February 1, 2024
He was making his fear my responsibility which was something both of my parents did. That was milieu that I grew up with. My parents were always afraid, never could admit it or say it, but I was always responsible in some chronic way. “Don't do this, it makes me nervous”. Control that was them controlling their own fears. Sophisticated version of let's share this coping mechanism. I don't want to feel fear-so let's do this together
🟥 How Coping and Self-Regulation Aren’t
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flJ4k7F8TQk
Feb 1
Telling your children “Don't do that because it makes me nervous” - that's making child responsible for your feeling. The child will get completely warped: that it's my job to take care of emotions of other. That's what parent is templating there with their authority. It turns child into pretzel and never allow child to drop how they feel because they are busy helping their parents manage and cope with what they are feeling
🟥 How Coping and Self-Regulation Aren’t Good For
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flJ4k7F8TQk
Feb 1
It cripples child's ability to grow up into an adult with clean and healthy relation space. If someone's disdainful with you then the only way you are programmed, conditioned to respond is with more disdain that's the crippling frame of non rationality that we've been conditioned to. Everybody has version of this and it takes years of exploration and investigation to be able to see the invisible conditioning.
🟥 How Coping and Self-Regulation Aren’t Good For You (HOS83)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flJ4k7F8TQk
Feb 1
You say we can feel what we feel but then somebody doesn't like how we do it.
- That's because people get triggered because of their own relationship with their own feelings – so they can't make room for your feelings because their own feelings are not sorted out yet. It's not your fault because you trigger them. They're triggerable because they're confused themselves and then they make it your fault.
🟥 How Coping and Self-Regulation Aren’t Good For You (HOS83)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flJ4k7F8TQk
Feb 1
I'm feeling angry because I dropped the bowl and it broke – I think I need to take some deep breaths - implicit in that is: anger is bad. So the communication is – anger is bad, some emotions are good and bad, when the bad ones come up you make them go away in the most efficient way possible. That literally could be conditioning in the kid to use the drugs, because that's what drugs do.
🟥 How Coping and Self-Regulation Aren’t Good For You (HOS83)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flJ4k7F8TQk
Feb 1
Isn't so hypocritical when your therapist is married, has a family, has 14 dogs, has their own method of self-regulating with other things tells you that you need to learn to self-regulate by yourself and figure it out. How can you love someone else if you can't fill your own cup? No one is really able to fill their own cup. The myth of learning self-regulate is like myth in capitalism of pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps.
🟥 Self regulation is a lie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4oTiCGZCh5Y
Feb 1
Judging someone opens heart for evil
Feb 2
The most common trait of AcoA is anxiety. All of their physical pathologies stem from this anxiety. Resentful, extreme difficulty in establishing and maintaining healthy trusting relationships. They have fearful and avoidant attachment issues – they are delayed fuse, a bomb that can blow up. They are often good working bees but make shitty spouses and partners. Until they come to that realization.
🟥 The Hidden Impact Of Alcoholism On Adult Children
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rANdMm-0YFk
Feb 2
As humans we have a basic need for security. We come into this world 100% vulnerable. When we don't feel safe and we feel threatened, we develop a whole bunch of core coping tools to helps us manage. These tools sends us to fight flight freeze fawn mode of survival. We grow up either feeling secure or insecure. Insecure – we feel the threat of abandonment at the core of our being.
Someone not responding can bring hurt feelings of abandonment.
🟥 Relapse Trigger
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vV3H70DGfc
Feb 2
DSM and CBT instructs us to hate our persona, to hate our emotions, to push down our panic symptoms and be ashamed of them and instead that we mask our fears with being "bold" and "strong" and "confident". Of course - this not only it does not work but it is extremely detrimental
⬜ https://www.reddit.com/r/SocialAnxiety_Ide
Feb 3
Just imagine what kind of damage would DSM and weaponized psychiatry would done to Nikola Tesla today. He would be labeled as abnormal and someone with mental disorder and his neurodivergent brain would be labeled as OCD. He would probably be ashamed of himself and his lifestyle and he would end up being silenced and forced into mimicking "normal" people - who have usual boring jobs.
https://www.reddit.com/r/SocialAnxiety_Ide
Feb 3
Medical industry, DSM/CBT explains away social anxiety as fear of receiving criticism. While in reality - social anxiety is also unreasonable fear of speaking out OUR OWN criticism, expressing OUR OWN judgement. And the reason why this is not described in DSM is due to survivorship bias - because people who were examined and studied for social anxiety description - were survivors - they actually did succeed in battling social anxiety. This is where it gets complex.
⬜ https://www.reddit.com/r/SocialAnxiety_Ide
Feb 3
social anxiety has no cure and social anxiety is not personality abnormality - because disorder lies exclusively in inherently toxic society. Not in our neurodivergent brain.
⬜ https://www.reddit.com/r/SocialAnxiety_Ide
Feb 3
I heard it in Israel, rabbis teach: if as a teacher you speak to the head – the heart will put up walls. But if you speak to the heart, the head will follow.
It makes the difference not in teaching people but in leading, even to ourselves. Whatever you do, do with passion, enthusiasm.
✝️ HOUR OF POWER
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1YWfAdNEwi4
Feb 3
My mother always said "you cannot treat yourself like garbage and expect other people to treat you like gold".
Feb 3
If you are out there competitive, ambitious, out to win at all costs this is going to antagonize many people. So the first rule is fight for what you believe in regardless of expected outcomes. Even if you know for sure that you're going to lose. Your dignity and self-respect rely on this. Why dignity is important to cultivate? You know about yourself much more than anyone else know about you.
🟥 UP TO YOU How People Treat You: Change Your Messaging, Signaling
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LwsWW7Jhx8
Feb 3
This information symmetry dictates how other people treat you. People pick up cues from you. This is social learning theory: modelling. People look at you, people observe you, people analyze you, gossip about you – they form an opinion based on information that you provide them. They absorb this information that you transmit, emit and broadcast. They form opinion around that core.
🟥 UP TO YOU How People Treat You: Change Your Messaging, Signaling
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LwsWW7Jhx8
Feb 3
This opinion shapes their actions.
Be careful what kind of data you emit. What kind of attitude you project. What kind of self negation you broadcast. Be very careful about the way you treat yourself. Because people are looking, people are observing –audience and spectators all around. And the way you treat yourself is the way you're going to be treated.
Treat yourself as you would like others to treat you
🟥 UP TO YOU How People Treat You: Change Your Messaging, Signaling
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LwsWW7Jhx8
Feb 3
If you consider yourself unattractive, unworthy, inadequate, unlovable, so would everybody else. After all, you must know something about yourself that they don't. Information asymmetry. If you keep telling people I'm a monster, I cannot be trusted, I'm a liar, avoid me, stay away from me – I'm dangerous, they bound to believe you. People will believe you – this is Base Rate Fallacy.
🟥 UP TO YOU How People Treat You: Change Your Messaging, Signaling
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LwsWW7Jhx8
Feb 3
Base Rate Fallacy – people believe 90% of what they are told uncritically. They don't bother to check. There is no time. No time for elaborate research project as to who you are. You say you are something – why not believe you? Definitely if you say negative things about yourself, if you cast yourself in negative light. Why not believe you? In legal system – a confession is absolute proof because why would anyone confess a crime?
🟥 UP TO YOU How People Treat You: Change
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LwsWW7Jhx8
Feb 3
If you broadcast guilt you are guilty. If you wallow in shame and self-pity people will give you good reasons to do so. They will shame you. They will hurt you. They will cause you pain. They will take you down. They will deny you basic needs – emotional and physical. So that you have excellent reason to feel disgraced and ashamed and self-piteous. If you consider yourself a failure, and a loser you will succeed only in failing.
🟥 UP TO YOU How People Treat You
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LwsWW7Jhx8
Feb 3
Extensive vast majority of people are brain dead. Dumb as rocks. You can convince people of the most outlandish and counterfactual claims about yourself – be careful about what you say about yourself. Be careful what rumors you spread about yourself, be careful about observable conduct, be careful when anxious. Because people pick up on this transmissions. You're entertainment to most majority like TV or internet.
🟥 UP TO YOU How People Treat You
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LwsWW7Jhx8
Feb 3
Majority of people are stupid incapable of telling reality from fantasy, or reality from delusion, or reality from conspiracy – be careful. When you make claims about yourself, if you yourself believe in these claims, insist on veracity of these claims, so will everyone else. Don't let people to like you by pleasing them. Definitely never get people to like you, accept you by altering who you are. By changing yourself.
🟥 UP TO YOU How People Treat You
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LwsWW7Jhx8
Feb 3
So as to reduce their anxiety and discomfort. Affiliation, belonging is overrated. Stay genuine. Stay authentic and you will be respected. Fake it – pretend – hate yourself, and you will be abused and disrespected and worse. The only way to turn your life around is treat yourself the way you want other people to treat you. People will pick up on your new transmissions. Ultimately people seek to please and conform.
🟥 UP TO YOU How People Treat You
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LwsWW7Jhx8
Feb 3
The irony of life is that, EVERYONE wants respect but not EVERYONE gives it.
Feb 4
It's totally different situation. People on Gender Bell have explained why. At length. Which is why I didn't read it. It was too long.
🎞️ Will & Grace
Feb 4
I've got to find a replacement that won't outshine me. Perhaps if I search employment evaluation for the word: incompetent...
- 714 matches found.
714 names! Huh! I got to be more specific. Lazy, clumsy, dimwitted, monstrously ugly.
- 714 matches found.
Oh nuts! I'll just go get Homer Simpson.
🎞️ The Simpsons
Feb 4
Welcome to Springfield Shopper, established in 1883. The newspaper was founded by John Newspaper Seed, a 14th year old boy who roamed America - founding newspapers.
- If he is so smart, how come he's dead?
🎞️ The Simpsons
Feb 4
⬜ Top prime telecasts of 2023
Feb 4
Do you believe that, that the shadows are as important as the light?
- I believe none of us are perfect. I believe none of us are without some fault to hide.
🎞️ Jane Eyre (1996)
Feb 5
Ultimately in the end, what others think of you is their choice. If someone makes a mountain out of a molehill out of something you said, or if they think that your spontaneity is silly, that's their choice. Whether or not someone is generous with others and able to extend their trust in your good intentions, all of that says more about them than about you. So after you done your good enough –which I'm sure you have- the rest is up to them!
🟥 In The End What Others Think
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/UnBN9jzGMbM
Feb 5
If you don't have self-love, you tell other people with your behavior and choices that you don't love yourself. It immediately raises the question - if she doesn't love herself, why should I love her? If she doesn't love herself, she knows something that I don't know. She doesn't love herself for good reason, so why should I love her? It is dangerous to love someone who doesn't love oneself. 1st love is self
🟥 Love Yourself: Here’s How - or, The Four Pillars of Self-love
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vzBf9QvClo
Feb 5
Compassionate self awareness is not sadistic self awareness, that is critical. “Look how stupid you are” awareness. “How corrupt, evil, insane you are”. That's not right self awareness. Usually it is not self awareness at all. These are voices that are internalized usually from early childhood. Voices known as introjects. These voices are foreign voices, voices of dysfunctional parents, sometimes teachers, peers, society.
🟥 Love Yourself: Here’s How - or, The Four Pillars
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vzBf9QvClo
Feb 5
After you become self aware, therapist needs to teach you to accept yourself. Self-acceptance is unconditional. If you say “I accept myself IF..” - the minute you say IF or BUT, that is not self-acceptance. That is conditional love. And there is nothing more destructive than conditional love. Children receiving conditional love from their parents, they are pathologized and deformed for life.
🟥 Love Yourself: Here’s How - or, The Four Pillars
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vzBf9QvClo
Feb 5
Instead of investigating yourself, instead of getting to know yourself better, you turn outward. People who do not trust themselves who believe themselves to be stupid or weak or too poor to make decisions – feel powerless, helpless, always depend on outside. These people do not have self love because they don't have self trust. They invest in energy of others. Become slaves and agents of other people. Their lives depend on other people, constantly.
🟥 Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vzBf9QvClo
Feb 5
You're capable of setting goals. Many people say I cannot set goals. I cannot decide on aims, purposes, make plans – because my life is chaotic. I don't control my life. It is mess. The first part of self-efficacy is the belief that you are capable of setting rational, beneficial and realistic goals. Second- you posses capacity to realize in reality, you can realize goals. These goals always must be rational, realistic, beneficial.
Take shower - is goal.
🟥 Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vzBf9QvClo
Feb 5
Self-love is the only reliable guide. It is the only reliable compass. Experience is very problematic. The vast majority of experience comes too late. When we finally get the experience, the lessons of experience can no longer be implemented. 99% of time you cannot implement many things you learned in your life from your experience. Experience teaches you about the past. Very few can be implemented in future – old age, lost opportunities.
🟥 Love Yourself:
Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vzBf9QvClo
Feb 5
Situations in the future are not the same. Self-love is like a rock. It's stable, reliable, immutable. Unchangeable. It's a guide, it's a loyal friend. The truest loyal friend. The only concern of self love is your well fare. Your happiness, your contentment. Self-love you can trust it will guide you to right places, prevent you from doing stupid things, dangerous things. Truly self-love you're never additive.
