Triggers - calming down

 CPTSD will control you, its going to dictate that you will be cut off from your own life. There is a way to calm your triggers and re-regulate so you don't have to avoid anything. Do one small thing a day, then more changes follow naturally like dominoes.
YT How COVERT AVOIDANCE Makes Your Life EMPTY

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Emotional Hijacking

as Goleman’s work shows, amygdala hijackings are intense reactions in the emotional memory part of the brain that override the rational brain. These reactions occur in the brains of people who have been triggered into a 4F reaction so often, that minor events can now trigger them into a panicky state.
Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker


During amygdala hijack, the person may not be able to develop a rational response. Signs and symptoms of amygdala hijack include a racing heartbeat, sweaty palms, and the inability to think clearly. People can try to prevent amygdala hijack by becoming more aware of how they respond to stress.
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/arti...


In the past it was believed that information from your senses was analyzed by the thinking brain (cortex) first. Now with new scientific findings we know your perceptions, go directly to the emotional brain (amygdala) without passing through the thinking, decision-making brain first
https://www.authenticityassociates.co...
 

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Flowers	interior
Classic FM music, classicNL	interior
Exposure, active, activity	exterior
Movies, quality sit-coms	interior
Cinema	exterior
Hiking	exterior
Museums, galleries	exterior
Grocery shopping - Muller, Aldi quality like stores	exterior
Bicycle ride	exterior
Beach, lake	exterior
Sketching	interior
You tube videos - education	interior
Books, comic books, mags reading	interior
Rugby watching	exterior
Cleaning	interior
Jogging	exterior
Wearing tie	exterior
Vitamins, orange and lemon juice	interior
Be authentic (Zoroastrianism), not self-sensor	exterior
Others do not hate me.	exterior
Driving a car is suppose to be pleasant experience.	exterior
Alarm and alert (or door-slam). No self-censorship	exterior
I know what to say and how to react, just say it, keep saying.	exterior
Ice cream	exterior
Toast, chocolate	interior
Seagull sounds soundtrack	interior
You don't have to chase every stick your brain throws at you	interior
Let it go	exterior
Filling the dark hole in consciousnesses with love	interior
Step back and look objectively	interior
I want to hear you out but that doesn't mean I obey it	exterior
Minimize and remove codependency	exterior
Zoom out	exterior
I can never know for sure, copy paste mentality is false	exterior
Accept this as part of the process for getting better	exterior
Everything is ok. You are safe now. I am not in danger	exterior
I am encouraged to make mistake, to test how others react	exterior
colors (led)	interior
My ultimate core fears, phobias are extremely rare real life events, statistically low, not happening 24/7, every time	exterior
What people think about you does not determine your destiny	exterior
It is freeing when you understand you have nothing to prove	exterior
How many times we trying to prove something and person is not even paying attention	exterior
It takes pressure to live in proving mode. You prove once, it comes  back again for more	exterior
personal attack is very rare occurrence	exterior
most of it is really inside my head, imagined or miscommunication, and in fact other people's deviations	exterior
If you judge people, you have no time to love them	exterior
Others will never understand us. They cannot travel back in time and experience arrested development	exterior
When I am triggered I go through Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde persona change and I am not aware of emotional hijacking	exterior
When I am triggered I go to grunge mode and everyone is irritating, I see through negative prism and prophesize only the worse will happen, reverse this quickly as possible	exterior
Voltaire said whatever happens it is important to stay and be in a good mood	exterior
Feeling irritating and depressive is ego-centric thinking, it is childish and it is signal I hold wrong, incorrect beliefs	exterior
When I am triggered, if I get ideas of being taken advantage and I must go on Crusade - I am being hysterical, I need to calm down, any thought is product of need to control others	exterior
We need to normalize being disliked	exterior
You don't expect perfection and being liked all the time by everyone from the other people	exterior
This is not dread, this is challenge	exterior
Being toxic is easy to recognize in other people but it is almost impossible to recognize in ourselves.	exterior
I didn't even realize that a lot of the things I was experiencing that were byproducts of trauma or actually trauma responses	exterior
However you are reacting under circumstances it is normal.	exterior
Fight mode stress response – continually argumentative, or controlling or expecting things to be perfect from other people or acting we are always right or above reproach.	exterior
