Dec 1, 2023
With your trick (imagining a force field around our body) - we never learn that we are capable. We are only confirming toxic shame installed programming that we are passive and bad and wrong - and therefore we must have this imaginary boundaries cocoon around us to keep us safe. That will keep social anxiety alive - since we never allow ourselves to alternative and healthier beliefs, other than those which we were hypnotized into.
https://77ranko.blogspot.com/2023/07/m
Dec 1
It's easy to say “You should have seen the signs before you got into a serious relationship. You saw what the person was like”. Here's the truth: most people who end up in abusive relationships come from abusive homes. And what being raised by abusive or neglectful parent does to you is that it normalizes abuse. Basically rendering you blind to red flags. So the signs that make if obvious that person is toxic because you didn't have abusive upbringing.
🟥 Victim Blaming
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/J1AecimGXLk
Dec 1
Give ourselves these little tiny tools to cope in real time, perhaps lift some of the self-blame and put finer point on that idea – that it's not you, it's them.
🟥 DoctorRamani
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXcPfBP6Mj0
Dec 1
Because of how the brain is wired, we can have different knowings or beliefs stored in parallel throughout the brain. In other words, one part of us might really believe one truth, and another part know something to be contrary. If we were to use a computer metaphor, we'd say our brain is a parallel processor. Once the schema is stated, what often naturally happens, some other knowing gets forward to contradict the schema.
🟥 Dr. Tori Olds
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IsSfYzRq86l
Dec 1
While it might seem like a counter-intuitive approach to in no way try to change the symptom, it can be refreshing for clients. Many of us are tired of being managed or trying to manage ourselves. It's nice for once not to be pushed or even pathologized, but rather approached with a deep assumption that whatever pattern we are struggling with, there must be some coherent explanation underneath it.
Just to be approached with that respect is enough.
🟥 Dr. Tori Olds
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IsSfYzRq86I
Dec 2
I'd seen it before. Twelve years ago in college. Somehow my unconscious had served that up. A memory I had never even recorded. Or was it there the whole time and all I needed was the access?
Information from the odd museum show, a half-read article, some PBS documentary... it was all bubbling up in my frontal lobes, mixing itself together into a sparkling cocktail of useful information.
🎞️ Limitless (2011)
Dec 2
You say so many strange things. Like orderly society, perfect body, same brain. What are you trying to make of us? A race of insects, like those? They're ugly creatures. Mindless and soulless, Rushing about moving dirt from one place to another.
- They serve a purpose.
- Well, true. But whose? Certainly not their own, since they don't accomplish anything to help themselves. Year and years of industry, and they're still insects.
🎞️ The Outer Limits S2 E12 - Keeper of the Purple Twilight
Dec 2
If you can't believe it, you won't achieve it.
And that is why we have to focus on the development of the person every day.
✝️ HOUR OF POWER
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wQKOJqufdw
Dec 2
How to identify a Sociopath
Deepstash app
Dec 2
Those who fear the facts will forever try to discredit the fact-finders.
🟦 Denis Diderot
Dec 2
At work in the office I never looked at any one, and I was perfectly well aware that my
companions looked upon me, not only as a queer fellow, but even looked upon me—I always fancied this—with a sort of loathing. I sometimes wondered why it was that nobody except me fancied that he was looked upon with aversion?
📖 Notes from the underground, FYODOR DOSTOEVSKY
https://web.seducoahuila.gob.mx/biblioweb/upload/White%20Nights%20and%20Other%20Stories.pdf
Dec 2
I hated my face, for instance: I thought it disgusting...
I hated my fellow clerks one and all, and I despised them all, yet at the same time I was, as it were, afraid of them. In fact, it happened at times that I thought more highly of them than of myself. It somehow happened quite suddenly that I alternated between despising them and thinking them superior to
myself
📖 Notes from the underground, FYODOR DOSTOEVSKY
https://web.seducoahuila.gob.mx/biblioweb/upload/White%20Nights%20and%20Other%20Stories.pdf
Dec 2
My schoolfellows met me with spiteful and merciless jibes because I was not like any of them. But I could not endure their taunts; I could not give in to them with the ignoble readiness with which they gave in to one another. I hated them from the first, and shut myself away from every one in timid, wounded and disproportionate pride. Their coarseness revolted me.
