srijeda, 18. svibnja 2022.

Retort

Without self worth you cannot defend yourself by voicing out the obvious..

 by words:

  "You are not helping."

"You are being rude."

 "You are being hysterical."

 "Stop it."

"What did I do to upset you?" 

"I don't know"

 "What you expect from me to do or know?"

 "How am I suppose to know this" 

 "What makes you god to order me around or tell me what is correct since you obviously never said it before" 

"Why is this my responsibility?"

"I have followed all of x's regulations to the best of my ability."

"Meh!"

"I disagree with you."

"I agree partly with you." 

"You are being paranoid."

"I am doing this for the first time, I cannot know it as someone experienced"

"It was your fault for not explaining it to me."

"It's your stuff, not mine."

"I just want to work here, my focus is task - not gossip/paranoia/bias."

"No, you can't." 

"I don’t care." 

"What you say/do is insidious form of abuse"

"Enough"

"I will not you let me treat me this way "

"You are having inappropriate outbursts of anger"

"You are being jealous of me/my success/being better than you in handling people/problem"

"No, what you are saying/doing is devaluation"

"You feel fake, worthless, inept so you want to feel good by hurting other people"

"What do you want (from me)?"

"I'll do it better next time"

"What is going on with you? What is going on in your head?"

"Is it ok to create drama because of my mistake?

"It does not give you right to scream"

"You have no right to abuse/ yell/ scream"

"Is it true? Is it 100% true? Would I prove that in court of law? Would the whole world agree upon that?"

"Maybe you're the problem."

"You have serious mental problem hidden with hysteria and hate and treating people like crap" "You are sick"

"What you are doing is sick, abnormal, normal people do not do this"

"It takes two to make it all go right
But with you, it's always my fault"

"Unfortunately I am not able to make it."
"Thank you, but unfortunately i cannot make it today."

"Don't talk to me in that tone" (Joan Crawford, Queen bee 1955)

"That's not helping"

"That's not really what happened, this is what happened....
You are out of line when you do this thing!
This really hurt me!
I'm sorry I can't talk right now, we can talk later."

"Is it so?" (YT Engaging Conflict in the Moment with Megan Price)

"It's not my fault"

"I can't"

"You are not being fair"

"I'm hurt"

"In my current state, it would take too much time"

"Easy for you to say, I'm physically unable to do this"

Say "i am not going to engage in this conversation."

"Whatever"

"I'll check those facts"


"I wish I could see it that way, but I don't.
I see you sound so disappointing, that must be very uncomfortable
Does it worry you, it doesn't worry me.
If you feel that, I can't change that.
I am not all knowing.
Do you believe it was done on purpose? I don't remember having that purpose."

"I don't appreciate you talking to me like that"

"Don't talk to me that way/like that"

Disagreements are fine, disrespect is not.

(Choosing therapy):
“Your Anger Is Not My Responsibility”
“I Can’t Control How You Feel About Me”
“I Hear What You’re Saying”
“I’m Sorry You Feel That Way”
“Everything Is Okay”
“We Both Have a Right to Our Own Opinions”
“I Can Accept How You Feel”
“I Don’t Like How You’re Speaking to Me so I Will not Engage”
 “I Am not Going to Argue Anymore” / I Am not Going to Argue With You
“I am Capable of Doing What I Want Regardless of What you Think”
“I Understand”
“We Can Agree to Disagree”
“I See Where You Are Coming From”
”I Want to Share how I Feel”
“Your Perspective Is Interesting”
“Can We Aim to be Respectful in our Conversation?”

 "I must politely decline." (Squirrel Cottage)

"Ask what the facts are? Tell me about the facts. What are you basing that feeling on? " (Lisa Romano)

"You really hurt my feelings" (Dr. Nicole LePera)

"That's interesting"- roll off the shoulder, care more about miracle than ego, greater than offense (Hour of Power)

"you wouldn't interrupt in middle of conversation, basic civility" (Barack Obama)

"It sounds great, and I can't make it this time."
"I'm not comfortable with that."
"no."
"I disagree and am not looking for feedback." (LePera)

Tell me the facts (The Two Faces of Dr. Jekyll)

No amount of evidence will ever persuade an idiot.
Mark Twain

"Mind your business and shut up" (Monkey Business, 1952)

"I don't wanna talk about it anymore. I don't wanna look at you anymore. Get out of here." (Mannequin 1937)


Proud Triumphant 💊, TWITTER: Normalize saying “I don’t know enough to have an opinion.”

Leave me alone!

“This conversation is no longer serving us in a healthy manner, so I will remove myself from it.” (@maliquedlewis)

With sincerity - “Hey are you ok?” (@WealthInc247)

I disagree
Maybe...
Yes, but...
You have a point, but...

"I don't like people talking to me like that." (Wilde 1997)

"I agree" (Nice factor book)

- Stop being so sensitive.
- Why don't you stop being so insensitive. (Lisa Romano)

When they accuse me of not knowing “how to take a joke,” I look at them and say,” The problem here is that you can’t tell one and just don’t know it.” (Brian YT)

"Excuse me I have a really dumb question." (Hour of Power/Don’t Wish it Was Easy, Wish You Were Wiser)

I'm not able to help you right now

normalize saying “it’s really none of your business” when people ask personal questions. (Jennii twitter)

Completely walk away. I'm done with this conversation, I'll speak to you at another time or whatever. (Stephanie Lyn Coaching)


@nicholecampbell1451
3 weeks ago (edited)
My new favorite response is "oh, you're confused. What you think about this isn't any of my business. That's all your business." The looks, and DEAD SILENCE I'm getting are priceless.



@gladyshoney
3 weeks ago (edited)
I LOVE THIS, the pure math of the situation: "Regardless of what you think of me, I'm 100% fine with the choices I make in this."

"I don't remember asking for your opinion." and then walk away.

--

@lindateuling7862
3 days ago
When confronted by somebody who doesn't understand choices that I make that are different from what he or she would make, I found that the best answer is just to say, "That's ok; you don't have to understand."  Another answer for when someone tries to make me do things his or her way is: "I do things my way because that's what I was given to work with."

-

 predictably,  she was 'sorry for making me feel bad'. I told her this wasn't about me, that I was calling out HER behavior. (egrace3738)

-

 If you can’t take it don’t dish it. (YT @ChelleInTheCity)
-
YT 1RPJacob:

Basically say back to narc person what they say to you:
"I'm sorry you feel that way"
"If I need your advice I will ask" / "Don't you know that It's very rude and stupid to give unsolisted advice without being asked"
"I'm very worry about your mental health"
"You should see a doctor"
"I disagree with you"
"Normal people I know don't behave like you"
"You must calm down or I won't speak to you"
"You are very emotional"

-

Meech
@MediumSizeMeech
Not arguing with people in 2024, I’m just gonna say “it makes sense that you would think that”

-

"I would have done what you wanted if you'd actually said what you wanted!"

"I see it differently" "That doesn't work for me". "That's not something I want". "I am not sure I agree"  🟥 Meadow DeVor

"You're embarrassing yourself" Meadow DeVor

-

Where you look at them, and they say something to you, that you know it's not true, they're being abusive where you can at least look away and internally say that is not true. Once you get strong enough you can start saying to them No. RICHARD GRANNON 

-

"No need for tone, pal" (The Simpsons comics #159 2009)





by instruction:

