June 1, 2021
'Having someone mad at you/being misunderstood.'
We are adults now. We don't need to give toxic people the power to tell us who we are.
YT Patrick Teahan LICSW
We don't need people to understand us when we are in conflict. We can embrace truth for ourselves. It's impossible to have people not get frustrated.
YT 6 Unknown Childhood Trauma Triggers - Therapy Tools -PART 2
June 2, 2021
Childhood #CPTSD trauma leaves us in confusion what is ok in relationship. When we can't define that ourselves, an abusive or intrusive partner will define that in a way that will benefit them.
YT Trauma Free Nation
So the Wicked Witch laughed to herself, and thought, “I can still make her my slave, for she does not know how to use her power.”
'The Wonderful Wizard of Oz'
L. Frank Baum.
June 3, 2021
You try to solve stress and anxiety by being in control but you are actually feeding your anxiety. You are making it worse.
YT FindingFreedomMedia
Then I get in situation everything in me wants to get in control mode. But I have to surrender. Not going to try to force my will here. I will accept the circumstances I can't control - I'm going to let it go. There's trust, acceptance, surrender, peace.
June 5, 2021
You don't realize you are in a moment until it's memory.
Noizu - Summer 91 (Looking Back)
June 6, 2021
Outgoingness-willingness to shake hands, smile, meet people, ask questions, get to know others this is important to succeed in life. Even though we don't feel outgoing,the importance of intentionally being outgoing and noticing, reaching out to others.
HoP
In unsafe environment if you are authentic, you get hurt.
YT FindingFreedomMedia
Codependency and Complex Trauma - Part 7 - Attachment Issues
June 7, 2021
When I am not anxious I feel like superhuman. Prefrontal cortex responsible for high level cognition, decision making, future planning goes offline, cause blood is leaving that region and goes to center of brain that handles fight or flight.
YT Tom Bilyeu
Failure is the most informative stream of data.
YT Tom Bilyeu
Action cures all.
YT Tom Bilyeu
Marsaskala, Malta
If they learned that you always keep your cool, you are always patient, and always kind, you become a very easy target to a toxic person.
12 Reasons You Attract Toxic People
It's hard to believe there are malicious individuals out there that don't care about anyone else apart from themselves. Because of that mindset you will assume that everyone has a good nature which makes you naïve.
YT Joyanima
We don't get what we want is because we don't know what that is. I didn't fully know what I wanted.
YT Sharam Namdarian
People who grow up in strong authority environments like the Catholic Church or Communistic government structure will often find that they have effectively been condition to look outside of themselves for authority.
https://www.neurosemantics.com/owning-my-own-authority/
June 8, 2021
What have you been trying to build self confidence? Unravel the way that you perceive you. Stop believing voice you are not enough, disengage, I no longer believe that any more.
YT Get More Confidence
Shame is obvious tool for manipulation. Avoiding anything and to follow imaginary Pied Piper.
"Complex Trauma induce Social Anxiety and Avoidance"
https://77ranko.blogspot.com/2021/06/complex-trauma-induce-social-anxiety.html
How many people repeat internal body pollen allergy reaction scenario in the real world with other people? Someone might appear like trigger. We seek scapegoat for perfect blaming of anything wrong in our lives and thinking that targeted attack will solve all our problems.
June 9, 2021
Somebody else trained you to see yourself in mirror and see ugliness. Right now path you walk is negative. Cut your own path to confidence and courage, back to who you are. You were not born like this.
MEL ROBBINS
I realized if I didn't believe that I could do it I wouldn't be able to be here.
Selena Gomez
I've listened to opinions of people and I tried to change who I am because I thought others would accept me for it. And I realized I don't know how to be anything but myself.
Selena Gomez
There is blocked emotional energy in you that is actual strength that you're looking for. It is already in you. The problem isn't that you need to learn how to impose that from the outside,because that would create another false self and a split
David Tian
You immediately turn criticism in on yourself because you know you're to blame, you are no good, it must be your fault that they're been so mean and cruel. You're repeating subconscious pattern you unwittingly learned as child.
