77: Mastodon 2024 April

April 1, 2024

I say in the broken heart marketplace – give a broken heart 6 weeks to eight weeks, maybe even three months, they'll always going to resolve, but the feeling crazy part that doesn't go away until somebody gives you a blueprint, a map – a way to kind of navigate out of the mess.
🟥 Strategies Narcissists Use To Minimize Your Self Trust, featuring Dr. Ramani Durvasula
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9DyAeeST5Q

April 1

One of the essential ingredients to gaslighting –it is predicated on trust or connection or attachment. We want to be close to gaslighter. It's the only way it can work. Because if a stranger gaslighted me or someone I don't care about, I'm like leave me alone, get the hell away from me. I could take that stance. But if it's someone I love or care about I'm not going to be that dismissive. I trust them so there will be plausibility to what they say.
🟥 Surviving Narcissism
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9DyAeeST5Q

April 1

In the early phases of gaslighting, people usually fight back. They'll say no, that is absolutely not true and we push back. The problem is, Robin Stern talks about this process. The challenge is that when we push back, gaslighting isn't lying. If we catch someone in lie and we give them the evidence of lie, then the liar will say you got me. Gaslighter will never going to cop to it. They don't try deny evidence, they try to dismantle you.
🟥 Surviving Narcissism
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9DyAeeST5Q

April 1

If you push back a lot, especially early in the relationship as many of us do, they will then doubt your commitment. And may say “Maybe we're not compatible”. And they threaten abandonment. And that threat is one of gaslighting tools that they're almost testing the waters. If you knew narcissism you'd say bye and it's all over. They're probably come back though. But most of us don't want it to end, our own abandonment wounds.
Then they relent.
🟥 Surviving Narcissism
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9DyAeeST5Q

April 1

Narcissistic person is hitting two parts of us. A healthy part and unhealthy part. The unhealthy part is our self-doubt. People who stay in narcissistic relationships longer either have standing history of self doubt or it's developed in relationship. Healthy part of us they're hitting is our flexibility: able to see situation from different perspectives. But when you put self-doubt together, when narc puts plausible doubts, “yeah, maybe he's right”
🟥 Surviving Narcissism
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9DyAeeST5Q

April 1

They will blame you for everything. They will blame you for their harm. There's also a lot of criticism in these relationships, it feels like you can't do anything right. A lot of it is byproduct of projected perfectionism. You start to believe if you get it perfect enough, then this would work out. These are also riddled with contempt. It's almost they're disgusted by you. But they don't cut you loose because you're source of supply.
🟥 Surviving Narcissism
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9DyAeeST5Q

Apr 1

One thing I tell clients is don't go deep. Don't defend, don't engage, don't explain and don't personalize. When you get into mud, you'll never going to get out of it, it's like quicksand. Just don't engage with them. Keeping it at surface level. Don't share good nor bad stuff with them. They will often not be supportive the way you need. Slipping is not bad, slip reminds you that this is not changing.
🟥 Surviving Narcissism
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9DyAeeST5Q

Apr 1

I feel like mental health has come up short is we've often told people you can figure this all out yourself, it's all inside of you. I'm like–no, no. There's a context happening outside of you and we need to be able to call that context what it is. It's not that I want people to swim in that forever. I want them putting them in the driver's seat. But we've been asking people to make changes in themselves without understanding what they're up against
🟥 Surviving Narcissism
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9DyAeeST5Q

Apr 1

- My willpower is gone.
- It's not about willpower. It's a disease. You're actually sick.
🎞️ THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL

Apr 2

What good is making you tough enough to take care of yourself if along the way you lose everything that made you such a kind compassionate wonderful person to begin with.
🎞️ American Dad!

Apr 2

I was extremely closed off when I was in primary school. I don't think I realized how so at the time. Because I felt like when I was at home I was quite an open and honest person and I didn't have that many boundaries. And I felt surely when I'm at school people can see that, people can see I'm quite an open person, they'll get the vibe. No. I walk in blank expression.
🟥 Autistic Masking
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36-K-HW3syc

Apr 2

You might edit out negative emotions as well. Autistic shutdown can be seen as kind of internalization of an autistic meltdown. Build yourself up as somebody more socially acceptable. Closely connected to blank mask is Fawning and People pleasing. Try to make yourself look appealing to whatever is threatening to you. Try to be nice, try not to upset anyone, push down your own needs. Passive and smile, reassure others around
🟥 Autistic Masking
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36-K-HW3syc

Apr 2

I reassure the other person that I like them, look I'm finding you funny, because I know how stressful social situations can be and I'm kind of projecting onto them and I want them to feel ok. because I know how much social situations sometimes don't make me feel ok. I realized I complained a lot, use dramatic language to describe situation, I learned don't do that. Not everybody deserve that.
🟥 Autistic Masking
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36-K-HW3syc

Apr 2

I've read if you don't mask you risk of being ostracized by people around you. But if you do mask, then you're practicing self-ostracization. Because you're saying your true Self who you are as a person is not good enough. And the only way to succeed is by being someone else. And if it does work to some extent, and you get approval from other people, that's just reinforcing that same message that your true Self is not welcome here. It can mess up your identity.
🟥 Autistic Masking

Apr 2

Monotropic split – when we mask we're splitting our attention between all the different aspects of socializing in a way that's just not natural for us. In order to make ourselves seem like we're like everyone else, polytropic/neurotypical people. Masking was a risk marker for autistic people wanting to take their own lives. It is serious. Letting yourself to be autistic without need to pretend. Doing in autistic way.
🟥 Autistic Masking
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36-K-HW3syc

Apr 2

Toxic people can be masterful at turning the table on you, making you the issue for having an issue.

This works really well because it does two things:

1. It makes you wonder if things would have gone better, maybe even resolved, if you had just kept your mouth shut.
2. And, now you’re the one in the hot seat defending yourself.

Apr 2

Gaslighters are not looking for the truth. They are avoiding responsibility and accountability. And there’s no finding reason with someone like this.

