Mastodon 2024 October

 October 1, 2024

Internalized hyperactivity, being labeled as too much, too sensitive and they don't know why. They spent their whole life masking, pretending to be someone that they're not. The biggest manifestation of neurodiversity in workplace is always anxiety. Spotting what anxious employee looks like. Key takeaway if you accommodate your neurodiversity that enables ND mind become activated-  there are so many positives.
🟥 Why ANXIOUS minds hold some of the BEST IDEAS!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhVohk5f62w

Oct 1
Best ideas are trapped in anxious minds. Impulse spending, not being able to manage your emotions – is the first tool to manage it. Having that understanding that you are wired a little bit differently of how society exprects you to behave and respond in some situations. Putting a breaker between scenario and your reactions I found has been critical in managing aspect of emotional dysregulation. Someone make comment you perceive as criticism.
🟥 Why ANXIOUS minds hold...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhVohk5f62w

Oct 1
🇲🇷 Thalassa, aventures extrêmes

Oct 2

There's this deep longing which is so innate in all of us to be loved. To feel warmth of connection, our lives depend on it. We have this intrinsic need to be loved and yet this desperate fear of being seen. We want to be seen but we are afraid of being seen. We want to be loved but we are afraid we are going to be seen and rejected as unlovable. Unconscious shame will keep us stuck in toxic relationships for a very long time.
🟥 Unconscious Shame keeps us trapped
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PdRyXXxyL9c

Oct 2
I truly believed in toxic relationship that if person gives me what I want then I would be okay. Relationship will be amazing, I really believed that. But it's just doesn't work like that. It's our unconscious beliefs that are driving the whole thing, keeping us stuck with someone that in deep knowing way we know will never going to be able to see us. I felt my soul so ugly I had to block people out.
🟥 Unconscious Shame keeps us trapped
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PdRyXXxyL9c

Oct 2
Trauma is not defined by the event, it is defined by the person’s reaction to an event. Two people could experience the same event and it could be traumatizing to one or the other or both. If something felt traumatic to someone, it was.

Oct 2
It can cause some neurological changes that affect the way you learn and remember, it can affect the way you handle emotions, it can affect your whole body systems and result in chronic disease, chronic pain. So lot of things that we were mystified even 10 years ago why do some people struggle so much with these problems we're starting to see this common denominator and it's trauma in childhood.
🟥 Rewiring Your Nervous System
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDttryQpGmA

Oct 2
I see healing as a basic two-step process. And the first step is you got to learn to re-regulate your nervous system. And there are number of ways you can do that. Exercise, coordinated movement yoga, martial arts, singing together, dancing, eat, sleep regular schedule, writing my distress. Writing bunch of negative thoughts won't do much. Getting space from them and meditate. There are trauma driven beliefs, take top layer off. Like shower.
🟥 Rewiring Your Nervous System
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDttryQpGmA

Oct 2
There's no fixing necessary. You just say it, you've written it, at the end of writing we ask for it to be removed, or released. This space opens up in my mind. Then I rest in meditation 20 minutes. It helped me get my focus back, from low floor up to the regular flow. Part two is life problems to work out. If you have been living with trauma and dysregulation – there are life problems. The same that anyone gets but worse with trauma.
🟥 Rewiring Your Nervous System
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDttryQpGmA

Oct 2
By starting to process my thoughts and feelings I would get better. Well now we know that Complex PTSD actually injures the ability to process thoughts and feelings. There's too much in there. Almost everybody with childhood trauma has a sense of disconnection – like everybody got the memo but I do not understand how to connect. When you find out it is trauma symptom – it really helps. When clumsy gives impulse to avoid people. Re-regulate.
🟥 Rewiring Your Nervous System
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDttryQpGmA

Oct 2
When you have Complex PTSD a lot of stuff stays active. So you're still reacting to something that happened couple days ago or 10 years ago. It feels like having headphones with very loud music and I can hear what they are saying but never really attune. Mental clutter going on. Common culture is saying “feel your feelings” but if you have emotional dysregulation probably is not best advice. You want to regulate your emotions, check assumptions.
🟥 Rewiring Your Nervous...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDttryQpGmA

Oct 2
When I am regulated I am aware of time. Then we have people clutter. We have trouble sorting out – this is the person I want in my life, this is the person I don't want in my life. People in early stages of healing often have people who are still abusive to them, who still exploiting them, treating them badly. And there is emotional confusion – do I have a right, is it just me, am I really awful person that should be treated this way.
🟥 Rewiring Your Nervous System
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDttryQpGmA

Oct 2
Lashing out -  what it feels like when it is happening, it feels necessary, it feels like something so terrible is done to you that you have to fight back really hard. And you're miscalculating how bad it is. People who lash out will freeze up at other times and not say anything. So if they're being harassed at work they will freeze and not be able to defend themselves. People notice emotional dysregulation when you start yelling, it hurts relationships.
🟥 Rewiring Your..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDttryQpGmA

Oct 2
You have multiple inner children. Every time you were traumatized, It's possible that your psyche created fragmented "Parts" to deal with the pain specific to that incident.
This is really about reconnecting your body and your nervous system.

