Without learning about anxious-avoidant attachment style - I never became aware that I have issues with visiting other people and things related to making parties or having ideas about get ups with others.
When social anxiety started around the age of 12 - I distrusted people in general. They all seemed antagonistic - and they probably were due to living in Shame based culture country. But this is not healthy. It is not healthy to avoid people and to live in isolation - for the purpose of not experiencing abuse. This needs to be corrected - and the only correction is leaving toxic people and forming new relationships and new contact with sane and healthy and normal people. CBT claims otherwise - that we are the sole problem and that we can be cured by brainwashing and nitpicking our brain and our thoughts - which of course leads to mental illness and codependency and destroyed self worth, where other people will choose for us what we need and where we need to go in life.
With intrusive toxic people - we learn that our personal preferences are abnormal, shameful and sick. And this is where CBT joins into abuse by self hating and self rejecting ourselves. When we have no idea what we like - we can never build self worth, we can never form our identity. All we can do is make fake social mask that we think will please abusers and intrusive people not attacking us.
The very contact with psychopaths and sociopaths - will put is in shared fantasy with them.
No matter how much we believe we are strong and resilient and that we cannot catch virus from them - it will happen. Mostly due to a reason that toxic people do not have word toxic tattooed on their forehead. Truly toxic person will appear as either saint and helper in the beginning, or openly savage person that will look again as savior and someone heroic and manly, in the beginning phase.
Then they will show their true face, once we have drawn projects and make contracts with them, visible or intangible obligations and trauma bonded with them. With time they will poison our mind with their evil and blaming us for everything.
We will become petulant and we will become toxic ourselves - we will develop hypersensitivity to attacks and criticism. Then we will appear as if we are seeking entitlement and special treatment - to the third party we will appear as problem.
Social anxiety as roller-coaster analogy.
3 modes of wagons. Learned:
1) Decrepit wagons. Self pathologizing, operant conditioned, habituation, reactive
2) Secure wagons. Realistic. Validate, not pathologize my symptoms. Self aware.
3) Narcissistic. Fantasy, grandiosity, spite. Codependent. Competition. Rush. Rat race.
Why roller-coaster is needed – exposure, socializing:
without going through roller-coaster loops thrill we imagine reality. Instead of reality we create delusions and paranoia, false conclusions.
It is like lighting LED lights in dark room so we can see objects inside it.
Exposure here includes negative emotions and social anxiety itself, not hiding it, not masking it, not avoiding the emotions, not suppressing emotions. So that I learn my lesson and door slam toxic people forever. CBT exposure says stay stuck with toxic people.
Perhaps see neurosis as attempt to heal and to create healthy model (Jung). If I am concerned how I look so others won't attack or shame me – I end up being neutral and without character. Maladaptive defense mechanisms. I will develop narcissistic defenses such as Honor in order not to appear as coward in critics' eyes so I must appear as cruel to appear strong and as winner.
Social anxiety is normal – it is caused and created by mentally ill psychopaths around us. Social anxiety fawning, inner critic and shaming makes inside us as outwardly external peacemakers and supply for psychopaths.
Tracks in social anxiety
Autopilot
Twisted into pretzel as a way to adapt to sociopaths and psychopaths
Are responding to sick and abnormal and unreal ambient of narcissism
contribute to nausea, panic, overwhelm already present due to genetic and external mess
forced to repeat it, Repetition compulsion
Ambient, people around us, history (ACE/ACoA) shape the tracks so it is not our fault as we believe with toxic shame and inner critic that it's our choice and we can change it with logic and will.
Tracks are daily chain of decisions and actions and isolation and avoidance and choosing how to react to people.
If we avoid people, these tracks will become imaginary and more complex with paranoid twists, twisted by memory of past abuse and rancour.
If we stay with toxic people, these tracks will become also imaginary and paranoid, too – part of shared fantasy, tracks will be skewed by toxic people's observations and punishment.
We can attempt to reshape the tracks – but they will still depend and then be formed by the ambient (such as shame culture country and or lack of finances or external dysfunction of any sort) – due to Cooley's Looking Glass Self.
Secondary dysfunction is that repression leads to disturbance in immune system, we make ourselves sick by trying to survive in toxic ambient – and then it appears as if social anxiety is problem – CBT – our thoughts are sick – and then this belief that we are abnormal leads to more repression and more of physical illness – that creates new tracks of self sabotage and illness, due to self hatred and self rejection and self disgust – due to CBT we see ourselves as abnormal, weak, pathetic and worthless – Mathew Effect happens, black hole, hamster wheel loop of doom.
With social anxiety we suppress our anger, our wagon of masking runs these tracks being suppressed - and then we ran into the mess, external abusers who are angry and we have no idea how to handle hysterical people, other than holding on to tracks of repression and wagons of masking, as we were programmed to do in ACE and AcoA childhood where our needs and emotions were punished, mocked, ashamed and silenced away. Then any predator can easily manipulate and control and exploit us (Mate Crime).
Wagons in social anxiety
These wagons as placeholders of our reactions+thoughts are also shaped and created based on other people around, just like tracks – by other people's punishment and reinforcement and shaming and insults and intrusiveness and abuse. Looking-Glass Self creates these wagons and solidifies them.
it is the meaning and explanations about processing social events reality.
All of these generate toxic shame and inner critic on its own.
Priming. Default settings. Automatic behavior and thinking. Reenactment.
Goal is: ventral vagal, meeting people is fun, like mini-party
This is where logical fallacies and biases will make self sabotaging decisions based on basic decrepit vessels where thoughts reside and decrepit place where information data is processed in thwarted manner. Unlike triggers – there is no external coercive control or lack of finances that shape the bad decisions and can be easily changed if bias comes into awareness.
Behind each carriage there is a wounded child need, behind each decrepit holder.
Our emotions, reactions are pathologized.
Without being aware of wagons – CBT or self help books cannot explain us what is happening, they focus only on small narrow segments of social anxiety. This map of social anxiety explains why CBT is dysfunctional and doesn't help with social anxiety. Exposure in CBT does not explain us what to speak, how to react to toxic abuse, how to handle toxic people and what to expect when we expose to toxic ambient. We don't know where we are – and we are left to people please and to fawn as an attempt to ground ourselves when we expose and when we are out there and socializing- we do not know how to respond to rejection or to recognize RSD in the first place.
If we create super strong resilient wagons – toxic people will punish us and attack+destroy us, isolate us, we will become a beacon of light for insects or warm blood energy for suckers – they will sniff it out especially when we do not have ability to relocate or money to protect ourselves. Otherwise – we would create resilient wagons long time ago. When social anxiety broke out, outbreak of social anxiety at around age of 12 – it was the realization that we do not have defense against predators and we are completely at mercy of their whim and control and manipulation, so we ended up with trauma and social anxiety as the result. The survival mechanism was creation of decrepit self sabotaging wagons that do not get any attention of bullies. We ended up with lost chances and taking no risks in life, living far below the level of our capabilities and intelligence.
Behind all these wagons are unfulfilled child needs that we have no idea we have, unaware that we are starving (emotional deprivation) – that is why these wagons are decrepit. There is no maintenance, there is no well being, self care, no self love. Without maintenance without self validation – we end up being codependent and trauma bonded with toxic people who play pretend to rescue us from our troubles and pretend to offer us our needs in order to bait us.
All that toxic person needs to do is to be rude and we will be baited into believing that this person is our god that we must obey since they will maintain our wagons by them being rude, we blindly follow abusers and are unable to unglue/detach from them.
“Normal” people never experienced abuse and bullying in their formative years – so they naturally build healthy wagons. Instead of masking they learned to be authentic. Instead of false self they naturally build their own true persona where they do not hide their likes and dislikes. When dysregulated, their panic emotions were not pathologized so they naturally learned to wait and pause. Without anyone triggering them into feeling blame, their levels of sensitivity were not pushed to the limits and instead they were naturally developed in accordance to their ambient. Their levels of shame were not toxic, so they never developed toxic belief that they are inept and unworthy. Without abuse and bullying, they never developed toxic duty obligation to fix other people's anger, and their obligation and duty were balanced out naturally – without toxic people pushing them to become hypervigilant.
Often I dream of catching the train, and finding my place in wagons.
With decrepit wagons – it is like driving through life with hand break on.
With no education in trauma and with ACE and AcoA our idea of maintenance (Self love) would be emotional overeating, addictions, seeking pleasure stimuli, avoiding any kind of risks and isolating ourselves from people.
Problem with self love and maintenance of our mentality is that when we have no idea how to carry well being it will be huge problem and we will devote a lot of time and energy in resolving it, HOWEVER once we find the solution – we will take the solution for granted, because it is so easy and we won't stop and pat ourselves on the back, we will take the solution as if it was no big deal – and yet without it we would be miserable. Like obvious solution to well being in social anxiety is being social. We really need to enforce being social – and create some meaningful deep connections with other people in order to keep our sanity and quality of our lives. But without knowing that these social connectivity does not mean random parties or random talk with random people around like CBT suggests us- instead the true powerful trauma healing will occur when we find balanced healthy emotionally regulated people who are sharing the same understanding and interest as we are, and that these people are not masking their psychopathy – where we can be at easy and talk freely without expecting drama and hysteria or control or manipulation from them. Then our wagons will be in top notch and social anxiety will be gone. Normal people who never had trauma – learned to create these kind of contacts automatically, without anyone explaining them how to manually overdrive toxic shame and inner critic.
Wagons:
♦ MASKING →→ Show true colors
appear insecure, without confidence
people pleasing (1ere)
perfectionism.
What will other people think – primary concern.
When I mask I give toxic people green light to exploit me and my flaws.
Mask is okay when I don't want to hurt others with being annoying and irritating and complaining.
Mask is permanent solid face of smiling, like Joker or 1960s horror movie.
Unfulfilled Child need behind masking is – to be authentic without hiding true colors.
Suppressing anger, suppressing legal and valid reaction to intrusiveness and abuse and unfair behavior.
Healthy masking would be balance between Id and Ego, to know when I need to be patient and when to shut up in order to listen to others.
■ DYSREGULATION →→ Wait, Pause, Ventral Vagal
Either soak all deep meaning OR dissociate and unable to process.
Quick instinct rash decisions based on fear without thinking twice
Dis-habituation, not respond to stimuli, trigger
I can't absorb information when in panic overstimulation mode and I rely on copy paste dysfunctional coping mechanisms from the past. Horn effect labels one negative trait as doom.
Healthy “normal” people learned this waiting on their own because they never had associated conflict and embarrassment in social situations with pain – so naturally they wait and pause, they don't have short fuse, they do not have toxic shame and inner critic propelling them to run away.
Unfulfilled Child need behind dysregulation is regular home without hysteria and ongoing drama and antagonism and relentless accusations.
Healthy dysregulation is knowing that it is normal, and that I am allowed to feel panic and over-stimulation when outer circumstances are extreme.
● SHAME (INFERIORITY) →→ Nothingness
toxic shame (1ere) – I am inept, unworthy, not important, I cannot rely on my brain, decisions and errors flaws and imperfections but to hide them and appear perfect. What I think and what I say is not valid nor worthy enough to be considered or heard and other person is always correct. No one listens to me due to Cassandra syndrome – my opinion is not valid nor heard.
Unfulfilled Child need behind shame is self worth.
Healthy shame would be to acknowledge and take responsibility when I make mistake and to apologize for it.
♦ SELF, PERSONALITY →→ inner GPS, creativity, feeling safe around people to express myself
autistic in test
amygdala hijacking(1ere)
schizoid empty core
wounded inner child
Unfulfilled child need behind autistic personality is interdependence and being equal to the others.
Healthy Self would be harmony in knowing there is nothing wrong with me.
● TOXIC DUTY and OBLIGATION →→ rebel, speak the truth (don't do what ocd tells you not)
it must be perfect or nothing (1ere)
I see crime or catastrophe and I over-generalize
intense worry about task, project similar but not the same rumination about what other people think
Rebel appears and looks like super confidence, this is what social anxiety coaches target when they talk about curing social anxiety, they depict this as talking to strangers, making scenes in public.
Then people confuse this as masking and play pretending to be macho and stoic.
This is where we get punished by toxic people – fired from job, kicked out of car, screamed at, ashamed, ridiculed.
With social anxiety – we already are doing this without us being aware of it – we notice what is wrong and we make comments, and then toxic people punish us – and we don't know why and introject their anger as us being abnormal and then end up with panic and silence and appearing as coward. Then we are confused how other people fulfill their needs by screaming and demanding and breaking rules, while we follow rules, we are nice guys and always finish the last. This can then end as Honor issue and superiority complex where we hide our flaws and pretend to be superior.
Unfulfilled child need behind toxic obligation is spontaneity and freedom.
Healthy duty and obligation would be that I behave according to my age and that I can rely on myself and others can trust me, that I am consistent.
■ HSP →→ neurodivergence
sensitivity to pain, hurt or danger, attack
avoid pain, avoidance (1ere) – rational demand avoidance – door slam toxic people and toxic state ambient, this avoidance can be countered by plan, hobby, tasks, goals, job. Avoidance is not specific avoidance of toxic person or place. Avoidance is undefined.
hyper attention and detection of pain
appear vulnerable, mistaken
over-stimulation (1ere)
Unfulfilled child need behind neurodivergence is owning pattern of thinking, behaving and reacting, not seeing it as pathology.
Healthy HSP would be where I do not pathologize my awareness and to accept deep processing of stimuli as normal.
GOAL:
I can't control that, so I won't
Not triggered anymore
Secure attachment, cut/minimize toxic contacts
Conflict parts with IFS (hating social anxiety, dualism, negating, civil war)
Calm panic with constructs
Self esteem(confidence in our flaws and imperfections that we don't need to hide anymore or overcompensate or appear superior to impress others, taking action will give us confidence, doing tasks that we want to do without being forced to do something but because we know it is correct and moral and ethical and right and it feels good to do good tasks)
outgoing to fight isolation
allow others to have wrong opinions and not trying to fix their views but in the same time speak my side of story
Not masking, following my ideas and innovation not based on impressing others
Dis-habituation to people being angry at me – not to having emotions and being sensitive
Desensitization to people being angry at me – not to having emotions and being sensitive
Child need to feel safe, accepted, validated, recognized and mirrored, not ashamed and attacked.
Talk the truth, be authentic, not change to conform to narcissists and sociopaths inability to hear facts
Uncover unearth true personality that is not shaped by sociopaths abuse and psychopaths and toxic ambient
when around difficult people it's important not to isolate myself
Ventral Vagal in Polyvagal theory: feeling safe
Constructs are construction building blocks that generate new better resilient wagons:
film 3 women, secure in my self.
Consciously allow to rebel, leave, say no, protest, disagree, anger
ideas
innovative
I will handle it
address blind-spots
regulation
socializing
be cruel, risk being disliked
express anger counter negative politeness
confidence is embracing ourselves as we are with flaws
i like to work
solution finder
healthy mechanisms
remove dysfunctional defenses
Pygmalion effect
goals
Zoroastrianism
quotes
Michelangelo phenomena
shut up when I feel urge to talk to appear superior
avoid toxic people when I feel shame for avoiding
not hiding problems
openly talking about it
oasis in desert, nourishing, well-being, pendulation/titration
embrace shadow
fuzzy logic, spectrum thinking, Rashomon effect
What you don't own, owns you, others opinion rule over me, their personality take me over. We must not allow other people's limited perceptions to define us.
Love
GPS
create good atmosphere
INFJ personality, what appears as DSM pathology is actually how the persona works and it is not sickness to cure
art
door slam when needed
love from distance
healthy juice like orange, healthy food
attention to detail put to good use like preparation and organization of something so it has good quality
fashion and smart shopping to avoid emotional shopping and to avoid wasting money
not fixing others
leadership
Radical acceptance / Sam Vaknin Nothingness
MESS/CLOUDS:
confirms defenses
leads to dysregulation
creates inner critic and toxic shame and apathy.
Emotional reactivity
External intrusive evil energy, like virus.
♦ INNER CRITIC.
Self pathologizing.
Internalized voices of abusers. Trojan horses inside our mind implanted by toxic people.
Broken record that was programmed in our mind to play itself on loop replay.
■ DOUBLE BINDING
Always find faults with facts.
Leads to self-pathologizing that gives birth to inner critic and toxic shame. Leads to wrong self sabotaging decisions due to priming. Rejection based on control, manipulation, misrepresentation, bias, lies.
● TOXIC SHAME.
It is chronic burden that I cannot lay back and relax but it is not depression. It is desire to be perfect to avoid someone's criticism and attack as pre-emptive measure to prevent attack, walking on egg-shelves.
♦ ABUSE.
Blame, DARVO, pathological liars, Mate Crime
■ PAST TRAUMA.
Flashbacks. Being triggered.
● TOXIC PEOPLE.
Cover or overt - Letting go, allow them to believe what they want, focus on my tasks.
Toxic people will deliberately trigger pain and trauma as coercive control manipulation to paralyze the victim with shaming and criticism.
When someone is angry at me I feel RSD: and it is automatic belief that my values are worthless, that I am not allowed to speak, or do what I like and that I am not equal to other people and must behave as slave, victim and lower class citizen by being quiet and servile and non-assuming. This is where masking and people pleasing kicks in coupled with revenge fantasy and rancour and making the offender my central focus and me as victim that must be atoned and I need to make the offender like me and accept me and validate me – in any way possible, including not showing my anger and not telling my side of story for the fear of offending the offender. Or later on – when offender makes the mistake that I am not allowed to point it out and cause them same cruelty back by talking facts about their mistakes. Offender is bunch of nobody – great for feedback, learning from mistakes, their ad hominem arguments are irrelevant.
Handling Mess.
How I treat myself when mistaken?
The idea is to trust our responses. Social anxiety is attempt in regulation.
We need to trust our reactons and ability to handle problems. Without this belief we will be codependent and end with toxic shame.
Critic exploits it to create hysteria.
Dysfunctional defenses to mess.
Defenses are narcissistic, I try to control others, attempt to manipulate others opinion into not them attacking me.
Automatic toxic goals.
They generate toxic shame on its own.
They are like virus program that repeats the command order and virus itself generates shame about not being able to stop it and for performing it.
How I handle the mess is irrelevant of my education in trauma – until I am healed I will repeat the coded program and operant conditioned learned response to mess:
I fix others. I babble and offer my help immediately without scanning situation and other person not asking for help at all.
codependency
feel responsible (2nd)
in survival mode
panic / overstimulation (2nd)
shame (2nd) guilty, control, manipulation
negative politeness and people pleasing (2nd)
prejudice
hatred, rancor
rejection of anything similar to pain (Hyperalgesia)
avoidance - (2nd) of toxic people and potential danger – appears as cowardice, avoidance is specific and defined.
shut up, self-censor
no ideas
no direction
defensive, reactive
competition, to appear better off, ashamed if loser
honor (leads to masking and pretending to be superior and strong)
perfectionism (2nd)
disgust
idealization
suppress anger
group think
inability to separate myself from others
ashamed of own looks then mask it (2nd)
Masking the flaws (2nd)
afraid what will other say or do
can't pause
can't leave
can't say no
making promises I don't want
proposing events I don't want so to fix other problems
self-blame
Worry, rumination what happened, what someone said
dysfunctional defenses
petulant BPD
jaded
amnesia due to amygdala hijacking
monotropism, monotropic split
autistic inertia
rational demand avoidance
sense of dread – general feeling
sense of dread when something is kaputt
when I state my opinion and someone disagrees – it seems to me like everyone is attacking me and everyone is toxic
Attachment styles avoidant-anxious
Spitting, BW thinking
Self Flagellation, self disgust, self hatred, self rejection
Egocentrism
social pressure
Without education in social anxiety, trauma, abuse,
with CBT and self help books – social anxiety will be skewed and only small part of spectrum will be observed.
This is where CBT operates due to Survivorship bias – CBT only responds to small narrow window of problems which the uneducated person will report back. CBT ought to know that any socially anxious person will lack the education to label and name the disorders and issues and struggles, and often will mislabel the emotions and sensations with totally wrong labels that lead astray into wrong direction.
Many other elements will be in the dark and then we end up easily controlled by them, obscure parts that are not seen. Social anxiety will not appear as construction of rollercoaster but in simple terms:
I don't want to do it
no spectrum, only binary thinking that ends up as BPD splitting
I want to hide
Avoidance is seen as general and not as secondary avoidance of specific bully and psychopath.
Toxic people are not seen as psychopaths but as friends and close members to be helped and skipped around like scout or medical nurse to assist them
I can't shake it off.
Quiet BPD traits
taking it all too seriously
I worry what they said
afraid of confrontation
panic symptoms seen as panic and not as overstimulation, processing overload
paralyzed
insecurity
I am not aware of details
skip to mental shortcuts heuristics
emotions appear as one entity
I mix up past with reaction
I over-exaggerate
I am in dark
I repeat past errors, repeat compulsion
ocd compulsions
I make self sabotaging decisions by a) staying with toxic codependency b) I run away without testing if the person is toxic
no goals
masking
primary wagons without being aware of them
I don't see abuse
I self blame
if other person is blaming me I go along with their explanations
I complain and find errors and bad in anything and reason why there is not worth doing anything
compulsive firefighting the pain with addictions and numbing of feelings
thought fusion
repetition of learned automatic responses without knowing how to stop, compulsive repetition
wounded child acting out
Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on. Maxwell Maltz
@lisaaromano1
When facing a narcissist's verbal onslaught, remember: you can't win with words. My victory came from 'shutty shutty'—disengage, detach, protect your energy. It's not about battling; it's about reclaiming your peace.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Don't dwell on those who let you down. Cherish those who hold you up.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
If you don't like something, take away it's only power...
Your Attention.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Nope. Your bullies & abusers don't get to decide how you feel & function today. Nor does a church-- or any other institution or organization-- that cares more about its institutional survival than about the people it exists to protect & support.
Not today. Not ever again.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Be part of the solution.
🐢
@turtlebreezee
The best revenge is taking care of yourself..taking care of your health and your mental health. Accomplishing your goals..becoming a better you...
Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
When you have an abusive parent with narcissistic personality disorder, nothing you say, no amount of reasoning or pleading about what they’re doing to you will get through to them or change anything. And they will never take accountability for the abuse they commit.
It’s like trying to reason with a brick wall. You can catch them in the act, take pictures, show proof to a doctor of how you’re being abused and they will insist that they have done nothing wrong. They will turn around and get angry at the doctor for speaking to them about the abuses they’ve committed. I’ve seen this happen, my abuser yelled at my doctor for telling him he was crossing boundaries and being abusive with me. The abuse is only half of it. The other half is the insanity that you have to deal with coming from your abuser. The complete lack of accountability. Every time I see Trump I’m reminded of my abuser with narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder comorbid. I see the same brick wall of unaccountability and emotional immaturity. In their minds, they are so afraid of admitting their faults but at the same time they won’t stop committing them, they don’t make any self reflection or any emotional growth whatsoever their entire lives.
It becomes like a contest for them or a battle of sorts to make their victims look like the bad guy to “prove“ they’re not the bad guy. Which is another level of abuse in itself.
Wherever an inferiority complex exists, there is a good reason for it.
Carl Jung
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
May 31
Never lie to someone who trust you, and never trust someone who lies to you.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Highly sensitive can also be linked to highly intuitive and let me tell you there’s a reason people don’t like that. Sensitivity is often criticized, but it’s the intuitive part that scares people who have stuff to hide.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Jun 1
Never play with the feelings of others. Because you may win the game, but can lose the person forever.
Tell me no Lies 💔❤️🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
Those who the most cruel to you will always say you are ‘too sensitive.’
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Jun 1
Your nervous system will naturally feel calm in the presence of people with pure intentions, positive energy, and authentic vibes... Trust it..
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Instead of telling someone how strong they are because of traumatic events they went through, ask them what it cost them.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
In my experience, social media does not convince people who have not experienced trauma, that they have.
It does make them feel less alone, & gives them words & concepts to understand & express what they otherwise would not be able to.
Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
Them not telling you something or hiding something from you is just the same as lying.
Tell me no Lies 💔❤️🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
Jun 3
Toxic people measure you by what they can take from you.
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
You are the only expert in your experience.
#quoteoftheday
Lisa A. Romano
@lisaaromano1
❣️To self love for an adult child from a toxic home is an act of courage. We've been programmed to abandon the self in an attempt to hold onto breadcrumbs of attachment. Self love is us facing our abandonment fears. #SelfLoveRecovery #ToxicFamilyHealing #InnerChildWork #Healing
When you isolate someone it forces them to doubt, ruminate, resent.
YT wombat7961
We think we become better to change them when we “becoming better” we're just becoming better supply. We're giving them everything they want. And what the narcissistic person wants is that we anticipate their needs, read their minds, be what they want, never be a source of stress, prop them up, keep our needs and want quiet and then boom – you're perfect source of supply. You've build this muscle up – this accommodation muscle.
🟥 Mel Robbins | Dr Ramani
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IewDusCWdCM
Problem with narcissistic abuse is ruminate = no solution. Where many other ruminators are getting the solution, the narcissistically abused ruminator just keeps hitting the same wall, fuels powerlessness. Rumination without solution is depression. That's why survivors look depressed. They have isolated themselves. Once vibrant person is living small life, stuck in thinking. Spinning the problem in isolation that has no solution.
🟥 Mel Robbins | Dr Ramani
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IewDusCWdCM
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Trauma responses and symptoms are not "choices."
Tell me no Lies 💔❤️🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
How many times did you try explaining empathy and basic human decency to the narcissist before realizing they simply didn’t care?
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Nobody falls in love faster than a narcissist or toxic person who finds someone vulnerable.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Jun 3
Honest people aren't afraid of the truth.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
You'd be shocked by how much backlash a survivor and/or scapegoat receives simply by no longer participating in relationships that were hurting them.
p. 56
I sincerely beg you too not be distressed and not to be embarrassed, the starets replied. You must feel completely at ease. Above all, do not be so ashamed of yourself, because that is the root of your trouble.
-You mean be my natural self.
The Brothers Karamazov
Dostoevsky
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Jun 3
You have zero control over how people perceive you.
Anxiety is uncontrollable and excessive apprehension. Narcissists are anxious for social approval etc. Narcissists resemble very much to patients who suffer from panic attacks and social phobia. Narcissists are embarrassed of being embarrassed and being criticized in public. And most narcissists fail to function well in social settings, interpersonal. This is very common to narcissist and people with social phobia.
🟥 Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRZG1uLFsrc
With people pleasing we need to take step back. What are the origins of this? Is this trauma informed behavior? Was this a way how person maintained attachments? If a person had narcissistic parent, being a people pleaser was the only way they were going to get any form of attunement from that parent. People pleasing now is literally may be safety behavior. What is function of people pleasing– only by doing I am going to be safe. Fixing becomes love
Dr. Ramani Durvasula
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
You should be angry you were hurt, and so should everyone else.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Jun 8
“You’re so sensitive.”
-The abuser who has hurt you.
-The parent after you create needed boundaries.
-The enabler who has hurt people the way you’ve been hurt and won’t face themselves.
Sensitivity is not the problem.
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Jun 7
It ends with us when we break the cycle by holding perpetrators accountable and supporting survivors.
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Jun 7
I think when you’re transitioning from being a people pleaser into someone with more boundaries it can feel so weird – it's hard to tell if you’re being mean or if you’re really just respecting your own feelings, because you’re so used to putting other people's feelings first.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Not everyone will appreciate what you do for them. You have to figure out who's worth your kindness and who's just taking advantage.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
When in relationships with people who choose not to heal, you have to understand their denial tells them your healing is offensive. They’ll work overtime to make you paranoid & apologetic for growth. What you experience as a breakthrough, they experience as a personal threat.
-
The model of social anxiety roller-coaster helps me to map complex issue - and new insight comes up now.
Hand break on.
This is trauma. It keeps us throttle in our car, in our socialization. It hampers us. We need to release the break. Social anxiety is not full psychiatric disorder as DSM and CBT depicts it. Our disorder is fear of communicating with potentially difficult people who are critical and negative and intrusive.This is disorder because in this world at the current time - we need to face and get into contact with people who are anti-social, mentally ill, abnormal and psychopathic. The disorder itself is not abnormality. The disorder is not our fear and panic as reaction to dangerous people. The disorder is us hiding and isolating and not fulfilling our goal in life. Our purpose in life. It is hiding away from good and nice people that is the disorder part. Also known as Anxious-avoidant attachment.
The disorder part in social anxiety is not being able to have anger, we cannot host anger. We cannot make protest. This is required in any interaction with people - because other people have mistakes, they make errors - we need to warn them when they do. Sometimes we will save their life when we warn them when they break traffic rules. Ability to be angry at others and to make protest is needed ability in any social interaction. We have struggles with this part due to social anxiety trauma - and that is the disorder. CBT paints social anxiety as disorder with our thinking (cognitive distortions) and with our image (being "coward" and weak and without will power). This way CBT is misleading us into believing more of badly about ourselves and adds more to toxic shame and toxic guilt.
Inability to express our anger, inability to protest - is our hand break turned on.
The true psychiatric disorder is having anti-social behavior like pushing someone over the cliff, or having antagonistic personality.
So these "cognitive distortions" found in social anxiety - have a common theme and they had to come from somewhere. This means:
1) we do not have total train wreck of distortions as CBT depicts social anxiety
2) we did not develop distorted thinking out of sheer boredom. We were propelled and pushed into worry
Social anxiety cognitive distortion are limited, narrow and found only in difficult social situations. This is trauma. This is not psychiatric disorder or having full blown unrelated unrealistic thinking style which marks mental illness.
The problem of social anxiety is limited, it has limited scope - and to a third party it may appear as shyness or cowardice, something that is easily cured with will power and exposure and discipline. Because trauma is not solved through more of invalidation and suppression - anyone seeking honest help from CBT will get misdiagnoses and lead into wrong path, which will discourage anyone socially anxious from seeking true help.
The problem in social anxiety is the pain and association with the pain with social interaction.
And this pain is clear indication of trauma. It is not fear. It is not cognitive distortion. It is not will power issue.
With CBT, with will power discipline approach - we will become high functioning in our social anxiety. And that is like driving with a hand break on. In the same way, it will only cause smoke and fire, burn-out. We will be able to drive for 10km as oppose to people who are low in functioning, and we cannot drive 200km with our hand break on. And we are danger for ourselves and other drivers on the road - when we operate in such hand break condition. Being high functioning does not mean healthy or that we can function like that over long period of time. Then as the mechanic - the burnt damaged parts will be changed - and we will still drive with our hand break on.
To CBT it will appear as if we have cured the social anxiety because we are functioning on force. High functioning does not mean that the pain is gone or that we are high functioning in dealing with toxic people. High functioning means that we suffer more than avoidant people because we are forced to hide our feelings and to a third party we might appear calm - but inside we are on the verge of breaking up.
"Our self image, strongly held, essentially determines what we become."
Maxwel Maltz
With social anxiety we have this unresolved unprocessed pain that we do not know how to handle, and this is what messes up our image, and then it influences our decisions in life in self sabotaging way. Our decision based on the pain will be decisions of high functioning isolation and avoidance. It is not cognitive distortions that mess up our thinking - it is this hidden pain.
Our cognitive distortions are normal reaction to toxic people, there are within normal values of any person. Bias and prejudice and quick mental shortcuts that are almost always wrong - all people have these heuristics. Problem is the pain. Trauma signals our brain to remove ourselves from triggers and stimuli and to avoid feeling anxiety in social situations. Nerve is touched and we react quickly. The pain being the impulse creating our quick decisions - not cognitive distortions.
Our cognitive distortions like black and white thinking or negativity bias come later on. When we ruminate in isolation. Isolation comes from the pain first. Then to a third party it will look as if we are having problems with cognitive patterns of thinking, as if our thoughts are distorted and central problem. And then we end up pathologizing ourselves, adding more of distorted thoughts and new layers of pain. We end up with self hatred, self rejection and not trusting ourselves, we feel that we cannot trust our thinking.
In social situations we need to have strong self trust, especially in difficult situations. To know who we are, what is our mission, what we stand on, what are our values, and where we are going with this. When we believe CBT that our thoughts are distorted, we will never have full trust in our brain and in our ability to think through the problems at hand and new situations which demand our response. Without self trust, we will develop totally new aspects of social anxiety which were not there before. CBT ought to be banned.
When CBT explains to the socially anxious that we have cognitive distortions and that we are practically cowards who lack will power, this will shake our toxically ashamed core, it will destroy any traces of self worth in our identity, and this happens in narcissistic abuse. This is how predator is controlling their target. This is how the target gets into isolation - due to amount of blame and guilt imposed by the predator with his gaslighting. The goal here is to make the target of coercive control feeling totally depended on the rescuer inside Karpman Drama Triangle.
When our self worth is destroyed, when we are being told that we cannot rely on our natural thinking process and natural reactions to people - we won't know anymore what is the problem. Is the problem that I drink fresh orange juice? Is that cognitive distortion? Is the distortion that I like watching tv shows? Is that the lack of will power? Where is the boundary of distortions and discipline? Soon enough everything will be questioned and suspicious as the enemy - similar to Spanish Inquisition or Witch hunt.
Cognitive distortions presented as the cause of social anxiety will make us doubt every single aspect in life - it will not help us get over social anxiety, it will create more of it. It will make anxiety worse. And in the end - problem are not cognitive distortions, logical fallacies, bias and prejudices- in social anxiety the core problem is the pain and trauma.
With trauma our perception is messed up. We see challenge not opportunity. Due to double binding - we will end up pathologizing our decisions and potential actions - and then do nothing. We will destroy our creativity and ideas - due to fear of not being perfect.