Everything that was just, but oppressed they laughed at heartlessly and shamefully.
📖 Notes from the underground, FYODOR DOSTOEVSKY
Dec 2
By reading the Notes from the underground, I discovered the English word for until now, untranslatable Croatian word "uhljeb":
a snug berth
Dec 2
To escape from their derision I purposely began to make all the progress I could with my studies and forced my way to the very top.
This impressed them.
The mockery ceased, but the hostility remained, and cold and strained relations became permanent between us.
I attempted to get on friendly terms with some of my schoolfellows; but somehow or other my intimacy with them was always strained and soon ended of itself.
📖 Notes from the underground (1864), FYODOR DOSTOEVSKY
Dec 2
Once, indeed, I did have a friend. But I was already a tyrant at heart; I wanted to exercise unbounded sway over him; I tried to instil into him a contempt for his surroundings; I required of him a disdainful
and complete break with those surroundings. I frightened him with my passionate affection; I reduced him to tears, to hysterics.
but when he devoted himself to me entirely I began to hate him immediately and repulsed him
📖 Notes from the underground (1864), FYODOR DOSTOEVSKY
Dec 3
Lazy Saturday afternoon
Dec 3
What are you trying to communicate with your work?
- I wanted to react against bigotry. We can see this online;
we can see judgment, moralistic judgment, and superior judgment. Standards of beauty can be very rigid and they can be cruel because not that many people can reach those standards.
I would love to liberate people from feeling that they need to conform to certain standards.
Rick Owens
📖 L'Officiel USA Issue 38, 2023
Dec 4
Once upon a time, there was a young man who believed there was nothing more important than a wish, not just any wish of course, the one that drives your heart, the one that makes you who you are. But he also understood just how impossible it can be to make that wish come true, how easily dreams can be destroyed.
🎞️ Wish (2023)
Dec 4
Look how much I learned on Duolingo in 2023! How did you do? #Duolingo365
Dec 4
“My experience with style is not related to high glamour,” he says. “I want to celebrate reality because I know it well and have a lot to say.”
I didn’t have a business plan, but instead rode the wave of a strong emotion that is apparently still driving me
Luca Magliano
📖 L'Officiel Hommes USA Fall 2023
Dec 5
This balloon wrapped in duct tape represents a neurotypical person. And this nail represents rejection. When the neurotypical person encounters a rejection, it hurts but neurotypical person doesn't explode. This balloon represent ADHD person, it's bright and fun to be around but because it was exposed to 10,000 more negative messages when it was a child, always felt different because of that. It's lot more exposed. React offensive
🟥 Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria Explained
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/qVJPdnnYctw
Dec 5
Addressing symptoms is not fixing a problem.
Dec 5
Why did you joined the Marines?
- To kill people.
🎞️ USS Indianapolis: Men of Courage (2016)
Dec 5
I wanted to buy myself beautiful clothes but could not find anything that really corresponded to what I was looking for. So, I started with my own need for a functional wardrobe with contemporary cuts made from beautiful materials. At the end of 2010, I launched my brand with a collection of ties.
PAUL SZCZERBA
📖 L'Officiel Hommes USA Fall 2023
Dec 5
Dec 6
Because I don't know why I'm doing those things in the first place, I might start to feel like I just have these character defects. I just have these compulsions that I don't understand. When in reality we just don't know how to regulate around our core emotions because we don't have access to them because they have become shame-bound.
We're telling ourselves story our emotions don't make sense. I'll get shamed even further and labeled as weak.