Kerry McAvoy, PhD
https://www.youtube.com/post/UgkxbNMRLdOkH9Kr6

Apr 2

Geert Hofstede, assisted by others, came up with six basic issues that society needs to come to term with in order to organize itself. These are called dimensions of culture. Each of them has been expressed on a scale that runs roughly from 0 to 100.
https://geerthofstede.com/culture-geert-hofstede-gert-jan-hofstede/6d-model-of-national-culture/

Apr 2

Dimension maps: Uncertainty Avoidance
https://geerthofstede.com/culture-geer

Apr 3

When we go after this type of control we wind up feeling and behaving more out of control trying to get control, we wind up very reactive and so it backfires. We want our energies to be useful not futile. Getting our needs met not get us further away from those needs met. Trying to have just everything right, safe, organized, perfectionistic vision. If we look deeply – smothering, overbearing, forces help, control mood
🟥 Does seeking control over our lives do more harm...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_n8TadGxml

Apr 3

Most people never live their lives and you're very lucky. You're afraid that you're not in your place. But you have the spark, all you need is to believe in yourself.
Believe me, Antoine.. you are truly in your place.
🎞️ Ténor (2022)

Apr 3

When we are compartmentalizing ourselves like that and denying things like comfort or rest, or joy, because we think that people who need those things are pathetic and weak, what we are doing is guaranteeing future burnout. Because human beings need all of those things. And if we do not intentionally give ourselves those for long enough, our bodies will eventually revolt to get those needs met in other ways: sick, depressed, anxious beyond measure.
🟥 Heidi Priebe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10zSvgqwZR0

Apr 3

If you have toxic shame what you need to be focusing on is not self-esteem, because for you self-esteem is likely to look more like a dissociative fantasy. And what you need to focus on first and foremost is developing dignity. Dignity is art of respecting all parts of ourselves – even the parts of ourselves that we wish were different. Be willing to stay present and on page with ourselves. To face whatever pain, focus and find real solutions.
🟥 Heidi Priebe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10zSvgqwZR0

Apr 3

There is psychologist Dr Marsha M. Linehan who has concept checking whether our shame fits the facts. Shame lets us know we are going to get rejected. Check if I am going to get rejected if I behave in that way or say that thing? Or is it something I developed a belief around because at the time I formed this belief it would get me rejected. But maybe here it doesn't apply. Become self aware about environment we place ourselves in. Option - new communities.
🟥 Heidi Priebe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10zSvgqwZR0

Apr 3

Studies show the more someone leans into their grandiose confidence side, the more they might actually flip to feeling vulnerable or sensitive in certain situations. Even stoutest cover narcissist will begin to leak out grandiose traits, their facade will crack: they'll exhibit arrogance, seek constant admiration, fantasize about unlimited success and power, feel entitled, exploit you.
🟥 Are All Avoidants Covert Narcissists?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sul0i7pH7Ys

Apr 3

If you have low selfesteem or low self-worth, you might be accidentally hurting the people in your life indifferent or checked out in the areas where they would actually appreciate some proactive help or support from you. When we have idea of ourselves not having much to offer what we don't instinctively do is looking areas where other people may benefit from our help or support. We might genuinely believe to back off than to show up care or support to them
🟥 Heidi Priebe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFUIv2YXRjw

Apr 3

As soon as we see the negative thing, the thing that our brain logs as a risk, we're going to latch onto that and make it the entirety of our experience. And then once again we're going to be in that negative loop of projecting outward something that we believe to be true about another person and showing up as it is true, which gets us into that negative feedback loop.
People respond primarily to energy we give to them. Make other person uncomfortable.
🟥 Heidi Priebe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFUIv2YXRjw

Apr 3

I've noticed that one of the main reasons I isolate myself as much as I do (which is a lot) is because I feel like I don't have much to offer other people, and them spending time with me would just be a waste of their time.

Apr 4

🏉 Rugby. Serie A Elite maschile - 16a gior, 2024-04-02, 18-07-17, Rai Sport HD

Apr 5

To do something good, someone will always find fault.
📺 1968: The year that changed America

Apr 5

30 years without Kurt Cobain

Apr 5

People care about the people who care about themselves.
🎞️ Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous (2005)

Apr 6

If you stand up for yourself, they further silence you, creating a despair that can rock you to your core. It can cause paralyzing desperation for validation. And the abuser knows it.

Apr 6

Paradox – the more you try to impress people – the less impressed they are. The more you try to be funny, the less funny you are.
✝️ Bobby Schuller and the Hour of Power
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5InKg8FX60

Apr 6

Masking can increase social anxiety for autistic.
Just because on a surface level somebody seems to have good communication skills and be able to make eye contact, that doesn't mean that everything is magical for them. It starts with I want people to like me and I want to fit in. I have to do what they expect of me by masking. I can't look after myself and meet my own needs too. I burn out. Then I withdraw. And cycle starts again
🟥 Autistic Masking is NOT What you think..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rjk2EtQVhHc

Apr 6

Mate crime – befriend and steal from them or manipulate. You can see how somebody who masks a lot, somebody who is desperate to be accepted and to be approved of by people around them and who has learned to make people like them by smiling and being agreeable how somebody could end up in this sort of situation.
🟥 Autistic Masking is NOT What you think..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rjk2EtQVhHc

Apr 6

If you complained about sensory issue you might have been told you're overreacting. That you were too sensitive. That your experience was just wrong and then that isn't how it is for everyone else – it's just you. Over time we just give up listening to ourselves, our bodies, to our intuition and just feel like I'm wrong and obviously just me thing because nobody else seems to be complaining. Theme of doubting yourself.
🟥 Autistic Masking is NOT What you think..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rjk2EtQVhHc

Apr 6

“I grew up being told I was wrong: too sensitive, too serious, not ladylike etc. I wasn't sure who I was.” You might think yeah I suppose I am usually the one that's in the wrong and others are usually right so therefore my abuser must be right. Because many autistic don't understand societal norms, if an abusive person senses that they may be able to gaslight you and tell you certain things everybody does this. Can lead to risky situations.
🟥 Autistic Masking...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rjk2EtQVhHc

Apr 6

The main therapy for autistic people ABA therapy, which has big emphasis on compliance it's no wonder that autistic people might feel like they just can't say no, that they don't have right to say no in certain scenarios. In my business I ended in bad situations with my clients, because I'm so conscious about masking, I agreed to things, agreed to prices that we were not suitable. Masking feels like survival response.
🟥 Autistic Masking is NOT What you think..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rjk2EtQVhHc

Apr 6

When I'm in this masking state, it's not entirely in my control: I just try to say the nicest thing possible. Or I can be in mode of I want people to like me, going to say whatever is going to make them like me and I don't really entirely think things through. You're allowed to slow down, you're allowed to take pauses, and you're allowed to say I need some more time to think about that. Unless it's emergency.
🟥 Autistic Masking is NOT What you think..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rjk2EtQVhHc

Apr 6

🏉 Rugby. Serie A Elite maschile - 16a gior, 2024-04-05, 07-31-23, Rai Sport HD

Apr 6

Schitt's Creek sketch

Apr 7

When we are not in touch with the truth and when the goodness in us is not nurtured, what happens is we become chronically dysregulated. Because it is a human need to think of ourselves as okay. So if we are chronically being told by the people whose care we are in that we are not okay, that there is something wrong with us, and that we are morally bad people, we are going to need to go to extremes to comfort ourselves. It is extremely dysregulating
🟥 Heidi Priebe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucLUAd4bjMg

