Mastodon 2024 January

 Jan 1, 2024

We heal through connections with other people. We need connection for survival, for joy, excitement in life.
🟥 Holiday Social Anxiety`
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xrtbBa-y15Y

Jan 1

With Social challenges – my anxiety came back with vengeance. Because what I realized I was just learning to do things despite my anxiety.
🟥  MatTaNg100
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/xWMq5m2dKaQ

Jan 1

New Year 2024 in Paris

 

Jan 1

New Year 2024 in London

Jan 1

🎵 Johann Strauss - 'La chauve-souris' / Die Fledermaus

 

 

Jan 1

You know what's wrong with you, Miss Whoever-you-are? You're chicken . You've got no guts. You're afraid to stick out your chin and say, "Okay, life's a fact." People do fall in love.
People do belong to each other because that's the only chance anybody's got for real happiness. You call yourself a free spirit, a wild thing. And you're terrified somebody's
going to stick you in a cage. Well, baby, you're already in that cage.
You built it yourself.
🎞️ Breakfast at Tiffany's (1961)

Jan 1

🌃 New York - crime statistics

Jan 1

Sky sports mix logo

Jan 2

Many neurodivergents are sensitive to criticism, judgment and rejection. Partially because this is how our brain is wired. And partially because we had to endure this treatment for the entirety of our lives. We are targeted because we don't think or act in a way neurotypicals often expect us to behave. As result we are punished.
🟥 Ableism Causes Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/O9bn6aW9ppw

Jan 3

BPD splitting is black and white thinking going from thinking something is really good to really bad extremely quickly. That can be person, place, thing, an organization – it's very commonly a person, we cut them from our lives, we don't want anything to do with them. Sometimes it's quiet split – it's internal and they don't even know that we've split on them and stonewall them. Sometimes we're angry and say.
🟥 BPD split
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/8kM95thH_U0

Jan 3

Our sense of Self is so fragile – being a core issue of BPD that we just can't take it. So we're so embarrassed that we just split. Other times we feel wronged. We feel personally attacked.
🟥 sensitivestability17
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/8kM95thH_U0

Jan 3

The high functioning internalizing / Quiet subtype of BPD. BPD is very heterogeneous. Which is why is so tricky. Even people out there experiencing borderline will say How come my experience is so different than other things that I've read about borderline. Heterogeneous is different. It's so scattered. It's not just one thing. Mixed up. We have one umbrella term that's used but these four subtypes are very different, so it is important to distinguish.
🟥  Borderline
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/p3Ic9N7k2Lk

Jan 3

Challenge in professional arena: If they make even small error, and I mean it could be small, they will have a very strong reaction to it. So when there is stress – something shifts at work, something shifts in relationship there is a tremendous difficulty in being able to tolerate the distress associated with those times. But that distress instead of lashing out and yelling at somebody else, they're very quick to almost rage quietly at themselves.
🟥 The Silent Struggles
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m52z6Pf_nVA

Jan 3

"Here's how I believe a narcissist expects you to react to their toxic behavior. They want you to fear them and provide nothing but compliance. Compliance is THE only expected behavior."

 Jan 3

For "it can be that bad" folks in your life, put them up on the top shelf of enablers who just are not people you should be spending your deep time with. That you're the problem because you are not smiling all the time, and yet your heart is breaking every day in these relationships that's a lot to smile through. Part of healing is allowing yourself to get back in sync with your emotions.
🟥 DoctorRamani
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WBWwryRBBMA

Jan 3

Tin Pan Alley Radio presents the very best of Popular Song from Stephen Foster to the early 1960s.
📻 Tin Pan Alley Radio
https://tinpanalley.weebly.com/

 

Jan 4

Queen Margrethe on her last New Year's tour as regent, live on Danish TV

 

Jan 4

The whole system is the happiest when it is being self-led. This means when all of these different parts that are vying for attention, vying for a voice often linked in with trapped and traumatized parts – are connected to the Self they feel much more settled, safer, and held.
🟥  Internal Family Systems
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/HLGEl12mIIs

Jan 4

Jan 4

Radiotimes short description of King Kong Lives (1986) was turned into someone's personal review:

Jan 5

Fellow travelers, Showtime

Jan 6

Dreamworks TV, logo

Jan 6

In Austria, the blackface is called Schwarze Schminke

Jan 6

The Outer Limits S2 E17 (1965) - "The Probe" episode explored the same idea of 'fake world from a boat' 33 years before The Truman Show (1998).

Jan 6

Gluhwein-Silvestertorte

Jan 6

Jimothy
The Simpsons Season 35 Episode 009 - Murder, She Boat

Jan 6

Samoa

 

  

Jan 6

Celebrities' Christmas decorations.

 

Jan 7

Write down the vision; Make it plain upon tablets, so that the one who reads it may run.
Habakkuk 2:2
✝️ JOEL OSTEEN
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5p5WjwlA_E

Jan 7

CGI Smurfs look weird.