Experience is not enough.
🟥 Love Yourself:
Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vzBf9QvClo
Feb 5
If he talks, we'll include his denials to create the appearance of fairness.
If he declines to speak, we can hardly be responsible for errors.
If we fail to reach him, we've tried.
- What are you telling me?
- That as a matter of law, the truth is irrelevant.
We have no knowledge the story is false, therefore we're absent malice.
We've been both reasonable and prudent, therefore we're not negligent.
We can say what we like about him; he can't do us harm. Democracy is served.
🎞️ Absence of Malice
Feb 5
You say somebody's guilty, everybody believes you.
You say he's innocent, nobody cares.
- That's not the paper's fault.
- People believe whatever they want to.
🎞️ Absence of Malice (1981)
Feb 5
🇺🇸 Commercial for movie makers
Feb 5
🇺🇸 Commercial for movie makers - Dallas
Feb 5
🔭 Solar eclipse on April 8, 2024
Feb 6
You would relate to the world with proper reality testing. Of you would tend to confuse external objects with internal objects in one way. You would think that your internal objects are actually external. Or you would think that external objects are actually internal. Everyone has internal objects: voices from the past (parents, teachers, peers = introjects). Inside we have virtual multi participate game.
🟥 All Your Answers Questioned: Wild Ride with Professor Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XwaZkD4XFnE
Feb 6
If we are not well regulated, we tend to confuse what is happening inside us with what's happening outside us. We tend to think that voices in our head are actually out there. Images that we conjure up in our mind are actually external images. Psychotic. Or other way – we attribute to external object other people in internal existence. Narcs do that. Takes snapshot of that person and from that moment interacts with that snapshot, internal representation
🟥 Professor Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XwaZkD4XFnE
Feb 6
Jordan Peterson is just one of many of people who pose as gurus and public intellectuals and philosophers and psychologists, mystics, and yogis and you name it, coaches – these people claim to have come across a magic formula which if implemented would alchemically transform you into different person. And that is what they're selling: the transformation. “If you follow these 12 rules you will be a different person and get beautiful girls, get rich”.
🟥 Professor Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XwaZkD4XFnE
Feb 6
Narcissists regard everyone as interchangeable. They commoditize people. Narcissists claim to have a secret, the solution, the perfect model to which everyone should conform. This is utterly narcissistic message and in the far end it is psychopathic. Because it is goal oriented to make these people rich.
Slavoj Žižek as public intellectual is not monetizing his popularity. The mission of public intellectual is to make you doubt yourself and disappear.
🟥 Professor Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XwaZkD4XFnE
Feb 6
Up until the middle of 20th century you would have been a jerk. Or an a-hole. Now you're a “narcissist”. Narcissism is a clinical diagnosis. It's a problem. We medicalize things. We pathologize things. And we problematize things because there's an enormous amount of money. We first invent drugs,then we find the diseases that require these drugs;ADHD. Drug existed before the disorder.
DSM is list of problems. We problematize many issues nobody considered
🟥 Professor Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XwaZkD4XFnE
Feb 6
When you monsterize reality, when you populate reality with imaginary monsters, as children 4yo do, there are two consequences. First – you infantilize population, to be eternal children surrounded by numerous risks and fears and anxieties. Render them more depended, childlike, regress them. If faced with many problems you become risk averse, anxiety reverse, depended on other people to mitigate and ameliorate concoct the whole host of newly problems.
🟥 Professor Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XwaZkD4XFnE
Feb 6
Research: By locking down too early, virus will mutate and become far more contagious. Because we didn't give the virus food. The virus had to become psychopathic and aggressive. So the virus had to mutate to survive. And became much more aggressive. Had to infect anyone and everyone. And now we have strains of virus that are really bad.
🟥 Professor Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XwaZkD4XFnE
Feb 6
🏉 Rugby - Tournoi des Six Nations 🇫🇷 - 🇮🇪
Feb 6
🇺🇸 California
Feb 6
🇺🇸 California
Feb 6
🏉 Tournoi des Six Nations 🇫🇷 - 🇮🇪
Feb 7
Narcissists have to create observable reactions. “Now I know what is happening – they're crying. Good”,“Now I can tell what my sense of Self is” because I'm getting good clear signals from people as their reactions. If you are all quiet and peaceful and harmonious, everything going well –they will become very agitated. Because you are making them disappear. Peace becomes unbearable to them. Only way out: drama, conflict, manipulation, game play, wounding
🟥 RICHARD GRANNON
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1EyYbaIUtUc
Feb 7
If you're at certain level of development and growth or recovery from narc abusive relationship, there's no tactic that I can give you with words, that's going to change the way how you feel. There's no book that you can read, there is no tactic, smarty person in 30 seconds and be fine – you are still hooked in, plugged in. The only way to unplug is shared fantasy space with other person, this needs to be dismantled. With narc is goes beyond,becomes cult
🟥 RICHARD GRANNON
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1EyYbaIUtUc
Feb 7
Can you recognize that some of the things that you feel compelled to do or the voice that speaks inside your head might not be authentically you, it might have been imposed upon you – When you can recognize that - that voice, that feeling is not you, I would say 30% of battle is won. Having that boundary – that is not me, I didn't choose that, that does not represent my value, map. It is inside me but that is not me.
🟥 RICHARD GRANNON
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1EyYbaIUtUc
Feb 7
I see people get caught in stuff that is just not relevant. Reality TV from year 2000 made people want to get involved with things that don't matter.
“I won't have this arrow removed until I know the name and clan name of the man who wounded me, until I know whether he is tall, medium or short, his home town, until I know shaft was bound with silver or feather, curved or carved”.
Don't get caught in things that doesn't matter.
🟥 RICHARD GRANNON
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1EyYbaIUtUc
Feb 7
When we live with toxic shame that belief there is something wrong with us, that we are flawed or broken in some fundamental way that if anybody really saw they would necessarily reject us permanently for – the natural solution to that problem is (as our emotional system intuitively understand it) is to go into most situations wearing a social mask. So presenting only version of ourselves we believe would be acceptable to other people and hiding our parts
🟥 Heidi Priebe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9uUgO-qm0J8
Feb 8
You are not ever going to have a secure healthy relationship with someone who needs you to be perfect in order to love you. That is not love. That is transactional relating. Which if we struggle with toxic shame and limerence might look indistinguishable from love to us. That's something to be really diligent about keeping in mind.
There are no perfect people in reality. Are you idealizing their flaws.
🟥 Heidi Priebe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9uUgO-qm0J8
Feb 7
We are mistaking perfect person not expressing their needs for them not having any and then we're assuming they are so fine and so strong and so self-regulated that they will be available to meet all of our needs and help us heal all of our self-esteem wounds while in reality that is NOT how romantic relationship works. Healthy relationships are about co-regulation, sharing, also bad shameful parts and in progress.
Not holding back significant parts.
🟥 Heidi Priebe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9uUgO-qm0J8
Feb 7
🎵 Barber: Agnus Dei, Op. 11/2 (Vocal Version of Adagio for Strings) · Polyphony · Stephen Layton · Samuel Barber · Samuel Barber · Samuel Barber
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snzw8YdiC00
Feb 7
trying to fix your flaws without showing yourself compassion first really resonated with me. The way that leads to self-hatred.
Feb 7
Narcissists call your self awareness a sensitivity when in reality its a strength. 💪
Feb 7
Most narc toxic people will often say to you “Why do you bring up stuff from the past”. See that Catch 22. Bring up something that happens once, and they'll tell you that you're being too critical, too exacting, too unforgiving, that nobody is perfect all the time. Bring up something that happened many many times and you're criticized for bringing up the past.
This allows them sidestep the actual issue - they deflect and issue not get addressed.
🟥 DoctorRamani
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCk4Yn4Bahc
Feb 7
Above all stop blaming yourself. These relationships are not a world where you can point out a pattern without being gaslighted one more time and been told “You're such a petty person for bringing up the past”. No matter what you they will call you a petty person.
🟥 DoctorRamani
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCk4Yn4Bahc
Feb 7
It's the success of other people that activates the insecurity, the shame and the inadequacy of the narcissistic person. Many times you may be taken aback at the jealous reaction they have about someone's else's success. Someone that they may not even know, story. Boom - Jealousy will pop.
🟥 DoctorRamani
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZPctOZXjik
Feb 7
Saying that you are being too dramatic, that you are “too emotional” it may not only result in a sense of shame, you are also being told that your emotions lack validity. And that pulls you away from your reality. And it also becomes a chance for a narc or antagonistic person to control emotional temperature of situation, thermostat. You have to be happy. Or they rain on your parade.
🟥 DoctorRamani
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZPctOZXjik
Feb 7
Negativity changes/shifts the narcissists perception from external to internal locus of control-feel empowered and enabled. When narc rages he feels in control and control of other people. Validation – negativity is self fulfilling. Because narc is so neglectful and humiliating, people punish him. Then he says–you see, I was right. World is viscious.
Narc makes assumptions of world as threat-world becomes unfriendly because he is negative,validating him
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GiHeS8fMsoE
Feb 7
Narcissist regards the world as one gigantic menace or threat. Being right is the essence of narcissism. We all gravitate towards what we are good at. We repeat what we're good at. We like to feel like expert in some vocation. Fear of the unknown. Negative emotionally constricts the world, limits life, makes it more control manageable. To be open is to invite the unknown. And the unknown is very frightening.
The fans demand conformity or you lose popularity.
🟥 Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GiHeS8fMsoE
Feb 7
Feb 8
Shame is because someone important broke contact with you. And then make you feel that this loss of contact was your fault. So that's the source of shame. There's nothing to do with you having done anything wrong. It's the quality of caring that helps to soothe the fear system and the grief panic system. That has an effect in the brain.
- Compassionate presence is itself such a medicine in the system. Access compassion to self.
🟥 Dr. Gabor Maté and Dr. Richard C. Schwartz
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R17ZqgnqiAU
Feb 8
Default mode – it's the mode that you're in most of the time. When your parts are there, ruminating and managers are going, that's the default network. That just shuts down in psychedelics. Protectors just go to sleep or they just relax. And you're in a high level of Self. Protectors and Managers open space for you to be more present.
🟥 Dr. Gabor Maté and Dr. Richard C. Schwartz
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R17ZqgnqiAU
Feb 8
🇮🇹 John Travolta yesterday at San Remo 2024, a few minutes before "one of the most terrifying gags in TV history"
https://www.euronews.com/culture/2024/02/0
Feb 8
🏉 Crouch / Scrum
Feb 8
You cannot alter yourself to be better. You cannot change yourself in any meaningful way. You are who you are fundamentally, profoundly.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dwes1kXq9U8
Feb 8
Anyone who tells you that he has a solution, a cure, a system, a therapy, a course, framework, religion, love, empathy or rules for life – is a glorified con-artist. Probably a psychopathic narcissist. And anyone who tells you this is out for your money and adulation. He seeks either narcissistic supply or power, or money. They want your subservient admiration and everything you have, because they are merciless and callous, & they are very sick people.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dwes1kXq9U8
Feb 8
There is nothing to be found. It's all delusions, confabulations, fairytales, fantasies, and outright lies. And the people who propagate them and the people who perpetrate them and people who promulgate them – they are scammers. They are cheating you and they know they are doing this. You're replacing manageable problem how to embrace accept life as it is, with an even bigger one. Always prefer what is true to what is working. World is hopeless.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dwes1kXq9U8
Feb 8
It's counterintuitive. But nothing is more harmful for your health – than hope. Nothing in your life is more dangerous to your life, well-being and health than hope. It's the greatest toxic venomous poison ever invented by the human mind. Because hope brings up expectations – leads to frustrations, depression and mental illness forms. Hope is not real, it is counterfactual. Reality is hopeless. Have no expectations, just be.
Focus on living.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dwes1kXq9U8
Feb 8
Embrace nothingness. Nothingness is an anti-dote to narcissism.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dwes1kXq9U8
Feb 8
Maybe I'm being naive Liam but I got to think that Hope would somehow forgive me. If I go to her and show her the respect of bringing the truth to her, she'll be shocked, angry, won't find forgiveness right away, but we both know she has such a big heart. If she has a chance to process the circumstance - I got to think she would find some way to forgive me, it was one moment.
🎞️ The Bold and the Beautiful - 2020 (S34 E70)
Feb 9
Nothingness is boundaries. This is realization that this is where I end and the world begins. This is far more important than how rich you are, how famous you are, and what is your position among other. Be you. And only you. Become nothing socially, so that you become everything individually. You could be multi-billionaire, a rock star. Are you happy?
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XY_j68evjmM
Feb 9
Psychosis is when we generate internal objects and then pretend that they are external. We invent god and believe in it. We conjure nation states and then we die for it. We adopt beliefs and values and we defend them. We think internal objects are external. When we defend our values, sacrifice for our beliefs. Confuse fiction with reality. Beliefs values are culture dependent – not real.
We integrate with something bigger than ourselves for a meaning.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XY_j68evjmM
Feb 9
Narcissist – I determine what is meaningful. "I am the meaning". I am source of everything that makes sense. You cannot derive the meaning from the uncertain. Narcissist is its own god.
