Mastodon 2023 September

 Sep 1, 2023

Malignant narcissism is an extreme mix of narcissism, antisocial behavior, aggression, and sadism (Campbell, 2009). The malignant narcissist undermines families and organizations and dehumanizes the people with whom they associate (Abdennur, 2000).
🟥 Rebecca C. Mandeville LMFT - Scapegoat Recovery
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MTJqSRYrdUA

Sep 1

So desperate to find that sense of connection, and to be seen &nurtured, protected. So if that's how you go out into the world, and especially if you are an empath and you're carrying that kind of light, sensitivity, caring nature, wanting to help people, you are sitting duck for malignant narcissist. They have sixth predatory sense to seek out an empath. I don't see stressed enough – malignant narcissist can fake empathy
🟥 Rebecca C. Mandeville LMFT - Scapegoat Recovery
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MTJqSRYrdUA

Sep 1

Looking for happy ending to make up for crappy abusive childhood. Malignant narcissist may know about narcissism and they may need to know to watch out for that – and here comes someone who's listening to them, who's attentive, who's mirroring, even phrases and experiences. Being very understanding. These people can be very dangerous if they've studied NLP because they know how to use NLP techniques to mirror and come across.
🟥 Rebecca C. Mandeville LMFT - Recovery
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MTJqSRYrdUA

Sep 1

 Emotional needs are feelings or conditions that we need to feel in order to be happy and fulfilled and at peace in this relationship. Notice I didn't say the other person is going to make me feel better or at peace. It's within ourselves. If you feel frustrated with that relationship, it could be a good sign of codependency. Emotional needs come from safe place within our soul and within our communication with that person.
🟥 The Codependency Support Group Video Studies
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJ8PqjUn1IA

Sep 1

Anticipation of positive events releases haply hormone
:calculator: Deepstash app

 

Sep 1

Stress can be a very destructive force when it comes to myeloma. Stress really disrupts the immune system and myeloma is a cancer of the immune system. In addition, the stress hormone noradrenaline (the "flight" hormone, versus adrenaline, the "fight" hormone) can actually trigger cancer cell growth directly.
https://www.myeloma.org/blog/dr-duries/sugar-or-stress-sos-which-worse

 Sep 1

Hans Selye, a Hungarian scientist who worked in Montreal, Canada, showed that a chronic "alarm state" (anticipating problems requiring "flight") leads to an "exhaustion state" which depletes the immune system.
https://www.myeloma.org/blog/dr-duries/sugar-or-stress-sos-which-worse

Sep 1

In one of my blogs, I discussed stress reduction and the importance of touch. In a 2022 KCRW podcast interview with Tiffany Field (a researcher at the University of Miami School of Medicine), she relates how she and her students discovered through a survey “that touch deprivation was highly correlated, highly related to anxiety symptoms, to depression symptoms, to sleep problems, to PTSD symptoms, to boredom, to loneliness.”
https://www.myeloma.org/blog/dr-duries/sugar-or-stress-sos-which-worse

Sep 1

It is not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.
🟦 Hans Selye

Sep 1

Adopting the right attitude can convert a negative stress into a positive one.
🟦 Hans Selye

Sep 1

Lack of health, lack of attitude & Unhealthy society plus unhealthy psychology = trauma
⬜ George Engel's biopsychosocial model

Sep 1

Hostile to criticism = Pseudoscience

 Sep 2

Modeling techniques are used to change behavior by having clients observe a model in a situation that usually causes them some anxiety. By seeing the model interact calmly with the fear-evoking stimulus, their fear should subside.
https://socialsci.libretexts.org/Bookshelves/Psychology/Psychological_Disorders/Essentials_of_Abnormal_Psychology_(Bridley_and_Daffin)/02%3A_Contemporary_Models_of_Abnormal_Psychology/2.03%3A_Psychological_Models

Sep 2

The English word 'assassin' comes from hashshashin.  A militant Shi'ite Muslim sect, founded in 1094, they believed in terrorist murder as a sacred duty, and were known by their reported practice of smoking hashish before embarking on suicide murder missions.
📖  "Crusade and the Crusader Knights", Charles Phillips

Sep 2

Some people don't like their own reflection.

Sep 2

God does not show us that price because the price would terrify us. And that is something we miss. It would be like showing like showing the first grader that at the very end of journey they would have to do the doctoral thesis. The first grader would feel overwhelmed. But as in life, you go from first grade to second and on. Problem is when we check out. The cost terrify us.
✝️ HOUR OF POWER
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVXm7T6iYeI

 

Sep 2

The road to victory comes with price. It comes with struggle. It comes with set-backs. It comes with loss, betrayal, law-suits. If you make a difference, people are going to make an enemy out of you.
Amazing how often people think they don't have a choice. The worst people in our society are the ones who believe they don't have a choice. Notice how the perpetrator almost always blames the victim. “She made me angry that's because I became violent”.
✝️ HOUR OF POWER
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVXm7T6iYeI

 

Sep 2

No one will put handcuffs on you and put you in front of blank canvass. No one will call Uber for you and drive you to studio. No one will force you to do what you are called to do. You have to make the choice. Joseph didn't choose to be slave. Maybe you have tough time, crisis. But you still have the choice to fight, and you have a choice on how to respond. Viktor Frankl said Nazis could never take away from me how I choose to respond.
✝️ HOUR OF POWER
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVXm7T6iYeI

Sep 2

You stand on that cliff and you start looking down, and you start waning, you're just not going to do it. The longer you look down that cliff the percentage of you jumping goes down. And the last thing you want to be a coward standing on top of the cliff with all your friends down waiving you on. The longer you wait, even if you jump, you don't get the glory – that's the point. That is true in all of life. Delay increases fear, action takes it away.
✝️ HOUR OF POWER
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVXm7T6iYeI

 Sep 2

This is true with everything we experience. I was spinning my wheels. Now I show up and I say I'm father, my kids need a father. I used to be like I need sympathy, help. Now I say I don't need sympathy, I need a sandwich. Later you get empathy and sympathy. But there is something about jumping, doing that build something inside of you. That the action takes away the fear. Because you are called to do something. With absolute confidence.
✝️ HOUR OF POWER
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVXm7T6iYeI

Sep 2

To me nature created man, and nature is superior.
🟦 Hans Selye

Sep 2

The builder of the best racing car is not necessarily its best driver.
🟦 Hans Selye

Sep 2

Leaders are leaders only as long as they have the respect and loyalty of their followers.
🟦 Hans Selye

Sep 2

Do what you can, with what you've got, where you are.
🟦 Theodore Roosevelt

Sep 2

You can do anything - but not everything.
🟦 David Allen

Sep 2

To lead people, walk beside them.
🟦 Lao Tzu

Sep 2

There is only one happiness in this life... to love and to be loved.
🟦 George Sand

Sep 2

Growing up isn't easy. The traumas we lived as kids can haunt us forever, lurking in the corners of our mind. We can't undo the harm, but with a little help, we can survive it. And live the life we were always meant to.
🎞️ The Simpsons Season 34 episode 4 - Not It

Sep 3

Some things you can't fix, no matter how hard. If you keep forcing it, manipulating things, trying to convince this person – not only will being stress, you will make damage. Takes more faith to leave it alone than force it to happen. There will be urgency, defend yourself, manipulate things to get promotion – don't fall into that trap. You've done your part, you don't have to force favor, prove them who you are. It will take your energy. Leave it alone.
✝️ JOEL OSTEEN
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3fFG9Sz8vaA

 Sep 3

It wasn't like he was lazy. He did the right thing, but still the wrong thing happened. Just because you have difficulties, doesn't mean you've done something wrong. You may sown good seeds, you've been faithful, honor, you give you serve, go extra mile, but now you have some weeds popping up in your field. You didn't do anything wrong. It's just a weed. Enemy knows you'll have a great harvest. Abundance is coming, the right people are coming. Amazing future
✝️ JOEL OSTEEN
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3fFG9Sz8vaA