Oct 2
🩰 Hommage à Patrick Dupond

Oct 2
🩰 Hommage à Patrick Dupond

Oct 2
🩰 Hammer

Oct 2
Strange, is it not, how we spend time with people and still can't be certain what they are really like. So many of us posing as one thing in reality being something quite different.
🎞️ Gambit (1966)

Oct 3

Oct 3

🎨 Kevin Alvarez sketch
 

Oct 3

Sometimes, Dolores ...sometimes you have to be a high-riding bitch to survive. Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hang onto.
🎞️ Dolores Claiborne (1995)

Oct 3
🌉 Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy Bridge

Oct 4
Name calling is actually abusive. Adults who choose name calling usually have a low emotional intelligence and lack emotional maturity. Name calling and criticism are two of the most common forms of displaced aggression. If you struggle to put your thoughts into words this could mean one or two things. Either you haven't formed extensive vocabulary to accurately communicate what you are feeling and thinking or you are emotionally triggered and at mercy
🟥 Calling Names
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YlEQyzQHXYw

Oct 4
Wallow in victimhood – it is feeding the dark wolf when you had a choice to feed the light wolf. Only one wolf is going to survive. And it's up to you which one that ends up being. You become whatever it is that you think. It's very hard to dig out of hole if you believe you belong there, if you think you deserve problems. You will curate the world around you that starts with your perspective of which just confirms how much you feel awful.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJXYLxf3JuI

Oct 4
📽️ The Batman (2022)

Oct 4
🎨 SL72 sketch

Oct 5

Oct 5

🎭 Turandot - Arena di Verona 2024

Oct 5
🎄 Spiced scent jar

Oct 5

Social anxiety overlaps with Complex Trauma, Quiet BPD, ACoA, RSD and HSP
📊 Social anxiety - Venn Diagram

Oct 5

🧵 Boys sew too

Oct 5
People will only do things in life that benefit them. Sometimes that benefits are hard to notice. Sometimes it is hidden. Sometimes it is not all that good for you, like a temporary bandage. But the (sub)conscious decisions that we're making are designed to get you something. Being in place where everything is scary and after remission, being in place where there is no fear any longer creates a different world around you. We curate world we live in.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uu3B0h1ZNlI

Oct 5

Either take care of the fears or the fears will take care of you. And they will run your life. They will find ways to make everything make sense. And that's the part of the issue. All the stuff you are worried about you will find confirmation bias in your world to make it make sense. So that you're able to say –see I was right to worry about that, to fear this, to be scared about this, I knew that would happen. But we create to make these more likely
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uu3B0h1ZNlI

Oct 5
🎵 The Smile - Foreign Spies (2024)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UHkZ5YzJYvI

Oct 5
Option one make sure you are someone who makes sure collect all data to have a fullest picture. Option two is we curate world we get angry, defensive, fight, or isolate whenever someone says something we don't like or agree with. Of which trains them to no longer criticize you. Walking on eggshells: you created a world where people are afraid to talk to you about certain things and that's usually coping mechanism we use. Make our reaction so bad.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uu3B0h1ZNlI

Oct 5
You must have all the data before processing actions. You must admit that you are giving control of your mind to your emotions and that you have been emotionally reacting, I call it BPD filter. Everything you're taking in passes this filter before you make decisions. That is nonsense. You need to collect data before having gaps in reality. Where you don't clearly understand everything. Anger masks pain. You're in pain over something. Data: better choices
🟥 Sensitive St...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uu3B0h1ZNlI

Oct 5
🥾 Allgäuer Alpen

Oct 5
You think of bad memory which often times we do, this is the problem, we focus on the emotional content of the bad memories. And that's part of the issue with present, we focus on the negative content of the present situation. And when you put it through negative filter you're giving the amygdala permission to generate negative chemicals. You have to find silver linings in everything. Look at past as someone else's story, as lesson, void of emotion.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIh7LcBfaWQ

Oct 5
We have such a fragile sense of self that we can't admit that maybe we are accountable or responsible for something and we don't understand the difference between accountability responsibility – and guilt, blame, shame and embarrassment, we will just mash those two different ideas together. And we will experience blame which is difficult to have when you don't really like much yourself, and fighting tooth and nail everyday to feel valuable.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIh7LcBfaWQ

Oct 5
Walking on eggshells perpetuates you remaining in this position. You have to be strong,heroic, confident,you have to tell yourself I'm capable of climbing over hurdles. One thing being sympathetic and sensitive to us, that's alright a little bit. But it's enabling when they start avoiding topics because it upsets you. I want my wife being able to tell me anything. Then I need to dive deeply why this bothers me so much, usually I rely on rest of world tell me I'm good enough
🟥 Sensitive Stability

Oct 5
The “episodes”, the splits, the really bad stuff – we have trained people to understand that's what we get of they talk about certain topics. We have trained people to fear us getting upset or angry or disagreeing with us. This is tough stuff to admit. Hardest thing in getting better in BPD where I admit that other people's opinion might have some validity. And that I don't have to be always right. And I don't have to force, control the rest of world making me comfortable.
🟥 Sensitive Stability