Third solution is for strong minded. You really have to be strong that you are nothing, the world is insignificant, it started nowhere and it goes no place. Accepting you are nothing in nothingness requires strength and resilience. It is not suppressing ego, nihilism.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XY_j68evjmM
Feb 9
Nothingness is not about being a nobody, doing nothing all day, being late and justifying laziness. This is where i stop and other people start. This is me, this is my privileged object, my Self. Boundaries is about recognizing that you can't be everywhere at the same time. You are limited, finite entity. In the psychotic solution, the identity is diffused, destroyed. In the narc solution identity becomes false, infinite.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XY_j68evjmM
Feb 9
Nothingness is not about becoming a nobody. It's not about giving up on your own personal life. Nothingness is about giving up on pretentions, ambition, the rat race, giving up on other people's values. Giving up on narcissism. Giving up on grandiosity. Giving up on constantly comparing yourself to others. Number of likes. It is social context. It is asserting yourself as individual. Separation from humanity. Giving up on anything that is not you.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XY_j68evjmM
Feb 9
Everything that you're saying, all this attitude, controlling, and jealous. Because I know who I am - and you never have. You are gorgeous, you have beautiful smile, you're talented singer, artist, you have so many things going for you - and for some reason you don't have confidence. And it makes you possessive. You feel threatened by me. Someone who always wanted the best for you. You always wanted to keep me down. Bossy big sister persona.
🎞️ The Bold and the Beautiful - 2021 (S34 E71)
Feb 9
Feb 10
Soldiers queue in Paris to buy Chanel N° 5, the designer's most famous fragrance
Feb 10
Do what 99% of people won't do.
"Narrow is the way that leads to life and only a few find it"
If you do what the 99% do, you'll get what the 99% get. Millions of laughs, experiences you never had. Once the time is gone you never get it back.
✝️ HOUR OF POWER
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lizrhT9TGIQ
Feb 10
The principle of nothingness as I propound it – it's a combination of self-awareness on the contrary, enhancement of the Self, leveraging the Ego. Reconstructing it if needed. The main problem in narcissism is that Ego is dead. So the narc resorts to other people to fulfill his dead ego functions. My principle: It is the resuscitating the ego, it's the enhancing of Self. Constellating the Self. Creating self-awareness at higher level.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8fRDYQyTrE
Feb 10
This is followed by total acceptance of everything. Especially and first of all, of yourself. Once you become self-aware, you are on the path of self-acceptance. And from there to self-love. Self-awareness, self-acceptance, self-love, and these negate the need to find meaning in life. Once you have these you don't need to find meaning of life. That's where I clash with Viktor Frankl. You don't need to compare yourself to any standard, rule, internal or external.
🟥 Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8fRDYQyTrE
Feb 10
Feb 10
I'm prepared to make a nuisance of myself. I have two dimes. One for the police, one for the "Tribune". You can invite me in or I can start making phone calls. I'm not your enemy, Mr Quinlan. We may be on the same side.
🎞️ Rollercoaster (1977)
Feb 11
- I would find it tiring.
- Oh, no. It's quite restful. It's almost peaceful. No need to believe in either side or any side. There is no cause. There's only yourself. The belief is in your own precision.
🎞️ Three Days Of The Condor (1975)
Feb 11
Feb 11
- I think what I don't like about you sky is your attitude. And perhaps it goes deeper than that.
- Maybe we're two of a kind Mr. Borgnine... and you don't like looking at yourself.
🎞️ The Poseidon Adventure (1972)
Feb 11
Aspen landscape as seen on The Bold and The Beautiful (2022)
Feb 12
False technological Self. Because everyone has this today, everyone appears to be narcissistic. Narcissists have internal dialogue between true and false self. But it is false self that is externalized in order to obtain narcissistic supply. If you choose the world, you cannot choose the Self. Irony is – choosing the world is narcissism. You delegate the regulation of your internal environment to outside. The world becomes your agency.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8FllW5awaU
Feb 12
You can choose to be healthy, to have a Self, and to be doomed to existential solipsistic loneliness. Or you can choose to be a narcissist to embrace the world and to be in principle capable of interacting with the world. A narcissist would not engage in love. He would engage in fantasy. We sacrifice Self for social media, but now we are capable only of fantasy. We prefer not to be lonely.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8FllW5awaU
Feb 12
Shocking conclusion: if you want to embrace the world, only choice is narcissism. If you want to be in the world, your only choice is narcissism. To embrace world you have to become inauthentic. It's the only way to embrace the world and only way to be in the world. Narcissism is delegation of functions that usually should have belonged to coherent Self– delegating those functions to other people. Life controlled from outside. Depended on other people.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8FllW5awaU
Feb 12
Technological mob rule. Rule: Give up yourself so that we will love you. You want to belong, you want to be loved, you have to give up yourself. You want to be hated, despised, ostracized, you pay with your living and with your life – stand out, be yourself. We will allow you to stand out, but only within a fantasy space, not in reality so that you don't really challenge us.
If you are special, genius - we feel threatened, you undermine us.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8FllW5awaU
Feb 12
Because we gave all our functions to other people, inside we have dead objects. And this is what allows us to function inside this death cult. To function in this civilization that worships the dead and dead objects, inanimate, material objects, prefers them to human beings. Objectifies human beings, en-frames them. If you're alive in this civilization, you are ill adapted, it's maladaptation.
We never become. We are not there, nobody's home.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8FllW5awaU
Feb 12
Any order is a balancing act
🟦 Walter Benjamin
Feb 12
Progress must be grounded in catastrophe idea
Feb 12
Superman sketch
Feb 12
What do you mean "they won". Maude is there answered all the questions. Vivian hasn't said a word. She's just sitting there sitting straight ahead.
- Speaking medically as a doctor, I've seen that condition a lot. A person under pressure can go to a temporary paralysis. I've had it happen to myself in middle of operations.
🎞️ Maude | The Game Show | Season 5 Episode 8
Feb 12
The shape of the glass defines the emptiness but it is the emptiness that is functional. We need emptiness to drink water from the glass. The function is outcome of emptiness. Knowledge emerges from the emptiness between the sticks. Having nothing, woo – is what produces use.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ap447DvroyI
Feb 13
Children of all manner of dysfunctional ("dead") parents tend to develop narcissism more than the average population.
Sam Vaknin
Feb 13
Frankl admits that a person can never be free from every condition. People are subjected to, start with physiological, biological, medical conditions and then subjected to sociological, cultural conditions. And then subjected to psychological determinants. People are under so many constraints. It's very difficult to assert yourself, exert yourself separately from these constraints. Limitations, the rules become their identity. What they cannot do.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iyMBc-ub63I
Feb 13
Frankl says that people are capable of resisting and braving even the worst conditions. He says you must rebel against these constraints. You must detach from the situation, you must choose an attitude, determine your own determinants. You must shape your own character. You must become responsible for yourself, you must fight back. Note innate strengths that people have despite what person gone through Ecce hommo.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iyMBc-ub63I
Feb 13
One becomes authentic only in contrast to social conformity. When you reject something – you are defined by it. As much as when you accept it. Meaning can also NOT be derived from actions because activities are meaningful only within a context. It is the context that endows the activities and by extension the actor with meaning. Where meaning reside?
Just going from A to B is meaningless. Most people are goal oriented, not journey oriented.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wH5Ij5IwT8I
Feb 13
First learn. Then go.
🟦 Mies Van der Rohe
Feb 13
When we die we leave behind our books, our thoughts, our intellectual accomplishments, children a legacy. But rewards and avoidance of punishments – these are goals. Attaining goals has to do with gratification not with meaningfulness. In Medieval ages they introduced the concept of eternity into rewards and punitive measures. Would then eternity guarantee us meaningfulness? Our life is meaningful because we are about to die.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wH5Ij5IwT8w
Feb 13
Humans are designers, they intentionally create functional objects whose purpose is ostensibly also their meaning. That's the source of confusion. Similarly human being treat their own lives as objects. They mold their lives to avoid dysfunction, to enhance functionality, to accomplish goals. Supplant natural selection with volitional. Will this imbue our thus objectified selves with meaning?
Aren't we confusing choice with meaning, which is end?
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wH5Ij5IwT8w
Feb 13
Meaning is the mysterious elusive end. It's not the means to obtaining this end. Function, purpose, selection these are the tools to reach meaning. They are not meaning. It is commonly assumed that if were just to wait to the end of a process, a life, an event – we will uncover its meaning. Why should the end process be possessed of this privileged status? The truth can be obtained only when movement ceases. Entropy takes over. Dust settles and we die.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wH5Ij5IwT8w
Feb 13
Is meaning invariant or is it observer dependent/subjective? Can meaning be statistically inferred, can it be normalized? A matter of common opinion. An inter-subjective agreement, an opinion poll. Or is it the exclusive domain of a sovereign individual who is solely qualified to judge if his life is meaningful. From mind solipsistically or is it imported from the outside? Does it have value independent of any opinion?
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wH5Ij5IwT8w
Feb 13
But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. 2 People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, 4 treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.
✝️ 2 Timothy chapter 3 :1-5.
Feb 13
Function influence but does not dictate form.
🟦 Eero Saarinen
Feb 13
Narcissism in the individual is created when the individual is subjected to a total loss of control as a child. When the individual is traumatized and not allowed to create boundaries with a dysfunctional parent. Then the individual react with narcissism. Similarly when you live in an era of history where you feel you have no voice, no decision making capacity, feel swept in torrents- you would react with narcissism exactly as child react to bad parents
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VF0dNuIuMXM
Feb 13
- No. Because people are not reacting with introspection and reflection & analysis. People are reacting with fear and above all they are reacting with enhanced narcissism. The analysis comes much later and it is reserve of intellectuals. The masses never react with soul-searching, thinking, introspection. Masses react with collective narcissism. Which very fast becomes collective psychopathy. Degenerate via agency of demagogs to total psychopathic state
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VF0dNuIuMXM
Feb 13
We have to accept these inevitable cycles. Where rebellion against these cycles is futile. And it is this rebellion that creates all the friction and the violence and the aggression and dysfunction and mental health illness. Mental health is context dependent. That's why my philosophy is Nothingness. It's Gandhian philosophy of non-resistance. I think we can reduce 99% of mental illnesses (with exception biochemical) to futile resistance. Stop to resist
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VF0dNuIuMXM
Feb 13
Stop to resist and you will heal mentally. Learn distinction between what you can and cannot change. Totally passive. “Active” is modern, western concept. It was frowned upon in China, India, Africa. To be active goes hand in hand with malignant individualism. Which is Anglo-Saxon invention. It's new. In time of religion it was defines as Don't defy God. You try to interfere with God's plan. Don't fight things that are bigger than you.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VF0dNuIuMXM
Feb 13
The minute you stop resisting, the minute you stop fighting you restore inner calm and inner peace. And a lot of mental illness symptoms disappear. These mental illness symptoms have to do with frustration, with expectation, with hope, with narratives, with derivatives of narratives like prescriptive: you should do this, you shouldn't do this. It's all context related. Mental illness is totally contextual. Remove context and you remove illness.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VF0dNuIuMXM
Feb 13
When you say passive – it is a bit misleading. West created counterfactual concept of individual. Totally untrue concept. We created illusion that the individual possesses powers and capacities that are independent of anything and anyone. And if he doesn't use these capacities – it's a “dysfunction”, pathology. To be passive is not to renounce your agency or your ability to act or your self-efficacy. Is to regain reality testing. To exit fantasy.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VF0dNuIuMXM
Feb 13
Brutal: facing mortality, facing fears, bad things in life.
- Acceptance of reality restores calm and inner peace. Any Indian guru will tell you that. It is the battle with reality that creates what you've just described. If you accept reality, you accept your mortality. Today we spend 90% of time avoiding risks. We are risk averse. We assume we'll live forever. There is denial of death. This is magical thinking. Psychopathic ideology of neo-feudalism.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VF0dNuIuMXM
Feb 13
Everything we design is a response to the specific climate and culture of a particular place.
🟦 Norman Foster
Feb 13
Feb 14
:weirdfish: Like other cephalopods, cuttlefish are masters of disguise. By controlling the 10 million color cells within their skin, they can quickly change color, pattern, and texture—sometimes completing the illusion by making shapes with their tentacles to better blend into the background. (Nat Geo)
Feb 14
Being born into this world as a neurodivergent is so hostile that it's extremely likely that you develop some form of Complex PTSD as you grow into adulthood. From a young age certain tenets of life are pushed by neurotypical and undiagnosed neurodivergents projecting internalized ableism alike that to survive one must be both reliant proficient in the neurotypical skillset: executive functioning, being well versed in social norms and cues.
🟥 210mgs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LboWUnmMzao
Feb 14
Without neurotypical skillset the idea of survival in this world is hopeless. Due to this process of neurotypical indoctrination young neurodivergent children not only develop severe self esteem issues, but several complex coping mechanisms to offset the systematic invalidation they receive every day on an emotional and intellectual level. As neurodivergent kids are often neurochemically disadvantaged in these most valuable systems of cognitive functioning.
