Retort

Without self worth you cannot defend yourself by voicing out the obvious..

 by words:

  "You are not helping."

"You are being rude."

 "You are being hysterical."

 "Stop it."

"What did I do to upset you?" 

"I don't know"

 "What you expect from me to do or know?"

 "How am I suppose to know this" 

 "What makes you god to order me around or tell me what is correct since you obviously never said it before" 

"Why is this my responsibility?"

"I have followed all of x's regulations to the best of my ability."

"Meh!"

"I disagree with you."

"I agree partly with you." 

"You are being paranoid."

"I am doing this for the first time, I cannot know it as someone experienced"

"It was your fault for not explaining it to me."

"It's your stuff, not mine."

"I just want to work here, my focus is task - not gossip/paranoia/bias."

"No, you can't." 

"I don’t care." 

"What you say/do is insidious form of abuse"

"Enough"

"I will not you let me treat me this way "

"You are having inappropriate outbursts of anger"

"You are being jealous of me/my success/being better than you in handling people/problem"

"No, what you are saying/doing is devaluation"

"You feel fake, worthless, inept so you want to feel good by hurting other people"

"What do you want (from me)?"

"I'll do it better next time"

"What is going on with you? What is going on in your head?"

"Is it ok to create drama because of my mistake?

"It does not give you right to scream"

"You have no right to abuse/ yell/ scream"

"Is it true? Is it 100% true? Would I prove that in court of law? Would the whole world agree upon that?"

"Maybe you're the problem."

"You have serious mental problem hidden with hysteria and hate and treating people like crap" "You are sick"

"What you are doing is sick, abnormal, normal people do not do this"

"It takes two to make it all go right
But with you, it's always my fault"

"Unfortunately I am not able to make it."
"Thank you, but unfortunately i cannot make it today."

"Don't talk to me in that tone" (Joan Crawford, Queen bee 1955)

"That's not helping"

"That's not really what happened, this is what happened....
You are out of line when you do this thing!
This really hurt me!
I'm sorry I can't talk right now, we can talk later."

"Is it so?" (YT Engaging Conflict in the Moment with Megan Price)

"It's not my fault"

"I can't"

"You are not being fair"

"I'm hurt"

"In my current state, it would take too much time"

"Easy for you to say, I'm physically unable to do this"

Say "i am not going to engage in this conversation."

"Whatever"

"I'll check those facts"

"I wish I could see it that way, but I don't.
I see you sound so disappointing, that must be very uncomfortable
Does it worry you, it doesn't worry me.
If you feel that, I can't change that.
I am not all knowing.
Do you believe it was done on purpose? I don't remember having that purpose."

"I don't appreciate you talking to me like that"

"Don't talk to me that way/like that"

Disagreements are fine, disrespect is not.

(Choosing therapy):
“Your Anger Is Not My Responsibility”
“I Can’t Control How You Feel About Me”
“I Hear What You’re Saying”
“I’m Sorry You Feel That Way”
“Everything Is Okay”
“We Both Have a Right to Our Own Opinions”
“I Can Accept How You Feel”
“I Don’t Like How You’re Speaking to Me so I Will not Engage”
 “I Am not Going to Argue Anymore” / I Am not Going to Argue With You
“I am Capable of Doing What I Want Regardless of What you Think”
“I Understand”
“We Can Agree to Disagree”
“I See Where You Are Coming From”
”I Want to Share how I Feel”
“Your Perspective Is Interesting”
“Can We Aim to be Respectful in our Conversation?”

 "I must politely decline." (Squirrel Cottage)

"Ask what the facts are? Tell me about the facts. What are you basing that feeling on? " (Lisa Romano)

"You really hurt my feelings" (Dr. Nicole LePera)

"That's interesting"- roll off the shoulder, care more about miracle than ego, greater than offense (Hour of Power)

"you wouldn't interrupt in middle of conversation, basic civility" (Barack Obama)

"It sounds great, and I can't make it this time."
"I'm not comfortable with that."
"no."
"I disagree and am not looking for feedback." (LePera)

Tell me the facts (The Two Faces of Dr. Jekyll)

No amount of evidence will ever persuade an idiot.
Mark Twain

"Mind your business and shut up" (Monkey Business, 1952)

"I don't wanna talk about it anymore. I don't wanna look at you anymore. Get out of here." (Mannequin 1937)

Proud Triumphant 💊, TWITTER: Normalize saying “I don’t know enough to have an opinion.”

Leave me alone!

“This conversation is no longer serving us in a healthy manner, so I will remove myself from it.” (@maliquedlewis)

With sincerity - “Hey are you ok?” (@WealthInc247)

I disagree
Maybe...
Yes, but...
You have a point, but...