YT Why you feel toxic shame
Toxic shame makes it impossible to stand up for yourself. You learned you have any rights as child, so you don't believe you have any as adult.
YT Narcissistic Abuse Healing with Maria McMahon
When these kind of things happen regularly, you very soon internalize belief there is something wrong with you because as a child you don't have critical faculty to understand it was your parents that were toxic abusive it was not your fault.
YT M. McMahon
How Covert Narcissists Manipulate:
"Pain I am in right now justifies proves how righteous, noble I am."
"Look at the pain you are causing me by doing that."
Dumping responsibility for their wellbeing, mindset, happiness onto others.
YT Darren F Magee
What they doing is they hold someone else responsible for not meeting their expectation. What you'll hear is anything but 'I am sorry, I shouldn't have done that or I shouldn't have said that'.
YT How Covert Narcissists Manipulate
Sure, the computer made it look like her gave it personality but when it came to the relationship, La Forge you... filled in the blanks. And you had a perfectly wonderful marvelous little fantasy until the real Leah showed up and ruined it.
STAR TREK TNG S4 E16
Now, she's probably done the most horrific thing one person can do to another...not live up to your expectations. See her for who she is, not for what you want her to be.
Star Trek: The Next Generation S04 E16
Galaxy's Child (1991)
'Naša percepcija je egocentrična, sužena našim interesima, ne vidimo kako se drugi osjećaju. Neki imaju senzitivnosti, moralna načela pa je ta sebičnost u granicama kontrole. Ta načela se znaju zaboraviti- svojim djelovanjem možemo zagorčati život sebi i drugima'
Žarko Andričević
Make the most of your time on Earth.
'Rough Guide'
Your level of self worth shapes everything else in your life.
YT Narcissistic Abuse Healing with Maria McMahon
June 10, 2021
Solar Eclipse happening right now
If I can live through this (we've lost dancing)
What comes next
Will be
Marvellous
Fred again.. - Marea (We’ve Lost Dancing)
When they blame everyone, that person define your every moment, you are giving up the power to that person. Denying they have control whatsoever in their life.
YT Narcissistic Abuse Healing with Maria McMahon
How many Kafka's have lived and died without ever sharing their voice with the world; whose voice would have changed it forever.
How many people never know who they'll be after they're gone.
"What Is Kafkaesque? - The 'Philosophy' of Franz Kafka"
June 11, 2021
'Pay close attention to every time, you feel tempted to modify your behaviour in order not to offend a narcissist.
Don’t participate in your own conditioning.'
You tube Honor Yourself
Before we judge others we must remember that the faults we perceive in them are likely to be the effect of circumstances, the psychological response to trauma, abuse or disease.
RADHANATH SWAMI
IMDb triva:
The set for the small town of Sweethaven was built at Anchor Bay on the Mediterranean island of Malta. After filming, it became a popular tourist attraction.
Popeye (1980)
"Feeling like you need to keep your problems to yourself is a trauma response."
"Being scared to ask for what you need is a trauma response."
June 12,2021
We repeat what we don't repair.
CHRISTINE LANGLEY-OBAUGH
June 13, 2021
Introjection: the unconscious adoption of the ideas or attitudes of others.
Idealization: the action of regarding or representing something as perfect or better than in reality.
Sociopathic manipulators follow brainwashing pattern to gain control over others: Idealize & Devalue
Perhaps people hold you back, you can feel discouraged, settle where you are. But people don't determine your destiny. What they say about you can't stop your purpose.
JOEL OSTEEN
Anyway, one day I woke up and I realized I was never going to be normal...
so I said, "Fuck it." I said, "So be it..."
film 'Pump Up the Volume' (1990)
"The truth is a virus."
Pump Up the Volume (1990)
June 14, 2021
Emotional labelling entails noticing the presence of an emotion, and instead of arguing against it or trying to suppress it, we accept it and internally label it. We say to ourselves: "I am feeling anxious"
YT Academy of Ideas
For unlike an adaptive emotion, a maladaptive emotion is best coped with not by doing what the emotion seems to be telling us, which is usually some form of avoidance, but by doing the opposite.