Trauma means learned inner critic and toxic shame and sensitivity to the future pain. We learned not to align our actions in life with our inner GPS, and instead our GPS became external clouds like someone's shaming of us, someone's criticism, someone's anger and our pain and intolerance of feeling the pain. Trauma makes us fixed and focused on alleviating our pain and fixing other people's problems and their emotions like anger. And this is our anchor.
And of course, with other people's emotions being our anchor we will end up with social anxiety and immobility and with people pleasing.
When we pull up the anchor, we will lose our fixation, we will lose our security and GPS system. We will spin in space because trauma did not teach us to align our path with our values and our common sense.
This way we are set up to become codependent and trauma bonded with other people. Angry people, predators, can simply behave hysterically and we will feel the pain of trauma and past abuse, and we will anchor ourselves with their demands, their needs, and their agenda - all for the fear of their anger and fear of feeling the pain of their wrath. This must be broken. This is unhealthy. This keeps us enslaved and immobile and we end up as easy pawns of predators like puppet on a string.
Embracing our social anxiety means embracing our flaws and errors and imperfections and owning them - instead of feeling the shame about our errors and trying to hide them through overcompensation. This way we become resilient - by accepting our flaws, not by pretending not to have them. Pushing down emotions and ignoring them will not make us resilient. This is what CBT gets wrong about social anxiety. CBT and coaches teach us to be ashamed of our hang ups and caprices and label them as severe psychiatry condition, even though we are not psychopathic. CBT is teaching us to create a fake persona, fake mask of confidence for the purpose of depending on other people's approval and admiration. When we are ashamed of weak parts of us - we will never become truly confident. And instead - we will stay trapped in social anxiety and fear of what other people think about us when we are not perfect for them. We will end up passive and codependent, waiting for the other people to lead us an approve what is correct for us. So CBT idea of pathologizing social anxiety leads to mental imbalance.
CBT and toxic people are filling us up with toxic message that social anxiety is horrible disfigurement that destroys our life. This way we become disfigurement ourselves and we will hate ourselves and reject ourselves and we will try to build fake persona in our mind, which is bad idea. We cannot build another person - we are who we are, we cannot destroy our body and create another one with endless plastic surgeries of our face. We need to embrace who we are, fully, and build ourselves from our flaws and imperfections and anything we struggle with.
Social anxiety is the problem of toxic people - toxic people are the true cause of problem that destroys our life. We need to see abusers and predators as weak, abnormal, pathetic losers who lack basic social skills - which CBT is talking about us. We must cut our programmed belief to see abusers as gods and powerful beings who are strong and whom we must obey and fear what they think about us.
I don't associate all the pain with avoidance.
For example - in the garden there might be pain of accidentally touching the nettle. Or perhaps a kitty can scratch or bite us during their playtime. Mowing the lawn can bring back pain or I can scratch my arm on thorns or some branch. And I do not avoid the garden because of it. I do not become traumatized because of these pains. This is the proof that social anxiety is not CBT's cognitive distortion and social anxiety is not a mere fear as CBT portrays it. It we had cognitive distortions as the cause of our avoidance, we would avoid any kind of pain in life - yet our avoidance is associated with society and socializing wherever there is a chance of criticism.
When I experience a pain in the garden - I do not perceive it as traumatic pain. I do not need a special convincing how to do these things again. And I do not develop phobia of cats. Because I know I am safe. Even though there is physical pain. There is no emotional pain associated with these kinds of triggers.
When tic bitten me on my garden bench - I did avoid sitting there though. I started to avoid that bench. Yet I do not get stiff or panicked when I walk near it. There is knowledge and education how tics can be dangerous due to diseases that they carry inside. I do not pathologize my fear though. I do not think much about it, I do not worry about it, it does not effect my work or sleep or daily functioning.
I don't think we are afraid of people - social anxiety is not fear of people. The human body does not repel us. The fear in social anxiety is associated with criticism and anger of other people whom we can't trust. And that kind of special narrow band fear is trauma.
Wagons in roller-coaster analogy are carts that we populate with out inner parts, with our inner children, parts of who we are. And without our awareness, these wagon carts along with loops in roller-coaster and external influences will become our eyes and our brain - we will process reality through these carts when we are socializing, when we are on a ride. I believe this is what happens with social anxiety:
We do not have self.
We do not have identity. We do not have persona. And we have no idea that this is what is happening.
This explains the dissociation and feeling of having no control and that people can easily de-rail us with their comments and rudeness. This explains why we end up with people pleasing and being pushover. Because we do not have identity. Even in the worst prison-like ambient, the most toxic ambient - we still do not need to be slaves to our captors as Viktor Frankl wrote about.
In the garden, when I get sting by the nettle or sunburn, I am still myself. I do not change my persona in autistic personality as I do in social situations when I don't feel welcomed or safe, when I experience Rejection Sensitivity.
It's like our soul gets expelled by toxic people and their toxic behavior. And we are possessed by inner wounded child persona stuck in age around 12 or 13 when the social anxiety started. And then all reactions are like the reaction of that wounded traumatized child. Childish reactions. Childish worry. Childish fears. That is our Self being stuck in time with its contemporary thinking style of the time when trauma occurred - a child that was bullied and was never mirrored, hugged or assured that it is okay even though there are bullies out there. That this child has value and worth no matter what nasty things are done to the child. I see handling our social anxiety lies in helping our wounded child personality to grow up and to feel secure and safe even inside the toxic ambient and even when there are toxic people around.
Accepting the reality of life - that toxic people will win, that we live in unfair system where the rich and popular will get better and far in life even when they do not have attributes to deserve it.
Healing the inner wounded child is through affirming our likes and dislikes - so that we do not mask ourselves any more. To learn how to not get triggered any more by other people's anger. To encourage ourselves to talk and to express ourselves. To see bullies and predators as losers and pathetic wimps who must parasite on nice people in order to get anything in life since they are incapable of doing it for themselves. To see predatory personalities as mentally ill and damaged so that we stop following them blindly.
Confidence is when we are fully ourselves and our actions and decisions are not hampered by thinking what other person may say about it. With toxic people we withdraw ourselves with belief that we are helpless and then we operate from this persona of being a victim. This is what we need to observe and change - into secure adult. Even when we do not have money, or when we have no power.
Any rude person - when we operate as wounded child, we will either follow them as slaves or feel like we need to teach them a lesson. Both approaches are childish. Both stem from deep belief that I am hollow inside. When we have no Self inside, other people who are rude to us, it will feel like this person took away our honor and that is how we will act.
Social anxiety does not over-spill like CBT is teaching us. It is not like we are devoid of confidence and that we need to re-learn social skills and confidence. Confidence and social skills are there inside us - but they are traumatized. With inner wounded child inside us - we will feel like when we are honest and authentic and when one person hate our opinion - we will feel like all people hate us and we will tend to change ourselves in order to fix this person's hatred and their anger. This is clear obvious leftover from trauma in childhood when we were bullied. The problem us that without being aware what is happening - we will self-censor ourselves and there will be borderline element of being afraid of this person walking away from us - as bullies did, if we show our true colors.
As bullied children - we did not understand that this hatred and anger in social situations is totally normal. We personalized it instead. We come to the conclusion that when someone hates our opinion that we are abnormal and we are responsible for destroying the harmony. In reality - all people go through this process of hatred and anger over someone's opinion. This is part of socialization, we did nothing wrong. With social anxiety trauma we stayed with wrong conclusions that other people being angry and hating our opinion - means that we done something horribly wrong and that we spoiled everyone's fun. We ended with belief that we are responsible for making sure other people are happy and that they must not be triggered by our views. As a bullied child - we never learned that this is perfectly normal part of interaction between people. And everybody goes through it. We are not the only person in the universe who are breaking the social fabric just because someone don't like what we are talking about. By being honest - we will repel the toxic people off from us. This is how we ended being stuck with toxic people - because they misses the signs from us - they see us being timid and silent, and they interpret this as a sign that they can be intrusive to us and command us. In reality -toxic people are the problem. They are the ones who are unable to be open to different opinions, feedback, reality - and toxic people cannot handle reality - they like to live in delusion and fantasy.
I noticed in my social life - that with social anxiety I need time to run out of panic, whenever there is something new to be done, or scary situation like being in contact with difficult antagonistic people, I need some time - which may last for years that I start to have new ideas about how to make something better, improved. Time needed to get acquainted - and I believe this is part of autism and trauma and abuse - and that we need to accelerate this innovation and getting new ideas how to solve things that bother us and what we lack. This is the process of identity - our self being tinted and distorted and destroyed due to exposure to abuse and trauma. Because social pressure is social anxiety. The problem with social anxiety is not in our distortions - but in neuro-typical patriarchy system filled with coercive control and competition. With abuse - we will try to minimize abuser's wrath through people pleasing and fawning. Like self censoring ourselves and being silent - in order not to trigger dangerous people into harming us. And when we don't talk - we self isolate ourselves. We do not need to live in a cave to be isolated. We can be surrounded by people and still be isolated and avoidant - and this is done through silence, being obedient, speaking only when spoken to, when we self censor ourselves as an attempt to soothe the abuser's emotional dysregulation and their anger. When we are in this isolation - we will ruminate. And we will get stuck in hamster wheel thread mill of recycling the worry intrusive thoughts. Talking is important. Self expression is important to anyone stuck in trauma. We need to do this in safe place - where toxic people cannot harm us. And this will give us opportunity to express our anger which toxic people punish. It will allow us to process reality and to make plans for realistic future - by severing the connections with toxic people.
Radical acceptance - is when we accept that toxic people will not change and we withdraw from the attempt to fix them or change them or help them in any kind of way other than we are legally bound to do so. I believe that radical acceptance is social anxiety - we already have radical acceptance. It only lacks the trust in ourselves and hence self reliance on our own resources and deep belief in ourselves. With social anxiety we sever and move away from toxic people as much as possible - so that they do not harm us with shared fantasy and their pathological lying.
(12.6.2024)
Conversations at parties.
We have media and movies like idealized version of what talking is supposed to look like. The reality is quite different. In real life, most people are not active listeners and most people will have trouble having any deeper conversation other than gossip and making jokes, mocking someone.
With social anxiety we will most likely stay silent and feel uncomfortable of starting the topic. For starting the topic - there has to be another person on the other side who is listening to us. So we can have the best social skills in the world - and if the other people are dumb or childish - they won't interact.
I believe with social anxiety - we do not lack social skills, not it is a matter of introversion. It is trauma - fear of hatred, fear of anger, fear of other person dismissing us as boring or to punish us because they disagree or can't understand. There is element of other people really hating us and being angry at us for being different and talking about issues which they find either boring or difficult or triggering. They can be jealous or stupid - in either way - there is nothing sick about us for having trauma around being hated. The problem is in other people.
The way I see the solution is to allow ourselves to feel anger and to express it. And this does not mean hating the other person for being annoying or jerk.
The goal of conversation, social interaction - is to be bold, to make remarks without doubting ourselves and being afraid of looking stupid for saying something stupid. Being confident in oneself and showing it. This is not confidence. This is natural us - and with social anxiety trauma we cannot do it because of introject installed by abusers.
Because when we are talking to someone - is the other person mirroring us, are they listening. Do they follow what we say, do they understand, do they care what we are talking about? If they do - with introject we will trauma bond and think that they are trustworthy just because they validate. On the other side, if they ignore us - we will see them as dangerous and toxic - while they simply may have some condition, they may have social awkwardness or something third that makes them appear anti-social, disinterested.
If I sense that the other person does not care, is dismissive, or has no capacity to understand - I will leave them, I will not engage. This may not be healthy - if I am not curious and if I do not see what is happening, if I quickly diagnose them with some disorder and imagine them as monsters.
And I do not see these attachment issues as low self esteem or low social skills or introversion. It is trauma.
This is where RSD comes in. When I label someone who appears as rude to be toxic - and this is forever. Horn effect. Opposite of Halo effect.
And then they are dead for me forever but not really- If I meet them I will wear fake social mask and people please them. This happens because I do not allow myself to be angry when someone is behaving like jerk. When I do not allow anger - I end up with defense mechanisms like othering.
Introject.
This concept was explained by Richard Grannon - I heard this before from Sam Vaknin - but Grannon made excellent example, easy to understand what it is. It is devil on the shoulder, it is double bind, dualism, inner critic. It is operant conditioning. It is installed part from the abusers - where we doubt ourselves about any topic. Besides the doubt there is toxic empathy, too - where we intellectualize and rationalize toxic people and give them endless second chances. This concept means that there is a part inside us which is our enemy, it corrupts us from inside, it works against us- It makes us do things we will regret.
It blows things out of proportion. It works well with inner critic and toxic shame - and uses information provided by them.
If we are not aware of this part - we will go along with it and believe it.
This is especially hard when we distrust ourselves due to toxic shame when we believe we are inept and we need to validate ourselves and believe ourselves and our instincts, our gut.
Accepting social anxiety would mean stop explaining social anxiety as disorder. However if we normalize social anxiety we might go into another extreme where we start to avoid any pain and stress.
Boundaries.
Idea of cutting off toxic people, I see it as ideology. If we invest any kind of emotion to block someone - they will become our preoccupation. Now we will have labeled certain person or behavior as toxic and dangerous - and we will see the world through splitting, black and white thinking. This leads to othering. Believing that person cannot change. We will soon end up labeling any annoying person as toxic. And then cut everyone off.
I would suggest simply a different name for boundaries.
Nothingness. Better word that holds no contract with toxic people.
We do not know if the other person is chronically evil - if we experience their anger. This anger plays crucial role in social anxiety and healing the trauma. It leads to DBT idea that it is okay to be angry at others, express the anger and if they are not manipulative - that we give them second chance.
When we start cutting people off we will become toxic ourselves. And what's worse with cutting people off at the first sign of them behaving like jerks, we will isolate ourselves and become judgmental - and that is toxic - we become like any other toxic person. We will become toxic people's hatred.
Different approach is needed.
Where we do not judge. To remove all emotional investment, rancor, hatred.
Where we do not react, so that other people's emotions do not control us.
Instead of reacting to toxic people that we follow our values. And to defend those values even with anger.
Our guide not being our rancor.
When someone is toxic - instead of placing a boundary - which is a dissociation and isolation - that we are curious if this is their first transgression and assume there is no malice. To investigate- toxic people are chronically toxic. It is not just one time incident.
Investigation means to see how they treat other people, especially those who are not in any kind of power position.
If someone is disagreeing with us - that is not toxic. With boundaries ideology, we will quickly label them as toxic just because they have different insight.
If someone talks about some topic that is not interesting to us - that is not toxic. When we cut people we will label anything that moves as toxic - and we will make the hell out of our social life. They will all appear as dangerous.
I see toxic people, people who lack empathy, as those who understand how they can hurt vulnerable people who were traumatized. They know that screaming will affect the target, they know that they can control traumatized people with words, with cursing. They exploit the knowledge personal to them, their own inferiority complex - to abuse others. I believe with social anxiety - our whole body system reacts to them - and it is crucial to see social anxiety as reaction to toxic people. We were programmed since childhood to see it as source of toxic shame, something that we must be ashamed of, and something that is our own personal defect. It is not. There is nothing wrong for having a reaction to psychopaths.
With social anxiety it will feel natural to hold grudge against jerks and to get even with them. But this way we trauma bond with toxic people - they become our preoccupation and we waste energy thinking about them, blocking them, trying to think how to talk smart back to them, how to retort. This happens due to blocked anger. Anger is fleeting emotion - when someone is behaving like jerk - we need to let go of the steam. And forget about it. When we let it go - we can stop worrying about them and invest in our well being, in our goals, in our values.
The conclusion is - not all people who behave as jerks - are jerks.
Not all people who appear weird are dangerous.
Not all people who do something wrong - are criminals.
Sometimes there is a perfect reasonable explanation - like in a movie The Night Clerk (2020) - where a person is autistic but people keep losing nerves around the main character thinking that he is rude and toxic.
This is where introject is a problem.
We need to make discern when we have toxic empathy, when double mind messes up our mind and when we are making mistakes in judging other people.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Jun 24
The truth is irrelevant to toxic individuals. If they can't control you, they set out to ruin you.
Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
Jun 24
Trying to heal 20-years of trauma in 1 or 2 therapy sessions is like throwing a cup of water at a burning building. -Dr. Jen
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
It’s most likely complex trauma when you think you’re comparing stories and others are shocked by what you thought was normal.
Words Finally Spoken, Peace for 🇺🇦
@FinallyWords
Jun 24
Once you see their true colors, you can't unsee it. And, once you see it, you stop the cycles. You no longer want to be a part of the cycle.
People get angry when they no longer have control of you, and the situation.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Jun 24
Honest people aren't afraid of the truth.
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
“Survivors don’t stay in abusive situations because they lack the courage to leave. They stay because they are trapped. They don’t lack courage. They lack good options”
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Jun 23
You would be just as strong and accomplish just as much without the mean people in your life because that’s who you are. Stop thanking the abusers. All they did was harm. You’re amazing because of you - not the people that hurt you.
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Jun 24
You deserve a calm love with someone who sees you, hears you, understands you, appreciates you, supports you, and loves you. Someone who is committed, communicates clearly, and creates a caring, safe space to heal, grow, and bloom together. A love you never have to heal from.
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
Many, many psychologists and psychiatrists are narcissists/psychopaths/predators. They LOVE the control and power it gives them over people, the way they can engage in manipulation, the ability to apply sadistic behaviours, all without being suspected and with the added delight of being able to use their professional role against the client if ever challenged or exposed. Be cautious who you give your trust to.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Jun 27
Everytime I addressed something that bothered me to a Narcissist, I became the problem.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Please Don't Judge People.
You don't know what it took someone to get out of bed, look and feel as presentable as possible and face the day. You never truly know the daily struggles of others.
Unleash Your Mind
@MindUnleash_
Jun 27
Stay away from people who put others down.
Gary Goodridge
@garyhgoodridge
Jun 27
Overthinking takes you to a place that doesn’t exist.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
I stopped serving good vibes to those who deserve good-byes.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Jun 28
Anything that cost you your peace of mind is too expensive.
Andrew Campbell
@amcampbell84
To keep their abuse hidden, abusers must keep their victims quiet.
Andrew Campbell
@amcampbell84
Abusers abuse systems just like they abuse people.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Jul 4
Criticism from people who have traumatized you is manipulation disguising their fear of being found out.
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
What’s at the heart of abuse is taking away someone’s freedom. The perpetrator treats the victim like a bug trapped under a push pin. If we understood this, we would understand the survivor’s trauma and how dangerous perpetrators are.
Tara
@Tara@zirk.us
High-value person blueprint:
1. Be social.
2. Smell nice.
3. Never be rude.
4. Work out every day.
5. Wear clean and fitting clothes.
Treat yourself with respect and you’ll be respectable.
Lisa A. Romano
@lisaaromano1
Narcissists and codependents often form a hand-in-glove type of relationship. A codependent is groomed to believe it is their job to please others, while a narcissist believes others exist to please them.
Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
Jul 6
Narcissists never want to talk about what they did. However, they'll happily talk about how we reacted
Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
It goes like this: #Narcissist abuses their victim into a nervous breakdown, then uses that nervous breakdown to discredit their victim’s testimony of the abuse.
“Don’t listen to them, they’re crazy. See?”
Whats crazy is how they get away with it. It’s like people don’t want to believe how ugly the truth really is, so they believe the narcissist’s lies. “Oh, just a crazy person. Sad.” We need to start assuming “crazy” = abuse victim.
Lisa A. Romano
@lisaaromano1
Trauma keeps you in survival mode. in survival mode, you're not dreaming; you're recreating the past.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Jul 6
"It's too late" is one of trauma's favorite lies.
Narcissist Facts 101
@narcissistfacts
Jul 6
When narcissists are given a second chance they see it as validation for their behavior and actions instead of an opportunity to change and become a better person. They use others’ forgiveness as a pass to keep behaving exactly the same without facing any consequences.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Jul 6
Your path is more difficult because your calling is higher.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Ever notice how people who don't tolerate lies, disrespect, or deceit are always labeled difficult, unstable, crazy or bitter?
Aaron Goslee
@goslee_aaron
The biggest problem in psychiatry is that legitimate responses to trauma, stress, and abuse are seen as symptoms of mental illness. If the response is rational, in what sense is the person disordered?
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
“you don’t have to stay a victim. You don’t have to stay angry and resentful.” When did that become the definition of victim. Victim means you were subjected to a crime - means you were harmed. No wonder victims feel shame. We’ve made that a derogatory word.
Lisa A. Romano
@lisaaromano1
🌟Until I faced my fear of rejection, I remained in bondage-type relationships. Learn to stop looking outside of you for the sense that you are enough because you are!
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Jul 7
Any loss you experience for speaking your truth isn't loss. It's alignment.
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
There’s no shame in being a victim - there is in being a perpetrator.
Lisa A. Romano
@lisaaromano1
Trauma is now in control of your subconscious mind.
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Unhealed trauma will have you second-guessing and sabotaging healthy relationships with the people who actually have your back.
a n n a
@hi_its_annaleah
Jul 8
as a trauma survivor, I feel tired of being pathologized for seeking safety when I've never really known it
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
People who are tricked, manipulated, or forced into following a leader or belief system are not making a "choice."
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Less “You’re so strong” and more “That looks heavy. Let me help you carry it.”,
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_*
When you're a good person with pure intentions, you don't lose anybody – they lose you.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
It’s concerning how often someone who has endured the most complex of trauma is expected to show up in life and just react less and not be so sensitive. A person who has spent years experiencing pain and discomfort realistically cannot be responsible for other peoples comfort.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
You are not responsible for anyone's distorted perception of you.
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
According to one of my PhD research participants, a senior FBI agent, narcissists/psychopaths spend 85% of their time carefully managing their contrived facade.
Narcissists/psychopaths know they are different from a young age. They know they can hurt others without remorse, that they feel nothing when others are harmed or upset.
They sense they must fit in and they do so by watching and copying how others behave in emotional contexts.
They are highly motivated to control, demean, disadvantage, destroy, explore broad forms of sexuality, break laws and moral codes, but they know they must cover all this up or they may risk prison.
They create facades which may include church goer, charity worker, caring person, happy husband or wife, eccentric executive, passionate parent etc.
They spend a huge amount of time refining their facade/s, convincing others of the legitimacy of this false persona.
If people knew what they were really like they would be shocked. Yet around 10% of the population are predatory and all you see is the mask or facade. The numbers of these ‘people’ is in the millions.
They are truly satisfied with who they are, with their ability to pull off such a huge manipulation and with their status as a non-emotive being. They believe they are superior and revel in this superiority.
@defendsurvivors
We’ve made being a victim worse than being a perpetrator.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Your emotional intelligence and intuition will offend anyone who can't run a game on you.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Quite often the only power an abuser has is to tell you that you are overreacting. They’re not denying what they’ve done, but denying your right to respond how you see fit. Your response is valid. The abuse was not.
Thee Aries
@GiftedAsia
Once you realize people hate themselves and have low self esteem, you understand more why they’re so nasty, competitive and pessimistic. Let them tend to that misery alone.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Just because everyone else is doing it doesn't mean it's right for you.
You have Freedom to choose...
Tell me no Lies 💔❤️🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
Jul 11
If you consistently change your behavior because you are scared of someone’s reaction, you are likely being abused.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
One thing about empaths, is they notice weird vibes, bad energy, and sneaky shit.
Unkonfined
@unkonfined
Jul 11
The best revenge is letting people see that they didn’t stop a damn thing.
Tell me no Lies 💔❤️🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
Toxic people try convincing you that your gut feelings are just your insecurities ‘playing tricks’ on you.
Jay
@Wavymafia
Jul 11
After certain things happen, you don't feel the same way about people anymore, no matter who they are.
Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
Narcissists don't struggle with anger management issues. They can handle their anger just fine when there are potential witnesses around.
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Jul 11
Stop oversharing – not everyone wants what's best for you. Being private asf about your personal life is top-tier self-care.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Ability is nothing without opportunity.
Indigo ✨
@ThirdEyeMastery
Rebranding yourself is so therapeutic. A new look, new habits, new connections.
Carnivore Aurelius ©🥩 ☀️🦙
@AlpacaAurelius
Jul 11
Your life will become 100x better when you let people think you're insane
Tell me no Lies 💔❤️🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
Want practice ‘not’ taking a narcissist’s bait?
Next time someone starts shit with you on social media, ignore them. Once you see it’s going to be a dead-end conversation, ignore them.
Don’t-
Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
If my intensity is too much for someone, I've learned to accept they aren't willing to see I've spent my life in survival mode, independent, where mistakes weren't an option and no one was catching me. I soften when I feel safe. I feel safe when I know I'm seen.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Sometimes standing up for yourself can be as simple as walking away from a situation that doesn't support or honor your self worth.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
If you don't like something, take away it's only power...
Your Attention.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Jul 11
Sometimes we have to let go of people we love deeply, because the way we love gives them access to parts of us they’ve hurt over & over. The focus becomes trying to offer more love to get less hurt. Until we learn—there’s not enough love to stop people who hurt others like that.
@wtffrio
“you’re so quiet.” thanks, i’m not comfortable around you.
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
There is alot of misinformation out there about narcissists/psychopaths/coercive controllers….
1. Data indicates n/p/cc do not change as they get older. A recent study posted by the psychological association indicating they do, researched only traits in people generally. Personality researchers have struggled to access information on n/p/cc outside of jail so many just go to the broad population and ask them about their behaviours.
2. Narcissism is not represented by people who like a lot of attention. It is far more serious and harmful.
3. Not all psychopaths are serial killers. Not all psychopaths harm in overt, physical ways. Many destroy their targets emotionally, psychologically, financially, reputationally….
4. Anyone challenging the depth and breadth of harm and heartache caused by n/p/cc likely has never been personally targeted, is themselves a n/p/cc, or has been exposed to someone they think is n/p/cc but is not.
Ryan McLean
@Ryanamclean
Why would someone change their behavior if they never believe themselves to be wrong?
If they are never wrong, then anything negative in their life…must be someone else’s fault…
If everything bad is someone else’s fault….then those people should change their behavior….and victimizing them is justified
Improvement is not possible for someone who never varies away from this line of thought
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
A reminder: A large portion of abusers (parents, partners, leaders) are people who are adored in public.
Dr. Jessica Taylor
@DrJessTaylor
I bet every time you’ve victim blamed a woman and said, ‘why didn’t she just leave?’
You hadn’t considered ‘incase he ties up her and her family and kills them all with a crossbow’, as one of the options.
We know for most women, the most dangerous moment in abuse is when they try to leave. You are most likely to be seriously attacked or killed as you leave, or just after you leave.
That was certainly true for me. Twice. One time resulted in lifelong injuries. Both resulted in police investigations and arrests. Just from choosing to end the relationship.
So next time you learn that a woman is stuck in abuse and can’t/won’t leave, maybe reserve your judgement and consider how much risk she knows she is at.
@defendsurvivors
People need to be educated to not victim blame instead of educating survivors on what they ‘should’ve’ done. #dontshouldveasurvivor
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
“Your light may irritate a lot of unhealed people” …or your self righteousness may irritate everyone.
Please stop using ‘healing messages’ to pit survivors against each other.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
There is growth in recognizing that no matter how you say it they’re not not gonna hear it so you save your energy for yourself.
Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
Jul 12
Trauma is stored in your body
AND
So. Is. Healing. -Dr. Jen
Aim True (Amy Pagett)
@AimTrue7
Jul 13
The answers you’re seeking are within.
It’s just difficult to hear them when you place so much weight on the opinions of others.
Dr. Bob Beare
@DrBobBeare
We learned to be hypervigilant of "their" likes and dislikes when we were young and like sponges.
Time to wring out the anxiety.
Amy | Wellness Alchemist
@amydoublet
Shame shuts down your heart
Ryan Delaney
@RDelaney
Jul 12
Trauma causes you to hide yourself.
Instead of being yourself, you become who you think others will like more. But hiding yourself robs others of your authentic expression.
The less you are willing to reveal your true self, the more healing you have ahead of you.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
One of the heaviest burdens that we carry are the thoughts in our head.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Communication is one thing but the tone while communicating, tells you everything.
@_Pammy_DS_
Normalize not feeling bad for distancing yourself from anybody who did not feel bad for hurting you.
Narcissistic Abuse Awareness
@AwareOfTheNarc
Jul 14
Remember… When people care about you they feel sorry when they hurt you and make changes so they don’t hurt you again. When people don’t care about you they don’t feel sorry and they don’t change.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
When you shame a child for expressing anger when they're hurt, they don't become less angry. They just learn to hide natural responses to unjust behavior done to them.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
A person who finds peace instead of revenge can never be bothered.
Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
The #narcissist and their flying monkeys will blame and shame those who call the narcissist out on their abusive behavior.
As if speaking the truth about the narcissist’s abusive behavior is the bad thing.
Blame-shifting is a narcissist’s second nature.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
There are some who could hear you speak a thousand words and still not understand you. There are others who will understand you without speaking a single word.
"In such a world of conflict, a world of victims and executioners, it is the job of thinking people, not to be on the side of the executioners."
-- Albert Camus
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Trauma informed therapy works.
"Therapy" that considers trauma just one of many etiological factors in mental illness, & which requires no special skills, tools, or philosophies to manage, often creates more problems than it solves.
Words
@itswords_
life isn't easy when you have an overthinking mind with a sensitive heart
@_Pammy_DS_
Jul 16
Being in a healthy relationship truly taught me there's no such thing as 'that's just the way I am'. When you genuinely love someone you work on those toxic traits, you learn to communicate, you actively listen to each others thoughts & feelings—you adjust, evolve & heal together
🐢
@turtlebreezee
When you start healing, you stop hiding.
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Biggest gift for an abuser are the ‘defenders’. The abuser doesn’t have to do anything but sit back and watch the show while others do the abusing for them.
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Maturity is when you stop trying to convince others to treat you right. You just observe their choices, understand their character, and decide what you’re going to allow in your life.
🐢
@turtlebreezee
A clean house solves a lot of problems.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
The people who have traumatized you do not hold the answers on how you are meant to heal. Please stop going back.
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
3 things perpetrators want the most - chance to manipulate, defenders, and power/control.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Truth tellers, whistle-blowers, scapegoats and the real victims are always portrayed as 'crazy.'
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
The older you get, the more you start choosing calm over chaos and distance over disrespect. Drama becomes intolerable to you, and your peace becomes your highest priority. You start surrounding yourself with people who are good for your mental health, heart, and soul.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Jul 17
If it makes you happy, no one else's opinion should matter.
@CoachElizabethS
Narcissist personality disorder, where the narcissist believes they're the victim, while their victims get blamed and end up in therapy
♱
@doortodivinity
Jul 18
Loving yourself deeply will heal your life
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Removing yourself instead of returning negative energy is growth.
CPTSD Foundation
@cptsdfoundation
Flashbacks are raw, unaltered memories that suddenly enter your conscious mind as a survivor.
A flashback can be triggered by a smell, taste, feeling, or just about anything that is personal to your unique situation of where and how the abuse happened.
Karun
@karunpal
Jul 18
Introverts are the most real people you'll ever meet. But they're also very hard to get. They're picky af. They don't entertain fake people. They don't care who you are or what you do. For them, it's all about actions. That's what they care for. Don't tell, show.
Narcissist Facts 101
@narcissistfacts
Jul 18
When a narcissist is confronted about their nasty, antisocial, and toxic behavior, they will desperately try to flip the script around on anyone who brings it up and they will cry that they are being “projected on” and that everyone and everything else is the problem. Never them.
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Normalize never forcing people to choose you. If someone thinks they can get better elsewhere – let them. Respectfully.
Inner Practitioner
@MindTendencies2
People assume your gentleness must have come from an easy life. They don't know the hardships you endured and the obstacles you overcame to turn your pain into power, your wounds into wisdom, the disrespect of others into strong boundaries, and learn to walk alone in the dark.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Fact:
Cruelty stems from weak character.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Keep vibing until you find a place where you are welcome, valued, respected and understood.
CPTSD Foundation
@cptsdfoundation
Dissociation appears to be the mechanism by which intense sensory and emotional experiences are disconnected from the social domain of language and memory, the internal mechanism by which terrorized people are silenced.
(21.7.2024)
Social anxiety problem is problem with breaking the ice.
Going to job interview, applying for one. Then being in a situation with angry customers, boss, colleagues. There are two sources of panic and over-stimulation. Doing something new, breaking the ice and handling problems and issues where we do not know how to do something or we done something and it is wrong - and then there is criticism about it.
Both situations are difficult to go through. Natural instinct is to avoid and hide - but this cannot be done in the real world. There is no place where we can run away and hide - mostly due to paying the rent and paying anything like food or clothes. We are forced to face the difficult, cruel and aggressive and intrusive people. This process starts with childhood. Where we experience ACE and ACoA: constant criticism, hysteria.
Exposure to critical people, angry people, intrusive ones, judgmental - is the problem.
There are plethora of psychological information that socially anxious people do not have at disposal that would help us tolerate and navigate social situations - and instead we are leaning on childish defense mechanisms. Usually defense mechanisms are hiding, staying silent, being frozen, not knowing what to do, doing mistake and then being harassed because of this mistake, staying aside, not moving.
Hidden information for social anxiety would be
- pause and wait for emotional dysregulation to calm and go on its own
- express anger in order to give us energy
- control what I can control, don't control what is outside of my influence
- writing like this train of thoughts - making sense what is going on without bothering other people with my burdens
- binding our goals, tasks, jobs in life within our community where we belong naturally
- Nothingness concept
CBT, just like NPD and psychopaths - keep us always questioning:
"Will I ever be good enough?"