🟥 Toxic Shame, Heidi Priebe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxBm9r2tpyY
Dec 6
You are not inherently broken, flawed, weird, messed up or any of those things you might be telling yourself at your core. You just developed compensatory mechanism on top of compensatory mechanism for trying to regulate yourself when you did not have access to skills that would help you regulate directly.
🟥 Toxic Shame, Heidi Priebe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxBm9r2tpyY
Dec 6
All of these things developed as a result of believing that core emotions that everybody has are inherently wrong and that you are bad for feeling it. If you can start to understand how many things grew out of that initial misunderstanding you're going to be able to give yourself a lot more grace. And stop thinking about patterns of behavior that you are ashamed of as moral flaws – and see them as best attempt of coping within a system.
🟥 Toxic Shame, Heidi Priebe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxBm9r2tpyY
Dec 6
There is no world where we just don't feel anger, sadness, lust, excitement, joy, all these emotions that are core to the human experience. Most of us experience them daily. And so if they are shame-bound, and we're always pushing them down, calling them wrong things and taking counter actions, we are going to be dis-regulated daily.
Learn how to resolve things directly rather than sending them underground into this convoluted system, sideways
🟥 Toxic Shame, Heidi Priebe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxBm9r2tpyY
Dec 6
Try setting your criticism down. You'll get a better reception and quality of people in your life instead of us being turned off by you.
Dec 6
When shame is your identity, it messes with your nervous system. And that is core of auto-immune disease - is dysregulated nervous system and shame is the number 1 emotion that dysregulated you. So when you feel anger, you feel shame. You become shame bound. It is your identity what you're feeling every minute, every day. When you get needy, they get angry. They will be roughest on you when you are needy because I wanted support
🟥 Healing toxic shame - child abusive homes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wIkAxQrx1TY
Dec 6
Think about ancestors. If one needed saving, the odds of village trying to save them go up a lot if they are seen as useful. If they think this person's life is worth saving. Your acting in a way that creates perceived value in the group- make sure you don't rock the boat too much. That people don't think poorly of you has consequences to survive. People may developed anticipated shame to weigh out negative actions.
🟥 How to overcome shame, Whelm
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_dG-m7iPQ4
Dec 6
We tend to behave in ways more to minimize disapproval rather than maximize disapproval. We tend to avoid losses more than we want to gain wins. Shame is belief that there is something wrong with ourselves. Not that we did something wrong. But that we ourselves are wrong with us, that we are lesser. Anytime there is difference how we see ourselves and standards we think we have to live up to – we experience shame. We carry it, ingrained part
🟥 How to overcome shame, Whelm
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_dG-m7iPQ4
Dec 6
Just like social anxiety, shame can be result of not living up to this external standard that we see: somebody else's values. So an important part of working on shame is getting our values and acting in accordance with them. That's how we start to develop a sense of self-esteem. It is not easy understanding what our own values are. When we act in congruence with our values, we see our self worth go up. Our sense of agency, use our wise mind.
🟥 How to overcome shame, Whelm
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_dG-m7iPQ4
Dec 6
You see before you the woman Laurel may yet become. The child who lied and cheated and hated, because she could not believe one simple fact. That she was loved.
- I have loved her, thought only of her.
- You've thought only of yourself. You've used Laurel to hurt her mother. You wanted the truth, and the truth may still save Laurel.
🎞️ The Chalk Garden (1964)
Dec 7
in the depths of shame,
The good deeds a man has done before defend him
🟦 quotation from Bhartṛhari's Śatakatraya
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J._Robert_Oppenheimer
Dec 7
Be the most authentic we can be. For our whole lifetime. When we get to be the most authentic version of ourselves, then we feel in alignment, we feel connected, we feel like we have purpose and meaning in our lives. Knowing that we are listening and taking seriously and following the truth that lives inside.