  • quietly direct conversation toward defining and solving problems
  • You can forgive someone and not tolerate their behaviour.
  • When you are dysregulated and c-ptsd has hold of your thinking, you're never in charge of what you are thinking about, trying to stop or calm down creates more anxiety and fears
  • when I pathologize my reaction, even when my reaction is wrong - I am destroying my self worth
  • hypnosis, where I am lead by triggers controlled by other people. Compulsive reactive state. So anybody can cause anything within you. That I must explain myself and defend myself against criticism and judgement and overcompensate to show as strong leads to inferiority complex.
  • toxic critics target innocent & natural mistakes, inner or external out of control flaws and lack of knowledge as catastrophe and they perceive it as paranoid personal attack
  • Classical CBT instructs me to fight avoidance and focus on panic symptoms. Instead I accept my natural reactions, stop trying to appear strong & masculine, stop seeking external acceptance, approval & validation
  • I will feel bad, guilty, ashamed and wrong even when I do the right thing due to toxic shame.
  • I may protest, I may argue, I may demand. I may refuse. Break the ice express my needs
  • The aggressive person sees me as aggressive, they are hypnotized with borderline mentality where they are superior, and my mistakes, flaws and lack of data is unacceptable to them. The retort ought to wake them up from coma and realize they are tyrannical, unforgiving by voicing their hysteria and paranoia that they do, say and act
  • Get unstuck, shift focus, move on, take action
  • You can respond, do not react.
  • Whoever controls the people's fears becomes master of their souls.
  • Put your foot down
  • Remember who you are
  • People pleasing, rearranging - It is time you will never get back again.
  • Understand that i was not mistake. Stop hating who I was.
  • How would I deal, handle and manage toxic person who is criminally insane out in free, near me?
  • Detect and define their wrongdoings and voice it thus break the ice
  • I tend to shut up defining voicing their wrongdoings in order not to hurt them. That is wrong, that is trauma bonding, that is programming to be subservient, I do not break the ice
  • Manipulative, narcissistic person will respond to my accusations with ad hominem, commands and orders (usually that I stop by pinpointing my "mistakes, flaws or ignorance" such as I am annoying aggressive to them although I never attacked them, instead of admitting it or at least being confused
  • Have disagreement and still care. Care in the form of blocking them, so when they are in their hysterical aggressive phase that I am not near them
  • rationalizes why they're angry at you, they think it is completely justified
  • Declining, rejecting obligation, mistake will not dim our worth, I am worthy even when I say no
  • In unsafe environment if you are authentic, you get hurt
  • I will always f things up, no matter what I do or don't do
  • Unstuck, shift focus, take activity, new activity. Unstuck = bounce back after acting out
  • Voicing out the elephant in the room, pinpointing abusive behaviour with borderliners: distorted self image, mood swings, unstable relationships, fear of abandonment, impulsive, self-injury, risky behaviour, feeling of emptiness (they fill it with sarcasm, bias, mocking), suicidal threats, suspicious, inappropriate anger
  • Assertive: you have the right to offer no reason or excuse for your behaviour
    Assertive: You have the right to choose if you want to find solution for other people's problems
    Assertive: you have the right to change your mind
    Assertive: you have the right to make mistake
    Assertive: you have the right to say I do not know
    Assertive: you have the right to say I do not care
  • Co-regulation - being peacemaker, interpret fawning as diplomacy and help to unfortunate
  • "When determining bad vibes and detecting toxic people, be sure to confirm that YOUR insecurities aren't giving off the vibes"
  • Don't be afraid to lose people
  • find reaction to abuse in a manner that is socially tolerable
  • toxic intrusive behaviour is - it is the source of their validation and sometimes even income
  • to turn social skills down and minimize it in some cases
  • due to errors on both sides, the only thing i can trust is voice inside me and Toxic people will target this voice- they will react hysterically to it, i have to expect the rage reaction
  • toxic people are hysterical because they feel small, they are jealous on our success so they minimize it and mock it, criticize it for that reason
  • when I have enough experience with toxic people, and voice it - toxic environment will over-react and attack and be aggressive, I need to expect this in order not to react to it - see their roar it as wounded lion
  • There is double binding - If I retort, I will experience cruelty due to narc injury: however I need to know if I shut up and self censor, I will experience moral injury and trauma due to not saying anything and this will create more fears of being stuck
  • Point is to be aware of deception as part of life. And I need to know how to retort to deception.
  • See abuse and trauma and bad experience as stream of extremely valuable data: when I learn about it and learn how to deal with it in the future. PureOCD is brain's attempt to process moral injury and learn from it.
  • When I have this experience, toxic environment will react since I will trigger their mask, hidden injury
  • let them see it as rude, let them have it.
  • be humble
  • each time you feel tempted to modify your behaviour in order not to offend narcissist, you participate in your own conditioning
  • query what are their demands and state clearly what they can get
  • Listen for entitlement type of triggers, throw entitlement back
  • Very slight changes in the initial conditions can produce large changes in the behaviour of the solutions. This means start prepared. Deliberately remember to act calmly without hysteria minutes before going out there.
  • Say who cares. One of best thing we can o to speak life and love over people who reject us.
  • voicing out other's mistakes, flaws and ignorance is not evil, it is for their own good
  • Rehearse your exit
  • education, collecting data, gathering facts
  • remind other person who is hysterical that communication works when it is kind
  • Explain: we are in hypervigilance mode all the time. This restricts us from many options that we would otherwise take. We already did everything humanly possible not to make mistake. Other people would do half of it.
  • It is abnormal to be tyrannical and not listen to someone's side of story. If they do not listen they turn around and walk away - that is not fair, voice it out
  • Why not tell other person that he is displaying sick behaviour. That person's behaviour is adversely affecting the mental well being of other people. Do that without violence.
  • ignore
  • what kind of damage can they do
    what are my rights and what i am entitled
  • If they are hysterical - they are being delusional, I am not rude nor have agenda.
  • I need retort that I am not rude nor aggressive
  • False belief that toxic person will be intelligent and that they will invest time to think about what happened and that they will found out on their own they were unreasonable
  • toxic people hate transparency and truth - and they will be hysterical at anything we do. CBT explains that if we feel discomfort when criticized - that this is delusion. Toxic people will make us feel uncomfortable all the time - since we will sniff their criminal behaviour. CBT instruct us to fawn when toxic people are toxic and this makes us passive and taken advantage of
  • my definition of what means good person is distorted. Change the definition.
  • I will think that other person will feel embarrassed if I speak up their wrongdoings to them. Will they?
  • I falsely see my opinion or action as evil - even when other person is evil and is doing evil. Challenge this. I see fawning as the only option to solve this dilemma
  • What kind of person does that pushes shame spiral off
  • how open can and honest I am allowed to be?
  • With retort I am expressing me being independent, that I ask for what I want. If other person protest - their feelings are not important since they are manipulating me into guilt and shame and to fawn to their needs.
  • be vulnerable, don't hide it, show it. Give them enough material, exaggerate it. Hiding secrets and being ashamed of them is narcissism. People who mock it are sick and abnormal.
  • normal people are not intrusive, they do not engage in ad hominem, they respect boundaries, unwritten social rules
  • How much does it matter if you are not nice
  • recognize you cannot take responsibility for their behaviour
  • Fight as if you are right; listen as if you are wrong.
  • You gotta understand the bully does not want to pick a fight. The bully wants to pick on someone they think won't fight back. Bully wants easy target. IF you look like confident, sound like challenger – that might be enough to get out.
  • stand tall, be loud, make your self as big as you can and yell as loud as you can.
  • able to have difficult conversations, disagreeing with others without hating them
  • Just because they asked, it doesn't mean you have to tell them.
  • Let them think whatever they want to think (Lisa Romano)
  • stay off from you statements, they will bite you back
  • They must have bad day, I still love myself.
  • Your beliefs are the only things holding you back
  • Put the responsibility where it belongs
  • don't unmask covert narcissists, run
  • If you say no to someone and they get angry...It doesn't mean you should of said yes.
  • I refuse to fuse with them,  I am not them, they are not me. I don't control nor cause their thoughts or feelings (Jerry Wise)
  • "respond with kindness"
  • walk away
  • call them out on their behaviour
  • check with them
  • Not gossiping, not talking what someone else meant, it creates amount of distortion, you have certain attitude, amplifies drama (TheHappySensitive)
  • I am not intimidating you are intimidated. There is a difference. I am not taking too much space, you're just used in people playing small. My inner light is not too bright, you're just used in dimming your own. I am not mean nor aggressive, I am honest and assertive and that makes you uncomfortable. And I do not make you uncomfortable, my presence challenges your comfort. I will be not less for you for you to feel better about yourself. (Nurse Lindy)
  • Show up, be present, jump in
  • Stopworkplacebullies, TWITTER:
    A liar will get mad at you for knowing the truth.
  • say total nonsense. This will freeze them briefly. (winningcommunication)
  • Everything is contextual. (YT Embrace everything)
  • You can disagree with absolutely everything someone is saying, but you can still validate them.
    James W. Williams
  • open, frank and inhibited (A King In New York (1957))
  • What will help right now? (YT Mike Allen De-escalation Techniques)
  • "If someone is giving you a hard time, try agreeing with them. That's it, simply agreeing with them. If they say you're hopeless, agree with them "you're probably  right, I am". Your intention here is to stop them trampling all over you and leave them with no place to go." (Nice factor book)
  • Toxic people trigger constant hypervigilance. Then we end up being offended by everything and too serious: someone who cannot laugh at themselves and is constantly offended
  • Stay away from people who think communicating is arguing. (Moral philosophy)
  • abandon all sincere communication when communicating with terminally insincere. Don't tell them what you're thinking, feeling, truth about your life, nothing. (Richard Grannon "How to Deal with a Narcissist | 5 Tips")
  • If your voice held no power they wouldn't be trying to silence you! (stopworkplacebullying)
  • Retort is useless in almost all cases - because the other person is abnormal, alcoholic, toxic. What they say stems from toxicity and overcompensation and superiority complex. It has no value. Retort will matter only if we are cornered and if we are stuck and can not move. Then Retort is not to change the other person nor to cause them harm - but as a self-protection shield that we do not get hurt by them again. If we get in trap of seeing the other person as normal and someone who is able to communicate - we will stay trapped inside Karpman Drama Triangle with endless drama arguing.
  • Stop defending yourself. Just be what you are. What's the point of defending yourself to someone that's not going to listen to you anyway (surviving narcissism)
  • dictator make decisions for you
  • real life situation will not be trauamatic after ifs and learning about self
  • i feel panic only when about to do something - it doesn't stay as it appears in my memory
  • Make other people a little bit uncomfortable
  • Kindness and patience and it will eventually calm down on its own
  • You don't have to answer. (The House, 2017)
  • Sam Vaknin: no contact
  • Sam Vaknin: gray rock - minimal response