 

Jan 7

Jan 7 

Gwen said if you want to know if you're dealing with a narcissist: disagree with them. When you disagree with a narcissist it's like you set off a bomb. They can't deal with the fact that you're not agreeing with them. And that's an indicator that you're dealing with a troubled person. Covert narcissists, the first time you meet them they'll act as if it's okay if you disagree with them, they wait to really have you.
🟥 Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life coaCh Inc.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Ww_0Al4qvU

Jan 7

Narcissists get in relationships with empathic people largerly because empathic people stick around.  The empathic people are more prone to trauma bonded pattern including things like making excuses, making justifications, making it work. Entitlement only works because the rest of us work around it. We get them ahead of us just to get them the hell out of there. Just to shut up and stop disrupting everyone. It would be full time job.
🟥 DoctorRamani
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWdCjfToig4

Jan 7

Save your empathy for someone who can appreciate it.
🟥 DoctorRamani
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWdCjfToig4

Jan 8

It is so normal to build a wall when you are raised in a narcissistic family system. It is actually an adaptive coping strategy to survive childhood. So it makes sense as to why you would build a wall when it comes to other people. Wall has to do a lot with not feeling safe and not trusting people. You are told being too sensitive. You start repressing without understanding what is happening. And build a wall and brush feelings aside.
🟥 The Healing Daughter
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OcPEpgu2nhM

Jan 8

Being "diagnosed" doesn't mean you can't improve your situation!!!
Make a positive change and don't be a victim of your "diagnosis"

Jan 8

New Year fireworks in Las Vegas, for some unknown reason, feels like being in France. 🇫🇷
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWTpkomZXW4

Jan 8

🟥 Straight Men Kiss Other straight Men for the First Time
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFSrZ9zuUBQ

 

Jan 8

Deepstash economics' advice

Jan 8

State TV France 3 showed FKK comedy drama movie "Normandie nue" in primetime on New Year's Day.

 

Jan 8

Jan 9

In dating no one really rejects US. They like someone who is thinner or talks more or talks less. It's not about me. That's why we are codependent: we think it's about us. That's a child's state. There is a healthy form of development of the child, narcissistic stage where for every child the whole world revolves around them. They need that, that's how we learn to create our own authenticity.
🟥 kennyweiss
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/U6slaPOhvMQ

Jan 9

Problem is that parents squashed that &we get stuck in that self-centred narcissistic stage so we think somebody is rejecting us. That's proof that we are detached from our authentic Self. Because our authentic Self recognizes at all time I have inherent value and worth. And so if I'm feeling like you are rejecting me, it means I detached from my authenticity, I have now made you my God. I have no value, worth unless you decide that you like me. That's severe codependence
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/U6slaPOhvMQ

Jan 9

'N Sync at MTV VMA 2023,
September 12th

Jan 9

I started writing songs when I was 12. I always started at the isolated emotion, like a very specific type of insecurity and self-loathing that I feel I am the only one feeling it at that moment. But then when I go out on Tour and I have Stadium singing the words back to me... it brings me to this very relaxing feeling of maybe we all have the same issues.
"Song of the year" - Taylor Swift, Anti-hero
🎞️ MTV Video Music Awards 2023

Jan 9

Fireworks on Boxing Day 2023,
🏉 TOP 14 Toulouse - La Rochelle
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_WtvHTLn6w

 Jan 9

🇫🇷 Les Champs-Elysées during the Silvester night 2023.

Jan 9

He makes something out of nothing because he is riddled with insecurities.
🎞️ The Bold and the Beautiful, ep.14 - 8857

Jan 10

Opposite of shame is proud, authentic pride. So notice how you experience proud in your body.
🟥 Peter A. Levine, PhD
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOU0J7Wmnp0

 Jan 10

On the path of recovery specifically as it relates to codependency, I realized that over the years my sense of Self was reliant upon how other people viewed me. If I didn't feel needed by someone I would panic a little bit because that's how I subconsciously gain sense of myself. I attracted people who needed to be fixed because I didn't feel worthy enough. Reliant on them to feel sense of purpose.
🟥 Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life coaCh Inc.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PmT2l-mBgHY

Jan 10

Ignoring facts due to personal beliefs is confirmation bias.

Jan 10

🇫🇷 Jacques de Loustal

 

Jan 11

Firefighters – they're trying to fight the fire of the Exiles' pain. And they do it in contrast to the Managers. They take you out of control, they're very impulsive and they don't care about the collateral damage that you do to your body or your relationships. They just know they got to get you out somehow.
🟥 Transforming Trauma Episode 21 IFS & NARM w Richard Schwartz & Laurence Heller
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRTHacVAwdk

Jan 11

So most symptom patterns in the DSM – I could give you this alternative explanation for in terms which Protectors are clustered to create that symptom.
One of the impacts of trauma is that it organizes these parts to push Self out of the body a lot of the time.
People who decide to not go with all the Dogma that we've been taught, and just listen to Clients, learn similar things.
🟥 IFS & Richard Schwartz
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRTHacVAwdk

 

Jan 11

One of the important elements of curiosity is that it assumes a not-knowing. We assume so much knowledge about ourselves often negative, all kinds of negative identifications that we develop. And when we just become curious about these dynamics – it's an anti-dote to self judgment. Because self-judgment always implies a belief that you know what's right and what's wrong and that you're doing it wrong.
Activates nervous system.
🟥 Transforming Trauma Episode 21 IFS & NARM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRTHacVAwdk

Jan 11

DSM doesn't explain anything. So many therapies and particularly CBT and others are just so focused on extinguishing symptoms which were once strategies of survival. And it doesn't make sense that you want to extinguish – we want eventually to move away from these symptoms and these strategies but I certainly don't want to pathologize them or look at them as somehow defective because they have saved our lives.
🟥 Transforming Trauma Episode 21 IFS & NARM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRTHacVAwdk

Jan 11

I'll mention OCD where Exposure therapy is kind like “go-to” treatment which from my perspective is the opposite direction. Because there again it's trying to extinguish these symptoms that are saving our lives / have saved our lives, without really understanding what it's that's driving that dynamic. We want to understand what's driving any particular kind of behavior or reaction and not just get rid of it because 1) it doesn't work and 2) it's not very kind
🟥 IFS & NARM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRTHacVAwdk

Jan 11

Exposure therapy is torture for most of the people. The outcome studies reflect that because dropout rates are incredible. We've learned the hard way to go to these very vulnerable Exiles only with the permission of Protectors. So things like Exposure therapy and sometimes EMDR and other systems have the ability to bypass the Protectors – bring forth the Exiles. That these Protectors were trying to contain for 30 years. And then there's big backlash.
🟥 IFS & NARM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRTHacVAwdk

Jan 11

Big backlash – Protectors attack the Client and the therapist thinks “Oh, this person was sicker than I thought”. And bring in all the medications and the hospitalizations when if they were just more ecologically sensitive and asked for permission to go, went through all fears the Protector have of going there and address those fears and then got permission then you don't have any of the backlash. CBT keeps you more in the head.
🟥 IFS & NARM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRTHacVAwdk

Jan 11

Being nice to you on a day that is good day for them is not empathy – that's a coincidence. Don't confuse the two. Empathy is not “I feel for you” and “That must have been hard”. It's bunch of micro things that we do in response to person who is going through something. It's not just the word, it is emotions on person's face, slowing down and listening to you. They actually try to do something to help you. Attuned enough to other people and respond.
🟥 DoctorRamani
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0mjHoRp2NJo

Jan 11

It wasn't until I read Lundy Bancroft's book, "Why Does He Do That?" that I learned that abuse can and will make you lose empathy for your abuser.

Jan 11

Social perceptiveness – their skill at this can actually trick people into thinking that the person is not narcissistic. “Because they understand people”. New and even old observers of this narcissistic person may take the stance that “this person is so acutely aware of everyone, they remember stuff about them”, “they ask a lot of questions”, “they pick up inconsistencies in the conversation” - “They must be empathic” because they're keen and sharp.
🟥 DoctorRamani
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0mjHoRp2NJo

Jan 11

This is a common error that people make. Social perceptiveness is not the same as empathy. In fact, this is why the entire realm of emotional intelligence and narcissism can get really thorny. Because in their fashion the narcissistic people are very emotionally intelligent. They wouldn't be so successful if they weren't. Exception are vulnerable narcissists who don't have this skill. All other sub-types of narcissism have it.
🟥 DoctorRamani
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0mjHoRp2NJo

 

Jan 11

Their social perceptiveness is only focused on themselves. Read the room to benefit themselves. Who can do something for them in the room. Who may be the threat in the room that might unmask them. Who is the one who is easy pray in the room. Narcissistic people have an uncanny capacity to smell out weaknesses to steal out who and what they want. It is skill – strategist, tactician negotiator , person to close the deal – but not person who really cares.
🟥 DoctorRamani
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0mjHoRp2NJo

Jan 11

It's not a person who really cares to be present with you and care for you and to help you. Be careful not to confuse their social skill with empathy. When you are in the presence of someone pay attention how you feel. It can feel like they are looking through you and not at you when they talk. Just being a great conversationalist – that's not empathy – that's charm. Keep them separate. If they sense you can see through their mask, they'll avoid you.
🟥 DoctorRamani
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0mjHoRp2NJo

Jan 11

“Being a great conversationalist — that’s not empathy, that’s charm.” Omg brilliant! So true.

Jan 11

When children do not get the connection they need, they grow up both seeking and fearing connection.
🟦 Laurence Heller

Jan 11

In France, Goofy is called Dingo.

Jan 11

🇦🇹 Winter in Vorarlberg, Austria

 

Jan 12

Once you realize nobody can damage your image or damage yourself, it doesn't matter to me. Those are people who I don't want to associate myself with. I don't want to be liked by everybody. I only want to be liked by people who like me for me being me.
🟥 Dealing with Anger Issues…
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/cRRWPQ8vCO4

Jan 13

By 2023

Jan 13

R.F. Alvarez

 

 Jan 13

Steven Dag

Jan 13

John Brock Lear, Jr. (1910 - 2008)

Jan 13

🇩🇰 Queen of Denmark all New Year speeches since 1972
https://www.dr.dk/drtv/liste/dronningens-n

Jan 13

Stress management. You watch the fishes. You water the plants. Special breathing exercises. Monitor your blood pressure. Listen to pleasant sounds. Relax. Personally, I think it may all be a pile of shit. But when you're facing a bypass, you stop asking questions.
🎞️ Red Heat (1988)

Jan 13

Look, just out of curiosity, and, uh, since I figure cops are cops the world over, uh... how do you Soviets deal with all the tension and stress?
-  Vodka.
🎞️ Red Heat (1988)

Jan 14

Complaining doesn't get his attention. It's a whole different perspective to say I have all these things coming against me, but I want to thank God that you're fighting my battles. Thank you for holding victory. What was meant for my harm you turn into my advantage. That's not only helping you stay stronger, building your faith, keeping you in courage, that's what allows God to go in work.
Ask boldly without second thought. Worry will limit you.
✝️ JOEL OSTEEN
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IaOAX-WiW9U

Jan 14

🇮🇷 Alireza Shojaian

 

Jan 14

🇮🇹 Stefano Cipollari

Jan 14

🇺🇸 Richard DuBois

Jan 14

🇺🇸 Steve Reeves

 

Jan 14

When we take ownership of something, we work to keep it
Deepstash app

Jan 14

True Detective with Jodie Foster is becoming TV-event of 2024.
It will be shown on the same date in Germany over WOW, in UK over Sky Showcase/Atlantic, and in Italy over Sky.