🟥 Intro to IFS (Internal Family Systems)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9ucx97jhpA
Dec 7
The way we conceptualize a problem dictates the way in which we formulate the solution to that problem. If you have a map, that's not inaccurate, not faulty –it's just not very nuanced. It's missing pieces. And certain things that the map maker focused on because at that time – we're operating from outdated not very smart map. Our perception of reality is warped by the fact we're so heavily emotionally dysregulated. What we think is dangerous/safe is not
🟥 RICHARD GRANNON
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7f48hHP7oUs
Dec 7
We really have to work very hard at changing our programming because we don't understand we're upset because someone else has a perception of us that we're uncomfortable with. And we challenge this person's perception of us. We're upset that people think this about us. Something amazing happens when you begin to accept that other people are allowed to have their own faulty perception of you.
🟥 Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life coaCh Inc.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7O8TBwrPSWg
Dec 7
Basically say back to narc person what they say to you:
"I'm sorry you feel that way"
"If I need your advice I will ask" / "Don't you know that It's very rude and stupid to give unsolisted advice without being asked"
"I'm very worry about your mental health"
"You should see a doctor"
"I disagree with you"
"Normal people I know don't behave like you"
"You must calm down or I won't speak to you"
"You are very emotional"
Dec 8
We're born with authentic Self. Over time due to relationship trauma that we get exposed to in childhood, our authentic Self has to shut down and different parts are born to help us stay safe and survive. These parts don't act in most adaptive ways but their intentions are good in the moment, based on fight, flight, freeze and fawn survival stress responses.
🟥 Healing Complex Trauma With Mary Brownlie, MA, LPC
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6U477d6gBLE
Dec 8
🟥 Healing Complex Trauma With Mary Brownlie, MA, LPC
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6U477d6gBLE
Dec 8
Criticizer prevents disappointment. If you continue in life having very small expectations for yourself then at least in some sideways it protects you from disappointment. It may not be apparent in the beginning, later on you see how genius they acted to keep you safe, in the only way that they knew how.
Be invisible as possible so bad things don't happen to you.
It is possible to love yourself and to be safe.
🟥 Healing Complex Trauma With Mary Brownlie, MA, LPC
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6U477d6gBLE
Dec 8
Teach the part that is has value no matter how other people treat it. A lot of us grew up in unhealthy families equated our worth and value with how we were being treated by family members or other people. So if we have been abused we equated that to there is something inherently wrong with us. This is something that has to be corrected in trauma therapy. You have value and it doesn't matter how people treated you.
🟥 Healing Complex Trauma With Mary Brownlie, MA, LPC
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6U477d6gBLE
Dec 8
The only reason anything has value is because we say it does.
🟥 How to control intrusive (unwanted) thoughts
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/RQr4n74hbvw
Dec 8
There's no such thing as kite-eating tree.
Dec 8
The World Health Organization (WHO) defines mental health as "a state of well-being in which the individual realizes their own abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to their community".
Kinnu app
Dec 8
Beautiful TF1 Series Films Christmas ident bumper
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NzWYOj2vT
Dec 9
In German language, word "hell" means "bright".
Dec 9
But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God's wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed.
✝️ Romans 2:5 NIV - Bible
Dec 9
Is this going on all night? You know it is after one o'clock. How are people suppose to sleep on this island?
- Together.
🎞️ It Started in Naples (1960)
Dec 9
Approach hamburger with assurance. If you show it that you're frightened, you wind up with a shirt full of mustard. Show it who's boss. You have to attack life the same way. But you have to know how. Takes an education to do that. You go to good school, get a head start and the whole world is your hamburger.
🎞️ It Started in Naples (1960)
Dec 10
Dec 10
Map of Germany shown in the comedy movie "Die Feuerzangenbowle" (1944).
Dec 10
True are only the memories that we carry within us, the dreams that we follow, and the yearning that drive us. And we should leave it at that...
🎞️ Die Feuerzangenbowle (1944)
Dec 11
Flanders' glasses
Dec 11
Malibu Stacy in Film Fashions
Dec 12
The Bold and the Beautiful landscape.