Sep 3

If you can't say anything good, don't say it. Words can cut like a knife. You can say something hurtful that only takes 10 seconds. But 10 years later the person still feels the wound. Be careful what you say. Especially to those who are closest to you.
✝️ JOEL OSTEEN
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LO55mEjxXtU

Sep 4

"People expect the quiet one to adapt to the loud people but not the other way around"

Sep 5

The Hospitallers: crusader knights that both harmed and healed
https://www.historyskills.com/classroom/an

Sep 5

Speak the truth always even if it means your death

Sep 5

"The truth shall set you free"
Veritas Vos Liberabit
"The truth will set you free" is a statement which derives from John 8:32 in which Jesus Christ addressed a group of Jews who believed he was the messiah. Wikipedia

Sep 5

To get out of a tight box is to invent your way out
:calculator: Deepstash app

Sep 5

Wow, that was harsh. Do you ever tell him how he makes you feel?
- Kinda. I stuck him in the worst nursing home I could find. Figured he'd read between the lines.
- I think you need to find a new way to express your feelings. It might need to be more than just words. Put on thinking cap.
🎞️ The Simpsons Season 34 episode 8

Sep 5

It's only ever been about what you need.
- You finally get me.
- It wasn't because I was a bad kid. You're just horribly flawed.
- I am.
🎞️ The Simpsons Season 34 episode 8

Sep 6

The miracle of Belgrade, 1456
Pope Calixtus III ordered the church bells to be rung as a call to arms, but it became a celebration. The battle is commemorated to this day by the ringing of a noon bell.
📖 Crusades and the Crusader knights

Sep 6

Every single thing that you do that is marked by a felt sense of wanting to be safe. Your coping mechanism, your people pleasing, your aggression, literally everything is marked by a desire to want to feel safe. So the next time you get mad at yourself for engaging in that kind of coping mechanism – have grace for yourself that your body is trying to protect against a felt sense of threat.
"THREAT AND SAFETY"
🟥 ThomasFloydLPCC
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/oiD-EiJfkJA

Sep 6

"They were never been trained into thinking and experiencing the body as source wisdom, what your body is saying - that is for them foreign concept"
"THE BODY KEEPS THE SCORE"
🟥 ThomasFloydLPCC
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/YA2Bvju-Gbw

 Sep 6

It is impossible to be focused on what the other person is saying all the time. Secure attachment is connection and attunement 60 to 70 percent of time. It's not being perfect at it.
🟥 ThomasFloydLPCC

 

Sep 6

Limitations of CBT
:calculator: Kinnu app

Sep 6

CBT may not always lead to long lasting change
:calculator: Kinnu app

Sep 6

I was treated like a monster. You don't understand what it's like. When the people around you are all one way and you're not, you can't help feeling like there's something wrong with you.
🎞️ Star Trek: Voyager S7 E11

Sep 6

Find your own way to flow.
Buddha

Sep 7

I knew all her weak points, what made her happy, nervous, lives in her emotional world. It was a really unhealthy relationship dynamic. Because we're so focused on others. It isn't because we're so altruistic or because we just want to help others. That's what we tell ourselves. But to a big extent, we're doing this because it is safer. “I do all for you so you'll like me”
It is defense mechanism, how anyone will abandon me when I do it for them
🟥 Wenzes - INFJ LIFE COACH
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v15BUTtezy0

Sep 7

There I fixed it

Sep 7

Station 11

Sep 7

Quiet borderline – “pure” borderline. This is a style where we see a tremendous amount of despair of fragility, tremendous abandonment crisis, when there is trigger or activation because of abandonment crisis or triggering of a prior trauma or a stress that feels it can't be managed, the person will rage at themselves. They will internalize it. Talk about themselves horribly. Even have suicidal thoughts, world being better off without them.
🟥 MedCircle
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNi9bEeFOQU

Sep 7

Key piece in this quiet borderline distinction is that they are high functioning. Many who fit this internalizing descriptor have very high power jobs. Often jobs of giving to others: nursing, teaching, mental health. So there is a natural draw to a helping profession. Challenge in professional arena:
If they make even small error, it could be small, they will have very strong reaction to it and that very strong reaction will be self blaming.
🟥 MedCircle
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNi9bEeFOQU

Sep 7

With quiet borderline personality is somebody who's much more likely to have co-occurring depression, or an anxiety disorder that also makes symptomatology almost sometimes feel worst because there could be these negative mood states that accompany this particular style. Many mental health practitioners may miss the borderline piece and focus more on depression or the anxiety piece, until over time they see that the patient self-talk style is so self-harming.
🟥 MedCircle
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNi9bEeFOQU

Sep 7

Individuals with quiet or this high-functioning internalizing borderline personality while they are high functioning, it's not a very stress resistant pattern. So when there is a stress, shift at work or relationship, there is a tremendous difficulty in being able to tolerate the distress associated with those times. But that distress instead of lashing out and yelling at somebody else they're very quick to almost rage quietly at themselves. Self-harm.
🟥 MedCircle
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNi9bEeFOQU

Sep 7

Quiet BPD is very self-destructive disorder but it's done in such a quiet way that a lot of people don't even identify it, classically, as borderline personality disorder – which is traditionally thought of to be much more chaotic, externally dis-regulated pattern. In DSM they have not recognized the sub-types. These sub-types represent a mash of of years research (Theodore Millon). His "The Millon clinical multi-axial inventory" – personality assessment tool.
🟥 MedCircle
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNi9bEeFOQU

 Sep 7

Anyone who is in practice who's ever worked with somebody with borderline personality knows that this is like a stone with many facets. If you tell me somebody's got borderline personality I'm saying that's not enough. You got to give me more, tell me more about this client. I'm going to have an incredibly different treatment approach or recommendation based on the kind of subtype.
🟥 MedCircle
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNi9bEeFOQU

Sep 7

Third wave CBT
:calculator: Kinnu app

Sep 7

Why you should be gentle with people

Sep 8

Personalities are like impressionistic paintings. At a distance, each person is 'all of a piece'; up close, each is a bewildering complexity of moods, cognitions, and motives.
🟦 Theodore Millon

Sep 8

Hate is the complement of fear and narcissists like being feared. It imbues them with an intoxicating sensation of omnipotence.
🟦 Sam Vaknin

Sep 8

Quite often it is our reactions that are weaponized. With Quiet Borderline it is implosive, you ruminate over stuff or you think “I'm not going to stand up for myself”. With toxic families roles often change. I can recognize I had no backbone, I was very passive. People saw that, they would poke, poke and poke, I would react. But to them it looks like I am reacting over one little thing. When it is series of weeks, months of abuse.
Quiet BPD
🟥 Darren F Magee
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QDJClp_Wh0

Sep 8

Being in chronically invalidating environment where if I did say to somebody I don't like the way they spoken to me, people are like you haven't taken your meds or you've got an attitude. It was always I done something to make someone react. I was very quick to react. Because I was in toxic household, being bullied by so called friends. A lot of second guessing comes from chronic invalidation where my reality is always questioned or told it is wrong.
🟥 Darren F Magee
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QDJClp_Wh0

 Sep 8

I was just seen as difficult person. “He is too sensitive”. But they never actually wanted to understand what is going on. No one in my real life never wanted to fully understand me. I would be called toxic or controlling because I think you're being inappropriate with people. But apparently that is me being toxic – it was always my boundaries that was weaponized. I didn't know it was boundary at the time.
Quiet BPD, The Scapegoated Disorder
🟥 Darren F Magee
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QDJClp_Wh0