 Oct 5
But instead I can focus on trying to make the rest of the world comfortable and turns out that was the best play I could have ever made. It's not about me me me, making sure I am comfortable, making sure nobody steps on me in wrong way. It should be more about me giving, helping, putting things out in the world. The more I did that, the better my life got. Less problems I had, works so well. It moved me so quickly.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIh7LcBfaWQ

Oct 5
In order to permanently solve the favorite person complex you must be able to validate yourself. You must be able to know that you have a basic human right of feeling good enough. In general. You don't have to do anything to prove your worth. You don't have to have this immense value in your job in order to know you are a good human being. You don't have to do favors for people in order to have them like you. Based on other person want to fit in.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIh7LcBfaWQ

Oct 5
Triggers can help you promote safety and security in your life. But when we are talking about triggers that fall outside of social norm, like “You can't work this office job because you might find someone better”. We strive to social norm – we want relationship with people who are social norm. You can't predict all the triggers, it's impossible. And we can't avoid all triggers – they are everywhere. Instead I can focus on becoming best version of myself, handle best I can
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIh7LcBfaWQ

Oct 5
I wasted so much of my life trying to control other people. & I was actually pretty good at it, manipulating and controlling people into doing what I wanted them to do. So I could avoid getting hurt or upset. I found that to be huge waste of time, it didn't generate long term peace of joy and I had little self respect, I wasn't getting appropriate type of affection and love I needed in return. People were upset they had to walk on eggshells around me
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIh7LcBfaWQ

Oct 5
🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 Vivre loin du monde

Oct 5
🇮🇸 Echappées belles

Oct 6
🇮🇪 L'Irlande, entre terre et mer

Oct 6
🇮🇪 Ireland's coasts, life between land and sea

Oct 6
🎵 Cesar Precio - D'autres îles en soi (2024)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g5nzeirHbwo

Oct 6
🇮🇪 Irlands Küsten, Leben zwischen Land und Meer

 

Oct 6
🇮🇪 Ireland's coasts, life between land and sea

Oct 6
🇮🇪 Ireland's coasts, life between land and sea

Oct 6
🎵 Or Kantor - Nowin' (2024)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SGaK032rlg

 Oct 6
⚽ Téléfoot

⚽ Juventus - Fiorentina

Oct 6
You have a lot of people who are making up your identity if you have BPD of which you may not realize and you rely very heavily upon those person's opinion of you. Judgment, criticism, comparing ourselves to other people, feeling not good enough are some pretty heavy BPD triggers. And they all play in the same arena of worrying a bit too much about what other people think about you. That's terrible way to live in general.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kUYoNxWp7M

Oct 6
Building how you feel about yourself based upon how everyone else feels about you–that's very nonconstructive. The root of the problem there isn't you're using other people's guidance in order to tell you who you are, it's that you lack a center of self, strong enough to feel good enough just because you are. That's something that we lack with BPD. It does start at the foundation of you not feeling full, you not feeling whole. You not liking yourself
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kUYoNxWp7M

Oct 6
And thus any slight perceived disappointment in you by this other person is enough for us to critically rearrange how we feel about ourselves even more in the moment. The more we act out, the more that becomes true. Self-fulfilling prophecy. And you can still be impacted by some of this stuff even on microscopic levels, without really detecting it. Society care about what other people think to some extent. Some get insulted, betrayed and move on.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kUYoNxWp7M

Oct 6
It tells you that social norm, individuals out there haven't figured it out either to some extent. We hold ourselves to such high bars but you ain't going to attain it over night. So we need to set the bar a little lower so that you are not so miserable not understanding it fully. Goal to be the best I could possible be – I'm never going to hit that, it is always out of reach, it's always next step. I think battle stops when you get rid of final negative coping mechanism.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kUYoNxWp7M

Oct 6
🎨 J.J. McCarthy sketch

Oct 6
“I have to be right bThe word “had” is really important – because it implies you had no other option. You felt you had to. Second, it implies whether or not friends were willing sympathy. You had to choose the only survival mechanism that was left at the moment which was receiving sympathy. Because we all know your friend can't fix your problem for you. If you call friend every single night and talk on regular basis about it – they'll grow sick of it, hearing about it.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kUYoNxWp7M

Oct 6
I am separate from these experiences. I have abilities still no matter how dark it gets, I'm still just going to keep doing the best that I can do. I admit that mental spiral that starts when you are in circumstantial problems that you're in, is designed in your mind to keep you trapped in the circumstances that you're in. Ask yourself what's more likely to improve your future. To make micro actions. Dismantle: alone, romantic, one thing at a time.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kUYoNxWp7M

Oct 6
Nine symptoms of BPD in DSM they manifest in weird delineations – jealousy for example is delineation from “fear of abandonment”. And if you hadn't fear of abandonment – you wouldn't have jealousy. The addictions that we have, that's not an exact symptom. But self-destructive, self-sabotaging symptom it is. Depression is not symptom, mood swings are though. When you solve BPD the rest of your problems crumble.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kUYoNxWp7M