Just because you feel it, doesn't mean it's true. Just because you think it, doesn't mean it's accurate.	exterior
Question yourself: is this though factual?	exterior
Expectation. Looking forward to some small act very soon	exterior
When you are dysregulaled and c-ptsd has hold of your thinking, you're never in charge of what you are thinking about.	exterior
very quickly your mind is wondering. Usually it goes inside to fearful resentful thoughts. What does she mean by that.	exterior
It limit your happiness, limit your effectiveness participation in life	exterior
It's all good to talk about trauma sometimes, but it's just when it goes on and on it can be fruitless	exterior
Don't use isolation to control your triggers. Learn to control your triggers whether you are around people or not. That's your freedom.	exterior
If you know you can control your triggers, you're going to find very quickly that you have true social mobility.  if it starts to just get totally awful for you, you know what to do - take pen and paper	exterior
Don't try to make other people control your triggers for you. Don't give them that power. What you want to do instead is you control your triggers. And then you have freedom to hang out with anybody you like.	exterior
it seems other people are causing triggers. You make someone else responsible for your trigger. it is c-ptsd, it is not actually caused by the other person.	exterior
Don't say you owe me to call. It doesn't work. It is attempt to control other people.	exterior
when you have ptsd it seems other people are causing triggers. You make someone else responsible for your trigger.	exterior
It's not that they are not going to call, it's going to be something else. Good loving people doesn't want to get into trouble for being who they are. Nobody wants to be criticized for who they are.	exterior
When I'm dysregulated, I can't remember anything	exterior
We see people more complex than that, we see people more as human even if they are jerks. It doesn't create such a charge.	exterior
We didnt get what is going with their kids, and we project that need onto others. We often want omnipotence from people, that ability. Why you ask me when you know..? mind reading	exterior
We become resentful when it doesn't play out. We want these people to read our minds.	exterior
Having someone being mad at you, being misunderstood. This is where we ruminate what we did, why is that person mad, how we get them to change their mind at us, how do we state our case with them? How do we get through to them?	exterior
Bus driver frustrated you have no cash, coworker frustrated you take time off, upset. Growing up in abuse, it was not safe someone being mad at us. Worrying someone being mad us will take over, it is like shame attack.	exterior
Healing this is to reclaim the ability to be misunderstood.	exterior
Adult part can parent the child on difference between being terrified, mad at you, to difference of grumpy coworker being frustrated real or imagined. Our parents didn't see us as children.	exterior
Toxic parents see their kids as selfish adults who are making choices at their expense, which is super messed up.	exterior
It is humanly impossible to not have others be frustrated at us or mad at us from time to time, right or wrong. It's very freeing to allow someone to be grumpy or even sort of toxic and not take it in.	exterior
Let other people feel their feelings even if it is about us, but that was not safe when growing up.	exterior
Imagine the ability to be like “Oh, my coworker's a little bit pissed at me. I get it. They were frustrated. They had to pick up my slack. It'll pass or we'll work it out”	exterior
We are hypervigilent about disappointing people. People not telling us what is going on with them and later blowing up at us.	exterior
Wounded inner children feel responsible for it and they'll ruminate about what could have been done or about what they're not telling us, or what the person isn't sort telling us. This is rooted in shame and vigilance, adjusting constantly to toxic adults.	exterior
Inconsistent parenting, inconsistent moods, inconsistent care for people. We are super tuned in other people's moods potentially for those reasons growing up.	exterior
It doesn't always mean that something really bad is about to happen when other people are feeling their feelings.	exterior
Validate as child you did have to know what others are feeling in order to keep yourself safe and to keep yourself afloat.	exterior
Validate as child you did have to know what others are feeling in order to keep yourself safe and to keep yourself afloat.	exterior
due to our trauma, we rely too heavily on external confirmation that we're okay than rather developing it from within	exterior
Feedback.  Positive, negative neutral – all can be triggering in weird way.	exterior
Can be devastating, we take it too seriously. We think people have no right to criticize us, they don't know us.	exterior
I just realized the way we sometimes expect people to read our minds because our parents didn’t attune to us appropriately, our parents expected US to read their minds and attune to them - probably due to their own traumas.	exterior