Jan 15

Jan 16

Trauma arrests us at particular state of Consciousness. And unless there is a movement in our Consciousness then our minds by default are going to have us stay at this level of Consciousness. Meaning if I was raised by alcoholic father then I have all this trauma tied to being the adult child of alcoholic. So I might fear authority figures. I have been told to suppress my emotions because they were inconvenient thing.
🟥 Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life coaCh Inc.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCJUK0XeHck

Jan 16

I won't notice when I am included. It won't come up on my radar. I am attuned to not being included. I won't appreciate the people who are trying to be nice to me. I am focused on the people that I feel are rejecting me. And this happens all below the veil of consciousness. I truly believe if we could elevate our consciousness then we can heal anything. Einstein said you can't solve problem on same level that created problem.
🟥 Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life coaCh Inc.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCJUK0XeHck

Jan 16

"Everything is external. Nothing can really touch you"

Jan 16

I was programmed to believe a set of beliefs that were self-sabotaging. That did not line up with law of abundance, or law of prosperity or idea that I am aspect of Divine. So how could my life work out if my very belief system, this guidance system was corrupt by childhood programming. You've been living below the veil of consciousness. You were unaware that you were unaware. Codependency means doing same thing over and over, people pleasing, be perfect
🟥 Lisa A. Romano
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCJUK0XeHck

 

Jan 16

I as a captain cannot figure out where I'm going unless I first acknowledge where I am. It's a nautical check – looking for ways to increase our level of awareness around where we are so that we could figure out where we want to go. If you worry, have anxiety, will person be upset about what I said – what is the goal and then figure where you want to go.
🟥 Lisa A. Romano
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCJUK0XeHck

Jan 16

5 questions – point our ship to inner peace in the now, detached observer:
1. Are my thoughts critical or loving? 2. Are my thoughts in past or in future? 3. Am I in the now or in the past? 4. Am I in a state of scarcity or gratitude? 5. Am I in state of fear or love?

The more awake you are, the more present you are – the more you can sense what is happening.
There is always something to be grateful for.
🟥 Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life coaCh Inc.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCJUK0XeHck

 Jan 16

We came from homes that looked perfect. Daddy was sitting at damn kitchen table he just wasn't talking to us. He wasn't interested enough. He wasn't asking what was up with us. How was your day? What did you do after school? Tell me about your friend Tom and Susie. How do you feel about them? What kind of friendship you have with them. What's your favorite food? When we don't have these experiences we don't know who the hell we are.
🟥 Lisa A. Romano
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mxJTBVfbSGc

Jan 16

Good old Hollywood is dying
Good old Hollywood is crying
Good old Hollywood is dead.
🎵 Waterloo & Robinson - Hollywood (1974)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3I-iIXEGnxM

Jan 16

Being overly resilient can seriously damage your ability to be vulnerable, and to receive much needed help and support from healthy others.

Jan 16

Resilience is great, it is associated with a whole bunch of great outcomes – better health, success, overall functioning. Resilience is about flexibility, efficacy, problem solving abilities, stress management tool. It is about not getting stuck in just one way of doing things. Starting again. Not everyone who goes through adversity develops resilience. Resilient people tend to be agreeable and have persistence and grit.
🟥 DoctorRamani
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKTaufecrOw

Jan 16

The resilience that human being have to develop as a result of chronic narcissistic abuse is f*ed up. You basically have to learn to chronically appease another person, always have a plan B, C, D, E and F, to live in constant state of disappointment. With huge side helping of grief. Can feel more like endurance. To be able to just stand up in the face of toxic people and keep on keeping on.
🟥 DoctorRamani
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKTaufecrOw

Jan 16

Telling someone they're strong it's a way of saying that they don't need to give you any help

Jan 16

her self-image was influenced by constant criticism from film executives who believed that she was physically unattractive and who manipulated her onscreen physical appearance
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Judy_Gar

Jan 16

Avoidance of accountability

Jan 16

Cheers reunion during Emmy awards 2024

Jan 17

Masking has always been a type of people-pleasing. Something I felt I had to do because if I didn't mask I experienced rejection and bullying. And so I felt like I had to hide or change the parts of myself that the other people didn't like to my own detriment. I had to be always thinking about other people because my neurodivergent traits were making other people uncomfortable. So I couldn't be my authentic Self. I had to be someone differnt
🟥 Masking is a Trauma Response
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H930vD5mqlY

Jan 17

Masking doesn't even work. I'm working my ass off over here to try be someone that you're gonna accept, that's gonna be palatable for you – and yet I'm still rejected and I'm still marginalized. One of my friend said it seems like I'm now in my villain era. And I think that's perfect description of where I am right now because maybe it's time that other people did feel a little bit uncomfortable.
🟥 Masking is a Trauma Response
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H930vD5mqlY

