unresolved issues.

Also - CBT does not see Complex Trauma at all - since this is banned from DSM. So CBT has no tools to recognize toxic shame.

Then CBT ignores external environment: socio-economic issues and narcissistic abuse, oppression. And neurodivergent brain is pathologized.

Michael Jackson had severe social anxiety but his social anxiety was functional - he was famous, productive, successful in his work - yet due to unresolved trauma his life ended in tragedy. Same story applies to Whitney Houston and Prince.

When socially anxious people apply CBT - they will develop people pleasing, fawning trauma response and become codependent - since CBT does not address borderline issues and identity in social anxiety, ACE nor ACoA - these are not taken into consideration at all, effects of exposure to emotional abuse.

Croatia, Serbia, ex Yugoslavian countries belong to Shame-based culture. This is the only enclave in Europe that has shame. The rest of Europe has Guilt-based culture.

Shame-based culture countries are in 99% poor, authoritarian and corrupt. Exception is Japan.

Guilt-based culture countries are in the West (North America, EU), Australia, most of the South America and South Africa.

Guilt-based culture countries are more healthier and productive and consequently wealthier.

Shame based culture - is destroying the person's identity if there is any kind of mistake, error or difference from the norm.
In shame-based culture everyone is expected to behave according to the unwritten rigid rules. So the focus is on the honor - not on productivity, health and happiness.

Guilt based culture - is focused on learning from mistakes and improving from it, and it does not perform Character Assassination in this process of learning and education.

"He can't make friends with everybody he meets and be best friends for life "
Exactly!
So the compliment is fake.
You are confirming what I am saying.
He is fake, aggressive, annoying, has hidden agenda and uses people to fix his shyness which he labels as social anxiety. He is insecure about who he is - and he tries to overcompensate by being "super confident" - which is fake and it does not work.
If he was secure in himself and his identity - he would not need other people to validate him and his worth.
When people feel insecure deep down - they start to act anti-socially - they use people and discard them without being aware what is happening.
This is called narcissistic personality disorder. It is mental illness.

(22.1.2025)

YT "Negativity in BPD"

Yep, this is the core message:

"Having real empathy for the other person. This is one of the hardest skills in the world – somebody has insulted you, threatened you, they belittled you, they have done some terrible things and you have to somehow find a way to authentically have empathy for that person; it's very hard.
But if you don't want then to live rent free in your mind and control you all damn day and change how you feel about yourself – it's a necessary thing."
🎯

That is why this grudge and resentment and ideas how to analyze and then end up being trapped in worry and rumination - is so hard to shake it off.
Because anything that triggers us - is result of abuse, aggression, insult -
and the solution is basically that we do not react - which effectively means - at least on the surface - that we are ok with abuse.
That part is extremely hard to grasp and to integrate.
As if we must stay in the abuse, that we must not contemplate ways how to remove ourselves from toxic people and toxic ambient - that is how it feels when someone tell us that we do not react in automatic way to abuse.
With social anxiety - quiet BPD - my own automatic reaction is passive aggressive one, I blame myself, I hold on to grudge, I worry a lot, I feel resentment and as victim and I do not know how to react and feel embarrassed to appear as coward who has no voice - when I do not yell or scream back at hysterical people and their abusive behavior - which triggers me.

(24.1.2025)

"sounds like you have a fear"
This forced label of "you have fear" is actually coercive control. This is what psychiatry is doing to socially anxious - abused and traumatized victims of abuse.
When other person, third party - is forcing their potential narcissistic supply to conform and adopt delusions of narcissists.
In social anxiety there is no fear - there is only Repetition Compulsion.
Operant conditioning.
Defense mechanisms.
Reaction to abuse, mentally ill people in authority.

Be careful of anyone telling you that your issues are irrational and delusional - without knowing your full state and circumstances.

YT "WHY Narcissist ALWAYS NEEDS YOU, Even After Snapshotting (and Borderline?)
"

2:00 "Narcissist confuses the externality and separateness of external object with the internal object."
It means that narc will come to conclusions based on their memories and convictions instead of facts and objective reality.
It is like when narc attacks us with unfounded accusations and insist on them and we cannot convince them of truth.

4:35 "He has no boundaries that separates himself from reality. Because he doesn't have a self. When you don't have a self then you're diffused, you're like a cloud, you are fuzzy. You are like fog or mist."

This is in quantum physics - when the particle is not observed - it is fuzzy and exist in all states at once. Schrodinger cat in the box, when not opened, when it is not observed - that cat therefore is narcissistic.

(26.1.2025)

YT ""

"And then even if you get skill sets down, I see this people work very rapidly the remission program that we offer and they get to a place where things are looking good, they're doing better, making better decisions, behavior is changing – but their mental state didn't change – they're just forcing it. So they think they're in remission. You're getting rewarded because you are behaving differently but you're still suffering inside because you didn't take time to go through the actual fears – you just forced behavioral changes. Then when you crash it is really bad. Skills are temporary band aids. Perspective changes are what are necessary so you don't have to suffer anymore combined with ability to validate yourself."

🎯
Yep!
This is what I experienced with CBT and self-help books when I applied it to my social anxiety issues. I exposed, I followed the rules to pluck out my negative thinking (cognitive distortions called in CBT), I would face the fears, I would go against the urge to run away and avoid - but this crashed as soon as I would face difficult toxic people who were rude to me and aggressive and yelling and screaming about some error that I did or something I did not know how to do and they ignored my efforts and attempts to learn from mistakes and treated me as second class citizen or slave. That CBT did not address at all.

What I see now thanks to Kevin and Sam Vaknin channel - is that this happens due to ego dystonic thoughts.
Ego-dystonic thinking is when our views (perspective as Kevin calls it), our beliefs, our conclusions, our explanations are in total alignment with our moral and ethical values and super ego. We think we are doing the correct thing since this is our philosophy.
But what happens is that we have rigid rules that are the problem.
Our values may be correct - but if anything inside our thinking is rigid - it will fester and become toxic - and that includes moral and ethical standards and values. The definition of personality disorder is having stubborn difficult fixed solidified beliefs - and then we are unable to hear criticism - since our good and nice rules are forcing us to see anything different and new or difficult or negative as enemy. And then we get defensive in order to defend our values and moral and ethical beliefs. Without realizing that our soul, our thoughts, our moral ethical rules and values are all constructs - they cannot be physically assaulted or occupied unless we allow it. We never learned in ACE and ACoA that our inner world - our persona, our identity - cannot be harmed, hurt by anyone. What we think and believe in - we do not need to report to other people - and if they found out our rules and values and demean us and we experience their opinions as attack on our personhood (which toxic people do) - that their words and even physical assault (god forbid) cannot really destroy our inner construct, our views and opinions.

We get stuck in building solidified structure construct inside us - since we learned in ACE ACoA that this is the only way to trust ourselves - to be in constant alarm state and defensive mode.
We never learned that other people cannot enter in our psychology realm - and that we do not need to be stubborn and caught in solidified state.
And in fact that being open and vulnerable and humble - is paradoxically make us titanium solid inside - we do not need to build any additional inner protective mechanisms inside us.
When we do - we end up with social anxiety and lost identity - in our attempts to protect our inner world - which does not need any additional protection - our own existence is powerful enough.
When we distrust ourselves - we end up with fears and panic and compulsions that we believe will protect us since we believe that other people are powerful to tear our persona apart - and this false traumatized shocked CPTSD belief keeps us stuck in defensive mode and rigid mentality. As soon as we really discover that other people cannot truly harm us inside whatever they do - we will re-discover our identity and persona - and our symptoms will vanish, we will achieve remission.
As soon as we understand it - our brain will come up with flexible solutions to problems that plague us since childhood.

Sam Vaknin talked about this process as Nothingness.

(27.1.2025)

"It's taken me almost 70 yrs. to finally realize that it's okay to be my authentic self. I wish that I had realized this years ago. Life was very difficult before I actually felt free to be me. I was always searching for acceptance."

You would probably be abused and attacked if you were authentic to toxic selfish people around you, who forced you to develop social anxiety fears in the first place.

"Our core believe can be changed. I need to change mine to a more positive one"

But that is the problem itself. Our core beliefs that are toxic are already positive one and we have desire and urge that they are positive one - that is making it hard to change in the first place.
This phenomena is called Ego syntonic thought.
And this is the core of personality disorder and mental illness.
We believe we are doing the good and righteous thing by being positive and good - like Crusaded and Witch hunt or Trump 2025 - but what we believe is positive is actually toxic and abnormal - but our radars do not detect it as criminal at all - since we want to be angels and good and nice and healthy.
And kind of rigid thinking is mental illness and toxic and ends up as mental health issue.
When we are totally aware of bad things - this is called ego dystonic thoughts - and we are very aware what is wrong and what needs to be changed.
But Ego syntonic thoughts do the same damage - because we are not aware of what is wrong since it appears as ethical and moral right thing.

"Repeated shaming, criticism and bullying is proof that they can't be trusted. My inherent worth and authenticity isn't in their hands, but I'm sure as hell going to avoid meeting more of them."

When we avoid reality - we miss the opportunity to learn how to deflect the abuse in the future.

"This is only a part of it for me.

"

Correct.
Social anxiety is elephant in the room and people who see it, only see small part of it since it is huge.

"The most important opinion about yourself is your own. If you put other people's opinion above yours it makes you a slave."

People do not consciously choose to be a slave.
They fawn because they are forced to do it and they cannot run away.
They fawn because they are being lied to and presented false information deliberately every day, also known as gaslighting, false information which they cannot fact check and are forced to believe in lies.
They fawn due to coercive control - which is not our choice to be coerced - the perpetrator is choosing the target to exploit and the perpetrator is to blame - not our reactions to survive.

YT "Life without social anxiety #positivevibes #shorts
Novacaine · KazetX5 & Shiloh Dynasty"

Annoying random people in public has nothing to do with the lack of social anxiety. It has to do a lot with lack of awareness how we affect other people. Also known as narcissism and sociopathy.

"I grew up homeschooled, and far from any neighborhood. It took me a decade after I moved out at 18 to get over my social anxiety. I talk to people like this now and it feels so good."

You mix up shyness with social anxiety.
Social anxiety is like being trapped in toxic mobbing job being abused every day and in the same time being unable to quit this toxic job due to money. Being trapped in abuse - that is social anxiety.
Talking to people is shyness issue - not social anxiety.

"his aura in unmatched

"

I find it annoying and irritating and with hidden agenda behind it, someone who depends on other people to feel good about himself, seeking approval from others.

"this guy has a vibe, and its a good one"

It is a vibe of codependency and look at me, I am center if the universe I only exist when you pay attention to me.

"Your videos inspire a lot of us to do the same as you, please don't stop unloading them!"

Inspire you to become codependent communal narcissist who must have daily dose of narcissistic supply : other people's approval and validation?

"Remind me of a challenge I did where I tried to give 3 compliments to stranger a day to help me love humanity again"

If you worth depends on other people - then that is called mental illness and personality disorder.

"This has inspired me ngl"

Instead of seeking professional help - you turn to tik tok 20 seconds videos? That is not clever decision.

"This why people need to face their social anxiety"

Nope. Depending on other people to handle our anxiety is path to borderline disorder.

"Makes me wanna try it"

People will probably think you have hidden agenda behind being intrusive to them.

"Do you do these thibgs with the camera turned off?"

Off camera he is doing other codependency borderline stuff - like being afraid of feedback.

"When i do this they ignore me😭😭😭"

Well, maybe then you should not be intrusive and bother other people in public?
How about that radical idea - to be kind, nice and good without sticking your moral and ethics in other people's noses?

"Tried this, she said " i have a boy friend" (were both the same gender😭)"

Most people do not like to be stopped by random strangers in the street - especially in high crime areas.

"U couldn’t do this in eastern europe where i m from 😂 people would thing you want something from them"

I am pretty sure in New York, LA or Chicago, too. Any area with high street crime.

YT "Combatting Social Anxiety | Christian Life Assembly | Derrick Hamre"

Nonsense. Psychology and religion should not mix.
Motivation is okay - but claiming that social anxiety is related to lack of god is criminally insane statement.

"Please respond to the other comment"

He can't. He has severe social anxiety which he explains to himself as circus training, discipline and denial,
he does not understand that social anxiety is fear of criticism and feedback

YT "This Simple Mind Hack Will Transform Your Social Anxiety
"

Any kind of ritual as response to anxiety will end up as OCD. Obsessive and compulsive behavior that we believe will magically protect us from vague unknown potential pain and hurt.
Instead of developing various "hacks" and "tips" - we need to understand that social anxiety is cptsd - and the core motor therefore is lack of identity, our identity being abused, shocked into hiding.
We need to re-discover who we are and celebrate our true identity - not hate it or fix it.
We already have social skills inside us - none of us were raised in a cave.
When we believe in CBT explanations that we lack social skills because we act traumatized due to abuse - we will develop fake OCD identity where we are convinced that we do not have any social skills at all.

YT "How to build confidence in social settings"

I support this message.
I would also add:
if we live in shame-based culture country - social contact will be toxic 100% 24/7 all the time, everywhere and anywhere.

The urge to face something for the purpose of people liking us - is borderline disorder. IT is hard to cure because most people do not understand that mechanism of seeking approval of others. It feels natural to depend on happy people around us being happy with us.

YT "Overcoming Social Anxiety: Confronting Your Fears"

It is not only inward focus of being criticized. It is also external focus of criticizing or judging someone, too.
But CBT does not see that part - CBT is focusing only on the inward part, which is mistake.
Between two mentioned pole of fears of criticism 1. I don't want to be wrong and be made fun of and 2. I don't want them to think I am awkward - there is also fear of punishment and scrutiny. Which you did not mention here at all.
You keep on excluding the abuse part. That toxic people are abusing their targets - and that targets of abuse develop social anxiety as natural and normal reaction to coercive control, narcissistic abuse and emotional abuse.

When we live in shame-based culture which we cannot run away from, when we have toxic mobbing job that we cannot quit due to lack of money, when we are stuck in dysfunctional family dynamics that we cannot escape from - then avoidance, grey rock method - is the only way to stay mentally healthy in such toxic abusive ambient.

YT "Overcome Social Anxiety
"

When you explain social anxiety as "awkward state of panic" - then this false description will becomeour reality and we will start to develop our decisions about this wrong self defeating explanation - and then end up with self fulfilling prophecy where we will end up labeling any kind of vague, unknown emotions as awkward state of panic - and hence making ourselves mentally ill.
This is why psychiatry is bad for mental health.
We end up abusing ourselves with wrong misdiagnosis which appear as reality to us - since we do not have true correct terms to describe our experiences and our unknown reactions and vague emotions.

Socially anxious are already hyper focused on other people. CBT is forcing us to believe in false explanation that we are focused on ourselves - but that is a lie which CBT misdiagnosed narcissists and shy people as socially anxious in mid 1990s when CBT made big social anxiety research - without taking into consideration the fact that truly socially anxious people are afraid of any research due to social anxiety itself.

Socially anxious are already focused on other people, zoomed onto other people -seeking for the next abuse and attack. They look at other people small face gestures and tone of voice and how they behave and what others do - all for the purpose of expecting sudden attack. Also there is hyper-responsibility and over-responsibility which socially anxious people believe that they are responsible for everyone around.

There are predatory personalities out there who are hyper focused on others in order to control and manipulate them - so the statement that all people are focused on themselves - is false. Narcissistic abuse is real concept that happens in real life and narcissism is on the rise, it is statistically proven.

When we pretend to be some other persona like investigating journalist - we will develop narcissistic personality disorder with fake social image - and that will end up as more of social anxiety when other people detect that we are fake.

Exposure will end up as more of social anxiety because we did not clean internalized toxic shame first, toxic introject. Exposure is like being afraid of fire and we think our fear will be gone when we expose to fire. But in the same time - our skin and clothes are soaked in highly flammable oil and petrol - that will ignite near fire and set us burned. That is what happens with exposure in social anxiety.

We race to fill any silence in conversation due to ACE and ACoA - social anxiety is complex PTSD - and it needs healing.
Healing trauma means accepting and validating ourselves as we are - with all our perks and quirks.
Idea that we hate our social anxiety is an act of self abuse, self rejection and self hatred.

All tips you mention here will make social anxiety worse - since it is based on self pathology and total self rejection.

YT "Social Anxiety and How to Overcome It
"

"Intense fear of social situations"
That is wrong description of social anxiety.
Social anxiety is fear of criticism and scrutiny. Socially anxious are not afraid of ALL social situations. They are only afraid in ambient where there might be potential abuse.
Telling ourselves that we are afraid of everyone and everything - will end up as self fulfilling prophecy. Socially anxious are not afraid of 1-on-1 social situations for example or around known family members.

"Root of social anxiety lies in over active fear response"
Nope.
The root of social anxiety lies in operant conditioning, being exposed to constant punishment in childhood - strict parenthood, where the child was punished when he or she did not respond with fear to their parents discipline.
Also known as ACE and ACoA.

"Genetic predisposition"
If social anxiety was genetic - then our social anxiety would become schizotypal.
We would isolate ourselves before the age of 12/13 when social anxiety started.
We would behave in certain manner where fear of criticism is not our fear - but for example we would be afraid of physical things - like doors or windows or desk or Tv.
With social anxiety - we have fear of criticism - criticism is not solid, that is construct. So it is not genetical. It is not physical.
Criticism contains potential punishment - which may or not may be physical.
As long as there is cognitive structure of the fear - there is no genetical predisposition.
When you spread CBT information that social anxiety is genetical - you are forcing socially anxious to develop self blame and distrust in healing which is detrimental and wrong information that hampers healing from abuse that caused social anxiety in the first place.

Physical symptoms and emotional symptoms of social anxiety - are all symptoms of being exposed to emotional abuse.

CBT is ableist toxic therapy based on corrupt American broken unhuman medical model of pharma mafia, that makes social anxiety worse.

YT "#socialanxiety #confidence #impostersyndrome"

Medical social anxiety is not question of missing confidence.
People over analyze due to learned coping mechanism in ACE ACoA childhood - operant conditioning that cannot be removed with "stop it".

When we do not worry about what other people think about us - we will develop mental illness: narcissistic disorder, psychopathy and socipathy.

YT "It's hard to track the progress of your social anxiety without this #socialanxiety"

When you explain social anxiety as a monster or hurdle that we must conquer - it is the same as to say that reality is monster or that daily tasks we dislike doing is some kind of project that we must overcome.
It cannot be overcome - it is part of life.
When we are around toxic people who are abusive - we ought and should feel social anxiety symptoms of fear and panic. If we did not feel that - we would be swindled and manipulated by pathological liars and predatory personalities on daily basis.
Our emotions are not hurdle - they are alarm system that tell us something.

YT "Tips for social anxiety! #socialanxiety"

Ability to notice details is not pathology to fix or cure. It is super power that we can use to our advantage if we are clever enough, that other people make millions on.
We have diamonds that we throw away as if it is coal.

"this method has been super helpful for me in the past! one thing I will say is it can turn into self deprecation pretty easily,,, I’ve had moments where I’m just beating myself up and laughing about it rather than participating in the conversation. Instead I’ve starting going in the opposite direction: if I feel awkward, I’ll sarcastically say “I’m the coolest person in the room” or something along those lines. Then I’m not saying something negative about myself but I’m also diffusing my anxiety by making a joke."

Problem is that social anxiety is called social + anxiety. Which means that anxiety stems from the social element: toxic people who are intrusive and rude.
If you explain away toxic people as your own fault and your responsibility to fix and cure and self blame - you will end up with borderline disorder.

"I do that a lot, it use to hurt me when they would agree, but now I actually think it's funny, I acknowledge my physical flaws and I know it doesn't ruin the way people think of me"

how about radical idea of not seeing our identity as a flaw?

When you reject words of truth - you will reinforce personality disorder.

YT "Every socially anxious kid's worst nightmare #socialanxiety"

Unbeknown to us - what is happening behind the curtain of our shy embarrassment - is destroyed identity, covered persona, abused and traumatized pushed bullied kid/ person which was forced to feel ashamed for existing.

YT "#socialanxiety #socialanxietydisorder #selfconscious #shyguy #shygirl #shyness"

Yep. This works in Ventral Vagal. In psychological security ambient, where the other person or people - they are secure, kind, nice, healthy, sane.
The problem start when the other person is pathological liar. Unhealed borderline. When the other person has predatory personality, some kind of hidden agenda to exploit or steal or play mind games of King of the hill competition and Dog in a manger. Then - conversation may appear as if it is safe to talk with such person - but in reality - they will leave us with social anxiety, since our body will recognize fake social image and abuse hidden behind apparent glib charm that invites sharing and talking with them.

YT "Do you want to overcome anxiety bad enough?
"

Idea to hate or overcome social anxiety is an act of self abuse, self hatred and self rejection.
Social anxiety is over-identification with abusers. When we try to fight it - we give power in toxic people to control us - since we make drama and hysteria about our natural and normal reactions to predatory personalities that trigger our social anxiety symptoms in the first place.

YT "Is It Low Self Esteem or Social Anxiety? #shorts #lowselfesteem #socialanxiety #anxiety"

On target!

Social anxiety is trauma - that description in video is the proof. It stems from abuse. ACE and ACoA in childhood and bullying and mobbing in adulthood.
CBT is wrongly "explaining" and forcing socially anxious to ignore the abusers and to self blame ourselves for being abused as if it is Spotlight effect, delusion and irrational fear.
After all -
it is called social + anxiety. Which means that anxiety stems from the social element: toxic people who behave abusively. It is not called self anxiety. Our panic does not stem from fear of our imagination - but potential real abuse from dark triad personalities who walk around behind fake social mask of glib charm and super confidence which all people confuse with being competent and trustworthy. Due to Dunning-Krueger.

You are forcing truly medically socially anxious to adopt your false convictions as reality.
It seems to me that your "social anxiety" is obvious masked borderline disorder.
Where you are unable to hear feedback and see it as attack on your identity. Borderline disorder in a nutshell.

"tell my how you came to that conclusion that I was only shy"
Because truly socially anxious people do not create drama and hysteria like you do - because they have actual social anxiety.
You are very vocal and very confident in your struggles. Truly socially anxious are very much confused and they are not certain what they feel - because they have actual medical social anxiety - they are afraid of scrutiny and they do not know what they feel.
Socially anxious cannot take criticism due to no identity - where as
Your preoccupation of being attacked, is fear of criticism is perceived as assault on your life - which is a big difference.
You have borderline disorder.

Borderline disorder is very similar to social anxiety - symptom wise.
Symptoms of BPD and social anxiety overlap in almost 99 percent.
The only difference that is visible between social anxiety and BPD - is that socially anxious shut up and they self censor and they do not express themselves at all.
Borderline on the other hand are hysterical and vocal and unfriendly and anti-social.
Your borderline disorder is masking itself as social anxiety symptoms.
Now the question is - do you want healing , to get healthy - or you want endless drama and conflict and King of the hill mentality about who is correct?

We can handle mental health problems with denial and suppression - and that is dysfunctional coping mechanism that leads to mental illness.
Also - social anxiety can be Functional - it can be masked but still end up as problem in the future. Like Michael Jackson who had severe social anxiety but his was Functional - he performed in front of billions of people and his life ended in tragedy due to unhealed trauma. The same story applies to Whitney Houston and Prince.
Your desire to be King of the Hill and Dog in the manger and conflict and fighting with strangers online - is definite sign of Borderline disorder. You removed your social anxiety through abusing random people and screaming at them.
Inability to hear criticism feedback and reacting in hysteria to cognitive dissonance - is mental health problem not being healed or even made aware of as problem in the first place.

"I experienced these symptoms during a transitional phase when I was stuck in the uncertainty of the journey. I turned to drinking, gained a lot of weight, and avoided going outside because I was trapped in a state of fear."

General fear is called general anxiety disorder.
When we struggle with social anxiety - the wording itself tell us that it is social + anxiety. Anxiety stemming from the social element: toxic people being abusive. It is not called alone anxiety. It is not called fear anxiety. it is not called general anxiety. It is not called phase anxiety. The name is very clear: social + anxiety.

We are born only with two fears : fear of falling and fear of loud noises.
When we have any other fears in our lives - it means that we learned those fears, we were conditioned to feel those fears - and objects did not cause such fears. Fears stem from other people - their abuse, their verbal abuse, their wrong rigid explanations which they present as ultimate god truth which we must worship and never doubt at all or be punished if we do.
So other people are infecting us with fears.
We do not wake up one day and decide that we will be Woody Allen neurotical personality.
We do not walk in the street and we got rain drops that make us feeling fear out of nowhere like catching a sneeze.

(28.1.2025)

"so how will it heal ?"

The same way we heal Complex Trauma - since social anxiety is CPTSD.
It means validation, self validation, self acceptance, not hating our social anxiety, education about narcissistic abuse and operant conditioning, forming flexible thinking and being patient with oneself and starting to trust our own judgment instead of depending on other people to tell us what we feel and where we should go and what we must do.

"Dealing With RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) 😳 #friendship"

Not being friendly is not some diagnosis trait. That is choice. Cut toxic people out. Isolation will make them think more about how they act around people and how their behavior is affecting others.

(29.1.2025)

This is not being nice.
This is manipulation by being nice , by pretending to be nice.
He showed his true face when you can see his reactions to my comments - he is fake.
This is very dangerous behavior - having glib charm, fake social mask.

YT "How To Heal Toxic Shame
"

Toxic shame is not feeling bad *about* oneself.
It is solid firm rigid conviction that we are bad as person as our identity is bad. That our identity is bad in general - not something about it. That everything we think, do or intend to do is bad, unworthy, broken, abnormal and shameful. It is not relative - shame is not about something - it is over-encompassing, it is absolute and automatic, default shame.
And most of the time we are not aware of it - due to our ego-syntonic convictions and values.
Such as: I am good person, I am following the rules. I am empath. I am conscious person, I am normal, I want to be normal, I want to to good decisions without mistakes 24/7, and to always be friendly and outgoing so that other people value me as such normal person, and my goal is to do good in life. My goal being not making any kind of error or mistake that might provoke reaction in the form of criticism from other people around us. These are all good values that any normal healthy sane person should strive - these are not abnormal needs and goals in life. That is why these are ego-syntonic values.
And here is where toxic shame latches itself onto - and that is the reason why we cannot remove toxic shame.
Removing toxic shame is impossible task
because if we stop being nice and kind - we will feel enormous toxic shame for being a bad person. We are trapped in being good and nice, at our own expense.

Now if we live in heaven, if Earth was just and where all people are normal and sane - this toxic shame would not be problem - because other people would not abuse us or exploit us being nice and good.
Since we live in injustice world of oppression - our deep values and deep convictions about being good citizen and normal person must be updated and adapted to toxic world that we live in.

(30.1.2025)

Indoctrination in ACE ACoA childhood - we were punished to serve angry people by not being angry ourselves and now it is inside us as OCD compulsive obsessive behavior that looks like DSM symptoms.

1) other people cannot read your mind. People who have experienced narcissistic abuse will interpret someone's glib charm as alarm
2) If you choose to have fake social image - that you suppress being honest and authentic and yourself - then you are engaging in hidden agenda. That is form of manipulation and control. Even though it appears to you as "good intentions".

YT "What Causes Echoism?
"

That is social anxiety. Socially anxious traits are Echoism.
Problem is that narcissists who experience narc injury and narc collapse will misdiagnose their anxiety as social anxiety - and then trumpet to the whole world what is social anxiety definition. Shy people, too. While truly socially anxious people will shut up - due to echoism - and they will end up being defined by shy people and narcissists who hijack anything to appear as victims who need help.
Socially anxious - will then end up with advice from CBT - like expose. And that is why CBT will not work for the socially anxious - and CBT will work only for shy people and narcissists - who misdiagnosed their shyness and narc injury as social anxiety.
Shy people when they expose - their shyness will go away.
Narcissists when they expose with their greed predatory acting victim disorder will find echoist to abuse and leech on.
And echoist will be forced by CBT to stay in abuse - since CBT will tell socially anxious that 1) toxic people do not exist 2) that we can control our anxiety by our will power 3) that avoiding people is abnormality and sickness. This way cBT is focing Echoist to stay in abusive relationships and to suffer in silence - which is ego syntonic with echoist conditioning from ACoA and ACE. And then all 3 groups will claim that CBT is answer for social anxiety.

"how to heal this, I'm so exhausted, I.see it now and desperately want to be different"

This desire to be different is part of echoism, too.
We hate ourselves, we reject ourselves and we self abuse ourselves - we deny ourselves to be ourselves - all for the purpose of becoming someone who will not be abused - as if abuse is our choice - we believe that we did or say something that made abusers choose to abuse us. We didn't.
People who exploit nice and kind people are sick and abnormal and they have disorder. Being friendly, sane, open, is not abnormality - and we do not need to desire to be someone else.
All we need - is to discern toxic people and kick them in the butt our of our lives. And then find normal sane people to hang around with - not leeches and parasites.

I agree with Sam Vaknin that empathy is coined phrase and it does not exist in real life.
That is extreme statement - empaths do exist, and empathy is real concept - but what he said actually is that when we struggle with our identity - our own ego syntonic values will paradoxically keep us trapped with a delusional belief that we are good and that we must always be good. So we will end up being abused by people who will parasite on our desire and our values to be good.
We will always rationalize and normalize and find excuses for toxic people and their anti-social behavior and abuse - because we want to be good. We take label of empathy and then we make decisions based on this label - and that is the problem,
we become afraid of being labeled "difficult" or "selfish" or "annoying" - and this fear of these labels are keeping us stuck in toxic empathy, echoism.
While all that we need to do is take those labels and either accept them or discard them - but not being bothered with labels when we decide to go no contact and to clean parasites and leeches from our lives. No matter what other people label us in this process of cleaning up the trash.

Isn't it strange that there are millions of videos about narcissistic abuse - but nobody mentions this at all? By product of exposure to long term - life long narcissistic abuse.

Disorder by definition is when we are serial killers. When we have hidden or open agenda to cause harm to another person - and we have no awareness how our actions are affecting the others. That is disorder.
Technically speaking - unless we are self harming ourselves in extreme ways - it is not disorder.
Disorder is shaming word - it means that we did something wrong, that we caused some damage - and to say that to an echoist is like throwing fuel or petrol onto the fire for the hope it will extinguish it because oil and petrol appear to be liquid.

I see it like memory cushion. Memory cushion is bent when it is pressed. So narcissists when they abuse echoist - echoist will be bend where narcissists pushed. Narcissistic messages will be pushed into echoist. It is see-saw effect.

"How how how to fix this???

"

Education about narcissistic abuse, cptsd and operant conditioning, classical conditioning - so that we stop with self blame.
Developing and allowing Flexible mindset - so that we remove toxic introject narcissists installed inside use (aka internalized toxic shame).
Learn to self care, place our well being in primary focus - our needs, values, goals, tasks, purpose.
Cut contact with toxic people or minimize exposure to toxic people when we can't run away.

"Hey, do you know that YouTube doesn’t show you in the results after taping “echoism” in the research ? Like, in the app it doesn’t. I’ve just made a research on google, and then went to “videos” category, and then found you. I mean this is so unhelpful, ignoring the core of my research. The app is really looking to push you in circular thinking, pfff. I’m glad I found you, even if Ytb app is litteraly its job to do it, but glad to learn finally more about echoism. Just so silly they don’t show you."

You are making a great point.
I was searching specific terms in written documented manner since 2015 - related to echoism without being aware that echoism exists. So I have written evidence in Word - what kind of crap you tube and google is spewing when we seek honest help.
And you tube and google did keep me in circular thinking. There is a term for this- this is called Bubble.
information bubble.
When I sought the terms for how to handle mobbing, why I worry about what other people think, how to handle criticism and conflict and toxic people - the results I got was CBT and wiki how nonsense.
The advice would be that I take deep breaths and that I develop empathy for difficult people since they are suffering too and to ignore their abuse and other nonsense that does not work in real life.
It is only when I learned about Complex Trauma - that other results start to open up.

"pervasive anxiety about criticism or scrutiny .. is ruled out"

The core definition of echoism is pervasive criticism or scrutiny:
"An echoist is a person who echoes the feelings and needs of others rather than assert their own wants or needs"
that is anxiety and fear of punishment , scrutiny and criticism.

Narcissists who are causing echoism - are using criticism, and scrutiny as pervasive tools to abuse echoist.

"many echoists demonstrate no social anxiety,"
Didn't it ever occur to you that they do not demonstrate social anxiety due to desire to appease others?
Echoism is appeasement of other people want to think.
It seems to me you do not know what Echoism is at its core - like being in a wood and not seeing wood for a forest.

"Echoism is a trait not a disorder"
Social anxiety can be social anxiety and social anxiety disorder - it comes in two flavors.

"you're welcome to run a multi year study, proving your hypothesis that Echoism and social anxiety are one and the same. Our data set demonstrated no such pattern once you've provided that data. Feel free to post it here."

That is called Researcher bias and Survivorship bias . and your "data" is full of it.
Your data is shaped by your observation and questions that are forming echoist's opinion - because echoism is kaleidoscopic by itself - which you obviously cannot grasp.
People who you are analyzing are forming their report based on what you expect them to be.

Depending of self-reporting from people who shape their words on expectations of others - is recipe for suvivorship bias and researcher bias - your own research is shaping the results of your reports
The same mistake that CBT is doing, too.

Survivorship bias means that your data is based on self reporting that echoist have heavily censored, filtered and skewed their answers to fit in to your expectations.

(31.1.2025)

I believe people natural expect the worst - this is in our genes due to Darwin - this is passed from our ancestors and helped human species to survive.
The problem is when in ACoA ACE childhood - we learn to maximize in detrimental self sabotaging way this Reality Testing already naturally present inside us and then we are taught to over-blow it.
We end up believing that we are preventing disasters with our catastrophe predictions - without us being aware that this over-pruning system is not healthy and it was installed in childhood by wrong role models.
Our natural genetical system to protect ourselves from pain is being hijacked by bad strict parenting that made us into robots, machines who are executing program of avoiding the pain - and we are not aware of it since this is congruent ego syntonic with natural self preservation urges we all naturally have.

YT ""Expect the Worst, Hope for the best, & Function as Normal."
"

I see exposure like this:
Exposure should be named differently - like our purpose in life, following our goals and our interests and needs and responsibilities and obligations (which are not formed from coercive control and operant conditioning).

Exposure works great with Driving phobia - and with exposure our fear will vanish with time when bad things we presume will happen each time - do not happen and we start to feel secure.

On the other hand -
when we have issues like social anxiety,
then CBT exposure is not so simple.
It is like analogy of being afraid of fire - and we need to expose ourselves to fire in order to desensitize our extreme fears and phobias and anxieties which are crippling and isolating us.
But what happens in social anxiety, that CBT cannot see - is that in the same time our clothes and skin is soaked in highly flammable oil and petrol. So when we expose - we get burn alive.
Metaphor for oil and petrol is our internalized toxic shame and external pressure like oppression and poverty, totally outside of our control.
Therefore - before Exposure - we need to clean up the oil and petrol
which is not easy since some of the highly flammable oil is at the moment outside of our control.
Instead of Exposure we need tools how to lower our finances spending and how to stop self blaming ourselves when bad things, errors and false accusations happen, when we are in mobbing narcissistic abuse ambient which we cannot quit due to lack of finances or no alternative shelter available to us.
So exposure itself is not the answer - it is final step - there are some complex steps before CBT "cure" in the form of exposure.

(3.2.2025)

YT "Exposure Therapy for Social Anxiety: How To Do It Right
"

Exposure therapy does not work with social anxiety - because social anxiety is not phobia. It was renamed in mid 1990 when CBT "experts" discovered that social phobia does not go away with exposure at all.

Exposure will always work with any type of fear. Desensitization.
But social anxiety is complex. There is not fear of people. There is fear of criticism.
Criticism is vague - it is ambiguous.
The spider is almost like an object - it behaves in predictable manner and it can be easily described.
Criticism on the other hand - can be covert narcissistic abuse - which means criticism will come in the form of gaslighting and insults covered up as "help" or "service". Exposure to such psychopathic abuse will lead to mental illness - because our identity is being ruined - our trust in our common sense and ability to judge reality.

With that being said -
social anxiety exposure is like exposure to a fire and we are afraid of fire.
But what CBT does not see - is that our skin and clothes is covered up in highly flammable oil or petrol - so we will get burned when we expose ourselves to fire.
Therefore - BEFORE exposure - there needs to be sanitization -
analogy of petrol/oil is toxic shame echoism, trauma. We need to heal trauma first - so that we do not interpret triggers (criticism) as us being bad person which will be activated belief with trauma of ACE ACoA childhood.

Social anxiety is not fear of talking.
So talking to someone, approaching to someone is not social anxiety issue - therefore it won't help with social anxiety.
Social anxiety is reaction to unfair criticism, double meaning comments, hidden agenda that all sociopaths have.
Social anxiety requires education about narcissistic abuse- how to recognize toxic people and cut contact with them - not exposing to them.
The same way - we won't remove fear of fire by living on Venus or on Sun. We will be destroyed if we do.

"This is therapy grade advice. Thank you for sharing

"

And it does not work.
Social anxiety is not fear of talking. It is not called talking anxiety. It is not fear of people.
Social anxiety is fear of criticism - it means we can talk just fine. When the other person is normal healthy and sane.
When the other person is narcissistic - our alarm systems will go off the wall due to unhealed trauma.

"What do you recommend someone who can speak to people when they're asked something (even in a small group of 12 people) or 1 on 1 conversations but they still get very nervous? What is the best first step to take, to overcome this fear and be more confident and extroverted?"

1) This "still get very nervous" - is called Operant conditioning. Repetition Compulsion. Educate yourself about these terms to know them. In ACE ACoA childhood (ambient of invalidation and not being heard or listened to in our developmental years) - we learned a certain mechanism, set of beliefs that we react when someone is rude or hostile or unfriendly or someone not co-operating or being violent and anti-social and unfair. This is Echoism.
2) Idea that we crap fit to be someone else - is path to narcissistic personality disorder. We must know what personality is ours (there are free tests available) - and we must accept ourselves as we are - instead of hating and abusing ourselves to fake pretend to be neurotypical herd mentality groupthink zombie.

"I am diagnosed with social anxiety disorder and I have a lot of trouble going to the grocery store and walking outside because of people so I'm not sure why you say that. 2:28"

Because you are not aware what lies beneath "a lot of trouble going to store".
You operate on surface level - but you never dig down to expose the pain and suffering - since it is so painful and embarrassing and annoying.
IF you had time to start down to write what is what you feel, what you think about, how you react- if you write it all down for 3 or 6 months - you would start to notice some pattern that you never discovered before.
It is like having a microscope and discovering tiny world that you cannot see. Or a telescope and discovering that shiny dots in night sky are planets with moons and rings and nebulae.
In the same manner - you will notice that what appears as general fear - is actually stemming from the rigid beliefs that we acquired in childhood with strict parent(s) being disciplinary with us - where we learned that we must be perfect and that our job and task in life is to fix angry people. Hence - now we are afraid of what strangers think about us. This is called Echoism and it is integral part of social anxiety.
Some people - do not develop Fawning. They turn their fear emotions into hatred and aggressiveness so instead of social anxiety they develop narcissism and borderline disorder.
All three conditions: social anxiety, narcissism and borderline - are basing their worth about identity on other people and how other people are available to them. That is why socially anxious have trouble going to a store or walking outside when people may not like us if we do appear among them.

Exposure will work great - until our fears come true: other person being rude, hostile, anti-social, aggressive - especially when we make some mistake, error, flaw, when we do everything ok but the other person chooses to label it as error and attack us as if we done some horrible crime. Then social anxiety will flare up -
because social anxiety is reaction to toxic people being toxic.
In ACE ACoA childhood we never acquired tools how to handle toxic people.
That is why exposure is worthless until we learn those tools how to handle conflict and how to stop hating ourselves when someone is angry at us. Echoism.

It is not anxiety - it is someone or something toxic that is triggering our anxiety.
We are trained by patriarchy and stoicism and catholic church to automatically blame ourselves and attack ourselves - without investing any time in reality testing and see what is actually going around.

YT "If You Have Anxiety This Could Save Your Life
"

Your idea to fix social anxiety through stoicism, discipline, training, being strict, actually through self abuse, self hatred and self rejection - leads to the toxic pressure and toxic stress.
We are assuming the role of abuser and we abuse ourselves and through egosyntonicity - which means abuse is in alignment with our accepted norms and values (such as belief that we can threaten ourselves to stop feeling pain when we are being abused) - we will reinforce the same abuse which triggered anxiety in ACE ACoA years.

"How can I overcome"

Accept that anxiety is not personality disorder which we must fix and hate into curing.

YT "Public speaking fear doesn't mean you have social anxiety disorder #socialanxiety"

Correct!
Social anxiety and social anxiety disorder are fear of criticism.
It may be connected to public speaking - due to potential of being criticized.
This is crucial to realize - because learning that social anxiety is fear of criticism can pinpoint our direction into discovering Echoism and narcissistic abuse.
Without knowing that - we will tend to add more toxic pressure and toxic shame - believing that social anxiety means being afraid of anything that moves. Which is simply not true.
Without realizing that social anxiety is complex PTSD - we will interpret any excitement as abnormality - and then we might end up with agoraphobia.

YT "I Escaped Anxiety’s Prison Cell"

What appears to us as single entity - anxiety - is actually divided into many splinters. Some of them are healthy, some of them are toxic.
Healthy aspect of anxiety: it is message, alarm system.
Toxic aspect of anxiety: that this message comes with double message, called toxic introject - it is plethora of shaming beliefs we were forced to adopt as our own in ACE ACoA years and through exposure to long term narcissistic abuse.
Toxic introject is egosyntonic with our alarm system - it latches itself on our normal system of alarm inside us - and it is like a virus program in computer - it is executed when some random program is clicked open. The program itself is not problem - the virus is problem here- but from our point of view it will appear as if the program is abnormal and sick.
It is crucial to detect toxic introjects - like anti virus program that we have.
Without this detection - we will develop self hatred, self abuse, and self rejection which is by-product of toxic introject.
Primary function of toxic introject is to make us doubt ourselves, forgo our well being and to stay in constant stress mode - like computer on over-drive with overloaded memory and processor which happens with computer viruses.

"I do this, never had someone cause issues over it. I just say “Excuse me, I’m getting overstimulated, I need to walk away for a moment. I’ll be right back!” and just find somewhere quiet for a few minutes to be alone "

People born into ACE and ACoA ambient were never allowed to do that - and quite opposite - they were instructed to interpret stress as proof of being bad person and own responsibility and obligation to fix and cure or attend to without being allowed to leave.

Parents must be examined - strict parents cause social anxiety - we get installed various messages that we are bad person is any mistake happens and that it is our responsibility to fix anything wrong or anyone who is angry.

Usual mechanisms such as denial and suppression will work with most neurotypicals.
Problem is that these are dysfunctional mechanisms that lead to mental illness - such as in Nazi Germany or Putin Russia where masses support criminally insane leader just not to feel anxiety if they would not.

In mobbing job ambient saying hi will not help with the social anxiety caused by abuse. And not having money to quit that job.

"Problem with me is i make freinds.......

Not the true onces tho.."

Choosing to have Jung's Fake social mask pumps out fake people, too.

YT "Everyone Is Hiding THIS Secret!"

Some people are pathological liars, manipulators and wear Fake Social mask.
We can never truly know what is happening in someone else's head - and it is dangerous to assume that we can read other people's minds.
Instead of developing schizofrenia - it is better that we develop Reality Testing.

YT "You need to make an alliance for social anxiety (and mental health) #socialanxiety #mentalhealth"

Yes - hating social anxiety is an act of self abuse, self rejection and self hatred. When we hate our social anxiety - we are treating ourselves the same way our strict parents and bullies treated us - two factors that contributed to development of social anxiety in the first place:
not being heard
not being listened to
not being mirrored
but instead being invalidated, negated, instructed to serve and obey and to feel like obedient slave aka Echoism.

YT "Hamza on Social Anxiety🎎"

This "nervous around everyone else" is called Operant conditioning and it starts in strict parenthood ambient of ACE and ACoA. It starts with being programmed to hate oneself and to reject oneself.

YT "This one proves that everyone has a little social anxiety #socialanxiety"

Correct.
Social anxiety is felt by anyone who has empathy, who has moral and ethical values and standards - it is an alarm system that we are perceiving other people as separate entities.
Without this ability we would become Cluster B or evil people who are egocentric and cannot grasp how own behavior may affect other people because there is no alarm system inside.

The only difference between normal social anxiety and social anxiety disorder - is that when social anxiety is tied up to strict parenthood, ACE ACoA - we will develop Echoism, operant conditioning where we interpret any mistake or imperfection automatically as us being bad person and someone who must prove our value by seeking admiration from other people, their validation.

Normal socially anxious people - won't interpret mistakes or imperfections as abnormality or sickness - and that is why they do not develop avoidance or panic conditioned reaction that we do.

YT "To me, this was the most rational way to deal with my social anxiety #socialanxiety"

What you are explaining is more of shyness than actual social anxiety.
Social anxiety starts with bullying around the age of 12 or 13.
You never experienced actual abuse - instead you experienced separation from old friends and you meet some new friends. That is shyness route - you realized that your fears are not real.
With social anxiety - people experience rejection, abuse, mocking... and that is what is different between shyness and social anxiety- there is abuse element.
For example - someone with social anxiety would not experience asking someone why you walk in circles but instead would mock you for it and put you down and call you names and then leave you all alone and isolated while you feel defective and wrong for being different. That is social anxiety.
Shyness and social anxiety are similar - they share the same dread and anxiety - but the triggers are different.
Shyness is easily cured with exposure.
Social anxiety gets worse - due to operant conditioning - programmed bully voice that I am inept, I am weird, I do not fit in.

YT "SOCIAL ANXIETY & PANIC ATTACKS - HEALING AFTER PRISON"

Spot on!
I find it very helpful because social anxiety is being perceived as feminine issue - it is not perceived as something that can happen to very macho manly person, like someone who has been to Iraq in combat force - as one commentator said.
So there is a lot of stigma with social anxiety which worsens it all.

This part:
"To this day, it's been 19 years – I can remember everything about that experience. Of where the sun was positioned, where the car was parked in the parking lot, and trash can where I threw it away. "
This is something that folks with Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria also report. I heard it from Dr Saline in her videos - Sharon Saline, Psy.D, she talked about rejection experience 20 years ago - that she remembers what the other person wore, and many other details.

Isolation makes it worse - people who develop social anxiety around the age of 12 - they isolate - so they will spend their final years of developmental years into prison like ambient - even though they go to school and hang out - they do not really connect with others - and they will experience later on in life as if they do not belong when they are thrown into life because of job or life events.

We miss the tools how to process stress and conflict - and social anxiety is connected to moral and ethical values. When we do not have those, we will harm others without being aware of it. So it makes sense that someone who is re-habituated after prison - will experience social anxiety because there will be awareness of nice and polite behavior versus rude one.

Social anxiety is Complex Trauma, complex PTSD - so anyone returning from combat will share the same sensations and thinking patterns similar to social anxiety, too. Trauma means - that we were exposed to some shocking event and we were helpless to correct it - and we develop over responsibility and hyper attunement - similar to prison where you are forced to be attuned to other people for survival, as survival mechanism.

"I am panicked, freaking out, inside trying to hold it on together. I felt like there is neon sign on my forehead – this fool came out of prison. And now everybody staring at me, the world moving slow, and I just want to run. Asked me if I want oil – and I lost it. I got real aggressive. That I am paying him to make a sandwich, why I should make it. Kid is freaking out. I walk outside and throw sandwich away. "

This part that I need to comment too.
I never had a chance to hear the other side. My biggest social anxiety blockage - is that in some job that the other person is angry at me and yelling for doing my job. It is comforting to hear the other side. I imagine the other person who is screaming at me - I see that angry person to be monster, someone who is powerful and strong and I am weak meek wuss. It never occurred to me that I could see the angry person as someone who is feeling the same social anxiety issues that I have too. My social anxiety keeps me stuck in solidified belief that any angry person is over powerful master and my job is to vanish and that I do not exist. I am unable to come into reality - that angry loud people are very insecure - and they are not over powerful masters as my mind automatically paints them to be. Then this anxiety turns to grudge and resentment which is negative spiral of its own.
Hearing your story breaks toxic shame away. It helps to remove my social anxiety based on the fear of criticism and scrutiny.

" but my thoughts are keeping me from being me."
It appears as if these are our thoughts - but they aren't.
We absorb toxic people messages and we integrate those along with our moral and ethical values - so it appears to us as if we are in civil war with our own mind.
But what is really happening - is we have toxic introject inside us. Toxic shame voice. Inner critic.
Richard Grannon talks a lot about toxic introject.
Where to start?
Start with Sam Vaknin videos.
Learn what is narcissistic abuse.
ACE - there is online test for it.
ACoA - there is Laundry list - check it out.

The education is the only way out - we need to learn what is happening so that we can define our voices and stop fusing them with our persona and our identity.
Our identity would not attack us.
Our persona would not put us down.
That is what toxic introject is doing.

(4.2.2025)

" Why do you want them to be true?"
People stay stuck in addictions (and rumination is addiction) due to ego-syntonicity.
This means - the bad habits are in alignment with moral and ethical values.
It basically means - to remove the addiction, one must torture and discipline one self to become different personality.
Which may lead to splitting and creating multiple persona.
Before pontificating others - the general rule is to understand, to listen and to give them support. If you are unable to do that - better keep your mouth shut.

What is your definition of "bad anxiety"?
What means "do exact same things"?

These are broad terms - they are over-generalized and vague - they can mean many different things.
When we do not have clear laser sharp description - then we easily can misdiagnose the symptoms.

(7.2.2025)

We were not born with difficulty making eye contact. This was learned behavior - and it is by-product of being exposed to toxic people who made us feel ashamed if we looked at them in the eye. So this could be either trauma or it could be sign of autism. Whatever it is - I would not fight it. Accept it as it is. You will feel embarrassed about it, you will shame yourself when you feel difficulty to look at other people. Just accept it. Don't look at other people. Know that this difficult stems either from trauma or some condition - it is not your fault.
As you accept yourself as you are - you will let go of defense mode, coping skills and shame around your shame. Then slowly you will notice that other people are not punishing you or that their opinion of you is not important if you are genuinely good honest person without hidden agenda to cause harm to other people.

Problem of Criterion. When we do not base our explanations of reality on facts and objective truth - we will end up with various vague explanations - which often will not be rooted in reality but in fears - and then we will end up with social anxiety. Since we filtered reality through ambiguous explanations and labels.

(9.2.2025)

Social anxiety is not lack of social skills. It is Complex Trauma issue - means we witnessed abuse and we learned to develop social anxiety reactions to abuse.
It has nothing to do with talking, confidence, skills, will power, thinking, doing, standing, not talking, not having confidence, not having skills, not being stoic. It is trauma reaction.

YT "36 Years Old: I Have Adult Autism Spectrum Disorder
"

I took Autism test twice. The first time I imagined myself how I think and behave and feel when I am under pressure. The test showed medium to high autism traits. Then I took the same test once again - and now I answered the same questions of me thinking how I feel and experience the world when I am in psychological security, safety, Ventral Vagal, without any pressure or stress. The same test showed no Autism present at all.

I took Autism test twice. First time - I imagined myself how I feel when I am under stress and answered the test from the filter of me under pressure. The test showed medium to high Autism. Then I took the same test once again - and this time I imagined myself how I think when I am in Ventral Vagal: when I feel relaxed, when there is no abuse, no pressure around, no mobbing, when I feel psychological safety and security. The same test showed no Autism present.

If we go along with psychiatry, DSM and CBT - we will convince ourselves that our identity is our symptoms. This can make us stuck trapped in mental illness which psychiatry is spreading around with misdiagnosis and wrong interpretation of data. Because symptoms will change when our environment is less toxic. Human mind is Kaleidoscopic as Sam Vaknin talks in his videos.

I commented your video 3 years ago - and talked about social anxiety being by product of Complex Trauma, it is neurodivergent issue - and you replied that nope it is not that. This is how I wasted 20 years on seeking answers what is social anxiety, because nobody came up to me and told me what it is.
Autism test will change toward non autistic result when you feel good about your ambient - there are online tests available, check it out for yourself.
Take the same test twice - first time imagine yourself worried. And then take the same test once again and imagine yourself being happy and secure. The test will show different results.

Social anxiety that we struggle with is not DSM symptom as CBT tries to convince us and mislead us.
Social anxiety is trauma reaction.
In childhood we learned , we were punished into developing series of reactions to anti social behavior - and we were coerced to develop social anxiety as reaction to social stress.
It is operant conditioning - it is no different than Pavlovian dogs or circus animals being trained to behave in a manner that abusive people (narcissists, dark triad predatory personalities) coerce us to react.
There is nothing wrong with social anxiety - our conditioned responses need re-programming, re-learning - which means having flexible thinking and letting go completely of our programmed defense strategies that we developed in childhood.

Unfortunately - most people and most therapist have no idea what is Echoism and Quiet BPD.
Wrong misdiagnosis, quick labels are often first responses to people seeking honest help and authentic search for the correct answers. When we seek help, self-help books and confidence coaches and CBT are the first to respone and they are the worst of it all because all three are hoax and scam.

"Josh, 1st & foremost, I watched this entire video. I've watched every post you have presented here. I do not see you as having a disability. Thus, I hope that you will not label yourself. Rather, I call this your SITUATION. "

Correct!
I am writing to him that he take Autism online test twice. First time imagining himself when he is worry rumination state. Test will show high medium autism. Then take the same test once again - and imagine himself when he is happy and secure and without worry (also known as Ventral Vagal state). The test will show no Autism present.

Autism is not sickness - neurodivergent brain is not abnormality to cure.
Josh is struggling with Echoism and Quiet BPD - which is social anxiety - but no resources out there will tell us this - and then we will end up with various misdiagnosis and labels which overlap with social anxiety.

He talks about being hurt about someone's comment when he was 19 - it is Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria - that is complex trauma issue. When someone is rude to us - it will reply in our mind, like an echo - and as Josh talks in his video here - it is hurtful and it is stuck on replay mode and then we end up with various strategies how to handle abuse and rude people, who critic our behavior and our talking. These strategies are learned conditioned strategies we developed since childhood - and then we get stuck in pleasing other people and hiding masking ourselves. That is all Echoism. It is trauma.
The solution is - developing flexible mindset - to fight personality disorder
plus - removing all automatic auto pilot strategies we have as reaction when we are dealing with abusive critical unfair personalities in daily life.

He is not autistic. His face gesture, his manner of speaking, talking directly to camera, tone of voice, hand gestures, amazing eloquence, how he form words, how he is connected with reality and how he is fully aware of himself and his supposed errors and desire to learn, being curious - there is nothing autistic inside him.
There are autistic videos out there - and he clearly does not exhibit autism at all.
Autistic people are quiet and they are more rigid in talking. Like being in cocoon. Josh is liberated, there are no invisible bonds that hold his head stuck in once place like robot.
Important Note:
Autism is not sickness nor abnormality - there is nothing to cure, neurodivergent brain is not sickness to remove.
Autism is not disease. Autism is nothing to be ashamed - autism requires unmasking and accepting oneself in full. Which can be difficult due to neurotypical society that cannot function in diversity.
Autist need to learn certain skills like being curious and having flexible mind and to explore and to be adventurous to certain degree - in order to be happy and to realize own potential and to place own well being in primary focus, so learning these skills is not to please other people around by being social or NT.

Josh here is suffering from Echoism and Quiet BPD due to ACE ACoA childhood - where he never learned proper way how to relate to conflict with people (such as he described in his video when he was 19 and some dude attacked of him talking too much), we learn strategies how to handle such abuse in self abusive manner, due to strict parenthood.
These strategies trap us into rigid thinking - which is then easily diagnosable as Autism.

His tone of voice, how he is present with audience, his curiosity, his eloquence, how he is aware of his behavior, how he is present with his emotions, how he is clear in forming words, his depth of expressing his emotions, hand gestures, how he talks directly to camera - there is nothing autistic in him.
Social anxiety can appear as autism when we are under pressure and we will exhibit autistic traits like rigidity and inability to move or think - due to amygdala hijacking. So it is easy to get misdiagnosed.
Social anxiety is Echoism, Quiet BPD and Rejection sensitivity dysphoria - and all 3 stem from strict parent(s) in our childhood - we have learned to process social stress through stoicism, self blame, self hatred and self rejection - and then this is self assault easily labeled as autism or something else.

YT "36 Years Old: I Have Adult Autism Spectrum Disorder"

17:25 "And he wasn't kidding, it's obvious when somebody is joking to me or not"
You don't have autism. Autistic people do not have this ability to see when sarcasm is obvious or not.

When people are criticized all the time, they learn to mask and self censor themselves. Then social anxiety is next.

"Some autistic people can read sarcasm just fine"

Yeah, because it is spectrum.
What I see in Josh here - is that he has social anxiety issues which resemble to autism, there are overlapping.

The difference is in Echoism.
It does not matter what is his diagnosis - we need to look at behavior and what is problem.
In his own words - his problem was his reaction to rejection by keeping himself quiet. It was DECISION. He was talking happily and socializing until he experienced narcissistic abuse. We need to concentrate on this decision of silencing himself and changing his own personality to accommodate the abusers and predatory personalities at his own expense.
That is the problem here - Echoism. Social anxiety is operant conditioning problem - we make decisions based on strict parenthood (ACE and ACoA) in our developmental years. We are coerced and pushed into making self sabotaging decisions in later life - without our awareness. This operant conditioning must be brought to light, examined and reconstructed.
Diagnosis of autism in social anxiety is not so important here.

"but still the most reliable and accurate."

Accurate to whom?
Who is the great Oz that has he accuracy?
Where is that brain of the Universe that can resolve complex human brain and be the Hitler of deciding how to box other people into labels ?

"a psychologist specialising in adult Autism"
And then on the other hand we have anti-psychiatry movement.
I am not sure that labeling people and placing them in a box is a good for our own well being.
We start to develop identity based on what DSM tell us.
When we are faced with complex decision in life - instead of following our own persona and well being- we will choose to remember DSM and then make decisions based on psychiatry.
This way I was choosing bad choices based on CBT idea that I must expose myself to any fear - only to find myself stuck in abuse and being exploited by toxic people over and over again.
This is why psychiatry is bad for mental health.
Diagnosis is great when it can help us with psychological issues.
How a diagnosis can help Josh in his social anxiety?
How diagnosis can help with Echoism which is personality disorder that does not affect personality at all - it is complex?

Okay - but how can she help you with social anxiety based on this diagnosis?
You have social anxiety fear of Echoism - you silence yourself. You said it yourself. You chosen to silence yourself when you were 19 years old.
If you were autistic - how come you did not silence yourself before?
Abuse changed you. Experiencing abuse triggered the choice that you develop Echoism.
Can your Dr help you with Echoism?
And in what way?
Through drugs? Through stoicism? Through abusing yourself and forcing yourself to do tricks?
Check out autism videos - how other people describe their symptoms and you will see that autism is not the same as (y)our social anxiety issues.
These are two separate conditions - but you fuse them due to CBT.
I made that mistake and wasted 20 years on CBT.
You said that your world started to shrink after experiencing abuse at the age of 19.
I would focus on that- why it happened and how to reverse it - instead of chasing diagnosis around.

"Just because you have been diagnosed does not mean you have to become the diagnosis. You can choose to be more."

What you wrote here cannot penetrate his mind.
He perceived your words as personal attack.
From his point of view you are invalidating him.
This is where social anxiety overlaps with borderline disorder -
we have total self disgust and we want other people to punish us and put us in a box and then we feel free to roam around , when we have label stuck on our forehead.
As if he must punish himself and blame himself and anything other than that is unacceptable.

Due to Echoism (coerced operant conditioning to please other people at own expense) he believes if he finds something inside him that he can use as scapegoating, that the problem will vanish.
He is falsely convinced that he is the problem. Due to Echoism.
That is how I spend 20 years of blaming myself - I started to believe in diagnosis and any time something bad happened - I would put finger of blame on me and said I am this or that. Without ever performing Reality testing and fact checking and perhaps investigating and being curious why people are angry, hostile or abusive. I would quickly blame myself since I had "social anxiety". As if my brain is abnormal for having reactions to abusive hostile people. That is echoism - total self hatred, self rejection and self abuse - which stems from ACE ACoA childhood, strict parents who probably have some untreated undiagnosed mental illness.

🎯

"...At the end of the day... you can wake up, you can walk, you can breathe. Every day is a gift. Enjoy the gifts given by God. You are more than your diagnosis."

Unfortunately he is convinced that once he has a diagnosis - that social anxiety will vanish.
He is convinced that operant conditioning automatic reaction of silencing himself and making himself small is something that stems from his broken thinking - as if he has disease or malfunction.
Operant conditioning is not disease nor anything wrong with the brain. It will not go away with diagnosis or CBT or coping mechanisms.
It will go away with accepting ourselves fully and stop making defense mechanisms against reality - and instead place the same energy into our own well being, and our values - instead of chasing approval of abusive people.

@joygibbons5482 " signs of a high level of masking"
I knew that something bothers me here - so I need to add more information so that we have FULL knowledge. Not only the one that appears as good to us while we disregard the reality.

High level of masking - is comfortable only to the other people. High level of masking is very uncomfortable and draining to the person who is masking. There is a lot of energy draining in the process of high masking, so high level of masking involves stress and tension and it is not functional to the person who is masking. It only works for the audience who enjoy in the mask.

What I see in Josh is himself being authentic and natural. There is no strain, there is no mask.

I have social mask in social situations - I get rigid.
My whole posture gets rigid, I force a smile and all my thinking process is tunneled into fawning and pleasing other person - it is rigid behavior and thinking and it is obvious to some that I am not relaxed even though I mask it with a smile.

Masking btw is a sign of trauma.
Masking is not endemic to autism.

Quotes:
-
Masking doesn't even work. I'm working my ass off over here to try be someone that you're gonna accept, that's gonna be palatable for you – and yet I'm still rejected and I'm still marginalized. One of my friend said it seems like I'm now in my villain era. And I think that's perfect description of where I am right now because maybe it's time that other people did feel a little bit uncomfortable.
🟥 Masking is a Trauma Response

I've read if you don't mask you risk of being ostracized by people around you. But if you do mask, then you're practicing self-ostracization. Because you're saying your true Self who you are as a person is not good enough. And the only way to succeed is by being someone else. And if it does work to some extent, and you get approval from other people, that's just reinforcing that same message that your true Self is not welcome here. It can mess up your identity.
🟥 Autistic Masking

Masking can increase social anxiety for autistic.
Just because on a surface level somebody seems to have good communication skills and be able to make eye contact, that doesn't mean that everything is magical for them. It starts with I want people to like me and I want to fit in. I have to do what they expect of me by masking. I can't look after myself and meet my own needs too. I burn out. Then I withdraw. And cycle starts again
🟥 Autistic Masking is NOT What you think..