With manipulation and control and blame and nitpicking and fault finding - we can never be good enough for these people.
I believe social anxiety stems from exposure to petty agonizing thinking of narcissists or Aspergers who seek any mistake and flaw and make drama about it - and now it over-spills in adulthood when we are in contact with people who are changing their rules, they are in some sort of power position or in some kind of negotiation position, like clerk in store or doing paper work in disorganized system - and whatever you do they always make drama, hysteria, yelling and screaming. Even when you try hard not to make previous mistake - and you do something, invest energy into correcting and doing proper actions - and they change the rules or expectations and they criticize about it. Over and over again - you cannot win with such people - you are doomed to listen to their hysteria and blame and shaming of us, for doing something wrong. So we are basically trained to be passive and to suffer in silence and to do nothing so that they are not triggered. Walking on egg-shelves to the point of being afraid of any social contact because they would over react and blow things out of proportion.
This means - in order to heal social anxiety being surrounded by petty people who are toxic and probably abnormal hence triggering our trauma -
we need
a) become antagonistic and quarrel with them in endless arguments and proving them from
or
b) to continue doing what we are already doing with social anxiety: being reasonable, seek solutions, not attacking others HOWEVER in the same time that we push out the guilt and shame and blame and negative pressure we have inside us - out of us. We keep these malignant shaming as reaction, as learned behavior from abuse. Pushing it out means Radical Acceptance and Nothingness - and this may include stating the facts when we are accused of being wrong - telling the person what is wrong with them - and nothing else. Not waiting for them to admit their abnormality or apologize. Or to wait through arguments to wait for the resolution and the end - there will never be one. They are abnormal, they live in delusional world where they see other people as threat and nothing can change their paranoia.
I see social anxiety also from attachment side as problem - like a child that is being neglected, where we are seen as nuisance and nobody really listen to us. Not even ourselves. Ability to accept ourselves, listen to ourselves, hear our fears and panic and anger and encourage ourselves to express and talk about all of these will not only help us with our mental health- but it will also help us to connect with others, when they are having issues which they find hard to talk about or process them.
Impulses.
It is triggers that make us bring self sabotaging decisions related to avoiding the pain based only on an impulse.
We see a bad news - and we decided not to go anywhere.
It leads to domino effect of bad events from the past - and again, the desire to be around people, socializing - it is gone.
These impulses, avoiding the pain, seeing or sensing the pain - causes us to avoid life. It connects with inner critic which will find every reason in the world why avoid and hide away and to be silent. Double binding is connected with inner critic. And that is the introject - when toxic people instill the message inside us that we are not safe and that we are not competent and that we must depend on others while we are obedient and silent.
Removing the significance, removing the context, removing the toxic people from the pedestal is healthy. Nobody taught us that. Instead we were instructed in ACE and ACoA, with exposure to nitpicking, drama and criticism since childhood - to look for solutions for angry people and how to fix them. Our brain was trained to place toxic people in our context, as our responsibility and our duty. Now with social anxiety - it leads to toxic stress, toxic obligation, and inability to shake toxic people off from our ruminations and worrying about them, what they said. what will they say, how to calm them down.
It is clear message from psychology: that our fears, panic stem from feeling not safe, feeling not loved. The context must be in the direction of feeling safe around people, that we can trust them - even when they are toxic. And this is only possible if we remove the significance away from toxic people. They are pathological liars and have agenda - they cannot be trusted, we cannot invest any emotional or any kind of connection with them.
While our intrusive thoughts cannot be removed through blocking them because it makes them stronger - toxic people require a different strategy. Strategy of experiments and mostly that inside we stop agreeing with them. In most cases we will cut toxic people immediately and block them from having any kind of contact with them - which is healthy and best prevention against exploitation and codependency. However in real life - toxic people are everywhere and it is unreasonable that we move to living in a cave, so that we isolate ourselves from the evil. In real life we will be forced to be in a contact with them, some kind of close contact - where they can twist our mind into anxiety and panic all the time. Then - because they have this certain power over us- where we cannot turn our back and leave - we need to disagree with their messages inside our head. This is the opposite of intrusive thoughts messages - that we accept intrusive thoughts and they will slowly wither away. Accepting toxic people will not wither them away because they are external - they are predators. When we let go and accept toxic people as fact of life - they will poison our mind, our decisions, our feeling of safety. So another approach is needed - that we consciously in our minds remove their influence, their context, their significance, that we simply disagree with them without speaking it out to them. Without entering into conflict with dangerous people. This way we will enforce already present boundary between our well being and the external reality- which we can never know in any way. Even if we try, even if we fix other people - we truly never know the shape of external reality, it is impossible to know it. Toxic people push us into being obsessed with them so that we ponder about their aggression and what kind of damage that they can inflict on us - and this keeps us trapped inside social anxiety and panic and self sabotaging decisions.
Borderline.
What I've seen in wounded narcissists that they thrive in gossip and magnifying other people's mistakes. Now I know that this behavior of slander comes from two sources, negative and toxic: 1) there is self hatred that makes them protect themselves by making other people bad 2) there is trauma and shame that makes them focus and hyper-focused on other people's mistakes and they cannot shake it off, they cannot stop themselves from behaving in judgmental way, repeating the trauma, abuse that they have experienced.
We can look at hysterical people like those who do not wear mask and they show their true face - they are authentic. They do not hide their feelings and they show how they feel. The problem here is that
1) feeling angry does not give them free pass to hurt others
2) feelings are not right to control someone and expect others to change due to their feelings and emotions and being authentic.
This is where impulsive borderlines and narcissists and any manipulative person got it wrong. They believe that their anger or frank bold expression of opinions gives them right to control others.
Empaths on the other hand got it wrong- that simply because someone is angry that this means that we must shut up and be obedient. We end up with fawning due to punishments and extortion of toxic people who use coercive control.
Catastrophizing-
I see social anxiety as byproduct of trauma. Trauma means we were abused. Being abused means that we adopt lookout on reality and life through the prism of fear and being attacked.
This means - whenever we are in some kind of new situation, when people are potentially violent and aggressive - we will switch to amygdala, amygdala hijacking - and this means that we will perceive social event or anything that needs to be done as end of the world. It will feel like there is no future - and that we are doomed for performing in this event. This is what makes social anxiety so scary and this is why we avoid - because anything new or uncomfortable appears to us as a Armageddon. While in reality - it is not. Tomorrow will come, another things will happen, life will move on no matter how much we make mistake or how brutally and unfair people treat us.
It is nervous system - after ACE and ACoA - our brain gets wired to worry and ruminate. This is nervous system that cannot calm down. So messages from CBT about meditation and calming down - won't work because the system is wired to flood whenever there is a torrent. The obvious solution is the change of system - and this means working on trauma, so that we do not repeat learned and programmed trigger reactions as response to toxic people.
@Ryan_Daigler
There are people that seek truth, and there are people that seek to confirm what they want to believe
I M A N I
@prettygirll4L
please stop calling people sensitive as an insult just because you don't have the emotional intelligence to understand things on a deeper level. this world needs sensitive people, empathy is a good trait to have🤍
@soymeii
i don't know who needs to hear this but if you're scared someone will react negatively to you setting a boundary with them, that's concrete proof that the boundary is necessary
Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
The people who have been brainwashed are trying to tell the rest of us that we are the ones who have been manipulated.
They’re gone. There’s no reaching them.
Lindsay Goodman 🏳️🌈 (she/her)
@thelindsgoodman
In 2024 I can’t believe there are still people who say “just leave” to abuse victims and think it’s helpful advice.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
It's amazing how your spirit knows something is off before you physically see it.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Understand that cruelty by others is not a reflection of who you are, but who they are.
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
Tragically, people targeted by narcissists/psychopaths often end up looking like the ‘bad guy’.
This happens because the n/p hurts and provokes the target so often and so painfully that they eventually react. The reaction is captured and used by the n/p.
George Monbiot
@GeorgeMonbiot
Jul 19
To all the people saying "they should have locked the Just Stop Oil protesters up for longer", enjoy your weekend.
But please remember that you wouldn't have a weekend, or any other fundamental right, were it not for protesters who were reviled by people like you.🧵
Dr. Christine Marie Cocchiola
@coercivecontrol
Therapists should never require a client to accommodate another.
@lisaaromano1
Many codependents don't realize that they have anxiety, often controlling it by managing how others perceive them. When you're a wounded inner child lacking the love and validation needed from parents, it creates insecurit and shame.
Tell me no Lies 💔❤️🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
Narcissistic abusers intentionally ‘misunderstand’ you to create conflict. They thrive on drama.
Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D. (Cis, He/Him)
@AndrewCicchett1
Grooming is abuse. That’s the tweet.
Victoria
@Vicky
The weird you is the best you
𝒕𝒊𝒔𝒉
@tishsinterlude
At some point you really have to tell yourself “this is not an experience I want to keep having” and stop entertaining things that don’t benefit you in any way.
CPTSD Foundation
@cptsdfoundation
Undue criticisms and targeted humiliation are some of the hallmarks of narcissistic people, and gift-giving becomes an opportunity for rejection and humiliation.
This article looks at how trying to please a narcissist hurts you and delays your healing
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
There are horrible people that enjoy hurting other people. Usually they are mostly silent because it would be socially unacceptable to say what they really think - until someone makes it acceptable to say those things and then their true selfs are shown.
If frightening sensations are not given the time and attention they need to move through the body and resolve or dissolve, the individual will continue to be gripped by fear.
Peter Levine
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
The right people hear you differently even when you say nothing at all.
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
“Your true family and friends won’t make you prove your pain.”
CPTSD Foundation
@cptsdfoundation
A Toxic Abusive Relationship (TAR) can make you feel unsupported, belittled, and lose your sense of identity.
“My mother was the first person to tell me that my thoughts and experiences mattered,” Harris wrote, & thanked her mom as “most responsible” upon becoming VP.
Unkonfined
@unkonfined
People take it personal when you don’t let them waste your time.
Unkonfined
@unkonfined
Jul 20
You don’t have to rebuild bonds that you didn’t break.
a n n a
@hi_its_annaleah
Jul 21
most of society currently: "Your neurodivergence is a superpower in the workplace!"
me, thinking: then please explain why am I frequently terminated, never promoted, usually disciplined, & often required to resign by employers - due to what are in fact traits of said superpower?
Inner Practitioner
@MindTendencies2
Just because you're healing doesn't mean you have to let the people who hurt you back into your life. Just because you increase your emotional intelligence doesn't mean you have to take on people's emotions, energies, and problems. Keep leveling up and the world will adjust.
Mindset Machine
@Mindset_Machine
Jul 21
Keep friends for friendship, but work with the skilled and competent.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
You make more sense when you talk than think you do. Trauma Brain is telling you you don't make sense not because you don't express yourself well-- but because it wants you to shut up.
Trauma Brain feedback isn't about reality. It's about Trauma Brain Agenda.
Nika Solé
@withlovesole
Someone who’s not right within themselves will never be able to get it right with you.
Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Remember, covert #narcissists start out friendly, they mirror you, agree with you, compliment you and get you to trust them. That’s their first objective. This can last days or much longer.
After they are certain they have tour trust, then they work to sway your opinions or mislead you, typically with the intent of setting you back, gaslighting you, stealing from you, and/or sabotaging you.
Wealth Director
@wealth_director
You are the only person who can give yourself what you want.
Justin Grome
@Justin_Grome
I don’t do revenge. I’ll level up and forget you even existed.
Philosophy Of Life
@PhilOfLife_
Jul 21
Normalize not telling everybody everything.
Men Money Mindset
@MenMoneyMindset
Jul 21
A man who came back from hell can't be beaten
I M A N I
@prettygirll4L
Jul 21
LEARNING TO STAY CALM WHEN YOU FEEL DISRESPECTED IS A DIFFERENT TYPE OF GROWTH.🦋
Dr Jen Daffin 🏴 🏳️🌈🍉
@Jendaffin
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has long been hailed as THE treatment for mental health.
We were told there was a significant body of evidence for its efficacy.
But recent reviews have uncovered weak research protocols + an unscientific manipulation of statistical evidence.
Dr. Jessica Taylor
@DrJessTaylor
Jul 21
ask the pharmaceutical companies who have convinced millions of people they have a ‘serotonin imbalance’ in their brain so they can make billions of dollars a year
Dr. Roger McFillin
@DrMcFillin
Believe me, succumbing to the psychiatric cult and becoming entangled in a mental health system that categorizes the range of human experiences as psychiatric disorders will only deteriorate your well-being over time. It's a trap. You'll find yourself stuck, and before you realize it, your life becomes a cycle of attempts to numb, medicate, or alter your internal experience. That very struggle becomes the mental illness. Resist
e
@E5THR
Jul 21
You grow up and realise being friends with people who aren’t intentional about friendship is a waste of time
Jacklena Bentley
@JacklenaB
How many of us had to sit across the table from our abuser and pretend nothing happened?
Sean McClure
@sean_a_mcclure
No matter how deep you want to get, it’s never a good idea to stop speaking like a human.
Lisa A. Romano
@lisaaromano1
🌟 Narcissists thrive by keeping you in a constant state of stress, robbing you of your mental powers. Take back control by prioritizing self-care, boundaries, and inner peace. Your well-being matters most. 💪💖
Inner Practitioner
@MindTendencies2
People who don't communicate properly will think you're trying to argue. People who are emotionally unavailable will think you're too much when you express your feelings. People who don't love themselves will confuse their attachment as love and their enmeshment as intimacy.
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
The best revenge is none. Heal, move on, and be happy — don’t become like the people that traumatized you.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Your healing is in loving the parts of you who endured the pain, not in redeeming the people who caused it.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Some talk to you in their free time and some free their time to talk to you. Learn the difference.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
No one who gives us sh*t for "not trying hard enough" is terribly interested in actually understanding what our obstacles are, or in supporting us w/ a realistic plan to overcome them.
"Get over it" is a garbage phrase. Don't take anyone who says it seriously.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
You're not "crazy;" you don't sound "crazy;" & everything you're experiencing makes sense somehow.
Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
Part of why cognitive behavioral therapy doesn’t work for trauma survivors is because how can we help anyone stop catastrophizing when the LITERAL worst-case-scenario is stored in their mind body and brains? -Dr. Jen
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
You aren’t supporting an abuser when you deny their wrong doing. You’re enabling them. Supporting them would be holding them accountable so they can live an honest life. Enabling ensures they’ll repeat the abuse. They have a choice to do it different. Their enablers do too.
Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D. (Cis, He/Him)
@AndrewCicchett1
a victim of coercive control is never able to give fully informed consent...to anything, in the context of the 'perpetrationship'
Lisa A. Romano
@lisaaromano1
Growing up with extreme parents who view ego boundaries as threats to their identity can be profoundly confusing.
Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D. (Cis, He/Him)
@AndrewCicchett1
if we believe that grooming is a tactic of coercive control, how can we believe a victim is giving consent???
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Having feelings and needs does not make you a "burden."
Lindsay Goodman 🏳️🌈 (she/her)
@thelindsgoodman
I feel like watching people follow Trump is like watching people stuck in an abusive relationship. They don’t know they’re being mind controlled. They can’t see it for what it is. But from the outside looking in…
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Do not trust a therapist who, when faced w/ criticism, immediately defaults to diagnosing & speculating about the psychological motives of their critics.
Narcissistic Abuse Awareness
@AwareOfTheNarc
Jul 24
If you have to google your partner’s behavior to try and make sense of it, it’s time to leave. 🚩
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Don't adapt to the energy in the room. Influence good energy in the room.
@defendsurvivors
You don’t need to defend whatever ridiculous thing an abusive person says - you need to call out the abusive person saying ridiculous things.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
You have zero control over how people perceive you.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Heal so you are no longer vulnerable to believing you are the problem in situations an abuser created.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Your body can literally reject someone's energy. Your anxiety will act up anytime someone's bad energy disturbs your spirit. Listen to your spirit.....
jennie
@bnzatro
Jul 25
i think we start healing by telling the truth
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
I heard that when you stop chasing what you want, you walk right into what you need.
LEO B
@iambrimiah
Jul 26
Isolation heals me. The people that get it, get it
Tea Pain
@TeaPainUSA
MAGA is crumbling under the weight of its own hate.
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Perpetrators gatekeep information - even unimportant information. Why? Because it lets them be in control.
Tell me no Lies 💔❤️🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
When the person who abused you says you abused them, its called gaslighting.
🛸 Laura Faye 🐉
@thelaurafaye
Not being offended is a superpower 💥
@nate_postlethwt
As adults, we have options to look at someones toxic behavior & choose not to engage. When you're a child there is no choice. The only option is to adapt. Every time you place a boundary now, you're giving that young kid a nod, telling them you see them & you've got it from here.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
When you discover your self worth, you lose interest in anyone who doesn't see it.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
When an abuser says “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
1). They’re not sorry.
2). Instead of apologizing for what they did, they will shame you for not having a better reaction. This puts the focus on your response instead of their behavior.
3). Seriously, they’re not sorry.
Philosophy Quotes
@philosophors
“How can great minds be produced in a country where the test of a great mind is agreeing in the opinions of small minds?”
— John Stuart Mill
Robert Greene
@RobertGreene
Being attacked is a sign that you are important enough to be a target. You should relish the attention and the chance to prove yourself.
Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D. (Cis, He/Him)
@AndrewCicchett1
Wanting a relationship and then wanting that relationship to work seems to be what makes one vulnerable to coercive control. The normal human desire to connect in the form in which we’ve been conditioned to think is “ideal” seems to be what puts one at risk. Just my 2 cents.
CPTSD Foundation
@cptsdfoundation
Many CPTSD survivors are dealing with symptoms like hypervigilance, and safety in the workplace goes beyond the absence of physical harm or harassment.
Lisa A. Romano
@lisaaromano1
Recognize the truth behind the facade and protect your self-worth.
Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
The narcissist will tell lies about you, to “get even” with you for telling the truth about them.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
There is nothing wrong. Individual freedom begins with confidence and sense of self ..
Individuals lose personal power when told they are told they are less than.
Dr. Jessica Taylor
@DrJessTaylor
I know that my work is ‘controversial’ but I never set out for it to be that way. I thought what I was saying was obvious. Years ago, when I first realised that women and girls were being told they had mental disorders and personality disorders instead of having their distress and abuse and trauma validated - I thought everyone could see what was happening.
But the reality is, women and girls seek help at their darkest hour, and a person in authority tells them that they have mental health issues. And they believe them. And then that person ‘diagnoses’ them. And the women believe them, that it’s a real illness, that it’s a real diagnostic process. And those same people tell them that they need to take the pills every day to ‘treat’ their ‘illness’.
And more often than not, those women and girls, with the newly ‘diagnosed’ ‘illness’ - never have their trauma discussed or validated. The fact they were abused in childhood is ignored. The fact that they are co-parenting with a violent misogynist is ignored. The fact that they are working long hours, raising kids, caring for their family, - are under more and more pressure to be thin, beautiful and popular. Then there’s life, stress, debt, work, bullying, grief, illness, accidents, break-ups, arguments, loneliness, feeling lost…
So, I started asking the question:
What if there is nothing wrong with her?
What if she’s just reacting to the external pressures on her? What if she’s just trying to cope with trauma and distress?
What if there is no such thing as a ‘mental illness’? What if these social constructs are just old names for distress? Categories we used to lock people up and medicate them?
These conversations - whilst uncomfortable - must happen. Millions of people are given drugs every year for mental illnesses that we don’t have a test for, we can’t prove they exist, we have no biomarkers for - and yet every single person I’ve ever met with a diagnosed ‘mental health issue’ has had a distressing experience of some kind.
Wouldn’t it make more sense for us to support each other in our distress and trauma?
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Your mind and body will feel like they’re at war when you’re begging for understanding from an abuser and your inner child is begging for space.
Dr. Bob Beare
@DrBobBeare
Jul 27
Our intuition can warn us of danger - or, if we're full of unresolved trauma and fear, our intuition sees everything as dangerous.
Dr. Bob Beare
@DrBobBeare
Jul 27
An amazing amount of parents think that shaming, screaming, and hitting is good parenting. I interrupt when I see it in public and say "Are you having a bad day?" This usually gives the kid a short break from the abuse. Sometimes it's received well - sometimes not.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
The moment you put a stop to people taking advantage of you and disrespecting you, is when they define you as difficult, selfish or crazy. Manipulators hate boundaries.
Tell me no Lies 💔❤️🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
Narcissistic abusers are professional fakers and extreme takers. Be careful who you trust.
'You're only here for a short visit.
Don't hurry, don't worry. And be sure to smell the flowers along the way.'
Walter Hagen
Dr. Julie Gurner
@drgurner
Jul 28
Once you have the confidence & self-knowledge that "I can figure it out"....there really is no stopping you.
Lisa A. Romano
@lisaaromano1
Living under the constant stress of narcissistic abuse can lead to a host of physical illnesses.
Understand the impact of narcissistic abuse and start your healing journey.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Bullying isn't a mistake. It's a conscious choice that's reflects a lack of respect and empathy.
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
No one has the right to tell you how you should feel about what happened to you. They didn’t experience it - you did. You know the truth.
#dontshouldveasurvivor
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
You are not less lovable when you are sick, hurt, or sad.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Whether any politician fits your definition of “weird” or not, could we not f*ckin’ weaponize a word that’s been used to shame & bully nonconforming kids since the beginning of time?
Aim True (Amy Pagett)
@AimTrue7
Compassion is the antidote to shame.
Offer yourself compassion for the things that you did in service of survival & protection.
Graceinla
@girlnamedgil
I heard ' hurt people hurt other people ' by therapists and priests .
They look for reasons. The only reason someone is a narcissist is they were born predisposed to being a sociopath and somehow the opportunities opened for them to become empowered.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Shoutout to people whose kindness isn't a strategy but a way of life.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
It's okay to be angry.
It's never okay to be cruel.
Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
Jul 6
Why is an ADHD diagnosis so important? So you know that some of your tantrums are actually sensory overload, your procrastination isn’t laziness, and your sadness could be ADHD burnout. -Dr. Jen
Amy | Wellness Alchemist
@amydoublet
Trauma creates autonomic nervous system dysregulation.
It is not an identity.
Aim True (Amy Pagett)
@AimTrue7
It’s a slippery slope when we identify with a diagnosis or symptoms. We are so much more than this.
This is why I rarely talk about my diagnosis of PTSD. Yes it’s a part of me but there is also so much more. And the more I heal the symptoms become less and less.
Callum Stephen (He/Him)
@AutisticCallum_
Are you a ‘sparkling water overwhelms me’ autistic or a ‘sparkling water is a sensory delight for me’ autistic?
Kenzie
@kenzsinterlude
Some people feel like you betrayed them because you didn't stay around and let them abuse you.
🐢
@turtlebreezee
Protect your mental health by not looking at things you know will trigger it.
Aim True (Amy Pagett)
@AimTrue7
Jul 29
Guilt is about the action. “I did a bad thing”
Shame is about the belief “I am bad”
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
It is IMPOSSIBLE to understand the motivations of a narcissist/psychopath/coercive controller (predator) unless you are willing to think outside the box!
Human predators have pre-frontal cortex and amygdala brain anomalies.
They LOOK like us but they are NOT like us.
They are not motivated by love or affinity.
They are motivated by control and dominance.
They do not feel fear, compassion, joy, or empathy.
They do however get great satisfaction from intimidating, demeaning, humiliating and destroying others.
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
They are able to fake caring and fake loving. It is incredibly confusing!
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
They can always find people uneducated in the way of the predator, kind-hearted, vulnerable and unsuspecting! There is a smorgasbord out there for them.
Plus they do not have to know people to target them.
𝗪:)
@imthatguy4r
Imagine if quieter people asked loud people “why are you always talking?” with the same confidence that they ask us why we're always quiet
sad
@sadlover4L
Jul 29
ignoring red flags because you wanna see the good in people will cost you later
Mike
@ParadoxicalMike
Jul 29
"I really hate when you’re learning a new hobby and someone says, you can turn into a side hustle. Can’t somethings be for the enjoyment of it?"
Stop turning your hobbies into work.
Stop turning your hobbies into work.
Stop turning your hobbies into work.
Stop turning your hobbies into work.
Stop turning your hobbies into work.
Stop turning your hobbies into work.
*
@lonesfeels
Stop bothering people who are clearly okay without your presence.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Let's normalize asking questions for clarity instead of believing based on a story someone created out of jealousy, hate or insecurities. Clarity preserves the real truth.
What is the psychology behind character assassination?
Character assassination is a special form of lashing out often done by individuals with symptoms of BPD. Character assassination is generally a reaction to feeling threatened by the target. Character assassination can be very destructive to relationships.14. velj 2023.
Why Some People with BPD Engage in Character Assassination
Psychology Today
https://www.psychologytoday.com › my-side-of-the-couch
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
It doesn't matter who hurt you, or broke you down, what matters is who lifted you up and made you smile again.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Sometimes we don’t see danger in others—not because we are naive, but because we believe in goodness. We are reflecting what we would do for others & hurting them is not on that list. Peace to those who still believe in that goodness, even though they’ve been hurt.
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
#Narcissists may have children to project an image of normalcy or goodness, using the role of a parent as a tool to gain social approval or mask their true nature.
In private, the children are emotionally neglected and often psychologically abused.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Don't go on autopilot today. Our old conditioning wants us to just let our old patterns run-- but remember, our old patterns predictably leave us feeling powerless & cynical. Choose how you're gonna talk to yourself today. Choose how you're gonna budget your time. F*ck autopilot.
Nika Solé
@withlovesole
The truth has been so hidden and distorted that many people don’t realize they’re fighting on the side of evil.
Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
No one can throw a bigger tantrum than a narcissist getting shown facts and evidence of something they definitely did do.
@defendsurvivors
Perpetrators always think you holding them accountable is worse than their crime.
Dr. Bob Beare
@DrBobBeare
Most people are walking around reacting to old unresolved fear - and calling it intuition.
Aim True (Amy Pagett)
@AimTrue7
Intuition brings a sense of calm, unresolved fear does not. It’s important to notice how the body is responding.
Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
Jul 31
A narcissist doesn't want to discuss their actions. They want to provoke your reactions so they can use your reactions as distractions from their actions.
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Being toxic isn't cute. Grow up and go heal. Learn how to love and communicate correctly.
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Perpetrators always think you’re being abusive to them when you point out all the horrible things they’ve said and done. #perpetrator101
Author Kathleen Keith
@AuthorKathKeith
Jul 31
And I will add: Who you allow to continue to be in your circle. Many times it's necessary to literally walk away from (hopefully geographically) from toxic people.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Jul 31
It’s not only trauma people are healing from, but the ways people treated them when they asked for help.
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
One sign of a narcissist/psychopath/coercive controller is smug arrogance.
Some are more blatantly arrogant and some more subtle but they all see themselves as superior because of brain anomalies which means they don’t emote.
They see emotions as a weakness.
Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
Never defend yourself to a narcissist. Whether they know you're right or not, they want to watch you go crazy trying to prove it.
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
#Narcissists devalue those they abuse, seeing their victims as less valuable or significant based on how they treat them. (“I treat you horribly therefore you are a worthless person”) This devaluation process allows narcissists to justify their abusive behavior, and gives them a sense of superiority and control over another life which is a thrill for them.
By treating someone poorly, they rationalize that the person is less than human, further entrenching their distorted perception of value and worth.
RWilliams
@EBeitelspa29054
They dehumanize their targets and encourage others to do the same.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Sometimes you gotta limit your exposure to someone you like or love, not because you DON'T like or love them, but because the things they say or do poison your recovery.
It's a drag-- but your recovery comes first.
Poetic Outlaws
@OutlawsPoetic
“People don't want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messed cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown.”
—Chuck Palahniuk
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Jul 31
Normalize seeing someone's lack of effort as their lack of interest in you regardless of what they tell you. Giving you all of the right words, but none of the right actions is called manipulation. If a person wants to be with you, they prove it. Period.
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Narcissists often manipulate conversations to deflect blame and appear strong. Their followers admire their manipulative skills and see debates as competitions of wit, rather than recognizing the actual moral issues at play.
Rational people trying to point out abuse are overshadowed by this dynamic, as the focus shifts from the abusive behavior to the narcissist's ability to manipulate the narrative.
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
In simpler terms, narcissists turn what should be an intellectual conversation or argument into a mud wrestling match
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Blog: "Neglected children often grow up feeling invisible— because their needs often WERE invisible to the people who SHOULD have seen them MOST clearly."
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
No matter what you do, others may still judge you. So you might as well do whatever is felt right within yourself.
Aim True (Amy Pagett)
@AimTrue7
Sometimes when you're angry, frustrated or irritated the best thing to do is wait it out.
Don't feel like you need to reply right away or respond. Take a time out, breathe & return to whatever it is a little later.
"Totalitarianism appeals to the very dangerous emotional needs of people who live in complete isolation and in fear of one another."
— Hannah Arendt
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
You are not "bad" for feeling, or failing to feel, anything.
Consider limiting your contact or engagement w/ anyone who insists otherwise.
Inner Practitioner
@MindTendencies2
Immaturity is when they are afraid of you getting upset if you find out they lied to you, but they are not afraid of lying to you, losing your trust, and damaging their relationship with you.
Narcissistic Abuse Awareness
@AwareOfTheNarc
Jul 31
It’s no coincidence that everyone close to the narcissist ends up in therapy but not the narcissist themselves.
@AndrewCicchett1
An abusive relationship doesn’t “become” abusive. At some point you will realize that you are being abused. At a later point still you will come to realize it’s been abuse since day one.
CPTSD Foundation
@cptsdfoundation
Years of repeated exposure to physical and emotional abuse inevitably taught many survivors to develop a heightened defense mechanism that walls them in and makes them feel unsafe in a relationship.
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
For the perpetrator, you pointing out their crimes is always the greater sin than them committing the crimes.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Some people need to come with "warning labels".
Tell me no Lies ?❤️🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
Narcissistic abusers misuse therapy terms to avoid accountability. They also do this to make their victim feel responsible for their own abuse.
Be wary of those throwing around terms like- boundaries, manipulation, gaslighting, triangulation etc…without any context.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
You need to know that flashbacks are often not all or nothing. The answer to "is this a flashback?" is often some variant of, "kinda."
Especially w/ complex trauma, flashbacks-- sensory, emotional, & somatic-- very often get bundled w/ other memories & reactions.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Never discredit your gut instinct. You are not paranoid. Your body can pick up on bad vibrations. If something deep inside of you says something is not right about a person or situation, trust it.
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Manipulation is when someone blames you for your reaction to their toxic behaviour but never wants to discuss their disrespect that triggered you.
Ryan Delaney
@RDelaney
Aug 1
We forgive, not to condone another person's behavior, but to free ourselves from the emotional imprisonment of resentment.
SlavicWarrio®️
@q_slavic
Aug 1
BE PREPARED to be rejected when you refuse to be Manipulated.🔥
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Survivors need people that understand the survivor is the expert in their experience and healing - not people that think they are.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Fake is becoming so acceptable that people get offended when you're being real.
Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
A narcissist hits you with shame, false promises, accusations, isolation, manipulation, control, slander, games, silence, the past, the mask, betrayal, gaslighting, lies, abandonment, insecurities, and criticism, then claims they did nothing to you.
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
When you honestly point out a narcissist’s mistakes, they’ll turn it around and criticize everything you do that isn’t even worthy of criticism. This irrational, competitive mindset makes constructive dialogue impossible.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Heal so you no longer believe you have to explain yourself better to people who defend those who hurt you.
🐢
@turtlebreezee
Aug 2
People’s true colors come out when they don’t get what they want from you.
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Narcissist parents expect their children to sacrifice their lives for them. And if the child doesn’t sacrifice their life willingly, the narcissist will do their worst to take it from them.
Karun
@karunpal
Aug 2
Introverts don't fight, argue, blame or defend. Nope. That's not their thing. They just go silent. A silent treatment so cold it'll freeze your soul.
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Just because a person doesn’t show their pain, doesn’t mean they’re not hurting
Dr. Bob Beare
@DrBobBeare
Whatever emotional support we needed when we were kids and didn't get, is what we need now to calm the fear, shame, and anger.
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
You don’t owe anyone anything. You owe it to yourself to do what is right for you. You matter.
@Stopworkplacebu
Ever notice how people who don't tolerate lies, disrespect, or deceit are always labeled difficult, unstable, crazy or bitter?
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Positivity can’t heal trauma like truth can.
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Narcissists will put false statements in other peoples mouths to discredit others or validate themselves.
“Someone told me you looked unprofessional”.
This allows them to avoid confrontation by projecting their insults onto a third party. Essentially a virtual triangulation.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
You are not a testing ground for someone else to figure out if they’re going to choose to heal.
Tell me no Lies 💔❤️🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
Once a narcissist knows you’ll stay through anything, they’ll put you through everything.
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Survivors need someone that listens to them - not talks at them.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
The real truth can't be changed. No matter how it's twisted.
Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D. (Cis, He/Him)
@AndrewCicchett1
Aug 4
it was never a relationship; it was a crime scene.
#coercivecontrol
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Narcissist, and Toxic people be like... yes I hurt you, but now you hate me and gone cold on me, so I am the real victim.
“People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought, which they avoid.”
— Søren Kierkegaard
Healing means actually feeling the stuff underneath. John Bowlby's concept of defense exclusion;When a human psyche is unable to tolerate a certain concept, we exclude it from further processing. Seems as poison to psyche.