Oct 6
If you have BPD you've almost been misdiagnosed with everything else. Bi-polar – it is mood swings really. You learn to have a center of self and you solve the symptom, you won't have OCD anymore. Won't be so obsessed controlling every thing in life trying to feel good about yourself. You're just going to feel good. And every thing you deal with all starts to fall away. The way to be in remission permanently: selfless is the answer.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kUYoNxWp7M

Oct 6
It's not about how hard life hits you. It's about how fast you get back every single time. It's about constantly standing back up. If for no other reason, to set an example for the people in your life who love you. “Long term help” - says a lot. I think you mean “Long term solution”. I like therapy – having third objective party, but I don't expect that to be long term solution. I've done a lot of programs, ultimately fell back to same behaviors.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kUYoNxWp7M

Oct 6
Going to hospital won't solve any of your real world problems. That's why rehab doesn't work long term. Everything is great when you are there but when you are dumped back out in the real world, you have real world problems. And those are the problems of which create drinking issue. BPD coping mechanisms they are not really our problems. They are solutions, just like substance. It's not good solution- screaming at other to get point across.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kUYoNxWp7M

Oct 6
You want people to like you, that people agree with you. You want people to get along with you. You want people to be around you, to love you, care about you. Well yelling is ineffective at every single thing I just listed that you say you want. Why would you yell? “It's because my emotions get so high” - then that there's the problem. The real problem is you don't know how to manage your emotions as they're building.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kUYoNxWp7M

Oct 6
Instead of trying to handle why it is that you can't tolerate criticism, judgment, disrespect. I had to be okay with that. I had to get over that, I had to decide that I didn't care what those people thought. If they didn't support it, it meant they were not my friend. In terms of comfort I don't enjoy all this stuff, I am introvert, I do it because it's right thing to do. I do it because nobody else is doing it. Even if it comes at cost what other people think of me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kUYoNxWp7M

Oct 6
I have enough dignity, self-respect and confidence and self-esteem that I know that there are bigger things that matter more than me. And that was the part of what got me out of this. It was me stopping that train of victim-hood where I was saying why me, it's always my fault, everybody hates me, nobody wants me around. Do something about it – part of is that attitude right there. Cortisol leaves the skin literally, and other absorb it. Kill the mood
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kUYoNxWp7M

Oct 6
BPD is esoteric, not many understand it. I spent so long, many years trying to get diagnosis so I knew what the problems were. When I knew what the problems were all the time – you're acting like a**hole. I had to get 10 different diagnosis that had nothing to do with this. When I got the big one – but then what, I wasted a decade. When I knew all along – you are hyper-sensitive, no self-confidence, everyone else need to tell you who you are.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kUYoNxWp7M

Oct 6
We are stubborn, we are strong. Those are positive attributes but apply these to negative coping mechanisms, you get a train wreck. It's more about direction of finding self-worth. They have to see their value on their own. It is gratifying when you earn something. Doing the stuff to make her proud of me. They don't want to stay with someone who is constantly insecure.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kUYoNxWp7M

Oct 7
🏀 LBA Serie A

Oct 7
I think it’s more a case of everyone else’s social skills that are atrophying.
Because when I’m in a social situation I’m fully engaged. I’m smiling, great with eye contact….but I get anxious all the time because everyone  giving short responses so I assume the problem is me. I’m boring them, they’re only operating my presence to be nice. So I eventually shut up and get quiet.

Oct 7
Before we're giving for the wrong reasons: we're doing all the stuff we know we should be doing to the best of our ability specifically so that people tell us that we are good enough. And that's not good enough. Doing it just for yourself is not good enough. But when you authentically make the world a better place – you start to fill that fullness that you've been seeking. That purpose that you know you need to find.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4X5q1od1v9U

Oct 7
We're measuring love incorrectly. We think love is someone's willing to give or do for us. Just as we can give our pain and suffering to the other people to experience and hopes that they might understand where they inevitably can't, they won't, they're incapable of understanding and then your pain replenishes right away. I can dump all my trauma onto someone and I get a minute of relief, now they're miserable too. My pain just replenished.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4X5q1od1v9U

Oct 7
We will burn bridges for all types of reasons. Because we allow our brain to be manipulated by our emotions. Our emotions are usually generated not by will of any kind – usually just in response to triggers. Some triggers are mental, other ones, most of them involve the external world. Something happened and our brain and then we have emotional response, our brain starts to develop actions and thoughts. Can be measured by symptoms.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4X5q1od1v9U

Oct 7
So if you allow your mind to be controlled based on solely what's happening around you. You are slightly late for an appointment and now appointment is bad. Now you are disappointed the whole week because it didn't turn out as you wanted. Why? It generated emotion, we give emotion to control the brain and we don't use logic. You will have a series of epiphanies as you go about this journey which will change you as a person.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4X5q1od1v9U

Oct 7
When I say making peace with them I don't mean accepting things you don't like. I mean understanding how stuff works so you can get closer to what you want without looking like monster the whole time. A neurotypical person already feels whole – they got validated appropriately in childhood. When we don't get validation or learn how to validate as child, we learn other ways of how to inappropriately validate ourselves: Victimhood, seek attention.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4X5q1od1v9U