my thought police is on all day every day I judge people for not being nice all the time	exterior
Trigger is over the top reaction to something in the present.	exterior
Know what your trigger are, what upset you. Know they come from childhood. How present is different from past, separate past from present.	exterior
We forget good attributes of ourselves, others. Black and white thinking, always, never, only one outcome. Internet, compulsive obsessive behavior. Righteousness, making moral judgements.	exterior
Changes in language – over-explain, overapologetic.  compulsive checking, seeking external worth from boss	exterior
Overlap is kate reacts in the present just as she did in childhood. That is her stuck place. Kate spends a lot of her emotional energy avoiding being shamed at all cost. That is charge from childhood that runs to present.	exterior
This is why it is important separating past and present to get clear. 80% is emotional charge from childhood abuse.	exterior
This trigger is about my mother freaking out on me all the time, it is not about Jill. She is just boss and can get annoying	exterior
As boss jill is actually who is slightly disorganized and rushes. Kate doesnt see that. She is nice but tends to get cranky. Jill also doesn't see that. Most importantly, Jill can get triggered too. We tend to think it is only us.	exterior
Present peace means it is all manageable, non threatening and annoying quirks. But often being triggered is not a choice.	exterior
When you notice you get triggered. Ask: does this present situation remind me of something from growing up? Does the person i'm triggered by remind me of? (caretakers). What do i do when i am upset, and why, does it have history or emotional function?	exterior
Know what your triggers are – judgement, real or imagined, blame – real or imagined, other's people negative moods. Know where they come from childhood – critical, moody parents.	exterior
had to be perfect to survive. Come to realization, jill is just my boss, i got this.	exterior
What would be healthy response to jill? Here it is. Response is diplomatic, professional, nothing to prove, grounded in truth	exterior
Write all characteristics that happened as kid, that laid down trigger. Parent angry punished, yelled. Now you worry how they will going to respond	exterior
Now I am grown. I can protect myself. Boundaries or leaving the situation. People in my life – i avoid alcoholics, i don't have alcoholic people in my life, i am safe. My home is calm.	exterior
Whenever you feel vague sense that you can't feel what is wrong, or you know you are afraid but it doesn't make sense to you – do exercise.  use split sheet paper – fold it in half, at top write Then on right side Now think about situation you are afraid of, situation that is keep happening	exterior
Hypervigilance help pick cues that other usually miss.	exterior
Assertive - Wishing to create atmosphere of reason and logic, clarifying and enlightened form of interaction	exterior
True healing cannot happen until you are truly and objectively safe.	exterior
i started to think about triggers as injuries that files themselves into broad categories to guarantee my safety.	exterior
it make no sense to put myself to house arrest for the rest of my life just to make sure not get bitten	exterior
I was able to create new categories in my brain – safe dog situation  and potential dangerous dog situation. Now my brain has no alarms to go off unnecessarily.	exterior
Triggers are simply injuries that interfere with your body healthy warning system.	exterior
Trigger provide you opportunity to heal by showing you where to look.	exterior
Often times that recognition alone about the difference of fear and present moment reality is enough for body to relax.	exterior
Talking about it reinforces it. Talking about strengthens the trigger.	exterior
Talking about is form of exposure therapy. You need more than that. Your brain does not know difference between telling and experience.	exterior
How you allow yourself to be treated	exterior
Gentle self respect, rather than self criticism	exterior
think thoughts i am quite comfortable with  my preferences and my decisions as evidence by my internal calm and peace. Neither narcissist or codependent have that	exterior
If other people differ from me, i can handle that.	exterior
if someone is moody, its not my job to solve their moody problems, that's not my task that i need to undertake.	exterior
if i am not accepted, i can handle that, i can live with that. I have my own interior that i draw upon	exterior
i don't look to other individuals to make me feel good in the moment	exterior
hsp take shadow of people who haven't healed because we don't want to feel the pain of their wounding	exterior
things lift when we can see evidence that shame doesn't make sense for  us but it may be their own	exterior
People dont shame you unless they have shame	exterior
Direct approach – what they've done and you are not happy with their behavior.	exterior
When others are moody i believe it involves me	exterior
I can be affected by other person tone	exterior
i put energy into not upsetting people	exterior
I get anxious how i sound and come across with others.	exterior
