In any outdoor/social situation I automatically have a belief that the other person has right. In anything. Over anything. That I must follow, obey, and I have no rights for anything (to think, say, observe, contradict). It goes automatically, without me being aware. Which is connected to another behaviour I've seen in social situation, that might not be connected exclusively to social anxiety: it's like when people say something they want, desire and need which resort to some strain, dull moments, expensive, or takes any resource which the other side might not agree - that people usually take that as the absolute order and not as something that might be negotiated or even dismissed. It's like most people take final decision to go along with proposed plan or on the extreme side to leave that person without checking what will happen if they contradict. I should be aware of this automatic behaviour and stop it. It is connected to self esteem and fear of making mistakes, and toxic shame that someone will ashame us.
What I can actively do regarding social anxiety is to notice how I talk to myself. What is my attitude and correct it when necessary. It is fighting for mental sanity. I also can fix my posture whenever I duck my shoulders, I can remember to raise my back. Posture will then follow the attitude. Also very important, is to stop complaining. It does not help, it is exhausting and energy draining and it brings on more misery, invite more pain already present.
Seems like knowing what to expect keeps anxiety away, gets me prepared and calmer. Like knowing that I dislike changes. But what does that really mean. It means if I meet someone new, it's most likely I will not like that person. I'll need time to adjust. If I don't expect that phenomena, I will shy away, walk away, I will make decision in front this person is no good without knowing anything to base that avoidant decision. So the lesson is - give time to new people, new settings even though I have strong urge to run away.
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