Oct 7
Seeking sympathy, seeking attention, we learn if you give – people like you more because we need your approval so badly. To know that we approve ourselves we'll do whatever we can we'll keep doing it, to try and fill that. A neurotypical person already knows that they're good enough to exist. They already know that they have value. They already know that their opinion matters. They don't have to prove it to you. To prove they're right.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4X5q1od1v9U

Oct 7
They understand if you were to accept my opinion that doesn't mean you love me. Two people can love each other and have a different opinion. Neurotypical person does not feel a need to do things for other people to feel differently about themselves. They might care enough about you to do something for you so you feel better. Authentic giving, authentic selflessness. They have emotional permanence. They trust. No need to prove themselves to feel loved
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4X5q1od1v9U

Oct 7
I want to make distinction – you are allowed to get angry and you're allowed to be mad. That is not a symptom. The irrational over-reactive rage is the symptom. There's a difference between the two. And often when you are experiencing that type of rage, it's important to remember that you could have just been mad. And done a better job at getting what you want. Anger masks pain. You're in pain because something has gone wrong. Rage is not productive
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4X5q1od1v9U

Oct 7
You could be happy with a lot of people but that's not the point. The point is that you have to be happy with yourself. And one of the ways to be happy with yourself is by checking yourself. I have to step outside of my body and look myself in the argument and say what do I look like to the outside world right now. To this person in front of me screaming at trying to get me understand. And be honest, will you get what you want doing that?
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4X5q1od1v9U

Oct 7
You don't know it yet but the world needs you for stuff. And what you do will be dramatically different than what I do or any one of us does. But we're all meant to do stuff to make the world better place. It's about what you can offer to the world authentically. We have a lot of talents, intelligence, a lot of problem solving capabilities, a lot of skills, love to give. One thing that we don't have is direction. Comes as you resolve this journey.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4X5q1od1v9U

Oct 7
Nobody gets accustomed or adjust to being harmed and betrayed. We get harmed each time. If you've been insulted 1000 times, 1001st still hurts. It may not have the same kind of shock and emotional impact it had the first time or even the first 100 times. But it still hurts. Many survivors of narcissistic abuse asks why can't I just get used to it. Radical acceptance central to healing frankly raises lots of other issues-is meant to lift self blame, untangle
🟥 DoctorRamani
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9Rj_H3HtEY

Oct 7
I see you tomorrow? You ain't go home and ..
- No, not tonight.
- But you want to. For real?
- Yeah. I do. But if it makes you feel any better, I can't do it myself. Because you'd be ashamed of me. Crazy right?
- It's probably the least crazy thing about you.
🎞️ Lethal Weapon

Oct 7
🇬🇱 Greenland's Wild West

 

Oct 7
🇬🇱 Greenland's Wild West

 

Oct 8
Discipline doesn't mean punishment in this scenario. Discipline means adherence to the activities and behaviors which of most likely are to get you closest to your goal. Outcome that you want. Changing perspective – one of the core essential constituents of getting to remission. Reason why a lot of therapy fail don't work because they focus heavily to target skills. Skills are good in the moment but don't change your perspective on triggers.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MrnEySPDC0

Oct 8
You learning how to mitigate the emotion that you have when you feel disrespected for example will not going to stop you from feeling disrespected in the future – but a perspective change will. It's very difficult to remember even all the skill in the moment and difficult to practice them. And you fall back to the bottom and start over again. Perspective change would put permanently triggers at rest. I'd be hang up to what I'd lose.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MrnEySPDC0

Oct 8
You can't take your stress on someone else. It doesn't help to give pain to someone else. No matter how much you want them to understand you, they'll never understand you. And even if they close to it to feel some of the pain and you properly explain it to them – you're not going to feel any better ultimately. Because the pain will continually regenerate for you. That something else missing to disrespect, unheard, unimportant, good enough.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MrnEySPDC0

Oct 8
We don't want to think we are at fault because we have such a fragile sense of self – we can't take heat most of the time, so the first initial coping mechanism is usually passing the blame for something or someone else in the world. But that's ultimately unproductive – let's say this person is really at fault – they still can't fill that cannon ball size hole in your chest. That hole stays no matter how much they say they love you, or paint victim picture.
🟥 Sensitive S.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MrnEySPDC0

Oct 8
No matter how many times you paint the picture that you're the victim – I know we hate that word, that is one of the hurdles we have to get over that victimhood mentality. Not easy, it was the only way we learned to get the affection that we so desperately desire. You learn that when you're a very little kid. When you can paint the picture that something has happened to you which is unfair or wrong that other people will comfort you.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MrnEySPDC0

Oct 8
And because you didn't get the validation or comfort often times or learn how to do that yourself when you were young, that carries over into adulthood. We simply find masterful very intelligent ways to lace that kind of sympathy-seeking into our lives. It is not conscious decision, it's just a survival tactic that developed in the background, no sense of feeling shame over something you had no control over, materialized naturally on its own.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MrnEySPDC0