I assume others are talking or have talked about me in social situation.	exterior
Focused how other people are behaving	exterior
I think how to solve other people problems	exterior
I believe i am not acceptable the way i am i must present certain way to others	exterior
I think people are untrustworthy	exterior
I am overly careful about making mistakes	exterior
I've consistently felt that there is something wrong with me and i feel defective	exterior
I tend to get through things rather than fully experience and enjoy them	exterior
Being wrong or right means too much to me	exterior
I struggle with ambiguity – loose ends, things left up in the air, people not getting back to me	exterior
I can be overly focused on fairness	exterior
I can get upset when others don't read what is going on with me	exterior
After an intense conversation or situation, my feelings or thoughts catch up with me after a delay. I should have said that	exterior
I can be greatly affected by other people's moods.	exterior
Responsible for those moods or feel threatened and defensive	exterior
I can be reactive or deeply affected by criticism	exterior
My emotions and reactions can get in the way of my functioning or prevent me from being who i want to be.	exterior
One must acknowledge problems they face while not being identified by them	exterior
what happens when a person from a warm, trusting and supportive nuclear family, gets out in the cold, cruel and unforgiving world, where he/she is constantly surrounded by broken people, suffering from all kinds of traumas and disorders?	exterior
Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be our best. Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth; it's a shield	exterior
the inner critic and toxic shame create the perfect environment for emotional flashbacks to occur.	exterior
Unlike typical flashbacks experienced by people living with post-traumatic stress disorder, emotional flashbacks do not ordinarily have a visual factor	exterior
these types of flashbacks are, as the title suggests, is an emotionally charged response caused by stimuli in the present that causes the sufferer to “flash” to an abusive event of the past	exterior
These feelings states can include overwhelming fear, shame, alienation, rage, grief, and depression. They also include unnecessary triggering of our fight/flight instincts.	exterior
describing it help you to validate your experiences	exterior
toxic shame is an irrational feeling of self-loathing and worthlessness	interior
It is these emotional memories that burst into our awareness when experiencing an emotional memory.	exterior
It is important to remember that all four reactions are not responses to current happenings but to something in the environment of the person that has reminded them of a traumatic event in the past.	exterior
To forestall or appease an attacker, a person may exhibit the fawn response. The person, when triggered by something in their environment that reminds them of the past, will suddenly become pleasing, helpful, and appealing.	exterior
when the growing child keeps experiencing receiving negative reactions rather than loving ones from a caregiver, they form an inner critic	interior
The inner critic’s job is to attempt to rid the survivor of their perceived imperfections in the belief that doing so will cause others to love them.	interior
the need to root out imperfections to gain love causes relationship problems with others and within themselves	exterior
because perfection isn’t possible for any human being, survivors find no matter how hard they try they cannot reach a level where they accept themselves with their flaws because, internally, they believe they can’t.	exterior
They MUST strive to reach a level of perfection where everyone will love them, and they will feel safe.	exterior
Emotional flashbacks are the external reactions to their silent partner, the inner critic. It is the messages flowing from inside that create the perfect storm for survivors to re-experience the fear	interior
Children are helpless in the hands of uncaring adults. They cannot run away, they cannot fight back, and they cannot flee.	interior
Two of the most effective ways to harness the inner critic are expressing the emotions meant for abusive caregivers in a safe environment and using positive imagery.	interior
Rudeness is not superficial problem and it is far more reaching, deep and serious issue both in society and for individual than it appears on the surface.	exterior
I don't want to come of like I know everything.	exterior
Keep going. Things won't always be this overwhelming.	exterior
Panic attack is temporary and not dangerous.	exterior
As long as I was perfect, I'd be loved	exterior
It's incredible that I just realized the 2 yr old is running my life , so much makes sense	exterior
how to think differently when that trigger comes up in the present	exterior
Have better attitude, better thoughts about it when these things come up.	exterior
Conditioned in that system to be superior to people	exterior
Focused on disgust, when people drive on road – you felt that in childhood	exterior
Someone doesn't hold door for us – in that quick moment, people are complex, not all people are bad, we don't need to morally police people like in childhood, it is not necessary	exterior