Dec 12
Maricon
Dec 13
Because we create this unrealistic idea of masculinity, this mythopoetic ideal that is not really achievable, what it means most men are wandering around feeling like they don't measure up. And if they have experienced traumatic socialization, bullied or treated like there's something wrong with them for having emotions, then they bury these things down, and it creates problem for them.
🟥 Shame as an Origin of Toxic Masculinity
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/1gE2i7DBHs4
Dec 13
But burying it doesn't necessarily take away the fundamental issues that they're dealing with, feeling vulnerable and insecure. They feel less as a man. They're afraid to show depressions, sadness, fear. But it's still affecting them, and because they've been told that they're not supposed to have these feelings as men, they experience this as shame.
🟥 Shame as an Origin of Toxic Masculinity
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/1gE2i7DBHs4
Dec 13
Forced Fawning.
Being trapped and cornered by those made to feel guilty and the only path is to fawn.
Dec 13
If you don't fit in, it's because you stand out, and that makes you OUTSTANDING.
Dec 13
Inauthentic people have unrealistic perceptions of reality, looking for others for approval and validation, being judgmental, not thinking things through, not learning from mistakes, and being unable to express emotions clearly or understand their motivations. That definition comes from Psychology Today. That sound like narcissism. What is confusing is so many narcissistic folks think of themselves as authentic. Authentic is showing up as me, not brand.
🟥 DoctorRamani
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzMqQ6EbbjM
Dec 13
Dec 14
- Want to dance?
- Yeah, all right.
🎞️ Chicken Run (2000)
Dec 14
Shame means that man feels that there is something fundamentally wrong with them. Guilt is I did something wrong. Shame is, I am wrong. When shame arises for men, they will often engage in something that Connell talks about as “protest masculinity”. They may externalize their emotions in form of anger and violence, related to sadness or feel threatened and to prove that they are real men. "I am more of man than you".
🟥 Toxic Masculinity or Wounded Masculinity?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VfFpKjc6Vg
Dec 14
In my humble opinion, this is not published research, actually when we talk about narcissistic personality disorder, we must consider that it overlaps with the spectrum for psychotic disorders. This is full scale psychotic break from reality. The person lives in a fantasy, so when they interact with you, they interact with an internalized version of you within the remit of their fantasy.
🟥 RICHARDGRANNON
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/iGXGK7akes4
Dec 14
but the fact is I'm just crackers about cheese. Look, if I must change me ways, at least let me do it my way. With technology. It's time we tried my latest invention, the Mind Manipulation-omatic. It extracts unwanted thoughts and desires. I haven't tested it yet, but it should be perfectly safe. Just a bit of harmless brain alteration, that's all.
🎞️ Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit (2005)
Dec 15
I thought once that gods are the opposite of death, but I see now they are more dead than anything, for they are unchanging, and can hold nothing in their hands.
📖 Circe by Madeline Miller (2018)
Dec 16
Christmas 2023
Dec 16
Learn to suffer well
Deepstash app
Dec 16
The blue dot effect
Deepstash app
Dec 17
If you were comfortable all the time, you couldn't reach your potential. If you didn't have opposition, things you don't understand, problems not changing, you would never developed endurance, trust and character. That pressure is getting you prepared. You have to have resistance to get stronger.
✝️ JOEL OSTEEN
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIO8MhEfARw
Dec 17
Tradition de Noel
Dec 17
Dec 17
Was it you told me that I was getting old?
- You told it to yourself. I was only reading your deepest thoughts. The rest was your own doing.
🎞️ The Outer Limits - Counterweight S2 E14 (1964)
Dec 18
Golden xmas tree
Dec 18
The "hat" shape can tile an infinite plane without creating repeating patterns.
📰 New Scientist, 16 December 2023
Dec 19
Dec 19
Forcing yourself into situations where you are able to be rejected so that you can retrain your brain to see that if you do get rejected, like keeps going. It is not the end of world. You're still able to move forward. And this moment didn't define you or change you are a person.