Jan 17

You might feel that you hurt other people's feelings a lot. Or that you might have aggression that comes out of nowhere and feelings of rage. In children when they are raised in toxic upbringing. It is response to someone else's disgust, disapproval or devaluing of you. That you take as your own because you are trying to people please, recreate the love bombing from other person, trauma bonded, try to create to be perfect.
🟥 Is Toxic Shame Destroying Your Life?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vth7YVxW8y4

Jan 17

You're taking their toxicity as your own fault. It creates this belief in yourself that you need to do that for the whole world. That nothing about you is right or perfect or good. We need to learn to create compassionate mindset toward oneself. Feeling undeserving of love, connection, or validation – those are all things that you can give yourself. Creating new pathways in the brain takes time. This is not doing it twice.
🟥 Is Toxic Shame Destroying Your Life?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vth7YVxW8y4

 Jan 17

When you don't know that you're welcome and that you're safe and you're loved – it causes disconnect inside of you, it causes you to wonder what could make you feel connected and loved again. What you need to do, how you need to perform to be accepted. That's where it starts to be toxic: if you believe if you experienced rejection around action/performance – easy to believe that if you just act in right way, that you'd be accepted.
🟥 The Toxicity of Shame
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQgfNK7_z1E

 Jan 17

What I've been thinking about you since the day you made fun of my play.
- What do you mean? You stopped writing because of something I said? Joe, you're crazy. You do have talent.
🎞️ Please Don't Eat the Daisies (1960)

Jan 17

It's just wonderful to have everybody scared of me. One clever word from me, and a new writing talent gives up. If I play my cards right, they may not even bother to open plays anymore. That's how scary I am. And to make my own wife crawl? That would be the final triumph. It's intoxicating, all this power.
🎞️ Please Don't Eat the Daisies (1960)

Jan 17

Social anxiety is learned behaviour often stemming from something traumatic.
Deepstash app

Jan 17

So difficult to walk away from these people.  I understand 100%.  It took me 35 years to start understanding I wasn't the issue and another 10 to walk away.  These people have zero self reflection and everything is your fault.

Jan 17

Jan 17

 The Simpsons Christmas village

Jan 18

You are a bad man Mr. Renfield!
- Yeah well... sometimes that comes handy.
🎞️ Renfield (2023)

Jan 19

Snow blizzard day

Jan 19

Actually, a codependent person makes the choice to give these things up for the sake of peace, acceptance, and to avoid the partner being angry or leaving. Dependent personality people are far less independent and have a need to cling in order to get the only validation they believe has worth- external validation from others. The two may indulge in some similar patterns. but their emotional core and capacities are very different.

Jan 19

And then there's the martyr narcissist type who frames their complaints as gross exaggerations. Even though they barely lifted a finger for you, they'll tell everyone they saved your life.

Jan 19

Sometimes, i think complainers just need someone to hear them out..  while a vulnerable narc demands that someone to solve the problem for them.

Jan 19

If the complaining is a lot about sensory things (too loud, too rough, too hot, etc.) or about how nobody likes them and they can't make friends..... think about the autism spectrum. Autistic people get called narcissists all the time.

Jan 19

There is a danger in not complaining enough, one can end up on the wrong end of bad treatment because people see you as someone they can get away with seriously abusing. Then when something really serious happens to you, you will be viewed as a chronic complainer.

Jan 19

Euphoric recall

Jan 20

Problem was when he had read the manual about diamonds, all that he had seen was what you see in Snow White with the dwarfs. A nice, clean polished cut diamond. That's what he's looking for. He did not know that diamonds come in their rough form. It's within you. It is inside of you, you have to cut and you have to clean and doesn't feel good.
✝️ HOUR OF POWER
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SIROribXmE

Jan 20

 Winter sunset, 17:30

Jan 20

Kopfkino

Jan 21

That's a room you let enemy occupy in your mind. The problem with letting fear worry in, it's not only taking your peace, but you draw in what you are constantly think about. Faith works in the negative just as it is in positive. That negative frame of mind will draw in defeat, bad breaks, disappointments. Why don't you evict that tenant.
Take inventory what is occupying your house. Serve worry eviction notice.
✝️ JOEL OSTEEN
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3Fw-z3AylA

Jan 21

 

 Jan 21

Natalie just realized how vulnerable she is. Up until now she thought she had control over her life and nothing could touch her. But something did. And now she's afraid.
- If if it were for me, I'd be angry.
- So is Natalie. Inside.
🎞️ The Facts of Life | Fear Strikes Back | Season 3 Episode 6

Jan 21

Don't let your fear paralyze you. Use it. To make you alert, aware and smart.
🎞️ The Facts of Life | Fear Strikes Back | Season 3 Episode 6

Jan 22

visible light and radio waves are both the exact same kind of electromagnetic radiation, they differ only in wavelength (physically how long the waves are).
https://www.quora.com/What-would-the-world

Jan 22

You only know that chair, or mountain, or wine glass is there because it is reflecting ambient light and some fraction of that scattered light enters your eye. Lower-frequency radio waves (electromagnetic radiation, just like light) wouldn't overwhelm our senses unless we looked directly at a source—an antenna, which presumably would look somewhat like a lightbulb—or saw the waves reflecting off of normal radiopaque surfaces like the ground.
https://www.quora.com/What-would-the-world

Jan 22

Our eyes can only see between 400 and 700nm radiation! That’s a super narrow range, but our brain already translates that into the entire color spectrum that we know. Just imagine what kinds of colors or feelings our brain would construct if we were able to see a range 50,000 or 100,000 times larger!
https://www.quora.com/What-would-the-world

Jan 22

Jan 23

Kindness and patience and it will eventually calm down on its own

Jan 23

Jan 24

Both internet-stoicism (not ancient Greece stoicism) and CBT - are tools of perfectionism. Perfectionism is mental illness. We are all human beings - we are not robots. By design - we will make mistakes and we will never ever be perfect - because we are limited by design and we cannot erase wrongdoings with god features or with erase button on a computer or inside software program.
https://www.reddit.com/r/SocialAnxiety_Ide

Jan 24

Self-help won’t work with a narcissist because they never think there is anything wrong with them. If anything, they’ll be the ones trying to give advice making you feel like there’s something wrong with you.