Loving yourself enough not to allow someone to verbally abuse you. Don't take in what they say. It doesn't matter what they say. Because if they are inebriated (intoxicated) they're not thinking in clear mind anyway. It have no hold on you.
YT "Dealing with an Abusive Alcoholic"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwtofh6D37E



📕

utorak, 17. svibnja 2022.

Black book

 Cognitive distortions - programmed through abuse, outside of control

NEW OPPORTUNITIES:

- I will be homeless, have no place

- bad weather, cold, soaked up

- expensive and out of reach

- become broke, no means

- I look ugly physically

- My clothes are ugly, torn, dirty, unacceptable

- there will be no insurance

- I must be perfect or I will be doomed

- There will be criminal band

- I will not be able to push back criminals

- there will be old, foreign, difficult person as co-worker who won't help me but shunned me in hate

 - I will need to ask for favors, help, service people who are unavailable, hate me, distrust me

- Will have no privacy

- travel will be costly and time consuming

- I won't be allowed

- I will be attacked

- I won't know what to do

- red tape problems and refusal to get papers

- panic and anger about red tape, they will be angry for me not having all red tape proper done

- foreigners will be there, they won't talk to me, no communication

- i won't have home, i'll be homeless

- i will fail, be failure, alone isolated

- that I would not be allowed or able to seek or attain medical help

- that I will feel extreme panic like I did in the past when changed jobs

- That I won't be able to run away and I will be trapped

WHITE - OPPOSITE FROM CATASTROPHE PROPHECIES:

- I will have good experience and positive encounter to that which was lost and locked in the past until exposure

nedjelja, 1. svibnja 2022.

May 2022 Twitter

 May 1

Sometimes people think they need to clean themselves up, that they have to fix themselves up nice and shiny before they can develop a relationship. They never taken the next step. There are doors they just won't open.
Victoria Osteen

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1CXC4zLBpk

May 1

We think if we live good enough, then God will bless us. If we can clean ourselves up, get rid of this bad habit, not fail anymore, then God will show us favor. The problem is we can't live that way. We all make mistakes, give in.
Joel Osteen

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Z7vRhTM3sQ

May 1

He comes not to condemn you, not to point all your mistakes, he comes to lift you, to restore you, to free you, to set you on new path. “He stoops down from heavens to look at the Earth.” Not just that he brings you out, but he honors you.
Joel Osteen

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Z7vRhTM3sQ

May 1

It is easy to judge people. "Why isn't he more disciplined?" As you know God as he comes down to lift people, then you can be a lifter. Where would you be without mercy? If we were in their shoes, we don't know what decisions we'd make.
Joel Osteen

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Z7vRhTM3sQ

May 1

Why don't you stoop down for someone else? Helping the hurting, restoring the broken, lifting the fallen. There's enough judgment in the world. There's enough criticism and faultfinding. Let's be lifters, encouragers.
Joel Osteen

  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Z7vRhTM3sQ

May 1

They should be focused on their assignment, helping others. But some people are looking to catch you in mistake, hoping you'll fail. They're ready to exploit and expose any mishap you have. Don't be like them. Show mercy. Love covers for people
Joel Osteen

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Z7vRhTM3sQ

May 1

Why can't you do it?
Why can't you set your monkey free?
Always giving into it

George Michael - Monkey

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHb2XYeXcJI

 May 1

Welcome in the May by making own fire of lighting a candle. Honor the coming of summer in your own way. If you have a partner, this is the best time for sexual fun and frolic.
Beltane, 30 April
"The Celtic Spirit", Caitlin Matthews

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May 1

 Earth vs. the Flying Saucers (1956) - colorized.

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 May 1

It Came from Beneath the Sea (1955) - colorized

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 May 2
Paradox of Proliferation:
The more progress there is, the more problems can happen.

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 May 2
This is Suzanne Somers in the movie poster for TV horror Ants! (1977), aka It Happened at Lakewood Manor.

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 May 3
All too often we are reactive, we don't understand our personal power comes from observe what we think rather than simply react to what we think. And very often what we think is not what we think, it was what we were programmed to think.
YT Lisa Romano

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TH-8pBlOhVo

May 3
Your negative self talk, the words of inner critic that you hear are not yours. They are product of subconscious programming, childhood trauma, narrative of super-ego trying to keep you safe in unpredictable world.
YT Lisa Romano

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TH-8pBlOhVo

 May 3
Bad Habit That Destroy Your Confidence:
obsessing over minor flaws.
YT BRAINY DOSE

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHsRP8jDolI

May 3
Spring colors.

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May 3
Over Easter 2022, Turkish TV  100 showed controversial comparisons between Jesus and Apollonius of Tyana.
https://thedailybeast.com/jesus-v-apollonius-the-ancient-debate-over-the-real-son-of-god
 

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May 3
The solar eclipse that takes place during the crucifixion scene was the real thing. Director Richard Fleischer delayed shooting in order to capture the ethereal nature of the phenomenon on 15 February 1961.
imdb trivia, Barabbas (1961)

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May 4
Even the steps they take towards health can inspire shame. Underlying message is the same: there's something fundamentally wrong with you.
YT TheraminTrees

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMeehIpxH5k

May 4
Unlike gaslighting and double binds which stop the moment we cut out abusers out of our lives, shame can persist long after we've ditched our abusers. Many targets feel deeply ashamed for allowing the abuse to happen.
YT overcoming malignant shame 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMeehIpxH5k

May 4
Because the coping technique is in itself a source of shame, it can lead to self-reinforcing cycle. Shame provokes the coping technique which in turn provokes more shame.
YT TheraminTrees
overcoming malignant shame

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMeehIpxH5k

May 4
One of the most twisted kinds of shame instilled in targets of abuse is the shame of sticking up for yourself. Survival behaviour, classical instinctive responses to persistent threat: we shut down. We numb ourselves, lash out
YT overcoming malignant shame
https://youtu.be/kMeehIpxH5k
 

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May 4
That's the mindset of abusive shamers who expect us to know exactly what to do and say at any given moment. Overcoming shame means letting go of those impossible expectations.
YT overcoming malignant shame
https://youtube.com/watch?v=kMeehIpxH5k
 

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May 4
Dig deep in concept of responsibility. Identify a range of factors that would affect how an individual's responsibility was assessed: knowledge, skill, autonomy, intention, power.
YT overcoming malignant shame
https://youtube.com/watch?v=kMeehIpxH5k
 

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May 4
Many shame-based individuals struggle to judge for themselves what's reasonable. Is it ok to think this? It is okay to feel that? In this state of doubt, there's often a temptation to defer to the judgments of others to let others to the thinking for them.

 https://youtube.com/watch?v=kMeehIpxH5k

May 4
If we're struggling to judge for ourselves whether a thought, a feeling, an action is acceptable deferring to what other people find acceptable will do nothing to enhance our judgment. To do that, we have to develop our own thinking.
YT TheraminTrees
https://youtu.be/kMeehIpxH5k
 

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May 4
Do people who provoke raw survival instincts deserve any place in your life? Public shaming can really serve to clarify things, how people are moralising non-moral issues, more invested in preserving illusion than well-fare.
YT TheraminTrees

 https://youtube.com/watch?v=kMeehIpxH5k

May 4
There's no wisdom of crowds in abusive public shaming. Just a collection of confused, misguided, and, in some cases, sadistic individuals. Fear being discovered transgressing a group feeds into the tyranny of the majority.
YT overcoming malignant shame

 https://youtube.com/watch?v=kMeehIpxH5k

May 5

I never thought that I'd had ever come to the Met Gala. It was too intimidating because I'm basically very shy. And when they they said 'you like parties come over here', I said 'if I have someone I can cling to at a party'.
Glenn Close
YT Vogue

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsZai2gRWJg

May 5
As with everything, I've made archive of my Twitter posts, month by month:
https://77ranko.blogspot.com/2022/04/twitter-listing.html

May 5
"Words cut deeper than a knife."