The main therapy for autistic people ABA therapy, which has big emphasis on compliance it's no wonder that autistic people might feel like they just can't say no, that they don't have right to say no in certain scenarios. In my business I ended in bad situations with my clients, because I'm so conscious about masking, I agreed to things, agreed to prices that we were not suitable. Masking feels like survival response.
🟥 Autistic Masking is NOT What you think..

The third problem I have here is -
you say that at age of 19 you started to shrink your world due to rude person at a party.
This means - that your autism started with the trauma?

The research says that autism is genetic. It begins since childhood.
So obvious question is - who were you before age of 19?
What was your modus operandi?
How you socialized with other people?
How you made friends?
What you talked about?
Did you initiated parties and meetings?
If not - why not?
How was your thinking structured?
Did you worry?
Did you censor yourself?
How did you handle conflict?
Who you were before social anxiety?
These questions helped me to re-discover my identity - my social anxiety started at age 13.
Before - I was not afraid of rude people in that manner that I would isolate myself. I initiated parties and get alongs. I enjoyed being in company with friends. I was not preoccupied with potential rude people and I followed my interests without denying myself to be curious and adventurous for the fear of making mistakes.
-
Medical News Today:

"There is no evidence that trauma directly causes autism. However, autistic children and adults may be more vulnerable to traumatic experiences, and adversity may increase autistic traits. Autism occurs due to the way the brain develops and is mostly genetic."

(10.2.2025)

"He is stronger than he realizes"
Social anxiety is not will-power problem.
It has nothing to do with being strong.
Social anxiety is operant conditioning, trauma, it is programmed coerced set of strategies and tools and mechanisms of survival - and these have nothing to do with stoicism which CBT is promoting and misleading socially anxious.

No, social anxiety is not self esteem issue - because there is no self for esteem to base itself upon.
Self is destroyed and removed due to ACE and ACoA - and socially anxious instead rely on external locus of control - codependency. And then this appears as self esteem issue on the surface. While in reality - there is no identity inside.

Social anxiety is kaleidoscopic, there is HSP element, but like Rashomon Effect - there are other things inside as well, both external (abuse) and internal (toxic shame) :

Children do not have fully developed mind, so it is bad idea to diagnose a person who is in the state of development.
They might attach their persona on DSM diagnosis and develop diagnosis identity.

YT "Is it social #anxiety or #adhd even maybe #autism ?"

Autism = born with it
ADHD = reaction to NT tyranny
Social anxiety (disorder) = Echoism by-product of operant conditioning in ACE ACoA childhood

YT "Social Anxiety Isn’t Always What You Think"

Social anxiety is echoism - programmed coerced set of strategies as response to narcissistic abuse.

YT "How to Banish Social Anxiety"

Idea to hate social anxiety is an act of self abuse, self hatred and self rejection.
Social anxiety is an alarm system that warns us of toxic vibes we experienced in the past - ACE and ACoA childhood and narcissistic abuse.
Rumination and worry are not social anxiety - that part is learned programmed coerced set of mechanisms created in order to please tyrannical abusers and psychopaths who abused us into reacting to their punishments.

YT "Overcoming Social Anxiety WITH Small BABY STEPS #socialanxiety"

Social anxiety is alarm system that we feel toxic vibes - dark triad personalities. Social anxiety alarm is neutral and it suppose to be active - it tells us where to go and what to avoid.

The exposure therapy will not work due to our programmed coerced set of strategies to abusers and predators. These strategies will keep us feel panic which we mistake as social anxiety alarm. We need to drop strategies and focus on our well being, instead of pleasing toxic people who are delusional.

YT "The Only Way To Solve Social Anxiety | Ask Kshitij | #shorts"

Social anxiety - medical one - is trauma and it stems from alcoholic homes.
What you are talking in this video is shyness issue - not actual social anxiety.
Shyness is cured with exposure and talking to chicks.
Social anxiety won't go away with exposure due to trauma - and this needs healing.
Healing means education about narcissistic abuse, education how to handle difficult and stubborn hostile people: which we mis-learned in ACE ACoA childhood. We were forced to develop social anxiety as a strategy to appease dark triad predators. And this idea that we must have strategies - is what fuels anxiety. Anxiety itself means desire to control external world. And when we deal with toxic people - they are not grounded in reality, so any tools to talk to them and be social with them - will be used against us. Strategies must go away, and instead focus on well being and being good person with ethical and moral values accepted by social norms.

YT "The Impact Of Emotional Reasoning"

Yep, that is connected to:

Golem effect
The Golem effect is a psychological phenomenon in which lower expectations placed upon individuals either by supervisors or the individual themselves lead to poorer performance by the individual. This effect is mostly seen and studied in educational and organizational environments.

and

Pygmalion effect
The Pygmalion effect refers to situations where high expectations lead to improved performance and low expectations lead to worsened performance. Although the Pygmalion effect was originally observed in the classroom, it also has been applied to in the fields of management, business, and sports psychology.

Social anxiety is by-product of trauma, being exposed to narcissistic abuse and we learned to develop strategies and protection tools, defense mechanisms in order to satisfy someone who is not grounded in reality - without us knowing that they are not present with us - we keep on inventing strategies of Echoism.

Once we start to join people again - we will lack ability to detect toxic people - and then toxic people abuse will lead to golem effect - since we have no ability to detect red flags and abuse sounds and feels familiar to us.
We need education about narcissistic abuse along with dropping down defense mechanisms and strategies.
When we detect toxic person - we do not need any Echoism tools to please that person at all.

YT "How social anxiety affects your Brain #shorts"

1. That is defense mechanism, worry and rumination were tools we developed as response to being abused in ACE ACoA developmental years. While other kids learned how to develop self esteem and confidence and safety in people - we learned that we must worry and self blame ourselves whenever someone is angry or hostile

2. Riskier than they really are - is not amygdala thing to evalute - and certainly not the abusers to tell us that they are not wolves. Instead we need Reality Testing. Fact Check. Become scientist or Sherlock Holmes, look for clues and connect the dots.

3. Internalized toxic shame due to ACE ACoA years

4. Exposure won't work due to internalized toxic shame - this needs sanitization first, cleaning up process which means accepting our social anxiety and not trying to cure it

5. Any strategy as response to delusional narcissistic predators - will lead to anxiety. And that includes positive thinking. Instead of positive bias - we need reality testing

6. Any strategy as response to abnormal sick people - will lead to more anxiety, and that includes deep breaths. Drop any strategy. Narcissists are no longer with us, they are not present in reality. No contact. Gray rock..

7. Toxic people distort reality - they are pathological liars and we cannot verify their lies - so it appears as if our social anxiety is to blame.

YT "My social anxiety could never"

This is where social anxiety interacts and crosses lines with borderline disorder - we end up believing we must perform in front of people to garner their approval and validation by appearing confident in the eyes of strangers- and now we supposedly have worth. Not before.

YT "This is OCD's secret weapon against you
"

The amount of censored information here is at the borderline of egocentrism and narcissism.
The message here is that ocd occurs out of nowhere and that our brain is abnormal.
There is no information that narcissistic abuse causes ocd.

Due to Echoism, Josh is convinced like any socially anxious person, that we will feel good about ourselves when we discover some error inside us and when we can point a finger of blame at something and scapegoat it.
So he is unable to process your words here, facts and reality.
All he hears is that you are enemy if you do not accept his delusional self hatred and desire to scorn oneself.
Strict parenting is the cause of social anxiety.
We start to develop various strategies and preventive measures and we rigidly stay stuck with those and we cannot withstand cognitive dissonance.

n ACE ACoA strict childhood we never develop healthy tools how to handle bullies. We learned to scorn and abuse and blame bully ourselves and make ourselves quiet = Echoism.

YT "How can I reduce my Social Anxiety?🤔"

What happens when evidence is clear that there is abuse, mobbing and bullying and covert narcissistic abuse - and in the same time we cannot quit toxic job due to no finances or leave toxic people for having no alternative shelter?
What we reconstruct then in our mind?

"This can help, so long as you don’t let it pull you into a thought spiral. :)"

Yes. Reality checking is one thing. Denying reality with positive thinking is toxic and dangerous because CBT ABC method leads to living in a fantasy world where we are unable to see reality.
This is why psychiatry is dangerous for mental health.

YT "Dealing with social anxiety: 🙋‍♂️🙋 #viralvideo #viralshorts #shorts"

People with social anxiety already smile - they have fake social mask to appease abusers.
People with social anxiety already look and observe other people - to great detail - in order to detect when the sudden attack will happen again, they watch for small gestures and tone of voice, and context of spoken words and mimicry and intentions behind words.
Why on earth we should share a compliment to person who is abusive and hostile - someone who triggers social anxiety panic due to their abnormal behavior?

Socially anxious person is already highly focused on listening.

I am not sure where you got information about social anxiety - but it is all wrong.

Socially anxious person is already present - and that is causing social anxiety.

Socially anxious person cannot practice self compassion because there is no self. There is Echoism instead.

When we are living in shame-based culture ambient - we won't ever discover with time that our worth is not tied to other opinions since they will notice anything different every 5 seconds and present it as error and abnormality to be ashamed of.

Social anxiety is not lack of courage. Social anxiety is not fear issue. IT is trauma. Complex PTSD.
It has nothing to do with will power.

YT "How to overcome social anxiety?"

Social anxiety is a set of learned, programmed, trained ideas of having urge to cure and fix ourselves with plethora of strategies.
Instead of being secure in our identity - we believe we must be ashamed of ourselves when we feel emotions.
This happens due to ACE ACoA childhood where our reaction to neglect and invalidation was Echoism.
We should talk to people - but not because of as reaction to anxiety. We should talk to people due to our natural desire to connect with normal and healthy and sane people.
We should have self esteem and positive thinking - just because it is healthy - not because as reaction to anxiety.
We should have goals in life and achieve self improvement - because we need it. Not as reaction to panic or anxiety.

YT "How to beat Social Anxiety #socialanxiety #shyness"

Idea to hate, cure or fix social anxiety - is an act of self abuse, self hatred and self rejection, which if enacted leads to mental illness: development of narcissistic personality disorder and borderline PD.

"this is no longer just anxious thoughts"
Exactly!
People who struggle with social anxiety - are not having just anxious thoughts.
There is covert narcissistic abuse, or living in shame-based culture - where other people's unfair criticism is triggering the anxiety. And CBT have no answer to abuse.
That is the truth.
Idea that we self blame ourselves and twist ourselves into pretzel is dangerous.

YT "Social Anxiety Is the Key to Genius (Here’s Why!)
"

"Because the moment you shift your focus away from yourself and actually start paying attention to the other person everything changes. Conversations stop feeling like performance"
Yes!
This applies when people around us are healthy, sane, normal.
When people around us are toxic, narcissistic, anti-social - then paying attention to egocentric predators will end up as social anxiety. Then the solution is to stop making strategies how to accommodate difficult stubborn hostile people - because they are not grounded in reality like normal healthy people are.

"It's still going to creep up when you're about to talk to someone new, or when you replay a conversation for 10th time."
This is due to Echoism.
Echoism is learned, pushed, coerced, programmed reaction and strategy we learned in ACE ACoA childhood in strict parenthood childhood when we were forced to worry and to feel responsible for someone's anger. Now their abusive destructive criticism replays in our mind, like an echo.

YT "HOW TO OVERCOME SOCIAL ANXIETY (STRATEGIES THAT ACTUALLY WORK)"

Social anxiety feels like overwhelming barrier due to dysfunctional home in childhood - ACE and ACoA.
When we experience invalidation and neglect from narcissistic parent(s) - we will develop social anxiety. It means we will hate ourselves and try hard to come up with steps and strategies to appear perfect and without flaws.
So stoicism is adding up more to social anxiety - because it is creating drama and hysteria instead of learning red flags and narcissistic abuse facts and ability to detect when we are being abused.
Instead of that - trauma is forcing socially anxious to twist oneself in pretzel.
Another strategy is Echoism - to people please and to fawn and being preoccupied with stoicism as tools to self abuse oneself into perfection for the hope abusers won't attack us once we are perfect.

YT "Social Anxiety Facts"

If our brain sees the threat - why doesn't it see it all the time?
Obviously there are triggers and trauma there, otherwise socially anxious would feel crippled with threat even at the bathroom or in a nature all alone.

YT ""social anxiety is an excuse""

Social anxiety is strategy to please the critics. Due to exposure to narcissistic abuse.

Fix what?
Socially anxious are not serial killers.
There is nothing to fix.
IT is more about accepting and validating oneself.

Correct. Social anxiety is programmed operant conditioning from ACE ACoA childhood, set of coerced set of strategies to combat narcissistic abusers.

Correct. Such person is narcissistic and probably borderline. Has severe mental illness of abusing scared traumatized people and feeling sadistic joy in abuse. Such people live embedded in fantasy and have no ability to live in reality.

YT "Overcoming SOCIAL Anxiety: My Inspiring Journey
"

You never had social anxiety. You had shyness which you chose to diagnose and label as "social anxiety".
Socially anxious talk and they hang out - because they have social anxiety so they fight it.
You had shyness - which means you feel awkward and you cured it with exposure.
Shy people are obsessed with talking and neurotypical nonsense of being part of herd and group think.

Problem is that you spread the information about "social anxiety" - which is shyness -
but in the same time people who suffer from social anxiety will watch your video and believe you that you had social anxiety and then they will try your tricks and trips of "resisting anxiety" and "acting confident" - and of course this won't work for medical social anxiety - but only for neurotypical shyness which you had all the time.
When socially anxious people try your advice and it doesn't work (because it can't work for actual social anxiety) they will feel depressed and hate themselves.
That is why internet is dangerous - anyone can claim anything without any fact checking and people then get wrong directions and wrong advice that does not work not because the person trying it is abnormal.

YT "Build Your Confidence Muscle"

People are already confident.
They learned set of defense mechanisms like onion layers on top of the confidence and it smothers the confidence. Confidence needs to ne un-earthed - not learned all over again.

"Man I was like this until I got a retail parts job at a Lexus dealer. Exposure therapy ftw"

Exposure therapy helped you because you were not exposed to ACE ACoA childhood - which means you did not have untreated mentally ill parents. So your lack of confidence went away with exposure since you do not have toxic introject (toxic inner critic voice).
That is why exposure works for shy people like you.

YT "Social Anxiety: Ruining My Relationships?"

You are fusing different elements and present it as one entity.

When people are avoiding - this is one element of social anxiety. It is a learned way how to handle conflict and difficult people.

Lack of connection is another entity - totally separate from avoidance mechanism. Lack of connection can happen if a person lives in shame-based culture country where most people are abnormal and sick and they are hostile, unfriendly and abuse other people for sadistic purposes.

Fear of judgement is yet another element - which is not related to previous two.
Fear of criticism is operant conditioning - that stems from ACE ACoA childhood and this fear is learned reaction and strategy how to appease narcissistic abusers. When we are afraid of them - abusers will tend to be less angry and less criminally insane - so we develop fear in order to walk on eggshells around untreated mentally ill people.

Constant doubt of being good enough - is yet another entity and it is by-product of being exposed to narcissistic abuse over long period of time.

You present all these separate entities here as if social anxiety is one mysterious bowl of fear. While in reality - these all stem from reaction and strategies to narcissistic abuse and untreated mentally ill people around us.
Instead of fixing them - we end up blaming ourselves and our reactions as if we are the abnormal ones.
This is why CBT is bad for mental health, it is therapy of Echoism, self abuse and self hatred. CBT is narcissistic abuse itself.

YT "How to Handle Social Anxiety in Public Places
"

Social anxiety is reaction to narcissistic abuse - and it is composed of seeking strategies to "fix" ourselves, believing that there is something wrong with us not being perfect and ideal, as narcissistic abusers are criticizing others to not be.

This is why any steps any idea that we need strategies to handle social anxiety - will actually make social anxiety worse.
Instead of hoarding strategies and reminders and positive talking and nonsensical ideas that narcissistic abusers do not exist - we need to have strategies for our well being, our plans our goals.

YT "Social Anxiety"

Nope. Social anxiety is not related to tribe response. Social anxiety is reaction to narcissistic abuse, untreated mentally ill parent, ACE and ACoA.
Social anxiety is learned set of strategies to appease abusers and make them happy by developing Echoism (over agreeableness).
Instead of coming up with strategies - we need to realize that nothing will win toxic people and it is not our job to make them hear us or interact deeply with them.

The solution is that we drop making strategies how to appease toxic people, learn red flags how to detect toxic people - and instead invest and tunnel and funnel and channel all our energy into normal healthy people and our own well being , instead of walking on eggshells and spending our time in coming up with ideas how to retort to abnormal sick predators.

YT "Visiting Daniel 5 Years After He Said, "I'll Never Be Happy Again" (Schizoaffective Disorder)"

I watched your video with Daniel in summer of 2020. I remember it like it was yesterday - it had profound reaction and effect on me.
His words when he told that it makes a world of difference when people are kind to him - it had blown my mind.
We end up with fake social mask and we try to be good and nice - but we do not understand that this helps other people to get a breath of air when they are in ocean, only head above the water. We take it for granted and we might even start to be tempted to ponder that it might be good to become narcissistic and cold and rude to other people when we do not understand them.

"grounding techniques,"
Yes - I call that Reality testing.
When we have reality testing - we will be healthy. And grounded.
Sam Vaknin talks a lot about it.
Reality testing is fact checking.
IT is no wonder that fascists hate it.

(12.2.2025)

"What’s one small step you recommend people with social anxiety can take today to show themselves a little kindness or acknowledge their strengths, even in a small way?"

Learning about narcissistic abuse. And understanding that social anxiety is not shyness issue. It has nothing to do with will power or confidence- it is reaction to trauma and abuse.
So one small step is dropping strategies to appease abusers.

(13.2.2025)

" how to approach fear and self doubt"
This is related to trauma from the past, childhood and narcissistic abuse in the present.
We were conditioned to doubt ourselves when we are around difficult stubborn and hostile people and covert abusers - we never learned to stop investing our energy and thoughts and problem solving abilities into such people. We learned to invest heavily in resolving issues which delusional people create because they are delusional.

"Stress is a part of life. How could you reframe this experience into a positive experience? "
Stress is part of life.
But narcissistic abuse is like cancer.
It is unreasonable to replace positive thoughts instead of taking cure for the cancer.

Coping skills and practice won't work if the other person is pathological liar and we cannot fact check their lies every 5 seconds

(14.2.2025)

YT "The Karpman Drama Triangle - Understanding and Avoiding Drama in Relationships.
"

In order to make sense of Karpman Drama Triangle -
this applies to narcissistic abusers. If the perpetrator is invested heavily in his fantasy - there is no usage in engaging in any discussion with such delusional person. We withdraw from explaining anything to such person anymore and we focus deliberately on our own well being, needs, common sense, goals, tasks, projects at hand and purpose. If we stay in triangle - we will worry about what pathological liar is pumping out and it is fantasy, it is not rooted in reality.

The question is why would you want to be friends with everyone?
Many people are predators, abusive and mentally ill - it is really bad idea to invite bad daimons into our lives.
Motto for life should be:
Be friendly - not friends.

Idea to cure social anxiety is an act of self hatred, self rejection and self abuse.
You are telling yourself that you do not recognize yourself until you are perfection - which is unrealistic due to human condition: we are not machines.
You are telling yourself that you are not allowed to have human rights when you are abused, poor, or when you make mistakes.

Until you do not treat yourself nice, you will never be able to be truly nice to anyone else.

YT "Excuses in BPD
"

This is Echoism:

52:14 "She goes in full panic. She takes it personal as if she could have done better. And she wasn't good enough. He's the one decided not to take umbrella – she offered it. Yet she's feeling guilty about it. That's what we do. We do, we make everything about us. Going through grief – it's about how I am suffering, if somebody passed away. It's not about everything else, it's about how it affects me. Somebody fails the test- how did I fail the test. We indirectly absorb that kind of material. That's the difference between someone neurotypical and BPD."

Echoism is reaction to narcissistic abuse, where target of narcissist is punished into losing own voice, and instead of the voice there is an echo of other person's scream. Literal ancient Roman/Greece mythology. Echo lost her voice for falling in love with Narcissus.
In ACE ACoA we are conditioned to develop echoism - the opposite of narcissism. Where narcissists doesn't care how his behavior affect the others - we end up being highly aware of other people's feelings and feel responsible for their drama.

(16.2.2025)

YT "The 7 Most Common Signs of Echoism"

1:40 "Healthy narcissism".
Healthy narcissism does not exist. This is like saying there is healthy cancer.
Narcissism by definition is being delusional, egocentric, taking snapshot of reality and being convinced this snapshot is reality.

These signs of Echoism are signs of social anxiety:
1. Compliments make me uncomfortable.
2. Attention makes me uneasy – even when positive.
3. Better to work behind scenes than being in spotlight.
4. Missed out of opportunities because being uncomfortable nominating myself for example for promotion.
5. I don't like talking about myself.
6. I feel uneasy when in focus or attention
7. I find it hard to enjoy compliments.

Social anxiety itself is "an adaptation or trait, a style, a way or relating a person learned in order to cope with a particular emotional environment, types of relationships."

CBT and DSM are misdiagnosing and stigmatizing socially anxious - just like Narcissus, psychiatry is turning abused traumatized victims of abuse into Echoists. Socially anxious are being labeled by CBT as inept, socially unskilled, paranoid neurotics - in order for victims of ACE And ACoA/narcissistic abuse, to lose their own voice. Coercing socially anxious into role of Echo.

"The Greek Myths, tell everything about people and life. The anciënt Greek knew all this already very long ago. I read the book Echoïsm by Donna Savery, it is really exellent, and this video, is too.
I feel, this subject of Echoïsm really is important."

this psychiatrist is denying connection between social anxiety and echoism.
Hopefully the book will prove CBT therapists wrong.

Surviving Narcissism videos specifically state that Echoism leads to anxiety and loss of self.
"Over time when you are exposed to these kinds of thoughts, these comments whittle away at your sense of self. "
"You become hyper-alert when you are around other individuals."
"You want to communicate yet assertiveness feels unnatural."

CBT and self help industry are keeping this information about Echo away from our knowledge.
We are much easier as profit machine for narcissists when we are echo and when we have no truth.
Even this CBT psychiatrist from Harvard is censoring information that Echoism is connected to social anxiety! For shame!

Please learn about Echoism from non CBT resources. This guy is censoring crucial data about connection between social anxiety and Echoism. We are endless narcissistic supply for dark triad when we are being censored and when we are not being told the whole truth.

He deliberately left out the crucial signs, related to social anxiety such as fear of criticism, fear of scrutiny, fear of punishment.

Analysis here is filled with half truth. He fails to make connection with social anxiety,
because what CBT is doing to the socially anxious is narcissistic brainwashing, keeping socially anxious into the role of echoist.

He cannot talk about it because CBT is narcissistic itself. If he talks about the effect of echoism on relationships with others - the whole CBT and DSM would fall down like a deck of cards.
In CBT,DSM social anxiety is being presented as shyness - and effects of narcissistic abuse exposure are turned into money profit exploitation machine by CBT, DSM and self-help industry.

For decades CBT and self help industry were making money on us, traumatized victims of narcissistic abuse, keeping this information away from our eyes so that they could steal our money.

CBT and Self help industry are keeping information away from us - because we are much better supply for exploitation when we are not being told the whole truth.

Nope. You did not explain it yourself. We were being indoctrinated and brainwashed by CBT, self help industry, DSM to self blame ourselves - so that we spend money in fixing something that is not broken and that cannot be fixed - keeping us in a loop of spending money on false information by narcissistic dark triad hidden in medical industry.

CBT and self help industry do not want us to know this information. We are much better money supply when we blame and shut up ourselves.

And then we turn to CBT and self help industry for the hope we will get answers - and then narcissists hidden in medical industry once again shut us up by telling us that we have social anxiety, that we lack social skills, that we have wrong genetic material, that we have cognitive distortions etc.

(17.2.2025)

Any idea to destroy social anxiety is an act of self hatred, self abuse and self rejection.
Idea that we scrap off our persona, our identity and to build fake plastic personality leads to Cluster B personality disorders. It is very dangerous idea.
We need to accept ourselves as we are, totally and fully - and then build ourselves up with love - not with rejection and disgust.

YT "Social Anxiety: How Can an Illusion Feel So REAL?
"

So many misinformation here,
and half information twisted into Frankenstein zombie data, like as if Trump or Vince wrote the video for Munich conference to present pathological lies as reality.
Problem with CBT factory of lies is that socially anxious who are honestly seeking answers - get package of psychiatry coerced lies and victims of abuse are coerced now into developing mental illness created by DSM and CBT symptoms misdiagnosis and hyper-cognition orgy.

Fact check:
1) 0:28 "Social phobia" - this is old defunct label, it was renamed in mid 1990s when CBT "experts" discovered that it does not go away with exposure as any phobia would go away - so CBT renamed it into social anxiety.

2) 0:58 "Pathological shyness" - social anxiety is NOT shyness. It is operant conditioning, tool created in ACE ACoA childhood as reaction to survive narcissistic abuse. It is defense mechanism.

3) 1:58 "We don't know, it's still a mystery" - it is ACE and ACoA childhood. It is not mystery at all and effects of strict parenthood are well researched since 1940s.

4) 2:08 "these people are painfully shy" - this is a lie. You are coercing socially anxious to develop shyness. The next time they feel excitement will now label their excitement as pathological shyness because you forced them to mislabel their feelings as pathology. This is why psychiatry is dangerous for mental health. In reality - socially anxious people are not shy. They are reacting to Complex Trauma which appears as "pathological painful shyness" at the surface level.
Truth is that socially anxious are not "shy" when 1-on-1 contact, in Ventral vagal, in psychological safety ambient.

5) 2:42 "It is irrational fear of interacting with other people" - this is not true. Social anxiety is fear of criticism, scrutiny, punishment and insults. When these are not present in interaction in any way - socially anxious can interact without any "fear".
The "fear" which CBT is quickly labeling due to Base Rate Fallacy - is actually CPTSD. Social situations are cashier and at job. These are all social situations. Social situations is not only going to party or small talk.

6) 2:52 "Interpersonal anxiety" - Socially anxious people are not afraid of people. It is not called personal anxiety. It is called social anxiety due to social element: toxic people being toxic. Socially anxious people are not afraid of ALL interpersonal contact. You are coercing traumatized abused people to develop mental illness. You are forcing them to accept lies as their identity here. What you are doing here is very dangerous and ethically wrong.

7) 3:17 "difficulty with eye contact, small talk" - these are all signs of exposure to emotional abuse and neglect in childhood, ACE and ACoA. These are not symptoms of unknown mysterious fear appearing randomly out of open sky as you stated earlier.

8) 7:38 "Xanax" - pharma mafia. Corrupt medical industry making money profit on complex trauma by forbidding the information related to complex PTSD. WHO's ICD fully recognized CPTSD, while DSM is banning it - for the purpose of exploiting the abused victims of ACE ACoA childhood. Once toxic people are cut off from victims' lives - social anxiety will vanish on its own without need of psych drugs.

9) 9:23 "It is disorder because it causes dysfunction in social academic occupational functioning" - While in the same time narcissistic abuse is not researched by DSM whether abusive personalities are creating these disorders in other people.
How can shyness be disorder - socially anxious are not serial killers. They are not anti-social. They are not causing pain or harm or danger to the other people. When abused victims are labeled as disorder - their inner critic will take this label and turn it as tool for self abuse. CBT is dangerous therapy, it is filled with narcissistic abuse.

10) 12:25 "spouse, best friend" - socially anxious people do not have these, due to social anxiety. Trauma of distrust in toxic people.

11) 14:17 "structure interactions" - you do not mention Shame Based culture countries where structure interactions are abusive and abnormal, anti-social and toxic. Not all people live in New York or LA.

12) 15:25 "these thoughts are gone in transactional situations" - this is lie. You are pumping lie after lie, every minute. Worse than Musk tweet ratio. Rejection sensitivity dysphoria which is social anxiety - is always present - no matter what situation. You are mixing up shyness with social anxiety even though you said it yourself that shyness is not the same as social anxiety.

13) 16:52 "being humiliated is core fear" - Lie. There is fear of punishment. That other person will punish - social anxiety is operant conditioning issue which CBT cannot understand since it is surface level therapy created by narcissistic personalities hidden in medical industry.

14) 17:12 "I had patients" - that is the problem. You had patients with various issues which you and they mislabeled as "social anxiety". Socially anxious do not go to therapy - due to social anxiety itself. If they go to therapy for some reason - they will not tell the whole truth - due to social anxiety itself. So you have Research bias here and Survivorship bias as CBT itself is biased therapy.

I have a question based on title of this video:
"How Can an Illusion Feel So REAL"
What happens when illusion is not illusion?
What happens when toxic people are toxic?
When there is mobbing and oppression?
When there is narcissistic abuse - and target of abuse cannot run away due to obligation, money - and they are forced to be humiliated and abused every 5 seconds on job, family or in the street?
What then?
What is called when one feels social anxiety symptoms based on actual REAL abuse?
And how is that panic attack treated when there is real elephant?
Can CBT answer that question?

The "solution" which corrupt ableist narcissistic CBT therapy is telling us - is to solidify Echoism.
That we lose our voice, that we believe that we are abnormal and that we pretend like we are fine with abuse and that we normalize mentally ill evil people like Trump or Musk or Putin - and pretend that we are social when narcissistic abusers attack us.

YT "Social anxiety tips that really helped me"

1) "Put music on"
Any ritual as reaction to anxiety - leads to OCD, mental illness. Bad idea.
Please use psychology as source of information - not your own ideas based on what inner critic tells you.
This tip works because OCD solutions works in a moment - but later on build into tsunami of compulsions and mental illness.

1a) "slowly build social confidence"
Social confidence cannot be built due to toxic shame. If you build something on crap - the crap will still be under the rug. You need to clean the cat crap first, clean it all up and sanitize it.

2) "people care about themselves"
This is not true. 1 in 2 person showed in USA would destroy anyone who is different like LGBT. So half of population is very hostile and dangerous and they look and observe for anyone different to abuse.
So this statement is false, unfortunately. We live on toxic planet.

2a) "Everybody feels awkward in public" Mentally ill people do not feel anything because they have mental disorder. Like Narcissists.

3) "Helps you own the space" If you depend on external things, events, people or phenomena to feel worthy - this will lead to borderline disorder.

Basically all tips you mention here are creating mental illness.
Please stop it or you will destroy your life in the future, as you grow older and discover that your "tips" are not working in real world.

"If the self disgust is the spark that leads you to the action. I don't think it's too big of a problem as long as you eventually learn it shouldn't remain as the motivation behind your new actions."

self disgust
that is mental illness.
toxic shame.
Please research it more, this is also called toxic introject.
These are very dangerous beliefs - that can lead to self harm.
We are taught to develop it in ACE ACoA childhood when parent is untreated mentally ill, narcissistic.
Please stay safe and take care of yourself.

YT "Avoidance Is The Enemy"

Social anxiety is unhealed trauma - and it cannot be healed by more of abuse through discipline which caused social anxiety in the first place.

"people don’t care as much as you think, you don’t get bullied for being weird anymore, I only see the at in movies.."

What are you talking about?
Elections in USA showed that 1 in 2 person are hyper-focused on other people. Looking anything different about them to abuse and harass them and send them to nazi concentration camps.
Half of the population has narcissistic personality disorder and they are seeking narcissistic supply in other people.

OCD is reaction to narcissistic abuse. Discipline and will power means more of narcissistic self abuse.

Social anxiety is not the same as GAD.
Social anxiety does not go away with failure - due to internalized toxic shame.
Normalization of abusers and narcissistic and not noticing it - is what put Nazi fascist in power in USA.

It is operant conditioning tool survival mechanisms coined in ACE ACoA childhood, Complex PTSD. And it does not go away with stopping symptoms.

"genetic condition that causes a biochemical aberration in the brain"
What evidence you have for this?

If it is genetic, then it would not be fear of criticism.
People are not born with fear of criticism.
People are born only with 2 fears (noise and falling) - anything else is learned.

" It has nothing to do with interpersonal conflict or “strife.”"
DSM strictly states that social anxiety disorder and social anxiety is fear of scrutiny.

"It is an anxiety disorder, not a relational problem. "
Social anxiety definitions are not stating that.

"This is a disease of the brain that requires treatment with psychotropic medication."
Do you have proof for this claim?

YT "Social Anxiety Disorder
"

Social phobia was renamed in mid 1990s when CBT "experts" discovered that social phobia does not go away with exposure like any phobia does. It is defunct name since it is misleading.

Your colleague Dr Silva is claiming that social anxiety disorder is brain disorder.
It would be good to weed out wrong information that psychiatry is spreading around.

CBT is toxic ableist therapy based on removing symptoms - and not looking at the context.
Social anxiety is reaction to narcissistic abuse in childhood - so any exposure won't help - due to toxic shame being internalized.

YT "Beat Social Anxiety in 5 Easy Steps || #kelsang #mindtransformationcoach"

1) Deep breathing won't help when being abused so social anxiety spikes
2) Positive bias can be dangerous because we become ignorant of danger which can be easily evaded if we are aware of it
3) Preparing anything makes us look fake/suspicious and preparation is anxiety itself so it makes anxiety worse
4) Any step is wrong if our guide is wrong
5) Reframing thoughts makes them worse, this is called Ironic Processing theory- because we give power to negative thoughts by noticing them and fighting with them.

YT "Overcoming Social Anxiety for Success #motivation #duet #whyselfimprovementisruiningyourlife"

Anti-social: serial killer or Trump or Musk.
Being introvert is not anti-social.
Social anxiety is not fear - it is operant conditioning stemming from ACE ACoA childhood (untreated mentally ill parent who is strict disciplinary and egocentric, like you).
Money is not only purpose in life.

YT "10 Simple Tips to Overcome Social Anxiety!
"

1) prepare ahead - leads to more anxiety. preparation is anxiety itself
2) breathe deeply - does not help when social anxiety triggers happen like narcissistic abuse
3) positive thinking - leads to ignoring real danger and then not doing anything to prevent it
4) small steps - won't work if our guide it wrong
5) focus on others - socially anxious are already focused on other people due to social anxiety
6) anxiety is triggered by toxic people, not by coffee
7) imagining confidence won't help because social anxiety is not confidence issue but trauma
8) socially anxious are present at hand due to social anxiety
9) in oppression and abuse - it is impossible to take break
10) due to internalized toxic shame there is no self credit awareness.

All of these tips are worthless, misleading, insulting or make social anxiety worse.

It is misleading advice.
There are a lot of narcissistic abusers out there who are overanalyzing others a lot in order to abuse them. This is how we ended up with social anxiety in the first place. Social anxiety is not shyness issue of not having confidence. It is adaptation to dark triad predators.

1) Detailed education about:
- Narcissistic abuse: Sam Vaknin
- ACoA ACE after effects of abuse
- Borderline disorder and Quiet BPD
- Flexible mindset - so that we learn to listen something we find disgusting or repulsive at first
- Echoism - to learn that social anxiety is learned conditioned reaction to abuse - social anxiety trauma is not a personality trait, it has nothing to do with lack of confidence or lack or will power
2) Learning about self acceptance and self validation, which included absolute and unconditional acceptance of our social anxiety and any negative painful emotions and feelings and sensations as messengers to listen - not to push down

It helped you because you mislabeled your shyness as social anxiety.
Problem is that abused and traumatized people are confused, false information online is hiding information about Complex Trauma and narcissistic abuse so socially anxious do not get the information that social anxiety is conditioned response to abuse.
Then they hear advice from shy people like you - who are claiming magical cures for shyness - which does not and cannot work for social anxiety - and then they get additionally depressed because this magical cure does not work for them.
Good intentions are path to hell.
You are doing more harm than good with half knowledge, misdiagnosis and hyper-cognition.

This information is hidden from us.
CBT, self help industry, neurotypicals are coercing us to believe that social anxiety is lack of social skills and that we have abnormal brain. This way psychiatry is pushing us into Echoism - to be silent, stigmatized and that we self censor ourselves and get solidified in social anxiety.

YT "What is a Para-Alcoholic ?
"

Neurotypicals, CBT and social anxiety coaches are hiding and censoring information about ACoA, through dismissing and mocking - they spread false information that ACoA means being alcoholic and then people get discouraged to learn about what is para-alcoholism.
Without correct information, abused traumatized victims of narcissistic abuse will never learn about Echoism information and CBT will instead stigmatized them as mentally ill. Permanently - fpr example Dr Silva is claiming that social anxiety disorder is permanent brain disorder. While in reality, social anxiety is Echoism, and it is by-product of ACoA and para-alcoholism.

"what makes me happy? What do I need?"
Yep.
With strict parenthood, untreated mentally ill parent - and we are conditioned not to develop awareness about making those two questions at all. Instead we try to answer them through para-alcoholism addictions without knowing what we are missing. This is why videos like this are crucial to become aware.
Borderline disorder - the most difficult to treat - is based on inability to be aware of those questions, in-ability to feel good about oneself. These questions are very important for mental health.

Yep.
Those with verbal abusive childhood background develop Echoism.
Echoism is addiction to codependency and being silent servant to angry people - random ones or in family.
Which CBT quickly describes as social anxiety, lack of social skills.
But in reality - it is conditioned behavior learned in ACoA home as survival technique.

YT "Is Echoism Codependency?
"

Ross Rosenberg, the author of "The Human Magnet Syndrome" claims that codependency does not exist. That codependency is actually lack of self love that ends up as observable codependent behavior.
Maybe you should research codependency more before making any information video about it.

What I see in your videos is that you deliberately miss out to speak out the narcissistic abuse and the extensive damage done to the targets. Which is extremely annoying.
Instead you focus on constant blaming and shaming victims of abuse and give message as if echoists are choosing to be neurotic and overly sensitive souls who are over - reacting to life in general.

Echoism is conditioned set of behavior created as reaction to abnormal criminally insane predators such as narcissists.
One of them are CBT therapists, which is narcissistic therapy of abuse, communal narcissists who are censoring a lot of crucial data which victims of abuse must learn - such as connection with social anxiety.

This is why CBT is damaging narcissistic therapy which is hiding and censoring a lot of crucial information which we must learn.
Narcissists are not "trespassers" . Narcissists are mentally ill - they are delusional, they live trapped in fantasy world, it is light version of schizofrenia - so they are not aware that they trespass anything. Without knowing this information we see them as trespassers and then we end up with echoism - since we base our reaction to a hologram, sick people who are not mentally present with us in the same world reality as we are.
Instead of wasting time on CBT crap - turn to real experts in NPD such as Sam Vaknin.

Echoism is not mental illness nor personality disorder.
It is trained reaction to abuse - similar to circus animals being conditioned to perform tricks for the masters.
It is operant conditioning. Like Pavlovian dogs salivating when they hear the bells in Classical conditioning.

Psychiatric labels are useless - due to misdiagnosis and over-lapping.
Instead - focus on behavior and see what is happening, rather than using faulty CBT vocabulary.

YT "Echoism: The Opposite of Narcissism?"

Why anything related to introversion is immediately labeled as psychiatric disorder in CBT and psychiatry?
How come narcissists are not banned from running for the office and nobody is making videos how narcissists are mentally ill? But in the same time social anxiety is being labeled as disorder. The world of patriarchy is world of psychopathy.

Echoism is part of social anxiety.
Many socially anxious get misdiagnosed with social anxiety disorder - while social anxiety symptoms are after-effect of hidden often covert narcissistic abuse.

"It seems like a desire to be as unlike the narcissist as possible.
"

It 's more serious than being a rebel and much more sinister than Hollywood soap opera plot.
It is a surviving mechanism and operant conditioning. Reaction to coercive control.

No books are needed. This is all information we need to have.
It is like Freud discovery - once we make unconscious conscious - we can easily do something about it - it will no longer be on auto pilot.

His "tips" increase anxiety.
Any reaction to anxiety feeds it and it tells our brain that we are in danger and that we must build Trump walls and live in hyper-vigilance, that the world is unsafe place for us and that we are so tender that we must have Trump walls and moral panic 24/7.

(19.2.2025)

YT "The opposite to the narcissist isn't the empath. It’s the echoist."

The abuse does not stop here. Then the echoist start to seek information and help - only to be met with CBT who will diagnose the problems as social anxiety disorder - and then blame the victims of abuse for being neurotic, adding more of weight of toxic shame to censor oneselves.
And this does not stop here.
Then the victims of abuse learn about echoism - and people like psychiatrist explain echoism as something that is not related to social anxiety. So abuse victims are repeatedly abused over and over by CBT and covert narcissists in medical industry such as self help books and social anxiety stoicism coaches.

The healing starts when we remove resentment towards abusers and realize that they were abused too into becoming abusers.
It is up to us to make healthier and better choices than our parents - not to bask in injustice of the past.
Echoism information is end station for healing Complex PTSD. Echoism information gives us specific, laser sharp data what we must NOT do in life, and choose healthier people and healthier ambient around us.

CBT and self help industry keeps a lot of information away from our awareness. We are much practical endless narcissistic supply for psychopaths in medical industry when we are not being told what is the laser sharp problem to resolve.

Kerry is correct.
There is a difference between people pleasing and echoism.

For starters - people pleasing can be manipulation and agenda, like in BPD. Person fawns to someone and then discard phase begins when mood swings occur or when manipulator gets agenda done like taking someone's money by pretending to be nice.

Echoism on the other hand - is constant stuck people pleasing - there is no agenda behind it, there is no control or desire to exploit someone behind it.
It can also occur around non-human objects - like cat, being preoccupied not to anger the pet. Or on Duolingo application when the character of Goth girl is swirling eyes in animation or talk in impatient voice - echoism will be activated even though it is animation pre-recorded character. The tsunami of toxic shame will be triggered.
People pleasers do not go to such length.

You are over-analyzing it.
I would suggest starting writing a journal to put all the Borderline rumination onto the paper - so you will start to see after 5 or 7 months the pattern behind it and fake information that toxic introject is pumping out.

Think of Echoism like dog training or circus training.
Or Pavlovial Classical conditioning.
Dogs salivating when they hear the bell.
That is operant conditioning in humans, discovered by BF Skinner 50 years ago. Please research more all these terms and organize your mixed up thoughts.

"Can you have both?"

Interesting question.
I would guess it might happen in split personality - when trauma cause us to behave in different manner when exposed or when in Ventral Vagal safe ambient.
The definitions are clearly opposite of one another.
Echoism have destroyed Self - like Moon not having atmosphere.
Codependent ones have some sense of Self like traces of oxygen on Mars.
This Self, persona, identity is the core of mental illness - when we are not allowed to develop it in childhood - our mental health is in danger.

Information about Echoism is the last stage of healing Complex PTSD.
It tells us in laser sharp focus all the gray blind areas which we did not see before - but they caused most of mental health problems that we struggled with in the past.
It is like being told that being clean and not having fleas and rats around protects from the plague in Middle Ages.

YT "Are you an Echoist? How to Know if You Are. #shorts"

Information about Echoism is being hidden away from anyone struggling with social anxiety symptoms. It is very critical information to learn and educate about that neurotypical society keeps hidden from our awareness.

The story from Ancient Greece/Rome is the most poetic one to describe narcissistic abuse. About losing own voice and being replaced by being an echo of other people around us.

YT "4 top signs you might struggle with echoism, the true opposite of narcissism."

Echoist especially are convinced that the opposite of narcissism is healthy and good - and this egosyntonic belief is keeping us trapped in mental dysregulation and we get prone to develop mental illness due to this belief.
Think of echoism being opposite of narcissism as a dent in a car - it is still a dent, it is not normal. Or like memory cushion being pressed down - it is still the cushion, it did not change into other object but it reacts to the pressure and forms shame where the dent is. IT is very unhealthy - because we get stuck in narcissistic delusional world by defending ourselves against it.

This happens because narcissists entrain us and train our brain to serve toxic people - and in the same time we are forced to believe that we are doing good by being silent slave servants to loud people. Our beliefs mixed with shame are egosyntonic with abusers and we are not aware of it because they are egocyntonic, in alignment with toxic people. Awareness is the first step in severing the wrong beliefs posing and masking as help in our mind.

Being avoidant is trained set of conditioned behavior. It is not personality and it is certainly not the identity. It is forced social mask constructed and coined in narcissistic abuse ACE and ACoA.

"So in the US we just call this codependency.

"

That is over-generalized label. There is clear distinction between codependency and echoism.
Mainly - codependent people have some traces of self and own voice.
Echoist do not have own voice but an echo.

YT "Understanding Echoism"

And the abuse does not stop here. It continues when Echoist seek honest help and true information about their issues- and then CBT labels it as social anxiety disorder. Keeping away Echoism information away from awareness - hence keeping echoist stuck in shame and false brainwashed narcissistic ideology of CBT that they lack social skills.

YT "ECHOISM: The Opposite Trait to Narcissism - Narcissism Terms Demystified #27"

The video unfortunately gives false information as if Echoism is good thing since it is opposite than satanism.
Unfortunately - this egosyntonic lie is not true.
Being echoist is trained conditioned behavior as reaction to narcissism - so it appears as if it is opposite of narcissism. In reality it is as much as harmful as narcissism - it is mechanism of self abuse being installed in super ego of victim's mind.

YT "Autistic Personality Echoism"

You talk more about borderline disorder than echoism.
Echoism is not a mask - it is trained behavior, like circus animal. It is a reflex to chronic abuse and oppression.
Borderline - they depend on other people to find identity, but they have a voice which can help them assert whatever they want and need. Borderlines have some sense of well being - and this is why they have romantic relationships where BPD shows up frequently in fabricated conflicts. Echoist don't have voice and hence no needs too or any sense of well being, they have echo of abusive people instead.

(20.2.2025)

Reality and facts are not neither positive or negative. They are reality.
Inability to accept reality and rejecting it with a quick labels of being negative is a sign of dissociation, suppression - dysfunctional coping mechanisms which are at the root of any mental illness and narcissistic personality disorder.

Echoism concept is being hidden from us. Instead DSM and CBT are forcing us to believe in ideology that social anxiety is lack of will power and cowardice. This is not true. Social anxiety is reaction to abuse, learned style from childhood - to be slave to angry people. It is operant conditioning. We are conditioned to react with social anxiety to anyone potentially or really hostile to us.

(22.2.2025)

"I don't understand I don't speak about echoism . I think you have the wrong person to talk to"

What do you think overthinking is?
It is the echo of inner critic, external critics.
Information from CBT and self help books is surface level information - created to keep you stuck in "I don't understand" mentality, as victim.

(24.2.2025)

YT "What Are Some Best Practices for Managing Social Anxiety?"

Nope, it is not fear of negative evaluation. It is fear of punishment.
Instead of looking what we are thinking - we need to evaluate people around us when social anxiety is triggered.
CBT does not tell us when the evidence is - that toxic people are real and they are abusive - what then?
WikiHow is the most horrible deterrent resource based on self pathology and rationalizing the narcissistic abuse.

Therapist do not have answer how to handle narcissistic abuse and pathological societal abuse which are one of the same.
Sam Vaknin is the only one who tell is like it is - there are no winning strategies. The only way is going no contact.

YT "Lasting Treatments for Anxiety vs. Coping Skills - Is THIS why Therapy isn't working?"

Anxiety is a reaction to toxic people and corruption in society. This is why techniques don't work - because the stressor is outside. It is in narcissistic abuse and societal abuse.

If the anxiety and panic is being triggered by narcissists, pathological liars, predatory personalities - we need to cut toxic people out of our lives. No amount of strategies will help us. IT is like cancer - cancer cannot go away with our positive thoughts - it must be cut out.

It is like in a horror movie - The call is coming from within the house.
We are not the problem - toxic people are - they are in our private area. Toxic people must be expelled away from us.

YT "This Woman Shows That Social Anxiety Doesn't Exist 😳"

No social anxiety = psychopathy and borderline disorder, similar to this video.
Toxic people care a lot how to abuse the target.
Look at mobbing at job and toxic family members.

YT "The Power of Embracing Rejection as a Way to Stop Social Anxiety"

Social anxiety is fear of criticism and fear of punishment. It is not fear of rejection.

YT "I Took a Retail Job to Overcome Social Anxiety—Here’s What Happened #reddit #socialanxiety #anxiety"

We can train ourselves to behave like circus animal.
We can force and condition ourselves to become NPC Wojak.
We can learn how to suppress our emotions and our thoughts -
but all of these come at certain price and usually is cancer, auto-immune disease, allergies.
When we are unable to say No - our body will keep the score.
Trauma needs to be resolved - not denied and ignored like it was in ACE ACoA exposure to invalidation which started social anxiety in the first place.

"I did this. Forced myself to work in a pub.
Worked a charm :)"

It works only for shy people who mislabel and claim their shyness as "social anxiety".
Social anxiety is conditioned style response to narcissistic parenting - and it cannot go away with working at any place.

"i tried this, twice, and it only made my social anxiety and mental health exponentially worse each time"

This happens due to Operant Conditioning.
In ACE ACoA childhood - we had strict parenthood which set us up to develop a style of behaving and thinking like an echo. Social anxiety is echoism. This is why exposure does not work for real medical social anxiety -
since our beliefs, our convictions and our behavior is set up to self sabotage, to hate ourselves and to abuse ourselves when around angry hostile abusive people of all spectrum.

YT "How I Broke Free from Loneliness and Social Anxiety | Vanessa Van Edwards #shorts #awkward #lonely"

Sounds like borderline disorder.
Someone who is afraid of being alone, lonely, someone who depends on other people to feel good about oneself. Someone who feels like nobody when is not around someone else. All BPD traits.

"she did say keep trying something different, you have cards in your hands just play them right"

That comes out as being fake and as someone with hidden agenda to control and manipulate other people, to find out data about them and use it later on against them. It will come out as fake , and people will hate you.

Shame based culture countries are focused on gossip and micromanaging and talking down to the others and to control them in some way in order to feel self esteem.

She does not care about real life. In her borderline mind she is the center of the Universe and her only goal is to get army of fans and supporters without taking any information and actual data from real people around her. Her only goal is to be validated and to feel appreciated for "hard work" she is doing for the people - which she refuses to listen actually. Only pretends to.

"Dude… imagine talking to this woman. The overly exaggerated facial movements, along with the over emphasis on words/phrases, makes her hard to tolerate."

Borderline personality looks like that. Fake social mask - it literally becomes visible on her face, spasms and overcomensations.

"I've done this for a whole weekend and the anxiety did not go down. Why is this?"

Because anxiety is not the problem. Anxiety is the symptom.
CBT is seeing only symptoms and tries to shut us up, to turn us into Echo. That we become trained circus animal serving obediently abusers and toxic people in power.

It is not OCD. It is normal reaction to sick abnormal inhuman capitalist society.

"when I'm in a group, I feel okay socially because there are a lot of people to deflect off"
Sounds like untreated borderline disorder masking itself as social anxiety issue.

"What kind of person would you be without social anxiety (aka status anxiety)? 👇

"

Better question would be - in what ways you would be punished by toxic people in power without having social anxiety?
How people would treat you when you are not echoist?
What would happen when we stop behaving in oppressive manner-

From my own experience this happened from teen years:
:18yo - I was thrown out of car in the middle of the street by car instructor when I told him that I cannot drive when he screams at me
:11yo - I was slapped in the face when I went out to theatre by hooligans at the train station asking me to give them money
:15yo - I was slapped in the face and kicked and harmed physically when I went out on Saturday night
:13yo - I was abandoned and rejected and left alone by kids when I was being myself

-
"Echoism is not diagnosis. You really want to think of it as an adaptation or trait, a style, a way or relating a person learned in order to cope with a particular emotional environment, types of relationships.
Echoism is a trait or adaptation (not a disorder) that people often develop in response to narcissistic parenting."

YT "The "unique and special" Narcissist"

Yep.
The difference is in the Echoism.
Echoism is the opposite of narcissism.

Social anxiety is a psychological injury, being injured.
Narcissism is causing injury in other people.

Socially anxious will be silent and worried not to harm someone by being narcissistic.
Narcissists are preoccupied by being seen as strong and validated which entitles them to abuse others, they see abuse as correction tool which they are allowed to use. They see themselves as victims and targets as the abusers.

YT "The Proven Pathway To Confidence"

Listing things we are afraid of :
- will create victim identity
- will turn everything into panic and fear

"I’m the most awkward person ever and when I tried this question, people opened up to me in a way I’d never experienced. It gave me instant confidence to keep going!"

You base your confidence on other people and their reactions. This is codependency 1-on-1.
You should feel good about yourself no matter what people do to you, either positively or negatively.
When you tell yourself that you are confident when you do something with other people - you will make them into Master who control your emotions and your life and easily manipulate you - when they are angry for example.
All codependency traits.
External locus of control - is unhealthy and it leads to mental illness.

YT "My favorite social anxiety tip"

Unfortunately social anxiety is also fear of punishment.
And it happens in social situations.
There are dark triad personalities who criticize others deliberately to feel good about themselves, especially when they are in power position and we are not allowed to assert ourselves or leave.

YT "Social Anxiety"

The social anxiety is connected to back stabbing when toxic people hate someone who is different than them and have moral and ethical values. And experiencing the abuse as product of it.

YT "Social anxiety 🙃 you can come out #healing #spritual #conciousness #psychology #trending #selflove"

You are describing shyness and narcissism here.
Social anxiety is fear of criticism and fear of punishment/scrutiny. It is reaction to narcissistic abuse.

YT "Social Anxiety (INFP) #mbti #infp #shorts"

This is shyness. Not medical social anxiety.
Social anxiety is fear of criticism and punishment, stemming from ACE ACoA and exposure to narcissistic abuse.

YT "What No One Tells You About Social Anxiety (The Truth!)||Ever felt awkward in a conversation?"

These are all shyness issues masking itself as social anxiety.
True medical social anxiety is fear of criticism, punishment / scrutiny - it is reaction to narcissistic abuse.

YT "Social Anxiety - Part 1 - Signs and Symptoms
"

Social anxiety is a psychological injury, result of being exposed to narcissistic abuse, ACE and ACoA in developmental years and later in life.

YT "Social Anxiety for Introverts
"

Poor advice - it tells us that social anxiety is our fault.
Social anxiety is triggered by dark triad personalities, toxic people, narcissistic abuse.
IT is not called self anxiety.
IT is called social + anxiety. Anxiety stemming from the social element: toxic person being toxic.

YT "ELIMINATE Social Anxiety in 87 Seconds
"

You mix up shyness with social anxiety.
Social anxiety is reaction to unfair criticism, false accusations created by toxic people in power position. Someone who can harm us - back stab us or do some damage in some way or another, like smear campaign.

YT "#anxietyawareness #socialanxiety #anxietydisorder #anxietyrelief #anxietysymptoms"

So if we are being abused - we must become numb like in U2 song, a zombie. NPC Wojak, background character.

YT "#anxietyawareness #socialanxiety #anxietydisorder #anxietyrelief #anxietysymptoms"

So basically instead of talking about toxic system -we should blame and abuse ourselves for having emotional reactions to abuse.

Social anxiety is a psychological injury. It is by-product of strict parenthood , narcissistic parent.
It is not disorder.
IT is a style, learned conditioned response to abuse.

"physical, biological and genetic factors"
If this was true
1) socially anxious would be socially anxious before the social anxiety started around the age of 12
2) socially anxious would be anxious around ANY social situation - the criticism would not be the trigger for social anxiety

People are born only with two fears: fear of loud noises and fear of falling.
Any other fear is learned and conditioned.

The problem with CBT Myths is that you are coercing socially anxious to develop anxious identity, social anxiety persona which they carry on their back like Atlas weight of the world, where they end up explaining any excitement as social anxiety disorder because you without any evidence have condemned them to be anxious forever.

Do you have any scientific research proof about social anxiety gene? You are basing your beliefs on anecdotal cases.

(26.2.2025)

Social anxiety overlaps with borderline disorder a lot. The only difference between BPD and social anxiety is that socially anxious can hold on being alone whereas BPD person must be around someone else to feel alive. BPD person is aggressive and hostile whereas social anxiety is result of being abused - so loneliness feels safe.
Social anxiety is echoism - we are trained since childhood to follow angry and hostile people and to be their echo, to fix their problems and to be their obedient slave. When in a group - we regulate our emotions due to a group - and that is borderline. Whenever other people control our emotions - that is borderline issue.
Normal healthy sane emotionally regulated people draw their sense of worth from the inside, knowing who they are. Socially anxious and borderlines are depending on other people to know how to feel.

(28.2.2025)

YT "Discover the Power of Silence: Echoism's Hidden Truths!"

Echoism is not being silent.
Echoism is repeating the abuser's toxic insults in head like TikTok video of 3 seconds replaying in one's mind.
It is like wave of abuse in echo chamber rocking back and forth in socially anxious mind, pureOCD.

(3.3.2025)

YT "Don't Let Social Anxiety Stop You⚡"

Social anxiety has nothing to do with fears. Social anxiety is trauma stemming from ACE ACoA childhood, exposure to long term narcissistic abuse.
It has nothing to do with being a coward. Nor lack of social skills or lack of will power.

"I have been giving out ten compliments every single day for the last 3 weeks it has helped my anxiety SO much"

This is Fawning. You develop Echoism which is reaction to narcissistic abuse which caused social anxiety in the first place. Echoism is not healthy.

YT "#pov You start to get social anxiety in different situations from the fear of being watched… #shorts"

It is not fear of being watched. Beneath that fear - is fear of punishment. Social anxiety is reaction to narcissistic abuse.

"Yes, and some people still won't support or understand you and when I tried to be "original myself" I need to have strength to battle doubts that appear in my head when somebody doesn't like me"

This is where social anxiety complex trauma overlaps with borderline disorder:
- we are trying hard for others to understand us
- we are trying hard to be original selves without knowing who we are originally at all
- we are filled with doubts, double binding, dualism whatever we do or say or not do or not say - we doubt it, we doubt ourselves to the core

YT "Overcoming Social Anxiety Requires MORE Than Just Quick Fix Solutions #socialanxiety #anxiety"

This is because social anxiety is a Rashomon Effect - it is huge elephant that has many sides.
The best way is to learn about Echoism, Narcissistic abuse and Complex Trauma - and healing those three operant conditioning through de-conditioning us to our learned programmed style.

YT "Overcoming Conversation Fears For People With Social Anxiety #socialanxiety"

Before conversation I would rather educate myself about red flags how to recognize toxic people - many people are sociopaths and narcissistic - so they are not worthy to have conversation to begin with.

YT "Overcome Social Anxiety"

This is AI!

1) Reframe thoughts does not work because replacing conditioned thoughts makes them worse. This is known as Ironic Processing Theory - our brain now brings more of shame and guilt to reinforce the protecton

2) Exposure does work due to toxic introject, inner critic - which is self sabotaging from inside and toxic people in the external world who do the same

3) Posture will not help with operant conditioning

4) Neither will breathing techniques.

5) Socially anxious are already focused outwards - due to fear of attack. It is called social anxiety, it is not called self anxiety.

6) Avoidance is here due to attempt to heal the trauma wound. Exposure to toxic people like psychopaths who causes the social anxiety in the first place will keep this wound open. The wound must heal

7) It is about accepting that social anxiety is learned programmed style in ACE ACoA ambient. IT is not about accepting that osical anxiety is our identity. It is learned like Pavlovian dogs trained to salivate when they hear the bells.

YT "The One Mindset Shift That Ended My Social Anxiety for Good"

This is super important part in social anxiety -
what happens when we (try to) stop caring what other people think.

Social anxiety itself is operant conditioning, learned style of Echoism. It means that socially anxious - once one stops caring what other people think - the toxic shame will activate guilt and shame tsunami inside. There will be a flood of panic and rumination, PureOCD intrusive worry and anxiety of what will happen next and how will someone punish us.
Which shy people do not have.

This is why this advice to stop caring what other people think will work amazing for shy people and this is why CBT helps for people who label their shyness as "social anxiety" -while in the same time it will not work at all for traumatized and abused people with social anxiety complex trauma who attained it in ACE ACoA ambient.

Another thing happens too -
once we stop caring what other people think - we will notice that the problem is in narcissistic abuse - which caused social anxiety itself.
It will be very clear that narcissistic people once the notice that we are not being afraid of their drama - they will say something to ashame us and to trigger us, bait us into social anxiety panic.

Usually they do this via our mistakes, micromanaging, AD Hominem arguments (like Vance's reporter shaming Zelensky for not wearing a suit in White House).
And we will also notice that social anxiety stems from someone in some kind of authority or place of power - like abusers.

Social anxiety is Complex Trauma issue which overlaps with borderline disorder, deep self hatred and self rejection which results in caring a lot what other people think and this worry cannot be shaken away easily.

YT "Here’s how to overcome social anxiety in just 10 seconds 🌟 #SocialAnxiety #OvercomeFear #Mindset"

What happens when we get abused/attacked by others when we do something unusual?

YT "Your Identity Isn't Real"
It is very dangerous to make up identity and to base it on a fantasy. Leads to delusional disorder and narcissism.

-

(4.3.2025)

This is because social anxiety is easily confused with shyness.
Neurotypical people who are majority are pushing wrong narrative of social anxiety - making it seem like it is easy to conquer with a will power and faking confidence.
Neurotypical majority and CBT do not understand what is Complex Trauma and Emotional Dysregulation.

(4.3.2025)

YT "Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria & Relationships: Breaking the Cycle
"

"Generally people see mad at you , they had a bad day"

You are speaking from Guilt-based culture.
There are Shame-based culture countries out there where people are genuinely mad at anyone not being neurotypical.

America is Guilt-based culture but it is turning to Shame culture - like we seen in White House accusing Zelensky for not wearing a suit and not saying thank you.

Also inside Guilt-based culture countries there are spots of Honor culture like Southern USA or Southern Italy, rural parts of any country etc.

So - reality is not always what it appears to us - since life is much more complex.
Secondly,
RSD doesn't happen only in Romantic relationships.
You forget to take into consideration hatred towards minorities or anyone who is different than given majority at any ambient. Like color of the skin or intimate preferences.

Third,
RSD stems from ACE and ACoA - it is Freudean Fixations. Which means - training ourselves will not work, since there is a gap inside, deep self hatred and self rejection, complex trauma of being exposed to invalidation and criticism during formative years, which is the motor of RSD.

"I believe our brain filters threats based on context—it's trying to protect us without overwhelming us 24/7. Do you think it's more about past experiences or just how our brain is wired?"

Let's go one step back.
CBT claims that social anxiety is brain abnormality. If so - then we would see danger in anything that movies, which is not true.

So - to answer your question - social anxiety and social anxiety disorder (as oppose shyness which is often mislabeled as social anxiety) - is caused by trauma, neglect in childhood. Which is complex trauma and overlaps with borderline disorder - deep self hatred and self rejection which must be addressed and healed.

"What kind of person would you be without social anxiety (aka status anxiety)? 👇"

"Pinkie pie💖

"

Pinkie pie until you are punished for not having displaying social anxiety loss of confidence before toxic person in power who abuse us when we are not being scared in their presence.
Similar to abuse in white house when Zelensky was coerced into fear and social anxiety for not agreeing with MAGA nazis there.

"That’s an interesting take! Trauma definitely plays a huge role, and I see how it overlaps with deeper self-perception issues. Do you think healing social anxiety is more about unlearning fear responses or building self-acceptance first?"