🟥 210mgs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LboWUnmMzao
Feb 14
Forced to grapple with two concepts that shape the way they perceive themselves as adults. No1., you will be invalidated for authenticity. And No2, you will be praised for conformity. When invalidation is the only constant praise quickly becomes a precious commodity. To grow into adulthood with their personality intact, they must not only be assured that their most natural way of functioning is acceptable but also praised for many qualities. exist as most natural
🟥 210mgs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LboWUnmMzao
Feb 14
🏉 Super Bowl dynasties
Feb 14
Various things without which you could not be happy. These common denominators are the preconditions or your happiness. You will discover that the main role of your inner dialogue is to suppress precisely these conditions for happiness. Because if you reach happiness, you lose ambition. And you lose incentive to work. You're dis-incentivized. Society wants you to work, produce and money to consume. These are engines of society. Needs you to be restless
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VADTrLCi1N0
Feb 14
The minute you're happy – you become inert. State of happiness in eastern philosophies is state of non-motion. Or what I call Nothingness. Society abhors Nothingness. Society abhors lack of motion. Society constitutes itself on permanent perpetual mobile, permanent motion, consumption. People are encouraged to go out, relies as any machine on constant operation. Society is not your friend. They are agents of unhappiness. Their values drag you down.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VADTrLCi1N0
Feb 14
Be careful not to become a narcissist or a psychopath in this process (reject introjects and what they say and reframe inner dialogue). Because narcissists and psychopaths start exactly the same way. They reject the inner dialogue which is dictated by society and socialization agents. But then they go too far. Don't go too far.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VADTrLCi1N0
Feb 14
While you should understand that voices in your head are alien to you and they don't have your best interest in mind, they have the best interest of society in mind, the solution is not to become narcissist, psychopath. The solution is to become your own person by adopting Nothingness. What I am saying is that you purge your mind from voices that are not you: called in existential philosophy “lack of authenticity”, “bad faith”.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VADTrLCi1N0
Feb 14
Narc is not authentic–he lives in fantasyland. That is totally denying who you are. Psychopath is predator. Meaningful interaction with other people are very critical to who you are. But don't let these interactions be dictated by outside forces, expectations, mores, values, beliefs, dictate, rules, laws threats. Structure these interactions with other people based on who you are. And structure your identity, your essence on the principle of Nothingness
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VADTrLCi1N0
Feb 14
Your life must make sense. It must make sense in every possible way. And to do this, it must be coherent. It must also be consistent. Your narrative, your inner dialogue must be self-consistent. The subplots of your narrative cannot contradict one another. Cannot go against the grain of the main plot. All parts of your narrative must sit well together so that various constructs in your mind and introjects can communicate based on a common plot.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VADTrLCi1N0
Feb 14
You can't have a narrative or inner dialogue that's okay internally but conflicts with reality. It's counterfactual, conspiratorial. It's fantastic. It's delusional. Or in extreme cases, psychotic. All these are pathologies. You narrative must be logically compatible. They must not violate laws of logic. Both internally and externally. Your dialogue must be insightful, inspire in you sense of owe. Your plot can go only one way. Not West consumer choice.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VADTrLCi1N0
Feb 14
When you divert the plot, when you reframe it, when you delete it, when you forget it – it's pathology, sickness. Next, your narrative, plot, inner dialogue must be aesthetic. It must be plausible. It must feel right. There must be beauty in it. It shouldn't be cumbersome, clunky, awkward, discontinuous. It should be smooth, parsimonious (with minimum assumptions): simple. Simplicity and beauty are hallmark of the right life.
All sages reduced life.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VADTrLCi1N0
Feb 14
When you have pathological inner dialogue, narrative or plot of your life, you are likely to react aggressively to any of aforementioned things. You're likely to be unable to self-organize, unable to re-organize, unable to reframe. New data will feel like a threat. Change will feel like ominous foreboding, your flexibility is lost. And the attacks will be mounted from inside as well as from outside. If you have rigid plot – something's wrong.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VADTrLCi1N0
Feb 14
You restore inner peace by the very fact that there is an explanation to that which until now monstrously taunted and haunted you. That you are not plaything of viscious gods, that there is a culprit, a chain of events, a causal chain of being from A to B. It focuses defusing negative emotions like anger. Your belief in the existence of order and justice and the administration in order is restored. It is important for humans to believe in justice: plot
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VADTrLCi1N0
Feb 15
So long as men praise you, you can only be sure that you are not yet on your own true path but on someone else's.
🟦 Friedrich Nietzsche
Feb 15
Nietzsche believed that true authenticity lies in embracing one's own individuality, pursuing personal goals, and living according to one's own values rather than succumbing to the pressures of the herd. Nietzsche also examined the consequences of conformity on human morality.
https://medium.com/nietzsches-philosop
Feb 15
Personality construct is a set of traits and behaviors that go together & appear in variety of settings you have same traits and behaviors manifesting in a variety of unrelated settings and across the lifespan. It's not unique to a specific period, it's not reactive to something bad. People who persistently see themselves as victims in interpersonal conflicts; narcissists are hypervigilant. They scan environment all the time. Is someone disrespecting me
🟥 Prof Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmhOPnWN4-0
Feb 15
We all are subjected to disrespect, to insults, to mistreatment, to insults, to mistreatment, to abuse and to injustice. This is an integral part of life, as people experience friction with each other. But most people shrug it off. “It was unwarranted, but I'll let it go.” Other people get stuck. They keep rehashing the incident, they hold grudges, they ruminate and they persistently paint themselves as victim. It's personality construct. Make sense of.
🟥 Prof Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmhOPnWN4-0
Feb 15
Tendency for personal victimhood (TIV) – feeling that the Self is a victim which is generalized across many kinds of relationships. You feel it all the time. You generalize this feeling of victim in all relationships. You tend to find yourself victimized, or so you believe. You seem to attract abusers. (empath and magnet and other nonsense). This is actually eternal victim stance.
TIV has moral superiority, moral elitism. Empaths lack empathy like narcs.
🟥 Prof Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmhOPnWN4-0
Feb 15
TIV has Need for recognition: narcissistic supply. Number 4 : rumination. Obsessive compulsive without calling it by name. Because it is politically incorrect to say that victims are narcissists. Social justice activists study discovered pronounced psychopathic traits: defiance and grandiosity. Victims who make their victimhood their identity they are actually narcissist. More likely to desire revenge on person who wronged them.
🟥 Prof Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmhOPnWN4-0
Feb 15
All narcissists, even high-functioning, productive, successful, accomplished narcissists they are all collapsed narcissists in their own mind. Because they are faced with unattainable unrealistic goals. They have inner voice which is perfectionist. When your aim is perfection and nothing less, when you strive and aspire to be godlike – you are bound to fail. You are setting yourself up for failure. Never mind how much you possess, you still feel failure.
🟥 Prof Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmhOPnWN4-0
Feb 15
Understanding the narcissist will lead you to understand yourself. When you consider internal objects to be external – you are psychotic. Hyper reflection is narcissistic defense. Second dysfunctional solution to attribution problem is narcissistic - The world is me. Kafka – Trial. Narc keeps attaining this sadistic court with no prospect of absolution and redemption – perfectionist, vile, harsh, hateful, brutal critic without telling why.
🟥 Prof Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmhOPnWN4-0
Feb 15
All trauma is narcissistic reaction. The narcissist considers external objects as internal. Same happens in trauma. The trauma is an internal experience – it has no external element. We experience it as external. We confuse internal and external – our reaction is narcissistic. We digest the event, merge, fuse – which explains why codependents are very often traumatized. Take situation, internalize it and continue interact with internal object: narcissism
🟥 Prof Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmhOPnWN4-0
Feb 15
Traumatized people tend to become more narcissistic. They lose their empathy which is narcissistic and psychopathic trait. External object initiate direct communication with object inside us, with an internal object. And this triggers us. Re-vividness or flashback. We lose touch with reality. You're there again, it's psychotic reaction. We experience it as if it is happening outside. Trauma is way of relating to the world, organizing principle, framework
🟥 Prof Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmhOPnWN4-0
Feb 16
Wise man never has to blame another or himself.
🟦 Epictetus
Feb 16
Something they don't tell you in the self-help scam industry is that your childhood largely determines your adulthood. There is actually very little you can do about it. For example, attachment styles are almost cast in stone. Disregard self-styled, self-interested, self-enriching experts online. If you've gone through ACEs, then your adulthood wouldn't look as good as it could have been.
🟥 Nothingness: Antidote to Narcissism
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNtNOA1Je0w
Feb 16
Bad object is another name for a constellation of voices that keep informing the child how ugly he is, how stupid she is, inadequate, unworthy, bad, deserving of punishment etc. It never ceases. It's always there like background noise. It drives recipient to madness. Bad object is source of low self esteem or low sense of self-worth. Low self-esteem has to do with negative messages about your worth, capability, ability to self efficacy, agency, independence.
🟥 Nothingness
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNtNOA1Je0w
Feb 16
A child who grew up in a really hostile family, usually has been told that his thinking is wrong, his intuitions are stupid, his gut feelings are crazy. Child is constantly invalidated. When the child grows up and become adult, there is a distrust of one's intuition. And this causes problems in decision making, made selection, and avoidance of risk and danger. You wouldn't be vulnerable, open, collaborative. You avoid other people.
🟥 Nothingness: Antidote to Narcissism
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNtNOA1Je0w
Feb 16
Anger is indicator of boundary violation, kind of message “Please change your behavior before this escalates”. But in ACE anger is punitive tool whenever child expresses itself even in healthy way. Any form of communication is punished – criticized, denied. Child internalize anger and this leads to anxiety. When aggression is not externalized in socially acceptable way, sublimated – it poisons the individual, it shape-shifts.
🟥 Nothingness: Antidote to Narcissism
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNtNOA1Je0w
Feb 16
In order to survive the child needs to understand this crazy-making environment. So these kind of children over think. Their cognition is much more developed than their emotional capacity. They become cognitive animals. This tendency to over-think is rooted in traumatic childhood. These events taught the child to anticipate negative experiences. So the child reacts with anxiety, stress, difficulties in decision making, get grips with
🟥 Nothingness: Antidote to Narcissism
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNtNOA1Je0w
Feb 16
This kind of child is informed that everything he does is wrong. Whatever you do –if you conform to expectations and norms, you sublimate drives, you're still wrong. If you self abuse of course you're wrong, there is no winning strategy. The child perceived itself as the source of frustration and the rejection. Low self esteem reflect the negation of Self. When you grow up instruments at your disposal allow you to really self destruct
🟥 Nothingness: Antidote to Narcissism
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNtNOA1Je0w
Feb 16
As you're in the throws of rejecting yourself and hating yourself and loathing yourself, you seek to please all others. Your behavior becomes more and more accommodating. Even in transition to dark personality you do this within the context of people pleasing, you're terrified of rejection, criticism. You become overly attentive to needs of others, come last but lot of resentment. Slightest rejection is magnified infinitely in echo chamber of child
🟥 Nothingness: Antidote
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNtNOA1Je0w
Feb 16
Superman II (1980) sketch
Feb 16
Relationship Green Flags ✅
Feb 16
We are locked inside. We communicate with each other through an inter-subjective agreement – indirectly. All of us.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sV2og7aKtkk
Feb 16
Feb 17
To have an impact, you need to think about the other person's needs and desires.
Everybody received love in different ways. Everybody communicates differently. Everybody finds different things fun or not fun. Everybody has workflow that's different. Different story, philosophical views, we are all very different. We find those differences and learn them and celebrate person across.
I am not saying becoming doormat, make impact with what works.
✝️ HOUR OF POWER
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9L3BL-mIBU
Feb 17
Victimhood is cottage industry – it pays. I invented this field, I made this playground. Then bullies and narcissists, psychopaths invaded the field using Base Rate Fallacy, making claims of empathy, love and support because these are buttons to push. They sell books, dvds, coaching sessions and they tell you what you want to hear. You need to be challenged to grow. Most victims are formula: you're victim, poor you, it's not your wrong. 'U r empath': superior
🟥 Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=8NSo7UDXG14
Feb 17
Education is not open-ended. Education is restrictive. It constricts our world, it narrows it to legitimate choices and illegitimate choices. Even education is manipulative process. Where it begins to be wrong is if you are irresponsibly affecting people's lives and minds just to sell. Acquiring authority over you is entirely different story. If being racist would guarantee a supply, narcissist would become racist. Working for public good - he'd be charitable
🟥 Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=8NSo7UDXG14
Feb 17
Most problems do not have a solution. There are no rules for a meaningful life. You just go on living. Accept life as it is. Not as we imagine it to be – which is a pathological defense mechanism called fantasy. Accept it, surrender, don't fight back. It's a futile waste of resources and it leads to pathologies like narcissism. Most coaches tell you the opposite – “just put your mind do it and universe will gratify”.
Try to make it most with what you have.
🟥 Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=8NSo7UDXG14
Feb 17
Psychiatrists and psychologists treat conditions. No longer treat patients. The guy who gave you a pill – gave the pill not to you, but your depression, was treating not you but your depression. Psychopaths are goal oriented, they would kill anyone in their way to get their money. Example of institutionalized psychopathy - pharmaceutical companies.
🟥 Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=8NSo7UDXG14
Feb 17
Narcissists and psychopaths hijack every bloody thing: academic publishing, they hijack Google, they hijack social media, they hijack your need to find meaning in your life. They hijack your freedom, they take over but not in coordinated way. They are like water, they sip in. Stealthily and very often inadvertently. They gravitate like inert substances. There's money, popularity, supply there – so they gravitate.