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May 5
Has it occurred to you, that you might conquer them with love?
Quo Vadis (1951)

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May 5
Elizabeth Taylor asked a favor to Mervyn Le Roy, she asked him to hid her for a while from her husband Nicky Hilton. So he put her in the extras crowd, giving her a costume so that no one recognizes her.
IMDb trivia,
Quo Vadis (1951)

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May 6
Without BS detector you quite often end up surrounded by dodgy characters, who are eager to take advantage of you. It's often quite easy to manipulate a person with ptsd from childhood just by pouring on some love for a little while.
YT Anna Runkle

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nrnM18wVCQ

 May 6
If you find yourself in a situation where you feel like you have to hide what's going on, it's shameful to you, then you know: red alert.
YT LIMERENCE: How to Stop the Nightmare of Codependent Obsession

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nrnM18wVCQ

May 6
Whatever that person is criticizing about you is most likely what this person believes about themselves.
YT Michelle, Motivate Me!

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_y2jpPQUCA

May 6
Scene from Quo Vadis (1951),
I find this men tiara (golden laurel) awesome.

I wonder if this could become fashion item in modern times

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May 6
When we assume personal motives that might not exist, we risk attributing our clients with imaginary issues they don't possess. That's not assisting them – that's actively adding to their problems.
YT TheraminTrees

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YqnCwp9Ia68

May 6
It's part of everyday life that we sometimes get accustomed of having flaws without any good evidence. One of the biggest religious hustles is to persuade us there's something implicitly wrong with us.

YT imaginary defects | when dogmas label us flawed

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YqnCwp9Ia68

 May 6
What's being encouraged here is a state of perpetual insecurity. People are told they're psychologically sick, manipulated into chasing endless therapy. Pick any random activity and notice how easy it is to find reasons to condemn it.
YT TheraminTrees

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YqnCwp9Ia68

May 6
When people claim you're defective, don't accept analogies. Don't accept stigma. All these things can be applied to absolutely any activity. Ask for evidence. If evidence is not forthcoming, the discussion is over.
YT TheraminTrees
https://youtu.be/YqnCwp9Ia68
 

May 6
When people are told they have psychological flaws without being given any sound evidence, they're left in overly vigilant state, second-guessing all of their responses. We'll always find people suggesting we're flawed.
YT imaginary defects

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YqnCwp9Ia68

May 6
At workplace those suggestions "we're flawed" can carry undeserved authority. When we're given observable evidence of harmful behaviour then we have something to explore. But not when we're faced with mere stigma and assumptions.

YT TheraminTrees

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YqnCwp9Ia68

May 7
This is My Father's World (1901) sounds like The Lords of the rings' Shire theme by Howard Shore (2001).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3ZVLOLMRMw

May 7
Mental picturing is where you deliberately picture what you want in your mind's eye. The East German and Russian athletes made this technique famous when they excelled in the Olympics.
"You're great! 3 steps to self-confidence", Julia Hastings

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 May 7
Ants are the only creatures on Earth other than man who make war. They campaign. They are chronic aggressors. They make slave laborers of the captives they don't kill.
Them! (1954)

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May 7
Why are rivers in Los Angeles concrete?
After previous floods in 1914 and 1934, in observance of the 1938 flood, the Los Angeles River was channelized.
https://kcet.org/history-society/los-angeles-flood-of-1938-cementing-the-rivers-future
 

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May 7
The Blobfest event features a reenactment of the famous scene in which panicked theatergoers rush to exit the town's still-functioning Colonial Theater.
IMDb trivia, The Blob (1958)

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May 8
Sometimes what you don't know is good for you. If you get negative report, you over-analyze it, reason it, study it, take your faith. “Lean not to your own understanding”. Sometimes you have to turn your mind off.
JOEL OSTEEN
https://youtube.com/watch?v=SHBrKbSCfJY
 

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May 8
Sisak, Croatia - train station still in ruins due to corrupt, Tory/Republican-like government, one and half year after the earthquake in 2020.

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 May 9
Countdown to Mayday parade in Moscow.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WDvrKMRlgPU

May 9
So just to fix your mind as Persians say, get the Druj out of your head, get the destructive mindset out of your head, you turn it into a constructive mindset, Asha. Which is the only thing you do in Zoroastrian religion.
YT Gnostic Informant

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g89BMF6_xVk

May 9
Get the Druj out of your head and move over to Asha. Not positive thinking, but going into a constructive mindset that is connected with reality. Exactly the same as you do with Dao in Daoism.
YT Gnostic Informant

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g89BMF6_xVk

May 9
The ultimate gnostic knowledge is knowledge about there never was anything there at all. But the irony of nothing being there is creative impetus, the world we create as human beings.
YT Gnostic Informant

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g89BMF6_xVk


May 9
Buffalo, New York

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May 9
If you are being real, there will be natural disagreeableness, it just naturally happens.
YT JulienHimself

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ks3Tn45hhOw

May 9
By trying to be cool you're automatically not cool. Reach the point where you are above the rules. Person who still tries to play by the rules is still low value. I don't have to dominate, because I don't care.

Stop TRYING To Be “Cool”
YT JulienHimself 

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/6R__PaJ6F4k?feature=share

May 9
& Eurovision Song Contest. Von barba radio
Eurosong hits radio.
#Eurovision2022 #EUROVISION

May 10
Soviet version of Eurovision was called Intervision Song Contest, and it ran from 1977 till 1980.
#Eurovision
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intervision_Song_Contest

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May 11

The offender needs pity, not wrath;
those who must needs be corrected, should be treated with tact and gentleness.
Marcus Aurelius

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May 11

Covert abuser systematically manipulates your mind and emotional responses by using mind games: gaslighting, evasion, blame shifting, double binds and invalidation. These are hard to detect, describe and hard to confront.
YT  Emotional Abuse Tactics

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8qu1Ate6Qk

May 11

No matter how hard you try, they seem unpleasable, and somehow it is your fault. They will hone on that one thing you haven't done and focus on it. No matter what you do, they are never happy with you.
YT Covert Emotional Abuse Tactics That Create TRAUMA

  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8qu1Ate6Qk

May 11

Over long time what this creates are limiting beliefs like “Nothing I do is ever enough. What I try I always fail. There's something wrong with me”
Person covertly abusive to you has the ability to compliment others and see good in others
YT Michele Nieves

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8qu1Ate6Qk

May 11

They invalidate your reality. They do in form as if they care about you. They say “I didn't say that, you must heard it wrong” Faking concern & twisting reality causes us tremendous trauma. We have inner GPS. Gaslighting hacks our inner GPS
YT Covert Abuse

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8qu1Ate6Qk

May 11

Until the age of 3, we've got no boundaries. We start to see ourselves as individuals but we are still forming boundaries. If don't have anger we're going to take on more and more toxic shame until we become an object of contempt to ourselves.

toxic shame

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-lgUy8LFAug

May 11

If we don't feel good enough, we're going to feel that we need to overcompensate by going out of our way to make people like us - fawn. Toxic shame can cause us to cut off from vital parts of ourselves.
YT mark stubbles

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-lgUy8LFAug

 May 11

Narcissists often shame others for things that are actually their strengths, such as a way to weaken them. And they often shame others as projection of things that they themselves feel ashamed about.
YT Raw Motivations