Apr 7

Sit down and investigate that belief. It's easier to just internalize “I am bad”, “I am wrong”, “I hurt people by virtue of who I authentically am”, and so anytime something goes wrong in a relationship I am to blame. Caveat is if you have a lot of trauma you might have harder time in relationship than average person. You might have more triggers, make healthy relating difficult, but this is significantly different reality from “I am bad person who ruins people's lives”.
🟥 Heidi Priebe

Apr 7

It's one that it's so hard to break the pattern of. Because you can always find the exception. You can always find the one thing that you did wrong – and go see – I knew it, it is my fault that the entire relationship is a mess. When in reality one thing that you did wrong is one thing that you did wrong. And people do wrong things chronically in relationship. In a healthy secure dynamic you will do things wrong. You are not cause of their unhappiness. Heal
🟥 Heidi Priebe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucLUAd4bjMg

Apr 7

Colors of the spring

Apr 7

Spring flowers

Apr 7

We've learned to live with Mr. Webster. He's like the common cold. You know you're going to get it once or twice a year.
🎞️ Lover Come Back (1961)

Apr 7

IMDb trivia:
Hollywood legend claims that, during the filming of Rock Hudson and Doris Day's bathing suit scene (set on a soundstage beach) one of Hudson's testicles kept popping out from his swimtrunks. While screening dailies the next afternoon, the crew laughed so hard, they became teary-eyed, especially when the projectionist figured how to roll the film back-and-forth so it looked like Hudson's testicle was doing a "dance."
🎞️ Lover Come Back (1961)

Apr 7

🇫🇷 Corsica

Apr 8

My best advice is to switch it from "do they like me?" to "do I like THEM?" Takes the pressure of being liked by everyone all the time, including people who we don't even like in the first place.

The right people will like you for YOU. If they don't, they're not your people and that's fine. :)

Apr 8

Maybe you should just focus on controls.
- The key to happy life is to accept that you are never actually in control.
🎞️ Jurassic World (2015)

Apr 8

🏉 Rugby - Champions Cup, 2024-04-06, 15-50-19, France 2

Apr 9

Once we are settled comfortably in our own little bubbles, started to be hesitant to venture around, thing cognitive processing plays a role in avoiding situations where rejection is a possibility. And if we succumb to this habit, all these opportunities that we will miss out on could be priceless, irreplaceable. Temporary painful experiences like rejection can be extremely crucial, vital, pivotal and integral in our self-development & growth
🟥 Ways rejection can save you
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYP9qkab0E8

Apr 9

Soon it became clear to me that I can't escape or outrun it. It's just the matter of how to grapple and make the most out of it because remember – it is not about the reaction but instead the response.
Handle rejection with beauty and grace.
Every single time that you get rejected it unveils a brand new door filled with opportunities hat will help you accumulate more opportunities than being accepted could ever possibly garner.
🟥 Ways rejection can save you
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYP9qkab0E8

Apr 9

🏉 Rugby. Serie A Elite maschile - 17a gior, 2024-04-07, 09-51-07, Rai Sport HD

Apr 9

Thierry, Thierry, you know, it's been said that your clothes have a kind of overt, extreme sexual subtext, which is squarely at odds with the image of women as capable and independent of men. So, I was just wondering, our audience would love to know, really, what you think about that?
- Well, it's all about looking good. Helping the silhouette. And it's all about getting a great f*ck, honey.
🎞️ Prêt-à-Porter (1994)

Apr 10

the stress hormone noradrenaline (the "flight" hormone, versus adrenaline, the "fight" hormone) can actually trigger cancer cell growth directly.

Hans Selye, a Hungarian scientist who worked in Montreal, Canada, showed that a chronic "alarm state" (anticipating problems requiring "flight") leads to an "exhaustion state" which depletes the immune system.
⬜ (myeloma org)

Apr 10

There is a cult persona that you develop when you go into cult. After the bait. The real you is buried beneath there somewhere. Now you have this way of behaving, euphoric fantasy. You are not aware of all trauma. The problem with panic attacks is buried down there. Person I thought I was better person – didn't have panic attacks. When I left all the panic attacks came back. Because I accessed again how traumatized I was, emotionally disemboweled I felt.
🟥 RICHARD GRANNON
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCTZBUt1TUs

Apr 10

Split personality– dissociated. It is basically there's a version of you that you become which you think is a fuller version and it's not.
Freud came up with idea that you as a subject split the object, all together good and bad. Melanie Klein says yes but in order to split Mark good & bad, I have to split my own ego, in order to relate to you as you're good and bad parts, I have to develop good and bad parts.
Person in narc abuse doesn't show in therapy
🟥 RICHARD GRANNON
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCTZBUt1TUs

Apr 10

Narcissistic supply was first identified by Otto Fenichel in 1938. He identified it as a way for the individual to garner admiration and support and validation in order to bolster their self esteem. When we're studying narcissistic personality disorder there are 3 elements of narcissistic supply. 1) help them bolster delusional self-image. This is person who's living half in half out of this reality. They chosen grandiose version of reality.
🟥 RICHARD GRANNON
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMGIiz1-Lwk

Apr 10

Narc supply is the fuel that keeps that dream alive. 2) You are their narc supply. Form of admiration, and validation. More about keeping fantasy going. In shared fantasy you absorb coordinates, like it's very important to keep dream alive: you forget when they did bad thing, you dissociate. Being coerced to be member of their cult. It's covert contract, not conscious. 3) It's never egalitarian, never transaction giving and receiving. Only above you.
🟥 RICHARD GRANNON
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMGIiz1-Lwk

Apr 10

If you don't have this subtle distinctions you can get stuck longer than you need to. Because of bewilderment. When you're bewildered, when you're lost in the bewilderness, your mind is full of intrigue. It's like puzzle you can't solve. Your brain is just going why did that happen, the intrigue keeps you locked in. They don't want love, they don't want to do anything with love. They need adulation, admiration, or terror to affirm leader.
🟥 RICHARD GRANNON
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMGIiz1-Lwk

Apr 10

They split reality and they split you. And now you are split in two different sections. You start to store your memories separately in two separate spaces. Because you couldn't stand to have them both in the same space. So in order to keep them split, whenever you have a thought “He cheated on me”, the narcissistic defense kicks in and goes “No, but that was your fault”. “You made him do that, you caused that abuse”.
🟥 RICHARD GRANNON
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEfsXuCCQpU

Apr 10

Cognitive dissonance – result of two contradictory pieces of information fighting, it is internal fight. We come back to same concept again and again – Have idea 1 and idea 2 – they can't exist in the same space. You can't be good and bad object in the same time. So fight begins, you try to resolve that, creates cognitive dissonance which is huge amount of internal stress. Get sick after narcissistic relationship, massive weight gain, gastro disorder.
🟥 RICHARD GRANNON
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEfsXuCCQpU

Apr 10

This will destroy you across time. You're not designed for this. It is too much. And you never rest. Because the fight continues. It's hellscape. They cause you to fight you. You try to free yourself, they don't have to do any work at all. Idea set and they just walk away. You could break up with them and 12 years later you'd still be doing this. And they're dead and it continues because shared fantasy space you carrying it, not destroyed it.
🟥 RICHARD GRANNON
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEfsXuCCQpU

Apr 10

She has just shown us a celebration of fashion in the profoundest sense of the word. She has made a statement here today that will be felt for decades to come. She's made a choice that will influence all designers everywhere. And most of all, she has spoken to women the world over, telling them not about what to wear but how to think about what they want and need from fashion.
🎞️ Prêt-à-Porter (1994)

Apr 10

🏉 Rugby - Champions Cup, 2024-04-07, 17-02-45, France 2

Apr 10

🇪🇸 Canary Islands

Apr 10

🇪🇸 Canary Islands

Apr 10

A narcissist, a psychopath, a borderline, a histrionic, everyone, every person afflicted with a cluster B personality disorder, consider themselves victims.
You ask any narcissist, they will tell you, of course, I'm a victim. I'm the victim. I've been victimized.

They tend to blame other people for any mishap, misfortune, failure and defeat in their lives. They have an external locus of control.
⬜ Sam Vaknin
https://vaknin-talks.com/transcripts/V

Apr 11

And in addition to books, videos are also a scam in art and only serve to profit and defraud people who are very lost and vulnerable, they are the easiest to manipulate or be deceived, let's keep our eyes wide open. Not all videos in general are worth it...regards

Apr 12

So me demanding you to do the dishes disrupted your nervous system and caused this defiant behavior?
- It has nothing to do with the chore. I have no problem doing them. It's more so my brain thinking that you're taking choices away from me, and it's reacting.
🟥 Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xHvNw70FCc

Apr 12

Sensory stories
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xHvNw70FCc

Apr 12

Since PDA happens because we feel like we don't have a choice, and we have to do something, you can tell yourself not to do the thing that you should be really doing. By making the demand the thing we aren't supposed to do, at least in our head, we can sometimes motive ourselves to do it. Role playing – way to trick our mind to find joy and fun carrying on the task not doing it as ourselves in this scary NT world. Demand not on you
🟥 Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xHvNw70FCc

Apr 13

🏉 Rugby - Challenge Cup, 2024-04-13, 13-26-15, France 3

Apr 13

🏉 1/4 finale, ASM Clermont - Ulster Rugby

Apr 13

🏉 Sitav Lyons Piacenza - HBS Colorno

Apr 13

🏉 Sitav Lyons Piacenza - HBS Colorno

Apr 13

🏉 1/4 finale, Bordeaux Begles - Harlequins

Apr 13

🏉 Rugby - Champions Cup, 2024-04-13, 16-43-05, France 2

Apr 13

🏉 Tyrone Green

Apr 14

our lives are fraught with desire, guilt and anxiety, especially anxiety about our being-for-others. That is, our anxiety about what other people think of us. This leads us to suffer such irksome emotions as guilt, shame and embarrassment.
📖 How to Be an Existentialist: or How to Get Real, Get a Grip and Stop Making Excuses

Apr 14

you can go on to live an honest and worthwhile life in spite of the fact that human existence is ultimately pointless and absurd. The general idea is that you can’t create a genuinely honest and worthwhile life for yourself on the basis of a fairytale.
You have to build your life on an understanding and acceptance of how things really are, otherwise you will always be fooling and deluding yourself as you hanker after impossibilities like complete happiness and total fulfilment.
📖 How to Be an...

Apr 14

Some of the most unhappy people in the world are those who hold firmly to the false belief that complete happiness is achievable, that there is such a state as ‘happily ever after’. They are constantly hurt and frustrated that they never manage, for example, to transform their life into an endless summer afternoon in a rose filled cottage garden. Such a paradise is unachievable
📖 How to Be an Existentialist: or How to Get Real, Get a Grip and Stop Making Excuses

Apr 14

a person can still create a sense of purpose through the struggle itself and through the way he plays life’s game.

True existentialists never wish they were something else, they will it, they actively strive to change themselves.

For existentialist philosophers freedom is not essentially about what people are at liberty to do
📖 How to Be an Existentialist: or How to Get Real, Get a Grip and Stop Making Excuses

Apr 14

It is vital to a proper understanding of the existentialist theory of personal freedom to realize that it is just as much a theory of personal responsibility. Freedom is not freedom from responsibility, freedom is having to make choices and therefore having to take responsibility
📖 How to Be an Existentialist: or How to Get Real, Get a Grip and Stop Making Excuses

Apr 14

🏉 Rugby - Champions Cup, 2024-04-14, 15-50-55, France 2

Apr 14

🏉 Rugby - Champions Cup, 2024-04-14, 17-04-09, France 2

Apr 15

There are two types of worry that lead to anxiety. Productive worry which is worry about doing things, homework, getting to work on time, remembering to charge your phone, these traits contribute to the helpful planning side of anxiety. And then there's poisonous worry. Worry about things you cannot control, thunderstorms, whether people will like you, plane you're on. Anxiety affects our motivation, ability to complete our task, memory, self esteem.
🟥 ADDitude Magazine
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_LE5Q3trGyY

Apr 15

Mindfulness and meditation can be very helpful. To settle yourself down. That is the traditional way that we think about dealing with anxiety. When we deal with social anxiety, there are some differences. Social anxiety is debilitating fear that someone may humiliate you, reject you, it's fundamentally attached to a core belief of deficiency. It can restrict activities, interest, relationships. Perception is I am in danger while doing that.
🟥 Sharon Saline, Psy.D
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_LE5Q3trGyY

Apr 15

In social anxiety there is a fundamental disconnect between how a person actually appears to others and their own exaggerated often negative perceptions of themselves. This is one of the reasons why social anxiety was removed from the phobia category. Because it's more than a phobia. It's not just I'm afraid of spiders or elevator. There's underlying core beliefs that are activated.
🟥 Sharon Saline, Psy.D
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_LE5Q3trGyY

Apr 15

Change the relationship to worry by investigating it. Like a puzzle. Instead of hating it, wishing it would go away, spending a lot of time on why why why – we want to look at What, How, Where and When. Instead of saying I wish I never worry, we're going to expect to worry. Worry says blah blah blah and you can't handle it. Anxiety in general is an overestimation of the problem and an underestimation of the resources available to deal with.
🟥 Sharon Saline, Psy.D
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_LE5Q3trGyY