🟥 How to Solve Rejection Sensitivity
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqKZON7rXuY
Dec 19
Iceland's volcano erruption live on state TV
Dec 20
We gravitate towards what we identify with. Then we date our own emotional self worth. What did you identify with person that has this disorder, it is emotional, not physical.
🟥 You Were Never BAD Enough for the Borderline
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5hVLb9Cp-U
Dec 20
You see, Mick thought ─ well, like a lot of other people ─ that if he had money and an important position it would make him secure. Then when he met Ron who didn't have either one and didn't seem to need them... he was completely baffled. The answer was so simple, it took Mick a long time to figure it out.
- What was the answer?
- "To thine own self be true." That's Ron.
🎞️ All That Heaven Allows (1955)
Dec 20
You see, Ron's security comes from inside himself. And nothing can ever take it away from him. Ron absolutely refuses to let unimportant things become important.
Our whole life was devoted to keeping up with the Joneses. But when Mick was wounded and had a lot of time to think... he decided to get off that merry-go-round.
🎞️ All That Heaven Allows (1955)
Dec 20
When I was therapist I learned when someone's story doesn't make sense, it was because they were lying.
🎞️ Criminal minds XI, ep. 21
Dec 20
Dec 21
It's like vampires. Once it's in you... it stays.
🎞️ Mystic River (2003)
Dec 21
In reality, we're still 11-year-old boys locked in a cellar, imagining what our lives would have been if we'd escaped.
🎞️ Mystic River (2003)
Dec 21
Inflaming factors that intensify emotions
Deepstash app
Dec 21
Merano
📰 Gente, no 50
Dec 22
Identity wrapped up in being needed by other people. So you attract people who need you. You are giver in relationship so your energy is giving. And what you do is you attract energy vampires. You attract people who take. You do not feel good about yourself, you have low self esteem, lack boundaries, shutter at idea someone being angry. Mood depended on the moods of others.
🟥 10 Rules Of Codependency,
Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life coaCh Inc.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_CEof9mrYk
Dec 22
Rather than react to anxiety we learn to observe from a higher state of awareness. We might feel like I don't want to be around this person, but we will struggle to claim that. Because we have problem with identity. We have problem with the self and honoring the self, respecting the self. Learn to walk away from people who fail to see the good in me.
Most often we attract people who are unkind and who exploit us in some way; time, money.
🟥 Lisa A. Romano
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_CEof9mrYk
Dec 22
New identity rooted in “I am enough”. Instead of “I am not enough”.
🟥 Lisa A. Romano
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_CEof9mrYk
Dec 22
The Bold and the Beautiful landscape.
Dec 22
Some of my smartest clients lost a lot of money because they based their choices on preconceived beliefs, instead of truth. Seeing the difference is one of the hardest things person can do.
🎞️ Leave the World Behind (2023)
Dec 22
What exactly was the point of letting them back to the house?
- It was the right thing to do.
- And that right there is going to f*ck us in the end.
🎞️ Leave the World Behind (2023)
Dec 22
Dec 23
I'm not complaining, I'm venting. There's a difference.
🎞️ The Grinch (2018)
Dec 24
Don't forget what happened to a man who suddenly got whatever he always wanted.
- What happened?
- He lived happily ever after.
🎞️ Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971)
Dec 24
Dec 24
Then the Grinch thought of something...
he hadn't before.
🎞️ How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)
Dec 25
Your good thoughts, good words, and good deeds alone will be your intercessors.
Nothing more will be wanted. They alone will serve you, as a safe pilot to the harbour of Heaven.
🔥Zoroastrianism
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/kdeG-71Ec-U
Dec 25
Oh, children always say what they mean. Its adults you can't trust.
🎞️ Candy Cane Lane (2023)
Dec 26
Someone picked on my idea of bringing back the capes back to male fashion.