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJxN1l2KlWY

May 11

The best part is when the public sings along at 0:54

Diodato - Fai Rumore - First Semi-Final Interval - Eurovision 2022 - Turin

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A410y4a0oWU

May 11

The set used for the Parmiter home, (where Joanna Miles's character has her head set ablaze by a "bug"), was the same set at Paramount Studios in Hollywood as the one used for the interiors of the Brady home in The Brady Bunch (1969).
imdb trivia,
Bug (1975)

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May 12
Deeming something we feel as wrong, bad, or shouldn't be there, this way – leads us into trying to create emotional perfectionism by eliminating that emotion. It is fantasy “I will never feel it again”, utopia, idealized state not having pain
YT Self-Trust

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5aayEw5Cvq8

May 12
We are maturing through this process, coming more into kindness rather than a judgment, a condemnation, or some significance around pain we feel. Instead of making it wrong we allow it to be real and valid and legitimate.
YT Happiness After Codependency

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5aayEw5Cvq8

 May 12
We value our pain, treat it with worth, see my pain matters here, it is not something to get rid off. Learning to ask what I need and provide it. This is what healing about. It is not eliminating pain, it is to soothe pain.
YT Self-Trust Amplifies Healing

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5aayEw5Cvq8

May 12
I didn't like myself, I had a lot of resentment, all of that needed enormous amount of legitimization and care. I started with this practice – we are hurting, we've been judged, excluded, condemned for the way we feel.
YT Self-Trust Amplifies Healing 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5aayEw5Cvq8

 May 12
People talk about other people, this is fact of life. I didn't know I was seeking other people's validation. I didn't know I was seeking permission to feel the way I felt. I was seeking like a child permission to feel what I feel.
Lisa A. Romano

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TUTwyPcKHw

May 12
I didn't know I had a right to experience my inner reality, hold on to an idea, believe in it. I didn't even know that I didn't need other people's permission to have this perception or this experience. I was like feather caught up in people
Lisa A. Romano 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TUTwyPcKHw

May 12
Codependents attract this sense of fear. Codependents are so full of fear, worry that they are not good enough, fear that other people will reject them, hold on to relationships longer than they should, even if abusive.
Lisa A. Romano

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TUTwyPcKHw

May 12
Understand that we are enough. We don't need other people's permission to feel what we feel. We have to understand that other people have a right to their own opinions of us. We don't have the right to control other people's opinions of us.
Lisa A. Romano

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TUTwyPcKHw

May 12
We are afraid to be talked about, seen as pushy, full of herself. You will fear being excommunicated from that group if you lack a sense of self, if you lack sense of boundaries. Which goes back to childhood programming.
Lisa A. Romano

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TUTwyPcKHw

May 12
Brain assumes that if the problem is Susan Q is talking about me then the opposite must be true. If Susie Q doesn't talk about me, that must mean that that's pleasurable. That must be what I am looking to do.
Lisa A. Romano

  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TUTwyPcKHw

May 12
If we haven't learned to discern narcissists from non-narcissists, we have to learn to discern personalities. Discern danger from non danger. We have to understand there are personalities out there that seek to abuse people.
Lisa A. Romano

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TUTwyPcKHw

May 12
I am not judging, I am acknowledging this is dark energy and I need to stay away from that person. Because in this person's unconsciousness they are able to hurt me. I avoid and don't judge. I understand all people are asleep until they wake up
Lisa Romano

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TUTwyPcKHw

May 12
Your brain is operating system, it has been programmed by your childhood. If they taught you will be humiliated, talked about, that gives you sense of abandonment, then your mind will work to gain approval of others.
Lisa A. Romano

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TUTwyPcKHw

May 12
Important to understand whatever we've been downloaded to believe is what our brain is going to think it is appropriate. If I am downloaded to fear what people will think of me, then I'll seek approval all my life.
Lisa A. Romano

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TUTwyPcKHw

May 12
Classic FM (UK) reminded me of great music:
Karl Jenkins - Adiemus

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6IfYPB6JUE

May 12
If I've been downloaded to fear feeling outed, ostracized or abandoned – I'm going to worry about what other people think about me. Because I think that I'm suppose to gain other people's approval because I don't know I don't need it.
Lisa Romano

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TUTwyPcKHw

 May 12
If you're ruminating, struggle with worrying what other people think about you – that is fine, that's what the brain does when it's been downloaded to fear what other people think.
YT How to Stop Worrying About What Other People Think About You

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TUTwyPcKHw

May 12
Filmed on the same stage as The Wizard of Oz (1939) 17 years earlier; the set of Altaira's garden is a re-use of the Munchkin Village set.
IMDb trivia
Forbidden Planet (1956)

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May 12
Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry has been quoted as saying that this film was a major inspiration for that series.
IMDb trivia
Forbidden Planet (1956)

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May 13
"There can’t be real paradoxes, can there? Those that purport to be paradoxes actually contain ambiguities in meaning, neglected information, hidden assumptions… In short, it’s all smoke and mirrors."

Paul Tissier
Philosophy Now, issue 149 April/May 2022

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May 13
if Russell’s Paradox holds up, it would, rather worryingly, shake the foundations of mathematics?
Philosophy Now, issue 149 April/May 2022

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 May 13
If we are doing things in our life waiting for someone outside of us deliver message we are enough and valuable, we are giving up power to other people.
Brain doesn't know what to do, the brain only knows to play with the tools in the shed.
Lisa A. Romano

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZwqS1gIhBbM

May 13
So if people pleasing, toning yourself down, nodding your head when you feel like saying no – that's what your brain is going to know what to do until you learn how to do something else. Don't judge people. Discern.
YT Lisa A. Romano

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZwqS1gIhBbM

 May 13
Shouldn't I wake her up? Yes, they should know. But not everybody's ready to change. Because to heal from codependency it requires a great mental strength. It requires great emotional endurance, sit in pain. We want to avoid pain.
Lisa A. Romano

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZwqS1gIhBbM

 May 13
Use this magnificent brain to your advantage. Use cognition to your advantage. Learn to organize your thoughts in a fashion that allows you to connect to higher thought process. And it allows to understand imprinted thoughts.
Lisa A. Romano

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZwqS1gIhBbM

May 13
Struggling with idea to say yes was coming from place of please like me. Those of us who felt abandoned and rejected and alone, we end up wanting to be people who bring people together. Today looks to include people, rather then exclude them
Lisa A. Romano

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZwqS1gIhBbM

May 13
We don't want to do someone what we would hate someone to do to us. We spare others the feelings we are struggling with and fail to hold others accountable.
YT Codependent Empath Problems/Setting Boundaries
https://youtube.com/watch?v=ZwqS1gIhBbM
 

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 May 13
Question am I struggling with holding people accountable because I can very easily imagine what it might feel like to be that person who's being eliminated from the group. So we would over empathize, project our wound onto this person.
Lisa A. Romano

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZwqS1gIhBbM

May 13
Struggling to hold this person accountable you are ignoring the fact that this person is not you, and that you and they are not the same person. And you might be projecting instead of holding this person accountable.
Lisa A. Romano

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZwqS1gIhBbM

May 13
Remind yourself you are not that person, person who is humiliating you. A lot of people who are that inconsiderate, they aren't so put off by being held accountable. They know it's coming. They never say 'yes, it was me'. They'll say 'boss never liked me'.

  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZwqS1gIhBbM

May 13
Anxiety looks at all the worse, scary situations and grab the most scariest that feels like most likely scenario. Let it burn itself up. Don't do anything about it. It comes and goes on its own. All these things collapse.
YT Shaan Kassam

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/dgA2cTyqgJk?feature=share

May 13
Move to problem solving. 'How would you like this discussion to end?' Focus on what are we going to do. State what you can and will do. Don't waste your time what you won't or can't do.
YT How to Deal with Difficult People

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9Ax5alk-3s

May 13
Iceland 🇮🇸 2022 #Eurovision #ESC2022 #Eurosong

In the dark winter – the sun is rising
Melts the ice of the heart – so warm
In the dark winter – the kind spring
Warms your wings again

Systur - Með hækkandi sól (With the rising sun)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PAItdosVx8g

May 13
The 25 Best Movie Posters Ever

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__L6BdGxCWc

May 13
The newspaper article headlined "Step Up Hunt for Spaceman" is accompanied by a photograph of Klaatu and Gort on the spaceship's hull, which is a still from the end of the movie.😂
IMDb Goofs
The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951)

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May 13
So yeah, everything is a joke. It's hilarious, because if you take it seriously - you just get depressed all the time like you are. So f*** you.
Night of the Creeps (1986)