Sep 8

Being scapegoated: any reaction is out of proportion or any reaction is unreasonable or any reaction must be disorder. It comes often in social media why I didn't see red flags. The person is not standing in front of you waving them and say Look what I'm doing. They can be very subtle. Trauma bonding comes with gifts, positive and negative reinforcement. The gifts for example, the kindness, the love, fun.
Quiet BPD, The Scapegoated Disorder
🟥 Darren F Magee
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QDJClp_Wh0

Sep 8

But then there is also punishment. Rejection. Cold shoulder. So it's series of both positive and negative reinforcement happening at the same time. And what happens after a while is the person on the wrong end – they're no longer doing everything they can just to get positive reinforcement: they're hoping they will come. Because little breadcrumbs will come once in a while. They do best they can to avoid and mitigate negative reinforcement.
Quiet BPD
🟥 Darren F Magee
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QDJClp_Wh0

 Sep 8

This is the thing about acceptance, every single one of us we are social creatures. Every single one of us need to be accepted on some level. We like to be liked. We like people to think we're decent. We like people to think we're attractive, funny, intelligent. It's hardwired into us. When we don't get that it can be very demeaning, dehumanizing, devalue, no one likes rejection. Look at that need to be accepted. The opposite: it's fear of being rejected.
🟥 Darren F Magee
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QDJClp_Wh0

Sep 8

Fear of being rejected is why we sometimes start to mirror people. We start to do certain things that we think they will accept us for.Even when they go against our core values. Family friends they would tell me to stand up for myself but if I stood up for myself to them, they didn't like it. Sometimes we need to look at the caliber of people that we want to accept us. Look who they are. Are they really kind of people you want to be accepted by?
Quiet BPD
🟥 Darren F Magee
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QDJClp_Wh0

Sep 8

SCTV - Perry Como Still Alive (1981)
IMDb trivia: Eugene Levy was a fan of Perry Como and was concerned that the singer would feel insulted by "Perry Como: Still Alive." Levy was relieved to find out that Como enjoyed it and saw it in the spirit of affectionate parody. The sketch has gone on to become one of the most fondly remembered of the show's run.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nI8A9fVj80

Sep 8

Effects of Cynicism

 Sep 9

Assume the best about people until proved wrong.
Study done in 1980 research named Kleck and Strenta. What we carry out into the world, what we think people are seeing in us is usually fake and very often by putting it out there that's why we are getting it back.
✝️ HOUR OF POWER
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0cn828DTgLM

Sep 9

Labeling others keeps us in "us vs them". From this place of judgment, we are unable to be curious, interested, or supportive.
🟦 thrivinglittles

 

Sep 9

Stimulus information in social perception
Baron (1980); McArthur & Baron (1983)

Sep 9

Component processes of social cognition and their neural correlates

Sep 9

Perceptions of health as social constructs - HSC PDHPE

Sep 9

 Differences in self-and social-perception of DPI

Sep 9

 Our stereotypes affect how we perceive faces | WIRED UK

Sep 9

Attractive people are perceived to be smarter, funnier, and more likeable than less attractive people

Sep 9

This node is analogous to the human pineal gland. In addition to controlling behavioral impulses, it regulates decision making. You may say it's the physiological equivalent of a conscience. Normally, the node connects to the rest of the brain through a series of neural pathways.
🎞️ Star Trek: Voyager Season 7, Episode 12 (2001)
Repentance

Sep 9

Without the node, Iko would have been prone to violence and sociopathic behavior all his life. Seven's nanoprobes to treat injuries from the assault, it  inadvertently repaired the defect, as well.
- You've activated his conscience. That would explain why he's suddenly experiencing guilt.
- There's more to it than that. I believe he's become capable of controlling his violent impulses. Even the thought of violence makes him ill now.
🎞️ Star Trek: Voyager Season 7, Episode 12 (2001)
Repentance

Sep 9

It's difficult for me to talk about, because I forced others to undergo the same procedure. I was compelled to do so by the Borg collective. I wasn't in control of my actions, just as you weren't in control when you took a life. My nanoprobes have given you control. You're a different person now. You don't deserve to be executed.
🎞️ Star Trek: Voyager Season 7, Episode 12 (2001)
Repentance

Sep 9

Self-perceptions are difficult to change

Sep 9

Wrong self perception may lead to psychological problems.

Sep 9

The greater the gap between self perception and reality, the more aggression is unleashed on those who point out the discrepancy.
🟦  Stefan Molyneux

Sep 9

This is the same as Amish or Tom Cruise cult which forbids for pregnant women to take anesthetic because their high moral and ethical religious beliefs prevent them from taking any chemicals. So our own beliefs can harm us, no matter how much they are ethical and morally charged - they are still harming us.
We end up ruminating about them all the time.
Discard is the only way to snap the umbilical cord trauma bonding with evil people.
https://77ranko.blogspot.com/2023/07/m

Sep 9

What if you're right and they're wrong
⬜ The False Consensus Effect

 Sep 9

Led by Jan Zizka, the Taborites believed the Millennium or New Age of Christ was at hand and called for a return to innocence and the establishment of a communist-style society in which servants and masters would be no more.
📖 Crusades and the crusader knights, Charles Phillips

Sep 10

I started studying political science, and I was studying rigged elections and political violence. I did field research around the world where I met former heads of state in authoritarian regimes, accused of war crimes. When I came back to talk about this to people, some of them recognized these sort of personality traits in their bosses
Is it possible that these traits are universal in power seek
🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | Brian Klaas
Big Think
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eBN_9rMoVI

Sep 10

Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men, even when they exercise influence and not authority. There is no worse heresy than that the office sanctifies the holder of it.
🟦 John Dalberg-Acton, 1st Baron Acton

Sep 10

How do we end up designing systems that attract all of the right people into power so we get better outcomes? That is the task for 21st century, because it's problem that we have not solved. We can't say power corrupt, the problem is much deeper.
1) Corruptable people seek power. 2) Power corrupts. 3) We are drawn to the wrong kinds of leaders for all the wrong reasons 4) we can design systems to make better people end up in power not to abuse that power
🟥 Big Think
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eBN_9rMoV

Sep 10

 You're basically hoping that somebody who's community service-minded will put themselves forward for that job - put garbage out, trimmed trees to your right specifications. Instead what very often happens is that people who actually like the idea of policing their neighbors, patrolling them, controlling them, those people are the ones who seek the power in those communities the most.
Because for them,the power is the goal, not the means. Want power for himself
🟥 Big Think
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eBN_9rMoVI

Sep 10

The story is how the systems of power can dictate who ends up in them. You just roll the red carpet to people who are power-hungry. There are sometimes broken systems that don't do a very effective job at screening out and blocking the Martin McFifes (abusers) of the world from ending up as your boss or as a politician or even sports coach. When those systems break down, when we roll carpet to wrong people, that's when abuse of power become more likely.
🟥 Big Think
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eBN_9rMoVI

Sep 10

Power is something that draws in the wrong kinds of people like moths to a flame. That's why recruitment is so important. You're always going to have power-hungry people show up and try to take power. What you need to do is dilute them and block them. That's where the system design is crucial. We assume we can advertise for position and wait for right people to come. It doesn't work like that.
We have to actively counteract this impulse of power-hungry people
🟥 Big Think
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eBN_9rMoVI

Sep 10

Power-hungry means someone who's seeking power for all the wrong reasons. They want power for the sake of power. Someone who wants power is going to seek power more than everybody else. As the result of that, we have a real problem on our hands. We need to make systems of power attractive to ordinary and decent people. We've engineered the society in which power itself is costly to everyone. That means only worthy of cost are those who are power hungry.
🟥 Big Think
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eBN_9rMoVI