"I don't like people talking to me like that." (Wilde 1997)

"I agree" (Nice factor book)

- Stop being so sensitive.
- Why don't you stop being so insensitive. (Lisa Romano)

When they accuse me of not knowing “how to take a joke,” I look at them and say,” The problem here is that you can’t tell one and just don’t know it.” (Brian YT)

"Excuse me I have a really dumb question." (Hour of Power/Don’t Wish it Was Easy, Wish You Were Wiser)

I'm not able to help you right now

normalize saying “it’s really none of your business” when people ask personal questions. (Jennii twitter)

Completely walk away. I'm done with this conversation, I'll speak to you at another time or whatever. (Stephanie Lyn Coaching)

@nicholecampbell1451
3 weeks ago (edited)
My new favorite response is "oh, you're confused. What you think about this isn't any of my business. That's all your business." The looks, and DEAD SILENCE I'm getting are priceless.

@gladyshoney
3 weeks ago (edited)
I LOVE THIS, the pure math of the situation: "Regardless of what you think of me, I'm 100% fine with the choices I make in this."

"I don't remember asking for your opinion." and then walk away.

--

@lindateuling7862
3 days ago
When confronted by somebody who doesn't understand choices that I make that are different from what he or she would make, I found that the best answer is just to say, "That's ok; you don't have to understand."  Another answer for when someone tries to make me do things his or her way is: "I do things my way because that's what I was given to work with."

-

 predictably,  she was 'sorry for making me feel bad'. I told her this wasn't about me, that I was calling out HER behavior. (egrace3738)

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 If you can’t take it don’t dish it. (YT @ChelleInTheCity)
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YT 1RPJacob:

Basically say back to narc person what they say to you:
"I'm sorry you feel that way"
"If I need your advice I will ask" / "Don't you know that It's very rude and stupid to give unsolisted advice without being asked"
"I'm very worry about your mental health"
"You should see a doctor"
"I disagree with you"
"Normal people I know don't behave like you"
"You must calm down or I won't speak to you"
"You are very emotional"

-

Meech
@MediumSizeMeech
Not arguing with people in 2024, I’m just gonna say “it makes sense that you would think that”

-

"I would have done what you wanted if you'd actually said what you wanted!"

"I see it differently" "That doesn't work for me". "That's not something I want". "I am not sure I agree"  🟥 Meadow DeVor

"You're embarrassing yourself" Meadow DeVor

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Where you look at them, and they say something to you, that you know it's not true, they're being abusive where you can at least look away and internally say that is not true. Once you get strong enough you can start saying to them No. RICHARD GRANNON 

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"No need for tone, pal" (The Simpsons comics #159 2009)

by instruction:

• quietly direct conversation toward defining and solving problems
• You can forgive someone and not tolerate their behaviour.
• When you are dysregulated and c-ptsd has hold of your thinking, you're never in charge of what you are thinking about, trying to stop or calm down creates more anxiety and fears
  
• when I pathologize my reaction, even when my reaction is wrong - I am destroying my self worth
• hypnosis, where I am lead by triggers controlled by other people. Compulsive reactive state. So anybody can cause anything within you. That I must explain myself and defend myself against criticism and judgement and overcompensate to show as strong leads to inferiority complex.
• toxic critics target innocent & natural mistakes, inner or external out of control flaws and lack of knowledge as catastrophe and they perceive it as paranoid personal attack
• Classical CBT instructs me to fight avoidance and focus on panic symptoms. Instead I accept my natural reactions, stop trying to appear strong & masculine, stop seeking external acceptance, approval & validation
• I will feel bad, guilty, ashamed and wrong even when I do the right thing due to toxic shame.
• I may protest, I may argue, I may demand. I may refuse. Break the ice express my needs
• The aggressive person sees me as aggressive, they are hypnotized with borderline mentality where they are superior, and my mistakes, flaws and lack of data is unacceptable to them. The retort ought to wake them up from coma and realize they are tyrannical, unforgiving by voicing their hysteria and paranoia that they do, say and act
• Get unstuck, shift focus, move on, take action
  
• You can respond, do not react.
• Whoever controls the people's fears becomes master of their souls.
• Put your foot down
• Remember who you are
• People pleasing, rearranging - It is time you will never get back again.
• Understand that i was not mistake. Stop hating who I was.
• How would I deal, handle and manage toxic person who is criminally insane out in free, near me?
• Detect and define their wrongdoings and voice it thus break the ice
  