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May 14
QMR Eurovision Hits "plays every Eurovision hits from 1956"

https://qmr.fm/euro/

May 14
Turns out people lie
They say, "Just snap your fingers"
As if it was really that easy for me to get over you
I just need time
Snapping one, two
Where are you?
You're still in my heart

Rosa Linn - Snap
#Eurovision #esc2022 #Eurosong2022 #Armenia

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6x8UETp1qw

May 14
Some evil people claim "Apart ABBA or Celine Dion, there are no world-wide famous performers in #Eurovision  history"

Yet #Eurosong 1983;
Ofra Haza:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IaYCLI7vrQE

May 14
Be truly yourself. Just be you. Don't pretend for anybody.
HOUR OF POWER

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7F7wu3EzCo


May 14
the word apocatastasis is typically used to refer to the belief that everyone – including the damned in hell and the devil – will ultimately be saved.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apocatastasis


Simón del desierto (1965)

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May 15
wrs-Llamame
https://youtube.com/watch?v=QgVTfXU7x7g

 #Eurovision 🇷🇴 #EscIta2022

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgVTfXU7x7g

 May 15
Ochman - River 🇵🇱
 #Eurovision

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e53P-yGmuRg

May 15
#Eurovision songs are like time capsules, representing music style of its time. This hidden 80's gem is from Luxembourg, 1987.

Plastic Bertrand - Amour-Amour

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJRh2NGQpmg

May 15
Found it,
"Fai rumore" performed at totally empty Arena during 2020 pandemics.
Lyrics say:
"I can't bear it
This unnatural silence"
https://youtube.com/watch?v=Ogyi0GPR_Ik

 #Eurovision #ESCita

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ogyi0GPR_Ik

May 15
The newest Mandela Effect -
Toto Cotugno is now Toto Cutugno.
😂🙄🤔😁🇮🇹
Zagreb, Yugoslavia 1990 performance;
#Eurovision #Eurosong

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0b5whZydVZc

May 16
This early May morning (4:30 am) we could see Earth's shadow on the Lunar surface from Croatia.
#EclipseLunar

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May 16
Reactive abuse is when narcissist poke you, triggers you, then you react out of character, and you become bad guy. If they trigger you, they can control you. Take away their reaction, control your reaction.
YT Mental Healness

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/U8Ulch83FoQ?feature=share

 May 17

You can see this on MRI, when a person with childhood trauma is stressed, the left front cortex has less activities. And that's where reasoning is suppose to happen. Right front cortex got more active – where emotions happen.
YT Crappy Childhood Fairy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQTgGm5krzg

May 17

Most of these uncivil, mean people who claim to be authentic are not able to hear any negative feedback without getting defensive and hostile. If they were authentic, they could say 'I don't care what you think'.
YT DoctorRamani

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mmv8QV1DRw

May 17

"Honesty without kindness is cruelty.
Kindness without honesty is manipulation."

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 May 18
Whatever positive, affirming features you look for in a relationship, you can forget all about them when malignant narcissist maneuver themselves into your life.
YT double binds | narcissistic ‘no-win’ mind games
https://youtube.com/watch?v=vnSiJOOdo30

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May 18
Personal growth, independent thought, creativity, and authenticity will all get shoved into storage, leaving you in a rigid, stagnant environment. Security will evaporate as you realize one wrong step could do serious damage.
YT TheraminTrees

https://youtube.com/watch?v=vnSiJOOdo30

 

May 18
To malignant narcissist, your value begins and ends with your ability to serve them. Dismissing your needs is just the start: soon the mind games begin. Like Escher print, you'll find yourself completely disoriented by impossible angles.
YT double binds
https://youtu.be/vnSiJOOdo30
 

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May 18
Kafka trap: targets are accused typically of some psychological flaw. When they deny accusation, their denial is taken as evidence that the accusation is true. The possibility that the accusation is false is invalidly excluded.
YT double binds

May 18
Double binds occur in relationships where targets feel compelled to figure out what the manipulator wants and provide it. They feel unable to ignore the dilemma presented to them, which is what binds them in.
YT TheraminTrees
https://youtu.be/vnSiJOOdo30
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May 18
Responses to her constant false accusations. Like many narcissist, she was acutely paranoid. She was convinced everyone from family to shop assistant was out to undermine and belittle her, and her stinging revenge on some individual for an imagined insult.

 https://youtu.be/vnSiJOOdo30

May 18
Presented with conflicting messages by not following one instruction you automatically fulfill the other. It turns out, sometimes you can refuse both choices by shifting to a different level of communication.
YT double binds
https://youtu.be/vnSiJOOdo30
 

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May 18
In the perpetual false hope that by pleasing the narcissist, they can avoid a negative outcome. So long as we hold on to that false hope, our narcissist can dangle us like puppets dancing to their tune. Remain in a constant anxiety.
YT TheraminTrees
https://youtu.be/vnSiJOOdo30
 

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May 18
But when we let go of that false hope and fully accept the reality that our abusers want to punish us whatever we do, we can forget all about pleasing them and start thinking about what we want. Build and maintain important psychological boundaries.
https://youtu.be/vnSiJOOdo30
 

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May 18
Sometimes the solution is simply about not responding. Targets are trained to feel unable to ignore the dilemma presented to them, but lots of dilemmas can easily be ignored, especially when the double bind depends completely on the target reacting.
https://youtu.be/vnSiJOOdo30
 

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May 18
When we take a step back, we begin to find lots of solutions.
YT TheraminTrees
double binds | narcissistic ‘no-win’ mind games
https://youtube.com/watch?v=vnSiJOOdo30
 

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May 18
We are simply left to make mistakes, to be wrong and to be imperfect. And to try and experiment techniques and choices and decisions  - which will probably be wrong and catastrophe.
There is no other way.
https://77ranko.blogspot.com/2022/01/my-yt-comments-about-social-anxiety-2022.html
 

 May 18
Problem is narcissistic society that does not allow mistakes. And narcissistic mentality that shames mistakes and flaws and lack of knowledge - where there is no other way to functionally operate in this world without them.
https://77ranko.blogspot.com/2022/01/my-yt-comments-about-social-anxiety-2022.html

May 18
Sometimes the wind brings a good, familiar scent
It caresses, listens to you sing now
Not starlight
You are now
With me, with me, as if real
Like back then long ago

Lyrics by:Dana International
Boaz - The Fire In Your Eyes (Israel 2008)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rkTOM4ySrmM

May 18
Madeline and I are like figures of fine glass. The slightest touch and we may shatter. Both of us suffer from a morbid acuteness of the senses.
The Fall of the House of Usher (1960)

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May 18
confirmation bias triggered Hector’s search for confirming evidence, causing him to re-label his past experiences from “people-pleasing” to “great leader.”
PsychologyToday

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/surprise/202205/the-power-surprise

May 19
Ukraine sent brutal war video to #Eurovision and won #ESC2022.

In comparison, Balkan nationalists from Croatia sent this tourist video postcard during war in 1993, egocentrically thinking Europeans are too sensitive to see war in the video...
and Croatia ended up at 15th place.

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 May 19
The special effects technicians were able to create giant drops of water by filling up condoms and dropping them.
IMDb trivia
The Incredible Shrinking Man (1957)

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May 19
Eleanor Roosevelt — 'Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you'll be criticized anyway.'

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May 19
Vangelis - La petite fille de la mer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P6qoTPhhv9w

May 20
Rumination loops comes up when narcissistic person shows unemphatic, arrogant, entitled kind of behaviour. We question ourselves. Message was you are always wrong, other people's feelings matter more than yours.
YT DoctorRamani

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=erH2svqh4TQ

May 20
Watzlawick famously stated he could not think of a single case in which someone changed as a result of a deepening understanding of self.
Insight, Watzlawick suggested may even cause blindness, both to the real problem and its potential solution.
DK THE PSYCHOLOGY BOOK

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May 20
"The only people who are going to object when you start enforcing boundaries are the people who've been taking advantage of your lack of them."