Sep 10

The people who end up in power are not representative of the rest of us. They are not average, and they're not normal. Once you accept that, then you can start to counteract those problems. Self-selection bias is one of the most crucial things to understand if you want to crack the case of how to make power function better. Survivorship bias - we see only people who make it into power. We look at the wrong kinds of data, because we look only at what survived.
🟥 Big Think
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eBN_9rMoVI

Sep 10

In times of crisis in the very distant past, it was adaptive. It helped us survive to turn towards a large, physically strong man. That's because the challenges that prehistoric societies faced, those crises were often a threat from a warring tribe in which physical prowess and strength actually mattered. So they turned to those leaders and that created a bias in our brains where we end up thinking in crisis we should have physically large strong man in charge of us.
🟥Big
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eBN_9rMoVI

 

Sep 10

Putin figured out that there's a template in our brains. He has understood this innate aspect of human nature that we tend to turn to the wrong kinds of people in moments of crisis, and those people specifically tend to be physically large, strong man males. That's why dictators tend to be men.Present their masculinity as something that is a credential make them good leader in a moment of crisis
🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | Brian Klaas
Big Think
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eBN_9rMoVI

Sep 10

We need to accept that some of these biases are lurking inside our heads. We can't control them. They're the product of 10,000 of years of evolution. They're maladaptive now. They're not good for us. But only by accepting and recognizing them can we start to counteract them. Data shows these biases exist when we select leaders.
🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | Brian Klaas
Big Think
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eBN_9rMoVI

 Sep 10

Fundamental point: appearances unfortunately do matter, and this means that our evaluation of leaders needs to be scrutinized heavily because we have stupid voices in our heads that are telling us information that we should not process as though it actually matters, and yet we do process as though it actually matter, based on face, height, race, gender.
🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | Brian Klaas
Big Think
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eBN_9rMoVI

Sep 10

It's something where we only have a real approximation for these traits. And you can't easily just look at someone, point at them and say they're a psychopath. Steve Raucci is an unsuccessful psychopath. Steve Raucci was unable to control his impulses. He was unable to dial it back when needed. Unable to blend in as a normal functioning member of his staff.
And instead made people realize he was.
🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | Brian Klaas
Big Think
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eBN_9rMoVI

Sep 10

The successful psychopaths are in boardrooms, they're managing hedge funds, they're in politics. They're the people who are ruthless, who are very power-hungry, and are very good at getting power because like Steve Raucci, they're able to hatch extremely complicated plots in order to get their way.
They're extremely disciplined at times, to get their way, to engineer outcome they desire.
🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | Brian Klaas
Big Think
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eBN_9rMoVI

Sep 10

That superficial charm blinds us to psychopaths. Ted Bundy seemed so charming, he seemed so nice. He was able to lure his victims into his car precisely because he was superficially charming. People lie and especially psychopaths who are trying to blend in as ordinary people, so they can get away with it. Psychopaths is not just somebody who is mean or immoral or a bad person. It's much deeper.
🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | Brian Klaas
Big Think
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eBN_9rMoVI

Sep 10

The dark triad and psychopathy in particular, are a neurological disorder. Your brain does not function normally. MRI scanner showed psychopaths were able to switch on empathy by choice. For the rest of us we have to make a conscious decision to down-regulate our empathy. I have to harm somebody - fire them/break up with them, and consciously try to make myself feel less bad for them.
🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | Brian Klaas
Big Think
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eBN_9rMoVI

 

Sep 10

 Psychopaths are actually really good at mimicking a normal brain if and when they need to. This is origin of superficial charm. For small and short interactions psychopaths are very good not just at passing, but at actually making us like them more than many other people.This is why job interview is a terrible way of sorting out people it's short performance. Psychos good at making people like em
🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | Brian Klaas
Big Think
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eBN_9rMoVI

Sep 10

Can psychopathy be a beneficial trait?
Psychopaths don't react in high-stress situations the same way the rest of us do. Just as they have empathy switched off, they tend to react less to stress. Psychopaths don't really react in those situations. They have a much steadier hand. They don't get flustered in those moments. The problem as surgeon slicing somebody without thinking them as a person.
🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | Brian Klaas
Big Think
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eBN_9rMoVI

Sep 10

Psychological distance. And this is the idea that you should be at a sort of optimal level of psychological distance from the people that you're in charge of. Optimal level of psychological distance if you make a decision that affect people 1000 of miles away, go to the factory. Understand that the consequences of your decision are affecting real people. That reminder is crucial for good leadership.
🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | Brian Klaas
Big T.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eBN_9rMoVI

 Sep 10

Everybody at the highest levels of power, no matter what they do, is ruining some lives and making some other lives much better. It's a distributional choice. If you're president or CEO, your decisions affect people's lives for better or worse. And some of those effects are catastrophic. You should have to live with that. It should weigh on you. If it doesn't weigh on you, you haven't done your job right.
🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | Brian Klaas
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eBN_9rMoVI

Sep 10

No matter how much a psychopath gets to know somebody, they just don't care about them. So if you have a psychopath in charge, psychological distance doesn't solve the problem. For everyone else, it's a key ingredient in making sure you're performing better if you end up in a position of leadership.
🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | Brian Klaas
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eBN_9rMoVI

 

Sep 10

Narcissists, if they occur in isolation, are hyper-attuned to what other people think of them. We don't live in meritocratic world so advancement in hierarchies often can depend on how much other people like you. In Belarus you better be ruthless and not very nice. In USA company it's beneficial for people to like you. Narcissists are good at making people like them.
🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | Brian Klaas
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eBN_9rMoVI

Sep 10

Psychopaths are more willing to take risks than other people. As result, there are lots of unsuccessful psychopaths. The successful ones are not good at wielding power. But they are good at obtaining it because they are power-hungry. We have clearly designed systems that are not doing effective job at screening these people out or weeding them out once they get into power.
🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | Brian Klaas
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eBN_9rMoVI

Sep 10

We have to rebalance society to redesign systems as though the worst person in the world is trying to seek power and obtain it. The second is to make sure that we actually have mechanisms in place that are looking upward rather than downward when it comes to scrutinizing people in power. Rather than trying to punish and regulate every person think about people who can inflict damage on societies. Those face the least scrutiny.
🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psycs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eBN_9rMoVI

Sep 10

Rotten systems turn people worse much faster than good systems. Environment that you're in, if you're in a corrupt police department, corrupt bureaucracy, everybody around you is skirting the rules. A lot of the people around you are breaking the rules, abusing them and inflicting harm. But it's normal. It's what's done.
The effect is amplified in a bad system. You have to make worse choices.
🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | Brian Klaas
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eBN_9rMoVI

Sep 10

You're basically paid to deal with what's the least bad choice. We often as armchair critics of leaders we often tend to say That leader is bad because they chose something that led to a bad outcome. That's stupid way of thinking about leadership evaluation. What were the alternatives? In the context of available information and choices.
Sometimes leaders are genuinely trying to minimize the damage.
🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | Brian Klaas
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eBN_9rMoVI

Sep 10

A lot of people were behaving badly underneath the surface. We just couldn't see it. There was no scrutiny. And indeed, when you see lots of abusive power scandals, this is exactly what's happening. Bernie Madoff was bad from the start. Investments fund was always crooked Ponzi scheme. But only when he started making so much money did people start looking into this.
So it was question: was he under microscope
🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | B, Klaas
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eBN_9rMoVI

 Sep 10

There have to be hundreds, maybe thousands of Bernie Madoffs out there who are just escaping scrutiny. They're doing this all the time, but we don't know. Fraud happening below the surface. It gets exposed at a greater degree when you have people in power.
🟥 The world’s biggest problem? Powerful psychopaths. | Brian Klaas
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eBN_9rMoVI

Sep 10

Society rewards psychopaths

Sep 10

"those who desire power are the least qualified to have it"

 

Sep 10

Even more a problem than the powerful psychopaths is the fact that we admire and celebrate them

Sep 10

Survivorship bias example:

 

Sep 10

Survivorship bias
"You should focus on successful to be successful"

Sep 11

If you can't get rid of your fears...