🟥 Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=8NSo7UDXG14
Feb 17
There's no cure. I came up with a new type of treatment that ameliorates some aspects and eliminates other aspects of narcissism. But narcissism cannot be cured because the narcissist is stuck at certain mental age and there is no way to reverse this. There's no way to make him into adult. It's traumatized child. It's very deficient, problematic and destroyed child, damaged, broken. We can modify some behaviors, eliminate false self, grandiosity.
🟥 Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=8NSo7UDXG14
Feb 17
Contentment is if you stop fighting. It is the fight that drives you to pathologies. The fight pathologizes you. Everyone is encouraging you to fight. Everyone is encouraging you to change. Everyone tells you if you don't change and you don't succeed and don't fight – it's only your fault. Give it up. Forget all this. Forget what you can do with life. Just live life. Just be. Being is huge accomplishment. Stop catering to your grandiosity. It's beyond you.
🟥 Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=8NSo7UDXG14
Feb 18
Feb 18
Only human beings can do this: by perceiving outcomes of earthquake we introduce nothingness into reality. Consciousness is mainly a tool of nothingness and chaos. Whenever you question something you take the risk that Sartre called annihilation. Schrodinger cat Sartre is saying the same – whenever you question something you take the chance of receiving no as answer. Everything fluctuates between being and nothingness. Sartre's Uncertainty principle.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxfRneEDN3w
Feb 18
Sartre says if you don't question, you have certainty. By act of questioning – introduces doubt. By questioning you transition from determinism to uncertainty, to probability. From all Yes to Possibly No. Sartre says when you question – you're free. Because you assume the risk of nothingness. Only consciousness can negate and fearlessly explore the ramifications of negation and nothingness.
Opposite of being is freedom. I want you to understand this.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxfRneEDN3w
Feb 18
What does it mean to question “nothing”? Our very language betrays us. Because we constructed human language around being. We are so terrified of nothingness because we're terrified of dying. And do our language is deceptive. It's a psychological defense mechanism - it's denial. Our language is in denial. Reflecting on pre-reflection phase. Self torn between unity and duality. Action creates duality. Need to feel unity, as core, stable identity.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxfRneEDN3w
Feb 18
The past is 100% being. It cannot be changed. No decision you make can affect it. It is 100% rock solid. The future is 100% nothingness. Because it involves choices and decisions – involve freedom. And freedom emanates out of nothingness. Past facticity creates problem, dissonance, incoherence. We tend to lie to ourselves and others about ourselves: “Bad faith”: dictated by role he adopted, slave. Most slaves feel very free: No personal responsibility
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxfRneEDN3w
Feb 18
Sartre said the only problem is not knowing who we are. When we don't have clear view of our identity. If we don't have a path. If we don't know where we are going. Not in sense of accomplishment but who we are, the essence. If we don't know who we are – we misrepresent ourselves to ourselves. And then if you are nobody, it's easy to become everyone. It there's nothing there, it's easy to put anything there.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxfRneEDN3w
Feb 18
Who are you? If you don't know the answer, you're going to fake it until you make it. You're going to improvise. You're going to lie to yourself, misrepresent yourself to yourself. And then you're going to adopt a role. Because if you don't know who you are, there's a void that needs to be filled. You import something from outside and this is going to become you. You'll live inauthentic life. Self deceit has many forms. Why I don't choose to be me?
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxfRneEDN3w
Feb 18
Being involves external dimension. There's no being –there's only being in. Being is not standalone. To be, to become –you must have environment. You must be embedded in something. Being in reality. Being in the world. You need an external context to be. Which negates consciousness primary features one of which is nothingness. The rejection of external, objects, roles is fake. Authenticity is opposite of being. Consciousness is capable constructing self
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxfRneEDN3w
Feb 18
Buddy, I am by profession a politician. The mayor of a rather large city, as a matter of fact. In my line of work, you have to learn how to lie with remarkable precision. You also have to know how to recognize a lie when it bites you in the ass. And I have just been bitten.
🎞️ Juggernaut (1974)
Feb 19
If you feel that you can only be yourself when you're alone, ask yourself what would happen if everyone saw the real you, your true self? Because if you genuinely think that nobody around you would accept you just for being you, then either those people need to change, or you do. If the people around you aren't a good match for the real you, sadly you might need new friends, you might even need new partner.
🟥 The Importance of Being Yourself
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/nJu8aB-Ywwo
Feb 19
More likely though, is that rather than think that THEY aren't a good match for YOU, you might think that YOU aren't a good match for ANYBODY.
🟥 The Importance of Being Yourself
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/nJu8aB-Ywwo
Feb 19
Identical attributes of the victim in reactive abuse as opposed to a secondary psychopath. You can't help but be angry, rageful, negative, apathetic. You dump all of this pain and trauma on perfect strangers, on your family, on your friends, anyone that will listen to your vomit. You deserve to talk but unless you get help you end up pushing away very good helpful healthy people because you are dangerous in this state.
🟥 thespiritualbadass
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/AvblZ94UgME
Feb 19
We need to remain in the state of desire. In order to be happy and to survive. If our desires are slaked and sated, we're dead. We're in a schizoid state.
When he doesn't own her or possesses her fully, his desire can keep on going. His desire can fuel and motivate him to remain alive. There is contradiction in desire – realize fantasies, when we do we are heart broken.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFvRcB1MOWM
Feb 19
We convert everyone around us, objects, object relations, and objects in real life–we convert them into symbols. And we use these symbols to enhance our selfhood. So desiring is a part of desiring to be. Sartre says revolutionary there is no such thing as desiring something. You desire yourself. By desiring your being, by desiring to be, you desire others. You desire objects. They are nothing but tools in your project of becoming. Others are ingredients
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFvRcB1MOWM
Feb 19
You have access to your mind only. This is the only privileged access you have. You cannot access my mind. We're isolated in this skull. Our mind is trapped – we can't really reach out. Language is a very poor substitute. When I use certain words like red or love, how do I know that it means he same thing to you? How do I know how you experience color red? I don't. When you say love, do you mean the same way? This is known as Problem of other minds.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFvRcB1MOWM
Feb 19
When we assume that our emotions are the emotions of the loved one, I love you so you love me – when we assume that our thoughts emanate or are derived from or resonate with our loved one, all these assumptions are psychotic assumptions. They have no ground in reality. Heidegger was right about this. We interact as two atoms would interact. We interact because we are and end of story.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFvRcB1MOWM
Feb 19
Peeping through key hole and someone coming behind you – you suddenly become aware of yourself. As object of someone else's look. When you're all alone, schizoid state, you are not aware of your Self. Your Self is out of awareness. Your ego is not part of pre-reflective state and reflective state. You are immersed in the act, doing. Another person's gaze, another person's presence looming or real, imagined even, brings you immediately into awareness.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFvRcB1MOWM
Feb 19
And you become aware of yourself as the object of someone else's look or gaze. That's why we have need to be seen. Because if we are utterly ignored as though we are invisible, we cannot maintain the illusion of being. The illusion of existence. In narcissism it is taken to the extreme. The narc needs to be seen all the time, every second. Healthy people can take breaks between being seen. But everyone needs to be seen. If not seen - you are not.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFvRcB1MOWM
Feb 19
You is not the Self. You is not the Ego. These are your projects. These are things you develop. You is the ability to interact with the world and to absorb it. You are open totally to the world. And you can do this only when you become nothing. So nothingness is the precondition for being tuned to reality. For reality testing. You then realize what choices are proper, what choices would have adverse consequences. Ethic. Not to be anxious, embracing it.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFvRcB1MOWM
Feb 19
It's for life. It's not reversible. No amount of therapy and no known therapy can cope with this and deal with this. The child compensates by inventing structures and these structures can be undone. But the core emptiness is there for life. It's a damage that's inflicted on the child and cannot be remedied. It's a huge, huge tragedy.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xUscGv5gOsE
Feb 20
Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.
🟦 Jean-Paul Sartre
Feb 20
The psychopath thinks that he is defying the society. Defying authority, doing whatever he wants. He is reckless, daring, adventurous. But the psychopath is just reactive. He defies because there is authority figure there. He's totally reactive to environment, he is molded 100.000% by environment. He's a pathetic reactive echo and not a very faithful nor good one, efficient one. There's no self-efficacy in narcissism and psychopathy.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZlWaePc030
Feb 20
It's utterly ridiculous to suggest that narcissists and psychopaths could be good chief executive officers, presidents, surgeons, military commanders or anything for that matter. They're self-defeating. And they're self destructive because there's no Self inside. Anything they import from outside it is filtered. Through fantasy, through rage, through negative emotionality. And it's a total mess.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZlWaePc030
Feb 20
We make our own hell out of the people around us.
🟦 Jean-Paul Sartre
Feb 20
People who live in society have learned how to see themselves in mirrors as they appear to their friends.
🟦 Jean-Paul Sartre
Feb 20
The more sand that has escaped from the hourglass of our life, the clearer we should see through it.
🟦 Jean-Paul Sartre
Feb 20
If I don't choose, I am still choosing.
🟦 Jean-Paul Sartre
Feb 20
Man thrown in the world gradually defines himself.
🟦 Jean-Paul Sartre
Feb 20
You must be afraid, my son. That is how one becomes an honest citizen.
🟦 Jean-Paul Sartre
Feb 20
Your judgement judges you and defines you.
🟦 Jean-Paul Sartre
Feb 20
Malignant tolerance, you are not allowed to say certain things – political correctness. You self censor because you might hurt someone's delicate emotions – by telling the truth. The truth is sacrificed to prevent hurt and pain, real/imaginary, or alleged, so many psychopaths and narcissists create victimhood movements. And leverage this sick pathological malignant sensitivity to further their nefarious and insidious goals. "My truth is good as yours."
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5msMRVUweg
Feb 20
🏉 Rugby. Serie A Elite maschile - 12a gior, 2024-02-10, 16-41-06, Rai Sport HD
Feb 21
Because we’re human and imperfect
Feb 21
Feb 21
When you are all alone and self-sufficient, and when you are self-contained, you're atomized. You have no relationships of any consequence and of course you can't have meaning. Meaning is always external. You can't derive meaning internally which is the nonsense that self help books are trying to sell you. Meaning is network, not a node. When you adopt nothingness as authenticity, you're open to reintegrate to vast networks. Because you have no defenses
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=70gg_b3h2pg
Feb 21
You're not invested in any ego functions that are exclusionary. It's not ego death (distortion of eastern thinking by western wannabe gurus). It means by reducing yourself to core bare minimum, you feel utterly free to get integrated with other people because you don't have the defenses and the resistances which prevent you from doing so. All these defenses and resistances are imported from culture and society. Everything today is atomized: individual.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=70gg_b3h2pg
Feb 21
A deep examination about the rise of psychoanalysis as a powerful means of persuasion for both governments and corporations, and how it later helped influence the contemporary society of lifestyles and marketing.
Initial release: March 17, 2002
Director: Adam Curtis
Distributed by: BBC Four
🎞️ The Century of the Self (TV Mini Series 2002)
Feb 21
Psychology has two major problems. It deals with fictions. Such as individual–ego, mind, consciousness. And it treats those fictions as if they were not fictions but real life entities. This is delusional disorder, under DSM. Psychology is a bit psychotic pseudoscience. It deals exclusively with entities that are totally abstract and has no validation as oppose to physics. In psychology everything is total invention. Cannot be proved with any experiment
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=70gg_b3h2pg
Feb 22
Problem number 2: In physics I can replicate the experiment as many times and keep getting same answer. But when I analyze you as test subject, you're not the same. If I test you today and conduct tomorrow, you're no longer the same subject. The very fact I'm conducting the test on you, changes you. We don't have in psychology entities to study. Because the entities are kaleidoscopic. They change every split second. Shape shifting sands we experiment on
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=70gg_b3h2pg
Feb 22
At different times, different periods, different places, different cultures, different societies, we have differing models of normalcy. Of what is normal. For example, in Nazi Germany, it was utterly normal to be a psychopath. And it was positive adaptation. And if you were not a psychopath, you were mentally ill. For example, helping Jews –you're insane, you needed help, medication, something was wrong with you. In USA model of normalcy is narcissistic
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=70gg_b3h2pg
Feb 22
In psychology we don't say people. We use the word objects. For example, object-relations. Which is major school in psychology, means relationships with other people. But we don's say people. We say object. We have objectified other people because we are not used to cope with life. We are used cope with death. Freud called it Thanatos. People who worship objects will end up objectifying people. Death is singular feature in Christianity.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=70gg_b3h2pg
Feb 22
Social media were designed by schizoid, young, white men. And you see these features built into social media. The psychology of creators of social media is writ large into technology. But social media are not artificial intelligence. Once AI program is ready to go, it requires life on its own.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=70gg_b3h2pg
Feb 22
Bernays was the first person to take Freud's ideas about human beings and use them to manipulate the masses. He showed American corporations for the first time how they could make people want things they didn't need by linking mass produce goods to their unconscious desires. Out of this came new political idea how to control the masses. By satisfying people's inner selfish desires when made them happy and thus docile. Start of all consuming self.