Yes!
Echoism is learned style. Social anxiety is echoism - it is programmed response to long term narcissistic abuse in ACE and ACoA childhood where a child never learns tools of self validation needed for adult life. Without self validation - we will develop various external locus of control tools which will end up as social anxiety - since other people will be the source of our identity, their approval and validation where their criticism will be equal to panic and hypervigilance state.

" dwelling on embarrassing moments"
Is called
Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria
Quiet BPD
Toxic shame internalized /Toxic introject.
These are pillars of social anxiety which CBT is blocking us from learning about.

YT "Parents of BPD Individuals
"

I would turn attention to reaction to BPD behavior, as described in the book "Stop Walking on the Eggshells":

non-BP responses to borderline behavior:

bewilderment
loss of self-esteem
feeling trapped and helpless
withdrawal
adopting unhealthy habits
isolation
hypervigilance and physical illnesses
adoption of BPD-like thoughts and feelings
codependence
guilt and shame
📖stop walking on eggshells

It is obvious that withdrawal and isolation and guilt/shame will lead to social anxiety issues and disorder related to social avoidance.
Because, CBT and psychiatry are labeling socially anxious as someone with abnormal brain and genetical disease.
That is very dangerous because masses of people who were exposed to narcissistic borderline abuse are being pathologized by CBT where psychiatry is explaining trauma symptoms as permanent genetical abnormality, identity and delusional disorder.
While in reality - social anxiety is style learned in abuse.

For example,
This is the copy paste reply from a psychiatrist on you tube who said in his own words said that:

" Social Anxiety Disorder, an illness that is predicated on a genetic condition that causes a biochemical aberration in the brain that causes the symptoms I describe. It has nothing to do with interpersonal conflict or “strife.” It is an anxiety disorder, not a relational problem. Social phobia can exist between strangers, persons who have never met, the first time they must interact (in fact, that is a very common scenario; familiarity with another person often assuages social dread somewhat, although not always completely). This is a disease of the brain that requires treatment with psychotropic medication."

"omg I’m dwelling rn and I can’t stop or move on"

Start writing it down. To the detail. Everything. Write it all out. What you think about. What you worry about. What is happening.
This PureOCD is what we have been conditioned to develop in ACE ACoA childhood. This is the tool we developed as a product of being punished and criticized and disciplined in our formative years.
We have no other knowledge or tools how to process triggers other than self blame and worrying and taking control over things people outside of our control.

There is no winning strategy against narcissism.
We all here are addicted to narc videos to learn the strategy how to handle toxic people - but there is none.
No contact is the only strategy that works - and this is problem because most people cannot cut connections with toxic people in their lives.

Up until November of last year I was big fan of Dr Ramani.
And then I got comment on my reddit forum about her which opened my eyes.
She does not resolve npd, she does not help -
what she is doing is leading us on to hate npd and that is all the program from her.
She offers nothing else - but to recruit hatred towards narcs.
While it feels good to hate someone and to feel anger - unfortunately this approach can turn us into toxic person.
Also, not all narcs are demons, there are some of them who are not toxic but suffer in pain and who are on spectrum of narcissism - and instead of getting help they are being demonized by people like Dr Ramani.

While she offers support on surface - she is actually toxic.
She offers no solutions but recruits us to develop hatred toward narcs - which is like turning us into flying monkeys so that we attack narcs with law suits or getting into conflict with them.
Narcissism is psychological disorder - it is not identity. When we are being taught to hate toxic people - we will become toxic ourselves by organizing Crusades and Witch hunts which is dangerous. Narcs need to go to asylum, president candidates should be tested and checked before presidential race - narcissism can be detected via brain scan - but that is all that society can do.
Hatred is not good road to tackling narcissism.

Dr Ramani is not good resource. She is like passive aggressive gossip girl in the office.
We need objective scientific approach in battling narcissism - like committing them to mandatory asylum and brain scan to detect psychopaths which is possible with today's technology.
Mixing in the emotions and our victimhood in it - is not healthy.

Conversations from Dr Ramani which are based on hatred and persecutory demonizing mentally ill people is not healthy - neither for her, nor for us and not for the criminally insane narcissists.
In her talk - she never says how to handle toxic people - her words are colored with getting revenge on her personal narcissists and not on science. It feels good for us that someone is naming our anger and venting it - but this is not scientific and it is not psychologically healthy especially not for victims of ACE ACoA.

(6.3.2025)

That is Freud Catharsis - and research showed that it does not help with the release of emotions at all - instead it keeps people stuck in hysterical behavior.
Instead of seeking wisdom from internet videos, please invest your time in education and people who are educated in psychology, like Sam Vaknin.

"I’m the same like I always feel like I’m being judged or stared at and my mom constantly says I’m being ridiculous but I can’t help it it’s just my mindset"

No it is not. It is toxic introject. Inner critic. He mask itself as our mindset, as our identity, as our persona.

YT "Convos in my head vs real life #introvert #infj #shorts"

I realized toxic introject (caused by narcissistic abuse exposure) is the virus that is poisoning the well and spread propaganda that is filled with drama and hysteria and paranoia, similar to MAGA movement in USA.

(7.3.2025)

There is also something called over-regulation. Then it becomes the problem itself - when you chase regulation and paradoxically become dysregulated by it.

YT "NARCISSIST SCHOOL #profiling #mentalhealth #humanbehavior #sharedfantasy #codependency "

Yep, this is my phase now - to clean up the crap virus, toxic introject which has access to my narrative and explanations and perspective and then makes decisions based on the filtered tainted explanations. It is very hard to grasp this concept and it is more harder to clean it up.

(9.3.2025)

"when something like this happens, don’t focus on it, and you’ll do amazing. "
This works for shy people who display social anxiety symptoms.
It won't work for medical social anxiety due to toxic introject, inner critic, echoism voice - being echo of any abuser.
Because the inner critic voice will convert any information as overgeneralization - and that includes the meta information about overgeneralization, as well. It is habit, operant conditioning - so it will not work in stressful situations and triggers of social anxiety.
The inner critic voice must be addressed here itself - and that is not easy.
It is not easy to grasp this concept,
it is not easy to ignore inner critic - because it spreads like viral disease into any thinking, which is hard when there are narcissistic abusers around who criticize all the time about anything that moves.

(10.3.2025)

YT "Shyness VERSUS Social Anxiety"

Nope.
Shyness is personality trait, it is identity. And it can change with exposure.
Social anxiety is based on trauma and ACE ACoA strict childhood filled with criticism invalidation and emotional neglect. Social anxiety is para-alcoholism, it is reaction to trauma, it is CPTSD. It is not identity. it is style, operant conditioning. Instead of exposure - it needs healing.

His work is based on CBT - so it is filled with over-simplification and misdiagnosis and mislabels - which can be dangerous for anyone seeking honest facts and truth, not ambiguity that can make you stuck in a maze.

YT "“Too socially anxious to get help for social anxiety…”"

Anxiety stems from toxic people around us. The problem inside us is toxic introject which was installed by toxic people. Toxic voice, inner critic. Which must be expelled. By not listening to it.

IT does not help.
The problem is in toxic people and in our lack of tools how to handle toxic people due to ACE ACoA childhood.
Problem lies in toxic people - not in our brain.

YT "Ask a therapist: How do I know if I have Social Anxiety Disorder?"

All signs of being exposed to narcissistic abuse both in childhood (ACE ACoA) and in adulthood (narcissistic abuse, bullying)

YT "Normal Anxiety or Social Anxiety? Here’s How to Tell"

The difference is:
shyness which mimic social anxiety - is having general anxiety. Which goes away with exposure.
Socially anxious are laser focused on potential narcissistic abuse - so it is not general social anxiety. And it is not going away with exposure due to installed toxic inner critic, toxic introject which explains danger as panic and personal attack and all sorts of self abusive explanations - this voice must not be listened to anymore.

We interpret neutral face as danger due to inner critic, toxic introject, installed by narcissistic abusers and ACE ACoA childhood. This inner critic must go by not listening to it anymore.

That is because toxic intoject, inner critic which was installed by untreated mentally ill sociopaths and narcissistic abusers around us - is being ego syntonic with our moral and ethical standards - so we do not notice it as toxic, but instead we encourage it and feed it by listening to it and forming decisions based on its message.
This inner critic entity must go - by not listening to it anymore even though it feels comfortable to us.

YT "How To Kill Your Social Anxiety In 30 Seconds | #shorts"

Social anxiety is not fear of talking to people. Then it would be called talking anxiety.
Social anxiety is related to conflict with narcissistic abusers - so these advice in video will not help with it, but make it worse by becoming a people pleaser.

Worth is not 10 dollar bill that can be lost and found. Worth is complex psychological entity which is interplayed with childhood trauma and shame-based culture country and narcissistic abuse.

We all learn how to communicate in kindergarten and in school. There is nothing wrong with social skills and he is misleading traumatized people to develop self hatred.

YT "Why Your Brain Panics: Decoding Social Anxiety"

"Except they're not"
How exactly you know that?
How can you be 100% certain that toxic people do not exist?
Machiavellians with fake social mask?
Covert narcissists who appear as good and nice people at first?

YT "If you have social anxiety, watch this #grwm #anxiety"

You don't speak what happens when barista screams at you for not having change?
You don't speak when other people criticize and attack and mock?
These things happen in real life.

Watching videos like this - won't help at all - it will make it worse because she is skewing reality - as if we are being paranoid and toxic people do not exist.

Social anxiety cannot be improved because it is conditioned style in response to abuse. IT is like saying that you want to improve a scar.
Other people are not nice and kind and friendly - there are plenty horrible evil people out there and not having any boundaries and being gullible is what is causing social anxiety in the first place - lack of understanding how to handle evil people.

YT "Kill Social Anxiety Forever (The No BS Guide)
"

"No one actually cares"
Toxic evil people care a lot how to exploit gullible shy target.

"Become comfortable with discomfort"
Is social anxiety itself. People who are socially anxious have learned how to become comfortable with discomfort by developing Echoism - reaction to abuse.
Another problem is that if we become comfortable with discomfort - we will stay stuck in abusive contact and toxic job, becoming victim and developing victim mentality - by not changing anything.

"Is fear of discomfort"
Nope.
Social anxiety is fear of punishment by someone in authority - someone who can cause us permanent irreversible damage like physical abuse or losing income and becoming homeless, without food and safety.

"Expose to discomfort"
Analogy of being afraid of fire - phobias are cured by exposing yourself to feared object -fire.
Well - the problem is that our skin and clothes are all covered with oil and highly flammable material - which explode when in contact with fire and high heat. So before exposure to fire - person must clean his her skin and clothes so that this oil is removed.
Oil highly flammable material is toxic introject, inner critic - which was installed in ACE ACoA childhood and through exposure to long term narcissistic abuse.

"Most people are too busy"
There are plenty of people, especially in power positions who have only one goal in life - to abuse other people and to scheme agenda how to harm and exploit and steal from others, also known as Dark Triad.
If you ignore this fact - you will be exploited and duped due to having no boundaries.

"Become that main character"
And see what happens. You will notice that toxic evil people do exist - and they yell scream, punish, attack, fire you from the job, scheme agenda how to harm you. All the time, 24/7. Voice your opinion loud and clear - and you will see how many toxic evil people out there are - who are very much busy how to hurt you just for being authentic yourself.

"Move" "Act"
And see what happens - you will notice that abuse is real. That evil people exist.

"Rejection doesn't hurt"
You will notice that toxic people once you stop fawning to them - they will punish you in some way or another, usually through screaming and yelling and putting you down.

"Become predator"
Developing narcissistic personality disorder is mental illness. Instead of patriarchy idea of grabbing - develop interdependence and treat other people as you would want to be treated.

Idea to destroy social anxiety is an act of self abuse, self hatred and self rejection.

Resentment is not part of social anxiety itself - it is by product. You mix up terms and concepts that appear beside it. It is like saying that bad things happens due to bad weather.
Bad weather may play the role in something bad - but it is background noise.

Talking to people will not make future. That is CBT myth that self help books are promoting.
This is the same as if to claim that smiling is cure for depression just because the act of smiling is the opposite of being sad.

"The main thing that helped me overcome crippling social anxiety is accepting that I can only control at most 50% of an interaction and detaching myself from expecting a certain outcome. My mindset shifted from "I need to make this person like me at any cost." to "Let's see if this person and I get along.""

What happens at other 50% where there is oppression and you cannot run away from narcissistic abuse and toxic job and in the same time you are being abused by someone in power position 24/7?

YT "how to overcome social anxiety in 14 minutes
"

1:43 "Shift your focus from internal to external"
Socially anxious people are already focused on external - too much. Like with a microscope, zoomed into other people. Watching every move, tone of voice, gesture, signs of potential attack.
You mix up shyness with social anxiety here. Shy people do not have trauma and they are focused internally.
You might also mix up toxic introject - inner critic voice - which appears as internal problem - since it is inner critic, but inner critic - toxic introject - was installed by untreated mentally ill people around us - so it is external problem, this inner critic is thwarting and filtering our explanations and observations and conclusions and narrative around whatever happens. This is still external problem due to programmed external locus of control.

2:03 "Breathing - that would calm you down"
Again, you mix up shyness with social anxiety.
Socially anxious have a set of methods learned from ACE ACoA childhood - which is designed for calming down and in fact it is so detailed that is in overcompensation mode. It is too much of regulation there. So adding more of calming down leads to hypo reaction instead of hyper vigilance. This means - with your shyness methods applied to social anxiety - will lead to staying stuck in abuse, doing nothing about the abuse, staying stuck in toxic job and victim mentality, where we do not react to abuse, we do not set any boundaries and we do not leave, and instead we develop trauma bonding and Stockholm syndrome where we will blame our panic symptoms for being abused.

4:33 "Setting intention"
Once again - you are talking here about shyness, not actual medical social anxiety.
Shyness goes away with exposure.
Social anxiety does not go away - due to internalized toxic shame, inner critic, toxic introject - which filters all intentions and plans and motivation and thwarts it into self abuse and self shaming. Which means setting intention, setting goals - will not be based on true authentic goal - but it will be colored by pleasing toxic abusive people by becoming their echo.
This inner critic must not be listened - and your advice is instructing us to listen our inner critic voice which will mask itself as help. Toxic introject will camouflage itself as a cure against social anxiety - making social anxiety worse since it will be based on self hatred and self abuse.

7:55 "Go to someone and compliment what they wear"
Again and again - you are talking here about shyness. Shy people are neurotypical - you are obsessed by being talkative and being friends with everyone gullibly believing that all people are kind and nice and friendly as you are. Unfortunately - many people are wearing fake social mask which appears as nice and friendly and healthy and sane and approachable - but in reality they are evil and twisted and abusive.
Shy or not - why on earth you would talk to strangers? Why? What do you get by talking to some stranger? You won't get medal for it. They won't shower you with love or attention - seeking approval and validation from other people is mental illness, it is called narcissistic borderline personality disorder. There is no need to talk to strangers. You do not know where they have been, you do not know their intentions and you do not know how ill sick insane and evil they are.

9:00 "Deepen your social skills"
Social anxiety is not issue of lack of social skills. This is myth that CBT and self help books are spreading.
When we believe in CBT lies - we will develop victim mentality where we will believe that our trauma is lack of social skills and now we will have inner critic attacking us for not being perfect. And it is not true - anyone who has gone through kindergarten and school has basic social skills. We do not need deep social skills. We are not TV talk show host to talk on force to someone. That is problem with shyness and social anxiety - we do not know our identity - so we cling onto herd mentality and group think by mimicking loud people who appear on surface as deep social skills - so we falsely believe this Machiavellianism must be our identity, too.

12:33 "Tell people you are anxious"
Bad idea. Telling people our vulnerabilities - will be exploited against us. People will form an image of us being wuss and someone to exploit and abuse. Most people see mental health problems as slavery and being a gypsy - someone to hate and abuse and treat as animal.

Social anxiety is Complex trauma - it forms in strict parenthood called ACE and ACoA. It turns abused person into Echoism, echoist - being an echo of abuser.
Shyness - is identity, a trait - which goes away with exposure.

Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness - Dr Gillian Butler is horrible resource because it is based on CBT.
Self help industry is based on CBT idea that any mental health problem is rooted in being paranoid and demented.
CBT ignores reality - narcissistic abuse, which is behind and mental health problem.

Problem with CBT and self help books is because they coerce you into believing a lies. You end up adopting explanations which are not true. And then you end up forming identity based on weaponized psychiatry. This is why psychiatry is bad for mental health as Glasser wrote in his 2003 book with the same name.

Problem with this video is - that it is not talking about social anxiety at all. This is shyness 100% what he talks about here.
Problem is because socially anxious will watch this video, try to apply it - and it won't work - because it is intended for shyness. But socially anxious people do not know this - and they will end up feeling depressed and as failure because these wonderful advice and tricks and tips - do not help them, now believing that there is no help out there.

"Number 3 is great. I feel like 80% of the stress I feel around other people is generated by having to pretend I'm not absolutely terrified."

That is called Masking.

Social anxiety is not talking anxiety. It is not called self anxiety.
IT is called social + anxiety because anxiety stems from the social element: toxic people.
CBT is horrible therapy and it will make you sick and more socially anxious.

-

"You are doing such a great work,you are one of the best Youtubers out there! REQUEST:Can you please make a video on," HOW TO SET BOUNDARIES AND STOP BEING A DOORMAT", PLEASE."

That is it. He does not see social anxiety as trauma and as result of narcissistic abuse.
He profess social anxiety as some general shyness issue which is based on CBT delusions explanations and being paranoid.

YT "How to get better at talking to strangers? #socialanxiety"

But why would we want to talk to strangers at all?
Do we get a medal?
Why would we want to invite potential abusers and criminally insane people who mask their abnormality into our life?

YT "I hope this helps ❤️ . . . . . #mentalhealth #anxiety #trauma #unhealedtrauma #depression #stress"

"Trust yourself that you made the right choice"
is the central problem when there is toxic introject, inner critic / internalized toxic shame - inside.

Problem with delusional thinking is that it leads to mental illness.
Instead of supporting thoughts about spirits and lies and fantasy - our mind should be based on science and reality and facts - something that can be proven and observed and seen. Anything else is mental illness and self destruction road to hell.

YT "Social Anxiety - There's Always a Million Reasons Not to Do Something #socialanxiety #mindset"

Talking to people is 0,0005% of all social situations.
The other percentage is conflict and dealing with difficult people like narcissists and borderlines. Which needs to be addressed. Not talking to strangers.
-
BPD is not infectious. It is not like the measles.
But people who are exposed to these behaviors can unwittingly become an integral part of the dynamics. Friends, partners, and family
members usually take these behaviors personally and feel trapped in a toxic cycle of guilt, self-blame, depression, rage, denial,
isolation, and confusion. They try to cope in ways that do not work long-term or that even make the situation worse.
Meanwhile, the borderline’s unhealthy behaviors are reinforced because the non-BP accepts responsibility for the feelings and actions that belong to the borderline.
stop walking on eggshells

YT "0 social anxiety"

No social anxiety = narcissism and abusing other people around.

YT "Hmmm...that sounds suspiciously too good to be true about social anxiety #socialanxiety"

The more we target toxic introject / inner critic and remove it by not listening to it - social anxiety issues will go away quicky.
Social anxiety is programmed conditioned set of thinking and behaving which was molded as response to abuse and untreated mentally ill people around us to survive their mentally ill abuse.
-
Adult children of alcoholics did the best they could do to survive as children. Their behaviors, coping skills and personalities were shaped by chaos and trauma. As adults their inner child is still exiled and terrified lead to compensatory.
🟥Doc Snipes

YT "How to get rid of social anxiety"

Social anxiety has nothing to do with desire to be socially successful or socially confident.
You mix up shyness with social anxiety.

YT "Three Things about Social Anxiety Disorder #fy #fyp #foryou #foryoupage #mentalhealth"

Yes!
It is style, operant conditioning learned as reaction and response to narcissistic abuse and trauma.
CBT and psychiatry are promoting the unfounded belief that social anxiety is brain disorder and genetical abnormality - keeping abused people stuck in toxic inner critic abusing themselves with those CBT lies creating false victimhood persona of CBT lies.

YT "Social Anxiety for Dummies"

CBT is toxic therapy which oversimplifies social anxiety as paranoid delusional disorder. It makes social anxiety worse by ignoring effect of narcissistic abuse and places all the blame on targets of abuse.

YT "Keep going outside the comfort zone and watch the confidence grow #confidence #socialanxiety"

Shyness works well with exposure.
Social anxiety does not - due to internalized toxic shame, toxic introject, inner critic which was installed through ACE ACoA childhood and exposure to narcissistic abuse.
Inner critic will filter any experience and paint it black - so exposure will not work with social anxiety due to this inner toxic voice, operant conditioning, echoism style - which shy people do not have.

YT "#Introverts !! Fight back against #socialanxiety !!"

But why talk to a person? Why compliment them?
What do we gain by talking to strangers?
Will we get medal?
Do we get some money?
Are these people will pay our bills?
Do we get some score in being worthy - where our worth is measured by how many people we talk with?

YT "Casey Anthony's DARK Secret About Social Anxiety
"

People who claim to have social anxiety but in the same time they tape themselves and show their face to the world and yack about their "problems" openly to random people without feeling any natural automatic shame/guilt associated about it - are actually narcissists and borderlines who are masking their abnormality by pretending to be a victim. With a sob story. Usually covert narcissists, communal narcissists employ that. It took me 40 years to realize that.

So I agree with your assertion - she is evil.
Open narcissists are openly rude and we can notice them easily. However -
Covert ones are more dangerous because they have fake social mask - they appear as friends, in need, someone to fix, and someone who needs help - similar to serial killers who pretend to have flat tire or appear with crutches in a court - to attract new victims/followers who will feel pity for their adversity.

Problem is that socially anxious people will listen to this - apply to their life, it will not work, and then they will feel like freaks because this general advice does not help them. While in reality - it is not advice about social anxiety at all. It is about shyness.
Instead of focusing on what you believe my comment is, it is better not to be egocentric and to think about population and people who seek honest and authentic help - and then get misdiagnosed and mislabeled as shy.

(11.3.2025)

"I'm not talking about breaking laws or anything like that. It's about ceasing the control we give other people over us, our actions, our peace of mind. There's no end to the good we could do once we take what coworker Dan, Aunt Jane, or our neighbor across the street thinks of us out of the equation when we know that saying X or doing Y for your own good or the good of your family. But with respect to social interactions, the result is less or no anxiety."

Psychopathy and sociopathy are not always about breaking the law. It is absence of conscience, empathy and moral/ethical standards and not being aware and not caring how own behavior affects others.

"Some people are just self aware! Especially if they have a public image despite their shyness or anxiety."

Then it is not social anxiety. It is narcissism, psychopathy and sociopathy - glib charm and being charismatic to attract new narcissistic supply with pretending to be a victim.

" In that case, what you're feeling isn't social anxiety but just anxiety caused by aggression. It's a more difficult situation but I think a good start is to learn about setting boundaries and about using techniques like "grey rocking". Ideally, you should find ways to remove yourself from this type of people but I know this isn't always possible of course. In the end, the important thing here is to think about your own safety."

Do you know what is called anxiety by aggression?
Aggression coming from society - could it be social anxiety?

So what is social anxiety?
By definition? How we define social anxiety?
If there is fear from social situations which are not based on attack and aggression - that is shyness. That is not social anxiety.

CBT is providing wrong definitions - but the symptoms are the same as for "anxiety from aggression" -
and the tips like boundaries are not working anyways.

"The biggest cause of social anxiety is that people are simply mean and judgemental, and when you have a hard time (low self-esteem, shy, depressed) you don't want to interact with people like that, because you don't know how to deal with their unpleasant responses."

Yep. And CBT + self help and soc anx coaches are trying to brainwash us into belief that we are being paranoid and that we invent the abuse in our minds. Which is frustrating when we are being abused.
It is the same as Zelensky being insulted in Trump's WH by Vance - turning the side and blaming Ukrainian president for the Putin's war. The same gaslighting.

(12.3.2025)

I see social anxiety as a psychological injury - caused by ACE ACoA childhood (exposure to narcissistic abuse, untreated mentally ill parent, constant chronic criticism and invalidation).

I believe any person suffering from mental health issues and is actively seeking help - is product of narcissistic abuse exposure.
And the CBT and DSM end up pathologizing victims of abuse with misdiagnosis that belong to the abuser who is left alone and untreated and unobserved.

Quick labels such as seeing social anxiety as hallucination, delusion and being paranoid is ignoring the cause of social anxiety: repression, oppression abuse and lack of support.

(13.3.2025)

"I don’t think so. I think you can be aware of being shy/anxious, and even talk openly about it if you practice enough."

Yes - but technically speaking this is no longer shyness. It is manipulation, borderline disorder, narcissism - using victim mentality to control other people around by re-telling the sob story and using the victim status as a visa to get away from accountability and responsibility.
"No, I do not go there because I am shy"
"Oh, I walked upstairs really fast, now my hear beat is strong - it must be because CBT and DSM tell me that I am anxious" etc

"expressing that I'm shy and anxious because people might get a wrong impression from me."
If you express it - you are beating the shyness itself by expressing it.
Now you transformed it into manipulation and control of other people.
You are using your emotions and sensations to make other people to walk on eggshells around you.
"Oh, he is shy - so we won't speak truth around him because he is timid"
"We want to go to 100 places in one night, but we will reschedule our goals because he is shy" etc.
You are actively using your dysregulation and nervous system to control and manipulate other people - and at this point this is now borderline disorder.
A lot of shy people who profess their shyness as a tool and weapon - are actually covert narcissists, communal narcissists -
this is why narcissism is hard to cure, because people who suffer from disorder place their emotion and sensations as a tool to attack and abuse other people around - but you do not see it because your emotions and your sensations are your primary goal - not other people and effects of your behavior on other people which you are totally oblivious about.

(14.3.2025)

YT "How Codependency Leads to Loving Too Much and Choosing the Wrong Partners | Lisa A Romano
"

One great untold problem with lack of self - is that abused traumatized people will seek help from CBT - and then CBT will tell them that they have social anxiety, which according to CBT is brain abnormality, genetical disease and that toxic people do not exist - that experiences of abuse are hallucination and that CBT method and tool to fix social anxiety is to become codependent - to be friendly with everyone, to talk with cashier, to please others, to compliment others, to talk to strangers in the street as a CBT way to fix social anxiety. Which ends up as narcissistic abuse and codependency.
CBT never mentions Complex Trauma - since it is banned from DSM. It doesn't even mention ACE or ACoA - even though these childhood experiences are well researched to cause anxiety in adults.

(16.3.2025)

"Well... I wouldn't agree with that 100%. Sure, people with really severe anxienty will not just erase that by breathing correctly. Some things should be taken care of by therapy, there is a limit to what can be achieved by self help. However as someone who struggles with anxiety who has been in therapy I can say that firstly anxienty doesn't completely vanish after therapy. You don't have a perfect formula for every social situation then. You only stop feeling overwhelmed anymore and know what to do when you do. So yeah in this regard I still consider tips like these pretty helpful, even if they don't erase anxiety."

Tips like this hook us in a maze - where we believe collection of anxiety enducing nonsense:
1) that anxiety is bad
2) that we are bad when we feel anxiety
3) that we should cover up our feelings
4) that we should not investigate anxiety
5) that our worth is gone when we feel anxiety
6) that our sole purpose in life is to chase and hunt and destroy anxiety

Behind this honesty lies our attempt to depend on other people:
1) that they lead our way
2) that they become our masters
3) that other people approve our anxiety
4) that they will somehow have some positive opinion about us and we must depend on their opinion

Instead of telling other people - I would rather use diary or log or blog and talk about anxiety in great detail there, anonymously - for people who are willing to read it. Other people cannot fix our emotions. And it is not their job to be attached to our inner world.

There is a great difference between shyness and social anxiety.
Shyness is trait - and it is not psychiatric condition.
Social anxiety is product of abuse and bad parenting.
Shy person will cure his social anxiety symptoms by exposure.
Social anxiety will get worse with tips and tricks intended for shy people such as exposure - due to self sabotaging self abusing inner critic which shy people do not have.

(17.3.2025)

Socially conscious can be manipulation - but the social anxiety stems from the abuse where the target of abuse is forced and punished to manipulate abuser's emotions in order to avoid and evade the punishment (as oppose Machiavellian manipulation where the goal is to exploit someone)

YT "How to deal with social anxiety in two minutes | It is simple, actually.
"

"Completely useless"
It is not completely useless. Since we will never know what might happen if we are not careful - it may appear due to bias that being careful is useless. The same thing with Trump and Elon. They labeled agencies as useless, cancelled them - and now there is series of airplane accidents due to lack of safety.

"Everyone is watching you - spoiler alert they are not"
But we do not know that. There are borderline people and narcissists who are predators and who watch other people in order to ashame them.

"Delete social anxiety from the brain"
Is a bad idea. Without social norms - we will become psychopaths and sociopaths and narcissists with personality disorder - due to inability to reflect how our own behavior affects other people around us.

"Social anxiety is your brain being a drama queen"
This is over-generalization. This is the same as British military personnel labeled soldiers with shell shock to be cowards.

"Back in cavemen day, today worst thing that could happen is nothing"
This is not true.
People can get fired from a job.
They can get physically assaulted. There is a femicide. There is a peer pressure. There are toxic people who slander someone who is not obedient.

"You walk in a party"
Party is 0,000% of social situations. Social situations also include mobbing situations and dysfunctional family dynamics of living in a shame-based culture country.

"Focus on the other person"
Socially anxious are already focused on the other person. Due to previous abuse experiences.
You mix up shyness here with social anxiety. Common mistake.

"If you own it, people find you relatable"
This is not true. Most people are entrenched in Dunning Krueger effect so most people will believe that socially anxious people are not intelligent or inept.

"Talk to"
Social anxiety is not called talk anxiety. You are coercing shyness as being the same as medical social anxiety.
Social anxiety is after-effect of exposure to narcissistic abuse and it is echoism.

YT "Suppressing Anxiety Makes You Boring"

Anxiety stems from reaction to narcissistic abuse. Suppressing emotions is due to fear of punishment - such as losing a job, physical assault, femicide.

YT "The Weirdest Study On Social Anxiety #socialanxiety #funny"

Problem with any study is that really truly socially anxious people won't turn out for any study - due to social anxiety itself.
OR if they do turn out, their answers will be skewed in other to please the investigators, instigators of the study - due to social anxiety.
That is what makes social anxiety hard to describe - and it is molded and explained through the prism of shy people and narcissists who mislabel their conditions as a "social anxiety" problem.

YT "How Overthinking Impacts Decision-Making & Mental Health | Anxiety, OCD & Overthinking #overthinking"

Overthinking stems from the exposure to narcissistic abuse. The problem are predatory personalities - not the victims of it.

Social anxiety is result of abuse, exposure to narcissistic abuse. This is serious issue.
Shyness is Disneyland problem, it is drama queen, neurotypical nonsense.
These two are not one of the same - only symptoms appear the same.

First and foremost - is to define what is social anxiety.
The explanations that social anxiety is a shyness and related to talking and social skills - is myth created by CBT. It is misleading information that leads to self harm and being stuck in a maze, creating drama identity based on lies.

Social anxiety is a psychological injury - it starts with exposure to narcissistic abuse where we develop echoism. Being an echo of abusers instead of having own voice. Lack of own voice appears as talking anxiety, problem with social skills.

Problem are toxic people here,
not our reactions to toxic people.
Remove toxic people - remove their influence on our narrative (toxic introject) and social anxiety will vanish on its own.

"This video aims to solve the problem of the young people who find themselves anxious on social situations. "
Nope - it won't help. How can you narcissistically claim what can help strangers that you do not know?
You are misleading targets of abuse to blame themselves for being abused. You are forcing them to believe that they caused the abuse and that we can remove abuse by changing our thinking. Which is all narcissistic abuse gaslighting.

YT "Social anxiety can have you doing the most illogical things #socialanxiety #redditstories"

Instead of focusing on what we do - we need to place focus on thinking and our beliefs and how we come up with conclusions.
Social anxiety stems from ACE ACoA childhood - narcissistic abuse ambient where we learn to develop toxic introject toxic inner critic voice that keeps us stuck in perfectionism, rigid mindset, being cruel and abusive to ourselves - because we did not have correct model of mental health in our formative years.

" My mid always says that people can judge me"
It is not our mind.
It is toxic inner critic. Toxic introject as Sam Vaknin calls it.
It is a hypnosis a program, an operant conditioning.
It is a style.
It is reaction.
Defense mechanism,
we were punished to think this way. By developing a self abusive inner voice. It is not our mind. It is learned thinking process that appears as our mind.
This is the same as USA and Musk Trump running the country.
USA is a country - it is democracy. But Musk and Trump cheated and stole the elections and now they are making decisions for the whole USA. USA is not nazi country - but predators stole it.
That same process is happening inside our mind with social anxiety - our mind is being hijacked by toxic people around us.

" I explained things that worked for me, "
In psychology - this is called Anecdotal Evidence. It is not science, it is not proof, it is not true.

"If you did not like the concept, you can easily scroll away."
If you cannot handle the feedback criticism - it means that your methods did not cure you from social anxiety. Since social anxiety is fear of criticism.

"There are multiple people on the comment section praising the video"
This is called Echoism.
Socially anxious people develop echoism - they become an echo of the most loud person - they lose their own voice and become a sheep. An echo. So you are not being supported - you are being in echo chamber.

YT "From Awkward to Confident: Conquer Social Anxiety Fast. (Step-by-Step Guide!)
"

Social anxiety is complex trauma issue - it cannot be improved. The same thing we cannot improve a cancer.

Inner critic - stems from predatory personalities. There are sick abnormal anti-social people like narcissists and borderlines and sociopaths and psychopaths who are focused on abusing other people, being busy to focus on target to abuse them.

Telling ourselves that our evidence and experience of being abused is imaginary - is called gaslighting.

Social anxiety is not related to fear of talking - social anxiety won't go away with talking. It will become Functional on the surface.
Social anxiety is like being stuck in toxic job with mobbing and you cannot quit this job due to finances, so you are abused all the time. That is social anxiety. It is exposure to abuse and oppression.
Instead of Exposure - we need avoidance of toxic people and cutting of toxic sources, not being exposed to it.

"can you give some suggestions to control anxiety in the crucial situation"

The desire to control anxiety - is anxiety itself.
We learned to control this in ACE ACoA childhood. We believe that it is our task to fix angry people and to control mistakes and that we are perfectionists.
We cannot control what other people do.
We cannot control the traffic.
We can only control our own reactions and our thinking.

YT "What's Going Around: Social Anxiety
"

Social anxiety is reaction to narcissistic abuse. The problem is in predatory personality - not in kids who are at the receiving end of it.
No social anxiety = being Nazi fascist swastika monster without any empathy.

Pathologizing children who are in formative years and glorifying pharma mafia - is in alignment with Nazism.

YT "When you feel stress or anxiety, use mindfulness tips and techniques #shorts #therapy #mindfulness"

So if we are abused if we are stuck in abusive ambient like mobbing and bullying - we should ignore and deny it?

"Many of our EMS recruits have a real hang up on talking to strangers. We have a very limited time to break them out of that shell. Day one on the job they’ll be forced to communicate with strangers on their worst days. Sometimes a little tough love is what’s needed. Tate is right. The world doesn’t care about your problems or feelings. The sooner people realize that the sooner they’ll open up…or quit."

This is the same way how generals handled Shell Shock in WW1 and WW2. PTSD was perceived as being a coward.
And then it ended with explosion of serial killers in 1960s and 1970s - all of whom were ex soldiers who were told to shut up and suppress their experiences. And that includes JFK supposed killer.

"Sorry but how is this bad advice?
He is trying to say that yes you feel anxious, yes you are shy. But try to do things anyway. If you never build up the ability to do things that are uncomfortable to you then you will never achieve anything.
I think he is spot on. Maybe his delivery could have been better. But the underlying message is exactly correct.
Too much pandering to weak and soft people these days. Get out there and do it no matter how much it hurts your brain."

Because it does not work. This method of suppressing emotions is dysfunctional coping mechanism.
Suppressing sensations will end up as physical illness or explosion later on.
It will end up as mental illness - usually as narcissistic personality disorder.

YT "If You Get Social Anxiety, Watch This"

Abusing and harassing random people is bad idea how to handle social anxiety.
Social anxiety is reaction to narcissistic abuse - and it is a problem with operant conditioning - learned style how to think in echoism manner.
It has nothing to do with talking to random strangers and then being king of the hill competition when bothering them..
-
Always stop and think whether your fun may be the cause of another's unhappiness.
Aesop

Social anxiety is called social + anxiety. It means that anxiety stems from the social element: toxic people. It has nothing to do with us. It is not called self anxiety.
It is problem of being exposed to trauma: narcissistic abuse. Learn more about narcissism and ACoA and ACE.

"while it can, not always. the spectrum."

Abuse is abuse. It is not spectrum.
Someone deliberately choosing to harm someone - is still a harm and evil. There is no excuse for being a jerk and choosing to be evil.

YT "Who is Coming Up With These Studies on Social Anxiety? #socialanxiety #funny"

In mid 1990s when CBT and DSM tried to define social anxiety - they called actually shy people and narcissists to be tested - so now we have social anxiety being explained through the prism of shyness (exposure therapy) and narcissism (cognitive distortions).
Truly socially anxious would never turn up to be investigated - due to social anxiety itself.
And if they do turn up to be tested - their answers will be construed and misaligned to please the tester - due to social anxiety itself.
This is what makes social anxiety hard to describe and shy people and narcissists become spokesmen for the socially anxious, hijacking the social anxiety away.

It is serious - and the problem with social anxiety is echoism. Socially anxious will not speak up. They will not advocate for themselves. They will not report how they feel and what is bothering them - due to social anxiety itself.
Unlike other psychological conditions like shyness / introversion / extraversion or disorders like or NPD or BPD - all of them will protest and comment and give feedback when they detect wrong information.
Socially anxious won't - due to echoism.
So social anxiety is kicked around and molded and described by non-socially anxious.

"I hear you avoiding toxic people and setting boundaries is essential for healing from trauma. But exposure therapy isn’t about forcing yourself into abusive situations. It’s about gradually facing safe, manageable social experiences to rebuild confidence and reduce fear. The goal isn’t to dismiss past trauma but to regain control so social anxiety doesn’t keep us trapped."

Think of Exposure like having phobia from a fire. So to desensitize ourselves we must expose to our fears.
But in the same time - imagine our clothes and body being soaked in highly flammable oil. Therefore - exposure to the fire will burn us alive.
Before exposure - we need to clean this highly flammable material.

Highly flammable material is introject, toxic inner critic, internalized toxic shame.
Which means
when socially anxious person exposes - their inner critic will thwart reality and present it as doom and catastrophe and through self abuse.

So when socially anxious person is exposed to an angry person or some mistake or flaw and problem and something vague and unusual - socially anxious person will experience tsunami of shame, guilt, blame , embarrassment and won't know where to go with this flood - other than to self abuse.

"genuine lack of social anxiety is also a resilient healthy person"
Nope. That is called psychopathy and personality disorder.
Definition of personality disorder is inability to be aware how own behavior is affecting other people.

Think of Diogenes in ancient Greece.
He had no social anxiety - and he pooped in public, he urinated on other people, he masturbated in public. And he lived like a dog without hygiene.

YT "You cannot wait for your anxiety to disappear"

Being impulsive is a part of borderline personality disorder.

Taking action as reaction to anxiety -is still anxiety. IT means that our emotions are controlling us and propel us to do or not do something - but anxiety is behind it.

Instead of anxiety being our master - we need to find our identity and be rooted in our values, rather than our trauma that us pumping out anxiety.

Anxiety is a messenger - it tells us that we were abused and that we need to know how to process the abuse - other than ignoring it or denying it.

YT "Common Conversation Mistakes Socially Anxious People MAKE #socialanxiety"

But the fear of mistakes is part of the problem.
It is protective behavior.
The idea that we must be perfect in everything as a tool how to neutralize abusive people and hence to be without flaws. So that nothing wrong triggers toxic people from their hysteria and anger and punishment.
This is learned conditioned belief - stems from invalidation and narcissistic abuse in childhood, exposure to criticism 24/7 in formative years.

Problem is that saying hi and being friendly (as mentioned in this video) is 0,0005% of social situations.
The other , the most social situations is not about talking to strangers. It is mobbing at work, dysfunctional family dynamics, confrontation with strangers or neighbors.

YT "Social Anxiety: Tired of Overthinking? #socialanxiety #mentalhealth"

What happens when there is a real danger - like mobbing, toxic family dynamics, confrontation, road rage, difficult people around, conflict? What then?
Should we ignore the threats and pathological liars and backstabbing and not standing up for ourselves? Let us be abused?

YT "How to Overcome Social Anxiety & Build Confidence #motivation #anxiety #successhabits #animation"

Social anxiety is reaction to narcissistic abuse. IT cannot be improved. It is like saying that cancer can be improved. It is abuse - we need to shift blame away from us. Being abused is someone's choice to abuse - it has nothing to do with our responsibility or accountability as it appears.

(18.3.2025)

"Complimenting people and possibly making their day is annoying?"

Psychopaths and sociopaths often use glib charm as a way to seduce new victims. Glib charm is the number one trait of criminally insane predatory personalities.

This is why people who confuse shyness with social anxiety - do not understand what is social anxiety.
They perpetuate shyness concept and over impose it on social anxiety.
Shyness is neurotypical obsession with talking to strangers and going to parties.
Social anxiety is result of abuse, result of being in contact with highly damaging predatory personalities like narcissists, borderlines and psychopaths/sociopaths.

"Social anxiety has ruined my life"

Nope. It is narcissists and predatory personalities and their abuse - that ruined target's life. Social anxiety is only a result of the abuse.
It is the same as to say that the house that crumbled in the earthquake has ruined your life.
Nope. It is the earthquake that ruined the house. House did not choose to crumble on its own. There was a trigger. Trauma is not the cause, it is the symptom.
Criminally insane people with NPD and various personality disorders ruin people lives and then victims end up blaming themselves and their emotions for the catastrophe which predators cause and walk away hands free, laughing and whistling with hands in their pockets, carefree - while victims ends up with self abuse instructions program.

YT "Triggers Will Make You Feel Like You're Back Where You Started
"

I see obsessive scary thoughts as a style taught in ACoA childhood ACE years, as an operant conditioning - defense mechanisms that a child develops as reaction to narcissistic abuse and neglect and invalidation in our developing years, where we were suppose to learn love and security and safety and trust in oneself and solid basis in self worth and self trust. Instead - we learned that our worth and validation and safety depends on controlling anyone and anything that is potentially harmful, angry, scary.

(19.3.2025)

"Even if this is true it doesn't help us change our beliefs in the now"
I disagree.
If we do not know the trigger of OCD - we will keep coming back for more.
When we know toxic people are the cause of anxiety and panic and need of control - then we can investigate why we never learned self worth in childhood (due to ACE and ACoA ambient). And then we can work on building self trust and removing toxic people from our lives.

"People can add to our discomfort but they're not the primary reason for our disturbance, frustrating and annoying absolutely, but our beliefs fuel the chronic suffering."

We learn our beliefs based on toxic people around us.
We do not come up with compulsions out of empty space.
We are molded, modeled and constructed in interactions with other people.
The whole sociology was based on this discovery which is called Looking-glass self.

OCD, rumination are sign of repressed emotions - and we suppress our emotions when we are punished by toxic people in expressing our reactions to abuse.

(21.3.2025)

YT "How To Release Suppressed Emotions
"

"2 Fully accepting and allowing that emotion within the body. 3 Responding to the feeling with kindness and compassion."
This is why I say that hating social anxiety is an act of self hatred, self rejection and self abuse.
Social anxiety, due to CBT, self help and social anxiety authors of vids and articles and books - state that social anxiety is something to hate and to be embarrassed about, something to suppress, remove and destroy, conquer.
Some toxic masculinity influencers like Tate even use politically incorrect descriptions of socially anxious men in order to ashame them into hiding their emotions of panic, apparent lack of confidence and shyness.

"I think its important to acknowledge that our socialization proccess is based on emotional suppression. We dont just decide to supress emotions to please parents..we are conditioned into supressing them"

And now enter the world divided in Guilt based culture (USA, EU, Australia) and Shame based culture (Balkans, Russia, Africa, Asia). Most poor authoritarian war torn conflict countries are shame based. Southern parts poor parts of Italy and USA are shame based. Shaming is an act of suppressing emotions in self and others. Poverty is connected to suppressed emotions. Wars, too. Dysfunctional families, ACoA ACE.

".or know how to release the ick and pain...how to work through it"
It is best explained through social anxiety.
CBT, self help industry, social anxiety books articles videos tell us that social anxiety is abnormality to be ashamed of, to remove, to destroy - because it steals our life. Then we suppress social anxiety and find ways how to conquer it and destroy it. This is especially true for men due to toxic masculinity where any kind of shyness is scorned as feminine emotion that must be shut down and be ashamed about.
So releasing emotions - means that we are no longer ashamed of feelings and words that people criticize and put down.

YT "The Reality of Suppressing Emotions"

And then problem is that people will seek CBT, which will explain that those mantras are cognitive distortions - which we then are instructed to once again suppress. It is double suppresso. hehe
double suppressing.
CBT is doing incredible damage to ACE ACoA surivors, socially anxious with wrong misleading instructions. CBT does not understand Freud and suppressing emotions as defense mechanisms.

I was mislead by CBT - that explained those mantras as "cognitive distortions" and hence CBT taught me to suppress even more than ever before - which ended up as avoidance and fears and panic.

"As a nurse, I became an expert at supressing emotions and feelings. We were taught that in college. You had to move on and do your work. But what happems, you do not bring that back to the top and deal with those emotions shoved deep down!!!"

That is bad instruction. It is one thing to suppress our reactions in the critical moment - when someone is injured and needs our help.
That is common sense that we are not preoccupied with our emotions when someone else needs our attention.
Problem is that we are not taught - nurses or not - how to release those emotions without drama or hysteria or injuring other people around us with our screaming.
Society is teaching us that there are only two ways how to release emotions: either through borderline narcissistic abuse hysteria OR through self abuse and self constriction.
As if there is no third way.

Mantra in the context of suppressing emotions = worry = rumination = catastrophizing = paranoid delusions = fantasy = pure OCD = intrusive thoughts = obsessions = compulsions

"Why is it important to identify the mantras? I also have "what's the point "."

Because mantras lead to rigid mindset = personality disorder = mental illness.

"Probably true. Thus, i express myself as much as i can, but i warn you: you will make enemies."

Freud catharsis is discovered as also not to be healthy.
Being angry does not help us get rid of anger - it fuels it. Borderlines know this the best (impulsive BPD).
Yelling, screaming, conflict, making enemies, explosions - are forms of suppressing emotions, too.

Those who suffer from social anxiety do not have broken brain.
They are not serial killers, they do not have compulsive impulsive actions like borderlines or psychopaths.
Stop pathologizing victims of abuse.
The only problem is suppressing emotions which occurs due to exposure to toxic people who punish socially anxious for expressing themselves which narcissists cannot take as they feel entitled.

(22.3.2025)

Social anxiety "solutions" such as CBT and self-help books made me into a people pleaser. It is called Fawning. It is a fake social mask of being extra social to the point where I have no voice of my own, echoism. I was trying to remove social anxiety - believing it is anti-social disorder so much that I ended up being abused and stuck in narcissistic abuse. So from that point I was 100% social person.
CBT is misleading us with wrong explanations what is social anxiety.
Social anxiety is not problem with socializing - but with handling conflict and inability to trust ourselves, due to negative experience such as narcissistic abuse in adulthood and ACoA in childhood.

I see social anxiety healing - when we do not feel urge anymore to explain ourselves to people who criticize and question or mock us.

YT "Toxic Positivity: The Reality of Suppressing Emotions
"

CBT is based on toxic positivity. It explains that social anxiety is the cause of unhappiness and loss chances - which is not true.
Then people try to remove social anxiety by becoming extra social and minimizing abuse and rationalizing away the narcissistic abuse. Social anxiety stems from exposure to Dark Triad - it has nothing to do with thinking negatively and being depressed. The negative intrusive thoughts, toxic introject - stems from exposure to manipulative and controlling predatory personalities.

If you are stuck with narcissistic boss and inability to find another job - you will be forced to be nice and sweet in order to keep this job. Oppression is reality. This same applies to any kid stuck in dysfunctional family where the alternative is to become homeless. Or anyone stuck in abusive contact - romantic or friendship. Femicide statistics are not only numbers - but real oppression and coercive control.

" does low worth fit in this topic"
Of course.
Being stuck with pathological liar(s), someone who criticize all the time our mistakes, flaws which we made and we own - but they still abuse us - will destroy our sense of worth.

(23.3.2025)

"Find another workplace and stop complaining"
Not all people live in LA or NY where another job is available in 5 minutes.
Some countries are poor, corrupt - and another job is worse than the toxic one, where you need to pay the employer to get the "good" job and then receive the pay check which does not cover monthly expenses even with over-work time.
You live in a bubble, that is egocentrism and narcissistic personality disorder due to lack of ability to see reality, and then you pontificate and abuse other people for being victims of abusive tyrannical entitled people like you, born with silver spoon in their butt.

(24.3.2025)

YT "Social Anxiety: The One Thing That Changed Everything #socialanxiety"

Having no anxiety is a bad idea.
Without our emotions, all of our emotions - we don't have complete ability to process reality. Inability to be present in reality even when it is hard and negative and tough - leads to mental illness.
Our social anxiety gives us message that we are suppressing our emotions due to oppression like narcissistic abuse. It gives us data - that we need to consider how to deal conflict, difficult people and to cut them out immediately or find gray rock methods as temporary fix when we cannot leave toxic people.

YT "Who feels this? #social #socialskills #anxious #anxiousattachment #anxiety"

and we are masking our true self due to narcissistic abuse, oppression, unfavorable power dynamics like being trapped in toxic job or dysfunctional family ambient.

Social anxiety is complex trauma - we experience narcissistic abuse and then we start to walk on eggshells to satisfy the abuser.
Then we start to generalize on all population and walk around on eggshells, afraid of hurting someone's feelings - because we are being hurt through narcissistic abuse. Hating social anxiety is an act of self abuse, self hatred and self rejection.
Releasing emotions means accepting them and stop hiding them.

" policed in order to fit in acceptable "
is abuse. this is walking on eggshells. Borderline and narcissistic personalities police others as a way of control. Then we learn to fix angry people and we start to be afraid of their anger and feel responsible for their hostility.
No one told us that it is not our responsibility and that even though we feel guilt and shame - that it does not mean that we done anything guilty, wrong or shameful . It is only that controlling predatory personalities accuse us of it and we believe them.

"That is literally the opposite of what psychology tells you

"

You mix up psychiatry and psychology.
Psychiatry tells the opposite.
Psychiatry such as CBT claims that social anxiety is imaginary, fantasy, paranoid delusion issue caused by abnormal brain and abnormal genes - for which it has no research or the name of flawed organ or gene. CBT is based on lies and it should be banned.

"I don't think i can agree fully with this one. It's more having to wear many faces for many others because you try to read their body language and temperament. Some are sad and you want to try to be extra cheerful, some are angry so you want to try to be more cautious to calm them down, some are over cheerful and you try to make are not to spoil their mindset by throwing off their vibe. I think that is our true self. I'm genuine with everyone I talk with, but everyone I talk with is different than the last.
Of course, there's the stoic option where you just don't talk to anyone or maintain a standard mood that makes everyone else's mood fluctuate in response to your's."

"That's many many words for not being yourself. It's not your responsibility to make everyone feel better.

If you keep behaving that way you'll find yourself in a spot down the road, and wish you have the guts to just be you. You may even resent yourself. Be careful"

" It is less exhausting to me to behave in accordance to their mood than deal with the consequences of neutrality. Creating less stress for myself is being myself. Some personalities have a higher capacity for compassion. No need to get upset about it."

You are both correct in the same time.

djh780 described Masking or Jung's fake persona.

CornFed described liberation - that we stop social anxiety by being authentic and by being true to our self without performing circus tricks to amuse masses.

BasedRoots is saying that we live on toxic planet where rapists and racists run countries and they are in power positions - so we are in unfavorable power dynamics where we will be punished for being ourselves.

The truth is in "Stop walking on eggshells book" - the idea is that we no longer linger on other people's comfort over our own well being.
If someone is toxic - that we do not believe their accusations, that we do not accept their labels and consequently that we do not try to fix their hysteria and abuse - but leave as soon as it is safe and possible to do so.

Plus I would add that Stoicism is bad for social anxiety and as life principle in general.
Stoicism is based on narcissism, living on snapshot of reality - to have ideals and to self improve all the time to the point of perfectionism which is mental illness and narcissistic personality disorder.
Stoicism makes sense for short term goals like gym exercise or having special treatment due to health / sickness reasons temporarily so we for example must eat or drink something not eatable/drinkable for our own good.

"Wow you completely misrepresented stoicism. You need to read the greek texts. It has NOTHING to do with Ego. Ego is actually put to the side for logic. Modern 12 year old made youtube videos about stoicism have NOTHING to do with stoicism. How dare you misrepresent something that would honestly heal anxiety."

Stoicism was criticized in Ancient Greece, too.
Hint: Epicurus.

"In contrast with the stoics and modern counterparts in today's religious and humanist communities Epicurus taught that virtue is not absolute. Or the end in itself. That all good and evil consists in sensation. Epicurus held that if virtue does not lead to pleasure and happiness – it's useless."

Your hysterical reaction shows that you have no idea what is Stoicism. You are unable to handle criticism and you are obsessed with being correct and right - all of which Stoicism dismisses as non-stoic.

(25.3.2025)

Social anxiety is a sign of repressing emotions. It is not issue of shyness, loss of social skills or confidence or willpower. And it is not cured with Catharsis - proposed in this video. Freud's Catharsis (screaming) leads to more hysteria.
We express our emotions by feeling them, acknowledging them and listening to them and trying to understand them.
Hating social anxiety (As described in this video) is an act of suppressing emotions, act of self hatred, self rejection and self abuse.

1 year later on and I discovered that social anxiety is a sign/symptom of repressed emotions - due to abuse and punishment. We need to acknowledge social anxiety instead of trying to overcome it.

(28.3.2025)

Social anxiety is sign of repressed emotions. So idea that we overcome social anxiety is more of suppressing emotions - which is bad for our mental health.
I would exercise Humanistic psychology, Coherence therapy, IFS Model, Narrative therapy and most importantly - learning how to heal from borderline/npd abuse - which caused social anxiety in the first place.

(29.3.2025)

"1. Anxiety is objectively bad it causes an obscene amount of problems especially with youth nowadays
2. You're no worse when feeling anxiety than somebody with depression is for feeling depressed I don't think anybody is arguing that point but a lot of people unfortunately overlook the anxiety disorder and just assume you're an idiot and those people are idiots.
3. Covering up your feelings/being Stoic is incredibly important obviously not to an extreme extent but feelings are often illogical and can get you into bad situations. What would you say to a soldier during WW2 about that???
4. Again I don't think anybody is arguing this
5. This is the same as point 2 you are not bad for feeling anxiety, and the people that say otherwise are in the distant minority
6. Again I don't think anybody is arguing that this should be our SOLE purpose but removing it just like depression would benefit the lives of many."

1. All sensations are neutral. We make it bad due to our explanations and rationalizations and intellectualizations, usually plagued with all sorts of bias and logical fallacies. Problem is when we suppress emotions and not learning from it.
2. Depression and anxiety are rooted in trauma and abuse which must be addressed and healed.
3. Every day life events cannot be compared to a brutal war. It diminishes the both if we do compare them to each other.
4. What you think is Anecdotal evidence - it serves only your perspective, not reality
5. When you proclaim anxiety as all bad - you are creating identity out of it. You are the one who claims that feeling anxiety is being a bad person.
6. Removing the symptoms do not remove the cause.

1. "dread/lust/paranoia/hopelessness/murder cravings " Social anxiety is not related to psychopathy nor sociopathy.
Stop pathologizing abused victims of abuse.
2. "I never said they aren't rooted in trauma" You are supporting CBT, stoicism and hatred of social anxiety. That is denial of trauma stance that you have.
3. "We are also quite literally going through several wars" You mix up politics with social anxiety which is common trauma wound of intellectualization of trauma - by suppressing the validation of emotions
4. "Prove to me " I am not proving you nothing, since you are devoted to living in a fantasy and using social anxiety as weapon to self abuse and to instruct socially anxious to abuse themselves with CBT, stoicism and hatred toward anxiety
5. "I never said that " I copy paste your own words which you wrote 18 hours ago: "Anxiety is objectively bad "
6. " Nobody ever said" I copy paste your own words of instructing socially anxious to suppress their emotions: "Covering up your feelings/being Stoic is incredibly important" Which is horrible advice - since suppression of emotions is problem with social anxiety itself which fuels avoidance and panic issues.

(30.3.2025)

The point is that we do not depend on other people to build our self identity and grounding in ourselves.
Codependency and relying on other people to feel good about ourselves is borderline disorder.

(31.3.2025)

"basic explanation respecting both sides of the argument would be nice."
I wrote it all in my comments here in basic simple terms and you do not understand it because you don't have social anxiety.
Due to egocentrism, you expect magical solution from limited censored commentary here - which is a sign of delusional mind.
You have borderline narcissistic disorder masking itself as social anxiety.
You show no empathy,
you show greed,
you show sadism and enjoyment in conflict and drama and hysteria and putting other people down for your entertainment and low IQ that prevents you from learning anything.

YT "Social Anxiety Disorder Kaise Thik Kare l Social Anxiety Kaise Thik Kare l Dr Kashika Jain
"

Social anxiety has nothing to do with lack of social skills.
It it psychological injury stemming from ACE ACoA narcissistic / borderline abuse exposure.

YT "Social anxiety 😂 #togi #youngla"

He was close to you because of loud music.
Narcissists and psychopaths tend to interpret the world through the egocentrism and unconscious repressed masturbatory fantasies.

Except when it is loud music and you actually want to be heard, you lean over to the person you talking to. That is basic social skill - which people with low IQ interpret as sex or fight - ID brain hijacking the intellect in dumb people.

YT "Overcome Social Anxiety"

Desensitization works when other people are normal, healthy , sane.
When they are borderline and narcissist and they do not seek therapy for abusive behavior - then desensitization will not work for people who were already been abused since childhood in ACE ACoA ambient.

Sounds more like borderline disorder masking itself as social anxiety.
All I hear here is -
Me me me
I I I
my anxiety - means I am entitled and must be comforted and other people must fawn over to me, because I have anxiety.

"One time I was at a Popeyes and the cashier asked me how my day was going. In response I said chicken, paid, and waited for my food. I had no recall of this until my friend had questioned me about it 3 seconds later."

Amygdala hijacking restricts perihelia small chat and unhealed trauma due to past abuse make us hypervigilant all the time even in every day interactions

YT "How social anxiety feels. #sketchcomedy #couplescomedy filming and VFX by "

There is no winning strategy to make dumb people or anyone egocentric to understand us. Just drop it with a smile and walk away.

When trauma is unhealed - there is operant conditioning inside, a toxic introject, inner critic voice that is ordering person to fix other people's lack of education.

Similar to Catcher in Rye novel, or Rescuer inside Karpman Drama Triangle. Exposure to narcissistic borderline ACE ACoA abuse since childhood - mess us up and we never learn tools how to handle difficult and dumb people other than rescuing them from their darkness. And this ends up as being codependent and people pleaser, door mat.

Desire to please people is strong in social anxiety, due to unhealed unprocessed trauma.

YT "Signs you might have social anxiety #socialanxiety #socialanxietytips #anxietytips"

All signs of being exposed to ACE, ACoA, narcissistic and borderline abuse over long time.

Problem is that CBT and psychiatry are telling to the socially anxious that socially anxious are broken - that they have abnormal brain and faulty genes hence making effects of defense mechanisms to npd bpd abuse as target's permanent identity persona..

Social anxiety is psychological injury, stemming from exposure to borderline - narcissistic abuse in childhood (ACE ACoA) and bullying mobbing in adulthood.
In adulthood we resort to programmed style defense mechanisms to interact with people - both normal and conflict prone difficult ones.

YT "social anxiety"

Sounds more like narcissism and borderline disorder masking itself as social anxiety.
Me me me
I I I
I have social anxiety but I tape myself for the whole world to watch and to get narc supply from the viewers by pretending to be a victim.

YT "i get scared #socialanxiety"

Schizoid disorder appears as social anxiety - but it is not the same.
Socially anxious wants to be friends - but due to abuse and bullying they have trauma from making contact.

"Then how do u make friends"

By being authentic and cutting off toxic people who control and parasite over others.

YT "Do you fear abandonment? If you struggle with object permanence I want you to remind yourself that"

WAtching again - this applies to sudden departure when the close person or pet is forever gone. It will feel as if their love is gone too because they are lost forever. But the love is not gone. If there was a magic stick that could bring back those who are gone - they would love us again and we would love them in real time just as before.
This vid helps a lot with grief when someone is gone permanently due to sudden loss.

"I suffer heavily with this. It’s why I appreciate those who have stood by me during all life’s trials."

You miss the point.
Borderline type of disorder is based on not trusting ourselves, not being based on solid ground that we can rely on us - so we end up being codependent on others to make us feel happy, secure, whole. This is dysfunctional because due to billions of reasons - people who love us won't always be by our side - due to nature of life itself. So we have to individuate - which is goal for having healthy sane mind. It does not mean being loner and to abandon all people - but it means that we have solid basis inside our own existence and our mind - instead of hating and rejecting ourselves as we were programmed and conditioned in ACE and ACoA childhood.

Being grown up, growing up, being mature - means becoming our own person that does not 100% depend on love / emotions from external world.

" i am more than convinced that nobody loves or cares about me because of this. "
No.
Object permanence issue - is a symptom. It is not the cause.
The cause is ACE and ACoA, emotional narcissistic borderline abuse neglect and invalidation ambient in our formative developmental years - where we never learned to trust ourselves - but instead we were conditioned to develop a style of codependency and self hatred, self rejection.

" I will know permanence in that way with at least one friend."
You misunderstood the video.
It is not about depending on external world to feel validated.
This has to come from within, that we trust our brain and our abilities to form decisions and to take care of our own well being - instead of relying on friends etc to do that for us.

" the entire nature of feelings and emotions is that they are not permanent. So you can't know that it's still there and it may as well not be. The only way you know someone's feelings or emotions is if they show you them consistently."

You mix up apples and oranges.
Having contact with other people - is one thing.
In this video - object permanence issue is about self hatred, self rejection - not being able to lean onto own mind and own brain and abilities to form decisions which happens due to ACE ACoA in developmental years - where instead of encouraging our personality - we were forced to make others happy and regulated emotionally.

Due to exposure to borderline narcissistic abuse in childhood - strict parenting, Jordan Peterson types of "advice" of punishing children, patriarchy - creates this mental illness of codependency.

"How do I know you're still holding the ball if it's off screen though?"