Oct 8
Better to focus on solution. Because we don't want to feel like the victim and we don't want to look like victim and other people look at us like the victim, and that's how they start to look at us, complainer. When you try to figure out what perspective changes you might need – best place to start: where you complain the most. Where hot spots are. What needs fix in your life- you'll instantaneously come up with answer, but probably not what you like
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MrnEySPDC0

Oct 8
Change doesn't have to be the same for everybody. Which is another reason I hated cookie cutter programs I was trying to get out of this – it's because all of the skills and ideas were universal. But one of the reason we feel so misunderstood is due to the uniqueness of how this manifests. You're so angry that partner can't show you love. They are not built on your frame. There's no sense to be upset about it.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MrnEySPDC0

Oct 8
We only call BPD condition in the negative light because of the negative coping mechanisms that were attached to it. But if you're mining gold you're going to have to get a little dirty and get rid of undesirable stone around it. Doesn't make gold less valuable. You cannot make somebody happy. You can share happiness but not force them. You can't force someone to admit truth or gain awareness. You guide them. If there's no improvement-not worth it.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MrnEySPDC0

Oct 8
“How can I stop putting people on pedestal” You do it because you think this person if they return the love, that you will finally be good enough. The problem is not being able to validate yourself, to feel good enough yourself, to like yourself, to know who you are to have value, purpose, self-esteem and self-confidence, and self-respect and dignity. Without those things you will seek it from other people. Love measured incorrectly to obtain it.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MrnEySPDC0

Oct 8
We think if I give so much, if I just get this person to love me, I will be good enough. Reason to stop it – it is uncomfortable for them a lot of the times, for you, biggest reason would be resentment that you build as you see the rest of the world not care for you as you care for them. But you have to be able to put yourself on a pedestal. Get to a place where you like yourself enough to treat yourself like somebody you actually care about.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MrnEySPDC0

Oct 8
The more you treat yourself right the less you'll worry so much about pleasing other people. Because getting accepted by people we think matter tends to matter more than accepting ourselves. You can't fix angry partner yourself. They have to legitimately live for worth fighting for that they see valuable– and that can't be you and it can't be person. Is he in denial? What got him in nihilistic state is perpetuate failure that we curate without realizing it.
🟥 Sensitive S.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MrnEySPDC0

Oct 8
I'm not saying we're at fault for everything cause that's the mentality that we have. Where we have to be at fault for it. We're accountable and responsible for making changes–that is on productive side. But that takes perspective change where you start understanding that blame has really no useful qualities in this. You're not looking at the variables. Some variables are in your control, some are out of your control. Some may be influenced. Modified
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MrnEySPDC0

Oct 8
Can people that have endured the abuse mimic signs of someone with BPD? - Yes there is trauma bond and you can experience it as neurotypical without BPD whatsoever. You can adopt, learn them coping mechanisms with someone long enough  you will adopt their personality traits – personality disorder, transferring thing is very common. The more likely you will become. BPD takes the center stage, all attention not noticing other condition for years.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MrnEySPDC0

Oct 8
📊 Social anxiety spectrum

Oct 8

Oct 8
I plan to have Republican in my Cabinet. Cause I don't feel burdened by letting pride in a way of a good idea.
🔤 Kamala Harris on “The View”

Oct 9
We don't just have fear of abandonment. I'm not just worried. I am also creating all those worlds where they are actually leaving. I'm simulating futures that are almost always from a negative slant, a negative perspective. That's a terrible way to live. Joy and peace become almost non-existent. You do that for enough time and you start to build up that apathy, nihilism. Feelings that there is no point, it ends up same way. We allow BPD to completely control our lives.
🟥
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blsqvLDLoHs

Oct 9
When I say control our mind, it's really control our emotions that are infiltrating our brain and controlling our mind. The emotions that come from not feeling good enough. Every scenario – whether it involved partner, family member, friend, teacher, supervisor, at work, at road, whatever – it was plagued with this kind of paranoia that I would always end up looking stupid. Paranoid what the people next to me thought.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blsqvLDLoHs

Oct 9
In reality whenever I'd make a quick glance at them I'd notice that they usually weren't looking at me at all. But that's not what was going on in my head. The possible perception of any judgment or any type of disappointment in me from any other human being even strangers that I had no idea who they were and turns out they weren't even looking at me. But that idea that they might be judging me would control and manipulate my life, how I interact by myself.
🟥 Sensitive S.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blsqvLDLoHs

Oct 9
When I am by myself in my own car. It would change the type of music I was listening to. It would change basically all of my actions. And all my thoughts too. Which takes away from all of the other thoughts that you could be having. Which might be worth and positive. You have a lot of things in life you could improve upon. People like us are born with ability to problem solve. That is why you're in this position at all.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blsqvLDLoHs

Oct 9
Because very early some bad things happened and your mind took over and said I'm going to protect this person. I'm going to protect myself. I'm going to put these mechanisms in place to solve this problem so that I'm never hurt again. That's why it is happening to you! You just haven't taken the time to try and retrain yourself with new problem solving, new solutions. You're stuck with solutions that “work” since childhood. Temporary band-aid.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blsqvLDLoHs