So we have to come up with different ways of explaining why things are happening the way they are, that end up becoming kind of defense mechanisms in our psyches that we use to comfort ourselves with. Beginning Attachment styles.
Unable to integrate information that parent is mentally ill you decide your parent's extreme mood swings are in some way your fault, and you are bad, corrupt in some way, and if only you try harder, do better then would feel ok.
It's easier for you to come up with this delusion that you are somehow capable of controlling someone else's moods. These inaccurate world views, inaccurate beliefs we form about ourselves, they follow us through our entire life.
We don't realize as adults that we are now capable of meeting our needs so we don't need these advanced strategies for keeping people close.
Earning security is about learning a complete new set of skills. It neither anxious (finding ways to be activated) or avoidant (put to sleep, deactivated). It's about being really present and really in tune with reality, what is, people around.***YT Healing F*cking Hurts
Heidi Priebe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNw6fjaJJUc
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Survivors need pressure taken off - not added on. Too many ‘healing’ messages has this backwards.
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
One thing about me, I don't distance myself from people to teach them lessons, I distance myself because I finally learned mine.
Tell me no Lies 💔❤️🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
Aug 4
Someone who constantly amps up their anger to get their way is abusive.
Period.
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
A #narcissist parent doesn’t punish their child because the child was “bad”. They punish their child because they want their genuinely good child to LOOK and FEEL bad.
CPTSD Foundation
@cptsdfoundation
Some anxiety sufferers do not show classic symptoms like worrying or social withdrawal.
This article looks at why people with High-functioning Anxiety may go undiagnosed because they have learned to hide their symptoms but suffer twice as much.
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Narcissists will try to shame a person for the things that threaten them most. It can get really ridiculous when the narcissist tries shaming someone for being smart, happy, or rational. 🙄 But the still try.
Aim True (Amy Pagett)
@AimTrue7
Aug 5
Children who are raised in homes where guilt & shame are used as parenting tools see mistakes as an internal weakness rather than a learning opportunity.
Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
Repetition ReWires The Brain
Repetition ReWires The Brain
Repetition ReWires The Brain
Repetition ReWires The Brain
Repetition ReWires The Brain -Dr. Jen
Repetition ReWires The Brain
Repetition ReWires The Brain
Repetition ReWires The Brain
What. Are. You. Repeating?
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
A lot of people who overexplain are doing so because they’ve been shamed quite often for not understanding what’s going on around them. They’re often overexplaining to help others because they assume they’re also confused. Be kind.
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
A malignant narcissist will stress, abuse and provoke someone into hysteria and then shame them for being hysterical as if their reaction is unhinged.
Like, No, they literally just abuse people THAT MUCH.
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Narcissists will often accuse the truth teller of being “manipulative”. This is typical projection and roll reversal.
Narcissistic Abuse Awareness
@AwareOfTheNarc
A narcissist will never change because they don’t see anything wrong with their behavior. It’s always someone else’s fault.
We have to remember that what we observe is not nature herself, but nature exposed to our method of questioning.
-- Werner Heisenberg
M
@itsmontyj
Aug 5
I think the scariest thing in this world is you never know someone’s true intentions with you
Unkonfined
@unkonfined
Aug 5
The people that did you wrong are about to watch God do you right.
Unkonfined
@unkonfined
Sometimes you have to play dumb around certain people just to see how they move.
Lee
@BaldChimpanzee
Aug 5
Everyone has a mental illness. Those who think they haven’t, just haven’t met the right psychologist yet.
OUT OF FUQS QWEEN 💬
@SanteenaR
It’s like America is waking up and deciding not to be in an abusive relationship any longer!!!
Aim True (Amy Pagett)
@AimTrue7
Not everyone has the capacity to hold space for your feelings/experiences.
We may create the narrative that people don’t care but it’s possible that their window is so narrow that they simply can’t hold space for other’s feelings because they can barely hold space for their own.
Narcissistic Abuse Awareness
@AwareOfTheNarc
Narcissists put all their time and effort in making excuses and rationalizing their behavior instead of taking accountability and making changes to their behavior.
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Normalize trusting your instincts. When your intuition says something is off about a person or a place — trust it and remove yourself immediately.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
The way they treat you, tells you everything.
CPTSD Foundation
@cptsdfoundation
A child born into an abusive family must find a way to preserve a sense of trust in people who are untrustworthy, safety in a situation that is unsafe, control in a situation that is terrifyingly unpredictable, and power in a situation of helplessness.
@DrBobBeare
As we heal, we form a circle of health. Our addiction to unavailable, shaming, codependent people is history.
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
So many relationships could be saved if people would just put their pride aside, apologize, and actually adjust their behaviour.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
I won’t ever leave a job just because the work is too tough. But I’ll 100% leave a job with disrespectful management or an unbearable work culture 💯🙌
(Credit)
Work Memes
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
The wildest thing about people who don't like you, they watch everything you do.
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
If we took all the time and money we spend teaching people to try to thwart perpetrators and instead used that to hold perpetrators accountable - that would be true prevention and change everything.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Nothing annoys me more than when someone expects you to be okay with something that they wouldn't be okay with if it was done to them.
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Malignant narcissists really think they’re smarter than everybody because they’ve “figured out” how to be deceitful and manipulative 🙄
Inner Practitioner
@MindTendencies2
Manipulation is when they lack effort and give you the bare minimum while acting like they're trying hard and giving you the top tier.
🐢
@turtlebreezee
Mastering the art of controlling your reactions to the things that trigger you is where healing begins.
Aaron Goslee
@goslee_aaron
Aug 7
People will label you mentally ill simply for speaking up about the abuse and trauma you’ve suffered.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Understand that cruelty by others is not a reflection of who you are, but who they are.
SIE
@_badassiee
I hate unnecessary mean girl energy, girl go heal.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
They treat you bad because something is wrong with them on the inside, it's not you. Kind and compassionate people don't go around intentionally destroying others, they just don't.
CPTSD Foundation
@cptsdfoundation
Hypervigilance is the continual need to work people out in order to protect oneself from further harm or reduce the harm coming.
Hypervigilance becomes a natural part of the survivor's subconscious needs and, therefore, continues even when the harm and abuse have ceased.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
The narcissist will throw in your face all the pathetic things they have done for you, but never say one word of all the good you have done for them, never.
Codie Sanchez
@Codie_Sanchez
Aug 9
When you can’t be controlled, you’ll be hated.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Learn to be done. Not mad, not bothered, just done.
Inner Practitioner
@MindTendencies2
Aug 9
Crazy how quickly you grow when you surround yourself with people who call you out on your bullsh*t and hold you accountable instead of people who enable your toxic traits and bad habits and watch you slowly ruin your life.
@_Pammy_DS_
Unhealed trauma will sometimes give you a high tolerance threshold to emotional abuse. Just because you can endure it doesn't mean you have to tolerate it.
Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
One of the worst parts of trauma is getting gaslit by the person you told about your trauma. -Dr. Jen
🐢
@turtlebreezee
People aren't strict enough..we should always be picky...ppl should really have to earn an invite into your life. You have to be over protective of your heart and soul...don't allow people to play with you.
CPTSD Foundation
@cptsdfoundation
In the aftermath of a traumatic experience, survivors often struggle with upsetting emotions, memories, and anxiety that won’t go away. It can also leave them feeling numb, disconnected, and unable to trust other people.
Aim True (Amy Pagett)
@AimTrue7
When you attack and belittle others, it’s not a warrior that you’re showing the world, it’s your wounds.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
You have to do what is right for yourself, nobody else is walking in your shoes.
(14.8.2024)
I stop from living my life, from taking risks - because with social anxiety I am unable to process other people's emotions such as their panic and anger. And then I do everything to make myself small and my problems scooped under the rug so that I do not feel emotional reactions of other people. That is social anxiety.
This is where fear of criticism and scrutiny is coming from - fear of other people's emotional disapproval, their drama and hysteria as reaction to our living our life and taking risks.
The solution is feeling our own anger. When trauma triggers happen - feel our anger. Note - I am angry now. This fear panic is actually fear that I try to hide and not show or that it is not shown in some way or another - that other people do not observe me being angry. This blockage is unhealthy and it creates social anxiety.
Inability to feel our blocked emotions will create all sorts of deep and chronic and various disorders which will be hard to identify as suppressed anger issue. We end up fixing and curing something that is repressed anger at its core.
When I see anxiety in everything because I have no natural immunity in form of feeling all emotions - I will end up with generalized anxiety - and may be explained that my brain has disorder. Then I will end up with techniques which not only will not work - because I feel no anger, but also I will now develop new layers of toxic shame where I believe I have brain that is unable to live life. Then this will solidify my issues of social anxiety - and I won't know where is the head and where is the tail.
It all comes down that we become our own person. That we become adult - person who is able to make decisions and go through life without hanging up on old trauma all the time. With trauma we will people please, we will self depreciate, we will choose self sabotaging decisions where other people's anger and their opinion will matter to us more than our own well being, our common sense and our gut feelings about what is right and what is wrong.
With social anxiety we suppress our own anger. We don't feel our own anger. We might feel grudge, fury, hatred - but not the core emotion of anger. But this does not mean that we don't feel anger at all. We simply don't feel our own anger. We feel other people's anger a lot. Not only feeling it - but we also process it and try to find solutions for it, resolutions, we twist ourselves into box, we shut up and self censor ourselves all as a way to process and feel and not to feel other people's anger. We go to extra length to calm other people down - since we suppress our own anger. And other people's anger trigger us into social anxiety - their criticism and their scrutiny.
Without feeling our own anger we don't know how to react in life, how to defend ourselves. Our other emotions take over to do this through people pleasing and fawning and avoiding and isolating from life - and without our own anger - we develop toxic shame and harsh inner critic that make us isolate even more and end up with plethora of unrelated issues, which seem coming from out of nowhere.
Feeling anger - sounds unrelated to social anxiety. That is why it stays out of focus and we never actually try it out. When we are in panic, when we are in state of anxiety, hypervigilance - we are in a state of shock. With social anxiety we will be in permanent state of shock because any unfamiliar or difficult social anxiety will trigger anxiety and surge of adrenaline hormones. If it is not toxic people trigger us, then it will be potential damage from toxic people what will keep us awake and in survival mode. In such state - we believe that there is some magical cure out there. That we should do certain 20 steps in order to get out of anxiety. No matter what we do - we will still experience situations which are stressful and provoking such as angry people, people who are violent and aggressive, people who are erratic and unpredictable. No amount of steps or knowing right social skills will prevent toxic people being toxic. This fear of unpredictable moods stems from ACoA, this is core trait of symptoms of someone who has been through ACoA and ACE.
So instead of magical cures from self help industry and CBT's exposure ACT/ERP useless techniques - our only way out is allowing our own anger - since this social anxiety symptom of panic and terror and anxiety - is our only field where we can work on. This cloud of symptoms, emotional rollercoaster that we go through with each unpredictable social situation is happening due to trauma - timeframe where we were punished and conditioned into suppressing our anger.
Self help industry and CBT with their 20 steps ideology - place idea inside our head that our own resources, our own logic is defective and wrong. That we are incapable of solving problems in life and hence we need to implement someone else's solution. But life is diverse. Things and events and people happen randomly and it is impossible to put an order into chaos. The more we try to control the chaos - the more chaotic it will get, because we are not gods. We cannot be machine - and we need errors and mistakes as our guidance what is good and what is bad. We get data and information from our mistakes. With ideology that we must have perfect 20 step strategy - we end up believing that anything else will be cause of anxiety - and of course life happens and anything else does happen - and then we are trapped in endless anxiety triggers, situations and events and people who trigger our amygdala to wreck havoc on our nervous system. The general direction - validation that we ought to receive in our formative years would install the general guide: that we have all we need in our head and that we can rely on our common sense and learn from our mistakes as a way to improve and grow. With trauma we are stuck in belief that we can't trust ourselves, we invalidate ourselves and our own inner resources and abilities and capabilities. We have problem solving abilities inside us - but it is toxic element: toxic people who block this through their invalidation and their hidden agenda like greed or exploitation or desire to be in control that forces us into doubting ourselves all the time.
With social anxiety we are left to our own devices. Psychology can offer us only tools - but it is up to us to make the work. It is obvious with CBT blunder that psychology does not understand social anxiety and it made serious errors in judgment and interpretation of data. The same thing for narcissism - where there is no consensus how it is described or treated.
Why it is important to feel our own anger?
When we are not feeling all our emotions - we are dissociating. In the future, when looking back - it will appear as if we were having all easy laid out for us. It will appear as if we had endless opportunities and no walls. Another example is CBT or abusive people - who are doing the same fallacy. Someone who is controlling and manipulative - they all will present our life, our decisions as our error. As our choice, as something we could easily circumnavigate. And we will go along with this story that we are too sensitive, that there is something wrong with us. As if we had abilities and choices and full freedom to do something. Nope. We didn't. There were real solid blocks and end of roads. We protect ourselves by not feeling certain painful or scary emotions. That is dissociation. It helps us not fall into despair. However in the same time - this inability to feel all our emotions which include feeling anger - leaves us in tunnel vision where our reality is thwarted and distorted, we do not get all data to process. When we allow fear and panic and anger as response to unfair situations - anger towards people or events or situations - our brain will log in this information and it will somehow calculate what is happening - offering us better decisions. Without anger we don't take risks, we blame ourselves and later on - we go along with outer and inner critic quick biased explanation how we were spoiled and lazy - and we believe this false narrative - since we do not have that anger emotion logged in into our awareness. Anger would give us protection from the blame and shame which critics will attack us eventually. Without anger we will end up in self blame and outer external blame - when we are blamed we are being controlled and manipulated easily. Without all our emotions on deck when we live our life we end up being at mercy of external validation and external judgement judging our life and our decisions - on surface level and we have no counter-argument for the accusations which will come from inside and outside unfair criticism.
Other people problem.
With social anxiety we will tend to believe that other non-anxious people are somehow better. That they have some magical powers which make them better and stronger and more resilient. Not only that many people are liars and play pretending their confidence by using fake social mask - they are not so different. And this is something we will see as evident once we learn more people. We will notice that they have social anxiety traits - even those who appear as super strong and super confident - because overcompensation and superiority complex is based on inferiority complex - someone who feels insecure at their core. They simply learned to be fake.
In reality - people who are less shy - from their childhood learned to express their anger. And that is the whole secret of their "success". They never had someone in power who was criticizing them and making drama about anything that happened - so they learned to take risks, to be more around people, to have shield against criticism and shame and blame. They do not have better brain - they simply were allowed to feel all their emotions since long time ago, all their life.
CBT claims that exposure will cure social anxiety. But it makes anxiety worse if we do not feel our own anger. If we repress our anger - we will find ourselves with more experience where we notice that our social anxiety is being triggered by toxic people. In the beginning we will automatically always by default blame ourselves and we will think we are faulty and feel anxiety. However with time we will see that our anxiety is being triggered by toxic people who use subjectivist fallacies (SbF) like begging the question, burden of proof fallacy, base rate fallacy, appeal to self evident truth, special pleading, equivocation fallacy. appeal to tradition and all sorts of manipulation and abuse and being intrusive. Then we will have more rage and resentment - which we do not process as anger since nobody told us that we repress. Without anger - when we meet more and more of toxic and Dunning Krueger intrusive and manipulative people - our anxiety will rise as well - since we have no tool to handle village idiots. Our other emotions will take charge - and we will end up with toxic empathy and no empathy towards ourselves due to sheer amount of lies and false accusations which these toxic people spew out.
Radical acceptance is Detachment.
With social anxiety - due to ACE and ACoA (exposure to chronic unfair criticism in developmental years) we will notice easily mentally ill evil aggressive people and they will linger in our mind - due to danger. We won't have ability to detach - since it will activate our amygdala being hypervigilant. We know the damage that hysterical people can do to us. This noticing of danger is being presented by CBT as our abnormality and then we are instructed to make peace and accept and validate toxic people. Which leads to more of anxiety since toxic people are toxic - they yell, scream, attack, put down, make drama out of nothing and blame and shame us. We end up feeling toxic shame, introjected lies from toxic people - and CBT does not address this damage of toxic shame, internalized toxic shame at all. To remove toxic shame means radical acceptance, detachment. It does not mean fawning - it means that we are not police nor mental institution - we cannot control or silence the abnormal evil people. What we can do it make shield from our world being affected by their abnormal mind entering our field, our values, our beliefs who we are as person. And this is impossibility to do if we suppress our anger - and CBT is instructing us to suppress our anger by telling us that our fears and anxiety reactions are fake false and irrational.
The borderline idea that we attack the evil people - will result in us being borderline. Because without being aware of it - we are in shared fantasy when we confront person who is delusional. Since such person has no logical capabilities to learn empathy, we will get more and more frustrated and our rage (not anger) will turn into us being abnormal ones. Our rage and fury towards abnormal person or people who are predatory - will make us abusive - and we will appear to the third party as Karen. We will do something that we will regret and maybe be harmed by dangerous people whom we confront. So we are only left with radical acceptance and detachment.
I see exposure as the only way to get crucial information and hence structure - which will calm down the panic and anxiety that we feel. However the crucial detail in exposure which CBT never mentions is the right mindset. When we dissociate - we won't be able to process exposure as reality testing and as data processing. Instead - when we suppress our emotions as we learned in ACE and ACoA - we will repeat the methods and techniques which are dysfunctional and self sabotaging and which hence produce more and more anxiety and avoidance and toxic shame. When we expose with deep core belief we are inept, when toxic shame is internalized, when we are in toxic ambient - we will set ourselves up to choose jobs, projects, goals from the perspective of running into toxic people and damaged evil people - since they occupy the same frequency as trauma stuck in our body. It means we will find peace and pleasure in the same ambient and same prospects as predators do. It is like ambient where mold grows - we hide away from the sun, we shade ourselves from the truth and objectivity and we hang around people who like darkness and secrets and avoidance due to avoidance of shame which for toxic people is justified. It is like we create prison for ourselves and end up being trapped in prison place where evil people go to. When toxic people are discovered by normal and healthy people - sane people will reject them and put them into prison of some sort. While due to our shame and blame - we put ourselves into prison without being aware that we are doing it. From our point of view - we are protecting ourselves from pain, shame - and we are not aware that our methods of avoiding pain are the prison. Where we will encounter toxic people - and hence keep us stuck in anxiety and pain and trauma and abuse.
What I have noticed is that toxic people - who dislike the truth - they are loud and hysterical. They attempt to out-scream their vision of facts as the only reality. They hold the monopoly over the description of reality which must comply to their snapshot of reality. This means, that toxic people will appear as truth tellers. They will present themselves as victims - and that their explanation is the only one that must be heard and validated as the truth. Other people's observation will make them angry and hysterical. By throwing temper tantrums they shut up and censor their targets, keeping abused ones in silence and in the dark. Where abused, the oppressed must comply to the standards and narrative which toxic people in power force out onto others.
“Re-examine all you’ve been told in school or church or in any book, and dismiss whatever insults your own soul” - Walt Whitman
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
You break the cycle of abuse by holding perpetrators accountable. If you’re talking about breaking the cycle of abuse by changing the behaviors of survivors - you’re victim blaming.
Andrew Campbell
@amcampbell84
Aug 15
Most abusive people are at their core, “unhappy” people. Rather than fix their own issues and find happiness, they abuse others and stay unhappy.
Dr. Bob Beare
@DrBobBeare
Always focusing on my character defects is not healthy. Complete denial of my shortcomings is equally unhealthy. Healing the wounds beneath and affirming my authenticity is a better overall plan for me.
Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
A narcissist will accuse you of having trust issues while they flat out deny their own lying issues
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Aug 15
Stay away from people who think you are arguing every time you try to express yourself!!
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Distance is my new response to disrespect. I don't argue, I don’t return energy, I don’t dive into drama. I simply remove myself.
Dr. Bob Beare
@DrBobBeare
Aug 15
Unresolved trauma, and the explosive emotions related to it, are behind all problems - from families to international conflict.
Dr. Bob Beare
@DrBobBeare
Aug 15
Anyone who's screamed obscenities after stubbing a toe - knows the numbing properties of anger.
Karun
@karunpal
If introverts vibe, they vibe. If they don't, they don't. They're simple people. They hate conflict. If the vibe is right, they'll go nuts with you. Open. Honest. Vulnerable. Sharing with an open heart. But if they don't, you're not it. Trust me, don't even try.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Never explain yourself to anyone. Because the people who like you won't need it and those who dislike you won't believe it anyway..
Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
Neurodivergent people don’t usually mask because we wish to be neurotypical. We mask, because we were repeatedly told we would only be worthy or lovable if we acted “normal” and hid our “quirks.” We mask to change ourselves so we fit in. Masking is a trauma response. -Dr. Jen
Tea Pain
@TeaPainUSA
You don’t vote for Trump because of his policies, success as a businessman, personal integrity or his love of country. None of these things exist.
You vote for Trump because you support his cruelty and his racism. The quicker you admit it, the better off we’ll all be.
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Aug 18
People are more disturbed by a survivor’s anger that they were hurt than they are a perpetrator’s crimes.
Jacklena Bentley
@JacklenaB
Aug 18
Why do people get mad at you for speaking the truth, instead of getting mad at those who lied?
Andrew Campbell
@amcampbell84
Talking about abuse is uncomfortable, but maybe because abusers work to make it that way?
Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
A narcissist will be angry at you for finding the truth out about them.
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
The real flex is keeping cool, calm, and classy af when someone tries to trigger you.
Lisa A. Romano
@lisaaromano1
When a narcissist feels you’re not giving them the attention they believe they deserve, they see it as their right to lash out.
@defendsurvivors
How ‘resilient’ a survivor is or that they were able to ‘heal’ does not change the seriousness of the crime or the culpability and danger of the perpetrator.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Fake has become so acceptable nowadays, that people get suspicious when you keep it real.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Don't let anybody make you feel crazy, because you figured them out.
Inner Practitioner
@MindTendencies2
Manipulation is when they try to "fix" you instead of fixing the relationship with you through open communication, appreciation, listening, understanding, acknowledgment, support, respect, strong boundaries, empathy, accountability, problem-solving, and clear agreements.
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Most times, people who don't socialize much aren't actually anti-social. They just have zero tolerance for disrespect, drama, bad vibes, and bullsh*t.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Aug 19
Stay away from people who think you are boring, arguing or crazy every time you try to express yourself.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Aug 19
Complex trauma symptoms and reactions are not due to a "personality disorder."
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
"Don't talk to me like that" isn't "thin skinned," it's a perfectly appropriate boundary-- & kind of f*cking revolutionary for survivors of verbal abuse in particular.
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
I promise you, no friendship, relationship, or place is ever worth harming your mental health over. Period.
Tell me no Lies 💔❤️🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
Narcissistic abusers use your vulnerabilities to their advantage.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
If you are someone who has been accused of playing the victim simply because you are choosing to heal, this is your reminder that you owe people much less than you think you do.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Complex trauma is very often not a single "trauma" (though many CPTSD survivors do experience multiple discrete traumatic events), but rather the consistently hurtful-- or wildly inconsistent-- attitudes & behaviors of important people in our lives toward us over time.
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
#Narcissists often perceive offenses where none exist, interpreting innocent actions or words as personal attacks. They then use these perceived slights as justification to engage in intentionally abusive behavior.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Gut feelings are really guardian angels. 😇
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Trauma informed therapists don't lean in to "expert" status, because a trauma informed worldview understands that appeals to authority are often used by abusive people & institutions to keep victims dependent & silent.
This isn't rocket science.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Understand that cruelty by others is not a reflection of who you are, but who they are.
We are never in a position to say what really is or what really happens, but we can only say what will be observed in any concrete individual case.
- Erwin Schrödinger
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
"Truth telling" never requires verbal abuse, & anyone who asserts it does doesn't understand "abuse" (or "truth," probably).
Generations of abusers have gaslit victims about their normal responses to verbal abuse "really" being about the victims' "not liking the truth."
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Pay attention to your gut feelings. No matter how good something looks, if it doesn't feel right.... Be Cautious!
Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
Stop gaslighting yourself into the narrative you’re lazy when you’re really burnt-out and exhausted AF from being in survival mode for so long. -Dr. Jen
Tell me no Lies 💔❤️🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
If you find yourself repeatedly explaining basic human decency to someone, then you are likely dealing with a narcissist, psychopath or sociopath.
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
The #narcissist abuser wants you to believe that you did something wrong to deserve what they did to you. The truth is, there is never a right move.
No matter what you do, they’ll try to convince you it was a mistake and the cause for their abuse. But they were going to abuse you no matter what you did.
Your Positive Pulse
@yrPositivePulse
The narcissist twists the truth, blaming you for their abuse. No action of yours could change their intent to hurt.
Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
A narcissist hits you with shame, false promises, accusations, isolation, manipulation, control, slander, games, silence, the past, the mask of betrayal, gaslighting, lies, abandonment, insecurities, and criticism. Then, they claim they did nothing to you.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
You can look out for someone 110% and they will still put you after people who have never done a thing for them.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
If you’re the first one in a toxic family who chooses to heal, navigating their denial will be one of the hardest parts.
Dr James Davies (PhD) 💭
@JDaviesPhD
“Our mental health sector has become 'the new opium of the people' by working to pathologise the social suffering that would otherwise galvanise people to political action - spreading an ideological sedative powerful enough to disable the human impulse for social reform.”
Moral Philosophy
@ML_Philosophy
No matter how broke you are, learn not to accept offers that come with disrespect.
Dylan O'Sullivan
@DylanoA4
unhappiness is the universe screaming at you to act
“You sensed that you should be following a different path, a more ambitious one, you felt that you were destined for other things but you had no idea how to achieve them and in your misery you began to hate everything around you.”
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky
ɐuıɯ❣️
@MinaCaputo
I'm not antisocial. I'm vibrationally selective.Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Wrong is wrong even if everyone is doing it.
Right is right even if no one is doing it.
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Malignant Narcissists will minimize every offense they made against you, and will exaggerate or fabricate every offense made against them.
Stephen King
@StephenKing
You use the tool that’s available.
@nate_postlethwt
Aug 20
Please stop telling people they have to be in community to heal “Community” is often what did the most damage. There’s not a damn thing wrong with people choosing to be alone if that’s what brings peace. Safe community is ideal but often far out of reach for those healing.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
How you are treated is more important than how much you like someone.
Dr. Roger McFillin
@DrMcFillin
What I have learned from working with trauma survivors that is rarely discussed in western medicine and therapy culture.
"Trauma can be a catalyst for spiritual awakening... and people come out the other side w/ wisdom, purpose and renewed understanding of the meaning of life"
"Psychological or spiritual development always requires a greater capacity for anxiety and ambiguity." - C.G.J.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Being called crazy or sensitive for reacting to disrespect is manipulation.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Survivors don’t have strong reactions to abuse. They have normal reactions based on abnormal things done to them. No one has skills to be abused & gently move through it. That’s not because they’re not good people but because they were never meant to know what abuse feels like.
James Barnes
@psychgeist52
"Trauma" is increasingly the wrong word to use; pushback against psychosocial causality becomes too easy to do based on the semantics.
What we are talking about are psychosocial injuries or wounds, which are myriad & various and far exceed the psychiatric definition of trauma.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Can you have PTSD from a toxic work environment?
While commonly associated with experiences such as combat or accidents, PTSD can also manifest in response to chronic stressors in toxic work environments.
“It is hard to understand yourself properly since something that you might be doing out of generosity and goodness is the same as you might be doing out of cowardice and indifference.”
—Ludwig Wittgenstein
Orange Book 🍊📖
@orangebook_
Before you ask yourself whether you are working hard enough, ask yourself whether you are working on the right problem.
Carl Jung | Psychology and Philosophy 🧠
@QuoteJung
People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own souls.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
You'll find peace when you realize people are at war with themselves, not you.
Nick Taber
@NickTaber
I don’t know that using coercion to teach kids respect makes any sense. I think kids tend to be disrespectful when they feel disrespected on a regular basis. Treating people as fully human tends to be highly effective.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
When people can't get what they want from you, they'll either cut you off, spread lies or recruit other's to hate you too.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Please do yourself a favour. Don’t lower your standards to fit in. Don’t shrink who you are to make others feel comfortable. Do find and surround yourself with people who like you just the way you are and who encourage you to keep growing.
Justin Grome
@Justin_Grome
Never stop being a good person because of bad people.
“Self-education is, I firmly believe, the only kind of education there is.”
— Isaac Asimov
Carl Jung | Psychology and Philosophy 🧠
@QuoteJung
There is no such thing as a pure introvert or extrovert.
Such a person would be in the lunatic asylum.
Robert Greene
@RobertGreene
Everything that happens to you is a form of instruction if you pay attention.
@karenmitchell__
The scariest aspect of high functioning narcissists/psychopaths (predators) is how convincingly they set themselves up as a victim.
In the area of domestic violence (including coercive control), for example, the male or female predator will convincingly tell police, through faked emotion, that they are the one being abused. They will reach out to professionals, who they lie to, for help, establishing ‘witnesses’ that can speak out on their behalf.
They closely watch the behaviors of their partner who is trying to protect the children and keep the peace.
They falsely but convincingly tell family, friends, police, court officials, that these are the behaviors they themselves are engaging in. They attribute their own nefarious behaviors to the poor victim who is often worn down, distressed, and unable to powerfully relay the truth.
They ‘nurture’ relationships with people who would go in to bat for them, generating great sympathy through false but compelling narrative.
They may go as far as to join a charity supporting domestic violence, become an expert in domestic violence or become an ambassador/advocate/spokesperson for domestic violence where they lie also.
The objective is CONTROL. Control of the narrative, control of the family, control of assets, control of their image.
ɐuıɯ❣️
@MinaCaputo
Life is very weird right now. You have to be careful who you trust and allow into your life.
Zedekiah Morse
@zkypilot
Walk away from toxicity - people, situations, and places
Cxspxxr✘🧸
@_6signxxx
Some of you aren't shy or introverted,
but trapped in the trauma of rejection, abuse and manipulation. That is not your "personality" but unhealed pain.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Learning to recognize bullying will help you learn not to blame yourself for someone else’s behavior. You will be less likely to take responsibility for something that isn’t your fault... (ebook is still available) Learn more... http://stopworkplacebullies.com
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
You’ll know you’re the scapegoat when you have a strong reaction to something hurtful done to you and the focus is on how you reacted vs. what caused you pain.
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
You don’t need to forgive yourself. You need to realize you didn’t do anything wrong. 👇
Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
ADHD isn’t something we cure - we find tools and resources to help us surThrive in a society set up for ONE type of learner and processor. Part of an ADHD toolbox also needs to include working to heal co-occurring challenges like anxiety and trauma (and others), and finding self compassion. -Dr. Jen
@karunpal
Introverts, you're built different. Accept it. Embrace it. Stop giving a shit about how society wants you to behave. Do your thing. Do what feels comfortable to you. Do what feels real. Nobody cares. People just talk. Stop listening. You were born to stand out.
@ZesTheKobold
I'll never forget how quickly people's initial sympathy melted into impatience with me.
🖤 Sophia 🖤
@Richard_Vixen
We also view someone who would abuse a dog as having an evil character but when a person is abused, it isn’t considered damning on the abuser’s character, it’s just considered a part of their private relationship
LeoRisingConsulting
@LeoRisingCo
Here's an even simpler way of looking at it. Would you expect of someone to be able to walk normally after fracturing their leg? Of course not! So why expect of someone to be A-OK after years of mental abuse? Emotional injuries also take time to recover. Some never fully heal.
Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
You can't build a kingdom with someone who's still chasing approval from the village.
Tell me no Lies 💔❤️🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
Aug 23
‘Stonewalling’ is an abuse tactic used by narcissists to punish you. Changing your behavior to try avoiding it is a trauma response.
🐢
@turtlebreezee
Some relationships are truly a waste of time and can hinder you from achieving your goals, blocking your blessings. Time is precious, and I’ve come to see just how valuable it is. Be mindful of where and with whom you exchange your energy with.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Sensitive people are the most genuine and honest people you will ever meet. There's nothing they won't tell you about themselves if they trust your kindness. However, the moment you betray them, reject them or devalue them, they will end the friendship.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
No matter how kind or generous you are, you will never satisfy an ungrateful person.
Carl Jung | Psychology and Philosophy 🧠
@QuoteJung
Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Yes, I'm a nice person.
No, that doesn't mean I will allow you to walk all over me.
Reva 🕊
@BookGaslighting
Don't care about being popular
Care about doing what's right
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Sometimes you won't fit in because you were born to stand out. 🤗
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Validation is everything for a person healing from past trauma. They’re trying to understand what they need to name while desperate to believe healing will be worth it. To be told they’re valid is often the first step towards their healing, their first sign of relief, and hope
Mikael
@mikael_jibril
Sometimes the best medicine for overthinking is an answered prayer that shows to you how everything turns out better than all your overthinking could barely grasp.
holly🇨🇦😷
@HollyJonesWhitt
a quote I found a couple of years ago, "in order for you to insult me, I must first value your opinion"
🐢
@turtlebreezee
Trauma changes you ..like it literally alters your DNA, damages your mental health and takes a toll on your quality of living ..THIS is why we heal ..THIS is why we detached and go into solitude.
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
It’s strange, the narcissist will accuse the truth-teller who stands up to them of being a “manipulator”, but will praise the manipulative person who tells the narcissist exactly what they want to hear.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
You're not intimidating. They are intimidated. There's a big difference.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Empathy without boundaries is self-destruction. You gotta train your boundaries to be stronger than your soft heart and your mind to be stronger than your feelings. Otherwise, you'll be drained. So be kind and take no sht.
