Dualism - or Double Binding

 Dualism examples - or gaslighting/correcting the negative
Double binding means whatever you choose to do, someone will say the opposite and perhaps persuade you off from your right/righteous path, by listening to their false opinion/ belief that is right for them, their persona and karma but it is road to hell.

someone criticize, accuse you as way to correct yourself so I should listen to them	trying to manipulate you for their goal
thinking for yourself	ask others for questions since I do not know all
negative thoughts interrupting	ocd intrusive thoughts
filtering good and bad	keep repeating, not giving up easily
anticipation of an event more stressful than event	expect, plan, trip being more fun than destination
openly talk what bothers me = karen, ego-centric	not being open=codependency, afraid of reaction when talking openly
desire to change others, being authentic, speak up, express myself not to block my energy, as suggested	suggestion is not always and in all situations. people can't be changed. trying to change someone is manipulation and control of others
I must not give up, I must keep trying again	Sunk cost fallacy
Being told I am stubborn	Not being suggestible, not being yes man
"No one likes to be made to appear foolish or to be corrected in front of others - and of course this is just what the aggressive person does."	Being authentic, communicate without any resentment, grudge or pouting
Ignore it, ignore them (well meaning advice but it is paradox)	Ignoring signals our brain to produce intrusive thoughts, later anxiety. Ignoring something brain interprets as danger - thus producing more of it to not ignore.
Confidence - trying to be confident, by overcompensating, proud prodding, accumulating, showing off, competence and perfectionism	Paradox - more I accept my mistakes, errors, slights, everything shameful, anything I cannot change equals to more confidence and feeling confident
speaking exactly what he thinks, find faults with everything - gives impression of strong, aggressive, alpha male	whiner, insecure
being coward - as label/ judging person by default, core shaming	being interdependent and choose "coward" aspects for the sake of peace
I want quick fix, one solution to handle all problems (easier, lazier way out), Aristotelian step-by-step instructions, labelling	taking all things in consideration, avoid copy-paste mentality, employ fuzzy logic
Victimhood, manipulation	Emotional wounds that others cannot see
Need to respect myself through scorning my faults	Respect is paradox-it means we are being ok with faults (something that is not respectful)
When your measurement of 'good enough' is based on external factors such as what others think, feel and do=more important than what i think, feel and do=low confidence, codependency, inferiority	cognitive dissonance - facing unknown area that others are describing I interpret as personal attack, being humble and modest instead of aggression proving wrong, ask instead of shut up, discuss instead yell
Pouting, take things too personally, being too sensitive	Someone toxic shaming - ad hominem, attacking person and characteristics that cannot be changed, being cruel, going overboard
Someone holding on to anger as a way to show others off, not considering others impact of it	This is true victimhood and manipulation.
Explanation that speaking openly is not hypocrisy even if it hurt someone	Lacking consideration for others, sociopathy Exploiting quiet ones by fear for their own goals
'Being able to instantly respond with sarcasm within seconds of a stupid question is a sign of a healthy brain.'	'How sarcasm can be a sign of a personality disorder'
Being quiet and less words is encouraged	Without repeating our ideas and concepts other people are left with blank spaces and they'll fill it up with their own illusions and delusions, they'll produce half and wrong definitions
People judging, criticizing, shoulding how one ought be, appear and act	You have to know who you are and be ok with how you show up in the world
The Dunning–Kruger effect and ancient greek philosophers value silence over talkative seen as boasting and mindless chatter	constantly present misunderstandings and miscommunication forces you to talk, silence enforces wrong views and misjudgements
need to react to someone as act of caring and help	There is work for inner child trauma survivor not letting them be responsible for everyone's emotional experiences
Hypervigilance being source of tension and inability to be calm	Hypervigilance help pick cues that other usually miss.