Sep 11

What seems simple to you is often brilliant to another person. You'll miss that if you fail to share.
:calculator:Deepstash app

Sep 11

"What feels like struggle and frustration is often skill development and growth."
https://brameshtechanalysis.com/2016/10/14/10-years-of-silence/

 Sep 11

In Spanish, 'Itchy and Scratchy' is called Tomy y Daly

Sep 12

With schizophrenia the most prominent symptoms of the disorder: the delusions, hallucinations and disorganized thoughts don't have any direct parallels in our own lives. Because of this schizophrenia is hard to understand.
Do much more than simply memorize lists of symptoms. Instead need to learn the underlying mechanisms of schizophrenia so that we can better recognize it when we see it in our patients.
🟥 What it's like to have schizophrenia
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXsDdY6Xo90

 

Sep 12

Some have hypothesized that the core deficit in schizophrenia involves the concept of salience. Salience is the interestingness of information or how important we perceive that information to be. We give salient items more attention and are more likely to act upon them.
If I were to tell you 10 random numbers but not tell you anything about them you probably wouldn't find them particularly salient. They drop from your attention.
🟥 What it's like to have schizophrenia
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXsDdY6Xo90

Sep 12

However if I tell you 10 random numbers are from tomorrow's winning lottery ticket and still time to enter, then suddenly they become very interesting. By telling you this, I increased the salience of the information. Numbers have not changed at all - only their salience has changed on. Dopamine plays a key role in salience process. When information is found to be salient, your brain releases dopamine.
🟥 What it's like to have schizophrenia
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXsDdY6Xo90

Sep 12

This rush of dopamine makes you pay more attention to the information and motivates you to act upon it. We can manipulate the salience of information by tying it to some kind of reward. Ticker on New York Stock Exchange as example - string of numbers to make billions of dollars. Public safety experts link salience to negative outcome: trying to encourage helmet use and use grisly footage of accidents of getting your attention.
🟥 What it's like to have schizophrenia
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXsDdY6Xo90

Sep 12

Our brains use salience to filter incoming information. We take an enormous amount of information every day. News, weather, social media, music in 30 minutes. If we gave our full attention to all of these things we would quickly become overwhelmed and incapacitated. Instead we quickly move on from information that has no direct relevance to us. Weather salient - without umbrella we'd be wet. Other information has no significance.
🟥 What it's like to have schizophrenia
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXsDdY6Xo90

Sep 12

Filter out other information and quickly forgotten is a complex process, yet our brains do it instantly, automatically and unconsciously, 1000s of times per day. People with schizophrenia are believed to be in a state of average salience, characterized by excessive and illogical release of dopamine. Dopamine flows and salience is assigned to every bit of new information without any clear connection to rewards or punishments.
🟥 What it's like to have schizophrenia
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXsDdY6Xo90

Sep 12

Schizophrenia would be like suddenly entering a world where every letter and number had the potential to make you a million dollars or where every decisions had the life or death consequences. People in the early stages of schizophrenia described being in a state like this. They say "My senses were sharpened. I developed a greater awareness, and became fascinated by little insignificant things around me".
🟥 What it's like to have schizophrenia
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXsDdY6Xo90

Sep 12

This makes life initially quite vivid and dramatic for someone in a state of aberrant salience yet it rapidly becomes a confusing and unbearable way to live. Normally we can figure out why our brain is telling us that something is important. We know that paying attention to the weather forecast will help us to avoid having a bad say. However in state of aberrant salience will perceive overwhelming significance in all experiences.
🟥 What it's like to have schizophrenia
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXsDdY6Xo90

Sep 12

To make sense out of this experience, people with schizophrenia will begin to develop explanations for why each piece of information suddenly feels so important, so relevant, so personally significant. If they watch the news in state of heightened salience they might come to believe that the President use Union address to communicate a special coded message meant only for them.
🟥 What it's like to have schizophrenia,
Memorable Psychiatry and Neurology
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXsDdY6Xo90

Sep 12

Don't punish the growl

 

Sep 12

I believe all behavior is communication and it would be beneficial to listen.

Sep 12

The trance of unworthiness
Deepstash app

Sep 12

Fear is anticipation of future pain.
🟦 Tara Brach

Sep 13

People will constantly tell you to be yourself but when you do, they will still say "not like that!" If the world truly wanted you to be real, they wouldn't make their disapproval of you so clear once you are. The truth is that people only want you to be real to the extent that they are comfortable with and in a way that they can approve of.

Sep 13

Initially these folks became overly attached and dependent on the caretaker. And that caretaker discouraged autonomy and exploration. The caregiver restricted the investigation of your environment perhaps enhanced fear of the world outside while you contended with fear of your caregiver. So you're afraid of outside world, you're afraid of caregiver but the caregiver is suppose to look after you but keep telling you how scary everything is.
🟥 What is Quiet BPD?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OGIqmHH97rE

Sep 13

Permissive or authoritarian parenting is most common. You had no clear boundaries or understanding of what you could or couldn't do. This can lead to lack of developing an internal scale of want, should and need. We see this in adult – being unsure of decisions to make, what they want, what they should do, and what they need to do. Also, children seen as burden, trusted with little value so you can't develop core sense of self and value.
🟥 What is Quiet BPD?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OGIqmHH97rE

Sep 13

Reinforce- rewards. You want reward the person ahead of time by explaining positive effects of getting what you want or need. And also if you have to you would clarify the negative consequences of not getting what you need. It is better to get 70 percent than zero
🟥 What is Quiet BPD?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OGIqmHH97rE

Sep 13

Be careful though because doctors throw the diagnosis on anybody feeling emotional and plenty of people feel emotional after severe trauma. Sometimes BPD was thrown around too easily

 Sep 13

In the moment of crisis they can't articulate it. They've done a lot of psychological work so there is that awareness. But nobody does well when you try to build an airplane in the air. You built this before it takes off. That is struggle - people try to address a crisis in a very dramatic way. We don't want to get into caretaker dynamic: "I'm going to rescue you" "I'm going to put a plan on you."
What helps you feel safe?
🟥 MedCircle
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N47STB-ufOE

 Sep 13

Criticism of CBT

Sep 14

Since toxic shame is buried down, it will appear to us as if we are having problem with will power - and that we simply must find some secret ritual to "calm ourselves down" so that we live in Ventral Vagal calm state.
We won't.
Until we accept and validate ourselves  - we will have permanent deep void hole inside us - which will cause us to dysregulate often.
https://77ranko.blogspot.com/2023/07/m

Sep 14

Duolingo's owl Duo is hibou not chouette:

Sep 14

When you're outsmarting a narcissist or outsilencing a narcissist, one of my best narcissist repellents is Shutty Shutty. So shutty shutty is a little bit different than gray rock. Gray rock is basically when you acknowledge someone is narcissist you become very dull, and you become almost emotionless or numb around narc. That's amazing tool. Shutty shutty is don't give them any information. Don't go at her, antagonize her.
🟥 Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Inc.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBmmwV2xJqg

Sep 14

Shutty shutty works with certain narcissists. There is no such thing as one size fits all when it comes to recovery, codependency recovery, attachment style recovery. If you know you're dealing with violent malevolent malignant narcissist who is like a psychopath sensitive to every move you make, as most narcs, don't do anything to set a psychopath off. It's important to recognize what personality I am dealing here.
🟥 Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Inc.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBmmwV2xJqg