Jan 24

Self help doesn't work when you're the only one trying to make it better.  They want the relationship just the way it is.  All you have to do is bend to their will in their mind.

Jan 24

The toxically positive ones actually blame you and want you to take responsibility for everything that happens to you. Even the narcissistic abuse. And will blame you when you have a negative mood for not having strong enough mind to get your way out of it.
🟥 DoctorRamani
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTSOF2Epqjk

Jan 24

Exposure to narcissistic people pretty much almost qualifies as a public health issue. And really is doing harm to all of our health and to the population at large. Consistent and deep exposure to narcissistic, antagonistic, toxic people is just as harmful as many other toxic processes like sedentary lifestyle, unhealthy diet, even smoking. Most of us cannot cut them all out. Leaving job family is not option for a lot of people.
🟥 DoctorRamani
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTSOF2Epqjk

Jan 24

Many self-improvement cult has arisen out of people being told their dysphoric or sad emotions reflected some sort of damage or limitation within them and then they would have these emotions be judged harshly by the other people in the so-called cult. As a general rule, it is useful – emotions are useful because they are messengers. In most cases, not all, emotions pass. But we need to heed our emotions as messengers and signals that they are.
🟥 DoctorRamani
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTSOF2Epqjk

Jan 24

When we make self-care about bedtime routines and kale salads and yoga classes – we miss larger structural issues. Narcissistic folks are enabled by the world at large. People in narcissistic relationships are often doubted and have very little recourse. Therapists often don't recognize it. It's not just relationship problem or two people with two points of view. It is toxic! It's bad for your health.
🟥 DoctorRamani
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTSOF2Epqjk

Jan 24

People experiencing chronic narcissistic abuse need something a lot more than self-care. You may think maybe I shouldn't care. But that's the problem. Survivors do care. We had to care- it's the vigilance. If survivors didn't care, you'd have told your abuser to f* off long time ago. The very empathy that created such depth in survivors also makes them prone to caring what other people think.
🟥 DoctorRamani
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTSOF2Epqjk

Jan 24

“It’s like blaming someone’s face for being in the way of another person’s fist.” Exact and profound statement, Dr. Ramani.

 Jan 24

I read multiple relationship help books, personal growth for myself,  techniques to love right etc etc etc, until I realized there are TWO parties involved

Jan 24

No advice is helpful because the narcissist doesn't want to work on a relationship or themselves. They aren't self aware & can't admit to mistakes. They can't compromise. One person can't do all the work while the other does nothing & has no interest in improving the relationship. In fact, if you try, they will use your words against you later, mocking you or being offended & angry because you even suggested they do something different. Intimacy is not their goal, control is what they want.

Jan 25

Jan 26

Sideshow Bob in Italian is Telespalla Bob

Jan 26

Also codep have to learn STOP STEALING OTHERS LESSONS. They NEÈD them to.grow.

Jan 26

The team noted that those with a lower 2D:4D ratio - a shorter index finger and a longer ring finger - are often associated with so-called Dark Triad traits and aggressive behaviour.
These traits include Machiavellianism, narcissism and psychopathy.
The study also revealed that individuals who scored high on the Dark Triad scale also scored high on mental toughness and sports performance.
📰 psychopaths are more likely to exhibit this
https://www.express.co.uk/life-style/life/

Jan 26

The underlying message is the same: There is something fundamentally wrong with you. Some abusers convey this message directly: openly telling targets they're worthless, rotten, degraded. Many abusive religious groups plump for this option teaching targets to grovel to forgive them for their wretchedness. A more indirect method is to set impossibly high standards.
🟥 overcoming malignant shame
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMeehIpxH5k

Jan 26

Targets are often expected to exhibit superhuman qualities. Like infallibility, omniscience, telepathy. They're expected to know exactly what to do and say at any given moment. And punished when they inevitably fall short. In healthy environments, it's understood that each of us is born fumbling unprepared into strange bewildering world. Mistakes are expected as a natural part of learning to navigate that world. And seen as a source of growth.
🟥 overcoming malignant shame
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMeehIpxH5k

Jan 26

Malignant shaming environments make few allowances for inexperience. Mistakes are taken as proof of innate stupidity, thoughtlessness, or deliberate troublemaking. Instead of growing, the target's world shrinks. Over time, the abuser's message is internalized – changing from “there is something fundamentally wrong with you” into “There is something fundamentally wrong with me”. Inflict on ourselves. Absorb hypercritical voices.
🟥 overcoming malignant shame
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMeehIpxH5k