Kea
@Kearabile_
Job tip: never trust your boss or coworkers
ʀᴇᴠᴀ
@LadyReva67
The truth always offends a liar
Unkonfined
@unkonfined
The blessed don’t beef with the miserable.
@nate_postlethwt
The purpose of anger is to process what it represents.
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Survivors don’t ‘play the victim’ - perpetrators do.
The attempt to escape from the pain, is what creates more pain.”
- Gabor Mate, M.D
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Normalize listening to your body. The body can literally reject another persons energy. You will start to feel really uncomfortable anytime someones energy disturbs your spirit. Discomfort is the bodys voice. Listening to your body and honouring what it says is top tier self-care
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Malignant narcissists/psychopaths don’t see immoral, dishonest people as evil or bad, they only see them as “strong” individuals.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Workplace bullying isn't...a "clash of personalities"
If you are being systemically excluded, belittled or intimidated, you are not just clashing with someone. You are being bullied.
Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D. (Cis, He/Him)
@AndrewCicchett1
Coercive Controllers don't have relationships; they take hostages. They are not intimate partners, they are terrorists. The mechanism of abuse looks like 'partnership' but it is as much a relationship as a dog has with it's tick.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
When you've been conditioned to believe that expressing needs or preferences is "needy," & that doing so may lead people to dislike or reject you, you might find your mind going blank when someone asks you what you need or want.
Say hello to the "freeze" response.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
A narcissist wants to convince you that your reactions to their actions are the problem, when in fact, without their actions, there would be no reactions.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
We live in a world that refuses to be with people in the depths of their pain. They will wait for a happy ending- for someone to prove they made the best of it, and they will judge those who don't. But so few hold space with others in their darkest hours. This is a miss for all.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
" Be the bigger person" is BS advice at times.
Your bigness is not determined by your capacity to quietly absorb bullying, degradation, or abuse.
Callum Stephen (He/Him)
@AutisticCallum_
Jul 31
A lot is said about autistic people not recognising when we’re being treated badly, but at times we may recognise that we’re being treated badly but not address it, because we’re concerned we may experience: a confrontation; adverse consequences; and/or become lonely or lonelier.
Sam Vaknin said: "Conscience leverages shame in order to modify your behavior. And manipulate your choices and decisions from the inside."
This is what happens when CBT tells us to speak up, to stand up for ourselves when we are attacked by someone - and to expose - but when we do that, when we are out there - we will experience a wave of toxic shame panic distress which will prevent us from thinking straight. We won't be able to speak, we won't be able to make correct decisions, actions which otherwise we would perform easily now becomes stumbling block. And when we stutter and freeze and when we make mistakes after mistakes - we now feel more of shame for being and appearing stupid. And critical people around us who shame us for being frozen and without confidence will only add more to downward spiral. This is why exposure can do more harm than good. CBT is convinced that we will somehow desensitize ourselves with exposure and that magically we will become confident. But life is not rigid. Life does not wait for us to become desensitized, and it does not ask us for what we want. Life happens, people are erratic, tasks and projects are subjected to ever changing external influences and usually these are detrimental and challenging - causing us to be stuck in panic and fears. Then our only reinforced workable mode of functioning will be at our own expense which we learned in ACE and ACoA: people pleasing and fawning and putting aside our well being and our needs. This all happens because we are not told that our anger is stuck, hand break is turned on, it is the cause of blockage - and we need to release, feel our anger. Our conscience - which is library of data how to divide right and wrong is devoid of our anger data. Without anger - the brain, the shame, the inner critic, won't have information what we need, what are our needs, how we feel. Instead the only law, only direction, only perception will be - to serve and to be obedient for the goal of being helpful member of society. Of course, when we are in contact with dark triad predators - they will parasite on our inability to advocate for ourselves and they will manipulate and control us into more of suppressing our anger - such as shaming our mistakes and errors, since we have high drive not to cause harm.
Awareness about suppressed anger is like Rosetta stone that helps us decipher not only unknown emotions of panic and fear and anxiety - but also it helps us to gain clarity and make our inner guiding compass functional.
Paradox of Masking.
If evil person masks their abuse - we will never truly know that our anxieties, panic, social anxiety issues actually stem from this abusive person. However if we know it - then the abusive person will be punished and taught to mask their abuse, making it hard to spot.
Which means - our moral panic is hiding the evil and making it hard to discover. Our boundaries, our desire to punish evil people make it even more evil, so that it becomes sinister and very hard to see. When we cannot see the evil - we will jump to various conclusions where we will scapegoat innocent people and live in destruction and bad things constantly happening. For the most part - we will blame ourselves and hate ourselves, we will label ourselves for being too sensitive, that we never feel good, that we should feel better - and enter in all kinds of mental discipline and rejecting ourselves for being hyper-sensitive all the time. Better approach would be detachment, where we do not provide any information to the predatory types but only certain type of validation where they are allowed to be who they are. Without punishment there will be no information how to avoid punishments.
Anyone struggling with anxiety caused by toxic people are being told by CBT and self-help books to develop empathy towards abusers so that we don't make bad decisions too quickly based on impulse. Specifically there is advice that when we are face with very angry people like violent alcoholics that we always tell them you are right and go along with what they claim and want to hear.
But in the same time - we treat ourselves as we are prisoners. We never say to ourselves when we are anxious - you are right. Instead we are being told by CBT to force ourselves to believe we are irrational. As if we are not intellectually capable of making the division between reality and our selfishness so we are instructed to curb our needs, our well being for the sake of peace and not rocking the boat. CBT and self help books never tell the anxious person - you are right. Your anxieties are ok and correct. However if we have knowledge that social anxiety is suppressed anger - then we know how to handle it: by saying to ourselves you are right. Then the obvious next question is - what are we going to do about our own social anxiety?
Shall we leave it be, to live with instigators of toxic stress and pretend it is fine and ignore it? If we are told that we are masters of our own destiny - we will be forced now to think as adults to resolve issues in our own best interest- And this is something that we forbidden and conditioned inside us not to do during formative years.
What I see crucial element that is programming us into suppressed anger is shame based ambient filled with people in authority who were abused but decided to become predatory as response to abuse.
In such toxic ambient - toxic people in authority will invent their own rules that must be followed - but since they lack communication skills and empathy - they never can explain these fantasy rules. Narcissists create fantasy world and snapshot of reality - so in their own world that is psychosis and delusional, they believe it is not necessary to proclaim the rules - since in such world other people serve as objects to fulfill desires and wishes. Objects are supposed to fawn and to inform themselves with their own resources and get punished when they break these rules for the first time, when target does something that does not comply with invented rules.
This is how narcissistic abuse is functioning - the target in Karpman Drama Triangle is hooked into victimhood identity which abusers constantly providing - due to constantly changing rules - also known as shifting goalposts. Of course, all people would cut contact with such abuser - so the abusers know very well that their goal must be control, that they must come into managerial seats and authority - since this means endless narcissistic supply: poor people who depend on finances and security and resources which tyrants hold.
This is what I see in toxic ambient, in poor corrupt countries:
authority forcing their own invented rules (which do not comply to international common standards), and then show policing and disciplining and being angry for others not knowing that they need to be obeying those fantasy rules. The target of such abuse will always feel toxic shame - that they did something wrong - since abuser has limitless source of shaming and error nitpicking - target can never please the abuser - since the rules are always counter intuitive and ever-changing. We end up being conditioned to develop Negative Politeness - where we attempt to make someone's life easier and happy - by removing our well being and making other people angry - since our attempts to make their ambient pleasant - we do something that according to their rules is wrong - and they will protest. This new criticism will cause cognitive dissonance - and belief that we are not good enough, that something is wrong with us and that other people are smarter, better since they know what is correct and good.
In ACE and ACoA, in shame culture country, in dysfunctional environment - we learn to create rules in order to survive the ongoing criticism and relentless punishments. In order to survive - we learned through reinforcement to rely on the rules and being obedient to the rules. Now as adults we will make the bed and lie in it - we will walk around with heavy and complex rules and obligations and desire not to make error and not to appear flawed. And we won't be aware that we are doing this at all - unless someone points us the concept called Tyranny of shoulds or if we read John Bradshaw's book about toxic shame.
When we are programmed to follow the rules - then it is easy to understand that other people will easily hurt and harm us with their negative criticism and scrutiny. Since our highest priority in life has being attacked and raw nerve has been touched. And in society, due to unwritten social rules - we need rules. It is not good for us to rebel against society. Without rules - toxic people will overrun and rule over since they are excellent manipulators, they crave control over masses and they never follow rules anyway as long as police never catch them they will not obey any rules, since they do not have any signal inside to feel empathy or guilty conscience about wrongdoings.
It is that our high moral and ethical rules that are causing and triggering our social anxiety fears.
Now enter toxic people. Pathological liars - predators who are manipulative and who have hidden agenda to control and exploit others. Toxic person sees socially anxious as super easy target to abuse, bully and control. Because we make the job to control us easy for them. All that toxic people need to do - is to criticize our normal healthy daily mistakes - which are part of growing and learning and source of education how to perfect our skills in anything.
When they ashame our mistakes, flaws, temporary lack of knowledge - we stop learning from our mistakes - and the energy that was supposed to be spent into perfecting our performance - now is being hijacked by the toxic critics. Toxic people will force us to worry, to enter into rumination hamster wheel. This is done because of our own high moral and ethical standards - which they use against ourselves. It is like we are spider with many tentacles - and then thy come along and rip our arms off and then beating us up with our own limbs.
Our moral and ethical rules are part of us - we cannot change them without changing our persona - and this is futile to do. Rubber band analogy - we can stretch the rubber band - but the more we stretch it will hurt more when it snaps back into normal state.
What I see as solution is releasing and feeling our anger.
While growing up nobody repeated the message to us that we are good enough. Instead the repeated message was: criticism, fault findings, drama about anything unusual that happened, being blamed for caretaker's emotional dysregulation, experiencing their anger about anything different that happened. So we learned to dismiss our well being and to focus on fixing other people's problems while we are being passive and invisible and small - so that our actions and errors do not disturb others and their peace. As the result - we will end up being immobile, avoidant, isolated, and totally following someone's rules. With erratic inconsistent toxic people - these rules will be build around the tyrant and their pleasure, these rules will be rigid and ever changing and the end goal of these rules will be rooted in fantasy of the abuser - the world according to mentally ill person.
Being trapped to obey such rules - we won't focus on our well being, our creativity and being innovative - since anything new and different is being scrutinized. And we have been programmed to interpret someone criticism and scrutiny as pain and personal shame and guilt.
Discipline and following rules in the general - serves the purpose of common good - that we achieve something for the general good. But in toxic contact - scrutiny is here to please the tyrant and their explanations about how world should look like - and this only means them feeling good all the time.
Abusers will use pathological lying as one of the tools of manipulation and control - to keep us addicted to them.
I do not see any other solution to this virus - other than education about trauma and abusers, Detachment, our anger and our plans to focus on our well being - which may include cutting the contact forever with abusive people.
Fear of other people noticing mistakes and flaws -
is the social anxiety itself. This is connected to ACoA - someone in authority here hear means anyone complaining about our work, what we have done.
So there are to questions that spring up here -
why I chose to do this job in the first place, where I do not feel comfortable to defend and secure about?
And the second question - how other people react, those without social anxiety.
And - this means what is the best way to react?
I do not believe that correct reaction is important here.
The biggest problem is inner reaction which is deep and hurts due to trauma.
And this means - that we need to set up frame of reference first.
Why I would put myself in situations where I do not know something.
Usually - this is due to peer pressure. I hate to be seen as less worthy, so I will choose some elegant attractive position even though I do not like it, for the sake of being perceived as accepted and validated. This is the problem - narcissism. ACoA occurs in narcissistic abuse - and we adopt fears and dislikes which we absorbed from the abuser. Without knowing it.
Not only it sets us up to avoid jobs and interest which we truly like and where we would feel secure about who we are - but it also sets up messed up thinking decisions making processes inside which wreck havoc over and over again.
Other people through nitpicking mistakes control the socially anxious.
Their anger reactions trigger our trauma. There is feeling of shame and blame and that I must do something to please the abuser. And in 99 percent of cases, there is nothing to be done - but fear of punishment. I would focus on this fear of punishment - since punishment is reinforcement, it plays crucial role in operant conditioning. This fear of criticism is one big operant conditioning.
How the other person can punish us? Can they physically harm us? Can they make quit our job through gossip and attack? I never stop and ask these questions because the social anxiety panic is so strong - the reinforcement part is never brought into awareness. How toxic people can harm us? What can they do to us? How is this painful? The fear of punishment is greater than the pain of punishment itself - in operant conditioning. Of course there is emotional trauma and reinforcement itself solidifies this fear of punishment. Every time when social anxiety occurs we feel the pain and we go through the same reaction - which solidifies operant conditioning. This reinforcement must be deconstructed.
One of reinforcement is suppressing anger and hence brain not getting the data how to construct our future from learning out of experience. For example - if I am inside shame culture country, there will be obvious pattern in people using Ad Hominems and being intrusive - where obvious thing is relocation, because this is not something I can change in other people them being socially conditioned jerks.
We might say that people will rarely physically assault us because they would be in prison long time ago or in some kind of institution - the society has some kind of rules about violence. And that most people will display their narcissistic rage through socially accepted ways - screaming and cursing. But this will only make them look crazy. Problem is in social anxiety we internalize someone's aggression and screaming as our shame. When someone is angry and hysterical not only we will feel shame but we will act on this shame and truly believe that there is something wrong with us. So the problem is in identity too. It is not only operant conditioning - where we have automatic reflex of people pleasing and taking the blame and waiting for the abuser to decide how they will punish us or tell us what to do. Identity is huge problem here - where we do not place our needs as priority. And we are not aware at all that we suppress our well being and needs and our rights. I see this as suppressed anger. Anger does not mean rage - anger is normal reaction when someone is being hurt by others. With social anxiety we were programmed to destroy anger - and this way we never developed what we dislike - our identity is never been formed. Instead our identity is based on what other person approved and validates.
When someone is angry - social anxiety will make us catastrophize and push us into depression where we stop any activity and now we are in survival mode - where we do the basic things and look for approval and command from the abuser. This must be broken. It means - being free to do what we want to do. This is narcissistic abuse - this submissive behavior and confusion and isolation and feeling broken and wrong - is narcissistic abuse after-effect.
Not only we are not aware that there is operant conditioning, reinforcement, fear of abuse, lack of our identity - but also there is no awareness that our decision making process is now filtered and skewed through the abuser - and their yelling and screaming.
With social anxiety ACoA - we are not aware that we need to have our identity, that our decisions are not suppose to be based on avoiding the pain which abuser inflicts on us and to know that the abuser is sick and abnormal - which we cannot see due to lack of anger as reaction to abuse.
CBT uses Exposure - as test ground, CBT will tell us to make mistakes deliberately. So the official medical therapy for social anxiety tells us to be wrong. The pain of punishment is so strong that we are afraid of being wrong - and CBT does not mention this at all, this operant conditioning. I believe this pain of punishment and reinforcement through fawning to abusers -must come into our awareness, we need to be aware of it. If we are not aware - we will blame ourselves.
After the trigger I stay stuck with some survival mode operations - such as isolation and seeking approval from others.
Toxic people are slow killers.
This is something I had to realize over a long period of time. Social anxiety is reaction to toxic people around us. But we do not have proof - and we end up being crazy or over sensitive in the end.
I see toxic people as covert - like car salesmen. You do not know that you are being swindled. Exposure to narcissistic abuse, dark triad predators is like slow death. It is legalized crime. Society cannot see the effect of toxic stress over long period of time. It is like - people who are instructed to be evil since society encourages corruption and crime, they will do it because there is no punishment. Or another example is someone who has been brainwashed into certain beliefs such as hatred towards certain aspects - who is here evil. The brainwasher or the person being brainwashed, like in Milgram Experiment. We are the one who need to discern what is evil. With toxic people - we get toxic messages. Toxic people carry this mindset of negativity where everything they say or do goes through the prism of greed and causing pain to the others. And we might think we are strong enough and resilient. But this is silent slow killer - it has nothing to do with our resilience.
Because we might end up believing that we need to avoid living in a bubble filter, that we must show grace, that we must be open to everything.
Toxic people are killers. They are dangerous. They mess up with the brain, they cause brain injury. They slowly kill their victims, mess up their immune system. No contact would be the best course of action.
Due to dualism - toxic people have easy machine how to brainwash other people to entrain others to have the same paranoid anxious mode of thinking. Anything in life can be construed as either tool for narcissists or be seen from the position of love. Toxic people are constantly focused on exploitation and greed at the expense of others. Plus - base rate fallacy and pathological laying go hand in hand with dualism and presenting their perspective in negative tone. We start to think in this manner with time, we adapt and adopt to the toxicity and it slowly kills us.
Inside my mind - where ideas and innovations come from, in my dreams, in my imagination - I am the master. HOWEVER with ACE and ACoA and narc abuse - I will limit my hope, my dreams with the same copy paste mechanisms I do in real life. This is self sabotaging - since I do not allow myself to be secure inside me - I do not allow myself to be me, authentic, free inside me. This self censorship must be abolished, I need to give and provide myself to myself total validation, care, safety, love that I am not receiving in reality. Because there is nothing that can stop that inside me, in my world. When I starve and discipline and self abuse myself - I will do that in real world too. I will put my needs and well being aside.
When I am unable to construct ways and solutions - I won't be able to do it in reality. When I restrict my imagination and ideas - I do that in reality - and then I end up being less than who I am really. I appear as if I am limited - but I am not. I limit my freedom due to abuse and invalidation in toxic ambient. This way introject is placed inside me that is abusing me, I abuse myself since I was programmed to do that with copy paste behavior and limited beliefs - where I cut myself off from nourishment.
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
A survivor’s story is not ‘entertainment’.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Someone who's truly meant for you, would never intentionally leave you confused, insecure, alone, struggling or unloved.
Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
Let’s practice NOT telling victims to “just forget the past”
as if trauma doesn’t ReWire our brains or isn’t stored in our bodies. -Dr. Jen
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
It's so hard to heal from environments that are built on people pleasing abusers and catering to their denial. The ones who choose to heal aren't just trying to alleviate pain, but trying to find the truth. But then, many survivors often find an honest life is a lonely one.
Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D. (Cis, He/Him)
@AndrewCicchett1
when it is coercive control, it is coercive control from day one. Grooming is coercive control's first phase. It is typically paired with vulnerability and asset assessment. They target and groom their victims.
Amy | Wellness Alchemist
@amydoublet
Trauma creates autonomic nervous system dysregulation.
It is not an identity.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Maybe you're not different from "them"-- the people you grew up with-- because you're "bad" or "inadequate" or "weird." Maybe you have a degree of emotional intelligence-- &/or other intelligence-- that is wholly incompatible w/ the people who happened to surround you back then.
@defendsurvivors
Survivors don’t ’play the victim’ because they ARE the victim. They were harmed. Perpetrators ‘play the victim’ because they act like they were harmed but they were doing the harming.
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
When the malignant narcissist can no longer hide or deny their abusive behavior, they will switch tactics and attempt to normalize it.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Our nervous system is gonna pay attention to whether we behave consistently w/ the new thoughts & beliefs we want it to adopt. We're not gonna develop stable, realistic self-esteem while abusing, starving, or neglecting ourselves. It just doesn't work like that.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Aug 27
It's not a coincidence the most sensitive, empathic kids get shunted into the "scapegoat" role in toxic families & systems. Scapegoating mashes that "fawn" button in emotionally intelligent & sensitive humans-- & abusers & bullies instinctively understand this. Unfortunately.
Inner Practitioner
@MindTendencies2
Aug 26
Manipulation is when they disrespect you, you call them out, and they blame you for being too sensitive and can't take a joke.
The Narcissist Box
@NarcissistBox
To a narcissist, relationships are about what they can get. They might be super nice when they need something, then cold when they don’t. Once someone stops being useful to them, a narcissist will often discard that person without a second thought.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Don't listen to toxic individuals. You are not crazy or anything else they try to label you with. Standing up for yourself is "not a crime." Boundaries are natural and healthy, don't let them convince you otherwise.
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Unhealed trauma can have you mistaking healthy relationships as boring and unexciting because you're so used to the chaos and turbulence of toxic relationships.
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
I promise you, a person rejecting you is actually the universe protecting you.
The Narcissist Box
@NarcissistBox
When things go wrong, a narcissist always blames someone else. They have excuses for everything and never admit their mistakes. 😌🙃🤥This refusal to take responsibility makes it hard for them to learn or grow from experiences.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
When you’ve run out of ways to say it better to be understood, it’s a sign that there’s nothing else to be said.
ᵍʰᵒˢᵗ
@deadpoet______
it's okay to not be the version of you people create in their heads.
Wealth Director
@wealth_director
Sometimes the problem isn’t you; it’s the people around you.
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
If the message is shaming, guilting, or scaring survivors into healing - then it’s not a healing message.
#healingtrauma
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Reaching out for support isn't about needing to be "saved," "fixed," or "rescued." Believe me, in trauma recovery we only ever save, fix, and/or rescue ourselves.
Realistic, useful support helps us be more autonomous & authentic-- & reaching out for it is wise, not "weak."
Gary Goodridge
@garyhgoodridge
Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage doesn’t control your life.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
We don't consider our feelings important, because the people who were supposed to teach us they're important treated our feelings like inconvenient, irrational non-sequiturs.
Acknowledging & honoring our feelings in recovery can be like learning a new language-- as an adult.
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
So many gurus and ‘coaches’ have a huge following and made a lot of money making survivors feel grateful for their underhanded victim blaming advice.
#respectsurvivors
Tell me no Lies 💔❤️🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
A narcissist tries to convince you their cruelty is ‘love.’
Pig Witch
@pig_witch
Aug 27
Something I notice about working with autistic people is that they’ve often been told they catastrophise or overthink. When we unpick it, they’ve usually made connections/links that neurotypical people might not make. So, it’s very rational, though it can be stressful.
hautecommetroispommes
@hautecommetrois
Aug 27
I work in risk/ crisis management. It's my job to catastrophise (and then obviously mitigate away as much risk as possible). The two people I work most closely with in partner organisations are also ND and brilliant at the "but what if....?" random connections/ consequences game
Olive
@oIivekosheIuk
if it's catastrophizing, why does it always wind up being correct?
Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
Narcissists love to criticise everyone else’s choices and then act like their “honest” remarks are a selfless act of public service.
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
The real flex is removing yourself from people and places where you don't feel appreciated, supported, loved, and respected.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Blog: "We need to recognize when we’re replicating the behaviors of our abusers and bullies toward us, and we need to be willing and able to do whatever is necessary to interrupt that very well worn pattern."
Narcissist Facts 101
@narcissistfacts
Conversations or negotiations with narcissists will always feel like you’re at war with them because they aren’t trying to compromise or find a solution. All they want is to “win” and get their way.
@aiarant
I no longer need concrete proof to trust my intuition. If something feels off about a person, place, or thing, it's because it is. I'm not waiting around to figure out what it is; my time and energy are too valuable.
Morongwa 🫶🏾
@Mo__rongwa
Aug 27
You drain yourself when you try to convince people to see a perspective they don't care to see.
emily may
@emilykmay
we have literal psychological evidence that having to constantly ask a partner to do things exacerbates stress, burnout, and overall poor mental health.
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Too many people want you to share your story just so they can judge and criticize it. Your story matters but that doesn’t mean everyone has the right to hear it.
🔮✨
@TheOracleReadsU
Choose you. Because when you start choosing you, you start attracting everything that is also choosing you. Self love is the highest frequency that attracts everything you desire. Priotizing yourself shifts how the Universe responds to you. You're signalling that you're worthy.
Indigo ✨
@ThirdEyeMastery
Today I learned about a term called a "glimmer" which is the opposite of a trigger. Glimmers are those moments that make you feel joy, happiness, peace, or gratitude. Once you train your brain to be on the lookout for glimmers, these beautiful moments will appear more and more.
Jonathan Edward Durham
@thisone0verhere
Aug 27
So apparently the act of sending loved ones little videos and cute pictures and funny things throughout the day is called “Pebbling” because there’s a species of penguin that likes to leave pebbles in their partners’ nests to show they care, and this is my happy thing for today
Aaron Goslee
@goslee_aaron
Maybe we should stop telling people who have been the victims of sexual abuse and trauma that they are mentally ill and start telling them that they are the victims of sexual abuse and trauma.
Tell me no Lies 💔❤️🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
A narcissist’s flying monkeys will never bother to ask for your side of the story bc what they heard fits how they feel about you.
@karenmitchell__
Aug 31
Narcissists/psychopaths/coercive controllers use intimidation to stop people holding them to account.
Intimidation may involve subtle use of aggressive tone, implicit threat, encroaching into body space, holding eye contact too long, all designed to create fear & destabilise.
Tell me no Lies 💔❤️🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
Aug 31
You don’t need that last conversation with the narcissist. You’ve already given them more than they deserve.
❤️🔥
@insanities
Aug 31
people will take you for granted, then reaIize you were rare.
@soidoona
Aug 31
it's very manipulative that our angry side is always seen as our “true colours” as if when we are happy and being kind, we're being fake
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Nervous system dysregulation is not a character flaw or personal failure.
Self punishment is not a strategy for nervous system regulation.
Unkonfined
@unkonfined
Aug 31
Be smart enough to listen to what a person isn’t saying.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Aug 31
Emotional pain physically hurts us. The cognitive gymnastics that our brain & body does to cope w/ trauma causes literal damage to our nervous & endocrine systems.
Psychological trauma is literally a physical injury, not a "character weakness."
Matthew Coast
@MatthewCoast
Aug 31
Sometimes, you don't realize how badly someone treated you until you're explaining it to someone else.
@haniellesv
stay away from people who can’t take responsibility for their actions and who make you feel bad for being upset at them when they do you wrong
Danai Christopoulou | Greek SFF Author (she/they)
@Danaiwrites
Question for my fellow neurodivergents: do you also feel physically ill when you make a mistake?
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Trauma makes you tolerate a lot of sh*t you don't deserve because you don't want to feel alone. Healing makes you realize some people don't deserve access to your life, no matter how much you love them.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
I know the difference between busy and not interested.
Charis Hill | they/them | Free Palestine 🇵🇸
@BeingCharisBlog
Sep 1
A lot of you are disabled and you don't know it because society has brainwashed you with ableism.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Toxic people know exactly what they are doing.
Remember that..
Tech Wizard Mike
@techwizardmike
And their abusive actions are always 💯% justified in their self-deluded minds.
King KDS ♍️
@PrincesDomain
A narcissist will do something to hurt you with no thought of how it affects you. All that matters is themselves, what they want, their own emotions and motivations. With some people you’d be lucky to be last if a thought of you comes at all.
Recovered Sugar Addict
@sugarliberated
That's because abusers have no capacity for self-reflection. Instead, they are always the 'victims'.
King KDS ♍️
@PrincesDomain
Not a toxic person who doesn’t take accountability. They don’t see it as lying, as betrayal, as manipulation, as gaslighting, as time wasting. They act with the presumption that they have the right to be toxic and some are so deep that they are oblivious to their own toxicity.
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Just because a person has a gorgeous heart and gentle nature doesn't mean they're naive or fragile. You never know the type of chaos they endured to become that calm. Don't mistake kindness for weakness...those people have survived the hardest battles—they're smart and strong af
Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
When you’re down about the fact that trauma Rewires the Brain, and is Stored in the Body, I want you to remember:
Healing Rewires the Brain, too
and our body IS designed to help us self-heal.
While trauma is egregious, it’s work-with-able. Baby steps add up -Dr. Jen
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Your value is not based on how poorly someone has treated you. That is an assessment about their character and behavior. Your value is based on the fact that you are part of humanity, born valuable and worthy of good.
@chabcharu
Sep 2
i respect a person who knows their energy is off and keeps their distance because they don't want to transfer it onto you. i don't think some people understand how real that is
Cxspxxr✘🧸
@_6signxxx
Sep 2
House shaming, car shaming, shaming anybody for trying is weird
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
I wasted so much effort and sanity trying to reason with them. I didn’t realize they were TRYING to be hurtful. It was inconceivable to me that such irrational evil people existed.
Tell me no Lies 💔❤️🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
Wanting to be seen as someone who is ‘low-maintenance’ and just ‘goes with the flow’ can be a result of narcissistic conditioning.
How?
Only a narcissist’s needs and feelings matter. They’ll respond with anger, rage or other forms of punishment if they don’t get their way.
To avoid or reduce conflict, a victim will change their behavior to ignore their own needs and feelings.
Kate Jones
@imnotkatejones
“She’s a good sport.” = she doesn’t challenge me and lets me get away with being manipulative.
BrokenRecord
@ConcernedGlob12
I believe this is typically referred to as "walking on egg shells" and I've learned that this doesn't have to be in order to avoid anger, it could also be to avoid a display of psychological/emotional/physical pain the narcs engage in to make you feel like the cause.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Sep 4
Trauma survivors are routinely oversold on the value, or even the "necessity," of "forgiving" & "letting go." First: I've never met a trauma survivor intentionally "hanging on" or who isn't desperate to "let go; " second: "forgiveness" is very often an emotional bypassing scam.
The Narcissist Box
@NarcissistBox
What was the void the narcissist exploited? For me, lack of parental support, protection, naivety, poverty.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Your anger is not a character flaw, & anyone who tries to convince you it is probably benefits somehow from you not experiencing the surge of focus, motivation, & energy that often comes from anger.
Get curious about why they might want you ashamed of your anger.
🐢
@turtlebreezee
Trauma changes you ..like it literally alters your DNA, damages your mental health and takes a toll on your quality of living ..THIS is why we heal ..THIS is why we detached and go into solitude.
Karun
@karunpal
Sep 4
When introverts are feeling off, they go silent. For a long long time. Until they're ok. Until they feel like themselves again. They're not off with you, they just deal with things better when they're alone.
Inner Practitioner
@MindTendencies2
Keeping your personal life, conflicts, struggles, and breakups private, and not telling people more than they need to know even when you have a lot to say is top tier self-care.
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Maturity is when you stop wasting time convincing people to treat you correctly. You just observe their choices, understand their character, and decide what you’re going to allow into your life.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Trauma survivors tend to grow up expecting ourselves to be more in "control" of our feelings, reactions, & behaviors than is realistic-- or even possible, usually-- for human beings.
Then we feel shame-- not guilt, shame-- for "failing" at that level of unrealistic "control."
Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
Over-explaining can be a trauma response. It can also be anxiety and ADHD and other things.
Procrastination can be a trauma response. It can also be anxiety and ADHD and exhaustion and depression and other things.
Many things can be trauma responses. Many things can be other things. -Dr. Jen
🔮✨
@TheOracleReadsU
Stop being so considerate in situations where you aren't even considered. It’s okay to be nice. But if you’re sacrificing your own needs and wants to make someone else happy - you’re sliding into “too nice” territory. This will only lead to resentment and frustration.
🐢
@turtlebreezee
People who try to break you are already broken.
Indigo ✨
@ThirdEyeMastery
We don't talk nearly enough about "papercuts" in a relationship. Everytime there's raised voices, cruel words, lack of support, short temper, lack of affection, etc., a tiny wound is created. Not enough to make you leave, but enough to make part of you pull away everytime.
Nika Solé
@withlovesole
I’m really only interested in connecting with those who’ve already connected with themselves on a real level. I have no desire to babysit the parts of people that they’re unwilling to face themselves.
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
When dealing with a sadistic malignant narcissist who derives pleasure from your pain, it’s crucial to recognize that showing emotional vulnerability or distress can indeed fuel their sadistic tendencies. Their goal is to provoke a reaction to gain control or feel superior, so displaying your pain openly is unlikely to make them stop—it might even encourage them.
Here’s what you can do:
1. Detach Emotionally- Practice emotional detachment, sometimes called the "gray rock" method. When you interact with them, remain as neutral and indifferent as possible. This means not reacting emotionally to their provocations, making yourself a less satisfying target for their manipulative behavior.
2. Set Boundaries- Clearly define your personal boundaries and enforce them without getting emotionally drawn in. Don’t engage in back-and-forth arguments or try to explain yourself—they will twist the conversation to feed their agenda.
3. Limit Interaction- If possible, minimize contact with the narcissist. If it's not possible to avoid them entirely, create distance by limiting how much personal information or emotional energy you share.
4. Protect Your Self-Esteem- Narcissists often attack your sense of self-worth. Keep reminding yourself that their behavior is about their need for control, not a reflection of your value. Focus on your strengths and surround yourself with supportive people who reinforce your sense of self-worth.
5. Document and Seek Support- If the narcissist’s behavior crosses into abuse, document their actions, especially in work or legal settings, and seek external support, whether through friends, family, or professionals.
Ultimately, hiding your pain is about protecting your emotional well-being rather than hoping they will stop. They are unlikely to stop unless they no longer find satisfaction in provoking you.
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
It’s possible that if a sadistic narcissist doesn't get the reaction they're seeking, they may escalate their behavior in an attempt to provoke you further. Narcissists thrive on control and emotional reactions, and when they sense they are losing that control, they might intensify their efforts.
However, you still have options for managing this:
1. Stay Consistent- Even if they escalate, maintaining a calm, emotionless demeanor is key. Reacting emotionally, even to a more aggressive approach, gives them what they want. Over time, if they consistently fail to get the reaction they seek, they may lose interest.
2. Strengthen Boundaries-As they try harder, reinforce your boundaries. This might mean reducing the frequency or depth of your interactions. Keep conversations brief, direct, and devoid of personal information. Stick to non-reactive responses like "I see" or "That's interesting" without giving them any emotional fuel.