Perhaps that person has something going on, maybe this person is going through breakout, childhood survivor, maybe he is jerk but we don't care any more	exterior
We are not at mercy of very thoughtless oblivious parent in life, you can roll off it off back	exterior
Saying no: Children believe it is not good thing	exterior
Does expecting people to read our minds actually work?	exterior
Having someone mad at you-Parents weaponized shame – the most toxic behaviour.	exterior
Feel that they have to be super stars, they wont be acceptable, people will be massively disappointed at us, that is not safe	exterior
We are adults now.We don't need to give toxic people the power to tell us who we are.	exterior
When someone is mad at us we don't have to take that in. that is idea from adult. Something to practice	exterior
We don't need people to understand us when we are in conflict.	exterior
i need to prove. Sometimes people don't want to hear it. We don't need to be understood.	exterior
We can embrace truth for ourselves. Its impossible to have people not get frustrated.	exterior
It will pass. It is part of human nature, it will get better when we talk about it, when we value relationship.	exterior
Other people's moods. When we grow up with shaming parents we are vigilant how are we making them feel. Other people's moods can drive us crazy and we are vigilant	exterior
Being shamed, told to be responsible for that mood.	exterior
Write down what inner child think and examine, is that true, is that fair, will it go like that. Journal doom fantasy.	exterior
Waiting and relying on external things for inward sense of security. Ambiguity	exterior
Recovery ideas: Visualize all dropped to ground, they don't matter. Letting something go. Waiting for date, job, mad at you or not.	exterior
Feedback. Recovery ideas: normalize. Positive does not always mean manipulation Compliments, We dismiss it, force myself to say thank you i appreciate, and not adding something.	exterior
Ask is this negative feedback warranted, could i make better.	exterior
Negative feedback doesn't have to define us. who care, you will not nail it every day	exterior
Simply say no because that doesn't feel good for me, no justifications, no need for them to understand	exterior
Hard for us Remembering dates appointments, details of conversation of people close because while conversation is happening i was internally evaluating whether i will give the right answer	exterior
Often makes us look like we don't listen, being forgetful.	exterior
No 1 tool: curiosity.	exterior
You need to be completely safe to heal	exterior
Made to feel you are done something wrong, be curious, is this me or my partner.	exterior
Did i do something wrong or being told i did something wrong when literally i haven't heard anyone	exterior
Relationship rights checklist. Childhood trauma leaves us in confusion what is ok in relationship.	exterior
When we can't define that ourselves, an abusive or intrusive partner will define that in a way that will benefit them and not allow you to put yourself first in relationship.	exterior
Curiosity Help you identify are you cause or someone is doing it to you.	exterior
The questions you ask yourself are what am i scared of right now. Is that real right now. Look external environment, no one is mad at me, nothing is wrong.	exterior
So then you can identify imagined threat that your body is holding to keep you safe just in case.	exterior
When you get curious about your fear curiosity allows you to realize fear keeps you blinded. Fear usually holds lies that feel like truth in your body, have so much emotional energy packed in them.	exterior
You can choose change based on reality you are aware of instead of lies fear is telling you.	exterior
Thoughts in our head tell us its all our fault, get curious about that too.	exterior
identify lies from childhood trauma	exterior
With this strategy focus on one trigger at time and be curious about it. Move from constant complex symptoms and fear to total freedom.	exterior
I realized that the body history holds so much emotional energy with lies make us believe things about ourselves that are not true. That keeps us stuck in trauma	exterior
I was caught in resentment i had no time	exterior
I begun seeing her as human being not through lens of all things i didn't get from her	exterior
I cannot overstate the importance of becoming aware of your inner self-commentary. With enough practice, #mindfulness eventually awakens your fighting spirit to resist the abusive refrains from your childhood, and replace them with thoughts that are self-supportive.	exterior
Along with curiosity, give yourself permission to reject any thought that doesn’t hold your healing interest as a relic of trauma that doesn’t belong	exterior
Therapy allowed me to internalize and mimic my therapists’ consistent and reliable stance of being on my side. This in turn led me to gravitate toward safer and more truly intimate friendships	exterior
Discontented with what he has	interior
make reasonable use of all that comes	interior
Say to yourself: “I am having a flashback.”	exterior