"Exactly. Believing that the ball is still there is different from knowing its still in the same place. Same for the feelings a person has for you. Even if tge feeling is still there it might be in a less secure place

I understand her anology but it is by no means an accurate anology"

Interesting comments - and it is philosophy here - Schrodingen cat.
The point is not about what happens to the ball -
it is in our safety and security and knowing that we are whole person even when the ball is not visible to us.

In ACE ACoA borderline npd abuse - we have been programmed to have mentality of being extension to the other people and that we exist as person only when other person is observing us, as if our own observance is not valid. Untreated mentally ill people programmed us to think this way since childhood - and we end up with object permanence issues -
this is why we are prone to paranoia and conspiracy theories too - because we reject and hate ourselves and we depend on external world to feel whole and sane and complete.

YT "Social anxiety recovery = when symptoms no longer matter"

Idea to remove anxiety - is called repression, suppression, denial - and it is dysfunctional.
All emotions, all sensations - anything that happens to us and we consequently react to some stimulus - is data.
It is reality.
So idea that we block reality - is mental illness idea.
When we block reality - we will create fantasy, delusions, expectations and then like a domino effect we will accrue short and long term decisions based on this fantasy -
it is like driving a car with our eyes closed: obviously this is dangerous.
Problem is that toxic society marks anxiety as feminine emotion, something that is not allowed - even for women, due to patriarchy - anything labeled as feminine - is seen as disease and sickness.
So society itself, rules and culture of shame - is part of mental illness, too.

It is not anxiety that controls us - it is toxic people in power positions who abuse others through control and violence.

Changing relation to rumination - means realizing that there is no winning strategy to beat predators - and that our only resource is in trusting ourselves instead of trying to please and fix angry predatory personalities.

"That's an interesting perspective! Are you suggesting that anxiety stems from a lack of boundaries? I hadn’t considered that connection before."

Social anxiety stems from early childhood experiences of borderline narcissistic abuse (exposure to constant criticism and strict parenting style) - where we learn to adopt and to survive through self blaming ourselves.
When we hate and reject ourselves - all our boundaries - either if we have them on not - will be based on survival tools where we are desperately trying to protect ourselves from the pain.

When we are whole as a person, when we trust ourselves, when we take care of our own well being, when we understand that other people are connected to us and that their well being means our own well being - our boundaries will be natural and automatic and healthy and sane. We won't need to read self help books about it or pay coaches to learn boundaries.
When someone is rude, hostile - we won't intellectualize it.
When something bothers us - we will express it, we will write it journal it -
we won't ride on tsunami of self blame, guilt and shame embarrassment and then come up with walls to protect our unhealed wounds inside.

YT "Social Anxiety Hits Differently… 💬🧠"

"socially anxious people rehearse conversations"

Anxiety by definition is a one gigantic rehearsal orgy.

YT "How To Talk To People: Use This Mind Hack"

"The whole world" is over-generalization. Bias like that is a problem in mental illness - because toxic introject is forcing us to believe in splitting - catastrophizing - and then we come up with ideas which are sick and detrimental and we expose ourselves to unnecessary pain - if we only were self aware to recognize toxic inner critic and do not add our logic onto its provocation with overgeneralized beliefs which have no basis in reality.

Nothing is black and white - there is always a spectrum.
When we do not see the spectrum - we will experience pain and suffering based on a fantasy, delusion, paranoia - and if we do not stop it, it will end up as being stuck in mental illness, aka cut off from reality which is spectrum.

"You hold yourself off from socializing because you are scared of bothering them"
Nope.
People are scared of punishment and past abuse and toxic people who complain and find faults in anything that moves.
You are framing social anxiety as if it is our blame, as if we woke up one day and decided to develop irrational fear from talking to people. That is a fantasy. Social anxiety stems from exposure to long term narc and borderline abuse, also known as ACE ACoA in childhood and mobbing and bullying in adulthood.

"You are not bothering other people"
You are framing social anxiety as if toxic people do not exist. As if evil people do not exist. As if fake social mask does not exist. People who pretend to be friends - but actually have evil agenda to exploit and torture others for sadism or greed purposes.

YT "Things socially anxious people find difficult 🥺 #socialanxiety #anxiety #introvert #relatable"

People who claim to have social anxiety but they film themselves for views - actually have bpd and npd which is masking itself as social anxiety, pretending to be a victim so to garner new narc supply.

"Being in a crowded room is real </3 its like you think youd be able to make friends easier but in reality you're terrified to interrupt their group or scwred they might think your weird or that they might talk about you to their already established friends."

I see borderline disorder here masking itself as social anxiety.
Truly socially anxious were abused and traumatized by sick people - and that is the core of social anxiety.
In your case - there is codependency and narcissistic supply: which means that you see people as object, something to consume, something to catch like a prey predator game, as if other people serve you to feel good about yourself and to validate you. When bpd and npd do not get narc supply - they experience social anxiety symptoms - but it is actually borderline narc disorder hiding and masking itself as being a victim.

"i didnt realize that i have social anxiety until now, as i relate to all of these:("

It is bad idea to diagnose oneself over internet, especially over non medical video created for click bait.

"I just keep going and trying and stressing and once I am left alone I collapse 😂 last time I spend 4hrs with a friend, I had to go to sleep 4 hours earlier and I did not even wake up earlier I was so tired after spending all that time with them that I just collapsed in my bed and fogot the lights and everything"

Problem with hypersensitivity and overstimulation - is that we become narcissistic. We become obsessed with our symptoms - and our symptoms now become our identity and persona.
We become self involved with escaping the pain and then we either cut off from reality through avoidance or we develop borderline disorder where we dump our "struggles" to anyone around us, smothering them with irrelevant information -
while in the same time we are not present with other people, their struggles, their pain and their real life problems, we do not make deep connections love and friendships and take care of our pets.
We only are involved in our feelings and emotions like being stuck in an echo chamber.

We need to accept ourselves - with our feelings - and not to feel ashamed of being sensitive.
Until we totally accept ourselves - we will be stuck in a loop of emotionally dumping and stuck in "me me me" , "I I I"

YT "Send this to someone struggling with social anxiety"

"Connect with anyone to get what you want"
Is psychopathy, sociopathy. Narcissism.
Other people are not objects for entitled us to use them and then discard when our masturbatory urges are over.
Our needs and feelings are not to be fulfilled by exploiting other people as if they are a rubber scumbag.

"Spotlight effect" is not real.
Sociology is based on idea that all people are connected and other people influence our mental health and our decisions.
In narcissistic and borderline abuse, in evil people like psychopaths and sociopaths - they are very much focused on other people and how to exploit them for selfish greed agenda or simply sadism.
In shame culture countries - most people are focused on putting other people down by mocking other people's appearance and mistakes and supposed flaws.

Social anxiety is not called talking anxiety.
Social anxiety is already talking to toxic people who are abusive and difficult, borderline and narcissistic - and being stuck in toxic ambient without means of escaping it - that is social anxiety.
Social anxiety is not called self anxiety. Anxiety stems from the social element: toxic people being toxic, difficult, anti-social, unfriendly, un-cooperative, untalkable.

YT "Social Anxiety: The Ultimate Performance Pressure"

This happens due to Amygdala hijacking. It looks comical - but in reality it is painful because it is based on survival methods and defense mechanisms and tools in ACE ACoA childhood and later on in mobbing bullying situations, walking on eggshells around bpd and npd personalities who are abusive and highly critical and micromanaging others.

YT "Managing Mental Health: understanding social anxiety #socialanxiety #mentalhealthcare #mentalhealth"

All signs of being exposed to narcissistic borderline abuse in childhood (ACE ACoA) and in adulthood (mobbing bullying).
Symptoms are not identity nor persona - these symptoms are reaction to predators being criminally insane free to roam around and abuse others at whim.

YT "Social Anxiety Isn't Just Being Shy, It's… 🫣"

People don't get trapped in their own mind on a whim. They do not invent feeling not enough. It is not like socially anxious woke up one day and decided to develop echoism and get stuck in echo chamber.
Social anxiety stems from exposure to narcissistic and borderline abuse in childhood (ACE ACoA) and later on in mobbing oppression bullying ambient where abusers are free to abuse others while all people point finger at victims of abuse for being hysterical.

You do not explain what happens what happens when there is REAL threat.
What is called when we experience panic, anxiety, social anxiety, social phobia when people are really toxic, abnormal, criminally insane, anti-social and in the same time we cannot neither defend ourselves or run away.

Social anxiety is trauma- it has nothing to do with cowardice or being brave or being confident.
When you frame it like that - you are forcing abused people to become depended on your products which you sell as a cure.

YT "most not non chalant person out there. social anxiety is scared of me #edit #capcut #random"

Perfect example of showing that no social anxiety = narcissism, borderline disorder, psychopathy and sociopathy, total lack of empathy and 100% focus on greed, masturbatory satisfaction of selfish needs and exploiting other people for own agenda without being aware how own behavior affects others around.

YT "Talking to strangers #shorts #anxiety #comedy"

When we depend on talking to strangers - this is called borderline disorder.
When other people abuse us and treat us with disrespect - even though we never done them wrong - this is called borderline personality disorder, narcissism and psychopathy.

There is comedy hashtag.
It is sketch - using extreme situations to convey the message that exposure does not help with social anxiety - due to toxic people being toxic and unfriendly and anti-social.
Instead of talking - or learning social skills as cBT self help industry is explaining to us - we need education about what is narcissistic borderline abuse and how to handle it.

Core problem is that children never hear messages of validation at all - hence they end up with social anxiety due to exposure to ACE and ACoA borderline and narc abuse such as strict parenting , military discipline and stoicism.

YT "You are making your social anxiety worse
"

This is the best social anxiety content online - that aligns with all my discoveries about social anxiety and how to navigate it in correct functional yet sustainable manner.
A girl who screams in a street that social anxiety does not exists gets 1 million views. This medical video based on science and facts - gets 13 views. That shows us that society wants fantasy and not reality - and that is part of problem - toxic people who are stuck in delusions and then we end up socializing with them and then they start to act anti-socially, we end up with social anxiety as the result of their abuse.
So,
I would like to add insight which helped me getting explanation of social anxiety, and making sense of it.
Without this following information I would blame myself and feel shame for feeling social anxiety experiences.

"You have this imaginary standard in your head that you are trying to achieve so that you could be approved of."
Yes.
And we are not born with this super ego moral ethical code. When it is rigid - it is a sign we were forced to adopt it because one of our parent was untreated mentally ill and because of living in shame culture ambient where standards are too high and they are enforced with physical and emotional abuse - so we end up with shame standards.
If we do not realize this - we will blame ourselves for being weird and rigid and disordered - while in reality we were pushed and coerced into developing perfectionism in order to survive.

"That is their desire: they want to be liked, they want to be accepted."
I would also add - there is desire to avoid punishment like rejection and verbal abuse and back stabbing.

"instead of blaming ourselves for having bad reactions, we need to accept that this is just a part of learning. Give yourself some grace. Like you're not going to be that good initially."
Again - we did not decided to abuse ourselves. We learned to expect first time success - and then be punished if we fail - because of toxic people around us.

Narcissistic abuse and borderline abuse are behind social anxiety -
social anxiety is a psychological injury stemming from exposure to walking on eggshells around hysterical hostile anti-social people around us.

Exposure therapy -
the problem is not only in small chat.
The fear in social situation is related to abuse. We are experiencing social anxiety as a defense mechanism, as a cushion that soften ups the blow.
It's because human mind is not created to sustain narcissistic abuse - which is death of 1000 cuts, micromanaging.
It is not fear of embarrassment in exposure -
it's more about criticism from professional victims and petulant narcissists who will seek and find errors and mistakes that we make. In order to make us feel guilty -
and once shame and blame is there - we won't be able to remove it by wishing it away. Because of things that you mentioned earlier in the video:

"If you are going to worry about social situations – it should be about three things- are you being kind, are you respectful, are you friendly? If you're doing those three things, everything else will fall into place."

That is exactly what toxic people (npd bpd predators) will target.
If we are quiet- they will accuse us of being weird.
If we are open - they will accuse us of being difficult.
If we work and contribute - they will accuse us of being doormat and forcing them to work too.
If we avoid and keep passive - they will accuse us of being lazy.
Whatever we do or don't do - toxic people will present as character identity permanent flaw (toxic shaming) and they will use our moral and ethical standards against us - that is what socially anxious are really afraid - of talking and expressing own opinion - because in npd bpd abuse - the socially anxious person was attacked and punished by abusers, conditioned to be quiet and passive and afraid.

If we are honest and truthful and we if have moral ethical code and standards of health and sanity - we will be target of abuse by sick people around us.
and in childhood - we have been programmed to believe that when someone is angry and places the burden of shame blame and guilt on us - that this automatically means that we are bad evil guilty person - without even a trial.

Social anxiety will happen in oppressive ambient - such as toxic job - that we cannot quit due to finances -
so our exposure therapy will make it worse. When we talk, when we speak the truth, when we are honest and authentic - toxic people in power will punish us and attack us and do something bad to us.
Femicide statistics happen in abusive contact when the victim starts to be authentic and exposes herself to the fears of not talking out - so criminally insane abuser attacks her.

We have social anxiety as defense mechanism - the true problem are abusers, predators around us.
All we can do - is that we understand that abuse is abuser's problem - not ours to fix. It is not our responsibility when people abuse us.

"god dat a lot of words"

Social anxiety is Complex Trauma. It is complex. That is what it makes it overwhelming.
These words are product of 35 years of social anxiety research. So I want people not to waste their life finding something that they can learn only if they devote 90 seconds of their time to read it.

" self improvement/removing weakness from yourself "
That is mental illness called narcissism - pretending to be superior than others for the purpose of being grandiose than life itself.
The reason I write here is to help normal people abused by predators like you who are spreading mental illness around by coercing socially anxious with pathological lying, patriarchy king of the hill competition and skin oil salesmanship.

YT "How Does Social Anxiety Affect Work? - The Personal Growth Path
"

It is mobbing, narcissistic and borderline abuse that affects avoidance behavior - not social anxiety which is a symptom and reaction to abuse.
Stop pathologizing victims of abuse.

YT "I have social issues #socialanxiety #introvert #manchild #shorts"

Exposure to ACE ACoA in childhood, mobbing and bullying in later years - causes social anxiety. And then we end up scapegoating our reactions to abuse and pathologizing ourselves and in therapy believing that we are being crazy - while in the same time narc bpd predators walk away hands free.

YT "I Conquered Social Anxiety in Edinburgh!"

Social anxiety is reaction to borderline narcissistic abuse.
Being preoccupied what other people think and seeking their approval - is narcissistic personality disorder - it is not social anxiety.

YT "If You Have SOCIAL ANXIETY, Watch This Video"

Second guessing oneself - is byproduct of narcissistic borderline abuse: walking on eggshells.

YT "How to Overcome Social Anxiety as an Introvert"

Idea to overcome social anxiety is an act of self abuse, self hatred and self rejections. It stems from the false belief that reaction to narcissistic and borderline abuse in the form of panic and worry and anxiety is feminine hysteria and hence something shameful. This belief stems from neurotypical toxic society based on patriarchy.
Social anxiety is reaction to abuse - it has nothing to do with fear of talking to strangers. Talking fear is one of the symptoms stemming as byproduct of abuse exposure.
Idea like focus on your breathing is part of suppressing our emotions - where we erroneously believe that if we control anxiety that magically all people will like us and nothing bad will ever happen to us ever.
Social anxiety is not issue of not having social skills. It is learned programmed reaction to psychopathic abuse where we do not have a choice of leaving or escaping - but being trapped in abuse.
Confidence is paradox. When we want to be confident - we will never get it. when we accept ourselves as not being confident - we will become confident then because nothing and no one can pull or put us down - since we don't care what they think or how someone sees us.

YT "Quick Tip for #socialanxiety"

Unfortunately being aware about whether awkward moment means being worthless or stupid due to operant conditioning.
Kids who grew up in ACE and ACoA are trained to develop style of self blaming as reaction to angry, hostile and hysterical people.
Problem with challenging negative automatic thoughts and beliefs - is once again due to operant conditioning which has self protective mechanism. Called Pink Elephant paradox or Ironic processing theory. Which states that blocking rumination leads more to worry. When we try hard not to think about something we are instructing our brain to keep that thought alive by not thinking about it, it is paradox.
The better approach is learning about npd and bpd. Which means that we do not expect anymore to fix angry people as we were conditioned to do in childhood.

Also - idea to suppress and block and deny reality - such as toxic people being toxic - is not reality. We end up living in a fantasy where we pretend that abuse does not exist. And then we end up being stuck in abuse and never changing it or try to or attempt to change it nor leave.

YT "The ONLY Way to FIX Social Anxiety (Stop Doing This)
"

"Left uncheck it can ruin our lives"
Nope.
It is abuse, oppression, prejudice, npd, bpd that ruins people's lives. Not our reaction to abuse and poverty and lack of support and amenities/help.

"We find it near impossible to talk to anyone"
This is not social anxiety.
That is shyness, narcissistic borderline disorder. Social anxiety is not called talking anxiety. It has nothing to do with small chat. Socially anxious can talk - but they do not due to abuse.

"talking to girl in a bar"
Why would we talk to strangers anyway? USA elections showed that 50 percept of general population is mentally ill, abnormal and criminally insane who support nazi death camps and rape and racism. It is very high chance that random person in a bar is psychopath or borderline mentally ill predator.

"we're so scared of other people's opinion of us"
Once again nope - you are twisting and distorting social anxiety as if it is narcissistic disorder.
The social anxiety fear is not fear of opinion (which is npd). The fear in social anxiety is in criticism and scrutiny - punishment. Due to abuse. All clinical medical resources describe social anxiety as fear of criticism and scrutiny.

"been outcast, having no friends"
You had shyness which you chose to label as social anxiety.
Socially anxious people had friends before age of 12 / 13 when social anxiety started due to bullying abuse.

"I went from that to confidence own business"
You are describing shyness here. You never had medical social anxiety at all.
Problem is you are providing wrong misleading information online - forcing and coercing socially anxious people to believe that social anxiety is a wart that we must be embarrassed about related to fear of talking - which is not true.

"Social anxiety is phobia"
No it is not.
Social anxiety is trauma, complex PTSD. It is not phobia - because it does not go away with mere exposure like driving phobia that goes away with driving.
Social anxiety is not called speaking anxiety. It is called social + anxiety, which means anxiety stems from social element: toxic people being anti-social and abusive.

"You have fight flight response"
Wrong again. There is Fawning response - which is trauma response and it is connected to pleasing criminally insane narcissists and borderlines who are abusive and in power position to coerce their targets of abuse usually through financial abuse.

"It is not life and death"
Femicide statistic are real. Abusers when they are not fawned to - they become criminally violent because they are mentally ill and evil which makes them abusers.

"We fix it by exposure"
Exposure will help with shyness - which helped you.
Social anxiety does not respond to exposure due to abuse being abusive and toxic introject being installed by abusers.

"Teaching you that this is not life and death situation"
Unless we are poor, we are not born with silver spoon in our mouth, when we do not have support - then being abused means being homeless as alternative and being exposed to hooligans in the streets. Then it is life and death situation when there is narcissistic and borderline abuse and lack of support.

"No one really cared"
As white heterosexual male born into entitlement - you will experience less abuse than others - so your exposure will end up as more fulfilling experience than other people - and from your point of view you will convince yourself that you have some magical super brain - while in reality the socially accepted color of your genitalia which has ability to get erected on vagina - is opening doors to you in patriarchy toxic planet and you are not aware of entitlement and privilege - and then pontificate to us that we simply need to think positively.

You never had social anxiety at all.
You misdiagnosed your shyness and narcissism as social anxiety - since this paints you as victim that struggled and overcome something - and now you are selling us fantasy and present it as magical cure solution - without realizing that skin color of your genitalia is doing the job for you of being " socially confident".

"This is an amazing video,and thank you for making people who have watched this video who have social anxiety feel less alone, including me. I suffer really bad with anxiety so thank you for making me appear more than just a person who has anxiety."

It is really bad idea to seek friendship from click bait videos that are instructing you to hate yourself and to fake pretend something your are not just to have fake social mask.

YT ""Why Do We Get Social Anxiety & How to Overcome It?""

Brain tries to protect us from npd bpd abuse - not general rejection. Please do not put misleading information about medical issues - because it is hurting and harming people who are seeking true factual information about social anxiety.

Your literal thumbnail for this very video is instructing neurodivergent people and introverts to hate themselves and then to fit them self to Neurotypical crap - being extroverted.

YT "Tranquil Tuesday: Overcoming Social Anxiety"

"overcoming social anxiety" and what you want us to remember "You are enough just as you are" are two polar opposite instructions that clash with each other. When you say overcome reaction to abuse which is social anxiety - you are telling us to hate ourselves because we are reacting to abuse, by not being ourselves and not feeling enough. Without realizing it. You need to think more through this topic of social anxiety . it is tricky and contradictory and paradoxical, a lot. It takes 30 years to study it.

"being more present and authentic" - around toxic people and in toxic ambient will make us socially anxious due to abuse and toxic people being unable to tolerate the truth which we express and voice out. So you are now instructing us to develop social anxiety - without realizing it.

"Focus on your breath"
will not help us with actual social anxiety.
Social anxiety is not called self anxiety. It is called social anxiety because anxiety occurs in social setting with social element: toxic people being anti-social. So when we are at job, in car, in street - when abusers want us to make quick decisions - we won't have time for breathing deeply and relaxation. Instead of suppressing reality - we need to check why we cannot breath deeply - and start building a life without abusers and predators.

"Mind spiraling, convinced people judging us, these thoughts are not based in reality, most of time people are caught in their"
Mind spiraling happens due to exposure to abuse. Toxic people are very much focused on abusing their targets - so nope - we are not imagining the abuse.

"It doesn't have to be all or nothing situations"
But - we are not the ones who are initiating the abuse. Abusers force us to think in splitting black and white thinking through punishment and blaming. You are now claiming that abuse is imaginary which is disrespectful and dangerous - because we will end up rationalizing abuse.

"Social anxiety is feeling, feelings are valid, be patient"
Being patient is not enough. If we do nothing about the abuse - we will stay stuck in abuse.
Abuse will not pass. It requires our reaction and our awareness - not intellectualization and denial.

It is highly damaging - because he is telling us that abuse is imaginary - hence forcing us to stay stuck in abuse and blaming ourselves for feeling anxiety and then vanish all our resources into suppressing anxiety hoping it will go away on its own - without investigating the triggers of social anxiety: npd and bpd abuse.

YT "THE SMARTEST WAY TO DEAL WITH TOXIC PEOPLE | Mel Robbins MOTIVATIONAL SPEECH
"

This is half true. In real life - toxic people do not stop - they make scapegoats - and even when you ignore them - they backstab you, they influence colleagues to hate you, they influence bosses not to give you raise by spreading rumors behind your back - you don't even have idea what is happening until 10 years later.

(1.4.2025)

"you can be HSP & also have ADHD/autism/RSD"
Yes - but problem is when we start to build identity on labels.
For example -
if I need to rush upstairs and my heart start to beat due to action - if I read CBT self help books about social anxiety - I will describe the heart beating as a panic. And not as byproduct of exercise - and then I can make decisions based on CBT misdiagnosis.
Labels can help us to educate ourselves - but they also can become tyrannical inner critic voices in our head that force us to make decisions which we would otherwise not make - totally ignoring our inner GPS. Labels stuck us into egocentrism and narcissism where we lose flexibility and instead we develop rigid mindset similar to fascism in politics or religion. We become robots. Inhuman. Executing program which someone else wrote for us to do. Totally ignoring our own true authentic core identity and persona inside us - and we overrun it with labels that explain and coerce us how to think and what decisions to make in life.

Talking facts and science is not diagnosis - it is speaking the truth. No matter how much reality doesn't feel good for you.
Narcissists and borderlines cannot handle criticism, facts, reality because they are stuck in snapshot of reality. Then any kind of new information which contradicts their fantasy - appears as personal insult, attack and diagnosis. Due to disorder that mentally ill people are stuck in.

Unfortunately information about narcissism and borderline disorder is being skewed due to abuse so many targets of abuse are reporting bad side of bpd and npd - and then we as society are not informed about what npd bpd is - you never could have read this information in self help books or online in videos etc.

In short - borderline narcissism is deep self hatred, self rejection, self abuse - and this happens due to dysfunctional parenting and toxic ambient around us like alcoholism and shame culture.
When we are ashamed of ourselves - we will start to worry about how other people think about us. We will be very much concerned about if other people think we are weird. That part is connected to narcissism and borderline disorder - due to lack of validation and love and acceptance in childhood and adolescence, in our formative years.

With social anxiety - there is element of bpd npd self hatred - BUT there is also element of developing various ways how to deflect punishment. It is like socially anxious people were walking in the room - but worry about what other people think ended up as people abusing us. They did said out loud things that you worry about - and this is how social anxiety starts. It is being abused, bullied, being in mobbing job.

Does this makes sense?
I would suggest you to read book "stop walking on eggshells" and groups or books related to having borderline parents.- perhaps you will find some useful information what to do about our fears and expectations which are highly distressing.

Many people who seek self improvement - do it due to internalized toxic shame - and then they turn self improvement into self abuse and later on - abusing of other people, which is hallmark of narcissistic and borderline abuse.
It is shocking that this perspective is hidden and not discussed.
Jordan Peterson and oil skil salesmen like him are even making money on selling self improvement - so it is also connected to criminal activity, selling magical cures to people who honestly seek truth and facts and guidance.
That is the reason why,
whenever I hear self improvement tagline - I write this quote above.

"On the other hand, the inability to second-guess oneself and one's own decisions could also be a symptom of narcissism"

Not quite. Narcissism is inability to see how own actions affect other people - or does not care at all if they are aware that they hurt others - they lack the chip to be aware of other people's pain caused by their words or actions.
Narcissist will self doubt themselves - when this leads to agenda, accruing money, creating satisfaction, escaping the court.
For example, Weinstein walking in the court with crutches to garner sympathy based on his illness and vulnerability.
So narcs can fake and mimic being vulnerable and humble, doubtful.

YT "Trust Your Gut Feeling: 4 INTUITIVE Rules to Avoid Bad Relationships
"

Reading 2001 Space Odyssey by Kubrick - I realized that accumulated data, a large quantity of information - eventually leads to intuition - we get flashes of insight when we connect various disconnected data around the sea of information.
It is like domino effect and tetris coming together - where the block of data leads to chain of insight - that ends up as new information that otherwise we would not get by itself.
Another way to describe it is - as if it is a ladder which can help us climb up outside out of the hole of egocentrism and confirmation bias, anchoring bias that holds us like gravity stuck in skewed portion of reality that anything outside of the box is totally outside of our awareness.
This is why education is important.
Fake information is rotten side of information education - but the cure is to learn more, never stop learning.

"Not all social anxiety stems from abuse, npd or bpd."
Then it is NOT social anxiety. It is shyness which often mimics social anxiety symptoms.
Social anxiety by medical definition is fear of criticism and fear of scrutiny. Adult people do not have fear of criticism or scrutiny - UNLESS there is abuse and oppression and punishment there.

"sounds like you’re projecting"
Just because someone does not agree with fantasy delusions that appear as reality to you, does not mean that you can use weaponized psychology to attack, demean and censor the truth and facts.

YT "How to EXPOSE a NARCISSIST with One Powerful QUESTION || BRENE BROWN BEST MOTIVATIONAL SPEECH
"

All this benevolent information helps nothing about real life situations - when we are trapped in toxic job mobbing with narcissistic abusers around - boss, colleagues, customers - and we cannot quit this toxic job due to poverty, inability to find another job.

We need to learn red flags about narcs - but idea that we ruminate and become obsessive about narcs - is very harmful and self abusive - because we keep toxic people rent free in our head. They become and stay our world, we think about them and make them stars in our movie in our head.

(2.4.2025)

CBT is toxic therapy filled with ableism and misdiagnosis and harmful advice how to handle social anxiety.

" If it doesn’t apply to you, that’s okay and it doesn’t negate the message here."
But you are projecting here.
Just because facts irritate you from my comment - it does not give you the right to shut me up, to censor me and to push me into social anxiety state as a tool to manipulate and control people who do not think the same way as you do. You are abusive and you have no awareness how much you are abusive.
If you dislike my comment - ignore it. Don't order people around what they should think and do - that is abuse.

" There is no way a 7 minute episode can address everything there is to say about anxiety/social anxiety"
I disagree.
This is simply not true.
Einstein said - if you can't explain it like 7 years old, that means that you do not understand it yourself.

I can explain it in 1 minute things that what it has not being said in this video:

These are all interchangeable:

Yes, the problem is that society and CBT is forcing us to explain our intuition as madness, to write it off as hysteria -
effectively CBT is instructing socially anxious to be zombie, to be NPC background character, a slave, someone who is manipulated and controlled by psychopaths and sociopaths and NPD BPD predators in power positions - that our role in life is to be silent obedient slave, pushover, people pleaser - while predators gain exploitation over our backs.

(2.4.2025)

YT "Understanding Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria: Strategies for Support"

True. I see a lot of connection between RSD and borderline disorder - where criticism is transcribed into "I am not good enough". It is about deep self hatred, self rejection - when we are hating ourselves, when we are not rooted in our identity - any rejection will be highly sensitive since any criticism will be painful.
It is like not having a soul, GPS. It is like being lost in a dark, in woods and we try to move around - any scratch on branch will be scary and painful because we do not see what it was and we do not see where we are going at all. However - if we have GPS or if we have a map or if we see a light in the distance - we will care much less about the scratches (rejections), it won't bother us so much - since we will see where our home, goal is, we will trust that we have destination.
When we do not have destination, when we do not have map, when we are in the dark - then we will have rejection sensitivity.
RSD is a symptom that our identity is lost, covered up, in a dark -

(3.4.2025)

" It’s called “GANG-STALKING”"

Yeah!
I read my diary few days ago from the year of 2008 and my experiences at that work post. At the time when it was happening I did not see it as gang stalking. Now it makes sense - years later on, after I learned about bpd npd, trauma. Before information about abuse - I would personalize anything that I experiences.
So when gang stalkers behave toxically - if we are not educated in trauma and abuse - we will believe that we are inept, wrong, that we are doing something wrong to provoke them and we blame ourselves and then waste time in seeking what is wrong inside us.
Now when I read the journal and when I see the timeline of how one coworker after another gave me their jobs to complete - now I see the pattern.
Back then I was washed in shame blame guilt and chasing approval and validation that I did not see the pattern at all.
I was convinced that I am doing something wrong.

I learned years later that there was a ring leader - one person who gossip - and she started the paranoia and lies about me - and this is how they came up with the idea to "teach me a lesson".
She spread the rumors that me working a lot makes them work a lot - so they ganged up to order me to complete their jobs.
She did not have work ethics or habits, she was lazy and she was triggered by me not being lazy like her - so I become the target.

"And here she is calling then "weak." She's silly and shallow."

In Mel's defense - this is not her real voice. This is someone's text which is being read by artificially engineered AI voice that sounds like Mel Robbins and it appears as if Mel is talking this.
Unfortunately in CBT and psychiatry - all issues related to abuse and trauma starting with Shell shock in WW2 - is being perceived as a problem with will-power - so self help industry will try to change our trauma and abuse experiences by shaming us - telling us that we are weak, cowards, sissy - in order to energize us to be more active in life.
Of course - this shaming does not help at all, and it has the opposite effect.

(4.4.2025)

"The point is you end up not caring what they do"
When they are abusing you - at that moment you have no idea that there is abuse. Then the target of abuse will blame oneself, carry depression and guilt and shame.
It is only 10 or 15 years later on - when new evidence emerge, when you learn more facts and see what was once covered up - then you realize that you no longer care what they do.
Up until that moment - you care since you are convinced that you are the problem due to their gang stalking and pathological lying.

"The women in Dallas do this when you don't gossip with them."
Due to peer pressure.
People are worried that they might become the next target so they take easy way out - obey and fawn to the abusers.
This is how 1930s Nazi Germans and todays Putin's Russians support their fascist leaders - and we see this happening with MAGA in America, too.

YT "ACA RECOVERY TALK: Trait 3 of The Laundry List.
"

"Because when we were the children, criticism was often a form of emotional abandonment. So it carried an extra sting. Because when we were the children, criticism was often a form of emotional abandonment. So it carried an extra sting."
Also called Operant Conditioning.
The dog can be conditioned to salivate when it hears the bells ringing.
This sting was our bell. We were conditioned to trigger shame with criticism and punishment associated with it - usually in adulthood it is fear of losing reputation, losing the income through getting fired, not finding another job due to shame, fear of losing shelter and then being homeless and alone. That is what happens when we experience unfair hostile criticism - we feel like we are doomed if we stand up for ourselves or if we reject the criticism. Then our only way how to function and to stay alive - is to fawn, to blame ourselves, to carry burden of guilt and to be passive, immobile - so that none of our words or actions trigger some person in power or distributor of what we need or even if we pay it - we will feel urge to be slave, echoist, someone without own voice.
For example in Russia where there is no developed business and abundance - especially in rural areas - if the village is filled with narcissistic alcoholic landowners, rentiers, sellers - any kind of interaction with such people will reinforce the message: we must fawn, we must be silent, we must feel shame and blame and we must be doormat to abusers.
If we are not - we might not get papers to finish school, we won't get bread, we won't get visa, documents - because abusers will scream yell attack us when we ask for human rights - even when we pay for the service or the product. Without money and visa - we cannot relocate - and we are stuck in abuse and being target of abusers and their sadism.

"If I've been conditioned to associate criticism with anger, then I may assume a critical comment means that person is angry at me. Or that an angry person is judging me. Which only exaggerates my reactions"

But...
what happens when the other person is REALLY angry and is judging me and has some kind of power to put me down and deny my asking for help or service or backstabs me in the back - and I have no idea about the harm - only 10 years later when I analyze my journal and learn about psychopathy and sociopaths.
What happens when there is REAL npd bpd abuse there?
Then we need to learn what is npd bpd abuse.

"And if I'm an approval seeker who has lost his identity (trait 2) this may trigger additional fear or shame."
Yes, but what happens when we STOP being approval seeker - and the other person who is angry - due to his power position - fires us from the job which we cannot find another one, physically assaults us, starts smear campaign and ruin our reputation - then with or without seeking approval - we will be assaulted.
I don't like where you are going here.

This is why ACoA meetings and CBT are not good - they place the blame and shame on the target of abuse.
The message here is - that our behavior is somehow triggering abusive people to abuse us.
That is only we were calmer - that somehow magically - abuser's anger would not be there and that their actions would stop if we only had courage and some social skills where we woe and fix their emotions by our peaceful gaze.
This is fantasy. This idea that we are somehow lacking in our character so abuse happens - is extremely harmful message to anyone stuck in npd BPD abuse ambient.

And that we are suppose to fix ourselves somehow - then the message is that we need to waste years and time and energy and focus and money on couching and self help industry - so that we somehow learn how to not be doormat and people pleaser - while in reality is - if we do not fawn - we will be punished and attacked and harmed by abnormal sick people who have abnormal sick brain - no matter what kind of magical social skills we learned.

"Which might trigger my critical inner parent through trait 11 which says – we judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self esteem."
Yes, this is exactly what I am talking about.
ACA CBT are telling us - that we are guilty for being abused.
That we lack character, strength, stoicism.
This is EXTREMELY harmful message which is based on a lie.
We do not lose self esteem because we have some defect in ourselves (harsh inner critic).
Harsh inner critic / inner parent as you call it - is NOT OUR OWN. This is external virus which is inside us but it DOES NOT belong to us. We cannot control it.
We get harsh inner critic due to long term exposure to npd bpd abuse - constant relentless criticism 24/7, operant conditioning.

Think of it like Trump Elon coming to USA power position through cheating and faking election results. They cause damage now inside USA - but the damage is not because Americans voted for this inner abuser. Because the got to the position of power through scam and criminal activities. This is a foreign element which has integrated inside the state pretending to be the voice of all people.
The same things happens with inner critic. Even though it is inner - it is not our own.
So - we cannot remove inner critic with self blame, discipline, stoicism, attacking ourselves for being weak cowards, sissy.
And in fact - the aggression against ourselves is the abuse. It is victim blaming, victim shaming -
and it will never work. It will cause even more damage.

Our inner critic will not go away by us being stoic and disciplined - it will only solidify it to be the source of pain and suffering and self blame by becoming more sophisticated and hard to detect, it will warp our memory and distort it, use our inner resources to self destruction.
We won't remove our inner critic by convincing ourselves that we over - react. Because over reaction is caused by external element - it is not inside us.

Please study more about dangers of CBT and how harmful it is.
Instead of CBT - there is Coherence Therapy - where instead of judging our so called perceived senses - that we understand why we feel the way we do and that we do not reject our experiences as fantasy delusional imagination - as CBT and you in this video are claiming by using CBT ideology propaganda:
"slightest upset "
"may assume"
"exaggerates"

"Inner wounds can be healed only by self love"
If you claim that we are exaggerating our detection of anger and our interpretation of anger- and that we are unable to see reality - this is not self love. This is gaslighting. It is self abuse.

Unconditional self love - means trusting our senses and not attacking ourselves for being too sensitive and someone with wrong ability to process reality.

The first portion of the video is great.
Then he starts with CBT propaganda and he uses the self blaming words:
"slightest upset "
"may assume"
"exaggerates"

Now he is telling us that we are the problem. That angry people do not exist - but that we created fantasy delusional world in our minds where we imagine the danger.
Anyone gone through npd bpd abuse will know how much it is harmful to blame ourselves and our abilities to detect abuse as EXTREMELY damaging for us.
CBT is forcing us that we suppress our emotions and sensations and that we place all the care in the world about neutralizing and intellectualizing the abuse as something that we can live with, ignore, deny and to pretend that it has no effect on our mental health.

He blew the message with CBT propaganda in the second portion of the video.
Kevin from Sensitive stability said that he also was not at peace when he was at ACoA meetings due to amount of self blaming.

If we choose to ignore our ability to detect assault as "exaggeration" and "upset" and "assuming" - then this is not self love, and certainly is not unconditional self love - because we are telling ourselves to ignore, invalidate our experiences as something that we fantasize about.

Unfortunately - abusers don't change their abuse based on our behavior. That's what makes it so insidious. We end up believing that we should do something. Usually by ignoring the abuse. But abusers abuse because they have abnormal brain. So nothing can change them and their urge of sadism which gives them supply and self esteem.
Whatever we do - they will continue with smear campaign - behind our backs. They will recruit flying monkeys and weaponize our mistakes and flaws as proof that we should be abused.
An abusers do this behind our backs. We won't even know that the stress and attacks are coming from the ring leader at all.
Sam Vaknin said - there is no winning strategy to beat narcissists.
In most cases - other people will take side of abuser - because they don't want to make conflict. Abuser will present the abuse as the final solution, as something normal and good. Because they are pathological liars.

The bottom line is - we must not believe that our behavior is causing the abuse , nor we must believe in a fantasy that some magical skill or behavior will change mentally ill person. If we believe this - we will personalize someone's abnormal brain as our responsibility.

When cornered, when you expose the abuser - look what happened with Weinstein at the court - he came with crutches to appear sick to garner empathy. That is what they will do.
They can go through great length to self harm and then you end up with self blame if they die.
This people must be in mental institutions, they are infectious disease, a cancer that is destroying the fabric of society.

(5-4-2025)

Social anxiety itself is Complex Trauma.
What people label as social anxiety is usually shyness and narcissism mislabeled and misdiagnosed as social anxiety - since in DSM there is no difference in social anxiety caused by abuse, shyness caused by neurotypical desire to be confident and social, and narcissistic collapse and narcissistic injury - these three elements all share DSM diagnostic criteria for social anxiety.
The only difference is that truly socially anxious will become echoist due to trauma, they will shut up.
On the other hand - shy people and narcissists - because they do not have social anxiety - will be very vocal about coercing and forcing society to believe that social anxiety is imaginary issues - which shy people and narcissists have.
CBT ought to be banned - it is toxic therapy filled with oversimplification which are making harm to traumatized people suffering from npd bpd abuse aka social anxiety.

I see in your videos that you do not understand Neurodivergence.
The act of over thinking IS the attempt to calm the nervous system down.
This stems not as a defense mechanism but as SURVIVAL mechanism. Which is huge difference.
Person who overthinks is in some kind of oppressive ambient which cannot be escaped from - like poverty or toxic job or toxic family (usually most 3 common sources of toxic stress in the West).
The only way to handle being trapped - is overthinking. Seeking the correct mentality how to not feel shame blame and embarrassment which toxic society is placing on the scapegoat.
The problem here are psychopaths and sociopaths who are abusing others - not the target of abuse who is cornered and mocked and attacked.
Think of bull chasing in the Spain - where the crowds are chasing the poor animal that cannot escape from the closed streets into the nature.

It means - if we remove the overthinking -
it is highly likely that the next will be defense mechanism (and not survival mechanism such as overthinking) will be much worse and more harmful - because defense will provoke sick mentally ill psychopaths to become even more aggressive.
Usually this is fawning. Becoming people pleaser might calm down the tyrant.
But in extreme cases it might be fight trauma response and criminal activity as a protection tool.
With fawning - we end up being doormat, our remnants of self esteem will be ruined and this might end up as self destriction.

This is why CBT is horrible, toxic therapy filled with misdiagnosis and oversimplifications of complex matters.
CBT is like Trump in office - making horrible decisions because it looks simple on the surface - but the effects are irreversible and damaging.

YT "Early Warning Signs of Complex Trauma
"

Ways how to escape (watching tv, addictions, worrying what someone thinks about oneself) are survival mechanisms, we try to survive. These are a style how to respond to trapped situation with inability to escape. CBT tells us that these are our brain abnormalities and that we are imagining the fear and that our job is to desensitize ourselves to abuse - which is horrible message. The distress is stemming from exposure to npd bpd abuse - the only way to heal is to find ways to escape it and cut any contact with psychopathic abusers. When we are trapped and unable to escape (due to poverty or lack of shelter in another place or psychopaths are everywhere - like living in the Putin Russia or the Balkans) - then our only way to survive is Viktor Frankl - changing the meaning and finding creative ways how to minimize the abuse so that it does not affect our mental health and well being - which is not easy task when abusers are torturing us every 15 seconds.

(6.4.2025)

Along with no contact - the crucial component is our well being.
Usually during smear campaign - when we do not know that there is gang stalking - we will tend to blame ourselves and have harsh inner critic - telling us to be perfect, to be afraid of mistakes and to personalize criticism. People are not build to respond to narcissism in healthy way. Our defenses will be toxic and usually self defeating.
Abuse creates so much covert unseen damage - not only open abuse that everyone can see like mobbing and verbal abuse and disrespect.
It also wrecks chaos inside our mind, too where we start to distrust people in general, we isolate and end up with internalized toxic shame that corrodes from inside and blocks us from living an appreciating good people and pets and anything good around us - we do not appreciate it, similar to postpartum depression after birth - we do not feel energy to participate in life and we reject it.

"How to deal with them ? What's the solution?"
Great question.
Sam Vaknin says - there is no winning solution.
Anything we do - will be pain.
If we fight - we will become abusers and regret it.
If we fawn - abuse will continue as green light for them and we will lose our self worth.
If we freeze - the same.
If we run away - we will meet another abusers at another place, nowhere to run.
If we try to understand it - we will make abusers our gps, they will live rent free in our head when we ruminate and worry. Abusers tend to nitpick our mistakes, our moral and ethical standards in order to enslave us with harsh inner critic attacking our mistakes and flaws 24/7.

I see the solution in healing npd bpd abuse.
"Stop walking on eggshells" book - the first part of the book is amazing.
There are other books for non-bpd targets of abuse.

This is borderline narcissistic abuse that we are dealing with.
We will tend to personalize it - blame ourselves.
We will intellectualize it and normalize it - where we also blame ourselves for not being strong or confident or with back bone - feeling shame and guilt for being abused.

(7.4.2025)

YT "Overcoming Social Anxiety: Ditch the Magic, Embrace Hard Work"

No - social anxiety is not problem with discipline. The depression is only a by-product -it is not the main cause.

When we push ourselves out of our comfort zone - we will harm other people who are innocent with our trauma and our false beliefs about self hatred and self rejection - which you are doing right now to the socially anxious.
You are without being aware of it - you are insulting socially anxious as if they are lazy.

Social anxiety is not faulty mental circuitry - in fact it is doing exactly what it should be doing - protecting the victims of npd bpd abuse.

You are saying that socially anxious have abnormal sick brain - you are not only insulting socially anxious but you are pathologizing them and trigger their shame, to feel stigma.

It does not require hard work at all -
it requires the snap - the breakthrough - realizing that we are harming other people with our defense mechanisms against npd bpd abuse - we end up harming innocent people around us with our words and conclusions which are not meant for them.

YT "The Solution to Social Anxiety Most Therapists Won't Tell"

No.
If we suppress our emotions - we are denying reality.
If we sense danger and being uncomfortable at party or some neutral setting where there is no abuse -
then instead of suppressing our panic - we need to investigate it where it comes from.

It comes from trauma, npd bpd abuse. We experienced ptsd shock - over long period of time (acoa ACE, bullying) - and we associated the abuse and the abusers with social situations. We glued them together.
We did not label abusers as mentally ill - instead we see them as friends and now we feel panic among friendly people, too.
What is more - our defense systems like isolation and avoidance - are harming and hurting good innocent people and pets because we are not present with them.
We are ghosting them - and we are not aware how much trauma and hurt we are causing to innocent people around us with our defenses against npd bpd abuse.

This is not good guidance. We need to feel the pain. Suppressing emotions is always horrible idea.
When we numb ourselves - we will also numb our common sense and empathy and ability to really see how much our behavior will harm and hurt innocent people around us when we ghost them due to unresolved trauma.

YT "Tom Cruise Helped Hayley Atwell Overcome Social Anxiety With THIS Advice #shorts"

Tom Cruise is narcissists - so he gave this "advice".
Narcissist are somewhat autistic - they are shut down in snapshot of reality - instead of being present in the moment. So for them - social anxiety will happen when there is narcissistic injury such as people not paying attention to them and not admiring them.
Narcissists do not have real medical social anxiety - they have symptoms which mimic social anxiety. But it is mini narcissistic collapse what they feel.

In DSM -- social anxiety symptoms are 100% the same as shyness, narcissism and social anxiety -they all overlap so people often confuse them since DSM is toxic, egocentric, wrong and detrimental just like CBT.

Jordan Peterson spreads this idea of looking around the room to ease "social anxiety" but he is also NPD so he do not understand reality:

With social anxiety - with medical social anxiety - we already look around the room. Due to previous trauma which caused social anxiety in the first place. We watch very closely other people, like with a microscope, we are zoomed in, but too much. We watch for gesture and tone of voice, when the sudden attack may occur. It is trauma response. Social anxiety is reaction to npd bpd abuse which is not healed.

Yes. Tom Cruise is NPD and he mixes up social anxiety with his narcissism. Narcissist hate being vulnerable and they see social anxiety as weakness, something to overcome -
they are totally unaware how their behavior is affecting other people and they do not care. All they care is their own comfort at the expense of other people.

YT "Overcome Social Anxiety: Stop Being So NICE!"

Being constantly passive and pleasing people is survival mechanism, it is a style learned in ACE ACoA in childhood and later on in npd bpd abuse such as mobbing at toxic job.
This symptom of fawning is trauma response - it means it is reaction to abuse, it is not identity and it is not character trait.

Furthermore, being kind and nice to good and innocent people is personality trait called agreeableness. When we remove this trait - we will create personality disorder called narcissism and borderline personality disorder - which means not having empathy or ability to be aware how our behavior is affecting other people especially those who are not harming us.

We develop social anxiety due to exposure to npd bpd abuse. It is operant conditioning, learned set of behavior which is reinforced by toxic people in power who are not held accountable for their abuse - to their power positions where nobody is alarming them to stop their abuse.

When we have idea to become "more masculine" - it is called overcompensation.
Overcompensation is rooted in shame, deep self hatred, deep self rejection, it is rooted in believing that toxic abusive people are our arbitrary and our rulebook and our law about what human rights mean - who are we as person.

Following the toxic rulebook of being "masculine" we will remove and "feminine" qualities such as being sensitive and having empathy.
Without awareness how our own behavior is affecting other people - we will harm them and abuse them.
This is now personality disorder.

So you idea to be "more masculine" is mental illness.

Socially anxious - are already strong. When you add CBT idea that someone who has been strong all their lives, evading npd bpd abuse which requires massive strength - you are disrespecting survivors of abuse and their true strength - and now this invalidation is called abuse.

You are telling us here how to self abuse ourselves.
Being mentally strong does not mean being assertive. This is CBT propaganda.
Being mentally strong means that we are not abusing ourselves, that we are not ashamed of who we are, being genuine and authentic - with all our flaws and imperfections.

Saying what we mean to someone who has npd bpd - is inviting them to abuse us.

You need total reconstruction of social anxiety ideas that you hold - they are all wrong and rooted in internalized toxic shame, npd and bpd abuse.

YT "Could Adrenal Fatigue BE THE REAL Reason For Your Anxiety?"

Adrenal fatigue does not fall out of heaven.
That tiger in front of - is actually npd bpd abuse - where it is always directed as self blame and gaslighting - we believe we are at fault and that there is no abuse.

I don't believe that anxiety is broken stress response.
It is functioning as it should be - it is not broken. The npd bpd abuse is the cause - and we are reacting to it , as we should - with anxiety.

Except it is under the umbrella of fantasy and delusional disorder. As if we are making up the tiger in our head.
That is why CBT is harmful dangerous therapy that should be banned - it is ignoring npd bpd abuse and then places all the blame on the victims and targets of npd bpd abuse. As if we are too sensitive, as if we lack will power or stoicism while in reality we are being abused by someone who is pathological liar, highly manipulative and controlling.

"So help me fix it please"

Heal npd bpd abuse.
Detect the npd bpd person - and if it is possible - CUT ALL TIES with such predator immediately, without delay.
In real life however - we will be trauma bonded and tied with obligations and contracts to stay in abuse or toxic ambient.
Then we need expert help from someone who understands npd bpd abuse -
then psychiatry and CBT are doing massive damage - since CBT will tell us that tiger is in our head, that we are imagining the danger - gaslighting which is extremely harmful message for anyone trapped in npd bpd abuse ambient.

YT "Say NO to SOCIAL ANXIETY #emotionalintelligence #socialanxiety #selfhelp"

When people are having "hyper-fixation on how they are being perceived" - this overanalyze is a sign of being exposed to npd bpd abuse.

Instead of asking ourselves how are we making them feel - we need to clear up the fog.
Toxic people - there is no winning strategy. Idea that we develop toxic empathy or fight response - by evoking their emotions and plea to their reason - we need to cut them out.

But what we need to ask ourselves instead - is how are we making innocent people feel - pets that we no longer have time for - because we are now stuck in worrying how npd bpd predators feel.

Social anxiety is reaction to abuse. It is not sign that something is wrong in our mind or behavior. The problem stems from exposure to toxic people. Toxic people are the problem - not our social anxiety.
And it is called social + anxiety. Anxiety stemming from the social element. It is not called self anxiety. It is not called feeling anxiety. It is not called hyperfixation anxiety or worry anxiety. It is called social- societal anxiety - where anxiety is triggered by npd bpd predators who are highly skilled in manipulation and gaslighting and making victims feel confused and ashamed.

YT "Transform Your Social Anxiety with Zen"

Boy, every idea you have about social anxiety is misdirected, filled with CBT propaganda.

When we stop our thinking - we will also stop our ability to detect the harm and pain we are causing to other innocent people and pets when we ghost them and when we are not present with them.
When we stop thinking - we won't be really present in the moment with people and pets that support us.
Lobotomy is CBT invention - and psychiatry must be banned, it is doing incredible damage to abused ones, socially anxious by blaming the anxiety instead of npd bpd abusers walking free and causing damage to anyone they meet.

When you stop thinking - you are also stopping ability to detect reality.
When we see reality through a fantasy and delusion and our methods of blocking the pain - this is now called delusional disorder. You are instructing us how to develop mental illness here - even though you are having good intentions without being malicious.

But that is social anxiety - it is reaction to abuse where we end up harming and hurting innocent people around us with not being present with us. Instead - you are somewhere else - in toxic masculinity being ashamed of your vulnerability or high in Himalaya clouds away from people and reality.

When we throw ourselves in task that we are doing - this is called Autism and ADHD. When we chop dishes - we are not aware that we have harmed our pet by ghosting it - because we were preoccupied with defense mechanisms such as zazen where we try to block the valid pain of being exposed to npd bpd abuse.

YT "What tiny thing meant the world to you?"

This is all wrong.
When you follow the social script and try to be neurotypical - you will be a robot.
You won't use your common sense.
It means - you will detect that tiny thing means a world to you - when you have financial benefit - like jacket.
But in the same time you lack ability to see that social anxiety is stealing good nice people and pets away from your presence - because instead of being present with them - you have learned programmed steps and scripts how to behave and what to talk about.
Without realizing that you are ghosting innocent people and pets.

When we experience social anxiety - this is a reaction to npd bpd abuse. It means we experienced abuse.
Our fears that we feel are not fears - they are trauma.
And it is not lack of confidence that we struggle with even though it looks like being weak and shy on the surface - it is actually learned style how to handle oppression and npd bpd abuse.
Social anxiety is reflex - it is not our identity, it is not our persona.
Social anxiety is the message - that we are exposed to npd bpd abuse - which no human has build in mechanisms how to handle it. Instead of learning how to perform circus tricks, how to be NT, how to be robot with programs of scripts how to be social - we need to heal npd bpd abuse - where the first step is accepting ourselves and not feeling shame about our reactions so abuse

"Wow I'm so happy for you. Folks don't realize how crippling social anxiety is. My son suffered from social anxiety from childhood, received great therapy and is now a therapist specializing in treating it."

It is really bad idea to pathologize children - they are in developmental stage. You probably crippled your child for life. And social anxiety that he feels probably stems from your abuse.

He developed fake social mask.
He replaced one problem with more serious one - narcissistic personality disorder of pretending to be someone else and seeking approval and validation from other people by performing circus tricks of "being social" and "being stoic" and "being strong".

When we overanalyze and when we are scared of talking - this is a sign of exposure to npd bpd abuse.
Predators, mentally ill parents - usually attack our ability to talk - because due to their untreated undetected mental illness and psychopathy - they cannot handle reality, they cannot handle facts and opinions which expose their abnormality.
Instead of being scared or ashamed of social anxiety - we need to heal npd bpd abuse and to learn how to handle such abusers so that we do not resort to survival mechanisms such as being an echo (someone who has no own voice)

"I didn’t realize this is what I had until years after when I started improving little by little and not having a panic attack thinking g about making a call."

It is reaction to npd bpd abuse, this "what we had". We do not need to improve - we are not broken. We are reacting to abuse.
The problem are mentally ill predators who punish us and scare us into believing our reactions are the problem and something to improve.
They set you up to become robot, confused - and ashamed of who you are, destroy our innocence and your identity - and now you become a robot that believes is broken and must devote all free time in fixing something that is not broken at all. That is what npd bpd abuse does to its targets.

YT "going on OMEGLE to cure my social anxiety (TERRIBLE IDEA)
"

This is not social anxiety.
This is either shyness or narcissism.
in DSM social anxiety overlaps with shyness, narcissism and actual social anxiety.
Shy people and narcissists are obsessed with how they look, they seek other people as supply and they are invested heavily in herd mentality, group think.
Socially anxious - are reacting to npd bpd abuse and it has nothing to do with talking to strangers and meeting new people.

YT "Overcoming Social Anxiety | Thriving in Contexts"

People often misdiagnose and mislabel narcissism,, borderline disorder or shyness as social anxiety.
Social anxiety is fear of punishment , criticism/scrutiny (called in DSM).
When socially anxious person performs functional social anxiety - pretending to be confident while giving a speech - this is called Functional social anxiety, Or Masking.
But it is not really functional -
because we end up wasting incredible amounts of energy, focus, thoughts, attention into appearing "normal" and "confident".
Like Michael Jackson - he had severe social anxiety in private but when he had concerts or talk shows or in movies - he was functional. But unhealed trauma ended up in tragedy for him even though he has Functional social anxiety.
Just because we dog train ourselves to be confident while we give speech - it does not mean that trauma of social anxiety is vanished.

Social anxiety is reaction to npd bpd abuse. Instead of learning stoicism and social skills - we need to heal abuse that npd bpd abusers did.

On the other hand, narcissists and shy people will often misinterpret their conditions as social anxiety.
For shy people - there is urge to be neurotypical and inability to be NT is causing symptoms of social anxiety -and the cure is exposure - which does not work for truly socially anxious.
For narcissists - their inability to be center of attention, inability to get recognition and glory, being seen as grandiose - will cause narcissistic injury and narcissistic collapse which they will label as social anxiety.
Social anxiety DSM symptoms and narcissistic injury symptoms are the same - so it is easy that we have bunch of non-socially anxious people with different conditions being boxed into social anxiety - effectively causing damage to the really socially anxious -
because shy people and narcissists - because they do not have actual social anxiety- will be very vocal and they will spread loud propaganda about definitions of social anxiety.

YT "Break Your Social Anxiety⚡"

This is NOT social anxiety. Urge to greet people is shyness.
Shyness is very different from social anxiety.
And what you are doing here is ethically and morally wrong.
Harassing random strangers - using and exploiting them as a tool for fixing our selfish problems - is called exploitation and abuse.
Due to narcissism - it never occurred to you that this people may struggle with crime abuse memories and they are very sensitive of strange man approaching them in their leisure time and saying hello - which in New York is introductory line to rob someone and run away.

It is more like he is spreading worship-discard phase in narcissism. Disturbing random people for own selfish goal - and then walking away from the scene of the crime. Very selfish and inconsiderate.
If you need mental help problems - go to therapy and talk there. Do not exploit random people around.

It is still harassment because he is doing for his own selfish reasons - not because he truly cares about happiness of others.

If you build your confidence on reactions of other people - this is mental illness called borderline disorder - and it is serious condition.

YT "best way to treat social anxiety??"

Nonsense.
Social anxiety will get worse with exposure therapy - because the npd bpd abuse which caused social anxiety will wrack havoc on anything that happens when people behave in npd bpd manner during exposure - like being trapped in mobbing toxic job which one cannot quit due to low finances or no shelter.

When you say "social situation" - you do not mean all social situation. You are misleading the audience with wrong definition of what is considered social situation. Without explaining this - you are causing immense damage to anyone being abused without being aware how much damage you cause with your words and explanations.
This is why CBT is toxic therapy which should be banned.

When we are in social situation where the other person is npd bpd - which means they are pathological liar, they are controling and manipulative and they are turning anything we say or do or anything we do nor say or do as shame and blame - waiting it out will cause permanent damage to our self worth and our identity.

If the main character in Woman of the Hour movie (2024) felt social anxiety in the parking lot being alone with serial killer - your advice would cost her life, if she listened to CBT propaganda about exposure and not avoiding it and waiting it out and as you put it "Making some excuse why you have to get out social situation"

You are not making laser sharp clear what IS social situation.
You presume that victims of ACE and ACoA have automatic ability to detect red flags and to remove themselves naturally from toxic people. Well - they don't.

Social anxiety is not character flaw, it is not broken identity. Social anxiety is reaction to npd bpd abuse - it is a style, operant conditioning, programmed learned safety behavior and survival mechanism which is not pathology.

YT "I don’t fear social anxiety, social anxiety fears me…#usc #fighton #trojangrad #graduation"

Social anxiety is not shyness.
And even if it was - being introverted is not pathology to shame, blame, destroy or remove.
If politicians were shy - we would not have wars and greed, and mafia.

YT "SELF-CONFIDENCE: Overcome Social Anxiety with Simple Scripts"

You mix up shyness/narcissism with social anxiety.
We will be confident when we do not hate ourselves.
If we have idea that we must be confident for other people to see and approve us as confident - this is narcissism.
Narcissism is mental illness - and we see catastrophic result on macro scale with Trump / Putin / Netanyahu / Orban in the presidential leader office.

Social anxiety is result of being exposed to npd bpd abuse. It has nothing to do with confidence, looking confident or talking.

"true buddy but what I was saying was I would appreciate it, it would definitely bring down my guard and make my day. I cant speak for anyone else though"

If you depend on other people to feel happy - then this is called codependency.
This is dangerous - because what happens when they do not make you happy? Will you curl up in fetal position and cry for 10 years? This way you can stay in depression - because you do not see that other people are not here to be your circus. They are not serving your narcissistic supply needs.
Or mine. Other people are here because we need to be with them, help them support them, give them happiness. Not that we expect them to serve us.
If you do not understand this what I wrote - it means your parents and society failed you and you have developed narcissistic personality disorder.

Facts and reality do not comply to what your fantasy delusion wants reality to be.

(8.4.2025)

Social anxiety has nothing to do with confidence or lack of confidence. This is myth that CBT is spreading and it is extremely harmful psychologically - because it is coercing traumatized people to believe that they have flawed character.

"how is saying a compliment or just a simple "hi" appearing high with hostile intentions?"
Because he is a stranger - so people do not know him. He has no awareness that some people may gone through trauma crime of strangers approaching to them.
He only sees his pain and he is using other people as a towel to wipe his dirty hands on them and then discard them - without being aware that he may be harming them at all.
He has no awareness that some people also may suffer from extreme shyness or social phobia - for whatever reason. This awareness is totally blind to him and to you, too. This is lack of empathy - and it is warning and worrying.

"there's nothing wrong with having positivity in life"
There is a huge problem with toxic positivity and beauty bias -
which is causing you to insult me and accuse me of being a troll - since you only want to see rainbow and sunshine - and effectively live in a bubble. Real life is not that positive and it will smash you if you are not aware where you need to bow down you head so that you do not bump into something with pink glasses.

"Clearly that positivity hurt u"
Harming other people is not positive.
Not being aware of hurt you cause to innocent people - is not positive.
It is malicious - since you lack basic empathy just like any other psychopath or sociopath.

"im not even going to read it"
This is called
Learned Helplessness
and
Vincible ignorance:
one deliberately chooses to remain ignorant

"so what's your point?"
About what specifically?

"do you have SAD? "
Yes - and I am not topic here.

" have you overcome it?"
Social anxiety is reaction to npd bpd abuse - you cannot overcome it, you overcome npd bpd abuse.

" why you here?"
Ever since 2015 I scan social anxiety videos and check what authors and random dudes talk about it - and then I speak my experience about it and dangers of scammers.

Pete Walker is great resource. The answer is in his book(s) - but we do not see it due to our blind spots.
We do not have broken body.
We do not have broken nervous system.
IT is normal and it is functioning exactly as it should as response to npd bpd abuse.
Social anxiety is not the problem - it is symptom. The problem is npd bpd abuse.

"to the feeling of positivity?"
When the positivity is based on harassing random strangers and disturbing their peace - there is nothing positive about it.

"Were u harmed by a compliment?"
If "compliment" is given by a person who is filming this "compliment" - then it is not compliment. It is agenda, created for click bait views - not to actually compliment someone. It is superficial, fake, empty and shallow - just like you trying to be positive by suppressing reality and harm done here.