Apr 16

No evidence that depression is caused by low serotonin levels, finds comprehensive review
Date:
July 20, 2022
Source:
University College London
Summary:
After decades of study, there remains no clear evidence that serotonin levels or serotonin activity are responsible for depression, according to a major review of prior research.
https://www.contemporaryclinic.com/view/re

Apr 16

There's an overidentification with I feel whatever the feeling is. That makes it tough to witness our feelings and step back from them, and see them more neutrally. Because the feeling is who I am. It's not something I am experiencing. There's flooding of intense feelings which overwhelms to think what is going on, consequences of our choices. Memory challenge-you can't retreat pass successes and apply them to the the present.
🟥 Sharon Saline, Psy.D
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wG15SmkXEc8

Apr 16

Social anxiety, RSD, perfectionism and imposter syndrome all share a fundamental issue – we have core sense of deficiency, a belief that you are not enough, that you could easily fail, or be excluded because of being different, or doing something wrong that you didn't know wasn't okay but you receiving immediate feedback it wasn't okay. Neurodivergent, living years of receiving criticism and experiencing judgements, sense of not being enough.
🟥 Sharon Saline, Psy.D
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wG15SmkXEc8

Apr 16

Inefficient coping mechanism for managing anxiety, related to disappointment, yours or someone else's. Perfection is directly related to to a need for approval. Imposter syndrome reflects feeling that your are fraud or phony. Since you are not perfect, and you can never achieve perfection then you must be fundamentally flawed. And you're hiding those flaws under the successes. No amount of success lessen that wound.
🟥 Sharon Saline, Psy.D
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wG15SmkXEc8

Apr 16

They strive for perfection to compensate for that deep fear of failure that they carry around that could lead to exclusion, rejection, judgements. Often lack confidence in relationships – worry what people are thinking about you, and you think you know what that is. That is direct component of social anxiety. In RSD we anticipate rejection of trouble in new situations. RSD is product of being criticized and judged negatively for being who you are.
🟥 Sharon Saline, Psy.D
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wG15SmkXEc8

Apr 16

The first sign of undiagnosed autism can be found in social interactions. Difficult to conform. Difficult to know what to do socially. Social interaction process ends up being very draining – thinking too much, trying too hard, manually trying to process tiny social cues, not doing fantastic, leave me to avoid social interaction. Lead me to appear to be awkward in social situations. Doing what everybody else is doing is challenge
🟥 7 Signs of Undiagnosed Autism in Adults
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qwu3iZSgf10

Apr 16

The point is you're ok, nothing went horribly wrong but things could have gone a lot worse. And crossing an ethical line which he absolutely did tells you something about a man. It reveals a man's character.
🎞️ THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL

Apr 17

Incoming storm

Apr 17

It is not a sign of good health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick, superficial, soulless, selfish, stupid society.

Apr 17

🇦🇹 Southern Styria

Apr 18

Also make sure the person with whom you're having a "misunderstanding" isn't a gas lighting narcissist. That will help.

Apr 18

The narcissist dysregulate everyone around him. Wreck havoc and chaos wherever he goes. And it is by observing other people's reactions actually that we can safely diagnose narcissism. Because if you try to diagnose narcissism via test, structure and interviews, that's nonsense. There is no one to talk to. I think it's major mistake to try treat narcissist with adult psychology or adult psychotherapy. They're not adults. You need to use child psychology
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GI_qx4dE1Ek

Apr 19

Obligation is a necessary fact of life. And essential for the function of society. But how we respond to each individual commitment can be difficult to predict. The context of obligation is not only determined by magnitude, the nature of a task, the people it obliges us to, our competence and confidence and any reward of consequence all factor into our perception. Responses are entirely framed by personal momentary context.
🟥 Deconstructing PDA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOrsMUyGnq4

Apr 19

In trying to show the absurdity of Freud’s position Sartre argues that consciousness would not be able to repress certain unwanted thoughts and imprison them in the unconscious without actually knowing what it was repressing.
Sartre’s books are stuffed full with characters in bad faith, some of them striving to overcome it and achieve authenticity, most of them sinking further into it as their lives drag on.
📖 How to Be an Existentialist: or How to Get Real, Get a Grip and Stop Making Excuses

Apr 19

To overcome his bad faith Sartre’s homosexual would have to take the emotionally difficult step of wanting to be the homosexual his desires and his chosen conduct
make him. He has to stop regretting his homosexuality and start affirming it. Part of being a true existentialist is wanting to be what we make ourselves be by the way we choose to act, as opposed to making excuses for the way we act and regretting it
📖 How to Be an Existentialist: or How to Get Real, Get a Grip and Stop Making Excuses

Apr 19

start living more honest, positive and less remorse-ridden lives.
⬜
does a person ever know he really did his best, that he couldn’t have done just that tiny bit better?
⬜
Unadventurous people who fail to live life to the full because they fear death, still die. They die, however, never having really lived; having already died, metaphorically, many times.
📖 How to Be an Existentialist: or How to Get Real, Get a Grip and Stop Making Excuses

Apr 20

The Bold and the Beautiful scenery.
I didn't know that Hollywood sign was so close to the ocean.

Apr 20

📺 Museum TV
Sketchbook

Apr 21

You get to choose what grows in your life. What you're feeding is getting stronger. If you're feeding doubt, think about what you can't do, how the obstacles are too big, how you're at disadvantage because you are feeding it – that doubt is getting bigger. If you're feeding fear – I'll get laid off, sick, that fear is growing, you help it becoming reality. If you wonder why we don't have confidence it's because we're feeding the wrong things.
✝️ JOEL OSTEEN
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PraYuiRPRTE

Apr 21

You've got to starve your doubts and feed your faith. Starve the discouragement and feed your hope. Starve the inferiority and feed your confidence. You'll be amazed what happens if you quit giving life to the negative and start feeding the positive. You're becoming what you eat. Change your diet. You're not a chicken pecking around the ground eating anything that they can find. You're not a crow eating road kill, leftovers – it will poison your spirit.
✝️ JOEL OSTEEN
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PraYuiRPRTE

Apr 21

It's easy to think if I had more money I could accomplish my dreams. If I had a bigger house, then I would be happy. If I had more talent, better personality, if I knew the right people then I could do something great. But as long as you feel like you're lacking, you don't have enough, you were short-changed, then you'll make excuses to be less than your best. You got to have new perspective- you have talents, resources, experiences for right now.
✝️ JOEL OSTEEN
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_XyDGUv7Chl

Apr 21

🇨🇭 Patrouille des Glaciers 2024
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dCITITXPqc

Apr 21

🇨🇭 The origins of the Patrouille des Glaciers date back to the Second World War (1939-1945).