Remind yourself: “I feel afraid, but I am not in danger!	exterior
Own your right/need to have boundaries.	exterior
Speak reassuringly to the Inner Child.	exterior
Remember, the flashback will pass as it has many times before.	exterior
Gently ask your body to Relax.	exterior
Resist the Inner Critic’s Catastrophizing.	exterior
Allow yourself to grieve.	exterior
Cultivate safe relationships	exterior
Learn to identify the types of triggers that lead to flashbacks.	exterior
Figure out what you are flashing back to. They also point to our still unmet developmental needs and can provide motivation to get them met.	exterior
Be patient with a slow recovery process.	exterior
Don’t beat yourself up for having a flashback.	exterior
Rewards that await you when you step outside comfort zone	exterior
You offer unsolicited advice about how others can improve their life.  - control freak	exterior
All or nothing thinking, you only see only one right way to do something	exterior
Hard time with ambiguity – you want to know every possible detail about future events	exterior
Hard time with being ok not knowing something	exterior
hard time owning own mistakes.	exterior
You want to win all argument, last say in discussion	exterior
No empathy for those who make mistake. Considered stupid, lazy, lacking self discipline - control freak	exterior
When first meet others – chameleon, you are wear whatever mask to get them to like you and respect you	exterior
You keep score – you remember past wrong so you can use it against other as a way to manipulate them, you don't let go of wrongs	exterior
Being control freak ends up the opposite of what you are trying to accomplish.	exterior
Controlling breeds rebellion	exterior
You try to solve stress and anxiety by being in control but you are actually feeding your anxiety. You are making it worse.	interior
Trigger fear – i got to do what they want, or they will be mad at me, people please	exterior
Develop curiosity – why am i triggered. What is going on inside me. Curiosity what tactict manipulation tools he using on my now, observe dynamics he try to create to control you.	exterior
Don't respond in anger, that make worse.	exterior
You have to get out of your limbic brain that was triggered, get back into your cortex and say what's going on here.	exterior
Get out of limbic brain, not reacting just to the control freak, but to be able to say to yourself is this wise course of action. If it is i got to do it regardless who gave me directive. That is such important skill to learn	exterior
You may find with some boss you have to draw line in sand. Say i wont do something illegal.	exterior
When in control freak mode stop and ask what is going on. Usually it is lie.	exterior
Stop and say that was true when i was child, but i've got different support system now.	exterior
What's the lie? How likely is that to happen.	exterior
What evidence do i have to support that?	exterior
to heal your shame. You have to start becoming authentic with safe people and let them know you	exterior
heal shame - Once you realize they don't judge you, they accept you, then you can release some control needs making sure nobody sees me	exterior
As you give up control, it will increase anxiety, fear	exterior
i get in situation and everything in me wants to get in control mode. But i have to surrender.i am not going to try to force my will here.	exterior
I will accept the circumstances i can't control and I'm going to let it go.	exterior
Being control freak is attempting to manage your outer world to soothe your inner world. that's called primary control	exterior
When they tell you about their problem, what's my part, what's their part. I have to stay in my lane	exterior
We don't have all answers. We can't handle every situation. God created us to be dependent being.	exterior
ideal self - if i was like this all my problems would be solved. Regardless what you do it will never be good enough for your brain. Shame sets up systems from prevent you ever escape shame	exterior
We should not let our fears hold us back from pursuing our hopes	exterior
avoid isolating yourself	exterior
Triggers. Realize you are not that age now.	exterior
When in triggered limbic place, everything is distorted. Lies seem true.	exterior
Default settings, auto pilot, gravitate back to subconscious. Person with complex trauma that is unhealthy, negative, emotions negative, thinking distorted, avoid, fight flight	exterior
realizing it they will gravitate back to default settings without being aware, that is dangerous place, bad place without them knowing	exterior
Mindfulness, being observer of self, taking emotionally inventory where am i at.	exterior
Disconnecting from emotions. Emotions can be negative, that is dangerous, emotions are still happening, emotions be very negative, running their life, but they are cut off from that	exterior
default settings emotions negative without being aware of it.	exterior
Disconnect from emotions is putting yourself in danger	exterior
Complex trauma biggest damage it does in sense of identity. something wrong with me. They draw conclusion i am not good enough, i am not lovable. Produces core identity shame.	exterior