YT How to Stop Being a Coward
Academy of Ideas
For courage, at its essence, is the ability to take action even when storms of doubt rage within, and so the more our life is afflicted by maladaptive emotions, the more opportunities we have to practice acting in this manner.
YT How to Stop Being a Coward
For social validation is derived from one thing – success in external world or at least appearance.
Cato consciously did things to trigger the disdain of other people simply so he could practice ignoring their disdain.
YT Why Caring What Others Think...
Very often the people who are quickest to judge and the most excessive with their insults, are those whose opinions matter least. They are not men of sound mind.
YT Why Caring What Others Think Breeds Mental Illness
Academy of Ideas
To conform means to seek social validation through the ideal of external success and we should re-orient our life so as to bring more order, harmony, and strength to our psyche. Live a more authentic life, a life that heeds the call of our inner man.
Haunting scene from 'Ordinary People' (1980).
"It was like...
falling into a hole.
and
it keeps getting bigger and bigger,
and you can't get out.
Then, all of a sudden, it's inside,
and you're the hole,
and you're trapped and it's all over."
- I'm scared! I'm scared...
- feelings are scary. And sometimes they're painful. And if you can't feel pain, then you're not gonna feel anything else either.
film 'Ordinary People' (1980)
June 15, 2021
Graceful individuals are not self-conscious about their bodies and they move with a natural ease. Lowe suggests that gracefulness is found at the golden mean between spontaneity and control. Healthy doze of both is recipe for grace.
YT Academy of Ideas
Man is the only creature who can deceive himself in the belief that passiveness is an appropriate way to live.
YT The Ideal Body: How our Body Shapes our Character
Academy of Ideas
We need to shift our minds on focusing what we have to offer instead of what we're lacking.
YT 5 reasons why idolising people doesn't help our self-esteem
Elements of our unconscious continue to influence us even though we are unaware of their existence. What exists in the unconscious has an autonomous existence and therefore will often produce effects inimical to our well-being.
YT Academy of Ideas
It is surely better for a man to learn to tolerate himself, and to convert his inner difficulties into real experiences instead fantasies.
CARL JUNG
YT Academy of Ideas
There's a healthy form of aggression that's imperative to our psychological health & survival. This form of aggression fuels our sense of self ownership emboldened us in the face of fear &ignites the drive to explore, master the world outside us and within
For the goal in integrating our aggression is not to become a bad person but to get in touch with repressed energies and potentials needed to sculpt the great and powerful character. We want to become capable of acting with force not to be forceful.
SHADOW
To diminish the risks of a breakdown an active approach is crucial. Like the heroes in myth we must view ourselves as explorers of the chaos – not passive observers who are merely pushed and pulled by forces beyond our control.
YT Rapid Personality Change
I'll bet my simple healthy instincts against yours any day.
film 'Inside Daisy Clover' (1965)
June 16, 2021
While all defense mechanisms can be unhealthy, they can also be adaptive and allow us to function normally.
'Defense Mechanisms Used for Anxiety'
https://www.verywellmind.com/defense-mechanisms-2795960
Not all desires should be complied, we would drain resources, for example our own finances if we please our every need and emotion that comes up.
So expecting everyone to be kind, perfect and obliging would be detrimental.
https://77ranko.blogspot.com/2021/06/complex-trauma-induce-social-anxiety.html
We came out from the deep
To learn to love, to learn how to live
We came out from the deep
To avoid the mistake we made
That's why we are here !
Enigma - Out From The Deep
Do we know we are triggered when something like this comes up?
That person is just stranger, they are not in grand scheme of things that important in our life, but we give them so much power in our heads.
YT Patrick Teahan LICSW
It is more about the wave of emotion in our history from childhood behind it.
Your body remembers, your amygdala smoke alarm remembers about these dynamics in some ways.
To make themselves to be problem because they were told to be problem.