Sep 14

If every time I'm around Bob I get anxious now it's my job to honor that Chakra system, honor that what's showing up. I feel anxious around Bob. I feel pulled off core. Core is calm. Core is peace, Core is light. Core is love. I'm not feeling loving right now, What can I do – honor that, accept, feel, decide what to do about it. I'm going to end this conversation with Bob. Click. You see Bob in grocery store, get the hell out.
🟥 Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Inc.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eR9vQ9nNCc

 

Sep 14

When you're detaching from these types of beings, you also have to detach from your desire to be validated outside of self by someone who doesn't serve you. So you have to detach from the belief which is a seed that was planted into your mind by your mother and father. So there's a whole lot of detachment going on. Keep them out of your quantum experience. Keep this aura space as clear as possible of negative people.
🟥 Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Inc.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eR9vQ9nNCc

Sep 14

When we're denied the ability to express our feelings then we get backed up emotionally. We're neurotic. We'll try to control our inner experience by controlling our outer experience. Stop and find time to listen what I was trying to run away from, face my denial and deal with tragedy and loss. Accept how I felt. I'm not pretending to be happy anymore. Live my life my own way.
🟥 Lisa A. Romano Breakthrough Life Coach Inc.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXVSO407Hvg

Sep 15

The last public execution by guillotine in France in 1939. 17-year-old actor Christopher Lee, witnessed the execution.

 The spectators' hysterical behavior after watching the execution was so scandalous that all future public executions were banned in France.

Sep 17

When you have trauma and you live with it, PTSD alone changes the shape of your brain, hippocampus. It shrinks the volume of this part of the brain. They don't know for sure but they think it's your ability to assign emotion to memory. So you have diminished access, to access memories and to know how to associate an appropriate emotion and correct size and strength of emotion to a memory. That's physical, observable brain change that PTSD alone can cause
🟥 RICHARD GRANNON
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNmVkick9SA

Sep 17

You have to persuede them
Robert Greene

Sep 18

"Those who spent too much time scrolling the net just end up being socially awkward, but not socially anxious"

Sep 18

Eötvös Effect: Direct Evidence Earth is a Rotating Sphere

Sep 18

 Relations are your job to maintain.
Deepstash app

Sep 18

With this quote:
"If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us."
🟦Hermann Hesse

This quote does not mean that we are bad person and that bad person reminds us of being bad. Instead -
This quote actually means that if we feel secured about who we are - other people would not bother us.
https://77ranko.blogspot.com/2023/03/s

Sep 19

Confidence correlated with poor results

Sep 21

Include a loss of connection with our authentic spontaneous self as well as with our basic sense of goodness, rightness and belonging in the world. The first is when we're traumatized, abused and humiliated as young children. We experience this as overall sense of badness. Badness that something is fundamentally wrong with us! The second is fear of being ostracized from a group.
🟥 How to Overcome Toxic Shame with Peter A. Levine, PhD
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SeucbAfy0WY

Sep 21

If we were the “Cause” of it then maybe we could alleviate some of that shame. Child sense that needs parents to survive. If they were the bad ones, then we won't survive. So better us then them to carry the badness. Rejection is most painful human emotion. Rejection, ostracism, or shunning they rip us apart. Reassure that their pain and humiliation won't go on forever.  That they will survive it.
🟥 How to Overcome Toxic Shame with Peter A. Levine, PhD
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SeucbAfy0WY

 

 Sep 21

The opposite of shame is authentic pride. You can go from feeling shame to opening from the shame into extension, lengthening and into pride and dignity. Shame is something that strips away our dignity.
🟥 How to Overcome Toxic Shame with Peter A. Levine, PhD
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SeucbAfy0WY

Sep 21

Toxic shame is result of you being denied feeling and expressing your core emotions. If you are not allowed to express those emotions you will eventually shut down the authentic part of yourself and you will learn that you cannot express yourself from this place within you. So you will begin to distance, fragment yourself. Dysfunctional families misuse shame against us.
🟥 Soulful Theodora
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5Go-pBs7Cg

Sep 21

Do you experience overwhelming feeling and automatically label discomfort as anxiety? But what if that sensation is shame? Sometimes line between these intense emotions can blur, leading us to mislabel our own experiences. And if you mix them, you risk getting stuck in the wrong coping strategies and the wrong kind of help. That is what happened to Jack Kornfield, a licensed psychologist. His efforts to reduce stage fright.
🟥 8 signs you are ashamed, not anxious
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3BcJAjOGyUU

Sep 21

Anxiety techniques for stage fright gave no results. And it took years before he realized he struggled with shame and finally could help himself with the right approach. Burdening a lifelong sense of unworthiness this shame became a heavy cloud, distorting self-image and inflicting excruciating feelings. He internalized belief that he was inherently flawed and unworthy; negative self-perception.
🟥 8 signs you are ashamed, not anxious
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3BcJAjOGyUU

 Sep 21

Shame directs its piercing gaze inward, attacking our sense of self. While anxiety fixates on external circumstances. Anxiety makes you worry how others perceive you but not necessarily to isolate yourself. Anxiety makes you worry what others think, but shame takes it a step further engulfing you in feelings of personal failure and disgrace. Blame oneself for events beyond control. Tricks you into believing everything is your fault.
🟥 8 signs you are ashamed, not anxious
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3BcJAjOGyUU

Sep 21

Ability to stay centered and be present in between action and reaction. You can't even begin to work at the core. You're not even working at the periphery if all that happens is you react. Reacting to the environment outside of you keeps you in karmic patterns of the way that you work. There is a reason why certain stimuli causes certain tendencies of reaction. Do not call this natural. Patterns. Scars
🟥 Letting Go of Reactive Energies | The Michael Singer Podcast (S3 E2)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K01VFylMvRk

Sep 21

My social anxiety forum at reddit has entered today "in the top 50% of largest communities at Reddit"
https://www.reddit.com/r/SocialAnxiety_Ide

Sep 22

She grew up as abused child. She did not let her mother into our house.  I think my mother was a very insecure lonely person. Mommie Dearest was my understanding of what happens to human beings when they are put through that.
We have problems that are not going to go away just because the abuse stops.
I did not understand why mother did it, but that has been part of growing up process.
🟥 Cheryl Crane & Christina Crawford TOGETHER | Daughters of Lana Turner & Joan Crawford
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1n0GLwaAorl

 Sep 22

When you hear “what you're gonna do, that was in the past” and all that kind of junk, as trauma survivors we have to be discerning whom we open. For people who have that reaction to us, I'm curious why they have this shoot it down, dismiss it, turn it down reaction to someone else's pain? They're emotionally guarded. They don't want to feel anything. Due to shame we think in some way they are right when they're really just shut down.
🟥 patrickteahanlicswtherapy
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/AAH0x6r9JiI

Sep 22

" It's not their trauma (I doubt they can traumatized at all), that causes them to put us down. They were specifically designed and programmed to do just that - emotional damage, damage to self esteem and stealing of the self"

Sep 22

"So they are like actors or bio-robots and something pulls their strings or script-operated.
Either they are here to torture us or we are to learn and go NC with all such "people"."

Sep 22

"You're not obligated to give anyone a chance."