Jan 26

Unlike gaslighting and double binds which stop the moment we cut our abusers out of our lives, shame can persist long after we've ditched our abusers. Even after their death.
Because the coping technique is in itself a source of shame, it can lead to a self-reinforcing cycle. Shame provokes the coping technique which in turn provokes more shame. One of the most twisted kinds of shame instilled in targets of abuse is the shame of sticking up for yourself.
🟥 malignant shame
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMeehIpxH5k

Jan 26

His parents would shut down his contributions then blame him for not contributing.
No-win double-bind abuse she endured growing up where the rules could be reversed at any time to put her in the wrong.
🟥 overcoming malignant shame
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMeehIpxH5k

Jan 26

Jan 27

When you see a narcissist frustrated, anxious, rageful, opposed, confronted and denied – you see a narcissist who is fast becoming a borderline. He would lash out, he would throw a temper tantrum, emotionally dysregulate, anger, hatred. Borderline becomes a secondary psychopath because she possess empathy and access to positive emotions. The narcissist becomes a primary psychopath.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGHme5zuJSA

Jan 27

Narcissist carries you in his mind. And you keep frustrating him from the inside. Unless and until he gets rid of you: psychologically via entraining or brainwashing, physically through violence or coercing you to behave in a way which does not challenge, undermine and contradict the internal object. Frustriation persist because it emanates from the internal object in his mind that represents you. Your avatar is attacking him from inside.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGHme5zuJSA

 Jan 27

Narcissism is a fantasy defense gun haywire. So everything is infused with fantasy. They involve impaired reality testing. He says “You made me do it” which is like saying You controlled me. It's external locus of control. This aggravates anti-social behaviors because narcissist perceives as an issue of survival. If he doesn't prevail, he will be eradicated, die – so he must win. Winning becomes all. If he fails – transition into pre-psychotic stage.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGHme5zuJSA

Jan 27

Inside the narcissist there is a bad object. There is a coalition of voices that keeps telling him, keeps informing him how inadequate he is, how gullible, stupid, unworthy, how ignorant, and how helpless and so forth. And he needs to silence these voices. The only to silence these voices is to prove them wrong by demonstrating omnipotence, a godlike quality. You're wrong, I'm God, I will punish people who have victimized me.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGHme5zuJSA

Jan 27

Whenever you have a grievance, whenever you want to restore a sense of justice, whenever you want to punish justly a perpetrator, ask yourself – what's the extent of my revenge fantasy. What's the extent of my retribution? My pursuit of perpetrator. Have I gone over the line, if I myself become a narcissist and a psychopath. Is it about restoring justice and protecting others or is it about my own narcissistic, sadistic psychopathic gratification?
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGHme5zuJSA

Jan 27

The narcissist engages in punitive moralistic and narcissistic type – and almost never engages with third type: pragmatic restorative. Healthy people engage in pragmatic restorative retribution or punishment, and almost never with narcissistic or moralizing punitive kind of revenge. So this is the distinction between narcissistic and healthy people.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGHme5zuJSA

Jan 28

This is something I've learned so strongly, : I won't go against what I'm feeling on the inside. I trust my sensor. That's where God speaks to you. No matter how good the opportunity looks, no matter how impressive, if you don't have peace about it, don't move forward. Or just the opposite: it may seem impossible, the odds are against us. All the circumstances says it's not going to happen. But if you have peace, that knowing – take that step on faith.
✝️ JOEL OSTEEN
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hyARI4Qlf0M

Jan 28

🇲🇽 Yucatan

  

Jan 28

🇯🇵 Kadomatsu (門松, "gate pine") are traditional Japanese decorations made for the New Year.

 

Jan 28

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain

Jan 28

Criticism hurts his sense of importance

Jan 29

 

 Jan 30

First recognize if you are emotionally overwhelmed. You want to act immediately and try to fix things. Don't. The reality is, you're not going to remember some sort of clever strategy. You need to slow down. Slow down. The more emotional you are, the less your brain works. You need to distance yourself from the situation before you do or say something that makes it worse. Let the situation cool, get away from personalizing.
🟥 Dealing with Rejection Sensitivity
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4KyBIasTX9c

Jan 30

If you have an interest in that job, you're do 20 times better than any neurotypical person in that same position.
🟥 ADHD Careers To AVOID
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTTVrRqMyhQ

Jan 30

Whatever it is – then jumping in with fix, an excuse, minimizing, explaining, advice or a solution will kill the conversation dead in its tracks. And even worse – cause more damage to relationship. Think about the worst conversations you've ever had in the past, the times when you felt least heard– it's always one of those things on the list that happens. Toxic tools you use in conversation. Validation is first thing we want
🟥 End ADHD Arguments Instantly with this Method
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5ug0-tkw9E

 

Jan 30

Masking is learned response of trying to hide your ADHD symptoms in order to appear normal. So things like coming up with excuses for being late, reacting in conversations with how you feel you're expected to react rather than how you actually feel, forcing yourself to be quiet in conversations, cover up your hyperactive side–masking can even be hiding symptoms to ourselves. Toxic shame can manifest in perfectionism, people pleasing
🟥 Toxic ADHD Shame | How to Overcome it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8_XejosTGA

Jan 30

Roscosmos (the Russian Space Agency) is not nearly as transparent as NASA, ESA, JAXA, or CSA so they have never publicized that some of their astronauts have suffered the bends. Also, cosmonauts are trained not to complain, so they are more likely to suffer in silence.