You are looking outside yourself to feel better to deal with shame without doing internally. This will never work. That is belief behind codependency.	exterior
Codependency develops in emotionally abusive environment with narcissist being abusive. Environment that is emotionally abusive and dishonest	exterior
Complex trauma is living in danger basically all the time. You are constantly in survival mode	exterior
What happens in survival mode is that you have to make your needs and your survival more important than the needs of others. So you put yourself in narcissistic place.	exterior
Complex trauma sets you up to become narcissist.	exterior
Narcissism is response to severe shame. That is too painful to live with so brain develops ways to get rid of that	exterior
Narcissism is brain doing everything possible to deny there is shame at all or overcompensate to feel there is no shame, try to disapprove there is no shame,	exterior
Co-narcisist – you are angry let me fix your problems, make all sacrifices to make sun of universe happy. That is codependency.	exterior
Deep down believe they are more important than other people. They expect to be recognized by you as being better than you.	exterior
They must never be wrong. They will never admit they are wrong.	exterior
try to control how other people think of them.	exterior
Narcissist can be sweetest nicest people in world 99% of time until they get what they want. They explode, hell to pay to anyone who cross them. Can act healthy until triggered	exterior
You often don't know a person is narcissist, until one of their triggers get triggered and then their true colors come out	exterior
Narcissist feel hurt when you didn't do anything. Cause they pick up hurt easily easily because of shame issues.	exterior
As soon as feel hurt, it is not their issues, it is yours, they think you are selfish, need mirror, constant reflection	exterior
covert narcissist, quiet, never put themselves out there, shy, seem depressed, hate themselves. That is co-narcissist. Please make everything about me, if i love you enough, sacrifice make world about me a little bit.	exterior
They say to narcissist exhibitionist, can i hang around you like moon and when you reflect on me	exterior
co-narcissist, Be there to fix other person both try to fix other person to get love and respect they always wanted	exterior
This is sick person refusing to look at his stuff. don't say no to narcissist until you have backbone to stick to it.	exterior
there is no simple recipe. this is going to be hardest journeys you are going to take	exterior
how to fix being codependent First step of change is becoming aware, becoming self aware, aware of your issues	exterior
Codependency is try to solve shame problem. It doesn't work. Real self, that is not good enough. You don't like how you interact with people.	exterior
You created third layer persona, your mask. If i was funnier, better body, smarter , people will like me. Those mask are there to hide real self.	exterior
Critic compares real self with ideal self constantly	exterior
Shame is system no way healing itself.	exterior
You'll never have healthy relationship unless authentic. If you are authentic person will find you	exterior
You have to figure out a way for you to start on regular basis – what am i feeling right now.	exterior
External referencing – constantly taking cues from others. If everyone is happy i'll be happy, take cues from others, become chameleon. Held hostage of emotions of others.	exterior
you are hostage to their mood, you cant feel better until their anger disappears. Moods of others control you and become your prison. That is sad part of codependency.	exterior
You need to face fear of abandonment. That you will be alone, that proves nobody loves me, i am unlovable.	exterior
people will keep treating you what you accept. Complex trauma leads to control issues	exterior
Dad angry he said it is your fault. You are to blame for their anger.	exterior
Dealing with codependency – learning to talk honestly.	exterior
You cant get healthy in unsafe environment.	exterior
You have to be ok with being alone. Codependency is trying to get somebody else to meet all your needs and give you life. No human being can do that. You have to begin able to meet your own needs, have relationship with others.	exterior
functional families experience pain but resolve it in healthy ways.	exterior
Learn from your triggers what is threatening to expose. Expose to heal so i am not threatened any more being exposed.	exterior
healthy relationship is dependent on a healthy internal world	exterior
Figure out what hole a trigger is threatening to expose	exterior
In unsafe environment if you are authentic, you get hurt.	exterior
i feel love so it must be love. Intensity in limbic brain – feelings are intense, that is how you process stuff. Instant gratification is what is all about.	exterior
These feelings wont be forever. I don't feel love so see you later, or abuse you, because i don't feel like it	exterior
Basing relationship on how you are feeling, that is what child does, wont lead to healthy consistent relationship.	exterior
Complex trauma is about distorted perceptions, take place in home with narcissist, everyone serve their emotion.	exterior