Dec 26
Roscón, also known as Tortell, is a sweet bread-based ring-shaped dessert typical of the Spanish cuisine. Roscón. The cream variant. Type, Dessert, bread.
Dec 26
Cartier - holiday ad
Dec 26
Dec 27
Everyone writes to me that is wrong. “My neighbor/wife/child etc. is not like this”. Science does not deal with individual experience. Science deals with trends and characteristics which are population wide. Cohorts. It is based on multiple studies. Whatever I say is based on studies. I never involve my own personal experience or your anecdotes.
🟥 Shy/Quiet Borderline “Diagnosis”, Reality vs. Phantasy/Fantasy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lzaBT0iKFiA
Dec 27
Impaired reality testing is partial reality testing. Impaired reality testing is not the same as no reality testing. Fantasy is not the same as a hallucination. In a hallucination typical of psychotic disorders there is no reality testing. In a fantasy, typical for NPD, BPD, there is a reality testing. But it is somehow distorted or impaired. They borrow elements from reality &construct around them a narrative that is counterfactual - defies some facts.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lzaBT0iKFiA
Dec 27
In the absence of a fully constellated and integrated Self and Ego, the narcissist phantasy is limited to self regulation via cognitive distortions known as grandiosity. So the narcissist fantasy is very narrow. It does not constitute the total existence of the narcissist. That's why narcissists can function perfectly in workplace settings where there is no shared fantasy. When they are embedded they behave very differently.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lzaBT0iKFiA
Dec 27
The borderlines fantasy also involves external regulation. But on much more massive scale. Narc external regulation has to do only with self worth. The borderline external validation has in its purview almost every psychological process. Almost all processes are regulated from the outside: moods are labile, emotions overwhelm so needs someone to regulate emotions, needs someone to serve as reality testing, provide with object constancy. Outsourced.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lzaBT0iKFiA
Dec 27
she couldn’t keep up the facade
Dec 27
If a person with complex trauma is living out of their survival toolkit and you give them all those new tools, they're going to try to use them – but they're going to go back to the survival tools. And they're not going to have healthy relationships. And so complex trauma prevents healthy adult relationship. Doesn't make them impossible because you can heal all those wounds. Before you can use healthy tools, you have to heal the shame first and the wounds.
🟥 TimFletcher
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/28obnQfeM4w
Dec 27
Cleckley's (1941) tome, The Mask of Sanity, established sixteen standard personality features as criteria for a diagnosis of psychopathy; these include superficial charm, lack of empathy, self-centeredness, guiltlessness, and lack of anxiety and remorse, among others.
Dec 27
This profoundly damaging #scapegoating impacts development of self-worth and identity. You absorb a false narrative of being inherently defective and toxic.
Many #scapegoats end up estranged from their families, unable to bear the cruelty of being continually blamed and ostracized for things outside their control.
You owe no one continued access to inflict harm.
🟥 Recover Thyself
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqIJ6y2E2JE
Dec 27
They can't receive when they have these stories that they're at something or someone else and that someone else has more than they do. Narcissists pick people out – this person has money, status. Often times we will nullify our own Selves assuming based on being raised in narc system or adapting paradigm that people only want you as commodity, what they can use me for. 85% people don't get in relationship based on what they can get out of it.
🟥 Stacy Hoch: Empoweress
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qX6nxWBdDfY
Dec 27
I had so much internal shaming dialogue that my Protector didn't let me to my internal Self, it didn't trust me. Unconsciously I was wronging myself. Thought would come to my head and I use that to self-deprecate. I really could use anything. I could beat myself with anything. I beat myself up with that statement. Instead of listening to that mean inner dialogue (you don't have 5 closest friends) and not pushing it away, I give it compassion.
🟥 Practice Self Compassion
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iltJtHT3MmE
Dec 27
Resistance is persistence. I just started giving it compassion. I said, well yeah maybe I don't have 5 closest friends but I've lived through some hard stuff and it made it really hard to trust people. Adverse experiences made me really protective. And that mean internal voice actually calmed down. Compassion is natural gateway to self love.