🎞️ The Century of the Self (TV Mini Series 2002)
Feb 22
This shock quickly turns to mocking and bullying in order to silence the whistleblower.
Feb 22
Freud began to write about group behavior. About how easily the unconscious aggressive forces in human beings could be triggered when they were in crowds. Freud believed he had underestimated the aggressive instincts in human beings. They were far more dangerous than he had originally thought.
Freud did not believe that man can be improved. Humans enjoy torturing and killing and Freud did not like men.
🎞️ The Century of the Self (TV Mini Series 2002)
Feb 22
Walter Lipman argued that if human beings were in reality driven by unconscious irrational forces, then it was necessary to rethink the democracy. What was needed was a new Elite who can manage what he called the bewildered herd. This would be done through psychological techniques that would control unconscious feelings of the masses. People were driven not by their minds but by their spinal cords. Animal drives,lurking beneath. Goal:social control
🎞️ The Century of the Self (TV Mini Series 2002)
Feb 22
Both Bernes and Lipman concepts of managing the masses takes the idea of democracy and turns it into palliative, feel good medication. That will respond to immediate pain or an immediate yearning. But will not alter objective circumstances one iota. Idea of democracy was about changing power and their was maintaining power. If you can keep stimulating irrational Self then leadership can basically go on doing what it wants to do.
🎞️ The Century of the Self (TV Mini Series 2002)
Feb 22
What was implicit in Freud's argument was the idea of individual freedom which was at the heart of democracy, was impossible. Human beings could never be allowed to truly express themselves because it was too dangerous. They must always be controlled and would thus always be discontent. Man doesn't want to be civilized and civilization brings discontent but it is necessary for survival. So man must be discontent, to keep within limits.
🎞️ The Century of the Self (TV Mini Series 2002)
Feb 22
No this is validating that people's emotions are accurate for them and they do matter, And their past history of trauma and nervous system dysregulation contributes to emotional reactions which may (or may not ) be extremes that feel overpowering and disproportionate to the person experiencing them. Hence the emphasis that it is not a flaw.
Feb 22
American government as a result of war (WW2) became convinced that there were savage dangerous forces hidden inside all human beings, forces that needed to be controlled. Terrible evidence from the death camps seemed to show what happened when these forces were unleashed. Politicians and planners in post war America would come to believe that hidden under surface of their own population were the same dangerous forces.
🎞️ The Century of the Self (TV Mini Series 2002)
Feb 22
They would turn to Freud family to help control this enemy within. And ever adaptable Edward Bernes would work not just for American government but the CIA. And Sigmund Freud's daughter Anna, would also become powerful in USA. Because she believed that people could be taught to control the irrational forces within them. Out of this would come vast government programs to manage inner psychological life of the masses.
🎞️ The Century of the Self (TV Mini Series 2002)
Feb22
The Army turned to the new ideas of psychoanalysis. It was the first time that anyone had paid such attention to the feelings and anxieties of ordinary people. They became convinced that breakdowns were not the direct result of fighting. The stress of combat had merely triggered old childhood memories. These were memories of the men's own violent feelings and desires which they had repressed because they were too frightening. Proof of Freud theory.
🎞️ The Century of the Self (TV Mini Series 2002)
Feb 22
Anna Freud developed a theory of how to control the inner drives. It was simple. You taught the children to conform to the rules of society. But this was more than just a moral guidance. Anna Freud believed if children like the Burlingham strictly followed the rules of accepted social conduct then as they grow up, conscious part of their mind, the Ego, would be greatly strengthened in its struggle to control the unconscious.
🎞️ The Century of the Self (TV Mini Series 2002)
Feb 22
But if the children did not conform, their Ego would be weak. And they would be prey to dangerous forces of the unconscious. They felt being homosexual was abnormal, it wasn't a normal way to develop. They want him to develop what society recognized to be normal. Because if they didn't then you're going to be under control of forces that you don't understand, that you're not even aware of.
🎞️ The Century of the Self (TV Mini Series 2002)
Feb 22
They just felt that the road to happiness was in adapting to the external world in which they lived. That people could be uncrippled from their own neurotic conflicts and impulses. That they would not engage in self-destructive behavior, that they would in fact adapt to reality. They never questioned the reality. That it might itself be a source of evil. Or something to which you could not adapt without compromise, suffering, or exploiting yourself in some way.
🎞️ The Century of the Self (2002)
Feb 22
They promised to show companies how to make millions by connecting their products with people's hidden desires. Dichter himself became millionaire, famous for creating slogans like Tiger in your tank. Even the marketing of the Barbie doll came from a children's focus group. The environment could be used to strengthen the human personality. And products have the power both to inner desires and give feeling of common identity, stable society: "Strategy of desire".
🎞️ The Century of the Self (2002)
Feb 22
We will remain dissatisfied.
Feb 22
How to alter and control the inner drives of human beings. The most notorious of these experiments was run by the head of the American Psychiatric Association, Dr Ewen Cameron. Like many psychiatrist of that time, Cameron was convinced that inside human beings there were dangerous forces which threatened society. But he believed that it was not only possible just to control these forces, but actually remove them. To monitor political activities,knew what was good
🎞️ The Century of the Self (2002)
Feb 22
My argument with so much psychoanalysis is the preconception that suffering is a mistake. Or a sign of weakness. Or a sign even of illness. When in fact, possible the greatest truths we know have come out of people's suffering. That the problem is not to undo suffering or wipe it off from the face of the Earth, but to make it inform our lives. Instead of trying to cure ourselves of it constantly and avoid it, seems to me like controlling man rather than freeing him.
🟦 Arthur Miller (1963)
Feb 22
Herbert Marcuse said that the very idea that you needed to control people was wrong. Human beings did have emotional drives. But they were not inherently violent or evil. It was society that made this drives dangerous – by repressing and distorting them. Anna Freud and her followers had increased that repression by trying to make people conform to society. In so doing, they made people more dangerous, not less. Individual was adapting to corrupt and evil.
🎞️ The Century of the Self (2002)
Feb 22
Opponents of Freuds who said Freud was wrong about human nature: The inner self did not need to be repressed or controlled, it should be encouraged to express itself. Out of this would come a new type of strong human being and better society. But what in fact emerged from this Revolution was the very opposite: an isolated, vulnerable and above all greedy Self. Far more open to manipulation by both business and politics than anything before. In power would feed it
🎞️ The Century of the Self (2002)
Feb 22
To make products for people who wanted to express themselves would mean creating variety. But the systems of mass productions that had been developed in America were only profitable if they made the large numbers of the same objects. The expressive Self threatened this whole system of manufacturer. An entrepreneur had invented a way of mass producing this new independent self. Seminar training to be taught how to be themselves. Human potential movement.
🎞️ The Century of the Self (2002)
Feb 22
If you took these layers off, you wind up with the kernel, innately self-expressive. People took last layer and found nothing. The recognition was that it's really all meaningless and empty. That's existentialism's end point. A step further: people recognize it was not only meaningless and empty, but it was empty and meaningless that it was empty and meaningless. And in that – there's enormous freedom. All rules you placed on yourselves – are gone.
🟦 Werner Erhard
Feb 22
And what you're left with is nothing. And nothing is extraordinary powerful place to stand. Because it is only from nothing that you can create. And from this nothing people were able to invent a life and allowing them to create, invent themselves. You can be what you want to be.
🟦 Werner Erhard
Feb 22
Our minds are molded
Feb 22
Any person depends on public approval
Feb 22
Problem comes how to be self expressive. And it was at this point that American capitalism decided it was going to step in and help these new individuals to express themselves. And in the process make a lot of money.
We were asking people to think about things that they had never taught about before and they liked thinking about them. Like what motivated them, what was important to them.
🎞️ The Century of the Self (2002)
Feb 22
true ruling power
Feb 22
Phrases that we want to popularize among the youth in order for them to be brainless consumers are:
"Damn bro, you need to get OUT more!" (as in going out to buy more beers and shop)
Shiat dawg, u been studyin' math all day - all them numbers. What a loser! Fk'n Nerd ass punk!" (we discourage the study of mathematics and science since they promote critical/logical thinking skills)
https://www.filmboards.com/board/t/Confess
Feb 22
We realize that people are not "free" - they are deterministic beings driven by physiological needs to survive. They are also social beings driven by psychological needs to belong. As such, as long you feel insecure, anxious, ugly, fearful, fat, marginalized, etc., then we are able to sell you products to relieve those feelings.
, we ourselves as advertisers induce these negative emotional states into the consumer! We MAKE you feel inadequate and self-conscious.
https://www.filmboards.com/board/t/Confess
Feb 22
People want to go where they wanted to be led.
🟦 Edward Bernays
Feb 23
People escalate behaviors in order to attract attention to get noticed, likes etc. This causes behavior escalation. If your behaviors are radicalized, if they become idiosyncratic, unique, by definition it forms a part of your identity. Concept of individualism, indivisible means that you stand apart. You're distinguishable. So if your behavior becomes radical, attention seeking, by definition you are more distinguishable. You are more individiual.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ep0bR0jq28
Feb 23
You are more of individual only in highly restricted sense. Not all areas of your personality flourish, develop and evolve and grow. But a tiny sliver of your personality is emphasized. And all your energies are focused on this tiny sliver and the rest of your personality atrophies, decays and dies. What social media does – it creates substantial imbalances between trait and behavior in personality. You become 2D individual, a cartoon figure.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ep0bR0jq28
Feb 23
Psychotherapy is a symptom of an exceedingly sick society. Because only atomized, alienated broken damaged people who have no one to talk to go to psychotherapy. Psychotherapy is major indicator of breakdown of society. That you need to pay for someone to listen to you, that's bloody sick. That you go to millions of sexual predators online and pray to find someone who's not, that's an indicator of sickness. Afraid of relationship. They fake casualness.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ep0bR0jq28
Feb 23
Social activism –these movements are hijacked by narcissists and psychopaths. The minute they acquire critical mass, narcissists and psychopaths infiltrate these movements and take over. Studies have demonstrated that the preponderance and prevalence of narcissists and psychopaths in this movement explodes exponentially once these movements become critical force. These movements will be hijacked and compromised. Like politics-we end up with Nixon, Trump
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ep0bR0jq28
Feb 23
Narcissist want supply. He wants sex, he wants services. He doesn't care what's your internal workings. Are you co-depended, are you traumatized – he doesn't care.
Narcissist did all that stuff, it is you who think that. The narcissist doesn't. You were just giving them supply. You gave certain amount of supply that they liked but if they're without, who's up next.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ep0bR0jq28
Feb 23
Narcissist regard you as commodity and you can't stand this. This is what bothers victims the most, that they didn't exist in their minds, they were used. They can't fathom that. They need to feel special. They need to feel that they had special place in the narcissist's life, history, memory and identity. Many even brag that they have changed the narcissist. Shaped the narcissist. Affected the narc. Or took revenge on narcissist.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ep0bR0jq28
Feb 23
Narcissist is implacable. Untouchable. That kills people. That narcissist, this monster, this abuser actually never pays a price. He's incapable of mourning, of grieving, of heartbreak. He never pays emotional price for anything he does. The only way to touch the core of narcissist and to affect him is a process called narcissistic mortification. It's when narcissist is publicly shamed and humiliated in front of peers and people he values.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ep0bR0jq28
Feb 23
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
Feb 23
This self states are probably organized in scheme-like lattices. I suggest that we don't have identities actually. We have assemblages of self-states. But identity had been in use for at least 400 years. The only thing that gives a person a self and an identity is memory across time; personality, skills, habits, retrospect emotions: all long-term imprints and behavioral patterns. The biological functions in coma are maintained but do they have identity?
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uX9GsLDnAuY
Feb 23
If you think it's hard to meet new people...
Feb 23
What is the most powerful form of persuasion?
Pathos. Most simply, pathos is the appeal to our human emotions. We're more often moved by our emotions than by logic or common sense, so pathos is a powerful mode of persuasion.
⬜ Modes of Persuasion - Excelsior OWL
https://owl.excelsior.edu/rhetorical-s
Feb 23
Most people are afraid of freedom. They are conditioned to be afraid of it.
🟦 Herbert Marcuse
Feb 24
The kind of experience you're having does not dictate whether it's you stress or de-stress. The biggest indicator of what kind of stress you are going to have is how you view stress in general. Isn't that weird? In other words, if you see stress as overall positive thing in your life, most of the time whatever stressful experience you're in, will grow you. But if you see stress overall as negative thing, 2b avoided, withdraw from- most stress will harm you
✝️ HOUR OF POWER
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDzXqynH5ng
Feb 24
We find in research – how we view stress actually has the biggest indicator on what it will do to your soul and your life. In WW1 PTSD was called Shell Shock. But it's actually more common to have post-traumatic growth. We don't like to talk about post-traumatic growth because trauma can really harm you. It was amazing how often some of the most successful impactful amazing personalities were WW2 war veterans. Sometimes we have opportunity to play reverse.
✝️ HOUR OF POWER
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDzXqynH5ng
Feb 24
Martyr complex example.
Feb 24
If I were you, I wouldn't spend too much time figuring it out. Quinn is who she is. As much as she loved you, when something is over for her, it's over. Whatever the reason.