3. Exit the Situation- If their behavior becomes unbearable or harmful, don't hesitate to remove yourself from the situation, even temporarily. Walking away or disengaging from the conversation when it becomes toxic sends a strong message that you won't play their game.
4. Seek Support- Dealing with a narcissist's escalating behavior can be exhausting and overwhelming. Having a support system or seeking professional advice from a therapist can help you manage the emotional toll and provide strategies for coping.
5. Leverage Authority- If this situation occurs in a workplace or family dynamic where others may be involved, it can help to document their behavior and involve authority figures if needed (such as HR, a manager, or legal counsel).
The key is to remember that escalation is a manipulation tactic. By maintaining your composure and sticking to your boundaries, you deny them the emotional satisfaction they crave, and over time, this can diminish their power over you.
Chris Vaughn
@ThePookieRules
There is nothing you can do. You will be assaulted continually until the day you get free, if you survive. They are relentless and nothing you do will minimize that.
UAP and Abuse Recovery Mack
@NoHatePolitics1
Be careful with gray rock though. If you are their preferred source of enjoyment they will push and push and push until you break.
@haniellesv
Sep 4
being called sensitive for reacting to disrespect is manipulation at its finest
Nika Solé
@withlovesole
Sometimes you have to let people know, ‘there was a time that I would tolerate certain things, but that time has passed.’
Introvert Problems
@IntrovertProbss
If I was accidentally weird to you once just know I will be thinking about it every night for the next 30 years
John Cena
@JohnCena
When we realize we aren’t entitled to anything, we become grateful for everything.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Supporting another persons success will never ruin yours.
Dr. Jessica Taylor
@DrJessTaylor
SEEKING JUSTICE IS NOT REVENGE. END.
Inner Practitioner
@MindTendencies2
You broke the cycle. Don't let people, places, groups, and situations that you've healed from, leveled up, outgrown, and no longer vibe with irritate your soul, trigger your mental health, lower your vibe, and bring back an older version of you.
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Normalize not forcing connections with people. If someone can’t see the value in having you by their side, it's not your job to convince them.
Lalah Delia 📖
@LalahDelia
Sep 4
Stop sharing your soul with people who have no spiritual integrity.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
We can't just "let go" of beliefs & behaviors we were conditioned to hold on to for fear of punishment or annihilation. We don't hang on to those things because we're stupid or stubborn.
Realistically letting go requires safety & support-- from ourselves most importantly.
Wealth Inc
@WealthInc247
heal so when someone shows you love, you believe them.
Aaron Goslee
@goslee_aaron
Sep 6
Imagine telling a survivor of abuse or trauma that they’re mentally ill and need drugs to feel okay, when you could instead help them get in touch with their feelings and provide a safe environment for them to tell their story? It’s absolutely outrageous.
Aaron Goslee
@goslee_aaron
Mental illness is a myth. Having unusual thoughts is real. Being wrong is real. Suffering is real. Heartache is real. Grief is real. Insecurity is real. Intense mood fluctuation is real. Tortured mood is real. Abuse is real. Trauma is real. But mental illness is a myth.
Bill Burgess
@ProfSondergaard
Covert narcissists are the worst because they are so good at accumulating both flying monkeys and hostages while you have no clue they’re doing it. Then one day they spring the trap…and they own everything you care about, and when you look for help, nobody believes you.
ɐuıɯ❣️
@MinaCaputo
Sep 5
Standing up for yourself doesn't make you argumentative. Sharing your feelings doesn't make you oversensitive. And saying NO doesnt make you uncaring or selfish. If someone won't respect your feelings, needs and boundaries, the problem isn't you; it's them.
feyisayo 💸
@feyiszn
Sep 6
Unfortunately, people are not always going to be brave enough to tell you they're no longer vibing with you. Sometimes, you just have to read the energies, and leave the table. Take some initiative. Let go of the guilt of letting go. Have the courage to walk alone.
Christina
@christinag91386
Sep 6
Once you are deemed "mentally ill" anything you are concerned about or worried about is seen as a symptom of your mental illness.
Daniel Richards
@danrich66
That way they can screw you over and if you complain about it, they can just call you crazy.
kelly
@klsau1958
100%. That's why it's so deeply concerning to see people opening the door to being diagnosed (because as we know, "there's a disorder for everyone"!).
Once you embark on this path it almost invariably (with a few exceptions, thankfully), leads to a life sentence. Avoid.
feyisayo 💸
@feyiszn
Sep 6
When people don’t consider you in the same way you consider them, let them go. There’re actually so many people in the world that can match your energy and love you the way you love.
@alori1975
Sep 6
don't invalidate people's struggles because you've been through worse. if someone is tired after working for 5 hours and you worked for 7, it doesn't mean that they're not allowed to be tired. it doesn't mean they can't feel what they're feeling just because you've had it worse
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
Whoever said ‘what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger’ had never been targeted by a narcissist/psychopath!
Targeting by a predator can cause: annihilation of sense of self, plummeting confidence, extreme anxiety, illnesses eg potentially cancer, suicidal ideation, addictions…
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Malignant narcissists are aware when their behavior is abusive or could lead to consequences. Instead of stopping, they focus on protecting themselves from exposure or punishment. This self-preservation strategy involves planning ahead by controlling the narrative, gaslighting their victims, shifting blame, and discrediting others. They will often project their own wrongdoing onto their victim, vilifying them or even making false accusations to law enforcement as a premeditated defense mechanism against exposure of their own abuse. Their goal is to avoid accountability while continuing their harmful actions, manipulating situations to maintain power and control.
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
#Narcissists will ask you to do things they know you won’t be comfortable with or happy about, so they can give you a hard time for not complying with their request.
It’s all about control. Controlling your emotions, controlling the atmosphere, controlling the event.
@zeinacey
fun fact: just because u don't understand the way somebody feels, doesn't mean their emotions are invalid
Karun
@karunpal
When introverts are going through shit, they shut down. They want no help. No advice. No "fixing". All they want is quiet. They know how to pull themselves out. They've done it a thousand times. Just leave them alone for a while.
THE TATTOOED MISS
@knowtheeface
Sep 6
I’ve learned the best way to kill something is to let it starve. No response, no action, no altercations, just don’t feed it. That’s where the true power lies.
@haniellesv
Sep 6
“stop being sensitive” no, you stop being insensitive. respect how people respond to things and situations. what’s little for you might be big to others
Introvert Problems
@IntrovertProbss
A big misconception about introverts is that they are antisocial or shy. In reality, introverts can enjoy social interactions and have strong social skills; they just need more time alone to recharge after being around people
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
No one else is supposed to understand your calling, it wasn't a conference call..
Tell me no Lies 💔❤️🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
If they can control their anger when there are witnesses, anger management is not the issue.
They know exactly what they are doing.
Let that sink in.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
You have zero control over how people perceive you.
Amy | Wellness Alchemist
@amydoublet
Shame has an inhibitory response. It’s connected to freeze 🥶
Karun
@karunpal
Be yourself. No matter what. People don't have to like you, and you don't have to care. There's something magical about living from that real part inside you. When you don't care, you become so attractive that people are just drawn towards you like bees to a flower. You become fearless, carefree, and above all real.
Don't waste your life fitting in. You were born to stand out. Break free and just be your most authentic, unapologetic self. Your whole life will change.
t.
@thandoau
i love removing myself. removing myself from things that don’t serve me. removing myself from things that don’t make me feel good. removing myself from things that make me feel uncertain. i just remove myself.
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Survivors are not ‘hanging on to the past’ - they’re trying to make sense of the present.
Aaron Goslee
@goslee_aaron
I don’t see a mind that is ill. I see a bad situation and a mind that is doing its best to keep someone from experiencing pain.
brosecco 🥂
@lovvewolf
Sep 7
Men are not logical, they just lack empathy. This false dichotomy is successful because somehow men repackaged anger like it’s not an emotion.
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
The profoundly damaging lies & false narrative predators (narcissists/psychopaths) tell others about the person they are targeting is one of their most potent weapons.
Predators do not experience fear or shame because of brain anomalies so they are exceptionally convincing.
Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
Trying to heal 20-years of trauma in 1 or 2 therapy sessions is like throwing a cup of water at a burning building. -Dr. Jen
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
unhealed trauma will have you sabotaging relationships with people who are actually in your corner.
Robert Greene
@RobertGreene
Immersing yourself in details will combat the generalizing tendencies of the brain and bring you closer to reality.
Fedon | Self-Coaching
@myselfcoaching1
Focusing on the details helps you see things more clearly and avoid oversimplifying complex situations.
Words of Wisdom
@billionair_key
People who are highly aware and intelligent are usually alone.
Ja Leto
@_falsi1ke
Normalize Taking Any job to pay bills till your dream job comes along. Pride doesn't pay bills.
Stephan Labossiere
@StephanSpeaks
Don’t try to change anyone…change how you deal with them.
The Narcissist Box
@NarcissistBox
Narcissists will continuously lie and manipulate everyone around them. They bank on no one calling them out. However, if you stop validating them and tell the truth, they’ll fear that you could reveal their secrets to the people in their social circle.
🐢
@turtlebreezee
Your instincts are right about people...never doubt them.
Aim True (Amy Pagett)
@AimTrue7
Too much too soon often leads to burnout & overwhelm in recovery.
Easy does it.
💀🪽 ꜱᴇʀᴀᴘʜ 🪽💀
@tenshikinryoku
What is it about being autistic where the smallest things set my nervous system on fire, but I’m calm in emergencies????
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Don't listen to toxic individuals. You are not crazy or anything else they try to label you with. Standing up for yourself is "not a crime." Boundaries are natural and healthy, don't let them convince you otherwise.
ᵍʰᵒˢᵗ
@deadpoet______
it's not your fault if people who looked like home turned out to be unknown places.
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
When a malignant narcissist encounters an honest, genuinely good person, their first instinct is to attack and discredit that person.
Because malignant narcissists can't tolerate the contrast between their manipulative nature and the goodness of others, they instinctively seek to undermine or discredit the good person.
By projecting their own flaws onto the good person, they shift the focus away from themselves, protecting their fragile ego from the feelings of inferiority and inadequacy that the good person inadvertently brings out in them. This also allows them to maintain their illusion of control and superiority in social situations.
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
- This account is based on over 1000 years of cumulative experience with narcissists, psychopaths, coercive controllers, toxic leaders (dark personalities or predators) and their victims.
- I was the first person ever to gather data from expert practitioners working long-term with dark personalities outside the justice system in areas such as cults, medicine, law, business, coercive control in domestic violence, religion, politics, law enforcement & others.
- My research also included forensic practitioners such as the FBI profiler who has caught the highest numbers of serial killers and a forensic psychologist experienced with hundreds of psychopathic prisoners.
- I interviewed top academics in narcissism, psychopathy, coercive control etc, many of whom never even read each other's work, yet are studying the same behaviours.
- I have created potentially the world’s most accurate and nuanced representation of dark personality/predators, including their common attributes and the potent tactics they use to destroy.
- My work makes predators much easier to identify than ever before. This makes me a target. I am often attacked, discredited, undermined, demeaned, made to look like ‘the bad guy’. This is a price I am willing to pay for exposing predators and reducing harm.
In the last few months, I have been:
- Interviewed by Forbes Magazine.
- Invited onto over 30 podcasts hosted out of the
US, Canada, and the UK, some with millions of
viewers/listeners.
- Interviewed by science journalist, Andréa Morris,
for her scientific Podcast, Variable Minds. Her last
interviewee was a Nobel prize winner.
- Invited onto a North American Think Tank
examining the efficacy and implications of brain
scanning for psychopathy in potential leaders.
- Interviewed for a podcast on coercive control by
Australia’s Future Women.
- Invited to be an expert lecturer to educate
professionals on coercive control in domestic
violence.
- Invited to be an expert guest speaker in three
documentaries
- Invited to write articles for several professional
journals/magazines for mental health
professionals.
- In a dialogue with several high profile AI experts
on the threats and implications of dark
personality to the future of humanity’s use of AI.
My data indicates that predators in professions such as medicine, accounting, law enforcement and psychology are as committed to destroying their target as those in prison for murder. They just do it in ways that are more covert, emotionally, reputationally, mentally etc.
My data also indicates narcissism, psychopathy, coercive control and toxic leadership are all just subsets of one high level, over-arching personality type. I call it Persistent Predatory Personality.
There are human predators and human prey. Human prey are subjected to extraordinary torture. Behaviours included in so-called Borderline Personality Disorder, for example, appear to be just normal human responses to the extreme abuse of predators.
I have worked internationally with large organisations and with executive groups for over 30 years, in addressing complex change agendas and developing great cultures. I have worked with many predators (and their victims) and been astounded at the damage they cause in organisations as well as the pain they inflict on individuals.
I have been an advocate for close to 20 years in the family court and have been exposed to horrific forms of abuse not only by people inside the courts but by ‘professionals’ working in them as lawyers, psychologists, barristers etc.
Below is a link to my published thesis:
https://static1.squarespace.com/static/64910384d2da1763d7156043/t/65bc5a78ab4aef10b9901a25/1706842827397/Psychopaths+Narcissists+Machiavellians+Toxic+Leaders+Coercive+Controllers++Subsets+of+One+Overarching+Dark+Personality+Type++MITCHELL+PHD+THESIS.pdf
Website http://kalmor.com.au
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Trauma doesn't make people stronger. It damages their nervous system. It hijacks their digestive track. It keeps the person in a constant loop of hypervigilance. To tell someone they are stronger because of trauma is to deny what it has cost them to survive.
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Sep 10
Highly sensitive people experience everything on a deeper level than most people. We don't just understand your surface-level feelings; we also sense your energy shifts, intentions, judgments, lies, truths... and bullsh*t.
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Narcissists work very hard to convince you that you should feel guilty and ashamed for the abuse they commit against you
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Trauma will have us not just avoiding our feelings & memories, but also avoiding our interests, our passions, our needs, & our dreams.
Reclaiming who we are, what we like, & what we want is just as important to trauma recovery as processing memories. Maybe more so.
Karun
@karunpal
Introverts don't "need" people. They're pros at entertaining themselves. Staring out the window. Music. Books. Movies. Cooking. Chilling with pets. A couple of hours of satisfying self-talk. They can live alone for days and days. And trust me, they won't miss a thing.
@itsmontyj
Sep 11
If someone puts you through the same pain twice, understand they don’t respect u
@ifeelgoodto
“be the bigger person” be sounding a lot like “accept the disrespect”
Words Finally Spoken, Peace for 🇺🇦
@FinallyWords
Let's be clear, narcissists know they're the problem. They just hate that you also know they're the problem.
Hustlanani
@hustlanani
Your whole life can be altered just by associating with someone. So yes. Be selective.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Sep 11
A toxic system will always fight for its own existence. So, cycle breakers in toxic families become scapegoats; in toxic churches they become "apostates;" in toxic professions they become "unprofessional" "troublemakers."
Wear it w/ pride, fam. It means we have their attention.
@llouzzy
you disrespect yourself when you beg someone for BARE MINIMUM things like love, attention, affection, support, reciprocation, etc. don't do that shit again.
@soidoona
it’s okay to realize “i do not feel loved here” and leave
@chabcharu
stop being considerate in situations where you aren't considered
sad
@lonesfeels
Hardest pill to swallow is realizing people do not care. They’ll hurt you & really go on about their lives. Not even slightly affected about what they did to you & how you feel. Regardless if it’s friendships, relationships, or family.
@justin_garson
Psychiatry exists to define the boundaries of “good mental health” and classify the ways people deviate from it. That means *I*, the psychiatrist, know exactly what “good mental health” is and when someone fails to conform to it. Unspeakable arrogance.
Aaron Goslee
@goslee_aaron
We need to turn the page on a psychology that pathologizes victims.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Hurt people who hurt people are still responsible to change their behavior.
🔮✨
@TheOracleReadsU
You'll come across people who seem obsessed with humbling you, despite you minding your business. Don't internalize it. People who repeatedly attack your confidence or try to humiliate you have low self-esteem and are aware of your potential, even if you’re not. Pay them no mind.
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
It is generally impossible to set boundaries with a narcissist/psychopath/coercive controller. They see boundary setting as a provocation, a challenge to their control. They will punish the boundary setter by doing something exceptionally hurtful & potentially harmful.
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
It is not about status, it is about control and them being central to or the focus of the relationship dynamic.
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
How do I spot a dangerous but very normal looking narcissist/psychopath at first meet?
There are many red flags to be aware of that can save you a world of pain!
1. Narcissists/psychopaths do not experience emotions like the rest of us because of brain differences. As predators, they are always looking for our vulnerabilities, from the first second of meeting. To understand our areas of passion (our weakest points), they often watch our hands when we speak because they are not always able to read the emotional cues.
2. Narcissists/psychopaths often hold eye contact or stare at you as you walk, longer than is comfortable. They can do this because they don’t experience fear or embarrassment. They use this as a tactic to engage their victim. It can feel endearing but also strange because we are not used to it. This tactic can be exercised in work relationships and personal relationships.
3. Narcissists/psychopaths can close down a conversation or switch sentiments in the blink of an eye. An exceptionally swift change in topic, almost like your last comment never happened, is a red flag.
4. Narcissists/psychopaths have ‘shallow affect’. They have to act out emotions because they don’t feel them. Some do not bother acting them so they seem unexpressive, without ups and downs in speech patterns, have a flat way of talking.
5. An exceptionally rapid building of sense of closeness is a red flag. Narcissists/psychopaths engage quickly, make you feel like you are the most important person to them. In an intimate relationship, they will learn what makes you tick and present that back to you as something in themselves to make you think they are your soulmate.
An important point is that other people may sometimes exhibit one or two of these red flags. For example, autists may under-emote. It is necessary to see a number of red flags before they present a meaningful pattern.
The Wily Survivor
@WilySurvivor
Sep 12
Gaslighting erodes your ability to trust yourself. The constant denial of your reality makes you second-guess everything, even your gut instincts—the very thing meant to protect you. While they gaslight and isolate you, you begin to doubt your own judgment and start seeking validation from the abuser. It’s a vicious cycle where their distorted reality replaces yours, and just like that, you're robbed of your truth.
🍁
@SyzygElegy
If someone would rather lose you than fix the situation, they don't care.
Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
Narcissistic people don't want your opinions; they want your agreeableness. When you disagree, they take it as criticism and claim you're attacking them.
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
Sep 14
One of the reasons narcissists/psychopaths are so dangerous, is that they are willing to go to the next level re: disadvantaging, demeaning, humiliating, provoking, manipulating others.
Even if you suspect their ‘darkness’, you will doubt yourself. No one is that bad, surely!
sad
@lonesfeels
Sep 14
How your partner reacts to your sadness & things that bother you should tell you all you need to know
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
#Narcissists often perceive offenses where none exist, interpreting innocent actions or words as personal attacks. They then use these perceived slights as justification to engage in intentionally abusive behavior.
a n n a
@hi_its_annaleah
as a late-diagnosed autistic person with complex trauma, there's a certain kind of grief that accompanies the realization that "It really didn't have to be this hard, for so long."
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Sep 14
Manipulation is when they focus on how you reacted instead of how they treated you.
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
The attributes and weaponry of high functioning narcissists/psychopaths has never been fully captured by researchers!
The human race is therefore VULNERABLE to PREDATORS who make up potentially around 10%-15% of the population. They are everywhere!
Data on high functioning narcissists/psychopaths working in fields such as psychiatry, law, medicine, business, entrepreneurship must be gathered from professionals who work with them or victims harmed by them to be accurate because predators lie, manipulate and deceive constantly.
My research is the first with experts working for an average of 22 years continuously with predators in many fields.
It indicates predators in professional roles spend as much as 85% of their time concealing their true nature and refining their facade of ‘normal’.
My research also indicates they do not experience fear or shame and are brazenly willing to manipulate, disadvantage, sadistically play with, and misrepresent anyone around them while projecting this false facade to others.
You will NEVER see what the target sees in a predator. You will ONLY see the facade they choose to present you.
BELIEVE victims. The world will be a better place! ❤️
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
Yes academia and teaching are professions narcissists/psychopaths are drawn to because there are vulnerable populations that can be exploited. In addition there is a relatively low amount of feedback systems and a general motivation by those who are higher up to want to protect their staff.
“We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.”
— Anaïs Nin
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
One of the biggest barriers to preventing harm from narcissists/psychopaths is people’s unwillingness to accept that sadistically motivated people exist….and are often working in respectable professions.
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Sep 16
Too often the survivor is ostracized-not the abuser. The reality for many survivors is that if they try to leave abuse they’re not just leaving the abuser but also their family and community. If we want to help survivors, we have to understand the reality they are facing.
Tell me no Lies 💔❤️🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
Narcissists pretend you’re a bad person so they don’t have to feel guilty for the shit they do to you.
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Sep 16
Once you start to realise so many people are actually emotionally wounded children in adult bodies, you stop taking so much sh*t personally.
Inner Practitioner
@MindTendencies2
Say no to unhealthy relationships. If they don't reciprocate, no. If they're inconsistent, no. If they're unstable, no. If their words don't match their actions, no. If they don't apologize and change their behavior, no. If they blame, gaslight, judge, lie, or manipulate, no.
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
The best revenge is none. Move on and heal yourself so you don’t become like the people who traumatized you.
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
You don’t have to lie to beat a narcissist. You beat them with brutal honesty.
Pierce thru their facade and expose everything about them they don’t want to be seen.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Sep 17
Sometimes the anxiety you feel is your healthiest, most authentic self reacting to the inauthenticity around you.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Abuse doesn’t always come with red flags. If anything, it comes with a calculated manipulation that anyone can fall prey to. Abusers seek power. They’re not going to tip you off that they have an ulterior motive and are getting ready to hurt you. It’s often quite the opposite.
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Sep 17
You deserve a calm relationship that's good for your mental health, heart, and nervous system. A lover who's your bestie, your safe space, and soothes your soul during stressful situations. Life is tough enough – you deserve someone who brings you peace, not problems.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Sep 17
Pay attention to what makes you happy. Trauma has a way of convincing us what makes us happy doesn't count, or doesn't matter, or is "stupid"-- but I'm telling you: what you like & what you're passionate about hold profound keys to your healing.
Callum Stephen (He/Him)
@AutisticCallum_
Autistic me in awkward social situations: is this situation awkward just because sometimes social situations can be, or does this person dislike me? How should I read this? Am I reading too deeply into this? Am I overthinking? Or am I missing (or at least misreading) something?
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
I love people who make others feel seen, heard, valued, supported, and loved. People with pretty hearts, open minds, and peaceful souls. The rare gems who make you feel deeply understood, give you complete freedom to be yourself and make you feel beautiful just for being YOU.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Sometimes they don't leave you directly. Instead, they treat you like shit until you leave them and then they blame you.
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Your reaction to the narcissist’s abuse is NOT the problem.
(19.9.2024)
Operant Conditioning.
While CBT explains social anxiety as cognitive distortion issue - which only stigmatizes the abused people- I see social anxiety as learned, reinforced panic. It is the fear of criticism that is creating panic response. Behind the fear of criticism is actually hidden the fear of punishment. That the other person may harm us in some way - at toxic job this is by getting fired is we stand up for ourselves and speak the truth. But this is not the only fear. There is also fear of other person thinking badly about us. That the other person harbors hate towards us - and this fear will drive our people pleasing fawning reactions where we try hard not to say or speak anything that might come out as wrong - and now to a third person we will look as if we lack social skills or that we are shy. We might eve buy into this CBT explanation and start with self-fulfilling prophecy where we will believe we are un-intelligent and that we lack something due to apparent freezing and acting weirdly out of blue. While in reality - it is hypnosis and programming, copy pasting the same reactions and behavior from the past which we learned to automatically run in social situations - like fake social mask of smiling and not talking and being afraid of being scorned by some critic.
It is not observable on the surface - but social anxiety is operant conditioning - we are repeating learned reinforced behavior due to exposure to repeated punishments over long period of time - by toxic people around us who use control and manipulation to abuse other people.
While it is crucial to become aware that toxic people trigger our social anxiety, it is also important that we deal with operant conditioning and breaking up the reinforcement cycles.
Reinforcement is going along with learned panic reactions in social situations due to fear of criticism. Closely related issue is our identity - which we never developed, or uncovered. We put layers and layers of protective defensive mechanisms which became our temporary identity - and then other people cannot neither approach us nor we can form any kind of social contact with others due to this insecurity and insincerity dishonesty - because we are unable to be true due to defensive mechanisms, we get stuck in attachment style issues. Being true to identity - means allowing all our emotions including anger that we feel them. Anger that we suppress never gave us the important data how to dislike something and to block contact with someone who is harmful. We fawn instead. Fawning to difficult people reinforces the belief that all people are toxic and that socializing is difficult and hopeless. Without our identity in full power - we do not know what we like, and we go along with herd mentality and someone else's choices, which also reinforces the social anxiety idea that socializing is disgusting, difficult, fruitless and non enjoyable experience.
Operant conditioning of being afraid of someone's punishment must be broken - and we need anger for this operation.
Operant conditioning of being afraid of someone's thinking and evaluating and judging us in negative way - needs to be broken, and we need our identity for this operation.
Basically - behind fear of criticism there are:
1) fear of punishment
2) fear of judgement
Behind these two fears is guilt and toxic shame as motors that keep fear ongoing, along with toxic people who trigger is into survival mode all the time with unfair criticism and their hysterical behavior.
Fear of punishment - comes from taking action where the critic, person who criticize us - is attacking us for something that we said or did which they label as wrong. So there has to be some sort of person who present himself as a judge of some sort. Pontificator. Finger pointer, blamer, complainer.
And person who judge us needs to have material for judgement - and they use our mistakes, flaws, lack of education or experience or information, lack of skills, imperfections, our errors.
And once we are being yelled and screamed at - we immediately side with their drama and we totally neglect our needs, our well being, our rights, our wants, our goals. We surrender and we take the punishment in silence without ever doubting the source whether the critic is either evil or sick in head or that they are manipulators with greed agenda or simply sadistic and enjoy harming other people.
Also what happens is we get into rancor mode, survival mode - we now place all our focus and resources into defense, making us unable to apologize or listen or see what is really happening - we freeze and watch and see the other person as if they must decide punishment for us. This is all operant conditioning - being abused in childhood by abnormal adults around us. With social anxiety we will have super-ego that makes us perfectionist, we give more than 100 percent of effort not to make any kind of mistake - so it really hurts when someone expects us to be inhuman machine, that we know 90 percent of other people would never put that kind of effort and nobody is making drama about other people - while we get scorned over slightest errors.
We can't change or control other people - them choosing to harm others with complaints and unfair judgement - this is their full choice. What we can control is this operant conditioning where our guilt and shame gets flooded with waves of feeling wrong, rejection dysphoria that hurts like physical pain.
What is worse - this pain and hurt and shame and guilt - are actually preventing us to learn from our mistakes - and this means we will make them again. This happens because all our panic is our focus - we try to handle the shame inside while the error itself is secondary or tertiary problem. The primary focus becomes fixing angry people, seeking their forgiveness, making ourselves small, avoiding life, not taking risks at all.
From bymaros web site:
"The problem with guilt is that anytime you feel it and you punish yourself to relieve it and feel better, you give yourself a short-term reward that keeps guilt locked in place."
In social anxiety this means that being locked in panic - is reinforcing the social anxiety panic.
We feel responsible for angry people being angry - either at us or even at someone else. Due to fear of judgement and punishment by toxic people.
Fear of judgement means fear that other person is hating us, there is inability to know that other person dislike and hate and is angry at us. Closely related - is fear of being punished by such emotionally dysregulated person - usually it is connected to losing a job or not getting resource or service from such person who therefore is in some kind of power position - since they hold some sort of need and want that we have. And there is no alternative to get that.
Then it is pretty obvious - why we end up with social anxiety. It is natural byproduct when we try hard not to make other person attack or judge us: we will fawn, we will shut up, we will avoid, we will never rock the boat, we won't speak our mind, won't ask for what we need, to criticize them back, to be assertive. The greatest problem is that when social anxiety is felt inside our body and our mind - through worry and rumination, we are totally unaware of this fear of punishment and fear of judgement. This is totally outside of our awareness - we simply end up on auto-pilot behavior - which then is being criticized by other and ourselves as socially anxious and awkward - and then we get totally new layers of anxiety about the anxiety itself. And we try to fix and cure that by being silent and avoiding life or pretending to be someone else - which then is criticized as weird and inauthentic - it is spiral, downward spiral of anxiety, shame and panic that breeds new and new layers of guilt.
Obvious problem here is the critic - person who is anti-social and manipulative and controlling. Do we really need this person? What can we do to cut off any contact with such person? Since we will neglect our needs - obvious second task is to bring into awareness our well being, because if we do not do it manually - we will neglect and invalidate ourselves. Toxic people will target through Ad Hominems our shame and guilt emotions which we further self sabotage and neglect ourselves due to toxic shame and feeling wrong and abnormal due to criticism.
Third closely related task - is our identity. To stand firm by our quirkiness and perks and needs and wants - even though toxic people will ashame those first. If we are unaware and on auto-pilot, we will feel shame and repeat the learned behavior of masking and covering up and being feeling ashamed for doing things differently and liking things that appear weird to other people - which may include reading a book in public for example - that are not weird in normal ambient, but are ashamed in sick twisted environment such as shame-based culture countries.
People who are intelligent will appear as stupid to stupid people.
Other people's judgement will clip our wings and prune our tree - so we won't get any fruit and then feel wrong for not having fruits.
Fear of punishment and fear of judgement pushes us into introversion - behavior where we over-analyze ourselves - and this appears as if we are introverts and empaths and over-sensitive - when in reality we are pushed to seek what is wrong, what is happening, where this fear of pain is coming from. It is coming from toxic people being toxic, intrusive, anti-social, manipulative and controlling and being pathological liars.
Fear of punishment and judgement keeps us in habitual behavior that is social anxiety - avoiding people, not taking risks, worrying, analyzing anyone, rumination. But when we avoid people we go on a hunch, not because we are aware that there is fear of punishment and judgement. Same applies to not taking risks in life - we are automatically conditioned to stay in comfort zone without being aware that this is because of being afraid of someone criticism and then feeling the pain of punishment and judgement from that critic. Psychiatry gets weaponized when it quickly labels our worry and rumination as OCD issue. And there is no awareness that this happens due to fear of what some critic may think negatively about us.
Each time we encounter someone critical and being angry and hating us - this behavior is being reinforced - because we are totally unaware that we have this fears inside. Instead of thinking who cares or thinking how this critic is sick person and that they are projecting their mental issues into us - we automatically go along with guilt and shame beliefs that we are wrong, inept and that we do not deserve to live or express ourselves in any way.
I see problem with repression, suppression - where we block our anger - we do not allow ourselves to doubt other person. Instead we personalize other people being angry as automatically our fault and then analyze what we did wrong. Then other people can easily control us all the time - they simply have to be angry, and we will go into fawning mode being scared of leaving them and find another place to live. What happens instead is we avoid people - we cocoon ourselves and then any socialization is obligation while we put our needs into trash can in the same time. So I no longer have initiative to meet new people or experiment or take risks - since I have no identity of my own, I do not know what I like or dislike, I go along with what other people will approve - and that is nothing so I do nothing.
I know that this is not introversion or shyness issue or cognitive distortion issue - because of incapability to know my rights, my worth - which shy people and introvert have. They know what they like, they know what to order, what jobs they like, when around angry people they do not automatically fawn to them. Automatic fawn behavior is clear sign of trauma. Where shy person or introvert will feel social anxiety panic in certain moments - they won't have toxic shame at all, they won't feel inept or wrong when that panic hits. This will enable them to take some sort of risk and get into contact with other people. Toxic shame will be an invisible force that keeps us separated from other people even when we attempt to make friendship or any kind of connection with other people.
If there are no toxic people who trigger social anxiety with their unfair criticism and put downs, there will be habitual mechanical avoidance, copy pasted from the past. It will be self reinforcing. To kick the habit, obviously - we need to push ourselves to experiment and take risks and do what our needs and wants and preferences tells us what to do.
This obsession with what angry person may think - is possession. It is supernatural, it is like exorcism is needed to expel the evil spirits. Standard techniques do not help. Logic does not help, and in fact - it makes it worse.
This operant conditioning that is being worried what other person thinks - appears as inability to let go, it appears as rancor, it appears as victim mentality. While in reality it is the toxic person who can't let go and who keeps hatred and victim mentality that is being projected into the targets.
Negative self talk is also part of social anxiety - that CBT does not grasp how deep rooted and detrimental it is. It is part of ACE and ACoA and it is telling how other people can't stand me, how they hate me, and that they pretend to like me, that they have sinister agenda. This belief could only be product of abuse - experiencing the bullying as such. So when someone is critical or angry - there is negative self talk that things are much worse and that catastrophe is looming, which is very similar to narcissistic collapse.
This voice that other people think badly and have expectations and I must plan ahead how to make their life pleasant - is behind the fawning. And usually it backfires since the other person feels worse - like making ambient cooler while they are afraid of catching cold - so they will protest if we took measures to cool the ambient ahead. But what would be the solution - that I keep asking for permission of others to do something all the time?