Panic attacks	Triggers/flashbacks
Don't react to narcissist, not giving them power by reacting to them	Until you are courageous enough to value yourself enough to fight for yourself, nobody will stand up for you, people will keep treating you what you accept
ignore toxic people, gray rock, not to give them energy	You never walk away. They know they can keep coming back, you let them. You hard to tell people to stuff it. If you don't tell them that you want them to stop walking over you
Not to react to toxic people, being gray rock, ignore them as the most intelligent response (by Einstein)	This being silent when someone is rude caused me personally a lot of stress - avoidance, cognitive distortions, people pleasing, pushover and giving up from goals, dreams, risks and trying new things
to express yourself, not to censor ys	making excessive rules, controlling people, controlling with mood, expectation
do not state the obvious - it is annoying, 'it is hot'	speak out elephant in the room-not talk: censorship
not people please - being authentic, speaking my mind, saying no, engage in conflict	being able to see multiple dimensions, more angles, including lies, irrationality, madness
What you fight you make stronger.	The longer your fight, the stronger you become
cool people are not scared, they are strong	cool people are people pleasers, approval addicts
inner intuition is powerful, I should listen	Our thoughts lie to us, we shouldn't always believe what we think
you can't control thoughts, and I put judgement, requirements and expectations on them	worries as quick signal there is something to fix or pay attention
you don't need to explain anyone the way you live, if someone judge, don't engage, don't explain	life is designed in such way to constantly ask for help
you never know what is going on in someone's life, use empathy to try understand instead of using hate	ideologist - someone who repeats what someone said, never tested in reality. empathy does not exist in them, they see you as object
assume everyone has good intentions	some people can't be saved because they choose not to be saved, you waste your life on those people
trauma makes me over-react and I fear panic symptoms-view it as triggers and hypervigilance	Panic symptoms are natural, stimuli process, being highly sensitive-view it as neutral
accept and validate myself, so that i trust myself	thought fusion, thoughts lie, anxiety lie
I have to be open, friendly, accepting, see irritations as imaginary fears	Without block, ignore, preferences I am not forming my persona - I'd be NPC Wojak
I have to set boundaries, by criticizing and being honest	Being strong is I lift other people, else is crab mentality
Not having mind of his own, not able to say no	Value harmony, compromise
egocentrism is low iq	remove egocentrism and it is weak, lead to fawn
typo is sign of disrespect of people who read what I write, sign of my laziness and inadequacy	If I allow typo I will allow myself to be authentic, and also care-free, without perfectionism mania and hypervigilance anxiety and thus I allow others to feel safe in expressing themselves as being authentic
Milgram experiment, dangers of groupthink and herd mentality	Common sense, majority knows the best
Social anxiety stigmatized and pathologized as over-reaction, skills must be learned	You cannot teach robot simple tasks, vague decision requires more than logic and input
Weakness is fundamental to be open to unknown, being vulnerable is required to beat toxic shame	Weakness is bad due to no boudaries
You must warn and criticize mistakes, if you shut up others will exploit you, take it as green light to continue abuse	Criticizing is doing damage, especially when in stage of learning - it leads to herd mentality, groupthink and lack of initiative and independent thinking
If you get advice, insight, idea for free you will ignore it or forget about it, since it seems worthless and anyone can get it so it has no perceived value	If you pay the same advice very expensively and-or it is stated by authority or approved by group - you will consider it and stick to it
Tolerate people distrust you, misunderstood you, being too much for them - they may be irritated but I will be pushover if I always go along with demands	If I ignore warnings from people, I will be labelled as pushy, arrogant, narcissistic. In order to form relationship I have to show that I listen to them and have diplomatic skills with them -agree and obey
If I don't say something I will be labelled as pushover, weak and without character	If I state my true opinion - there will always be someone who will hate it and label me as trash
If someone is aggressive, I must react or I will let them show it is ok to treat others like that	If I react I am alarmist, victim, over-sensitive, take things personally
Criticism, nitpicking	Feedback, peer review
Not see wood for a tree- it's good to see big picture	Sometimes it's good to see individual instead of group as scary entity, that everybody's hating me
If I speak my mind I'll be labeled as egocentric, narcissistic, self aborbed	If I quote other people what I find relating to my thoughts, I will be labeled as copier, fake, follower, sheep
If I say something I will be pushy, arrogant, annoy	If I stay silent I will be manipulative, sneaky, agenda
action is healthy	action can lead to misalignment
spoiled brat, narcissistic so be kind and nice	anger creates boundaries and identity
get rid of toxic people immediately to heal	make one mistake and you are rejected
amygdala is responsible for fears and panic	if we remove amygdala, there would be no empathy
I must be strong and express my anger	people talk behind back that's fact. I am seeking validation if I care what they say
I must see pureocd as weird	brain is programmed through abuse, brain runs program, outside of my control
feeling hijacks your decision, behavioural activation override immobility	accept your feelings, pathologizing feelings lead to toxic shame
ruminate, pureOCD is bad	become investigator, sherlock holmes in order to solve mystery, puzzle
solve puzzle in order to learn	narcissists throw puzzles based on their fantasy world in order to gaslight victim with double binds
speak boldly and confidently aggressive how it is, find faults and protest, make noise	being whiner, signals being insecure
cognitive distance can reduce your distress, that knowledge leads to power	self abroption paradox
expression reaction to irritation to dislike is sign of low self worth	i must show my self worth by dislike, if i don't i'll ruin self worth and give power to toxic shame
cbt tells expose, interact to deal with social anxiety	narcissist use love bomb, charm, instrusive-as little interaction as possible, give no personal data
gossip is wrong	getting informed is part of self-advocacy
I must be good and nice always, not showing I care means I am evil	trying to control outcomes is codependency
avoidance - is avpd, disorder, must expose, erp to be healthy and avoid isolation, disorder	no contact with toxic, abusive person
pureOCD, intrusive thoughts, shift focus from them in order to be healthy without obsessions	figuring out to recognize toxic person, abuse, and find ways to retort and learn from abuse to defend
fawning	satyagraha - firmly loving the oppressor, Gandhi
set boundaries	domino effect and butterfly effect, boomerang effect
warn and alarm, be open causes butterfly effect root of evil	ignore the fools, silent and suppressed resentment root of illness
you can't control some things, you can't control people	learned helplessness
Repetition is ritual, routine = OCD	Repetition ReWires the brain so TINY intervals of repetition (aka Consistency) helps us heal.