“I always fail” “I never do anything right” those are catastrophizing black and white. Surely you done some
🟥 Transcending Trauma
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iltJtHT3MmE
Dec 28
Dec 28
He started realizing that just like anybody they wanted to be acknowledged and appreciated. And these parts, bulimic parts, was protecting the client from exposing a trauma. So by being protection mechanism of the trauma – the bulimia had a purpose. It had a reason for existing. And when you start talking to it with respect, compassion and curiosity what occurs is bulimia part says I don't want to be doing this but this is all I know to do.
🟥 Internal Family Systems (IFS)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZScmbbosag
Dec 28
Healing only comes through cutting off or seriously limiting the source of pain. There just are no other ways to become healthier.
🟦 Shannon Thomas
Dec 28
Classic NL radio playing the end of the year TOP 250 list of classical music.
https://classic.nl/home
Dec 28
Deepstash app
Dec 28
Sky Radio (NL) playing TOP 1000 until the Silvester.
These are top 5 songs:
https://www.skyradio.nl/hitlijsten/luister
Dec 28
Dec 28
👨🍳 Buche roulee poire-chocolat-praline
Dec 28
Funko Pop!
Dec 28
📻 UK radio frequencies
Dec 29
Trauma is not what happened to you. Trauma wasn't neglect, divorce, or bullying or abuse. That's not the trauma. That's the traumatic event. The trauma is the wound that you sustained as a result. The wound was not that I was given to the stranger. The wound was the impact what happened inside me, that I wasn't lovable. So I become workaholic so that people would love me, day or night. I try to prove myself I was lovable. Impact to my children:not lovable
🟥 Dr. Gabor Maté
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNplzwAH-Gk
Dec 29
Deepstash app
Dec 29
Italian proverb:
La pentola troppo sorvegliata non bolle mai (Liguria)
Dec 30
You don't build the great American store from the ground up by being dishonest. You do it by being a stubborn, relentless, know-it-all, difficult workaholic. And by being honest.
🎞️ Christmas on Chestnut Street (2006)
Dec 30
It is precisely in knowing its limits that philosophy consists.
🟦 Immanuel Kant
Dec 30
The news on TV especially is always based on fear. It teaches you to blame the world for all your problems. It trains you to look to the government, to look to this or that, all the horrible things that are happening. And at the same time to be powerless o do anything. So it trains you into a way of thinking I am powerless.
✝️ HOUR OF POWER
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-UJDrvVy8Ww
Dec 31
The key is you have to learn to accept yourself while you are in the process of changing. Doesn't do any good go around beating yourself up because of flaws and weaknesses, living guilty and condemned. Because of thinking you are not where you should be in life. Learn to enjoy the glory that you're in while God is changing you and taking you to the next level of glory.
There'll always be something that is not right, some reason to feel wrong about who we are
🟥 JOEL OSTEEN
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9Mt6GMSovg
Dec 31
God does not expect us to be perfect but he does expect us to keep trying. To keep growing. You have to stay pliable: be willing to change. When you make mistakes, don't stay down on yourself, get back up and go again.
🟥 It's The Heart That Matters | Joel Osteen
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9Mt6GMSovg
Dec 31
Start accepting yourself because your heart is right. When you live guilty and condemned, feeling wrong on the inside - it only makes you do worse. I am happy who I am even I am not where I want to be. I know I'm growing. I enjoy where I am while in the process of being changed.
Well Joel I am alcoholic. That's what you do. That's not who you are. Well I failed in business. Failure is an event, it is not a person. Nothing you can do changes your value.
🟥 JOEL OSTEEN
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9Mt6GMSovg
Dec 31
Sunny Silvester
Dec 31
Golden ornaments
Dec 31
Don't dream it, be it.
🎞️ The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)
Dec 31
New Year 2024 in Turkmenistan
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FIb-Oxf-oi
🎅