Limbic is resisting going with facts and not feeling. Limbic says i want to feel intense feeling of closeness, then we must have intimacy	exterior
Predators create feelings of intimacy even though they are fake. Cortex knows intimacy develops slowly gradually and doesn't always have feelings involved.	exterior
Healthy: See each other as equals. I don't look down, i respect you, this doesn't change my opinion of you.	exterior
Their limbic is telling them go fast, to pursue intense positive emotion and ignore cortex	exterior
Hardest thing is to stay in cortex when limbic is fueled by oxytocin. Realize when oxytocin is happening in your limbic brain	exterior
Practice of separating fact from fiction. Fantasy lies , denial types. Write it down, you can see more objectively how crazy, out of touch of reality	exterior
Deep-level recovery is also evidenced by you becoming gradually more relaxed in safe enough company. This in turn leads to an increased capacity to be more authentic and vulnerable in trustworthy relationships	exterior
Do I want to live in cage for the rest of my life?	exterior
Emotional pain lasts for 10 to 20 minutes, anything longer is actually self inflicted by over thinking, making things worse.	exterior
What have you been trying to build self confidence?	exterior
are they only triggering us without any agenda behind it?	exterior
I have to master this taking offense automatically.	exterior
I feel offended if I get criticized. I see it as embarrassment.	exterior
I feel used, exploited, taken advantage of. And that it will last forever.	exterior
Goal is to realize I am safe	exterior
Someone might look like trigger - this is similar to allergy to pollen	exterior
Being stoic to difficult people comes to price as reacting ashamed in situation that look similar to the original one.	exterior
The way I perceive others who are annoying is I prejudge them and reject them based on my disgust.	exterior
If they are not aggressive, unkind, violent - I must not reject them, I can try to listen to them. Interact with them.	exterior
I must therefore be strong and I must not be coward. I know this is fawn response, inferiority complex and people pleasing, being pushover, but I am not aware of this obeying imaginary audience and what would supposedly please them	exterior
Shame is obvious tool for manipulation. avoiding anything and follow imaginary Pied Piper	exterior
if we follow others automatically based on shaming emotions without facts, we are easily manipulated.	exterior
I put pressure and ideas what is expected of me. Then I block myself - I do not do, I am afraid to move. I stop	exterior
When I am in situations where I cannot avoid, I learned to people please.	exterior
if someone is obnoxious, rude or cross boundaries and ask too much, instead of being honest - I resort to people pleasing	exterior
I cannot stand other people's bad emotions so people pleasing is natural response to feeling inferior toward difficult and aggressive people. Triggers are making it worse, making everyone being critical as difficult and aggressive	exterior
I am not omnipotent, I cannot change other people. And it is not my task to change other people. I can let it go. I do not need to fix others	exterior
The truth is - if solution to long term problem was so simple and targeted, I would find it out long time ago.	exterior
I was programmed in childhood to take orders through yelling and hysteria	exterior
my primary concern is managing hurt and pain triggered by aggression from others	exterior
I go against my own will, while I have no idea what my will is at that moment, the only thing I must do is to appear pleasant and appealing for literally every taste and every single person out there	exterior
I expect pain and attack so I act on pre-emptive strike by filling in the blank what would please potential person out there or from the past experience what others criticized before	exterior
I seek outside myself to check myself.	exterior
when I am afraid I am focused on imagined threat. As when I meet someone annoying, difficult and aggressive, the focus is on this person only	exterior
I cannot go beyond than what I wear, how I appear. I know how to be kind, going to extreme and automatically saying yes to everyone is abnormal and unreasonable	exterior
Your anxiety is lying to you	exterior
It just doesn't matter	exterior
Change posture	exterior
Name 3 things around you - for grounding	exterior
Manage energy level	exterior
Trust my findings and uncomfortable feelings about others - I recognize bullshiters	exterior
Recognize when I am being antagonist - karen	exterior
It's ok to feel unsure. it's fine to not know. keep in mind that uncertainty doesn't last forever	exterior
There is no danger there.	exterior
Approach it more as conversation, not confrontation	exterior
If I feel compelled to do things, it removes choice and self esteem	exterior
find peace and inner harmony by courage being true self	interior
not ashaming people who they are, stuck in resentment - let people off the hook - they are not responsible making me happy	exterior
25.1.2023 striking the pose in the street like in romantic pics	exterior
exotica - music or travel	ext/int