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May 20
Emotional blackmail is when someone else makes you responsible for their feelings. And if you don't do what they want, they use obligation, guilt and fear to pressure you doing it.
YT Freedom in Thought

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=utX6xfOrjFk

May 20
While the blackmailer wants everyone to serve them, the blackmailee wants to serve everyone. They want to be liked and approved by everyone, and they'll do just about anything to get it, believe what others say about them is true.
YT Freedom in Thought
https://youtu.be/utX6xfOrjFk

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May 20
The Healing Power of Trees

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May 20
People do not seem to realize that their opinion of the world is also a confession of their character.
Emerson

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May 20
In the opening lines of text with which the film begins, the word "it's" is misused (??"Man has moved onto the moon, colonised it's surface and erected..."). It should be "its" ("Man has moved onto the moon, colonised its surface...")
IMDb Goofs
The Shape of Things to Come (1979)

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May 21
At first, the minority group, brown-eyes, resisted. Elliot told them that the blue-eyes children were smarter because of their blue-eyes. Children stopped resisting. Brown-eyes became timid and obedient.

Jane Elliot - Blue/Brown Eye Experiment (1968)

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May 21
As heard on the radio http://Classic.nl
 ;

Areni Agbabian - Petal Two

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0nzE9tWNJQ

May 21
Map of Ancient lakes of the Sahara (c. 3000-7000 BCE)
https://earthlymission.com/ancient-lakes-of-the-sahara/

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May 21
Wine is symbol of abundance. He will not put fresh new wine in old wineskin. If your heart is not ready, it will not help you. Prepare our hearts to be new wineskin.
HOUR OF POWER

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2l5tfElk68

May 21
'Through Others We Become Ourselves'
Lev S. Vygotsky

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 May 21
The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.
Alfred Adler

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May 22
Emerson Bigelow wrote his superior in 1946 that after the fall of Nazi Germany, members of the Nazi puppet Ustasha government of Croatia sent 350 million confiscated Swiss francs to the Vatican "for safekeeping."

http://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,8505,00.html

 May 22
Hergé has an animated cameo around the four minute mark as a blonde man sitting at a table at A L'ANCRE.
IMDb trivia
Red Rackhams Treasure | The Adventures of Tintin

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 May 23
- I don't like you.
- All great women run the risk of public disfavour.
Bette Davis, "The Judge and Jake Wyler" (1972)

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May 23
Doing what works, is the final “how” skill of core mindfulness. Effectively is understanding and acting according to a goal rather than acting according to what we deem as “right or fair”. It empowers us to act from our goals and objectives versus judgments.
goodtherapy-org

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May 23
As heard on LuxuriaMusic Radio:
Anita Kerr - For Bert

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4KvW0degDBk

 May 24
If you have a deep rooted sense of your own self-worth, this is when you can start upholding strong boundaries, relationships become healthier because you communicate without fear of rejection, without resentment.
YT Tertia Riegler

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6m3lE0ouTI

May 25
And instead of going into civil war with our cognitive distortions and weeding our natural byproduct of being exposed to toxic people - I'd rather focus on self worth and self love - and then gradually remove toxic habits and toxic people away from my life
https://77ranko.blogspot.com/2022/01/my-yt-comments-about-social-anxiety-2022.html

May 25
Toxic people drain our energy and they make us focus on them, as if we are captured under their bell jar, as Sylvia Plath described it. So solution is not that we build ourselves a new bell jar and keep safe underneath it.
https://77ranko.blogspot.com/2022/01/my-yt-comments-about-social-anxiety-2022.html

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May 25
The capital of Croatia looked like this before the 2020 quake.
(15.4.2008)

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 May 25
The castle Ozalj and river Kupa in 2008.
#Croatia

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May 25
Lake Bled in 2008.
#Slovenia

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May 25
Bicycle/hiking path to Lake Bled in 2008.

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May 25
To the person in the bell jar, the world itself is the bad dream.
Sylvia Plath
The Bell Jar (1979)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1eFD2NsvCMc

 May 25
It's a hell of responsibility to be yourself. It's much easier to be somebody else or nobody at all.
Sylvia Plath

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May 25
Simpsons Comics #10
Classic Simpsons jokes.

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May 25
When a certain crisis shattered its way through life and consciousness, left a deep chasm behind.
BBC Thomas Mann's "The Magic Mountain" (1988)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlE1j1VSkW8

 May 26
Narcissistic people are really efficient because they don't care about other people, and they don't waste time on doing things, helping people or forward their cause. They are good at being negotiators because they can be bullies.
DoctorRamani

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_0RxIlJicI

May 26
Narcissists are manipulative that also helps when doing negotiating. Narcissistic people are willing to do what it takes to succeed even if that means taking advantage of, or manipulating other people. They have little incentive to change.
DoctorRamani

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_0RxIlJicI

May 26
You have the right to offer no reason or excuses for your behaviour.
Assertive Framework

YT http://Salesman.org
 Becoming More Assertive
https://youtube.com/watch?v=ytNymMeqZG0
 

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 May 26
You're not going to hear from narcissist you are important, you matter. You're not going to hear from borderline I'm sorry I have a lot of rage being destructive. People stay stuck and addicted to wrong messages, disappointed &unhappy.
YT Peace and Harmony

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luMUqxT_T_M

 May 26
DBT Opposite Action

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 May 26
Balkans weather misery/mystery from 2014
http://edition.cnn.com/2014/05/20/world/europe/balkans-flooding-explainer/index.html

May 27
Feeling like you need to perform. Narcissist will teach you early what they agree with, what they like. Nasty comments become part of something you fear, and you may begin to contort yourself into the version to be approved of.
Lisa Romano

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yuYBJwCaDI

May 27
Narcissist need to believe they are right. They cannot integrate their flaws into themselves, that is why they project those flaws in other people. You will notice narcissist accuse you of what they are guilty of.
YT Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yuYBJwCaDI

May 27
Your willingness to be wrong, self reflect, will be used against you in narcissistic relationship. They will harp on your reaction, they will not question what they said to you, they will not take into consideration how you feel.
YT Lisa A. Romano

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yuYBJwCaDI

May 27
Narcissists walk on Earth believing that anything you do, you did on purpose. Meaning to hurt them. Distrusting. In their mind you should be thinking about them, make them centre of your life, and you are uncaring person to make them feel bad.
Lisa Romano

  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yuYBJwCaDI

May 27
Narcissists are so wounded it is impossible to have any relationship with them. Situation is set up that codependent will cater to narcissist. Codependent feels so worthless and so ashamed at core, driven by unconscious need to please others.
Lisa Romano

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yuYBJwCaDI

May 27
Below the veil of unconsciousness, this hole within us has created a magnet type of energy. And we are attracting into our experiences people that mirror the energy of people who wounded us in the first place.
Lisa Romano

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yuYBJwCaDI

May 27
This happens until you observe your program and your way. Once you are awakened you have ability to think about the way you think. Ability to question the right way. In codependent loop you are not learning, you are re-hashing, in loop cycle.
Lisa Romano

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yuYBJwCaDI

May 27
I think our unconscious belief or our drive to seek approval and our illusion of believing that this narcissist will be able to make us feel good about ourselves, comes from grand design. The way it was suppose to be.
Lisa Romano

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yuYBJwCaDI

May 27
Narcissist love to accuse you of things falsely. You have been supplying them, narcissistic supply. They were charming, seem perfect at beginning. It was all manipulation to get supply from you.
YT 6 Ways to Deal with Narcissists’ False Accusations

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6UROZsjJNU

 May 27
During discard phase you no longer give them best form of supply. Narcissist take to lower form: making you miserable, squirm, do false accusations, they'll say the worst possible things.
YT 6 Ways to Deal with Narcissists’ False Accusations

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6UROZsjJNU

May 27
You can respond, do not react.
YT 6 Ways to Deal with Narcissists’ False Accusations

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6UROZsjJNU


May 27
Whoever controls the people's fears becomes master of their souls.
Machiavelli

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May 27
“theory of conformism, which states that when a person has neither the ability nor expertise to make a decision, he will look to the group to decide how to behave. Conformity can limit and distort an individual’s response to a situation... result in a diffusion of responsibility”

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May 27
Even if the child is always “good” (which often just means “quiet and inactive”, i.e. not necessarily healthy), then it may grow up to be neurotic – scared to do anything…
Introducing Psychology by Nigel Benson

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May 28
Emotional abuse was defined as persistent belittling, insulting using swearing.
Hour of Power

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-kwEFIFUbk

May 28
Pathologizing is the practice of seeing a symptom as indication of a disease or disorder. In mental health, the term is often used to indicate over-diagnosis or the refusal to accept certain behavior as normal.

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/pathologizing

May 28
The client must consciously and rationally decide for themselves what is wrong and what should be done about it.
The therapist is more of a confident who listens and encourages on an equal level.