Strangers are not source of happiness. You have pets, family members, close friends - they deserve your smile.
Not someone who is potentially voter for racist or rapist politician.
You must discover the hard way that not ALL people are safe - and that some of them they deserve to be in jail without any smiles or compliments given to them.
Depending on kindness of a stranger - is codependency. It is mental illness. You depend on other people to feel good about yourself - because you hate yourself and that is the problem. You see salvation in strangers.

(9.4.2025)

Do you think that healthy adult man is afraid of people due to shyness, lack of stoicism, lack of confidence or will power?
Really you think that?
What is your own explanation why would a grown up person feel apprehension around strangers?
I am curious, I really want to know - what you think might be the cause OTHER than npd bpd abuse and ACE/ACoA childhood?

You do a research through Confirmation bias - so your own egocentrism shows you the results that your limited narcissistic mind projects outside.
You simply apply and accept any information which is coherent with your fantasy - and you reject and discard any information which is causing you cognitive dissonance.

""Strangers are not source of happiness" so what are friends then?"
If you see friends as a clowns that their purpose is to keep you amused - then this is not friendship. This is transactional narcissistic relationship.
What you would do when your friend becomes invalid and he cannot make you amused by walking with you?
What happens when your friend is depressed due to xyz reason and he cannot make you happy?
Will you reject him now - because he is no longer tool for your selfish needs?

", harassing is when someone is showing signs of distress"
Harassment is not one-dimensional.
Open harassment is when someone is visibly aggressive.
But there is also passive aggressive behavior, covert abuse and agenda abuse - where the bully or perpetrator pretends to be happy and pleasant with you. In psychology this is known as Glib Charm - and it is primary trait of psychopaths.
The villain in "Silence of the lambs" did not catch his victims by attacking them at all. He subdue his victims by pretending to be victim, someone sad and human, someone who needs help.

"just because they filmed themselves saying the compliment,"
That is the problem.
When normal healthy person donates, gives charity, spread compliment - they do that out of their heart.
Not as agenda,
Not as something to brag about and show others how good they are by giving compliments.

What he is doing here is very toxic.
He is telling to the socially anxious that people pleasing and fawning is cure for social anxiety.
Which is misleading and detrimental message -
socially anxious already fawn and people please and they are door mats to toxic people who exploit their panic and fear of rejection and criticism and scrutiny.
Socially anxious do not need to give anything as a price for their safety. This safety must come when people deserve it and when they are supportive - not as fake social mask by smiling to them.

But for some unknown reason - CBT ignores this - and CBT tells us when we experience judgment, bullying or ostracism - that we are imagining the danger - that abusers do not exist.

Mayo Clinic wrote as definition, for years, that panic is imaginary - but they changed their statement in the past year - they probably googled their name and find my comments about their wrong assessment.

"That is too easy to say,"
What part? What exactly you mean by that.
There are several concepts written in 25 replies - which are you referring to?

YT "Annoyed by People? It's Probably You! (Inner Feelings)"

You are correct up to a point.
And you have healthy basis - when you understand the fact that we are mirroring in others what is wrong with us - it means you have overcome egocentrism - which is the last stage in our developmental process.
Many people get stuck here and end up with mental illness, personality disorder and narcissism / borderline disorder.

The problem here is that you do not make a step further.
And that is a realization that other people are not like you. They are not like us. They are not honest, they are not truthful.
And that some people are anti-social. They lie.
They are pathological liars. They deliberately hide certain information either out of shame or as agenda.
This is called npd bpd abuse.

When we are faced with someone who is fake and lies to us - then the normal healthy unwritten social rules do not apply anymore.
It is like quantum physics -
regular rules are broken and they do not function as they work in everyday life in our Ventral Vagal ambient, where we feel safe.

YT "How to Release Suppressed Emotions #youtubeshorts"

We don't suppress only trauma.
Trauma needs to be released - because it is something that is done to us.
HOWEVER - especially in our early days, childhood - our mechanisms how we dealt and handled and manipulated the trauma (most often it is school bullying) - is that we unintentionally harmed and hurt those who we love and support - by ghosting them. We avoided, we isolated ourselves - and we have no awareness that our lack of presence caused the trauma to totally innocent creatures - like pets we ignored and neglected.
This blame, shame, guilt - is what we repress also -
and releasing it - means feeling immense shame, guilt and regret for our ignorant abuse and we most probably caused our pets to die of being abandoned - since they missed our love and support.
The idea that we release trauma works for trauma of abuse - injury done to us.
But idea that we forget and remove the guilt and blame about our own wrong actions - is wrong one. We must take responsibility and accountability for our own wrongdoing which we have done in panic, not knowing what to do, we did not do cruelty on purpose. This needs to be processed - by realizing that we never ever hurt abandon or ghost those people and creatures around us who support us and love us 100% unconditionally and never ever take them for granted.

YT "Signs of a Spiritual Awakening: Suppressed Trauma Resurfacing #shorts"

True. Our DSM symptoms which CBT pathologizes as disorder and as our fantasy delusion - are actually messages of what we have done wrong when we were in shock like bullying. We isolated ourselves, we ghosted people and pets - and without realizing it - we caused trauma to totally innocent creatures because we abandoned them and hence cause them immense trauma and pain - without us being aware of it.
Feeling this emotions of shame guilt and blame will hurt a lot - but we need to take responsibility and accountability and vow to never ever ghost anyone who loves us 100% and supports us, that we never take them for granted.

"being happy is a trait of psychopaths"
This is your twisting words and facts. I never said that - you are inventing fantasy and believe in it and then project it onto me.
There is some serious problem in your head how you process reality, facts -
you cannot realize that if you imagine that harassing random strangers by bothering them to greet you is actually based on your own idea that this is "ok" and "normal" and "happy" - then you will do actions in life without realizing that you might be completely wrong in your decision making and conclusions.
You cannot know what is happening in other people's mind and you cannot make decisions for other grown up adult people how to feel and what to think and to obey your own invented unwritten social rules that exist only in your head.

It is futile to comment to you because you are stubborn in your delusions and my comments get deleted.
Yet
"U don't know OP's intent,"
If you claim in your video that fawning and people pleasing is cure for social anxiety - then his intents are malicious since they are fraudelant.
When he is taping other people without their permission - this is intrusive behavior.

"Only then u formed that bond"
I did not use random people for my videos to make fake claims how to break someone's social anxiety.

" It's also human nature to support others in time of need"
The topic here is
1) false claim that social anxiety is abnormality to break
2) false claim that social anxiety can be broken through fawning
3) using random people as clickbait video purposes
The topic here is not your delusion and rationalizations of abuse.

"Humans also have the ability and free will to just say no."
Just because people have free will - does not give you permission to abuse them.

I am not sure that curing symptoms is correct thing to do.
It is like you change your window each day because it gets broken and then invest your time in the ingredient of the glass - but you never investigate why it gets broken in the first place.

(10.4.2025)

" I'm so lost on what ur all trying to say,"
This is called Invincible ignorance.
The facts do not get through your walls because you want to protect your friend.
You see me as troll, as enemy.
You don't see me as a help, trying to correct the mistakes I did for 35 years and which ruined my life - so that your friend do not repeat those same mistakes.

"You have to correct the stressful situation"
That is exactly the problem which is causing our symptoms - we can't correct it.
Our attempts to correct something that is bigger than us, outside of our scope to handle it - is what is causing our symptoms.
Our symptoms are attempt to cure and fix external source - which cannot be controlled by us. Usually bullies and predators. System is suppose to do that, but system protects and even elects rapists and racists as their presidents so they have law in their hand, too.

" one that stands out among the crowd "
Crowd is not indicator of normalcy.
Everyone in Nazi Germany knows this fact after WW2.

"Who are u direct the video/their life? "
I am speaking facts here.
These are not directions - they are facts.
They are not judgment - they are facts.
They are not insults - they are facts.
They are not trolls - they are facts.
If you are unable to see that you harm other people by filming them for your clickbait video - you are doing harm, it is not ethical nor moral.
If you are unable to see that some people do not want to be filmed - you are doing harm, it is not ethical nor moral.
If you use other random people for curing your psychological issues - instead of going to therapy - it is not ethical nor moral.

" if you have an emotional memory (e.g. trauma) stuck in you, you have to go through a pretty extensive process to put it behind you, because that emotional memory is a part of you that has be treated like a part of you which needs to be reassured in some way."
Yes.
That is correct.
In social anxiety - our anxiety, fear of criticism, fear of scrutiny stems from our early defense mechanisms where we ghosted everyone - including our pets and people who support us and we are no longer really present with them due to shame. And now we feel guilt that we have no idea where it is coming from. We feel shame for trauma we caused to the innocent people and every criticism and scrutiny is triggering this hidden suppressed shame and guilt that is totally outside of our logical awareness and we honestly have no idea why we experience social anxiety.
We get convinced due to CBT and self help industry- that we lack social skills and confidence - so we get into a maze of advice that reinforces the old toxic shame of us not being okay.

"this may be ok with toxic people"
When you say THIS - what are you referring to?
You need to make your arguments more clear - you are obfuscating your words, tell it all, without using "this" or "that" - because people cannot read your mind unfortunately.
Use more space - this comment box is not limited, you can express yourself freely with long sentences.

Stop walking on eggshells book - the first part - explains in more detail about handling npd bpd abuse, anyone struggling with guilt and shame which they can't shake off and usually blame oneself - should read the first part of this book.
Without all information - we will tend to blame ourselves for knowing that we are mirroring in others what we dislike in ourselves.
But in real life - a lot of people are wearing mask and they mimic being normal while behind that mask they have serious psychological issues which they project onto others, harming innocent people.

Children are molded by three sources:
1) parents
2) peers
3) ambient like shame culture country, poverty, lack of support

Parents are primary window to developing personality - if this link is weak . all other one break too

(11.4.2025)

YT "Echoism and fawning to survive the moment"

Echoism is opposite of narcissism - but it is on the same stick.
It means - when npd bpd hijacks our focus , our goals, our thinking style, our mind - we become obsessed with pleasing them and clearing our name.
When we perform this defense survival mechanism - we are ignoring our support system - pets, people around us whom we take for granted. And now we are not present with our Ventral Vagal circle - without us being aware that we have cocooned ourselves.
Just like narcissists - we have no awareness that we are the ones who are traumatizing and causing immense damage to people who love us, pets who depend on our attention -
because all our attention is hijacked into pleasing toxic people and all our resources are drained into resolving their false accusations and shaming.
It is like story by Hans Christan Anderson - Snow Queen. Where the lead character becomes cold due to broken glass pieced stuck in his eye - and now he is distant, dissociated, cannot participate around those who love him - and his soul is taken away to far away dark cold place -
and he has no awareness the trauma and damage he does to his loved ones by being stuck in echoism.

(13.4.2025)

If your definition of life is to be part of herd mentality, seek someone's approval to feel happy about yourself - that is road to prison sentence in the future. Because you will open your doors to criminals and manipulators who will exploit your selfish need to be happy when someone makes you happy.

" 3.5k Likes say differently"
When you base your worth on other people's likes - you are not caring about them, you care about their energy.
That is selfish.
You are narcissistic - using people as objects, transactional relation - as if people are market you buy.
You will have unhappy unfilled life with that kind of beliefs.

(14.4.2025)

YT "Are You Shy, Or Is It Social Anxiety #socialanxiety"

What is called when one feels all social anxiety symptoms - but in abusive situations, mobbing situations, vague npd bpd abuse situations where the abuser often pretend to be victim in order to control and manipulate the victim/target of abuse?

YT "😰💬 Social anxiety is real — but you’re not alone"

I left early from friends birthday and a week later a girl that was at that party started smear campaign against me, verbally attacked me and humiliated me in front of the other kids who joined in the bullying (perhaps she groomed them before) and they all left me alone at playground.
And that was the day my social anxiety started and it effected me all my life. I ghosted my pets - which I realized only a week ago that I traumatized my pets with being dissociated and not paying attention to them. I also developed anxious attachment style and I really could never neither trust or really be present with anyone - either in romance or friendships.

Anxious avoidant attachment style that is. IT is similar to borderline push and pull kind of interaction with people.

"That’s the opposite here in California. No one wants to talk ! 😢"

Perhaps they want to respect your privacy and not intrude in your life and your peace?
They walk on eggshells around you - which is the highest form of respect an awe to someone - and yet in your head you interpret it as assault on you.

YT "A Wonderful Social Anxiety Alternative Cure"

When we base our sense of worth on other people to feel good about ourselves - is very dangerous. It means that also other people can easily ruin our self worth.
So what it takes one angry person can ruin our week or month - and we will ruminate about their anger for the next 20 years.
Instead of being depended on external locus of control - strangers - we need to respect our Ventral Vagal. Because people who find joy and happiness in total strangers run away from some abuse and trauma that happened to them and they copy-paste the distrust also on neutral and supportive people in their immediate circle which also includes pets and take this Ventral Vagal for granted and cause trauma to them.
Instead of travelling half of the world - see blind spots where you already have Philippines spirit in your immediate circle (Ventral Vagal) - but you just simply take it for granted.
Which is the end line in Wizard of Oz.

“If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with… There's no place like home.” Wizard of Oz

YT "Overcoming Social Anxiety Thriving in Contexts"

Social anxiety is like being aware that we sat on a wrong bus or train or plane. So it is being aware of something that we cannot control and knowing we are going into the wrong direction.
It is awareness - an alarm. Social anxiety itself is not the problem - the problem is why we sat on a wrong transportation in the first place?

YT "Can Social Anxiety Go Away?"

But why we would want our alarm system to go away?
Social anxiety is like becoming aware that we sat on a wrong bus or train. The awareness is great thing - since we can get off the next stop. Without being aware - we might end up 5000 km away in the wrong direction where we were suppose to go.
If we feel panic and fear - it does not necessarily means that this is something we should ignore and not listen to and analyze why.
If we ignore it - we will often end up far away from our heart's desire and natural settings authentic for us - and we will then try to crap fit into something what is really not our genuine interest in life. Which means toxic stress and physical illness in the long term.

For example - we do not know his networking equipe, his work team. Are they all serious too? Is there someone with npd in power position who is loud and who is harassing others into silence and shame? So they are all stuck in serious mode.
If he decide to use his Ventral Vagal resources in the setting of npd bpd mobbing ambient - he will probably be ashamed and mocked and hated because predatory personalities must be in spotlight - and anyone more confident and better than them is attacked and assaulted or probably even fired.

YT "SELF-CONFIDENCE: Overcome Social Anxiety with Simple Scripts"

There are some situations in life where we should NOT feel confident at all.
If we take care of a baby - we should not feel confident leaving it alone and not watch it and observe it in situations where it might get in harm's way like playing with everyday household objects not suited with babies.

Of if we are in romantic contact and our partner feels distress without us knowing why - if we ignore it and feel confident - we will harm them and their trust in us.

If we are dealing with someone alcoholic or mentally ill or violent or hostile - if we laugh to them - they will attack us.

Confidence is not magic tool that solves life problems - sometimes it can create totally new set of problems.

YT "What I Learned About Social Anxiety At Age 41?"

"No one is thinking about you"
this is not true.
There are bullies, covert and overt abusers and psychopaths and sociopaths, thieves and criminals who are very much thinking and stalking and observing you and your weak points and predatory waiting to assault the target.

"Everyone cares about you exactly as much as you care about everyone else"
This is also not true.
Your pet is unconditionally loving you - and you take it for granted because you see social interactions like a npd people do: being transactional. Which is extremely toxic.

"We walk around thinking people judge our choices, remembering our mistakes, analyze every single word we say "
So you never been in npd bpd abuse contact exposure, I see.

YT "If You're Open, They'll Be Open⚡"

But why would you be open to someone who is potentially criminally insane? Why would you invite Trojan Horses in your life?

It is not social anxiety. It is complex PTSD which we never felt fully and we try to overcompensate by being friendly with abusers and psychopaths and then end up traumatized yet again without knowing why.

YT "#1 Trick to Tackle Social Anxiety #anxiety #psychology #lifehacks"

But social anxiety is related to society - toxic people who are behaving in toxic manner.
Being more in contact with npd bpd abusers will not make us confident - it will ruin and destroy our self worth and trust in people.
Socializing with people means being in contact with normal, healthy, sane people.
Social anxiety occurs in anything but those settings.
When we put ourselves more in npd bpd mobbing harassment situations - we won't learn how to stop feeling effects of abuse. And we should not get desensitized to violence - since them we might end up with developing enjoyment in sadism.
Going to parties and being connected works in Guilt-based culture (like USA, most Europe except Balkans, Australia, South Africa) - but not in shame-based culture countries where mentality is based on anti-social sentiment.
Without realizing it - since you never mentioned the differences in culture and someone being trapped in npd bpd abuse - you are telling abused and traumatized people to expose themselves to more abuse.
But this inability to be aware how much your advice is harmful - is part of social anxiety - which means inability to place social conscience in priority.
You place ideals, self help books and CBT as your priority - not actual people and reality.

YT "Is this social anxiety?"

This is called Borderline personality disorder (basing one sense of safety on other people's observance).
And narcissism - look at me, how wonderful and grand I am, all eyes on me!

YT "The friend with no social anxiety! 🤣😬"

No social anxiety = psychopathy, sociopathy, npd bpd and inability to have empathy. Other people are seen as the narcissistic supply: something to use, masturbate over and discard - like serial killers.

"I wish I had the issue of not over thinking 😢"

Then when bad things starts to happen to you because you did not use your brain - then you will complain that you should think more.

"Ask an expert: How can I help my teen manage Social Anxiety Disorder?"

I am not sure that it is correct using psychiatry and then pathologizing a child which is in developmental stage and where anomalies are normal.
Where is social anxiety disorder - there might be autism or repressed trauma such as bullying. If we tell to such kid that he has "disorder" - it will interrupt his developmental stage and this kid will adopt this stigma as own identity. Next time he feels heart beat due to jogging - he will pathologize himself that he is afraid of people. CBT must be banned - it is doing serious psychological damage.

YT "SOCIAL ANXIETY DOES NOT EXIST ‼️ #socialanxiety #false #shorts #shorts_video #vlog #public"

No social anxiety = no social conscience = social apathy = npd bpd psychopathy = no empathy

YT "How to Overcome Social Anxiety | How to not feel lonely | How to be a Social | Some Unfiltered Guy
"

Social anxiety is not about confidence and loneliness. Also -
You mix up shyness with social anxiety.

Social anxiety is by-product of being exposed to npd bpd abuse. So there is Complex Trauma.
When we create value for others - someone who struggles with social anxiety - due to unprocessed trauma will not gravitate to normal healthy and sane people - so idea of exposure will end up as trauma bonding and being stuck in npd bpd abuse. With predatory persona on the other side who sees transactional relationships.

"Not everyone who wants attention is transactional—sometimes it's just a cry for help. I felt a bit harsh here."

He is correct. Social anxiety is social apathy and inability to realize social conscience.
When we are stuck in social apathy - we will perceive contact with other people (romantic, business, family) as transactional - which is selfish, narcissistic and harmful since we will attract people who exploit others.

YT "Overcoming Social Anxiety
"

Social anxiety is not about confidence and parties. That is shyness issue. Neurotypical obsession.
Social anxiety is result of being exposed to bullying npd bpd abuse and inability to process abuse and make closure - to learn how to defend against toxic people without resorting to shame blame and guilt.

When we have a need to push and force positive messages and stoicism in our head before going to some safe place - like party with friends- this is a sign of unhealed and suppressed abuse, it is also sign of autism traces and it is sign of narcissism - where we have no true deep awareness towards social conscience (for example to really care about pets feelings - instead we take it for granted and see someone neutral or who appears as inferior to us as object).

These "negative thinking making up" did not fall out of space one night into our mind.
Most often - rumination starts as reaction to npd bpd abuse, bullying, autism traces and narcissism - which are all in our blind spot and the only clue we have - is rumination and pureOCD.

YT "What's Schizophrenia? Social Withdrawal, Social Anxiety, Hal"

Who defines "normal behavior"?
In Nazi Germany it was normal to ignore slaughter of innocent people who were minority.

YT "#socialanxiety #socialanxietydisorder #sociallyawkward #confidence #confidencebuilding"

However - if someone's identity (Big 5 persona, Myers–Briggs Type Indicator) is based on high Agreeableness - then social conscience - if we suppress that because CBT tells us that this is pathology - then we will end up with mental illness. Because we will attack and destroy our identity, our persona and end up with the opposite of social conscience: social apathy which is social anxiety.

I am not sure that social anxiety rips our life.
I see social anxiety as awareness that we have sat on wrong plane or wrong bus or wrong train. It is great to become aware because we can get off quickly at the next stop. If we did not have this alarm awareness - we might end up being 5000 km away from our true destination without money to return.
So alarm is not that rips it away - it is our mistake and error and ignorance, lack of education and not being present in the moment which is the core problem: of taking the wrong direction in life.

Person who has social conscience in identity core - will be focused "so much on what other people are thinking" due to social conscience. This is not pathology. It is feature. It is not something that should be ashamed and stigmatized as if it is criminal activity.
Social anxiety occurs in the ambient of stigma and shame which CBT is doing to socially anxious, as if they are criminals done Kafka Josef K crime in his novel The Trial - being accused on endless trial guilt process of being oneself.

Person with social conscience is sent to this planet to think a lot about social issues and social injustice - that is their true purpose on this planet. We should not suppress or destroy that honorable purpose.

In social anxiety - it is not actual anxiety. It is something that is mimicking anxiety - and that is after effects of being exposed to npd bpd abuse - the grossest social apathy that exists on this planet. So it will cause anxiety symptoms but it is really being traumatized by someone who is anti-social to the core.

YT "The Truth About Anxiety & ADHD: Life-Changing Tools From Renowned Psychiatrist Dr. Tracey Marks
"

I wrote to Tracey on her channel in 2022 about her video on social anxiety - where she explained very egocentric CBT view, that social anxiety is "fantasy" and "spotlight effect". I wrote in the comment how it is complex trauma and reaction to npd bpd abuse. She was very angry and hysterical in return, only returning one month earlier with an apology video - and after that she slowly changed her CBT views into more human one.
The same process I went with her friend therapist with curly hair who was pregnant at the time.
Since then Tracey made video about - maybe anxiety is not fantasy but in fact being stuck in really toxic place where one cannot escape from.

Reactions to abuse is not something that we have. It is not part of our persona. It is reaction. A style. Reflex. It is very dangerous when we internalize our issues and start to build our persona on DSM diagnosis.

YT "The Truth About Anxiety & ADHD: Life-Changing Tools From Renowned Psychiatrist Dr. Tracey Marks
"

Worrying what other people are thinking - may not be anxiety - but social conscience.
If we pathologize our character trait, identity - such as high agreeableness and openness we will create mental illness, personality disorder - which we will try to cure with more of self abuse and hating our core self, shaming it, because we believe it is a pathology to destroy.
Social conscience is not bad - it is ability to connect to people with empathy and care for others. When we are stuck in npd bpd abuse or CBT - this empathy will be pathologized and exploited and abused.

YT "The Truth About Anxiety & ADHD: Life-Changing Tools From Renowned Psychiatrist Dr. Tracey Marks
"

18:25 "I start getting nausea and then from the nausea I become anxious"
This nausea is stress hormone surging in.
We learned to connect stress hormones with difficult situations - and anxiety is byproduct of operant conditioning.
Like Pavlovian dogs starting to salivate when hearing bells - we feel nausea and we start to worry.

(15.4.2025)

"I was where you were at not long ago. I would educate myself a lot on these topics. But i realized the key is simplicity and not to overcomplicate things. Or you’ll spend your whole life victimizing yourself. Instead of thinking about your past traumas all the time. Replace it by thinking about the future and what kind of person you want to be."

"Replace it with" according to you us suppression and denial. These are dysfunctional coping mechanisms - and they are dysfunctional because you never learned the lesson from trauma other than it is trauma.
Problem is - trauma cannot be replaced. When you suppress your emotions and thoughts and memories about it - you will now copy-paste this same mechanisms in your relationships and business and friendships too. You will tend to appear aloof and compulsive and you won't really be present with anyone since you have build walls in your head where you cannot enter. With time - you will lack resources which are situated in those cellars you shut down. Like social conscience and real true empathy, not learned empathy, masked empathy. Without processed trauma you will develop functional narcissistic and borderline personality disorder which will wreck havoc in your life - no matter how much money you make by "being oriented to future".

Also - suppressing trauma means physical illness too.

YT "People pleasing everyone but yourself | Tips from an ADHD Coach"

I would not pathologize people pleasing so fast.
We can name people pleasing in the negative context - when we fawn and walk on eggshells around npd bpd toxic abnormal anti-social personalities. Who are usually in some power position (for example teacher, boss, professor, parent, rent owner etc).
HOWEVER
the reason why we lean onto fawning and people pleasing is Social Conscience - it is a Feature. It is not abnormality.
It becomes abnormality and sickness and hazardous ONLY when we are around manipulators and opportunistic personalities.

The thing is -
if we have a baby - it would be horrible idea that we remove our people pleasing and leave this baby on its own without being observed and cared for.
If we have a friend who has financial issues, lost home, experienced shock - it would be horrible idea that we destroy our people pleasing and our ability to put this friend AHEAD of our own choices.
If we have a pet - it would be ugly idea that we tend to our people pleasing and not onto our cat who is defenseless and they seek our support and we are their protectors - they cannot go to vet on their own. We need to take away from our own selfish time schedule and place time into our pet cat.

Another problem with people pleasing witch hunt which started narcissistic movement in 1970s - is that once we start to "stand up for ourselves" - we are all cowards really. We won't stop pleasing aggressive person who is in power - because we might lose our source of income or shelter- whom we should not please and not allow to exploit us.
Instead what happens - we will discard and remove our observance either from neutral connections or anyone who we know won't mind our "independence". Which is crony and crappy narcissistic behavior. This way - we will cause trauma to innocent creatures by our ghosting which we will label as "not people pleasing".

If we destroy our Ventral Vagal - by becoming narcissistic and borderline - we will also destroy our mental health - when we ghost kind supportive nice people around us.

Breaking news: we can take care of our well being and well being of kind nice supportive or neutral creatures and people around us IN THE SAME TIME. These two are not mutually exclusive.
Borderline personalities see the world in black and white - and are convinced that if they take care of their own well being that then they must treat other people like crap - and then end up with bpd abuse behavior.

(19.4.2025)

Avoidants avoid.
Those who must not avoid (for example due to job) will develop Functional social anxiety -where on the surface they do not avoid. Technically speaking this is no longer Avoidant PD since there is no avoidant behavior.
This is why CBT DSM must be banned - they are doing incredible damage in masking the symptoms and then confuse people who struggle with abuse after-effects.
Functional social anxiety does not mean that it is good. According to CBT and DSM - if we do not display social anxiety DSM symptoms - we are no longer socially anxious.
Functional social anxiety means suppressing symptoms which leads to toxic stress and mental breakdown, nervous meltdown and physical illness too.
Social anxiety is not the same as shyness.
Shy people do not have internalized toxic shame and toxic blame and toxic guilt and shy people do not have ACE ACoA childhood past.

Self reporting is the biggest sign that psychiatry must be banned. All CBT and DSM witch hunt depends on hunting symptoms - effectively forcing people who are abused to mask their symptoms and to live in shame and guilt and terror and echoism and silence, walking in egg shells so that they are not stigmatized with DSM symptom.
Then most people learn how to develop Fake Social mask. DSM and CBT are effectively creating the nation of pathological liars, narcissistic flood, forcing anyone who struggles with abuse to develop NPD and BPD due to amount of shame and stigma for being abused and feeling social anxiety when abused by someone in power who has real NPD BPD.

I see the exist in realizing concept such as Social Conscience.
That we understand our life, our mission, our purpose in life are our own well being as well as well being of normal healthy sane people and then start to make the difference.
That we develop ability to detect toxic people and start to allow ourselves to detest them, cut contact or minimize exposure as much as possible (in real life it won't be 100% possible), relocate if needed - and place all our responsibility into our own well being as well into well being of good normal healthy sane people.
When toxic people are around - we will take responsibility for them and they will lie, they will produce invented imaginary problems drama hysteria so that we are focused only on them all the time, effectively ignoring our own well being and well being of normal sane people. Which is social conscience - when we contribute to community and our Ventral Vagal, pets instead of being stuck in social apathy of trying to fix and change mentally ill stubborn evil people with personality disorders - who do not want to co-operate.

It is important to note that person is not only manipulative.
When person shows traits of being manipulative - this is a tip of an iceberg.
IT is a definite sign of psychopathy and sociopathy - this person is mentally ill and evil. This person behaves in anti-social manner, has no conscience or awareness that this is personality disorder defect and what kind of damage they do to society. We take it for granted - because we do not see all the damage that these manipulators do with coercive control and narcissism.

I see that people with personality disorders are found in any areas of life - being white or blue collar. They are attracted to power and being seen and they do not care about how their own actions are affecting the society.
My suggestion is that anyone in any kind if power position must be taken to brain scan. Narcissism and psychopathy show up under the brain scan - and these people must not be allowed to be in contact with other people in any kind of power position. We do not allow pedophiles to kindergarten jobs, we do not allow criminals to work in police - the same principle must be introduced in academia too and any public job such as presidential elections.

(21.4.2025)

When I was dealing with it - I had no idea what was wrong. I was convinced that I am wrong, that there is something wrong about me and I did not know what it was and how to fix it. It really had to pass almost 10 years to see the ringleader on a new position in the company doing the smear campaign in front of me and new colleagues to realize that she had done that earlier when I was not around - talking bad behind my back.
I do not see any other solution than to leave and quit, find another job.

It is easy to misconstrue social anxiety as "lack of confidence" - because it appears like that as tip of an iceberg.
In reality - social anxiety is mini autistic trauma and it is connected to being exposed to ACoA ACE trauma in childhood and later on being exposed to undetected npd bpd abuse.
Effects of trauma exposure which appears as lack of confidence to us and to other people.

Problem and damage around "confidence" mix up - is that resolution to "confidence" problem is usually narcissism and borderline behavior.

YT "Autism vs Social Anxiety: Here Is 5 Ways YOU Tell"

I took autism test twice. The first time I imagined myself in bullying mobbing toxic abuse npd bpd abuse situations - and test showed medium to high autism. Then I took the same test once again - but this time I imagined myself in Ventral Vagal (psychological safety) situations and how I feel when I do not feel any threat - and test showed no autism present.
It seems that npd bpd abuse ACoA and ACE can effect the brain to "act" autistic.. Being exposed to rude people who crush social norms rules and are abusive and intrusive.

YT "Overcoming Anxiety and Social Anxiety: The Power of Pausing and Noticing"

Medical Social anxiety starts around the age of 12, 13 due to bullying.
When someone experiences social anxiety symptoms around the age of college - this is shyness now. It is not medical social anxiety - since it is shyness based on desire to connect and being aware of others having social life and wanting one too. This is more neurotypical issue of urge to belong to herd mentality and groupthink that is causing social anxiety symptoms.
Whereas medical social anxiety is rooted in trauma, being exposed to ACoA ACE in childhood (usually critical neglectful untreated undiagnosed mentally ill parent) and exposure to npd bpd abuse and not knowing how to process it other than through people pleasing, codependency and trying to fix angry hysterical people.

The problem is that your solution - will try out by the socially anxious and it will work only up to the point. The trauma will not be resolved with your solutions which worked for shyness excellently.
And it is great solution - to calm down anxiety when the anxiety is not reaction to actual threat.

YT "Social anxiety Maxxing"

I lost virginity at 22. I was not aware that social anxiety is based on trauma - being exposed to abuse. It has nothing to do with what I want or how I feel - it is reaction to abuse.
Problem is that I tried fix myself that I never looked that I had attachment style problems - which means not being able to truly connect with others. And this self abuse and self torture to discipline myself to mask being like everyone else - ended up as one night stand and not having true real romantic connection.
Trauma and abuse is not identity - it is what happened to us. It must not be observed as personality failure and something to be ashamed of and something to mask and hide and fix.

YT "#socialanxiety #socialanxietydisorder #sociallyawkward #shyguy #shygirl"

It is very hard in real life situations.
Normal healthy sane people have self awareness and self boundaries not to take their anger on someone who looks anxious and kind to them, as easy target to abuse.
In most cases, people who lack self regulation are npd and bpd personalities.
And then we have manipulation, coercive control and pathological lying behind their words and actions.
Usually - they will package their own issues as someone else's responsibility to fix.
They use other people's flaws, imperfections, errors as a tool to humiliate the target and that target feels shame - and as anyone with socialized mind will do - he or she will try to fix those mistakes and errors which abusive person spews out.
From npd bpd point of view - they see themselves as gods, hyper intelligent creatures who are "able" to see errors and they see themselves as strong and stoic as gods who have ability to "speak the truth" - and then they use these ego fantasies as motor to hurt and harm other people around them.
When this happens chronically, repeatedly - the target of npd bpd abuse, no matter how much stoic they are - it will effect self worth and identity.
If the abuser chronically puts you down, you will start to believe in it, like Goebbels propaganda of repeating the lies - it becomes the truth.

I see the resolution in developing Social conscience - so that we drop defensive attitude and then we can develop mercy and sorrow for mentally ill people who act abusively because this is the only way for them to regulate their mentally ill mind.
And then we can choose to seek our future somewhere else and gray rock abusers more easily than being trapped in defense mode where we convince ourselves not to take it personally.

YT "social anxiety be like 😆"

In such situations - what is the worst that could happen?
They could ignore you - you write bad review,
They could yell at you - you write bad review in detail what happened.
I would use Ventral Vagal as our resource of Titration
How I would ask a friend where is the fork? Imagine that and copy-paste it in restaurant situation.
The only difference here - is that this is their job to tell.
And there are consequences if they behave anti-socially.

"Afraid? Stay at home if you’re that scared."

"ok um…that was rude some people aren’t as comfortable talking to people"

He is npd bpd personaity. This is how these people get ego boost. They struggle with anxieties which they mislabel as social anxiety and then they abuse socially anxious at resources for social anxiety. We are easy target to abuse - we are natural narcissistic supply resource for them. Like blood bank for vampires.

YT "Social Anxiety Hack"

Hack: Ventral Vagal and Social conscience.
Social conscience kills narcissism remnants.

YT "Does having autism cause social anxiety? 🧠 As someone on the spectrum, I used to ask myself this"

Exposure to npd bpd abuse in adulthood, ACE ACoA in childhood - can cause traits of Autistic trauma which are the same as social anxiety traits.

YT "The ONLY reason you have social anxiety"

I would use a different word than rewired.
And I would not use it on social anxiety.
I would use the word "change of perspective".
And instead of fixing social anxiety I would say fixing social apathy and modifying it into social conscience. With social conscience we will remove narcissism borderline aftereffects fossils remnants introjects which were installed in ACE ACoA npd bpd abuse.

YT "Radical acceptance means focusing on what I can change and accepting what’s Not within my control 🫶"

This does not help much when npd bpd personalities in power actively try to control US and we are unable to do anything about it because they are in power - like not being able to escape due to no finances and no shelter or stand up to them due to their power.

YT "How To Overcome Shyness And Social Anxiety Self Improvement Guide
"

2 years later on and we need to repeat the facts already discussed before.
1) social anxiety stems from exposure to toxic people who care a lot how to abuse the target of their abuse.
bpd personalities care a lot how to nitpick mistakes and errors. npd personalities care a lot how to criticize someone's smallest flaws and perceived imperfections and put them down and destroy self worth so that they become easy narcissistic supply for npd predators.
They care a lot how to harm and cause pain and hurt to others - because this is how they regulate their emotions and how they boost their ego. They have mental illness. This becomes problem when they are in power - like boss at toxic job which we cannot quit due to no finances. Or living in oppression where abusers nitpick anyone who looks differently - so we are forced to become fake or avoid people.
2) rejection comes in spectrum. If rejection means being abused - being ok with abuse is not ok message.
3) when we convince ourselves to be positive - we will repress reality. It is like being in empty parking lot with serial killer like in the movie Women of the hour. If we force positive self talk - we will end up in a car with an evil person who has deadly intentions. Positive is not always good nor healthy. The difference is being rooted in reality. If we base our thoughts on fantasy - that is road to mental illness, and that includes positive self talk.
4) 5) this is like video from 2 years ago. You re-posted your video.
Social anxiety is trauma issue. It has nothing to do with masturbation.
Idea that we fuse and glue trauma with sexual guilt and sexual suppression is extremely unhealthy idea.
Self love - means accepting oneself and building oneself based on this self acceptance.
Not caring what other people think about you - is narcissism and psychopathy. We need to have social conscience and awareness how our actions are affecting other people in order to be mentally healthy.

(22.4.2025)

The nature of npd bpd abuse is to blame ourselves. Due to Gaslighting and manipulation and coercive control, blame shifting , guilt tripping.
We end up abusing ourselves believing we did something wrong.

YT "Why ADHD Makes Us So Sensitive (Understanding RSD)
"

When we react to something perceived - this is unrecognized untreated trauma.
ACC part of the brain is build for social connections. When we are exposed to npd bpd abuse - this part of the brain will malfunction and start to act in obsessive compulsive manner due to trauma. PTSD is also situated in this part of brain, as well as schizofrenia and autism. Neuroscientist still do not know why 4 elements are situated in ACC but it makes sense when we impose social conscience in the story.
When we are exposed to trauma - we will automatically try to defend ourselves. In situations where we are not able to fight or flee (due to no money, no resources, no support) our ACC - social connectedness will suffer a blow.
Without social conscience - we will dip into social apathy and then get symptoms of RSD as this process of social apathy.
The cure is - developing social conscience through discernment - learning who are toxic people, how to recognize red flags and then be self aware.
Self awareness and ability to stay focused (on filtering out toxic people) - is how we make ACC healthy and functional.
And then RSD will naturally vanish.
Kick out toxic people and open oneself to good people.
With RSD we do the opposite. We people please toxic people, and worry when they hate us and reject us and we ruminate a lot - which leads to seeing perceived abuse.

Accepting emotions is self awareness so that is why it works for RSD. Being present in the moment and see toxic people as data is part of it. With RSD we try to please toxic people to like us so that they stop abusing us - which is hurting our ACC.

Doing something physical is also part of self awareness and that is why it works for RSD issues.

Trying to fix and trying to be correct (perfectionism) is fear of abuse, it comes from fear of punishment and it sets us up to be slave to toxic people and their approval which leads to social apathy and RSD. Removing this helps ACC strengthening and it helps with RSD, too.

Jesus Christ represents Social conscience - and this why it works for ACC and removing RSD.
When we are stuck in social apathy - we will experience guilt and shame - which is warning sign that we lost social conscience.

Talking, community strengthens ACC - and that is why it works for fighting RSD.

ACC and social conscience are key in understanding RSD (social anxiety, quiet BPD, after effects of npd bpd abuse).

My yt subtitles cover up the painting so I did not see it.
Jordan Peterson is spreading ideology that socially anxious are not present and they do not see around.
This is due to ACC (part of brain associated with social connectivity) - which is broken due to trauma and we may lose attention and focus - but we are observant and have potential to see around , details which most people would not.
Healing ACC is being self aware and focused.

(23.4.2025)

YT "The Hidden Cost of Suppressed Emotions #mentalhealth #traumainformed #nervoussystemhealing #bpd"

I would add that we investigate the context and reasons why it was suppressed in the first place.
Did the other person punish us, condition us to suppress?
Do we have problem of not knowing how to talk our feelings without being hysterical and aggressive?

YT "I'm a piece of S***"

People pleasing , self abuse - stems from exposure to chronic npd bpd abuse, someone toxic micromanaging the target and creating drama and hysteria about any movement or word - rendering the target to become an echo

(27.4.2025)

Then it is not social anxiety - it is something else.
Social anxiety is always caused and started with bullying around the age of 12 or 13. There are some freak cases when it happens around age 17, 18.
It is crucial the age of 12/13 due to developmental stages - at this final Piaget stages we finish the childhood at this critical years. If the childhood had been free from ACE ACoA - bullying experiences in that age won't end up with self hatred and self rejection.
In your case it could be autism, introversion, shyness, schizofrenia, bpd, npd.
Or most often - most people do not know what is abuse. They think parenting style that they had was normal.
John Bradshaw spread the wrong label of abuse meaning incest and mothering measuring child genitalia and mocking it - this was considered abuse in 1980s.
Abuse is also when we are exposed to relentless criticism, perfectionism and micromanaging 24/7 where the child learns to condition errors and flaws with being wrong to the core as its own identity.

(28.4.2025)

YT "Day 9 of fighting my social anxiety 😀😩😱#funny #ksi #socialanxiety #memes #darkhumor"

Hating social anxiety is an act of self abuse, self hatred, self rejection and act of social apathy. Removing social anxiety leads to removing social norms = npd bpd mental illness.

YT "my social anxiety always stops me"

It is not social anxiety. Social anxiety is only the tip of an iceberg. Inability to talk over the phone is unresolved complex trauma stemming from ACE ACoA childhood and bullying mobbing experiences later on.

YT "How to Deal with Social Anxiety #anxiety #socialanxiety #confidence #insecurity #beyou #authenticity"

People don't stop at "Your clothes look stupid". Toxic people, npd bpd personalities also nitpick someone's errors and mistakes - which activates our moral and ethical norms - and this is what they attack.

Life does not continue - if your boss if demanding unrealistic standards and screams and threatens you - doesn't give you raise or fire you from the job - and the next job is the same. Then life is homeless - unable to pay the rent, not having shelter.

The difference between npd and social anxiety - is that npd fear of not being grandiose in other people eyes.
Whereas socially anxious is afraid of being punished, attacked, mocked from others.
Feeling of being stared is the same - but the trigger for this feeling of being stared by others has different roots.
It is highly damaging to equate abusers with targets of abuse.

"Nah, it became a thing with gen Z's. I was a stutterer when I was little and I was socialy awkward. I got a job as a bartender. Fixed the unfixable kid. I am sorry, but you are going to have to start respecting yourself, definitely do sports and push yourself. Or you choose to stay a weakling. Your choice."

Nobody is choosing to be weakling.
As white heterosexual male - you will be entitled and privileged in toxic world that supports Dunning Kruger effect. You will get job easier, your paycheck will be higher and predators will less likely to attack, mock or exploit you - due to color of your genitalia that has ability to get erected to vagina.
You did not fix anything - you simply stepped into the role which this patriarchy narcissistic system laid up for your kind to walk on and now you are condescending others for not being like you. You are conceived in your egocentric brain that your have some special self esteem power.

"Life requires adaptation. We are all who we choose to be. Choose wisely. "

Social anxiety IS adaptation. To toxic people and abusers and predators, to npd bpd abuse.

Complex Trauma cannot heal on its own.
You probably learned how to suppress, deny and dissociate from reality.
This coping mechanism will keep trauma trapped in your body - and it will come out as cancer, auto-immune disease and allergies and bpd npd mental illness.

What doesn't kill you makes you develop toxic self sabotaging coping mechanisms.

Parenting is only a part of the picture.
There is also npd bpd abuse from external world and neurodivergent brain.
Statement and "no one has" - is not based on research but on your own anecdotal bias and confirmation bias.
Pluto was not discovered until 1930 - but it doesn't mean it did not exist before.

YT "Let social anxiety be scared of you ;) #consciuosness"
npd bpd abuse does not come with label stuck on forehead.
Usually it comes with pathological lying and smear campaign - noticing and nitpicking someone's mistakes, errors, flaws and blaming the target to feel guilt for making those blunders. It is coercive control and manipulation masked as care. Confidence has nothing to do with it, no amount of confidence can fight witch hunt

YT "Social anxiety"

You mix up shyness with social anxiety.
Social anxiety has nothing to do with going to events, social skills or talking to people - these are perihelia in social anxiety, where the central problem is ACoA ACE and exposure to npd bpd abuse.

The problem is that messages like yours - that socially anxious have problem with social skills - you set already ashamed and gaslighted targets of npd bpd abuse to believe that they are now klutzs who lack social skills - which is not true at all.

The reason why putting yourself out there and talking to people worked for you - is because you are white heterosexual male. As such, you will experience less abuse and hatred and most people will fear you and give you better paycheck and benefit of doubt - due to toxic masculinity mentality and patriarchy system. It has nothing to do with your skills or brain - it has with the color of your genitalia that has ability to get erected to vagina - that is the only reason why you feel comfortable in society - being born into entitlement and privilege of toxic planet where 48% of people support nazi rapists and racists.
It has nothing to do with your grandiose narcissistic belief that you are special and has some powers in your brain not to feel social anxiety.

YT "Can Social Anxiety Lead to Unexpected Friendships? #anime #shorts"

Japanese social anxiety is not the same as social anxiety in the west-
Japanese version is connected to physical blunders in public like farting or vomiting.
Western social anxiety is connected to exposure to npd bpd abuse.

YT "Harnessing the Power of Self-Reflection for Social Anxiety"

Problem with self reflection - is confirmation bias.
It means - when we grew up in ACoA ACE ambient - which is the root of social anxiety - we will tend to think in npd bpd manner - like npd bpd personalities of people around us during developmental stages.
Echo chamber.
The only way to break out - is education and being open to cognitive dissonance and new information which will sound strange or counterintuitive at start.

YT "social anxiety haters stand up "

If we come up with conclusion that our social anxiety is irrational then:
1) we will stop trusting our own brain and we will develop codependency and become doormat because we will trust random people around us to explain us reality
2) we won't be curious - which is mental illness
3) we won't investigate - because we are not aware that nothing in this universe starts on its own. There had to be the first ignition. Irrational thoughts - must come from someone. People are not born with irrational fears. This is conditioned and learned into our brains via ACE and ACoA and later on through npd and bpd abuse.

Idea that we blame ourselves and hate and reject ourselves and our brain ability and capability - will lead to toxic shame and mental illness, personality disorder.
CBT ought to be banned.

YT "Social anxiety struggles: peopling isn't easy #socialanxiety"

Peopling works around normal, healthy, sane, open, agreeable friendly personalities.
It does not work around npd bpd predatory personalities.

YT "How To Fix SOCIAL ANXIETY! ⚠️"

You mix up shyness with social anxiety.
Shyness is neurotypical obsession of approaching people and talking to random people.
The anxiety and fear that shy person feels is not the same as fear and anxiety that socially anxious person feels.

For shy people - this discomfort will be gone - due to habit of exposure.
In social anxiety - this discomfort will become worse - because social anxiety is reaction to npd bpd (mentally ill) predatory personalities. Social anxiety is reaction to sick hostile psychopathic sociopathic behavior - so social anxiety cannot be gone with habit or exposure - since the trigger is in abnormal criminals who walk free in society.

YT "Social anxiety as a Muslim and how to fix it"

Replace word social anxiety with social apathy. Then
I would replace Allah with Social conscience and then it makes sense.

YT "How To Stop Avoiding Social Situations"

Social situations come in spectrum.
It is one thing to be in psychological security - where other people are normal, healthy, sane, friendly, open, agreeable.
Then when certain social situations contain pathological liars and narcissists and borderlines and psychopaths and sociopaths - it is normal to avoid those crowds.

He cannot help your with Complex Trauma - because he is basing his ideas on CBT - which is based on denial, suppression and lobotomy and becoming robot, background character who is obsessed with how other people see him.

" I've had social anxiety since I was 5 years old,"
It wasn't social anxiety.
You probably are autistic.
Social anxiety starts around the age of 12 and 13 - it is tied to Piaget Developmental stages and it is result of ACE ACoA childhood. There are some freak incidents when social anxiety may start around the agee of 17, 18 for the late bloomers.

Social anxiety shares similarities with any mental health condition - like narcissism and borderline disorder.
It is similar to autism, it overlaps with shyness and introversion - but there are some definite traits that makes social anxiety social anxiety.
Social anxiety feelings are not the same as medical social anxiety - which is described in DSM.
The bottom line of social anxiety is fear of criticism, fear of scrutiny - there is punishment element.
Shy people do not have specific fear of abuse and they are not plagued with operant conditioning like socially anxious are.

Social anxiety is a sign there is npd bpd abuse on the other side as the trigger point.

But who makes you the ultimate judge of what is cringe?
If she is not raping anyone, if she is not committing any crime - she is withing the unwritten social norms.
If you put yourself as the social judge to batter and harass random people online for expressing themselves - you are basically trying to control other people.
That is definite mark of borderline disorder.
You wish that people around you walk on eggshells around you and to function in a way which you will approve as the judge who controls other people. That is unhealthy and you are projecting your own cringe issues onto her.

(29.4.2025)

Social anxiety is "fixed" by stop fixing it and accepting it in full and then build up self trust.

Borderline disorder is "fixed" with medical help - and person with bpd had to have a will to become sane.

"Studies " are based on self report - which is usually skewed with Researcher bias and Telescoping effect and confirmation bias.

CBT - is found in any book or videos about social anxiety even in TV interviews and magazine articles. CBT is default automatic therapy for social anxiety. There is petition to ban this monopole.

Dr Aziz book - I read it in 2019. His main premise is that we stop being nice and start to be mean.
Social anxiety is not issue of being nice - it is not people pleasing issue nor codependency. It only looks like that on the surface. Social anxiety is echoism. It is total destruction of Self, persona, identity - due to exposure to ACE and ACoA in childhood, npd bpd abuse.
People who are people pleasers have some sort of identity - and they can speak if they are instructed.
Echoist have no own voice, they are an echo of angry and hostile people due to operant conditioning - and if echoist tries to stop being nice- he or she will become borderline.

YT "Autism Trauma and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) - What's The Overlap?"

I took autism test twice.
The first time I imagined myself on toxic job with mobbing and stress caused by bullies, psychopaths and sociopaths in such ambient. The test showed I have medium to high autism.
Then I took the SAME test once again - and I answered honestly the questions but this second time I imagined my personality and my actions and how I think when I am inside psychological security (Ventral Vagal). Then the test showed I had no autism present.
When I write about this - 60% of people do not understand this. They think I cheated on the test. They are not informed what is Ventral Vagal.
When I wrote this to a guy who had 300,000 views on his video called I am in 30 and I have no friends - where after 3 years he made another video claiming that he has discovered autism - he accused me of me attacking his diagnosis.
People need education in Polyvagal Theory.
They can easily end up being misdiagnosed, CBT is ableist therapy and psychiatry must be banned as well.

" I’m going to trust the science literature"
CBT is not science.
Psychiatry is pseudo-science.
It is basing its postulates on emotions, something that cannot be measured and it relies on self reporting and researcher bias.
Ad Hominem arguments are projection and obviously you have some serious other issues which you mask as social anxiety, since it is much socially accepted than being called its true name : borderline or anti-social.

(30.4.2025)

"When you said therapy teaches you 'you can't be the best judge of your internal experience' this really resonated with me. CBT taught me to gaslight myself about my socially anxious thoughts, when a lot of the time I was actually right about people not liking me 😅"

CBT is based on an ideology - that abusers do not exist, that mobbing and narcissistic abuse cannot harm us - if we are stoic enough. This is gross over-simplification of mental health and it is largely untrue, it is twisted explanation of healed trauma mindset. Toxic people are pathological liars and they have influence on others - kind of like polar opposite effect of the cult Xmas movie "It's a beautiful life" - where in real life we see the effect of negative behavior of only one person on the whole community - is how we end up with social anxiety. CBT denies this effect - and insist that our role in life is to be zombie lobotomized background character who is servant echoist to the psychopaths in power.

YT "Is autism JUST trauma? (What’s the link between autism, trauma and psychological safety?)
"

I repeat myself - perhaps someone will find this useful information:

I took autism test twice. The first time I answered the questions as if I am under stress, when I am trapped in toxic mobbing job, when I feel triggered and when I feel emotional dysregulation. The test showed medium to high autism.
Then I took the same test once again - but this time I answered the questions honestly but this time from the Ventral Vagal mindset, how I feel when I am in psychological safety ambient, when there is no abuse, when there are no abusive hostile people around me - how I would feel. And the same test showed this time that I had no autism traits.

Stress, trauma, abuse is changing my personality.

Psychiatry relies on self - reporting. Emotions cannot be measured - they are not scientific.
If the child / adult is under stress - he or she will answer differently to the questions and influence the final result.
Similar to quantum physics - the nature of photons is changing when it is being observed.

(1.5.2025)

We become echoist and we don't react to rudeness - we don't know where to sort ambiguity. If we are healed, when we are healed - we will naturally react, ask for more clarifications, alarm, alert, let them show themselves, allow them to express but ask questions to confirm and then evaluate are we hypersensitive or it is real disrespect when we get enough data.

What I discovered is that tackling narcissistic abuse is slippery process. We get muddy and covered in slime by trying to examine it. It is toxic shame - the same process - it is impossible to observe it, to define it, without getting infected with it.
Most people find the topic disgusting and draining and they tend to shut down, dissociate and pretend not to see elephant in the room OR they become defensive and aggressive and narcissistic themselves. npd bpd abuse is contagious and there is no solution for it - psychiatrist don't know how to handle it.. because the patient don't want to get healthy - it feels comfortable for them to abuse other people and to be stuck in egocentrism. Often times society supports them since they are manipulative and with glib charm - and we get them as presidents and advisors - like Musk , claiming that empathy is abnormality to destroy.

(4.5.2025)

Hating social anxiety is an act of self hatred, self rejection and self abuse. It leads to internalized toxic shame - and consequently inability to connect to anyone anymore.
This is why CBT must be banned
and we need to change our bias towards social anxiety as sissy feminine issue which must be destroyed and ignored.

Diagnosis is a sword - it has double edge. It can help but it can hurt, too.

Plus, the target of abuse will be plagued with toxic shame - because he she will believe that his her own thoughts are somehow triggering and causing the abuse. Once this gaslighting is in power - the target of abuse will lose self worth and identity and become echoist. CBT is grooming us to become slave to psychopaths.

Problem with diagnosis is that people start to develop their personality and identity based on their diagnosis.
For example, if CBT is pathologizing fears and anxiety - I will label heart beating after walking to 4th floor as panic attack and then start worrying about having panic - while in fact I was simply excited from the walking.
Diagnosis can become our GPS. I start to shape my life according to diagnosis and not what I truly like and where I want to go in life. For example - CBT will tell me that my goal in life is to be strong and stoic and to hide fears. But then I might not take curiosity in drawing sketches because CBT tells me that my life should be one facing of the fears and exposing myself to my fears.
CBT will diagnose me with social anxiety - and then instead of avoiding psychopaths - I will try hard no to avoid difficult and scary people because CBT diagnoses my fears as something to conquer all the time.
Like in the movie Woman of the Hour based on real events - if a woman was along at parking lot with a serial killer - and if she was inundated with CBT diagnosis - she would ignore her fears and panic - and enter into the car with a psychopath.
CBT and DSM should be banned.
We need to change our insight about diagnosis and stop seeing if from the filter of toxic masculinity and patriarchy.

Repeated exposure to destructive criticism destroys self worth and ability to assess reality - so it leads to complex trauma. Kids who grew up in ACE and ACoA will see destructive criticism as magnet - so they are more prone to narcissistic relationships (not only romantic ones) and stay stuck in toxic family dynamics due to trauma bonding. But neurotypical person with healthy family childhood might also end up with trauma if exposed to toxic person.
The only difference is that most neurotypical people will cut off toxic person immediately and npd personalities will find neurotypicals very boring (from the perspective of not being good narc supply) - and then leave NT alone. NT person will not shut up to their abuse - so npd will run away. ACE ACoA adults will shut up and take all the unjust blame - which is highly attractive to psychopaths and sociopaths.

YT "Living with Autism Level 1 – My Real Experience
"

I took autism test twice. First time I imagined myself being in stress, at toxic job and then responded to questions from this state of mind - hypervigilance. Test showed medium to high autism.
Then I took the same test once again - but this time I imagined myself when I am in Ventral Vagal, how I think and feel and function when I feel safe, when there is no abuse , hostility - the test showed no autism present.

(5-5-2025)

YT "Curing Social Anxiety 😰"

Introversion is not the same as social anxiety.
Extroverts can struggle with social situations.
Social anxiety is not an issue of social skills.
It is related to narcissistic abuse, exposure to neglect and invalidation in childhood, exposure to emotionally immature parent who was most probably undiagnosed mentally ill.
The advice to practice in family and then try to copy paste it in social situations is solution for social anxiety issues - copy pasting Ventral Vagal situation into unknown situations.
But the important thing is to see social anxiety as a reflex to neglect and invalidation. It is not something to destroy or hate.
If we hate social anxiety - we will develop internalized toxic shame: self hatred, self rejection and self abuse. Which means more of social anxiety.
CBT is toxic ableist therapy created from corrupt America medical system ran by pharma mafia and narcissists hidden in managerial positions - similar to Trump or Musk. CBT is part of the abuse and should be avoided.

Depression anxiety must come from somewhere. If we had brain abnormality - we would feel that sporadically, as hormones and nervous system pumps it out in the body.
Social anxiety stems from exposure to difficult hostile nervous anti-social people - so it must come from exposure to toxic people. Toxic people , emotionally immature parents cause social anxiety.

It is not full.
IT does not say what happens when conversation turns toxic. Shifting away from abuse, ignoring hostile person - is extremely dangerous. Any kind of fantasy and delusions - rejecting reality which CBT is propagating - is dangerous and leads to mental illness.

"I don't think it's social anxiety, it's just temparement, you may be filled with empathy and don't want to hurt others ..."

Don't confuse empathy with Fawning trauma response. They appear similar but are rooted in different convictions.

Oppression is large part of social anxiety - and this problem is actually no longer medical social anxiety. It is legitimate response to unfair system. CBT does not see abuse as problem to cure - so it gives wrong message to people who struggle with social anxiety. Socially anxious are reacting to abuse - and CBT is treating social anxiety as shyness teen issue which is cured by talking.

" You want to practice that at home?"
IT doesn't have to be home.
It is Ventral Vagal.
Situation where we feel psychological safety, psychological security.
IT can be with pets.
Going to pleasant vacation.
Hanging around caring normal healthy sane people.

"overcome their weaknesses"
Social anxiety is stigmatized as feminine sissy issue or weakness.
IT is not.
Social anxiety is a reflex, it is a reaction to oppression, abuse and operant conditioning (system with rewards and punishment in loop) such as npd bpd abuse (being exposed to people who are anti-social).

That desire to be alone and isolated is called Schizoid disorder.
This appears as similar to social anxiety but there is a crucial difference.
Schizoid is personality disorder, abnormality in the brain because isolation from other people leads to fantasy and rejection of reality which can be dangerous when it turns hostile.
On the other hand:
Socially anxious want to contribute and want to interact and be around the people - but they are unable to due to operant conditioning in childhood (ACE) and exposure to narcissistic abuse in adulthood like toxic boss or colleagues.

Update:
Mel Robbins says: allow other people to think negatively about you- and I agree with her Let them theory.

With the important note to be aware:
we learned in childhood to associate moral ethical standards with what other people consider as moral and ethical-
we distrust our own standards and we cling onto other explanations especially if they are critical and negative - this is like basing our currency on Dollar or Swiss Frank - and then there is economic collapse in that currency -and consequently our economy suffers too.

"completely different "
What that means for you?
Are you an alien?
Are you a serial killer?
Do you go naked in the public, urinate, masturbate and poop in public like ancient Greece Diagenesis?
Do you yell and scream in public like homeless people in New York?
Do you hit and harm other people?

Or are you blond when others have marron color hair?
Does your difference is that you are quiet and reserved and don't boast?
You don't use swear words?

First assess what is different?
Who sets up the standards of social norms?
And what is the baseline of unwritten social normal, social code and social mores?

If you are crap fitting yourself into herd mentality - that is called Masking and it will lead to mental illness.
Just imagine - Nikola Tesla - if he cared about talking behind his back that he lives alone, that he likes to talk to pidgeons and that he believes on life on Mars.
If he tried to fit in into groupthink - we would not have ACDC electricity today, or wi-fi.

YT "Social anxiety’s greatest enemy is Nick Wilkins"

Exposure therapy leads to Masking and crap fitting into herd mentality. People who learned dysfunctional coping mechanisms in ACE ACoA childhood - will find alternative coping mechanisms and use it. CBT exposure is oversimplified detrimental tool, as CBT itself - it is dangerous.

Not caring what people think is called narcissism - and it is mental illness.

There is a difference between being a sociopath and allowing other people to hold negative opinion about us.
The first one - leads to defense mechanisms and inability to correct own behavior which is dangerous - since this is the core mechanism of personality disorder - not being able to process, not being able to self-reflect based on input and data from the outside world.

YT "Life hacks - social anxiety"

Literally and figuratively teaching the boundaryless people how to build the healthy wall.

YT "Social Anxiety: Conquer It With Humor!"

Social anxiety is not "nervous of social events" issue.
You confuse shyness with social anxiety. Common mistake.
Social anxiety is called social + anxiety. It is anxiety that stems from exposure to toxic people, society element.
It is not called event anxiety.
Social anxiety can occur in any contact with toxic person or people. It does not necessarily have to be an "event".

Secondly,
people do not assign themselves low social value. This is assigned to them through the exposure to ACE, ACoA operant conditioning in childhood, exposure to emotionally immature parent(s) and later on in adulthood exposure to npd bpd abuse.

Thirdly, it is not about worry what other people think abotu them. Again this general worry is shyness.
Social anxiety is laser sharp focused on scrutiny and negative criticism only which is based on blame shame and guilt tripping. Social anxiety won't spiral when someone is honest and without any agenda to harm.

Fourthly - assuming that everyone is watching them - is not narcissistic.
It comes from defense mechanisms - being alert to who will strike first. Trying to pre-emptively protect oneself from sudden unprovoked attacked - which they experienced in ACE ACoA and npd bpd abuse exposure.

Problem is that with your stigma and bias and lack of education - you are coercing abused victims of npd bpd abuse to start to believe that their own brain is creating social anxiety out of thin air - which is called gaslighting in narcissistic abuse and it destroys person's self worth and identity and ability to trust in own judgment. Without trust in one's own ability to form decisions - you are coercing abused victims of abuse to develop new mental illness: codependency.
This is why online resources are dangerous and detrimental like CBT itself.

YT "Conquering Social Anxiety—Do This One Terrifying Thing"

You never had social anxiety. You had shyness.
Diogenes
cure works for shy people - making fool of yourself in the public. It works miracle for shy people who mistake their symptoms of shyness with social anxiety since there are so many similarities.

The huge difference between shyness and social anxiety is that social anxiety does not go away with making a fool of yourself - due to internalized toxic shame, which shy people do not have.

The damage you are doing here - is you are trying to copy paste your cure for shyness onto people who suffer with real medical social anxiety - and when they fail - they will blame themselves for not working for them - and then they will self abuse themselves with internalized toxic shame which you never had in the first place.

In real life situations -
when we make mistakes errors and flaws - we can get fired and then end up homeless and without shelter.
In shame based culture countries - people will nitpick each of our mistake, flaw till the day we die - they will repeat the humiliating details at every meeting - since that mocking will make them feel powerful.