Sep 22

Never allow another human decide your price point.
🟥 Mo The Counselor
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/uzQEpuYEero

Sep 22

When they hit rage there's nothing you're be able to talk to them. At that point you want to make sure you're safe.
🟥 How to Deal with Angry Employees
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8x74EOs8m44

Sep 22

We tend to think that people are thinking like we are. If we're not angry, if we're not being contentious, if we're not stuck in fight and flight, we think “Let me reason with this person”. And you really can't. They're not in the place where they're weighing all their options and consequences. They're in Tyranny of the Urgent or Tyranny of the moment. They're thinking this present moment, all emotions coming and I have no options left.
🟥 How to Deal with Angry Employees
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8x74EOs8m44

Sep 22

They're in the heat of the moment. We take our rational thinking that they're not connecting with. Position ourselves in gentle way like a coach and remind them of ideas: power, choice and future orientation that they're not thinking about. All anger is rooted in fear. “If I don't take it physically, I will be victimized”. Work with fear, anger will de-escalate.
There were other options but there is feeling of powerless & we muster power
🟥 How to Deal with Angry Employees
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8x74EOs8m44

Sep 22

IMDb Trivia
The biggest blockbuster and box-office success in the history of Polish cinema. In the year of its premiere it was seen by almost every Polish citizen.
🎞️ Knights of the Teutonic Order (1960) / Krzyżacy

 Sep 23

Is self-righteous negative?
Self-righteousness negatively impacts us, our relationships, and our teams. It also undercuts our ability to influence those around us and fundamentally damages relationships and trust.
🟦 Mike Robbins

https://mike-robbins.com/the-important-difference-between-self-righteousness-and-conviction/

Sep 23

When you love your enemies you stop blaming them for your problems. And that's when everything is going to change in your life. It's not your boss's fault, it's not your enemy's fault, it's not your toxic relative's fault, it's not the government's fault, it's not interest's rate fault, you can change today and everything will change for you. Judgment cuts off your life from all sorts of opportunity. Movie critics don't make movies.
✝️ Hour of Power with Bobby Schuller
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtjsmEuzn8s

Sep 23

How can we expect uneducated people who lack data and don't put their free time in learning psychology - how can such people be healthy and choose better responses in life? They can't.
They will trigger us.

It is the same as living in Mediaeval times and we know that plague is passed by low hygiene.
We can clean ourselves and wear face mask - but if 90 percent of people do not clean themselves - we will eventually be infected by their lack of care.
https://77ranko.blogspot.com/2023/07/m

Sep 23

"if someone is being micro aggressive towards us, is easy to get gaslighted, or to gaslight ourselves just to not think and feel like we are projecting when in reality we are just truly experiencing any type of aggression from others. Is a fine line between projecting and just knowing/sensing that we are being attacked. "

Sep 24

Offense doesn't affecting other person, it is poisoning our joy. You have to have this system of release, I didn't like it but I am letting it go. They are not living their potential because they are living in the yesterday, dwelling what someone said, how they mistreated me, how you handled offense is what's important. Forgiveness, continually letting it go. See offense as toxin, poison. It will contaminate your life.
✝️ JOEL OSTEEN
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFSoAdMQNRs

Sep 24

Life is too short to let the other people dump their garbage on you. You can't stop it from happening but you can release it and move forward. Some people they have all this hurt and anger and offense, what didn't work out, who did them wrong. Because they didn't let it go they carry all this trash. Sometimes they'll try to dump their garbage on you. You can dump it, but I'm not going to take it. Keep releasing and reaching. Never learned system of release.
✝️ JOEL OSTEEN
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFSoAdMQNRs

Sep 24

"your love language is based off of what you didn't receive as a child"

Sep 24

Your heart is trustworthy when you listen to it.
🟦 Jack Kornfield

Sep 24

Free will and determinism
Kinnu app

Sep 25

"I kept forcing myself into social situations that I wasn’t adequately prepared for and it went horribly wrong every single time. Which ended up reinforcing more social anxiety in me. "

Sep 25

Paradox of social anxiety: When we're feeling anxious, we try to soothe ourselves by saying "You'll be fine", "It's not big deal", "Just get over it". Which actually not all that soothing. What it does it makes us feel even more anxious. Instead try being actually soothing and show compassion and understanding for what your are feeling. Feeling anxious is okay. Social situations can bring up anxiety. And you're not bad or wrong for feeling
🟥 The Paradox of Social Anxiety
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/GZCkutb3MXU

Sep 25

Abusive people don't abuse everybody in the same exact way. Toxic narcissistic people like to have good reputations just in case somebody says bad about them. Narcissistic person is banking on the fact that not everybody has had bad experience with them. So people who have had bad experience when they tell their story there's always somebody say "They did not treat me that way"
🟥 Toxic people don’t treat everyone the exact same way. Everyone doesn’t have bad experiences
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Wakza10eWWE

 Sep 25

Someone played with her too hard in the Real World.
And now she's fated to an eternity of making other Barbies perfect while falling more and more into disrepair herself. That, and we all call her Weird Barbie.
- She's so weird. Why is she always in the splits?
🎞️ Barbie (2023)

Sep 25

You've opened a portal. Someone did. And now, there is a rip in the continuum that is the membrane between Barbie Land and the Real World, and if you want to be Stereotypical Barbie perfect again, you gotta go fix it. That is going to spread, you're gonna start getting sad and complicated. You have to go the the Real World. And you have to find the girl who's playing with you. We're all being played with, babe.
But usually there is some kind of separation.
🎞️ Barbie (2023)

Sep 25

And the girl who's playing with you, she must be sad, and her thoughts and feelings and humanness are interfering with your dollness.
- Why would she be sad? We fixed everything so that all women in the Real World can be happy and powerful.
- You had something to do with this too. Takes two to rip a portal.
The two of you are becoming inextricably intertwined. And you gotta help her to help yourself.
🎞️ Barbie (2023)

Sep 25

In the film, Allan barely interacts with Gosling's Ken, despite the two of them being best friends as dolls. Allan is just there. He is just there with no other real purpose than to be a funny little guy who is uniquely charming and a friend to everyone.
(Collider)
https://collider.com/barbie-allan-expl

Sep 25

You are so beautiful and so smart, and it kills me that you don't think you're good enough. Like we have to always be extraordinary. But somehow, we're always doing it wrong. You have to be thin, but not too thin, and you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to *be* thin. You have to be a boss but you can't be mean. You have to lead but you can't squash other people's ideas.
🎞️ Barbie (2023)

Sep 25

Never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It's too hard, it's too contradictory, and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you. And it turns out, in fact, that not only are you doing everything wrong but also everything is your fault. I'm just tired of watching myself and every single other women tie herself into knots so that people will like us.
🎞️ Barbie (2023)

Sep 26

Inner critic is an internalized version of abusive person or people from your real life, past or present, who made you feel like you couldn't do right. Or that you should be different from what or who you are. This person lives on in your head, repeating thoughts and emotions you mistake for your own. Identifying that the origin of these messages is not you is the first step.
🟥 Strong Inner Critic
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/SwxIVYu2f8I

Sep 26

When we are headed the wrong way, the last thing we need is progress.
🟦 Nick Bostrom

Sep 26

It's easy to solve a problem that everyone sees, but it's hard to solve a problem that almost no one sees.
🟦 Tony Fadell

Sep 26

That we are, in a sense, human aberrations with perhaps some higher purpose in the great scheme of things.
- Oh, like mother nature's way of keeping the human population in check.
- Personally, I prefer the Navajo approach. Gays are special spiritual beings sent here by some mighty deity to essentially change society.
I mean, you've got to admit our fashion is ages ahead of what everyone else is wearing.
🎞️ Billy's Hollywood Screen Kiss (1998)

Sep 26

What awareness is

Sep 26

You have to put yourself out there, no matter how scary it is.
🎞️ Leather Jacket Love Story (1997)

Sep 26

ca.1966
Vine Street at night (LA)

Sep 27

Guilt and shame are forms of self-anger. Guilt is when you did something wrong, behavior that you did. Shame is that you are bad, “I am bad person”. Healthy guilt motivates you to make changes to be more in line with your values. Toxic guilt does not teach you something useful. You see your behavior as not align with your values.
Toxic guilt you feel bad about yourself, tell yourself you are bad person. Toxic guilt and shame often go hand in hand.
🟥 Doc Snipes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=suG0ohekVsQ