Person Centred Therapy
Introducing Psychology, Nigel C. Benson

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May 29
By absorbing the media’s messages people accepted society’s rules and values as their own; they realized that to step beyond them would seem neurotic. The possibility of rebellion has effectively been quashed:

Herbert Marcuse (1898-1979)
DK The Sociology Book

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May 29
However, when Marcuse looked closer, he discovered that far from being free, people were being manipulated by “totalitarian” regimes that called themselves democracies, he said. Worse still, people were unaware of the manipulation, because they had internalized the regimes’ rules

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May 29
“I wasn't put on this Earth to straighten everybody out.” It doesn't say that everybody will live at peace with you, but behind that smile and nod is peace.
VICTORIA OSTEEN

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUCY15Pajxc

May 29
Being right is over-rated. That doesn't mean to be doormat, to agree with everything people say, not allowed opinion.
It means that you are sensitive. And you are aware when conversation is going too far, heated, strife is at door.
VICTORIA OSTEEN

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUCY15Pajxc

May 29
Peace is inner being. It is something that controls us during conflict. It controls us in the storm. Peace is the powerful storm that causes you to be able to enter situation and radiate a calm stability in tense situations.
VICTORIA OSTEEN

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUCY15Pajxc

May 29
Do the right thing when it is hard. Don't keep giving in to the same things that you know are holding you back. Friends pulling you down, causing you to compromise, tell them Sorry, something has come up.
JOEL OSTEEN

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okmOslVwJiI

May 29
Protagoras said that “Man is the measure of all things” – which means that there are no objective truths, only limited human beliefs.
Introducing Philosophy by Dave Robinson, Judy Groves

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 May 29
Plato's explanation for this is that we all possess immortal souls which have had a previous existence, so that all learning is really just “recollection”, or anamnesis.
Introducing Philosophy by Dave Robinson, Judy Groves

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May 29
Although there is the obvious and ordinary everyday world we can all see, there is also another one of eternal perfect “Forms”. Only a few specially gifted and trained people whom he called “Guardians” can ever “see” these ideal Forms.
Introducing Philosophy by Robinson, Groves

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May 29
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.
Albert Einstein

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May 29
Sovereign governments are vital for the preservation of human life and civilized values. Morality is not more than a cynical agreement between villains. Governments only have the right to rule through contract.

Introducing Philosophy by Dave Robinson, Judy Groves

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May 29
Hume is only pointing out that all scientific findings based on observation and induction must remain conjectural and temporary. Induction can never offer you the certainty that logic can.
The concept of “wickedness” is not something you can see.
Introducing Philosophy, J. Groves

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May 29
The human mind is active, not a passive recipient of information. We cannot choose the “input” that our sense organs give us, and we cannot alter the way our minds are devised.
Kant
Introducing Philosophy by Dave Robinson, Judy Groves

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May 29
Nietzsche also proposed a “joyous science” of eternal recurrence, an idea suggested by the pre-Socratic thinker Heraclitus, which argues that time is cyclical, repeating itself time and again.
Introducing Philosophy by Dave Robinson, Judy Groves

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May 30

So what happens is we make the decision that the only way or the most efficient way of not being burned again, not be victimized again is to avoid everybody. Everybody is potential is abuser, potential covert grandiose narcissist.
YT Narcissism Masterclass

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gf4RGT4xAj8

 May 30

Why this person who is not treating you good by any shape or form deserves anything from you other than your boot to kiss. Get out. They don't deserve it. Stop giving people access to you that don't deserve it, access to your heart.
YT Mental Healness

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZg1aw36rfs

Narcissistic people like to make you look stupid. This person is not higher person. They're going to do to make themselves happy first.  If you come back to them, in their mind, it is not that terrible afterall.
YT Mental Healness

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZg1aw36rfs

May 30

Nietzsche thought that what counted as “knowledge” was simply that which the strongest imposed on everyone else.
Introducing Philosophy by Dave Robinson, Judy Groves

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May 30

You as child were taught that you needed to be on high alert in your home. We were taught if people are unhappy, bad things can happen. If they don't get settled down really quick, things go from bad to worse.
Lisa Romano

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Epeokecy_nk

May 30

We have learned that by fawning, validating other people by figuring out what they need, they stay happier and we get to avoid pain – criticism, anger, narcissistic rage, rejection. We tend to take other people to control our own anxiety.
Lisa Romano

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Epeokecy_nk

 Codependency is coping mechanism. I take care of you because you've taught me over time that if I don't manage your mood, you get snarkier, more passive aggressive, stonewall me, put me down, and it's very painful.
Lisa Romano

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Epeokecy_nk

May 30

Don't expect someone to be rational who was proven to be irrational, unfair and highly immature. This person is going to say things that doesn't make sense. Do not prove them wrong.
Lisa Romano

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Epeokecy_nk

May 30

In the absence of justice lots of folks get stuck there. Slowly these thoughts do clear especially if you don't have ongoing contact with the narcissistic person. There's only one thing – acceptance. Life is only sometimes fair.
YT DoctorRamani

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtAWf1Zbp_s

May 30

Kant refers to the “deformity” inherent in the art of genius as a consequence of the way in which genius reveals that illusion is reality.

- Why do you say “deformity”?
- Because, in a sense, reality cannot be known
Introducing Kant: A Graphic Guide by Christopher Kul-Want

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 May 30

Charles Jencks argued that modernism died at the precise time that an  example of modernist architecture, the Pruitt-Igoe housing complex in St Louis, Missouri was demolished.
Introducing Critical Theory: A Graphic Guide by Stuart Sim

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May 30

Baudrillard contends that we now inhabit a world of hyperreal simulacra. He is notorious for having implied that the Gulf War of 1991 was a simulation for television.
Introducing Critical Theory: A Graphic Guide by Stuart Sim

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May 31
Remember who you are

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May 31
“I'm behind in life” How do you know? Have you spoken to the Universe? What does it even mean to be behind? Have goals, but you are exactly where you need to be. And if there’s something that tells you that you aren’t, is something to let go off.
YT Julien

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Br_42DJfeh4

 May 31
Understand that I was not mistake. Start embracing yourself. Don't follow society system of what they say you should do to love yourself. Go into your purpose.
YT Low Self-Esteem, The SILENT Killer of PURPOSE!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OoqdDnXNh3A

May 31
No one told us that their problems caused by us will be constant and there is absolutely no way to remove these problems, avoid them nor pre-emptively destroy them from becoming reality. This makes us hypnotized to care about what other people think.
https://77ranko.blogspot.com/2022/01/my-yt-comments-about-social-anxiety-2022.html

May 31
Telescopes like the Hubble have discovered huger and huger structures of galaxies. These massive galaxies are too large to have been formed in the time since the Big Bang.
YT Scientists Say We Were Wrong About the Big Bang and the Universe

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DaouTS072ew

May 31
The flight crew is in charge of the vehicle and so they're in the best position to know what the best thing to do is at the time and so sometimes that could run counter to the desires of mission control.
NASA's Unexplained Files

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9p1A3476qE

May 31
Often, even after years, mental states once present in consciousness return to it with apparent spontaneity and without any act of the will; that is, they are reproduced involuntarily.
Hermann Ebbinghaus

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May 31
Left to their own devices in a “state of nature”, humans will inevitably kill each other. Life for everyone will soon become “solitary, poor, nasty, brutish and short”.
Thomas Hobbes (1588–1679)
Introducing Philosophy by Dave Robinson, Judy Groves

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May 31
In a desperate attempt to escape from being murdered in their beds, Hobbes believed that selfish individuals would have to make a reciprocal “Social contract” with each other. Permit governments to punish those who broke the contract.
Introducing Philosophy by Robinson, Groves

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May 31
Observed lengths, times & energies all become significantly warped when speeds approach the speed of light.
Introducing Relativity: A Graphic Guide
Book by Bruce Bassett

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May 31
If the speed of light were much smaller, say 10 m/s, then special relativity would have been discovered much earlier. Why? Because everybody would have an intuitive understanding of time dilation and length contradiction.
Introducing Relativity
Book by Bruce Bassett

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May 31
As heard on classicNL radio:
Max Richter - Departure (Home)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0fatcuJrwg

 May 31
The earth isn’t flat and neither is space!
We all know that the earth is not flat. So why do we limit ourselves by thinking that spacetime should be flat?
Introducing Relativity: A Graphic Guide, Bruce Bassett

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