YT "POV:a student with social anxiety gets bullied during her presentation #shorts cr ‪@BiancaLimonn‬"

Mel Robbins theory Let them - works perfectly in such situations with passive aggressive narcissist in public meeting.
Let them.
Let them think whatever they want to believe in.
If we talk, if we have presentation - let them nag and complain - and let us talk our presentation to the end.
Allow mentally ill people to exhibit their mental illness - we are not police, we are not doctors - we cannot cure them, we cannot put them to asylum - we cannot control them with their bully remarks. We may say Stop, allow me to finish - but we cannot control words that come from their mouths - and we need to allow them to be sick and abnormal.
Our shyness, our fear our panic - will be our attempt to control them. So let them and social anxiety will vanish.
Also - allowing them to be total bully - will give us data - to avoid such creeps.

YT "“ill be the joke they tell to their coworkers” #poetry #anxiety #socialanxiety #overthinking"

We learned in ACE AcoA, through exposure to emotionally immature parents, as exposure to npd bpd abuse - that we must regulate and fix angry hostile people through our fears and panic. We learned that we must fawn and become an echo when we are around someone who might potentially become angry and annoyed by us, irritated by our needs and our requests.
This is a reflex. IT is condition. Reaction.
But it does not appear to us like that.
It appears as if our identity is wrong - due to internalized toxic shame. We are convinced that social anxiety symptoms that we feel and experience - are proof of our core being being absolutely totally wrong and abnormal.
But - what we experience is reflex to abusers.

Allow toxic people to think negatively about us with wrong and unjust conclusions about us.
Mel Robbins Let them theory.

YT "Social Anxiety: 3 Steps to cure Social Anxiety #socialanxiety #shorts"

I would add more context and more details about what you said here:
1)
Accepting social anxiety is realization that social anxiety is a reflex to npd bpd abuse exposure, to emotionally immature parent(s). It is a reaction - not identity flaw.
Hating social anxiety leads to self hatred, self rejection and self abuse.

2)
Garden is Ventral Vagal. It is also being around pets. Around people who are safe and familiar and then copy paste the mentality onto external unknown world.
This is what CBT is based on but it does not explain it in such manner. CBT is automatic default therapy for social anxiety. But CBT is oversimplified ableist toxic therapy - because it ignores real life situations such as exposure to abuse and oppression and when we feel social anxiety panic being attacked and harassed by anti-social personalities. That is no longer social anxiety - and panic and fears are valid - there is nothing to cure inside us when we are being abused. And we do not need to socialize or try to fawn to abusers (unless they are extremely violent and overpowerful).

3)
We increase our interests, our goals, our purpose, our GPS, our desire, our lighthouse, our motor, our movement into direction of life we know is good and best suited for us.
For example - if I grow up in patriarchy homophobic country - I would never consider to explore interests such as sewing - because I would think this is shameful - and hence I would cut off the branch where I sit on.
Yet if I do not try to crap fit into toxic fascist ambient and instead follow my passion - I will remove social anxiety by simply creating and moving into direction where I feel is best for me - whereas toxic people will criticize and mock about.

-

YT "How I Overcame Social Anxiety (Strategies That Worked For Me)"

Social anxiety is not about face to face conversations - it can occur over the phone or through emails. You mix up shyness with medical social anxiety.

Social anxiety does not crush our confidence. That is the job of internalized toxic shame and exposure to npd bpd abuse and emotionally immature parent(s).
Social anxiety is reaction to abuse. Reflex.
Internalized toxic shame is byproduct of exposure to narcissistic abuse since childhood (ACE ACoA).
If we scapegoat social anxiety - we will abuse ourselves because we will come up with mentally ill idea that our brain is pumping out panic - as if toxic people do not exist. We will blame ourselves when bullies abuse us.

CBT is horrible oversimplified ableist therapy filled with gaps and pharma mafia. CBT is based on developing mental illness narcissism as a "cure" for social anxiety: through denial, repression and dissociation, lobotomy.

If we are oppressed, if we are stuck with npd bpd abusers - no matter how much strong we show up - we cannot control abusers choice to abuse us.
It is very dangerous to believe that our thoughts can control or govern other people choosing to be anti-social.

YT "How I Beat Social Anxiety Delivering Pizzas! #socialanxiety #anxiety"

Social anxiety is mixture of trauma (Exposure to emotionally immature parents), exposure to npd bpd abuse and oppression and neurodivergent brain (autistic trauma).

This means - social anxiety is reflection to coercive control and manipulation.
It cannot go away with exposure - because there is installed internalized toxic shame called toxic introject, commonly known as inner critic.

Inner critic is connected to moral and ethical values and Karen Horney idealized desire to be unrealistically perfect - which is causing toxic stress. Inner critic is based on core belief that our fear, panic and shyness can control other people's anger, hostility irritation and annoyance and belief that we must hide our needs and requests from other people.

This is complex trauma - which cannot go away with exposure.
It worked for you - because you did not have medical social anxiety. You had shyness.
Shyness and social anxiety appear the same - but they are different in that area of toxic shame.
Toxic shame cannot go away with exposure - because it glues itself onto reality.
Shyness goes away with exposure - because you do not have automatic self defeating negative beliefs and you do not have inner installed urges to please and humor other people especially if they are angry. You do not feel hyper responsible for person who appears irritated and annoyed by you.

With shyness you feel some degree of fear - but you can deny, repress and ignore it with exposure.
With medical social anxiety - this mechanisms of dissociation do not function.

With shyness - you will by hyped up to socialize and to beat fears and panic as a game , King of the hill competition.

With social anxiety - the path to healing is different. Instead of proving your manhood and competence and social skills - there is more focus on removing internalized toxic shame - and that comes from adapting and adopting our identity with our social life and Mel Robbins Let them theory - allowing toxic people to be toxic.

But at his job he is sheep due to fear of losing income. This is how narcissism starts. Having two faces - one abusive, one honeymoon phase face. And basing whole life on image of yelling and screaming to assert dominance.

YT "Navigating Crowds with Social Anxiety #fok"

Feeling social anxiety at "happy place" - is not social anxiety. That is paranoid delusional disorder masking itself as social anxiety, since social anxiety is more socially accepted stigma to carry on shoulder as oppose to be labeled as crazy.

YT "Face Your Fears My Social Anxiety Breakthrough Podcast Tips"

Social anxiety is not shyness.
It is not fear.
It is trauma, stemming from ACE ACoA childhood and npd bpd abuse exposure in adulthood.

What he labels as social anxiety is his undiagnosed narcissistic disorder- internalized toxic shame which he tries to get rid of with narcissistic defenses such as screaming and yelling and appearing alpha macho male in order to appear grandiose so other people will bow down and become his echo.
When this does not work in marriage - this guys turn to emotional and physical abuse.

YT "Social Anxiety Brag"

Social anxiety has nothing to do with confidence or social skills. It is conditioned trauma and reaction to npd bpd abuse and oppression.
The belief that fixing our thoughts will fix also the abuse - leads to mental illness such as bpd npd and schizofrenia - where we might believe that our thoughts fix other people.

YT "#onthisday if you struggle with #anxiety try this and it can help! It’s trial and error to find what"

I am not sure that numbing our senses is correct approach.
I am not sure that distrusting our instincts will bear fruit.
And I am not sure that blaming our brain for feeling anxiety is healthy and then self abusing ourselves and dog training ourselves to escape panic.
How about radical idea of learning about autistic trauma and education on npd bpd abuse - how to recognize it and start cutting off toxic people? Instead of basing all our life identity and purpose on DSM diagnosis?

Social anxiety is not about breaking comfort zone.
It is about finding own identity, healing trauma and hence stop crap fitting into herd mentality where we neglect our own needs and try to self regulate at our own expense.

YT "Getting a job with social anxiety…
"

Unfortunately CBT is stigmatizing social anxiety - CBT is forcing us to develop personality and identity based on DSM.
We start to believe in false conclusions which cBT is propagating -
1) that social anxiety is fear. It isn't - it is trauma. When we believe it is fear - we will make ourselves afraid.
2) that we are suppose to fix our social skills. It is lie - we have social skills like empathy. The problem is npd bpd abuse.
3) that we should devote our life into fighting our supposed fears and that we will feel worthy only when we face those coerced fears. In reality - social anxiety is reaction, conditioned response to npd bpd abuse. We have been punished into self regulating ourselves when we are in contact with anyone annoyed - by developing panic reactions and through fawning and becoming echo, believing that our emotions such as panic and fear are only problem - while in the same time we ignore the trigger of it: npd bpd abusers. We end up being obedient to abusers while we self abuse ourselves for feeling uncomfortable around predatory personalities whom we are taught to accept as deity to serve.

Exposure therapy does not work due to internalized toxic shame and partly because social anxiety is sign of neurodivergent brain - which means we are reacting to the world which was not build designed for us - but for people with low IQ.

Feeling like everyone hates me all the time - is internalized toxic shame. Toxic introject.
We get that only through exposure to npd bpd abuse, ACE ACoA, emotionally immature parent(s).

YT "Navigating Social Anxiety with Exposure Therapy"

Exposure therapy works for shyness. Not for social anxiety.
Social anxiety is not fear issue - it is trauma, learned reflex, reaction to npd bpd abuse.
We cannot get desensitized to inhumane treatment and we should not desensitize ourselves to abuse. If we do - we will be abused and trauma bonded. Also - we will start to abuse other people becoming psychopathic and sociopathic due to desensitization to violence and abnormality like anti-social behavior.
Public speaking is not the same as social anxiety. Even random click on wikipedia page shows that fact.
Social anxiety is not issue of confidence or resilience - because it is partial autistic trauma - it is how brain filters and process reality. It has nothing to do with being top lobster at the party.
CBT is toxic , ableist therapy filled with oversimplifications and it should be banned.

YT "Social anxiety: Myth or mindset?"

Social anxiety is :
1) reflex, reaction to npd bpd abuse, ACE ACoA emotionally immature parent(s)
2) autistic trauma, neurodivergent brain trying to process NT world
3) living in oppression, fear of punishment, without support, not having basic Maslow needs like shelter, money

Idea that we fix our brain in order to control other people hoping that they won't abuse us - leads to mental illness like schizofrenia. We cannot control other people by our behavior or our thoughts.

YT "How do I get rid of social anxiety (for dummies) #vlogs #shortvideo #youtubeshorts #shorts #grwm"

We need to stop "me me me" , "I I I"
being obsessed with our emotions - and see that we are not victim here. If we only see "me me me" and "I I I " - we will never investigate social anxiety and learn it stems from ACE ACoA and exposure to npd bpd abuse.

YT "Breaking Free: Overcoming Social Anxiety and Building Confidence"

Social anxiety is not shyness - it has nothing to do with confidence.
It is complex trauma and we're not suppose to overcome it - but to heal it.

YT "Overcoming Social Anxiety: Embrace Your Authentic Self"

Embracing authentic self is paradox.
Just like confidence.
If we believe we must overcome our social anxiety - we won't neither be confident or authentic.
But
if we accept our social anxiety by stop overcoming it - we will be confident and authentic since no one can insult us.

YT "how to avoid social anxiety 👍💯#shorts"

1) if we neglect negative thoughts - and focus only on positive ones - we will stay stuck in abuse and enter into contact with serial killers whom we will rationalize as mysterious at our own downfall later on
2) exposing doesn't work due to internalized toxic shame
3) focusing on the present moment is in the direct violation to your first postulate where you say that we should censor reality and live in fantasy land like narcissists
4) social anxiety is reaction to npd bpd abuse. It has nothing to do with confidence or lack of social skills.

YT "Adopting the Practice of Reality Testing"

Reality testing does not mean censoring reality. haha That's the polar opposite of reality testing.
When we are in contact with pathological liars and oppression - we cannot get to the evidence. It is like trying to get news in North Korea by following government propaganda.
What happens when our fears about social situations are 100% spot on and true? What then, Sherlock?
When we are exposed to npd bpd abuse we will adopt bpd thinking style like perceiving others as judging us negatively. Reality testing won't help here much - since this is a reflect, reaction, learned conditioned response where we have learned to emotionally regulate reaction to abusive people by blaming ourselves for someone appearing annoyed or irritated.
Idea that we analyze our anxiety leads to analysis paralysis.
Social anxiety has nothing to do with confidence - it is trauma which needs healing and support - not self abuse and denial of reality.

YT "just SPEAK to people. stop being a zombie #socialanxiety #fearofrejection #courage #rebellion #fear"

Social anxiety is not called speaking anxiety.
It is myth promoted by CBT - that social anxiety means lack of social skills and lack of confidence.
In reality - social anxiety is reaction to npd bpd abuse.
This guy looks normal, healthy and sane and friendly so talking to him is sociable.
But if you came to mentally ill person who would attack you for filming him - your social experience would not be Disney movie like you paint it in your title of this video "courage and rebellion".

YT "Self esteem is EARNED not given #socialanxiety #anxiety"

This can be dangerous.
We may stay stuck in self improvement hamster wheel loop where we deny our happiness and joy and serenity - until we meet unrealistic standards which are impossible to achieve at all. So we get stuck in anxiety and hypervigilance due to Karen Horney idealized self theory.
"A perfectly normal person is rare in our civilization. Concern should drive us into action, not into a depression."

" That is what I say for young people - of course you have a hard time raising your self esteem, you don’t have the evidence, the achievements, the proof that you are a good, worthy person. That’s why getting involved in activities, sports, hobbies, volunteering, socializing - is so important."

The problem starts when we live in shame based culture where other people find faults at others all the time, for fun.

YT "Stuck For Years With Social Anxiety? Facing Social Fears Does Work 💪"

I am not sure that exposure to npd bpd abuse(rs) work.

YT "you can see the anxiety on people’s faces #socialanxiety #talkingtostrangers #socialskills #courage"

When you start talking to people more and more - you will see that it is not so hyped up as it appears right now.
Many people have borderline and narcissistic personality disorder spectrum, they are pathological liars and exploiters - and that there is no cure how to handle toxic abusive people other than giving in to their abuse especially if we cannot run away from them.

YT "How to manage anxiety in minutes! #socialanxiety #anxiety #healing"

Social anxiety is reaction to npd bpd abuse.
I am not sure that it is correct to pathologize and remove and destroy our reactions (social anxiety) towards abusive people whom we should cut off from our lives whenever possible. I am not sure that self blame (blaming our social anxiety) is correct path.

YT "How many of us are stuck in this fear? #socialphobia
#socialanxiety
#pixeldoodleart"

It is not fear. It is trauma. CPTSD. Reaction, reflex to npd bpd abuse.

YT "The game changer for me #motivation #confidence #socialanxiety"

And it works if people around are normal, healthy, sane, friendly.
If people around are in shame-based culture country where they find faults and errors in others as national play fun or if others are npd bpd abusers, mentally ill - then socializing being stuck with such predators sucks.

YT "#socialanxiety #mentalhealt #Anxietysupport #overcominganxiety #shorts #foryou #personalgrowth"

Being in a room, with a friends - this is called Ventral Vagal. Psychological security, psychological safety.
The idea is that you copy paste behavior and thinking and mentality onto the unknown situations like photo shoot at pier.

What you will notice is that you can't do that if the other person on the other side exhibit npd bpd traits. Someone who finds faults and errors and ashame you and guilt trip you and mocks you. Which is not psychological security.
Social anxiety is tied to exposure to npd bpd abuse - someone who is anti-social.

(6.5.2025)

"if you think wanting to improve with social anxiety is “self abuse” you must be lost."

Social anxiety is reaction to abuse. If you decide to pathologize your reaction to ACE ACoA childhood, you are abusing yourself and creating conditions for developing internalized toxic shame, which will end up as npd and borderline disorder.

"I didn't really have trauma in my childhood, I don't think. I got into a 5 year relationship with a narcissist "
If you did not have trauma, you would recognize early signs of npd - and you would leave on time. The decision to stay stuck for 5 years with emotionally immature person is a sign of unrecognized, unprocessed trauma.

"I coped with the abuse by drinking,"
When we experience trauma - we do not know how to handle toxic stress like toxic people. Then instead of using resources we learned in normal healthy ambient - we are resorting to trauma tools - addictions, numbing and dissociation.

Emotionally immature people believe that openly discussing feelings and processing analyzing emotions means something sinister like trying to get sympathy.

"Good thing having social anxiety is something you can choose then."

Social anxiety is operant conditioning.
Just as Pavlovian dogs CANNOT choose salivating when they hear the ring bells - in the same manner social anxiety is conditioned too. Over long time in our formative years when we were exposed to emotionally immature parent - we have learned that the only way to handle criticism and difficult people is to develop panic and self blame and urge to fix angry person and feel hyper-responsible for their temper tantrums.

"so how do we deal with feeling social anxiety that is conditioned into us? If it is something we cannot help, what steps should we take to prevent it from happening in the future?"

We need change in perspective and a lot of education. Basically - re-parenting ourselves.
Social anxiety is conditioning. This means it is a programmed reaction. We change programming by creating new program.
It is reaction to a trigger. Trigger is abuse. - so we cannot prevent abuse because we are not causing the abuse. That is the change in perspective.
We are being conditioned to believe that our reaction (social anxiety) is sickness to cure - but we do not see that the trigger is the one which needs cure and hospitalization. Trigger: emotionally immature people, narcissists, borderlines, predators, manipulators, psychopaths, sociopaths.

(7.5.2025)

YT "How to Stay Sane When Your Boss Doesn’t Know What They’re Doing"

Yes!!! Documenting!
I would be writing it down, to document it all. For later processing.
Incompetence comes in spectrum. At some level we are all incompetent.
The problem is when incompetence becomes harmful. Talking gibberish - is not the same level/depth of incompetence as for example his false accusations of us for the bad job that he has done.
Documenting helps with sorting it out and see pattern how often it happens. If he is new at the job or project - incompetence will be less and less if he has awareness to learn from mistakes. It would be unfair that we don't give him a shadow of a doubt - we are all learning stuff and from our mistakes.
Truly incompetent person is the one who is emotionally immature - which means is unable to learn from own mistakes.
These gaslight a lot, pathological liars.

If this is pattern and happens a lot and it gets worse over time - I am not sure that staying in that job would be healthy.
I would also check our Fawning trauma response - which also means we don't allow ourselves to be ourselves and then we end up in toxic jobs because we want to please someone's image in their head about us - at our own expense by choosing toxic people and toxic places.

YT "The Hidden Link Between Childhood Trauma, Perfectionism, and Self-Blame
"

I remember your video about Karpman Drama Triangle 3 years ago.
As I remember back then you did not know about Complex PTSD and I wrote about it - why we are in victim role. It's great that you are educated about it now.
I would go step further now.

It turns out - it is not only trauma.
There is also neurodivergent brain. There is a high possibility that trauma will create autistic symptoms/traits inside us when we are being triggered into emotional dysregulation.
That is tricky - because autism is not sickness to remove - we need to embrace it and help ourselves with immature emotional parts inside us (IFS Model - as you mention in the video).
Embracing it - means understanding that issues related to Id and Super Ego - are not something to remove, but to integrate and make it adult.
Like - people with social anxiety will tend to nitpick and blame social anxiety for stealing their life. But in reality - social anxiety is reaction to toxic people and abuse. It is not personality flaw - instead it is reaction.
And we need to stop pathologize ourselves - and turn our attention towards emotionally immature people who are triggering us to enter trauma responses such as Fawning. Which we end up pathologizing instead of doing something mature and adult about toxic people who trigger us.
Or
another example - issues which you said at the beginning of the video: "You think you're the mistake. You think you're lazy. That you're flaky, always late, irritable, annoying, over share, over think, bad wrong." Actually have a pattern.
The pattern is: social conscience.
We have a high moral and ethical standards. This is also trait in autism too - high awareness about what is wrong in society mixed with the rebel against rigid social norms which are not supportive.

I would name inner critic (toxic introject in psychology) - as a style, reaction, conditioned response. Like you said in video - our brain learned this over time. It is not me - but I need to integrate it as something I learned to process and then give it a function.
If I worry and ruminate - the function is social conscience. This means I contribute to society and to people who are not toxic.
If I fawn - the function is social conscience.
If I self blame and feel ashamed of my fears - the function is self awareness. Instead of worry - I can document it in order to process what is happening.
If I avoid - the function is recuperation - which I can put end date and plan my future where I do not avoid.
If someone is abusing me - function is to collect data and Mel Robbins Let them theory - choose what and whom I like by blocking toxic people and choosing normal ones.

CBT and social anxiety tips are based on psychiatry models - where we are instructed to lobotomize and hate ourselves and our thoughts and we are being ordered to have witch hunt our bad negative thoughts. This approach leads to internalized toxic shame, it is dysfunctional and harmful - because we end up self abusing ourselves for having learned style, operant conditioning how to deal with stress.

Autism information tips help for such issues - how to integrate our operant conditioned styles into our identity. Autism affirming videos are very resourceful.
IFS Model explains it great. But autism tips are really helpful. Autism resources are tied to Polyvagal theory which is helpful for understanding complex trauma issues - Polyvagal theory helps us understanding what happens when we are triggered.
It is like - the next time i feel panic or self blame and anxiety - that I do not fight it, but have compassion for myself through understanding this is byproduct of ACoA ACE childhood years. It is not my identity - but learned style how to handle uncertainty and stress. Idea to hate my responses and wasting my resources into stopping and blocking them - will not help me. Accepting it and then seeking how to process the stress - on the other hand helps a lot - when I remove self hatred for having trauma responses.

Ladybonezz is correct here.
We always need to examine ourselves first -
and we also need to understand the fact - that other people will not believe us. It is futile to explain ourselves, especially in comment section. Usually people with borderline disorder are doing this, oversharing personal experiences, telling one side of the story and then expect other people to pat them on their backs. As if own assurance is never enough.
Borderline disorder is byproduct of exposure to abusive immature people - and it is contagious and it spreads onto the next generation.

(10.5.2025)

Your problem is black and white thinking. Also known as Splitting, found in borderline disorder.
You believe that people experience binary emotions - either you don't have fear or the fear is connected to extreme gun violence.
This is sign of emotional immaturity - inability to see spectrum.

Social anxiety is reaction to narcissistic abuse - it should not be something to overcome - but to investigate.
Witch hunt is horrible approach in psychology since it leads to mental illness: dissociation, denial, repression.
Social anxiety is described in DSM, it is medical condition.

In social anxiety this mentally health idea to be self aware is taken to the extreme so much that it is now dangerous due to self abuse, self hatred and self rejection. This is why CBT must be banned - it is not helping, it is making anxiety worse.

(12.5.2025)

YT "Tips for Social Anxiety 💜 #mentalhealthawareness"

1) Preparing anything is equal to anxiety. Anxiety itself is a system of being prepared
Plus
being fake will be noticed by others and people will act funny around us in response when we are obviously have prepared agenda behind
2) Saying ourselves that we are in danger and that we must have time frame - will keep us hypervigilant even more.
3) Instead of narcissistic defenses - being self preoccupied with ourselves - I would rather be observant and take in the data
4) Perfectionism comes as operant conditioning due to ACE and ACoA. Telling ourselves that we can resolve abuse and mentally ill parent conditioning through fixing our brain and our thoughts is self abuse.

I would rather learn about emotional immature parent after-effects - than to believe that our behavior and thinking is something broken that needs fixing. It is a learned programmed style. If we are not serial killers - we are not broken and we do not need to change our learned programmed reactions - but to educate ourselves about it so we can learn new ways how to handle reality.

YT "I Wanted to Talk With You But I Have Social Anxiety
"

2:36 "They'll think I'm awkward" "Everyone is looking at me"
this is not social anxiety.
This is toxic inner critic. Toxic introject. It is byproduct of ACE ACoA exposure to emotionally immature parent, narcissistic and borderline abuse, poverty and oppression and lack of support. Complex Trauma.
All these are external stressors.
You are telling us that the problem is inside our brain. This is called self pathology. You are teaching us to blame our own brain as if we are inventing toxic inner critic.

2:44 "Truth is most people are too busy thinking about themselves"
This is simply not true. There are emotionally immature adults, npd bpd abusers , psychopaths and sociopaths who are very much focused on finding smallest flaws and perceived mistakes on other people and then nitpick, blame, attack or mock those supposed errors.
Once again - you are instructing us to self pathologize - so that we come up with idea that we cannot rely on our senses and our own experiences - of being abused.

3:00 "Some people practiced it tuning it out or challenging it"
Tuning out reality is called dissociation, denial and repression - all tools mechanisms of mental illness. Fighting inner critic leads to Ironic processing theory - having more of intrusive thoughts.

3:04 "Name these thoughts as stories not as facts"
So... if we are like leading character in the movie Woman of the year (2024) and we are alone at a parking lot with unrecognized serial killer - movie that was based on real events - if we listen to your CBT crap - we would ignore our common sense and our anxiety - and actually enter into a car with serial killer.

3:32 "What if machine in your head"
Is actually neurodivergent brain. It operates differently than neurotypical brain. This is not problem, it is a feature.
This kind of brain is what gave the society invention of fire, wheel, wi-fi, electricity. If Nikola Tesla was alive when CBT was with hunting the neurodivergents - we would never have ACDC electricity now or wifi.

3:47 "More we try to control the future"
You are coercing us to interpret neurodivergent way of thinking as control of future. It is not. It is more being able to look at reality and facts from multiple angles.

3:51 "Name what's happening without judgment"
So.. what happens when we are stuck in mobbing job and we can't quit this job due to no finances or no alternative job?
What happens when our environment lacks support and it is filled with abuse?
What is if we live in shame-based culture country where other people are judgmental and rude and intrusive and insult others especially from the power position?
How can it help if we name that without judgment - living inside abuse which we cannot escape?

4:11 "You just need to show up"
So if we do not have white skin, or if we do not have money, or we are not heterosexual - we should just show up to hooligans to beat us up?

4:24 "You need brave act"
Social anxiety is not issue of lack of courage. It is not issue of lack of will power.
Socially anxious are already very much courageous for living in this neurotypical world without support and filled with abuse.

5:18 "You can train inner coach"
If we are poor, if we lack support, if we are stuck in abuse - like living in North Korea or Russia or MAGA town - no amount of inner coach will make us feel safe and secure.

6:11 "Courage, confidence"
Social anxiety is not issue of neither courage nor confidence. It is trauma. complex PTSD.
It appears as fear on the outside - but it is not fear.
Extrovert people are not loud - loud people are emotionally immature.

Social anxiety is not issue of lack of courage.
We do not overcome social anxiety.
We overcome trauma.
We overcome npd bpd abuse.
We overcome operant conditioning from emotionally immature parent.
Social anxiety is reaction to abuse. There is nothing to fix in the reaction - we need to tackle the cause: npd bpd abuse.

YT "We Used To Be Afraid Of Social Anxiety, Now It's Afraid Of Us #socialanxietytips #growthmindset"

Makes sense - but idea that people will like us for being authentic does not work if we live in Shame - based culture country.
Or anyone who had emotionally immature parent - identity is basically destroyed.

YT "Social anxiety needs to be taught in schools.
IN YOUR EYES · Snoh Aalegra"

Unfortunately CBT is holding monopole on social anxiety - and CBT is misrepresenting social anxiety as abnormality in the brain - hence pathologizing victims and targets of abuse/bullying and pathlogizing anyone who had emotionally immature parent or anyone with neurodivergent brain or anyone living in oppression and poverty.

YT "Social anxiety in children and adolescents - CBT & ERP explained - Dr. Jacqueline Sperling
"

CBT is horrible, ableist toxic therapy based on oversimplification and self-pathologizing and lobotomy.
It should be banned.
CBT is based on idea that npd bpd abusers do not exist on this planet or if it exist that abusers cannot harm us.

YT "What is Social Anxiety Disorder? Social anxiety disorder symptoms treatment Medicines Precautions
"

CBT is horrible, ableist toxic therapy - which is based on oversimplification, lobotomy and dissociation, denial of reality.
It should be banned.
With CBT - if we are in the scenario of Woman of the Hour (2024) movie - alone at the parking lot with a unrecognized serial killer - we would dismiss our common sense as social anxiety - and then we would go into the car alone with someone who is psychopath.

Medication is pharma mafia industry invented in corrupt American system filled with mentally ill Trump predatory personalities. This is why CBT is banning Complex Trauma information - so that we spend our money on pharma mafia.

Social anxiety is normal natural reaction to npd bpd abuse. It is not problem itself - it is a mirror. We don't destroy mirror if we do not like our haircut. If we do not like image in the mirror - we get new hairdo.

YT "“Normal” people can’t even conceptualize how bad social anxiety can get
"

Most people = neurotypicals

Social anxiety has traces of autism. We need to accept that feelings and emotions and mind thinking about - is how our brain is working, those little things. If we fight it, if we label it as uncomfortable - we will self abuse ourselves, trying to remove it.
In most cased - it is lack of support and other people being emotionally immature - also known as npd bpd abusers - so the problem is not in our head - we are simply picking up toxic people being toxic behaving toxically.
Doing your best to improve is it hamster wheel.
Instead of having narcissistic reaction of obsessing with our brain and how it works - we need to shift our focus into well being and our identity, our persona and honor our boundaries - for example by cutting contact with toxic people.
Poverty and lack of support makes social anxiety worse.
If we follow neurotypical CBT detrimental explanations of social anxiety - we will end up with Fawning and obeying emotionally immature personalities trying to crap fit into their world and trying to fix their problems, neglecting our own well being.
Other people will confuse social anxiety with shyness - they will remember their childhood when they were somewhere for the first time and believe that this is social anxiety - being weak, coward, with lack of will power and lack of confidence. And if we believe in that explanation - we will ruin our identity and self worth.

"an extrovert and he enjoys being in the spotlight"
This is common misunderstanding.
Being extrovert does not mean being narcissistic.
Extroverts like ideas and sharing - and they will actually listen to the other person.
The emotionally immature personalities - are the ones who crave spotlight. Due to Dunning Krueger Effect we tend to mix up loud people with confidence and competence. And then we get rapists and racists as presidents of countries.

Social anxiety is reaction to trauma - either or both in past or current one - or future one.

YT "Unraveling the Fear of Embarrassment in Social Situations"

Exposure will not work due to operant conditioning and toxic introject filtering out events.

He does not talk about reality - what happens in the real world - when he is being abused and tortured, harassed and he is unable to defend himself. Or not having money to buy something that is needed immediately. Or not having support at all.

First of all I am not sure that it is neither ethical or normal to diagnose some person.
You said and I quote "He never likes to leave the house". Which is another word for agoraphobia.
Social anxiety comes in spectrum.
Socially anxious people crave contact and they want to socialize but either toxic people or trauma events from the past prevent them, or living in shame-based culture country.
What you are describing here is schizoid disorder - where people do not want contact with others.
Social anxiety is fear of criticism.
The trigger is not general social contact like you describe here.

YT "How to Master Social Anxiety and Build Real Connection
"

Social anxiety is not lack of social skills.
Training in social anxiety - is realizing that social anxiety is reaction to narcissistic and borderline abuse - and that we do not self pathologize ourselves for being around toxic people or trying to fit ourselves among toxic people.
Social anxiety is not issue of conversations. If we are among normal, healthy, emotionally mature person on the other side - skills and conversation and talking will come naturally - without us pathologizing ourselves.
Remembering their dog's name and things like being present and making space for others - is under the section of emotional maturity.
You do not speak what happens when the other person is pathological liar and in power position and abusive. You do not speak about poverty , not having money for our needs and not having support for our acute chronic needs. Talking and conversation will not help with lack of support.

YT "Leveraging the Spotlight Effect to Boost Confidence"

Spotlight effect ideology will minimize and rationalize away the abuse and being abused by npd bpd predatory personalities.
Predatory personalities are very much observant and nitpicking and they build their weak ego on mocking someone who is talking.

YT "POV: Social anxiety hacks that never work…
Return of the Mack · Mark Morrison"

Allow people to notice and form whatever opinion they choose to form.

YT "“i’m not allowed to talk to new people #socialanxiety #talkingtostrangers #courage #fearofrejection"

This neurotypical desire to crap fit into society and to talk to people - as you grow old you will discover the truth that most people are not friendly and open and innocent as you are - but they are in fact very toxic, immature, borderline and narcissistic - so you won't have this NT desire to talk to random people anymore.
That is the point of 1979 movie Tin Drum - a boy who grows up in Nazi Germany and witness abuse, incest and pedophilia and rape firsthand

YT "Why Do We FEAR Rejection So Much?"

Rejection is CBT DSM crap concept.
People are afraid of punishment. Not rejection.

YT "What the secret way to overcome social anxiety?"

Social anxiety is fear of criticism.
It is not shyness.
Shyness is feeling uncomfortable around many people without laser sharp explanation that it is fear of abuse.
If you "really" struggled with it - it may be autism and ADHD behind it.
If you are not aware that toxic people exist - that npd bpd abusers exist - who are deliberately aggressive and intrusive - it means you lack education. Without education you will repeat CBT ideology that social anxiety is fantasy - and not reaction to actual abuse.

YT "You’re Not Being Watched — It’s Just the Spotlight Effect 👀 | 9-May-2025 | #cognitivebias #anxiety"

Neurotypical people who never experienced or been aware of npd bpd abuse will talk such nonsense about spotlight effect.

(13.5.2025)

More correctly - letting go of fantasy that we can fix them. Big difference
Let them - means being passive and not looking for another job.
Letting them thinking bad about us, without us having desire to change their mind - is another thing - since then our focus is shifted onto our well being and not being focused on pleasing them.

YT "Ever wondered why life gets hard when you stop people pleasing??
"

Fawning, people pleasing is very complex.
It is connected to social conscience and survival and empathy.
It is what makes us connect with other people. If we decide to remove social anxiety, fawning - we will create other disorders. Without social anxiety we do not have ability to detect when we are wrong and when we hurt other people in the heat of the moment. We need criticism - not absence of detecting it.
Also, if we remove fawning - we will also remove ability to be present with the others.
Trauma responses are not abnormality - they are survival methods. They help us regulate emotions and to survive situations which otherwise might end up as some catastrophe - like losing income and shelter.
We need to investigate what lies behind people pleasing. If it is reaction to npd bpd abuse and oppression - we should see it as survival mechanism, not as personality defect.

(14.5.2025)

"You cant keep quiet "
I know it is very hard to understand npd bpd abuse.
People who are toxic do not have word toxic written on their forehead. Sometimes it takes 10, 15 years to realize that someone was toxic, after the damage is done.
As I said multiple times in comments here, and I understand that there are 66 comments here so it is impossible to read it - I will repeat how toxic people operate:
1) they are passive aggressive, they are covert
2) they create atmosphere of lynch, talking bad about the target behind target's back - the target of abuse has no idea what is really happening: gossiping and character assassination so it is impossible to talk when it is invisible attack
3) when toxic people recruit flying monkeys in abuse - the criticism is unfair and it is directed into supposed mistakes and flaws which target supposedly does.
4) criticism is usually done through bias - called telescope effect - where one small insignificant area is being blown up and everything else, the context is ignored. So the victim ends up in defense mode of something that is undefendable - something that is not problem
5) defense mode further infuriates flying monkey and abuser as a proof that the target of bullying and mobbing is hysterical, bad, toxic so it should be attacked
So when someone stops being quiet - the very fact of being vocal is being taken as fuel to deepen the mobbing and abuse.

It is ethically and morally and psychologically wrong to pathologize someone who is being abused and present it as pathology.

Amazing comment and amazing question. You hit the target.
Let's start with this:
" isn't the other way around, that you misdiagnose your quite rational fear as social anxiety"
This is very complex.
When we are inside corrupt country - like living in Nazi Germany in 1930s - if you appeal to Jewish pogroms as wrong, you will be labeled as over sensitive sissy by majority of people around you..
Another example - social anxiety stems from reaction to npd bpd abuse. All npd bpd abusers are externalizers - they are pathological liars, they manipulate gaslight and blame. So when we take their words for definition of fear - we will be labeled as oversensitive sissy.
Toxic people do not wear word toxic label on their forehead. They instead use glib charm and lies and control and manipulation and they use flying monkeys and sarcasm and bullying as methods to keep other people compliant - so we do not get to say what is fear - they label someone who is whistleblower as sissy afraid baby.

I took social anxiety self help instructions as my only reference. These cbt lies use telescope bias - where one small detail information is being blown up - and I truly believed in cbt crap that I am being oversensitive and that I am being afraid.
In real life - I had a lot of courage waking up in shame based culture country and doing job with people who were doing criminal activities supported by corrupt state. It takes a lot of courage to keep showing up for regular job. The abuse and corruption were the only problem - not my emotions which resemble as fear as the problem to solve.

"inproportionate to the gravity of the situation"
For some unknown reason self help books and videos about social anxiety like this one - do not investigate or clarify that very statement.
Instead - we are being coerced into gaslighting exposure to npd bpd abuse and corruption as our fantasy imagination.
This is why cbt must be banned.
Plus,
targets of npd bpd abuse , those who grow up in ACE ACoA with emotionally immature parent - will see danger and distrust in anything around them. This is not pathology - this is operant conditioning, similar to Pavlovian dogs salivating when they hear the bells, it is learned style of behavior and thinking. CBT must be banned.

It seems my comment has been deleted.
Anyway -
when I asked CBT therapists and people in general - how they would define "real" fear as you say it - they do not have idea.
CBT is not interested when we are struggling with real life problems like npd bpd abuse. CBT is pathologizing victims of abuse.
Social anxiety is reaction to npd bpd abuse, ACE ACoA.

(15.5.2025)

Socially anxious people already have social skills.
If you claim to someone with toxic shame that they lack something that they got - they will end up with more of toxic shame, believing that there is something fundamentally wrong with them.
Socially anxious people are internalizers.
Those who lack social skills are externalizers.

It seems so due to egocentrism. Just because you are born with first world problems, does not mean that anyone who is reading your advice has the same advantages you have which you take for granted.

(19.5.2025)

YT "Social Anxiety? Try These 2 Powerful Hacks"

You mix up shyness with social anxiety.

Shyness is fear of walking into a room.
Social anxiety is about being stuck in mobbing job with ongoing abuse and bullying 24/7. There is toxic active abuse going on.

Shyness is based on feeling-
Social anxiety is based on actual trauma and abuse, exposure to npd bpd personalities. it is not about brain being prepared - it is abour brain being attacked and humiliated and false accused by predators.

She is doing incredible damage because she is confusing a mere shyness with medical social anxiety.
Social anxiety is part of autism - and this kind of advice to blame our brain and to fix our brain will make anxiety far worse due to toxic shaming.

It can't help because toxic people are in powerful positions and no amount of defense can control their abuse.

She is following corrupt American medical explanations of social anxiety,which is created by rich Americans who can buy away their problems in life.
She is also mixing up shyness with social anxiety.
Social anxiety is reaction to abuse and instead of fixing our brain - we need to support it.

You come to wrong place.
Advice like this is created for click-bait purposes and to make authors rich. Not to actually help you in any way.

"i remember other peoples embarrassing moments

"

No. What we feel is we feel embarrassed for their own embarrassing moments.
This is a clue that social anxiety is complex trauma and autism issue. IT is not imaginary fantasy delusion as CBT is trying to brainwash us.
Social anxiety is result of being exposed to npd bpd chronic abuse.

Social anxiety is exposure to npd bpd abuse, ACoA ACE in childhood - and it means that we internalized other people's abuse as our own fault. Social anxiety is CPTSD.

"How about that: "So what?"
You did something emberassing? So what? So did they!
You botched that one presentation? So what? So did they!
You failed a quiz, an exam or a job intervies? So what? I did that millions of times!"

Because this does not work in real life.
Social anxiety is fear of criticism.
In real life there are predatory personalities like npd and bpd who are deliberately finding errors and imperfections in other people and then they abuse the target in order to feel self esteem - and we end up with social anxiety due to micromanaging and toxic shaming from mentally ill personalities around us.

CBT is not interested in real life
CBT has no idea how to handle npd bpd abuse as you describe here.
For CBT - we are the problem if we are abused - and we must be lobotomized if we talk about abuse and injustice and disrespect.
CBT is ableist toxic therapy which should be banned.

YT "Conquer Social Anxiety Overcoming Anticipatory Worry for a Successful Social Event"

Anticipatory anxiety did not fall out of heaven. We do not wake up one day and decide to turn ourselves into Woody Allen.
It has cause in npd bpd abuse, ACE and ACoA, being around emotionally immature parent since birth.
There is also element of neurodivergent brain.
All this means - that instead of self pathologizing ourselves by convincing ourselves that we are neurotics who worry - we need support and healing and see neuroticism as it is - it is personality trait. It is not disorder to cure.

YT "Overcoming social anxiety"

If you do not have ability to be afraid what other people thought about you - you would be predator, psychopath, sociopath. These personalities have abnormal brain - and that is the reason why they do not worry - they have disorder in the brain. They are abnormal.
We live on toxic planet filled with patriarchy and toxic masculinity - where is Dunning Krueger Effect in force. We are brainwashed since childhood through media and groupthink - to believe if someone is unable to feel empathy - that this person is intelligent and competent.
That is a lie.
We end up being afraid of mistakes and what people think in public - due to toxic masculinity and patriarchy - which is as I said promoting psychopathy and unrealistic standards which only fake people can achieve and then celebrate fake people.
In reality - a lot of people care how to harm and abuse and exploit other people and to mock and ashame other person - due to Dunning Krueger Effect where loud people are perceived as intelligent and competent.
Someone who is noticing errors and anything different in other person and make it into scapegoat.
God is imaginary entity. In order to be mentally helathy and sane - we must base our facts on reality and science - not on imaginary entities and fantasy delusions.
If God really knows us - she or he would write in Bible mathematical equation -and chemical elements which can be verified - not fairytales.

YT "7 Easy Ways to Beat Social Anxiety Fast"

Shyness is not the same as anxiety.
Shyness is trait - and it is not triggered by abuse and criminally insane psychopathy who mask their mental illness by pretending to be normal to the general public, so no one suspected them - but victims end up being labeled as crazy ones.

Social anxiety is not related to teen shyness going to parties. Social anxiety is related to being trapped in npd bpd abuse like mobbing job which one cannot quit due to no finances and oppression.

If we label our brain as something that over-reacts - we are abusing ourselves because we ignore abuse and toxic personalities who trigger our panic.

Jordan Peterson is abnormal mentally ill alcoholic addict and Nazi supporter. He is literally spreading mental illness with abnormal sick ideas. Narcissistic abusers like him are criminally insane and they are very much focused to abuse other people. He is teaching young men how to develop borderline disorder.

Social anxiety is not issue of confidence. Talking to cashier will not remove the root cause of social anxiety: toxic people being toxic and abusing their power positions to abuse other people around.

When we are trapped in toxic mobbing job which we cannot quit due to no finances - we will be attacked and abused for not being perfectionist. The problem is not our perfectionism but toxic system which is supporting Nazi supporters and mentally ill alcoholics.

YT "Try These ChatGPT Tips for Talking to Anyone! #ai #chatgpt"

Shyness = being obsessed with having conversations and believing that this inability to have desired talk is social anxiety. It is not. It is shyness issue.

Social anxiety = being trapped in shame-based culture ambient where other people are externalizers and emotionally immature - so it is impossible to have meaningful conversation. It is topic only what Externalizers want to talk about , and we end up walking on eggshells around them hence social anxiety.

YT "Peak social anxiety"

Being obsessed with girls is shyness issue. This is not social anxiety.
Social anxiety is result of being exposed to narcissistic borderline externalizers who are therefore very toxic and you walk on eggshells around them. That is social anxiety.
Talking to regular chic - is shyness and you remove it through exposure.
Problem is that your videos is misleading truly socially anxious who are struggling with predatory personalities - and they end up being convinced that learned style of walking on eggshells is the same as regular chat with normal healthy sane girl.

YT "Planning Ahead: How Autistic Adults Cope with Social Anxiety"

Plus there is difference between Autism and Autistic trauma. These two are not the same.
This is something that ableist CBT are hiding from us and hence keeps us trapped in permanent social anxiety:

YT "Overthinking with social anxiety is…😔"

If we have enough time to analyze our own "over thinking" we would discover that toxic people cause this - not our overthinking.
CBT must be banned - it is doing incredible psychological damage to targets victims of abuse.

YT "Breaking Free from Social Anxiety #selfimprovement #emotionalintelligence"

It is not social anxiety that made you leave.
It is trauma - probably undiagnosed untreated autistic trauma.
We are easy to blame and scapegoat our symptoms, because we live on toxic planet supporting CBT. We are convinced if we remove symptoms that the cause will vanish, too - but real life does not operate like that.
Usually - when we remove the symptoms - we develop series of mentally ill defenses like fawning and people pleasing self abuse or fight response like narcissism and borderline disorder.

Social phobia was renamed in mid 1990s. Now it is called social anxiety, for more than 30 years.
CBT "experts" renamed social phobia into social anxiety because they have discovered that social anxiety does not go away with exposure, as any phobia is removed with exposure.

YT "Break Free from Social Anxiety: Why You Feel So Drained After Socializing"

It is bad idea to self pathologize our brain.
We over thinking because of social conscience and emotional maturity. Emotionally mature people are self aware.
When we over think - it is a sign we were in a contact with npd bpd abusers and hence we are confused due to their abuse.

"Autism is so overwhelming"

But if we see it as brain doing its thing - we can stop self pathologizing ourselves for not meeting neurotypical standards and always feeling as failure for not looking like others.

Exposure to emotionally immature parent will force us to develop style of behavior where everything is embarrassing.

YT "Break the Cycle: Overcome Social Anxiety Step by Step!"

If we pathologize our defense mechanism and survival mechanism as our blame and shame - we will make social anxiety worse.
Social situations will not become safe if we lobotomize ourselves - if other people are narcissistic borderline abusers and predatory personalities.
Ableist videos like this are very detrimental and harmful for anyone being target of abuse.

Lobotomy works temporarily - because it is based on mental illness : denial, suppression and dissociation from reality.
In long run - we will end up being stuck in npd bpd abuse and we will blame ourselves for being abused - due to CBT videos like this one.

YT "Social Anxiety to Social Star: My Safe Space Online"

Calling oneself to be socially awkward is called self abuse and self pathologizing.
"Introversion" and "empathy" are labels created by Externalizers to box and confine human mind in concentration camp - where we are supposed to follow someone's label how we are always suppose to behave and think. We end up building fake personality on loud externalizers in society forcing us to adopt their labels and live them out as if they are part of our identity.

If social anxiety is not stemming from exposure to abuse,
then it is something else.
Shyness or Paranoid Delusional disorder.
There is no third option.

YT "Do you also have social anxiety?Day25"

Being afraid of what other people thinking can also be a sign of narcissistic / borderline personality disorder.
Being obsessed with talking to strangers is Shyness, not social anxiety.
I think you need more assessment - you end up diagnosing yourself - and this can be dangerous because you will apply tricks and tips and advice which can make unrecognized misdiagnosed condition worse.

YT "Do you also have social anxiety?Day25"

I think you misdiagnose your issues as social anxiety.
Social anxiety is American invention - it is based on American corrupt medical system which is not recognizing Complex Trauma since there is no money profit for American banks and corporations if trauma was recognized and researched.
America is based on narcissism - so it will label any behavior that can expose narcissism as mental illness - as dangerous and as something to cure.
This is why Americans came up with the label social anxiety - to silence and censor whistle blowers.

"Thank you for taking the time to comment. I hear your concerns, and I agree—defense mechanisms often exist for a reason, especially in response to unsafe or abusive environments. The intention of this video isn’t to pathologize survival responses or suggest people should suppress valid instincts for protection.

That said, some people with social anxiety find that their current patterns, while once protective, now limit their ability to connect or feel safe even in neutral or supportive situations. This content is for those who choose to explore new strategies—not to shame anyone or ignore the realities of abuse.

I’d be open to hearing more about what kind of messaging you believe would feel more empowering or trauma-informed in this context. These conversations matter."

See social anxiety as autism trait. Autistic trauma and autism are not one of the same.
But both need support and lack of any kind of pathologizing of symptoms.
If a person is struggling with avoidance and limited social life - it will not help to say to this person he or she needs exposure.
What will help is support, love, friendship and being for that person. Then the fears will lessen and abused person will start to build safety when he or she is around normal healthy and sane people.

YT "Expert Insights into Managing Social Anxiety"

Exposure will not help - because the problem is in externalizers: npd bpd abusers who are choosing to abuse socially anxious.

YT "A Fun Exercise to Try Now!"

I am not sure it is healthy to base our sense of security and life around other people.
This way we allow other people to control us and how we feel about ourselves.
Stop making other people into deities - and start trusting oneself. If we are not serial killers - we should not depend on other people to control us what we do and how to think and what to feel - we have our own brain to do that.

YT "A Good Job to Have With Social Anxiety #jobsearch #socialanxiety"

In country where I live - I applied for volunteering - and I read later on that for admitting 20 people - there were 5000 applicants - so many of us got rejected.
Not all of us live in USA. Some live in really $hitty countries that are active producers of social anxiety in own population due to corruption.

YT "Overcoming Social Anxiety Takes COURAGE Not Medication"

If we fight social anxiety - we end up with self abuse, self hatred and self rejection due to internalized toxic shame - where we hate ourselves when we are not perfect and ideal in the eyes of Externalizers.
Social anxiety has nothing to do with lack of power - it is reaction to npd bpd abuse and trauma.
Idea to calm our nerves is bad one - because social anxiety itself is an attempt, reaction, coping mechanism to calm ourselves down. When we try to calm even more - we will end up with hypo-cognition , or numbing which can be dangerous when we are around toxic personalities triggering our social anxiety in the first place -we end up being their obedient slave since we self pathologize our panic reactions as personality disorder and something to cure - while in the same time we do nothing to remove toxic personalities out.
Social anxiety is not fear of conversations. It is not called conversation anxiety. Socially anxious can mask their social anxiety a lot - and they can talk a lot - but social anxiety (reaction to abuse) can still be present.
Instead of comfort zone ideology - I would rather go into direction of taking care of own well being and supporting oneself - not pathologizing oneself for being inside comfort zone.
If you label social anxiety as battle - we will be in permanent war.

YT "Social Anxiety? Try These Simple Ways to Feel Less Nervous"

Idea to pathologize social anxiety will end up as more anxiety.
Social anxiety is not shyness.
Shy people have problems with eye contact and saying hi to strangers - and this is not pathology, it is personality trait.
Socially anxious are quick learners and they learn how to mask their social anxiety by talking to random strangers.
So your tips here are useless and misleading because you presume that all people (strangers especially) are kind, nice, normal, friendly and sane enough to have any kind of conversation to begin with.
Real life is different than this neurotypical fantasy.
Normal healthy sane friendly people are not judging.
But npd bpd personalities do that a lot.
Elections in USA showed that there are 49% of mentally ill people in general population who are anti-social.
There is a high chance that the stranger is mentally ill and anti-social - so it is best not to talk to psychopaths as general direction for life.
CBT is ableist toxic therapy based on idea that abuse is normal and something we must accept and ignore.

YT "Can You Really Cure Social Anxiety? A Different Perspective #mentalhealth"

What happens when we are not safe and still feel anxiety due to threat like exposure to npd bpd abuse?
What then we should "teach" our brain?

YT Harnessing Nature Walks for Social Anxiety Relief""

I am not sure that dissociation, suppression and denial are mentally healthy choices. If we are trapped in npd bpd abuse, poverty and oppression which are triggering social anxiety - we will end up rationalizing and normalizing and staying stuck inside the abuse once we have "mental calm".

YT "Stoic Strength: Calm Amid Social Anxiety"

Stoicism is very harmful for social anxiety.
Even Epicurus criticized stoicism 2000 years ago as nonsense ideology which is based on fantasy and wrong conclusions.
Social anxiety is reaction to abuse, oppression and poverty. It has nothing to do with our mind.
Stoicism is instructing us to develop schizofrenia - belief that our mind can make abuse go away through our mind thinking pattern styles - which is nonsense.
Social anxiety is exposure to npd bpd abuse.
This is how social anxiety occurs - being around emotionally immature personalities.
It has nothing to do with lack of self mastery. Neither our strengths nor our weakness are creating the abuse.
With stoicism we will end up with extremely detrimental idea: that when we experience abuse and oppression that it is our fault because we experience it.
And then that our job is to nitpick and blame and shame and train our brain into stoicism - which is self abuse.
As if dog training our brain will make abuse go away.
Abusers choose to abuse - it has nothing to do with the quality of our brain.

YT "What if social anxiety disappeared from human evolution? #happy #free #human #science"

Then everyone would be Externalizer.
AKA narcissistic abuser and borderlines. There would be endless wars because everyone would feel entitled to force their own ideas and comfort and ultimate goal in life.
Everyone would talk in the same time and be loud about it, without anyone actually listening to the other person.
There would be panic - because externalizers are anti-social and violent and hostile and aggressive.
People who exhibit lack of social anxiety do not have confidence. This is common myth spread by neurotyicals.
They have a lot of lack of confidence - which they overcompensate by pretending to be confident.
It is overcompensation. Not actual authentic confidence.
It would definitely be louder and definitely NOT united.
There would be wars and hostilities - like we have seen in human history last 2000 years.

YT "SHOCKING Social Anxiety Solution from Sunnah You Need to Know"

If we remove religion and science - and allow people to rebuild it -
in 100 years time science would be EXACTLY the same as before.
Religion would not - because it is based on imagination, something that cannot be measured, something that is not reality.

YT "How To Overcome Social Anxiety #fyp #london #motivation #confidence"

You mix up shyness with social anxiety.
Social anxiety is not called smile anxiety.
Neither Speaking anxiety.-

YT "How To ESCAPE Social ANXIETY #shorts #socialanxiety #anxiety #selfimprovement"

Social anxiety has nothing to do with confidence nor social skills. This is myth that CBT is spreading around, mixing up shyness with social anxiety.
Forcing eye contact with abusive person will not make abusive person being less abusive.
Neither adding sentence so externalizer personality like npd or bpd individual will make abusers less abusive.
Social anxiety has nothing to do with comfort zone. This is neurotypical nonsense.

People are born only with two fears: fears of falling and fear of loud noises. Any other fear is learned and conditioned.
If a grown man is struggling with social anxiety - there is no other explanation but abuse (ACE ACoA childhood and exposure to npd bpd abuse) or paranoid delusional mindset itself like npd or bpd.

YT "Always feeling that you're not enough? #socialanxiety #motivation #confidence"

Tell that to npd bpd personalities in power who are abusing us for not being perfect and ideal in their fantasy imagination which they force onto others to fulfill..

YT "How Can I Manage Social Anxiety That Contributes To Loneliness? - Cognitive Therapy Hub"

CBT is horrible, toxic ableist therapy which is ignoring abuse and npd bpd personalities in charge who are abusing us and triggering panic with their anti-social behavior which we cannot escape - like being trapped in toxic job or dysfunctional family dynamics or corrupt state like living in Russia.

YT "Overcome social anxiety by talking to strangers🗣️"

Social anxiety is not fear of talking. It is not called Talking anxiety.
You mix us shyness with medical social anxiety.
Once you break your shyness (which you label as social anxiety) - you will realize that most people are not good nor nice nor friendly at all but very abusive and hostile.

YT "Navigating Loneliness: Show Crowds & Social Anxiety"

Fear loneliness = attracting borderline personalities to ruin your life

YT ""Stepping Stone" Virtual Social Anxiety Group with Therapist Valentina Castrillon"

CBT is toxic ableist therapy which is detrimental and dangerous. Self pathologizing nor CBT Lobotomy are not normal mechanisms how to handle exposure to npd bpd abuse which is causing social anxiety.

YT "How To Overcome Social Anxiety #fyp #confidence #motivation"

Person who talks more than the other person is called Externalizer.
Usually those are npd and bpd personalities and they are very anti-social and predatory.

YT "I need to be debriefed before every social interaction #socialanxiety #autism"

This was scrutinized in my childhood when I asked for details - and I learned to develop Fawning and people pleasing because I was not prepared for npd bpd personalities being abusive to me in advance.

YT "Trying to overcome social anxiety! 😊 #trending #shorts #goodvibes #viralvideos #trend #goodhealth"

It is bad idea to "remove" social anxiety.
Social anxiety is not fear of talking to people.
Social anxiety is reaction to anti-social personalities. IT is normal reaction to abusive people.
Now - you become abuser because you abuse random people in the street who are afraid of you being potential thug.

It is not fear. Social anxiety is trauma - and it should not be labeled nor treated as fear - because it will aggravate the trauma. Like keeping wound split open and not allowing it to heal.

YT "Struggling with social interactions? #antisocial #socialanxiety #people #humor"

Social anxiety is not being anti-social.
This is myth which is toxic ableist CBT is spreading around via self help books and articles.
Anti social = npd bpd personalities, externalizers, predatory personalities, psychopaths and sociopaths.
Victims and targets of npd bpd abuse develop social anxiety, it is reaction to abuse - and it appears as anti-social to untrained eye and scammers like CBT.

YT "Beat Social anxiety! #SocialAnxiety #MentalHealth #AnxietyRelief #SelfHelp #ConfidenceBoost"

Social anxiety is reaction to npd bpd abuse.
Can you explain to us - why would we normalize predatory abuse and anti-social behavior by becoming calm around psychopaths and sociopaths?
It is detrimental that we change our thinking when we are being abused and cover it up with self talk. That can be very dangerous - because we might be apologetic to criminally insane personalities whom we need to cut off.
Social anxiety is not called Talking anxiety.
Social anxiety is trauma - it has nothing to do with lack of confidence. You mix up shyness with social anxiety here. Common mistake..

YT "Episode 1: The Root of Social Anxiety is Shame"

Dig deeper.
Shame stems from exposure to npd bpd personalities, emotionally immature people who have power over us (we depend on them for finance or shelter, basic Maslow needs) - like toxic job we cannot quit due to no finances, or living in oppressive state where differences are attacked and mocked and ashamed like color of skin or being LGBT.

She is Externalizer. They handle their own shame and anxiety through abusing other people. This is how npd bpd personalities are regulating their anxiety- by shaming others. They have no idea about other normal healthy sane tools or behaviors.

She is great example - that internalized toxic shame (shame scripts) are learned and conditioned as reaction to Externalizers.
They ashame how we act, how we talk, how we move our hands - and then we end up with social anxiety. They project their abnormalities into us - and we end up feeling npd bpd symptoms, we walk on eggshells and carry shame, we end up believing that there is something wrong with us - for example how we make gestures. Toxic shame stems from exposure to predatory abusive mentally ill people who will never have ability to self assess. They never learned it in childhood. Their only tool is to abuse others.

YT "Struggling with social anxiety? Check this out!"

Being exposed to emotionally immature parent and or exposure to chronic npd bpd abuse does that. We never learn how to trust ourselves and we find other people as potential source of sudden attack

YT "Social Anxiety Transformations: 23-Year-Old Virgin to Emotional Abundance
"

Examples of self hatred, self abuse and self rejection. Trying to be a fake social mask in order to please neurotypical society's approval.

YT "Unwanted Social Anxiety ‪@Shorts‬"

Social anxiety is reaction of being exposed to emotionally immature parent and npd bpd abuse.
Social anxiety is not called semen anxiety.
Lack of confidence stems from exposure to chronic abuse and belittling - self hatred, self rejection and self abuse is not healthy.

(20.5.2025)

"I didn’t understand any of that-
The acronyms are confusing"

Education is the key.
Start learning. When we do not know, when we do not have knowledge - we are easy to manipulate and control. There are a lot of sick people who enjoy controlling other people.
-
npd = narcissistic abuse
bpd = borderline abuse.
Both personality disorders, and are based on individuals who attain sense of self worth through abusing other people around them, blaming others. They find fruitful supply in traumatized socially anxious, people who grew up with immature parent and were instructed since childhood to fix angry people and to feel responsible for someone's anger.

Good or bad - is ambient is toxic, it will have detrimental influence. Like a bowl.
You can put any liquid food into it - but you need bowl for the liquid. You cannot pour it onto kitchen table and slurp soup from the table. You need bowl. Environment.

"I appreciate you taking the time to share this, and I hear the frustration behind your words. It's true—abuse, oppression, and trauma are real and caused by others, not by any flaw in the person experiencing them. Stoicism doesn’t deny that. It doesn't say suffering is your fault—it asks, 'Given that this suffering exists and I didn't choose it, how can I respond without losing myself?' It's not about ignoring pain, but about not giving full control of our peace to those who hurt us. It's not self-blame—it’s self-protection. Misused, any philosophy can become harmful. But when Stoicism is rightly understood, it can offer strength—not shame."

I find more solace in Epicurus who was opponent of Stoicism.
Stoicism at its root is based on fantasy, on imaginary world, often found in narcissistic personality disorder.
Stoicism tells us if we experience abuse - that we must protect ourselves, as you said.
That is great problem because of two reasons:
1) when we protect ourselves, we will employ defense mechanisms, which are always harmful - because we are reacting to abuse. Abuse itself is anti-social so we must create ambient of abuse to combat abuse which means toxic stress, hypervigilance, worry, rumination, walking on eggshells all the time, fearing the next sudden attack - and this is not healthy way to live. Abuse starts to define us through our defense mechanisms. Instead of living our life - all our resources go to war, all our focus goes into monitoring the enemy and source of threat and triggers.
2) with idea that we must become some new person - this on surface sounds amazing. But what happens is like creating a crust on a wound. We end up with scars and we never remove the band aid and bandages with this idea to become new person. Stoicism hence tell us that when we feel fear and panic (as reaction to abuse) - that this means we are bad person and we must change. This leads to internalized toxic shame - deep core belief that we as person are defunct and abnormal and that our sole purpose in life is to be fake, someone who is unable to experience panic and fears. This is unhealthy because this ideology keeps us in a state of emotional immaturity.
Being emotional mature means being able to process information, to sit with the pain and to learn from what is happening to us- rather then feeling shame for feeling negative emotions - we flow through them, without changing ourselves to become fake in the process of experiencing abuse and negative emotions.
CBT is based on stoicism and this makes CBT extremely toxic and ableist therapy - keeping abused people in the permanent mental illness state of mind, always hypervigilant and always believing that external stimuli means abandoning our authentic self and constantly creating narcissistic fake persona who is "stoic" and not allowed to be human and vulnerable.

I realized social anxiety has traces of autism inside it.
And it is important not to pathologize autism - but to accept it and validate it.
Autistic trauma and social anxiety are one of the same.
Social anxiety by official medical definition is fear of criticism, fear of scrutiny. It is behavior described as walking on eggshells around other people who trigger social anxiety in us - usually toxic people who are very critical and rude and anti-social.
Epicurus as oppose to Stoicism - is more focused on identity and having purpose in life - which are steps that help in healing any trauma. When we find our identity, our authentic self, when we stop masking, when we stop walking on eggshells around other people and when we sit with joy and pain - as oppose trying to remove it in panic.
What I see in Stoicism is that pain is pathologized and the person is downgraded into a robot - a machine that has purpose only when it is walking on eggshells: doing what society expects, without taking in account individual well being and individual preferences.
Many autistic traits are being pathologized by general society - and stoicism blocks this investigation who is blocking it, and stoicism blocks our realization, our self fulfillment, self actualization - for the purpose of being stoic.
For example - autistic trait is having special interests which most people may label as abnormal or weird, boring or geek.
With stoicism - we would abandon our urge and inner GPS and try to cure our inner urges and we would lobotomize and sanitize our inner instincts. That is why I dislike stoicism.
Imagine Nikola Tesla - if he adapted stoicism - he would be ashamed of his love for pigeons and numbers, he would suppress his imagination - and the world would never discover wi-fi, radio and electricity in 20th century. That is what stoicism is doing - it is sedating the urges which need to be investigated and allowed to be fulfilled.