🎞️ THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL
Feb 24
Never choose the path. Let the path choose you. To claim that you know what's good for you, to assign valence, some kind of meaning to events in your life, to say “this thing that happens to me is bad”, “This thing is good for me”, that is to assume the mind of God which you do not possess. Will never have. That is not only pretentious, it's self-destructive. You can never know what's good for you. Or what's bad for you. Forces way beyond the grasp.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3eIu3nj3so
Feb 25
Being alone is one thing, it's usually a choice and being lonely is a reaction to that choice but this is a socially conditioned and determined reaction. People are lonely because they have been told repeatedly they had been brainwashed into believing that being alone should make you feel lonely. Do we naturally prefer to be alone in order to maximize the efficient allocation of scarce resources such as time and energy, money.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9M0ILm_QDp4
Feb 25
Magical thinking is a fabulous way of countering loneliness. Or countering aloneness. Because if you are the king of the world and if the universe is at your back call and the universe obey you, then you don't really need anyone. Because you're godlike. People mistakenly identify intimacy with neediness. People conflate and confuse intimacy with clinging. If intimate – you're “needy and clinging, demanding, nagging, not ok”. Deity don't depend on anyone
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9M0ILm_QDp4
Feb 25
Happy couples are not about merging or fusing into a single organism with two heads. Happy couples are about bringing the idiosyncrasies, bringing the differences, bringing the separateness into the common area. So that you can enjoy diversity and the differences between you. So maintaining individuality, yourself as separate entities, not depended on your partner, not outsourcing regulation of your moods.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUggi8tRTbE
Feb 25
Nothing is more deceitful than brutal honesty. It pretends to offer empathy and support but it is mere camouflaged sadism. And nothing is more vainglorious than false modesty and pseudo-humility. Nothing is more hateful than the ineluctable expiry of love. Nothing is more wrong than being right all the time. Nothing is more corrupt than conformity and nothing more noble than being oneself.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUggi8tRTbE
Feb 25
Feb 25
Where do we have more information? In a system that has order and structure, or in a system that is chaotic and confused? Where there is order there is information – is completely wrong. You have been told since this is the correct answer. You have been told since this age that order and structure and rules are good for you, that this is the only place of safety to extract meaning and information from the world. You're not doubting enough.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCo5XWKkjw4
Feb 25
Nightmare is meaningless, senseless and that's why it is frightening. Nightmare has no meaning. There's no rules, there's no structure. A doesn't lead to B, and yet B happens. When our reality receives a massive shock, we enter a condition of existence similar to nightmare and we react the same way. We react surrealistically. There are 4 reactions. 4 malignancies. Malignant individualism – become self centered, think only of your own shock. Narcissism.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCo5XWKkjw4
Feb 25
Malignant egalitarianism – “I have as much power as everyone else”, “no one has advantage over me”. So knowledge, information, education, irreducion, experience, wisdom, age– they don't give anyone advantage. Because “Everyone is equal to everyone”. Everyone is suddenly good as medical doctor. This leads to truthism. Truthism is there are no facts, only opinions. So when you argue –they tell you you have your facts, I have my. Leads to distrust collapse
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCo5XWKkjw4
Feb 25
4th reaction is Malignant tolerance. Everything goes, everything is ok. There are no values, standards, criteria, no problem in choice. Is form of libertarianism, which says that choice and freedom are the ultimate values and so all other values should be suspended and eliminated. “Only choice is important”. These 4 reactions to shock lead to condition known as anomie. Shock take meaning away. People need meaning more than food. They panic without meaning
🟥 Pr. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCo5XWKkjw4
Feb 25
Anomie is when society loses rules, normative values, internal structure, order, goal orientation – when society disintegrates. What happened in former Yugoslavia after fall of socialism was anomie. Society loses the story. When individual loses the story – individual reacts with 4 malignancies. Anomie is dangerous because not only you can't find meaning inside yourself, you cannot find meaning outside yourself. You always need meaning. Can't survive.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCo5XWKkjw4
Feb 25
Social suicide is when you avoid people. When you stay at home. When you don't interact with people, don't connect with people, don't support people, don't have empathy for the people, and so you're self-sufficient, technology is helping you, you don't need anyone. Mental suicide is when you're no longer emotionally present. You're detached, not interacting with people who should be important to you, you avoid, withdraw. It's giving up on life.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCo5XWKkjw4
Feb 25
This applies to politics, to everyone: Anything and anyone that takes you away from reality is not good for you. The great definition of mental illness is losing touch with reality. Anything that makes you lose touch with reality is making you mentally ill. Cling to reality. With narcissism you confuse real with internal, it's self deception. They only way to cope with anomie is called Nothingness. It's foundation of all major philosophies and religions
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCo5XWKkjw4
Feb 25
Core ingredient of personality disorders is dysregulation. Is when your moods come from the outside. Not from the inside. You allow other people to change your mood. You allow other people to change how you feel, your emotions. You let other people change your thinking. Someone outside is regulating you. This is a sign of mental illness. This is possible because these people outside collaborate with the other voices inside your head which are not you.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCo5XWKkjw4
Feb 25
The voices inside your head are like Trojan Horse. They're like traitors, double agents. They work for enemy. Narcissism is fear of reality. The narcissist tries to control the reality by assimilating it. He puts reality in his mind. It's a panic reaction. It is self loathing and self hatred. Narcissist regards himself as inferior, not consciously. So he compensates. “I'm god”. Narcissism is opposite of self-love. Narc was told he is worthless.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCo5XWKkjw4
Feb 25
If you get to know yourself, you are empowered. You don't need anyone – in a good sense. You don't need anyone to regulate what's happening inside you. And people want you to be dependent. They want you to be weak. They want to control you as you want to control them. It's a giant power play. So you opt out of the game. Not playing anymore. The minute you're not playing you have all power in the world. It's only inside the game that you're powerless.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCo5XWKkjw4
Feb 25
Crucially depend on other people you become dependent. What do we call someone who is totally depended on something: disabled. Invalid. We all use other people because we are invalids. And the idea of nothingness is to empower you. And to leave you without defense mechanisms which unfortunately no one can get rid off or you will fall apart. One minute with real reality and you're done. We all lie to ourselves all the time.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCo5XWKkjw4
Feb 26
When you feel awkward or weird in social settings, likely it's because they're being weird. They're being awkward. They're not doing well socially. You're feeling awkward because they're not following up with another question. That's on them!
🟥 LaurenOfficial
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/KjGerCf2BxQ
Feb 26
Are you comparing your life to someone else, you know nothing about? You have no idea how they have portrayed this perfect lifestyle and how they got to where they are. Do they have rich mummy and daddy? Were they given everything? Do they have responsibilities? And you're comparing against someone who lives at home and is portraying this highlight reel of where you should be in your life, you self-judging have no idea how they got there.
🟥 AaronKnightley
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/fR4O0_VWALg
Feb 26
People who are in antagonistic, high conflict invalidating relationships, basically narcissistic relationships, are regularly being told what they are doing wrong, what they are saying wrong, that they are wrong. Or that there is something wrong with them. So just generally if you are in relationship with someone who's narcissist – you're wrong. Many people early on defend themselves, explain their point of view when gaslighted.
🟥 DoctorRamani
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5oXV6Dxa80
Feb 26
Narcissist play on your existing vulnerability. And that's exhausting experience to go through. By the time you have tried taking fight you pretty soon you retreat to option 2: self-blame. Narcissist will never take responsibility or ownership of their behavior – you just end up blaming yourself. A lot of apologies from you. Sorry for things they are not responsible. It's almost like a reflex in narc relationship. Really believe they are to blame. Break you
🟥 DoctorRamani
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5oXV6Dxa80
Feb 26
He who had never experienced pain, he who had been sheltered from loss develops to become a Peter Pan. A narcissist. That's an excellent definition of narcissist. Either someone who had been exposed to enormous pain and abuse, and therefore cannot trust, or someone who's been shielded and therefore cannot trust as well. Lack of trust is cornerstone of most of our mental health issues. Trust. Trust again. Don't be afraid. Leap. Take this leap of faith.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm35DqVWVVM
Feb 26
Nothingness is about choosing to be human, not a lobster. It is about putting firm boundaries between you and the world. It is about choosing happiness - not dominance. It is accomplishing from within, not from without. It is about not letting others regulate your emotions, moods, and thinking. It is about being an authentic YOU.
our social instincts metastasize into narcissism: dominance and hierarchy
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=suJx-OBQmPk
Feb 26
World Aquatics. Pallanuoto Doha 2024- Fi,
Rai Sport HD
Feb 26
🇫🇷 - 🇮🇹
🏉 Rugby - Tournoi des Six Nations U20, 2024-02-23, 22-03-24, L'Equipe
Feb 26
🏉 Rugby Europe 🇳🇱 - 🇩🇪
Feb 26
🏉 Rugby - Tournoi des Six Nations, 2024-02-24, 19-21-05, France 2
🏴 -🏴
Feb 26
🏉 Rugby - Tournoi des Six Nations, 2024-02-24, 19-21-05, France 2
🏴 -🏴
Feb 26
Most problems don't have solutions. They keep being problems. That's why they're entrenched. Most disorders can't be reversed or healed or cured. Same goes with most diseases. It's American nonsense: this belief, magical thinking, a form of pathology. This belief that anything is solvable. No, almost nothing is solvable. Mental illness is lifelong condition. They're part of who you are. Mental illness is an identity determinant. It's not like cold.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qy324bkP4Bw
Feb 26
Mental illness distort cognition. They distort reality, they impair reality testing. They filter the interface between the patient and the other people. They cause the client to behave in ways which hinder and further undermines and obstruct personal growth, personal development, self-efficacy, autonomy agency. About 80 percent of all therapies and psychologists keep repeating this counterfactual mantras – con artists. That person is after your money.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qy324bkP4Bw
Feb 26
The mentally ill should be sequestered and isolated. The mentally ill should be discouraged from seeking normalcy and intimacy. Mentally ill people are injurious and dangerous. Hurt people hurt people. Mentally ill people cause enormous devastation and damage and pain and and hurt to numerous other people. Mentally ill are like loose cannons. They can't be controlled. They don't have impulse control. They are un-boundaried. Personality disorder.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qy324bkP4Bw
Feb 26
🇵🇫 Polynesia
Feb 26
🏉 Rugby - Tournoi des Six Nations, 2024-02-25, 17-02-20, France 2
🇫🇷 - 🇮🇹
Feb 26
🏉 Rugby - Tournoi des Six Nations, 2024-02-25, 17-02-20, France 2
🇫🇷 - 🇮🇹
Feb 26
🏉Rugby - Tournoi des Six Nations, 2024-02-25, 17-45-24, France 2
🇫🇷 - 🇮🇹
Feb 26
🇮🇪 Ireland
Feb 27
🇮🇪 Ireland
Feb 27
It's a process known as atomization. Where people are rendered self-sufficient by technology. And then they lose all the incentive to accommodate other people: to compromise, to negotiate, because being with other people is onerous – other people are opinionated, they are pain in *, it's a lot of effort to be around other people. Why would you?
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NTwxAJDMTo
Feb 27
If you didn't stand up, what would have been the consequences?
-You'd be angry at us.
-And then what would happen if I were angry at you? I can throw coffee at you for example. A total stranger who did not introduce himself yet told you to stand up and all of you obeyed. And then you are utterly unable to explain why you did this. You stood up for two reasons.