be in the now, present moment, anxiety is past and future	being in now is shortsighted, I react without plan, this leads to fast decisions based on triggers - which leads to control my future from someone else agenda
we can't control others, fallacy of control, controlling self is toxic shame and not confidence	Control your emotions, it only take seconds to destroy everything you worked hard for
what you are not changing, you are choosing	fallacy of control
freezing, being frozen with fear, paralyzed	patience, being patient
anhedonia inability to feel pleasure	to be stoic, strong, ignore negativity
Isolation is bad for health phy and psy	Avoid people who lower your vibe.
Episodic foresight mentally simulate situations and outcomes	not having long term plan is psychopathy
mentally simulate situations and outcomes is healthy	mentally simulate situations and outcomes is overthinking and PureOCD, CBT's cognitive distortion
authentic person is trying to do is draw boundary against unhealthy people	social anxiety from CBT point of view, being hallucination
inhibition is disorder	disinhibition is disorder
blaming the world	discovering narc abuse which is always hidden
remain calm is power	dissociation is mental sickness
analysis wear away feelings - Mill	analysis is overthinking is OCD worry
one calms grief by recounting it - Corneille	worry is ocd sickness
When people cease to complain they cease to think - Napoleon	complaining is negative disconnecting habit - Glasser
to be free means to be lacking constitutive identity (Ortega)	DSM personality disorder
the future is better dealt with assumptions than forecasts, Ackoff	cognitive distortions worry is wrong
any label for any guilty action, mistake, error is an embarrassment	that is assertiveness, being assertive
insulting someone	protesting against the unfair system
lazy	panicked stricken by fear
Complaining is covert narcissism, entitlement, being Karen, it pushes people away	Narcissists disobeying rules propel you to complain and fix after them to clean and avoid harm to 3rd party
"We don’t have to agree on everything in order to be friends."	"Red Flags are no longer Red Flags for me, they are Dealbreakers."
"If you were unable to be hypnotized, you would also be unable to focus your attention long enough to perform your job, read a book, or carry on a coherent conversation for more than a few minutes. You naturally enter hypnosis every day of your life"	"ADHD is disorder where there is lack of focus and attention"
OCD	Palinoia -  the compulsion to repeat things till they are perfect
borderline meltdown	INFJ intimidating to others and destroying fake people
being too afraid of making mistakes is mistake is victim mentality being helpless	making mistake and being labeled as without empathy and lazy and punished for mistake
be interested in people listener ask question	being socially anxious afraid of people and zoomed onto them for sign of danger
boundaries are important keep people at bay	Michelangelo phenomena
fake mask social	infj chatty persona with small social battery
fe infj to make other people feel good	people pleasing fawning
borderline behavior of noticing what is wrong being sickness and abnormality	infj personality where we advocate for rights
macho, defensive boundaries, walls, cancel culture	One of the signs of intelligence is to be able to accept the facts without being offended.
let others be right, me as peacemaker	fawning people pleaser, being pushover
being private	having secrets
No contact	silent treatment or passive aggression and withholding.
in-group bias	spotlight effect
ethnocentrism	spotlight effect
ocd  pureocd intrusive thoughts	introject, especially abusive power dynamics
feeling other anger as trauma and acoa	infj personality trait
be present in the moment, live day by day	thinking about future like going to university
to be free, accept own emotions, self validate	personal responsibility and critical thinking
self-awareness, self-reflection	overthinking, neuroticism
fawning, people pleasing, pushover	make others feel seen, heard, valued, supported, and loved. People with pretty hearts, open minds, and peaceful souls. The rare gems who make you feel deeply understood, give you complete freedom to be yourself and make you feel beautiful just for being YOU