The common reaction in social anxiety is avoidance. CBT and stoicism are attacking it - and claim that isolation and avoidance are abnormality. But if we live in toxic country, in slum part of the city - it makes sense to avoid criminally insane people - and not force ourselves to be around them through stoicism techniques of tranquilizing our discomfort around predatory personalities.

Epicurus on the other hand encourage us to follow our happiness and pain - instead of suppressing it. I believe that is the only way to process emotions in healthy manner. Any kind of suppression is unhealthy. Jung, Freud confirmed that.

This is analogy how I see Stoicism:
Imagine yourself being in a wide room and you are standing in the middle of the room without light - so everything is in the dark. There is one door in the room and you have to find it in order to leave that dark room.
With stoicism - you would hit the wall - and then ignore the pain, and keep on hitting the wall - without actually trying left or right. You don't learn from the pain - you ignore and sedate the pain - and the pain becomes the primary focus in stoicism. The ability to be masculine, macho, strong, with ability to withstand the pain. But all this toxic masculinity - does not help you finding the exit - because you are focused solely on the ignoring and denying and suppressing the pain. There is no idea to look at other places - you stay frozen at one place and you keep on banging your head on the wall and ignore the pain of it.

NPD is harmful label - because npd come in spectrum. If all npd are pathologized - those who have hope to cure their mental illness will quit seeking help due to stigma.
Instead of NPD I propose that we use the correct diagnosis and label: "emotionally immature".

(21.5.2025)

I tried CBT for 20 years - and I ended up with more trauma and anxiety and most devastatingly - I ended up with Fawning and people pleasing, being doormat and masking myself - being filled with internalized toxic shame because CBT told me that feeling anxiety means abnormality and sickness to be stigmatized with. Being in abuse is not our fault and we should not fix ourselves when we are being abused and mocked. To say that we must change ourselves because we are abused - will destroy our personality - so CBT is very toxic and ableist therapy and it should be banned.
I wasted my life on CBT - I do not want young people to waste their life on this dangerous therapy that has all traits of system systematic narcissistic abuse. I tried CBT for 20 years - and I ended up with more trauma and anxiety and most devastatingly - I ended up with Fawning and people pleasing, being doormat and masking myself - being filled with internalized toxic shame because CBT told me that feeling anxiety means abnormality and sickness to be stigmatized with. Being in abuse is not our fault and we should not fix ourselves when we are being abused and mocked. To say that we must change ourselves because we are abused - will destroy our personality - so CBT is very toxic and ableist therapy and it should be banned.
I wasted my life on CBT - I do not want young people to waste their life on this dangerous therapy that has all traits of system systematic narcissistic abuse.

" i dont agree. Needs to be called what it is."

It is counter-intuitive.
It seems like it helps us to name criminally insane people as psychopaths but there are two caveats:
1) we are not psychiatrist and we do not have diagnostic powers to diagnose other people. doing that is morally and ethically wrong
2) when we label criminally insane with their diagnostic criteria - without us being aware of it, we are making them into deities. Not good deities - but storms which are out of control. If in court - they will play the diagnostic card and they will be freed from their crimes since the judge will label them as not accountable.
Also - when we see toxic people as Crystalline entity (from Star Trek) - we will also behave like court judge - we will censor and cut ourselves out, because we will see them as robot, a machine that cannot be handled.
Basically we lose our powers and we become victim. Stuck with victim mentality without us choosing it.
Emotional immaturity concept allows us to reclaim our power back and to stop being a victim and do something about toxic people that is concrete.

Normal, healthy people do not have predatory mindset.
Toxic people are predatory and they literally have abnormal brain which is forcing them to hate and attack other people.

"How tf are we supposed to socialise then?"
haha
excellent comment! Thank you for pointing this crucial question.
When we are feeling urge to approach general people in general - it means we do not have persona. We do not have personality.
It is a sign that we have fake social mask - -and we want to please all people and we see all people as happy and sane and friendly.
In real life - not all people are kind and nice and friendly as you are. In fact, they are very dangerous and sick and abnormal and it is best to avoid them. Unluckily - most toxic people mask and they have glib charm in order to attract new victims, new supply - like carnivore plant attracting the flies with aroma.

So how we socialize?
Unmask - and be yourself. Be authentic and follow your special interests.
And then you will attract and be attracted to your kind of guys, your people.
You will not prostitute yourself with any strangers that walks on by in the street.

"Maybe the healthiest approach borrows from both: honoring our emotions and cultivating resilience when facing things we can’t change."
Yep!
I believe that resilience will come naturally - without us needing to learn Stoicism - when we are supported, when we support ourselves, when we do not have toxic shame anymore - we will be naturally resilient and stoic - since we won't self abuse and hence making ourselves "weak" with our internalized toxic shame inner critic voice. When we support ourselves, we will naturally attract people who support us, avoid toxic people and we will follow our instinct and our purpose in life - and when bad days come, we won't be obsessed by trying to be stoic about it and feel depressed for feeling fears and panic when situations are objectively bad around us. I see stoicism as a hurdle that keeps us stuck in depression, I see stoicism as inner critic voice that is unnecessary when we are authentic and focused on our well being and community, when we have social conscience.

"Thank you for sharing such a meaningful reflection—I really appreciate how deeply you’ve considered this. You make great points about the importance of honoring neurodivergence instead of pathologizing it. I completely agree that self-acceptance and embracing our authentic traits (like special interests or sensory needs) are vital for well-being—no one should have to mask or suppress their true self to fit rigid expectations.

I see Stoicism a bit differently—to me, its core isn’t about silencing emotions or ‘tranquilizing’ discomfort, but about discerning what we can control (like how we respond to criticism) while fully acknowledging our feelings. For example, Marcus Aurelius wrote extensively about accepting his own ‘quirks’ and limitations without shame. But I 100% agree that any philosophy can become harmful if it’s used to dismiss individuality or justify enduring abuse. Avoiding toxic environments isn’t ‘avoidance’—it’s self-preservation!

Your Epicurus analogy resonates—following joy/pain as a compass is so important. At its best, I think Stoicism aims for that too (e.g., ‘virtue’ as living in alignment with your nature), but I love how you highlight Epicurus’ focus on identity and purpose. Maybe the healthiest approach borrows from both: honoring our emotions and cultivating resilience when facing things we can’t change.

Either way, your perspective on autism and social anxiety is incredibly valuable. Society does often fail to accommodate neurodivergence, and healing starts with validation, not suppression. Thanks again for this conversation—it’s given me a lot to reflect on! "

"Thanks for sharing this vivid analogy—it’s a really interesting way to look at it! I can see how Stoicism might come across that way, especially if it’s framed as just ‘ignoring pain.’ To me, though, Stoicism at its best isn’t about suppressing or denying pain, but about understanding it so we can move through it more clearly. Imagine the same dark room, but instead of ignoring the wall you just hit, you pause and ask: ‘What did that pain teach me? This spot is a dead end—maybe I should feel my way along the wall to find the door.’

-

*I think the stereotype of Stoicism as ‘toxic masculinity’ (grinding through pain without reflection) is super common—and honestly, a fair critique when people use it that way! But the original Stoics were more about using discomfort as information. For example, Epictetus talked about how pain shouts: ‘Hey! Something’s wrong here!’—not to numb it, but to let it guide us toward better choices. Like realizing, ‘This job/relationship/habit keeps hurting me… maybe I should stop walking into the same wall.’

That said, I totally get why the ‘just endure it’ vibe can feel unhelpful, especially for neurodivergent folks or anyone dealing with systemic struggles. Sometimes the healthiest response is to say, ‘This wall is bs—I’m gonna find a different room entirely!’ (Which sounds closer to your Epicurus approach, and I love that too!)

Either way, your analogy really made me think—thanks for that. How do you think philosophies should approach pain? Would love to hear more of your take!"

Thank you!
You understand me what I try to say here.
Yes, I see Stoicism as being stuck in emotional immaturity - being stuck in defense walls and egocentrism and being unable to listen to other ideas.
That is why I dislike Stoicism.
But you are proving me that not all Stoics are like that. What I seen in general population though - is that most people misuse Stoicism as ideology of Wall, keeping themselves safe in Echo Chamber and rejecting any different ideas.

What bothers me about Stoicism - is that I see it as living in North Korea or any authoritarian country, where there is a general directive how to live your personal life.
This makes sense in childhood when we are emotionally immature - when we are unable to self reflect and hence learn from our mistakes and errors and then self improve ourselves. We need parent to tell us what is correct and what is wrong.
With Stoicism we stay stuck with that Parent voice which in adulthood will keep us stuck in having disciplinary voice.
And this voice appears as protective mechanism - but in reality it is keeping us stuck in emotional immaturity.
Because we do not have inner mechanism that will allow us to learn from mistakes and try out new things.
With Stoicism - we will quickly label any imperfection or error or mistake as abnormality which we must fix and replace with known routine - without us trying out something new. This way we will be immature, we won't learn and we won't improve - since we are following rigid script of following what we believe is strong and correct and powerful.
For example -
we might be attacked in the street. And Stoicism will tell us to be stoic, that we should not scream and make a temper tantrum scene because that is unseemly.
But being stoic around someone aggressive and dangerous - will allow abusive person to be dangerous.
When we are silent and stoic - we won't draw attention from other people around - hence there will be no witnesses later on when we are kidnapped for example.
Our silence, stoicism will be used against us by toxic people.
Like being stuck in mobbing toxic job - when we are stoic - we will never ask for raise, we will never protest unfair treatment, we will never consider leaving that job. Instead - we will be focused on being stoic and strong in the eyes of the others. And we will make other people to control us - since they will be our measuring tool to measure Stoicism.
So Stoicism becomes the controlling tool for manipulation.
This is why I associate Stoicism with North Korea ambient.

This is called cult worship. Usually happens when we grew up in alcoholic home and our identity is being destroyed so we fawn to anyone who appears as North Korea leader to us whom we must worship.

Being kind is not something that a kind person would film and then display as a trophy.

External locus of control - when outside stimuli is controlling our happiness. This is road to depression and emotional instability, borderline disorder.

Neurotypical desire to depend on other people's happiness is so toxic and unhealthy.

"In my country, if you dont do this you're seen as rude. Im honestly very surprised by most people ignoring you when you do this in other places."

Shame-based culture countries are poor and backwards. Instead of hiding the source of degradation and destruction - you want to promote it.

"It isn’t only awesome because it is wholesome. It is awesome because it is relatable. The more you post these the more of us you show how to be ourselves and treat every day like it is the best day on earth."

It is fake, insincere, filled with agenda, and annoying and irritating. It is anything but wholesome.

"Bro i think the people who are not rich they answer you"

Or people who were never robbed by glib charm stranger.

It is not positivity. It is being fake and performative. Glib charm.

"yoyo brother amazing man- but you dont ask for permission to upload it? keep going man!"

Nope. He is using other people as supply and discard them after being used.

"Nah i’m too shy"

If you use labels which toxic society created in the first place - it will become self fulfilling prophecy and stigma, burden you do not need to carry.

"bro is the text book definition of a chill guy he deserves 500M subs"

Fake chill is toxic.

"so why not be who God made you to be and embrace the journey of life"

Exactly - if God made social anxiety - why reject it? It is natural response to psychopaths.

" So idk why you switched up the topic to some psycho stuff."
Because that is real life.
Unfortunately you are too young - but as you gain more experience - you will realize that channels like True Crime and FBI files and Forensic documentaries - are part of life and that there a lot of sick abnormal people out there roaming free in the nature - triggering social anxiety in normal people.

" Many manuscripts from the Old Testament has been found."

Thing that bothers me - if God really wrote it - why then he proved it with something that can only God prove 2000 years ago. Like - he could wrote about Neptune.
He could describe atoms and nuclear physics and double slit experiment.
Instead - we got instruction about genitalia.

"Don’t reject Jesus "
I do not reject Jesus.
This is shame based thinking you have. You believe just because I speak truth and facts - that this means hatred. This is bias and prejudice - something that your Scripts do not teach you obviously - social skills and tools how to socialize - that you do not interpret cognitive dissonance and lack of education as someone's hatred.

"What do you think makes that distinction for you?"
From my perspective - stoicism is too rigid. It does not allow flexibility and context of the situation.
Stoicism itself - as the name implies - is forcing stoicism.
I believe in special situations, perhaps in once in a lifetime situations or very rare situations - it is best not to be stoic at all. Sometimes it is best to make horrible mistakes - which in long term would prevent us from making even horrible mistakes.
From my point of view - we always need to be flexible.
Learn about different philosophies, soak them all up, even when they do not make sense or they are counter intuitive and do not match up - and that we fill our brain with enough information - and then use our instinct instead of following some rigid philosophy.
Darwin discovered that survival of species do not depend on stoicism (strength) but on adaptability.

Yes, I agree with this, this is my message also, this is very healthy attitude and philosophy for life:

Marcus Aurelius reminded himself daily: 'If someone can prove me wrong, I'll change gladly.'

" I really appreciate you sharing this – you’ve articulated some profound risks of how Stoicism can be misapplied, and I agree with many of your concerns. What you’re describing – the rigid, self-policing voice, the suppression of healthy protest, the fear of imperfection – sounds exhausting and counterproductive. If that were authentic Stoicism, I’d reject it too. Let me offer a slightly different lens, not to debate but to explore together:

1. The ‘North Korea’ Problem:
You’re absolutely right that dogmatic Stoicism (or any philosophy) becomes authoritarian. But the original Stoics were rebels – Epictetus was a disabled former slave who taught students to question everything, and Marcus Aurelius (an emperor!) constantly reminded himself “I’m part of a greater whole, not the center of it.” Their version wasn’t about blind obedience, but about discerning when to act (protest injustice) and how to avoid self-sabotage (like raging at what we can’t change).

2. The ‘Parent Voice’ vs. Wisdom:
The Stoic ideal isn’t an inner drill sergeant – it’s more like a wise friend who asks: “Is this reaction serving you?” For example:

In your street attack scenario, Stoicism wouldn’t demand silence, but clarity: “How do I protect myself effectively?” (Screaming for help? Fighting back? Both can be ‘Stoic’ if they’re chosen deliberately, not done in panic.)

In the toxic job example, Stoicism would ask: “Is enduring this truly virtuous, or just fear masquerading as strength?” (Many Stoics actually advocated quitting unsustainable situations – Seneca wrote a whole letter on “life’s too short for bad jobs!”)

3. The Core Misunderstanding:
What you’re critiquing sounds like broicism – the macho distortion of Stoicism. The real thing is about:

Agency, not passivity (“I’ll leave this job if it degrades me”)

Community, not isolation (“My worth comes from contributing to others, not their approval”)

Emotional honesty, not suppression (“This hurts – now how do I process it without drowning in it?”)

You’ve convinced me that modern Stoicism often fails these ideals. Maybe the healthiest approach borrows from your insight: Combine self-acceptance (no shame for imperfections) with Stoic tools for navigating what we can’t control. What do you think – could there be a version of this philosophy that doesn’t feel authoritarian, or is the label too damaged? Either way, thank you for pushing this conversation deeper – it’s helping me grow."

Basically we share the same ideal and ideas.

I approach Stoicism from psychology - CBT (which is default automatic therapy for social anxiety issues) is based on Stoicism, or modern views of stoicism, as you say - broicism – the macho distortion of Stoicism.
Socially anxious are being told to try harder, to be strong, not to be cowards etc. All these labels do not help socially anxious - but actually makes them even more scared and ashamed.
It took me 20 years to discover that CBT is wrong therapy for social anxiety and that the cause of CBT being wrong is in this distorted oversimplified Stoicism. This is the reason why I dislike Stoicism and reject it.
Many people who struggle with social anxiety are being flooded by CBT - and they do not progress in life, because of these wrong messages from distorted Stoicism.
The healthier messages would be based on self acceptance - and as I understand now thanks to your comment - original Stoicism is like that.

(23.5.2025)

YT "The Subtle Interconnections of Echoism and Self-Achievement"

It is not empathy.
It is reaction to narcissist's punishment.
If we see operant conditioning as empathy we will be stuck in toxic empathy where we minimize psychopaths as wounded souls and stay stuck trauma bonded with sociopaths.

YT "Vulnerable (Underdog) Narcissism | Guilt Trips and Projections"

Covert narcs are 10 times more toxic than overt ones since they mask it.
So much toxicity.
I learned it is best to label such personalities as "Emotionally immature". The label narcissism gives them too much power or even a ticket to never change themselves since npd is untreatable.
Emotionally immature on the other hand is very much treatable and able to take responsibility and accountability when spoken out.
On the other hand -
Telling someone you are so narcissistic - carries no correcting message but permanent badge of evil which gives them powers to abuse others and we end up being afraid of them - since they are like Borg from Star Trek - undetectable, indestructible and chameleon.

(24.5.2025)

"Then how did I not end up with that? O.o Well maybe my tactic works for someone?"

Because social anxiety is reaction to pathological lying and false accusations. Being abused by someone in power.
Your examples are related to shyness issues.

(25.5.2025)

"How can I help someone with social anxiety?"

Help someone else?
Support them, validate them, don't stigmatize them, don't change them, make them feel safe and secure and encourage them to talk and listen to them.
Don't pontificate them what they should do.
Social anxiety is not shyness - they are not feeling fear even though it looks like that on surface.
Social anxiety is trauma - they are abused by someone and they don't have protection.

"I,m autistic and Dutch, the direct talking a autistic person does isn’t that much of a problem in the Netherlands because people like directness and honesty in the Netherlands. Maybe it would be harder in countries where people are really polite."

It's a thin line between love and hate.
Sometimes immature people use "being direct" as being manipulative and controlling but mask it as being "honest".
Such people do not like other person being direct and honest with them back.

YT "How I Communicate Differently as an Autistic Person
"

You made me think about social anxiety -
it comes down to worry about what other people think.
And if we live in shame-based culture country - social anxiety will be natural reflex to flood of judgments.
If we are different, if we talk differently - more deeply or emotionally - shame based people will nitpick, turn it around as being rude and project their shame, lack of knowledge or experience onto the target. And if we are honest and direct without agenda - we will take to the heart their judgment which are unfair and false and derogatory and do not belong to us, we will soak it up as the truth about us - and then end up with more of social anxiety and shutdown.

(26.5.2025)

I see a lot of help in learning emotional maturity versus emotional immaturity.
IT is easy to get stuck in rationalizing and minimizing the abuse, telling ourselves that mobbing and bullying and narcissistic abuse are somehow being honest and direct.. and then we end up being slaved, doormats, people pleasers while predatory personalities take the cake.

YT "I don’t care how many tv shows I’ve done, I still have social anxiety"

That is because social anxiety is not social phobia as CBT tries to convince us. Social anxiety is trauma and it will not go away with exposure. Due to operant conditioning, having emotionally immature parent in our developmental years. We never learned lessons which kids who grow up in loving families learn - to trust oneself, to not blame oneself when we are making mistakes and when we are not perfect. We learned the opposite -to hate ourselves to the core, due to toxic shaming.

YT "Making Friends With Social Anxiety Is Possible With These Tips! #socialanxiety #chatgpt"

This is horrible idea - because we do not know whether the other person is abnormal, narcissistic or borderline or emotionally immature.
If we force friendship, if we are hating being alone - we will attract difficult personalities who are predatory.

Just imagine the leading character in Woman of the Hour (2024) being along with serial killer in the parking lot - scene which was based on true events - and if she read CBT and self help books and coaching to make friends and to force friendships - she would go into car with serial killer because she would ignore her identity and common sense - and go along with psychiatry which is misleading us to fight our symptoms.

YT "Social Anxiety Treatment At Home?
"

You build your definition of social anxiety as if it is called self anxiety.
It is called social + anxiety. It means that anxiety stems from social element: toxic people who are predatory and emotionally immature.
Being exposed to narcissistic abuse and borderline abuse will create social anxiety.
If we are stuck at mobbing job which we cannot quit because we do not live in healthy wealthy city like LA or NY - we will be abused and feel social anxiety as reaction to abuse.
Then your advice based on the postulate that anxiety stems from our own choice to feel anxiety - cannot work.

I think if would be fair to start with the actual start:
to investigate and check the triggers of anxiety.
Is anxiety starts in our brain, as you claim - or whether anxiety actually starts as reaction to covert narcissistic abuse, pathological liars who are blaming us about our mistakes in order to control us and manipulate us.

Social anxiety is not called comparing anxiety.
Social anxiety is not called rejection anxiety.
Social anxiety is not called presentation anxiety.
The name is crystal clear - social anxiety is being triggered by narcissistic borderline mentally ill anti-social personalities who are abusing the target.

If we avoid people altogether - that is called Complex Trauma. It is not fear issue.

Polish psychiatrist said that our symptoms are attempt to handle difficulties in order to grow out of them:

"Polish psychiatrist Kazimierz Dabrowski (1972) theorized that emotional distress is potentially a sign of growth, not necessarily illness. He saw psychological symptoms as coming from a freshly activated urge to grow and coined the term “positive disintegration” to describe times when people break down inside in order to reorganize into more emotionally complex beings."
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents - Gibson

You mention 3 coping strategies - fight, flight, freeze -
but there is fourth coping strategy called Fawning.
When people who are abused are taught by CBT to hate themselves because they feel social anxiety - their coping mechanism will then be people pleasing and being a doormat, believing that toxic people do not exist and that if we feel worry - that this is our fantasy delusional problem which we must suppress and dissociate from - the polar opposite from the message of Kazimierz Dabrowski.

If we dive into uncertainty - we will use tools and operant conditioning which started social anxiety in the first place: coping tools conditioned in ACE ACoA years.
When we tolerate uncertainty - we will tolerate abuse and bullying and never seek ways out of toxic job or minimize exposure to narcissistic pathological liars.

Instead of installing Spanish Inquisition that would hunt down our neuroticism trait (which if Bog 5 personality trait and not illness) - we can actually understand and listen to our anxiety. As oppose to invalidate ourselves as we learned to do in ACE ACoA years. Instead of hunting down our anxiety - we can become Sherlock Holmes and seek clues and evidence or a scientist in a lab and base our decisions on reality - not on our symptom wars.

Just imagine the leading character Woman of the Hour (2024) being alone in parking lot with a serial killer - if she had idea to destroy her anxiety - she would then naively go along with serial killer - just to fight her anxiety which she would see as dangerous and end up in arms with abnormal monster - movie that was based on real events.

YT "Natural Herbs That Help Social Anxiety | Christian Drapeau"

So if we are stuck in abuse or at toxic job - instead of finding ways to leave abuse and abnormal ambient - we should rationalize and minimize it and stay stuck in trauma bonding with tranquilizers?

YT "Social Anxiety/ Self-Esteem Tip"

When we live in shame-based culture country - people will be focused a lot to abuse others.
Or being stuck with npd bpd personalities or emotionally immature personalities.

YT "Why Shouldn't You Be Hard on Yourself While Becoming Sociable"

People who are hard on themselves are due to operant conditioning. Conditioning cannot go away with logic - it is like hypnosis or programming

YT "Overcoming Social Anxiety: Sam's Journey"

What happens when neighbors and colleagues and exposure does not help but makes social anxiety worse due to shame-based culture?

"My social skills are weak too. I feel myself scared when people talking to me."

These are not weak social skill but very strong one. You care for others and that is social skill. You have been brainwashed to hate yourself and to dismiss your strenghts.

YT "Stop Feeling Awkward! Simple Trick to Transform Your Social Anxiety"

Comfortable being uncomfortable?
So if we burn our hand on a stove - we need to burn it all the time because we must be uncomfortable?
You need to check your philosophy before you harm yourself in real life.

YT "Harnessing the Art of Silent Observation to Ease Social Anxiety"

Social anxiety already means silent observation and noticing small details and patterns - this is the most best quality of social anxiety.
Problem is that this starts to be echoism due to npd bpd abuse.

YT "SSRI Serotonin Boost: Overcoming Social Anxiety with Medication"

Pharma mafia making profit on people who went through ACE ACoA in childhood and npd bpd abuse in adulthood.
Instead of explaining how to handle sociopaths, we are being told by CBT that we are anti-social and we need lobotomy.

YT "HOW TO Be More INTERESTING And CHARISMATIC #shorts #socialskills #socialanxiety #selfimprovement"

By saying that we need to improve - you are making us feel toxic shame - that we are unworthy and incompetent and that our already present knowledge and experience is trash.

When you say be more interesting in conversation - you are saying that other people must be our judge and that we must depend on their reactions. If they are bored - then it means that we are bad person and we need to invest our moral and ethical standards, money and energy into being someone's doormat until they approve us as someone cool.

Asking open questions before determining if the other person is mentally healthy is like accepting Trojan Horse and inviting Putin to "liberate" our house from supposed nazis.

Glib charm is primary trait of psychopathy.

Elections in USA showed that 49% of population is mentally ill and abnormal - and you are instructing us to see pathological liars as ancient Greek deities which we must worship.

YT "Nobody cares what you're doing overcoming social anxiety"

Elections in USA showed that 49% of general population are emotionally immature, narcissistic and borderline - and that they are based on shame, culture of shame. This means - 49% of people around - are actually very much attuned to criticize others in order to calm down their toxic shame, by projecting it into others through Ad Hominem and Destructive criticism. 49%. That is high number of psychopaths and abusers walking around

YT "Conquer Social Anxiety: Transform Your Mindset, Influence Your Future"

Socially anxious can talk to people and be expressive and outwardly. That is called Functional social anxiety and Masking - and it is still trauma not being healed underneath it.
Masking and being Functional will pump out a lot of stress and money drained to keep it up.

Go deeper.
Around manipulative toxic people - they can condition us to release hormones - like cortisol - and then we start to be conditioned like Pavlovian dogs who salivate when they hear the bell. We start to feel social anxiety doom thoughts - and we think it is us. But in reality - it is toxic people dangling carrot in front of our eyes like as if we are donkey and we believe we are being stubborn donkey - while in reality we are being controlled and manipulated by predatory personalities who hijacked our trauma reactions and present it as shyness issue which we try to cure with confidence and talking crap by CBT.

(27.5.2025)

YT "Can Trauma Make You Autistic? - Psychological Clarity
"

I took autism test twice.
The first time I imagined myself how I feel when under stress, like in mobbing job, being trapped in narcissistic abuse, bullying. The test showed medium to high autism.
Then I took the same test once again. I imagined myself how I feel when I am in safe ambient in psychological security, how I think, how I form decisions, how I think- and this same test showed no Autism present.
Both times I answered the questions honestly - I simply answered the questions how I feel about safety around me if I feel safe around people.

"When they are abusing you - at that moment you have no idea that there is abuse. Then the target of abuse will blame oneself, carry depression and guilt and shame.
It is only 10 or 15 years later on - when new evidence emerge, when you learn more facts and see what was once covered up - then you realize that you no longer care what they do.
Up until that moment - you care since you are convinced that you are the problem due to their gang stalking and pathological lying."

And that is a large chunk of life living in toxic shame, rolling a bolder like Sisyphus or carrying the weight of guilt like Atlas on one's shoulder.

YT "Autism or trauma? Why high awareness isn’t always a superpower."

Not being aware = being emotionally immature and put people off with being insensitive.
Being aware = having anxiety and trauma to process and putting people off with word salad or complaining or being echo.
Both ways end up with same results.

YT "‪@DifferentNotBrokenPodcast‬ #autism #podcast #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #neurodiversity"

Emotional dysregulation, leads to delayed processing, leads to over-compensation - leading to Masking and coping mechanisms that jump start over thinking and self hatred and shame that keeps emotional dysregulation going on.

"Not everyone deserves access to your energy. "
This is true - but what we are talking here are pathological liars.
They have fake social mask.
They mis-present themselves and we end up trusting them-
they are like Trojan Horses - facade looks great, they shower us with honeymoon phase and we go along with what appears as friendship - and there is no reason to be paranoid and to doubt anyone who is friendly -
even CBT and DSM will promptly diagnose someone who doubts as social anxiety, delusional, paranoid disorder and schizofrenia -
so on system level we are not allowed to doubt, we are forced to go along with lies.

(28.5.2025)

YT "Toxic positivity isn’t as helpful as it sounds."

CBT is based on denial of pain. This leads to living in a fantasy, usually tolerating the abuse since CBT will instruct us to desensitize ourselves to abuse through ABC Method - which is toxic positivity. Living in a fantasy means making wrong and detrimental life decisions and then CBT will tell us after we follow CBT advice that we were crazy all along.

YT "Treating Pathological Guilt: Basic Concepts and Technique
"

You make it seem as if abused people should torture themselves, while psychopaths walk away hands free.
Like, we need to take rituals, cleansing dance around the fire, analyze my thoughts and waste a lot of energy and time into nitpicking legal and normal reactions to psychopaths - while the predators all they need to do is abuse and feel nothing and walk away with money holding no responsibility or accountability for their crimes against humanity.
We end up with Spanish Inquisition and whip to hit ourselves over our backs to stop feeling the pain.

Yep. I learned this is called Emotional dumping or Word salad. When someone feels safe I overburden them with my problems and then I am shocked how much things I had to speak out, that usually I don't talk at all in general. And then I feel bad for the other person because I bored them with my stuff that they can't control anyway or help me at all. It is good to be aware of it so that I do this through writing or blogging - not by harassing other people.

(29.5.2025)

"What are the methods, tools to curb this then?"

First, investigate. Is social anxiety stemming from a fantasy (Spotlight effect) and delusional paranoid thinking? If so - CBT is lobotomy course designed for the mentally ill who are hallucinating their reality.
If the abuse is the cause of social anxiety - then we lack tools how to handle it due to ACoA ACE emotionally immature parent and non-supportive environment. In that case CBT is very harmful and detrimental tool.
We can check ACE - there are quick free online test.
Living in ACoA childhood means we have been told since birth that our value and identity is non important - so our task is to re-build connection with Self and identity - which means first stem stop pathologizing social anxiety and stop hating our reactions which are trauma.
Tool is to heal the trauma.

"INFJ is not a diagnosis. It’s a personality type. You are who you are and thinking that a personality type is a diagnosis is just medicalising yourself. Which, seems to be a big problem these days. People think that by having a “diagnosis“ there is some way to fix it, to treat it. When in reality it’s just you. The only one who can be you or tell you who you are is yourself."

Autism is not diagnosis, too. It is diagnosis when there is Autistic Trauma. Autistic trauma and Autism is not one of the same. Autistic trauma and Traumatized / unhealed / abused INFJ are one of the same. CBT is ableist therapy that should be banned.

YT "INFJ’s don’t ghost, they fade #infj #ghosting #mbti #shorts"

"INFJs don't really ghost people. They fade. Silently. Strategically. And people won't notice it right away because they'll still smile. Say, everything's alright. But they're withdrawing. You don't lose INFJ when they just walk away. You lose them when they stop exaplaining themselves. So they don't really ghost, they unplug. And they usually do it before you even realize it. It's kind of f* up."

Yep, that is on target.
I noticed I should be frank with people. Smiling when I feel angry at someone's abuse, agreeing something I do not like, staying in contact with someone who puts me down so I don't hurt their feeling - ends up with giving the abusers wrong signal. It seems as if I am a good person by sparing someone's feelings - but in the end I end up pooped by abusers and either get discarded or exploited in the end of ends. To cut that - it is best to stop pretending when I dislike someone's abuse and cut it immediately as much as it is possible. In real life it will be 90% of time impossible to cut someone off completely - due to papers, contracts, jobs, projects, needs, transport, transference etc especially if there is close knit community.

YT "Why INFJs Were Taught to Ignore Their Sensitivity"

Synchronicity - there is a radio song by Gerry & The Pacemakers "Don't let the Sun catch you crying" playing in the background.
Excellent message.
It goes along with the book I am reading by Alice Miller - The body never lies.
Being told that sensitivity was sissy and shameful - is how we end up with internalized toxic shame and self hatred.
Even CBT is institualizing, uses the medical industry to pathologize social anxiety - teaching abused people and sensitive ones to hate and reject themselves.
We are being instructed by society, emotionally immature parent and schools and media to see our sensitivity as basically wrong and abnormal deviation - and then our identity is ruined too. Then society is forcing us to spend money on pharma mafia and courses and self help books and therapies how to learn self esteem - when the self worth was destroyed by that same zero-sum game mentality.

YT "Why INFJs Wake Up Exhausted (Even After a Full Night’s Sleep)
"

I noticed that small talk in the office only bothered me when the other person was anti-social, rude, conflict, gossiper, someone I do not trust. If I trusted the other person - I had no problem with small boring chat, it was annoying but it did not drained me as much as being stuck with someone abusive.

(30.5.2025)

"Yes ASKING them how they feel about it instead of TELLING them how they feel about it is KEY."

This is interesting because I learned that social skill when I studied conflict and how to handle difficult people. What happened in real life when I tried this "do you fancy" caveat - that borderline personalities observers were triggered by it. They literally screamed at me for being too soft and that I am too good and that I should be firm with other people.

"he still thinks I mean everything right now. "
I have this problem with emotionally immature people. When they tell something to do - they expect to be done right now, that I drop everything I am doing and get 100 percent focused on their demand PLUS it has to be done perfectly without any mistake even if I am doing something for the first time and mistakes are natural. or there will be flood of criticism and drama about it and even some kind of punishment, relentless reminder how I failed for years later on. Makes any job impossible to do.

" yeah, and trying to regulate/mask the pda in itself just to cater to the neurotypicals and their expectations is exhausting. I can do it sometimes, but it causes me extra stress, overwhelm, and exhaustion whenever I do.

But oh, I was gaslit into being a people-pleaser growing up, so learning that I ~don't~ have to mask and meet neurotypical's ignorant (and often times toxic) expectations all the time has been a long, difficult journey of self-awareness, inner growth, and inner healing."

Yes So true!
I was trying to follow CBT how to handle social anxiety - and then ended up with fawning and have no idea I was stuck in being a doormat - and CBT never explained PDA - but social anxiety is more explained as our fantasy delusional whim which we must crop, purge fix - basically to fit in into crap of neurotypical demands that cause stress at our own expense. CBT explained to me that I am too much and that my job in life is to police my feelings and emotions so that I am not burden to the others - by trying to please other people. As if my reaction to rude people and anti-social behavior is not important. That I should carry endless empathy for rule breakers while in the same time I must twist my arm to follow pleasing other people.

"Oof that conversation put me right into fight or flight lo"

For me not. I see the father as someone who cares a lot about his son. I feel psychological safety here.
I would go into fight and flight when the father would not be interested in well being of his son at all - and then son would serve a servant and be worthy only when he performs servant duties around the house.

On the other hand I was actively seeking the answers for 20 years - I knew something is wrong and there is a problem - but therapies, self help books and articles pointed me to social anxiety and mis-diagnosis. None of the resources about psychology explained autism and aspects at all. CBT and DSM should be banned. There is no support out there for ND population.

"Sharing a father being humiliated by his wife and son. That is one very strong and faithful man."

Humiliated?
They all love each other. There is no toxic shame here. You are projecting your own dysfunctional family where there is humiliation, blame, shame as currency among members.
Being open, open discussion, being frank - is not humiliation. That is something that shame-based personalities do not comprehend..

You missed the whole stadium.
This is not about stoicism of will power.
It is about being validated, being heard, being allowed to express oneself, to to clear up the misunderstanding - something that is forbidden in Prussian toxic pedagogy and with emotionally immature parents- dysfunctional families as breeding ground for narcissistic and borderline disorder where everything is seen as zero-sum game, black and white thinking, splitting.
One of the biggest damage which CBT and DSM and Freud done to psychology - is to mix up toxic masculinity with the emotional problems caused by untreated mentally ill personalities based on control and humiliation, and Prussian mentality of being macho alpha predator.

"I have PDA with going to bed responsibly. If my mom tells me to go to bed before 11 pm I sure as hell will stay up until 4 am. Or when I need to go to bed early-ish because I have something important the next day and need to be well rested, but it feels so much like a demand to do the responsible thing that my brain just refuses."

I see the solution in emotional maturity concept. When we need to do something for the later benefit - we are following moral and ethical standards fused with our own well being and identity who we are as person. If we are not lazy, if we have social conscience, if we are focused on well being and doing the correct things in life knowing that there are consequences for doing things wrong - then our GPS becomes emotional maturity -
not our feelings on one hand or Prussian logic of discipline and cruelty on the other hand - but the middle point - common sense. Being emotionally mature.

"In order to refuse demands of others you are demanding they accommodate you. You must make demands in order to avoid demands. You must demand not to submit to demands therefore teaching people to ignore you. They will be sick and tired of the rejection and demands."

You mean, walking on eggshells.
This is what borderlines do. They demand others to obey to their whims.
The difference here is reaction to someone's demand. PDA is not about ordering and commanding others - but reaction to someone's criticism, scrutiny and potential rejection.

"what is truly desired by the individual."
Yes. This is a concept I never heard or read or seen in any of billions of self help books and articles about social anxiety. There was never concept about identity. It was only explained the concept of self esteem - which is connected to doing things to other people, like obeying sheep or dog being told what to do.
CBT never explains it, what someone truly wants, GPS, goal, desire, purpose in life. Instead - socially anxious are instructed to label their own brain as abnormal aberration in the brain, such brain that is creating fantasy of being judged by the others which must be fixed, according to CBT through Prussian toxic pedagogy of stoicism, will power, being strong. So just like in any fascist system - the individual creativity and abilities are not explained at all, these are rejected at the expense of beehive mentality and serving the corrupt at the top.

YT "Are you triggering resistance in your #PDA child without realizing it? #pathologicaldemandavoidance"

I learned these neutral phrases when I was reading about how to avoid conflict at work.
In real life - what happened - that those words were welcomed by the receiving party, HOWEVER those same words triggered the borderline observers - who literally screamed at me for being "soft" the word you mentioned here.
The borderline narcissistic critics play role, just like in any drama, whenever there is some conflict - there is third party in the background. Karpman Drama Triangle. We need to know this as it will happen in real life - that someone will use their authority and object to sanity and healthy model. It is crucial to stay on the healthy side and not to walk on eggshells around emotionally immature observers, bystanders.

"being self aware ≠ don't open yourself to the world"

Bothering random people minding their own business = Extorting and abusing the world for own agenda

"he does.. but I can see why Toren reacted the way he did when the subject was presented in such a "confrontational" way

Knowing that the book exists is enough, I can't handle the pressure of it sitting on my shelf, staring at me, waiting for me to be mentally ready to add another unknown universe that could possibly trigger a special interest or flare a hyperfixarion spike to my already crowded brainspace

If the book is secretly purchased ahead and in the house I can't be "allowed" to see it or I will know that it was there specifically for me and then I won't want to read it at all, which would make us both have unrequested feelings.

in my situation , the way my brain is programmed

If soneone is already reading the book, I'm more likely to borrow a previously handled book than ask that a new copy be provided for my use."

Our brains can be reprogrammed.
It's when we learn more and educate ourselves more and when we get more experiences from the world and compare with our own life.
With time we learn that some parents are emotionally immature and their interaction with anyone around is based on agenda and being selfish.
Then we learn that some people are emotionally mature, and then their words no longer feel like a threat - since there is no coercion and control and threat behind it. That happens when we know the difference in the messenger.
In Prussian toxic pedagogy - his father would not even try to understand what his son is experiencing - but he would be punished for not obeying.
Once you understand that a person close to you is not abusing you with their words - it changes our detection mechanism and our narrative and our explanations.
Like in the Roman Polanski movie Knife in the Water (1962).
The difference is - that we might feel annoyed irritated - but trauma response which you mentioned Fight- flight response, would not be triggered any more.

Hehe, I always forgot that some people don't know it.
CBT is automatic default therapy for anyone experiencing social anxiety or panic issues or fear. If you decide to buy self help book(s) about anxiety and fear - 99,9% of such books will be based on CBT - without reader being introduced to what is CBT and how CBT can be harmful.
CBT is Cognitive- Behavioral Therapy and it is widely used. It is even used in UN to "teach" third world countries how to cope with war, atrocities, rape.
CBT is based on Prussian Pedagogy - lobotomy, toxic stoicism - where the person who is abused or neurodivergent is taught that he or she must interpret any emotional dysregulation as lack of will power - which is ableist explanation.
With CBT - people who are abused or who are self aware (neurodivergent) will be instructed to develop beehive mentality of groupthink and herd mentality and masking neurodivergence by becoming more like neurotypical - which leads to chronic toxic stress.
DSM is American list of psychiatric conditions. Inside it Complex Trauma is banned - because pharma mafia is making huge money profit by keeping trauma information secret. Instead - abused people are instructed to blame their brains for feeling the pain and hurt of abuse.
WHO has own edition of DSM and it is called ICD-11 and it supports information about Complex PTSD.

YT "TRAUMA REBUILD #codependency #abuserecovery #narcissisticabuse #trauma #traumarecovery #traumatized"

Yes. And Prussian Pedagogy is teaching us not to have boundaries, and to feel shame and guilt if we decide to place boundaries, due to beehive mentality. Kids grown up in ACE ACoA with emotionally immature parent, will feel extreme shame and guilt and blame and embarrassment if and when they place boundaries. Pulling them back like gravity into the ground of people pleasing, fawning and self censorship and echoism, compounded by the lack of support.
Also another problem is Prussian CBT toxic stoicism - where we collectively are brainwashed to believe that boundaries means war and forcing other person to respect our boundaries - which leads to narcissistic and borderline behavior - once again teaching us that boundaries are dangerous and mean war and drama and hysteria.
Kids in ACoA are not taught what are boundaries and what it means - leaving then as adults without protection.

YT "NARCISSISTS SABOTAGE RELATIONSHIPS #codependency #abuserecovery #narcissisticabuse #narcissism #npd"

They are emotionally immature, their skills have been rendered useless very early in life and they are left only with abusive toxic tools and grandiosity. They have no idea that this is happening, they are convinced that the problem is on the other people around them.

(31.5.2025)

I would be extra careful here.
We might end up quickly putting labels on self blame and self curse and self abnormality - while in objective reality we might be in contact with borderline and narcissistic predatory personalities who are creating chaos, confusion and antagonism atmosphere through pathological lying.
If we end up blaming ourselves and hence build identity around psychiatric diagnosis - we will create rigid persona that follow Prussian education system - of being stoic and trying to crap fit into toxic system that lacks support and has plenty of exploitation of confused abused targets of oppression.

(filmboards)

Hidden Pleasures (1977)

Eduardo's best friend represents the logic, the rational person. But this movie is showing perfectly how being healthy in unhealthy ambient is toxic.

Eduardo's best friend is logical, he is rational, he makes rational decisions - yet he is absolutely boring and unattractive. His words of logic come out as being condescending and controlling, preachy - in a cafe scene - telling Eduardo that to be individual is wrong, and that he needs to go to community meetings - which Eduardo dislikes.
Eduardo's path - just like Eduardo's best friend - is uncharted. They were pioneers in coming out in Franco post fascist Spain. We never know what tomorrow will bring. Being open about being different - may be detrimental if new fascist government came after Franco. Luckily it didn't. But from the time perspective - no one knew what would happen 5 or 10 years from 1977.

The same problem is with CBT and social anxiety.
CBT tries to convince socially anxious that social anxiety is shyness and it should be beaten up with exposure and mentality change. One thing the problem is - that exposure and being saint in toxic ambient is path to hell.

It is shame because Eduardo kept the picture of his best friend at his desk - showing how much he valued his friendship - but his best friend in his quest to being angel and rational and logical - completely ignored the care and true honest support for his friend. This is why Sam Vaknin says that homosexuality is narcissism and there are a lot of overlapping traits of narcissistic personality disorder and homosexuality - being in love with own image - and have no true empathy for anything diverged from this fantasy snapshot of reality.
Support without pontification and holding a higher ground than Eduardo.
Eduardo's best friend could say all the logical and rational and healthy viewpoints - but being a truly good person - he could also add to the end - that he will support Eduardo no matter what he is choosing to do with his own life. Eduardo's best friend failed to deliver those supportive words and hence frozen his status of friendship which might have potential to turn into a romantic one - if he only showed his support.

We live in toxic masculinity world, Prussian education - where beehive mentality is prioritized over the individual. Being logical and rational and saint and angel in such toxic system - is being dull, pontification moralizing jerk.

Eduardo best friend not only is pontificator but in his quest to be rational and logical in patriarchy system - became the exact thing he is fighting against - the way he is dressing like Polish refugee shows he is masking and fake pretending and actually hates himself secretly. By trying to appear heterosexual he is blocking his true masculine colors, his sex-appeal and a chance to have deep passionate relationship(s) which Eduardo had with his sex cruising escapades.

(imdb)

"I was watching this and thinking ewww what did Leonardo's Dicaprio's character even see in Verliane? He's so unattractive, and way out of his league, and an ass to boot. Considering the fact he lit his wife's hair on fair, and pushing the baby's carriage, he got what came to him..anyone else feel the same way? Repulsed by Verliane's appearance, and disgusted by his behavior?"

This is the problem with Hollywood, Disneyland and American mindset - it is all based on Beauty bias due to narcissistic personality disorder.
We end up believing due to social conditioning that standard of acceptance are idealized unrealistic role models.
This is disorder because:
1) reality is not obeying to our snapshot / expectation / demands of what we believe reality should look like
2) the disorder is keeping us alone and isolated - because we expect unrealistic expectations both from other people and from ourselves - ultimately leading to toxic shame and mental illness like depression and avoidance.

(imdb)

"by Verlaine and his behavior, my god what a pitiful person. I actually enjoyed the times he was being abused by Rimbaud because I felt he deserved. Catching his wife's hair on fire pushing his baby's crib. Telling Rimbaud he would rather have his body than his soul, no wonder Rimbaud wanted nothing to do with him at the end."

You must understand the historical context.
There was no TV, radio, media - psychology was not invented yet. The only reference for man's behavior was Catholic Taliban explanation of Christianity from the Dark Ages and Prussian education based on rationalizing the abuse.
Freud's and Charcot cases for hysteria - were based on such society - and we take for granted today's civilization and how far we have come from the darkness. At least, most of civilized countries.

(1.6.2025)

YT "Introverts Aren't Anti-Social — They’re Just Done With Your BS | Carl Jung Was Right
"

Great message but I would made a modification in the title.
Instead of
Introverts Aren't Anti-Social — They’re Just Done With Your BS
I would call it Introverts Aren't Sociall anxious— They’re Just Done With Your BS

Anti Social means aggressive and hostile, it means social but in negative and harmful way.
Socially anxious - means avoiding toxic people and feeling anxiety around toxic people, not feeling good around toxic people.

"There are times when it's just soothing to find validation."

When it is important for survival - as coping mechanism
and
when we are around pleasant people whom we'd give our all because they deserve it.

People are not build for isolation. Our minds malfunction when we cut contact with all people. Our whole body is build to interact with other people. If we fail in this task - we will develop plethora of both mental and physical illness.
So we are forced to have connections with other people.
The task then is to weed out toxic people and find safe normal healthy people.
When we are around normal healthy people - we should soothe them - since this is definition of being interdependent. Failure to be vulnerable and to talk and share - our body will react with trauma and sickness.

If we reject all people because of the pain - we are also removing the help and support which is essential for our well being and mental health.

"This makes total sense— once you start detaching anxiety from yourself and who you are, you are no longer defined by it"

You got it wrong.
It is not about denial or lobotomy.
It is about inner trust in own capability to handle anxiety and triggers of anxiety by trusting your own capabilities.
Anxiety comes from basic distrust and disconnectedness from own identity.
The goal is not to destroy anxiety - but to bring ourselves back to home, Ventral Vagal - and then we will make healthier and better life decisions where we take care of our own well being - as oppose chasing approval and validation and rat race and manipulating other people to accept us.

(2.6.2025)

YT "Shyness vs social anxiety"

The desire not to go to event in socially anxious comes from toxic shame and previous trauma negative experiences.
You are mixing up Schizoids with Socially anxious.
Socially anxious want to socialize and to be around normal and healthy and sane people (not toxic ones) but trauma prevents it.

YT "What If You Don’t Even Know You Have Social Anxiety?"

I would go even deeper.
Instead of the title "What If You Don’t Even Know You Have Social Anxiety?"
I would call it
"What If You Don’t Even Have Social Anxiety?"

I would turn the message in the video around.
You say that many people are not aware that they have clinical social anxiety and they rationalize their fears as This is who I am, I am not people person, I am awkward, I overthink too much.
You say in the video that people take this as identity and do nothing about clinical social anxiety.

But here lies the problem with psychiatry.
CBT and DSM won't help with clinical social anxiety because of DSM small print information:
DSM-5
"B. The fear or anxiety is out of proportion to the actual threat posed by the social situation and to the sociocultural context."

What psychiatry, CBT and DSM do not explain - is what happens when people who experience social anxiety are stuck in shame based culture country where most people are emotionally immature, lack social skills and are very intrusive and rude and hence trigger anxiety in normal hapless people walking around and being in contact with such toxic people who are using destructive criticism.

Instead - CBT tell us that social anxiety happens in normal and healthy situations - and that means that anyone suffering from social anxiety has "brain abnormality" and "aberration" in DNA (without saying the diseased body parts).

So instead of helping people who are trapped in dysfunctional family dynamics, in poverty, in npd bpd abuse contact being romantical business or friendships - end up building anxiety personality and anxiety identity based on CBT and DSM and clinical social anxiety.
Due to ignorance of external factors who are causing trauma to recipients.

For starters - social anxiety comes in two forms:
1) social anxiety
and
2) social anxiety disorder
and CBT lumps this altogether
which tell us that being nice, kind, thinking about someone's feelings is supposed abnormality to cure and fix.

The other related problem is that most people suffering from panic and anxiety and "overthinking" are neurodivergent - this is how their brain works. It is different from herd mentality and then beehive Prussian pedagogy is forcing neurodivergent people to feel ashamed for their own free will and identity and who they are. This leads to masking which leads to more trauma and anxiety.

(2.6.2025)

YT "Social Anxiety to Social Butterfly: My Drinking Cure"

This is called Masking.
Panic disorder stems from trauma - being raised with emotionally immature parent. ACE ACoA childhood where we learn to hide our feelings and to self censor ourselves.
This sets us up in adulthood to be fake and to seek approval from other people and to become codependent without our own free will and we end up without any security in our identity.
This is where Masking comes in -
we start to crap fit around other people and we want to hide our fears and panic due to toxic shame -as we learn in ACE childhood. The only way to function around neurotypicals would be to fake acting and to fake being interested in their lifestyle and small chat etc - and masking is the only way to do it.
Some people use addictions, some people fawn and people please and shut up and become addicted to those coping survival mechanisms.
The solution would be to return to ourselves,
cut off toxic people and strive towards emotional maturity - something we lacked role models in our developmental years.

If you take a label as identity - you might miss further investigation that so called "introversion" is a result of tolerating npd bpd abuse and pretending it is own fault for the abuse.

YT "You'll Talk With Animals But Not People?"

Hating social anxiety is an act of self abuse, self hatred and self rejection - and as such is path to mental illness due to internalized toxic shame, believing to be bad person to the core.

YT "i want social anxiety to be anxious around ME!"

Wanting someone or something to be afraid of us is mental illness, Cluster B disorder, being anti-social.

"I’d love to hear more of this conversation as relates to the workplace. It’s just so hard to not care what others think when it’s directly tied to you ability to provide for yourself."

Most neurotypical men see social anxiety through the prism of sex and finding vagina - genitalia. Most men are taught in Prussian education system to ignore, deny and suppress any other conflict and see it as non important - until it blows up one day.

Social anxiety is not shyness.
Dating falls into category of shyness issues. Which is cured with exposure.
Social anxiety is like being trapped in mobbing toxic job and inability to escape it due to lack of money.

Social pressure.
Neurotypical men imposing their herd mentality standards of masculinity on everyone else and then negatively evaluating them when someone fails to behave exactly the same like beehive drone.

YT "Social anxiety baddies stand up!? #socialanxiety #neurodivergent"

That sounds more like Schizoid disorder (not interacting with other people).
It could be shyness, introversion or autism or adhd.
If you had social anxiety - then you would feel ashamed for not talking and feel fear and panic and stress and pressure to be around and talk to others due to shame. Which you did not have - so no social anxiety for you.
You had social anxiety trait - isolation and avoidance - but this is not clinical social anxiety - DSM check up.
Social anxiety is wanting and desiring to be around people - but due to panic and fear and trauma and bullying and mobbing and bad experience and dysfunctional childhood - it is impossible to truly bond.
Socially anxious will usually talk and bond and try to be around others - but it will be inauthentic - it will be masked and hence stressful and end up with anxiety - especially when there are angry hostile anti-social people around like in a camp of job or hood etc.

I took autism test twice.
The first time I imagined myself how I think and how I behave and how I make decisions when I am under stress and when I feel panic. The test showed medium to high autism.
Then I took the same test once again - but this time I imagined myself in Ventral Vagal, psychological safety, how I think and feel and what decisions and ideas I come up when I feel safe - like being on vacation or not working. The same test now showed no autism present.
Trauma can cause Autistic Trauma.
Autistic trauma is not the same as autism.
Autism does not mean social anxiety.
Autism is related to inability to process quickly input data - delayed processing due to overstimulation. The same things happens to anyone trapped in npd bpd chronic abuse.

YT "Drop your ego. #socialanxiety #socialanxietydisorder #shyness #shyguy"

That is Masking ego. Fake self - that we created as response to ACE ACoA emotionally immature parent in our developmental years and exposure to chronic npd bpd abuse - we build up fake identity which we are convinced is our true self - and this false ego provides us some protection against panic and anxiety on one side and perfectionism demands from toxic people and toxic inner critic from the inside, installed by toxic people.

What happens when we try not to be perfect - toxic people around us who are in some kind of power position will punish us in some way or another.
If we make mistake - they will make drama about it.
If we don't walk on eggshells around them - they hurt us and cause us pain usually through screaming and their hysteria.
The problem with just show up, come as you are - is that due to masking we have no idea who we are and we are ashamed of being ourselves - scared, anxious - due to internalized toxic shame.
Just showing up - means embracing our social anxiety and not trying to hide it, not trying to please abusers and allowing toxic people to come up with their wrong explanations about us - and not trying to correct their wrong image of us in their minds. Which is not easy when nobody told us to do that.
All we have are coping mechanisms from ACE ACoA - to hate ourselves and to be ashamed of ourselves and own emotions.
I would like to add - that being boring guy - is boring to toxic people and people who are not meant for us. It is about cutting off toxic people who will criticize our appearance, and our talking or not talking or what we believe or our opinion. These toxic people who micromanage our identity - they must go - we should not try to crap fit into fawning toxic people and their approval.

YT "Everything is embarrassing #fyp #actuallyautistic #neurodivergent #audhd #socialanxiety"

People gone through chronic npd bpd abuse will have such toxic inner critic inside - walking on eggshells around others.

YT "Social anxiety exposure therapy speed run #sisters #sequoia #awkward #hiking #sorryitsmari #outdoors"

Shyness is not the same as social anxiety.
Shyness is being obsessed with small talk and greeting strangers. That is not social anxiety.
Social anxiety is being trapped in bullying toxic mobbing job and inability to quit this job due to no money.

YT "How a Bike Saved Me from Social Anxiety"

Problem is that people are wired to be connected with the others.
If we are isolated and alone - our mind and body will become sick - because every physical and emotional aspect of human experience is build for connecting with other people.
Instead of developing Schizoid disorder (no contact and not wanting to be around others) I would rather go investigate npd bpd abuse - learn how to detect red flags, cut off toxic people and learn how to cut off immediately new toxic people -
and then find out what I like and where are my interests and follow these without forcing contact - instead of actively basing my life choices on avoiding people.
Not all people are toxic - there are good people out there but they probably avoid others due to people pleasing and fawning and being slave to npd bpd predators, not knowing how to get rid of parasites.

Ordering around other people how to talk is abusive. To walk on eggshells around you. You present yourself as victim of having social anxiety and then you insult and attack people who talk freely - so that they shut up.
You don't have social anxiety. You have borderline disorder
and mask your sociopathy with label to gain sympathy from the others.

It is not social anxiety. You have borderline disorder which you manipulatively hide as social anxiety since now you are poor victim that no one should talk freely around.

YT "How I calm my social anxiety without anyone knowing"

"It can be hacked"
But why?
If we have response to a cut - it is normal to feel the pain. If we hack the pain to be stoic - we won't move away from the pain and we won't do anything about the affected area.
Presentation is not social anxiety - you can check this as wikipedia random query.
Presentation anxiety is not the same as social anxiety.
This is common problem with CBT, DSM and psychiatry - that we start to quickly label similar events and experiences as pathology to fix and cure and remove - without any prior investigation. That can be fatal that quick bias and prejudice called hyper-cognition - quickly labelling anything around as something else and then employing the wrong tools - we make more damage in the end.
Social anxiety is not called presentation anxiety.
Social anxiety is reaction to npd bpd abuse and poverty and oppression.
Breathing can help us calm down and that is great part - but this won't help with the core trigger of anxiety: toxic people and toxic system.
With techniques to calm down something that is natural reaction to abuse - leads to crap fitting and masking - which leads to more toxic stress - since we are not seeking ways to cut through the crap.

"I wish 🤞 i can find a way to battle social anxiety and anxiety even with techniques."

The idea to battle normal human emotions will lead to mental illness. Jung, Freud discovered this 100 years ago - but corrupt medical model CBT and DSM are forcing us to live with chronic anxiety - by telling us we must be perfect, we must be without mistakes or imperfections and that we must please other people so that they are not angry at us when we fail their selfish expectations of perfectionism.
How about radical idea of accepting oneself and not feeling shame for being human being flawed and imperfect as we all are?

The problem here is that your own definition of social anxiety is your panic experience for some toxic corporation and hamster wheel lifestyle you chose to chase.
What everyone else is experiencing is clinical social anxiety - which is related to exposure to npd bpd abuse, poverty and oppression.
So basically you talk about oranges, we all talk about apples and you think you have an apple and try to convince us how apple looks like.

YT "“I’ve Had Social Anxiety for 8 Years” – Therapist Reacts With Real Advice (Reddit Reaction)
"

I was banned from the main social anxiety reddit forum in early 2022 because I disagreed with moderators there who harassed an fast food employee girl.
The girl talked about being abused at her work - and moderators tried to tell her that she was hallucinating it and that she must fawn to abusers and toxic ambient for the goal of "beating" social anxiety.
I wrote that this is horrible advice - because it leads to trauma bonding and being stuck in abuse - and they banned me for telling that.

So I did something unorthodox for me and very non-socially anxious - I actually opened my own reddit forum where I freely express my ideas without censorship.

Regarding this video -
social anxiety stems from ACE ACoA childhood - so alcohol is much connected to social anxiety - even para-alcoholic behavior - traits of ACoA correspond to social anxiety.

Exposure won't work for social anxiety due to internalized toxic shame and external out of control elements such as poverty, oppression and npd bpd abuse. First we need to become educated in these external elements, learn how to navigate them by placing our well being first and then exposure will work.
With ACoA we have been conditioned to destroy our well being and fawn to anyone around us showing minimal interest even when it is abusive later on.

Exposure without cleansing self awareness part is like trying to build a house on heap of garbage and then try to be stoic about not minding the smell and dirt.

CBT is ableist toxic therapy which makes social anxiety worse - because social anxiety is presented as brain abnormality, permanent shameful identity and all our resources supposedly should go into civil war and hating ourselves when we are imperfect and when we feel feelings as reaction to anti-social predatory personalities.

Socially anxious do not need techniques, they do not need orders, they do not need steps.
They need like borderline personalities - support and love and safety and knowing that they are encouraged to express oneself and trusting own brain to make decisions in life and learning from mistakes as oppose believing mistakes mean our identity.

YT "Undoing my people pleasing helped my relieve my social anxiety…"

This is great approach -
but real life is complex.
Not pleasing all people - works around friendships and romantical interest.
This however won't work:
1) when we are stuck in abusive toxic mobbing job and we can't quit it due to no finances.
2) when we live in shame-based culture country - where majority of people are hostile and anti-social, behaving like npd bpd abusers.

When predatory personalities are in power position - they will force other people to please them, to walk on eggshells around them.
Failing to do that - will end up as abuse, mocking, mobbing, bullying, put downs, constant drama and hysteria. When we are unable to escape it - we will be traumatized by not complying to abusers.

Richard Grannon made video about it - what to do in such impossible situations - he says gray rock and variations on it - such as not revealing any other detail other than the core focus of contact , not inviting them , not accepting invitations, not revealing any personal information - so that we become boring supply for abusers.

"Top Social Anxiety Tips For Confidence !
"

Social anxiety is not zero sum game.
Just because someone feels anxiety does not mean there is a lack of confidence. One does not exclude the other.
If we make a mistake or some blunder - it would be wrong to feel confident about it - because we will never learn from our own mistake - so we will repeat the same mistake over and over again since we feel confident about it.
The idea you present in this video is based on CBT and American mindset which is based on narcissistic personality disorder going rampant in USA since end of 1970s.
The idea is that we are not allowed to be vulnerable. We are not allowed to be mistaken. We are not allowed to be imperfect. In the same time we are obliged to hate ourselves when we do not appear superior in the eyes of others.
You say in the video to accept myself as I am - but in the same time your basic message is that we should hate and reject ourselves when we do not feel "confident". That is mixed message, very common in mental illness such as borderline disorder.
How about radical idea of not hating ourselves when we do not feel confident - and to investigate the triggers of anxiety? And then do something about it like cutting contact with toxic people and seeking their approval.

Idea of facing anxiety - won't work when we do not clean toxic shame inside us. Toxic shame is conditioned belief that our imperfections and mistakes are the same as our identity. When we believe that our identity is our anxiety - facing anxiety won't remove it - it will make anxiety solidified.

Social anxiety is called social + anxiety. It means that anxiety stems from the social element: toxic people being anti-social.
So breathing techniques will help us to feel calmer - but the question is - why on earth we would want to be calm in abuse and in toxic ambient and settle in into abuse and toxicity?

YT "Decoding Social Anxiety in Autistic Kids"

I would say it is not social anxiety at all.
It is autistic trauma.
CBT is causing us to quickly label anything that moves as pathology to change, fix, remove and basically not understand or ask the person what they need.

YT "What is the Difference Between Rejection Sensitivity & Social Anxiety
"

The problem is in DSM and CBT - which are holding monopoly on definition of social anxiety.
DSM and CBT often mix up social anxiety and social anxiety disorder - and this way tons of men out there believe that social anxiety is feminine shameful issue related to being sissy which is cured and removed by being alpha male stoic. This leads to borderline and narcissistic disorder.

Social anxiety comes on spectrum just like ADHD, too.
Dr Dodson who coined the term RSD - in his own words - the difference between RSD and social anxiety - according to him is only in one detail: he claims that socially anxious people do not ruminate after the social event.
This statement is not true.
Socially anxious have post mortem, they ruminate before, during and after social event. A lot.
What he is confusing are shy people - who are commonly mistaken in CBT as socially anxious.
Shy people - once they expose - their "social anxiety" symptoms are gone - because shyness is not anxiety issue, it goes away with exposure. Since there is no toxic shame to cause post mortem rumination.