• I tend to shut up defining voicing their wrongdoings in order not to hurt them. That is wrong, that is trauma bonding, that is programming to be subservient, I do not break the ice
• Manipulative, narcissistic person will respond to my accusations with ad hominem, commands and orders (usually that I stop by pinpointing my "mistakes, flaws or ignorance" such as I am annoying aggressive to them although I never attacked them, instead of admitting it or at least being confused
• Have disagreement and still care. Care in the form of blocking them, so when they are in their hysterical aggressive phase that I am not near them
• rationalizes why they're angry at you, they think it is completely justified
• Declining, rejecting obligation, mistake will not dim our worth, I am worthy even when I say no
• In unsafe environment if you are authentic, you get hurt
• I will always f things up, no matter what I do or don't do
• Unstuck, shift focus, take activity, new activity. Unstuck = bounce back after acting out
• Voicing out the elephant in the room, pinpointing abusive behaviour with borderliners: distorted self image, mood swings, unstable relationships, fear of abandonment, impulsive, self-injury, risky behaviour, feeling of emptiness (they fill it with sarcasm, bias, mocking), suicidal threats, suspicious, inappropriate anger
• Assertive: you have the right to offer no reason or excuse for your behaviour
  Assertive: You have the right to choose if you want to find solution for other people's problems
  Assertive: you have the right to change your mind
  Assertive: you have the right to make mistake
  Assertive: you have the right to say I do not know
  Assertive: you have the right to say I do not care
• Co-regulation - being peacemaker, interpret fawning as diplomacy and help to unfortunate
• "When determining bad vibes and detecting toxic people, be sure to confirm that YOUR insecurities aren't giving off the vibes"
• Don't be afraid to lose people
• find reaction to abuse in a manner that is socially tolerable
• toxic intrusive behaviour is - it is the source of their validation and sometimes even income
• to turn social skills down and minimize it in some cases
• due to errors on both sides, the only thing i can trust is voice inside me and Toxic people will target this voice- they will react hysterically to it, i have to expect the rage reaction
• toxic people are hysterical because they feel small, they are jealous on our success so they minimize it and mock it, criticize it for that reason
• when I have enough experience with toxic people, and voice it - toxic environment will over-react and attack and be aggressive, I need to expect this in order not to react to it - see their roar it as wounded lion
• There is double binding - If I retort, I will experience cruelty due to narc injury: however I need to know if I shut up and self censor, I will experience moral injury and trauma due to not saying anything and this will create more fears of being stuck
• Point is to be aware of deception as part of life. And I need to know how to retort to deception.
• See abuse and trauma and bad experience as stream of extremely valuable data: when I learn about it and learn how to deal with it in the future. PureOCD is brain's attempt to process moral injury and learn from it.
• When I have this experience, toxic environment will react since I will trigger their mask, hidden injury
• let them see it as rude, let them have it.
• be humble
• each time you feel tempted to modify your behaviour in order not to offend narcissist, you participate in your own conditioning
• query what are their demands and state clearly what they can get
• Listen for entitlement type of triggers, throw entitlement back
• Very slight changes in the initial conditions can produce large changes in the behaviour of the solutions. This means start prepared. Deliberately remember to act calmly without hysteria minutes before going out there.
• Say who cares. One of best thing we can o to speak life and love over people who reject us.
• voicing out other's mistakes, flaws and ignorance is not evil, it is for their own good
• Rehearse your exit
• education, collecting data, gathering facts
• remind other person who is hysterical that communication works when it is kind
• Explain: we are in hypervigilance mode all the time. This restricts us from many options that we would otherwise take. We already did everything humanly possible not to make mistake. Other people would do half of it.
• It is abnormal to be tyrannical and not listen to someone's side of story. If they do not listen they turn around and walk away - that is not fair, voice it out
• Why not tell other person that he is displaying sick behaviour. That person's behaviour is adversely affecting the mental well being of other people. Do that without violence.
• ignore
• what kind of damage can they do
  what are my rights and what i am entitled
• If they are hysterical - they are being delusional, I am not rude nor have agenda.
• I need retort that I am not rude nor aggressive
• False belief that toxic person will be intelligent and that they will invest time to think about what happened and that they will found out on their own they were unreasonable
• toxic people hate transparency and truth - and they will be hysterical at anything we do. CBT explains that if we feel discomfort when criticized - that this is delusion. Toxic people will make us feel uncomfortable all the time - since we will sniff their criminal behaviour. CBT instruct us to fawn when toxic people are toxic and this makes us passive and taken advantage of
• my definition of what means good person is distorted. Change the definition.
  