With social anxiety trauma - borderline part is expecting that other people must confirm that they do not hate us and that other people must confirm each day that they want to be around us. Due to trauma experiences we are conditioned to expect other people to reject us at any unsuspecting moment. This creates attachment style issues - like if someone doesn't call - I would jump to conclusions that they do not want me around. And it is like - no one is going to job because they like the job. Then some people get wrong impression that others turn to job because they like certain people - but in reality if they quit the job they would not spend the time with those people. There is a power of habit - if I live in social anxiety avoidance - I will not hang around some people out of habit. I might come up with explanation that other people hate me - while in reality - it is my avoidance that keeps people apart, the habit - not the hatred. So the habit is important in healing social anxiety conditioning. Basically to return. To come back. To repeat. To be consistent.
Once I remove operant conditioning of expecting punishment - then I would no longer have hang ups - and then I need to lean onto habit of going out, initiating meetings, parties, going somewhere interesting, working out - and keep these healthy habits. With avoidance we will have previous trauma habits like not calling, not going, choosing not working out - but previously these procrastinations were based only on fear of punishment. Now when this fear is de-conditioned - we need to form healthier habits. Which are not exposure. They are simply living our life to the fullest.
I noticed that fawning, people pleasing which is fear of punishment - that is part of operant conditioning has many ways how it gets showed in real life. One way the by-product of fear of punishment is that socially anxious person will appear needy and clingy to a third party. But it is not codependency - it is fear of punishment. If this fear was unearthed, exposed - this trauma bonding with others would vanish immediately. Fear of punishment is like devil on the shoulder - it messes small details and it appears as if something else, some other diagnosis is going on.
Then feeling heard and validated is important in healing trauma. Because in operant conditioning of ACE ACoA emotional abuse - we were never listened to, no one heard us, our words were mocked and dismissed and never actually heard. This is what appears as being clingy - this need to be heard and listened to. When we describe our woes, our fears - most people won't relate, they do not understand emotional abuse, ACE ACoA, they will interpret this as complaining or being negative and most people will dismiss it and even attack it. We will learn with time to shut up and keep problems to ourselves. But the need to be heard will be still inside - and this will pop up when narcissists, predators take advantage of this hole inside of not being heard. They will appear as saviors, rescuers - only to trap us in abuse and exploitation later on.
Being understood by other ACoA is important. Being validated is healing.
Conditioned fear of punishment will appear to CBT and most people as narcissism, as imaginary fear, as hedonism, as something that is not important. We will appear as if we are over-sensitive and making hill out of mole-hill.
Living in emotional abuse - keeps us in survival mode - and this has one by-product, where our healthy responses, self therapy will get pathologized. It is like throwing water on fire and then this job becomes repetitive - and it soon appears as if water is toxic and part of problem too. As if good things are being infected. Then it will look hopeless - since everything will appear as black and ugly and smudged with mud.
Another by-product is isolation and avoidance - it is the best response to toxic people. However over long period of time - it is like making yourself grave. We will stop living, taking risks, and we will get stuck in a cave. This is not healthy.
Bad people must go. Anything bad, negative - it must go. Staying in toxic place, with toxic people, toxic job - no matter how much water is thrown, it will not help. Bad foundation must crumble down, I do not need to feel responsible to keep it clean and standing. Leaving bad people and places seem scary - but I need to become aware that staying in abuse and abusive situations is really dangerous. We get stuck in scarcity mentality and self censor our own rescue and way out, our exit points. Scarcity mentality will place quick labels and bias on our own rescue and then we won't be able to go anywhere new - we get stuck with old dysfunctional places and toxic people.
Operant conditioning of fear of punishment will make us stuck in automatic behavior that appears as inept, confused, and with over-thinking which appears as if it is coming from nowhere - making the target of abuse feel crazy and this turns to self blame.
Medications.
Let's say for the sake of argument - that there is some magic pill that can remove social anxiety. What would that medication do - when we are stuck in mobbing and in toxic ambient with people being actively aggressive all the time and intrusive and violent? How exactly would medication help us when bullies are nitpicking our mistakes all the time and put us down?
Medication would not change the bully. We would stay stuck in toxic job - we would not change it. And this rises the question how to handle social anxiety - obviously when stuck in narcissistic abuse contact - at job, in family, in street, random, by strangers, in organized settings like job interview or public speaking presentation - that medication is here to help us with detachment.
I think many people won't realize that - and they think that no social anxiety means being aggressive and rude. But it is not.
Social anxiety solution, medication - is what I have been talking about ever since I learned about Complex Trauma - and that is Ventral Vagal. That we feel and base our life on psychological safety - even in situations and events when other people are triggering and intrusive and aggressive.
And it means that it comes down to our mental state - where we do not react to toxic people anymore them being toxic. And this aligns with de-conditioning.
Removing operant conditioning.
When we are stuck in abuse - toxic person will push to feel shame. And then we will act on this shame - such as people pleasing them for the fear of punishment - like losing job or security or income. The thing is when we are controlled by toxic people - we will appear to the third party as wounded narcissists - we will appear as if we are codependent and as if we are complaining all the time, as if we are concerned about ourselves - while in reality we are trying to survive.
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
Humanity has been misled about the nature of psychopaths.
They are not just serial killers.
They are academics, psychologists, psychiatrists, lawyers, working relentlessly to have laws & cultures changed to suit their appetites for control, sexual boundarylessness & sadism.
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
In a toxic #narcissist family, the narcissists will bully the scapegoat of the family relentlessly (typically chosen because they are the honest, non-sociopath of the family) until visible signs of psychological abuse trauma are evident, i.e. depression, anger, withdrawn or antisocial behavior, and then they will use those abuse trauma behaviors THAT THEY CAUSED AS A RESULT OF ABUSE to point the finger at the scapegoat and tell people, “look, they’re antisocial, they’re weird, they’re angry, they’re the problem.” Further isolating their victim and cutting the scapegoat off from any outside support or understanding. It’s vicious abuse.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Sep 19
No person who traumatized you needs to be a part of any process in order for you to heal.
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Being in a healthy relationship really taught me there's no such thing as 'that's just the way I am'. When you truly love somebody, you work on those toxic traits, you learn to communicate, you actively listen to each others thoughts & feelings – you adjust, heal & grow together.
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Normalize never forcing people to pick you. If they think they can get better elsewhere – let them. Respectfully.
Anti-social behavior is a trait of intelligence in a world full of conformists.
― Nikola Tesla
Kenzie
@kenzsinterlude
I will never reconcile with anyone who deliberately went out their way to sabotage or hurt me in anyway. This can be family, friends, associates- whoever. Once you show me who you are, I can’t unsee it.
What is your #1 WAY to deal with other people's drama?
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Stay as far away as possible from it - not my business.
Zafar Mirzo
@zafarmirzo
The clash of viewpoints must continue, but not on the battlefield, rather in the realm of thought and creativity.
Kevin Szabo
@KevinSzabo14
Sep 19
The smartest people I know are okay with being misunderstood.
Jay
@Wavymafia
Sep 18
Accountability is so important to me. Nobody is perfect, but ain’t no way you about to convince me that my reaction to your actions is the problem.
Robert Greene
@RobertGreene
Sep 19
We do not see people as they are, but as they appear to us. And these appearances are usually misleading.
💋 BigMamas 👑✨
@SMG2425
Sep 19
I think we have to be selective in who we are nice too. People that drain your energy don't deserve your kindness.
Mark Manson
@IAmMarkManson
Sep 19
The most powerful form of love is when you give someone permission to simply be who they already are.
Above all, anger needs to be felt so it can be talked through, understood and integrated, rather than acted out. In this way, it cleanses the self.
Tian Dayton
🔮✨
@TheOracleReadsU
Stop letting people consume you. They didn’t call? Go to sleep. They didn’t message you? Put your phone down and have a better day. They left you on read? Delete the conversation. They didn’t make an effort? Match their energy. Don't let anyone drain you of your happiness.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
They'll do you dirty, play the victim, then try to convince people it's you.
Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
Sep 20
Normalize sitting beside people in their pain without trying to “fix” them. -Dr. Jen
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Sep 20
There's nothing shameful about struggling. Going through f*cked up things does not mean you were f*cked up-- or that you're f*cked.
Second & third & fourth acts in life are very often where the story takes dramatic, impossible to predict turns-- & gets really, really go
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
There are two types of tired. One that requires rest and one that requires peace.
@feyiszn
Sep 20
I only confront people i want to fix things with. If I let it go, It's because I don't really care about how things turn out between us.
@ocenhxu
Sep 20
apologies are pointless to me now. change your ways or get the fuck outta my way.
Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
Unpopular Opinion: We cannot criticize self-healing communities unless we propose a less expensive and more accessible therapy situation. -Dr. Jen
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Sep 20
Being in a relationship means... whatever you do, consider your partner's feelings.
Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
Before we run to judge people who “aren’t doing enough to heal” I want to remind us all that while trauma is FREE and available to ANYone, healing is expensive AF, and not accessible to all. -Dr. Jen
Nika Solé
@withlovesole
Just make sure you’re not taking advice from people whose ceiling is your floor.
If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.
Oscar Wilde
Dr. Jessica Taylor
@DrJessTaylor
The more you invest in understanding yourself, the more you will realise how rational and natural your trauma responses and coping mechanisms are.
They are not irrational or disordered, they are there for a reason.
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
Dark empaths & pro social psychopaths do not exist!
My data indicate all dark personalities are sadistically oriented & driven by their own wants at the cost of all else.
They are powerfully motivated however to create positive narratives about themselves for self preservation.
feyisayo 💸
@feyiszn
Sep 21
after a while you get tired of telling people how they make/made you feel. you eventually just go ghost and never speak again.
CE
@4lilce
people treat u exactly how they feel about you .. be blind if u want to
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
Narcissists/psychopaths see themselves as superior because they don’t experience fear or shame.
They see this as a superpower.
They are smugly satisfied with their life which they use to harm & distress others. Any good they do is merely part of a facade!
Are they curable? No
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
Yes, narcissists/psychopaths are motivated in an entirely different way to the rest of the population. To understand their world we need to completely divorce ourselves from the world that we’re in and consider an exceptionally different reality. They have a very limited emotional world so they get satisfaction from manipulating, controlling, demeaning, humiliating, deceiving, not from love or affinity.
Sensory Stories by Nicole
@sensorystories_
I think autistic people are often mistaken for being argumentative or "needing to be right" when, in reality, it's more about FEELING right and needing the other person to understand why.
Dr. Jessica Taylor
@DrJessTaylor
With some people, you’re not ever supposed to cross back over that bridge. Burn it. It’s okay, you don’t need it anyway.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Don't take emotional regulation cues from people who "regulated" their own emotions by trying to control or shame you.
Also don't take sh*t from anyone for struggling to regulate your emotions, when their track record of emotional "regulation" is itself a sh*t show, you know?
Nandi 💜🤍
@pallnandi
Sep 22
Please date inside your intellectual bracket so as to avoid too many explanations.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
cPTSD is not a result of not handling things well. It’s a result of continually experiencing things your mind and body weren’t made for.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Be careful not to build your walls so high that you can’t hear when people try to tell you that you matter.
@chabcharu
it's so scary how well people pretend
🎭
@xeiihera
please be kind. don't be the reason someone didn't eat today. don't be the reason someone hates their body. don't be the reason why someone doesn't join in on a conversation. don't be the reason why someone hates themselves. trust me, it sticks w them forever.
Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
A narcissist creates an environment of insecurity, instability, confusion, and fear to manipulate you into living life on their terms.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
If you wouldn't like it done to you, don't do it to others.
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
So many survivors of trauma have autoimmune diseases or autonomic disorders because trauma affects the body and should be seen as ‘physical evidence’ of trauma. #trauma
Brian Maierhofer
@IamProHuman
Carl Jung:
4) Become Who You're Afraid To Be
Nobody has ever done anything special by avoiding what they feared.
Once you know what you’re scared of, you also know what will give your life the most meaning.
How to apply it:
• Figure out what you fear
• Force yourself to face it until you're no longer afraid
Your purpose is found in what you’re scared of...
5) Explore Your Archetypes
Jung identified universal patterns in the human psyche, which he called archetypes.
Understanding your dominant archetypes can reveal your innate strengths and purpose.
Jacy, LPC
@ATMwithJacy
Not caring what other people think about me has been the GREATEST coping skill for my anxiety and fear.
@ifeelgoodto
Sep 23
normalize lying to people who ask too much about your private life
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
Not all psychopaths are murderers.
Some are smart enough to get people to kill themselves.
They go to great lengths to appear well-intentioned, while destroying another’s confidence, mental well-being, sense of safety, relationships with others, reputation, & will to live.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
There’s nothing wrong with you needing a break from people before you decide to trust again.
“Sometimes, carrying on, just carrying on, is the superhuman achievement.”
— Albert Camus
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Sometimes when your feelings hurt, the pain can wake you up.
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
If you want to understand narcissists/psychopaths you must suspend your beliefs about humanity!
Narcissists/psychopaths have pre- frontal cortex & amygdala brain anomalies so they are motivated entirely differently.
Control, sadism, deception, exploitation are their drivers.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
People want others to consider thier feelings, but won't consider someone else's.
Jay
@Wavymafia
Sep 24
Nowadays you gotta be prepared to never talk to someone ever again & move on.
Arthur Schopenhauer
@SchopenhauerNow
"In the absence of huge suffering, the smallest inconveniences torture us."
Arthur Schopenhauer
@SchopenhauerNow
"Happiness belongs to those who are sufficient unto themselves. For all external sources of happiness and pleasure are, by their very nature, highly uncertain, precarious, ephemeral and subject to chance."
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
Predators (narcissists/psychopaths) in business, religion, marriage… often claim that a person who ‘sees through them’ has a mental health problem.
Predators do this to position the potential exposer as an unreliable witness, in particular regards anything they might say against the predator.
The way they position the exposer as having a mental health issue is insidious.
The predator raises the issue with others from a position of contrived caring, so it is not viewed as gossip but rather factual information.
The predator indicates it is best not to talk to the exposer about it. In this way, the exposer cannot defend themselves.
The predator may say and do things to provoke the exposer, fuelling the flames of the false mental health narrative.
Narcissistic Abuse Awareness
@AwareOfTheNarc
A sign you might be in a narcissistic relationship is constant confusion. You never really know where you stand. This is caused by a lack of communication, trust and consistency. In a healthy relationship you know where you stand and words and actions align.
Louisa Jones
@louisajonessth
BPD is a diagnostic label that is disproportionately applied to female victims of domestic and sexual violence and CSA. It pathologises normal human responses to inhuman treatment. It locates the problem solely in the victim, rather than the people and systems that abused them.
CommanderN.🫡✍🏼
@blackswan00786
Absolutely! It appears that it is easier & cheaper to pathologise the victim than to address her traumas and punish the perpetrator accordingly. IMO it's just another way Patriarchy punishes women who speak up about the abuse and broken system #VAWG
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
BPD should never have been created as such in the first place. It is a set of human behaviours which are normal responses to the torture and excruciating pain inflicted by predatory ‘people.’ These behaviours are not being recognised as such which makes it even more difficult for people to heal. The mental health profession have profoundly negatively impact these peoples experiences of the world. Meanwhile these targets of predators are being made out to be the bad people. It is SOOOO not okay.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
You living your life on your terms will feel like a threat to people with ulterior motives.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Sep 30
People don't get the what it means to be a kid in survival mode. While some are building social skills, these kids are building defenses. As adults, some are building families, while child survivors are building what they never had to begin with. Peace to all who know this pain.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Sep 29
For some of us, neither home nor school was especially safe growing up. Both environments required emotional armor to protect against types of bullying-- & shuttling between them felt like trading one minefield for another, year, after year, after year.
And we couldn't opt out.
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
You’ll often see sociopathic narcissists laugh at their victims when their victims express pain or disapproval
Philosophy Of Life
@PhilOfLife_
Sep 29
Avoiding people who lower your vibe is self care.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
There will always be someone who twists everything you say to make themselves look so innocent. When really they are the most vile, bitter human being you know.
Ja Leto
@_falsi1ke
You'll probably be treated well when you have money and I hope you don't see that as love.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Sep 30
Family is anyone, who loves you unconditionally.
Nick. 🐦🔥
@NickTheLuvCoach
You'll never feel safe with a man who gets angry at you for being upset over something he did, and then gaslights/diminishes your experience, and doesn't hold space for you. That is man with his inner child on the steering wheel. You're in a trauma bond with his inner child.
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Normalize trusting your body. When your intuition tells you something is off about a person or a place – trust it and leave immediately.
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Dishonesty isn’t shamed as much as it should be.
🍁
@SyzygElegy
Sep 30
If you're not happy with me don't lie, don't cheat, be honest and leave.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
When you discover your self worth, you lose interest in anyone who doesn't see it.
Cooper
@Cooperstreaming
I saw a guy on TikTok say you can't "mental health" your way out of accountability, and I want to scream it from the rooftops.
Mental health issues don't give you free reign to hurt people and not take responsibility.
🍁
@SyzygElegy
70% of people pretend to be okay simply because they don't want to annoy others with their problems.
sad
@alonefeeliings
Deep down, you know exactly where you stand with someone. Hope blurs the lines a bit but, you know.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
A trauma response is not who we are, it just happens to be where we are at this second.
People around us are gonna mistake those responses for our "personality," but it's real important we not get it twisted.
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
We don’t have an epidemic of mental illness. We have an epidemic of trauma and not protecting people.
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Covert #narcissists are superficial charmers. They can be very friendly and “thoughtful” with coworkers or “friends” or people they meet in public. But at home with their designated target/victim, their lack of genuine compassion, lack of concern for the pain they cause, and oftentimes sadistic traits, reveal themselves in full force.
These people work hard to manipulate everyone else into thinking they’re kind individuals much to the despair of their victims who suffer a private nightmare no one would believe. Covert narcissists aren’t just abusive, they’re professional abusers, working hard to cover their true malignant nature so they can get away with the most heinous psychological abuse in private.
Karun
@karunpal
Stop questioning your intuition. It has no reason to lie to you. Don't confuse it with overthinking. Intuition is clear. Simple. Makes you feel calm and confident about your decisions. Overthinking, on the other hand, is chaotic. Stressful. And gives you a f*cking headache.
Intuition is the GPS of your soul. It knows you. It guides you towards what's best for you. Intuition, when questioned, remains silent. It needs no reason. No logic. No explanation to prove what's good for you. It gives you peace. That's your sign. Listen to it and trust it.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Sep 30
In my experience, people who appear the most perfect have the most to hide. The presentation of perfect is often meant to deceive others and suggest this perfection is what everyone should aspire to. The more perfect the appearance, the bigger distraction from their truth.
Dr Jen Daffin 🏴 🏳️🌈🍉
@Jendaffin
82% of people who are given the diagnosis of personality disorder report traumatic childhood experiences.
DxPD is a misdiagnosis of trauma, neuro developmental disruption, autoimmune issues + more.
It is diagnostic overshadowing that compromises dignity + care.
Simone Harland
@ImHarland
Don't fall for the empathy trap. Why should someone have compassion for people who have no compassion for others?
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
You are more equipped to handle this stressor, this reaction, this flashback, than your trauma conditioning wants you to believe. You've been conditioned to believe you're helpless-- but a helpless person wouldn't even be reading this right now.
Breathe; blink; focus; remember.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Certain therapists collude w/ the culture's denial & minimization of trauma because they personally struggle to tolerate the heaviness of abuse & neglect. They want symptoms to be "misunderstandings" in our nervous system, & abusers to be not so bad "when you get to know them."
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Every day I realize more and more how absolutely precious good people are
“If you wish to improve, be content to appear clueless or stupid.”
— Epictetus
@ifeelgoodto
Oct 3
DON'T overshare just because someone is being nice to you
IVY
@Iamivy05
a therapist said that sometimes being a loner is a trauma response. you’re so use to people you love not showing up for you or walking away or you may have grown up in a toxic environment. that the only one you could depend on was YOU! so you naturally feel safe when you’re alone
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
Actually, a narcissist will rarely enter a relationship with someone they cannot control. They have a radar which draws them to people who are easier to manipulate. Then they test boundaries to make sure this is possible.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Abuse survivors are heavily triggered by dishonest people. When you’ve sacrificed your time and security in order to figure out the truth, people who lack truth will feel like they’re pulling you back to your darkest days.
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
That is a great point that abuse survivors are heavily triggered by dishonesty. In particular those who have been abused by narcissists/psychopaths generally have incredible levels of false narrative created about them and the level of undermining and deceit is exceptional. Dishonesty is a massive trigger but also raises a huge concern, which can sometimes be correct, that the person being dishonest is another narcissist/psychopath.
Kenzie
@kenzsinterlude
Oct 4
Some ppl are realizing that it was literally no point in attacking you in the first place. It only made you smarter, more resourceful, more resilient, and more confident in the abilities you had all along.
Nika Solé
@withlovesole
Oct 3
People will decide they don’t like you for reasons like, you see who they are under the mask, or they see you as being further along the path than them. That’s why someone liking you really doesn’t matter. It’s often a projection of their like or dislike for themself.
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Perpetrators always think you're 'bullying' them when you tell the truth of what they've done.
#perpetrator101
Karun
@karunpal
When introverts are hurt, they go silent. It's not a coping mechanism, it's a way to protect their peace. Their heart. They can argue. Fight. Lash out. But they know it's not worth it. So they just go silent, disappear, and process their emotions in private. But you won't get it.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Please stop simplifying healing. Stop with the ideas that supposedly apply to everyone, then blaming people when the idea doesn’t work for them. Stop pretending a person is enlightened and they’ve found the way for others. Complex trauma requires complex healing.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
If someone really wants the truth, they will always ask questions.
Jada 🖤
@EvonneJada
Some of y'all think you make good partners because you won't cheat but you fail to realize you're inconsiderate, unappreciative, manipulative, insecure, lack empathy, have poor communication skills, and harbor emotional trauma from past relationships.
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
Narcissists/psychopaths are INTENSELY focused on gathering information about their targets.
They simply MUST know when, where & how they can compromise them.
They find ways to get access to email accounts, phone records, house security, meeting schedules, children’s activities, medical records, historical data, employment records.
They get this information by pretending to be a concerned family member or colleague, bribes, calling in favours, impersonating others, intimidation, pretending to need the data for a crucial event, becoming proficient in IT….
Due to brain anomalies, dark personalities do not experience fear so they are incredibly brazen in the way they bypass confidentiality and privacy practices.
Dark personalities are around 10% of the population so this ‘uber reconnaissance’ is going on around us all the time!
@ifeelgoodto
trauma LITERALLY changes how our brains function yet people are really out here saying “just let go of your past” OK LMAO
dy
@ocenhxu
“be the bigger person” is sounding a lot like “accept the disrespect”.
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
When you call the narcissist out on their abuse, they accuse you of being "confrontational".
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Hell, you can ask them to clarify what they just said and they'll accuse you of being confrontational.
They really train you to walk on eggshells.
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Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
High sensitivity is spoken of as if it’s negative or something that needs to be repaired. High sensitivity doesn’t mean weak or fragile. It means they feel things deeply and quickly, including other peoples deception.
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Oct 9
Narcissists will try to convince you you're doing something wrong because you're not behaving the way they want or expect you to.
It can be subtle or it can be blatant. They're testing to see how far they can control you. 🚩
Jacy, LPC
@ATMwithJacy
Stop letting people convince you you deserve to be treated like shit.
Ryan Daigler 💙- Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
The malignant narcissist is the antithesis of civilized behavior
Jay
@Wavymafia
Once i feel unheard‚ i just stop speaking.
@notursusa
don't invalidate people's struggles because you've been through worse. if someone is tired after working for 5 hours and you worked for 7, it doesn't mean that they're not allowed to be tired. it doesn't mean they can't feel what they're feeling just because you've had it worse
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Highly sensitive people and empaths need to recharge daily, if they don't, they will experience anger, sensory overload, physical and emotional burnout, anxiety and panic attacks. Do you experience this?
@sonoreid
people are not showing off, they are sharing happy moments & achievements, unless you are viewing from a jealous point of view. go fix yourself
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Oct 12
A lot of problems come from not putting people in their place the first time they try you.
Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
Before you diagnose yourself with depression, anxiety, or low self-esteem, first ensure you're not simply surrounded by narcissists.
Ebonee Davis
@EboneeDavis
Oct 12
Let people be wrong about you.
Tell me no Lies ?❤️🩹➡️❤️🥰🌹💪🏻🚫Narcissists🚫
@lovewins11011
I told the narcissist what hurt me and they did it perfectly.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Crazy how a bully can dislike you but can't name one thing you did to them.
Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Malignant narcissists will attack the truth tellers like their life depends on it.
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
Oct 13
Millions of people are suffering emotional, mental, reputational, parental, sexual, social torture daily, a relentless barrage of next level, distress, heartbreak & harm.
Narcissists/psychopaths are dangerous.
Learn the red flags like your life depends on it!
It just might!
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Haters don't really hate you. If fact, they hate themselves because your a reflection of what they wish to be.
Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Malignant narcissist are always looking to vilify anyone they can to divert attention away from their own actions.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Oct 13
There is a difference between a person who hurts you by making a mistake, and a person who hurts you by continuing a pattern.
Mistakes can be forgiven. Patterns should be broken.
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Why do survivors feel guilt? Because they’re surrounded by victim blaming messages.
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
The real flex is staying cool, calm, and classy af when somebody tries to trigger you.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Please be patient with people who have a hard time explaining how they feel. A lot of them grew up in homes where no matter what they said or how they said it, it was not enough to be heard. Their default to feel safe is to stop sharing. Again, patience please.
Dr James Davies (PhD) 💭
@JDaviesPhD
Oct 13
'Mental Disorders' don't cause 'symptoms' - rather, 'symptoms' (various expressions of anguish) may signal that certain harms (psycho/social dynamics or unmet needs) are holding us back. If we only 'treat the symptoms' rather than 'explore the signals' we neglect the person.
sad
@lonesfeels
once i’m detached, that’s it. you will never get the same version of me. ever.
Riff Flame 🌳⛤🐦⬛
@RifFlame
It's more about what you do than what you say. You don't have to warn them or explain yourself. That's often an opening for them to drag you into a discussion, which makes it harder for you. All you have to do is: Stick to your boundaries> carry out the consequence.
“Your job, throughout your entire life, is to disappoint as many people as it takes to avoid disappointing yourself.” - G. Doyle.
Andrew Thomas Cicchetti, Ph.D. (Cis, He/Him)
@AndrewCicchett1
All relationships have their ups and downs, but domestic violence-abuse-coercive control will leave you feeling diminished, isolated, alone, trapped, walking on egg shells, suicidal even.....
Perfect Guidance 🧭
@PerfectGuide_
Don't overshare. Privacy is power.
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
Oct 14
The greatest problem in avoiding a dark personality (narcissist, psychopath) is that they will actively & expertly lure & engage you.
Only once you are emotionally, mentally & sometimes financially, legally, invested will they expose their true nature.
eg after marriage.
Mind Haste ⚡️
@MindHaste
Focus on improving yourself, not proving yourself.
Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
In a toxic narcissistic family, everything is backwards. The scapegoat child effectively gets murdered for being a good person, while the family tells everyone that they're being "punished" for being bad.
The child is destroyed literally for being too good.
🐢
@turtlebreezee
Your instincts are right about people...never doubt them.
Nandi 💜🤍
@pallnandi
Oct 15
Your body will naturally feel calm around people with pure intentions, pay attention.
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Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
The sociopathic narcissist's goal is to anger their target, typically through irrational or intentionally offensive behavior. The anger of course is justified but in the emotionally immature narcissist's mind, they think they have "owned" their target
my book is better than my tweets
@MichellCClark
Oct 17
I want to permanently turn off the part of my brain that rushes to justify the actions of people who mistreat me before making space for my own emotions
🧬Maxpein🧬
@maximumpain333
Oct 17
Pain travels through families until someone is ready to feel it. ✨🙌🏽💫
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Boundaries are meant to protect. If someone is using a ‘boundary’ to coerce someone into doing what they think they ‘should’ do - that’s not a boundary, that’s manipulation.
#boundaries #dontshouldveasurvivor
Fof
@umarfof
Oct 18
They will judge you anyway, so keep going.
Reva Steenbergen
@Author_Reva
Oct 18
People who are being manipulated have no clue they are being manipulated
Godwin Enakhena
@genakhena
Unfortunately, we now live in a world where the intelligent must keep quiet so that the stupid will not be offended.
Fof
@umarfof
People who are meant for you, hear you differently. Stop explaining yourself.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
The urge to deny that Complex PTSD exists, specifically to chalk it up to a "personality disorder," represents the cultural denial of abuse, neglect, & other trauma that also enables sexism, racism, & every other form of culturally sanctioned oppression & violence.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
I’ve never met a trauma survivor about whom I’ve thought, “their ‘disordered’ personality is clearly the problem here.” I’ve met plenty of survivors whose personalities had been temporarily hijacked by trauma memories and symptoms— and who started feeling like themselves again once they were properly validated, resourced, and supported in recovery.
y
@ysuckme
if someone would rather lose you than fix the situation, they don't care.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
You shouldn't have been on your own to figure out how to regulate your emotions. We don't just know how to do that. We need guidance & support to realistically get good at it-- & learning it now, as adults, on the fly, is better than never learning it at all.
Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Verbal and emotional abuse are often the weapon of choice for covert or malignant narcissists because these forms of abuse are harder to prove. Unlike physical abuse, verbal and emotional attacks leave no visible marks, making it easier for the abuser to deny or minimize their actions.
Narcissists excel at subtly undermining their victims’ self-esteem and reality through gaslighting, manipulation, and cruel comments disguised as jokes or concern.
This ambiguity allows them to maintain control without exposing their true nature to others, making it difficult for victims to seek validation or support.
Jacy, LPC
@ATMwithJacy
Someone who doesn’t do simple things you ask for to make you happy literally hates you. Hope this helps.
Inner Practitioner
@MindTendencies2
Your boundaries are your limits, self-love, self-care, and self-respect. If someone doesn't respect your boundaries, they don't respect you, so give them less access, distance yourself from them, minimize your interactions with them, and most importantly, stop respecting them.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
We don't struggle w/ trauma responses & symptoms because we're remembering something upsetting from the past. We experience them because what happened to us powerfully shaped how we reflexively think, feel, believe, & react.
This isn't about memories. It's about conditioning.
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
You deserve to be surrounded by people who bring out your soft side – instead of those who trigger your survival side.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
When you discover your self worth, you lose interest in anyone who doesn't see it.
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
I promise you, someone rejecting you is actually the universe protecting you.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
To understand the life of a person with cPTSD, is to understand they’ve experienced multiple traumas and after each one, people taught them how to adapt to that pain, rather than making the traumas stop.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Don't be afraid to lose people, who do nothing for your life.
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
There’s no shame in being a victim - there is in being a perpetrator.
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
Dark personalities (narcissists/psychopaths) are:
1. Cruel
2. Profoundly dishonest
3. Love playing with people’s heads and not in a good way.
4. Brazenly willing to do things most of us would never dream of doing to disadvantage & compromise others.
BUT it is frustratingly difficult to halt the harm they cause because…
1. People don’t believe it when a person says that someone has demonstrated many of the attributes of a narcissist/psychopath, particularly if they have never been targeted by one themselves, which makes them extremely naïve regarding the complex manner in which they harm and the depth of pain they cause.
2. People see a normal human face and sees a person chatting normally and questions the exposer, rather than the narcissist/psychopath.
3. People don’t like to think that someone could be so negatively motivated, in particular someone they might know.
4. People feel an overwhelming need to be polite to all people in social situations. They are likely to be more critical of the victim/target who has been damaged by the dark personality for being impolite or uncommunicative, rather than the dark personality who goes out of their way to seem particularly polite in social situations.
Reva Steenbergen
@Author_Reva
It never ceases to amaze me how victims of abuse are shamed and further violated by a shitload of narcissistic people who are also wicked in their ways
Survivors, be SO careful who you open up to.
A huge percentage of people in positions of influence and authority are narcissists
Philosophy Of Life
@PhilOfLife_
Avoiding people who lower your vibe is self care.
Jules
@JulianeWriter
It’s really interesting that you’re not supposed to “fight back” or be contarian but it’s permissible if an attorney does it on your behalf? Yet poor people cannot afford that. So the poor can’t fight back.
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Oct 22
Unresolved trauma will have you mistaking healthy relationships as boring and unexciting because you're too used to the chaos and turbulence of toxic relationships.
(31.10.2024)
Trauma resources tell us that our cortex brain, they label it also as Adult Self - can help us. With exposure to narcissistic abuse - as Richard Grannon said - this therapeutic part is being infected. With exposure to abuse, we develop fear base thinking and scarcity mindset - so even with our cortex brain, we will be inclined to copy paste self abusive rhetoric from the conditioning.
Needs.
This is huge issue. With emotional abuse, ACE AcoA - we will neglect our rights. Instead we will turn our focus to please others and to fix their problems and simultaneously we will make sure that the other people know we are not the threat. Like revealing too much data to them so that they know we are passive and neutral in order to avoid their attack and potential rivalry. But this has opposite effect - where other people have no issues in declaring their needs.
But this needs of others - we will interpret as our obligation. Other people will neglect, complain - and we will jump in to fix their problems, in the same time neglecting our own. The conclusions is: it is normal to have needs and it does not mean that other people are obliged to serve us. Toxic people won't think that way, they feel entitled that their problems are the number one thing in the Universe. We also might end up seeing other people as rancor, as something that we deny and which we think and label as narcissism. This is wrong.
So basically - how we react to needs of others is huge trailhead, a trait, red flag, smoking gun - how well is our mental health. If we automatically feel obliged to fix other people and if we automatically feel self righteous fight trauma response where we now see someone's problems as an attack - both reactions are wrong and they are based on emotional abuse experiences, trauma that is not healed. Without healthy acknowledgment of other people's issues we won't have healthy perspective on our own needs.