Mountain Brigade 10 was ready for its mission: to defend the southwestern part of the Swiss Alps.
The organizers had selected a legendary route, already called at the time the “Haute Route” between ZERMATT and VERBIER. This journey, which normally took four days of walking, had to be accomplished in one go.

Apr 21

On the surface it can be discouraging, painful, hard to deal with. But you have to remind yourself that trouble is qualifying you for double. It is setting you up for a level of your destiny that you could have never seen if it had not happen. Double doze of blessing is coming. Double doze of favor. Double doze of health and vitality, opportunity and influence.
Trouble is connected, you have to go through it.
✝️ JOEL OSTEEN
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcYwXZYSApw

Apr 21

In difficulties you have to be careful whom you listen to. Some people don't have your best interest in heart. They'll judge you, trying to straighten you out. Tell you everything you've done wrong: they can't even run their own lives but they're telling you how to run your life. You need to be around people who speak faith into you. People who tell you that healing is on the way. Even if you made mess, mercy is bigger. Your mistake is not your identity.
✝️ JOEL OSTEEN
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcYwXZYSApw

Apr 21

I am serving an eviction notice to all the negative, worry, offense, trouble, turmoil. You are no longer welcomed in my secret place. It's okay to feel anger, it's okay to feel hurt, to feel disappointment, but it's not okay to let those feelings stay. You can't bring them so close to you that you wake up the next morning upset, wanting to pay somebody back, not excited about your future That's going to poison your life. Keep it outside, not inner sanctuary.
✝️ JOEL OSTEEN
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lE65Vnh8t0

Apr 21

A mask hides the exact opposite of that. Like weaknesses and emotionality and sensitivity. There is part that is terrified, unacceptable to them. Another example is chronic aggression – masking a great need for control, covers up insecurity. Actually insecure and fragile inside. Don't get so absorbed when people are presenting a front to the world, especially exaggerated and fake. Look what it's hiding – usually the opposite.
🟥 Personality Masks
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9rO-6GbfrY

Apr 21

People who have panic attacks immediately and often almost unconsciously start catastrophizing that feeling of anxiety. “What if I'm having a heart attack”. Immediately go from zero to 60 on their anxiety. When you are anxious of being anxious you teach your brain anxiety is dangerous, anxiety is threat. Now you are more likely to get in future panic attacks because you trained your brain, taught your brain that anxiety is threat, danger.
🟥 How to Stop Panic Attacks
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjQob3k2V6U

Apr 21

I really dislike the term panic attack or anxiety attack. Word attack puts you in combative mindset. Be careful about language that immediately evokes combat. Or having anxiety being an enemy or something you need to destroy or get rid of, or overcome. It's not about overcoming panic and anxiety, it's about changing our relationship with them. When we start to approach and be willing o have, to tolerate anxiety & panic, we teach brain it's safe
🟥 How to Stop Panic Attacks
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjQob3k2V6U

Apr 21

Tethys Ocean
100 million years ago Europe is a water world, sea level higher than at any other time in Earth's history, 300 meters above modern level.

Apr 21

🇮🇪 Steps to Freedom - The Irish Dance
The Irish population expressed their resistance against the authorities and the church through folk dancing. - The documentary tells the extraordinary story of “Irish Dance”.

Apr 21

🇮🇪 Ireland's North

Apr 22

These suspicious noises, these strange apparitions must have a rational explanation! To doubt, even if only for a second, means to be afraid.
🎞️ Danza Macabra (1964)

Apr 22

Apr 23

Henderson described three types of psychopaths. Aggressive psychopaths were violent, suicidal, and prone to substance abuse. Passive and inadequate psychopaths were over sensitive, unstable and hypochondriacal. They were also introverts, schizoids, and pathological liars. Creative psychopaths were all dysfunctional people who managed to become famous or infamous somehow, despite their disorder.
🟥 Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f-15W5vpZEQ

Apr 23

You don't need to be in relationship with a narcissist in order to leave a relationship. If you are with somebody who consistently is not listening to your demands, who you are saying “look, when you do this, this and this, it's extremely painful and I'm making the demand that you stop hurting me”, and they just keep on doing it, because it's convenient for them to do so. You can start looking for the exit. You have that right.
🟥 RICHARD GRANNON
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/BoDnF_1zQNk

Apr 23

Overcompensating in relationships – Do you struggle to maintain relationships? Do you try really, really hard and they seem to break down anyway? If so, chances are you're overcompensating, which means trying even harder will likely lead to even worse results. Instead of asking myself what do I feel like doing, I would focus on what others are expecting of me. Trying is good up to a point. Trying too hard is not good.
🟥 Are You Overcompensating?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCgYa0zLFxo

Apr 23

Diagnosis doesn't matter. Does diagnosis help you in any way that they were diagnosed as borderline? Misdiagnosis, comorbidity, could be something else too – did they cross the threshold? Did they cross the line? What is important are their behaviors. And how they treat you. Because both NPD and BPD are extremely exploitative, manipulative and extremely damaging to our core, to our Self. How I treat people I love says who I am.
🟥 BPD/NPD Comorbidity
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3CqUf58gMpU

Apr 23

True colors of Uranus and Neptune (italian Nettuno)

Apr 24

Honor society is about shame covering shame. In authority position they create all kinds of rules about what looks honorable. What will make the leader good because the family looks good. They aren't about truly what is loving, the main priority is about looking good, hiding shame. So it becomes the culture with 1000s rules, rules about everything, spoken, unspoken. If you grew up in that culture knowing rules makes you honorable, superior, give you status
🟥 Shame Culture
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=njwX84hWELc

Apr 24

Shame based leader has created all these rules, others have bought into these rules and over time those rules and that thinking take over the culture. Society adapt them and that is shame-based society. Rules are intended to give you map how to be great, superior to others. All life now have become competition. It's about proving you're better than somebody else, superior. It's all about compensating for shame, hiding shame.Use fear as motivating to submit
🟥 Shame Culture
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=njwX84hWELc

Apr 24

🇩🇪 Inside Skyline Frankfurt

Apr 24

Hospitality is a huge characteristic of shame based cultures. You have to provide hospitality to people but that gets twisted into becoming it's an obligation. Not out of genuine love with no strings attached, now you're doing it so they're obligated to you. Now you're doing it to look good. Now you're doing it to show how powerful and wealthy you are. All of that gets distorted. Indirect communication gets twisted into dishonesty.
🟥 Shame Culture
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=njwX84hWELc

Apr 24

🇦🇪 Louvre Abu Dhabi

Apr 24

Milošević in the Simpsons comic book, 2007.