• I will think that other person will feel embarrassed if I speak up their wrongdoings to them. Will they?
• I falsely see my opinion or action as evil - even when other person is evil and is doing evil. Challenge this. I see fawning as the only option to solve this dilemma
• What kind of person does that pushes shame spiral off
• how open can and honest I am allowed to be?
• With retort I am expressing me being independent, that I ask for what I want. If other person protest - their feelings are not important since they are manipulating me into guilt and shame and to fawn to their needs.
• be vulnerable, don't hide it, show it. Give them enough material, exaggerate it. Hiding secrets and being ashamed of them is narcissism. People who mock it are sick and abnormal.
• normal people are not intrusive, they do not engage in ad hominem, they respect boundaries, unwritten social rules
• How much does it matter if you are not nice
• recognize you cannot take responsibility for their behaviour
• Fight as if you are right; listen as if you are wrong.
• You gotta understand the bully does not want to pick a fight. The bully wants to pick on someone they think won't fight back. Bully wants easy target. IF you look like confident, sound like challenger – that might be enough to get out.
• stand tall, be loud, make your self as big as you can and yell as loud as you can.
• able to have difficult conversations, disagreeing with others without hating them. 
• Just because they asked, it doesn't mean you have to tell them.
• Let them think whatever they want to think (Lisa Romano)
• stay off from you statements, they will bite you back
• They must have bad day, I still love myself.
• Your beliefs are the only things holding you back
• Put the responsibility where it belongs
• don't unmask covert narcissists, run
• If you say no to someone and they get angry...It doesn't mean you should of said yes.
• I refuse to fuse with them,  I am not them, they are not me. I don't control nor cause their thoughts or feelings (Jerry Wise)
• "respond with kindness"
• walk away
• call them out on their behaviour
• check with them
• Not gossiping, not talking what someone else meant, it creates amount of distortion, you have certain attitude, amplifies drama (TheHappySensitive)
• I am not intimidating you are intimidated. There is a difference. I am not taking too much space, you're just used in people playing small. My inner light is not too bright, you're just used in dimming your own. I am not mean nor aggressive, I am honest and assertive and that makes you uncomfortable. And I do not make you uncomfortable, my presence challenges your comfort. I will be not less for you for you to feel better about yourself. (Nurse Lindy)
• Show up, be present, jump in
• Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
  A liar will get mad at you for knowing the truth.
• say total nonsense. This will freeze them briefly. (winningcommunication)
• Everything is contextual. (YT Embrace everything)
• You can disagree with absolutely everything someone is saying, but you can still validate them.
  James W. Williams
• open, frank and inhibited (A King In New York (1957))
• What will help right now? (YT Mike Allen De-escalation Techniques)
• "If someone is giving you a hard time, try agreeing with them. That's it, simply agreeing with them. If they say you're hopeless, agree with them "you're probably  right, I am". Your intention here is to stop them trampling all over you and leave them with no place to go." (Nice factor book)
• Toxic people trigger constant hypervigilance. Then we end up being offended by everything and too serious: someone who cannot laugh at themselves and is constantly offended
• Stay away from people who think communicating is arguing. (Moral philosophy)
• abandon all sincere communication when communicating with terminally insincere. Don't tell them what you're thinking, feeling, truth about your life, nothing. (Richard Grannon "How to Deal with a Narcissist | 5 Tips")
• If your voice held no power they wouldn't be trying to silence you! (stopworkplacebullying)
• Retort is useless in almost all cases - because the other person is abnormal, alcoholic, toxic. What they say stems from toxicity and overcompensation and superiority complex. It has no value. Retort will matter only if we are cornered and if we are stuck and can not move. Then Retort is not to change the other person nor to cause them harm - but as a self-protection shield that we do not get hurt by them again. If we get in trap of seeing the other person as normal and someone who is able to communicate - we will stay trapped inside Karpman Drama Triangle with endless drama arguing.
• Stop defending yourself. Just be what you are. What's the point of defending yourself to someone that's not going to listen to you anyway (surviving narcissism)
• dictator make decisions for you
• real life situation will not be trauamatic after ifs and learning about self
• i feel panic only when about to do something - it doesn't stay as it appears in my memory
• Make other people a little bit uncomfortable
• Kindness and patience and it will eventually calm down on its own
• You don't have to answer. (The House, 2017)
• Sam Vaknin: no contact
• Sam Vaknin: gray rock - minimal response
  
  
  

Loving yourself enough not to allow someone to verbally abuse you. Don't take in what they say. It doesn't matter what they say. Because if they are inebriated (intoxicated) they're not thinking in clear mind anyway. It have no hold on you.
YT "Dealing with an Abusive Alcoholic"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwtofh6D37E

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