CBT is describing social anxiety as hallucination - CBT is claiming that socially anxious are misinterpreting neutral social cues as danger. Which of course is not true at all.
Neutral social cues - cannot be examined since each person has agenda and we cannot know what that agenda is - even the person on auto-pilot will not know their own mind.

My own take is - that there is no difference between RSD and social anxiety.
And I personally believe in Unified theory of everything -
that states that all our emotional blockages and issues stem from toxic childhood ACE ACoA, having emotionally immature parent and toxic ambient which lacks support for anything that is different from the beehive mentality that neurotypicals impose on everyone.
With the right support and validation - any problems we face - would not become disruptive when we feel truly safe around the others.

One bad side of psychiatry is that we might start to pathologize normal humane emotions - we take one incident and we blow it up and examine it and be shocked or ashamed of our auto pilot reactions and make drama about it.
The disruption starts when these human experiences become chronic - so it is not anecdotal (one time) event.
The disruption is not related to strong emotions - and feeling deeply.
The problems is when we put off aside our own well being and our purpose and identity - and instead we build identity around our emotions and fears and make decisions based on this fake identity formed from DSM. That is why psychiatry can be harmful for our mental health as Glasser wrote in 2003.
I would not pathologize ourselves and our feelings and our emotions - but instead investigate what is happening.
We will discover with collecting clues - that our "rejection sensitivity" is connected to exposure to npd bpd abusers and walking on eggshells around them, not being able to express what is bothering us because emotionally immature parent conditioned this self censorship inside us during our developmental years.

YT "Get over social anxiety by removing tension and supporting yourself wirh your breath & diaphragm"

"Other people can feel that as well"
But crap fitting ourselves into what we believe other people feel - is the problem of social anxiety itself.
Why should other people feeling and beliefs - be important to us?
If we are not hurting them, if we are friendly - why then their discomfort about us being tense - should be the cause of drama and hysteria and urge to fix ourselves?

You say "It affect the way you speak and you come across"
This is very tricky statement.
You basically say here, without being aware of it - that our task in life is to be fake.
That we must be fake.
That we must mask ourselves.
That we are not allowed to be under stress.
That we are not allowed to have a bad day.
That other people's idealized version should be our goal in life. Those beliefs are mental illness and will cause codependency and trauma bonding.
We learned those set of beliefs in ACE ACoA childhood - where we have learned that our purpose in life is to change and fix ourselves in what we believe is idealized version in other people's mind. That is social anxiety.
We constantly feel toxic shame about our human body, about our pain, about our stress - and we try to prune and clip and fix ourselves - so that we meet impossible standards other people have in their heads.

When you give so much control to other people - you will never feel relaxed. You will always feel tensed up because other people are basically living rent free in your mind and you are being their slave.

That would cause tension to anyone. And you would be trapped in taking up space - since you are ashamed of having tension in your body.
When we feel tension - instead of pathologizing it, instead of removing it quickly - I would rather investigate why and why it happens and what is causing it.
We were not born with tension - we learned it and we are conditioned in life to have it.

It is great to have small chat with people - if we are neurotypical.
If we are neurodivergent - I would rather ask myself what I need and meet my own needs and accommodations which would enable me to be without tension in social situations.
It is like giving first oxygen mask to myself - so that I can help everyone else.
Not all people are nice and healthy and sane and friendly as you are. Not all people deserve our time and our energy.

YT "When it comes to #anxiety and #anxietyattacks this can help! It’s trial and error to find what works"

Social anxiety is reaction to oppression, poverty, npd and bpd abuse.
We should feel social anxiety when we are forced to walk on eggshells around predatory personalities in power.
I am not sure that masking it and making it functional is correct path.
Instead of hating our reactions to abnormal people -we should investigate ways how to remove cut off toxic people - instead of trying to crap fitting somewhere and with someone who don't belong together in the first place.

YT "Nervous in Crowds? Try This!"

Social anxiety is not being scared of social events - you can check that up with DSM explanation / definition of social anxiety.
You mix up shyness with social anxiety. Common mistake.
Preparation itself is anxiety. It helps to cut off anxiety in the moment - but long term it keeps us stuck in chronic anxiety - because we do nothing about the core problem: toxic people and toxic ambient.

YT "Special: How to say "social anxiety 社恐” in Chinese? "

Social anxiety is American invention - created in corrupt medical industry of America.
America is based on narcissistic personality disorder - society where anything resembling shyness and introversion is being pathologized as something shameful and something to put down, remove, reject and destroy. Because narcissism is the opposite of being vulnerable, Narcissism is based on grandiosity and overcompensation methods.
We see that rampant narcissism in America that started in late 1970s is taking its toll - by having mentally ill psychopath in power.

YT "Triumphing Over Social Anxiety"

Human emotions are not pathology to cure and fix.
Only someone with narcissistic borderline disorder would believe so - that we must become superhuman grandiose version of ourselves.
If we are stuck in poverty, oppression and npd bpd abuse and toxic job - no amount of exposure can reduce anxiety - since anxiety is normal reaction to abnormal circumstances.
Idea that we ground ourselves in abuse is horrible advice. It is like we ground ourselves in Nazi Germany if we lived in 1930s in Berlin for example, and then support nazi concentration camps so that we do not feel anxiety and do not think about what is happening in those camps.

YT "Social phobia is not a joke! | ANA BEATRIZ"

Social phobia is archaic term, abandoned in mid 1990s and no longer used - because social anxiety does not go away with exposure as any phobia does.
Social anxiety is not pathology.
Pathology would be serial killer and harming other people and wanting to cause harm to someone.

YT "Navigating Social Anxiety with Confidence"

CBT is horrible toxic therapy based on lobotomy and self pathologizing.
If we are stuck in toxic job with narcissistic abusers and unable to move away - no amount of confidence will help with social anxiety panic of being around psychopaths and sociopaths.

YT "Hating isn’t good for us #Motivation #Depression #Anxiety #socialanxiety"

Each Monday I scan you tube videos about social anxiety - and I have seen 4 hours of videos before scrolling down to your message.
In those 4 hours - all videos instructed the socially anxious to be ashamed of anxiety and to hate it. To basically hate oneself for being trapped in anxious situations.
Basically to feel more of social anxiety.

YT "#mentalresilience #overcomestuttering #anxiety #stutter #socialanxiety"

There is Russian / Soviet movie from 1975 called "Mirror".
The first cold start of that movie is featuring a young Russian man who stutters and there is a woman - supposedly trying to help him with the stutter.
And she is telling him to hold hands out , place energy into hands and speak out - and he speaks out without stutter.
I guess Ruskis had their techniques in those times. Stalinism and Prussian education system can create issues with talking freely and expressing oneself clearly.

YT "Study says that people with high levels of social anxiety also have higher levels of empathy!"

"Study says that people with high levels of social anxiety also have higher levels of empathy!"
No $hit Sherlock
:D :D

I would add a caveat.
There are a lot of non empathic personalities like narcissists and impulsive types of borderline who lack empathy - but they mask their abnormality disorder by claiming to be socially anxious.
These predatory personalities can find free unhinge open range narcissistic supply in the socially anxious - so they will be enticed to fake social anxiety and fake pretend to have it - so that they appear as victims to attend and walk on eggshells around.

YT "How to Stand Up to Social Anxiety!"

Social anxiety is not called self anxiety.
When we have inner critic - even though it is inner - it came from the external element: chronic exposure to npd bpd abuser.
The CBT technique of self blame, self hatred, self rejection self abuse by declaring civil war in our head - will end up as borderline disorder.

YT "Embrace Your Inner Conflicts #socialanxiety"

Masking.
Giving wrong social signals and then end up trapped in abuse.

YT "Beat Social Anxiety in 60 Seconds!"

So if we feel social anxiety as response to narcissistic borderline abuse - we should ignore it and stay trauma bonded with psychopaths, calming down our nervous system and ignoring the abuse?

YT "What if you are just a weird person? #reddit_drama #shorts_english"

You are correct - social anxiety is byproduct of exposure to npd bpd abuse.
Social anxiety is American invention -
Society that is rooted in narcissistic personality disorder - being grandiose.
In such society - anything that resembles as vulnerable and human and normal - is labeled and diagnosed as disorder and something to cure and fix.
Since the motor or American economy is being rich, outgoing and on capitalism - exploiting the natural resources even if it means own extinction.
This is abnormality because it is not sustainable.
So anyone who is noticing this sickness - will be labeled as sick, as pre-emptive strike, poisoning the well.
Socially anxious person diagnosed through DSM - will end up with toxic shame, blame and civil war inside own mind - while narcissists walk away free from the crime scene and nobody is pointing the disorder blame finger onto them.

YT "You are the responsible for your Social Anxiety!"

So basically you are telling us that people who are emotionally mature and who are self aware - should end up with toxic shame, toxic self blame, self hatred, self rejections and self abuse.
While in the same time - emotionally immature - get all the cake - and they don't care being greedy and anti-social and corrupt and not following unwritten social rules.

(3.6.2025)

"focus on developing yourself "
That is hate speech.
This is covert abuse.
The message here is that we are not developed. That we are sub-humans. The message here covered as "help" is that our current state is abnormal and that we should develop perfectionism - more of anxiety and self hatred that will propel us to develop ourselves - as if currently we have no worth and all our efforts are garbage.
Socially anxious already have development and confidence - but it is not coming in the form which neurotypical person would perceive. Similar to water on Moon or Mars. Both places are filled with water - but it is not observable with the eyes.
Her words masked as support are nothing else but scorn and tyranny of shoulds - dehumanizing us and trying to crap fit ourselves into neurotypical standards.

"we should accept our flaws and errors."
Social anxiety is reaction to borderline and narcissistic abuse.
Borderline and narcissistic abusers are pathological liars and they invent mistakes and flaws and errors.
Before accepting anything - we need to investigate who is the person who is defining errors and flaws in the first place. There is a high chance that they are lying and deceiving us into feeling panic - so that we are easy to manipulate and control.
Your message here does not say anything about the abuse - external factor - but instead you put all the drama and hysteria and focus on someone who is on the receiving end of abuse - while you ignore abusers in the same time. This way you are victim blaming and victim shaming.

YT "How To Overcome Trauma (Autistic Steps)
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Great message - but talking from my own experience -
the wording "overcome" suggest blockage and shame.
It is weird, it is counter-intuitive but it is the law how human mind works. Everyone heard that in self hypnosis we should never use negative statements. When and if we are using self affirmation statements - they should never be negative because our brain only works as command.
For example,
if we say ourselves Don't be scared - we will get more scared.

When we tell ourselves that we need to overcome some problem - our brain will create drama and hysteria and anxiety about it. It makes no sense - but our brain is logical - it has no ability to learn spiritual meaning of the word overcoming - in brain's world overcoming means labor, suffering, pain, hurt, victimhood - and then we will be trapped in tyranny of shoulds and perfectionism, more fears and more panic. Basically we end up with self abuse and dog training ourselves - at our own expense - which means more of trauma and wounds.

Instead of "overcoming" - the better word would be Navigating, Supporting, Understanding, Learning, Educating, Valuing.
The same applies to social anxiety too.

YT "Can Trauma Make Autism Worse? - Psychological Clarity
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From my own experience - trauma is causing Autistic Trauma.
As I understand autistic trauma is not the same as autism.
I discovered this when I took autism test twice.
The first time - I imagined myself under stress - and test showed medium to high autism.
Then I took the same test once again but this time I imagined myself in Ventral Vagal state - and there was no autism present.

YT "Neurodivergent kids & sensory triggers: Stop calling it overreacting!#neurodivergent #adhd #autism"

Living in a shame-based culture country - over-reactions / meltdowns / irritations are scrutinized by general population and person experiencing over stimulation is forced to shut up and develop echoism - sensitivity is seen as personality choice, being sissy, being weak, having no confidence, having no strength, being unmanly, identity trait as being lazy or deliberately difficult and selfish. Basically something to be ashamed and HSPs learn to mask and develop fake identity to please neurotypical critics.

YT "CPTSD and Neurodivergence #traumainformed #cptsd #neurodivergent"

Disorder is shaming word invented by neurotypicals. The wording itself leads to stigma and trauma and collapse of identity, toxic shame.
It should be replaced, CBT banned and DSM replaced by ICD.

"This only works with level headed officers that pull you over. Unfortunately this training will not help anyone when confronted by an arrogant or ego tripping officer. What departments fail to realize is that it is their officers that is in desperate need of training. Most officers do not believe in de-escalation. They are more under the false presence of, I am the law(which they are not, their job is to uphold it, not be it) and you will obey me."

Double empathy problem.
You do not see that officers are also having their own trauma issues - dealing with dangerous persons, they are not man of steel.
And dangerous persons too - they have been traumatized by alcoholic abusive childhood ambient.

This exercise itself as I see is done by officers.
IT is amazing that this exists in America.
At the Balkans - shame based culture country - this is unheard of. People are seen as sheep who must be beaten up and abused. God forbid to help and support someone.

YT "Helping to prepare the developmentally disabled for a traffic stop situation #news #maryland"

It is amazing that this exists in capitalist cruel crony country being ran by narcissistic psychopath. Republicans may be trash - but Americans as people are gold, this is what makes America truly great. Hating communism and socialism - I thought that this care and concern for "small" person is impossibility in USA.

"You're deep down in a dead-end rabbit hole of the medicalization and pathologization of normal human emotional experience. Way too many DSM acronyms in the first 30 seconds. Nobody enjoys being rejected. Life is not supposed to be fun and pleasant at all times, and progressing towards our goals in life necessarily entails taking risks that could result in either positive outcomes or failure/rejection which will create unpleasant feelings. Those unpleasant feelings are there to guide us — to help us correct our aim before we try again, by prompting introspection about our own behavior and how it has been perceived by others. If you pathologize those feelings, you cut off your ability to learn from them. Embarrassment in the face of rejection and failure is normal and healthy. What is unhealthy is the kind of extended rumination that people get caught in about those feelings when a person's ego is so small and fragile that they have to litigate and re-litigate what happened until they can construct a self-serving narrative that absolves them of embarrassment by either blaming others for the undesired outcomes of their behavior, or hyper-psychologizing/medicalizing their own mental and emotional reactions to an unpleasant (but normal) experience after many repetitions of said experience in order to continue avoiding the lessons that could be learned from getting the same result over and over and avoiding the pain of internal interrogation and growth."

This is the problem with social anxiety, too.
If we talk about it - we are being told by most people that we are over sensitive and we should shut up.
But when we seek solutions about it - DSM and CBT will pathologize social anxiety as hallucination issue which has no other cause like trigger, poverty and or toxic people and ACE ACoA childhood. Basically CBT and DSM will pathologize the socially anxious to believe that they have abnormality in the brain and hence solidify social anxiety as identity of being a permanent victim.

Alice Miller in her book Body never lies - tell us that our body will get sick if we choose to shut up and start being afraid of offending someone with our words. Because talking about psychological issues - appear as stigma and pathologization of normal human emotions due to DSM and CBT which are ableist resources.
We need to speak up.
Even if we may be wrong, even if we might cause someone's irritation - we need to express ourselves.
Basically - it comes down who we are as a person.
Are we serial killer? Are we borderline narcissistic disorder who has agenda to harm and cause pain to the other people?
Or are we honest and authentic and have no hidden or open agenda to exploit or cause harm to someone else.
I believe with RSD - due to ACE ACoA emotionally immature parent - we have learned in our childhood to believe that we are basically evil - and then we end up with toxic shame and RSD - since we do not believe ourselves in our honest intentions - we are convinced that we are somehow evil - and then we must depend on other people to control and manipulate us through criticism and correcting ourselves to crap fit into someone's convictions.

If our attentions are honest - if we have pondered some matter a lot - like it is said in this video - we should not delete or self censor ourselves - even when someone dislike what we are saying.
Most people follow Dunning Krueger effect - they do not care how their quick bias and quick heuristic conclusions are harming other people - and they get by in life without stress and get money and everything.
While us, conscious and self aware - we end up clipping our own wings , trying hard to be saint and angel who is not allowed to make any kind of mistake or what someone else may interpret as pathologization.

YT "How to Cope with Rejection Sensitivity After Feedback (RSD Story)?
"

Great description of RSD.
I would like to add some areas which someone might find useful:
1) narcissistic abuse, borderline abuse - works to exploit those gaps. So that we are always stuck in gaslighting phase where we waste incredible amount of time doubting our own conclusions and we end up rationalizing their abuse - as "they did not mean nothing bad with their comments, they must have bad day".
The truth is - that normal, healthy, sane, friendly, social person would make it clear in communication when there is a feedback - before and after the feedback you would feel safe around such person knowing that their feedback is not personal attack.
Unfortunately due to Dunning Krueger effect - in capitalist society - people who are npd and impulsive bpd - are perceived by majority of people as deities, while in the same time predatory personalities are drawn to power and managerial positions. So we have magnet for psychopaths and sociopaths who essentially play mind games and drive other people nuts - because they have abnormal brain based on sadism.
If we make excuses for such predators - we will be stuck in npd bpd abuse and it will harm our health. We will trauma bond with them and this applies to friendships and romantic connections too.
It would be wrong that we only inspect our own brain and blame our brain for having RSD - without making query in our environment and mental profile of the critics around us.
2) You said "After the meeting I didn't ask for clarity. "
In Alice Miller's book Body never lies - she writes that our body will rebel if we do not ask for clarity. We tend not to ask for clarity due to emotionally immature parent in our developmental years. This very blockage to ask - is a huge problem which we are not aware of at all. We dismiss it as some shameful fear or being coward. But echoism is byproduct of trauma and exposure to npd bpd abuse. It is not personality flaw like being coward. It is nervous system being trained and conditioned to shut up and to self censor and then leave our inner critic to come up with negative assumptions and conclusions.
This is where we lack information about emotional maturity - described in Lindsay Gibson's book "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, Or Self-Involved Parents".
It is very essential that in our process of investigation of RSD - to see all angles and other people - external elements. CBT will tend to explain to us that our brain is the only problem in the world - and that we should crap fit ourselves into abuse.
3) Shame-based culture country - tend to have majority of society where our mistakes, supposed mistakes, anything different is being corrected, scrutinized and mocked - since childhood. This is similar to npd bpd abuse - it has the same after effects. We end up being highly sensitive to the criticism and we believe we are being over-sensitive - while in reality - the society around us is sick and abnormal and emotionally immature.
4) Information about autism helped me to see - that if we are stuck in jobs where communication is blunt, flat, ambiguous - that perhaps we should prioritize our well being first. And that we find better and healthier ambient where there is much more support. We will tend to make choices in life where we mask our true purpose - for the purpose of trying not to make shame-based people being scrutinized to our life choices - so we end up being controlled and manipulated by emotionally immature people without being aware of it that our life decisions are being controlled by spoiled antagonistic children trapped in adult bodies.

YT "Your Fear of Rejection CREATES Rejection
"

Great message - I inspect you tube videos about rejection sensitive dysphoria each Tuesday. It is amazing how much video messages are supportive and helpful - much better support than for example social anxiety videos where socially anxious are being told by most people to be stoic and to fix anxiety with will power and dissociation, ignoring the problem.
I would like to add that RSD idea that we inspect the clues like detective, as you said in the video - is Sam Vaknin message - about general mental health: that we base our conclusions on reality. And to be willing to stay grounded in reality - and not in our snapshot of reality - which he explains through narcissistic disorder.
I would also like to add reality -
that if we feel RSD there is a chance that the person on the other side is manipulative and controlling and that our reaction is not imaginary - but reaction to someone's pathological lying, often found in npd bpd abuse.
If we walk on eggshells around someone - we need to learn how to recognize red flags of npd bpd traits - so that we do not blame our brain for hallucinating reality. Npd bpd abusers are excellent in gaslighting and shifting the blame on the target of abuse. If we are not aware of it and if we are not educated how to recognize mind games - we might get stuck in trauma bonding and with destroyed identity.
This is happening with CBT telling to socially anxious that anxiety is imaginary and that toxic people do not exist and if abuse exists - that it is our brain's fault for being abused since it is not stoic.

(4.6.2025)

YT "Toxic Shame: The Hidden Emotion That Ruins Lives
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Yes, I wrote about that on my social anxiety reddit forum. I called it 'Social anxiety is initiation into evil'.
I believe that people who struggle with social anxiety have as you said in the video - ethical moral code - which is ego syntonic with toxic shame - and we are trapped into being good. Just like the lead character in Clockwork Orange.
Without this code of ethics - our toxic shame would act out on other people and we try hard not to. But society as sick as it is - does not see toxic shame being blocked. Most people will contribute into toxic shaming - seeing the symptoms and shaming them.
For example I have been called sissy, wuss, people pleaser - since people would have noticed that I do nothing to anyone who is anti-social. People do not understand that if I let my meltdown roam free - that would not be a pretty sight. People do not see that - but they shame anything that is different than the norm - and contribute more to the toxic shame.
Suppressed anger - is the most dangerous rage, it has potential to explode.
Socially anxious are seen both by society and CBT (automatic therapy for social anxiety) as shy issue, someone who is coward, someone who lacks will power and stoicism - which is complete misdiagnosis. With those inner dams inside which prevent toxic shame overspilling into temper tantrums and meltdown - we have a lot of will power and stoicism and courage - but it is not in the neurotypical form - so most people won't detect it.

Problem is when someone adds more shame on top of the existing one (with the messages "you are coward, you lack will power, you are weak") - this does not help with the shame at all - it snowballs into more of shame - and I believe this is happening with social anxiety.
Andrew Tate - who is influencing young men - is describing social anxiety as being r*tarded - he is using toxic shame to instruct young men to develop toxic shame - as toxic masculine energy, falsely believing that this is masculinity - something which young men are starting and want to discover in their developmental years.

John Bradshaw did not mention in his book that the world is divided into Guilt based culture countries and Shame-based culture countries. USA and Italy for example - are Guilt based culture countries - but inside both countries the Southern parts are Honor shame culture. Also - the map of culture countries show that Shame-based culture countries are poor. Toxic shame affects global state economy - since there is no freedom to have healthy energy conversion into work. Toxic shame blocks everything - it is like Prussian Education. Some scholars believe that USA is on the path of becoming / devaluing into Shame-based culture country - and it is visible in electing shame-based president.

In psychology - Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria - is the closest description of toxic shame in medical industry, term coined by Dr Dodson.

YT "Toxic Shame Isn't Yours! THIS is How to Let It Go!
"

I believe toxic shame comes from the outside, too.
It is by-product of being trapped in either Shame-based culture country and or being trapped in npd bpd abuse.
If we do not remove ourselves from ambient of shame - no amount of self cleansing will help us remove the source of toxic shame - toxic people.

For example if we are trapped in toxic mobbing job or dysfunctional family - and we cannot leave quit it due to no finances or due to contract or due to third party - taking care of someone - then we will be stuck in toxic shame triggers and toxic shame sources.
Toxic people are pathological liars, no amount of self awareness can help us protect ourselves from constant micromanaging, nitpicking, chronic blaming and shaming over the smallest things and walking on eggshells around someone who is screaming yelling all the time about anything that moves.

(5.6.2025)

If you see social anxiety as something shameful - you will feel more ashamed when you feel anxiety. Because this is the only tool you have in your shed.
Soren Kierkergaard said that anxiety is dizziness of freedom. This is much more different view than American pathologization of anxieties.

(6.6.2025)

In Japan social anxiety is related to body odor and being embarrassed about it.
It is only in narcissistic society based on patriarchy and toxic masculinity that social anxiety is something to pathologize, be ashamed of and remove quickly and seen as sissy feminine issue. This pathologization of anxiety is very dangerous.

Soren Kierkergaard - said that anxiety is dizziness of freedom. Anxiety does not have to mean being loser or something pathological at all, as DSM and CBT try to brainwash us with ideology of narcissists in power positions and medical industry.

(7.6.2025)

YT "Shame Can Be Toxic!
"

Flabbergasted.
I discovered that social anxiety is related to anger and punishment - but it never occurred to me that shame and anger are the same coin- to get rid of. For a while I was convinced that suppressed anger is problem and I need to get more angry.

And this is inline with Kazimir Dabrovski discovery - that our symptoms are our attempts to handle issues.

I suppressed anger - as the attempt to remove shame - without knowing about it. But anger was still there - however it was shut down - and this is still anger. It never occurred to me that I can ditch anger - not suppress it at all - but get rid of it. This belief that I must be angry in order to be macho strong is connected to:

When in tough situations the societal message from my life was that I must endure. It never occurred to me to walk away. I was convinced that every time I walked away I did something horrible wrong - and that become source of shame. And CBT tells to the socially anxious that we must not avoid, that avoidance is disorder, that we must face our fears and to be assertive. CBT does not explain what happens when we live in shame based culture country that falls apart with societal rules.

When someone annoys me - I can react - with a way that may appear as anger to this person or observers - but that is someone's label. Stating the facts to someone who is pathological liar - will appear as anger to him. I need to know what I feel - so that I do not get brainwashed with shame, stigma and labels of my own intentions. Which is quite often in shame based culture country.

(9.6.2025)

YT "Overcoming my social anxiety #confidence #motivation #hopecore #funny #newfriend #college"

Social anxiety is not the same as shyness.´
You mix up your shyness with social anxiety.
Social anxiety has nothing to do with lack of social skills - and it is not cured with talking. That works only for shyness.
Social anxiety is related to abuse and trauma and suppressed anger.

YT "Overcoming my social anxiety #confidence #motivation #hopecore #fyp"

For anyone struggling with social anxiety issues - this is not social anxiety.
This is shyness.
Shyness and social anxiety share the overlapping symptoms - but they are crucially different.
Shy people overcome their "social anxiety" by talking to people and through exposure.
With social anxiety - this approach will make social anxiety worse.
Social anxiety stems from ACE ACoA and it is related to suppressed anger - which we experience as "shyness" and shame and guilt and inner critic voice and inability to confront or know how to deal with difficult people - due to belief that we must carry rancor along us as protection or proof we are strong and stoic. Videos like this are misleading to the socially anxious - and make social anxiety worse - because anger is instructed to process as fawning, people pleasing and codependency, external locus of control, believing our happiness and security must come from approval and validation of other people around us.

Random compliments will be picked up by psychopaths and sociopaths and we will end up as codependents. Please do not try to cure your social anxiety with online videos - they are damaging like CBT, misleading and making trauma worse.

Social anxiety can be Functional - but still damaging since trauma is not being healed at all.

External locus of control leads to borderline disorder, depending on other people's reaction to feel good about oneself.

Social anxiety has nothing to do with being coward or weak. This is CBT myth that is damaging.

Social anxiety has nothing to do with social skills. This is CBT myth.

Depending on other people to change their emotions and then feeling secure as result - is Fawning, people pleasing, being a doormat, codependency, external locus of control, manipulation and coercive control.

Reducing fear through compliments is called Fawning - it is trauma response. It is dysfunctional. Fear should be investigated - not covered up and ignored. If there is a fear - there is reason why it exists. It is bad idea to suppress emotions and pretend they have no trigger. This way - you end up trauma bonded and being abused and allowing toxic people to abuse others, too.

"This is absolutely a very big step and moment for anyone trying to overcome their social anxiety. Great work good job!!"

It makes social anxiety worse - since it is masked. Masking leads to toxic stress.

"You're doing awesome Max! I'm proud of you, remember that you're a welcome presence in any room and space! Your progress is apparent and we all support you!"

Any room that has no narcissists, borderlines, psychopaths and sociopaths.

If you convince yourself that past trauma is self pathology - you will create toxic shame. Stop self pathologizing yourself.

Who is the person who defines "the condition"?

YT "Social Anxiety? This Weird Hack Works! 😅"

So.. if we are abused and bullied and feel panic social anxiety - we should chew?

YT "#actuallyautistic #anxiety #socialanxiety #autism #neurodivergent #audhd"

People who are exposed to npd bpd abuse, ACE and ACoA will feel confused a lot - due to amount of gaslighting and invalidation and put downs.

Social anxiety has nothing to do with will power, stoicism, being brave, being confident. This is myth which CBT is spreading. A lie. misconception

YT "Overcome social anxiety"

Explaining the symptoms does not help much.

YT "Overcoming my social anxiety #confidence #motivation #hopecore #fyp #helpful"

Harassing random strangers is sociopathy.
Your own "cure" of overcoming social anxiety leads to mental illness.

It is not courage. It is overcompensation - it is trait of narcissistic personality disorder. Seeking supply in other people and their approval, validation.

Fighting anxiety = more of anxiety.

Why would you talk to people anyway?
Not all people are kind and nice. You should be selective.

"I don't shake hands when I am eating. I wash my hands before I eat for a reason."

But his narcissistic supply does not care about well being and health of other people. Other people serve him as object of adoration and validation, constant adulation. Narcissistic supply and nothing else.

YT "Social Anxiety After Talking to Someone #shorts"

How do you know it is not true? How can you know for certain that the other person is not thinking negatively?
You do not have proof for your statement.
That is called manipulation and control - and deception, along with invalidation and ignoring the problem.
World is divided in Guilt-based and Shame-based culture countries.
In a shame-based culture country - other people judge others a lot all the time.
Breathing won't help us when we are abused and bullied by others.
It is the abuser and someone narcissistic in power position who demands perfection from the others.

YT "Overcoming Shame Based Social Anxiety and Shyness — Book Trailer
"

CBT is toxic ableist therapy, created by narcissistic system in medical industry.

-

YT "ADHD and Social Anxiety"

That worry what person thinks is suppressed anger. Children brought up in ACE ACoA shame-based culture countries have no idea how to process anger - and this inability to process unrecognized anger ends up as social anxiety.

YT "Has social anxiety taken over your personality?"

This "my voice is safe" affirmation won't work inside npd bpd abuse due to constant abuse, around toxic people pathological liars who thrive on artificial conflicts, living in shame-based culture country.

YT "Navigating Social Anxiety in High School Hangouts #SocialAnxiety, #HighSchoolLife, #AnxietyAwareness"

Instead of herd mentality and group think - how about rediscovering own identity and doing what truly is authentic and then hang around things people events that are aligned with what is personal identity?

YT "Social Anxiety is a CURSE 😭"

Social anxiety as concept is invention of narcissistic system of American society. In Japan - social anxiety is related to body odor and farting incident and then feeling ashamed of it. In Denmark - social anxiety is seen as dizziness of freedom - something that comes as result of our freedom to choose.
In American narcissistic mentality - social anxiety is seen as something shameful, something to mock and destroy and fight and overcome - because only grandiosity and being the center of attention is valued as the norm to follow. Anything else is ashamed and hunted like witch.

YT "Navigating Social Anxiety"

It is not fear. This is CBT myth filled with wrong misleading definitions of social anxiety. It is suppressed anger and holding on to the anger that is causing and keeping social anxiety alive.

YT "Social Anxiety is not a Characteristic"

You mix up whole a lot of concepts here.
Social anxiety is not shyness.
Social anxiety can be Functional - socially anxious can talk.
Social anxiety is not related to resilience and courage and being stoic and being strong.
Social anxiety is reaction to abuse and bullying and mobbing.
It would be wrong to ignore the abuse and pretend to be strong if we are exploited and taken advantage of.
The idea that you change your personality into something that would please the crowds is self abuse.

YT "How to Beat Social Anxiety Without Faking Confidence"

"Everyone feels it"
When I wrote topic about that on main reddit forum for social anxiety - I was attacked for lying and then kicked out and banned from the group.

Social anxiety has nothing to do with social skills.
Social anxiety is conditioned response to abuse. Suppressed anger being kept alive and hanging on to anger is diguise.

YT "Navigating Life with Social Anxiety and ADHD"

Suppressed anger and hanging onto the undetected anger = social anxiety.

YT "Overcoming Social Anxiety in Everyday Settings"

What if "everyday" settings = npd bpd abuse

YT "Autism #Autism #Motivation #Depression #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety"

Anger is keeping social anxiety alive - but anger is in disguise so we have no idea we have rancor.

YT "2 Tips To Stop Overthinking (Social Anxiety) 🧠 #Shorts"

You speak as if toxic people, npd bpd abusers, pathological liars, criminally insane, sociopaths, psychopaths, poverty, shame-based culture places do not exist - and it is all in our brain.... as if we can control triggers with our brain - if only we find some magical word to use when we are being abused. That is very toxic belief and it leads to mental illness. Delusion, paranoia.

YT "Day 1 of scaring my social anxiety #vlog"

In narcissistic system like America social anxiety is depicted as abnormality to cure and remove - so people try exposure therapy and bother and harass others with small chat - since the narcissism depends on supply and grandiosity and being seen and validated by the others.
In Japan - social anxiety is seen as fear of body odor and farting. In Denmark social anxiety is seen as dizziness of freedom - being free to make own choices and feeling anxiety about being free.
In America - social anxiety is seen as character flaw, something to be ashamed of, something to remove by pretending to be cool and interesting. Which leads to narcissism that created it in the first place.

YT "Anxiety does give a f about you. #anxiety #socialanxiety #panicattack #panic"

We try to manipulate anxiety due to society.
Social anxiety as concept is American invention. America as society is based on narcissism - grandiosity and being liked and being first in anything and seen by others - is seen as ultimate goal in life.
So in such culture - experiencing social anxiety will be shameful, something to hide, something to fight, something to change by being extroverted and "confident" and "strong" and "stoic" and alpha macho.
In Japan - social anxiety is seen as fear of body odor and farting in public. In Denmark - social anxiety is seen as dizziness of freedom - for having personal freedom to make choices in life.
In America - CBT defines medically social anxiety as abnormality or being shy and closed in community and that is defined as abnormality to ridicule, ashame and cure and fix and overcome.
Social anxiety in America is not defined as personal freedom at all - but the exact opposite. Since narcissistic culture will destroy anything healthy and sane and poison the well to protect its own psychopathy.
Once the normal and healthy and sane and friendly people are ashamed for having healthy conscience - they will never look and point finger at abnormal sick people who are abusing others. They will blame themselves for feeling panic around abnormal people..
CBT must be banned and DSM creators should be put in jail for the greatest hoax in psychiatry.

YT "Social Anxiety"

Suppressed anger masked as anxiety. Remove anger and social anxiety will go, too.

Ordering others and controlling them is a sign of narcissistic personality disorder. Instead of pointing finger at yourself for abusing someone who thinks differently - you try to abuse and harass and attack the messenger. You spread social anxiety as tool for your aggression and mental illness.

YT "You have to beat social anxiety"

Shyness is feeling social anxiety around talking.
Social anxiety - is when someone talked to others and those others were borderline narcissistic abusers and now there is trauma from abuse.
You talk here about shyness.
Not actual social anxiety, which is toxic shame trauma and repressed anger in the form of rancor.

YT "How To MEET New PEOPLE EVERYWHERE #socialskills #socialanxiety #introvert"

But why would anyone older than 12 years old meet new people?
Not all people are nice and kind and friendly and social and keep grooming habits like you.
There are a lot of mentally ill people who mask their abnormality by pretending to be social. Borderlines narcissists are very crafty in creating web to trap new victims to devour. If we make people into our god deity to worship - we will attract the most abnormal people out there due to our desperateness, chasm need to meet new people ideology.

YT "Severe Social Anxiety .. HELP!
"

It is interesting you mention anger - as if people commented that you look angry?
Social anxiety is suppressed anger issue. We feel anger and we suppress it - and we have no idea how to handle anger - since it caused other people being abusive or rejecting - pain in any way.
Try not to block anger - but remove it instead - and see it that helps. The less anger - the less of social anxiety.
Try also IFS Model and you need education about psychological concepts. I guess you do not have access to therapy - but most therapy is based on CBT anyway so it is harmful for the socially anxious. IFS Model explains about ACE ACoA abuse trauma and how to heal it.
When we are afraid of talking, when we are afraid of showing our face - this is called toxic shame.
Toxic shame is suppressed anger - we feel anger actually but due to punishment and exposure to Prussian Education mentality - we have learned to quickly transform anger into blame shame and embarrassment - and then we believe we have social anxiety. Then CBT and self help explain to us that social anxiety is our identity - and then we start to behave like socially anxious. And we cannot get out of that trap which CBT is creating through stigma.
Just try managing anger and then try exposure and see how it works. Important thing is that you do not pathologize anger, that you do not suppress it - simply remove it and process triggering people and events in new ways (IFS Model talks about that). For example - if you are scared of being watched - try out Mel Robbins Let them theory. Allow people to believe and think whatever they want , without feeling need to correct them.
We carry suppressed anger - and then we try to manipulate other people's criticism through abusing and isolating ourselves. Anger plays crucial role in social anxiety. So it is amazing that you mentioned anger here - you are on the correct track.
CBT and self help books do not mention this anger issue at all - and it is misleading us into more of anxiety through forcing connection with abusive people, talking to them and fawning to abusers. Which makes social anxiety worse.

YT "The easiest way to reduce Social Anxiety is to stay outside of the house"

borderline narcissistic abuse is causing social anxiety.
No amount of exposure - can control abusers in their choice to abuse. The problem are abusers - not our reactions to abuse.

YT "Anger is the secret to overcoming social Anxiety. #socialanxiety #socialanxietydisorder #shyguy"

Go deeper.
Social anxiety - is toxic shame.
Toxic shame is anger - flip side of the same coin.
Like Sam Vaknin said in his video - get rid of the coin.
When we remove anger - toxic shame will go away too. And then social anxiety will fall off, too.
The key is not in suppressing anger - it is in removing it.

Now - the problem we have is that we have no idea, we never learned in ACE ACoA childhood how to handle conflict and toxic people. We learned to suppress anger and to internalize it as own fault - and we ended up with toxic shame. This way we stand stuck in arrested development. We have toxic shame issue - which we do not see as anger issue. And anger is never resolved nor processed.

Sam Vaknin says - in situations when someone is rude - leave. Just walk away.
There is also gray rock method - where we leave mentally.
Like dealing with violent alcoholic - you agree in whatever this person is saying. It is conditional agreement, agenda agreement, so that mentally ill person calms down and that we are safe.
Mel Robbins Let them theory - is similar approach - and these are normal healthy adult emotionally mature ways how to handle social anxiety triggers which we never learned in childhood.
We only learned to suppress anger.
If we go in our minds with rancor as you suggest in this video - we will suppress anger - and that will fuel toxic shame and consequently social anxiety will be alive.

Anger is problem with social anxiety - since toxic shame feeds on it.
We need to remove anger entirely and instead process triggers in mature manner - even using disorder like ocd when necessary.

YT "Social Anxiety feeling like people are staring at me all the time in my mind
"

Feeling watching at you - is called Moral Defense Against Bad Objects.
It means that due to past trauma - we could not defend ourselves, we were helpless and hapless we could not process the anger - due to ACE ACoA emotionally immature parent as role model - and we ended up with conclusion - that anything new, different, bad, uncomfortable happens - it is bad and it is our fault, it is connected with us - us being bad person and responsible one for something we do not like - like meeting angry person or potentially aggressive person.
This is connected with toxic shame.
Toxic shame is suppressed anger.
The answer in handling social anxiety - is to remove anger.
Not to suppress it. Not to block it. Simply remove anger - and toxic shame will go and social anxiety along with it - since it won't have supply and energy to exist. We drain social anxiety by removing the anger.
Instead of anger - we need to be emotionally mature - and learn how to deal with triggers, conflict and difficult people - mostly through Mel Robbins Let them theory and walking away from toxic people.
Anger keeps us trauma bonded with toxic people - since we have energy from anger to tackle it -keeping us stuck in hamster wheel of rumination and intrusive thoughts where we try to resolve toxic people abuse and oppression.
We are basically having suppressed anger - which we interpret as social anxiety due to American medical industry. Misleading us to believe that our identity is stigma, something to cure and fix.
Because..

Social anxiety as concept is invention of narcissistic system of American society.

it is amazing that Moral Defense Against Bad Object comes from Scotland - it was invented by Fairbairn.
It is funny how much we reject our own knowledge - our philosophers and we turn to CBT, DSM we turn to American corrupt medical industry to explain to us social anxiety issues. While we neglect and ignore the fruit in our own backyard - and end up drinking American poison - indented and intended and created for American culture.

(10.6.2025)

Psychopath's primary trait is glib charm.
If we convince ourselves that we must not be lonely, that we must talk to people - we will be desperate and make ourselves as primary target for abusers.

"Sounds like" is not diagnosis. Maybe you need to check your borderline disorder where you see black and white thinking in anything around you.

"looks like" is not the same as "know".
You need to check your definitions and how you form opinions - you are fusing ambiguity comment with definite verbs. It's probably due to narcissistic borderline disorder - compelling you to fix and complain other people and never see the trash in your own backyard.

YT "Why Hurt, Pain Turn to Shame
"

Very often victims of abuse will identify social anxiety as reaction to abuse. Then they will seek information and treatment about social anxiety- and then CBT will explain to them that they lack social skills and this is causing the anxiety, that they lack confidence and stoicism and will power. CBT will blame and put shame and responsibility on victims of abuse.

There are so many illogical conclusions - which are probably part of your mental issues you struggle with. Let's check them out.

" I think"
Just because you think something - it does not meant it is true, it does not mean it is healthy and it does not mean you have special power to order other people how to think what to talk about. This is called abuse and walking on eggshells - very often found in borderline disorder where you believe other people must walk on eggshells around you and be careful what to talk around you.

"He's trying to help his social anxiety "
Social anxiety is problem started inside our mind due to not having healthy tools how to handle it. This means - his own ideas that are based on witch hunt and removing symptoms are problem itself. It is like having a hammer - and then seeing all as nail to hit. This is why it is necessary to expose ourselves to someone who is more educated and someone who have wasted 30 years on tools that he is using now and spreading around as propaganda on other people to waste their lives on wrong approach.

"the best way is to put yourself out there."
Other people are not your servants who you use like a towel for your dirty hands, wipe it and then toss it away.
If you commit yourself to talk someone and to use as some kind of too- then ethically and morally you are required to to the same for them.
Do you have time and energy and money to fix and cure and listen to all people around?
If you use people in one way street - as your personal needs - this is called manipulation and control and exploitation - often found in borderline narcissistic disorder - where you end up abusing other people around you- but due to mental illness you do not see it as abuse. You see it as your pain only. You do not see how you are harassing other people because you are selfish and see only your drama to cure.

"until you talk to them. "
But how do you 100% know that stranger wants to talk to you?
How can you put yourself as a mindreader and you know what the other person wants?
How can you put yourself in place of god and order what other people should do - talk back to you?
I do not understand how come you do not see that other people are not your servants. They do not exist to make your life happy - and borderline disorder is blocking you to see that your happiness does not depend on approval and validation and talking with other people.

"But since you're probably just saying this to hate"
No I don't.
Now you are projecting and injecting fantasy conclusions about me - that I hate. You are falsely accusing me of something that appears as truth to you and you punish me for your imaginary drama and hysteria that you have created in your mind - which is common in narcissistic disorder.
This is very dangerous - because you are delusional and this is psychosis. You encounter some person and you conclude that they hate - and now you are abusing them because you put yourself in a place of Holy Crusader who is protecting others from supposed "hate".

"But pls don't say anything"
You cannot control other people.
It is rude and controlling to tell other people how to talk and what to talk and to shut up.
How would you feel if I say this same thing to you?
Due to egocentrism you are unable to see how much toxic you are.
You see yourself as a saint and angel and then you rationalize your anti-social behavior as some kind of sanitization tool to clean what you believe in your borderline mind as evil and hateful.

" if u don't have anything nice to say"
But it is you who defines what is nice.
Just because something appears as nice or not nice in your own mind - does not mean it is absolute truth.
Due to borderline and narcissistic disorder you are misconstruing wrong conclusions about events and people around you.
And you are totally unaware of this disorder.
You see disorder in other people - but you do not stop and think maybe you are wrong?

(11.6.2025)

1. "Which aspects of yourself do you hide because of shame? "
I do not hide - I show up and reveal too much due to fear of shaming for having secrets - so I end up giving personal information used against me later on or I end up trauma dumping and overwhelming innocent people around me

2. "How does your shame / hiding these aspects keep you in connection with others? "
Trauma bonding, staying stuck in abuse, not having boundaries, not knowing how to stop worrying about what someone thinks badly about me

3. "How does your shame help you to belong to your group tribe society? "
I end up with resentment and I avoid people, and I do not want to belong to anything or anyone.
But in the same time I fawn and people please due to fear of punishment - like being fired from job and not having money or shelter.

4. "What is the cost to you of maintaining this connection or belonging?"
Hypervigilance - and there is no other way.
When we are in oppression, when the boss or colleagues are narcissistic abusers and pathological - we have no other choice - other than becoming homeless.
Think of someone being gay in Russia or Saudi Arabia - you have no other option than masking and living in hypervigilance of being discovered like a Jew in Nazi German in 1930s.

YT "REAL examples of diagnosed narcissists
"

It is amazing to me how much socially anxious are stigmatized and pathologized by DSM and CBT. Advice for the socially anxious is self hatred, self rejection, self abuse through Cinderella treatment - invalidation, stoicism, hard work. And to feel shame and blame and embarrassment when feeling panic symptoms.

Meanwhile - when narcissists and borderline seek therapy - they are met with validation and care and love and are told to not pay attention to bad things they have done, to nurture anything but shame blame and embarrassment.

Those with autism and ADHD are also met with love and support and understanding and validation and information about personality and identity and authenticity - something that bpd get as important note information.

Then we see those who use hard drugs - in civilized countries - they can check illegal drugs at spots near parties and concerts. And have special safe places where they can use hard illegal drugs without going to jail.

In the same time - socially anxious are treated as lepers and serial killers and instructed to develop self criticism, inner critic and perfectionism and to resolve anxietyy through hard work and being slave in corporations.

(12.6.2025)

Until 1995 social anxiety was called social phobia.
Social anxiety is not the problem, it is not the cause.
Social anxiety is a symptom.
Having symptom - is not one's identity.
True cause of social anxiety is exposure to npd bpd abuse, manipulation ,coercive control to someone psychopaths sociopaths in power.

(13.6.2025)

YT "Why You Disappear in BPD Relationships"

Such person inside bpd abuse will display social anxiety symptoms - and then CBT and self help industry will continue bpd abuse - it will convince the socially anxious that abuse does not exist, that it is Spotlight effect and that the problem is in neuroticism and fears and panic inside person - being triggered by fantasy delusion of being abused.

(14.6.2025)

Humans are born only with two fears: fear of falling and fear of loud noises.
You probably refer to social anxiety as being highly sensitive.
This is the central problem - weaponized psychiatry - where we are self aware, we want to "overcome" what we see as problem - but we do not investigate what is happening any why it is happening.
If you are able to be highly sensitive and react to toxic people with anxiety - this is not glitch. This is a feature.
There is nothing to overcome. Paradigm shift is needed and self trust. CBT is poisoning our mind and it is teaching us to hate ourselves. Videos like this, too - they are highly toxic. We end up believing that we are freaks who must overcome themselves. This is narcissistic abuse.

(15.6.2025)

"Right but nobody reads this novel😂"

Victim mentality.
face-turquoise-covering-eyes
I feel bad - but I whine about it and do no job to get well.

.
Learned helplessness occurs when an individual continuously faces a negative, uncontrollable situation and stops trying to change their circumstances, even when they have the ability to do so.

(16.6.2025)

Exposure to npd bpd abuse ACoA and ACE does that - and then CBT and neurotypical society is blaming us and stigmatizing us for exhibiting trauma symptoms - instead of supporting us. They add even more trauma on top of the existing one along with stigma.

CBT definition of social anxiety: fear of criticism and fear of scrutiny, negative judgment.
In real life:
social anxiety is fear of expressing our own criticism, expressing our own judgment, expressing our own scrutiny about someone or something and then there is fear of punishment by someone in power - like attacking us, getting fired from a job, being back stabbed and reaction in the form of smear campaign - simply for stating the truth and facts which toxic people hate since it uncovers their agenda.
Fear of punishment is also part of conditioning. Social anxiety is operant conditioning - we learned social anxiety symptoms trauma coping mechanisms as response to punishment and rewards from toxic people who are controlling and manipulative. CBT hides this awareness and reality from us - placing all the blame on our reactions to abuse and brainwashing us to believe that we are imagining the abuse.

It is annoying because it is victim mentality behind it. Learned helplessness. Having toxic empathy for abusers who cause anxiety.

The root of anxiety is exposure to npd bpd abuse. The core of npd bpd abuse is invalidation of the target.
This is 1-on-1 fact about narcissistic abuse.
And people are like do not want to learn about it.
They make it into personal unique experience that is happening only to them, so narcissistic.

YT "Are You a Jerk - Or Is It Social Anxiety?"

Sounds like borderline disorder masking itself as social anxiety. Deep covert self hatred - being seen and brought on surface in the contact with other people - which is where borderline disorder comes into surface also.

YT "Where Does Social Anxiety Come From?"

Where does social anxiety come from?
1. ACE ACoA
2. Bullying mobbing
3. Shame-based culture ambient
4. Poverty, oppression, no basic Maslow needs met
5. Exposure to npd bpd abuse

YT "Conquer Social Anxiety: Tiny Steps, Massive Impact! 💪"

Social anxiety is called social + anxiety. It means anxiety is triggered and started and motorized by the social element: toxic people in power being anti-social.
It is not called self anxiety.
Social anxiety is byproduct of exposure to abuse (ACE ACoA in childhood, npd bpd abuse in adulthood). This means there will be self hatred and self abuse and self rejection as coping mechanism to abuse.
The idea to destroy reaction to abuse - is self abusive.

YT "How I Beat Social Anxiety – And You Can Too! #shorts"

Social anxiety is normal at low levels. Without social anxiety we will become narcissists, borderline psychopaths and sociopaths - who lack empathy and ability to consider how our actions and words affect other people.
Social anxiety is result of exposure to npd bpd abuse.
The problem is npd bpd abuse - not our reaction to abuse.
Without social anxiety - we would not have alarm inside us that we are in contact with pathological liars and abnormal sick predatory personalities.

YT "What Social Anxiety Actually Looks Like #shorts"

It is more than 12%.
Most people have low IQ and they are lazy and emotionally immature - so they do not have knowledge and language how to label their emotions of social anxiety. They label it as a "bad day". In research - they will claim self report that they do not have social anxiety - since they have no brain and capacity to detect it. Too dumb to be aware what is happening.
Social anxiety is reaction to npd bpd abuse - there is nothing to cure nor fix.
The problem lies in abnormal sick predatory personalities who are not institutionalized and who cause mental health problems to the people who are in contact with them.

YT "How to deal with social anxiety #socialanxiety #comedy #funnyvideo #scotland"

CBT and neurotypical society is misdiagnosing social anxiety as shyness as a fear of talking.
Social anxiety is result of exposure to npd bpd abuse.

YT "overcoming social anxiety and shyness"

Social anxiety as concept was invented in America.
America as country is based on narcissism - we can see elected narcissist as the proof of it.
Social anxiety is reaction to narcissistic abuse.
So narcissistic system will label any reaction which may expose mentally ill predators as dangerous - as mental illness - so
that you spend time worrying about being yourself - and not pointing the finger at predatory personalities in power positions who are causing social anxiety in the first place.

In Japan - social anxiety is related to body odor and farting accidentally.
In Denmark - anxiety is seen as being free and having freedom of choice.
In narcissistic America - social anxiety is pathologized and ashamed - since narcissistic system thrives on anti-social behavior - so it will criminalize social anxiety and make people being ashamed of being normal.

YT "HOW TO OVERCOME SOCIAL ANXIETY #fyp #anxiety #rap"

Social anxiety as concept was invented in America. It is narcissistic system and corrupt medical industry - that is pathologizing people who are able to detect narcissistic personality disorder, psychopaths and sociopaths with own body due to ACE ACoA childhood. In order to keep abnormal predatory personalities unhinged and uncriticized.
You end up curing and fixing something that is not broken inside you believing that you are abnormal -
while triggers of social anxiety walk away hands free, abusing others and causing social anxiety in others without any intervention to stop.

YT "Social anxiety, schizophrenia and emotion frm his parents divorce led to his decision to end it👇🏽"

In narcissistic America - social anxiety is pathologized because socially anxious can easily detect narcissists, borderlines, psychopaths and sociopaths - so the narcissistic psychopathic system is protecting itself by poisoning the well.
Abusers in power position make the target of abuse feel less than, broken, abnormal - and then scapegoat ends up in therapy seeking help for something that is not sick - while in the same time - abusers and psychopaths are left alone and no one is pointing the finger at them.
In Japan social anxiety is related to body odor and accidental farting. In Denmark anxiety is described as freedom to choose.
It is only in sick criminal system like Trump Republican state of fascism - that normal healthy friendly people are being falsely accused to be abnormal - in order to remove criticism of Nazi regime and criminals in power.

YT "Social Anxiety Escaping the Fear of Public Presentations and Parties"

Social anxiety is American invention.
In Japan - social anxiety is related to body odor and accidental farting.
In Denmark - anxiety is seen as freedom of choice.
In American narcissistic system - highly intelligent and smart people who can easily detect narcissists - are being pathologized by corrupt American medical system filled with psychopaths and sociopaths.
Now instead of putting predators in institutions - the normal and healthy ones are being pathologized and cured and fixed and made to feel like bad object.

YT Everyone Has Social Anxiety (But Here’s What Actually Matters)""

CBT labels social anxiety as aberration in the brain (without naming the diseased body parts).
Social anxiety is stigmatized in America, society that is highly narcissistic. Narcissists hate truth, accountability, moral, ethics - so socially anxious who have those in plenty and express those - will be labeled as sick and stigmatized by medical industry in the clutches of narcissists and psychopaths in power.
Through pathologizing social anxiety - the victims and targets of narcissistic abuse will turn inwards - like any target of narcissistic abuse, blame oneself and never point the finger at the abuser.
This is what is happening with social anxiety at societal level. Socially anxious are smart, intelligent, sensitive enough to understand label and see abnormal people. So the system of narcissism came up with DSM idea to pathologize any source of danger. Hence social anxiety is being defined as abnormality and shame, something to devote time to cure and fix.
This way - nobody is looking or blaming or describing abusers in power.

YT "This will destroy your social anxiety - Chase Hughes #humanbehavior #shorts #shortvideo"

Desire not to face rejection and being predator in bars looking for vagina - are all signs of narcissism and borderline disorder.
Seeing delicate side in others did not destroy his social anxiety - it destroyed the last straw of empathy that survived since abuse in childhood. Now he sees other people as any narcissists does: as a source of narcissistic supply - to abuse and criticize - since he sees other people as all narcissists does: as objects to use, masturbate, discard, hate and despise.

YT "Social Anxiety in Public: What It Really Feels Like"

You are pathologizing victims of abuse.
Protecting oneself from npd bpd abuse - is not too hard and npd bpd abusers do judge other a lot.

YT "Can ancient Sufi techniques cure your social anxiety? Tap the link and find out! #rumi #socialphobia"

Social anxiety is American invention - build in narcissistic society of corruption and greed, where other people should be narcissistic supply. American DSM described social anxiety as fear of judgment - but this is filtered, censored definition.
The full definition is fear of expressing one's own judgment - which is dangerous for narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths in power - since truth can expose their agenda and abnormality.
Once the socially anxious are stigmatized and dehumanized - they will cover up in therapy and in caves and isolation once the social anxiety is gone. And social anxiety cannot be gone - since it is reaction to narcissistic abuse which narcissists now can freely express since they have poisoned the well - the American medical industry have convinced smart and intelligent people to doubt their own mind and logic and common sense and to hate oneself.

YT "3 Fast Ways To Beat Social Anxiety Now"

1) Spotlight fallacy is myth and common gaslighting brainwashing tool - to keep target of narcissistic abuse to be silent and censored. Social anxiety is reaction to narcissistic and borderline psychopathic abuse. Psychopaths are very much focused on judging others due to psychopathy.
When we are being brainwashed that we are imagining the abuse - we will leave abusers alone and not talk about their crime - but instead we will attack ourselves and doubt ourselves and pathologize ourselves for having reactions to abusers and toxic people.
2) we can control and respond to the truth and reality. When you pathologize victims of abuse that they are imagining the abuse - you are hypnotizing them to become an echo - byproduct of narcissistic abuse.
Echo and narcissist are concepts as old as your stoicism and are discovered and described in the same state where stoicism started.
But instead of investigating Ancient Greece - you are choosing to attack and blame victims of narcissistic abuse into self hatred and self doubt by using stoicism as a tool of self abuse.
3) Exposure to psychopathy won't and it should not desensitize us to abuse. If we desensitize ourselves to violence - we will vote for fascist Nazi Musk leaders and support their Nazi camps - since we have re wired our brain as you say in this video.

YT "Social anxiety be like"

Social anxiety is American invention for narcissism society. Don't buy into it. Just be yourself without doubt.

YT "Tips on Social Anxiety"

1) What happens when the present is chronic npd bpd abuse, and or poverty and or oppression and or mobbing bullying?
2) How do you know that negative thoughts are overexaggerated? Have you been in every person's life situation and conditions? To negate and invalidate someone's experience is very rude and narcissistic and anti-social.
3) What happens when social situations we expose ourselves are shame-based culture full of npd bpd abusers and invalidating predators and someone who is pathologizing others, like you?

YT "How To Overcome Social Anxiety & Build Social Intelligence"

Social anxiety has nothing to do with lack of confidence.
You mix up shyness with social anxiety.
Pathologizing victims of abuse is sign of your narcissistic borderline disorder.

YT "how to stop social anxiety #anxiety #quan#quan."

Socially anxious are already placing a lot of attention on what they are doing. Hence anxiety.
You do not understand what is anxiety and how it functions, do you?
Social anxiety is not that bad. Without social anxiety we won't be able to have empathy and have awareness how our behavior is negatively effecting others - which is narcissism and psychopathy.

"I have social anxiety"

It is actually reaction to toxic people who convinced you that you are the sole problem.

YT "Overcome Social Anxiety: My Proven Confidence Booster!"

Reaction to npd bpd abuse is awkward but it is not identity.

(17-6-2025)

"Anxiety is free floating worry not knowing why."
In philosophy - there was a quite of pondering about the fact that nothing cannot come out of nothing.
If something exists - there is a reason why it is happening.
See-saw effect.
It is abuse behind social anxiety.
Npd bpd abusers are manipulators and very skillful in convincing the target of abuse that there is no abuse and gaslight the victim to believe it is their own fault for feeling anxiety.

Unfortunately a lot of people suffering from anxiety have been conditioned since ACE ACoA childhood to self blame and to abuse themselves for feeling anxiety, feeling bad object for feeling anxiety - and CBT and NT society is spreading this message of self hatred and toxic shame.

" science like psychoanalysis"
hahaahah
face-blue-smiling
Psychoanalysis depends on self report.
From people with low IQ, no education in psychology - to report what they feel.
With social pressure and iron cage to perform and to present as the best version.
There are no tools, there are no instruments to measure emotions.
Psychoanalysis is pseudoscience - totally based on fantasy, on un-measurable concepts that cannot be proven.
Narcissists will report that they are healthy and they will set golden perfectionist standards to community who will follow the tyrants due to beauty bias. You will get wrong misleading lies in self report from such community.

Society is teaching people to be emotionally immature. It is hidden curriculum of Prussian pedagogy.

(18.6.2025)

YT "POV: You Stop Letting Emotions Control You
"

This emotional regulation can become Quiet BPD - when emotions are suppressed and ignored and pathologized.
That happens when there is actual danger. When there are toxic people around us, manipulative people, cruel predatory personalities, npd bpd abuse around. Then with this advice people are not enemy - allows toxic people to harm us and convince us in their agenda and abuse.

"When you can control your thoughts, you can control your emotions. When you control your emotions, you control your behavior. When you control your behavior, you control your life 🙌🏼"

This is how people end up with obsessive compulsive disorders - since society tell them that toxic people being abusive and choosing to abuse - is something that can be controlled by our thoughts. Basically the message is that our thoughts can control predators and npd bpd abusers - so we never leave them, we stay stuck in abuse - since we are now trapped in mission to control our thoughts.

(19.6.2025)

YT "The Law of Detachment | Trusting Without Controlling
"

What to do when external element is attacking us, abusing us, bullying us - and we detach - but this does not help since abusers care only to harm and cause pain to the target? And in fact makes it worse since we are giving green light for abuse to continue?

YT "Overcame social anxiety by stepping out? Yep, it actually works 😂 #comfortzonechallenge"

Stepping out actually works - when the environment around is healthy.
When we live in a shame-based culture country/region - exposure to chronic negativity abuse, unfair destructive criticism will traumatize us.
If people are trapped in dysfunctional family, romantic or business contact - which is harmful abusive and destructive - people won't become stronger, they will develop all sorts of panic and anxiety and worry issues that are trauma.
The problem starts when people cannot remove, walk away, quit or cut contact with the abusers due to lack of money or due to legal processes (red tape) or caring about third party (like elders of babies etc). And then they are forced to wallow in abuse and oppression.

YT "They don’t know you. #socialanxiety #socialanxietydisorder #socialanxietyproblems"

But that is exactly the problem with narcissistic entraining. This is how exposure to npd bpd abuse works. This is how exposure to ACE ACoA emotionally immature parent works:
we end up caring a lot what someone hostile and angry and anti-social thinks about us.
This is why I say social anxiety is byproduct of npd bpd abuse. It is operant conditioning.
The same way we cannot tell Pavlovian dogs to stop salivating when they hear the bells.
The reaction to worry and ruminate is automatic, it is conditioned, it is stuck in body as trauma and comes on surface when triggered.
The logic, the CBT symptoms removal - will not help with this problem. Telling ourselves to stop worrying what someone thinks about us - won't help much since the worry and rumination and anxiety is going to the body trauma stuck inside our body. The trauma being inscribed in the body.

YT "They don’t know you. #socialanxiety #socialanxietydisorder #socialanxietyproblems"

And this is what philosophy is trying to decipher for 2000 years - this is why philosophy was invented to discover and define - what is the truth and who knows the truth. How we come up with the truth and can we define the truth as observation or as experience or as logic.
Prussian education, our school system conditioned us to trust any person who is in some kind of authority and that we obey in silence to anyone who can punish us in some way. This is how we end up with social anxiety - inability to protest and disagree with someone who is claiming the truth. Like having narcissistic boss or toxic colleagues.
It all comes down to abuse.
Social anxiety is result of being traumatized and abused, losing identity, losing trust in own brain, losing trust in ability to come up with solutions - and then becoming codependent on other people to order us how to think, where to go and how to do anything in life - the result will be social anxiety since we do not have agency to trust ourselves and to doubt the abusers, accusers, the critics.
CBT - DSM is describing social anxiety as a overgeneralization fear of criticism.
But in reality - it is fear of destructive criticism by critic who is in some kind of power position where he can harm punish us in some way. That is social anxiety - oppression and being abused and not having resources to fight back or leave or to trust oneself.

💦

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srijeda, 1. siječnja 2025.

My YT comments on social anxiety 2025

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