YT Trauma Work
June 17, 2021
When you get value from wrong things it creates anxiety when you lose those things. Whatever cause people to respect me, whenever I get attention and validation is unhealthy approach to gaining sense of value.
YT Value Issues
FindingFreedomMedia
If you are looking at others to give you value by giving you respect, even though you don't respect yourself, you now become hypersensitive to them disrespecting you. Because they are saying you don't have value, that triggers deep wounds in you.
YT Value
The problem is you're never going to just one day wake up and go 'I feel respect for myself' if you haven't made changes. Choose to treat myself with respect even though I don't feel I deserve it. Stop doing things you did trying to get value.
YT Value
Let others think you are weird. Don't try to convince them. Let them even feel that you're weak, that you couldn't handle it. It just don't matter anymore what they do.
YT Wenzes
At the end I will be all by myself. I will never get the love I was hopping for all the time. Because it's not on others to give me that feeling. I have to give it to myself. Stop focusing how others feel about you.
YT Wenzes
People will have issue with your assertiveness because you have an issue with your assertiveness. Deep acceptance if someone doesn't like us, it doesn't mean the end of world. Someone hating us is okay, too.
YT Sharam Namdarian
Do they like you or do they like doormat? If I am not loved for who I am as person than I am not loved.
YT Sharam Namdarian
You answer honestly, you'll enjoy yourself much more.
film 'Total Recall' (1990)
- What do you want, Mr Quaid?
- The same as you. To remember.
- But Why?
- To be myself again.
- You are what you do. A man is defined by his actions... not his memory.
'Total Recall' (1990)
June 18, 2021
Indifference allows us the option to not make anybody wrong. Because in people pleasing you make yourself wrong. In ultra independence they are wrong.
YT Emotional Well-Being #2: Feeling Aggressive After Being A People-pleaser? Here's What To Do About It
In indifference or interdependence no one is wrong there is just acceptance, both you and them are valid. What works for you is just as valid as they are. This allows us to say no, to feel safer doing what we want to do in our world.
Stunning movie poster for Power Rangers (2017).
'May The Power Protect You.'
I want you to realize these are basically normal people who are sick. It's every reason to believe that good part of their brain is normal and fighting to regain total health.
The Caretakers (1963)
It is in the group that something exciting happens. The group fights to be normal. Fights in some remarkable way to destroy the abnormality in each person, in each brain. People in group begin to realize they need and care for each other.
The Caretakers (1963)
Never trust a patient. Never turn your back on them. They are different from you. They think differently. They act differently.
Joan Crawford, The Caretakers (1963)
June 19, 2021
Short sided, you can see only what is in front of you, we see such a small part what is going on.
HOUR OF POWER
Man is, on the whole, less good than he imagines himself or want to be.
CARL JUNG
Life is very much a fight and that's ok. Part of fighting is discovering how strong you are. And part of being afraid of life is thinking you are weaker than you actually are. I encourage you to fight.
HOUR OF POWER
God does not tell us to win. He tells us just not to quit, while he wins.
HOUR OF POWER
As species we need to be around each other, it is important. Narcissist does scramble your brain. You have brain damage, when you go through daily trauma for years, it messes you up.
YT Rebounding From Narcissism
Aggression breeds aggression. After we've acted aggressively, we still have the feeling of anger that led us to be aggressive in the first place.
Social Psychology
https://study.com/academy/lesson/catharsis-and-aggression-in-social-psychology-definition-examples.html
Labeling other people as toxic is form of scapegoating. We think pointing fingers will solve all our problems but it does not. It makes us search for more scapegoats to feel good about ourselves. We become toxic ourselves.
https://77ranko.blogspot.com/2021/06/complex-trauma-induce-social-anxiety.html
Biggest thing fear does to you it hijacks your focus, perception on world and it is going to block off opportunities that expand who you are, your way of life. You will have blind spots and not see those opportunities.
YT JulienHimself
A lot of people do not know what trigger fear is. They focus on symptoms, nothing really changes. The real fear, emotion that is fear, that will activate whenever a threat is present. There is something inside you have to let go off.