Sep 27

Fawning – trying to prove that they're good people.
Holding on to that guilt, anger at yourself, does that help you in your recovery? Does that help you stay healthy? Does that help you move to your rich and meaningful life? If they choose not to accept your apology, not to hear you out or if there is no way to make amends-you have no control over that.
How are you going to move to acceptance of that situation so you can free up that energy in line with value
🟥 Doc Snipes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=suG0ohekVsQ

Sep 27

 Identify all the aspects of this situation that you cannot control. And then identify all the aspects of situation which you can control. Guess what, in any situation there are things you can and things you cannot control. It's important not to feel guilty that are outside of your control. That means cognitive restructuring. Other people's reactions are based not only on you, but on all of their prior experiences.
🟥 Doc Snipes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=suG0ohekVsQ

 Sep 27

That's on them, they choose their reaction. You can empathize and support someone but only they can change their feelings and their reactions. Your initial feelings; anger, fear, happiness, curiosity, disgust, whatever it is – that's a natural and automatic reaction based on your learning and your prior experiences. That's not something you can really change. But how you continue to feel – you have a choice. How you continue to deal with your energy is choice
🟥 Doc Snipes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=suG0ohekVsQ

Sep 27

With ACOA we have learned to be silent and that we appear as goody goody and smile like Barbie to everyone so that they do not hate us. Unfortunately - most people will take this reaction as signal to be jerk around us. Paradoxically not because they hate us - but because they ironically feel safe with us that they can dump their frustrations on us.
https://77ranko.blogspot.com/2023/07/m

 Sep 27

Explain bad events as external

Sep 28

If you're telling another adult, not a child, you're doing a thing, it is painful for me, and for others. I would like you to stop. And they don't – you have the right to give up. If your compassion button is broken to “on”, by the way this is not compassion, that's not a choice – that is neurotic response. You don't have to allow (give space, permit) and accept abuse from another adult. Not all rebellion, obedience is good. It's context specific.
🟥 RICHARD GRANNON
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATqYCbb2eqs

Sep 28

Thinking that like I'm immune, that I can be around highly narcissistic people and it's not going to hurt me and it's not going to affect me, and is not going to do me a damage. If it is abusive, if it is consistent, if you asked them to stop and they haven't – don't assume that they are a wounded child who can't escape own suffering. Try a different assumption. Ask – is it adaptive or maladaptive? Do they suffer or people around them suffer because of their disorder?
🟥 RICHARD GRANNON

Sep 28

Because if they're not suffering from their disorder that means it's not maladaptive. And that means it isn't really a personality disorder. How do you know they're suffering? Is it possible that they don't really suffer? It is possible that they actually are having a pretty good time? Their lives are mess, they live slovenly, their finances are mess but is it possible that they are actually having a pretty good time? Enjoying this chaos, being predator
🟥 RICHARD GRANNON
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATqYCbb2eqs

 Sep 28

Stop gaslighting yourself and culture gaslight you into thinking it's your responsibility to help people with mental health issues. There are highly qualified, very high IQ people with Master's degrees and PhD's, who are medical doctors who are out there trying to do this and failing. Meanwhile you're holding down a job or you're so sick from the effect of abuse you can't work – and you're going to try to fix this?
No. That's not my job.
🟥 RICHARD GRANNON
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATqYCbb2eqs

Sep 28

If you're not entitled and exploitative that ain't BPD. That's c-PTSD. If you are entitled and exploitative we have a term for that – it's a vulnerable narcissism. Narcissism is like a warm jacket in winter, it's insulation, it's a layer of insulation that protects you from cold harsh reality of the world. Narcissist is really good in reconstituting reality to tell them what they want to think about themselves.
🟥 RICHARD GRANNON
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATqYCbb2eqs

 

Sep 28

If you don't want your boundaries being crossed too much, whatever the thing is that you want to have strong boundaries around, you need to highly value it. So if you don't highly value yourself that is pretty deep psychological problem.
🟥 RICHARD GRANNON
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATqYCbb2eqs

Sep 29

If we are hating ourselves deep deep down, we will be obsessed about loving and taking care of psychopaths and trying not to cancel them.
We actually need to develop some of poison and start to be cruel to cruel people.
Society teaches us that we can either be monsters or sissy feminine saints.
Society is teaching us to develop BPD Splitting - that there is no middle ground.
https://77ranko.blogspot.com/2023/07/m

 Sep 29

that's one of the goals to gain narcissistic supply; to frustrate and emotionally, psychologically, physically, spiritually, torment and drain you until you react. Yes, react and look exactly as a borderline would look and react.

Sep 29

When you are repeatedly silenced in relationship, cannot express how you feel, what you want, your opinions, beliefs, hopes, anything – that takes a big toll on you. Narcissistic person does not want you to exist separate from them. They assume you exist in their service. For them all human relationships are about you being there for them, about them, a mirror for them, responsive to their needs and ideally that you anticipate those needs.
🟥 DoctorRamani
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odxopNSQNls

Sep 29

That means if you were to express something separate from them, different from them, they experience it as their arm has mind of its own and punching in face. Narc relationships are about subjugation. It's the subjugation that is harming us, being in psychological service of another person. Never getting to be our true selves or expressing our true selves. That is why these relationships hurt us. Many people think it's too strong reaction to jerk.
🟥 DoctorRamani
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odxopNSQNls

Sep 29

Question is what does it do to us being silenced, and negated, and invalidated. If it began when you were a child with narc parent, the harms are greater. Because from the very beginning the message was You don't matter. What you say doesn't matter. Or you learn what you say only matters if you're parroting what narc parent is saying or want to hear.
Anything else you learn will get you into trouble. You silence yourself, not literally. Silence true nature.
🟥 DoctorRamani
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odxopNSQNls

 

Sep 29

Obviously this is incredibly harmful to social and emotional development of a child and you go into adulthood not knowing who you are, what you like, what you believe, what you stand for. You don't learn how to express your needs or wants and you are at tremendous risk of entering adult relationships where you don't do these things. This silencing can culminate in lifelong anxiety and struggles with identity and every expressing what you need, or want.
🟥 DoctorRamani
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odxopNSQNls

Sep 29

we will never ever receive validation and acceptance from  the most therapists. This is something we are left on our own devices - that we do not depend on therapist to be validated and told that we are correct.
Therapist cannot go to every court session and testify that your narcissistic partner was abusive.
So we live in abuser-centered society where toxic people are protected and worshiped as competent.
https://77ranko.blogspot.com/2023/07/m

Sep 29

If you do use your voice to defend yourself, you are providing them the supply they are after, which leads to more crazy-making and gaslighting, etc.  If you don't use your voice to defend yourself, you are effectively silenced,  you lose yourself, and become physically ill.

Sep 30

It's not about money. In life you have choice to get resentful or get inspired. And you'll have another choice. To keep company with people that are resentful or to keep company with people that are inspired. Keep the company of people that are going to encourage you to become more, to do more, to fulfill the dream you were born to have, to be more outgoing. Answer who you want to become and your life will become better.
✝️ HOUR OF POWER
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pip_kzE50uU

Sep 30

Mr. Foster is a man of much higher caliber than you deserve. If I were you, I'd stop worrying about how to cut him loose and I'd start worrying about how to keep him. Because letting him go will be a mistake that will haunt you until you're miserable, lonely, alcohol-soaked death.
🎞️Straight-Jacket (2004)

Sep 30

Art can be so much more than cute. Art can change the world. An idea or an image presented exactly the right way can alter someone forever.
🎞️Straight-Jacket (2004)

📒