Spectrum.
Social anxiety comes in spectrum - the most bleak side is shyness, the most darkest and worst side is avoidance and isolation from people.
And we basically destroy our life - since we do not make friends, we do not move on, we might get stuck in perfectionism and workaholism - but basically we are alone and have no purpose outside, or have no job and be broke.
If we had an ability to make some kind of friendships, that our trauma did not destroy everything - we would end up in BPD. Where we would demand from people around us to walk on eggshells. And such BPD are on the path of destroying their life - which is avoidance and isolation where people avoid them since they are rude and obnoxious. With social anxiety, with Quiet BPD we are on the worst spectrum then BPD even though it does not seem as such extreme to us. The isolation will heal our trauma, it will feel comfortable to be outside toxic people and abusers and aggressive violent people - but this life in isolation is really a form of slow self harm and self destruction - since we are not living our full potential. We do not go out there and meet better people - and we do not contribute to their happiness and well being. We do not seek better jobs where we would not feel hypervigilance. We do not live our true colors, our true authentic self - instead we are blocking our life, we block risk and it feels comfortable to be stuck in a hole, in a cave. We will numb the pain - by addictions and finding things that make us somewhat happy - but still, we are not living our life to the fullest, we live our life on the breadcrumbs.
Borderline.
If social anxiety is a BPD issue - diagnosis - the thing that bothers me - why is borderline being diagnosis anyway? Is it because it is self detrimental - and or because it affects other people around. Because if impulsive behavior affects others - doesn't that mean that other people also have some kind of diagnosis? Because - if other people were sane and healthy and with "emotional skin" - they would not react to someone who is impulsive and struggles with emotional regulation.
If "normal" person is being dysregulated by other person's emotions - than this means that other people are not stable themselves. It is as if BPD is attempt to control someone who was abused and reacts to abuse - by focusing on the reaction as if we must accept abuse and rationalize it. While other people who do not seek help or guidance - are allowed to abuse other people.
Like for example:
"But a highly competitive or unstructured job, or a highly critical supervisor, can trigger the intense, uncontrolled anger and the hypersensitivity to rejection to which the borderline is susceptible.
The rage can permeate the workplace and literally destroy a career."
Why BPD destroys the career? Why abuse and mobbing at that job is not seen and called out as problem?
We are living on toxic planet where abuse and mobbing is perceived as normal - and something that we must silently put up with - and if we say something - then we are the sensitive ones and sick ones.
Trauma - Social anxiety
It appears that the problem is not the stress - the problem is in ideas that I am guilty and that I must fawn to toxic people when I feel triggered. Stress is external problem - it is problem of sick abnormal people and toxic society that allows them to be toxic without any accountability. The problem is that I interpret their toxic behavior and them being toxic a my fault. And the thought of guilt, shame, idea that I must fawn, that I caused someone to be evil - is not me. The problem is that I believe this is me.
Stress - like not being able to fulfill basic Maslow needs appears as my problem, as if I must fix something in my brain in order to handle this stress - but this painful stress, like someone screaming and being unfair, injustice - is not problem, it is not psychological disorder. CBT presents it as problem in the brain of someone who is under pain due to injustice and lack of resources. This stress only makes it worse - but the problem itself is - in fawning and taking on the blame. Feeling guilty for being in stress.
Non-socially anxious people.
Obvious question is what is the difference between someone without social anxiety and someone with social anxiety when they face the same stress ambient, the same problems in social situation, the same embarrassment. The difference is that non-socially anxious people do not have harsh inner critic, emotional flashbacks and conditioned belief that they are automatically guilty for anything that goes wrong or other people being angry and hysterical. Non-socially anxious people did not go to special psychology school to learn intrinsic locus of control, they do not have special powers to handle trauma - they simply do not have toxic narrative. That is their secret.
Where borderlines and narcissists need to learn to stop abusing other people in order to heal - socially anxious need to learn how to self abuse in order to heal.
Myriad of problems associated with social anxiety stem from self hatred and self rejection, the belief that we did something wrong, that we are doing something wrong - and that we need to fix this wrong by correcting ourselves. That is self abuse.
Real life problems.
Psychology can't address real life problems related to being abused and being swindled and controlled by manipulative people in power positions. Basically - socially anxious people look for advice how to handle that problems, and CBT is misleading them by providing salvation fantasy: techniques and methods that solve nothing. CBT is misleading the socially anxious, it is a hoax. CBT does not come forward and says that there is no solution for real life problems - but instead insinuates that we need to be disciplined and hence self abusive in order to achieve freedom from suffering.
Retort.
With social anxiety trauma - we will fawn - which means we will shut up, we won't defend ourselves. We will be unable to talk back, to assert ourselves, to point out the obvious - and when people trigger us it is due to their bias, their wrong conclusions. So our silence confirms their delusions and they attack us. The problem is emotional flashback - when we are inside emotional flashback, amygdala hijacking our brain will be blocked - which means we won't know what to say. Our words will come out as gibberish. So we are here in double binding situation - where we literally have no option but to be vulnerable, take the blame, take the unfair situation. Obviously - we need to talk this out with abusers when the panic is gone, a day later - but as we all know - abusers do not talk. They are not open for discussion or to admit that they are wrong. I would still resort to talking back and stating facts - when it is appropriate, outside of panic state. And of course - cut contact whenever it is possible with people who are stuck in chronic attacking mode.
Dualism.
Dualism and double binding plays crucial role in harsh inner critic, toxic shaming - from ourselves and from critics around us - where labels and bias is used to dehumanize the target. For example - overworking and over-worrying is labeled as distortion and abnormal by psychiatry and self-help industry. However - ability to think from multiple angles is neurodivergence, it is strategy to survive abuse and mobbing, it is also part of shifting our focus away from rumination. We can always label and othering some concept - and hence keep ourselves outside of help. Our tools to get healthy are being pathologized. We need deep education in psychology to know what is distortion. It is easy to put label on something that appears as such in the surface - and then we end up self-sabotaging ourselves. Without deep analysis anything can be perceived in certain light and at a certain angle as pathology. When we seek help for emotional flashbacks and panic and social anxiety symptoms - we will try hard to avoid any distortions and in such we may end up shooting ourselves in the foot since we may quickly dismiss healthy actions and healthy thinking as abnormal because they appear as sick if regarded from one fixed angle. This is what I discovered keep me stuck in loops. I would come up with idea to rely on my instincts - only to be flooded by ideas from social anxiety videos where being alone is labeled as abnormality. Without taking into account that I may live in corrupt sick country with sick people around who for example like to take advantage of me and steal from me and gossip me behind my back, assassinating my character without me knowing it - I only feel that something is wrong. So if I follow CBT advice to not avoid other people - I may get stuck with covert narcissists who pretend to like and accept me - while inside they hold contempt and actively do harm to me - and it may take 10 or 20 years to connect the dots to realize what was happening behind my back.
Other people.
I believe other people who do not exhibit social anxiety- they feel it in some way or another, they process it in different manner than socially anxious, they do not have harsh inner critic, they do not have trauma point that gets triggered too - and that is the secret of "confident" people who appear strong and without shyness issues. The point is that they are influenced and they do feel something and they are governed by unconscious processes which they will never discover in their lifetime - because there is no inner mechanism that propels them to investigate. They will act compulsively without knowing why exactly they did or say something. They will move and make bad decisions without knowing why. However the absent trauma trigger will make them accumulate more immunity in life, more resources, more people - who will all compensate for the eventual downfalls and unconscious decisions in their lives.
Emotional flashbacks.
One theme for flashbacks in trauma are toxic people. I cannot shake off what toxic people did to me. But I noticed that I do not see them as toxic. This is what keeps the rumination ongoing. I try to figure out what I did wrong and how could I prevent it and feel shame and guilt for not stopping it, being cornered. That is the problem. There is no ability to process toxic people - that I label them as toxic, that I can recognize them as toxic. Instead I am stuck in feeling shame and guilt for being abused. I see the solution - in processing what happened, so that I stop rumination and worrying and thinking in loops what happened. The solution is - to apply knowledge and education about narcissistic abuse. And then put permanent label on toxic person. This is what rumination attempts to do but fails - and then I end up in splitting mode where strong emotions lead to labeling someone bad as evil - but I am not totally sure whether I should. And this uncertainty feeds the anxiety. Knowledge and education about narcissistic abuse - when applied is the knowing how it is useless to argue with narcissists, that I am not here to cure them, I am not obliged to fix them, their problems nor their emotions and moods. And that I stop taking responsibility for them being cruel.
Social anxiety as protective shield.
I believe social anxiety is a mechanism that keeps us safe from toxic people. Due to trauma, neglect, ACoA - we are unable to protect ourselves due to unconscious Operant conditioning: where we feel obliged to serve toxic people, to shut up, not to assert ourselves, not to believe in oneself, we feel obliged to feel guilty when someone is angry and moody, we feel responsible for someone's anger and mood swings and that it is our obligation to fix it immediately. With such mindset - we are easy target for predators. The only way to protect ourselves - mind will generate overload of anxiety related to other people in order to keep us safe - since we have mindset to self sabotage ourselves and to set ourselves to be harmed by abnormal people. With inability to say no - our body will say it - by keeping us in agoraphobia, avoidant, autistic - so that we do not make any more or deeper connections with sick criminally insane people roaming free in society. CBT is setting us up to get hurt - by exposure therapy. When we understand that social anxiety is not brain abnormality as CBT explains it - but a protection mechanism instead - we can shed off toxic shame which CBT is placing on us. And that gives us clear path how to heal social anxiety: 1) we need protection mechanism how to ward off toxic people and say no to them without feeling guilty about it 2) we need to stand by ourselves and protect ourselves and show our brain and body that we are fully capable of making decisions to cut off toxic people immediately when needed 3) that our wound of being lonely does not make us exploited by predatory personalities.
Borderline.
What I see as borderline overlapping with social anxiety is feeling deep sense of shame about something UNTIL we see the same condition at someone else. When we no longer feel as the only one struggling with whatever triggers the shame. The familiarity, not being a freak, not being a target for mob to bully - that is what takes away the same. There are two problems with this:
1) we need to learn that someone is in same shameful dire situation as we are - and until we see that we will feel extreme shame that might end up with severe self-sabotaging decisions
2) our self worth depends on other people - people who bully us and people who share the same shame.
In short- other people will control us easily.
It is this shame that we struggle with that is the problem, belief that someone's judgement is the final and ultimate, the idea that we are unworthy as we are, with all flaws and mistakes and mix-ups. Another problem is that we subdue to the bullies and take them as someone who is a kind of a magical powerful being. Especially if such bully is angry and hostile and intrusive.
sad
@lonesfeels
Oct 23
i quietly remove myself from situations now. i’m not over explaining myself, i’m not going back & forth, i’m not looking for closure, i’m not causing a scene, nothing. you’ll just never hear from me again. i’m done overextending myself for others.
introvert
@livewithnoregrt
loyal people take things more personal because they never would’ve done that to you.
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Being trauma informed means that you don’t start analyzing the survivor for what ‘illnesses’ and ‘disorders’ the survivor now has because of the trauma because you recognize that the survivor’s reactions are all normal, ordered, and rational because of the trauma.
Data Science Fact
@DataSciFact
“If you torture the data long enough, it will confess to anything.” — Ronald Coase
Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Malignant narcissists have a bad habit of vilifying innocent people to draw attention away from their own abusive behavior.
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
Have you considered the many terms for people who harm others is confusing & makes it harder to recognise dangerous people?
-narcissist
-malignant narcissist
-psychopath
-dark triad
-NPD
-covert narcissist
-type A psychopath
-sociopath
-ASPD
-dark tetrad
-vulnerable narcissist
Law Of Thinking
@lawofthinking
Accept criticism, but never accept disrespect.
stressed
@onlystresstoday
JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE KEEPS YOU AROUND DOESN’T MEAN THEY VALUE YOU❕❕❕❕stamp that
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
You didn't ignore the red flags, you just didn't understand the danger.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
It's not so much that complex trauma survivors always love being alone (though some do, because survivors are human, & some humans love being alone); it's more that being around people can kick up that "fawn" reflex that has us masking the whole time-- which gets exhausting.
Trey
@treydayway
Nobody naturally reads body language and energy like a person who was raised in trauma
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Oct 27
True confidence has no room for jealousy and envy. When you know you're great, you have no reason to bully others.....
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Your character will outweigh any lie told about you. Those that know you, KNOW you, and does who don't, DON'T matter. You have nothing to prove to anyone.
Jacklena Bentley
@JacklenaB
Maybe your final stage of healing is telling someone to f*** off.
@niahdx
Oct 27
things i DON'T want in my future house:
1. an angry man
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
You know what is REALLY annoying about having the ability to recognise dark personalities (narcissists, psychopaths)?
Every cell in your body reacts when you identify one. You know you do not want to be around them but sometimes you are in the same workplace or tour group or friendship group. You try and avoid them. You want to & often try to warn others.
BUT others don’t get it!
They think you are being mean. They don’t like the way you seem to be rocking the boat. They cannot see what you see & question your insights & you as a person. The dark personality plays on their sympathy too so you look worse.
Any suggestions on the best way to handle these types of situations?
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
I think that happens for a lot of people. When someone who has previously been targeted by a dark personality identifies another dark personality, they remember all the behaviors of intimidation, threats, sadistic and cruel behavior, outrageously, brazen, lying, etc and realize straight away what the newly identified dark personality is capable of.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Coping w/ trauma everyday is like carrying around this huge backpack full of...well, we don't always know what it's full of, to be honest, but we know it's f*cking heavy-- and we also know that nobody wants to hear us b*tch about it, so we have to carry this thing around alone.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
You’re healing from complex trauma. Those who caused it and blame you for not handling better are deep into complex drama. Two very different things. Stay focused. Only one of these brings healing.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
You either treat me with respect, or you don't exist in my world.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
You shouldn't have to explain past traumatic experiences in order to have someone treat you with respect.
Jacklena Bentley
@JacklenaB
If they traumatized you and disrespect you it's ok to walk away. Even if it's family.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Healthy communication doesn't make you question your worth.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
You did nothing wrong by asking to be treated right.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
Feeling sorry for an abusive person is not compassion-it’s enabling.
Asking those who were hurt to consider their abusers past is not understanding-it’s enabling.
Putting the wellbeing of an abuser before the healing of who they’ve hurt is not healing-it’s enabling.
Vinay
@VinayMandave
You don't have to do what everyone else is doing.
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
How do I avoid being targeted by a narcissist, psychopath, predator/dark personality?
Tough question because predators DO target very specific types. If you are kind, well-meaning, honest and have some kind of vulnerability you are much more likely to get targeted.
A few protective recommendations include:
1. If you have low sense of self worth, invest in support with increasing it. Predators smell it.
2. Do not over-share about yourself. This is recognised by predators as a sign of ‘niceness’ which means greater susceptibility to manipulation and control.
3. Practise saying ‘no’. Predators test in the early days to see if boundaries can be pushed. If you are practised at declining as well as accepting proposals, suggestions, ideas, offers, requests for help, you are not such an obvious target.
4. Know the red flags, know the attributes, know the tactics. There are many, many subtle signs that are predator give-aways.
I include them in my posts. They are also in my PhD. The book will be out soon. Make sure you are totally conversant with them. When you see a few, start researching.
5. Do research! So important. If you have concerns about someone, ask around about them, search the internet, research their businesses, see who they are connected with. Eventually the data paints a picture.
6. Posture, walking gait, should be confident. One study showed that predators could identify an easy target from gait!
7. Do not openly discuss that you are estranged from, geographically distant from or have no family. Predators target those who are isolated or can be isolated.
Dr James Davies (PhD) 💭
@JDaviesPhD
Oct 30
"Considering mental illness an individual chemico-biological problem has enormous benefits for capitalism... [Reinforcing] Capital’s drive towards atomistic individualisation [& providing] an enormously lucrative market for multinational pharma companies".
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Being an adult does not mean you have to tolerate mistreatment from others; you have the right to be treated with respect.
Nick. 🐦🔥
@NickTheLuvCoach
Emotionally safety means you can tell me if I hurt your feelings, and I won’t make it all about me. If it hurts you, I care.
Joe
@maryandbroseph
True narcissists do not know that they are, therefore no narcissist in history has ever admitted to others that they are one, it’s literally impossible for them to even recognize it.
This makes building a accurate/dependable sample size impossible
Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Ironically, I think the overuse and mislabeling of the term narcissist is being most heavily made by narcissists who are projecting their own behavior onto the people they don’t like. A lot of Trump supporters for example started falsely accusing everybody on the Democratic side of being a narcissist to get even with the fact that Trump actually is a narcissist and is being called one.
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Survivors are held to an extreme standard of perfection while perpetrators are given every excuse and benefit of the doubt. #supportsurvivors
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
Abuse 101 - If you dare to expose an abuser, they believe they have the right to ‘punish’ you.
Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
Your trauma is real.
You’re NOT too emotional.
It’s NOT all in your head.
It’s NOT your fault.
It’s still NOT your fault. -Dr. Jen
It’s NOT a life lesson.
It’s NOT a blessing.
I believe you.
I believe you.
I believe you.
feyisayo 💸
@feyiszn
Nov 1
Your boring lifestyle has kept you safe from many potential risks and unpleasant experiences.
julia
@FOAM1NG
finding ur people helps u realize theres nothing wrong with u. ur kinda cool actually
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
A narcissist/psychopath will push a person to the edge. They’ll intimidate, demean, provoke, manipulate, lie, cross sexual boundaries, control decisions, alternate between building the victim up & undermining them, misrepresent them to others.
Then they will say the victim is crazy.
Nika Solé
@withlovesole
Discernment is how you save your soul in this wild world.
Dr. Jen Wolkin | ADHD + Trauma Therapist
@drjenwolkin
Normalize sitting beside people in their pain without trying to “fix” them. -Dr. Jen
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Accountability is so important to me. Nobody is perfect, but ain't no way you about to convince me that my reaction to your actions is the problem.
Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Narcissists are essentially professional arguers, debaters, and manipulators.
They are proud of their ability to deceive and manipulate.
For them, the question of morality is a moot and irrelevant point.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Nov 4
Neurologists suggest that each time you "choose" not to act on your anger (even though sometimes justified), you're actually rewiring your brain to be calmer and more compassionate.
Remember, this applies to petty disagreements that don't deserve a response. Other more serious issues may deserve a response.
𝙋𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙮 ✨
@_Pammy_DS_
Highly sensitive people feel everything on a much deeper level. We aren't fooled by words and appearances. We don't just experience your surface level emotions... we also sense bad energy, bullsh*t, weird vibes, and sneaky sh*t.
Mind Haste ⚡️
@MindHaste
People who shine from within don’t need the spotlight.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
Just let people be wrong about you. It does not matter. Just be a good person and let them be wrong.
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
Confidence is believing you're good.
Arrogance is believing you're better than anyone else.
Leaders are confident not arrogant.
Leaders empower, not control.
Josh Ellis
@jzellis
OK, let me solve American "economic anxiety" very quickly. I'm gonna sort it out for you in less than ten tweets and then you won't have that excuse anymore. You ready? Here goes.
The cause is capitalism and greed. That's it. Nothing else. Just that.
amelia
@id_lie13
“a man is allowed to react, a woman can only overreact”
Neseret Bemient
@JourneyofHope4U
What's the difference between a manufactured illness (aka DSM diagnosis), psych drug induced iatrogenic harm, and a real life human suffering and challenges?
Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
The narcissist. “My feelings and needs are more valid then yours.”
Root
@RootTangle
Nov 6
We aren’t ending friendships over politics, we’re ending friendships over morals.
There is a huge difference.
Unkonfined
@unkonfined
Do not ever let anybody make you feel crazy because you figured them out.
Unkonfined
@unkonfined
Don’t change just so people will like you.
Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
Adam Hunt
@RealAdamHunt
Nov 7
Evolutionary psychiatry reshaped my view of mental health, implying that what we often label as disorders are related to natural variations in cognition, not simple 'broken brains'—automatically destigmatising neurodiversity.
@niahdx
Nov 7
rebranding yourself is so therapeutic. a new look, new habits, new connections.
Ryan Daigler - Exposing Narcissistic Abuse 🚩🚩
@Ryan_Daigler
Narcissists are more interested in vilifying people than they are in finding the truth.
This often create a “mob mentality” around vilifying others. When one narcissist starts attacking someone, others with similar tendencies often join in, amplifying the negativity without examining the facts or caring about the truth. This collective aggression creates a form of sadistic “bloodlust,” where the focus shifts entirely from any real issues or truth seeking to a shared enjoyment of tearing someone down. It’s less about genuine grievance and more about the thrill of asserting control, spreading misinformation, tearing someone down and feeding their own egos by aligning with others who share a similar agenda.
It can be a dangerous and isolating experience for the target, as the group dynamic makes it harder for the victim to defend themselves or be heard. This mob mentality reinforces narcissists’ need for superiority and power, often leaving the victim feeling demonized without a real chance to clarify or defend their position.
Clarence White
@clarencenyc
Nov 7
It’s a full time job believing in yourself..
Stopworkplacebullies
@Stopworkplacebu
You're not intimidating. They are intimidated. There's a big difference.
@sonoreid
people really come into your life and just waste the fuck out of your time
Julius Kim
@Julius_Kim
See, the election wasn’t about “political” differences. It was about moral differences. That’s why I won’t talk to you.
@sonoreid
Nov 8
it’s annoying as hell when someone expects you to be okay with something that they wouldn’t be okay with if you did it to them
ZACH 🧢∞
@BringBackLevity
Nov 8
The best response to criticism is self-reflection and growth.
Penny Pascal
@RavendorG
From the film “I Am” - there’s a word for something that takes more than it needs at the expense of others: cancer.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
People don't understand that after we've experienced trauma, almost every feeling we have, positive or painful, gets filtered through a nervous system that interprets everything as potentially dangerous-- meaning even feeling good can feel unsafe and/or stressful.
Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@DrDoyleSays
Getting slapped w/ a "freeze" or "fawn" trauma response is not "letting" something happen to you.
Trauma responses are not choices.
Chicago To Maine
@ChicagotoMaine
Narcissists can't laugh at themselves. Not ever.
Matt
@menwhowrite
Anxiety and overthinking don't begin in the brain.
They start in the heart.
The heart is a powerful messenger.
It sends 9 TIMES more signals to the brain than the brain does to the heart.
It even has it's own nervous system.
Much of the way we think, feel, and act begins in our chest.
Most people today live in a state of brain/heart incoherence.
Communication between these two organs is jumbled, which leads to states of stress, anxiety, and survival.
Improved communication between brain and heart begins with two things:
Awareness and positive emotion.
Want to rewire yourself for states of love and peace?
Step 1
Bring your conscious attention to your heart center.
Even this simple act can increase well-being and presence.
What does it feel like in this area? Allow your awareness to expand here.
Nate Postlethwait
@nate_postlethwt
cPTSD isn’t a result of not adapting well. It’s a result of complex trauma that a person can’t adapt to at all.
Unkonfined
@unkonfined
Stop tolerating so much just because you don’t want to lose people.
Those aren’t your people.
Jil Theo
@theo_jil
Grow yourself first. Then start uplifting others.
Not the other way around.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
My life might be boring to some people, but it saves me from a whole lot of fake shit.
The_Narc_Decoder
@NarcDecoder
If you need help leaving someone, keep a detailed journal of how they treat you each time, then go back and read it.
I promise you, you'll be disgusted.
Justin Welsh
@thejustinwelsh
Nov 11
The most dangerous addiction is the approval of people who don't matter.
Defend Survivors
@defendsurvivors
It’s dangerous to keep pointing out how someone is breaking the law but not do anything about it.
Abusers know they are above the law because they know no one will do anything about it.
Kimia Nora
@iamkimianora
Depressed people die sooner, age faster, and develop more diseases.
You have to fall in love with your life.
You HAVE to.
@ocenhxu
Nov 12
someone said, “the reason you isolate when you’re struggling is because you were left alone as a child to deal with your emotions” and i felt that.
Dr Karen Mitchell PhD
@karenmitchell__
Narcissists/psychopaths often act like they see you and hear you, particularly in the early days of their acquaintance with you. That is why their true nature is so difficult to accept and understand. That is also why victims will continue to engage with them even when they are demonstrating negative behaviour.
Josh
@JD_Quotes2017
No matter how good you are, people will judge you according to their own insecurities.
C. Robert Cargill @crobertcargill.bsky.social
The number one advice any & every writing professional can & will give you is this:
DO NOT BE AFRAID TO SUCK.
You have spent years reading books, watching movies & TV, developing taste to know good from bad. NO ONE GETS TO READ YOUR WRITING UNTIL YOU LET THEM. Trust your taste & write fearlessly.
Debra Wexler @debrawexler.bsky.social
I am listening to a mystery audiobook and the characters use the term “fartlighting” to describe situations where someone says something outrageous to cause a stink. I have needed that term for my entire adult life.
Gleafer @gleafer.bsky.social
Normalize posting the messy sketches!
Normalize sharing your least favorite pieces!
Normalize creating art for vengeance by drawing your enemies in compromising positions with various farm equipment!
Normalize group critiques!
Elizabeth Shaw - Overcoming Narcissist Abuse.
@CoachElizabethS
·
Nov 19
Isn't it strange how you never really thought about boundaries, gaslighting, red flags, manipulation, or narcissism until one person came along and made you wish you'd learned about them much earlier?
Workplace Mental Health Safety & Prevention
@Stopworkplacebu
Nov 19
A person who finds peace instead of revenge can never be bothered.
Jenny Dee Astrology @jensplain.bsky.social
The difference between crazy and eccentric is social class.
Sylessae @sylessae.bsky.social
artists 🎨
stop apologizing for not posting, for taking breaks, for being slow, for drawing the same character, for posting only sketches, for gushing over OCs, for being a beginner, for raising your prices, for trying a new medium—
start doing whatever you heckin want
Sylessae @sylessae.bsky.social
When you’re working through a creative challenge, and your frustration is beginning to lead you to self-doubt, know this:
The challenge is uncomfortable. Discomfort leads to growth. Growth leads to innovation.
You’re in the first phase.
Blog posts:
Do Movies Cause Social Anxiety? ✌ Strong reaction to someone rude ✌ The Agreeableness Theory ✌Managing Social Anxiety and Toxic Shame ✌ Complex Trauma induce Social Anxiety and Avoidance ✌Navigating through social anxiety ✌ Accepting social anxiety ✌ Social anxiety is Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) ✌ Quiet BPD is social anxiety ✌
Reddit posts:
- Why not Social Anxiety "Solutions" or "Fixes" or "Overcoming"?
- Concepts that helped me understand Social anxiety, Panic Triggers and Avoidance
- Toxic shame
- Intrusive Thoughts (PureOCD)
- Self Worth
- Being stuck
- Resentment
- Doubt and Descartes 'Evil genius argument'
- External reference locus of control and External validation
- Amygdala hijacking
- Egocentrism
- Classical CBT based Social Anxiety on faulty premises
- Fawning
- Ebbinghaus' Forgetting Curve
- Long-Term Narcissistic Abuse Can Cause Brain Damage
- 20 ideas and conclusions about social anxiety I learned without external help
- Philosophical zombie (NPC Wojak)
- Comment on YT video "Marcus Aurelius - Stop Caring What People Think"
- Interdependence
- Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) and Social anxiety
- Perfectionism is hidden factor of disorder in Social Anxiety
- Toxic people
- Three stages
- There is no absolute truth
- Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT)
- Dualism and Double bind
- Alternative explanations of Social anxiety
- Anti-psychiatry
- Anti-psychiatry (2)
- Social Anxiety Map (I)
- Social Anxiety Map (II)
- Social Anxiety Map (III)
- All people have social anxiety. All.
- Humanistic therapies
- False self (I)
- False self (II)
- Catcher in the Rye (I)
- Catcher in the Rye (II)
- Catcher in the Rye (III)
- Complex Trauma (c-PTSD)
- Social Anxiety tips (I)
- Social Anxiety tips (II)
- Social stigma
- Trickster (by Jung)
- How Narcissists hijacked Social Anxiety
- Charcot hysteria
- Time machine - my views about social anxiety from 1996
- Trauma splitting
- Social anxiety in the presence of well-meaning people
- Kohlberg's Theory of Moral Development
- Kohlberg's Theory of Moral Development (II)
- Sam Vaknin and Richard Grannon (I)
- Sam Vaknin and Richard Grannon (II)
- Agreeableness
- Negative politeness
- Why smashing social anxiety approach will never work
- Seesaw effect
- Initiation into evil
- Invalidation
- Validation (I)
- Validation (II)
- Validation (III)
- Solution must be simple (Occam's Razor)
- Power Dynamics (I)
- Power Dynamics (II)
- Interpersonal sensitivity
- Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD)
- Scapegoating people-pleasing is wrong
- Scapegoating people-pleasing is wrong (II)
- Social anxiety and Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD)
- Neurodiversity
- Social anxiety: journal entry from 1990
- ADHD
- Masking
- Paradox of vulnerability
- Fear of being hated
- Fear of criticism and negative evaluation
- Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACoA) - part 1
- Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACoA) - part 2
- Processing emotions and stimuli
- Processing emotions and stimuli (II)
- Processing emotions and stimuli (III)
- Processing emotions and stimuli (IV)
- Processing emotions and stimuli (V)
- All people have social anxiety. All. (II)
- Polarized thinking
- Liebowitz Social Anxiety Scale
- High-functioning social anxiety
- Quiet BPD as social anxiety
- Internal Family Systems Model (IFS)
- Boundaries
- Boundaries (II)
- Extinction
- Self-referential thinking
- Social anxiety described in 19th century
- Quick fusion
- Four pillars of Social Anxiety (I)
- Four pillars of Social Anxiety (II)
- Toxic shame and Social anxiety are intertwined
- Toxic shame and Social anxiety are intertwined (II)
- Toxic shame and Social anxiety are intertwined (III)
- CBT DSM medical terms are misleading
- CBT myth about Exposure
- Stoicism and social anxiety
- Regulation and Dysregulation
- Regulation and Dysregulation (II)
- Survivorship bias
- Survivorship bias (II)
- How to handle difficult people (I)
- How to handle difficult people (II)
- Toxic empathy (I)
- Toxic empathy (II)
- Toxic empathy (III)
- Spotlight effect and other (neuro)-typical nonsense advice for Social Anxiety
- Spotlight effect and other (neuro)-typical nonsense advice for Social Anxiety (II)
- Psychedelics and social anxiety
- Tendency to perceive (interpersonal) victimhood - TIV
- All people have social anxiety. All. (III)
- Nothingness as anti-dote for social anxiety
- Nothingness as anti-dote for social anxiety (II)
- Nothingness as anti-dote for social anxiety (III)
- Nothingness as anti-dote for social anxiety (IV)
- Nothingness as anti-dote for social anxiety (V)
- Nothingness as anti-dote for social anxiety (VI)
- Synaptic pruning
- BBC The Century of the Self
- Othering
- Barnum effect
- Social anxiety coaches
- High-Functioning Autism and Social anxiety
- High-Functioning Autism and Social anxiety (II)
- High-Functioning Autism and Social anxiety (III)
- High-Functioning Autism and Social anxiety (IV)
- Unwritten struggles of social anxiety
- Unwritten struggles of social anxiety (II)
- Unwritten struggles of social anxiety (III)
- Secure attachment
- Secure attachment (II)
- Secure attachment (III)
- Worrying About What Other People Think of You (FOPO)
- Looking-glass self
- Looking-glass self (II)
- Looking-glass self (III)
- Healthy coping mechanisms
- Devil on our shoulder
- Broken Looking-Glass Self is Social anxiety
- Social anxiety as rollercoaster
- Social anxiety as rollercoaster (II) - tracks
- Social anxiety as rollercoaster (III) - wagons
- Social anxiety as rollercoaster (IV) - wagons
- Social anxiety as rollercoaster (V) - clouds
- Social anxiety as rollercoaster (VI) - loops
- Social anxiety as rollercoaster (VII) - fog
- Social anxiety as rollercoaster (VIII) - constructs
- Shyness versus Social anxiety
- Shyness versus Social anxiety (II)
- Shyness versus Social anxiety (III)
- Shyness versus Social anxiety (IV)
- Shyness versus Social anxiety (V)
- Coerced-compliant false confessions
- Detachment
- Detachment and Social anxiety
- Detachment and suppressed anger
- Detachment, anger and CPTSD
- Detachment and anger as tools of healing Social anxiety
- Cowardice vs. Social anxiety
- Entanglement
- Observation
- Healing social anxiety
- What is Social Anxiety?
- Cognitive distortions
- Cognitive distortions versus Social anxiety
- Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs
- Situational anxiety
- Self-made prison
- Inattentional blindness
- Social anxiety deciphered as the Rosetta Stone
- Social anxiety translated as the unfelt anger
- Coercive control
- Weaponized anger
- Toxic people and social anxiety
- No one can make you feel inferior without your consent
- Operant conditioning
- Conditioning and Social anxiety
- Fear of punishment is Social anxiety
- Conditioned triggers in Social anxiety
- Self-Forgiveness
- RAIN method
- Social anxiety spectrum
- Social anxiety scale
- Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving
- Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving - quotes
- Borderline disorder and social anxiety
- AvPD, Borderline and Social anxiety
- Borderline masking itself as social anxiety
- Borderline and social anxiety as dual system
- Social anxiety is borderline reaction to oppression and abuse
- Social anxiety is normal reaction to abnormal people and events
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