You made series of assumptions. Assumed that I'm authority and I have right.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7HZThtxdBY
Feb 27
If you were not to stand up, you would stand out. You would be the exception. You were acting under peer pressure. All of you motivated each other to stand up. It never feels good to be the only one. The one who stands out. You react to peer pressure. Madness and normality depend on context. They depend where you are. Who you're with. They're not absolute things. What used to be considered crazy 50 years ago is normal today.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7HZThtxdBY
Feb 27
There's a proliferation of diagnosis. Everyone is potentially mentally ill if you dig deep enough. That's not okay. Society allows you to be mentally ill to some extent. Idiosyncrasies – behaviors which are typical only to that person and everyone is mocking them for it. The process of accepting craziness is called sublimation. When society allows you to be a little bit crazy. You no longer perceive reality properly. Reality is tough. Fend off reality.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7HZThtxdBY
Feb 27
Another example - “people are good”. “people are honest. “You can trust them”. This even has a name. It is called Base Rate Fallacy. And yet 95 percent of people believe other people without checking the facts. We trust other people and the fact is that people lie all the time. There is study that show people lie most of the time. Because if promotes their goals and they are selfish. The truth is that you cannot trust people. People are self centered.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7HZThtxdBY
Feb 27
It's another example of lie that you're telling yourself because without this lie, reality would become very frightening and very unbearable. We live in a cosmos of lies and self-deception in order to survive. And society encourages you. Then there are all the lies known as Magical Thinking. It is pathological belief that you have impact, that you can affect your environment, world. It is untrue. Most of you have no affect on anyone.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7HZThtxdBY
Feb 27
Universe is indifferent to you. You are meaningless in the big scheme of things. You are meaningful only to yourselves. You are the engine of your own meaning. Do not rely on anything outside of you for meaning. Because no one gives a $hit.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7HZThtxdBY
Feb 27
Emergent order or epiphenomenon is when complex systems produce totally unexpected results that cannot be reduced or attributed to any part of the system. That come from nowhere. We are like that. That's why we have serial killers, psychopaths, narcissists. The manifestation of the unexpected outcomes of our programming is what we call madness. Insanity is unexpected outcome of our coding. Do things not found in code - we call this crazy. Creative.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7HZThtxdBY
Feb 27
Among rock stars, painters, authors, poets, psychology professors, you would find that the majority of them suffer from diagnosable mental health disorders. Mental health instability is intimately linked with creativity. We need to produce things that are not in the code. We need madness. Madness drives species forward. What is to be normal? Society homogenizes this, finds common denominator. Like Venn diagram: Agreement on some thing that is normal.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7HZThtxdBY
Feb 27
The vast part of population of Nazi Germany would have been easily diagnosed as mentally ill today. And yet if you were German and looking around you, you would feel totally normal. If you thought that you should not kill the Jews, and should hide Jews in the basement, you were mentally ill. In that environment you were mentally ill. People were put in in mental asylums because of these beliefs.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7HZThtxdBY
Feb 27
In science if you have something that works sometime and doesn't work at other times – then it's not a law. You can discard it, it's not scientific. Defining what is normal based on statistic is not working. Because sometimes you would get the wrong answer. Like Nazi Germany – if you were psychopath you made millions, you made powerful, it was great idea, psychopathic was positive adaptation. Another psychopath would say psychopath is normal.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7HZThtxdBY
Feb 27
To be normal does not mean being mentally healthy. There's a huge confusion in psychology even by experts. They confuse to be normal with to be healthy. You can be normal but not mentally healthy. You can be mentally healthy but completely abnormal. Not normal, not typical. If I were to live in Nazi Germany and I think you should not kill other people, I would be mentally healthy but not normal in Nazi Germany. Bad idea to accept what society tells you.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7HZThtxdBY
Feb 27
Society can program you and affect you in ways that would make you feel normal. But it would actually drive you to insanity or lack of mental health. Society can make you mentally ill by deceiving you into thinking that you're normal. We have abnormal societies that make people feel that they're normal. But actually make these people mentally ill. Societies are very dangerous constructs. And we should be very careful with this.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7HZThtxdBY
Feb 27
If that other person is not interested in you except when he has power, walk away. Cut him off. Is she has power over you and when you try to take back that power she doesn't want to be with you, good for you. Never give anyone power over you. The power should come from the inside. Boundaries is clinical term in psychology – communicating to other people what is acceptable behavior and what is not.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7HZThtxdBY
Feb 27
How do you know what is acceptable and not acceptable? It's very simple. Anything that makes you feel bad is not acceptable. End of story. Communicate with other people –this makes me feel bad. So I would ask you to not behave this way. And if the other person insists to behave this way, walk away. You have the nuclear weapon. And the nuclear weapon is walking away. You can withdraw your presence-this is the ultimate in weaponry. You love yourself less?
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7HZThtxdBY
Feb 27
He gets mad and you don't want to cut them off then you love yourself less than the other. That's not healthy. You should love yourself most. You're number one. Always number 1. That applies to parents, children, lovers, friends. If something is wrong with your self love, you will not be able to properly love other people. They would be damaged too. You think you're doing them a favor – you're not. Sacrifice your well being for other? Then seek help.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7HZThtxdBY
Feb 27
Denying yourself- we have a name for that. When you destroy yourself gradually, incrementally until you disappear – suicide. There are many ways to commit suicide. Gun, bullet, bad relationship. Most common way of commiting suicide. Talk to yourself first. Almost no one talks to himself. You never talk to yourself. You are the most important person and you don't talk to yourself. It's not question of pleasing yourself. Just don't feel bad.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7HZThtxdBY
Feb 27
Nothing good comes out of power play or power asymmetry. Nothing good ever comes when you are not on equal power with someone. Never allow someone else to have power over you – never mind what he gives you. If someone bribes you with love, teaching, money – we have this name for this: corruption. You are corrupting yourself. If you allow someone and exchange them power – that is corruption: People pleasing. In BPD there is total transfer of power.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7HZThtxdBY
Feb 27
Using other people to regulate your internal environment gives them power. If I'm in control of your mood, emotions, I have almost total power over you. If I can make you feel bad, that's a lot of power. If I can make you feel love, that's a lot of power. Regulation of emotions and moods is power. If you let other people regulate your emotions, dictate to you how you feel and what you feel- these people have power over you. Never give power over you.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7HZThtxdBY
Feb 27
If you don't care about yourself really, you don't even care to criticize yourself. You don't care anymore. A couple that don't care about each other are very polite. They never fight. As long as you care, invested in yourself, committed interested in yourself, you will criticize yourself. Few people love themselves properly. If you don't love yourself, you will be depended on other people. You'll move through life as observer of your own life.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7HZThtxdBY
Feb 27
There's only one person who has the capacity to accept you as you are, and that's you. All other people will try to change you. All. Your husband, wife, kids, pets. Better get to work and accept yourself as you are. Not in stupid way: I'm not going to improve, work hard – that is stagnation, suicide. Self acceptance means these are my strong weak point, unconditional. It's life enhancing, not limiting. It's wrong – if it doesn't enhance life.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7HZThtxdBY
Feb 27
Stephen Hawking: “The thing about smart people is that they seem crazy to dumb people”
Feb 27
Nietzsche, “In individuals, insanity is rare; but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule.”
Feb 27
Rather than fight back the tsunami which is futile, the well-educated, the erudite and the intelligent choose to withdraw, they avoid the world. They seclude themselves in self constructed schizoid ivy towers and they withdraw all the bridges. Imbeciles, cretins, and morons are a menace to the continues existence not only to our civilization but also of our species. The stupid repeatedly interfere with and disrupt the proper functioning of every system
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3rZXrLQUXw
Feb 28
Separation individuation phase leads to the formation of Self state. 3 self-states are: autonomous self state (in infantile separation phase), the peer self-state (created during adolescence) and the social self-state (formed when object relations ripen). The process of separation-individuation is sometimes obstructed. Sometimes impeded – is never completed properly. If the child/adolescent has disciplinarian, sadistic, strict, neglectful parents.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OS-cymvkXg0
Feb 28
When one begins to interact with other people in significant and meaningful way, for example intimate relationship or workplace, his process of separation-individuation where the individual places boundaries in order to protect himself from incursion or from abuse, it's possible to distrupt the phase. For example nanny state.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OS-cymvkXg0
Feb 28
Domineering, intrusive institutions don't allow the individual to set proper boundaries. Don't allow individual to individuate. They crush and repress every dissidence, every disagreement, and every criticism – they push individual to become a herd animal to totally conform. This can be done by church, family, intimate partner. Where individual is not allowed to place boundaries, not allowed to engage in authentic expression.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OS-cymvkXg0
Feb 28
Social self-state, if it is impeded or obstructed, hindered or disrupted by social structures, that do not allow the individual to separate and individuate, the resulting social self-state will be avoidant. That's the pathological version of social self-state. The healthy version of the social self-state is collaborative. Disrupted processes of separation-individuation create pathological self-states which are closely aligned with mental illness.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OS-cymvkXg0
Feb 28
We don't have a direct access to the world. But always indirect, filtered access to the world. And modern neuroscience strongly supports Kant's assertion. We do not have contact with reality as it is. We have contact with math formulas in our brains which process. Kant never said that reality is not there. But we can know it via our intermediation and intervention of brain structures. Information we have is less with world as it is. More as we perceive
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lxaEP_1lps
Feb 28
Feb 28
The internal objects, the introjects, the voices that populate you inner world – they are not you. They're not a part of your core identity. They just appear so. They appear ego congruent – you. What failure you are, in case of bad object. Silencing introjects effect your behavior, choices, decisions. Introjects interfere in the interface between you and reality. “This is wrong to do” - our conscience. This is not who you are.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOUKysM2yI88
Feb 29
Part that resists change while it may seem hostile at first glance, also brings us gifts. And this part might merely be acting as safety latch aiming to shield us from potential harm or discomfort. It's through recognizing these parts nurturing an awareness of their roles and motivations we can foster internal environment of harmony. In such, change is not simply tolerated – it's wholeheartedly embraced paving the way for new beginnings.
🟥 faithfullygrowingtimfortesc
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/JIs67rWK_qY
Feb 29
Autistic thinking is not the same autism spectrum disorder or more generally autism. Autistic and dereistic thinking are based on fantasy. However they are clinically speaking cognitions. But these cognitions are somehow distorted, these are cognitive distortions. Autistic thinking is narcissistic and egocentric, self-centered &self-absorbed. Dereistic thinking is totally fantastic. Revolved around daydream, divorced from reality, impaired reality test
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5E1ZE3qXv0
Feb 29
There is a close affinity between narcissism and autism mediated via autistic thinking. The narcissist is the only clinical case who engages in both autistic thinking and dereistic thinking. Depending on the phase in cycle. Compendium of counterfactual unrealistic modes of thought and relating to the environment. Paranoid beliefs of he is at the center of some malign attention malevolent conspiracy, so important to get him down. Religion, political.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5E1ZE3qXv0
Feb 29
Autistic and dereistic thinking would deny the patient access to this emotions. Because emotions would be perceived as out there. There would be a gap, chasm or schism, an internal fragmentation of the patient. Where narc can't access positive emotions, left only with negative effectivity. Access to emotions is totally denied in psychopaths. In borderline there is emotional dysregulation, outcome of misjudging own emotions, weighing them improperly.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5E1ZE3qXv0
Feb 29
Toxic positivity happens when people believe that negative thoughts and negative emotions should be avoided. They're “wrong, sinful, lead to bad places, outcomes”. Where these people find themselves in events or circumstances which normally evoke sadness, dysphoria and worse, they are likely to react inappropriately. Known as inappropriate affect. They're likely to cheer people up, rub them all wrong ways at funeral, tragedy, or natural disaster.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pB6csURdDtc
Feb 29
Originally positivity was considered a good thing. If we're overly positive or exclusively positive this is bad. Because it implies that we have internalized introject (voice or group voices) that keep telling us you must feel positive at all times even when reality calls for another appropriate negative reaction or emotion. “If you express anger you're a bad person, sinful, aggressive”. Toxic positivity is a form of freak control. Tyranny of positivity
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pB6csURdDtc
Feb 29
When you have negative feelings they motivate you. Anger motivates you to modify other people's behavior by communicating the anger. Sadness motivates you. Every negative affect motivates. So when you remove all the negative affects from your life, you deplete and impoverish the repertory of motivations available to you. You impoverish yourself and capacity to accomplish things. Positive everything stigmatize themselves when down, self blame, neurosis.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pB6csURdDtc
Feb 29
What do we really know about other people? What do people tell us about themselves? What do they broadcast? And how manipulative is this? When we come face to face with another person, are we really interacting with someone there? Or are we stupidly interacting with a mask? When people take off their mask, what then? Or do they always wear mask? Do you change the mask at work and at home? Terrifying question. Self reporting is reliable?
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENGCG8VGVBY
Feb 29
Vast majority of psychological tests rely on self-reporting –even tests for psychopathy and narcissism ironically and idiotically rely on self-reporting. If self-reporting is done by mask, then we're in trouble because we're fed with the wrong information. How connected is mask, what can we learn form the mask about the person? When individual comes into contact with other people, will attempt to control or guide the impressions of others. Falsity, lies
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENGCG8VGVBY
Feb 29
Everyone manipulates everyone. All our behaviors are manipulative in the sense that we try to secure outcomes by modifying the perceptions, the impressions and the behaviors of other people. This is the best definition of every conceivable human interaction. Adult manages impressions in order to extract some benefit from another person. It's all manipulative. We utilize these behaviors in impression management to mold our environment, situation.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENGCG8VGVBY
Feb 29
So when you are living with a narcissist – it is the mask. It is a mask that you are interacting with or living with. And I don't know of anything more terrifying than this statement. That I've just made.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENGCG8VGVB0
Feb 29
Feb 29
🏉 Rugby - Tournoi des Six Nations, 2024-02-24, 16-17-40, France 2
🇮🇪 - 🏴
Feb 29
Sam Vaknin suggests that only a select few individuals who are exceptionally strong, resilient, and enlightened can truly accept and embrace nothingness. According to Jewish mysticism, there are believed to be only 36 such individuals in the world. Vaknin emphasizes the importance of understanding healthy psychological boundaries, which define the separation between oneself and the world. more significant than wealth..
🟥 How One Becomes a Narcissist - and How to Fight It!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTVgHrl5XVk
Feb 29
🏉 Rugby - Tournoi des Six Nations, 2024-02-24, 16-40-33, France 2
🇮🇪 - 🏴
Feb 29
🏉 Rugby - Tournoi des Six Nations, 2024-02-24, 17-41-46, France 2
🏴 - 🏴
Feb 29
🏉 Rugby - Tournoi des Six Nations, 2024-02-24, 18-36-55, France 2
🏴 - 🏴
Feb 29
🏉 Rugby - Tournoi des Six Nations, 2024-02-25, 15-54-05, France 2
🇫🇷 - 🇮🇹
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