Apr 24

🇮🇹 Florence's new airport will have a vineyard on its roof

Apr 24

Plaque buildup consists of fatty deposits, cholesterol and other substances in the arterial walls
📰 Muy Interesante España 04.2024

Apr 25

People who are not autistic are liars.
🟥 Why All Non-Autistics Are Liars
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGSaPGt82V0

Apr 26

I also started learning how to change stories in my mind of who this person was. So if someone was giving me criticism – did it mean I was a bad person? No. Did it mean they were the bad person? No. They were just giving me their opinion. And maybe their opinion may actually help me. Accept the fact that I'm human, flawed, and I'm not perfect, and it's okay if someone thinks something different than what I think about myself.
🟥 Stephanie Lyn
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZ6aX0PeQ2c

Apr 26

Exit codependency and the entrance into their own advocacy and their own satisfaction. That starts with understanding what the shame identity is. And starting to dis-identify with it.
Have things that matter to you – it could be loving relationship, fulfilling friendships, having a successful career or business, simply enjoying daily experience without burden of shame and perfectionism.
🟥 Codependency And Shame
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O50eRsw-4gg

Apr 26

Zero sum game is when my gain is your loss. Win – lose. No one can lose without someone else winning. Rich people want you to believe that capitalism is not zero sum game, that anyone in capitalism can win, this is false hope, delusional American dream. The truth is that rich are getting richer and poor are getting poorer because it is zero sum game. They give you false hope because they are terrified of revolutions in general.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSh6oVycuUs

Apr 26

Social mobility in the Unites States is lower than it is in all socialist industrial countries. Such as Scandinavia, France, Germany, Canada. Social mobility is when you make more money than your parents, when you are more educated than your parents, when you end up on higher ladder than your parents. In the America this is almost impossible. People in America remain stuck in same social level they were born into.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSh6oVycuUs

Apr 26

When you have been dumped, ignored, mocked or ridiculed, rejected or abandoned – all this has to do much more with your body than with your mind. Your brain misinterprets these events as bodily interactions. As assaults on the body. Therefore the best way to undo all this, to reverse all these processes is via body.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0r4R-YCRguo

Apr 26

Most people are not very well versed or well skilled in thinking rationally, make better decisions, to be analytical. They confuse emotions with decision making. So they engage in something called emotional thinking. Their choices are irrational, motivated by fear, by biases, by cognitive distortions. In short, we are not rational creatures. This was discovery in economic sciences and few people won for it Nobel prize for realizing people are irrational
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0r4R-YCRguo

Apr 26

Our first language is not merely lexical, it's also a container of long held emotions. Many of the infantile emotions. Our reasoning skills are divided between the systematic rational side and the unconscious, emotional side. Our first language access the unconscious, while second, third languages access the rational, executive, systematic side of our mind. Using the unnatural language forces you to think harder and critically. Whenever make decision-
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0r4R-YCRguo

Apr 26

The only problem with the treatment was that it worked too well. You became unable to express any anger at all. From that point on any time you felt angry you could only respond with strong of non-sensical jabbering.
🎞️ THE SIMPSONS

Apr 26

Why do I care so much about your opinion?
- Maybe because you're not trusting yourself enough.
🎞️ WILL & GRACE

Apr 27

If you have repressed your interpersonal needs is that you might have a lot of contempt for most people you are try to date. Because you might see anybody doing anything other than perfectly meeting 100% of their own needs as someone who is needy and incompetent. When in reality you might be working with someone who has healthy relating skills and who understand relationships are finding someone whose needs you like meeting, that is mutually beneficial.
🟥 Heidi Priebe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tkkm98qp7ro

Apr 27

Shame does even more than how it makes us feel. It's an extremely sophisticated system and takes place in our subconscious brain, we're not aware it is happening. It sets up system that feeds itself, cause more shame happening. Inner critic that always find faults, what will people think: creating feeding shame. Anytime you do something that triggers shame creates distortions and lies: you are terrible person. It feeds shame. Then isolating feeds shame
🟥 Shame As A Prison
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDfBdA5lgRl

Apr 27

Things that originally developed as the solution to shame, the ways of coping – now actually feed shame. They seem to fix shame originally but they are feeding shame. They always have been- you just didn't see it. Perfectionism. You thought if I could be perfect then that would solve my shame because I would be good enough. But nobody can be perfect. So you end up with system now where you strive for perfection which feeds shame. People pleasing backfires.
🟥 Tim Fletcher
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDfBdA5lgRl

Apr 27

Three prison guards to think about. Inner critic finding fault in anything that you do. Anything you do is never good enough, there is always something wrong. Constantly criticizing even when you are doing good things and wanting to make positive changes. It is going to find fault with it. Tape recorder of all the messages you heard growing up that were negative and replays them. Second-narcissistic authority in life. They distort what you're doing, critic
🟥 Tim Fletcher
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDfBdA5lgRl

Apr 27

Enablers keep peace. It is not just fighting own internal critic, and narcissist in your life, it's all enablers who don't want you upsetting narcissist because that makes their life difficult. They'll all things to manipulate you, hooks to pull you back, guilt, anger. It comes from their fear of narcissist. Those are prison guards. You get layer after layer of security. Fear of abandonment: you can't go against so give in. Fear of failure, of getting hurt.
🟥 Tim Fletcher
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDfBdA5lgRl

Apr 27

The first obstacle that people face once they decide to get healthy is their own fear. They have to go through a whole bunch of different fears. Then your mind goes to 50 reasons why standing up for yourself and expressing your needs is a dumb idea.
🟥 Tim Fletcher
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDfBdA5lgRl

Apr 28

To quote Sam Vaknin “narcissism isn’t a choice. Narcissistic behavior is a choice.”

Apr 28

Being very entitled and controlling, narcissists have no difficulty stepping all over your personal boundaries. When they come across to you in this dominance way it brings all sorts of thoughts you want to express to them but unfortunately part of their dominance is that they won't listen to you.
🟥 Surviving Narcissism
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noBc0CFtD4k

Apr 28

Virtually all narcissists in some form or another want to establish their power over you. These are power-broker people, they want to convince themselves anyway that they have a lot of strength on the inside and they'll superimpose their strength onto you and somehow that validates them and makes them feel good about who they are. They need you to be beneath them, so they continually go into that power and control and dominance game over you.
🟥 Surviving Narcissism
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSNk_tl8fwQ

Apr 28

You can play along with them in their craving for power in such way that you actually give up your power in service to them. You don't mean to play out that way but that's net result. Narcissists are highly judgmental. They have their agenda, they have their ideas who you're suppose to be, or what the correct opinion is suppose to be. Nonproductive discussions with them, narcissist think I get you going, I am important, my opinion matter.
🟥 Surviving Narcissism
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSNk_tl8fwQ