YT JulienHimself
If you tried mainstream traditional way to deal with fear and requires massive effort to maintain – you are working on the symptoms. Redirecting your focus away from the symptoms to the cause. Until you do that nothing will change.
YT JulienHimself
We have to accept what we cannot change. Learn to accept what you cannot realistically change.
YT Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Inc.
June 20, 2021
"Oh! Carol" is an international hit written by Neil Sedaka in 1958. The song is referenced to Sedaka's ex-girlfriend from high school Carole King!
In 1959 Carole King wrote the playful response "Oh! Neil";
When we say we're a victim, we're saying what someone did to me has limited my future. People don't have that kind of power over you.
JOEL OSTEEN
Many emotionally immature people were “overpruned” early in life, growing up within a very limited range of acceptability. Their personalities are like stunted bonsai trees, trained to grow in unnatural shapes.
"Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents- How to Heal"
Social engagement provides experiences of mutuality and reciprocity in which we are open to receiving another person, as they are. For the client who was rejected in childhood, this moment of being received can be profoundly reparative.
https://drarielleschwartz.com/polyvagal-theory-in-psychotherapy-dr-arielle-schwartz/#.YM9a_WgzbIU
Stonehenge Summer Solstice: Live Sunset Show
June 21, 2021
So often, trying so hard to be right, is totally wrong in a relationship.
When getting it right and being right, is rigidly engrained in our way of being in arguments, it usually reveals, an attachment trauma from long ago!
'Need to always be right'
https://tesscounselling.com.au/when-being-right-can-be-so-wrong/
When we have mentality to label rude people, we become rude ourselves. Toxic people are mentally ill. When we reject them, we become mentally ill ourselves.
To divide people in absolute right and absolute wrong is a part of cognitive distortion.
https://77ranko.blogspot.com/2021/04/my-yt-comments-about-social-anxiety.html
- In my study of interpersonal dynamics, I have found that conflict, followed by emotional release, often strengthens the connection between two people.
- But there's something so forced and artificial about the way you're doing it, Data.
Star Trek: The Next Generation - S4 E25
You were so kind and attentive. I thought that would be enough. Because as close as we are, I..I don't really matter to you. Not really. Nothing I can say or do will ever make you happy or sad...or touch you, in any way.
Star Trek: The Next Generation - S4 E25
If we are afraid to live, we will cause suffering to many people who would prosper under our care, opinions, advice, presence, service and attention. We need to accept our avatar character and join playing the life game.
https://77ranko.blogspot.com/2021/06/complex-trauma-induce-social-anxiety.html
June 22,2021
"Hoffman's character was designed to be relatable to anyone who ever failed to stand up for themselves, even if only once. I'm speaking of incidents in which we walked away and think back on said incident with feelings of shame."
IMDb forum, Straw Dogs (1971)
June 23,2021
Trauma is state of attention in body, being hypervigilant to threat. Constantly re-triggered because you are in relationship with threat.
Healthy person will be more interested in you than creating chaos.
YT What Fawning Is & How It Causes Codependency
June 25, 2021
"we have been carved like a puzzle piece by abusive significant others, we have to look at the big picture. We have been socialized, through repetitious traumatic experience to "fit in," to abusive patterns, situations, and environments, to our detriment."
You Tube comment
Regulation {self}
Adjusting my emotional response
Conscious choice of words and tone
Adapting to cultural & societal norms
Managing: fight, flight, freeze, fawn response
Tornado in Czech Republic (24.6.2021)
There are other types of bonding?
"When someone treats you like crap, just remember it's because there's something wrong with them, not you.
Normal people don't go around destroying other people's lives."
Katharina Rutschky in her 1977 work 'Schwarze Pädagogik' used the concept to describe child-raising approaches that, she believed, damage a child's emotional development, leads to dysfunctions and neurosis of all kinds.
Poisonous pedagogy
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poisonous_pedagogy
June 26, 2021
Social anxiety, avoidance, extreme shyness & inability to negotiate with other people is unrecognized Trauma bonding (Stockholm syndrome).