Jan 30

Carnival in Venezia

 

Jan 30

Jacob Elordi in "Saltburn" (2023)

 Jan 30

He's been putting me down for years. He called me a sissy, And said he was ashamed of me. He said I was worthless and that I would never amount to anything.
- So your father was emotionally abusive, but you need to take responsibility for your own actions.
🎞️ "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" Wannabe. Season: 11 - Episode: 23 (2010)

Jan 31

🚋 Garden rail

 

Jan 31

For the longest time I did not know what the sick feeling was that preceded being furiously angry with people. But essentially someone says something that's criticism – I feel sort of physically sick for a split second – and then I'm furious. And then usually I would say something to flip it back and make it the other person's problem because I did not know how to sit with that uncomfortable feeling.
🟥 The BPD Bunch S3E10: Shame in BPD Explained
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D0GI5uE3Pml

Jan 31

You have that judgment and you feel that shame and then you need to defend yourself. That's where anger comes from. Because I feel like this tiny person who is so shameful and just shouldn't be here because I've done something wrong and terrible. And the only way to go from there is either completely in toilet or pick little sword and just try fight back. Anger accompanies shame so much because you feel need to defend yourself
🟥 The BPD Bunch S3E10: Shame in BPD Explained
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D0GI5uE3Pml

Jan 31

It's not about that your space is not clean or that you left something on the table. It's all the things that you tell yourself about that. It's not just like I left a cup on the table; I left a cup on the table – I'm a horrible person – they must be so mad at me – my space is never clean. It's these judgments that come in and you're beating yourself down. It's not about the cup. It's about your self-perception.
Snowballs into really negative talk
🟥 The BPD Bunch S3E10: Shame in BPD Explained

Jan 31

It's about fitting into community and shame helps you identify whether you're at risk of being kicked out. Then we get into social norms. And every micro-community has its own set of what is normal. And what is expected of you. Shame justified: community communicated to you that if you don't change your behavior you will be kicked out of this community. Decide:is this community I want to be part of? Do I value enough to change
🟥 The BPD Bunch S3E10: Shame in BPD Explained
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D0GI5uE3Pml

Jan 31

Shame is not necessarily telling you that they are right and you are wrong. It's just simply letting you know that you're at risk of being kicked out of that group. With BPD we take this to next level. We allow that to say to us in our minds: “I'm bad, I'm wrong, I'm weird, I'm the problem, I need to do things differently” - but that's not necessarily the case.
It could just be that group has expectations of you that you don't want to fill.
🟥 The BPD Bunch S3E10: Shame
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D0GI5uE3Pml

Jan 31

Shame is helpful – it communicates to you your place in that group. That's why we have to separate purpose of shame versus habitual negative self talk that we have created as result of shame. Those things can become intertwined and become almost automatic – where you feel shame and then your inner voice is: you are f* loser, you need to sit in the corner and just pretend you don't exist because you should be sorry for your existence.
🟥 The BPD Bunch S3E10: Shame
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D0GI5uE3Pml

Jan 31

Many of use have this internal voice “I'm the problem”. But sometimes it's the culture that needs to change. Maybe it's the group that is doing something wrong and you're feeling shame because you're trying to fit into a group that is maybe doing the wrong things.
🟥 The BPD Bunch S3E10: Shame in BPD Explained
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D0GI5uE3Pml

Jan 31

When they think of self-compassion they associate Self with selfishness, and compassion with weakness. But the research shows quite the opposite. People high in self compassion are less self-absorbed and narcissistic than people who are low in self-compassion. They're generally more resilient – in other words not weak, more motivated to achieve their goals, generally happier and healthier, tend to have compassionate relationships.
🟥 Self-Compassion: An Antidote to Shame
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rTFN8t9SXiQ

Jan 31

"I was abused as a child and the consequences of it has been devastating - no matter what - college degree, jobs, “success” , travels, years and years of cognitive and/ or behavioral therapy I still struggle with it. I know that the root of it is the abuse and even though things are much better now I still struggle feeling not being good enough and ashamed for not measuring to “other people expectations."

Jan 31

"The reason I haven't been able to heal all of my shame is because I have only wanted to be loved for who I am"

Jan 31

Charles Lyster built his own Viking boat from wood.

 

 

Jan 31

We are not fans of reacting to things in the moment. We don't like being caught off guard. And when we tell others about our theories and predictions it often ruffles the feathers of their herd mentality. They become angry but they can still see our logic. That makes them angrier and deny. Even to point of implying we are insane, crazy.
You are not crazy - you are INFJ and have very special skills.
🟥 INFJ: The Most INTIMIDATING Personality Type (MBTI)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3T26C9dQQo

Jan 31

They feel mentally naked around us. All people see life through a lens; a story that they built for themselves and we can pick up in that story. And if that story conflicts with their actions we can find holes in it. This makes them start doubt their story, the very thing they have been living by for years, decades. Most likely they never met anyone with this ability or anyone to take time to think about these things.
🟥 INFJ: The Most INTIMIDATING Personality Type (MBTI)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3T26C9dQQo

Jan 31

They never met INFJ before and it can freak them out. The power we have to understand people so deeply gives us the ability to give great advice and to help them. That's what we want to do. But many people don't like the fact that we can see into their lives so well. And flip side of being able to see people's inconsistencies and weaknesses as every INFJ knows – we are also able to tear these people apart psychologically if they make us angry enough.
🟥 INFJ: The Most...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3T26C9dQQo

Jan 31

❆