Apr 28

Second way you hand over your power to narcissist – You feel the need to justify who you are. You think you must come up with good explanation why I do things that I do, my reasoning. They think – you work hard to look good to me, it means my opinion is necessary, it feeds their egotism the more you overly justify who you are. Third, you hope you can gain some understanding, talk sense to them, why they have to be this way. Hold onto idealism.
🟥 Surviving Narcissism
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSNk_tl8fwQ

Apr 28

In your efforts of trying to keep them appeased what you are saying is I wish things could work out. Or it doesn't have to be this difficult. Or surely this person will eventually snap out of it. Or I am being defined by my loyalty. Or assuming this person does have conscience, see if we can tap into that. You want to be honorable individual. Remind yourself:that's you thinking normally and healthy. And narcissists don't think healthy. Aren't normal
🟥 Surviving Narcissism
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSNk_tl8fwQ

Apr 28

Playing into that – here I'll let you have power. No, we're not going to do that. The ultimate power is for you to have self-respect, and for you to maintain the dignity and the steadiness that goes along with that and in the end it takes you into a place of genuine peace that they can't share with you.
🟥 Surviving Narcissism
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSNk_tl8fwQ

Apr 28

Narcissists label very quickly people as being either good or bad. They're very all or nothing in the way they think. Whatever is in their inconvenient bad category doesn't exist to them. As result of splitting they don't consider the whole truth about who you are.
They need you to respond in state of disarray so that they can prove to them why they are better and you're worst, and it validates their narrative. They project their ugliness onto you.
🟥 Surviving Narcissism
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8NWJNS6bv4

Apr 28

The healthier I got, the less comfortable I was. One of biggest myths is if you have good boundaries, you're mean. People don't usually think this way but your preferences are boundaries in some way. There's societal pressure not to be demanding, for women especially. Many clients don't know what their preferences are. Ok and not ok list. A lot of times we are tolerating a lot of that is not necessary.
🟥 Healthy Versus Unhealthy Boundaries, featuring Terri Cole
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rfl8ANKvN98

Apr 28

It's my right to say it does not work for me. Sometimes it is take it or leave it. That is deal breaker. No – we can't come back from this if you step over this line. Some may say you're being judgmental, you're finicky, you're hard to get along with. Me saying something doesn't work for me doesn't mean saying something crappy about you. They interpret it as rejection. If you setting boundary blows relationship, it wasn't healthy to begin with.
🟥 Boundaries
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rfl8ANKvN98

Apr 28

Everyone's like maybe you need to try it this way, maybe you could say it that way. And they were basically being fed to the wolves. And I thought, let you understand that this is the wolf. So you stop feeding yourself to them. This is what's happening and this is what you can do. I was shocked how mental health profession was not taking this on. Narcissists don't want to change their behavior because they don't think they're doing anything wrong
🟥 Dr. Ramani - Terri Cole
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSHI5N-w5sk

Apr 28

Narcissism is tactic, they use tactic all the time. Their consistent core self is deeply insecure, combative, wants to be in power, control, dominating, needs a lot of admiration. They switch the rules once they have you where they want you. If you could educate people they'd know what they are up against. And at minimum they stop blaming themselves. Stop blaming yourself. This is the them thing. It's not you.
🟥 Dr. Ramani - Terri Cole
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSHI5N-w5sk

Apr 28

The core of narcissistic person is very fragile. That's why they lose it when you critique them. Or give them feedback. Or don't read their mind. Or don't do exactly what they want. And that's why they use all kinds of tactics like manipulation, gaslighting, invalidation, dismissiveness, competitiveness, betrayal. Some of them are tactics, some are unemphatic behavior. And it gives them the upper hand in relationship. Control, power gives them supply.
🟥 Dr. Ramani - Cole
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSHI5N-w5sk

Apr 28

Grace, embrace who you are.
🎞️ WILL & GRACE

Apr 28

Maladaptive personality style – because people who have it are often at odds with other people. They're arguing, they're screaming, they're never content. They're malcontented people, they lack flexibility. I think we need to get rid of diagnosis. Because it muddies the waters, ICD11 got rid of the personality disorder characterization. In DSM, in USA we still have NPD. That begs the question –according to whom? Because narc thinks he's wonderful
🟥 Dr. Ramani - Terri Cole
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSHI5N-w5sk

Apr 28

It's their behavior that is affecting you. You can't see their internal processes. All you can see is how it's coming out at you, and that's behavior. And that behavior is the problem. That behavior is not going to change. All decisions from this point forward on are based on this behavior is not going to change. People were holding on to “maybe when they get promotion” future faking.
🟥 Dr. Ramani - Terri Cole
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSHI5N-w5sk

Apr 28

You're no longer going to play the game of what can I do differently to get them to behave differently – because the answer is to that is nothing. That's radical acceptance. It takes long time. And it's not just accepting their behavior is not going to change, it's also the way it affects you is also not going to change. Just because you radically accept doesn't mean that somebody screaming at you is going to hurt any less- it does,it hurts a lot
🟥 Dr. Ramani - Terri Cole
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSHI5N-w5sk

Apr 28

People say it bothers me when they say these things. I say, because they say bothersome things. I don't want you to lose that part of you. That part is good index what is okay, what's not. From that point – excavation. A person pulling their true self out of their relationships. If you grew up with narcissistic parent, it was a true self that never even got to develop. It's how much your identity got co-opted. What do I like, what do I stand for.
🟥 Dr. Ramani - Terri Cole
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSHI5N-w5sk

Apr 28

I'm not setting boundary with these people. “Don't do this with me”. “Don't say this with me”. It's all internal. Because if you try to set a boundary with someone who's narcissistic or antagonistic – it's never going to work. And I think it's unsafe guidance to give.
With this dangerous person no. But what are you willing to tolerate. How can you protect yourself emotionally. What access can you remove. Move these people from VIP section.
🟥 Dr. Ramani - Terri Cole
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSHI5N-w5sk

Apr 28

🇮🇹 Venezia- visita di Papa Francesco, Santa, 2024-04-28, 12-08-37, Rai 1 HD

Apr 29

What other people think of me is not my business. What I do is what I do. How people see me doesn't change what I decide to do.
🟦 Ru Paul

Apr 29

it's all fine and dandy,
Sugar Candy, I've got you!
Then I only see the sunny side,
Even trouble has its funny side!
🎵 Fine and Dandy · Eydie Gorme
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=alynuDRiFDw

Apr 29

The Bold and Beautiful crew

Apr 29

🩰 Swan Lake

Apr 29

The Single-handed Trans-Atlantic Race is an east-to-west yacht race across the North Atlantic. When inaugurated in 1960, it was the first single-handed ocean yacht race; it is run from Plymouth in England to Newport, Rhode Island in the United States, and has generally been held on a four yearly basis.
⛵ The Transat CIC