That is why mainstream proposed solutions for social phobia does not work, given advice is totally misleading.
https://77ranko.blogspot.com/2021/06/complex-trauma-induce-social-anxiety.html
The more we are aware that social anxiety is trauma response, and the more successful ways we find in dealing with those type of stubborn psychopaths, our social anxiety will diminish. It is not about feeling scared of talking to strangers.
https://77ranko.blogspot.com/2021/04/my-yt-comments-about-social-anxiety.html
You may never know what you did or say to provoke that injury. It literally could come down to tiny comment you made that suggested they were not perfect.
It is their emotions wrapped in their grandiose belief system, not based in reality:they are perfect.
It took me time to realize mental illness of it, as she switched personalities. It is not based in reality. They change belief system depending whom they are around and what they want out of that situation.
YT The Narcissistic Bubble: Narc Injury & Rage
If you correct them, factual error, in effort to help, here is truth, in their mind you are threatening their entire sense of self. In narcissistic mindset you have just threatened to completely deconstruct their entire worldview. Their entire existence is in their mind.
YT BA
If you don't enter into bubble of they are so wonderful and perfect, all this stuff they are promoting about themselves then they'll discard you in the beginning. They'll see you as someone who isn't delusional as they are.
YT The Narcissistic Bubble
When we first interact with someone new we maintain sense of reasonability and expectation of another person being reasonable. If another person is unable to operate in reality-view themselves accurately, and we can, it is important to maintain boundaries.
June 27, 2021
What goes up must come down
We all have opportunity to complain because life is imperfect, be smarter than complainer, figure to be solution to problem.
Victim mentality. Your own complaining can limit your thinking, can stop you from going to next level., think how unhealthy it is.
It feels good to complain, venting. I think if I complain I can change situation. By complaining, finding faults- you usually make it worst. We create more negative environment. We pollute others, we cause them to think negative thoughts, it can spread.
Roar means you are threat to him. Start ignoring the roar. He knows he is on your territory.
Ignore The Roar | Joel Osteen
Come on people now
Smile on your brother
Everybody get together
Try to love one another
Right now
Develop relationship skills of dealing with problems directly, constructively and with underline trust that this other person wants to work through the problem.
With freeze-fawn you don't give other person the opportunity to work on issue.
YT BA Recovery
You never know what will set off individual, always being wrong, no matter what you do is right, all the time, even when you do what is asked-you are somehow still wrong, requirements change - as soon as you meet them, they change. There is no right answer
You can't psychologically fight and win narcissist, it will not going to happen. You will not be able emotionally to stand up to narcissist or psychopath in a way you originally think you should.
It takes develop skills not to be impacted; no contact, not telling them anything.
There are things you don't do even at worst circumstances. Someone who does not have a personality disorder on the emotional and psychological levels are just by default at a disadvantage and unable to defend themselves against the tactics of someone with the personality disorder
If there is trauma, abuse, we have survival instinct to survive traumatic experience. If that is prolonged, ongoing, mind and emotions have mechanism to kick in, meant to keep mind and emotions surviving. Not thriving.
YT Our Maladaptive Coping Mechanisms
June 28 2021
Self sabotage is not screwing yourself over. It is giving yourself exactly what you want, however you are not aware of the part of you that wanted it. Key is to identify it.
YT JulienHimself
June 29 2021
Who is defining wrong and crazy?
When you are not driven by your own internal choice but rather automatic program, installed from outside, you become robot, drone, extension of someone else, you exist sole purpose of doing someone else's bidding.
YT Inner
When people are troubled, give them a celebration.
Joan Crawford, "Berserk" (1967)
There is no such thing as normal – it can be whatever you want.
Toxic shame – an underlying belief that our basic nature is somehow damaged and we're flawed, why am I not normal. It only points out blame & we don't know what to do about it.
YT MeTooWhatNow
Flower turning into blackberry.
30.6.2021
'Data appears from the turbolift and, using a palm beacon, flashes an optical burst pattern into everyone's eyes which disrupts the games effects and returns everyone to normal.'
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