Oct 9
You need to learn how to problem solve because problems are everywhere. I would get anxiety leaving my house, thinking about leaving my house. I'd be looking out of windows before I'd go to my car if there was a hint of some neighbor out there and I thought I might talk to them – and I was worried about their perception of me. Them judging me, me looking stupid, me saying something dumb then asking me a question. I had no idea how to answer. I'd wait for them to go away.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blsqvLDLoHs

Oct 9
I would position my car to a red light to not have to be next to people. If there was any type of test or work situation that was meant to validate me as a person, type of exam where I thought there was going to be extra criticism or extra judgment, it would control my entire life. Usually I'd also procrastinate to avoid all things terrifying to me. Which made my problem worse. More anxiety that build because you have no plan. We avoid plan, we avoid situations altogether
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blsqvLDLoHs

Oct 9
When you have BPD that voice is aggressive, it's meaner to you. It won't say this bad is warm, pillow is soft, you can lay here longer, you deserve it. It'll say you don't deserve anything in life, you're worthless, what's the point of getting out of the bed, why even try, nobody cares anyway, you don't make a difference in the world, nobody likes you. Have a plan to solve this apathy and nihilism that we are trapped in when we have BPD.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blsqvLDLoHs

Oct 9
Apathy happens over time. It builds up. It's very hard to get out of that type of mentality. Then I realized it's okay to do things for other people. But you have to do them for other people for the right reasons. Because other people deserve the best version of you. And it's really selfish to be born with the gifts, skills, talents and the passion and all the favorable features of borderline to just squander them and to live in self-pity.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blsqvLDLoHs

Oct 9
We can't really talk about our dreams because it is boring – I know everything you dream, you know what I dream so it's all the same, there is nothing to talk about. There's no growth. Opposition creates growth. Differences create memories, create fun, joy, happiness is shared – when it's interesting, exciting, entertaining. The root of this condition is not feeling good enough, having no sense of self. "I'm broken, crazy, it's all my fault".
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blsqvLDLoHs

Oct 9
There's a lot of different things that happen all throughout the day that are building up to this place where we feel like we're attacked. We feel like not good enough. We take those things and turn it into our explosive moment to expel energy, drain the tank. But now it will fill again with guilt, blame, shame , embarrassment, fault of which will keep us trapped in the cycle even longer. Break the cycle by you being cognizant what's been building up
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blsqvLDLoHs

Oct 9
Riggs, you can hide in the office, you can hide in the bottle, you can shoot your TV, get high - whatever. You don't have to talk to me. But did you talk to anyone?
🎞️ Lethal Weapon

Oct 9
You heard her, she wouldn't kiss me if I was the last boy on Earth.
- And you believed that?
- You think she was lying?
- Of course, she was.
🎞️ Little House: Look Back to Yesterday (1983)

Oct 9
What's it like knowing you're going to die?
- Well, at first, I was scared and angry. But, you know, once I started to think about my life I found that I had made myself some really wonderful memories. You know, things that I had done. All the good times. All the good friends. And, you know, the best thing about it all is that they all took place right here. ’Cause there's no better place on God’s Earth. Just don't waste the time you have on it.
🎞️ Little House: Look Back to Yesterday (1983)

Oct 9
Just go out and have a good time. Make yourself lots of good friends. You see, that way when it's your time to look back and find your memories, you'll see that you won't be scared or angry either.
🎞️ Little House: Look Back to Yesterday (1983)

Oct 9
Madonna watching and reacting to war clips from ex-Yugoslavia on French TV in early 1990s.
🎞️ In France With Madonna

Oct 10
How we get trapped living for the weekend. Which makes the week itself much more unpleasant. One of the reasons we have such hard time during the week because we are not enjoying life during week. We're going to jobs that we hate, we're doing stuff we don't like, that we feel forced to do. That is kind of entire crux of BPD problem anyway. Even if some of our coping mechanisms are inappropriate we still feel forced to do them.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egIFGTRoFMM

Oct 10
When you have BPD weekends become place where you might be able to express yourself more, you're not at work. Most of my episodes and splits would happen at weekend. How difficult we make everyday life when you have BPD everything becomes such a big deal. A drive to work is a trigger zone, conversation by water cooler, what boss has to say to you is trigger zone. How well your peers at work are doing – everything is trigger zone.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egIFGTRoFMM

Oct 10
After remission there are still tough times, things that can go wrong. Before remission we're shooting so much for perfection, we forget that life is tough in general. But you are better able to curate better perspective, there is no reason why going to work has to be such torture. No reason why you can't enjoy your drive to work, breakfast. Big project doesn't mean that everything in life has to have joy sucked out of it.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egIFGTRoFMM

Oct 10
You could change your personality traits. You can change how you look at yourself, how you look at everybody else. It does require some reconditioning though, it's not something that just clicks into place. Usually you have some work, arrive at the epiphanies, which we call growth. You do different behavior that you would normally do, and you get rewarded for it. Other times things you have to do are very scary or uncomfortable.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egIFGTRoFMM

Oct 10
It's easier to stay trapped in a place where less is required from you, or you are the victim. And then you have to do less. It took me a lot of different tries to find something I actually enjoy it 90% of time. I took my normal victim mentality that came with BPD and I gave it a life that would allow me to manipulate my environment and get out whatever I want. I allowed myself to believe I was entitled to that irresponsibility, my comfort.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egIFGTRoFMM

Oct 10
Label – high school teacher, costume you put on – that's when you start becoming trapped in a place where you never figure out who you really are. And you don't feel satisfied when you don't know who you are. It's important to figure out what your identity is. There's a real you deep down. Not understanding who that is entirely and being so fragile. You could pick things that you want to be. Pick someone great, sacrifice for other for right reason, provider.
🟥 Sensitive S
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egIFGTRoFMM

Oct 10
If someone says something passive-aggressive to me I take a step back before I speak, usually if I don't know what to say. And I think why they might be saying what they're saying or doing. Each person seeks some level of comfort, some level of security, happiness and joy. Most of the time people are not trying specifically to be evil. Even people who have very malicious intent I spend the time thinking why. What is it that they want.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egIFGTRoFMM

 Oct 10
When I relate to them, I'm less angry. When I understand them better I'm less upset. When I take time to put in the work, empathy, my outcome's always better. What I have to say makes more sense, and it's easier to say and it's productive. Because we all have something we want out of our arguments. Previously we would be do actions which would push us far from what we want. Changing how you do stuff get you where you want to be.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egIFGTRoFMM

Oct 10
You need to be accountable for that you owe. Where are you accountable? You may need to use some other skills to figure that out. Things like objective analysis. Without your own biased opinion. Or having real actual empathy that you don't let your biased opinion taint. Start asking yourself why somebody is doing something. You tell “they were upset but they shouldn't be upset”  You stole it from them. In mind you think why they did something.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egIFGTRoFMM

Oct 10
You couldn't just let them talk. Even in your own mind. That's how tough it is with BPD. It's very hard in the heat of the moment. It is ironic because we know what people are feeling far before they feel it. But when we are triggered and go to emotional state where we're making mistakes, disruption, episodes and splits, difficult to have right empathy for them. We're more concerned about right fighting.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egIFGTRoFMM

Oct 10
Isolation – you're still carrying pain, suffering. Now you have additional suffering and pain of I'm alone. Happiness is best when shared, Positive interpersonal relationships and happiness with other people. That's what generates joy, satisfaction with someone's life. Focus on why I can't take criticism. Why I always feel not good enough. The bar is set really high, you don't know how to meet it. Parents having skills to validate you, you wouldn't have this problem.
🟥 S.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egIFGTRoFMM

Oct 10
It's not parent's fault either. That's the problem. We keep wanting it to be somebody's fault because then we know. There's a difference between symptoms and features. Severe lack of accountability is like jealousy, favorite person complex–they're paradigms. Why we lack accountability. We associate being accountable being blamed, at fault. In beginning we were in such invalidating environment, at fault all the time, felt wrong like victim. Displaced us from accountability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egIFGTRoFMM

Oct 10
It would ingrain itself into the most deepest crevices of my life and I would not even realize it. I would be jealous over anybody else's success because the attention wasn't on me. If attention wasn't on me, I didn't feel good enough. But no amount of external validation like that will ever fill you the way you need to be filled. You will keep pursuing it because you'll find people who'll love bomb hell out of you and feel good for a month.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egIFGTRoFMM

Oct 10
Everything became a contest whether I was good enough. That kind of living creates world that is uncomfortable for everyone. And then you look like insecure, unsupportive, controlling, manipulative person, there is no reward there. You have to be okay with other people sometimes don't agree with you. The end. And have respect for that opinion. Not everybody is going to like you, stay with you. We are all different, that is reality.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egIFGTRoFMM

Oct 10
And you have to be tolerant to some extent because other people are not the same as you. Moving houses, it is also changing jobs, changing partners, changing friends, changing interests, groups, affiliations, religions, political parties – all of it is a mechanism you don't know who you are, and you are trying to latch onto things to fill your identity – and the other side of that is running from the past. Belief that fresh start is the answer.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egIFGTRoFMM

Oct 10
That it won't be the same as old memories. “This is a new version of you”. I'd often rearrange my office and furniture to make it look new again so that I could have a new life. Because I was so disappointed about everything I done. Next chapter. But here is the problem – you can run all you want, but the demons are just going to keep chasing you. All your problems come with you. You have to understand, intervene, stop cycle.
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egIFGTRoFMM

Oct 10
We think when we will be in remission that everything will be perfect. No. Everything will be neurotypical. Neurotypical people have problems, dilemmas, emotions, crisis,issues. When you stop behaving inappropriately and having these negative coping mechanisms, you still have to deal with life. We should not aim for perfect. Just be aiming for improvement. And that never stops. What can I do better today, than yesterday. If I've been insensitive:Why?
🟥 Sensitive Stability
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egIFGTRoFMM

Oct 10

Oct 10
:transgender: RuPaul's Drag Race Global All Stars

Oct 10
You know, it just makes me so mad when somebody makes you feel so bad you can’t tell 'em how you really feel about them.
🎞️ Little House: The Last Farewell (1984)

Oct 10
⚽ Italia - Belgio

 

🎃